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rrealEstate.
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-Thank you for making
my world so much bigger.
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-Hey! Luke.
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I got my license today.
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-Well, that’s great! Congratulations.
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-House, unlock the door!
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House!
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Luke,
if you could still do what you used to do,
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we wouldn’t be here.
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-I’m always telling you to
find a better work-life balance.
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-This isn’t about balance. This is about
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getting out of here and reassessing my life.
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-You have to relax.
I’m just taking the shortcut.
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Nah, it’s perfectly fine.
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The biggest thing in
these woods is a raccoon.
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There’s no bears or wolves.
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No,
all the chainsaw murderers are still at camp.
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What’re you even-- Hang on.
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Nothing.
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Look, I’ll be home in ten or so.
Okay, bye.
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Hello?
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-Mm...
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House, call the condescending,
unappreciative jerk.
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Calling Luke Roman.
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-Don’t pick up.
Voicemail, voicemail, voicemail.
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-You’ve reached Luke Roman.
I’m sorry I missed your call.
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Please leave a message.
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-Luke! Oh, darn.
I was hoping to talk to you.
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I just wanted to let you
know that I’m going to need
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a few more days away from the office.
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I’ll be sending you the contracts
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on Bouvier, Santos and Padgett.
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They’re easy closings,
clean titles, approved loans,
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you won’t have any problems.
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The Dunn-Herberts are
doing their usual dance.
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It’s probably a good
teaching moment for Zooey.
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I’m dealing with some personal business,
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so I’m not sure when
I’ll be back in the office,
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but seeing as nothing ever changes
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at the perfect Roman Agency,
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I’m sure you have everything well in hand.
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Toodles.
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Hm.
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The "toodles" was a bit much.
45
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- It was a nice touch.
- Cordial, yet dismissive.
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-Yeah. That’s what I was going for.
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-Would you like some tea?
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-Yes.
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Yes, I would.
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Toodles?
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-It’s a hell of a house.
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-Yeah, built in 1893, historic, solid.
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-Can’t wait to bulldoze it.
-Well, you need to buy it first.
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It’s only polite.
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As you can see,
the property line starts here.
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The creek is on your side.
Plenty of room to--
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-What’s that?
-Well, that is the lot
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next to yours.
It’s just a small place, barely a cottage.
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-How much?
-I...
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I don’t know if it’s listed for sale.
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-If I own that lot,
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I don’t need to worry about the easements.
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I could build the pool area over here
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and put the tennis court over here.
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And the guest house could be way over here,
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so I’d hardly ever need to interact
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with visiting relatives.
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-I don’t even know if you’d see them.
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-Oh, yeah!
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-We’ll reach out and get a price.
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-Don’t worry about the price. Buy it.
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-Maybe we should close
on this property first,
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you know, get the ball rolling.
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-We’re going to do both deals at once.
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I could never enjoy this lot
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knowing that I can’t have that lot.
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That’s just me.
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All or nothing.
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I’m gonna call my architect.
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-The house and underlying dirt
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are owned by an offshore holding company.
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The only point of contact
is a law firm in Budapest.
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-Swell.
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-I reached out and left a message.
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-Yeah, we’re not liking the odds
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that we’re going to
hear back anytime soon.
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-So, we have one sale
contingent on two properties.
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This cabin in the woods is
creating more drama than the
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-million dollar property.
-Mm-hm. Life is funny.
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-You know,
I could have sworn there was something
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in that house, watching me.
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-You think maybe it was your, um...
93
00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:04,966
your mojo coming back?
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00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:07,681
-Ah! Maybe it’s growing back,
like a starfish leg.
95
00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:10,262
-No. Just old-fashioned paranoia.
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You all set for today?
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-Mm-hm.
-What’s today?
98
00:07:13,725 --> 00:07:16,525
-I am taking my first
couple to look at houses.
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Susan’s taking her personal
days and I am covering.
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00:07:18,897 --> 00:07:22,277
-Aw. Who’s the victim?
I mean, who’s the client?
101
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,240
Aw, who’s the victim.
102
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The Dunn-Herberts. Lara and Freya.
103
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What?
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The Dunn-Herberts
are our locally sourced
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organic vegan lookie-loos.
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They shop,
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they kvetch and they never buy.
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Have fun.
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Great.
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Oh, my God. You did not do them justice.
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This is like an Oscar Wilde
play about mistaken identity.
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They’re pretending to shop for a house
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and I’m pretending this isn’t
a complete waste of my time.
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-Well, Susan felt the same way.
- When?
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-Did you talk to her?
-Naw,
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this was the last time Lara and Freya
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took her for a spin.
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-Don’t you think maybe
you should check in?
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-With Susan?
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I’ll see her at the charity
bowling thing this weekend.
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-Oh, right?
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That’s, like, mandatory, right?
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-You’re an agent now.
It’s part of the deal.
124
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-Yeah,
just testing the fence for weak spots.
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Like a velociraptor.
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-Anything back from the lawyers in Budapest?
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-It’s been, like, half a day.
I don’t want to be a ’pesht’.
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Oh, I see what you did there.
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I kill me.
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-Oops. I gotta go be a receptionist.
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Bye.
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-So...
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how much do we love it?
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-May I help you?
135
00:09:01,791 --> 00:09:03,331
-"Please call me.
136
00:09:03,835 --> 00:09:05,885
You’re about to win the lottery."
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-Oh!
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You are the cabin in the woods!
139
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-I live in the house in the woods.
140
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And I don’t play the lottery.
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-I was being a little clever.
142
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-Very little.
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00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:23,734
-Could we, uh, go in here and talk?
144
00:09:25,356 --> 00:09:27,016
-Now, why would we do that?
145
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-Well, if you leave, you’ll never know.
