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1
00:00:01,840 --> 00:00:04,340
Good morning, commoners.
2
00:00:04,410 --> 00:00:05,510
Look at you.
3
00:00:05,580 --> 00:00:06,840
You don't normally
wear a suit
4
00:00:06,910 --> 00:00:08,710
unless you're appearing
before a judge.
5
00:00:10,210 --> 00:00:11,650
That's his other suit.
6
00:00:11,710 --> 00:00:14,150
No, our C.J.
has an interview
7
00:00:14,220 --> 00:00:16,650
for a full-time
teaching job.
8
00:00:16,720 --> 00:00:19,260
The position opened up
when Mr. Webber got caught
9
00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:21,620
in the teachers' lounge
with the lunch lady.
10
00:00:22,590 --> 00:00:24,090
Mrs. Krasnik?
11
00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:26,230
Yeah, once
you get past the hairnet
12
00:00:26,300 --> 00:00:28,930
and the catsup stains,
there's something there.
13
00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:31,640
Well, the school board
wouldn't be meeting with you
14
00:00:31,700 --> 00:00:33,140
if you hadn't impressed them.
15
00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:35,310
And I never thought
I'd be saying this,
16
00:00:35,370 --> 00:00:38,610
but, uh...
I'm proud of you, C.J.
17
00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:40,480
Don't --
18
00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:42,350
don't you make me cry.
19
00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:47,080
Oh, I'm gonna get all puffy
for my interview!
20
00:00:47,150 --> 00:00:49,350
Is he okay?
21
00:00:49,420 --> 00:00:51,190
Oh, yeah,
just preinterview jitters.
22
00:00:51,250 --> 00:00:53,260
Oh, boy, I hope
he gets that job.
23
00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:54,460
He just loves teaching.
24
00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:56,260
It's actually
been great for him.
25
00:00:56,330 --> 00:00:58,600
You know,
he's got his act together.
26
00:00:58,660 --> 00:01:01,900
And I've been thinking --
I want to give him this car.
27
00:01:01,970 --> 00:01:05,040
Oh, my god, dad,
he's desperate for a car.
28
00:01:05,100 --> 00:01:06,270
He'll love that.
29
00:01:06,340 --> 00:01:07,840
You all right
with that, Rory?
30
00:01:07,900 --> 00:01:09,440
Well, it seems only fair,
31
00:01:09,510 --> 00:01:12,580
given how much hard work
C.J. put into fixing it up.
32
00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:14,110
Oh, wait, that was me.
33
00:01:14,180 --> 00:01:17,550
Come on, Rory, can't you just
do something nice for C.J.?
34
00:01:17,610 --> 00:01:20,050
He's always doing
nice things for you.
35
00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:24,050
Here, hold this
till I get back.
36
00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:25,660
Well, I better go.
37
00:01:25,720 --> 00:01:29,260
Want tbe late
for my big interview.
38
00:01:29,330 --> 00:01:31,630
Look at you,
Mr. Responsible.
39
00:01:31,700 --> 00:01:33,060
Let's face it, catey.
40
00:01:33,130 --> 00:01:35,260
Our little C.J.
is all grown up.
41
00:01:37,330 --> 00:01:39,540
See you later.
42
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:42,810
This is so unfair, Bridget!
I know you can hear me!
43
00:01:42,870 --> 00:01:44,470
Lord knows
the rest of us can.
44
00:01:44,540 --> 00:01:46,180
What's going on?
45
00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:47,440
Oh, just the latest episode
46
00:01:47,510 --> 00:01:49,580
of "kerry's life sucks,
but Bridget's is great."
47
00:01:49,650 --> 00:01:50,880
Sounds like a rerun.
48
00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:55,790
She's just mad I won this mp3
player on a radio contest.
49
00:01:55,850 --> 00:01:57,950
You weren't even trying
to call the radio station.
50
00:01:58,020 --> 00:01:59,920
She dials the wrong number
and wins!
51
00:01:59,990 --> 00:02:02,930
Meanwhile, I have been saving
for months for an mp3 player.
52
00:02:02,990 --> 00:02:05,030
Why does everything good
happen to her?
53
00:02:05,100 --> 00:02:07,760
Not everything good --
I got you as a sister.
54
00:02:07,830 --> 00:02:10,000
Hey, when did
that call come in?
55
00:02:10,070 --> 00:02:12,640
Why doesn't anybody
check the messages?
56
00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:13,970
When that thing
rings anymore,
57
00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:15,370
it's never
anything important --
58
00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:16,910
you know,
someone selling insurance
59
00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:18,270
or someone calling
for kerry...
