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1
00:00:03,193 --> 00:00:04,760
What?
2
00:00:04,795 --> 00:00:06,095
Lemon, I'm gonna be
late for our meeting.
3
00:00:06,129 --> 00:00:07,830
I had to get out
of my car and walk.
4
00:00:07,864 --> 00:00:11,133
Fifth Avenue is closed
for a joint pain walkathon.
5
00:00:11,168 --> 00:00:13,902
It's only four blocks
but they are so slow.
6
00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:15,271
I'm running late, too.
7
00:00:15,305 --> 00:00:18,073
My subway ride was
the standard amazingness.
8
00:00:18,108 --> 00:00:20,926
No, that's not how it works.
9
00:00:20,961 --> 00:00:23,262
Let people off first,
otherwise...
10
00:00:23,296 --> 00:00:24,630
The train's going
express for no reason.
11
00:00:26,416 --> 00:00:27,650
Next stop,
one millionth street
12
00:00:27,684 --> 00:00:28,784
and Central Park jogger
memorial highway.
13
00:00:28,819 --> 00:00:30,019
Am I the last one
in this city
14
00:00:30,053 --> 00:00:32,521
still following the rules
of being a person?
15
00:00:32,556 --> 00:00:35,024
You know what,
New York is overrated.
16
00:00:35,058 --> 00:00:40,479
Three bucks, two bags,
one me
17
00:00:40,530 --> 00:00:42,648
Say, where does
a young prostitute
18
00:00:42,699 --> 00:00:44,316
get started in this town?
19
00:00:44,367 --> 00:00:45,401
Overrated?
20
00:00:45,435 --> 00:00:47,203
Lemon, we live in
the world capital
21
00:00:47,237 --> 00:00:49,989
of culture, finance
and King Kong attacks.
22
00:00:50,040 --> 00:00:52,441
New York is a testament
to man's greatness.
23
00:00:52,459 --> 00:00:55,161
No, New York is a testament
to man's selfishness.
24
00:00:55,212 --> 00:00:58,130
I quote, "she is a thug
in a cocktail dress."
25
00:00:58,165 --> 00:01:00,216
Alex Mccord,
Real housewives of New York.
26
00:01:00,250 --> 00:01:01,684
Give me your wallet.
27
00:01:01,718 --> 00:01:03,552
Now, technically that was
about Luann being a bitch
28
00:01:03,587 --> 00:01:04,753
at Sonia's Art show.
29
00:01:04,787 --> 00:01:06,922
But... hey, you never
let me talk
30
00:01:06,956 --> 00:01:08,340
about h-wives this long.
31
00:01:08,391 --> 00:01:09,725
Let's just get this
over with.
32
00:01:09,759 --> 00:01:11,760
Okay, well, I don't know
if Sonja's ever
33
00:01:11,794 --> 00:01:13,479
gonna finish that
toaster oven cookbook,
34
00:01:13,513 --> 00:01:15,331
but if she does,
I am gonna buy it.
35
00:01:29,041 --> 00:01:31,041
30 ROCK
S06 Ep.08 - The Tuxedo Begins
36
00:01:31,088 --> 00:01:33,688
Sync and corrected by dr.jackson
for www.addic7ed.com
37
00:01:33,717 --> 00:01:36,252
I can actually feel
myself getting sick.
38
00:01:36,286 --> 00:01:37,819
Am I the only person who saw
39
00:01:37,837 --> 00:01:40,005
Obama's press conference
on how to sneeze?
40
00:01:43,260 --> 00:01:46,512
Miss Lemon, the NBC gym sent
this up for you.
41
00:01:46,546 --> 00:01:48,013
What is that smell?!
42
00:01:48,048 --> 00:01:49,548
It's my gym bag, Pete.
43
00:01:49,599 --> 00:01:50,683
Women do sweat.
44
00:01:50,717 --> 00:01:52,535
The gym said the odor
was attracting bugs
45
00:01:52,569 --> 00:01:55,304
that were attracting bats that
were attracting bat-hawks.
46
00:01:55,338 --> 00:01:56,855
Also, the gym is closed.
47
00:01:56,890 --> 00:01:59,508
Well, don't worry, I will
wash my workout clothes
48
00:01:59,543 --> 00:02:02,361
because I actually care how my
behavior affects other people.
49
00:02:02,395 --> 00:02:04,680
Unlike the d-bag
who let the elevator door
50
00:02:04,698 --> 00:02:05,898
close on me this morning.
51
00:02:05,949 --> 00:02:06,982
It was funny because
52
00:02:07,017 --> 00:02:08,050
you were so mad.
53
00:02:08,084 --> 00:02:10,185
Boy, when I move on
to my new job
54
00:02:10,203 --> 00:02:13,405
I'm sure gonna miss you two and
your whole Sam and Diane thing.
55
00:02:13,456 --> 00:02:15,324
Sam and Diane
are the lesbian couple
56
00:02:15,358 --> 00:02:18,911
in my building
who murdered each other.
57
00:02:18,962 --> 00:02:22,214
Is this my costume for
the commercial parody?
58
00:02:22,249 --> 00:02:24,583
It's in my contract that
I only play blondes,
59
00:02:24,634 --> 00:02:27,736
non-Irish redheads,
or bald sex robots.