146
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:52,172
-This all looks so... science-y.
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-Hm. Vic Tandy,
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a British engineer with
an interest in the occult,
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experimented with infrasound,
or low frequency sound.
150
00:10:04,354 --> 00:10:07,614
Less than 20hz. 18.5 to be exact.
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00:10:08,358 --> 00:10:10,648
Some called it the spirit frequency.
152
00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:13,491
How’s it work?
153
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:16,823
-Well, he theorized that sending
vibrations out at that frequency
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might start a dialogue with...
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God knows what.
156
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:25,577
So, this disk can be used
like a cochlear implant:
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if something extra-normal reaches out
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it should vibrate your cochlear nerve.
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-And start a dialogue.
160
00:10:32,173 --> 00:10:33,723
So, if Luke wears this thing,
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he’ll have his Luke tingle back?
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-Well, I’m not certain
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that it will enable him
to communicate verbally,
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but it should enable a certain... intuition.
165
00:10:44,769 --> 00:10:47,059
-Mm.
-The sense of a presence.
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00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:52,491
Can we agree to never use the term
167
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"Luke tingle" again?
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-Yeah, let’s.
Mind if I take it for a test drive?
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-Be my guest.
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-Kinda tingly.
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Ow! Damn!
172
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-Wait, what’s wrong?
-Oh!
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It went batshit crazy,
like an explosion of noises.
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-Really?
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-Ohh!
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Oh, whoa.
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00:11:31,733 --> 00:11:34,193
-So, that is what we are looking at.
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Hm.
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Your running dog capitalist lackey
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wants to buy my idyllic
cottage in the pastoral woods
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and tear it down for his tennis courts.
182
00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:47,835
-Well, don’t forget about
the pool and the guest house.
183
00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:50,877
-Yes.
His desire to avoid his relatives is so far
184
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the only endearing thing about him.
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-Um, so, uh...
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what do you say?
187
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-No.
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00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:08,522
-Kay. Kay?
189
00:12:08,645 --> 00:12:10,195
Kay.
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00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:14,023
I’m going to go way out
here on a limb ethically
191
00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:16,240
and confide in you that
my client has way more
192
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money than sense.
He will overpay for your property
193
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to an alarming degree.
194
00:12:21,324 --> 00:12:23,034
-Oh.
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00:12:23,159 --> 00:12:24,699
Lucky, lucky me.
196
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-You didn’t have to come here.
197
00:12:36,005 --> 00:12:38,665
All I did was drop off a
not-so-clever business card.
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00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:40,630
You could have let it go, but you didn’t.
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00:12:41,636 --> 00:12:43,096
-Fair enough.
200
00:12:43,221 --> 00:12:44,851
-Well, we could talk about this over...
201
00:12:45,473 --> 00:12:47,813
I don’t know... dinner?
202
00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:52,939
-I do have to eat. Occasionally.
203
00:12:53,064 --> 00:12:55,654
-How about tonight? I could--
-I have plans tonight.
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00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,355
-Tomorrow?
205
00:13:00,571 --> 00:13:03,821
-My nights are full and rich,
206
00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:05,700
so I like to eat early.
207
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,326
Maybe Friday?
208
00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:12,326
Pick me up at my priceless
house around seven.
209
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,086
-Okay.
210
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,182
- Hm.
- Who was that?
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00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:26,062
Luke?
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00:13:27,265 --> 00:13:28,725
-Oh, just a homeowner.
213
00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:34,102
-I think you need to watch her.
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00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:36,484
Closely.
215
00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:38,067
-That’s my plan.
216
00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:47,541
-I think you’re being a hamster.
217
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,290
-Just because I won’t lie for you?
218
00:13:49,412 --> 00:13:51,712
-It’s hardly even a lie! If my mom calls,
219
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:53,621
just tell her I’m staying
with you that night!
220
00:13:53,750 --> 00:13:55,460
I’ve stayed at your place lots of times!
221
00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:57,215
-And what if she wants to speak to you?
222
00:13:57,337 --> 00:14:00,337
-Then tell her I’m... I’m in the shower!
223
00:14:00,465 --> 00:14:03,225
Or I’m out by the pool
giving cardiac massage
224
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:04,803
to a drowning nun!
225
00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:08,137
Dude, work with me!
226
00:14:08,264 --> 00:14:10,224
-If my parents find out,
there’s gonna be trouble.
227
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:11,890
They already don’t like--
228
00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:14,976
Bruno?
229
00:14:19,442 --> 00:14:20,992
Bruno?
230
00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:26,911
Come on, Bru, quit screwing around!
231
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:38,460
Very funny. C’mon, let’s--
232
00:14:50,264 --> 00:14:51,814
Bruno!
233
00:15:00,691 --> 00:15:02,441
-Well, she said no. But in real estate,
234
00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:04,858
"no" is where we start not where we end.
235
00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:07,617
-I’m sure that looks great
on a motivational poster
236
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,580
but it only pisses me off.
237
00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:11,793
-Listen, I’m having dinner
238
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,371
with the homeowner on Friday night, so...
239
00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:14,996
-Well, that’s great, Luke.
240
00:15:15,123 --> 00:15:17,253
Take her out to dinner, order some wine.
241
00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:18,925
Hell, sleep with her if you have to,
242
00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:20,633
but get me that property.
243
00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:22,343
-I’ll do my best.
244
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:25,927
...and
the recent disappearance
245
00:15:26,050 --> 00:15:28,590
to a tragic incident two and half years ago
246
00:15:28,719 --> 00:15:31,009
when the bodies of four teens were found
247
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completely drained of blood.
248
00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:34,515
Police sources have neither--
249
00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:36,272
Ladies!
250
00:15:36,394 --> 00:15:37,944
-Hi!
