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1
00:00:01,283 --> 00:00:02,549
Well, well.
2
00:00:02,552 --> 00:00:04,451
You should all be
ashamed of yourselves,
3
00:00:04,454 --> 00:00:06,419
lounging around
while your mother and I
4
00:00:06,422 --> 00:00:09,429
slave over your dirty laundry.
5
00:00:10,115 --> 00:00:13,268
I just carried it
upstairs, but still.
6
00:00:13,579 --> 00:00:15,521
Hey, Rory; Your mom
wanted me to tell you
7
00:00:15,524 --> 00:00:17,487
she's never cleaning
your bathroom again.
8
00:00:17,492 --> 00:00:18,714
She cleans my bathroom?
9
00:00:18,715 --> 00:00:20,574
Yeah, mainly for the gratitude.
10
00:00:20,832 --> 00:00:23,670
And she wants you
to clean it ... tonight.
11
00:00:23,673 --> 00:00:26,339
No way. My science class
study group's coming over tonight.
12
00:00:26,342 --> 00:00:27,874
Good. You can study what's growing
13
00:00:27,877 --> 00:00:29,876
on the floor around your toilet.
14
00:00:29,879 --> 00:00:32,460
Kerry never cleaned the
attic like she was supposed to.
15
00:00:32,513 --> 00:00:33,913
Oh, don't drag me into this.
16
00:00:33,916 --> 00:00:35,248
And I'm not cleaning
any stupid attic,
17
00:00:35,251 --> 00:00:36,415
and you can't make me.
18
00:00:36,418 --> 00:00:38,081
Okay, people. How many times
19
00:00:38,085 --> 00:00:40,687
do I have to tell you to
empty out your pockets
20
00:00:40,690 --> 00:00:42,989
before you put your
clothes in the wash?
21
00:00:42,992 --> 00:00:44,590
-I always do that.
-I always do.
22
00:00:44,593 --> 00:00:47,060
Well, then explain the 78
cents at the bottom of the dryer.
23
00:00:47,063 --> 00:00:48,361
-That's mine.
-It's mine.
24
00:00:48,364 --> 00:00:50,931
Hey, hey, all right,
I'll flip you for it.
25
00:00:52,035 --> 00:00:53,833
Bridget, can I talk
to you for a second?
26
00:00:53,888 --> 00:00:55,868
Look, honey, I-I would
never, ever ask you
27
00:00:55,871 --> 00:00:57,603
to betray your sister's confidence.
28
00:00:57,606 --> 00:01:00,189
Oh, no; I have no problem
with that. What's up?
29
00:01:00,236 --> 00:01:03,446
I found this in Kerry's pants.
30
00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:05,812
Oh, my God_
31
00:01:06,244 --> 00:01:08,776
It's an e-mail from Bruno Cunningham.
32
00:01:09,074 --> 00:01:11,076
Do you know who this is?
33
00:01:11,103 --> 00:01:12,093
Well,
34
00:01:12,096 --> 00:01:15,592
the only Bruno I know
is the one that she...
35
00:01:15,767 --> 00:01:17,957
Lost her virginity to.
36
00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:20,163
Mom; Whisper it, say it out loud,
37
00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:21,918
it's not coming back.
38
00:01:22,218 --> 00:01:23,530
I just... I can't believe this.
39
00:01:23,533 --> 00:01:25,048
The guy breaks her heart in Europe,
40
00:01:25,049 --> 00:01:26,122
and she keeps in touch with him?
41
00:01:26,123 --> 00:01:28,646
Look, "I can't wait."
What does that mean?
42
00:01:28,647 --> 00:01:30,736
Mm. Means he's real eager.
43
00:01:30,741 --> 00:01:32,574
I know what the word means.
44
00:01:32,575 --> 00:01:35,374
But do you think that they're
going to get together again?
45
00:01:35,377 --> 00:01:37,110
I don't know, but
the important thing is
46
00:01:37,113 --> 00:01:38,711
is why didn't she tell me?
47
00:01:38,714 --> 00:01:40,820
Oh, yeah, that's the important thing.
48
00:01:40,821 --> 00:01:42,614
You know, I am so
afraid that this creep
49
00:01:42,629 --> 00:01:44,384
is going to hurt my Kerry again.
50
00:01:44,387 --> 00:01:45,785
I'm going to go ask her about it.
51
00:01:45,788 --> 00:01:47,721
Yeah, yeah, that's...
that's good, mom.
52
00:01:47,724 --> 00:01:49,189
You know, Kerry is such a chatterbox
53
00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:51,157
that once she finds out you
went through all her stuff,
54
00:01:51,160 --> 00:01:52,725
no way you're going
to get her to shut up.
55
00:01:52,728 --> 00:01:55,394
I have to know what's
going on with her.
56
00:01:55,397 --> 00:01:57,891
Mom, haven't you heard
of just a little privacy?
57
00:01:57,892 --> 00:01:59,671
Haven't you heard of
giving someone their space?
58
00:01:59,672 --> 00:02:01,301
I mean, why are you
so caught up in wanting
59
00:02:01,304 --> 00:02:03,904
to know every intimate
detail of Kerry's life?
60
00:02:04,019 --> 00:02:05,940
Is there anything going on
here you're not telling me about?
61
00:02:05,944 --> 00:02:07,073
Of course not.
62
00:02:07,076 --> 00:02:09,075
But if there was,
you'd tell me, right?
63
00:02:09,078 --> 00:02:10,381
Yeah, absolutely.
64
00:02:10,382 --> 00:02:12,030
You're my big sister.
I tell you everything.
65
00:02:12,031 --> 00:02:14,176
Can I come out now?
66
00:02:14,177 --> 00:02:15,915
Oh! Bruno's here.
67
00:02:16,041 --> 00:02:18,110
Ooh... but ¿?
68
00:02:19,337 --> 00:02:20,667
Are you crazy?!
69
00:02:20,668 --> 00:02:22,012
Um, can you give us a second?
70
00:02:22,015 --> 00:02:23,880
-Make yourself comfortable.
-Hey!
71
00:02:23,883 --> 00:02:26,726
What are... Bruno?
You're back with Bruno?!
72
00:02:26,727 --> 00:02:28,648
Shh! No, I am not back with him.
73
00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:29,952
Then what the hell is he doing here?
