Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,112 --> 00:00:06,146
[grand orchestral
fanfare playing]
2
00:00:36,404 --> 00:00:38,442
[dogs barking]
3
00:00:51,123 --> 00:00:53,494
["Follow You" playing]
4
00:00:53,629 --> 00:00:55,657
[birds chirping]
5
00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:02,196
[dog] Today is gonna bethe best day ever.
6
00:01:02,332 --> 00:01:03,828
How do I know that?
7
00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:05,667
Because every dayis the best day ever.
8
00:01:06,401 --> 00:01:08,207
I love my life.
9
00:01:08,342 --> 00:01:11,140
I love sunshine,I love butterflies.
10
00:01:11,276 --> 00:01:13,246
But more than anything,
11
00:01:13,782 --> 00:01:16,342
I love Doug.
12
00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:17,847
Hey!
[barking]
13
00:01:18,083 --> 00:01:19,219
Shut the fuck up!
14
00:01:20,118 --> 00:01:21,850
Fucking piece of shit.
15
00:01:22,086 --> 00:01:25,451
[dog] That's Doug. Also knownas the best owner in the world.
16
00:01:25,587 --> 00:01:27,524
-[barks]
-[grunts]
17
00:01:27,660 --> 00:01:30,526
[dog] I still rememberthe first day we met.
18
00:01:30,661 --> 00:01:33,029
-She was too flirting with you.
-[dog barks]
19
00:01:33,164 --> 00:01:36,026
[gasps] Hey, babies!
20
00:01:36,162 --> 00:01:38,138
[dog] The secondDoug laid eyes on me,
21
00:01:38,274 --> 00:01:40,132
we knew we were meantto be together.
22
00:01:40,268 --> 00:01:42,068
Fuck.
23
00:01:42,204 --> 00:01:45,278
[dog] Ever since that day,he and I have been inseparable.
24
00:01:46,178 --> 00:01:48,047
Why is Doug so great?
25
00:01:48,182 --> 00:01:50,348
Where do I begin?
Get down.
26
00:01:50,484 --> 00:01:52,249
[dog] He loves beingaround me so much,
27
00:01:52,385 --> 00:01:53,649
he doesn't even have a job.
28
00:01:55,283 --> 00:01:57,718
Also, Doug doesn't get meboring dog toys.
29
00:01:57,853 --> 00:01:59,716
He lets me come upwith my own toys.
30
00:01:59,852 --> 00:02:01,326
Hi, Reggie.
What you got?
31
00:02:01,462 --> 00:02:02,526
[Reggie]
Like this stretchy thing.
32
00:02:03,558 --> 00:02:05,655
-What the fuck!
-Uh--
33
00:02:05,791 --> 00:02:06,932
Those aren't mine.
34
00:02:07,168 --> 00:02:08,897
There's a simple explanation.
35
00:02:09,133 --> 00:02:12,138
-This was supposed to be
a Christmas present.
-Doug, it's July.
36
00:02:12,274 --> 00:02:15,176
[Reggie] Sometimes I worryif I'm doing a good jobmaking Doug happy.
37
00:02:15,311 --> 00:02:16,903
-You don't get it.
-I'm done. Reggie.
38
00:02:17,138 --> 00:02:19,070
[Reggie] But then I realizedI do make Doug happy.
39
00:02:19,206 --> 00:02:21,573
What are you doing?
You don't even like the dog.
40
00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:23,183
I love this dog.
[kisses]
41
00:02:23,318 --> 00:02:24,779
[Reggie]
And that makes me happy.
42
00:02:24,915 --> 00:02:28,245
-[sighs]
-All that matters
is that you like him.
43
00:02:28,380 --> 00:02:30,219
And I like that
you don't get to have him.
44
00:02:30,355 --> 00:02:32,655
You are a total fucking loser.
45
00:02:32,790 --> 00:02:35,429
Yeah, a loser with a dog.
[door slams shut]
46
00:02:35,565 --> 00:02:38,197
[Reggie] Honestly,the only thing in the world
47
00:02:38,333 --> 00:02:40,395
that Doug maybeloves more than me
48
00:02:40,530 --> 00:02:43,470
is his favorite toy: his penis.
49
00:02:43,606 --> 00:02:47,268
He gives it haircuts,he watches TV with it...
50
00:02:47,403 --> 00:02:50,275
[actor on computer]
Flip it around!
Stop staring. You're ruining it.
51
00:02:50,411 --> 00:02:51,802
[Reggie]
And the way he pets that thing,
52
00:02:51,937 --> 00:02:54,448
sometimes I wish I was a penis.
53
00:02:54,583 --> 00:02:57,674
But every time I try to playwith it, he gets so possessive.
54
00:02:57,810 --> 00:02:59,452
Get off! Get-- Bad dog!
55
00:02:59,587 --> 00:03:01,184
[Reggie] The keyto any good relationship
56
00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:02,449
is having things in common.
57
00:03:02,585 --> 00:03:03,582
We both like barking...
58
00:03:03,717 --> 00:03:07,258
-[coughing]
-[barking]
59
00:03:07,394 --> 00:03:09,728
[Reggie]
We both love a good scratch.
60
00:03:09,863 --> 00:03:10,759
[sniffing]
61
00:03:13,726 --> 00:03:17,504
[Reggie] And we canstay up all night,just talking for hours.
62
00:03:17,640 --> 00:03:19,404
[groans]
63
00:03:19,540 --> 00:03:21,807
You fucked up my life,
didn't you?
64
00:03:21,942 --> 00:03:23,841
[Reggie] Even though I don'tunderstand what he's saying...
65
00:03:23,976 --> 00:03:27,310
She never would have found out
if it wasn't for your dumb ass.
66
00:03:27,446 --> 00:03:29,507
...I can tell he loves me.
67
00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:30,779
[knocking on door]
68
00:03:32,380 --> 00:03:34,718
[Reggie] And while I don't knowthat many human beings,
69
00:03:34,854 --> 00:03:37,415
I think it's safe to assumehe's one of the best.
70
00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:39,486
Oh, goddamn.
71
00:03:39,622 --> 00:03:41,753
It's bullshit, Mom.
72
00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:44,222
They're kicking me out
'cause your last check
wasn't enough for rent.
73
00:03:44,357 --> 00:03:46,628
[Reggie] You might sayDoug is messy, but lately...
74
00:03:46,763 --> 00:03:48,592
No, I'm not gonna
move back home.
75
00:03:48,727 --> 00:03:51,199
...he's been much betterat putting his toys away.
76
00:03:51,334 --> 00:03:54,203
No, I'm sorry. Look.
It's just you know that
I can't live
77
00:03:54,339 --> 00:03:55,408
that close to a school.
78
00:03:57,272 --> 00:03:59,478
No!
79
00:04:02,783 --> 00:04:06,452
Bad dog! That's my favorite
fucking bong, dude!
80
00:04:09,021 --> 00:04:10,049
[sighs]
81
00:04:12,657 --> 00:04:15,453
Oh. You like that ball,
don't you?
82
00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:19,560
[Reggie]
Lately, Doug has been playinga brand-new game with me
83
00:04:19,695 --> 00:04:21,592
called "Fetch and Fuck"!
84
00:04:21,728 --> 00:04:25,795
-Fetch.
-[Reggie] Basically, Dougdrops me off really far away...
85
00:04:25,931 --> 00:04:27,704
Sayonara, ke-mo sah-bee.
86
00:04:27,839 --> 00:04:30,874
...throws the ball,and drives home without me.
87
00:04:31,010 --> 00:04:34,678
Then it's my turn to get theball and find my way back home!
88
00:04:34,813 --> 00:04:38,078
When I bring the ball back,he says--
Fuck.
89
00:04:38,314 --> 00:04:40,618
[Reggie laughs] And that'show I know I won the game!
90
00:04:41,417 --> 00:04:42,521
[Doug] Fetch!
91
00:04:43,790 --> 00:04:45,623
[Reggie] We've beenplaying it a lot lately.
92
00:04:45,758 --> 00:04:47,492
-[Doug] Fuck!
-[Reggie] Sometimes we play it
93
00:04:47,627 --> 00:04:49,523
three or four timesin the same day.
94
00:04:49,659 --> 00:04:51,091
-Fetch!
-[Reggie barks]
95
00:04:51,327 --> 00:04:52,457
Fuck!
96
00:04:52,593 --> 00:04:54,328
Fetch! Fuck!
97
00:04:54,463 --> 00:04:55,394
Fuck!
98
00:04:55,529 --> 00:04:56,931
Fuck!
99
00:04:59,841 --> 00:05:01,264
Holy fuck!
100
00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:03,839
[Reggie] "Holy fuck" is right!I win again!
101
00:05:04,573 --> 00:05:05,610
That's it.
102
00:05:07,312 --> 00:05:09,245
This ends now.
103
00:05:09,381 --> 00:05:11,076
["Shine on Me" playing]
104
00:05:11,345 --> 00:05:13,378
♪ You only gotA couple miles to go ♪
105
00:05:13,514 --> 00:05:15,387
♪ If you're tryingTo drive me insane... ♪
106
00:05:15,522 --> 00:05:17,681
[Reggie]
These road trips are the best!
107
00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:21,560
Because you get to seethe exciting worldoutside our town.
108
00:05:24,792 --> 00:05:26,759
Keep driving, Doug!
109
00:05:26,895 --> 00:05:29,566
Don't make it too easy on me.
110
00:05:29,702 --> 00:05:31,602
[Reggie chuckles]
I love a challenge.
111
00:05:31,737 --> 00:05:34,837
♪ 'Cause I hide from everyone ♪
112
00:05:35,705 --> 00:05:37,840
♪ Shine on me ♪
113
00:05:38,906 --> 00:05:41,806
♪ Shine on me ♪
114
00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:44,842
♪ Shine on me ♪
115
00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:47,652
♪ Shine on me ♪
116
00:05:50,616 --> 00:05:52,989
[Reggie] This round's gonna bethe hardest one yet,
117
00:05:53,124 --> 00:05:56,988
because we went way furtherthan we've ever gone before.
118
00:05:57,124 --> 00:06:00,528
In fact,I have no idea where we are.
119
00:06:00,664 --> 00:06:02,062
And that's exciting!
120
00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:09,438
I know the world seems likea scary place sometimes,
121
00:06:09,573 --> 00:06:10,570
but I don't worry.
122
00:06:10,706 --> 00:06:12,371
Good luck fetching this.
123
00:06:12,506 --> 00:06:14,646
[Reggie] Because I'm always safeat Doug's side.
124
00:06:14,781 --> 00:06:18,518
-[truck engine starts]
-[tires screeching]
125
00:06:58,926 --> 00:07:01,860
[Reggie] Sure, Doug reallychallenges me with this game,
126
00:07:03,030 --> 00:07:05,592
but that's justbecause he believes in me.
127
00:07:05,727 --> 00:07:07,726
[thunder rumbling]
128
00:07:07,862 --> 00:07:12,605
[Reggie] You know what they say:The best relationshipsare the hard ones.
129
00:07:13,605 --> 00:07:15,873
You have to put in the work.
130
00:07:16,008 --> 00:07:19,237
-[clattering]
-[Reggie]
You gotta have courage.
131
00:07:19,472 --> 00:07:22,043
And you always need to rememberthat real love...
132
00:07:23,745 --> 00:07:24,980
is never easy.
133
00:07:48,709 --> 00:07:50,805
But even thoughI love this game,
134
00:07:50,940 --> 00:07:53,743
I kinda want it to be over.
135
00:07:53,879 --> 00:07:58,112
Because, well,I really just wanna be home.
136
00:08:05,489 --> 00:08:06,692
[horn honks]
137
00:08:09,527 --> 00:08:11,021
[dog barking nearby]
138
00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:14,268
Okay, time to get moving.
139
00:08:14,503 --> 00:08:16,735
[singsongy]
Going back to Doug's.
140
00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:21,507
[siren wailing in distance]
141
00:08:21,642 --> 00:08:23,000
[muffled]
This is a nice neighborhood.
142
00:08:23,136 --> 00:08:24,473
[cat yowling]
[clattering]
143
00:08:24,608 --> 00:08:26,610
I like all the trash.
144
00:08:26,745 --> 00:08:29,308
And the needles.
So many needles.
145
00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:34,821
Hey, honey, you ever been
with an Afghan before?
146
00:08:34,957 --> 00:08:38,658
[Reggie, muffled] Uh, no,
I don't think so, but thank you.
147
00:08:41,058 --> 00:08:44,325
Well, well, well.
What do we have here?
148
00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:45,599
You lost?
149
00:08:46,535 --> 00:08:49,700
Hi, there, big dogs.
Yes, I am lost.
150
00:08:49,836 --> 00:08:51,165
I'm trying to get
to Doug's place.
151
00:08:51,301 --> 00:08:52,936
Do-- Do you know which way
that is from here?
152
00:08:53,071 --> 00:08:56,502
-Hmm... You say Doug's place?
-I did, yeah.
153
00:08:56,638 --> 00:08:58,940
-Oh, yeah,
I know which way that is.
-Oh, great.
154
00:08:59,076 --> 00:09:00,776
Right up my fucking ass,
you little shit.
155
00:09:00,912 --> 00:09:02,748
Oh...
No, that can't be right.
156
00:09:02,883 --> 00:09:06,012
[stammers] Okay.
Well, I'll just be on my way.
157
00:09:06,147 --> 00:09:08,515
Uh, can I please
have my ball back?
158
00:09:08,650 --> 00:09:11,188
Your ball? You'll be lucky if
I let you leave with your life.
159
00:09:11,324 --> 00:09:14,820
Hey! Who in the fuck
is making all that noise
in my fucking alley?
160
00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:16,119
Who's this guy?
161
00:09:16,254 --> 00:09:17,763
Oh, you don't want me
162
00:09:17,898 --> 00:09:19,764
to come around
this fucking corner now,
do you?
163
00:09:19,900 --> 00:09:21,764
Shit's gonna get crackin'.
Trust me!
164
00:09:21,900 --> 00:09:23,733
You wanna dance,
motherfuckers, huh?
165
00:09:23,868 --> 00:09:26,134
You wanna dance? Let's do this.
166
00:09:27,673 --> 00:09:29,571
What's up, bitches? Huh?
167
00:09:29,707 --> 00:09:30,873
Oh, he's tiny.
168
00:09:31,009 --> 00:09:33,578
The shadow.
I thought he was fucking big.
169
00:09:33,714 --> 00:09:35,011
Yeah, we can
destroy this guy, right?
170
00:09:35,146 --> 00:09:38,346
Yeah, go ahead, bite me,
you raggedy motherfuckers.
171
00:09:38,582 --> 00:09:39,684
I dare you!
172
00:09:39,819 --> 00:09:41,516
You know how many diseases
is up in me?
173
00:09:41,651 --> 00:09:43,351
Rabies, scabies,
174
00:09:43,587 --> 00:09:45,990
whatever disease you can get
from tongue-fucking
a dead squirrel,
175
00:09:46,125 --> 00:09:49,061
which I did last night,
'cause I'm crazy, man!
176
00:09:49,196 --> 00:09:50,220
[sputters]
177
00:09:50,355 --> 00:09:52,093
That's a 37-inch vertical.
178
00:09:52,229 --> 00:09:54,365
I'ma tell you right now,
you run up on me,
179
00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:57,864
and I'll stick this paw
right up your ass and in his.
Like a shish kebab.
180
00:09:58,000 --> 00:09:59,397
Whoa. This guy seems nuts.
181
00:09:59,632 --> 00:10:01,138
Look at the way he's barking
at his own ass.
182
00:10:01,274 --> 00:10:03,809
I'll do it! I'll do it!
I'll bite my own ass off!
183
00:10:03,944 --> 00:10:06,139
Oh, man. The fuck is wrong
with this guy?
184
00:10:06,275 --> 00:10:08,715
I'm so crazy
I'll fuck the trash!
185
00:10:08,850 --> 00:10:10,413
You like it, don't you? [grunts]
You like it.
186
00:10:10,649 --> 00:10:12,216
You wanna get recycled?
187
00:10:12,351 --> 00:10:14,946
Anybody got a twisty tie?
'Cause I'm fucking this bag up.
188
00:10:15,081 --> 00:10:16,380
Okay, who's next?
189
00:10:16,615 --> 00:10:18,256
He's freaking me out.
Let's bounce.
190
00:10:18,391 --> 00:10:19,922
[Boston terrier] I'll fight you
or fuck you. Dealer's choice.
191
00:10:20,058 --> 00:10:22,025
But either way,
you're getting worms!
192
00:10:22,827 --> 00:10:24,891
[laughs] Large breeds, man.
193
00:10:25,027 --> 00:10:26,259
These motherfuckers, man,
194
00:10:26,395 --> 00:10:28,960
always falling for
that crazy little dog trick.
195
00:10:29,095 --> 00:10:30,627
Hey, you with me, kid?
196
00:10:30,763 --> 00:10:32,268
'Cause this block ain't
for dogs like you.
197
00:10:32,404 --> 00:10:34,631
-We should get the hell
outta here.
-But my tennis ball...
198
00:10:34,767 --> 00:10:36,842
Ah, fuck it.
We'll get you another one.
199
00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:41,240
[dog barking in distance]
200
00:10:41,376 --> 00:10:43,574
I'm Bug, by the way.
You got a name?
201
00:10:43,709 --> 00:10:46,715
Oh. Right, sorry.
It's good to meet you, Bug.
202
00:10:46,851 --> 00:10:48,687
-My name is Shitbag.
-What?
203
00:10:48,823 --> 00:10:50,954
Oh, it's short for
"Dumbass Shitbag."
204
00:10:51,090 --> 00:10:53,658
But sometimes,
Doug pronounces it "Fucknugget."
205
00:10:53,794 --> 00:10:56,226
Uh, none of those
sound like names.
206
00:10:56,361 --> 00:11:00,592
Oh. Well, Doug's lady friend
used to call me "Reggie."
207
00:11:00,728 --> 00:11:02,796
Reggie. There you go.
Yeah, we're gonna go with that.
208
00:11:02,931 --> 00:11:04,098
Let's keep moving.
209
00:11:04,234 --> 00:11:06,637
So, how long you been
a stray for, Reggie?
210
00:11:06,773 --> 00:11:08,270
Oh, I... No, I'm not a stray.
211
00:11:08,406 --> 00:11:10,773
Oh, you're not?
I'm just out here temporarily.
212
00:11:10,909 --> 00:11:12,672
Oh.
I actually have an owner.
213
00:11:12,807 --> 00:11:15,009
We're playing this game
where he drops me off
far away...
214
00:11:15,144 --> 00:11:16,707
Mm-hmm. Right.
...throws a ball,
215
00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:18,842
and then it's my turn
to bring the ball back home.
216
00:11:18,978 --> 00:11:20,481
[laughs]
217
00:11:20,717 --> 00:11:23,013
[chuckling]
218
00:11:23,148 --> 00:11:24,115
[both laughing]
219
00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:26,488
[Bug] Holy shit!
Yeah.
220
00:11:26,724 --> 00:11:30,790
That's, uh... I'm sorry, man,
but that's incredibly tragic
221
00:11:30,925 --> 00:11:34,260
and the funniest fucking thing
I've heard
in a long fucking time.
222
00:11:34,395 --> 00:11:35,796
Glad you're having
a good laugh.
223
00:11:35,931 --> 00:11:37,663
Take it from me, kid.
224
00:11:37,799 --> 00:11:40,330
That owner of yours,
he's not playing any game
with you.
225
00:11:40,465 --> 00:11:42,232
He left your ass, okay?
Huh?
226
00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:44,937
You are officially a stray.
227
00:11:45,073 --> 00:11:46,172
Don't call me that.
228
00:11:46,307 --> 00:11:47,881
It's nothing to be ashamed of.
229
00:11:48,016 --> 00:11:50,983
I'm a stray and I'm having
the time of my life.
230
00:11:51,118 --> 00:11:53,811
-You'll learn.
How old are you?
-I'm two.
231
00:11:53,946 --> 00:11:57,649
Well, I'm three,
and I have seen it all.
Paw to God.
232
00:11:57,784 --> 00:12:01,526
I once saw a dog that was
half Labrador and half poodle.
233
00:12:01,762 --> 00:12:03,294
A-A Labradoodle!
No. No, no, no.
234
00:12:03,429 --> 00:12:04,696
A Poo-dor.
235
00:12:04,831 --> 00:12:05,993
A Poo-dor?
The other way around.
236
00:12:06,128 --> 00:12:07,957
Even fucking weirder.
Yeah.
237
00:12:08,093 --> 00:12:11,802
Point is, life out here
on your own
can be fucking awesome,
238
00:12:11,937 --> 00:12:13,735
as long as you go
by the rules.
239
00:12:13,870 --> 00:12:15,975
W-Well, what rules?
240
00:12:16,110 --> 00:12:19,238
Rule number one:
You want something,
you pee on it.
241
00:12:19,374 --> 00:12:21,281
Whatever you pee on,
it's yours.
242
00:12:21,416 --> 00:12:22,815
Let's try it out.
243
00:12:22,950 --> 00:12:24,509
You see that lamppost
over there?
Yeah.
244
00:12:24,745 --> 00:12:26,245
I want you to go over there
and pee on that.
245
00:12:26,380 --> 00:12:27,811
And you're sure
this is okay?
246
00:12:27,946 --> 00:12:29,549
Go ahead.
Ain't nobody givin' a fuck.
247
00:12:29,785 --> 00:12:31,748
You're a fucking stray now.
That's my point.
248
00:12:31,883 --> 00:12:35,387
Well, I'm not a stray,
but, yeah, okay.
249
00:12:35,523 --> 00:12:38,227
Congratulations.
You now own a lamppost.
250
00:12:39,927 --> 00:12:41,130
Oh, wow.
251
00:12:41,265 --> 00:12:42,867
[Bug] Now, let's
talk rule number two.
252
00:12:43,003 --> 00:12:45,265
You can pretty much fuck
whatever you want.
253
00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:47,137
Have you ever
humped anything before?
254
00:12:47,272 --> 00:12:49,203
Well, I wouldn't say
I've humped per se,
255
00:12:49,339 --> 00:12:51,335
but I do like to
dance on Doug's leg.
256
00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:53,010
Dude, that wasn't dancing.
257
00:12:53,145 --> 00:12:55,774
Baby, you was humping.
The devil's dance.
258
00:12:55,910 --> 00:13:00,750
But now, the world
is like a buffet
for your tiny dog dick.
259
00:13:00,886 --> 00:13:02,048
-Really?
-You know what?
260
00:13:02,184 --> 00:13:03,421
I recently fucked this couch.
261
00:13:03,556 --> 00:13:05,119
-No.
-Mm-hmm.
262
00:13:05,254 --> 00:13:07,351
Best sex of my life.
Wow. Really?
263
00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:09,725
Yeah,
a-a-and she dirty, too.
264
00:13:09,861 --> 00:13:11,128
Oh, well, I-I can tell.
265
00:13:11,263 --> 00:13:13,163
Looks like she hasn't
been washed in years.
266
00:13:13,299 --> 00:13:15,000
[smacks lips]
I'll see you later, baby.
267
00:13:18,804 --> 00:13:20,104
It was nice to meet you.
268
00:13:21,202 --> 00:13:23,776
Now, rule number three.
269
00:13:23,912 --> 00:13:27,270
And this is
the most important, bar none.
270
00:13:27,405 --> 00:13:30,446
You are on your own.
271
00:13:30,581 --> 00:13:33,246
That's awful.
That's not a bad thing,
all right?
272
00:13:33,381 --> 00:13:34,955
Right now, you're freaking out
273
00:13:35,090 --> 00:13:37,087
'cause you feel like
y-y-you need this Doug guy.
274
00:13:37,223 --> 00:13:40,552
I do!