60
00:02:18,340 --> 00:02:20,640
Lyle: Hello, this message
is for C.J. Barnes.
61
00:02:20,710 --> 00:02:23,110
C.J., you don't know me,
but I'm your father --
62
00:02:23,180 --> 00:02:24,380
your biological father.
63
00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:27,180
...or C.J.'s
biological father.
64
00:02:33,088 --> 00:02:34,980
- This is unbelievable.
- Play that again.
65
00:02:36,306 --> 00:02:38,915
C.J., you don't know me,
but I'm your father --
66
00:02:38,984 --> 00:02:40,274
your biological father.
67
00:02:40,675 --> 00:02:42,915
I know this is a shock, but
I'm gonna be in the area today
68
00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:44,860
and I thought maybe we could
finally meet each other.
69
00:02:44,920 --> 00:02:48,230
I hope that's okay.
I'll come by about 5:00.
70
00:02:48,290 --> 00:02:50,930
I didn't know C.J.
had a biological father.
71
00:02:54,300 --> 00:02:56,740
What, you thought
he just, like, hatched?
72
00:02:58,900 --> 00:03:01,940
I mean a father different
from the one that raised him.
73
00:03:02,010 --> 00:03:05,950
Well, it's something he doesn't
really talk about much.
74
00:03:06,010 --> 00:03:07,010
And why should he?
75
00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:08,850
The jerk had
a one-night stand
76
00:03:08,910 --> 00:03:10,680
with your sister,
my daughter.
77
00:03:10,750 --> 00:03:13,420
And then he finds out
she's pregnant, blows town,
78
00:03:13,490 --> 00:03:15,020
never to be heard from again.
79
00:03:15,090 --> 00:03:16,220
Until now.
80
00:03:16,290 --> 00:03:17,290
Oh, my god.
81
00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:19,390
The music
just got real dramatic
82
00:03:19,460 --> 00:03:21,690
when you said that.
83
00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:24,130
So how bad
did you mess up his face?
84
00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:25,560
I never met the weasel.
85
00:03:25,630 --> 00:03:28,530
But if he thinks he's gonna
waltz back into C.J.'s life,
86
00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:31,470
I've got a government-issued .45
that says different.
87
00:03:31,540 --> 00:03:33,540
Dad, don't you think
that's C.J.'s decision?
88
00:03:33,610 --> 00:03:35,440
Why?
He doesn't have a .45.
89
00:03:35,510 --> 00:03:38,810
Weren't you supposed to
give yours back after the war?
90
00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:40,150
Shush!
91
00:03:40,210 --> 00:03:42,350
Didn't he say
that he was coming at 5:00?
92
00:03:42,420 --> 00:03:43,450
That's in 2 minutes.
93
00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:45,280
Oh, my god.
I don't know what to do.
94
00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:46,550
Wait a second.
95
00:03:46,620 --> 00:03:49,390
Shh, shh.
96
00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:52,930
What?
97
00:03:52,990 --> 00:03:57,500
Um, C.J...
You better sit down.
98
00:03:57,560 --> 00:03:58,830
Oh, I knew it.
99
00:03:58,900 --> 00:04:05,300
The school called.
I didn't get the job.
100
00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:06,940
I didn't get the job.
You don't understand.
101
00:04:07,010 --> 00:04:08,770
I got the job?
102
00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:10,810
Oh, for god's sakes,
just tell him.
103
00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:13,050
It's not something
that you just blurt out...
104
00:04:13,110 --> 00:04:15,750
...Unless you
absolutely have to.
105
00:04:15,820 --> 00:04:19,220
Uh, C.J.,
your biological father called,
106
00:04:19,290 --> 00:04:21,350
and he wants to meet you.
107
00:04:21,420 --> 00:04:24,120
In fact,
that's him right now.
108
00:04:24,190 --> 00:04:26,690
Uh-huh.
109
00:04:33,170 --> 00:04:34,270
Are you okay?
110
00:04:34,330 --> 00:04:37,640
Why, what should I be?
111
00:04:37,700 --> 00:04:39,270
Shocked?
112
00:04:39,340 --> 00:04:42,980
I always knew this moment
would come someday.
113
00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:45,550
Curious? A little.
114
00:04:48,180 --> 00:04:49,350
I tell you one thing --
115
00:04:49,420 --> 00:04:51,150
I feel nothing more
for the man
116
00:04:51,220 --> 00:04:52,890
on the other side
of this door
117
00:04:52,950 --> 00:04:56,690
than I would any stranger
I met for the first time.
