All language subtitles for 30 Rock S05e07.eng

- How's it going in there?
- Great.

Trying on jeans is my favorite thing.

Maybe later I can get a paps mirror
from an old male doctor.

Oh, come on, Liz.
This store is cool.

It's huge with all the young people.

I mean... all the us.

This place is trying way too hard.

Why are there straightjackets
everywhere?

Because before this was
a clothing store,

it was a mental hospital.

It's winky and fun, Liz.

Okay, I tried them on.
Can we go now?

Liz Lemon, you look hot.

Really?

I swear to Kaballah monster.

Those jeans are perfect.
Look at your butt.

Oh, my God.
Is that me?

Liz, it's the dream.

Boy on the bottom,
girl on the top.

O.M. God,
those jeans are zing!

This online slang dictionary
says it's short for "amazing."

Or it's a club drug made
from a tooth whitener.

Either way you win.

I'll wear these jeans out, and
I'll take ten more pairs!

'Tastic. Shall I put the pants
you had on in with the jeans?

No. Burn them.

Burn them!

Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com

I'm sorry I was late
this morning, sir.

- I was attacked in my apartment...
- Quiet.

Congressional candidate
Regina Bookman...

Are they really talking
about that woman?

...Making political hay
out of the wheat field

that is the NBC-Kabletown
merger...

Who wrote this?
Jared, honestly?

Bookman told reporters, quote,

"The merger of NBC and Kabletown
is bad for the consumer.

"I don't trust
their executive leadership,

"and Kabletown still has
an auxiliary button

"on their remote.

"What is that for?

It just makes the screen
go blue."

Why is she still talking
about the merger?

She said I had three months
to make NBC more diverse.

It's not your fault
nobody watched

America's next top black guy.

Bookman, amping up
the rhetoric in a tight race.

Polls have her in a dead heat

with out-of-nowhere challenger
Steven Austin.

Wait a second.
There's a chance she could lose?

Bookman is obviously holding
a gun to my head.

And no matter what I do,
she obviously wants me to fail.

But if she loses...
This isn't a conversation!

But if she loses,

I won't have to worry
about her scuttling the merger.

Jonathan,
get her opponent in here.

Whoever he is, he just made
a very powerful friend.

I thought you said you didn't
need any more friends.

'Zing leg-tubes, Liz.

Vunderhinder!

They're from Brooklyn Without Limits.

It's this very cool store
with locations in Gay Town,

White Harlem, and the Van
Beardswick section of Brooklyn.

And they don't just look great.
See the tag?

"Handmade in U.S.A."

Because BWL is all about
fair trade

and local artisans
and staying green.

These jeans totally make up

for all the times I took a long,
hot shower because I was bored.

I'm so excited for you, Liz.

Now we both have amazing butts.

Make that all three of us.
Jenna, a word.

Specifically,
the word "talking."

Oh, and look at this.

J-train, as you may know,
I was in a film

called Hard to Watch.

And the pundits think
I have a chance

at an Oscar, and I just learned
about air quotes.

Yes. I talked about
your movie

with my therapist
last week for 20 hours.

I know this is difficult
for you.

I'm fine.

Talking with Dr. Linda
helped me realize

I have just as much
going on in my life.

My exercise video
is dropping soon.

It's called
Jenna Gets Hard.

Well, if you're okay talking
about it, I need your help.

These reporters want to
come do a story on me.

They're from something called

the Hollywood
foreign press association.

HOFPA?

- Yeah.
- That's the Golden Globes.

The second-most-important awards
in Hollywood...

After the People's Choice
Awards...

Where the fans are in charge.

So what do you think
I should do?

You could have a special screening for them...
host a luncheon.

And when the time is right...
Be bad at snapping. Got it.

No, Tracy.
You could try to bribe them.

I mean, a Golden Globe is
a stepping stone to an Oscar.

How bad do you want it?

I'm not an expert at morality,
but isn't that wrong?

You're asking me?

So this is the man who's
gonna bring down Regina Bookman.

Rhode Island's own
Steven Austin!

Actually, I go by Steve Austin.

That way people see
my name on ballots,

they think I'm the wrestler,
and they vote for me.

I've been reading up
on you, Steve.

Honestly, I want to like you.

But I see that you're not affiliated
with the republican party.

The party system
is broken, Jack.

I don't believe in parties.

I don't join 'em, and I never get
invited to 'em...Hint, hint.