But no, no, trust me,
you don't.
275
00:13:40,821 --> 00:13:43,357
Humans trick us into thinking
that we need 'em.
276
00:13:43,492 --> 00:13:45,362
But they're just
brainwashing us, man.
277
00:13:45,498 --> 00:13:48,465
Point is, you ain't gotta deal
with that shit no more, okay?
278
00:13:48,601 --> 00:13:52,201
You a stray. You can do
anything you want now.
I don't know.
279
00:13:52,337 --> 00:13:56,332
Come on, repeat after me.
"I can do anything."
280
00:13:56,467 --> 00:13:59,138
I can do... anything?
281
00:13:59,274 --> 00:14:00,871
Damn fucking right you can.
282
00:14:01,006 --> 00:14:04,614
Now, you wanna see how fucked-up
humans can be? Come on.
283
00:14:04,850 --> 00:14:06,115
[people chattering]
284
00:14:06,251 --> 00:14:08,816
[Bug] Look at these
motherfuckers here.
285
00:14:08,951 --> 00:14:09,885
[dog barks]
286
00:14:10,021 --> 00:14:11,782
[Bug] A bunch of pet dogs,
287
00:14:11,918 --> 00:14:13,917
losing their minds over
their 15 minutes of freedom.
288
00:14:14,052 --> 00:14:18,228
God, if only our wolf ancestors
could see these pussies.
289
00:14:19,290 --> 00:14:20,792
Follow me.
290
00:14:20,928 --> 00:14:23,100
Now, why are these humans
so desperate to keep us?
291
00:14:23,236 --> 00:14:25,463
Because they love us?
No, no, I got a theory.
292
00:14:25,598 --> 00:14:28,005
They need us for our poop.
Huh?
293
00:14:28,141 --> 00:14:29,333
[Bug] Watch that lady.
Watch her.
294
00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:31,144
See? See?
[Reggie] Uh-huh.
295
00:14:31,279 --> 00:14:33,243
[Bug] It's like they're
collecting it for something.
296
00:14:33,378 --> 00:14:34,838
[Reggie] What do you
think they do with it?
297
00:14:34,973 --> 00:14:36,279
I think they're using it
to make chocolate.
298
00:14:36,414 --> 00:14:37,913
Oh.
Have you ever had
a piece of chocolate?
299
00:14:38,048 --> 00:14:39,415
-No.
-Exactly.
300
00:14:39,550 --> 00:14:40,977
Come on.
I'm gonna introduce you
to my homies.
301
00:14:41,112 --> 00:14:43,086
I thought you said
these dogs were all losers.
302
00:14:43,221 --> 00:14:45,085
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I say a lot of shit.
303
00:14:45,221 --> 00:14:46,851
-Hey, losers.
-Hey, Bug.
304
00:14:46,987 --> 00:14:49,186
Ugh. If it isn't
the tiny dog
who caught the car.
305
00:14:49,321 --> 00:14:51,494
-I did catch that car.
-No, everyone knows
that's impossible.
306
00:14:51,629 --> 00:14:54,298
-Yeah, it was parked.
-Yeah, it parked
after I caught it.
307
00:14:54,434 --> 00:14:56,532
-No, there was no one
in the car.
-No one in the car.
308
00:14:56,668 --> 00:14:58,670
Listen, I don't even have to
keep this conversation going.
309
00:14:58,905 --> 00:15:01,006
What I was trying to do, losers,
310
00:15:01,141 --> 00:15:03,300
was introduce you
to my new friend, Reggie.
311
00:15:03,435 --> 00:15:04,677
He just got dumped.
312
00:15:04,913 --> 00:15:06,472
Aw, sorry, mate.
Welcome to the club.
313
00:15:06,607 --> 00:15:08,481
I'm sorry.
Was it at least mutual?
314
00:15:08,616 --> 00:15:10,876
No, it's actually just a game.
Reg, I want you
to meet Hunter.
315
00:15:11,012 --> 00:15:14,180
He's a therapy dog who works
in a home for dying humans.
316
00:15:14,316 --> 00:15:16,012
Which sounds like an okay gig,
317
00:15:16,147 --> 00:15:18,290
except that he was trained
to be a police dog.
318
00:15:18,426 --> 00:15:21,852
You almost made it
to the police squad?
That's awesome.
319
00:15:21,987 --> 00:15:24,093
Oh. [chuckles]
Yeah, I... I guess it's awesome.
320
00:15:24,229 --> 00:15:25,964
Get the fuck out
of my way, cone boy.
321
00:15:26,099 --> 00:15:27,559
Oh. [chuckles]
Sorry about that, Bubsy.
322
00:15:27,695 --> 00:15:29,732
Hunter,
say something back, mate.
323
00:15:29,967 --> 00:15:30,965
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
324
00:15:31,100 --> 00:15:32,464
Um... Hey, Bubsy.
325
00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:35,107
You got any fucking...
weekend plans?
326
00:15:35,243 --> 00:15:36,976
-What? Still sounds friendly.
-[Reggie] You got him.
327
00:15:37,111 --> 00:15:39,303
-Yeah, raw-doggin' your mom.
-Ah. Right.
328
00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:42,708
Well,
I'm pretty sure she's dead,
but good luck anyway.
329
00:15:42,943 --> 00:15:45,247
-Pussy!
-[chuckles]
Love those observations, Bubs.
330
00:15:45,383 --> 00:15:47,311
-Take care.
-Hunter, get your weight up.
331
00:15:47,446 --> 00:15:49,187
Don't let him talk
to you like that.
You're the biggest dog here!
332
00:15:49,322 --> 00:15:50,956
You should eat
his freakin' face off,
333
00:15:51,092 --> 00:15:52,421
shit it out and
then eat it again.
334
00:15:52,557 --> 00:15:54,558
Bug, you know I don't love
confrontation.
335
00:15:54,694 --> 00:15:57,190
Don't let the big dick fool you.
He's just a gigantic pussy.
336
00:15:57,325 --> 00:16:00,395
Whoa. It is a great penis.
337
00:16:00,531 --> 00:16:02,594
Oh, thanks. You know,
I try to keep it clean.
338
00:16:02,730 --> 00:16:04,368
Do my best to lick it
as much as possible.
339
00:16:04,504 --> 00:16:06,169
Yeah, the only thing
thicker than Hunter's dick
340
00:16:06,305 --> 00:16:07,940
is the sexual tension
between these two.
341
00:16:08,076 --> 00:16:10,076
-Oh, come on. [chuckles]
-Bug, no. What?
342
00:16:10,211 --> 00:16:11,768
That's funny, though.
Yeah, right. Imagine.
343
00:16:12,004 --> 00:16:14,341
"Thicker than Hunter's dick."
[chuckling]
344
00:16:14,477 --> 00:16:15,972
But, no. No. [clears throat]
No.
345
00:16:16,107 --> 00:16:18,782
Now, Maggie, on the other hand,
is one bad bitch.
346
00:16:19,018 --> 00:16:20,746
But sadly, her owner, Jenna,
347
00:16:20,981 --> 00:16:23,386
thinks the badder bitch is
the puppy that replaced her.
348
00:16:23,522 --> 00:16:25,619
So Bella looked at me, like,
"I want a cupcake too,"
349
00:16:25,755 --> 00:16:27,552
so I was, like,
"I'm gonna get her a cupcake."
350
00:16:27,687 --> 00:16:29,928
I am so here for that.
Right?
351
00:16:30,063 --> 00:16:33,566
So, Jenna said, "sit,"
which I did.
352
00:16:33,702 --> 00:16:35,167
But then I thought,
353
00:16:35,302 --> 00:16:37,063
wouldn't it be cute
if I acted all confused
354
00:16:37,199 --> 00:16:39,565
-and tilted my head, like,
"Huh?"
-[dogs] Oh, my God, stop.
355
00:16:39,701 --> 00:16:41,334
Man, sure gotta suck
to compete with that.
356
00:16:41,470 --> 00:16:42,534
No, it's fine.
[chuckles]
357
00:16:42,670 --> 00:16:44,543
Bella's young
and cute and fun,
358
00:16:44,678 --> 00:16:47,103
so of course Jenna loves her
more than me right now,
and I get that.
359
00:16:47,239 --> 00:16:49,615
Cool. Anyways, I was thinking,
if you guys are free later--
360
00:16:49,750 --> 00:16:52,550
But what I really don't get is
why Jenna thinks
it's so adorable
361
00:16:52,685 --> 00:16:55,113
when she spins around
in circles.
I could do that in my sleep.
362
00:16:55,249 --> 00:16:57,116
-You know what,
it's totally fine.
-Mmm. Okay.
363
00:16:57,251 --> 00:16:59,358
You know what? It doesn't get
to me so much anymore. I'm fine.
364
00:16:59,493 --> 00:17:01,521
I'm not jealous or worried
or angry or depressed
365
00:17:01,657 --> 00:17:03,663
or confused or fuming
or unhinged at all.
366
00:17:03,799 --> 00:17:05,429
Yeah, you seem totally fine.
367
00:17:05,565 --> 00:17:07,333
And now that Jenna's spending
so much time with Bella,
368
00:17:07,469 --> 00:17:09,133
it's given me a chance
to do a little self-care.
369
00:17:09,268 --> 00:17:10,565
I've been going
into the digging.
370
00:17:10,700 --> 00:17:12,571
I like the feeling
of the soil
under my nails.
371
00:17:12,706 --> 00:17:15,333
I'm out in the fresh air again.
I'm just connecting to the land.
372
00:17:15,469 --> 00:17:19,105
No, I'm learning I love digging.
I love digging! I love it!
I love to dig!
373
00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:20,639
[pug whimpers]
374
00:17:20,774 --> 00:17:22,513
-[clears throat]
-What's happening?
375
00:17:22,649 --> 00:17:25,008
[chuckles] See, Reg?
Aren't you happy
to be a stray now
376
00:17:25,143 --> 00:17:27,118
and not have to deal
with all that owner bullshit?
377
00:17:27,254 --> 00:17:29,353
Well, no.
As I said, I'm not a stray.
378
00:17:29,488 --> 00:17:31,652
-Doug and I are just
playing a game.
-Mm-hmm.
379
00:17:31,787 --> 00:17:33,858
Look, why don't you come out
with us tonight?
380
00:17:34,094 --> 00:17:37,627
And you can learn
how beautiful it can be
when you're off the leash.
381
00:17:37,763 --> 00:17:41,165
If I can't convince you
that being stray is great,
382
00:17:41,301 --> 00:17:43,061
-scraps night will.
-[Hunter] Sure will.
383
00:17:43,197 --> 00:17:45,866
Well, thank you, but I really
should be getting back to Doug.
384
00:17:46,101 --> 00:17:47,571
What? Why?
385
00:17:47,706 --> 00:17:50,110
So I can make him happy.
Isn't that a dog's purpose?
386
00:17:50,245 --> 00:17:53,405
-Don't you ever say that again!
-Here we go.
387
00:17:53,541 --> 00:17:58,615
Reggie, your purpose
is not to make some stupid
human families happy.
388
00:17:58,751 --> 00:18:02,116
It's not to make
some single loser
feel more complete.
389
00:18:02,251 --> 00:18:04,180
Your purpose is to do
390
00:18:04,315 --> 00:18:06,418
-whatever the fuck you want.
-Whatever the fuck you want.
391
00:18:06,554 --> 00:18:08,485
And when you are a stray,
392
00:18:08,620 --> 00:18:10,525
there's a lot to fucking do.
[Maggie, Hunter]
...a lot to fucking do.
393
00:18:10,661 --> 00:18:12,331
Why do I feel like
there's an echo in here?
394
00:18:12,466 --> 00:18:14,292
You've said this
a million times.
[Bug] I know.
395
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:16,699
-I love that spiel.
-[Bug] Write your own
fucking speeches, okay?
396
00:18:16,834 --> 00:18:19,430
-It's fine. Okay.
-[Bug] Now, what do you say,
guys?
397
00:18:19,565 --> 00:18:20,640
Another scraps night?
398
00:18:20,775 --> 00:18:22,198
[Hunter, Maggie] Yes!
399
00:18:22,333 --> 00:18:24,304
All right, meet at
the pizza place at sundown,
400
00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:27,175
and we gonna fuck shit up.
401
00:18:27,311 --> 00:18:28,505
♪ Get wild... ♪
402
00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:30,876
["Get Wild" playing]
403
00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:35,353
So what is scraps night?
404
00:18:35,489 --> 00:18:37,487
It's that one
magnificent night
of the week
405
00:18:37,622 --> 00:18:39,924
where humans are a lot
more willing to give us food
406
00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:41,657
or drop it accidentally
or both.
407
00:18:41,792 --> 00:18:44,659
That stuff that
they're dropping is gold.
408
00:18:44,794 --> 00:18:46,665
I just feel like
we're gonna get in trouble.
409
00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:49,602
No, we're cleaning up.
These fuckers love it
when we clean up.
410
00:18:49,738 --> 00:18:50,764
[Bug] Wait for it.
411
00:18:52,564 --> 00:18:53,666
Wait for it.
412
00:18:53,801 --> 00:18:55,331
[Maggie]
Drop the fucking pizza, bitch.
413
00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:56,904
-Go!
-[Bug] That's the one.
Let's do this!
414
00:18:57,140 --> 00:18:58,308
[Reggie yelps]
415
00:18:58,444 --> 00:19:00,270
♪ I-I-I-I'm with all my dogs ♪
416
00:19:00,405 --> 00:19:02,612
♪ Finna fuck the city upKeep a pocket full ♪
417
00:19:02,747 --> 00:19:04,876
♪ Got these bitchesWanna hit me up ♪
418
00:19:05,145 --> 00:19:06,880
♪ Drinking by the poolDoing drugs ♪
419
00:19:07,149 --> 00:19:09,481
♪ Is you lit or what?Making hella noise... ♪
420
00:19:09,617 --> 00:19:11,356
This water is making me dizzy.
421
00:19:11,492 --> 00:19:14,254
It's about to get real dizzy
up in this bitch.
422
00:19:14,389 --> 00:19:16,960
I don't mind feeling dizzy.
I like it.
[Maggie] Pace yourself, Reg.
423
00:19:17,196 --> 00:19:19,298
["Get Wild" continues playing]
424
00:19:27,702 --> 00:19:29,941
[Bug] Chester,
for the last time,
425
00:19:30,177 --> 00:19:31,440
there's no fucking fence there.
426
00:19:31,575 --> 00:19:33,642
-Just come out with us!
-I can't.
427
00:19:33,778 --> 00:19:36,442
I'm telling you,
there is a magical fence there.
428
00:19:36,578 --> 00:19:37,948
You just can't see it!
429
00:19:38,184 --> 00:19:39,512
Come on, Chester!
Come on!
430
00:19:39,647 --> 00:19:41,552
[all chanting] Chester! Chester!
431
00:19:41,687 --> 00:19:45,252
Honestly, that is persuasive,
and I don't know why.
432
00:19:45,387 --> 00:19:46,454
[chanting continues]
433
00:19:46,590 --> 00:19:48,688
I can't believe I'm doing this.
434
00:19:48,823 --> 00:19:50,287
Stop being a pussy
and do this!
435
00:19:50,423 --> 00:19:51,355
Okay!
436
00:19:51,490 --> 00:19:53,299
Whoo! Run!
437
00:19:53,434 --> 00:19:55,429
-[all] Chester! Chester!
-[Maggie] You can do it!
438
00:19:55,564 --> 00:19:57,597
You got it, Chester. You got it!
439
00:19:57,733 --> 00:19:59,169
[electrical crackling]
[screams]
440
00:19:59,304 --> 00:20:00,462
[Reggie gasps]
[Maggie] Whoo!
441
00:20:00,598 --> 00:20:01,800
Goddamn!
442
00:20:01,936 --> 00:20:04,574
It's real!
The magic fence is real!
443
00:20:04,709 --> 00:20:07,512
♪ Big dog statusBig dog baggage ♪
444
00:20:07,647 --> 00:20:10,440
♪ Big dog, fuck itI got big dog habits ♪
445
00:20:10,575 --> 00:20:13,379
♪ See, I'm going hardIn the paint, doing damage ♪
446
00:20:13,514 --> 00:20:16,850
♪ Big dog tell me do itLook like I'm average... ♪
447
00:20:17,718 --> 00:20:19,554
Oh, yeah. You gonna get it.
448
00:20:19,689 --> 00:20:21,392
Somebody been naughty.
You a naughty--
449
00:20:21,527 --> 00:20:23,624
You a little naughty owl.
[hooting]
450
00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:26,695
You're right, Bug.
I like this humping.
451
00:20:27,496 --> 00:20:29,027
Bug, can I try your owl?
452
00:20:29,263 --> 00:20:31,532
I told you scraps night was
gonna be off the chain, baby.
453
00:20:31,668 --> 00:20:32,729
[Reggie]
I'm having a great time.
454
00:20:32,865 --> 00:20:34,163
Ain't this about a bitch.
455
00:20:34,299 --> 00:20:35,567
Look at this motherfucker
right here.
456
00:20:35,702 --> 00:20:37,567
What you want, huh, homie?
457
00:20:37,702 --> 00:20:39,612
-I'll rip your
motherfucking nuts off.
-Come on, let's go.
458
00:20:39,747 --> 00:20:41,776
Pointy-eared motherfucker.
Come on, it's not worth it.
459
00:20:41,912 --> 00:20:43,576
[Hunter] There you go, Reg.
I'm doing good?
460
00:20:43,711 --> 00:20:45,580
Give it to that gnome, Reg.
461
00:20:45,715 --> 00:20:47,514
Tell that gnome
you're his daddy.
462
00:20:47,649 --> 00:20:49,585
Hey, gnome. I'm your father.
463
00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:51,388
It's good to finally meet you.
Reggie.
464
00:20:51,523 --> 00:20:52,823
Even under
these strange circumstances.
465
00:20:52,959 --> 00:20:54,225
No, Reggie.
466
00:20:54,361 --> 00:20:56,252
Oh, you can't get me!
Aha, ah--
467
00:20:56,388 --> 00:20:57,893
I'm too fast for you.
I'm too fast for you.
468
00:20:58,028 --> 00:21:00,390
-This motherfucker
is keeping up.
-Come on, let's go.
469
00:21:00,526 --> 00:21:02,497
With your little
bitch-ass friend
with a home perm and shit.
470
00:21:02,633 --> 00:21:04,261
What did you say?
There you go, Reg.
471
00:21:04,397 --> 00:21:06,038
-Don't you look at me like that.
-Get up in his ass.
472
00:21:06,274 --> 00:21:07,831
I would hate
for this to get violent.
473
00:21:07,966 --> 00:21:09,574
I didn't know I had a son.
474
00:21:09,709 --> 00:21:11,243
And he's a gnome
of all things.
[Maggie] Reggie!
475
00:21:11,379 --> 00:21:12,837
Fuck, shut up!
Anyone want to hump my son?
476
00:21:12,972 --> 00:21:14,412
Man, come on.
It's too much.
477
00:21:14,548 --> 00:21:15,543
He's handsomely dressed
in a smart tunic.
478
00:21:15,678 --> 00:21:18,281
Yo, Chester.
You got balls, baby.
479
00:21:18,416 --> 00:21:19,775
That magic fence was legit.
480
00:21:19,911 --> 00:21:21,520
I kept telling you!
481
00:21:21,655 --> 00:21:24,085
What a weird thing
a magic fence would be
to make up.
482
00:21:24,321 --> 00:21:25,922
I can do anything.
483
00:21:26,058 --> 00:21:27,919
[Maggie] Reggie, don't.
[Hunter]
Wait, what's going on?
484
00:21:28,055 --> 00:21:29,586
No. Don't do it!
[Hunter] Reggie, no.
485
00:21:29,722 --> 00:21:31,657
I can do anything.
486
00:21:31,792 --> 00:21:34,527
Do not test the dark arts, kid.
487
00:21:34,663 --> 00:21:37,700
["Get Wild" continues playing]
488
00:21:45,508 --> 00:21:46,640
♪ Get wild ♪
489
00:21:46,776 --> 00:21:48,739
Oh, shoot!
That was fucking amazing!
490
00:21:48,875 --> 00:21:50,315
-Incredible!
-Holy shit!
491
00:21:50,451 --> 00:21:52,418
-Yeah!
-Impossible. That's impossible!
492
00:21:52,553 --> 00:21:54,248
[Hunter] Reggie! [laughs]
I did it! I did it!
493
00:21:54,383 --> 00:21:55,416
[laughter]
494
00:21:55,552 --> 00:21:58,286
Oh, what a night.
Yeah.
495
00:21:58,421 --> 00:22:02,922
Reg, I could tell the moment
I sniffed your anus,
you're a great guy.
496
00:22:03,058 --> 00:22:05,691
-You're a legend.
-Yeah, baby, I told you.
497
00:22:05,827 --> 00:22:07,723
Stray's life is the best life!
498
00:22:07,859 --> 00:22:10,962
Yeah, you gotta admit,
it's fun to be off-leash
for a bit, right?
499
00:22:11,098 --> 00:22:12,972
[Maggie] Right?
Yeah, it is kinda awesome
500
00:22:13,108 --> 00:22:16,402
not having to hold my pee
for ten hours
until Doug lets me outside.
501
00:22:16,537 --> 00:22:17,972
[laughter]
502
00:22:18,108 --> 00:22:20,377
And I like the sound of "legend"
a lot more than "shitbag."
503
00:22:20,513 --> 00:22:21,808
[Hunter]
Guys, I'm still peeing.
504
00:22:21,944 --> 00:22:24,112
Wait, is that really
what he called you?
505
00:22:24,348 --> 00:22:27,583
I really don't miss
roasting in the car
when he stops at a store,
506
00:22:27,719 --> 00:22:29,453
and he leaves me
with the windows cracked
507
00:22:29,588 --> 00:22:31,348
barely enough for me
to stay conscious.
508
00:22:31,484 --> 00:22:33,453
-[Maggie] Wait, what?
-And I'm just panting,
509
00:22:33,588 --> 00:22:38,428
gasping for air
and trying to survive until
he comes back in 45 minutes.
510
00:22:38,563 --> 00:22:40,965
[chuckles] Classic Doug.
Too funny.
511
00:22:41,101 --> 00:22:42,635
[chuckles, sighs]
512
00:22:42,770 --> 00:22:46,668
So, this guy neglects you,
throws you on the street,
513
00:22:46,804 --> 00:22:48,868
and you still think
he's a good guy?
514
00:22:49,004 --> 00:22:51,443
Yeah. I mean,
if Doug doesn't like me,
515
00:22:51,579 --> 00:22:53,774
why does he let me eat
his leftover human food?
516
00:22:53,910 --> 00:22:56,011
So he doesn't
have to buy dog food.
517
00:22:56,146 --> 00:22:58,180
And why didn't he put
a collar and tags on you?
518
00:22:58,415 --> 00:23:02,151
-Because he doesn't believe
in labels.
-Ah, come on, Reg.
519
00:23:02,386 --> 00:23:05,391
And the bandana he gave me
is way more special
than a collar,
520
00:23:05,526 --> 00:23:07,958
'cause he used it
for his penis sneezes.
521
00:23:08,094 --> 00:23:08,993
Ew.
Ew.
522
00:23:09,128 --> 00:23:10,524
Doug loves me.
523
00:23:10,660 --> 00:23:12,389
We have a good relationship.
524
00:23:12,524 --> 00:23:14,465
You just don't
understand the situation,
525
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:16,867
because if
Doug's such a bad guy,
526
00:23:17,002 --> 00:23:21,705
and he left me on purpose,
and he hurt me on purpose,
527
00:23:22,472 --> 00:23:23,509
that would mean...
528
00:23:24,408 --> 00:23:25,445
that would mean...