118
00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:58,160
C.J. Barnes?
119
00:04:58,220 --> 00:05:00,130
Daddy!
120
00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:05,760
Deep down,
you've always been my idol.
121
00:05:08,930 --> 00:05:11,200
Could you please
sign line 7, sir?
122
00:05:11,270 --> 00:05:13,000
Oh, sign? Oh.
123
00:05:13,070 --> 00:05:14,968
Oh, hi.
Yes, sure.
124
00:05:14,997 --> 00:05:16,767
Thank you.
Thank you.
125
00:05:21,071 --> 00:05:25,020
Heh, heh, well,
at was embarrassing.
126
00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:29,450
Why? How could you have possibly
known he wasn't your dad?
127
00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:31,220
No, it's just these tapes
128
00:05:31,290 --> 00:05:34,530
were supposed to come
in a plain brown wrapper.
129
00:05:34,590 --> 00:05:37,430
I guess i'm, uh,
a little more emotional
130
00:05:37,500 --> 00:05:40,200
about seeing my father
than I thought.
131
00:05:40,270 --> 00:05:42,700
Well, that's totally
understandable.
132
00:05:42,770 --> 00:05:44,770
I'm setting myself up
to get hurt.
133
00:05:44,840 --> 00:05:46,840
I just got to hope
for the best
134
00:05:46,910 --> 00:05:49,310
and, you know,
steel myself for the worst.
135
00:05:52,110 --> 00:05:55,350
All right, well...
Ready for anything.
136
00:06:01,550 --> 00:06:02,890
Rory?
137
00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:05,090
One of your playmates
is here to see you.
138
00:06:06,860 --> 00:06:08,130
C.J.?
139
00:06:08,190 --> 00:06:09,290
Yeah.
140
00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:12,300
It's me.
I'm your father.
141
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:19,440
Rory, one of your playmates
had sex with my mom.
142
00:06:40,460 --> 00:06:43,330
Can I get anyone a drink?
I'd love a glass of water.
143
00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:45,630
I'll get it for you.
I'll help you carry it.
144
00:06:45,700 --> 00:06:48,200
I'm sorry, but my girls
are just the tiniest --
145
00:06:48,270 --> 00:06:50,800
the smallest --
they're nervous.
146
00:06:50,870 --> 00:06:52,100
It's okay.
147
00:06:52,170 --> 00:06:53,965
I don't want anyone
to feel uncomfortable.
148
00:06:54,010 --> 00:06:55,710
Let's just get this
out in the open.
149
00:06:55,770 --> 00:06:58,510
Really?
You're not sensitive about --
150
00:06:58,580 --> 00:07:00,850
please, I get comments all
the time, as you can imagine.
151
00:07:00,910 --> 00:07:02,150
Then you're okay with it?
152
00:07:02,210 --> 00:07:04,120
Oh, yeah,
you get used to it.
153
00:07:05,650 --> 00:07:08,290
If you could have seen
the looks on your faces,
154
00:07:08,350 --> 00:07:10,290
especially you, C.J.
155
00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:12,520
When you found out that your
biological father was a...
156
00:07:12,590 --> 00:07:14,460
Yeah, that you're a,
uh -- ...Celebrity.
157
00:07:14,530 --> 00:07:16,700
A-a -- what was that, now?
158
00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:19,500
Lyle overby,
motivational speaker.
159
00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:21,930
The late-night infomercials?
160
00:07:23,370 --> 00:07:24,840
My book, "life is looking up"?
161
00:07:30,023 --> 00:07:31,253
Wait a minute.
162
00:07:31,287 --> 00:07:32,562
If you didn't know
I was famous,
163
00:07:32,587 --> 00:07:34,457
then what did you think
I was talking about?
164
00:07:37,380 --> 00:07:39,150
Gotcha!
165
00:07:41,250 --> 00:07:43,320
Come on, people -- I'm short.
It's okay.
166
00:07:43,390 --> 00:07:45,660
Heck, I parachute out of bed
in the morning.
167
00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:48,060
My gravy boat doubles
as a lap pool.
168
00:07:49,230 --> 00:07:50,700
I put myself
through college
169
00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:52,660
posing on wedding cakes.
170
00:07:52,730 --> 00:07:54,300
You can bungee-jump
off a curb.
171
00:07:54,370 --> 00:07:55,400
Hey!
172
00:07:57,470 --> 00:07:58,740
It's funny when I say it...
173
00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:03,440
Not cool when you say it.
174
00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:08,580
Gotcha!