74
00:02:29,953 --> 00:02:31,334
Look, we are just friends.
75
00:02:31,335 --> 00:02:32,488
He's backpacking,
on his way to Canada,
76
00:02:32,491 --> 00:02:34,223
and he needed a place to crash,
77
00:02:34,226 --> 00:02:35,483
so I offered him the attic.
78
00:02:35,484 --> 00:02:36,452
Just a friendly gesture.
79
00:02:36,453 --> 00:02:38,675
You cannot be friends
with an ex, Kerry, okay?
80
00:02:38,693 --> 00:02:40,303
Unless you did the
dumping, which you didn't.
81
00:02:40,304 --> 00:02:41,263
You were the dumpee.
82
00:02:41,264 --> 00:02:42,316
The one whose heart was crushed,
83
00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:43,861
the one whose world
came crashing down
84
00:02:43,862 --> 00:02:45,317
okay, I get it, I get it.
85
00:02:45,423 --> 00:02:48,028
I don't know if you remember
the three last little words
86
00:02:48,029 --> 00:02:49,541
he said to you "I'll... call... you."
87
00:02:49,542 --> 00:02:52,204
And did he? Mm, let
me think. No, he didn't.
88
00:02:52,205 --> 00:02:54,846
"I'll call you"... he never had
any intention of calling you.
89
00:02:54,847 --> 00:02:56,979
-Okay, but since
then- -I'm not finished!
90
00:02:56,980 --> 00:02:58,408
You sat by that phone
91
00:02:58,409 --> 00:03:00,249
weeping, sad,
horrified, and humiliated-
92
00:03:00,252 --> 00:03:01,451
Yeah, I get it!
93
00:03:01,454 --> 00:03:03,444
Look, he apologized in his e-mails.
94
00:03:03,445 --> 00:03:05,418
We're over it. We're friends.
95
00:03:05,419 --> 00:03:07,323
Oh, God, Kerry. There
are only three ways
96
00:03:07,326 --> 00:03:09,092
to get over a creep like Bruno
97
00:03:09,095 --> 00:03:11,314
1.- You date his best friend,
98
00:03:11,317 --> 00:03:13,061
2.- You date his worst enemy,
99
00:03:13,065 --> 00:03:14,495
or 3.- You send his e-mail address
100
00:03:14,499 --> 00:03:17,100
to, like, a million gay porn sites.
101
00:03:18,089 --> 00:03:19,066
Hey, Rory,
102
00:03:19,067 --> 00:03:20,504
I've got some laundry for you.
103
00:03:20,505 --> 00:03:22,407
Uh, uh, just a second, grandpa.
104
00:03:23,751 --> 00:03:25,054
Okay.
105
00:03:25,988 --> 00:03:27,436
Hey, grandpa.
106
00:03:28,604 --> 00:03:30,503
You've met these guys before.
107
00:03:30,621 --> 00:03:32,381
If you say so.
108
00:03:32,699 --> 00:03:34,729
So, how's the volcano coming?
109
00:03:34,730 --> 00:03:36,429
It's going great.
110
00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:37,789
Thanks for bringing the laundry.
111
00:03:37,790 --> 00:03:40,657
Yeah. What's inside a volcano?
112
00:03:40,660 --> 00:03:43,660
Uh, there's igneous rock and...
113
00:03:44,095 --> 00:03:45,092
magma.
114
00:03:45,248 --> 00:03:46,183
Mm?
115
00:03:47,971 --> 00:03:49,549
And what's this...
116
00:03:49,550 --> 00:03:51,858
The rock or magma?
117
00:03:51,945 --> 00:03:53,523
We're not going to
get punished, are we?
118
00:03:53,721 --> 00:03:56,255
Oh, I'm going to
punish you, all right.
119
00:03:56,555 --> 00:03:58,315
Deal me in.
120
00:04:02,938 --> 00:04:04,147
C.J...
121
00:04:04,351 --> 00:04:06,091
Is it ever okay to snoop?
122
00:04:06,119 --> 00:04:07,483
Ooh, never.
123
00:04:07,486 --> 00:04:09,986
No, no. Nothing lower than a snoop.
124
00:04:09,989 --> 00:04:12,935
You know, I don't even like snoopy.
125
00:04:12,941 --> 00:04:15,461
Good, I just needed to
hear it from someone else.
126
00:04:15,462 --> 00:04:16,525
Okay.
127
00:04:16,528 --> 00:04:18,495
You see, the thing is,
128
00:04:18,498 --> 00:04:20,471
you remember that guy Bruno,
129
00:04:20,474 --> 00:04:21,931
the one that Kerry...
130
00:04:23,369 --> 00:04:25,534
Lost her virginity to?
131
00:04:25,537 --> 00:04:28,446
It is easier to say when you whisper.
132
00:04:28,447 --> 00:04:30,062
Well, anyway, I just found out
133
00:04:30,063 --> 00:04:31,955
that Kerry has been
e-mailing that loser,
134
00:04:31,956 --> 00:04:33,367
and I got so upset that I...
135
00:04:33,368 --> 00:04:35,845
that I almost broke
into her computer.
136
00:04:35,848 --> 00:04:37,680
Well, yeah, you gots to snoop.
137
00:04:37,683 --> 00:04:38,748
-What?
-Yeah;
138
00:04:38,751 --> 00:04:40,383
We got to bust into this laptop
139
00:04:40,386 --> 00:04:42,914
and find out what's
going on with those two.
140
00:04:42,915 --> 00:04:44,142
But you just said there's nothing
141
00:04:44,151 --> 00:04:45,390
lower than a snoop.
142
00:04:45,391 --> 00:04:47,440
What do I know about morality?
143
00:04:47,845 --> 00:04:51,861
I got a beard, don't
make me a freakin' rabbi.
144
00:04:51,983 --> 00:04:53,529
So what are you going
to do with your friend
145
00:04:53,532 --> 00:04:54,631
while he's here?
146
00:04:54,634 --> 00:04:56,132
Well, after mom
goes to her book club,
147
00:04:56,135 --> 00:04:57,733
Bruno and I are going
to go get some dinner,
148
00:04:57,736 --> 00:04:59,114
and then I'm going to
sneak him into the attic
149
00:04:59,115 --> 00:05:01,304
before she gets home.
