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1
00:00:01,535 --> 00:00:03,471
You're only going to take
off a quarter-inch on the sides,
2
00:00:03,504 --> 00:00:05,306
leave the top
and just clean up the back.
3
00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:07,708
LOIS:
Reese, I've done this
a million times.
4
00:00:07,741 --> 00:00:09,810
(grunts)
5
00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:11,745
Mom, look.
I just ripped
6
00:00:11,779 --> 00:00:13,047
my brand-new shirt
7
00:00:13,081 --> 00:00:14,482
sneaking into the reservoir--
8
00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:16,917
that place you clearly
ordered me never to go.
9
00:00:16,950 --> 00:00:18,986
I don't know why
I do these things
10
00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:20,521
that are so
infuriating to you,
11
00:00:20,554 --> 00:00:23,357
but the funny thing is,
I don't even care.
12
00:00:23,391 --> 00:00:25,393
Damn it, Dewey,
go to your room!
13
00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:28,429
Let's get this
over with!
14
00:00:28,462 --> 00:00:31,932
No, Mom! Count to ten!
Count to ten!
15
00:00:31,965 --> 00:00:35,569
♪ Life is unfair.
16
00:00:37,605 --> 00:00:39,006
Tomorrow's Thanksgiving.
17
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,541
I'll tell you
what I'm thankful for.
18
00:00:40,574 --> 00:00:43,511
I finally made friends
with some normal kids at school.
19
00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:44,912
Normal kids.
20
00:00:44,945 --> 00:00:46,514
We've been hanging out here
all afternoon,
21
00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:48,382
and nobody's mentioned
grass allergies
22
00:00:48,416 --> 00:00:49,550
or pollen count.
23
00:00:49,583 --> 00:00:52,253
Malcolm, I never noticed
what nice eyes you have.
24
00:00:52,286 --> 00:00:53,954
Really?
Kirsten Stuart.
25
00:00:53,987 --> 00:00:56,224
I think she likes me,
but I can never be sure.
26
00:00:56,257 --> 00:00:57,758
Yeah, I guess
I was distracted
27
00:00:57,791 --> 00:01:00,027
by your freakishly large head.
28
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:02,763
Mostly 'cause of stuff
like that.
29
00:01:02,796 --> 00:01:04,098
Hey, guys, I've got to go.
30
00:01:04,132 --> 00:01:06,234
Hey, party at my house,
Thanksgiving.
31
00:01:06,267 --> 00:01:08,436
Three cases of beer. No one's
leaving till their gone.
32
00:01:08,469 --> 00:01:09,803
Your parents are out of town?
33
00:01:09,837 --> 00:01:10,971
No.
34
00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:13,741
Oh, sweet. Yeah, of course.
35
00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:18,179
Cute butt.
36
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:21,382
Why'd you have
to spoil it?
37
00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:23,284
I know what she's trying to do.
38
00:01:23,317 --> 00:01:25,453
She's trying to confuse me,
throw me off balance.
39
00:01:25,486 --> 00:01:27,588
But you know what?
It's not going...
40
00:01:33,827 --> 00:01:35,163
Reese!
41
00:01:35,196 --> 00:01:36,664
Grab an apron.
42
00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:38,899
It's 6:30 in the morning.
43
00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:40,234
Yes, I know.
44
00:01:40,268 --> 00:01:41,735
That means
I have exactly 12 hours left
45
00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:44,104
to create the most
fantastic Thanksgiving feast
46
00:01:44,138 --> 00:01:45,839
in the history
of Thanksgiving feasts.
47
00:01:45,873 --> 00:01:47,107
What's with the sheets?
48
00:01:47,141 --> 00:01:48,342
I can't cook with
distractions.
49
00:01:48,376 --> 00:01:49,610
I don't think that's...
50
00:01:49,643 --> 00:01:51,078
Dad, remember
the chocolate soufflé
51
00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:52,680
I made for Thanksgiving
two years ago?
52
00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:54,081
Oh, yeah. That was...
53
00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:55,616
Rat puke compared to
what I have planned!
54
00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:57,751
The crepes I made
last Thanksgiving?
55
00:01:57,785 --> 00:01:59,119
Ooh, they were...
56
00:01:59,153 --> 00:02:01,522
Crap next to what
we're having tonight!
57
00:02:01,555 --> 00:02:03,524
Don't think of
this as a meal.
58
00:02:03,557 --> 00:02:06,126
This is going to be like
eating the Mona Lisa.