251
00:15:38,062 --> 00:15:40,522
-Tantalize me, Zooey.
What are we going to see today?
252
00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:42,318
-Tantalize me, Freya.
253
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:44,652
Is there a world in which you
two actually buy something?
254
00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:48,323
You do know that real estate agents
255
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:49,908
only make money off of sales
256
00:15:50,032 --> 00:15:52,242
and wasting an agent’s time if you have
257
00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:55,248
zero intention of buying is
the moral equivalent of --
258
00:15:55,371 --> 00:15:57,921
I don’t know -- robbing a liquor store?
259
00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:01,340
-I hope we find something... perfect.
260
00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:03,131
-Something to die for.
261
00:16:03,254 --> 00:16:05,634
-I hope we fall in love at first sight.
262
00:16:06,257 --> 00:16:09,007
-I hope we find something so perfect
263
00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:11,355
that my checkbook leaps out of my purse
264
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:13,221
and writes an earnest money deposit
265
00:16:13,347 --> 00:16:15,267
before I can stop it!
266
00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:16,931
-But probably not.
267
00:16:17,852 --> 00:16:19,772
-No.
268
00:16:23,065 --> 00:16:24,935
It’s okay.
269
00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:28,736
Miranda,
our client is willing to drop 15 grand
270
00:16:29,739 --> 00:16:30,319
off the price to repair the roof
271
00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:32,162
but there’s nothing wrong with the floors.
272
00:16:32,283 --> 00:16:33,913
Of course!
273
00:16:34,035 --> 00:16:36,705
And your people are welcome to
carpet over it when it’s theirs!
274
00:16:37,246 --> 00:16:39,156
It’s unreasonable to
expect us to pay for them.
275
00:16:40,041 --> 00:16:42,171
No, no, no, no, no.
Those maple floors are gorgeous.
276
00:16:42,293 --> 00:16:44,133
Carpeting over them would
be an act of vandalism.
277
00:16:44,253 --> 00:16:46,423
We’re not going to
subsidize their bad choices.
278
00:16:46,547 --> 00:16:48,377
Tell them about the 15
grand for the roof and then
279
00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:51,258
tell them horror stories
about dust mites and mold.
280
00:16:51,385 --> 00:16:53,595
Scare their children and then call me back.
281
00:16:53,721 --> 00:16:55,261
Okay, bye.
282
00:16:56,224 --> 00:16:59,234
-When there was only one set
of footprints in the carpet,
283
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:01,402
that’s when you were carrying me.
284
00:17:02,230 --> 00:17:03,940
-What’s up?
285
00:17:05,107 --> 00:17:07,397
-Tell me about that client
who was in yesterday.
286
00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:09,357
-Not really a client.
She owns one of the properties
287
00:17:09,487 --> 00:17:10,947
Erik Toft wants to buy.
288
00:17:11,072 --> 00:17:13,372
-What do you know about her?
-Not much.
289
00:17:13,491 --> 00:17:15,581
Kay Bozer. She got an edge to her.
290
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:17,620
No bullshit.
291
00:17:17,745 --> 00:17:19,405
Kind of refreshing.
292
00:17:20,164 --> 00:17:21,714
-When she was in the office, she...
293
00:17:22,250 --> 00:17:24,630
affected one of my devices.
294
00:17:26,337 --> 00:17:27,797
-What do you mean?
295
00:17:27,922 --> 00:17:29,842
-It operates at a certain frequency
296
00:17:29,966 --> 00:17:33,046
that is sensitive to certain phenomena.
297
00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:35,144
It could be a coincidence, but...
298
00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:38,641
the device operated properly
again the moment she left.
299
00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:42,484
Will you be, uh, seeing the lady again?
300
00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:46,193
-We’re having dinner Friday,
as a matter of fact.
301
00:17:47,441 --> 00:17:49,321
Kinda hit it off.
302
00:17:49,443 --> 00:17:50,903
-So it’s, uh...
303
00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:54,238
not an insidious plan to get her to sell?
304
00:17:54,365 --> 00:17:56,745
-No,
my insidious plan was to have a nice dinner
305
00:17:56,867 --> 00:17:58,327
with an interesting lady.
306
00:17:58,452 --> 00:18:00,622
My first since Megan, in fact.
307
00:18:01,998 --> 00:18:05,998
-Would you, uh,
be open to trying a sort of experiment?
308
00:18:08,546 --> 00:18:10,796
This device is really quite subtle.
309
00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:12,673
You wear it behind your ear.
310
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:14,640
-She won’t even see that--
-I don’t think so...
311
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,260
-Luke, it’s science.
312
00:18:16,387 --> 00:18:18,307
-No! It’s a dinner date with a nice lady.
313
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:19,891
-A nice lady
314
00:18:20,016 --> 00:18:23,226
who might just vibrate at 18.5 hertz.
315
00:18:25,980 --> 00:18:27,520
Let me see it.
316
00:18:39,327 --> 00:18:41,407
-See? No big thing.
317
00:18:42,371 --> 00:18:43,831
-I don’t know. Feels creepy wearing a
318
00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:46,376
metaphysical nicotine
patch on our first date.
319
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:48,750
-Science is often creepy.
320
00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:52,130
But, if it isn’t activated,
she’ll never know.
321
00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:54,876
-And if it is?
-Run away.
322
00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:57,508
Run like hell.
323
00:18:58,095 --> 00:18:59,555
As fast as you can.
324
00:19:09,273 --> 00:19:10,693
Ah! You’re back.
325
00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:12,986
Oh-ho.
326
00:19:13,110 --> 00:19:16,030
They are killing me, Augie.
327
00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:19,025
Not only are they draining me
of my will to sell real estate,
328
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:21,078
they are draining me of my will to live.