60
00:02:27,771 --> 00:02:29,388
Look, it's just for
the old lady before picture.
61
00:02:29,422 --> 00:02:30,556
People won't even know it's you.
62
00:02:30,590 --> 00:02:31,924
Well then have Liz do it.
63
00:02:31,975 --> 00:02:33,642
She already has the frown lines.
64
00:02:33,677 --> 00:02:35,110
There, there they are.
65
00:02:35,145 --> 00:02:37,012
How funny, I was just talking
about them and there they are.
66
00:02:37,047 --> 00:02:39,932
As always, I will
step up and help
67
00:02:39,983 --> 00:02:41,317
because without people like me,
68
00:02:41,351 --> 00:02:43,686
civil society collapses
completely.
69
00:02:43,720 --> 00:02:46,221
Don't be so dramatic.
That's my thing.
70
00:02:46,256 --> 00:02:48,190
And if you take it away from me,
I will kill myself.
71
00:02:48,224 --> 00:02:50,943
And then you.
72
00:02:50,994 --> 00:02:53,912
I'm sorry
we're starting so late.
73
00:02:53,947 --> 00:02:57,099
I know we're all very excited
to adjust the TGS schedule
74
00:02:57,133 --> 00:02:58,801
to accommodate Tracy's
next movie.
75
00:02:58,835 --> 00:03:01,136
I won an Oscar,
so now I get to do real art.
76
00:03:01,171 --> 00:03:03,472
Begins no dogs phase.
77
00:03:03,506 --> 00:03:05,207
There was a lot
of traffic and, uh,
78
00:03:05,241 --> 00:03:08,077
I was attacked in
a construction tunnel.
79
00:03:08,111 --> 00:03:10,479
Anyway, uh, this spreadsheet
is the current schedule.
80
00:03:10,513 --> 00:03:11,597
Wait, you got mugged?
81
00:03:11,631 --> 00:03:14,183
I shouldn't hug you,
I'm sick.
82
00:03:14,217 --> 00:03:17,186
This lamp is you.
83
00:03:17,220 --> 00:03:19,121
Hot!
84
00:03:19,155 --> 00:03:21,273
That sucks, J.D.
85
00:03:21,308 --> 00:03:23,609
I got mugged all the time
growing up in the Bronx.
86
00:03:23,643 --> 00:03:25,995
Okay, I got in trouble
the last time I said this,
87
00:03:26,029 --> 00:03:28,497
but maybe you were asking
for it dressed like that.
88
00:03:28,531 --> 00:03:31,317
I wasn't wearing a tuxedo
at the time, Lemon.
89
00:03:31,368 --> 00:03:32,868
The mugger took my cufflinks.
90
00:03:32,902 --> 00:03:34,820
All I have here are
tuxedo cufflinks
91
00:03:34,871 --> 00:03:38,240
and I'm not about to
wear them with a suit...
92
00:03:38,274 --> 00:03:39,541
And look like an idiot.
93
00:03:39,576 --> 00:03:41,010
Give me the bad news.
94
00:03:41,044 --> 00:03:42,878
How black was this dude?
95
00:03:42,912 --> 00:03:46,015
On a scale
from Lisa Bonet to dotcom.
96
00:03:46,049 --> 00:03:48,083
This is the thing
that's bothering me.
97
00:03:48,118 --> 00:03:51,286
My assailant was
a middle-aged white man
98
00:03:51,321 --> 00:03:54,089
wearing a button down shirt
and dockers.
99
00:03:54,124 --> 00:03:55,457
Dockers!
100
00:03:55,492 --> 00:03:58,460
Not some drug addict
or gang aficionado.
101
00:03:58,495 --> 00:04:00,396
His knife was from Eddie Bauer.
102
00:04:00,430 --> 00:04:02,164
My God.
103
00:04:02,198 --> 00:04:05,300
That means...
104
00:04:05,335 --> 00:04:06,769
Please interrupt me.
105
00:04:06,803 --> 00:04:08,237
This is a sign.
106
00:04:08,271 --> 00:04:10,205
The lower classes
are getting cranky
107
00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:12,141
about the rich earning all of
their money away from them.
108
00:04:12,175 --> 00:04:15,244
Can't they see this is
in their best interest?
109
00:04:15,278 --> 00:04:18,714
How could we pay their salaries
without using their money?
110
00:04:18,748 --> 00:04:21,250
We're on the verge
of a class war.
111
00:04:21,284 --> 00:04:22,685
There's no class war.
112
00:04:22,719 --> 00:04:25,320
You getting mugged just proves
what I said to you on the phone.
113
00:04:25,355 --> 00:04:27,556
New York is
a selfish filth-monster,
114
00:04:27,590 --> 00:04:29,091
and eventually,
it gets all of us.
115
00:04:29,125 --> 00:04:30,726
It's Ghostbusters 2
all over again.
116
00:04:30,760 --> 00:04:33,062
No, my getting mugged
was New York doing
117
00:04:33,096 --> 00:04:36,832
what she does best...
Calling a great man to action.
118
00:04:36,866 --> 00:04:39,435
It's the original Ghostbusters
all over again.
119
00:04:39,469 --> 00:04:41,070
My attack was a wake up call.
120
00:04:41,104 --> 00:04:43,272
The rich need
to defend themselves.