59
00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:09,297
Reese, I hardly think
you can comp...
60
00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:11,599
Oh, my God.
61
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:13,000
What do you need?
62
00:02:13,033 --> 00:02:14,502
Your mindless,
robot-like obedience
63
00:02:14,535 --> 00:02:16,537
to every demand I make--
no matter how small.
64
00:02:16,570 --> 00:02:18,939
Plus, we get to eat anything
that falls on the floor.
65
00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:20,541
Ooh!
66
00:02:20,574 --> 00:02:22,843
I'm going over to Dylan's.
I'll be back by dinner.
67
00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:24,645
Dylan-- whom I've never met
because you're afraid
68
00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:26,847
to have me find out what a
bad choice he is as a friend?
69
00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:29,283
He's okay, Mom. There's going to
be other kids from school there.
70
00:02:29,317 --> 00:02:31,285
It's sort of like a party.
I really want to go.
71
00:02:31,319 --> 00:02:33,821
Well, your family is having
sort of like a party, too.
72
00:02:33,854 --> 00:02:36,156
It's called Thanksgiving.
Now, it's true we're
73
00:02:36,190 --> 00:02:38,226
not a bunch of friends
you just met last week.
74
00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:39,993
We're only the people
who have sacrificed our lives
75
00:02:40,027 --> 00:02:41,562
for years
so that you could have a home.
76
00:02:41,595 --> 00:02:43,664
I'll only be gone
a couple hours, okay?
77
00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:45,899
You mean like the couple
of hours you were jammed
78
00:02:45,933 --> 00:02:48,969
half-in and half-out of me
when you were being born?
79
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,239
Half an hour?
I just don't understand
80
00:02:51,272 --> 00:02:53,641
what is so horrible
about our family.
81
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,042
Yes, she does.
82
00:02:55,075 --> 00:02:57,311
I mean, why on earth
would you prefer
83
00:02:57,345 --> 00:02:58,679
to be somewhere else
84
00:02:58,712 --> 00:02:59,847
for Thanksgiving?
85
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:01,315
I love her!
86
00:03:01,349 --> 00:03:03,884
And if the two of you
are too dead inside
87
00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:06,920
to understand what that means,
then I just pity you.
88
00:03:08,722 --> 00:03:13,060
(voice breaking):
No, no, Dad, I understand.
89
00:03:13,093 --> 00:03:16,564
When you get a new toothbrush
and you want to break it in...
90
00:03:22,236 --> 00:03:24,272
Go ahead and say it, Lois.
91
00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:27,708
Well, happy Thanksgiving.
92
00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:30,077
I'll just go over there
and tell them I'm not coming.
93
00:03:30,110 --> 00:03:31,211
Do whatever you want.
94
00:03:31,245 --> 00:03:32,680
Even though your
brother has
95
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,915
traveled hundreds
of miles with her.
96
00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:37,017
Piama.
I know her name.
97
00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:38,686
Your family is going to be here,
98
00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:41,121
and we are going
to have a lovely Thanksgiving.
99
00:03:41,154 --> 00:03:42,856
FRANCIS:
I will not keep
my voice down!
100
00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:44,558
What, you think they won't know
in, like, five minutes
101
00:03:44,592 --> 00:03:46,026
that we're getting a divorce?!
102
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:48,095
Sorry, we're having
some problems.
103
00:03:48,128 --> 00:03:49,363
Having some problems?
104
00:03:49,397 --> 00:03:51,198
Is that what you
call finding out
105
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:53,701
that all the love that
we shared was a lie?!
106
00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:54,902
Hi, Mom.
107
00:03:57,305 --> 00:04:00,207
Malcolm, you better go
get your father.
108
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,242
Malcolm!
109
00:04:03,344 --> 00:04:04,712
This party's pretty cool.
110
00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:05,946
And, you know,
111
00:04:05,979 --> 00:04:07,415
I think I've figured
Kirsten out.
112
00:04:07,448 --> 00:04:09,983
It's more of a friend-brother
kind of thing.
113
00:04:10,017 --> 00:04:12,620
It's not really sexual.
114
00:04:15,022 --> 00:04:16,156
Then again...
115
00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:17,591
Beer man.
116
00:04:17,625 --> 00:04:20,428
My stepdad drinks so much,
he never counts it.
117
00:04:20,961 --> 00:04:21,962
Malcolm?
118
00:04:21,995 --> 00:04:23,263
Yeah, sure.
119
00:04:23,297 --> 00:04:26,266
Yeah, sure.