529
00:23:26,510 --> 00:23:27,744
Doug doesn't love me.
530
00:23:32,751 --> 00:23:35,180
Can, uh, you guys
just give me a second?
531
00:23:41,588 --> 00:23:42,489
[sighs]
532
00:23:42,625 --> 00:23:44,023
[sighs] Poor little guy.
533
00:23:44,158 --> 00:23:46,731
That is just the classic
toxic relationship.
534
00:23:46,866 --> 00:23:49,232
I should probably
talk to him.
I am a therapy dog.
535
00:23:49,468 --> 00:23:50,928
Nah, give him some space.
536
00:23:51,064 --> 00:23:52,495
Kid's been through a lot.
537
00:23:54,032 --> 00:23:56,835
[Doug, echoing] That's whatyou fucking sound like,you piece of shit.
538
00:23:56,970 --> 00:23:59,105
[imitates barking]
[barking]
539
00:23:59,973 --> 00:24:01,606
Oh, get off! Get-- Bad dog!
540
00:24:01,742 --> 00:24:03,545
Bad dog! Bad dog!
541
00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:06,145
Worst dog in the fucking world.
542
00:24:15,161 --> 00:24:16,794
Hey, Reggie.
543
00:24:16,930 --> 00:24:18,828
I know you're feeling
hurt right now, and it's--
544
00:24:18,963 --> 00:24:21,465
Ugh. It must be so hard
to figure out what to do.
545
00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:22,628
I'm going back
to Doug's.
546
00:24:22,764 --> 00:24:24,064
What?
The fuck, man?
547
00:24:24,199 --> 00:24:25,932
What's it gonna take
for you to understand
548
00:24:26,068 --> 00:24:28,000
that he's not playing a game
with you?
549
00:24:28,136 --> 00:24:30,600
And I'm not
playing a game with him.
550
00:24:30,736 --> 00:24:32,269
Okay.
551
00:24:32,505 --> 00:24:35,581
All my life, I felt like
I wasn't worth anything
552
00:24:35,716 --> 00:24:39,248
unless I heard those words,
"Good boy."
553
00:24:39,483 --> 00:24:40,947
But they never came.
554
00:24:41,083 --> 00:24:44,046
Well, he needs to know
he's hurt me.
555
00:24:44,182 --> 00:24:45,654
He needs to feel my pain.
556
00:24:45,790 --> 00:24:47,821
And he needs to pay
for what he did
557
00:24:47,957 --> 00:24:49,892
with the only thing
he truly loves!
558
00:24:50,892 --> 00:24:53,057
I'm gonna bite his dick off.
559
00:24:53,192 --> 00:24:55,264
-Oh.
-Wait, did he just say bite?
560
00:24:55,499 --> 00:24:57,768
Yeah, I'm still a little drunk,
but did I just hear you say
that you--
561
00:24:57,903 --> 00:25:01,772
I said I'm gonna
bite his dick off!
562
00:25:01,907 --> 00:25:04,136
Oh, I'm a hundred percent
in for this.
563
00:25:04,272 --> 00:25:06,842
-No, no.
-Bug. Wait.
Wait, Reggie, please.
564
00:25:06,977 --> 00:25:09,610
I feel you, I really do,
but this is insane.
565
00:25:09,746 --> 00:25:12,649
Yeah, like, maybe there's
a metaphorical dick
you could bite off,
566
00:25:12,785 --> 00:25:14,651
like you could pretend
my dick is his dick
567
00:25:14,787 --> 00:25:16,046
and you could give it
a stern talking to.
568
00:25:16,181 --> 00:25:18,756
No, his dick.
No exceptions.
569
00:25:18,891 --> 00:25:20,789
Playing with that thing
was his favorite activity
570
00:25:20,925 --> 00:25:22,652
until he started
putting things in boxes.
571
00:25:22,788 --> 00:25:24,691
[Maggie] Boxes?
Oh, shit,
that means he's moving soon.
572
00:25:24,827 --> 00:25:25,959
Moving?
[Hunter] Oh, man.
573
00:25:26,095 --> 00:25:27,499
-What if we're too late?
-Calm down.
574
00:25:27,635 --> 00:25:28,826
We definitely don't
have much time.
575
00:25:28,961 --> 00:25:30,459
Any places, smells,
576
00:25:30,595 --> 00:25:32,134
landmarks you remember
on the road to get here?
577
00:25:32,270 --> 00:25:36,505
Uh... I just--
I remember passing
an enormous hamster wheel.
578
00:25:36,641 --> 00:25:39,941
-Okay, hamster wheel.
-Uh, a giant cone that
looked like Hunter's.
579
00:25:40,076 --> 00:25:41,511
[Bug] Giant cone,
looked like Hunter's.
580
00:25:41,646 --> 00:25:43,548
And-- And the devil in the sky.
581
00:25:43,684 --> 00:25:44,845
And the devil in the sky.
Boom!
582
00:25:44,980 --> 00:25:46,650
That's basically a road map
583
00:25:46,786 --> 00:25:48,680
right to this guy's
custard launcher.
584
00:25:48,816 --> 00:25:51,748
Bug, there's no way.
It's impossible.
No, no, no, not quite.
585
00:25:51,884 --> 00:25:54,752
Reggie's got no shot
at making it back in time
on his own.
586
00:25:54,888 --> 00:25:56,353
But if we all go,
587
00:25:56,588 --> 00:25:58,792
I got the street smarts,
you've got the muscle,
588
00:25:58,927 --> 00:26:02,591
and Maggie's got
a sense of smell so good
she can sniff one asshole
589
00:26:02,727 --> 00:26:05,162
and tell you what the guy ate
three breakfasts ago.
590
00:26:05,297 --> 00:26:06,871
[sniffs] Bunch of nickels.
Exactly.
591
00:26:07,006 --> 00:26:09,871
-She's incredible.
-Guys, we can do this.
592
00:26:10,006 --> 00:26:11,774
-No, there is no way...
-I'm in.
593
00:26:11,909 --> 00:26:14,340
...I am missing this.
Let's do it!
594
00:26:14,576 --> 00:26:15,779
Really?
595
00:26:15,914 --> 00:26:17,747
-You guys would do this for me?
-Hell yeah.
596
00:26:17,883 --> 00:26:19,844
-We got your back, Reg.
-[Maggie] Yeah!
597
00:26:19,979 --> 00:26:22,852
All right, guys.
Let's show these humans
they can't toss us aside
598
00:26:22,987 --> 00:26:25,992
without facing
some bad fucking consequences.
599
00:26:26,127 --> 00:26:28,689
Fellas, lady,
600
00:26:28,825 --> 00:26:30,095
let's go get some dick!
601
00:26:30,230 --> 00:26:32,128
[howling]
602
00:26:32,264 --> 00:26:33,932
Howling!
603
00:26:34,068 --> 00:26:35,159
Howl!
604
00:26:35,295 --> 00:26:36,801
-Howling!
-[others howling]
605
00:26:36,936 --> 00:26:39,870
[clears throat]
I'm just not a great howler.
606
00:26:40,639 --> 00:26:42,738
["Check Yo Self" playing]
607
00:26:42,873 --> 00:26:45,001
♪ Yeah, word is bond ♪
608
00:26:45,136 --> 00:26:47,178
♪ Das EFX in thisYou know what I'm sayin'? ♪
609
00:26:47,313 --> 00:26:49,982
♪ Straight from the sewerWord is bond, yeah ♪
610
00:26:50,117 --> 00:26:52,041
♪ Check yo' selfBefore you wreck yo' self ♪
611
00:26:52,176 --> 00:26:54,645
♪ 'Cause I'm bad for yourHealth, I come real stealth ♪
612
00:26:54,780 --> 00:26:56,848
♪ Dropping bombs on your momsFuck car alarms ♪
613
00:26:56,983 --> 00:26:59,190
♪ Doing foul crime I'mThat brotha wit' yo' Alpine ♪
614
00:26:59,325 --> 00:27:01,859
♪ Sold it for a six-oAlways let tricks know ♪
615
00:27:01,995 --> 00:27:04,029
♪ And friends knowWe got the indo ♪
616
00:27:04,164 --> 00:27:07,032
♪ No, I'm not a suckerSitting in a House of Pain ♪
617
00:27:07,167 --> 00:27:09,067
♪ And no, I'm not the butlerI'll cut ya ♪
618
00:27:09,203 --> 00:27:11,268
♪ This ain't noFucking motion picture ♪
619
00:27:11,403 --> 00:27:14,238
♪ A guy or bitch-aI'll get wit' cha and hit ya ♪
620
00:27:14,373 --> 00:27:17,843
♪ Taking that yak to the neckSo you better run a check ♪
621
00:27:17,979 --> 00:27:19,870
♪ So come onAnd chickity-check yo' self ♪
622
00:27:20,006 --> 00:27:22,111
♪ Before you wreck yo' selfChickity-check yo' self ♪
623
00:27:22,246 --> 00:27:24,249
♪ Before youWreck yo' self, boy ♪
624
00:27:24,384 --> 00:27:26,217
♪ Check yo' selfBefore you wreck yo' self ♪
625
00:27:26,352 --> 00:27:28,045
♪ 'Cause shotgun bulletsAre bad for your health... ♪
626
00:27:28,180 --> 00:27:29,680
[all howling]
Howling!
627
00:27:29,816 --> 00:27:31,586
Howling!
628
00:27:31,722 --> 00:27:32,653
♪ Check it ♪
629
00:27:32,788 --> 00:27:35,019
[retching, groaning]
630
00:27:35,154 --> 00:27:38,594
Why did nobody tell us
that dog journeys
are so fucking exhausting?
631
00:27:38,730 --> 00:27:40,260
Yeah.
Oh, this is brutal.
632
00:27:40,396 --> 00:27:42,259
[Hunter] I was still drunk
when I agreed to do this.
633
00:27:42,394 --> 00:27:43,467
[Maggie] Yeah, I'm hangry.
634
00:27:43,703 --> 00:27:44,666
[Hunter] Yeah, I'm starving.
635
00:27:44,802 --> 00:27:46,432
I just threw up over there,
636
00:27:46,668 --> 00:27:48,205
so there might be
something in there
if you wanna give it a--
637
00:27:48,340 --> 00:27:51,271
Okay.
I bet that's some of
the pizza from last night.
638
00:27:51,407 --> 00:27:53,073
[Bug] Oh, yeah,
lots of good shit in there.
639
00:27:53,209 --> 00:27:54,838
Oh, there's those nickels.
[chuckles]
640
00:27:54,973 --> 00:27:57,279
Guys, we gotta keep moving.
You can't miss this thing.
641
00:27:57,415 --> 00:28:00,143
It's like a giant hamster wheel,
but without the hamster.
642
00:28:00,279 --> 00:28:01,784
And it smells like hot dogs.
643
00:28:01,919 --> 00:28:03,684
Smells like hot dogs?
[sniffing]
644
00:28:03,820 --> 00:28:05,085
This is her superpower.
645
00:28:05,221 --> 00:28:07,054
She's unbelievable.
Look at that nose.
646
00:28:07,190 --> 00:28:09,185
[Reggie] You got something?
Wait a minute.
647
00:28:09,321 --> 00:28:10,829
Wait, d-do you smell that?
648
00:28:10,965 --> 00:28:12,958
-I just smell plastic.
-[sniffing] Oh, yeah.
649
00:28:13,093 --> 00:28:15,032
Oh. Yeah, I've got it.
650
00:28:15,167 --> 00:28:17,099
[Reggie] She's walking away.
Should we follow her?
651
00:28:17,999 --> 00:28:19,134
I'm gonna follow her.
652
00:28:20,735 --> 00:28:22,870
[Bug] No, no, no.
A sausage is the one
that looks like shit,
653
00:28:23,006 --> 00:28:24,172
but it don't taste like shit.
654
00:28:24,307 --> 00:28:25,778
[Reggie] Okay,
but then what is a hot dog?
655
00:28:25,913 --> 00:28:27,943
Guys. Shh. Drop it.
Look. What the fuck is this?
656
00:28:28,079 --> 00:28:29,641
That's it,
the giant hamster wheel!
657
00:28:29,776 --> 00:28:31,514
We're on the right track!
[Bug] All right, guys.
658
00:28:31,750 --> 00:28:33,683
We're on a time crunch,
659
00:28:33,818 --> 00:28:35,821
but Hunter's gonna die
if we don't get some food
in him, okay?
660
00:28:35,956 --> 00:28:37,284
Maggie, you hang with Hunter.
[Maggie] Gotcha.
661
00:28:37,420 --> 00:28:39,288
-[Hunter] Good plan.
-Reg, you know what time it is?
662
00:28:39,423 --> 00:28:41,090
-It's grub time.
-It's gr-- Yeah, grub time.
663
00:28:41,226 --> 00:28:43,257
-Let's get some grub.
-Let's get some grub.
664
00:28:44,494 --> 00:28:46,789
[Maggie]
This fucking place is weird.
[Hunter] So weird.
665
00:28:46,924 --> 00:28:48,894
[Bug] I never really
can understand humans, man.
666
00:28:49,029 --> 00:28:51,934
Especially, like,
the lighter shade ones.
They some strange motherfuckers.
667
00:28:52,069 --> 00:28:53,964
[Reggie]
I was thinking the same thing.
668
00:28:54,100 --> 00:28:56,270
-[barks]
-Hey.
669
00:28:58,276 --> 00:29:00,970
Um... [chuckles]
Your dog messed up my shot.
670
00:29:01,106 --> 00:29:01,974
[dog barks]
671
00:29:02,110 --> 00:29:03,341
I think he's telling me
672
00:29:03,477 --> 00:29:05,679
I should pay for you
to take another one.
673
00:29:05,815 --> 00:29:07,083
Oh, is that right?
674
00:29:07,218 --> 00:29:09,054
Yeah, that's what he was saying.
I promise.
675
00:29:09,190 --> 00:29:10,513
[laughs]
676
00:29:10,749 --> 00:29:11,819
I wouldn't--
I wouldn't make it up,
677
00:29:11,955 --> 00:29:13,819
but he's got good ideas.
678
00:29:13,954 --> 00:29:17,029
[Labrador] I could tell Jamesfelt differentabout this human girl.
679
00:29:17,165 --> 00:29:19,888
Maybe it was becauseshe smelled like biscuits.
680
00:29:20,023 --> 00:29:22,298
Or maybe it was becausesomething about her was special.
681
00:29:22,434 --> 00:29:25,530
Excuse me, do you know
where we can get
some food around here?
682
00:29:27,906 --> 00:29:31,733
[Labrador] As I was saying,James thought he washelping this girl.
683
00:29:31,869 --> 00:29:34,847
But the truth is,she was helping him.
684
00:29:34,982 --> 00:29:37,381
Oh, fuck this bullshit.
Wait, what is he doing?
685
00:29:37,516 --> 00:29:40,178
I've seen this shit before.
He's one of those narrator dogs.
686
00:29:40,314 --> 00:29:44,549
Hey! No one's listening
to your lame human story,
you fucking dumbass!
687
00:29:48,195 --> 00:29:50,322
[Labrador] Sadly,the little dog was right.
688
00:29:50,458 --> 00:29:53,189
No one was listeningto my story.
689
00:29:53,324 --> 00:29:54,890
Which is too bad,
690
00:29:55,025 --> 00:29:56,229
because I'm the only onewho knows
691
00:29:56,364 --> 00:29:58,927
James isa cold-blooded serial killer.
692
00:29:59,063 --> 00:30:02,607
He's got three bodies buriedin the backyard already.
693
00:30:02,842 --> 00:30:05,004
But I guess no one's interested.
694
00:30:05,140 --> 00:30:07,004
I can't believe that dog.
695
00:30:07,139 --> 00:30:09,106
He was so obsessed
with his owner,
he didn't even acknowledge us.
696
00:30:09,241 --> 00:30:12,014
I'm gonna tell ya, kid,
the moment they leash you up,
snip your balls,
697
00:30:12,150 --> 00:30:13,819
is the moment they got you
by them.
698
00:30:13,954 --> 00:30:16,915
Hold on. They snip your balls?
Oh, yeah.
699
00:30:17,051 --> 00:30:19,992
And I think
they're collecting those too,
to put in the chocolate.
700
00:30:20,127 --> 00:30:22,087
-[vendor]
Get your hot dogs here!
-Oh, shit! Look!
701
00:30:22,223 --> 00:30:23,620
[vendor] I got jumbo dogs!
702
00:30:23,855 --> 00:30:25,793
Okay, here's the plan.
You grab the sausages,
703
00:30:25,928 --> 00:30:27,793
and I'll go over there
and fuck the guy's leg
as a distraction.
704
00:30:27,928 --> 00:30:29,431
And break!
705
00:30:29,567 --> 00:30:33,038
Uh, I don't think fucking
the guy's leg is necessary,
706
00:30:33,173 --> 00:30:35,170
but I see you've
already started. All right.
707
00:30:35,305 --> 00:30:36,908
[bell dinging]
Ooh, gimme, gimme, gimme.
708
00:30:37,043 --> 00:30:39,170
Bunny! [squealing]
[friend] You won! [laughs]
709
00:30:39,305 --> 00:30:40,778
I can't believe I won!
710
00:30:40,914 --> 00:30:42,776
[Maggie]
Oh, look at that toy bunny.
711
00:30:42,911 --> 00:30:46,342
You know,
it hasn't even been a day yet,
but I really miss toys.
712
00:30:46,477 --> 00:30:48,420
Jenna had some good ones.
713
00:30:48,555 --> 00:30:51,854
I'd rip that shit apart
until I found that squeaky toy
in the middle.
714
00:30:51,989 --> 00:30:54,020
Ugh.
I miss squeaky toys too.
715
00:30:54,155 --> 00:30:57,062
But of course, I only got
to play with those squeak toys
if I was a good girl,
716
00:30:57,198 --> 00:31:00,096
and I smiled the right way
for her stupid freaking selfies.
717
00:31:00,232 --> 00:31:02,994
The amount of work
that goes into looking cute.
718
00:31:03,129 --> 00:31:05,799
Honestly,
I had to go to spin around
in a perfect circle like this,
719
00:31:05,934 --> 00:31:08,501
move into
a "Oh, I'm so fuckable" pose
with my paws crossed.
720
00:31:08,636 --> 00:31:10,840
And I'd have to stand
up straight, paws up.
721
00:31:10,975 --> 00:31:12,804
I have to show all my tits.
722
00:31:12,940 --> 00:31:15,179
Yeah. [chuckles] Right, that--
yeah, that's pretty fuckable.
723
00:31:15,314 --> 00:31:17,912
I mean, uh, that-that--
that's-- that's weird.
724
00:31:18,047 --> 00:31:19,643
Wait, uh, there they are.
725
00:31:19,879 --> 00:31:22,914
[clears throat] You know,
Maggie, there's, um...
726
00:31:23,050 --> 00:31:26,218
There's so much more
to like about you
than just your looks.
727
00:31:26,353 --> 00:31:28,160
-You think so?
-Sure.
728
00:31:28,296 --> 00:31:31,657
I mean, you are hands down
the best sniffer I've ever met.
729
00:31:31,892 --> 00:31:34,865
-Huh.
-But you're also smart,
and you can jump high,
730
00:31:35,001 --> 00:31:37,029
and you know like
nine human words.
731
00:31:37,164 --> 00:31:38,198
That's insane.
732
00:31:38,333 --> 00:31:40,664
I actually know 31.
But thank you.
733
00:31:40,899 --> 00:31:42,967
Honestly, I'd have to list
about 20 more things
734
00:31:43,102 --> 00:31:46,143
before I even got to
anything to do
with how beautiful you are.
735
00:31:48,279 --> 00:31:51,442
Um...
I'm sorry, that was too much.
736
00:31:51,577 --> 00:31:54,877
No, that--
that means a lot to me.
737
00:31:55,012 --> 00:31:57,380
You know,
you're a really good
listener.
738
00:31:57,516 --> 00:32:01,092
Oh, that's because all the sound
funnels through the cone
right to my ears.
739
00:32:01,227 --> 00:32:03,186
[chuckles] No, I didn't--
Never mind.
740
00:32:03,322 --> 00:32:04,289
Wait, wait, what?
741
00:32:04,425 --> 00:32:06,131
Have you ever thought
about--
742
00:32:06,266 --> 00:32:08,500
about taking the cone off
for a little while?
743
00:32:08,635 --> 00:32:10,398
Just to-- Just to see?
744
00:32:10,533 --> 00:32:13,195
-No.
-I bet you'd
look really handsome.
745
00:32:13,330 --> 00:32:14,272
[chuckles]
746
00:32:14,408 --> 00:32:15,667
Really?
747
00:32:16,476 --> 00:32:17,399
Yeah.
748
00:32:17,534 --> 00:32:19,144
[Bug, Reggie laughing]
749
00:32:19,279 --> 00:32:21,144
That's how you do it, Reg, baby.
That was awesome!
750
00:32:21,280 --> 00:32:23,147
Oh, wait a minute, okay.
What's this vibe?
751
00:32:23,282 --> 00:32:25,147
[stammering] No.
What? Oh, nothing. Nothing.
752
00:32:25,283 --> 00:32:26,578
What vibe? There is no vibe.
What vibe?
753
00:32:26,713 --> 00:32:29,252
Your boner implies
that there's a vibe.
754
00:32:29,388 --> 00:32:32,316
Oh, you know,
that's because our friendship...
755
00:32:32,452 --> 00:32:33,924
[chuckles] ...got me erect.
756
00:32:34,060 --> 00:32:35,487
Yeah,
it was a friend boner.
757
00:32:35,623 --> 00:32:37,460
Then why don't you get boners
for us?
758
00:32:37,595 --> 00:32:39,988
I mean, uh... [chuckles]
...are we not your friends?
759
00:32:40,124 --> 00:32:42,532
What? No, no.
You guys get me hard
all the time.
760
00:32:42,668 --> 00:32:46,136
Hunter, that's about
the sweetest thing
I've ever heard.
761
00:32:46,271 --> 00:32:48,597
Speaking of boners,
how about some sausages?
762
00:32:48,733 --> 00:32:50,372
We took 'em
from a human.
763
00:32:50,507 --> 00:32:52,944
You stole these from a human?
What if someone saw?
764
00:32:53,080 --> 00:32:55,279
Relax.
Grow back some testicles.
765
00:32:55,414 --> 00:32:57,046
-Ain't nobody saw.
-[fireworks exploding]
766
00:32:57,181 --> 00:32:59,108
[Hunter, Maggie
gasping, yelping]
767
00:32:59,244 --> 00:33:00,442
God saw!
768
00:33:00,577 --> 00:33:02,348
God sees everything!
769
00:33:02,483 --> 00:33:04,255
-Run!
-[Maggie screams]
770
00:33:04,391 --> 00:33:06,383
[Hunter] We're under attack!
[Maggie] Save yourselves!
771
00:33:06,519 --> 00:33:07,618
[Hunter] We gotta find cover!
772
00:33:07,753 --> 00:33:10,087
The whole fucking place
is gonna blow!
773
00:33:10,223 --> 00:33:11,386
Move! Move!
774
00:33:11,522 --> 00:33:12,988
[Hunter] Oh, God!
775
00:33:13,123 --> 00:33:14,926
[Reggie] We're all gonna die!
[bell clangs]
776
00:33:15,062 --> 00:33:16,494
Mama!
777
00:33:16,630 --> 00:33:18,460
[fireworks popping quietly]
Wow.
778
00:33:18,596 --> 00:33:20,070
[carnival music playing]
779
00:33:20,206 --> 00:33:21,933
[fireworks exploding]
[Maggie] Stay low!
780
00:33:22,069 --> 00:33:24,408
-[Reggie]
They've got us surrounded!
-[Bug] Go, go, go!