121
00:04:43,306 --> 00:04:45,007
I don't know, Jack.
122
00:04:45,041 --> 00:04:48,410
You can try to change New York,
but it's like Jay-Z says.
123
00:04:48,445 --> 00:04:50,779
"Concrete bunghole
where dreams are made up.
124
00:04:50,814 --> 00:04:53,816
There's nothing you can do."
125
00:04:55,919 --> 00:04:57,019
That's a wrap.
126
00:04:57,053 --> 00:04:58,053
That commercial parody
127
00:04:58,088 --> 00:04:59,688
is gonna be hilarious.
128
00:04:59,723 --> 00:05:03,425
What's a commercial?
129
00:05:05,428 --> 00:05:06,395
Oh, my God.
130
00:05:06,429 --> 00:05:08,163
You sound terrible.
131
00:05:08,198 --> 00:05:11,600
Is that brain?
132
00:05:11,634 --> 00:05:14,636
Hopefully it's not an important
parg of my blurn.
133
00:05:14,671 --> 00:05:16,105
Please, don't get me sick.
134
00:05:16,139 --> 00:05:17,906
Paul's finally
coming home tonight.
135
00:05:17,941 --> 00:05:20,075
And his sexpectations
will be high.
136
00:05:20,110 --> 00:05:21,343
Maybe I should wear this home.
137
00:05:21,377 --> 00:05:23,245
Show Chris what he'll be looking
at in 40 years.
138
00:05:23,279 --> 00:05:28,117
Looser skin, same underwear.
139
00:05:28,151 --> 00:05:30,486
Hey, Pete, can I have
a car home tonight?
140
00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:32,271
I'm old and very sick.
141
00:05:32,322 --> 00:05:34,606
And there's a Monk rerun on.
142
00:05:35,792 --> 00:05:37,659
I'm sorry,
I'm losing my voice.
143
00:05:37,694 --> 00:05:39,411
- There's a Monk rerun on.
- Nope, no dice.
144
00:05:39,446 --> 00:05:41,163
I can't order you a car
unless it's after 9:00,
145
00:05:41,197 --> 00:05:42,831
or you have a note
from your killer.
146
00:05:42,866 --> 00:05:45,134
Aw.
147
00:05:45,168 --> 00:05:47,453
So you got mugged,
Mr. Donaghy?
148
00:05:47,504 --> 00:05:48,937
And you caught
the guy who did it.
149
00:05:48,972 --> 00:05:50,139
Good for you.
150
00:05:50,173 --> 00:05:53,108
No, Len, Tracey
is helping me with this.
151
00:05:53,143 --> 00:05:54,710
But I can see
how you went there.
152
00:05:54,744 --> 00:05:56,545
I have a criminal skull shape.
153
00:05:56,579 --> 00:05:59,465
Len, commissioner Kelly
and I are friends.
154
00:05:59,516 --> 00:06:02,618
We have competing columns in
Irish arguments weekly,
155
00:06:02,652 --> 00:06:04,753
America's only
all-caps magazine,
156
00:06:04,788 --> 00:06:06,582
but Ray hasn't returned
my phone call,
157
00:06:06,583 --> 00:06:08,791
and I know that you were
once a police officer.
158
00:06:08,825 --> 00:06:10,659
I was part of
a special task force
159
00:06:10,693 --> 00:06:13,695
of very young-looking cops
who infiltrated high schools.
160
00:06:15,532 --> 00:06:16,949
How do you do, fellow kids?
161
00:06:16,983 --> 00:06:18,200
What?
162
00:06:18,234 --> 00:06:19,701
So I'm glad you called me,
Mr. Donaghy.
163
00:06:19,736 --> 00:06:22,287
I checked with my contacts
on the force
164
00:06:22,322 --> 00:06:23,972
and got you this
free pamphlet.
165
00:06:24,007 --> 00:06:26,041
Len, I don't want a pamphlet.
166
00:06:26,075 --> 00:06:27,543
I want a show of force.
167
00:06:27,577 --> 00:06:30,245
A demonstration of who's
in control of this city.
168
00:06:30,280 --> 00:06:32,014
I want a cop on every corner.
169
00:06:32,048 --> 00:06:33,882
Look,
that's not gonna happen.
170
00:06:33,917 --> 00:06:35,184
It's just one mugging.
171
00:06:35,218 --> 00:06:36,585
Wait a second.
172
00:06:36,619 --> 00:06:37,653
Where did you get that suit?
173
00:06:37,687 --> 00:06:38,971
I'm not embarrassed.
174
00:06:39,005 --> 00:06:41,390
I get all my outfits
at Ann Taylor loft.
175
00:06:41,424 --> 00:06:43,125
Their clothes fit
my body and my budget.
176
00:06:43,159 --> 00:06:44,726
Exactly, budget.
177
00:06:44,761 --> 00:06:46,395
You have no interest
in helping me.
178
00:06:46,429 --> 00:06:47,496
You're one of them.
179
00:06:47,530 --> 00:06:48,831
What do you make?
Five figures?
180
00:06:48,865 --> 00:06:50,699
40 grand a year.
181
00:06:50,733 --> 00:06:52,935
But don't let the woman who's
blackmailing me know that.