175
00:08:08,650 --> 00:08:10,520
Oh, you people are easy.
176
00:08:10,580 --> 00:08:14,190
P.s., kid -- you're no
giant sequoia yourself.
177
00:08:14,250 --> 00:08:16,360
Ha, ha, ha.
178
00:08:16,420 --> 00:08:17,860
Listen, uh, that's enough.
179
00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:19,690
I got to say
something here.
180
00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:21,460
You come in here
telling jokes,
181
00:08:21,530 --> 00:08:23,700
after you've been gone
my whole life?
182
00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:25,230
I mean,
give me one good reason
183
00:08:25,300 --> 00:08:27,670
why I shouldn't
tell you to leave right now.
184
00:08:27,730 --> 00:08:30,540
Look...
185
00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:32,870
I don't blame you
for being upset with me
186
00:08:32,940 --> 00:08:34,270
after what I did.
187
00:08:34,340 --> 00:08:36,410
But I swore if I ever
amounted to something,
188
00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:37,880
I would come and find you.
189
00:08:37,940 --> 00:08:40,310
And through the power
of positive thinking,
190
00:08:40,380 --> 00:08:43,050
I've achieved every goal
I ever set for myself...
191
00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:45,080
Except earning
your respect, C.J.
192
00:08:45,150 --> 00:08:48,650
Won't you give me a chance
to do that?
193
00:08:51,490 --> 00:08:53,690
I think you better go.
194
00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:55,230
Okay.
195
00:08:58,300 --> 00:08:59,800
Gotcha!
196
00:09:08,350 --> 00:09:10,890
Wow, dad,
the car looks great.
197
00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:15,060
Yeah, I think I'm gonna
give it to C.J. today.
198
00:09:15,130 --> 00:09:17,460
Maybe he can use it
to run over Lyle.
199
00:09:17,530 --> 00:09:20,470
Now, dad, if C.J.'s
gonna give him a chance,
200
00:09:20,530 --> 00:09:21,930
maybe we should, too.
201
00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:24,370
Ah, there's just something
about that character.
202
00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:26,670
I don't trust him
as far as I can throw him,
203
00:09:26,740 --> 00:09:28,470
which, by the way,
is pretty far.
204
00:09:28,540 --> 00:09:30,580
Now, look, I know
you don't like him,
205
00:09:30,640 --> 00:09:32,780
but you shouldn't
make jokes like that.
206
00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:34,280
Be the bigger person.
207
00:09:34,350 --> 00:09:38,050
Leave it alone.
208
00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:39,990
There's just something
about him.
209
00:09:40,050 --> 00:09:41,820
Why did
he show up now, anyway?
210
00:09:43,290 --> 00:09:44,420
Looking good.
211
00:09:44,490 --> 00:09:47,730
Yeah, yeah, not too bad
for an old junker
212
00:09:47,790 --> 00:09:51,630
that some people said
ought to be in a scrap heap.
213
00:09:51,700 --> 00:09:55,470
So, what are you
and Lyle doing today?
214
00:09:55,530 --> 00:09:57,000
Dad...
215
00:09:57,070 --> 00:09:59,800
Listen, I know you don't approve
of me hanging out with Lyle.
216
00:09:59,870 --> 00:10:02,270
Hey, hey, don't worry
about what I think.
217
00:10:02,340 --> 00:10:04,380
I just want
you to be happy, C.J.
218
00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:06,810
As a matter of fact,
I've got something for you.
219
00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:08,480
Ooh.
Yeah, close your eyes.
220
00:10:08,550 --> 00:10:10,010
Oh, this isn't like the time
221
00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:12,150
you put your teeth
in my hand, is it?
222
00:10:12,220 --> 00:10:13,720
No, you're always talking
223
00:10:13,790 --> 00:10:16,350
about needing
a better way to get around.
224
00:10:16,420 --> 00:10:18,560
Well, you know,
I thought that --
225
00:10:21,890 --> 00:10:25,300
Oh, my god, look at Lyle,
what he's driving!
226
00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:26,900
Whoo!
227
00:10:26,970 --> 00:10:28,270
You like sports cars, C.J.?
228
00:10:28,330 --> 00:10:29,500
Are you kidding?
229
00:10:29,570 --> 00:10:32,040
Cars are like women --
I like them fast and automatic.
230
00:10:32,100 --> 00:10:33,370
And I know I'm in trouble
231
00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:35,370
if I reach down
and there's a stick.
232
00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:37,380
You want
to drive this baby?
233
00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:39,240
No way,
is this a "gotcha"?