Unless you tell her.
150
00:05:01,307 --> 00:05:03,305
No, I'll help you hide him.
151
00:05:03,308 --> 00:05:05,568
Oh, my God! You
really do care about me.
152
00:05:05,572 --> 00:05:06,802
Don't flatter yourself.
153
00:05:06,803 --> 00:05:08,411
I just like getting away with stuff.
154
00:05:08,414 --> 00:05:09,712
I'm in. Here we go.
155
00:05:09,715 --> 00:05:12,015
Okay, now we just print these up,
156
00:05:12,018 --> 00:05:15,048
and then we per-owse
the e-mails at our leisure.
157
00:05:15,049 --> 00:05:17,212
Well, what if the girls
come down and catch us?
158
00:05:17,213 --> 00:05:18,988
Forget the girls! It's my game now!
159
00:05:18,991 --> 00:05:20,223
C.J.!
160
00:05:20,226 --> 00:05:21,659
Sorry. Okay, you're right.
161
00:05:21,660 --> 00:05:23,792
I'm going to go upstairs, make
sure they don't come down.
162
00:05:23,795 --> 00:05:25,514
I'm going to go down and
make sure mom doesn't come up.
163
00:05:25,515 --> 00:05:26,596
You get Bruno into the attic
164
00:05:26,597 --> 00:05:27,863
before mom goes out to her book club,
165
00:05:27,864 --> 00:05:30,345
-Okay? -Right.
-Go, get him, get him.
166
00:05:30,570 --> 00:05:31,968
Hey, I'm okay in here.
167
00:05:31,971 --> 00:05:33,503
I found a Judy Blume
book I never read.
168
00:05:33,506 --> 00:05:35,238
I'm going down. Mom!
169
00:05:35,241 --> 00:05:36,973
Oh... girls...
170
00:05:36,976 --> 00:05:39,576
One... one second, mom!
171
00:05:39,943 --> 00:05:41,307
Whoa!
172
00:05:41,452 --> 00:05:42,245
Hi!
173
00:05:42,248 --> 00:05:44,490
Why did you just slam
the door in my face?
174
00:05:44,491 --> 00:05:46,323
Freaked me out. I
thought you were a burglar.
175
00:05:46,324 --> 00:05:47,450
Um, I'm going to go downstairs
176
00:05:47,453 --> 00:05:48,784
and get some cookies.
Will you go with me?
177
00:05:48,787 --> 00:05:50,353
Oh, no, no. You can't go downstairs.
178
00:05:50,356 --> 00:05:51,687
Why not?
179
00:05:51,690 --> 00:05:53,009
Uh, we don't have any cookies.
180
00:05:53,010 --> 00:05:54,157
Well, fruit, steak, any snack's good.
181
00:05:54,160 --> 00:05:55,157
Come on.
182
00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:56,751
Oh, you know, before we do that,
183
00:05:56,775 --> 00:05:58,653
um, I actually have
a pressing problem,
184
00:05:58,654 --> 00:06:01,571
and I-I think it might take a while.
185
00:06:02,088 --> 00:06:03,935
Could you show me how to...
186
00:06:03,936 --> 00:06:07,039
how to get the baseball
scores on my phone?
187
00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:07,759
What?
188
00:06:07,762 --> 00:06:09,157
Well, you know, I love baseball.
189
00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:11,675
I follow it closely. In
fact, I was hoping...
190
00:06:11,679 --> 00:06:13,043
Here you go. All programmed. All set.
191
00:06:13,045 --> 00:06:14,277
Let's go get those snacks.
192
00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:15,123
Wait, wait, wait.
193
00:06:15,126 --> 00:06:17,280
I don't see any baseball scores.
194
00:06:17,283 --> 00:06:18,667
Well, they're coming
in, like, 3 months
195
00:06:18,690 --> 00:06:20,718
when the season starts.
-Yeah. Snack. Now.
196
00:06:20,719 --> 00:06:21,994
What about hockey?
197
00:06:21,998 --> 00:06:23,285
Aren't they playing hockey right now?
198
00:06:23,286 --> 00:06:25,186
-They're on strike.
-Oh, yeah.
199
00:06:25,191 --> 00:06:27,190
I-I knew that. I meant field hockey.
200
00:06:27,193 --> 00:06:28,691
Maybe there's field hockey.
201
00:06:28,694 --> 00:06:30,009
Oh, boy;
202
00:06:30,010 --> 00:06:32,462
A snack with both my girls!
203
00:06:32,465 --> 00:06:35,186
Oh, not a good time for a snack.
204
00:06:35,189 --> 00:06:37,255
You guys, wait,
wait, wait one second.
205
00:06:37,256 --> 00:06:38,301
Why don't you go upstairs,
206
00:06:38,302 --> 00:06:39,474
and I'll bring you your snacks?
207
00:06:39,475 --> 00:06:40,592
No, mom,
you don't have to do that.
208
00:06:40,593 --> 00:06:42,805
Oh, no, really, I feel like I
don't do enough around here.
209
00:06:42,810 --> 00:06:44,409
Seriously, mom, it's okay.
210
00:06:44,410 --> 00:06:46,008
I'm trying to show you how
much I love you, damn it.
211
00:06:46,011 --> 00:06:47,852
Now get up there and
wait for those treats!
212
00:06:47,853 --> 00:06:48,851
-Okay.
-Okay.
213
00:06:48,852 --> 00:06:49,787
Go on.
214
00:06:51,418 --> 00:06:53,151
What's taking you so long?
215
00:06:53,152 --> 00:06:54,339
Don't point fingers at me.
216
00:06:54,340 --> 00:06:56,004
You're supposed to
keep them up there.
217
00:06:56,054 --> 00:06:57,716
Go get Bruno!
218
00:06:57,717 --> 00:06:59,155
Hurry, hurry. They might come down.
219
00:06:59,158 --> 00:07:01,891
-I'm hurrying.
-Faster! Wait, wait, wait.
220
00:07:01,903 --> 00:07:03,538
-C.J.! What?
-Is that an English cheddar?
221
00:07:04,191 --> 00:07:07,327
Girls, I've got cheese and crackers!
222
00:07:08,372 --> 00:07:10,437
Okay, here you go.
223
00:07:10,438 --> 00:07:12,823
Oh, well, wow. Thank you.