120
00:04:28,436 --> 00:04:30,804
Hey, guys, how's it going?
121
00:04:30,838 --> 00:04:33,741
I need something to warm up
that Arctic wind
122
00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:35,309
she's blowing up there.
123
00:04:35,343 --> 00:04:37,010
No offense to your mother.
124
00:04:37,044 --> 00:04:38,245
I love her very much.
125
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:39,913
It's cool, Art.
126
00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:41,315
All right. You kids have fun.
127
00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:45,085
Somebody drop a beer?
128
00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:46,086
(laughter)
129
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:47,154
Sorry.
130
00:04:47,187 --> 00:04:48,422
My parents are
a little less casual
131
00:04:48,456 --> 00:04:49,790
about the whole beer thing.
132
00:04:53,394 --> 00:04:55,763
I bet you kiss
like a nine-year-old.
133
00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,665
What?
134
00:04:57,698 --> 00:04:58,932
What?
135
00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:01,268
Okay, this one I do know
what she was doing.
136
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:02,770
It was a total come-on.
137
00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:04,972
I'll show her
how a nine-year-old can kiss.
138
00:05:08,542 --> 00:05:10,310
Hey.
139
00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:21,355
FRANCIS:
Don't tell me not to cry!
140
00:05:21,389 --> 00:05:23,056
Maybe my tears
will make an ocean
141
00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:25,125
and you can sail off
on a boat
142
00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:27,060
to a new life without me!
143
00:05:27,094 --> 00:05:29,329
How did this happen?
It's terrible.
144
00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:31,699
What's that look, Hal?
145
00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:33,401
Come on, Lois.
You've been trying
146
00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:35,569
to undercut this relationship
from the start.
147
00:05:35,603 --> 00:05:37,505
And now all of a sudden,
they're getting a divorce
148
00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:38,972
and you had nothing
to do with it?
149
00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:41,709
Please. You really think
I have that much power
150
00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:44,311
to orchestrate people's lives
besides yours?
151
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,079
All I know is that
our son is talking
152
00:05:46,113 --> 00:05:47,247
about ending his marriage--
153
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:48,816
a marriage which
you never supported.
154
00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:50,818
Hal, that's ridiculous.
Fine, fine.
155
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:52,753
You want me to go
talk to Francis?
156
00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:54,354
Yes. No!
157
00:05:54,388 --> 00:05:56,824
No, no, no, no, no, no.
158
00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:59,860
This is some way for you
to try to work out your agenda.
159
00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:02,095
Fine. I will not say
a word to either one of 'em.
160
00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:03,230
Good.
161
00:06:03,263 --> 00:06:06,366
Wait.
You won't say anything,
162
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:08,101
which means you're just
going to let
163
00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:09,603
this whole thing
fall apart.
164
00:06:09,637 --> 00:06:11,505
Oh, I see your game, Lois.
165
00:06:11,539 --> 00:06:13,507
Hal, what is it
you want me to do?
166
00:06:13,541 --> 00:06:15,008
No, no, you are not dragging me
167
00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:17,344
into your little Machiavellian
schemes, thank you very much.
168
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:21,048
No, you spun these
tangled webs yourself, Lois.
169
00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:23,551
You get yourself out.
170
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:25,886
See?
171
00:06:25,919 --> 00:06:27,555
The real balsamic
has a smoother mouth feel.
172
00:06:27,588 --> 00:06:29,189
Good, you're back.
173
00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:31,024
I'm going to start prepping
the herbs de Provence
174
00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:32,359
and sautéing the mushrooms.
175
00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:34,127
I need you to scrub these
pots and pans again.
176
00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:35,095
What?
177
00:06:35,128 --> 00:06:37,097
No, I just finished those.
178
00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:38,699
Dad, look at this.
179
00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:41,401
The stubborn patina
of tuna casserole,
180
00:06:41,435 --> 00:06:43,103
or enchilada loaf,
181
00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:44,738
or whatever in God's name
182
00:06:44,772 --> 00:06:47,441
this greasy spoon churns out
night after soul-killing night.
183
00:06:47,475 --> 00:06:48,576
But not tonight.
184
00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:51,545
Tonight we go
for greatness.
185
00:06:51,579 --> 00:06:52,780
Are you with me, Dad?
186
00:06:52,813 --> 00:06:53,647
No!
187
00:06:53,681 --> 00:06:55,483
This pot is clean enough, Reese.