781
00:33:24,544 --> 00:33:26,978
-[Bug] They're coming after us!
-[Maggie] This way, hurry!
782
00:33:27,114 --> 00:33:28,707
[Hunter] It's so loud
inside the cone!
783
00:33:31,346 --> 00:33:32,510
[Bug] Oh, shit!
[Reggie] No!
784
00:33:32,646 --> 00:33:34,215
Oh, no, no!
[Bug] We gotta get over.
785
00:33:34,350 --> 00:33:36,152
[Reggie] Over here.
We gotta dig!
786
00:33:36,287 --> 00:33:37,647
-We gotta dig!
-[Bug] Dig! Dig faster!
787
00:33:37,783 --> 00:33:39,556
[Reggie] Hunter! Maggie!
Help us dig!
788
00:33:39,691 --> 00:33:41,660
-[Maggie] What? What's going on?
-[Bug] Come on, Maggie! Dig!
789
00:33:41,795 --> 00:33:43,191
You said you love digging!
790
00:33:43,326 --> 00:33:45,589
[Maggie]
I lied! I hate digging!
791
00:33:45,724 --> 00:33:47,665
There we go.
Okay, let's go!
792
00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:50,026
-I hate how the dirt feels
under my nails!
-[Bug] Come on, let's go!
793
00:33:50,161 --> 00:33:53,204
Wait, wait! Guys! I'm stuck!
My bandana's stuck!
794
00:33:54,068 --> 00:33:55,107
Ah!
795
00:33:55,709 --> 00:33:57,306
-Oh, no!
-Reggie!
796
00:33:57,442 --> 00:33:59,337
-[Maggie] Reggie, no!
-Reggie! Come on, buddy!
797
00:33:59,473 --> 00:34:00,470
Maggie, Hunter, help me out.
798
00:34:00,606 --> 00:34:02,142
No, no, no. Get out of here.
799
00:34:02,278 --> 00:34:03,310
I-It's too late for me.
800
00:34:03,445 --> 00:34:05,044
Listen to me! It's not too late.
801
00:34:05,180 --> 00:34:06,678
No. Save yourself.
802
00:34:06,813 --> 00:34:09,583
And tell Doug
I wanted to bite his dick off.
803
00:34:10,385 --> 00:34:12,351
Bite it for me, if you can.
804
00:34:12,487 --> 00:34:14,455
Look at me. You're gonna live.
805
00:34:14,591 --> 00:34:17,756
And you're gonna bite
that dick yourself.
806
00:34:19,095 --> 00:34:20,390
Hunter, the fence!
807
00:34:20,525 --> 00:34:22,029
[grunting, growling]
808
00:34:22,164 --> 00:34:23,327
Here, check this out.
809
00:34:23,463 --> 00:34:25,462
[Bug grunting] Come on!
810
00:34:25,598 --> 00:34:27,733
Holy shit, they have a bomb!
811
00:34:28,835 --> 00:34:31,770
-Come on, Reggie!
-Come on! Come on, Reg!
812
00:34:33,614 --> 00:34:35,042
[grunting]
813
00:34:35,177 --> 00:34:36,446
[Reggie] Almost free!
814
00:34:36,581 --> 00:34:37,839
-I'm almost free!
-[Hunter] Come on, Reggie!
815
00:34:38,075 --> 00:34:39,349
[Reggie] Ah!
[Bug] Come on, let's go!
816
00:34:40,751 --> 00:34:42,748
[Bug] Move, move!
[Maggie] Come on, guys,
let's go!
817
00:34:45,526 --> 00:34:46,554
[sighs]
818
00:34:47,617 --> 00:34:49,326
Oh, well. Uh...
819
00:34:50,392 --> 00:34:51,453
You guys wanna kiss a little?
820
00:34:51,588 --> 00:34:52,664
[all panting]
821
00:34:52,799 --> 00:34:54,732
Oh, my God! Holy shit!
822
00:34:54,867 --> 00:34:56,532
Guys, that was crazy!
823
00:34:56,667 --> 00:34:58,569
I feel like now I need
an emotional support dog.
824
00:34:58,705 --> 00:35:01,598
Bug... [laughs]
...you looked like
you were gonna shit yourself.
825
00:35:01,733 --> 00:35:03,669
I did!
I literally did that.
826
00:35:03,804 --> 00:35:05,335
Oh, God!
[Hunter] He did.
I stepped in it.
827
00:35:05,470 --> 00:35:06,870
[all panting]
828
00:35:07,105 --> 00:35:10,378
-Reg, you okay?
-It's nothing. It's just--
829
00:35:10,514 --> 00:35:12,417
You guys risked your life
for me.
830
00:35:12,552 --> 00:35:15,921
Bug, you saved me.
I never thought
anyone would do that.
831
00:35:16,156 --> 00:35:17,485
Of course we would.
[Hunter chuckles]
832
00:35:17,620 --> 00:35:20,125
Come on!
You're part of the pack, Reggie.
833
00:35:20,260 --> 00:35:21,620
We stick together.
[Hunter] That's right.
834
00:35:21,756 --> 00:35:23,519
I've never been
part of a pack before.
835
00:35:23,654 --> 00:35:26,091
-Well, you are now.
-I didn't even know
that was a thing.
836
00:35:26,226 --> 00:35:27,429
[laughter]
837
00:35:27,564 --> 00:35:29,066
-We'll make it a thing.
-[Maggie] Yeah.
838
00:35:29,201 --> 00:35:31,797
So, I kind of have
a weird idea.
839
00:35:32,566 --> 00:35:35,239
Could-- Could we maybe...
840
00:35:35,375 --> 00:35:38,205
-[scoffs] ...pee on each other?
-Say what now?
841
00:35:38,340 --> 00:35:41,713
Well, you said that
when you pee on something,
that it's yours.
842
00:35:41,848 --> 00:35:44,679
I just thought that
since we're all, like,
friends now, we could--
843
00:35:44,814 --> 00:35:47,749
Pee on each other,
so we belong to each other?
844
00:35:47,885 --> 00:35:48,952
Yeah.
845
00:35:49,188 --> 00:35:51,180
[scoffs]
It was a stupid idea.
846
00:35:51,315 --> 00:35:54,589
Jenna would be so mad
if I came home covered in urine.
847
00:35:55,588 --> 00:35:57,455
Let's fucking do it.
848
00:35:57,591 --> 00:35:59,563
Oh. We're doing it. Okay.
Why don't we do, like,
a circle...
849
00:35:59,699 --> 00:36:02,096
-Yeah. Let's lift our left leg.
-Get to the starboard side.
850
00:36:02,231 --> 00:36:04,501
-Yeah, we'll lift our left leg.
-[Bug] There we go.
Left leg is good.
851
00:36:04,636 --> 00:36:06,933
Good,
I get to pee on Bug.
[Bug] Left leg is good.
852
00:36:07,169 --> 00:36:08,932
[all sighing]
853
00:36:09,168 --> 00:36:11,172
[Bug] Whoa.
This isn't just
warming my body,
854
00:36:11,308 --> 00:36:12,371
it's warming my heart.
855
00:36:12,506 --> 00:36:13,605
[Reggie] Aw.
[Bug] Wow.
856
00:36:13,740 --> 00:36:15,575
I guess this
makes us family now.
857
00:36:15,711 --> 00:36:17,612
Yeah, we're BFFs.
[Hunter] Yeah.
858
00:36:17,747 --> 00:36:20,379
[Maggie chuckles]
Even better, we're Pee-FFs.
859
00:36:20,515 --> 00:36:22,383
Pee-FFs! [laughs] I love it.
860
00:36:22,518 --> 00:36:24,788
Yeah. Love that.
[Maggie] Oh, Bug!
861
00:36:24,923 --> 00:36:26,824
You look happy!
862
00:36:26,959 --> 00:36:28,822
What are you talking about,
I look happy?
I'm just smiling
863
00:36:28,958 --> 00:36:30,727
because we're all sitting here
pissing on each other,
864
00:36:30,862 --> 00:36:33,328
so it just-- I cracked a smile.
It's not an emotional thing.
865
00:36:33,463 --> 00:36:34,794
You love us!
[Maggie] You love us!
866
00:36:34,929 --> 00:36:36,366
Okay, that's it.
[Hunter] That's right.
867
00:36:36,502 --> 00:36:37,730
-You do, Bug.
-That's my cue to go to bed.
868
00:36:37,865 --> 00:36:39,536
-[Hunter] Come on, Bug.
-[Bug] Look, listen.
869
00:36:39,672 --> 00:36:42,500
We got a lot of walking to do
and not much time to do it.
870
00:36:42,635 --> 00:36:44,205
Let's get some sleep.
871
00:36:44,341 --> 00:36:45,937
H-H-Ho-Hold on one second.
872
00:36:49,681 --> 00:36:51,678
-Go back the other way.
-Better the other way. Let me...
873
00:36:51,813 --> 00:36:53,412
[Reggie] Have you tried
sniffing the ground?
874
00:36:53,548 --> 00:36:55,145
Fucked that one up. [groans]
875
00:36:55,280 --> 00:36:57,221
-You gotta reset yourself.
-[Maggie] Go back 90 degrees.
876
00:36:57,357 --> 00:36:58,715
You were so close.
[Reggie] Now sit down.
877
00:36:58,850 --> 00:37:00,422
That'll do. That'll do.
878
00:37:00,558 --> 00:37:01,853
All right,
finally, good.
Time for bed.
879
00:37:01,989 --> 00:37:04,191
[Maggie] Let's get some sleep.
Okay.
880
00:37:04,327 --> 00:37:06,428
-[Hunter] And quick turn...
It's time to go...
-[Maggie] Wait, hang on.
881
00:37:06,564 --> 00:37:08,531
[Reggie] One turn.
Two turns. Three turns.
882
00:37:08,666 --> 00:37:10,259
Oh, God. Bug's really fucked
with my head.
883
00:37:10,394 --> 00:37:12,636
-Turn. There, and that's it.
-[Maggie] Five, four,
884
00:37:12,771 --> 00:37:14,764
three, two, one.
[Hunter] Again. Okay.
Now I'm ready.
885
00:37:14,899 --> 00:37:17,236
[Maggie] There. I did it. Easy.
886
00:37:17,371 --> 00:37:18,607
And get down.
887
00:37:20,004 --> 00:37:21,445
I'm getting much faster at that.
888
00:37:22,909 --> 00:37:24,442
Good night, everyone.
Good night, Reg.
889
00:37:24,577 --> 00:37:25,811
Good night, Reggie.
890
00:37:25,947 --> 00:37:27,411
Thanks again
for letting me pee
on you guys.
891
00:37:27,547 --> 00:37:28,548
Reggie?
Yeah?
892
00:37:28,683 --> 00:37:29,715
Could you
stop fucking talking?
893
00:37:29,850 --> 00:37:31,356
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
[Bug] All right.
894
00:37:40,967 --> 00:37:44,296
[Reggie] Okay, guys.
Big day today.
Next up is the giant cone.
895
00:37:44,431 --> 00:37:46,495
[Bug] I don't know what kind of
cone we're gonna find out here.
896
00:37:46,630 --> 00:37:48,901
[Reggie]
It can't be too hard to find.
It's gigantic.
897
00:37:49,036 --> 00:37:50,806
[Bug] All I see is trees,
but whatever.
898
00:37:50,942 --> 00:37:53,768
Hey, mate, have you thought
about how you're gonna do it?
899
00:37:53,903 --> 00:37:55,343
Uh, sorry, d-do what?
900
00:37:55,479 --> 00:37:57,072
Bite Doug's dick off.
Oh.
901
00:37:57,307 --> 00:37:59,411
Were you thinking lengthwise
or tip-to-shaft?
902
00:37:59,547 --> 00:38:01,314
Gosh, I don't know.
903
00:38:01,449 --> 00:38:03,346
You know,
I've never bitten off
a dick before. [chuckles]
904
00:38:03,482 --> 00:38:05,451
I guess I'll let it just
come to me in the moment.
905
00:38:05,587 --> 00:38:07,251
So, at what point of this trip
906
00:38:07,386 --> 00:38:09,752
are you gonna build up
a little BDE
and make a move, huh?
907
00:38:09,888 --> 00:38:11,830
With Maggie?
Yes, Maggie--
908
00:38:11,965 --> 00:38:14,089
No, with this mossy stump.
What the fuck you think
I'm talking about?
909
00:38:14,324 --> 00:38:15,861
[laughs] No way.
She wouldn't go for me.
910
00:38:15,996 --> 00:38:18,367
I mean, maybe a door opens up
down the road,
911
00:38:18,502 --> 00:38:19,733
but for now, we're just friends.
912
00:38:19,869 --> 00:38:21,673
What are you talking about,
opening up doors?
913
00:38:21,809 --> 00:38:24,640
We don't have thumbs.
You gotta knock
the fucking door down.
914
00:38:24,776 --> 00:38:27,341
Yeah, but who would want to date
a failed police dog
915
00:38:27,476 --> 00:38:29,304
who wears a cone 24/7?
916
00:38:29,439 --> 00:38:32,716
Aw, come on, dude.
Girls date losers all the time.
917
00:38:32,852 --> 00:38:36,718
You know, Reggie,
that you don't have to
do it, right?
918
00:38:36,854 --> 00:38:38,822
What are you talking about?
Of course I do.
919
00:38:38,958 --> 00:38:41,889
I'm gonna get
all over that dick.
Chomp, chomp, chomp. Mmm.
920
00:38:42,024 --> 00:38:44,926
Yeah, but you could just,
you know, move on from Doug,
921
00:38:45,061 --> 00:38:47,130
and then you wouldn't have to
do anything to him at all.
922
00:38:47,365 --> 00:38:48,725
You could always just let it go.
923
00:38:48,860 --> 00:38:50,529
I-I'm not-- [chuckles]
924
00:38:50,665 --> 00:38:52,771
No. Not just gonna let it go.
925
00:38:52,906 --> 00:38:55,803
All right, look,
you failed doggy school
'cause you was a wuss,
926
00:38:55,938 --> 00:38:57,972
but there's nothing we can do
about your past.
927
00:38:58,108 --> 00:39:01,507
We might, however,
be able to get that thing
off your head.
928
00:39:01,643 --> 00:39:03,272
This? No. No, you can't.
929
00:39:03,407 --> 00:39:05,675
Sure we can.
If we all pull together,
we can--
930
00:39:05,810 --> 00:39:07,744
No, I mean, I need it.
931
00:39:07,880 --> 00:39:09,887
I keep it on intentionally.
932
00:39:10,022 --> 00:39:11,522
Wait, really?
933
00:39:11,657 --> 00:39:13,286
I assumed it was, like,
you know, a medical thing.
934
00:39:13,421 --> 00:39:14,555
Oh, it is.
935
00:39:14,690 --> 00:39:15,988
I'll do anything
to keep it on,
936
00:39:16,123 --> 00:39:18,629
and most self-inflicted injuries
will do the trick.
937
00:39:18,764 --> 00:39:21,591
You know, cat scratches,
ear infection from the toilet,
938
00:39:21,727 --> 00:39:25,503
lick my testicles
for hours and hours
until the humans get concerned.
939
00:39:25,638 --> 00:39:27,965
But it's worth it.
I get anxious sometimes,
940
00:39:28,101 --> 00:39:30,805
and the cone helps me
block things out.
941
00:39:31,740 --> 00:39:33,136
What are you guys
talking about?
942
00:39:33,371 --> 00:39:35,405
Oh, uh, nothing.
You know,
same old, same old.
943
00:39:35,541 --> 00:39:37,878
I'm telling him he's got to
get that big dick energy.
944
00:39:38,014 --> 00:39:40,615
-Bug!
-Well,
you've got the first part down.
945
00:39:40,751 --> 00:39:42,881
Thanks for complimenting
my penis, Maggie.
946
00:39:43,016 --> 00:39:44,850
You know,
your vagina's huge too.
947
00:39:44,986 --> 00:39:47,459
Seriously?
Shit. Why did I say that?
948
00:39:49,992 --> 00:39:51,726
[Bug] Reg,
let me ask you something.
Yeah?
949
00:39:51,862 --> 00:39:53,931
How sure are you
that the big cone is this way?
950
00:39:54,067 --> 00:39:55,699
I don't know.
951
00:39:55,835 --> 00:39:59,163
On a scale of "sure" to
"not sure," I'm pretty sure...
952
00:40:01,467 --> 00:40:03,172
that I'm not really sure.
That, I'm sure of.
953
00:40:03,408 --> 00:40:04,739
Holy shit! We're lost.
954
00:40:04,875 --> 00:40:06,167
[Maggie] Great.
I knew this would happen.
955
00:40:06,403 --> 00:40:08,008
Calm down, Bug.
We'll figure it out.
956
00:40:08,143 --> 00:40:10,340
-This could be a lot worse.
-Oh, really, Hunter?
957
00:40:10,475 --> 00:40:12,408
I'm starving,
we're completely fucking lost,
958
00:40:12,544 --> 00:40:14,948
and my little puppy paw pads
are really hurting right now.
959
00:40:15,083 --> 00:40:17,148
Aw.
So how exactly
could this get worse?
960
00:40:18,423 --> 00:40:19,782
Huh? How could it? Tell me. Huh?
961
00:40:19,918 --> 00:40:21,053
How could it get worse?
962
00:40:22,153 --> 00:40:23,918
-[bird screeches]
-Oh, oh, oh!
963
00:40:24,053 --> 00:40:26,831
-Bug! Why did I say
it could get a lot worse?
-[Bug] Oh, shit!
964
00:40:26,966 --> 00:40:29,228
Please, please, don't drop me!
Don't eat me! None of that!
965
00:40:29,464 --> 00:40:32,201
-[Hunter]
That eagle has some good timing.
-Bug! Hold on, buddy!
966
00:40:32,437 --> 00:40:33,771
Reg! Reggie! Guys, help me!
967
00:40:33,906 --> 00:40:35,804
Ask him if he wouldn't mind
bringing you lower!
968
00:40:35,940 --> 00:40:37,971
What are you talking about?
I don't speak bird.
969
00:40:38,107 --> 00:40:39,873
-We're in a real pickle!
-[Bug] Help, help, help.
970
00:40:40,008 --> 00:40:41,538
Do something.
Somebody do something!
971
00:40:41,674 --> 00:40:42,703
Oh! Oh, God!
972
00:40:42,839 --> 00:40:44,815
[shouts]
973
00:40:44,951 --> 00:40:46,045
[grunts]
974
00:40:47,053 --> 00:40:48,618
[Bug] Yes! No!
975
00:40:48,754 --> 00:40:50,379
This is fucking crazy,
we're going higher!
976
00:40:50,514 --> 00:40:52,853
-[Hunter] Hold on, buddy!
-Reggie! Bug!
977
00:40:52,989 --> 00:40:55,819
Oh, wow, your balls look huge
from this angle.
978
00:40:55,955 --> 00:40:58,795
Thank you. But holy fuck!
979
00:40:58,930 --> 00:41:03,062
[bird-watcher] That is
a golden-cheeked warbler.
980
00:41:03,931 --> 00:41:05,504
I've been missing that one.
981
00:41:06,665 --> 00:41:07,704
Uh...
982
00:41:08,908 --> 00:41:09,841
Mmm.
983
00:41:09,976 --> 00:41:12,403
[humming]
984
00:41:12,539 --> 00:41:13,470
Check.
985
00:41:13,606 --> 00:41:14,937
[sighs]
986
00:41:15,072 --> 00:41:16,581
[Bug barking in distance]
987
00:41:21,045 --> 00:41:23,587
[bird-watcher] Holy shit.
988
00:41:23,722 --> 00:41:26,888
That is the craziest thing
I have ever seen.
989
00:41:28,489 --> 00:41:32,562
And I'm Dennis Quaid,
and Dennis Quaid
has seen some shit.
990
00:41:32,697 --> 00:41:34,056
Let me down, bitch!
Bug, look!
991
00:41:34,191 --> 00:41:35,862
Over there!
The giant cone!
992
00:41:35,998 --> 00:41:37,697
-What?
-[Reggie] The giant cone!
993
00:41:37,832 --> 00:41:39,729
[Bug] Oh, the cone! Well, shit.
994
00:41:39,865 --> 00:41:42,200
That would be great news
if we weren't stuck
to this fucking bird!
995
00:41:43,134 --> 00:41:45,904
Bug! I got an idea. Hang on!
996
00:41:46,039 --> 00:41:48,608
[grunting]
Reg, what are you doing?
997
00:41:48,743 --> 00:41:51,715
Oh, God! That's bold!
998
00:41:52,779 --> 00:41:53,984
It's too bold!
999
00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:55,086
[screaming]
1000
00:41:55,221 --> 00:41:56,819
[Reggie] Here we go!
1001
00:41:58,058 --> 00:41:59,690
[Bug gasps]
1002
00:42:00,624 --> 00:42:02,693
Well, shit-- Ow!
Ah!
1003
00:42:04,661 --> 00:42:06,062
[Bug, Reggie grunting, groaning]
1004
00:42:06,198 --> 00:42:07,828
Reggie! Bug!
1005
00:42:07,964 --> 00:42:09,968
[Bug] Ah! Help! Shit.
[Reggie] Ah! Branch!
1006
00:42:10,103 --> 00:42:11,067
Smaller branch!
1007
00:42:11,203 --> 00:42:12,126
[Bug] Fuck!
1008
00:42:12,262 --> 00:42:14,764
[both grunting, groaning]
1009
00:42:14,899 --> 00:42:15,765
[Reggie] Shit--
1010
00:42:15,900 --> 00:42:16,834
[Bug] Goddamn--
1011
00:42:16,970 --> 00:42:18,767
[grunting, groaning continues]
1012
00:42:18,903 --> 00:42:21,743
Wow, they're hitting
a worst-case-scenario amount
of branches.
1013
00:42:21,879 --> 00:42:23,909
-[Reggie] Branch!
-[Bug] Paws! Paws! Paws!
1014
00:42:24,044 --> 00:42:25,676
[Reggie] Neck!
[Bug] Tail!
1015
00:42:25,811 --> 00:42:27,878
[grunts, sighs]
1016
00:42:28,013 --> 00:42:29,851
Oh, my God. I am so sorry.
1017
00:42:29,986 --> 00:42:31,651
I did not mean
to barge in like this.
1018
00:42:31,787 --> 00:42:32,883
What, are you guys wrestling?
1019
00:42:33,019 --> 00:42:33,949
[Bug screaming, grunts] Shit!
1020
00:42:34,084 --> 00:42:35,051
[Bug screams, grunts]
1021
00:42:35,187 --> 00:42:36,524
[Maggie] Bug!
[Bug screaming]
1022
00:42:36,659 --> 00:42:37,725
[Reggie screaming, grunts]
1023
00:42:37,861 --> 00:42:39,123
-Reggie!
-[Reggie] You're alive!
1024
00:42:39,258 --> 00:42:42,196
[Bug] Oh, fuck.
Got a stick up my ass.
1025
00:42:42,331 --> 00:42:44,865
[Reggie] Well, Hunter was right.
That could have been worse.
1026
00:42:45,001 --> 00:42:46,604
[Bug] Just get the fuck
out of the bush.
1027
00:42:46,739 --> 00:42:49,173
[Hunter] Reggie,
you are once again a legend.
1028
00:42:49,308 --> 00:42:50,505
Guys, that was epic.
1029
00:42:50,641 --> 00:42:52,535
Fucking leaves. Get off me!
1030
00:42:52,671 --> 00:42:54,708
Guys! You wouldn't believe it.
We saw the giant cone.
1031
00:42:54,843 --> 00:42:55,874
[Hunter] What?
Yeah, we did.
1032
00:42:56,009 --> 00:42:57,539
Really?
That's amazing.
1033
00:42:57,675 --> 00:42:58,909
That means we're heading
in the right direction.