329
00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:26,248
-You should talk to Luke.
Just, uh, not right now.
330
00:19:26,374 --> 00:19:27,924
-Why?
331
00:19:28,042 --> 00:19:30,712
-It seems that, uh, one of Susan’s clients
332
00:19:30,836 --> 00:19:34,716
is involved in a transaction
with one of Rita’s clients
333
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:38,430
and Rita is unhappy about
Susan’s extended sabbatical.
334
00:19:38,552 --> 00:19:41,722
-Rita Weiss:
America’s real estate sweetheart.
335
00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:43,717
So,
what else is happening in the real world?
336
00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:45,349
-Well, let’s see...
337
00:19:45,476 --> 00:19:49,346
Uh,
Luke is still trying to close the Toft deals.
338
00:19:49,980 --> 00:19:53,070
He has developed a
post-professional interest
339
00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:55,532
in the woman who owns the adjacent property.
340
00:19:55,653 --> 00:19:57,073
My spirit frequency device was--
341
00:19:57,196 --> 00:19:58,696
-Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait!
342
00:19:58,823 --> 00:20:01,123
Did you just say post-professional?
343
00:20:01,242 --> 00:20:02,742
He’s hot for her?
344
00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:05,538
-Your words, not mine.
345
00:20:05,663 --> 00:20:10,043
-Oh, my God! That’ll teach me
to leave the office, like, ever!
346
00:20:10,167 --> 00:20:11,587
Who is she? What is she like?
347
00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:13,211
-We haven’t met.
348
00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:14,917
But she, uh...
349
00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:16,547
set off my device.
350
00:20:18,384 --> 00:20:20,264
-Apparently she did the same for Luke.
351
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:35,652
-So,
Luke tells me you’re a licensed agent now.
352
00:20:35,776 --> 00:20:37,316
Congratulations.
353
00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:39,403
-Thank you.
354
00:20:39,530 --> 00:20:41,070
Hm.
355
00:20:41,907 --> 00:20:43,617
You know, I always liked you, Zooey.
356
00:20:44,535 --> 00:20:47,295
You strike me as an oasis of pragmatism
357
00:20:48,038 --> 00:20:49,958
in a place obsessed with fantasy,
358
00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:53,342
like the last personal injury attorney in a
359
00:20:53,461 --> 00:20:55,341
hastily assembled amusement park.
360
00:20:56,881 --> 00:20:58,591
May I give you a piece of advice?
361
00:20:58,716 --> 00:21:00,256
-I guess so.
362
00:21:00,384 --> 00:21:02,644
-Always give the client
363
00:21:02,762 --> 00:21:04,182
what they need.
364
00:21:04,305 --> 00:21:06,315
Not what they want.
365
00:21:06,432 --> 00:21:07,982
-Yeah? Hm.
366
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:09,640
-Do you know what I used to be?
367
00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:12,479
I got my masters in philosophy.
368
00:21:13,397 --> 00:21:15,817
Oh, yes. I focused on Kierkegaard.
369
00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:18,821
The aesthetic,
the ethical and the religious.
370
00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:20,704
Well, you can imagine how
371
00:21:20,821 --> 00:21:23,701
gracefully that interacted
with a career in real estate.
372
00:21:24,408 --> 00:21:25,828
Zero sales.
373
00:21:25,951 --> 00:21:28,951
-So, what did you do?
-So I shifted gears.
374
00:21:29,079 --> 00:21:31,539
I focused on the primacy of the individual
375
00:21:31,665 --> 00:21:34,705
and of individual concerns
above any abstract reality
376
00:21:34,835 --> 00:21:36,705
or grand metaphysical system.
377
00:21:37,546 --> 00:21:40,506
Still couldn’t sell a
salmon to a grizzly bear.
378
00:21:40,633 --> 00:21:42,303
-This is all great stuff,
379
00:21:42,426 --> 00:21:44,176
but what am I supposed to do with any of it?
380
00:21:44,303 --> 00:21:47,853
-I realized that I was vastly
overthinking the whole thing
381
00:21:47,973 --> 00:21:51,523
and that my clients were ignorant doorknobs
382
00:21:51,644 --> 00:21:54,524
incapable of articulating their own desires.
383
00:21:55,272 --> 00:21:57,022
So, I looked at their lifestyles
384
00:21:57,149 --> 00:21:59,899
and I showed them corresponding inventory.
385
00:22:00,027 --> 00:22:03,237
I focused on what they deeply needed,
386
00:22:03,364 --> 00:22:05,534
not what they said they wanted
387
00:22:05,658 --> 00:22:07,408
because seldom are they the same thing.
388
00:22:07,535 --> 00:22:09,375
-Preach!
-Mm.
389
00:22:09,495 --> 00:22:13,715
The moment I fully embraced
my intellectual authority
390
00:22:13,833 --> 00:22:15,333
and saw my clients
391
00:22:15,459 --> 00:22:17,919
as the low-level primates that they are
392
00:22:18,629 --> 00:22:21,009
my business tripled overnight.
393
00:22:21,131 --> 00:22:23,431
I was able to pay off my student loans,
394
00:22:23,551 --> 00:22:26,091
buy a Cadillac Escalade...
395
00:22:26,846 --> 00:22:28,386
and divorce my husband.
396
00:22:29,014 --> 00:22:30,434
-So sad.
397
00:22:31,809 --> 00:22:33,519
Yet inspiring.
398
00:22:34,144 --> 00:22:35,734
-Well, that’s the big secret.
399
00:22:35,855 --> 00:22:38,405
You are smarter than your clients.
400
00:22:41,151 --> 00:22:42,741
-I totally am!
401
00:22:44,321 --> 00:22:47,071
-Oh, you might want to pass
it along to Captain Goodhair.