188
00:06:55,516 --> 00:06:57,117
No one will taste this.
189
00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:58,752
All right, then.
190
00:06:58,786 --> 00:07:01,021
I guess no one will
ever taste this!
191
00:07:05,192 --> 00:07:07,695
Oh, my God.
192
00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:13,100
Dewey, I need you to
do something for me.
193
00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:14,134
No. No more.
194
00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:15,335
I'm sick of this.
195
00:07:15,368 --> 00:07:16,737
If I have to sculpt
another radish
196
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:18,138
or de-vein another prawn...
197
00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:20,240
Dewey, do you trust me?
198
00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:22,976
No.
Do you fear me?
199
00:07:23,010 --> 00:07:24,578
No. Not in the long run.
200
00:07:24,612 --> 00:07:25,779
Come on, Dewey.
201
00:07:25,813 --> 00:07:27,581
It's just a couple
of things I need
202
00:07:27,615 --> 00:07:29,483
that I couldn't get
Dad to spring for.
203
00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:31,752
So here's $80 from
Dad's wallet.
204
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:34,321
The items on this
list cost $240,
205
00:07:34,354 --> 00:07:36,590
so you'll have to
turn on the cute.
206
00:07:36,624 --> 00:07:38,091
Can you handle it?
207
00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:39,960
I keep whatever's left over?
208
00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:40,994
Deal.
209
00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:46,466
Mom, can I talk to you?
210
00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:47,467
No, honey, please.
211
00:07:47,501 --> 00:07:49,002
Don't talk to me about this.
212
00:07:49,036 --> 00:07:50,771
No matter what I say,
I'm going to be blamed.
213
00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:53,173
This is for you to work
out with that woman.
214
00:07:53,206 --> 00:07:55,008
Piama.
I know her name.
215
00:07:55,042 --> 00:07:56,644
Could you just listen
to me for a second?
216
00:07:56,677 --> 00:08:00,614
If Piama and I ever were
to get a divorce...
217
00:08:00,648 --> 00:08:02,115
Francis, don't even
talk like that.
218
00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:03,150
I mean it.
219
00:08:03,183 --> 00:08:04,652
You really shouldn't.
220
00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:09,690
What were you going to say?
221
00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:13,293
If we ever were to split up,
could I stay here for a while?
222
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:16,830
God, Francis, I hate to
even think of such a thing.
223
00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:22,670
But, yes, if such a terrible
thing were to happen,
224
00:08:22,703 --> 00:08:24,805
of course, we'd
be here for you.
225
00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:26,974
Thanks, Mom.
I mean, it was
226
00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:29,476
a stupid fight, I guess,
but it was emblematic
227
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:31,679
of everything that was bad
with the relationship.
228
00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:33,714
I mean, there are principles.
Principles are important.
229
00:08:33,746 --> 00:08:36,316
I know. I mean, so what
if I'd had a couple beers?
230
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:41,354
How does it look in front of
the guys if the woman's driving?
231
00:08:41,388 --> 00:08:42,722
What?
232
00:08:42,756 --> 00:08:44,491
She didn't care
about my feelings at all.
233
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:45,893
What?!
234
00:08:45,926 --> 00:08:47,494
What?
235
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,663
Of all the idiotic,
asinine things
236
00:08:49,697 --> 00:08:51,064
you have ever said, Francis,
237
00:08:51,098 --> 00:08:53,100
this has got to be
one of the worst!
238
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:54,167
I thought you were on my side.
239
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:55,836
You don't have a side!
240
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:58,171
Now, you are going to go and
apologize to that woman.
241
00:08:58,205 --> 00:09:00,373
You are going to tell
her that you are wrong
242
00:09:00,407 --> 00:09:02,075
and she is absolutely
blameless.
243
00:09:02,109 --> 00:09:03,076
You really...?
Go!
244
00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:04,778
Okay, okay.
245
00:09:07,715 --> 00:09:11,218
Yes, he is an idiot.
246
00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:14,187
Okay, Dad, get the bird.
247
00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:15,222
Here.
248
00:09:16,724 --> 00:09:18,626
What, this is
the turkey you got?
249
00:09:18,659 --> 00:09:21,194
It's perfect.
It's really small.
250
00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:22,696
Well, if it were
any bigger,
251
00:09:22,730 --> 00:09:26,566
it wouldn't be able
to fit inside of this!
252
00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:30,370
What? Y-You're going
to put our dinner
253
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:32,439
inside that monster?