1034
00:42:59,045 --> 00:43:00,775
Yeah, and not to be cheesy,
1035
00:43:00,911 --> 00:43:03,613
but being up in the sky
like that just moments
from my death,
1036
00:43:04,349 --> 00:43:06,587
I-- I learned something
about life.
1037
00:43:06,723 --> 00:43:07,621
What's that?
What?
1038
00:43:07,757 --> 00:43:09,628
Birds don't have genitals.
1039
00:43:10,330 --> 00:43:11,928
Well, then how do they...
1040
00:43:12,063 --> 00:43:15,764
I don't know.
Maybe they have
both parts inside.
1041
00:43:15,900 --> 00:43:18,060
So if you were to say
"go fuck yourself,"
1042
00:43:18,195 --> 00:43:20,364
they could actually do it.
1043
00:43:21,801 --> 00:43:23,364
Um, okay, then.
1044
00:43:23,600 --> 00:43:26,538
So, hey, next up
is the devil in the sky.
1045
00:43:26,673 --> 00:43:28,638
[howling]
1046
00:43:28,774 --> 00:43:29,978
Howling.
1047
00:43:30,114 --> 00:43:31,781
Come on, guys.
We're over halfway there.
1048
00:43:31,917 --> 00:43:33,646
[Hunter]
My howl's getting better.
1049
00:43:33,781 --> 00:43:35,186
-You guys hear that?
-[Maggie] Good on you.
I'm so proud.
1050
00:43:35,321 --> 00:43:36,686
Hey, man.
Yeah?
1051
00:43:36,822 --> 00:43:38,718
I really appreciate
what you did up there.
1052
00:43:38,854 --> 00:43:42,590
I mean, no need to pee
on each other or anything
like that, but thanks.
1053
00:43:42,726 --> 00:43:44,986
Of course. We're Pee-FFs.
1054
00:43:45,122 --> 00:43:46,921
We stick together.
1055
00:43:47,057 --> 00:43:49,760
All right, all right. Enough.
Put your tongue back
in your mouth.
1056
00:43:49,896 --> 00:43:54,071
["A-O-K" playing]
1057
00:43:54,206 --> 00:43:57,837
[Hunter] Okay, okay.
Never have I ever
gone down on a girl dog.
1058
00:43:57,972 --> 00:43:59,569
[Maggie] Really? Seriously?
1059
00:43:59,704 --> 00:44:01,139
-You guys lick
your balls all day.
-[Hunter] No, no.
1060
00:44:01,274 --> 00:44:02,947
[Hunter, Reggie]
That's different.
1061
00:44:03,082 --> 00:44:05,240
[Maggie] How is it different?
[Bug] It's way different.
1062
00:44:05,376 --> 00:44:07,145
-[Hunter] Bones to biscuits.
-[Maggie] I can't believe
that I'm the only one.
1063
00:44:07,281 --> 00:44:08,886
[Hunter]
What, you went down on a--
1064
00:44:09,021 --> 00:44:10,812
[Maggie] I was experimenting.
Come on, I was in my twos.
1065
00:44:10,948 --> 00:44:12,181
[Bug] Oh.
[Hunter]
Yeah, that's the twos.
1066
00:44:12,316 --> 00:44:14,022
[Reggie] Oh, like a rumspringa.
1067
00:44:14,158 --> 00:44:15,926
♪ Living in thisbig blue world... ♪
1068
00:44:16,061 --> 00:44:19,655
[Reggie] Okay, I got one.
Would you rather eat poop or--
1069
00:44:19,791 --> 00:44:21,864
[Maggie] Eat poop.
[Bug] Eat poop.
Definitely eat poop.
1070
00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:23,160
Okay,
but I didn't even get to--
1071
00:44:23,296 --> 00:44:24,826
It doesn't matter.
I like poop.
1072
00:44:26,063 --> 00:44:28,235
[Reggie] So, question.
When dogs have sex
from behind...
1073
00:44:28,370 --> 00:44:30,131
[Hunter] Okay, okay...
...what's the style?
1074
00:44:30,266 --> 00:44:32,074
[Bug]
That's just regular style.
[Maggie] Regular style.
1075
00:44:32,209 --> 00:44:34,304
[Reggie] Is there another style
or do we only have one?
1076
00:44:34,439 --> 00:44:36,976
[Bug] I only know one style
of fucking, and I've been
doing it my whole life.
1077
00:44:37,112 --> 00:44:38,640
[Reggie]
Then what's human style?
1078
00:44:38,776 --> 00:44:40,641
[Bug] In human style,
the boy pretends to be the dog
1079
00:44:40,777 --> 00:44:42,448
and the girl
pretends to be the couch.
1080
00:44:42,684 --> 00:44:45,116
It's very complicated.
[Reggie]
Wow, that is complicated.
1081
00:44:45,252 --> 00:44:47,121
[Hunter]
Every species is different.
1082
00:44:48,691 --> 00:44:51,261
♪ Two, four, six, eightWho do we appreciate... ♪
1083
00:44:51,396 --> 00:44:53,054
[Maggie] All right,
I've got a joke.
Knock, knock.
1084
00:44:53,189 --> 00:44:54,622
[others barking]
1085
00:44:54,758 --> 00:44:56,097
[Maggie] No.
You gotta ask, "Who's there?"
1086
00:44:56,233 --> 00:44:57,795
-[Bug] Okay. Got it, got it.
-[Maggie] Knock, knock.
1087
00:44:57,930 --> 00:44:59,764
[others barking]
1088
00:44:59,899 --> 00:45:01,762
[Maggie] Guys, stop.
You won't even
let me get to the joke part.
1089
00:45:01,898 --> 00:45:03,907
[Reggie] Later, Maggie.
Somebody's at the door.
1090
00:45:04,042 --> 00:45:05,808
[Bug] Nothing funny
about a stranger at the door.
1091
00:45:05,944 --> 00:45:08,174
[Maggie] Ugh.
You guys are fucking morons.
1092
00:45:08,310 --> 00:45:11,310
♪ I know I'll be A-O, A-O-K... ♪
1093
00:45:12,251 --> 00:45:14,647
[sniffing]
1094
00:45:14,782 --> 00:45:18,515
-[Maggie]
You guys got anything yet?
-No. Man, and I'm starving.
1095
00:45:18,751 --> 00:45:20,918
Anything edible over there?
Like a buffalo chicken pizza?
1096
00:45:21,054 --> 00:45:22,952
No, just squirrel poops.
1097
00:45:23,088 --> 00:45:25,322
No, I can't eat
no more of that shit.
That goes right through me.
1098
00:45:25,457 --> 00:45:27,926
[Reggie] Hey,
I think I got something.
1099
00:45:28,062 --> 00:45:29,196
[Hunter] What do you got?
1100
00:45:33,235 --> 00:45:35,206
What are those?
Kind of looks like food.
1101
00:45:35,342 --> 00:45:36,907
I don't know.
1102
00:45:38,177 --> 00:45:40,102
-[Bug] Let me get at it.
-[Reggie] Mmm. It's not too bad.
1103
00:45:40,237 --> 00:45:42,244
-[Bug] I'm down to clown.
-[Reggie]
How many of these should we eat?
1104
00:45:42,379 --> 00:45:44,306
-[Hunter] All of them?
-[Reggie]
Yeah, that makes sense.
1105
00:45:44,441 --> 00:45:46,043
[Maggie] These are so good. Mmm.
1106
00:45:46,179 --> 00:45:47,277
Ooh, this one's spicy.
1107
00:45:47,412 --> 00:45:49,117
[Hunter] Mmm.
Kinda nutty, right?
1108
00:45:55,151 --> 00:45:56,150
[belches]
1109
00:45:56,286 --> 00:45:58,322
All right. [sighs]
1110
00:45:58,457 --> 00:46:02,027
That should hold us.
Solid dinner. Mmm.
1111
00:46:02,163 --> 00:46:03,731
All right, let's get moving.
1112
00:46:03,866 --> 00:46:05,961
Oh, shit. Gimme a sec.
1113
00:46:06,097 --> 00:46:07,567
Whoa. Whoa.
1114
00:46:07,803 --> 00:46:09,104
What the fuck?
1115
00:46:12,940 --> 00:46:15,506
["Flat Beat" playing]
1116
00:46:18,308 --> 00:46:20,577
Hunter, your cone.
1117
00:46:20,812 --> 00:46:23,784
Oh, yeah, yeah, I know.
I should probably take it off.
1118
00:46:23,919 --> 00:46:25,756
No, no. It's growing.
1119
00:46:25,892 --> 00:46:28,821
Oh, my God.
[chuckles] Oh, my God.
1120
00:46:28,956 --> 00:46:30,890
[voice] Bug.
No.
1121
00:46:31,025 --> 00:46:32,957
[laughter]
[voice] Bug!
1122
00:46:33,092 --> 00:46:34,261
[Bug] Can't be.
1123
00:46:36,126 --> 00:46:37,230
Dolores!
1124
00:46:37,366 --> 00:46:40,161
-Hello, Bug.
-What you doing out here?
1125
00:46:40,296 --> 00:46:41,397
We need to talk.
1126
00:46:41,532 --> 00:46:43,998
Wait, Maggie.
You look different.
1127
00:46:44,134 --> 00:46:45,170
Really?
1128
00:46:45,305 --> 00:46:47,403
Oh, shit,
you look different too.
1129
00:46:47,538 --> 00:46:49,809
How so?
Um, you're kinda...
1130
00:46:49,944 --> 00:46:51,311
Is it my human hands?
1131
00:46:53,109 --> 00:46:55,414
Do you think
I could play piano now?
[Maggie] Definitely.
1132
00:47:01,219 --> 00:47:02,256
[Reggie] Doug?
1133
00:47:02,957 --> 00:47:03,890
[echoing] Hey, Reggie!
1134
00:47:04,025 --> 00:47:06,825
Doug! How's it going?
1135
00:47:06,960 --> 00:47:08,356
Not great. Yeah.
1136
00:47:08,492 --> 00:47:10,400
Just giving it one last shave,
1137
00:47:10,536 --> 00:47:12,902
'cause word on the street
is you're planning
to bite it off.
1138
00:47:13,038 --> 00:47:14,932
Oh. That was supposed
to be a surprise.
1139
00:47:15,067 --> 00:47:16,001
Who told you?
1140
00:47:16,137 --> 00:47:18,068
[chiming]
Sorry, Daddy.
1141
00:47:18,203 --> 00:47:20,336
Oh! My son, the gnome.
1142
00:47:20,471 --> 00:47:21,943
-We're done, Bug.
-What?
1143
00:47:22,079 --> 00:47:24,344
I'm seeing someone else now.
Who?
1144
00:47:25,243 --> 00:47:26,781
You kidding me? Him?
1145
00:47:26,917 --> 00:47:28,175
Hey! Go fuck yourself, man!
1146
00:47:28,311 --> 00:47:30,053
[screeches]
1147
00:47:31,315 --> 00:47:32,824
Dolores, come back!
1148
00:47:32,959 --> 00:47:34,119
[Labrador]
He yelled to the sky.
1149
00:47:34,255 --> 00:47:36,090
But what Bug didn't realize--
1150
00:47:36,225 --> 00:47:38,419
-Fuck you, narrator dog!
-He said.
1151
00:47:38,554 --> 00:47:40,195
Stop saying "he said."
1152
00:47:41,467 --> 00:47:42,867
He replied.
1153
00:47:43,002 --> 00:47:45,661
I always had such high hopes
for you, Reggie.
1154
00:47:45,897 --> 00:47:50,434
I just wanted you to be...
[distorted] ...a good boy.
1155
00:47:50,570 --> 00:47:52,639
All I ever wanted
was to be a good boy.
1156
00:47:52,874 --> 00:47:54,077
Goodbye, Reggie.
1157
00:47:56,241 --> 00:47:57,982
Wait, Doug! Come back!
1158
00:47:58,118 --> 00:48:01,282
-Whoa, whoa. What's that smell?
-Wait, wh-what?
1159
00:48:01,417 --> 00:48:03,250
[Maggie sniffing]
It's coming from over here.
1160
00:48:03,386 --> 00:48:06,050
-Hunter, are you seeing this?
-[toy squeaking]
1161
00:48:06,186 --> 00:48:07,484
[Hunter] Toys.
Toys!
1162
00:48:07,620 --> 00:48:09,892
Guys, get in here!
Get over here!
1163
00:48:10,027 --> 00:48:11,923
[toy squeaking]
[Reggie grunts]
1164
00:48:12,059 --> 00:48:14,198
-[Bug]
Reg, pull this one with me.
-[Reggie] It's so squishy!
1165
00:48:14,334 --> 00:48:16,666
-[Maggie] Oh, fluffy!
-[Bug] I can't feel my snout.
1166
00:48:16,901 --> 00:48:18,664
[Maggie] Oh! Toys everywhere!
1167
00:48:18,899 --> 00:48:21,028
[laughter]
1168
00:48:21,164 --> 00:48:23,368
[Hunter]
I don't want this dayto ever end!
1169
00:48:23,504 --> 00:48:26,538
[Reggie, echoing]
Yeah, me neither!
1170
00:48:33,243 --> 00:48:35,954
[snoring]
1171
00:48:39,020 --> 00:48:41,025
Morning, guys. Comfy?
1172
00:48:41,160 --> 00:48:44,285
Oh, shit.
I thought you were Dolores.
My bad.
1173
00:48:44,420 --> 00:48:46,854
-I gotta go pee.
-What's that by your feet,
Reggie?
1174
00:48:46,989 --> 00:48:48,732
My feet?
What are you talking about?
1175
00:48:48,967 --> 00:48:50,427
-What is that?
-Yeah, what is that?
1176
00:48:50,562 --> 00:48:52,333
Oh, my God. That's an ear!
1177
00:48:53,333 --> 00:48:55,567
-An ear?
-Holy fucking shit!
1178
00:48:55,702 --> 00:48:58,006
They were toys. Guys,
where are the goddamn toys?
1179
00:48:58,142 --> 00:49:00,374
This is not real.
This is not real!
1180
00:49:00,509 --> 00:49:03,373
[Hunter] This is real!
This is real! Oh, my God!
1181
00:49:03,509 --> 00:49:04,745
We killed 'em! [exclaims]
1182
00:49:04,980 --> 00:49:06,214
I'm gonna barf.
1183
00:49:06,350 --> 00:49:08,110
[retches] Oh, God,
there's fur in the barf!
1184
00:49:08,245 --> 00:49:10,316
We're fucking murderers!
Oh, my God. Now I'm gonna barf.
1185
00:49:10,452 --> 00:49:12,222
Holy fuck!
This can't be happening!
1186
00:49:12,357 --> 00:49:15,522
Hang in there.
Stay with me. I'll fix you.
1187
00:49:15,658 --> 00:49:17,753
-Bug, what are you doing?
-What does it look like?
1188
00:49:17,989 --> 00:49:19,690
I'm getting rid of the evidence.
Nobody can know!
1189
00:49:25,164 --> 00:49:26,697
[flies buzzing]
1190
00:49:28,606 --> 00:49:33,042
Um... We are gathered here today
to say goodbye to the bunnies.
1191
00:49:33,177 --> 00:49:35,205
Honestly,
what we did was an accident.
1192
00:49:35,340 --> 00:49:37,141
Absolutely.
Right.
1193
00:49:37,277 --> 00:49:39,480
And I know that
if we weren't confused
from the food we ate,
1194
00:49:39,615 --> 00:49:43,179
we would have never mauled you,
tore all your limbs off
1195
00:49:43,314 --> 00:49:47,152
and shook your corpses around
while giggling gleefully
by accident.
1196
00:49:47,287 --> 00:49:48,989
So bless you, bunnies.
1197
00:49:49,125 --> 00:49:50,187
Yes. Sorry.
Bless you.
1198
00:49:50,322 --> 00:49:51,357
So sorry.
Sorry.
1199
00:49:51,493 --> 00:49:53,087
-Amen.
-All right, that's it.
1200
00:49:53,222 --> 00:49:55,929
Never speak of this again.
Not one word, do you hear me?
1201
00:49:56,064 --> 00:49:57,300
Not one fucking word.
1202
00:49:57,435 --> 00:49:59,794
-Not one word about what?
-Oh, shit. The cops.
1203
00:50:00,030 --> 00:50:01,403
"Oh, shit's" right,
motherfucker.
1204
00:50:01,538 --> 00:50:03,497
Wh-Wh-What did we do?
We're innocent, I promise.
1205
00:50:03,633 --> 00:50:05,199
-Sit!
-I am.
1206
00:50:05,335 --> 00:50:07,310
On the ground! Lay down!
Paws where I can see 'em.
1207
00:50:07,445 --> 00:50:09,170
-We're laying down.
-Search these bitches.
1208
00:50:09,306 --> 00:50:11,306
-They're hiding something.
-Oh, God, what do we do?
1209
00:50:11,441 --> 00:50:14,179
Calm down. I got this.
I'm gonna speak
with my white dog voice.
1210
00:50:14,314 --> 00:50:18,521
Hello, officer.
None of us have ever killed
a bunny in our lives.
1211
00:50:18,657 --> 00:50:21,059
-[Maggie, Reggie, Hunter] Bug!
-What?
Everybody shut the fuck up.
1212
00:50:21,194 --> 00:50:22,621
We're looking
for a lost Girl Scout.
1213
00:50:22,756 --> 00:50:25,194
Riley Anderson.
Age eight in human years.
1214
00:50:25,330 --> 00:50:27,230
Wandered away from her campsite
two days ago.
1215
00:50:27,365 --> 00:50:29,227
Thought you dogs might
have some contact with her.
1216
00:50:29,362 --> 00:50:30,960
I've got nothing, sir.
1217
00:50:31,095 --> 00:50:32,395
But it smells like you haven't.
Let's move out.
1218
00:50:32,531 --> 00:50:34,261
Wait, wait.
I could help.
1219
00:50:34,397 --> 00:50:36,304
I'm sorry, I don't really
want to be that bitch,
1220
00:50:36,439 --> 00:50:38,474
but I'm actually
really good at sniffing,
1221
00:50:38,610 --> 00:50:41,269
and I'd be happy to assist
in finding this lost girl.
1222
00:50:41,404 --> 00:50:42,540
Adorable.
1223
00:50:42,676 --> 00:50:44,646
Yeah, no, thanks,
Australian Shep-turd.
1224
00:50:44,781 --> 00:50:47,843
Excuse me,
but you really shouldn't
talk to her like that.
1225
00:50:48,079 --> 00:50:50,115
And what the fuck
are you gonna do about it?
1226
00:50:50,250 --> 00:50:53,348
I-I will do nothing
the fuck about it.
I am sitting down now.
1227
00:50:53,483 --> 00:50:54,620
Oh, Hunter.
1228
00:50:55,255 --> 00:50:57,255
-Hunter?
-Rolf?
1229
00:50:57,390 --> 00:51:00,591
Holy mother-flipping shit!
1230
00:51:00,727 --> 00:51:02,294
I didn't recognize you
with the cone.
1231
00:51:02,430 --> 00:51:03,996
Yeah, yeah.
I got a cone now.
1232
00:51:04,132 --> 00:51:05,262
Bring it in, bro.
1233
00:51:05,398 --> 00:51:06,463
Buddy!
Give me some!
1234
00:51:06,599 --> 00:51:08,096
God. Well, I should've known,
1235
00:51:08,232 --> 00:51:10,171
'cause your butthole smells
exactly the same.
1236
00:51:10,307 --> 00:51:11,535
I'll never forget
this butthole.
1237
00:51:11,670 --> 00:51:13,477
What the fuck?
You know this guy?
1238
00:51:13,613 --> 00:51:16,379
You kidding me?
This fucker and I
went to the academy together.
1239
00:51:16,514 --> 00:51:18,710
Everything I know I learned
from this son of a bitch.
1240
00:51:18,845 --> 00:51:20,415
Technically,
we're all sons of bitches, sir.
1241
00:51:20,550 --> 00:51:22,649
Shut up. Hey,
so where'd you end up, brother?
1242
00:51:22,784 --> 00:51:25,353
Drug sniffing? Bomb detection?
What are we talking about?
1243
00:51:25,488 --> 00:51:28,623
Oh, um... Well,
I take care of dying humans.
1244
00:51:28,758 --> 00:51:30,393
Oh.
1245
00:51:30,529 --> 00:51:31,653
I mean, that's not
the end of the world,
I guess.
1246
00:51:31,789 --> 00:51:33,597
Oh. For them it is.
[chuckles]
1247
00:51:33,732 --> 00:51:35,295
Well, hey, guys.
1248
00:51:35,430 --> 00:51:38,093
You found some strays, Rolf?
Huh?
1249
00:51:38,228 --> 00:51:40,598
Good job.
So what are you fuckers
doing out here?
1250
00:51:40,733 --> 00:51:42,871
Oh, uh, well,
it's a long story.
1251
00:51:43,106 --> 00:51:45,204
-We're gonna
bite a guy's dick off.
-It's actually a short story.
1252
00:51:45,340 --> 00:51:48,372
Nice! Man, when I joined
the force, you could
bite dicks left and right.
1253
00:51:48,507 --> 00:51:52,073
Nowadays, I chomp a dick,
I gotta fill out
two weeks of paperwork.
1254
00:51:52,208 --> 00:51:55,084
Can I get an AC unit down
to Old Forest Road 54?
1255
00:51:55,219 --> 00:51:57,717
We're trying to get to
the devil in the sky.
Does that sound familiar?
1256
00:51:57,852 --> 00:51:59,651
Devil in the sky? Yeah.
[officer]
Much appreciated.
1257
00:51:59,787 --> 00:52:01,387
You stick with us,
we'll show you the way.
1258
00:52:01,523 --> 00:52:03,656
-Wow, really?
-Sure thing, rat boy.
1259
00:52:04,759 --> 00:52:06,495
[Rolf] Let's not wait
so long next time, huh?
1260
00:52:06,630 --> 00:52:08,630
What's it been,
seven years?
I think just one,
1261
00:52:08,766 --> 00:52:11,201
but every year
feels like seven to us,
so that makes sense.
1262
00:52:11,336 --> 00:52:12,731
[Bug] Okay.
We gotta get our story straight.
1263
00:52:12,867 --> 00:52:15,262
It was a possum who
killed all the bunnies. Got it?
1264
00:52:15,397 --> 00:52:17,300
Wait, what's
the possum's name?
Uh, Greg.
1265
00:52:17,436 --> 00:52:21,277
That's not a believable name
for a possum.
Ooh. Can it be Monty?
1266
00:52:21,412 --> 00:52:24,111
-Hey, Cath.
-Steve, thanks for coming over.
1267
00:52:24,247 --> 00:52:26,245
Hey, little guy. Want a treat?
1268
00:52:26,380 --> 00:52:27,745
Treats! I love treats!
1269
00:52:27,880 --> 00:52:30,617
Oh, my goodness,
does somebody want a treat?
1270
00:52:30,752 --> 00:52:32,383
This one's all for you.
I got tons of treats.
1271
00:52:32,518 --> 00:52:33,749
Reggie, it's a trap!
1272
00:52:33,884 --> 00:52:35,658
-[Hunter] Hey!
-[Maggie screams]
1273
00:52:35,793 --> 00:52:38,424
-[Bug] No, no, no!
-Those bunnies were dead
when we found them.
1274
00:52:38,560 --> 00:52:40,626
It was a possum named,
uh, Greg, or--
1275
00:52:40,762 --> 00:52:43,629
[Reggie] Monty!
His name was Monty, not Greg.
1276
00:52:43,764 --> 00:52:44,935
[Bug] We had no choice.
They threatened us!
1277
00:52:45,170 --> 00:52:47,163
But, Rolf,
I thought we were pals.