402
00:22:47,199 --> 00:22:50,739
He still seems to think that
clients deserve our respect.
403
00:22:50,870 --> 00:22:53,120
That’s adorable.
404
00:22:55,666 --> 00:22:57,246
Oh.
405
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:02,380
Still crazy.
406
00:23:04,174 --> 00:23:06,054
-How’d it go?
407
00:23:06,802 --> 00:23:08,302
-Well, he took the device.
408
00:23:08,429 --> 00:23:10,059
We’ll see if he actually deploys it.
409
00:23:10,180 --> 00:23:11,770
-There is something creepy about it,
410
00:23:11,891 --> 00:23:13,601
-you know?
-Yeah.
411
00:23:13,726 --> 00:23:15,976
-On the subject of creepy,
you know those missing kids?
412
00:23:16,103 --> 00:23:17,983
-Yeah, I’ve heard something about them.
413
00:23:18,689 --> 00:23:20,109
-Something rings a bell.
414
00:23:44,882 --> 00:23:47,092
-Hey! Are you okay?
415
00:24:14,078 --> 00:24:15,658
What’s the matter?
416
00:24:27,925 --> 00:24:29,635
Hey!
417
00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:31,300
You shouldn’t be here.
418
00:24:32,262 --> 00:24:34,392
This is where those--
419
00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:46,070
-Ladies, how was your day?
420
00:24:46,193 --> 00:24:48,573
’Cause it’s about to
get a whole lot better.
421
00:24:55,661 --> 00:24:57,831
So, there are two houses left on the list
422
00:24:57,955 --> 00:24:59,415
Susan made up for you.
423
00:24:59,540 --> 00:25:01,210
We’re coming up to the first one...
424
00:25:01,333 --> 00:25:02,713
and...
425
00:25:02,835 --> 00:25:04,545
-we’re driving away!
-What?!
426
00:25:04,670 --> 00:25:06,840
-It’s not right.
Tiny rooms, no natural lighting
427
00:25:06,964 --> 00:25:08,764
and the raccoons in the yard?
Yeah, they’re not
428
00:25:08,882 --> 00:25:10,512
the helpful Disney kind.
They’ll cut a bitch.
429
00:25:10,634 --> 00:25:12,434
-I still wouldn’t mind--
-Nah, you hate it already.
430
00:25:12,553 --> 00:25:16,013
So, moving on to bachelorette number two.
431
00:25:16,140 --> 00:25:19,350
Here she comes, and...
432
00:25:19,476 --> 00:25:21,016
-there she goes.
-Wait! Slow down.
433
00:25:21,145 --> 00:25:22,905
-Bye!
434
00:25:23,022 --> 00:25:24,522
Two bedrooms, two baths,
435
00:25:24,648 --> 00:25:26,568
fully finished basement and a home office.
436
00:25:26,692 --> 00:25:28,862
All the stuff you wanted and
none of the shit you need.
437
00:25:28,986 --> 00:25:30,396
-Zooey, can’t we just--?
438
00:25:30,529 --> 00:25:32,529
-Price is on the high side of your range.
439
00:25:32,656 --> 00:25:35,276
Add in the HOA fees and to
make PITI you’re gonna need
440
00:25:35,409 --> 00:25:37,409
a bake sale every month,
which is going to be impossible. Why?
441
00:25:37,536 --> 00:25:39,576
Because your kitchen is
too frickin’ small!
442
00:25:39,705 --> 00:25:42,295
So, that’s it for Susan’s houses.
443
00:25:42,416 --> 00:25:45,746
Now it’s time for me to rock your world.
444
00:26:09,693 --> 00:26:11,443
-Right on time.
445
00:26:11,570 --> 00:26:13,110
-Hi.
446
00:26:16,575 --> 00:26:18,075
-Look.
447
00:26:18,202 --> 00:26:19,742
It’s a blood moon tonight.
448
00:26:20,370 --> 00:26:21,960
-Pardon me?
449
00:26:22,081 --> 00:26:23,621
-A blood moon.
450
00:26:24,208 --> 00:26:26,668
The direct sunlight on earth
passes through the atmosphere
451
00:26:26,794 --> 00:26:28,464
and is projected onto the moon;
452
00:26:29,379 --> 00:26:31,299
makes it all red and spooky.
453
00:26:32,424 --> 00:26:34,304
Hasn’t happened for two and a half years.
454
00:26:35,677 --> 00:26:37,637
-So this is a special night.
455
00:26:39,932 --> 00:26:41,472
-Very.
456
00:27:43,245 --> 00:27:44,705
I like your eyes.
457
00:27:48,041 --> 00:27:49,581
No, I do.
458
00:27:50,586 --> 00:27:52,296
They’ve seen a lot.
459
00:27:56,508 --> 00:27:59,428
Most men your age-- our age--
460
00:27:59,553 --> 00:28:02,063
still have the eyes of adolescent boys.
461
00:28:03,223 --> 00:28:06,023
-Too many Saturday open houses
will do that to a person.
462
00:28:09,688 --> 00:28:11,558
So, you’re not seeing anyone?
463
00:28:13,609 --> 00:28:15,149
-Nobody special.
464
00:28:15,819 --> 00:28:17,279
You?
465
00:28:17,404 --> 00:28:18,954
-Mm-mm.
466
00:28:19,448 --> 00:28:21,948
-Well, that’s about to change.
467
00:28:24,536 --> 00:28:26,366
-You’re somebody special?
468
00:28:27,998 --> 00:28:30,458
-You have no idea.
469
00:28:31,585 --> 00:28:33,805
-So, here we are. The steak tartare.
470
00:28:34,796 --> 00:28:36,666
And the roasted Cornish
hen for the gentleman.