You're an individual.

A Maverick.

People like you are succeeding

because Americans are fed up
with the status quo.

Exactly.

They're tired of the direction
this country's headed in.

They want to return
to our past glory.

They want an American
renaissance!

I like what I'm hearing, Steve.

Then you're gonna love
the sound of this.

Goo goo gaa gaa, Jack.

What's that?

That's the theme
of my campaign.

Renaissance means rebirth.

I want to usher in
the rebirth of this country.

That's why the theme
of all my campaign commercials

is "I'm a baby."

This country has lost its way.

We need to start over and return
to what made our nation great.

My name is Steve Austin,

and I'm a lifelong resident
of Rhode Island,

and the manager of a local
paintball facility.

I will clean out Washington,

like it's the bathroom
of a paintball facility.

Vote Steve Austin.

And if you're blind,
I am the wrestler.

Right.

I like a lot
of what you're saying, Steve,

but before I throw
my support behind you,

I do have a litmus test.

Okay. Can I take that
in two weeks?

No, it's just questions.

What do you think the role
of the government should be?

Limited. I believe
in small government.

- Excellent answer.
- Or no government at all.

If it works in Antarctica,
why can't it work here?

But if we have to have government,
make it as small as possible.

Dwarves, tiny buildings...
Pizza bagels for lunch.

Maybe we should stop
at small government.

Let's cut to the chase.

I need you to assure me you
would never allow the government

to interfere with the sale
of one company to another.

Of course not. The government
shouldn't interfere in anything!

What happens inside
a man's own rain poncho

at a minor league baseball
game is his own business.

Well, Steve, we should stop
talking before I change my mind.

But I do want to host
a fundraiser for you,

so give me a couple of days
to put that together.

I need to know that you
believe in my message, Jack.

Take the rattle.

Say "goo goo gaa gaa," Jack.

Goo goo gaa gaa.

What's going on here?

I'm helping Tracy plan for
a Golden Globes event tomorrow.

Kenneth is our
human Sushi platter,

and I'm doing a dry run
so everything will be perfect...

For my friend Tracy.

Lying perfectly still
reminds me of hiding

under our porch during
a hill people rampage.

On the day, Kenneth's mouth
will be filled with wasabi

so he don't do so much...

I should get a chafing dish
and fill it with my underwear

in case some Saudi guys
show up.

Let me get this straight.

You, the person who is
still jealous

of the attention
baby Jessica got,

are helping Tracy
win an award for acting?

Oh, I'm helping him, all right.

I even gave him the idea
to try to bribe them.

And he's gonna do that?
That's awful.

I trust award shows.

They tell me how much to care
about different dead people.

It's not gonna work.

If they could be bribed,
I would have won a golden globe

for my lifetime original movie
sister, can you spare a breast?

So you've tried this before?

And they were so offended,
they banned me for life.

And the same thing
will happen to Tracy.

So you're sabotaging him.

Just like I did to my niece
when she tried to sing

at our family's
Christmas party.

You know what, you and Tracy
deserve each other.

I don't know which of you
to be more disappointed in.

Me, silly.

I'm more aware
of what I'm doing.

I'm sorry, miss.

Do you know where
Liz Lemon... Good God!

Lemon, those jeans make you look
like a Mexican sports reporter.

Thank you, Jack. Hi.

Do I know you from
outside the bagel store?

You probably know me
from the future,

where I am the president
of the United States.

Steve Austin, Rhode Island's
independent candidate for congress.

Oh, yeah, somebody forwarded
me one of your campaign ads.

The rebirth of America
starts now.

Waaaaah!

My name is Steve Austin,
and if you're senile,

yes, I am
the six-million dollar man!

Paid for by the broken vending
machine at the paintball place.

I'm actually working
with Steve's campaign,

and I would like you to produce
a biographical video

for a fundraiser I'm hosting.

Oh, my God!

I got a zappos box
coming today,

and there's nobody there
to pick it up

because my wife left me
for my twin brother.

Can I use your phone?

Yeah, okay.
You don't have a cell phone?

Yeah, I got a cell phone.

I walk around all day with a CIA
tracking device in my pocket.

Okay, that guys is bananas.

Obviously he should not be in
congress... What are you doing?

He's running against
Regina Bookman... I need him.

Aha. So you're putting
one more nut job...

Yeah, I said it... "one more."
I'm political

in Washington
so you can advance your career?