1278
00:52:47,299 --> 00:52:49,806
Sorry, old friend.
The law's the law.
You know how it is.
1279
00:52:49,941 --> 00:52:51,539
What a sadistic fuck.
1280
00:52:51,675 --> 00:52:54,377
Hey, calm down, sweetie pie.
You'll all be fine.
1281
00:52:54,513 --> 00:52:56,280
If you got tags,
they'll send you home.
1282
00:52:58,545 --> 00:52:59,609
[dogs barking]
[wolf whistle]
1283
00:52:59,745 --> 00:53:01,485
-Oh, fresh meat.
-Hey, big boy.
1284
00:53:01,621 --> 00:53:04,182
-I like the mouth on that one.
-We're gonna cuddle real hard.
1285
00:53:04,317 --> 00:53:07,150
-Hey, bitch!
Hey, little bitch! [howls]
-[smacking lips]
1286
00:53:07,286 --> 00:53:09,818
Guys, we gotta get out of here.
We're running out of time.
1287
00:53:09,953 --> 00:53:11,754
Where even are we?
Nowhere good.
1288
00:53:11,889 --> 00:53:13,696
No, no, no.
I can't be here.
1289
00:53:13,831 --> 00:53:16,394
I can't. Not this again.
Come on, mate.
We'll be fine.
1290
00:53:16,530 --> 00:53:19,260
Rolf told us
they'll just send us home.
It'll be all right.
1291
00:53:19,395 --> 00:53:21,663
They only send you home
if you got a home to go back to.
1292
00:53:21,799 --> 00:53:25,576
And do you know what these
people do to dogs that
don't have one, Hunter? Huh?
1293
00:53:25,711 --> 00:53:29,137
Do you have any idea
what they're about to do
to me and Reg?
1294
00:53:29,273 --> 00:53:30,611
Calm down, Bug.
We'll figure this out.
1295
00:53:30,746 --> 00:53:32,316
Ain't nothing
to figure out, Maggie.
1296
00:53:32,452 --> 00:53:34,610
These humans caught us
and now we are fucked.
1297
00:53:34,746 --> 00:53:36,181
Bug, you don't know that.
1298
00:53:36,317 --> 00:53:38,385
Yeah. I mean, Bug,
1299
00:53:38,521 --> 00:53:41,158
you say you know so much
about humans, but you don't
really know them either.
1300
00:53:41,293 --> 00:53:42,556
I mean,
you've never had an owner.
1301
00:53:42,691 --> 00:53:44,991
You never had a Jenna.
You never had a Doug.
1302
00:53:45,227 --> 00:53:46,025
I had an Emma!
1303
00:53:46,261 --> 00:53:47,525
-[gasps]
-What?
1304
00:53:47,660 --> 00:53:50,466
Whoa.
Bug, you had an owner?
1305
00:53:50,901 --> 00:53:52,560
Yeah.
1306
00:53:52,695 --> 00:53:56,538
And I told myself
that I would never say
her name again.
1307
00:53:57,472 --> 00:53:59,534
But y'all need to hear this.
1308
00:53:59,670 --> 00:54:00,804
No.
No? Okay.
1309
00:54:00,939 --> 00:54:02,675
[Bug]
I don't remember everything,
1310
00:54:02,811 --> 00:54:04,782
but I rememberthe day she got me out of there.
1311
00:54:04,917 --> 00:54:06,249
[gasps] This one.
1312
00:54:06,385 --> 00:54:08,378
[mother]
He's a cute little bugger.
1313
00:54:08,513 --> 00:54:10,585
Cute little bug.
1314
00:54:12,389 --> 00:54:14,319
[Bug]
We did everything together.
1315
00:54:14,454 --> 00:54:19,829
We played all day, and no matterhow stupid I acted,she always laughed.
1316
00:54:19,964 --> 00:54:21,264
Trick or treat.
1317
00:54:21,399 --> 00:54:23,224
[Bug]
We even did this thing I hated,
1318
00:54:23,360 --> 00:54:25,862
where she would dress us upin super weird clothes,
1319
00:54:25,998 --> 00:54:29,069
and ask the neighborsto give us that chocolatehumans make from dog poop.
1320
00:54:29,305 --> 00:54:30,366
Oh, not for you, honey.
1321
00:54:30,501 --> 00:54:31,637
[whimpers]
1322
00:54:31,773 --> 00:54:33,767
It's okay.
It's just a storm.
1323
00:54:33,903 --> 00:54:37,407
[Bug] But even better thanall the fun we hadis the way she made me feel.
1324
00:54:37,542 --> 00:54:39,207
I love you.
1325
00:54:39,342 --> 00:54:42,445
[Bug] When she said that,I felt so special.
1326
00:54:42,580 --> 00:54:46,323
And then it was usually followedby these incrediblebelly scratches.
1327
00:54:46,459 --> 00:54:48,619
No one ever mademy leg kick like that.
1328
00:54:48,755 --> 00:54:52,924
Except for this one nightwith a raccoon I don't liketo talk about, but, anyway.
1329
00:54:54,024 --> 00:54:57,330
But thenI made a mistake.
1330
00:54:57,466 --> 00:54:59,628
-[yelps]
-[Emma screams]
1331
00:54:59,764 --> 00:55:00,800
[Bug] It was a blur.
1332
00:55:02,564 --> 00:55:05,002
I didn't even know what I diduntil it was too late.
1333
00:55:05,736 --> 00:55:07,070
Say goodbye to Bug?
1334
00:55:09,046 --> 00:55:10,074
[whimpers]
1335
00:55:10,310 --> 00:55:11,681
[crying]
1336
00:55:11,817 --> 00:55:13,351
[barks]
1337
00:55:15,018 --> 00:55:17,817
[Bug] I thought I was gettingput in time-out or something.
1338
00:55:19,851 --> 00:55:20,985
But the place she sent me to...
1339
00:55:22,689 --> 00:55:24,824
the time-outs there never end.
1340
00:55:25,893 --> 00:55:27,563
[veterinarian screams]
[assistant] Whoa!
1341
00:55:32,731 --> 00:55:33,866
I never saw her again.
1342
00:55:34,701 --> 00:55:36,498
After all we had been through.
1343
00:55:36,634 --> 00:55:41,471
Everything she made me feel,
everything I thought
I made her feel.
1344
00:55:41,606 --> 00:55:43,613
Just nothing.
1345
00:55:43,748 --> 00:55:47,474
We did so much together.
She taught me so many tricks.
1346
00:55:47,610 --> 00:55:50,885
But the one trick
she never wanted me
to learn was...
1347
00:55:51,021 --> 00:55:52,115
"Stay."
1348
00:55:52,384 --> 00:55:54,119
Mmm.
1349
00:55:54,355 --> 00:55:56,594
I think I zoned out
around the middle part.
Can you tell it again?
1350
00:55:56,729 --> 00:55:58,954
Hunter, I'm not gonna tell
the middle part again.
1351
00:55:59,089 --> 00:56:00,824
I'm sorry, Bug.
I had no idea.
1352
00:56:00,960 --> 00:56:02,961
Don't be sorry, Reg.
Be thankful.
1353
00:56:03,096 --> 00:56:04,998
'Cause you got a chance
to make this right.
1354
00:56:05,134 --> 00:56:09,334
Oh, what I wouldn't give
to bite this girl
in the dick.
1355
00:56:09,469 --> 00:56:11,940
But you know, she's six,
and I don't know
where she lives now,
1356
00:56:12,076 --> 00:56:14,570
and she's a girl
and doesn't even have a dick,
but still.
1357
00:56:14,705 --> 00:56:17,611
Listen.
What we're doing
isn't just about Doug.
1358
00:56:17,746 --> 00:56:19,783
We're doing this
for all of them.
1359
00:56:19,918 --> 00:56:24,814
For every single one
of those humans
who treated us like shit.
1360
00:56:24,949 --> 00:56:27,554
Man, biggest mistake of my life.
1361
00:56:27,689 --> 00:56:29,854
Yeah, I'd regret that bite too.
1362
00:56:29,990 --> 00:56:32,955
The bite?
No, I'm talking about her.
1363
00:56:33,090 --> 00:56:34,964
She's the mistake.
Not the--
1364
00:56:35,099 --> 00:56:37,898
Okay, well, we can talk about
getting back at your exes
all we want.
1365
00:56:38,033 --> 00:56:40,029
But none of that matters
if we can't get out of here.
1366
00:56:40,165 --> 00:56:43,540
Guys,
what if we can get the key?
1367
00:56:51,410 --> 00:56:54,782
Oh, no, we'd need, like,
a super long pole to hook it.
1368
00:56:58,114 --> 00:57:00,084
Why is everyone looking at me?
1369
00:57:04,187 --> 00:57:05,925
Come on, Hunter.
You can do it.
1370
00:57:07,897 --> 00:57:09,196
[Hunter grunting]
[Reggie] You're so close.
1371
00:57:09,431 --> 00:57:10,498
Just a little more.
1372
00:57:10,634 --> 00:57:12,231
Come on, get hornier!
You can do it!
1373
00:57:12,467 --> 00:57:13,731
This is all I got.
1374
00:57:13,866 --> 00:57:15,764
Maggie, come on.
Excite him.
1375
00:57:15,899 --> 00:57:17,640
[whispering] Hunter,
1376
00:57:17,775 --> 00:57:23,208
this has been
a really long, hard trip.
1377
00:57:23,444 --> 00:57:28,816
But the thing
that keeps me panting
is thinking about us doing it
1378
00:57:29,450 --> 00:57:30,681
regular style.
1379
00:57:30,816 --> 00:57:32,554
Oh, boy! It's working.
1380
00:57:32,689 --> 00:57:34,689
Keep talking, Maggie.
More sexy stuff.
1381
00:57:34,824 --> 00:57:39,261
Just picture me,
all eight nipples rock hard.
1382
00:57:39,497 --> 00:57:41,526
And I'm wearing nothing but...
1383
00:57:41,661 --> 00:57:43,558
[gasps] ...the cone.
1384
00:57:43,694 --> 00:57:44,700
[grunts]
1385
00:57:45,834 --> 00:57:46,964
[Reggie]
You're doing it, Hunter.
1386
00:57:47,100 --> 00:57:49,705
Come on, Hunter.
Use that dick of yours.
1387
00:57:50,240 --> 00:57:51,541
Yes, Hunter!
1388
00:57:51,677 --> 00:57:54,001
-[straining]
-[Maggie] Hunter! Hunter!
1389
00:57:54,137 --> 00:57:57,079
[all] Hunter! Hunter! Hunter!
1390
00:57:57,214 --> 00:57:59,046
Hunter! Hunter!
1391
00:57:59,182 --> 00:58:00,676
Hunter!
1392
00:58:00,811 --> 00:58:02,076
[dog] Hunter!
1393
00:58:02,211 --> 00:58:03,878
Sorry, guys. It's hopeless.
1394
00:58:04,013 --> 00:58:05,289
[Maggie] Oh, Hunter.
1395
00:58:05,525 --> 00:58:07,048
Shit. Really thought
that was gonna work.
1396
00:58:07,183 --> 00:58:09,026
Sorry my dick
let you down.
1397
00:58:09,161 --> 00:58:10,990
Wait, I've got it.
1398
00:58:11,125 --> 00:58:13,297
What's the one thing humans
are obsessed with?
1399
00:58:13,532 --> 00:58:15,031
Uh, themselves.
Painting their faces.
1400
00:58:15,166 --> 00:58:16,430
-Dying.
-No.
1401
00:58:16,566 --> 00:58:18,263
Bug, you said it yourself.
1402
00:58:18,499 --> 00:58:21,566
What's the thing
humans are most obsessed with
about dogs?
1403
00:58:21,701 --> 00:58:23,101
-Our shit!
-Yes!
1404
00:58:23,236 --> 00:58:25,508
Every single time we shit,
what do they do?
1405
00:58:25,643 --> 00:58:26,940
They come and bag it up.
[Maggie] Yeah.
1406
00:58:27,075 --> 00:58:29,739
That's right.
Once this place gets all poopy,
1407
00:58:29,874 --> 00:58:33,576
Willy comes in and bags it up,
like he's collecting it
for something.
1408
00:58:33,712 --> 00:58:36,552
Exactly!
That's our ticket out of here.
[dog] For chocolate!
1409
00:58:36,688 --> 00:58:38,881
We poop until he has
to open these doors,
1410
00:58:39,017 --> 00:58:41,021
and when he does, we charge!
1411
00:58:41,156 --> 00:58:42,855
[Maggie] Good on ya.
Nice thinking, kid.
I'm in!
1412
00:58:42,991 --> 00:58:44,161
I got a couple of shits
in the chamber.
1413
00:58:44,296 --> 00:58:45,725
[dogs groaning, murmuring]
1414
00:58:45,861 --> 00:58:47,859
-Not gonna happen.
-No, thanks, kid.
1415
00:58:47,994 --> 00:58:49,667
What's wrong with you guys?
Don't you want
to get out of this place?
1416
00:58:49,802 --> 00:58:52,168
Of course.
But we've been burned
so many times,
1417
00:58:52,303 --> 00:58:55,064
we're smart enough to know
that we'll never get
beyond these walls
1418
00:58:55,200 --> 00:58:57,201
without a human
coming to adopt us.
1419
00:58:58,671 --> 00:59:00,705
Look, I get it.
1420
00:59:00,841 --> 00:59:02,543
I've had dark moments.
1421
00:59:02,678 --> 00:59:05,077
Moments where I felt stuck.
1422
00:59:05,212 --> 00:59:07,707
Moments where,
even if you couldn't see it,
1423
00:59:07,843 --> 00:59:11,118
it felt like there was a wall
or a fence holding you back.
1424
00:59:11,254 --> 00:59:13,691
Yeah, invisible magic fences.
I swear to God, that's real.
1425
00:59:13,826 --> 00:59:16,992
But I'm here to tell you
that's garbage talk.
1426
00:59:17,127 --> 00:59:19,859
'Cause I was lucky enough
to meet some amazing friends,
1427
00:59:19,995 --> 00:59:22,699
who taught me that
just beyond those walls
1428
00:59:22,834 --> 00:59:25,599
is a bunch of incredible stuff
worth living for.
1429
00:59:25,734 --> 00:59:27,363
There's lampposts to pee on.
1430
00:59:27,598 --> 00:59:30,503
There's scraps to eat
and couches to make love to.
1431
00:59:30,639 --> 00:59:31,972
And dead bunnies...
1432
00:59:32,108 --> 00:59:33,740
[Bug clears throat]
...that I-I know nothing about.
1433
00:59:33,875 --> 00:59:35,006
I know nothing
about that either.
1434
00:59:35,142 --> 00:59:36,614
No clue
what you're talking about.
1435
00:59:36,749 --> 00:59:38,680
-Tennis balls to fetch and--
-A dick to bite off!
1436
00:59:38,815 --> 00:59:40,816
What? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That too.
1437
00:59:42,352 --> 00:59:45,721
But most importantly,
there's a life out there
worth living.
1438
00:59:45,856 --> 00:59:47,550
[Hunter] Go, Reg!
[Maggie]
Whoo! Reggie!
1439
00:59:47,686 --> 00:59:51,090
So I'm asking you,
do you want
to stay here and die,
1440
00:59:51,226 --> 00:59:54,957
or do you want
to shit your brains out
and live?
1441
00:59:55,093 --> 00:59:56,924
Live! Live!
We wanna live!
1442
00:59:57,059 --> 00:59:58,227
Live!
Live!
1443
00:59:58,363 --> 01:00:01,967
Then poop with me!
Poop with me to freedom!
1444
01:00:02,103 --> 01:00:04,134
♪ Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit ♪
1445
01:00:04,270 --> 01:00:06,803
♪ Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit ♪
1446
01:00:06,938 --> 01:00:09,539
♪ Oh, shit, oh, shit ♪
♪ Are you ready for this? ♪
1447
01:00:09,674 --> 01:00:12,606
-♪ Oh, shit, oh, shit ♪
-♪ Oh... ♪
1448
01:00:12,741 --> 01:00:15,912
Dig deep inside of you!
Deep inside your colon.
1449
01:00:16,048 --> 01:00:18,381
Release your pent-up feelings.
1450
01:00:19,389 --> 01:00:21,782
Let it flow!
1451
01:00:21,918 --> 01:00:24,351
♪ When I come to the clubStep aside ♪
1452
01:00:24,620 --> 01:00:26,394
-♪ Oh, shit ♪
-♪ Part the seasDon't be havin' me in the line ♪
1453
01:00:26,663 --> 01:00:27,763
♪ Oh, shit... ♪
1454
01:00:27,899 --> 01:00:30,166
Great work, everybody!
Keep on pooping!
1455
01:00:30,301 --> 01:00:32,803
-♪ And me love you long time ♪
-♪ Oh, shit ♪
1456
01:00:32,938 --> 01:00:35,102
♪ How come every timeYou come around ♪
1457
01:00:35,237 --> 01:00:37,800
♪ My London, London BridgeWanna go down? ♪
1458
01:00:37,935 --> 01:00:40,810
♪ Like London, London, LondonBe goin' down like... ♪
1459
01:00:45,878 --> 01:00:47,245
Those are my eyes.
1460
01:00:48,318 --> 01:00:50,180
Exactly.
1461
01:00:50,316 --> 01:00:52,250
I think Dad's
really gonna love this.
1462
01:00:55,358 --> 01:00:56,386
[sniffing]
1463
01:00:59,325 --> 01:01:01,699
I think it's working.
Places, everyone.
1464
01:01:05,368 --> 01:01:06,737
[sighs]
1465
01:01:09,338 --> 01:01:10,801
Oh.
1466
01:01:10,937 --> 01:01:13,404
Oh, God. I can taste it.
1467
01:01:13,673 --> 01:01:14,910
Oh.
1468
01:01:18,381 --> 01:01:19,409
What...
1469
01:01:20,218 --> 01:01:21,851
[sighs]
1470
01:01:23,882 --> 01:01:24,920
Oh, fuck.
1471
01:01:29,085 --> 01:01:30,486
[keys jingling]
1472
01:01:34,896 --> 01:01:37,130
[lock clicks]
[door opens]
1473
01:01:41,030 --> 01:01:42,239
Very cute.
1474
01:01:42,374 --> 01:01:44,804
Very funny. [scoffs]
1475
01:01:44,939 --> 01:01:46,100
I see what's going on here.
1476
01:01:46,236 --> 01:01:49,879
You guys think that I...
1477
01:01:50,982 --> 01:01:53,339
am a big,
fat fucking asshole. Right?
1478
01:01:53,475 --> 01:01:55,281
You know everything about me.
1479
01:01:55,416 --> 01:01:58,114
You know all the things
that have happened in my life
1480
01:01:58,249 --> 01:02:00,791
with my dad and my ex-wife.
1481
01:02:02,084 --> 01:02:03,926
[crying]
1482
01:02:06,793 --> 01:02:09,726
Bravo. Bravo!
1483
01:02:09,862 --> 01:02:10,794
Oh, encore!
1484
01:02:10,929 --> 01:02:12,169
Just kidding!
1485
01:02:12,304 --> 01:02:13,667
It's done!
1486
01:02:13,803 --> 01:02:17,004
-We are done!
-[barking]
1487
01:02:17,139 --> 01:02:19,309
Wait, what are you-- [exclaims]
Oh, my God.
1488
01:02:19,444 --> 01:02:22,276
[exclaiming, groans]
1489
01:02:22,412 --> 01:02:23,907
Charge!
1490
01:02:24,043 --> 01:02:25,907
[dogs whooping, barking]
1491
01:02:26,042 --> 01:02:27,543
[sobbing]
1492
01:02:31,853 --> 01:02:33,483
[continues sobbing]
1493
01:02:36,123 --> 01:02:37,222
[dogs clamoring]
Ah, we did it!
1494
01:02:37,358 --> 01:02:39,057
I can't believe
we shit that much!
1495
01:02:39,193 --> 01:02:40,857
Hunter's dick! Hunter's dick!
1496
01:02:40,993 --> 01:02:42,792
The hell with ya!
1497
01:02:42,927 --> 01:02:44,967
[panting]
1498
01:02:49,131 --> 01:02:50,500
[chuckles]
1499
01:02:52,174 --> 01:02:54,174
Thanks for
your patience, folks.
Really.
1500
01:02:55,170 --> 01:02:56,139
[chuckles]
1501
01:02:56,275 --> 01:02:59,542
Ooh. I'm sorry, Diane. Uh...
1502
01:03:00,820 --> 01:03:03,587
[laughs]
"Then poop with me to freedom!"
1503
01:03:03,822 --> 01:03:05,554
So cheesy,
but I loved it.
[laughs]
1504
01:03:05,790 --> 01:03:07,286
What a plan.
What a speech, Reg.
1505
01:03:07,421 --> 01:03:09,818
Actually, Reginald,
I preferred the first speech.
1506
01:03:09,954 --> 01:03:12,426
You know, the one where
you convinced all of us
to do this,
1507
01:03:12,561 --> 01:03:15,391
back when you were focused
on biting Doug's dick off.
1508
01:03:15,527 --> 01:03:17,395
[Maggie] Bug.
Okay, okay, Bug. Look.
1509
01:03:18,330 --> 01:03:20,869
Oh! Look!
The devil in the sky!
1510
01:03:21,005 --> 01:03:23,040
We made it!
Look at that fucking guy!
1511
01:03:23,175 --> 01:03:25,869
[Hunter] Burn in hell,
you motherfucking
son of a bitch.
1512
01:03:26,004 --> 01:03:28,569
I hate everything about him.
The dumb-ass smile,
those shitty pants.
1513
01:03:28,805 --> 01:03:30,779
I want to rip your nuts off
and make you watch!
1514
01:03:30,914 --> 01:03:32,310
Stupid hat
and your stupid truck,
1515
01:03:32,446 --> 01:03:34,911
with the door on the other side
of the thing.
1516
01:03:35,046 --> 01:03:37,049
I hate his face, personality.
[Reggie]
I wanna rip him a new asshole.
1517
01:03:37,184 --> 01:03:38,613
[Bug]
I hate his bag, his shirt...
1518
01:03:38,849 --> 01:03:40,149
[Hunter] He smells like
a thousand different houses,
1519
01:03:40,285 --> 01:03:41,925
and I can't trust that!
1520
01:03:43,192 --> 01:03:45,290
Anyways, good job, guys.
The final landmark.
1521
01:03:45,426 --> 01:03:47,020
Yeah. That's right.
And right on schedule.
1522
01:03:47,155 --> 01:03:49,625
Yeah, barely. You remember
which way to go from here?
1523
01:03:49,861 --> 01:03:53,296
Uh, yeah, we just--
we just stay on this road
for now.
1524
01:03:53,432 --> 01:03:54,902
-Good, let's move.
-All right.
1525
01:03:55,038 --> 01:03:56,638
-[Maggie] Great.
-W-Wait, wait, wait.
1526
01:03:56,873 --> 01:03:58,035
One second. Can't leave yet.
1527
01:03:58,171 --> 01:03:59,167
Huh?
What's up, Reg?
1528
01:03:59,303 --> 01:04:02,011
Where is it? Oh, there.
1529
01:04:04,145 --> 01:04:05,846
All right.
Let's go, guys.
1530
01:04:05,982 --> 01:04:07,843
No, no, no.
Hold on a second.
1531
01:04:07,979 --> 01:04:10,414
Why couldn't you leave
without the ball, Reggie?
1532
01:04:10,549 --> 01:04:12,613
I don't know,
I just like tennis balls.
1533
01:04:12,848 --> 01:04:14,990
I know ball guys.
You're not a ball guy.
1534
01:04:15,125 --> 01:04:17,092
Well, you don't know
everything about me.
1535
01:04:17,227 --> 01:04:19,924
Well, I'm learning
a little more
right now.