234
00:10:39,310 --> 00:10:41,710
Whoa!
235
00:10:41,780 --> 00:10:44,120
Yeah, see you, aunt Cate!
See you, grampy!
236
00:10:44,180 --> 00:10:45,850
Ha, ha!
237
00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:47,620
Get in!
238
00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:51,720
Whoa! See you!
239
00:11:17,150 --> 00:11:19,320
Ow!
240
00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:54,750
Mom, make her stop,
please!
241
00:11:54,820 --> 00:11:56,390
Kerry, is this about
242
00:11:56,450 --> 00:11:59,260
that music player
that Bridget won?
243
00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:00,990
'Cause I'm getting
a little tired
244
00:12:01,060 --> 00:12:02,830
of hearing how unfair
your life is.
245
00:12:02,890 --> 00:12:05,630
Oh, my life is not unfair.
It's amazing!
246
00:12:05,700 --> 00:12:08,230
Are you baked?
247
00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:12,640
Empty out your backpack
on the counter right now.
248
00:12:12,700 --> 00:12:13,710
Yes, I'm high.
249
00:12:13,770 --> 00:12:16,270
I am high on the power
of positive thinking.
250
00:12:16,340 --> 00:12:19,780
I just started reading Lyle's
autobiography, "short happens."
251
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:22,010
Oh, boy.
252
00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:24,380
And for the first time
in my life,
253
00:12:24,450 --> 00:12:26,050
I feel good about myself.
254
00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:27,290
She's delusional!
255
00:12:27,350 --> 00:12:29,320
I have so much
going for me.
256
00:12:29,390 --> 00:12:31,990
I am pretty. I am smart.
I've got beautiful hair.
257
00:12:32,060 --> 00:12:34,230
A complete break
with reality.
258
00:12:35,690 --> 00:12:38,630
Hey, guys,
how was your day?
259
00:12:38,700 --> 00:12:41,030
Oh, it was your typical
father-son outing --
260
00:12:41,100 --> 00:12:43,130
played some ball,
hit on some chicks,
261
00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:45,400
ran from the cops,
played some more ball.
262
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:50,110
Whas-u-u-u-up?
263
00:12:51,810 --> 00:12:54,250
School board?
Yeah, this is, uh, C.J.
264
00:12:54,310 --> 00:12:56,510
Um, Lyle?
265
00:12:56,580 --> 00:12:58,320
You know,
I just wanted to say
266
00:12:58,380 --> 00:13:00,850
that your autobiography
has really changed my life.
267
00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:02,150
That means so much to me.
268
00:13:02,220 --> 00:13:04,190
If that book can help
just one person,
269
00:13:04,260 --> 00:13:05,420
I consider it a success.
270
00:13:05,490 --> 00:13:06,860
It's gonna
do more than that.
271
00:13:06,930 --> 00:13:08,530
I'm gonna lend it
to all my friends.
272
00:13:08,590 --> 00:13:10,300
Whoa, what are you,
the library?
273
00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:12,000
Let them buy
their own copies.
274
00:13:14,300 --> 00:13:15,830
Well?
275
00:13:15,900 --> 00:13:18,170
I got the job.
I'm a full-time teacher now.
276
00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:20,240
Oh, that's terrific!
I knew you could do it.
277
00:13:20,310 --> 00:13:22,210
Lyle: Let's think
about this for a second.
278
00:13:22,270 --> 00:13:23,640
You're better than that.
279
00:13:23,710 --> 00:13:25,940
You know what they say --
"those who can't do, teach.
280
00:13:26,010 --> 00:13:28,210
And those who can't teach,
teach high school."
281
00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:29,950
What about
those who can't reach?
282
00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:36,690
That was a shot at me,
wasn't it?
283
00:13:36,750 --> 00:13:38,420
Yeah,
and I've heard enough.
284
00:13:38,490 --> 00:13:39,490
Dad...
No, no.
285
00:13:39,560 --> 00:13:41,460
C.J. worked hard
to get that job.
286
00:13:41,530 --> 00:13:44,260
I'm not gonna let this huckster
talk him out of it.
287
00:13:44,330 --> 00:13:47,730
Yeah, C.J., you could do
a lot worse than teaching.
288
00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:50,540
You could do
a lot better, too.
289
00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:52,400
Wait a minute,
wait a minute.
290
00:13:52,470 --> 00:13:54,770
We could write a book!
We could write it together --
291
00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:56,770
"how to connect
with your long-lost child."
292
00:13:56,840 --> 00:13:58,240
Oh, for crying out loud.