What is going on today?

Has everyone lost
their moral compass?

You're being awfully
high and mighty

for someone who once claimed
her husband drowned

so she could get out
of a gym contract.

The whole Kabletown deal
is resting on this,

and Austin is pro-business.

Big business is what's
screwing up this country.

Please, Lemon, you work
for General Electric!

Technically, I am a freelancer,

which is pretty much
a modern-day cowboy.

And I live like a cowboy by buying
quality, locally made jeans.

Also by eating beans out of
a can due to impatience.

You're on your own here,
partner.

But hey, it's not all bad, 'cause
you get to watch me walk away.

No, no, that's not right.

Why can't the delivery guy
just leave it out back?

Yeah, I know it's not a
house, but I sleep there.

I'd like to thank
you all for coming.

We've heard complaints about
the Sushi platter moving...

We're working on it.

I'm sorry.

Tracy would be happy to take
any softball questions you have,

like the following...
What films inspire you?

Well, definitely
the foreign films.

Like the political ones where you
think there'll be no boobies,

then bam! Boobies.

Tracy, what is an actor?

I think the better question is,
what isn't an actor?

A lamp. A couch.
That mirror.

Or a hidden pistol.

An actor...

And now, amidst a day of
wonders, one wonder more.

A special voters-only screening
of Hard to Watch,

based on the book Stone Cold
Bummer, by manipulate.

They call New York
the Big Apple.

Never seemed that way to me.

I used to have dreams.

I was an all-city
running back,

and I was gonna run out of here
to college, the suburbs.

Now the only thing I use a
football for is as a toilet.

Funny thing to happen
to a guy named "lucky."

♪ ♪

I am a constitutional
originalist,

and I believe that our
founding fathers had it right.

We need to get back
to their America.

No paved roads.

Rum used as an anesthetic.

Legalized slavery.

All right.
Some good pieces.

Jack, you want to see
my hand gestures?

I have you listen to me!

Forceful conclusion.

There's work to be done.

Hand me that shovel so I can
dig a grave for her.

Okay, let's cut.

Sir, look at this
Bookman photo op.

"Representative Bookman greets
young voters at Warwick mall."

She's courting the youth vote.
That means she's desperate.

My generation never votes.

It interferes with talking
about ourselves all the time.

She's running scared.
God, this could work.

Now all I have to do is
whip Austin into shape.

Hey, Jack,
just to have options,

should we do
a couple takes with Binky?

- Let's take five.
- Wow.

You're really going ahead
with this.

Lemon, I'm not about
to take criticism

from someone wearing
that tee shirt.

Hey, don't talk down
Brooklyn Without Limits.

Stores like this are
saving the world.

Really? You're gonna lecture
me about big business again?

Do you know who owns
Brooklyn without limits?

Brooklyn Zack.

He throws pool parties
in dumpsters.

Halliburton.
In the mid-'90s,

they found themselves
with a surplus

of canvas waterboarding hoods,

so they had sweatshops make them
into messenger bags

to sell to outer-borough
idiots.

You don't know
what you're talking about.

Handmade in USA.

Your magic jeans are from BWL?

Oh, Lemon,
it's not handmade in USA.

It's pronounced
hond-made in oosa.

The hond people are
a vietnamese slave tribe,

and USA is their island prison.

They made your jeans.

You know how they get
the stitching so small?

Orphans.

No!
Brooklyn Zack is real.

He just got back from Peru,
where he met a family

that's been making hats
for 2,000 years.

We all make our compromises.

At least I'm doing it
for our company, for jobs.

You're doing it for your ass!

I don't believe you.

The liberal media would have
told me about this.

There's no such thing.

The New York times is owned
by NYT incorporated,

which is owned by
Altheon Ballistic Dynamics,

which is owned by
the Murdoch family,

who are owned...
By Halliburton.

It goes all the way to the top.

How can you work here?

Do you know
who owns this place?

Halliburton, bitch.
So what?

But look at you!

You're meticulously groomed,
and...

and you turned a tie
into a belt.

Oh, so gay men
can't be conservative?

You're so 'norant.
That's short for ignorant.

That's short for "ignorant."

And who are you to judge?

You're still wearing
those jeans.

Ah...Che Guevara...
If only you knew what this place stood for.

His great grandfather was
Domingo Halliburton.

Wow!

I haven't seen so many suits
since my trial.

