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ladies and gentlemen Louis CK
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wow wow
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thank you
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oh thank you very thank you very much
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oh stop I hi
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it's a little early for that I
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well thank you very much for being here
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this is the 40th year of this show's existence
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and this is the finale
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so I'm very honored honestly to be asked to host it
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so thanks and I'm glad you guys are here
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um yeah it's fine anyway
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I I was born in 1967 and so I grew up in the 70s
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so I'm not racist
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however I do have mild racism
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it's the best I could do coming out of the 70s
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because that was a very racist decade
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people said racist things all the time
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and nobody got offended
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the only time somebody got offended
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if you said something racist in the 70s is when they
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within saying hey
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I you interrupted me
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I was saying some racist
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why did you
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but so I mild racism
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it's benign
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it's not aggressive
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it's not even negative racism
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it's mild racism
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I'll give you an example
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okay like see
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like if I go to a pizza place I've never been to before
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and it's run by four black women
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I'll go like hmm
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see it's very mild
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it's extremely mild racism
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I'll notice that
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you don't usually see that
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four black women run in Peace Place unless
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unless it's called 4 Black Girls Pizza
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or something like that
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like that's the whole point
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of the place smile
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here's another example of mild racism
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if I say I'm in a hospital
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and the doctor comes in to treat me
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and the doctors from China or India
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I'll think well good good
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good more of that why not
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it's very mild racism here's another example
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if I'm in a gas station late at night and a young
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a young man comes in wearing a hooded sweatshirt
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if he's white
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I'll think oh
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he's athlete
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if he's black unless he has a big smile on his face
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then I become mildly racist and this is what I think
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I think that's fine
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everything's fine
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nothing's gonna happen no
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of course I'm fine
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why did I even think that for a second
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this because I was I was raised the 70s
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the 70s were very different time the 70s
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everything was different in the 70s than it is now
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except the Middle East is exactly the same
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it's exactly the same was was the seventies
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it's been the same fights and you know what
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it's boring now
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that's the worst part of it when I was a kid
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we were like uh
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but you can't go like this for like 1,000 years
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after a while when you fight
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people don't care cause when you're just both
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you just keep fighting every everybody's like
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those guys are dicks
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they just fight
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that's what it's like
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you know like I have two kids and they fight sometimes
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and when they first
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start fighting
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I get concerned
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I go in the room
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I'm like hey
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what's going on
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what's wrong
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why are we having some feelings
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can we can we listen to each other please
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can we please just listen to each other okay
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you go first then she goes she's like
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hmm yeah that sounds hard
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okay okay thank you thank you okay
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now you because I like this one a little more so
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and they work it out
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you help them work it out
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but if they keep fighting
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you stop doing that after all
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you just go in the room and you just go
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hey just shut up
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fuck you you're both wrong
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cause he won't stop fighting
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you're in a family
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there's other people in this family
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and you're being a couple of selfish little bitches
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that won't fix anything
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you share a room
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we can't afford another room
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so just deal with it
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somehow this has to do with Israel in Palestine
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I don't know exactly
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I don't remember how
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it is because my kids are like Israel and Palestine
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and I'm like America
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the little ones like Palestine
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cause she always gets screwed
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she gets the worst deals
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she's like she threw a rock at my face I'm like
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you're fine
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look you have a great life
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you get take a rock to the face once in a while
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you're fine
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the older one is like Israel
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she comes at me
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she burnt all my dolls
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I'm like look I can't do anything about it right now
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your sister is crazy
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please don't make me talk to her
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I'll work it out you and me okay
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we'll go out
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I'll buy you a really cool missile
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and you do whatever you want
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what are you doing
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totally up to you
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the 70s were very different
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when in the 70s
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there was a child monster that lived in my hometown
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and it wasn't a big deal
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it was like we call it child monster was just like yeah
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that's the house where the child monster lives
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he lives right
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hey kids be don't be stupid
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you'll get molested
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just stay away from the child molester house
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I know cause he did something to me when I was your age
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so just stay away from the child molester house
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we had a town chalmwester
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his name was John Baptiste true story
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he liked teenage boys
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that's when you would find out
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because I was teenage boy
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he didn't like me
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I felt a little bad
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like no not you
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it wasn't he didn't
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it wasn't enemy
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but you drive up next to teenage boys and he'd say
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hello would you like to go to McDonald's
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and you're like no
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and he's like
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why you don't like McDonald's
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and then you're trapped
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cause of course everybody like McDonald's was 70s
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and then I had one friend who used to get in the car
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he'd be like
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sure I'll go and he'd get in the car
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you go to McDonald's and eat a burger and then you say
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see ya and he just take off
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and John Baptiste was like dude
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that child and he spoiled again
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but he'd always try
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maybe this time haha
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because charm monsters are very tenacious people
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they love molesting childs it's crazy
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it's like their favorite thing
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I mean when you can see so crazy
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cause when you consider
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the risk in being a child molester
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speaking not of even the damage you're doing
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but the risk
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there is no worse life available to a human
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than being a caught child molester
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and yet they still do it
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which from you could only really surmise
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that it must be really good I mean
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from their point of view
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from their not ours
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but from their point of view
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it must be amazing for that to risk so much
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how do you think I feels my last show probably
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because
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look I can't key into it because I love mounts bars
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I love mounts bars is my favorite thing right
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but there's a limit
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I mean I I can't even eat a mounts bar
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and do something else at the same time
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that's how much I love them
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like if I'm eating a mouse where I can't read the paper
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like hmm hmm
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I have to just sit there with it in my mouth and go
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why is this so good
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I love this so much
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and because they are delicious
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and yet if somebody said to me
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if you eat another mouse
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where you go to jail and everybody will hate you
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I would stop eating them
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because they do taste delicious
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but they don't taste as good as a young boy does
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and shouldn't
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to a child monster
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not to me not to us
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cause we're all awesome
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we're right
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we did it we got we got a great show tonight
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Rihanna is here so stick around and we'll be right back
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we are too wild and crazy and you're not
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I'm gonna be that sweet
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I can see Russia from my house
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New York's hottest club is 40 seasons one app
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thanks for watching and remember to subscribe
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every 100 subscriber wins a brand new car
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no okay scratch that on the car
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I don't know why I thought that I'm sorry
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but what do they win nothing
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what do you mean stop talking
15684
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