471
00:28:41,136 --> 00:28:42,676
Anything else?
472
00:28:45,349 --> 00:28:46,889
Anything at all?
473
00:28:49,603 --> 00:28:51,353
Please?
474
00:28:52,439 --> 00:28:54,939
-We’re good. Thanks.
475
00:28:57,861 --> 00:28:59,861
-Everything looks delicious.
476
00:28:59,988 --> 00:29:01,658
-You look delicious.
477
00:29:22,219 --> 00:29:23,759
-Ta-da!
478
00:29:24,346 --> 00:29:27,636
Two bedrooms; two baths; gorgeous sunroom.
479
00:29:27,766 --> 00:29:30,936
All living space on one level,
no finished basement.
480
00:29:31,061 --> 00:29:32,901
-Finished basement was on the list.
481
00:29:33,021 --> 00:29:36,191
-You don’t need one.
There’s tons of storage.
482
00:29:36,316 --> 00:29:38,936
Just picture yourself in the space.
483
00:29:39,069 --> 00:29:41,699
Your couch, your photos on the wall,
484
00:29:41,822 --> 00:29:43,912
your favorite meal cooking
in the fully functional,
485
00:29:44,032 --> 00:29:45,492
spacious kitchen.
486
00:29:45,617 --> 00:29:47,907
Just picture the house for what it could be
487
00:29:48,036 --> 00:29:50,076
with your undies in the drawer.
488
00:29:50,914 --> 00:29:52,374
-Is the neighborhood safe?
489
00:29:52,499 --> 00:29:55,419
-Of course. You need to be safe.
490
00:29:55,544 --> 00:29:57,884
You need to be happy. You need sunshine.
491
00:29:58,005 --> 00:30:00,555
But most of all,
you need to come home every night
492
00:30:00,674 --> 00:30:02,724
and close the door against the world
493
00:30:03,510 --> 00:30:05,720
in a house that loves you back.
494
00:30:06,763 --> 00:30:08,433
-We can afford something fancier.
495
00:30:08,557 --> 00:30:10,557
-This point in your lives,
you don’t need to be house poor.
496
00:30:10,684 --> 00:30:12,354
You need to be life rich.
497
00:30:12,477 --> 00:30:15,267
I mean, with this house you
can still afford fancy wines
498
00:30:15,397 --> 00:30:16,977
and concert tickets;
499
00:30:17,107 --> 00:30:19,977
vacations somewhere warm and
impractical anniversary gifts.
500
00:30:21,695 --> 00:30:24,285
And all in a place that feels like home.
501
00:30:26,450 --> 00:30:28,120
-I do kinda love it.
502
00:30:28,243 --> 00:30:30,543
It’s such a big decision.
503
00:30:30,662 --> 00:30:34,042
-Hey, I can only find you the
house you were born to live in.
504
00:30:34,166 --> 00:30:35,956
Can’t give you the cojones to buy it.
505
00:30:41,923 --> 00:30:41,973
-Well, and the place has been
in my family for generations.
506
00:30:42,591 --> 00:30:43,551
It’s just simpler
507
00:30:44,801 --> 00:30:45,261
to keep the title with the firm in Budapest.
508
00:30:46,261 --> 00:30:47,261
You know, tax purposes and all.
509
00:30:48,638 --> 00:30:50,928
-And just like that we’re
back to talking business.
510
00:30:52,642 --> 00:30:54,192
-Okay.
511
00:30:54,728 --> 00:30:56,268
Let’s stop fighting it.
512
00:30:57,356 --> 00:30:58,896
Let’s give in.
513
00:31:00,567 --> 00:31:02,737
-Well,
I’m not going to give you a hard sell here.
514
00:31:03,362 --> 00:31:04,902
-What a relief.
515
00:31:05,655 --> 00:31:08,525
I bet you can be terribly persuasive.
516
00:31:09,117 --> 00:31:11,157
-To the point of irresistibility.
517
00:31:12,621 --> 00:31:14,161
I’m just going to tell you one thing:
518
00:31:15,123 --> 00:31:16,883
You will never get nearly as much
519
00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:20,040
as my client is willing to pay
for your property right now.
520
00:31:20,921 --> 00:31:22,461
Ever.
521
00:31:23,340 --> 00:31:24,880
-Ooh.
522
00:31:25,300 --> 00:31:26,840
Never.
523
00:31:27,427 --> 00:31:30,637
That’s such a long time.
524
00:31:33,308 --> 00:31:34,848
-Long...
525
00:31:35,394 --> 00:31:36,944
time.
526
00:31:38,688 --> 00:31:40,438
Hey, Luke. So, I’ve got
527
00:31:40,565 --> 00:31:42,105
good news and bad news.
528
00:31:42,484 --> 00:31:44,244
Uh, good news is that the Dunn-Herberts
529
00:31:44,361 --> 00:31:45,861
are no longer lookie-loos --
530
00:31:45,987 --> 00:31:47,777
they’re buyers!
531
00:31:47,906 --> 00:31:50,276
Bad news is, uh...
532
00:31:50,409 --> 00:31:53,539
Yeah. It’s a Rita Weiss listing.
533
00:31:53,662 --> 00:31:55,912
Hope we can still be friends! ’Kay, bye!
534
00:31:57,999 --> 00:31:59,789
Ooh.
535
00:32:04,756 --> 00:32:06,466
-August!
536
00:32:06,591 --> 00:32:08,551
So,
I’ve been reading up on Hungarian legends.
537
00:32:10,053 --> 00:32:12,013
-Ah. The Budapest lawyer.
538
00:32:12,139 --> 00:32:13,469
-Exactly. What’s her name?
539
00:32:13,598 --> 00:32:15,268
The-the lady that Luke’s going out with?