1536
01:04:20,060 --> 01:04:21,264
Drop the ball, Reg.
1537
01:04:21,399 --> 01:04:22,927
What? No.
1538
01:04:23,062 --> 01:04:25,000
Drop the fucking ball.
1539
01:04:25,135 --> 01:04:27,866
Leave it!
I'm not gonna leave the ball!
1540
01:04:28,002 --> 01:04:29,136
-Drop the ball!
-No.
1541
01:04:29,271 --> 01:04:30,366
Reggie,
you drop that goddamn ball!
1542
01:04:30,502 --> 01:04:32,034
-No.
-You don't even like balls!
1543
01:04:32,170 --> 01:04:33,672
Doug likes balls!
1544
01:04:33,908 --> 01:04:35,103
Doug?
[gasps]
1545
01:04:35,239 --> 01:04:36,305
[Hunter] Oh, Reg.
1546
01:04:36,441 --> 01:04:38,112
I don't know why, but he does.
1547
01:04:38,247 --> 01:04:40,182
And when we play the game,
"Fetch and Fuck,"
1548
01:04:40,318 --> 01:04:43,245
it always ends when I come home
and bring him back a ball.
1549
01:04:43,381 --> 01:04:47,084
-So I know he's expecting it,
and I'm not gonna let him down.
-Goddamn it.
1550
01:04:47,220 --> 01:04:50,884
So when you told me you didn't
know how you were gonna
bite Doug in the dick,
1551
01:04:51,019 --> 01:04:53,228
the real reason
you don't know is because...
1552
01:04:53,363 --> 01:04:55,395
You're not gonna bite Doug
in the dick.
[sighs]
1553
01:04:55,530 --> 01:04:59,266
Look, when we first set out,
I was totally into the plan.
1554
01:04:59,401 --> 01:05:02,500
But the closer we got to Doug,
the more I realized
1555
01:05:03,299 --> 01:05:04,966
that I miss him.
1556
01:05:05,101 --> 01:05:07,834
-And I think he misses me, too.
-Reggie, don't do this.
1557
01:05:07,969 --> 01:05:09,846
You deserve so much better
than him.
1558
01:05:09,982 --> 01:05:12,440
I don't, Hunter.
I really don't.
1559
01:05:12,575 --> 01:05:14,181
You know why Doug abandoned me?
1560
01:05:14,317 --> 01:05:16,551
Because I was the problem
in our relationship.
1561
01:05:16,686 --> 01:05:18,286
I ate his shoes.
1562
01:05:18,421 --> 01:05:21,150
I woke him up so early every day
because I needed to pee.
1563
01:05:21,286 --> 01:05:22,859
And I pooped on the rug.
1564
01:05:22,995 --> 01:05:24,853
We've all pooped on the rug,
Reggie.
1565
01:05:24,988 --> 01:05:27,457
Did you roll in it, Maggie?
Did you roll in the poop?
1566
01:05:27,593 --> 01:05:29,863
Because guess what,
I rolled in the poop.
1567
01:05:29,999 --> 01:05:31,565
Okay, that's not great.
1568
01:05:31,700 --> 01:05:33,698
God, I can't believe
it took me this long
to realize this,
1569
01:05:33,934 --> 01:05:37,564
that every time
he called me a bad dog,
he was absolutely right.
1570
01:05:37,699 --> 01:05:39,702
-It was all my fault.
-Wow.
1571
01:05:39,938 --> 01:05:41,911
[Reggie] Well,
I'm not gonna
be a bad dog anymore.
1572
01:05:42,047 --> 01:05:43,708
It's time for me
to be a good boy.
1573
01:05:43,943 --> 01:05:47,546
Jesus, I cannot believe
that I risked my life
for this asshole
1574
01:05:47,681 --> 01:05:50,414
just so he could go back
and get with another asshole.
1575
01:05:50,550 --> 01:05:53,085
I did all of this
for you, Reggie.
1576
01:05:53,220 --> 01:05:54,519
You didn't do this for me.
1577
01:05:54,654 --> 01:05:56,721
You said it yourself.
This isn't about Doug.
1578
01:05:56,957 --> 01:06:00,455
This is about
every single one of them
who treated us like shit.
1579
01:06:00,590 --> 01:06:02,563
-This is about Emma!
-Reggie.
1580
01:06:02,698 --> 01:06:03,999
Fuck you.
1581
01:06:04,134 --> 01:06:06,069
Hey. How about
rule number three, Bug?
1582
01:06:06,204 --> 01:06:08,401
You're on your own?
Well, then what were we?
1583
01:06:08,536 --> 01:06:10,407
Wow.
I don't think
you want to be a stray.
1584
01:06:10,542 --> 01:06:13,142
I think you're sad and lonely.
Can you believe
this fucking guy?
1585
01:06:13,278 --> 01:06:15,278
And I think the only reason
you claim to hate humans
1586
01:06:15,413 --> 01:06:18,378
is because if you ever stopped
to think about what happened,
1587
01:06:18,514 --> 01:06:21,346
you'd realize
that Emma didn't fuck it up.
1588
01:06:21,481 --> 01:06:23,316
-You did.
-Get the fuck away from me.
1589
01:06:23,451 --> 01:06:25,485
Believe me,
I fucked up with my owner, too.
1590
01:06:25,620 --> 01:06:28,282
So thank you
for helping me realize
I was the problem.
1591
01:06:28,417 --> 01:06:33,056
Only difference is
I have a chance to fix it
and not end up like you.
1592
01:06:33,191 --> 01:06:35,329
[growls, grunts]
1593
01:06:35,465 --> 01:06:37,594
-Hey, hey. What are you doing?
-Guys, stop it! Guys!
1594
01:06:37,729 --> 01:06:39,362
-[Hunter] Come on!
-[Bug] Give me this thing!
1595
01:06:39,497 --> 01:06:40,794
-Give it back!
-Bug!
1596
01:06:41,029 --> 01:06:42,363
[Reggie] Doug gave me that!
Give that back!
1597
01:06:42,499 --> 01:06:44,164
-I know he did!
-No!
1598
01:06:44,299 --> 01:06:46,175
[Hunter] Stop it! Stop!
[Maggie]
Bug, don't do that.
1599
01:06:46,310 --> 01:06:48,337
That's what I think about you
and your owner.
1600
01:06:48,473 --> 01:06:50,339
Go fuck yourself, Reggie.
1601
01:06:50,475 --> 01:06:52,082
You two deserve each other.
1602
01:07:00,585 --> 01:07:02,651
-Reggie, don't do this!
-Reg.
1603
01:07:02,787 --> 01:07:04,688
I hope he's already left
without you!
1604
01:07:10,325 --> 01:07:12,158
Man.
1605
01:07:12,294 --> 01:07:14,797
I really thought my dick
was gonna hook those keys.
1606
01:07:16,172 --> 01:07:19,208
Um, but this
is also a bummer.
1607
01:07:28,787 --> 01:07:30,418
Bug, we can't go back.
1608
01:07:30,554 --> 01:07:34,047
Sure we can.
The devil in the sky.
Cone. Hamster wheel.
1609
01:07:34,182 --> 01:07:36,121
Just in the opposite order
of how we came.
1610
01:07:36,257 --> 01:07:37,523
No dead bunnies this time.
1611
01:07:37,658 --> 01:07:39,526
Bug, she means
we can't leave him like this.
1612
01:07:39,662 --> 01:07:43,029
First off, Hunter,
we didn't leave him.
He left us.
1613
01:07:43,165 --> 01:07:46,468
Second, we don't know
the rest of the way
back to Doug's place, anyway.
1614
01:07:46,604 --> 01:07:48,695
And third,
I'm not just gonna
hang around here
1615
01:07:48,830 --> 01:07:52,474
and let some dickless bird
swoop in on my girlfriend
while I'm gone.
1616
01:07:52,610 --> 01:07:54,267
What?
1617
01:07:54,402 --> 01:07:56,279
Look, if there's one thing
that the asshole got right,
1618
01:07:56,414 --> 01:07:59,512
is that I have been
wasting my time
with you guys.
1619
01:07:59,648 --> 01:08:02,145
I'm a stray, and I should
start acting like one.
1620
01:08:02,281 --> 01:08:04,851
-Wait, where are you going?
-I don't know.
To go do some "nunya."
1621
01:08:05,086 --> 01:08:06,183
What's "nunya"?
1622
01:08:06,319 --> 01:08:07,485
Nunya fucking business.
1623
01:08:07,621 --> 01:08:09,555
Oh, yeah.
I walked right into that one.
1624
01:08:09,691 --> 01:08:12,657
-[sighs] Let's go home, Hunter.
-[Hunter sighs]
1625
01:08:15,731 --> 01:08:17,693
Talking about I'm lonely.
Talking about I'm scared.
1626
01:08:17,829 --> 01:08:20,093
Fuck does he think
he's talking about?
1627
01:08:20,229 --> 01:08:21,894
I'm gonna tell you right now,
I ain't lonely
1628
01:08:22,130 --> 01:08:23,672
and I damn sure ain't scared.
[gasps]
1629
01:08:23,807 --> 01:08:24,740
Fuck you, leaf!
1630
01:08:24,876 --> 01:08:26,738
[scoffs] End up like me?
1631
01:08:26,873 --> 01:08:29,339
I pissed on two cars
and three houses last week.
1632
01:08:29,474 --> 01:08:32,407
That's right,
I'm a three-year-old dog
and I'm already a homeowner.
1633
01:08:32,542 --> 01:08:35,582
I'm living
the motherfucking dream.
And I'm not scared to be alone.
1634
01:08:35,717 --> 01:08:37,652
Matter of fact,
I ain't scared of anything.
1635
01:08:37,788 --> 01:08:39,116
[twig snaps]
1636
01:08:39,251 --> 01:08:40,223
Who's that?
1637
01:08:41,158 --> 01:08:42,649
Don't come closer!
I-I, uh...
1638
01:08:42,785 --> 01:08:44,425
I'm crazy! I fuck trash!
1639
01:08:46,598 --> 01:08:48,165
[growling]
1640
01:08:50,602 --> 01:08:51,894
[growling]
1641
01:08:56,707 --> 01:08:57,636
[barking]
1642
01:09:00,278 --> 01:09:03,278
Nope, not doing this.
Just walk away, Bug.
1643
01:09:03,413 --> 01:09:06,307
Little girls like Emma suck
and you know it.
1644
01:09:06,443 --> 01:09:08,185
[whimpering]
1645
01:09:11,348 --> 01:09:12,718
[crying]
1646
01:09:12,853 --> 01:09:14,918
Don't listen to her, man.
Don't listen to her.
1647
01:09:15,154 --> 01:09:18,287
Another fucking narcissist
putting her needs
above your own.
1648
01:09:18,422 --> 01:09:22,160
You've been down
this fucking road before,
man, just-- just...
1649
01:09:22,295 --> 01:09:24,267
[sighs] Goddamn it.
1650
01:09:32,173 --> 01:09:33,571
Hey, there. [chuckles]
1651
01:09:33,706 --> 01:09:36,939
What are you doing
out here all alone?
1652
01:09:37,175 --> 01:09:39,715
Did you get lost like me?
It's gonna be okay.
1653
01:09:39,850 --> 01:09:42,409
Holy shit. Wait! You're the girl
that everyone's looking for.
1654
01:09:42,544 --> 01:09:43,682
Holy shit!
1655
01:09:44,484 --> 01:09:46,349
I found her.
I found her!
1656
01:09:46,484 --> 01:09:47,584
Somebody, please help!
1657
01:09:47,719 --> 01:09:49,726
I found the girl!
That's Bug!
1658
01:09:49,861 --> 01:09:51,353
Bug, where are you?
1659
01:09:51,488 --> 01:09:52,592
Let's go!
1660
01:09:56,363 --> 01:09:58,424
-I see him!
-[barks]
1661
01:09:58,560 --> 01:10:01,262
I can't believe
you found the girl.
Oh, my God, Bug!
1662
01:10:01,398 --> 01:10:03,971
Come on, we gotta get her
some help.
She's in bad shape.
1663
01:10:04,206 --> 01:10:06,766
[Maggie] Help! Over here!
[Hunter] Over here!
We found her! Help!
1664
01:10:06,902 --> 01:10:08,571
-Help!
-Rolf! You dickhead!
1665
01:10:08,706 --> 01:10:10,245
-Help! Help!
-Come on! Help!
1666
01:10:10,381 --> 01:10:12,816
[Bug, Maggie,
Hunter shouting in distance]
1667
01:10:12,951 --> 01:10:14,751
Lost kid! Let's move!
1668
01:10:14,886 --> 01:10:16,151
Over here!
Help!
1669
01:10:16,287 --> 01:10:17,282
Here they come.
[Hunter] Over here.
1670
01:10:17,417 --> 01:10:19,386
Munchkin, check the girl.
1671
01:10:19,521 --> 01:10:21,754
Hell of a job, Hunter,
and small dogs.
1672
01:10:21,889 --> 01:10:23,685
Didn't know
you had it in ya.
Oh, my God.
1673
01:10:23,820 --> 01:10:26,028
Riley! Riley, here you are.
1674
01:10:26,264 --> 01:10:28,356
Good dog, good dog.
You're okay.
1675
01:10:28,491 --> 01:10:31,427
I'm not even gonna ask
how you ended up
back in these woods.
1676
01:10:31,562 --> 01:10:32,626
All I'll ask is
1677
01:10:32,761 --> 01:10:34,634
how can I repay you?
1678
01:10:36,240 --> 01:10:38,000
You can help save
my best friend.
1679
01:10:41,005 --> 01:10:43,542
Oh, what am I gonna say?
What am I gonna say?
1680
01:10:43,677 --> 01:10:46,347
Okay, I should probably
rehearse this.
1681
01:10:46,483 --> 01:10:48,741
Hey, Doug.
[imitating Doug] "Hey, shitbag."
1682
01:10:48,876 --> 01:10:51,284
[normal] What've you been up to?
[imitating Doug]
"Mostly masturbating."
1683
01:10:51,419 --> 01:10:53,752
[normal] Oh. Cool, classic Doug.
1684
01:10:53,887 --> 01:10:57,218
So, I owe you an apology.
[imitating Doug] "Okay."
1685
01:10:57,354 --> 01:10:59,455
[normal] You were totally
right to ditch me in that alley.
1686
01:10:59,591 --> 01:11:01,194
I mean, I was terrible.
1687
01:11:01,330 --> 01:11:02,459
[imitating Doug] "Agreed."
1688
01:11:02,595 --> 01:11:04,390
[normal] But I was wondering
1689
01:11:04,525 --> 01:11:07,367
if we could maybe
make some changes when I'm back?
1690
01:11:07,502 --> 01:11:09,570
Like,
maybe we could do walks now,
1691
01:11:09,705 --> 01:11:12,437
and possibly increase pee breaks
to twice a day?
1692
01:11:12,572 --> 01:11:14,905
And maybe, if you feel like it,
1693
01:11:15,040 --> 01:11:17,611
you could call me a good boy
every once in a while?
1694
01:11:22,547 --> 01:11:24,420
Ugh. This is stupid.
1695
01:11:28,557 --> 01:11:31,392
What do you mean you can't track
him down? You're sniff dogs.
That's what you do.
1696
01:11:31,528 --> 01:11:33,556
Yeah, come on, Rolf.
They taught us that.
1697
01:11:33,691 --> 01:11:36,424
It's impossible.
We can't track him
without knowing his scent first.
1698
01:11:36,559 --> 01:11:38,268
Did you get
any whiff of him yesterday,
Munchkin?
1699
01:11:38,403 --> 01:11:39,925
Nothing I can recall, sir.
[Maggie]
Wait!
1700
01:11:40,061 --> 01:11:41,903
-The bandana!
-Come again?
1701
01:11:42,038 --> 01:11:44,301
We can get his scent
from the bandana.
Let's go! Let's go!
1702
01:11:44,436 --> 01:11:45,368
Nice, Maggie.
1703
01:11:45,503 --> 01:11:47,600
Rolf? Hey, Rolf!
1704
01:11:47,736 --> 01:11:50,446
[Maggie] There it is!
[Hunter] There!
There it is! There it is!
1705
01:11:51,840 --> 01:11:53,645
Way to go, Maggie.
1706
01:11:53,781 --> 01:11:56,647
Halt!
Good God, what's that smell?
1707
01:11:56,783 --> 01:11:58,379
Can you smell Reggie
off that thing?
1708
01:11:58,515 --> 01:12:00,516
[sniffs] I'm not getting
any dog off of this, sir.
1709
01:12:00,651 --> 01:12:01,881
Just a lot of urine.
1710
01:12:02,017 --> 01:12:03,455
Oh, huh.
Oh, wow.
Huh.
1711
01:12:03,591 --> 01:12:05,521
That's weird.
It was Bug.
1712
01:12:05,656 --> 01:12:08,690
And from the stain patterns,
I can tell this was
a very small pee stream,
1713
01:12:08,826 --> 01:12:11,730
indicative of a dog
with an... [chuckles]
...unbelievably tiny penis.
1714
01:12:11,866 --> 01:12:13,865
-Again, Bug.
-It ain't indicative of shit.
1715
01:12:14,000 --> 01:12:16,437
If anything,
it is indicative
of a well-shaped,
1716
01:12:16,573 --> 01:12:19,375
sensual penis
that transcends dick size.
1717
01:12:19,511 --> 01:12:21,635
Lots of TDU:
Tiny Dick Urine over here.
1718
01:12:21,770 --> 01:12:24,612
It would take a miracle
to pick up any dog scent
off of that thing.
1719
01:12:24,747 --> 01:12:26,580
There you are.
What's gotten into you guys?
1720
01:12:26,715 --> 01:12:28,380
[sniffing]
[Rolf]
Fuck are you doing?
1721
01:12:28,516 --> 01:12:29,882
You'll taint the smell.
1722
01:12:30,017 --> 01:12:32,918
I'm doing your job.
Now back the fuck off, Adolf.
1723
01:12:33,054 --> 01:12:35,118
-Adolf?
-It's 'cause
you're a German Sh--
1724
01:12:35,354 --> 01:12:37,386
-Oh, whatever.
-I get it now.
Hitler reference.
1725
01:12:37,521 --> 01:12:38,653
[sniffing]
1726
01:12:38,789 --> 01:12:40,727
Go, Maggie! Go, Maggie!
1727
01:12:44,662 --> 01:12:46,293
I'm picking up...
1728
01:12:46,428 --> 01:12:48,401
Bitches of the night.Pizza. Vomit pizza?
1729
01:12:48,537 --> 01:12:49,962
Hot dogs. All of our pee.
1730
01:12:50,098 --> 01:12:52,304
Eagle feathers. Dennis Quaid?
1731
01:12:52,440 --> 01:12:54,003
Squirrel sex.Dead bunniesthat I know nothing about.
1732
01:12:54,139 --> 01:12:55,643
Hunter's boner.Ooh, lots of shit.
1733
01:12:55,778 --> 01:12:57,847
A tiny Boston Terrier dickand...
1734
01:12:57,983 --> 01:12:59,677
Reggie! I got him!
1735
01:12:59,812 --> 01:13:01,342
-Yes, Maggie!
-Let's move!
1736
01:13:01,477 --> 01:13:03,417
[Hunter] Come on, let's go!
Thanks, Rolf!
1737
01:13:03,553 --> 01:13:05,614
Except for when
you fucked us over.
1738
01:13:05,749 --> 01:13:06,916
Good luck, soldiers!
1739
01:13:07,052 --> 01:13:09,356
And sorry
I'm such a fucking asshole!
1740
01:13:09,491 --> 01:13:11,087
I should really work on myself.
1741
01:13:38,484 --> 01:13:39,786
[door creaks]
1742
01:14:03,638 --> 01:14:05,445
[Doug] Oh, thanks forshitting on the carpet!
1743
01:14:05,580 --> 01:14:07,715
The fuck are you thinking? Huh?
1744
01:14:07,850 --> 01:14:10,916
Oh, you're such a stupid
little piece of shit.
1745
01:14:19,554 --> 01:14:21,828
Can you just leave methe fuck alone?
1746
01:14:22,495 --> 01:14:23,995
Bad dog!
1747
01:14:28,564 --> 01:14:30,697
-[Reggie barking]
-[Doug imitating barking]
1748
01:14:30,833 --> 01:14:33,675
[Doug] That's what you fuckingsound like, you piece of shit.
1749
01:15:00,872 --> 01:15:03,731
Okay,
one last shit on the carpet,
and then I'm out.
1750
01:15:03,866 --> 01:15:05,608
[door creaking]
1751
01:15:16,879 --> 01:15:17,950
[Doug] Mmm.
1752
01:15:24,622 --> 01:15:25,595
Hey, Doug.
1753
01:15:26,855 --> 01:15:27,987
Fuck!
1754
01:15:28,122 --> 01:15:30,166
It's me, Reggie.
1755
01:15:30,301 --> 01:15:33,534
A-And look,
I-I know you can't understand
what I'm saying right now.
1756
01:15:33,669 --> 01:15:35,634
No, no, no,
this is not happening.
1757
01:15:35,769 --> 01:15:37,696
But I just wanna say how I feel.
1758
01:15:38,299 --> 01:15:40,471
I know you didn't like me.
1759
01:15:40,607 --> 01:15:42,102
I mean, obviously.
1760
01:15:42,237 --> 01:15:44,541
You abandoned me in the street.
1761
01:15:44,676 --> 01:15:48,978
But just know
that I did everything I could
to make you feel loved.
1762
01:15:49,114 --> 01:15:51,178
And I thought
if I loved you enough
1763
01:15:51,313 --> 01:15:54,349
then maybe
you would love me back.
1764
01:15:55,822 --> 01:15:57,584
But then I met new friends.
1765
01:15:57,719 --> 01:16:01,960
I met the sweetest big dog,
with just the nicest dick.
1766
01:16:02,096 --> 01:16:04,959
The most talented, baddest bitch
in the world,
1767
01:16:05,095 --> 01:16:07,536
and the tiniest, scrappiest,
1768
01:16:07,672 --> 01:16:11,206
funniest best friend
I could ever ask for.
1769
01:16:11,341 --> 01:16:16,143
Oh, and I met my son too,
who's a gnome,
and we had sex, but whatever.
1770
01:16:16,279 --> 01:16:21,384
The point is,
those friends showed me
what real love feels like.
1771
01:16:21,620 --> 01:16:23,915
And it's nothing
like what we had.
1772
01:16:24,050 --> 01:16:27,189
Now I know
that I wasn't a bad dog.
1773
01:16:27,324 --> 01:16:30,388
You were a bad man.
1774
01:16:30,624 --> 01:16:32,588
Bad man! Bad man!
1775
01:16:32,723 --> 01:16:33,720
[barking]
1776
01:16:33,856 --> 01:16:35,093
[sighs]
1777
01:16:36,860 --> 01:16:38,562
Goodbye, Doug.
1778
01:16:38,697 --> 01:16:40,065
And fuck you.
1779
01:16:47,044 --> 01:16:52,008
Now what do I gotta do
to get you
the fuck out of my life?
1780
01:16:52,144 --> 01:16:54,173
I mean,
how do you not get it, man?
1781
01:16:54,309 --> 01:16:57,780
I drove you three hours away.
1782
01:16:57,916 --> 01:17:01,588
I mean, how could I make it
any more clear
that I don't care about you?
1783
01:17:01,724 --> 01:17:03,721
I don't fucking love you.
1784
01:17:03,857 --> 01:17:05,695
Goodbye forever, shitbag.
1785
01:17:07,195 --> 01:17:10,693
Well, at least I found
someone who loved me.
1786
01:17:10,828 --> 01:17:12,562
Pee-FFs forever.