224
00:07:12,908 --> 00:07:14,841
Uh-huh.
225
00:07:15,441 --> 00:07:17,097
So you... you heading
off to your book club?
226
00:07:17,098 --> 00:07:19,179
Yeah. Go compare, contrast.
227
00:07:19,180 --> 00:07:21,846
Actually, I decided not
to go to my book club.
228
00:07:21,847 --> 00:07:22,601
-Why?
-What?
229
00:07:22,604 --> 00:07:24,405
-I haven't read the book.
-You never read the book.
230
00:07:24,406 --> 00:07:26,437
Didn't watch the DVD, either.
231
00:07:26,437 --> 00:07:28,568
Okay, whatever. Thanks
for the cheese. Bye.
232
00:07:28,570 --> 00:07:30,021
See you later.
233
00:07:30,022 --> 00:07:32,088
You guys up to something up here?
234
00:07:32,091 --> 00:07:33,923
No. God, why are you so suspicious?
235
00:07:33,926 --> 00:07:35,814
I'm not suspicious. Who's suspicious?
236
00:07:35,815 --> 00:07:37,119
Good. There is nothing
to be suspicious of.
237
00:07:37,147 --> 00:07:38,027
Good.
238
00:07:38,030 --> 00:07:39,575
-Good.
-Good.
239
00:07:46,919 --> 00:07:49,284
Let me clean some of this stuff
240
00:07:49,287 --> 00:07:50,908
out of the way so you
can get comfortable.
241
00:07:50,911 --> 00:07:52,801
You don't have to clean up for me.
242
00:07:52,810 --> 00:07:55,049
Oh, no, I was supposed
to do it three weeks ago.
243
00:07:55,183 --> 00:07:57,927
Hey, stop, listen. I got
to tell you something.
244
00:07:57,930 --> 00:07:59,662
Um...
245
00:07:59,665 --> 00:08:00,961
I know I already apologized,
246
00:08:00,988 --> 00:08:03,075
like, a million times in my e-mails.
247
00:08:03,076 --> 00:08:06,301
Unfortunately, like, 30 of
them went to my buddy list.
248
00:08:06,302 --> 00:08:07,992
But, um...
249
00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:11,207
I just... I really want
to tell you in person
250
00:08:11,210 --> 00:08:13,875
how sorry I am that
I never called you.
251
00:08:13,878 --> 00:08:15,992
It was really...
252
00:08:15,997 --> 00:08:18,360
It was a terrible thing to do.
253
00:08:18,496 --> 00:08:19,938
Yeah, it was.
254
00:08:20,096 --> 00:08:21,995
But I pride myself
255
00:08:21,999 --> 00:08:25,230
on the ability to grow
emotionally, and...
256
00:08:25,231 --> 00:08:27,236
I've moved on.
257
00:08:28,017 --> 00:08:31,247
Well, I'm just glad
we can still be friends.
258
00:08:31,248 --> 00:08:32,717
So am I.
259
00:08:35,225 --> 00:08:36,760
-Aah!
-Oh, my...
260
00:08:36,761 --> 00:08:37,759
Aah!
261
00:08:37,760 --> 00:08:39,058
God, I am so sorry!
262
00:08:39,067 --> 00:08:40,266
Aah! Aah!
263
00:08:40,267 --> 00:08:42,666
I-I broke your glasses.
264
00:08:42,758 --> 00:08:44,190
No, no, no.
265
00:08:44,375 --> 00:08:47,276
Don't worry. I only
use them for vision.
266
00:08:47,281 --> 00:08:49,213
Uh, I'm going to go get some ice.
267
00:08:49,214 --> 00:08:51,813
Thanks. And... and maybe
a small morphine drip.
268
00:08:52,514 --> 00:08:54,063
Aagh!
269
00:08:58,004 --> 00:09:00,622
So you're going to give us
back our allowances, right?
270
00:09:00,627 --> 00:09:03,561
Oh, sure. That's how gambling works.
271
00:09:03,562 --> 00:09:04,655
This sucks.
272
00:09:04,663 --> 00:09:07,231
Making the stupid
volcano was more fun.
273
00:09:07,232 --> 00:09:08,593
Where do you think you're going?
274
00:09:08,596 --> 00:09:10,132
I don't want to play anymore.
275
00:09:10,135 --> 00:09:11,399
Yeah, and what if I tell your parents
276
00:09:11,402 --> 00:09:12,568
you were up here playing poker?
277
00:09:12,571 --> 00:09:14,549
What if I tell yours?
278
00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:16,390
Good luck.
279
00:09:16,481 --> 00:09:17,539
Hey, come on.
280
00:09:17,542 --> 00:09:18,580
It's winner take all.
281
00:09:18,583 --> 00:09:20,142
You've still got some chips.
282
00:09:20,144 --> 00:09:22,910
Those chips are my lunch
money for the next 2 weeks.
283
00:09:22,914 --> 00:09:24,279
Well, boo-hoo.
284
00:09:24,282 --> 00:09:25,521
So you go down a dress size.
285
00:09:25,524 --> 00:09:27,380
Sit down. It's your deal.
286
00:09:29,623 --> 00:09:30,492
Hey.
287
00:09:30,496 --> 00:09:32,264
How's it going up
there with your "friend"?
288
00:09:32,265 --> 00:09:33,644
Fine. Very friendly.
289
00:09:33,647 --> 00:09:35,090
Where are the bandages?
290
00:09:35,093 --> 00:09:35,986
Why?
291
00:09:35,987 --> 00:09:37,883
Uh, I busted his head with an oar.
292
00:09:37,886 --> 00:09:39,871
-Sweet!
-No, it was an accident.
293
00:09:39,875 --> 00:09:41,642
No, no, no. There are no accidents.
294
00:09:41,646 --> 00:09:43,111
Well, except for Rory.
295
00:09:43,210 --> 00:09:45,166
Listen, this is why you
cannot be friends with an ex.
296
00:09:45,167 --> 00:09:47,069
There are always feelings involved,
297
00:09:47,072 --> 00:09:48,368
and now yours are
coming out as anger.
298
00:09:48,369 --> 00:09:50,539
No, I am done with anger.
When he never called,
299
00:09:50,542 --> 00:09:52,225
I wrote some very scathing poetry.