182
00:06:52,969 --> 00:06:55,270
And the police have no
interest in helping me either
183
00:06:55,305 --> 00:06:57,973
despite the hundreds of dollars
I pay every year in taxes.
184
00:06:58,007 --> 00:06:59,041
They think that I'm the enemy.
185
00:06:59,075 --> 00:06:59,989
We have no choice
186
00:06:59,990 --> 00:07:02,194
but to take matters
into our own hands.
187
00:07:02,245 --> 00:07:05,514
- I agree!
- You do? No!
188
00:07:19,157 --> 00:07:22,159
No, if I sneeze, I'll do it
like the president taught me.
189
00:07:32,336 --> 00:07:36,540
I'm pregnant with a kitty cat.
190
00:07:36,574 --> 00:07:39,576
Those are my popsicles!
191
00:07:50,655 --> 00:07:53,123
Well, hello, sexy.
192
00:07:53,157 --> 00:07:54,858
Hello, Paul.
193
00:07:54,892 --> 00:07:56,393
I'm wearing
an edible nightgown.
194
00:07:56,427 --> 00:07:59,296
It's breadstick flavor and it
comes with a dipping sauce.
195
00:08:00,431 --> 00:08:01,915
You poor thing.
196
00:08:01,949 --> 00:08:03,400
You must be so tired.
197
00:08:03,434 --> 00:08:04,501
No, no, no, not at all.
198
00:08:04,535 --> 00:08:05,602
I have been thinking
about this night
199
00:08:05,636 --> 00:08:07,754
for a long time.
200
00:08:07,789 --> 00:08:11,141
Uhyawns are contagious.
201
00:08:11,175 --> 00:08:13,877
Like all the Thai STDs my
penis is about to give you.
202
00:08:15,847 --> 00:08:20,083
Okay, well, give me five
minutes and then I'll unpack...
203
00:08:22,437 --> 00:08:25,238
The sex monkey
I bought in Jakarta.
204
00:08:35,366 --> 00:08:37,067
What... what happened
last night?
205
00:08:37,101 --> 00:08:40,587
We talked for a while
and then we fell asleep.
206
00:08:40,621 --> 00:08:42,055
Without doing anything.
207
00:08:42,089 --> 00:08:44,591
W... how is that possible?
208
00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:46,059
We are Jenna and Paul.
209
00:08:46,093 --> 00:08:48,462
Did we mix up our days
and accidentally
210
00:08:48,496 --> 00:08:49,529
both roofie each other?
211
00:08:49,564 --> 00:08:51,331
Or did we just fall asleep?
212
00:08:51,365 --> 00:08:53,633
What like some boring,
normal, sit-com couple?
213
00:08:53,668 --> 00:08:55,836
Like, Mr. Brady
and tiger the dog?
214
00:08:55,870 --> 00:08:57,237
Let's just think.
215
00:08:57,271 --> 00:08:59,172
We hate normal.
216
00:08:59,207 --> 00:09:00,674
Normal is death.
217
00:09:00,708 --> 00:09:03,543
But we didn't hate last night.
218
00:09:03,578 --> 00:09:06,446
So, it must not
have been normal.
219
00:09:06,481 --> 00:09:10,717
Paul, I think we just found
another level of sexuality.
220
00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:13,153
It's a whole new fetish
called...
221
00:09:13,187 --> 00:09:14,988
Normalling.
222
00:09:15,022 --> 00:09:17,691
So last night,
I napped on you
223
00:09:17,725 --> 00:09:19,860
and you liked it,
you sick bitch.
224
00:09:19,894 --> 00:09:21,194
Yeah.
225
00:09:21,229 --> 00:09:24,231
And I put that Afghan
all over you
226
00:09:24,265 --> 00:09:26,833
because I thought
your feet might get chilly.
227
00:09:26,868 --> 00:09:28,101
So chilly.
228
00:09:28,135 --> 00:09:30,203
I just had
the sickest idea.
229
00:09:30,238 --> 00:09:32,606
We go out as a couple
to bed, bath and beyond
230
00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:35,141
and shop for home necessities.
231
00:09:35,176 --> 00:09:38,211
In front of everybody.
232
00:09:38,246 --> 00:09:41,014
Normalling in public?
You delicious whore.
233
00:09:42,183 --> 00:09:45,352
Really, Trump?
My idea is stupid?
234
00:09:45,386 --> 00:09:46,653
Well you make your
hair every morning
235
00:09:46,687 --> 00:09:50,123
by sticking your head in
a cotton candy machine.
236
00:09:50,157 --> 00:09:51,424
What are you guys doing?
237
00:09:51,459 --> 00:09:53,260
The police can't be counted on
238
00:09:53,294 --> 00:09:55,228
to protect the rich unless
they're rich too.
239
00:09:55,263 --> 00:09:58,465
So we're gathering support
for a private police department
240
00:09:58,499 --> 00:10:00,534
where the starting
salary is...
241
00:10:00,568 --> 00:10:01,668
$5 million a year.
242
00:10:01,702 --> 00:10:02,769
How's that going?
243
00:10:02,803 --> 00:10:03,837
Slowly.
244
00:10:03,871 --> 00:10:05,572
Even Tommy Hilfiger
turned me down
245
00:10:05,623 --> 00:10:07,374
and you'd think that he,
of all people,
246
00:10:07,408 --> 00:10:09,726
would understand the lower
classes can ruin something.