540
00:32:15,392 --> 00:32:17,022
-Bozer. Kay Bozer.
541
00:32:17,144 --> 00:32:18,694
Look at this.
542
00:32:21,481 --> 00:32:23,321
-Mm. Lovely.
543
00:32:23,442 --> 00:32:25,112
-This is a Hungarian witch.
544
00:32:25,235 --> 00:32:27,205
Legend has it that she has the power to fly,
545
00:32:27,320 --> 00:32:30,110
or to transform herself into
a girl or woman of any age.
546
00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:32,370
Men and boys are helpless against her.
547
00:32:33,243 --> 00:32:34,913
Men and boys.
548
00:32:35,036 --> 00:32:37,576
-Yeah,
I’ve seen that legend in several cultures.
549
00:32:37,706 --> 00:32:39,286
-But the thing is, she can only survive
550
00:32:39,416 --> 00:32:40,876
by soaking in the blood of a living male
551
00:32:41,001 --> 00:32:42,591
in the light of a blood moon.
552
00:32:42,711 --> 00:32:45,961
The blood moon recharges her
until the next one comes along.
553
00:32:46,965 --> 00:32:49,625
-Oh, dear. Those missing teenagers.
554
00:32:50,260 --> 00:32:53,390
-Tonight is a blood moon.
The first in years.
555
00:32:54,848 --> 00:32:56,388
-We need to warn Luke.
556
00:32:57,767 --> 00:32:59,767
-Guess what they call her in Hungary?
557
00:33:00,729 --> 00:33:02,519
Boszorkány.
558
00:33:02,647 --> 00:33:04,317
-Bozer.
559
00:33:04,441 --> 00:33:06,281
-Close enough.
560
00:33:15,118 --> 00:33:16,578
They really shouldn’t
play Walking On Sunshine
561
00:33:16,703 --> 00:33:17,953
when you’re on hold with 9-1-1.
562
00:33:18,079 --> 00:33:19,619
-Try Luke again.
563
00:33:37,349 --> 00:33:38,889
-Come in for a nightcap.
564
00:33:41,811 --> 00:33:43,731
-I’d love to.
565
00:34:14,344 --> 00:34:15,854
-It’s Kékfrankos .
566
00:34:16,680 --> 00:34:18,180
From Hungary.
567
00:34:29,651 --> 00:34:31,191
-Mm.
568
00:34:32,028 --> 00:34:33,648
Spicy.
569
00:34:33,780 --> 00:34:35,320
You have no idea.
570
00:34:38,868 --> 00:34:40,698
You know,
571
00:34:40,829 --> 00:34:43,659
I’m very choosy about men, Luke.
572
00:34:45,750 --> 00:34:47,340
Boys, on the other hand.
573
00:34:47,460 --> 00:34:49,050
On the other hand.
574
00:34:49,629 --> 00:34:51,459
Boys are a dime a dozen.
575
00:34:51,590 --> 00:34:53,130
Dime a dozen.
576
00:34:53,717 --> 00:34:55,127
Boys are like wine
577
00:34:55,260 --> 00:34:57,140
that just went into the barrel.
578
00:34:57,262 --> 00:34:58,852
Just went into the barrel.
579
00:34:58,972 --> 00:35:00,682
They haven’t become complex...
580
00:35:00,807 --> 00:35:03,387
complex, or interesting.
581
00:35:03,518 --> 00:35:06,808
They’re just an amalgam of chemicals...
582
00:35:09,399 --> 00:35:10,979
Hormones...
583
00:35:12,319 --> 00:35:13,859
testosterone.
584
00:35:14,738 --> 00:35:18,568
Boys are only good for two things:
585
00:35:19,909 --> 00:35:21,489
Keeping me young...
586
00:35:22,746 --> 00:35:25,326
and becoming men like you.
587
00:35:26,249 --> 00:35:28,709
Come.
588
00:35:52,817 --> 00:35:54,437
-You know breaking and entering is a crime.
589
00:35:54,569 --> 00:35:56,279
-Heavens, yes! A very serious crime.
590
00:35:56,404 --> 00:35:57,954
-Glad that’s on your radar.
591
00:36:30,897 --> 00:36:32,897
-Luke!?
592
00:36:38,988 --> 00:36:40,818
- Luke?
- Hm...
593
00:36:41,658 --> 00:36:43,238
She needs the moonlight.
594
00:36:43,368 --> 00:36:45,448
Block the moonlight
595
00:36:53,169 --> 00:36:56,089
-Auggie! Snap out of it. Luke! Help Luke!
596
00:37:14,524 --> 00:37:16,324
I’m waiting for you.
597
00:37:17,193 --> 00:37:18,863
Keep waiting, Boszorkány.
598
00:37:29,789 --> 00:37:31,369
Let’s get you out of here.
599
00:37:32,125 --> 00:37:33,635
Where am I?
600
00:37:35,503 --> 00:37:37,053
What’s-what’s going on?
601
00:37:38,381 --> 00:37:40,631
Oh.
602
00:38:06,826 --> 00:38:08,326
-Yeah.
603
00:38:09,454 --> 00:38:11,004
-I gotta be honest, big guy...
604
00:38:11,664 --> 00:38:13,214
she’s kinda old for you.
605
00:38:14,167 --> 00:38:15,707
-Redheads.
606
00:38:39,108 --> 00:38:42,238
-Foot spray, spilt beer.
607
00:38:42,362 --> 00:38:43,902
Smells like...
608
00:38:45,281 --> 00:38:47,121
victory.
609
00:38:50,954 --> 00:38:53,294
-Uh, let me know when Susan gets here.
610
00:38:54,916 --> 00:38:57,956
-Ha-ha, hi.
-There she is!