1787
01:17:12,697 --> 01:17:14,136
[barking]
1788
01:17:14,271 --> 01:17:15,601
[Hunter grunts]
1789
01:17:15,736 --> 01:17:17,265
[all] Pee-FFs forever!
1790
01:17:17,400 --> 01:17:21,042
The fuck?
Who the hell are these dogs?
1791
01:17:21,177 --> 01:17:23,673
Jesus Christ,
it's like a fucking dog movie
in here.
1792
01:17:23,808 --> 01:17:26,049
[growling]
1793
01:17:26,184 --> 01:17:27,642
Oh, yeah?
1794
01:17:27,777 --> 01:17:30,181
The fuck are you
gonna do about it,
cone boy?
1795
01:17:40,197 --> 01:17:41,130
Oh, shit.
1796
01:17:41,265 --> 01:17:43,359
[growls, barks]
1797
01:17:45,235 --> 01:17:47,599
[snarling]
1798
01:17:47,734 --> 01:17:49,102
Reggie, are you okay?
1799
01:17:49,237 --> 01:17:50,770
Listen, Bug,
I-I'm so sorry
for what I said. I--
1800
01:17:50,906 --> 01:17:52,036
Don't worry about that
right now.
1801
01:17:52,172 --> 01:17:53,969
Yeah,
we've got a dick to rip off.
1802
01:17:54,105 --> 01:17:56,042
-[grunting]
-[snarling]
1803
01:17:58,349 --> 01:18:00,112
Get the fuck off me!
1804
01:18:01,046 --> 01:18:03,076
Fuck. What the-- Get off me!
1805
01:18:03,211 --> 01:18:05,013
Let go! Goddamn it!
1806
01:18:05,149 --> 01:18:08,117
Ow! Fuck, my knee! Goddamn it!
1807
01:18:08,252 --> 01:18:10,620
-[barks]
-Oh, you want some, huh?
1808
01:18:10,755 --> 01:18:12,058
[barking]
1809
01:18:13,924 --> 01:18:15,498
Oh, goddamn it!
1810
01:18:15,733 --> 01:18:17,993
You little fuckers
owe me a microwave.
1811
01:18:18,129 --> 01:18:19,967
-[barking]
-Eat some foot!
1812
01:18:21,063 --> 01:18:23,072
Ah! My foot!
1813
01:18:23,207 --> 01:18:25,269
[panting]
1814
01:18:27,772 --> 01:18:28,844
Shitbag!
1815
01:18:31,809 --> 01:18:35,048
[grunting]
1816
01:18:36,011 --> 01:18:37,215
[screams]
1817
01:18:38,213 --> 01:18:40,220
Oh! Fuck, my back!
1818
01:18:40,356 --> 01:18:42,319
-Guys!
We should get out of here.
-[Doug] Fuck!
1819
01:18:42,454 --> 01:18:44,926
[Hunter]
Reggie!
Got you, you little shit!
1820
01:18:45,061 --> 01:18:49,028
Well, look at you.
You got yourself some friends?
1821
01:18:49,164 --> 01:18:52,658
Let me tell
you furry fucks something.
1822
01:18:52,794 --> 01:18:56,101
Your little buddy here
ruined my life.
1823
01:18:56,237 --> 01:18:59,671
Before him, I had
a fucking good thing going.
1824
01:18:59,806 --> 01:19:01,543
A roof over my head,
1825
01:19:01,779 --> 01:19:04,041
checks from my mom,
two girlfriends.
1826
01:19:04,177 --> 01:19:07,549
Now I have no house,
no girlfriends,
1827
01:19:07,784 --> 01:19:09,985
and I have to
masturbate all day.
1828
01:19:10,120 --> 01:19:12,950
All right?
This dog turned me
into a fucking loser.
1829
01:19:13,086 --> 01:19:14,481
Why's he talking so much?
1830
01:19:14,750 --> 01:19:18,387
You ever see
the end of Marley & Me? Huh?
1831
01:19:18,522 --> 01:19:21,193
Yeah, me neither.
It's fucking boring.
1832
01:19:22,262 --> 01:19:25,529
But I do know
that the dog dies in the end.
1833
01:19:25,765 --> 01:19:27,100
[barking]
1834
01:19:27,236 --> 01:19:30,070
I'm gonna enjoy
squeezing the life out of you...
1835
01:19:30,205 --> 01:19:31,865
-[Bug] Maggie,
Hunter get in position.
-Got it.
1836
01:19:32,000 --> 01:19:33,843
[Hunter] Copy.
...cause you squeezed
the life out of me.
1837
01:19:34,876 --> 01:19:36,142
Wait, what's happening?
1838
01:19:36,277 --> 01:19:38,111
What are they doing
getting in a line like that?
1839
01:19:40,946 --> 01:19:44,150
[distorted] Fuck you!
1840
01:19:49,517 --> 01:19:52,422
["Wrecking Ball" playing]
1841
01:19:57,065 --> 01:19:59,228
♪ We clawed, we chained ♪
1842
01:19:59,363 --> 01:20:00,934
♪ Our hearts in vain ♪
1843
01:20:01,070 --> 01:20:04,370
♪ We jumped, never asking why ♪
1844
01:20:04,506 --> 01:20:08,974
♪ We kissedI fell under your spell ♪
1845
01:20:09,110 --> 01:20:13,243
♪ A love no one could deny ♪
1846
01:20:13,379 --> 01:20:15,108
♪ Don't you ever say... ♪
1847
01:20:15,243 --> 01:20:18,014
Bad fucking dog!
1848
01:20:18,149 --> 01:20:21,548
You're goddamn right.
1849
01:20:21,817 --> 01:20:23,589
♪ I came inLike a wrecking ball ♪
1850
01:20:23,824 --> 01:20:25,255
[distorted screaming]
1851
01:20:25,391 --> 01:20:29,263
♪ I never hit so hard in love ♪
1852
01:20:29,399 --> 01:20:33,262
♪ All I wantedWas to break your walls ♪
1853
01:20:33,397 --> 01:20:35,601
♪ All you ever did was ♪
1854
01:20:35,870 --> 01:20:37,164
♪ Wreck me ♪
1855
01:20:37,299 --> 01:20:39,299
[distorted screaming]
1856
01:20:39,435 --> 01:20:42,239
♪ You wreck me ♪
1857
01:20:42,375 --> 01:20:46,181
♪ I put you high up in the sky ♪
1858
01:20:46,317 --> 01:20:50,282
♪ And nowYou're not coming down ♪
1859
01:20:50,418 --> 01:20:54,320
♪ It slowly turnedYou let me burn ♪
1860
01:20:54,456 --> 01:20:58,027
♪ And now we're ashesOn the ground ♪
1861
01:20:59,230 --> 01:21:03,029
♪ Don't you ever sayI just walked away ♪
1862
01:21:03,164 --> 01:21:05,625
♪ I will always want you ♪
1863
01:21:05,894 --> 01:21:09,467
♪ I came inLike a wrecking ball ♪
1864
01:21:09,602 --> 01:21:13,108
♪ Yeah, I just closed my eyesAnd swung ♪
1865
01:21:13,243 --> 01:21:17,342
♪ Left me crashingIn a blazing fall ♪
1866
01:21:17,477 --> 01:21:22,081
♪ All you ever did wasWreck me ♪
1867
01:21:22,217 --> 01:21:25,848
♪ Yeah, you, you wreck me ♪
1868
01:21:25,984 --> 01:21:29,055
[whimpering]
1869
01:21:29,191 --> 01:21:32,027
♪ I never meant to start a war ♪
1870
01:21:33,263 --> 01:21:36,161
♪ I just wanted youTo let me in... ♪
1871
01:21:36,296 --> 01:21:38,926
Uh...
Yeah, we should probably leave.
1872
01:21:39,061 --> 01:21:41,334
Oh, yeah? We gotta go right now?
I was kind of enjoying this.
1873
01:21:41,469 --> 01:21:43,038
♪ I guessI should've let you win... ♪
1874
01:21:43,173 --> 01:21:44,469
[Bug] Yo, Reg,
I gotta be honest with you.
1875
01:21:44,604 --> 01:21:46,171
I ain't think
you was gonna do that shit.
1876
01:21:46,306 --> 01:21:47,503
[Maggie]
You really committed to that.
1877
01:21:47,638 --> 01:21:49,173
[Hunter] More graphic
than I was expecting.
1878
01:21:49,308 --> 01:21:50,338
[Maggie]
That was almost too far.
1879
01:21:50,473 --> 01:21:51,679
[Bug] You one-upped me for sure.
1880
01:21:51,915 --> 01:21:53,077
I mean, I bit a girl's ankle.
1881
01:21:53,213 --> 01:21:55,512
You ripped a man's penis off.
1882
01:22:05,520 --> 01:22:07,656
["Follow You" playing]
1883
01:22:11,125 --> 01:22:14,437
[Reggie]
Today is gonna bethe best day ever.
1884
01:22:14,572 --> 01:22:18,439
How do I know that?Because every dayis the best day ever.
1885
01:22:18,574 --> 01:22:22,076
Hunter went back to his jobat the old human home.
1886
01:22:22,211 --> 01:22:23,872
And he didn't evenneed his cone.
1887
01:22:24,007 --> 01:22:26,576
Hey, Cone of Shame!
Where's your lampshade?
[laughs]
1888
01:22:26,712 --> 01:22:29,117
Actually, Bubsy,
I don't need that cone anymore,
1889
01:22:29,253 --> 01:22:31,413
just like I don't need
any of your shit anymore.
1890
01:22:31,548 --> 01:22:33,153
-Fuck you, Bubsy!
-Wow.
1891
01:22:33,289 --> 01:22:35,921
I had no idea you felt that way.
I'm sorry.
1892
01:22:36,056 --> 01:22:37,059
I-I'm just gonna go...
1893
01:22:38,162 --> 01:22:41,059
fuck your mother! [laughs]
Fuck outta here!
1894
01:22:41,195 --> 01:22:44,560
[Reggie] And he finally foundthe courage to let Maggie knowhow he feels about her.
1895
01:22:44,695 --> 01:22:46,933
And now they have sexall the time!
1896
01:22:47,069 --> 01:22:48,569
Regular style, of course.
1897
01:22:48,704 --> 01:22:50,365
Attaboy, Hunter.
1898
01:22:50,500 --> 01:22:53,075
Reminds me of when I was young.
1899
01:22:54,304 --> 01:22:56,144
You used to fuck dogs?
1900
01:22:56,744 --> 01:22:57,776
What?
1901
01:22:58,012 --> 01:22:59,511
[Reggie] And Maggie,
1902
01:22:59,646 --> 01:23:02,251
well, she finally gotthe owner she deserves.
1903
01:23:02,387 --> 01:23:04,779
Maggie's part ofthe detection squad now.
1904
01:23:05,015 --> 01:23:06,953
And she's the best snifferon the team.
1905
01:23:07,088 --> 01:23:09,318
I love the costume you gave her.
1906
01:23:09,454 --> 01:23:12,356
So good.
Uniform, for work.
1907
01:23:12,492 --> 01:23:14,619
[Reggie]
And Bug's the same old Bug,
1908
01:23:14,755 --> 01:23:17,032
with one pretty big exception.
1909
01:23:17,168 --> 01:23:19,126
He's changed his stanceon people.
1910
01:23:19,261 --> 01:23:20,962
[laughing]
1911
01:23:21,097 --> 01:23:23,299
[Reggie] Or at least,one very special person.
1912
01:23:23,435 --> 01:23:26,142
[Bug barking]
[Riley laughing]
1913
01:23:26,277 --> 01:23:28,638
♪ And I'll show youHow to love ♪
1914
01:23:29,604 --> 01:23:31,647
♪ To love ♪
1915
01:23:31,782 --> 01:23:35,117
[Reggie] Sure,joining a family was a bit ofa learning experience for him.
1916
01:23:38,216 --> 01:23:39,781
Oh, baby, I love this.
1917
01:23:40,017 --> 01:23:42,154
Your cushions
are so much tighter
than Dolores's.
1918
01:23:42,290 --> 01:23:44,324
And what is this fabric,
faux suede?
1919
01:23:45,719 --> 01:23:47,657
-Hey.
-Oh, hey, Kevin.
1920
01:23:48,626 --> 01:23:50,726
Come on, buddy.
No humping the couch.
1921
01:23:52,400 --> 01:23:54,763
Nothing will ever
come between us.
1922
01:23:56,107 --> 01:23:59,006
Yep, lifeis pretty damn great.
1923
01:23:59,141 --> 01:24:00,405
So we'll see you guys
tonight?
1924
01:24:00,540 --> 01:24:02,342
Yes! Scraps night.
You know it! Scraps night!
1925
01:24:06,241 --> 01:24:09,214
[Reggie] As for me,I chose to stay a stray.
1926
01:24:09,350 --> 01:24:11,612
And I couldn't be happier.
1927
01:24:11,748 --> 01:24:16,124
And for any dogs in need,I'll be thereto show them the ropes.
1928
01:24:16,259 --> 01:24:18,058
Hey, there. I'm Reggie.
You got a name?
1929
01:24:18,193 --> 01:24:20,426
Oh, hi. I'm-- I'm Shitstain.
1930
01:24:20,562 --> 01:24:23,198
No, no, no.
That's not your name.
Trust me.
1931
01:24:24,232 --> 01:24:26,363
Rule number one
of being a stray:
1932
01:24:26,498 --> 01:24:28,497
You want something,
you pee on it.
1933
01:24:28,632 --> 01:24:30,601
And whatever you pee on
is yours.
1934
01:24:30,737 --> 01:24:33,365
-Oh. How 'bout this lamppost?
-That's mine.
1935
01:24:33,500 --> 01:24:35,234
Oh. Okay.
1936
01:24:35,370 --> 01:24:37,580
Rule number two:
You can pretty much
hump whatever you want.
1937
01:24:37,715 --> 01:24:39,515
-Cool!
-Awesome!
1938
01:24:39,650 --> 01:24:43,746
Rule number three
is the most important rule,
bar none.
1939
01:24:44,689 --> 01:24:46,782
You are not alone.
1940
01:24:48,517 --> 01:24:51,460
[Reggie] You know,I used to thinkmy place was by Doug's side.
1941
01:24:51,595 --> 01:24:54,195
But now I knowmy place is whereverI want it to be.
1942
01:24:54,331 --> 01:24:57,522
And I've never feltmore at home.
1943
01:24:57,658 --> 01:25:01,694
'Cause I know a guywho lets me crashwhenever I want.
1944
01:25:01,829 --> 01:25:03,601
-Hey, loser.
-Hey, fuck face.
1945
01:25:05,434 --> 01:25:07,140
[Riley giggling]
1946
01:25:07,276 --> 01:25:09,178
Liam,
the cute scruffy dog is back!
1947
01:25:11,406 --> 01:25:12,907
[laughter]
1948
01:25:13,683 --> 01:25:14,777
[barks]
1949
01:25:15,820 --> 01:25:17,617
Isn't this the life?
1950
01:25:17,753 --> 01:25:19,513
[sighs]
1951
01:25:19,649 --> 01:25:21,415
[Liam] Who's a good boy?
1952
01:25:21,550 --> 01:25:22,851
You're a good boy.
1953
01:25:23,760 --> 01:25:26,061
Such a good boy.
1954
01:25:26,197 --> 01:25:28,329
[Reggie]
I've learned a lot since Doug.
1955
01:25:28,464 --> 01:25:30,530
Sure, there's some bad peoplein this world,
1956
01:25:30,665 --> 01:25:34,300
but even Bug would agree,the good ones are out there.
1957
01:25:34,436 --> 01:25:36,900
You just gottakeep your eyes open.
1958
01:25:37,136 --> 01:25:38,638
Hey, kids!
1959
01:25:38,774 --> 01:25:40,506
[Bug] I'll rip your lungs out.
[Reggie] Fuck you, mailman!
1960
01:25:40,641 --> 01:25:42,308
These guys have a lot of energy,
don't they?
1961
01:25:42,444 --> 01:25:43,905
I'm gonna eat
your fucking nut sack.
1962
01:25:44,140 --> 01:25:45,910
[Reggie] Get out of here,
you evil little shit!
1963
01:25:46,145 --> 01:25:48,111
I'll give you
to the count of three...
You stupid fucking devil!
1964
01:25:48,247 --> 01:25:50,451
...and then I'm gonna
jump this fence
and skull-fuck you to death!
1965
01:25:50,587 --> 01:25:52,445
[Reggie] You're just as bad
as your friend in the sky!
1966
01:25:52,580 --> 01:25:55,716
[Bug] Yeah, yeah, you smart!
You smart!
[Reggie] You fuckwad! Go! Go!
1967
01:25:55,851 --> 01:25:57,558
[Bug] Keep walking!
Keep walking!
1968
01:25:57,694 --> 01:25:59,191
[Reggie] Don't even think about
coming back here tomorrow!
1969
01:25:59,326 --> 01:26:00,590
Fuck off!
[Bug] Yeah, bitch.
1970
01:26:00,726 --> 01:26:02,631
You don't want to
get this guy angry.
1971
01:26:02,767 --> 01:26:06,367
[Reggie] I may be small,
but you have no idea
what I'm capable of!
1972
01:26:07,167 --> 01:26:08,534
Just ask Doug!
1973
01:26:09,436 --> 01:26:12,100
I ripped the guy's cock off!
1974
01:26:12,236 --> 01:26:14,610
♪ This is for the GzAnd this is for the hustlas ♪
1975
01:26:14,745 --> 01:26:17,204
♪ This is for the hustlasNow back to the Gz ♪
1976
01:26:17,340 --> 01:26:19,943
♪ This is for the GzAnd this is for the hustlas ♪
1977
01:26:20,212 --> 01:26:22,583
♪ This is for the hustlasNow back to the Gz ♪
1978
01:26:22,718 --> 01:26:24,817
♪ It's 1-9-9-treSo let me just play ♪
1979
01:26:24,952 --> 01:26:26,621
♪ It's Snoop DoggI'm on the mic ♪
1980
01:26:26,757 --> 01:26:28,789
♪ I'm back with Dr. Dre ♪
[eagle screeches]
1981
01:26:28,924 --> 01:26:31,187
♪ But this time I'ma hitYo' ass with a touch ♪
1982
01:26:31,322 --> 01:26:33,154
♪ To leave motherfuckersIn a dazeFucked up ♪
1983
01:26:33,289 --> 01:26:35,521
♪ So sit back, relaxNew jacks get smacked ♪
1984
01:26:35,657 --> 01:26:37,962
♪ It's Snoop Doggy DoggI'm at the top of the stack ♪
1985
01:26:38,231 --> 01:26:40,768
♪ I don't lack for a secondAnd I'm still checkin' ♪
1986
01:26:40,904 --> 01:26:43,405
♪ The dopest motherfuckerThat ya hearin' on the record ♪
1987
01:26:43,540 --> 01:26:45,505
♪ It's me, ya seeS-N-double-O-P ♪
1988
01:26:45,640 --> 01:26:48,236
♪ D-O-double-G-YThe D-O-double-G ♪
1989
01:26:48,372 --> 01:26:50,804
♪ I'm fly as a falconSoarin' through the sky ♪
1990
01:26:50,939 --> 01:26:53,638
-[eagle screeches]
-♪ And I'm highTill I dizzie, rizzide ♪
1991
01:26:53,774 --> 01:26:56,716
♪ So check it, I get busyI make your head dizzy ♪
1992
01:26:56,852 --> 01:26:59,212
♪ I blow up your mouthLike I was Dizzy Gillespie ♪
1993
01:26:59,347 --> 01:27:01,181
♪ I'm crazyYou can't phase me ♪
1994
01:27:01,317 --> 01:27:03,192
♪ I'm the S,Oh, yes, I'm fresh ♪
1995
01:27:03,327 --> 01:27:05,221
♪ I don't fuck with the stress ♪
1996
01:27:05,356 --> 01:27:07,489
♪ I'm all about the chronicBionic, ya see ♪
1997
01:27:07,625 --> 01:27:10,159
♪ Every single day chillin'With the D-O-double-G's ♪
1998
01:27:10,295 --> 01:27:12,392
♪ P-O-U-N-DThat's my clique, my crew ♪
1999
01:27:12,527 --> 01:27:15,261
♪ You fuck with usWe gots to fuck you up ♪
2000
01:27:15,396 --> 01:27:17,730
♪ I thought you knewBut yet and still ♪
2001
01:27:17,866 --> 01:27:20,334
♪ You wanna get realNow it's time to peelYou say chill ♪
2002
01:27:20,469 --> 01:27:22,509
♪ And feelThe motherfuckin' realism ♪
2003
01:27:22,644 --> 01:27:23,872
♪ Snoop Doggy Dogg isOn the mic ♪
2004
01:27:24,008 --> 01:27:25,712
♪ I'm hittin' hard as steel ♪
2005
01:27:25,848 --> 01:27:28,508
♪ This is for the GzAnd this is for the hustlas ♪
2006
01:27:28,643 --> 01:27:31,212
♪ This is for the hustlasNow back to the Gz ♪
2007
01:27:31,348 --> 01:27:33,656
♪ This is for the GzAnd this is for the hustlas ♪
2008
01:27:33,791 --> 01:27:36,349
♪ This is for the hustlasNow back to the Gz ♪
2009
01:27:36,485 --> 01:27:38,889
♪ This is for the GzAnd this is for the hustlas ♪
2010
01:27:39,025 --> 01:27:41,563
♪ This is for the hustlasNow back to the Gz ♪
2011
01:27:41,699 --> 01:27:44,323
♪ This is for the GzAnd this is for the hustlas ♪
2012
01:27:44,459 --> 01:27:46,702
♪ This is for the hustlasNow back to the Gz ♪
2013
01:27:46,837 --> 01:27:48,337
[barking]
2014
01:27:52,509 --> 01:27:54,800
In addition to
the multiple facial lacerations
2015
01:27:54,936 --> 01:27:57,779
and the severe
burn wounds,
2016
01:27:57,915 --> 01:28:03,308
we also discovered
an alarming amount of
fecal bacteria in your system,
2017
01:28:03,443 --> 01:28:07,046
which, I would imagine came from
the-- the-- the...
2018
01:28:07,282 --> 01:28:10,284
Dog shitting
in my mouth? Yeah.
Right. Yeah.
2019
01:28:10,420 --> 01:28:11,459
[sighs]
2020
01:28:11,962 --> 01:28:14,423
Um... Ba-ba-ba...
2021
01:28:14,559 --> 01:28:16,057
Checking the clipboard.
2022
01:28:16,292 --> 01:28:18,928
Oh, yeah. We also, uh,
couldn't reattach the penis.
2023
01:28:21,399 --> 01:28:24,332
[Doug] Fuck!
2024
01:28:24,468 --> 01:28:29,510
[beatboxing]
2025
01:28:38,780 --> 01:28:39,817
♪ Jamie ♪
2026
01:28:41,422 --> 01:28:42,622
♪ Jamie Foxx ♪
2027
01:28:44,018 --> 01:28:45,053
♪ Will Ferrell ♪
2028
01:28:45,953 --> 01:28:48,496
[barking rhythmically]
2029
01:28:50,430 --> 01:28:53,468
[beatboxing continues]
2030
01:28:59,374 --> 01:29:01,476
♪ Dirty, dirty dog ♪
2031
01:29:02,344 --> 01:29:03,709
♪ I'm a stray ♪
2032
01:29:04,675 --> 01:29:06,712
[barking rhythmically]
2033
01:29:12,784 --> 01:29:14,016
♪ Quit doggin' me! ♪
2034
01:29:15,415 --> 01:29:17,984
♪ Quit doggin' me! Dogging me ♪
2035
01:29:18,119 --> 01:29:22,790
[beatboxing,
barking rhythmically]
2036
01:29:22,925 --> 01:29:24,763
♪ I'm a stray ♪
162234
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.