300
00:09:52,228 --> 00:09:52,951
Poetry?
301
00:09:52,954 --> 00:09:55,667
Yeah, and a vicious haiku
that I posted on my blog.
302
00:09:55,868 --> 00:09:58,535
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I need to get an ice pick.
303
00:09:58,536 --> 00:09:59,881
Ice pick?
304
00:10:00,353 --> 00:10:02,956
I said ice pack.
305
00:10:05,858 --> 00:10:07,563
This e-mail is all in code.
306
00:10:07,566 --> 00:10:09,653
No capitals, no punctuation.
307
00:10:09,654 --> 00:10:11,287
God, the nerve of Bruno and Kerry...
308
00:10:11,288 --> 00:10:13,748
Making their private letters
practically unreadable.
309
00:10:13,965 --> 00:10:16,161
Shh. Here, do something with that.
310
00:10:18,251 --> 00:10:19,583
What you guys watching?
311
00:10:19,586 --> 00:10:22,306
Oh, just some boring old tearjerker.
312
00:10:22,307 --> 00:10:25,244
We now return to "The
Texas chainsaw massacre."
313
00:10:27,011 --> 00:10:29,066
So what are you
doing with all that ice?
314
00:10:29,069 --> 00:10:31,311
I just wanted some ice in my room.
315
00:10:31,312 --> 00:10:32,598
Do you know I'm the
only kid in my class
316
00:10:32,599 --> 00:10:35,006
who doesn't have her own icemaker?
317
00:10:35,653 --> 00:10:37,399
Okay.
318
00:10:37,884 --> 00:10:39,856
All right, give it to me.
319
00:10:42,460 --> 00:10:44,237
That's not it.
320
00:10:45,777 --> 00:10:47,598
Ooh, I got to pay this.
321
00:10:47,599 --> 00:10:49,401
Uh, we'll just print out another one.
322
00:10:52,570 --> 00:10:54,577
So you want to hear something stupid?
323
00:10:54,581 --> 00:10:56,780
My sister doesn't
think we can be friends.
324
00:10:56,784 --> 00:10:57,861
Why not?
325
00:10:57,876 --> 00:10:59,098
Who knows?
326
00:10:59,131 --> 00:11:00,964
She also thinks that I'm
hurting you on purpose
327
00:11:00,965 --> 00:11:02,053
for some reason.
328
00:11:02,065 --> 00:11:03,940
Isn't that the stupidest thing?
329
00:11:03,958 --> 00:11:07,085
-Ow, ow, ow, ow.
-I'm sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
330
00:11:07,372 --> 00:11:10,542
Don't worry, I-I think I have
a spare nose in my backpack.
331
00:11:11,924 --> 00:11:13,709
Wait a second.
332
00:11:13,959 --> 00:11:15,375
Is that a smile?
333
00:11:15,376 --> 00:11:17,025
You're that blind?
334
00:11:17,028 --> 00:11:20,262
No, no, I have, like,
"Top gun" vision.
335
00:11:20,265 --> 00:11:22,198
I just wear the coke-bottle glasses
336
00:11:22,201 --> 00:11:24,433
'cause they're such a chick magnet.
337
00:11:24,436 --> 00:11:26,014
Ha ha.
338
00:11:26,258 --> 00:11:29,070
Well, I will be gentle this time.
339
00:11:29,201 --> 00:11:30,533
Okay?
340
00:11:31,381 --> 00:11:33,217
Me too.
341
00:11:38,739 --> 00:11:39,851
Um...
342
00:11:40,461 --> 00:11:42,303
I'm sorry. I just...
343
00:11:42,340 --> 00:11:44,855
I'm not ready for that.
344
00:11:45,589 --> 00:11:47,156
I've got gum.
345
00:11:48,292 --> 00:11:50,803
No, it's not that.
It's just that I'm...
346
00:11:50,879 --> 00:11:52,627
I'm just... I'm starting to want...
347
00:11:52,630 --> 00:11:53,678
want to, and I...
348
00:11:53,798 --> 00:11:57,979
I don't think that I want to want to.
349
00:11:58,376 --> 00:12:00,545
I'm going to go.
350
00:12:03,610 --> 00:12:05,884
Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God!
351
00:12:05,885 --> 00:12:07,280
You shot him?
352
00:12:07,637 --> 00:12:08,933
Worse... I kissed him.
353
00:12:08,934 --> 00:12:10,600
Oh, no! I knew this would happen.
354
00:12:10,601 --> 00:12:12,247
I'm starting to get
feelings for him again.
355
00:12:12,247 --> 00:12:14,158
Is that what you want?
-No. Yes.
356
00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:15,567
No. I don't know.
357
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:17,152
Okay, that's it. I got to fix this.
358
00:12:17,158 --> 00:12:18,179
You need to get out of this house.
359
00:12:18,180 --> 00:12:19,278
Good plan. Yeah. I-I
shouldn't be around him.
360
00:12:19,279 --> 00:12:21,493
I might do something I'll regret.
361
00:12:21,494 --> 00:12:22,840
I mean, I'd enjoy it, but
362
00:12:22,843 --> 00:12:24,057
I'd regret it.
363
00:12:24,061 --> 00:12:25,998
I mean, I'd really enjoy it, but...
364
00:12:26,002 --> 00:12:27,245
I'd really regret it.
365
00:12:27,253 --> 00:12:30,153
Okay! Don't gross me
out, or I won't help you.
366
00:12:30,818 --> 00:12:33,090
Yes! I figured this one out.
367
00:12:33,091 --> 00:12:34,245
Oh, wait, don't tell me.
368
00:12:34,265 --> 00:12:35,730
Let me figure it out.
369
00:12:35,733 --> 00:12:39,067
"2nt" means "tonight."
370
00:12:39,068 --> 00:12:41,289
Bruno is seeing her tonight.
371
00:12:41,298 --> 00:12:44,852
Oh, I said let me figure it out.
372
00:12:45,043 --> 00:12:48,450
Unh-unh. I'm sorry, Bruno,
there's been a change of plans.
373
00:12:48,451 --> 00:12:50,931
You're not getting anywhere
within 10 miles of my Kerry.
374
00:12:50,932 --> 00:12:52,013
Yeah, right.
375
00:12:52,745 --> 00:12:55,227
Here she comes. Go, go, go.