293
00:13:58,310 --> 00:14:00,610
It'll be my next best seller --
you and me!
294
00:14:00,680 --> 00:14:03,110
It sounds like it would take you
away from your new job.
295
00:14:03,180 --> 00:14:06,650
Yeah, and I kind of
like teaching --
296
00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:08,220
you know,
connecting with the kids?
297
00:14:08,290 --> 00:14:10,820
You want to connect with kids?
How about a million kids?
298
00:14:10,890 --> 00:14:12,720
I'm going
on this talk show tomorrow.
299
00:14:12,790 --> 00:14:14,730
You can come on with me,
and we'll announce it.
300
00:14:14,790 --> 00:14:16,330
Wait, on TV?
301
00:14:16,390 --> 00:14:17,560
Yeah!
302
00:14:17,630 --> 00:14:18,900
There wouldn't be
any money
303
00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:20,300
in this for you,
would there?
304
00:14:20,370 --> 00:14:21,900
No, I do all this for free.
305
00:14:21,970 --> 00:14:24,240
So what if we make
a couple of bucks?
306
00:14:24,300 --> 00:14:25,300
What's the harm?
307
00:14:25,370 --> 00:14:27,640
Look, I'm not
all about the money,
308
00:14:27,710 --> 00:14:29,240
but how much we talking?
309
00:14:29,310 --> 00:14:31,240
I'll tell you
what the harm is --
310
00:14:31,310 --> 00:14:34,350
C.J.'s gonna throw away a chance
for a good teaching job
311
00:14:34,410 --> 00:14:37,180
and go off chasing
a pot of gold with you.
312
00:14:37,250 --> 00:14:38,850
Was that a leprechaun crack?
313
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:42,590
You can't say anything
around this guy!
314
00:14:42,650 --> 00:14:45,620
Let's let C.J. decide.
Huh?
315
00:14:46,690 --> 00:14:49,260
4-star hotels...
316
00:14:49,330 --> 00:14:52,860
Elaborate dinners...
317
00:14:52,930 --> 00:14:54,600
First-class travel...
318
00:14:54,670 --> 00:14:57,170
C.J., I've always tried
to steer you right.
319
00:14:57,240 --> 00:14:59,340
Now, if you take
this teaching job,
320
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:01,840
you've got something
that money can't buy.
321
00:15:01,910 --> 00:15:04,180
You'll have a sense
of accomplishment,
322
00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:05,540
of dignity, of purpose.
323
00:15:08,910 --> 00:15:10,720
Grandpa, you're gonna
be proud of me.
324
00:15:12,780 --> 00:15:14,350
I'm gonna be on TV!
325
00:15:14,420 --> 00:15:18,790
All right!
Whoo!
326
00:15:26,540 --> 00:15:29,710
Oh, good, maybe they' say.
"I got you, babe."
327
00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:33,380
You know what's awesome?
328
00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:35,010
Being a middle child.
329
00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:36,250
Here we go.
330
00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:40,050
I mean, it means I have love
all around me.
331
00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:42,350
You know what else is awesome?
Love.
332
00:15:42,420 --> 00:15:43,820
Okay, just stop it,
all right?
333
00:15:43,890 --> 00:15:46,090
What? You know exactly
what I'm talking about!
334
00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:47,630
Stop being
so freaking cheerful!
335
00:15:47,690 --> 00:15:48,830
It's driving me crazy!
336
00:15:48,890 --> 00:15:50,330
What will it take
to make you stop?
337
00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:52,200
Did you want this?
Here, fine, it's yours.
338
00:15:54,100 --> 00:15:57,540
And that, people, is the power
of positive thinking.
339
00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:00,970
Thank you.
340
00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:03,070
Wow, this is great, dad --
341
00:16:03,140 --> 00:16:04,810
the limo, the green room,
342
00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:07,280
and all the cheese
you can eat...
343
00:16:07,350 --> 00:16:08,910
And some in my pockets.
344
00:16:08,980 --> 00:16:10,250
Well, get used to it,
345
00:16:10,310 --> 00:16:12,520
because it's nothing but
first class from here on out.
346
00:16:12,580 --> 00:16:13,580
Nice.
347
00:16:13,650 --> 00:16:15,250
Here we go.
348
00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:17,760
Okay, listen, we want
to make our reunion story
349
00:16:17,820 --> 00:16:19,220
as heartwarming as possible.
350
00:16:19,290 --> 00:16:20,530
So we might want to play
351
00:16:20,590 --> 00:16:22,660
a little fast and loose
with the facts.
352
00:16:22,730 --> 00:16:23,930
Are you okay with that?