247
00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:13,246
Plaxico Burress just called
our idea "poorly thought out".
248
00:10:13,297 --> 00:10:15,165
Then hung up by
shooting his own phone.
249
00:10:15,199 --> 00:10:16,399
This is a travesty.
250
00:10:16,434 --> 00:10:19,252
The wealthy were once
the heart of New York.
251
00:10:19,303 --> 00:10:20,737
I just don't understand
this city anymore.
252
00:10:20,771 --> 00:10:23,640
That's funny, because I may
have just figured it out.
253
00:10:33,434 --> 00:10:35,051
I used to be like you,
254
00:10:35,086 --> 00:10:37,487
thinking I could make the city
follow my rules.
255
00:10:37,521 --> 00:10:40,556
I told off line cutters
and movie theater talkers.
256
00:10:40,575 --> 00:10:41,908
And for what?
257
00:10:41,943 --> 00:10:45,028
Did anyone cheer me,
or name a sandwich after me
258
00:10:45,062 --> 00:10:46,896
that would maybe be Turkey,
pastrami, Swiss,
259
00:10:46,914 --> 00:10:50,066
Russian dressing,
Cole slaw and potato chips?
260
00:10:50,101 --> 00:10:52,903
You can't count on anyone else
in this city, Jack.
261
00:10:52,937 --> 00:10:56,289
All you can do is sink down
into the filth.
262
00:10:57,341 --> 00:10:59,342
Or rise above it.
263
00:10:59,377 --> 00:11:01,144
If no one will help me,
I'll do it myself.
264
00:11:01,178 --> 00:11:03,847
I'll remind New York
of what she once was.
265
00:11:03,881 --> 00:11:06,466
Yes, a native American
paradise!
266
00:11:06,517 --> 00:11:08,685
The greatest city on earth.
267
00:11:08,719 --> 00:11:10,220
A city that needs a leader
268
00:11:10,254 --> 00:11:11,855
who still believes
in order and justice.
269
00:11:11,889 --> 00:11:13,807
Who'll shine a light
into all the tunnels
270
00:11:13,858 --> 00:11:15,825
and police the police,
271
00:11:15,860 --> 00:11:18,261
who'll make this city
into a beacon,
272
00:11:18,296 --> 00:11:20,964
lighting the way
for an entire nation.
273
00:11:20,998 --> 00:11:24,150
Anyhoo, Tracy,
in the dog boner sketch.
274
00:11:24,201 --> 00:11:28,288
I hereby officially
announce my candidacy...
275
00:11:28,322 --> 00:11:32,275
For the office of Mayor
of the city of New York.
276
00:11:32,310 --> 00:11:36,513
Vote for Jack Donaghy.
277
00:11:36,547 --> 00:11:38,147
Slogan to come.
278
00:11:42,605 --> 00:11:44,105
You know if we
got cloth place mats
279
00:11:44,139 --> 00:11:45,690
then we could just
throw them in the laundry.
280
00:11:45,741 --> 00:11:49,010
Well, these vinyl ones say
dishwasher safe, that's easy.
281
00:11:49,045 --> 00:11:51,379
Yeah, easy for the person
who never does the dishes.
282
00:11:53,649 --> 00:11:55,834
What we're doing
is so sick, right?
283
00:11:55,868 --> 00:11:57,369
How many times
have you climaxed?
284
00:11:57,420 --> 00:11:58,386
Zero.
285
00:11:58,421 --> 00:11:59,754
Me too.
286
00:11:59,789 --> 00:12:00,956
Bathroom organizers!
287
00:12:03,176 --> 00:12:05,427
Good news for
your campaign, J.D.
288
00:12:05,461 --> 00:12:07,095
I got a huge list
of voter names.
289
00:12:07,129 --> 00:12:09,998
Do you know anyone who wants to
be called Daryl Weenus?
290
00:12:10,032 --> 00:12:13,468
I just registered the domain
name for my campaign website...
291
00:12:13,503 --> 00:12:15,971
Jack-Donaghy-is-running
for-mayor-2013
292
00:12:16,005 --> 00:12:17,672
new-York-this-is
the-website.Com.
293
00:12:17,707 --> 00:12:19,508
That's as close
as I could get.
294
00:12:19,542 --> 00:12:21,693
Everything else
was already pornography.
295
00:12:21,727 --> 00:12:24,863
I got everything on
your list, Mr. Donaghy,
296
00:12:24,897 --> 00:12:26,781
fresh undershirts
from Vattene,
297
00:12:26,816 --> 00:12:28,717
18-year-old scotch
for your bar,
298
00:12:28,751 --> 00:12:30,518
and, just for fun,
299
00:12:30,536 --> 00:12:33,221
I also got you these
goofy water balloons
300
00:12:33,256 --> 00:12:36,241
my mom's friend Ron used to
always send me out to buy.
301
00:12:36,292 --> 00:12:40,128
Thank you, Kenneth.
302
00:12:40,162 --> 00:12:42,163
I know they're condoms.
303
00:12:42,197 --> 00:12:44,198
All right, Tracy,
let's buckle down.
304
00:12:44,217 --> 00:12:45,567
Now that I've restocked,
305
00:12:45,601 --> 00:12:50,922
we never have to
leave this office.