376
00:12:56,014 --> 00:12:57,346
Where you going?
377
00:12:57,371 --> 00:12:59,716
I-I'm going to the library.
I got loads of studying.
378
00:12:59,736 --> 00:13:01,799
Studying, huh?
379
00:13:05,045 --> 00:13:07,761
You sure do study a lot, don't you?
380
00:13:08,814 --> 00:13:09,664
Uh, yeah.
381
00:13:10,002 --> 00:13:10,735
Bye.
382
00:13:10,736 --> 00:13:12,200
Just a minute, young lady.
383
00:13:12,207 --> 00:13:14,040
You're not going
anywhere till you, uh,
384
00:13:14,041 --> 00:13:16,537
go and clean that attic
like I asked you weeks ago.
385
00:13:16,543 --> 00:13:18,408
-Oh, but, mom...
-don't "but, mom" me.
386
00:13:18,409 --> 00:13:20,441
You are going up
to that attic right now,
387
00:13:20,444 --> 00:13:22,008
and you are not coming down till
388
00:13:22,023 --> 00:13:24,141
you finish what you started.
389
00:13:27,806 --> 00:13:29,341
Go on!
390
00:13:33,578 --> 00:13:34,802
I can believe this
391
00:13:34,803 --> 00:13:37,099
The second I figure out I
cannot be alone with Bruno,
392
00:13:37,100 --> 00:13:38,765
mom sends me up
to the attic with him.
393
00:13:38,787 --> 00:13:40,820
What am I going to do?
394
00:13:41,228 --> 00:13:42,579
What was that for?
395
00:13:42,588 --> 00:13:43,946
Well, you were quite hysterical.
396
00:13:43,954 --> 00:13:44,692
Um, no, I wasn't.
397
00:13:44,696 --> 00:13:47,012
Well, you should be.
This is a terrible situation,
398
00:13:47,016 --> 00:13:48,449
but you're lucky,
'cause I have a fix.
399
00:13:48,583 --> 00:13:50,013
I'm going to go up there with you
400
00:13:50,016 --> 00:13:51,902
and make sure nothing happens.
401
00:13:51,903 --> 00:13:53,284
You would do that for me?
402
00:13:53,287 --> 00:13:55,696
I'm not going to leave you
two alone for one second.
403
00:13:58,772 --> 00:14:00,057
Yeah, hello?
404
00:14:00,060 --> 00:14:01,659
Oh, you go ahead. I got to take this.
405
00:14:01,662 --> 00:14:04,729
Bridget, you said that I
shouldn't be alone with him!
406
00:14:04,732 --> 00:14:06,334
What am I... ugh!
407
00:14:10,002 --> 00:14:11,207
Well, grandpa,
408
00:14:11,215 --> 00:14:13,812
I guess this is what
they call beginner's luck.
409
00:14:14,102 --> 00:14:15,673
Oh, can it.
410
00:14:16,297 --> 00:14:18,118
All right, it ain't
over till it's over.
411
00:14:18,119 --> 00:14:19,213
What do you got?
412
00:14:19,214 --> 00:14:21,314
-A pair of deuces.
-Ha. That's all?
413
00:14:21,315 --> 00:14:23,080
And three ladies.
414
00:14:23,083 --> 00:14:24,148
Ha ha.
415
00:14:24,149 --> 00:14:26,035
Those are queens.
416
00:14:27,412 --> 00:14:30,800
Thanks for showing us how
bad gambling is, Mr. Egan.
417
00:14:30,801 --> 00:14:31,723
Ha ha.
418
00:14:31,726 --> 00:14:33,323
Whatever.
419
00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:34,899
I'm busted.
420
00:14:34,900 --> 00:14:36,527
Oh, boo-hoo.
421
00:14:36,530 --> 00:14:39,048
Ha ha ha ha.
422
00:14:39,700 --> 00:14:42,916
It's just that, well...
423
00:14:43,745 --> 00:14:46,417
I don't know how I'm going
to pay for my medicine.
424
00:14:46,504 --> 00:14:47,190
I mean...
425
00:14:47,603 --> 00:14:50,565
They won't let me buy it in Canada.
426
00:14:52,281 --> 00:14:53,384
Wait a minute.
427
00:14:53,385 --> 00:14:55,918
He's trying to sucker us into
giving him his money back.
428
00:14:55,919 --> 00:14:57,608
No, no, no. I just...
429
00:14:57,609 --> 00:15:01,323
I just want to, you know,
get a little back, you know.
430
00:15:01,324 --> 00:15:04,338
I-I'll sell you this watch for $20.
431
00:15:04,464 --> 00:15:05,966
I got a watch.
432
00:15:05,967 --> 00:15:09,823
All right, $10. It's
solid gold... Colored.
433
00:15:11,337 --> 00:15:13,831
You know, this e-mail code
is like a whole other language.
434
00:15:13,834 --> 00:15:16,534
I mean, "lol"... what's "lol"?
435
00:15:16,537 --> 00:15:18,970
Laugh out loud. Ooh, I'm good.
436
00:15:18,973 --> 00:15:20,838
Yeah, well, if you're so good,
437
00:15:20,839 --> 00:15:24,039
try this one... "a-t-t-i-c."
438
00:15:24,332 --> 00:15:26,477
Mm, always take time in cancún.
439
00:15:26,479 --> 00:15:28,978
Whoa, that's it! He's
taking her to cancún.
440
00:15:28,982 --> 00:15:31,248
No way. No, no, no. He's
not taking her to cancún.
441
00:15:31,251 --> 00:15:33,483
"A-t-t-i-c" means attic.
442
00:15:33,486 --> 00:15:36,965
Come on. You might want to
leave the code breaking to me.
443
00:15:37,114 --> 00:15:38,345
Wait, are you kidding?
444
00:15:38,346 --> 00:15:40,361
He's in the attic,
where I just sent Kerry.
445
00:15:40,362 --> 00:15:42,893
I got to call you
back. Hey, guys, hey!
446
00:15:42,896 --> 00:15:45,028
Hey, why are you guys
running upstairs to the attic
447
00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:48,130
in... in such a hurry?!
Mommy, I want a snack!
448
00:15:49,803 --> 00:15:52,436
Kerry? Kerry?
449
00:15:52,745 --> 00:15:54,238
There's no one here.