353
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:25,230
Are you kidding me?
354
00:16:25,300 --> 00:16:27,030
I get to ride in a limo,
wear makeup, and lie.
355
00:16:27,100 --> 00:16:28,230
I feel like the president.
356
00:16:28,300 --> 00:16:30,130
Let's go.
357
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:31,570
And we're back.
358
00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:34,710
Please welcome
motivational speaker Lyle overby
359
00:16:34,770 --> 00:16:36,370
and his son, C.J. Barnes.
360
00:16:37,910 --> 00:16:39,010
Oh, look at that!
361
00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:41,110
Welcome. Good morning. Morning.
362
00:16:41,180 --> 00:16:43,050
Good morning.
Hello.
363
00:16:43,110 --> 00:16:45,720
Yes. Hi. Cheese?
364
00:16:45,780 --> 00:16:47,890
Uh, no, thank you.
365
00:16:47,950 --> 00:16:49,220
Okay.
366
00:16:49,290 --> 00:16:51,720
Uh, well, it's quite
a remarkable story
367
00:16:51,790 --> 00:16:53,160
you have to tell, Lyle.
368
00:16:53,220 --> 00:16:54,860
That's right, Tracy.
369
00:16:54,930 --> 00:16:57,560
C.J. here
is my biological son.
370
00:16:57,630 --> 00:17:00,730
And after years apart,
we're reunited.
371
00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:02,900
And it feels so good.
372
00:17:02,970 --> 00:17:04,240
First of all,
373
00:17:04,300 --> 00:17:06,700
let's get the obvious issue
out of the way.
374
00:17:06,770 --> 00:17:09,010
You two must get
a lot of comments
375
00:17:09,070 --> 00:17:10,640
when you go out together.
376
00:17:10,710 --> 00:17:12,110
Ah, yes, about my hair.
377
00:17:12,180 --> 00:17:14,450
He gets his blond hair
from his mom.
378
00:17:14,510 --> 00:17:16,380
No, I mean...
379
00:17:17,450 --> 00:17:19,120
Well, you know --
380
00:17:19,180 --> 00:17:20,690
gotcha! Gotcha!
381
00:17:22,820 --> 00:17:23,920
Nice.
382
00:17:23,990 --> 00:17:26,220
I understand
you're writing a book
383
00:17:26,290 --> 00:17:27,860
about finding each other.
384
00:17:27,930 --> 00:17:30,090
Lyle, what was it
that struck you
385
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:32,600
about meeting C.J.
for the first time?
386
00:17:32,660 --> 00:17:34,730
Frankly, he was
kind of floundering.
387
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:36,030
Oh, you're being kind.
388
00:17:36,100 --> 00:17:38,100
I was living
in the back of a car.
389
00:17:38,170 --> 00:17:40,100
The reason he was
in such dire straits
390
00:17:40,170 --> 00:17:42,940
is because he never had a good,
positive male role model.
391
00:17:43,010 --> 00:17:44,780
Fortunately,
now that I'm around --
392
00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:46,280
well,
there's my grandfather.
393
00:17:46,340 --> 00:17:47,450
God rest his soul.
394
00:17:47,510 --> 00:17:48,650
He's still alive.
395
00:17:48,710 --> 00:17:51,080
Well, technically.
396
00:17:51,150 --> 00:17:52,980
He doesn't really
recognize C.J.
397
00:17:53,050 --> 00:17:55,450
I'm willing to play it
fast and loose, but...
398
00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:57,460
Fast and loose?
399
00:17:57,520 --> 00:17:58,820
It'll all be in the book.
400
00:17:58,890 --> 00:18:00,930
We don't want
to give everything away.
401
00:18:00,990 --> 00:18:03,460
But I'd like to hear more
about this grandfather.
402
00:18:03,530 --> 00:18:06,530
Big drinker, very abusive --
C.J. forgave him.
403
00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:09,770
I'd like to clear something up.
My grandfather's not abusive.
404
00:18:09,830 --> 00:18:10,940
He gets cranky...
405
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:13,510
And once, he threatened me
with a ladle
406
00:18:13,570 --> 00:18:15,610
'cause I took
the last cupcake.
407
00:18:15,670 --> 00:18:18,580
But Jim egan is the most wise
and honorable man
408
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:21,450
and the best role model
anyone could ask for.
409
00:18:21,510 --> 00:18:25,320
Okay, let's...Talk
about something else.
410
00:18:25,380 --> 00:18:27,950
My staff tells me
that you sold the idea
411
00:18:28,020 --> 00:18:29,790
for this book six months ago.