254
00:09:32,472 --> 00:09:33,907
It's a monkfish.
255
00:09:33,941 --> 00:09:37,144
The juices of the monkfish
will baste the turkey.
256
00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:39,980
The flavor from the turkey
will saturate the fish,
257
00:09:40,013 --> 00:09:42,149
both melding into
one fantastic dish.
258
00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:44,584
Reese, this doesn't seem
like a good idea.
259
00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:47,054
I don't know, Dad.
Maybe you're right.
260
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:50,624
Maybe I have no idea
what I'm talking about.
261
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:55,562
Oh! Mmm!
262
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:57,731
You know,
that really shouldn't work.
263
00:09:57,765 --> 00:09:59,599
Listen, my ugly beauty.
264
00:09:59,633 --> 00:10:01,969
Yesterday you
were sucking scum
265
00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:03,971
off the bottom
of the sea.
266
00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:07,007
Tonight you're going to
tango with the gods.
267
00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:12,846
Yes, master, I will be
delicious for you.
268
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:17,985
Okay, things have definitely
been going better.
269
00:10:18,018 --> 00:10:21,088
I'm absolutely more or less sure
she might like me...
270
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:22,756
I think.
271
00:10:22,790 --> 00:10:26,193
Looks like you're behind
the proverbial eight ball.
272
00:10:26,226 --> 00:10:28,261
Oh, geez, "proverbial?"
273
00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:29,997
Maybe she didn't notice.
274
00:10:30,030 --> 00:10:31,832
Malcolm, can you
hand me the chalk?
275
00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:35,002
It's right there next
to the proverbial cheese dip.
276
00:10:35,035 --> 00:10:35,869
Okay, okay.
277
00:10:35,903 --> 00:10:37,270
I know it was
a little stilted.
278
00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:39,139
No, I thought it was right
on the proverbial money.
279
00:10:39,172 --> 00:10:42,142
All right.
Sorry. Did I hit
the proverbial sore spot?
280
00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:44,344
You know, you may think
that's flirting, but it's not.
281
00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:45,779
It's just hostility.
282
00:10:45,813 --> 00:10:49,850
No, I-I'm pretty sure
it's flirting.
283
00:10:49,883 --> 00:10:51,151
Really?
284
00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:54,822
I guess I'm not as good
at this as I thought.
285
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:02,195
Before we're old?
286
00:11:09,036 --> 00:11:10,871
Son, these truffles
are really expensive.
287
00:11:10,904 --> 00:11:13,306
And if you lost your money,
it's really not my problem.
288
00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:14,808
But... (coughs)
289
00:11:14,842 --> 00:11:16,509
...they told me
to get truffles.
290
00:11:16,543 --> 00:11:19,012
I don't know
why, but...
291
00:11:19,046 --> 00:11:20,547
(coughing)
292
00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:22,649
...my parents tell me
this is going to be
293
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:25,218
a very special Thanksgiving.
294
00:11:25,252 --> 00:11:27,988
(choking up):
My boss is a jackass anyway.
295
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:30,991
Thank... (coughs) ...you.
296
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:33,060
(hacking)
297
00:11:35,963 --> 00:11:37,664
I saw you talking
to Francis, Lois.
298
00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:39,399
You couldn't stay out
of it, could you?
299
00:11:39,432 --> 00:11:41,201
You had to
drive a wedge.
300
00:11:41,234 --> 00:11:43,070
Hal, I told him
that Piama was right
301
00:11:43,103 --> 00:11:45,205
and that he has
to apologize to her.
302
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:48,075
Okay.
303
00:11:48,108 --> 00:11:50,343
I'm not smart enough
to figure out what you're up to,
304
00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:54,714
but when something bad
happens, I am blaming you.
305
00:11:57,417 --> 00:11:59,286
Dad, what are these?
306
00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:00,520
Minced onions.
307
00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:02,289
Minced?
I specifically
308
00:12:02,322 --> 00:12:03,556
asked for diced!
309
00:12:03,590 --> 00:12:04,858
Come on, Dad!
310
00:12:04,892 --> 00:12:06,526
Don't take that tone
with me, Reese.
311
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:07,627
This isn't fun.
312
00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:10,063
Fun? No, Dewey,
this is not fun.
313
00:12:10,097 --> 00:12:11,865
Neither one of you
seems to understand.
314
00:12:11,899 --> 00:12:13,433
We are not playing games here.
315
00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:14,868
There are lives at stake.
316
00:12:14,902 --> 00:12:15,936
No, there aren't.