450
00:15:54,241 --> 00:15:56,140
You wouldn't listen to me.
451
00:15:56,143 --> 00:15:57,742
What are you talking about?
452
00:15:57,745 --> 00:16:00,060
By now, they're on a
honeymoon in cancún.
453
00:16:02,521 --> 00:16:04,011
What are you doing here?
454
00:16:04,012 --> 00:16:05,362
Bruno had to pee.
455
00:16:05,366 --> 00:16:06,372
Okay, well, mom's looking for you.
456
00:16:06,373 --> 00:16:07,451
She read your e-mails.
457
00:16:07,454 --> 00:16:09,020
What? I could kill her.
458
00:16:09,023 --> 00:16:10,420
Yeah, well, you got a
guy in your bedroom.
459
00:16:10,423 --> 00:16:12,178
Good luck with that argument.
460
00:16:12,179 --> 00:16:13,858
So, um, nothing happened with you two
461
00:16:13,860 --> 00:16:15,025
while I was out, right?
462
00:16:15,029 --> 00:16:16,627
Oh, come on. Give me a little credit.
463
00:16:16,630 --> 00:16:18,963
I can control myself.
464
00:16:19,003 --> 00:16:20,328
Hey.
465
00:16:20,329 --> 00:16:21,932
Hey.
466
00:16:23,326 --> 00:16:24,543
Oh, my God!
467
00:16:24,729 --> 00:16:25,392
What?
468
00:16:25,393 --> 00:16:26,570
I leave you two
alone for two seconds,
469
00:16:26,573 --> 00:16:28,925
and you're hey-ing
each other like that?
470
00:16:28,926 --> 00:16:29,607
You know what? Here.
471
00:16:29,613 --> 00:16:32,015
Latest Nancy drew.
Knock yourself out.
472
00:16:32,024 --> 00:16:34,951
Kerry, this cannot happen.
Once a creep, always a creep.
473
00:16:34,952 --> 00:16:37,515
Look, he's changed.
He said he was sorry.
474
00:16:37,518 --> 00:16:39,361
I just want Paris again.
475
00:16:39,362 --> 00:16:41,118
I don't expect you to understand.
476
00:16:41,121 --> 00:16:44,088
Look, Kerry, a lot of
things I don't understand.
477
00:16:44,091 --> 00:16:46,624
Most things I don't understand.
478
00:16:46,779 --> 00:16:49,560
But I understand guys,
and this one hurt you,
479
00:16:49,563 --> 00:16:51,194
and he is going to hurt you again.
480
00:16:51,197 --> 00:16:53,441
I know you're saying this
'cause you care about me,
481
00:16:53,442 --> 00:16:55,481
but I've made my decision.
482
00:16:55,680 --> 00:16:56,994
Oh, God, they're coming.
483
00:16:56,998 --> 00:16:58,085
Okay, we got to get him out of here.
484
00:16:58,086 --> 00:16:59,037
Come on, let's go.
485
00:16:59,038 --> 00:16:59,770
Where are we going?
486
00:16:59,773 --> 00:17:01,391
-We are going out the window.
-What?
487
00:17:01,396 --> 00:17:02,311
Yeah, it's okay.
We do it all the time.
488
00:17:02,312 --> 00:17:04,522
Just shimmy around the ledge
and go down the drainpipe.
489
00:17:04,523 --> 00:17:05,576
But I can't see.
490
00:17:05,579 --> 00:17:07,911
It's a drainpipe and
the side of a house.
491
00:17:07,914 --> 00:17:10,390
You'll feel your way down. Go!
492
00:17:14,703 --> 00:17:17,501
Boy, I feel horrible.
493
00:17:17,502 --> 00:17:19,629
I snooped for no reason.
494
00:17:19,772 --> 00:17:20,991
What kind of parent am I?
495
00:17:20,994 --> 00:17:23,099
Exactly.
496
00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:26,211
I mean, you did it because you care.
497
00:17:26,247 --> 00:17:27,466
I'm just so worried.
498
00:17:27,467 --> 00:17:29,600
I don't want Kerry to get hurt again.
499
00:17:29,603 --> 00:17:32,436
But still, that's no
reason not to trust her.
500
00:17:32,770 --> 00:17:36,106
What was I thinking?
501
00:17:36,109 --> 00:17:37,909
She is a great kid,
502
00:17:37,911 --> 00:17:40,710
with a great head on her shoulders.
503
00:17:40,739 --> 00:17:43,017
Ah, what a day!
504
00:17:43,582 --> 00:17:45,953
Hey, let's get some cheese.
505
00:17:47,788 --> 00:17:49,253
Thanks.
506
00:17:49,256 --> 00:17:51,755
All right, we made it.
507
00:17:51,758 --> 00:17:53,857
So I'm sorry about your
nose and your glasses.
508
00:17:53,860 --> 00:17:55,393
Does your nose still hurt?
509
00:17:55,396 --> 00:17:57,328
Yeah, it's killing me.
510
00:17:57,331 --> 00:18:00,130
But it was worth it to see you again.
511
00:18:00,133 --> 00:18:01,542
Okay, okay, enough small talk.
512
00:18:01,557 --> 00:18:04,002
We made it this far without
getting caught. Now go.
513
00:18:04,305 --> 00:18:05,870
I'm really glad you came.
514
00:18:06,007 --> 00:18:07,576
Me too.
515
00:18:09,908 --> 00:18:11,289
I'll call you.
516
00:18:12,170 --> 00:18:14,082
Yeah, like you called
her the last time?
517
00:18:14,083 --> 00:18:16,213
Bridget.
518
00:18:16,216 --> 00:18:19,014
Okay, I said I'd
call her, and I will.
519
00:18:19,420 --> 00:18:21,451
I'll call you the
minute I get to Canada.
520
00:18:21,452 --> 00:18:23,718
-See?
-What's her number?
521
00:18:25,397 --> 00:18:27,560
Yeah, I should probably get that.
522
00:18:28,421 --> 00:18:30,745
Wait a minute. You
didn't have my number?
523
00:18:30,749 --> 00:18:32,763
Well, I didn't, but
now I'm getting it,
524
00:18:32,766 --> 00:18:34,231
so no big deal.
525
00:18:34,630 --> 00:18:37,097
Well, yeah, it is kind
of a big deal, Bruno.