412
00:18:29,850 --> 00:18:31,390
Six months?
413
00:18:31,460 --> 00:18:33,960
You only came back to me
so you could write a book?
414
00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:37,700
Maybe we should, uh,
go back to the grandfather.
415
00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:39,700
Yeah, let's go back
to the grandfather.
416
00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:41,800
He was right about you.
And you know what?
417
00:18:41,870 --> 00:18:44,100
He was more of a dad to me
than you ever were.
418
00:18:44,170 --> 00:18:45,670
So any titles for the book?
419
00:18:45,740 --> 00:18:47,710
Tracy, there's not
gonna be a book.
420
00:18:47,770 --> 00:18:50,010
Sit down, C.J.
make me.
421
00:18:50,070 --> 00:18:52,680
Son,
I'm gonna count to 10.
422
00:18:52,740 --> 00:18:55,010
I'll do it for you.
1, 2 -- oh.
423
00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:56,350
No!
424
00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:06,520
Hey, uh, aunt Cate says
dinner's almost ready.
425
00:19:06,590 --> 00:19:10,030
Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey.
I, uh, saw you on TV.
426
00:19:10,090 --> 00:19:12,700
I appreciate
you sticking up for me.
427
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:14,670
Sure.
428
00:19:14,730 --> 00:19:18,300
So are you still
proud of me?
429
00:19:18,370 --> 00:19:19,900
Why wouldn't I be?
430
00:19:19,970 --> 00:19:22,570
Well, a couple things --
431
00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:24,080
um...
432
00:19:24,140 --> 00:19:25,480
I turned down
433
00:19:25,540 --> 00:19:27,910
the only respectable job offer
I've ever had.
434
00:19:27,980 --> 00:19:30,650
I dumped the family
to hang out with a guy
435
00:19:30,720 --> 00:19:33,120
I've only known for a day
and a half.
436
00:19:33,180 --> 00:19:36,690
I got my ass kicked by
a little person on national TV.
437
00:19:36,750 --> 00:19:39,720
Well, it's not
your finest moment.
438
00:19:39,790 --> 00:19:41,790
Still, I gave as good
as I got, huh?
439
00:19:41,860 --> 00:19:45,960
No, no, you gave
as good as you had.
440
00:19:46,030 --> 00:19:48,730
Oh, I don't know, grampy.
441
00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:51,400
I always wanted
to know my dad.
442
00:19:51,470 --> 00:19:54,140
Then when he finally
shows up...
443
00:19:56,210 --> 00:19:58,010
I guess I wanted it
too much.
444
00:19:58,080 --> 00:19:59,680
Well...
445
00:19:59,740 --> 00:20:01,410
We all make mistakes.
446
00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:04,820
It takes a man of character
to own up to it.
447
00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:05,920
Well, thank you.
448
00:20:05,980 --> 00:20:08,590
No, no, thank you.
449
00:20:08,650 --> 00:20:11,220
It's been a long time
450
00:20:11,290 --> 00:20:12,960
since I laughed that hard.
451
00:20:13,020 --> 00:20:14,260
Hey, hey, hey.
452
00:20:14,330 --> 00:20:18,000
You remember the other day
I wanted to give you something?
453
00:20:18,060 --> 00:20:19,200
Yeah.
454
00:20:19,260 --> 00:20:21,770
Well...the keys
are in the ignition.
455
00:20:21,830 --> 00:20:23,800
No, this -- are you kidding?
456
00:20:23,870 --> 00:20:26,600
It's not a sports car
but, uh, runs like a charm.
457
00:20:26,670 --> 00:20:28,240
And I thought
maybe you and I
458
00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:30,940
could put the finishing touches
on it together.
459
00:20:31,010 --> 00:20:34,280
Aw, finishing touches --
can't Rory do that?
460
00:20:34,350 --> 00:20:35,910
You want to take it out
for a spin?
461
00:20:35,980 --> 00:20:38,780
Yeah! Wow!
462
00:20:38,850 --> 00:20:41,750
This is weird.
What?
463
00:20:41,820 --> 00:20:45,890
I just had this scary urge
to give you a big hug.
464
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:48,030
Yeah, well, last time
anybody hugged this body,
465
00:20:48,090 --> 00:20:49,290
it was your grandmother.
466
00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:51,660
Of course, it turned out to be
something more than a hug.
467
00:20:51,730 --> 00:20:53,130
It's all gone now.
468
00:21:17,150 --> 00:21:19,690
You know, you still throw
like a girl.
33578
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