317
00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:17,905
Okay, but it's very important.
318
00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:20,974
We're creating something
special, something great...
319
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:22,876
...something beautiful.
320
00:12:22,910 --> 00:12:24,711
Why is my wallet
in my other pocket?
321
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:25,879
Can we stay focused, Dad?
322
00:12:25,913 --> 00:12:28,248
There was $80 in here.
323
00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:29,482
REESE:
I had to!
324
00:12:29,516 --> 00:12:30,918
The cheese course was a joke.
325
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:33,053
Reese, you are
in big trouble.
326
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:35,722
And you know what?
I have had it with this.
327
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,624
I'm through!
328
00:12:37,657 --> 00:12:39,426
With the helping part.
329
00:12:39,459 --> 00:12:41,061
I'm still doing
the eating part.
330
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,229
Fine, go.
331
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:44,397
I don't need you.
I still have Dewey.
332
00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:48,268
He's twice the assistant
entremetier that you'll ever be!
333
00:12:54,808 --> 00:12:56,409
Why haven't
you talked to her yet?
334
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:58,478
She won't let me.
Every time I go near her,
335
00:12:58,511 --> 00:13:00,280
she walks out of the room.
336
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:08,188
Piama... I know
337
00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:10,157
that you and I have
had our differences...
338
00:13:10,190 --> 00:13:12,759
Oh, you mean the cold,
uncomfortable silences
339
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:15,095
broken by the occasional
veiled insult?
340
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:17,330
I'm not sure I would
have put it like that.
341
00:13:17,364 --> 00:13:19,332
Look.
342
00:13:19,366 --> 00:13:21,268
Here's what I want to say.
343
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:22,769
I believe in marriage.
344
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:24,938
I believe in every marriage.
345
00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:27,640
And I think if you just
listen to Francis,
346
00:13:27,674 --> 00:13:29,242
you'll like
what you hear.
347
00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:33,613
Fine.
348
00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:35,182
Francis.
349
00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:42,923
I'll just leave
you two to talk.
350
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,360
LOIS:
You know what?
351
00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:50,230
I didn't want to butt in,
but I'm glad I did.
352
00:13:50,263 --> 00:13:52,299
What did you do, Lois?
I talked to Piama.
353
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:53,700
At least she seemed
interested in listening
354
00:13:53,733 --> 00:13:55,368
to what Francis had to say.
355
00:13:55,402 --> 00:13:57,570
He's going to tell her exactly
what I told him to say.
356
00:13:57,604 --> 00:13:59,706
What business is it of yours
357
00:13:59,739 --> 00:14:01,374
if I don't want to wear
thong underpants?
358
00:14:01,408 --> 00:14:02,475
What?
359
00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:03,510
Piama, I didn't get to finish.
360
00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:05,045
See what happens, Lois?
361
00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:07,580
I don't care what shape
we cut the mushrooms! I quit!
362
00:14:07,614 --> 00:14:09,917
This is why you're always
going to be a little man
363
00:14:09,950 --> 00:14:11,318
living in a little world!
364
00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:12,986
I don't need you!
I don't need anyone!
365
00:14:13,020 --> 00:14:17,490
(all talking over each other)
366
00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:20,593
FRANCIS:
This is the worst
Thanksgiving ever!
367
00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:27,000
This is the best
Thanksgiving ever.
368
00:14:27,034 --> 00:14:30,370
I'm going to memorize this
moment so I never forget it.
369
00:14:35,976 --> 00:14:39,112
This is the best
Thanksgiving ever.
370
00:14:39,146 --> 00:14:43,316
I'm going to memorize this
moment so I never forget it.
371
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:46,286
Where is everybody?
372
00:14:46,319 --> 00:14:48,188
Fireworks?
373
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:49,756
Bastards.
374
00:14:49,789 --> 00:14:51,758
No one came and got us.
375
00:14:51,791 --> 00:14:53,160
Well, the hell with them.
376
00:14:56,796 --> 00:14:57,998
(giggles)
377
00:14:58,598 --> 00:15:00,700
Let me do the talking.
378
00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:03,103
Good evening to you, sir.
379
00:15:03,136 --> 00:15:03,903
Oh, hi.
380
00:15:03,937 --> 00:15:05,038
Where is everyone?
381
00:15:05,072 --> 00:15:07,474
Studying. Probably.
382
00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:08,641
That would be my guess.
383
00:15:08,675 --> 00:15:10,143
What, is he asleep?