306
00:12:50,973 --> 00:12:53,008
Hang on... have you not
left this building
307
00:12:53,042 --> 00:12:54,259
since you were mugged?
308
00:12:54,310 --> 00:12:56,778
What? No,
I've been very busy.
309
00:12:56,812 --> 00:12:57,855
What about your daughter?
310
00:12:57,856 --> 00:13:00,065
Liddy is at a baby leadership
conference this week.
311
00:13:00,099 --> 00:13:01,283
The timing is perfect.
312
00:13:01,317 --> 00:13:02,384
I know what you're doing.
313
00:13:02,418 --> 00:13:03,518
The first time I got mugged,
314
00:13:03,553 --> 00:13:05,020
I didn't leave
my room for a week.
315
00:13:05,054 --> 00:13:06,922
I hid, but not in a tuxedo.
316
00:13:06,956 --> 00:13:09,324
All I had was
a Chewbacca costume
317
00:13:09,358 --> 00:13:11,526
made out of used
hair extensions.
318
00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:13,395
It made me feel invincible.
319
00:13:13,429 --> 00:13:15,196
Like someone who
wouldn't get scared
320
00:13:15,230 --> 00:13:17,415
and freeze up when
they got mugged.
321
00:13:17,450 --> 00:13:20,919
Perfectly-executed
Chewbacca sounds!
322
00:13:20,953 --> 00:13:23,238
That's why you won't
take off that tuxedo,
323
00:13:23,272 --> 00:13:24,673
that's why you're
running for mayor,
324
00:13:24,707 --> 00:13:26,608
and that's why you
won't go outside.
325
00:13:26,642 --> 00:13:27,592
You're scared.
326
00:13:27,627 --> 00:13:30,045
The only thing I'm scared of is
what's happening to this city.
327
00:13:30,079 --> 00:13:31,479
Then I'm gonna say
to you what I say
328
00:13:31,514 --> 00:13:33,748
to all my sharks
right before they die.
329
00:13:33,783 --> 00:13:36,384
Let's go outside.
330
00:13:39,138 --> 00:13:40,939
Jenna, I have a friend...
331
00:13:40,973 --> 00:13:42,307
Yeah, well I have
a million friends.
332
00:13:42,358 --> 00:13:44,059
I get so many birthday cards
it's embarrassing.
333
00:13:44,093 --> 00:13:46,061
No, I have a "friend"
334
00:13:46,095 --> 00:13:48,029
who wants to freak out
some new yorkers,
335
00:13:48,064 --> 00:13:50,448
and I know you and
Paul disgust everyone.
336
00:13:50,483 --> 00:13:52,784
He and I are
on a whole new level.
337
00:13:52,818 --> 00:13:55,136
This morning, Paul and
I signed up for zipcar.
338
00:13:55,171 --> 00:13:59,240
Now it's easier to get to
Costco to stock up on cereal.
339
00:13:59,274 --> 00:14:01,009
Lee, I need
the old lady wig again.
340
00:14:01,043 --> 00:14:03,795
And get me that coat that
Tracy's dog gave birth on.
341
00:14:03,829 --> 00:14:05,246
A Costco run,
342
00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:06,631
You sound like me and Paula.
343
00:14:06,666 --> 00:14:08,249
No, Pete you don't understand.
344
00:14:08,283 --> 00:14:09,517
This is normalling.
345
00:14:09,552 --> 00:14:10,885
It's a weird sex thing.
346
00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:14,756
Paul and I do things
like reboot the Internet
347
00:14:14,790 --> 00:14:17,058
and discuss whether
the chair would be better...
348
00:14:17,093 --> 00:14:18,760
Over by the window where
there's more light?
349
00:14:18,794 --> 00:14:20,312
Yeah, that... that's not
a sex thing.
350
00:14:20,346 --> 00:14:21,646
That's just couple stuff.
351
00:14:21,681 --> 00:14:23,815
Hey, you and Paul should come by
the house sometime.
352
00:14:23,849 --> 00:14:25,183
We'll have dinner,
play scattergories.
353
00:14:25,234 --> 00:14:28,036
No, that's not what this is.
354
00:14:28,070 --> 00:14:29,154
You get away from me!
355
00:14:29,188 --> 00:14:31,306
Scattergories.
356
00:14:34,443 --> 00:14:37,846
Where? Where?
357
00:14:37,880 --> 00:14:40,198
Miss Lemon, are you okay?
358
00:14:40,249 --> 00:14:42,834
You smell like when
the stone Mountain tire fire
359
00:14:42,868 --> 00:14:44,185
joined up
with the corpse fire,
360
00:14:44,220 --> 00:14:47,422
and then swept through
the downtown Manure district.
361
00:14:47,456 --> 00:14:48,540
It was our fault for letting
362
00:14:48,591 --> 00:14:50,191
those high schoolers
dance at their prom.
363
00:14:50,226 --> 00:14:52,127
I'm better
than okay, Kenneth.
364
00:14:52,161 --> 00:14:53,494
I'm going to the movies.
365
00:14:53,512 --> 00:14:55,430
But you're sick.
I am sick.
366
00:14:55,464 --> 00:14:57,265
Sick like a fox.