I have an idea. I know these
people, so let me do the talking.

Oh, uh, Steve?

Of course you know Ed Perlman.

Perlman, isn't that last name Jew...

New strategy.

I'll raise the money,
and you stay in here

and cultivate an aura
of mystery.

Ooh, good idea.
Maybe I'll add to it

by making some mysterious
sounds.

- Oooooohhh... Yeeee-eeee...
- I love it.

Oowwww...
I'll go to jail in Deshawn's place

'cause he's my brother.

Don't say nothin'.

Sometimes you gotta do
the right thing...

Even when the wrong thing is
a whole lot easier.

Now let's just have one last
happy dinner together...

As a family!

Your mother exploded.

I got them
right where I want them.

Time to do a little
Golden Globe shopping.

No, Tracy... That movie gave
me drunk-in-the-bathtub face.

We need to talk.

Thank you for coming.

Well, you were right
about Brooklyn Without Limits.

Crunchy on the outside,
right-wing nut job on the inside.

Like Anne Coulter's underwear.

But I see you're still
wearing the jeans.

I know!
They look so good.

And I'm skyping later with Carol,
and we like to dance together.

And I want to do
this "back it up" move

that I haven't been able
to pull off since high school.

It's like...
♪ back it up, back it up ♪

♪ and drop it like it's hot ♪

♪ drop it like it's hot ♪

♪ I will haunt your dreams ♪

So fine, I'm selling out.
But so are you.

No. I believe
in Steve Austin

and his plan to put a casino
on the moon.

Then I believe in Halliburton.

Good. So neither of us
should feel guilty.

We don't.

Sabotage? But I'm the one
who does that to me.

I know, Tracy.
It was wrong.

But I couldn't go through with
it because I saw your movie.

And I can't believe I'm saying
this, but you're great.

Wait, great like good,

or grate like the thing
I dropped my asthma inhaler down

the other day?

The first one, Tray.

You are going to win.

And when you do,
I'll be furious.

Like waking up
next to Rob Schneider furious.

But I don't care.

It's like you said
in the movie...

Sometimes you gotta do
the right thing,

even when the wrong thing
would be a whole lot easier.

No, don't say that.

In real life,
you have to make compromises.

No, Liz Lemon,
it's like the thing I said

in another movie I made.

Compromises are for
lesser souls.

Die, werewolf zombie!

So you two have decided
to do the right thing?

Ugh! Fine!

I'll go home and change!

Take a last look, guys.

- I would hit that.
- Too small.

I believe we are all being held
in slavery by big government.

Lesbian Mario brothers.

I couldn't do it, Jack.

I just couldn't support BWL.

And I'd already thrown out
all my other jeans.

That is the most unflattering
item of clothing

I have ever seen you wear.

And I'm including 2008's
turtleneck with smiley-face vest.

But I feel good.
And not just because

in my shorteralls
I found a bag of tastetations,

a discontinued chocolate
hard candy,

but because sometimes
you gotta do the right thing,

even when the wrong thing
would be a whole lot easier.

Die, werewolf zombie.

Good God, Lemon!

I will never allow
casinos on the moon!

Thank you!

- Steve?
- Friend or foe?

You're the reason
everyone came here tonight.

They need to hear you speak.

In person.

From the heart.

Damn you, shorteralls!

Americans are a simple
but powerful people,

which is why I have written
a new national anthem.

♪ Ooga booga big ♪

♪ ooga booga strong ♪

♪ I am going to sing
my ooga booga song ♪

♪ ooga booga big ♪

♪ ooga booga strong ♪

Wow! That's worse than
the speech my grandpa made

when my cousin married
a Japanese girl.

As if that weren't enough,
Austin was mocked

in Jay Leno's monologue
tonight.

The kingmaker has spoken.
It's over.

Bookman will be reelected.

But you did the right thing.

And at the end of the day,

isn't that more important
than some merger?

Letting morality get
in the way of making money...

I might as well go
and be a teacher.

I know what will cheer you up.

Would you like some cake?

Yeah.

Cake boy!

This has been
the best day of my life.

Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com

I believe ketchup bottles
should be 500% larger.

We are all responsible
for heroes becoming terrible.

But what kind of jail are these
alien prisoners being held in?

We should bring back slavery!

And they're backed
by big corporations.

Animals can govern themselves.

Taken out of context.
It was exactly what I meant.

As God is my witness, we will
build casinos on the moon!

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