384
00:15:10,177 --> 00:15:12,045
I think he ate
too much turkey.
385
00:15:12,079 --> 00:15:14,047
All that kryptonite...
386
00:15:14,081 --> 00:15:15,215
There's pie upstairs.
387
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:16,083
Thank you.
388
00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:17,750
That's a very generous offer.
389
00:15:17,784 --> 00:15:19,119
I know the pilgrims,
390
00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:21,388
you know, facing that
first bitter cold winter,
391
00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:23,423
Malcolm, he's gone.
really would have
392
00:15:23,456 --> 00:15:26,259
appreciated a little bit
of pie. That might... Ow!
393
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:34,434
I think I'm getting better
at reading her signals.
394
00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:43,176
(snorts, snores)
395
00:15:47,714 --> 00:15:49,249
Are you okay?
396
00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:52,619
(giggling)
397
00:15:52,652 --> 00:15:55,455
♪ I'm back.
398
00:15:56,456 --> 00:16:02,329
Come on... let's do it.
399
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:08,701
You gonna?
400
00:16:08,735 --> 00:16:10,403
I got to go.
401
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:17,544
My brother will kick
your ass if you tell.
402
00:16:23,150 --> 00:16:24,951
What is all
this stuff?
403
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,553
Piama, good, I need you.
404
00:16:26,586 --> 00:16:28,188
Here, stir this pot.
405
00:16:28,221 --> 00:16:30,123
All right, all right.
406
00:16:30,157 --> 00:16:32,359
I just have to stuff
the acorn squash rings
407
00:16:32,392 --> 00:16:34,194
with roasted pepper
and polenta,
408
00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:36,029
sear the scallops with...
409
00:16:36,063 --> 00:16:37,730
(buzzer buzzing)
410
00:16:37,764 --> 00:16:38,865
The monkfish!
411
00:16:38,898 --> 00:16:40,700
Where are the oven mitts?!
412
00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:41,801
You want me
to look?
413
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:43,303
No, keep stirring.
414
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:46,239
No place mats, no tea towels...
I need something.
415
00:16:46,273 --> 00:16:47,974
I'll get a towel
from the bathroom.
416
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:49,242
No, there's not enough time!
417
00:16:49,276 --> 00:16:51,478
It has to come out
at exactly 5:38.
418
00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:53,546
Not 5:37, not 5:39.
419
00:16:53,580 --> 00:16:54,747
What are you
going to do?
420
00:16:54,781 --> 00:16:57,517
There's only one thing I can do.
421
00:16:58,685 --> 00:16:59,652
Reese, no!
422
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:00,687
Yes!
423
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:02,089
(screaming)
424
00:17:02,122 --> 00:17:03,656
Clear me a space!
425
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:04,656
Where?!
426
00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:06,593
Move the oven mitts!
427
00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:14,834
LOIS:
Where is Malcolm?
428
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:16,236
He knows he's
supposed to be here.
429
00:17:16,269 --> 00:17:17,436
This is Thanksgiving.
430
00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:18,671
Yeah...
431
00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:21,508
he certainly
wouldn't want to miss this.
432
00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:22,875
Well, I've done it.
433
00:17:22,909 --> 00:17:24,676
The feast is about to start.
434
00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:26,012
It's about time.
435
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:27,079
I'm not even hungry.
436
00:17:27,114 --> 00:17:28,415
Can I be excused?
437
00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:43,062
(quiet oohing)
438
00:17:43,096 --> 00:17:44,631
LOIS:
Oh, my...
439
00:17:44,664 --> 00:17:46,699
DEWEY:
Wow.
440
00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:49,169
Mmm...
441
00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:58,945
PIAMA:
Wow.
Oh!
442
00:17:58,978 --> 00:18:01,781
REESE:
The turkey monkfish.
443
00:18:01,814 --> 00:18:03,950
(laughter and applause)
444
00:18:03,983 --> 00:18:05,318
I'll say grace.
445
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:09,889
Thank you, Lord,
for giving me the talent
446
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:13,059
to express my love for my family
in the only way I know how.
447
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:14,761
Amen.
Amen.
448
00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:19,166
Hey, party people.
449
00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:21,067
Oh, my God,
you're drunk!
450
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:23,603
What on earth is wrong with you?
451
00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:27,574
I will tell you what is
wrong with me, on earth.
452
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:31,911
The reason why I drank
is because I'm a coward,
453
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:33,346
and probably gay.