526
00:18:37,227 --> 00:18:39,987
This is starting to feel
exactly like it did before.
527
00:18:39,988 --> 00:18:41,240
What do you mean?
528
00:18:41,241 --> 00:18:43,173
Well, you were just going to leave.
529
00:18:43,362 --> 00:18:45,352
Okay, you said you
were over all of that.
530
00:18:45,359 --> 00:18:46,895
Yeah, I was over it when I thought
531
00:18:46,896 --> 00:18:49,037
you had my number.
What were you going to do,
532
00:18:49,041 --> 00:18:51,420
just dial randomly until
you hit my number?
533
00:18:51,421 --> 00:18:53,173
Which can't be done, by the way.
534
00:18:53,286 --> 00:18:54,716
I've tried.
535
00:18:56,122 --> 00:18:58,798
Okay; You know what
part of the problem is here...
536
00:18:58,974 --> 00:19:00,658
You're a little oversensitive.
537
00:19:00,661 --> 00:19:02,393
-Ohhh -Excuse me?
538
00:19:02,396 --> 00:19:04,349
What a jerk!
539
00:19:04,353 --> 00:19:05,585
Okay, look, obviously,
540
00:19:05,589 --> 00:19:07,570
me even coming
here was a big mistake,
541
00:19:07,574 --> 00:19:09,491
so I think I'm just
going to head out.
542
00:19:09,495 --> 00:19:12,195
Oh, no, not so fast.
543
00:19:12,306 --> 00:19:13,876
Last summer,
544
00:19:13,879 --> 00:19:15,613
in Paris, you looked into my eyes
545
00:19:15,614 --> 00:19:18,624
and said that we were going
to spend Thanksgiving together.
546
00:19:18,631 --> 00:19:20,607
And you never called.
547
00:19:20,837 --> 00:19:22,614
You said that I should come to
548
00:19:22,615 --> 00:19:25,254
your parents' farm in
Wisconsin for Christmas
549
00:19:25,255 --> 00:19:26,851
and take a sleigh ride,
550
00:19:26,854 --> 00:19:29,007
and you never called.
551
00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:31,045
You... you took...
552
00:19:31,069 --> 00:19:32,689
...my virginity...
553
00:19:32,875 --> 00:19:35,107
-And then you never called!
-Aah!
554
00:19:35,295 --> 00:19:37,007
Hey, yeah. Give
him the vicious haiku.
555
00:19:37,008 --> 00:19:39,253
-He is not worth the breath.
-Fine.
556
00:19:39,254 --> 00:19:40,911
No, that was the first line.
557
00:19:40,967 --> 00:19:42,466
You know what?
558
00:19:42,469 --> 00:19:44,102
Don't write, don't e-mail.
559
00:19:44,103 --> 00:19:45,535
Just stay out of my life.
560
00:19:45,536 --> 00:19:47,099
Okay.
561
00:19:47,262 --> 00:19:48,793
Wait.
562
00:19:49,445 --> 00:19:51,778
I forgot my backpack.
How do I get it?
563
00:19:51,869 --> 00:19:54,079
Oh, don't worry. I'll call you.
564
00:19:54,226 --> 00:19:55,936
Which means she won't.
565
00:19:59,853 --> 00:20:01,830
Yeah, okay.
566
00:20:02,030 --> 00:20:03,981
I'll be right back.
567
00:20:03,982 --> 00:20:06,014
-Hi, hon.
-Hi.
568
00:20:06,459 --> 00:20:07,991
Dad, what are they still doing up?
569
00:20:07,994 --> 00:20:10,594
Oh, we're pulling an
all-nighter on this project.
570
00:20:11,648 --> 00:20:13,520
Is that cigar smoke?
571
00:20:13,521 --> 00:20:15,233
Oh, no, no, no. Volcanic ash.
572
00:20:15,236 --> 00:20:18,001
These kids are sticklers for reality.
573
00:20:18,188 --> 00:20:19,857
What's going on in here?
574
00:20:19,861 --> 00:20:22,660
Uh, it's volcano stuff.
575
00:20:24,647 --> 00:20:27,315
Dad, where's your shirt?
576
00:20:28,822 --> 00:20:31,584
Uh, volcano stuff. It's hot. Hot.
577
00:20:31,585 --> 00:20:33,517
By the way, Cate,
578
00:20:34,355 --> 00:20:36,519
uh, how much will you
give me for these shoes?
579
00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:38,756
They're Italian... Looking.
580
00:20:39,270 --> 00:20:40,390
Hey, mom.
581
00:20:40,393 --> 00:20:42,470
Uh, yeah, honey.
582
00:20:45,231 --> 00:20:48,398
Well, I, uh, cleaned
the attic like you asked.
583
00:20:48,559 --> 00:20:50,495
I'm sorry it took me so long.
584
00:20:51,805 --> 00:20:54,238
I'm going to go to bed now.
585
00:20:55,082 --> 00:20:56,809
Kerry, wait.
586
00:20:56,810 --> 00:20:58,342
What?
587
00:20:58,706 --> 00:21:01,545
I don't tell you enough
what a good kid you are.
588
00:21:01,548 --> 00:21:05,351
I want you to know I
trust you completely.
589
00:21:06,537 --> 00:21:08,218
Um...
590
00:21:08,221 --> 00:21:10,840
I snuck Bruno into the attic tonight,
591
00:21:10,841 --> 00:21:12,490
and we almost got back together,
592
00:21:12,493 --> 00:21:15,363
and then I realized he was a jerk,
593
00:21:15,364 --> 00:21:17,600
and then I made him leave.
594
00:21:19,532 --> 00:21:22,098
I read all your e-mails.
595
00:21:23,223 --> 00:21:24,784
Okay.
596
00:21:24,785 --> 00:21:26,387
-Good night.
-Good night.
597
00:21:27,883 --> 00:21:28,192
---o
598
00:21:28,193 --> 00:21:28,502
---oO
599
00:21:28,503 --> 00:21:28,812
---oOo
600
00:21:28,813 --> 00:21:29,123
---oOo-
601
00:21:29,124 --> 00:21:29,433
---oOo--
602
00:21:29,434 --> 00:21:30,530
---oOo---
603
00:21:30,531 --> 00:21:31,984
---oOo---
42121
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