611
00:38:58,086 --> 00:38:59,586
My only very slightly younger
612
00:38:59,712 --> 00:39:03,092
but not even a little
more attractive sister.
613
00:39:03,216 --> 00:39:05,176
-Uh-huh.
-Get her a drink!
614
00:39:06,469 --> 00:39:08,549
-I will tell you when to stop pouring.
615
00:39:08,680 --> 00:39:10,890
Thank you.
616
00:39:15,019 --> 00:39:16,899
Um...
617
00:39:17,021 --> 00:39:19,191
Uh, what is this?
618
00:39:19,315 --> 00:39:20,935
-White wine shandy.
619
00:39:22,694 --> 00:39:25,364
We add elderflower liqueur to it.
620
00:39:25,488 --> 00:39:28,158
It’s the official drink of the
"Listed Sisters"!
621
00:39:28,908 --> 00:39:30,408
It’s our organized group
622
00:39:30,535 --> 00:39:33,125
of powerful female real estate agents
623
00:39:33,246 --> 00:39:36,366
that aren’t at all sad,
or trying too hard.
624
00:39:37,959 --> 00:39:39,709
-Sign me up.
-Ah.
625
00:39:39,836 --> 00:39:43,126
-Zooey, I love your nails!
Where do you get them done?
626
00:39:43,256 --> 00:39:45,626
-I, uh... do them myself. Um...
627
00:39:45,758 --> 00:39:48,088
-I’ve always wanted
to get my helix pierced
628
00:39:48,219 --> 00:39:50,259
but I’m too scared.
629
00:39:50,889 --> 00:39:53,389
-Ladies, ladies, relax. You’ll all have
630
00:39:53,516 --> 00:39:54,976
your "Zooey time."
631
00:39:55,101 --> 00:39:57,901
After all, she’s one of us.
632
00:39:58,021 --> 00:40:01,691
- One of us.
- One of us. One of us.
633
00:40:01,816 --> 00:40:03,476
One of us.
634
00:40:03,610 --> 00:40:05,070
One of us.
635
00:40:05,194 --> 00:40:07,454
One of us. One of us.
636
00:40:07,572 --> 00:40:10,622
One of us. One of us.
637
00:40:10,742 --> 00:40:14,252
-No! Nooooo!
638
00:40:18,666 --> 00:40:20,496
Huh.
639
00:40:21,878 --> 00:40:23,548
-Oh-ho-ho...
640
00:40:25,840 --> 00:40:27,800
Luke.
641
00:40:27,926 --> 00:40:29,466
Greg.
642
00:40:34,933 --> 00:40:37,063
-Nice to see you again.
-You as well.
643
00:40:40,939 --> 00:40:42,609
-Wah, wah.
644
00:40:42,732 --> 00:40:44,282
-Anywho...
645
00:40:47,570 --> 00:40:49,820
-Are you okay?
-You get my messages?
646
00:40:49,948 --> 00:40:51,448
-I did! That’s great! You took a client
647
00:40:51,574 --> 00:40:53,284
that I never thought
would amount to anything
648
00:40:53,409 --> 00:40:54,789
and you sold ’em a house!
649
00:40:54,911 --> 00:40:56,541
-A Rita house.
-A Rita house
650
00:40:56,663 --> 00:40:58,333
that we’re still going
to make half commission on!
651
00:40:58,456 --> 00:41:01,416
From zero to payday. I am so proud of you.
652
00:41:02,001 --> 00:41:03,751
-And all it cost was my soul.
653
00:41:04,837 --> 00:41:08,467
-It is a sale that us
grownups make every day.
654
00:41:08,883 --> 00:41:10,343
You did good.
655
00:41:10,468 --> 00:41:11,928
Oh, and hey...
656
00:41:12,053 --> 00:41:13,683
you are going to love this.
657
00:41:14,472 --> 00:41:16,722
I told Erik Toft that the
property he wanted to buy
658
00:41:16,849 --> 00:41:19,269
was the site of horrific
murders and bloodletting.
659
00:41:19,394 --> 00:41:21,194
Full disclosure, you know.
660
00:41:21,312 --> 00:41:22,772
And guess what he says...
661
00:41:22,897 --> 00:41:24,607
No.
662
00:41:24,732 --> 00:41:27,822
-He says an ITF regulation tennis court
663
00:41:27,944 --> 00:41:30,534
is the only proper way
to honor their memory.
664
00:41:30,655 --> 00:41:32,875
So that sale is gonna happen, too.
665
00:41:32,991 --> 00:41:34,661
-Wow.
-Oh.
666
00:41:36,160 --> 00:41:38,870
-Life is funny.
-You got that right.
667
00:41:44,293 --> 00:41:45,843
You seen Susan?
668
00:41:46,462 --> 00:41:48,132
This is her event!
669
00:41:49,340 --> 00:41:51,050
-Uh...
670
00:41:51,676 --> 00:41:53,216
No, actually.
671
00:41:58,725 --> 00:42:00,275
-I have to go.
672
00:42:00,852 --> 00:42:03,942
I planned the event.
People are counting on me.
673
00:42:04,063 --> 00:42:07,113
-I’ve enjoyed having you
here these past few days.
674
00:42:07,233 --> 00:42:08,653
We’ve bonded.
675
00:42:11,946 --> 00:42:13,406
-Unlock the door!
676
00:42:15,324 --> 00:42:16,874
Shut down security system.
677
00:42:17,535 --> 00:42:19,695
-We’ve bonded, Susan.
678
00:42:19,829 --> 00:42:22,249
-Unlock the door!
-Don’t go.
679
00:42:22,373 --> 00:42:23,873
-House! Shut down--
680
00:42:27,628 --> 00:42:29,298
House! Let me out!
47916
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