454
00:18:33,380 --> 00:18:35,482
I let a perfect
opportunity
455
00:18:35,515 --> 00:18:37,284
just slip right through my
fingers, and, you know,
456
00:18:37,317 --> 00:18:38,985
I thought
I'd cap it off
457
00:18:39,018 --> 00:18:40,753
by getting
stinking drunk.
458
00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:44,023
What do you think of your
golden boy now, Mom?
459
00:18:44,056 --> 00:18:46,293
What "golden boy"?!
460
00:18:46,326 --> 00:18:47,327
Get in your room!
461
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:48,595
I'll deal with you later.
462
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,597
I will go to my room
463
00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:51,598
when I am finished
464
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:53,800
with what I have to say.
465
00:18:57,637 --> 00:18:58,938
(retching)
466
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:01,474
(groaning in disgust)
467
00:19:02,675 --> 00:19:04,211
Hey, come on.
468
00:19:04,244 --> 00:19:05,812
Some of the shrimp
is still good.
469
00:19:09,182 --> 00:19:12,118
I just left her there on
the floor and staggered home.
470
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:14,020
To shower us
with affection.
471
00:19:14,053 --> 00:19:15,655
Yeah.
472
00:19:15,688 --> 00:19:18,124
Well, it's nothing
to be ashamed of.
473
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:20,527
I mean, sure, the distance
wasn't much of a factor,
474
00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:22,195
but the volume was impressive.
475
00:19:22,229 --> 00:19:24,664
So you going to see
this girl again?
476
00:19:24,697 --> 00:19:25,898
Are you kidding?
477
00:19:25,932 --> 00:19:27,400
I can't believe it.
478
00:19:27,434 --> 00:19:30,737
We were alone.
She wanted to do it.
479
00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:32,339
I was right there.
480
00:19:32,372 --> 00:19:34,707
How could I have
chickened out?
481
00:19:34,741 --> 00:19:38,177
Dude, you didn't take
advantage of a drunk chick.
482
00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:41,047
Mom must be slipping.
483
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:44,651
All I got was no TV,
video games or computer.
484
00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:45,752
I have to clean all
485
00:19:45,785 --> 00:19:47,487
the kitchen and bathroom tile
with a toothbrush,
486
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,256
wash every window in the house
487
00:19:49,289 --> 00:19:52,492
and change Jamie's diaper
for the next six months, but...
488
00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:54,994
No, you got, like,
nine other things
489
00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:56,329
after you passed out.
490
00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:58,231
You have got
to do something, Lois.
491
00:19:58,265 --> 00:20:01,067
Piama just asked me for
a ride to the bus station.
492
00:20:01,100 --> 00:20:02,902
I thought you didn't
want me to interfere.
493
00:20:02,935 --> 00:20:05,605
Okay, I take back
everything I said.
494
00:20:05,638 --> 00:20:09,108
You can interfere as much
as you want-- just fix it!
495
00:20:09,141 --> 00:20:10,076
Well...
496
00:20:10,109 --> 00:20:11,444
I'm ready.
497
00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:17,450
Piama, there's just one
thing I want to say.
498
00:20:17,484 --> 00:20:19,752
I know that breaking
up is painful,
499
00:20:19,786 --> 00:20:22,855
but I think in the long run,
you'll find it's for the best.
500
00:20:22,889 --> 00:20:25,358
For the best?
Well, Francis,
let's be serious.
501
00:20:25,392 --> 00:20:27,394
This marriage never
had a chance.
502
00:20:27,427 --> 00:20:29,028
I just think
that you'll be
503
00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:31,631
better friends once
you're divorced.
504
00:20:31,664 --> 00:20:33,600
Who said we're
getting divorced?
505
00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:34,934
I love Francis!
506
00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:36,736
FRANCIS:
You can't stand to
see anyone happy,
507
00:20:36,769 --> 00:20:38,037
can you, Mom?
508
00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:39,138
Come on, honey,
509
00:20:39,171 --> 00:20:40,239
let's go get my things.
510
00:20:40,273 --> 00:20:41,741
They're out in the trash.
511
00:20:41,774 --> 00:20:42,942
Sorry, honey.
512
00:20:42,975 --> 00:20:45,378
That's okay, sweetie.
513
00:20:45,412 --> 00:20:48,047
Once again,
you've underestimated us.
514
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:49,316
We're not the little
515
00:20:49,349 --> 00:20:52,319
dancing monkeys
you thought we were.
516
00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:55,054
Thanks, honey.
36132
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