367
00:14:57,299 --> 00:14:58,800
I'm gonna clear out
that whole theater
368
00:14:58,834 --> 00:15:01,770
and watch a sneak peak of
The hunger games by myself.
369
00:15:01,804 --> 00:15:03,872
It'll be my greatest triumph.
370
00:15:03,906 --> 00:15:06,074
There's a Q & A
afterwards with...
371
00:15:06,108 --> 00:15:08,009
The screenwriter?
372
00:15:08,044 --> 00:15:10,011
Miss Lemon, this isn't you.
373
00:15:10,046 --> 00:15:11,413
You love rules.
374
00:15:11,447 --> 00:15:13,514
Try to remember.
375
00:15:13,532 --> 00:15:15,050
Remember who you once were.
376
00:15:15,084 --> 00:15:16,785
What did the rules
ever get me?
377
00:15:16,819 --> 00:15:18,520
The worst seat at the movies?
378
00:15:18,554 --> 00:15:20,905
A bunch of music
that I paid for?
379
00:15:20,956 --> 00:15:22,690
A drawer full
of leaky batteries
380
00:15:22,708 --> 00:15:24,376
that I don't know
what to do with?
381
00:15:24,410 --> 00:15:25,493
Rules?
382
00:15:25,528 --> 00:15:27,228
There's only one rule now,
Kenneth.
383
00:15:27,263 --> 00:15:29,631
Plastic cups go on the top rack
384
00:15:29,665 --> 00:15:31,416
of the dishwasher
so they don't melt.
385
00:15:31,467 --> 00:15:34,469
Otherwise, no rules.
386
00:15:46,515 --> 00:15:50,185
Well, well, well.
387
00:15:50,219 --> 00:15:53,221
If isn't the tuxedo himself.
388
00:15:55,925 --> 00:15:58,993
Shouldn't you be outside,
fixing the city?
389
00:15:59,028 --> 00:16:02,464
Well you look even closer
to death than usual.
390
00:16:02,498 --> 00:16:05,400
- What happened to you?
- Are you scared?
391
00:16:05,434 --> 00:16:07,568
The back of the "B" train
certainly was.
392
00:16:07,586 --> 00:16:09,403
I had the whole car to myself.
393
00:16:09,422 --> 00:16:12,373
So this is you
figuring out New York?
394
00:16:12,407 --> 00:16:16,628
Making the city worse
for your own selfish ends?
395
00:16:20,883 --> 00:16:22,884
Is that your gym bag?
396
00:16:22,918 --> 00:16:24,819
Aren't you a human woman?
397
00:16:24,854 --> 00:16:26,488
It's these new microfibers.
398
00:16:26,522 --> 00:16:28,323
They keep you dry
399
00:16:28,357 --> 00:16:31,443
but it all has to go
somewhere.
400
00:16:31,477 --> 00:16:35,096
So, today a subway car,
tomorrow, what?
401
00:16:35,114 --> 00:16:38,867
All in good time, Jack.
402
00:16:38,901 --> 00:16:40,969
Will you take something for
that cough already?
403
00:16:41,003 --> 00:16:42,704
I'd rather see if it gets
better on it's own.
404
00:16:42,738 --> 00:16:45,039
Do you want me to go
on my antibiotic rant?
405
00:16:45,074 --> 00:16:47,375
It's endless.
You'll beg for death.
406
00:16:47,409 --> 00:16:49,811
There's a war
going on out there.
407
00:16:49,845 --> 00:16:52,080
And you're gonna
have to pick a side.
408
00:16:52,114 --> 00:16:53,581
I've always wanted
to say that,
409
00:16:53,616 --> 00:16:55,616
and I can't believe
I've wasted it on you.
410
00:17:00,322 --> 00:17:02,590
You've crossed a line,
Lemon.
411
00:17:02,625 --> 00:17:06,177
Someone's gonna stop you.
New York is gonna stop you.
412
00:17:06,228 --> 00:17:08,646
The old Liz would
have agreed with you.
413
00:17:08,681 --> 00:17:10,298
But that was two days ago.
414
00:17:10,332 --> 00:17:13,735
Now, I don't cross lines,
415
00:17:13,769 --> 00:17:18,439
I just make 'em...
disappear.
416
00:17:22,044 --> 00:17:24,579
Hey, hon, I got your g-chat.
417
00:17:24,597 --> 00:17:26,414
Two exclamation points,
418
00:17:26,432 --> 00:17:27,765
What's up?
419
00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:30,251
Paul, what if normalling
isn't a fetish?
420
00:17:30,286 --> 00:17:32,720
What if we're just in another
phase of our relationship
421
00:17:32,754 --> 00:17:35,756
and we're kind of...
Settling down?
422
00:17:37,860 --> 00:17:40,328
That's what one of my
work colleagues said.
423
00:17:40,362 --> 00:17:41,646
That's just couple stuff.
424
00:17:41,697 --> 00:17:44,098
You know what, you and Jenna
should come visit me
425
00:17:44,116 --> 00:17:45,366
and my wife in Montclair.
426
00:17:45,401 --> 00:17:47,368
But if Daryl Weenus is right,
427
00:17:47,403 --> 00:17:49,838
if we're just a couple,
why don't we hate it?
428
00:17:49,872 --> 00:17:51,039
I don't know.
429
00:17:51,073 --> 00:17:52,307
I always imagined
this kind of thing
430
00:17:52,341 --> 00:17:54,709
would make me wanna tear my hair
out and rip my skin off.
431
00:17:54,743 --> 00:17:57,629
But with you, it feels
as natural as...
432
00:17:57,663 --> 00:18:00,682
Having someone tear your hair
out and rip your skin off.
433
00:18:00,716 --> 00:18:03,051
I never thought this would
happen to me, but I can actually
434
00:18:03,085 --> 00:18:06,054
imagine myself
getting married, having kids.
435
00:18:06,088 --> 00:18:08,089
But is this really
what we want?
436
00:18:08,123 --> 00:18:10,258
I don't know.
437
00:18:10,292 --> 00:18:12,594
- What are you thinking?
- What are you thinking?
438
00:18:12,628 --> 00:18:14,128
Okay, we'll both say
what we're thinking
439
00:18:14,162 --> 00:18:15,230
on the count of three.
440
00:18:15,264 --> 00:18:17,165
One... two...
441
00:18:17,199 --> 00:18:18,566
Sexual walkabout.
442
00:18:18,601 --> 00:18:20,301
We spend the next
three months alone,
443
00:18:20,335 --> 00:18:22,370
doing every depraved
thing we can think of
444
00:18:22,404 --> 00:18:23,938
with as many people as we can
445
00:18:23,973 --> 00:18:26,841
and if this, right now,
is still the happiest
446
00:18:26,859 --> 00:18:29,861
we can make ourselves,
we'll stay together forever.
447
00:18:32,248 --> 00:18:36,117
Next stop,
dinner and a private show.
448
00:18:36,151 --> 00:18:37,535
Gym bag, check.
449
00:18:37,570 --> 00:18:41,322
Tupperware vat of steamed
broccoli, check.
450
00:18:41,356 --> 00:18:44,492
Talking to myself to seem
crazy... moo-goo!
451
00:18:44,526 --> 00:18:46,961
Wallet.
452
00:18:46,996 --> 00:18:48,930
No, not wow.
453
00:18:48,964 --> 00:18:50,748
Not when I'm so close.
454
00:18:50,799 --> 00:18:53,034
Not enough time!
455
00:18:53,052 --> 00:18:54,201
My plan.
456
00:18:59,108 --> 00:19:01,242
Come on, Donaghy.
457
00:19:01,277 --> 00:19:03,611
You've skied Mount St. Helen's,
458
00:19:03,646 --> 00:19:06,047
made eye contact
with Michelle Bachmann,
459
00:19:06,081 --> 00:19:08,983
been trapped under
a Boulder for 128 hours.
460
00:19:09,018 --> 00:19:12,020
You're not scared of anything.
461
00:19:13,789 --> 00:19:15,222
Gimme $20!
462
00:19:20,429 --> 00:19:21,746
Lemon!
463
00:19:21,780 --> 00:19:24,398
My tail bone.
464
00:19:24,416 --> 00:19:27,001
I just wanted
to borrow movie money.
465
00:19:27,036 --> 00:19:29,671
You caught that lunatic that's
been terrorizing the subway.
466
00:19:29,705 --> 00:19:34,342
The worst criminal
in N-Y-C
467
00:19:34,376 --> 00:19:36,094
Oh, my God, are you okay?
468
00:19:36,128 --> 00:19:37,578
That was awesome.
469
00:19:37,596 --> 00:19:40,632
- You were so fast and strong.
- Thank you, Lemon.
470
00:19:40,683 --> 00:19:42,417
You're the only woman
I could ever fight
471
00:19:42,451 --> 00:19:43,751
to regain my manhood.
472
00:19:47,156 --> 00:19:49,557
They're cheering you
for stopping me.
473
00:19:49,591 --> 00:19:53,361
Old Liz was right.
People do want rules!
474
00:19:53,395 --> 00:19:54,862
There's good
in all of us, Lemon.
475
00:19:54,897 --> 00:19:56,130
Even you.
476
00:19:56,165 --> 00:19:57,649
So, are you still
running for mayor?
477
00:19:57,700 --> 00:20:01,319
The city no longer needs me.
478
00:20:01,370 --> 00:20:03,805
For now.
479
00:20:10,980 --> 00:20:12,747
Reminds me of us.
480
00:20:12,781 --> 00:20:15,583
I'll never forget the first time
you dressed up like and old lady
481
00:20:15,617 --> 00:20:17,518
and I threw you
into some garbage.
482
00:20:17,553 --> 00:20:20,221
Good-bye, my love.
483
00:20:20,255 --> 00:20:21,255
For now.
484
00:20:29,481 --> 00:20:30,999
New York City.
485
00:20:31,033 --> 00:20:33,101
Villains and heroes.
486
00:20:33,135 --> 00:20:35,620
The 1% and the 99.
487
00:20:35,654 --> 00:20:38,623
8 million people in this crazy,
beautiful city,
488
00:20:38,657 --> 00:20:40,641
and I, Jenna Maroney,
489
00:20:40,676 --> 00:20:43,344
am going to go to town
on every last one of them.
490
00:20:44,212 --> 00:20:48,212
Sync and corrected by dr.jackson
for www.addic7ed.com
36062
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