All language subtitles for 8.Simple.Rules.S02E08.WEBRip.x264-ION10.eng

-Good morning!
-Good morning!

-Happy Thanksgiving, Dad.
-You're in a good mood.

-Well, why wouldn't I be?
I have a lot to be thankful for.

Dad, what the hell are you doing?

-I thought I'd start
Thanksgiving dinner.

I've always wanted to
take a stab at cooking.

Where do you keep the...
-Turkeys?

-Aprons. And the turkey.

-You know, Dad, I really
appreciate the gesture, but..

are you sure you wanna
start something that you've...

well, never done before?

-Well, I didn't hear any complaining about
me babysitting the kids last night.

-Babysitting? You watched TV.

-Are any of them missing? Any
broken bones? You're welcome.

-Look, Dad, why don't...
here... sit down.

Why don't you start slowly by just...

helping... oh, I got it...

Here's a can. Here's
a can opener. -I'm on it.

Hey, Gramps. Wanna watch
the game with me?

-I can't, Rory. I'm busy
opening a can.

-There, it's done. You
know, after all that,

I may have to take a little break.

-Mom, are those grocery bags?
-From the grocery store?

-Mom, please tell me that you're not
planning on cooking Thanksgiving dinner.

You said we were going to go to
a restaurant for a quick meal.

-Yes, because it didn't seem
right this year, remember?

-Well, you know...
I know I said that..

..a couple of days ago,
but then last night..

..I couldn't sleep and..
suddenly I knew why.

-I know exactly how you feel.
I get up two or three times a night.

-Thank you, Dad.
But what I meant was..

I suddenly realized that I
could blow off Thanksgiving..

..or I could choose to enjoy the day.

You know, sometimes it's four or five...

If I drink anything after three o'clock
in the afternoon I'm a racehorse.

-Dad, just go open some more cans.

-Okay, Mom, can we revisit
the 'blow off Thanksgiving' thing?

I mean, 'cause we kind of
made a choice to..

..go to a party after the restaurant.
-On Thanksgiving?

-Technically, it's an after-Thanksgiving
party. See, the Burgess family..

..eats real, real early and Amanda's
older brother is coming home from College..

..and he's bringing a bunch of friends home,
'cause they can't go home for the holidays..

.and Amanda gets to bring a few friends
too, you know, 'cause it makes it even.

So, Mom, it's a major coup
that Kerry even got invited,

and even though you think it's
just 'cause I'm her big sister,

but I have to say I think Kerry
finally made it on her own merits.

Yay, Kerry!
-Yay, me!

-Well, you know girls, as proud of
you as I am... give me a break.

-But, Mom, we already made
plans with Kyle and Luke.

-Look, I'm sorry but... who's Luke?
-My safety bad boy.

See, Damian's out of town and I just
don't want to be alone on the holidays.

-Still 'no'.

-Look, you guys, I put
a lot of effort into this.

I even have some surprises planned.

We're gonna have a fun
Thanksgiving. Just family.

-Damn! I spilled it everywhere.

-In theory.
-Fine. -Whatever.

-The doorbell. Gee, I wonder who
that could be on Thanksgiving?

Don't you, Rory? -I don't know,
Mom. The Thanksgiving Bunny?

Hi, Tommy! What are you doing here?
Would you like to come in?

I don't have time
to come in now, Cate..

..because I'm heading down to
the stadium to see the Lions game.

If only I had someone to take.

Some boy... I can't do it, Cate.
Come on kid, you coming or not?

-You got tickets to the Lions game?
Oh, man! Thanks, Mom!

-Tommy, thanks. -You're welcome.
That'll be two hundred bucks.

What am I saying? It's
Thanksgiving. One fifty.

Fine, on me.
But he buys his own beer.

-That's going to be blue in the morning.

-How much to take my dad?

-Hey, girls, listen.

I sent Rory to the football game
because I wanted him to be happy.

And I want you to be happy, too. So...
-So you're gonna let us go to the party?

Thank you, Mom, thank you!
-Well, no.

But, you can invite Kyle and 'safety
bad-boy' to have dinner with us.

And guess who else is
joining us? Grandma!

-This just... -...keeps getting better
and better. Thank you, Mom!

-Happy Thanksgiving.
-How cool!

-�How cool? God, are you out of your mind?
-No, no, here's the plan, okay.

We've got the guys in the house.
At the perfect moment

when Mom's in a good mood,
Luke will turn on his charm,

she'll gaze in his soulful puppy dog
eyes, and then she'll be mesmerized

and we are so at that ..partyyy.

Okay, Bridget. Please stop
before you say "partyyyy".

I mean, this plan is...
-...is all we've got. -Word.

-Come on, third and goal.
Please God, it's third and goal.

-The Lions versus the Packers.

-Were you expecting the
Lions versus the Christians?

-Come on, guys, I'm trying
to watch the game.

-There's no game going on.
All I see are fireworks..

..the giant scoreboard telling
us when to cheer. I mean..

..What the hell was that?

I'm going to go get myself...
-Don't forget your diet.

-A carrot. I'm gonna go
get myself a carrot.

Before they stop selling them
at the half. Got it? -Got it.

-You know, I was at the stadium all the
time with your father. -Yeah, me too.

-Well, you're the man of
the house, now. -I am?

-It's not just a saying.

All those women in your house,
and no one to keep an eye on 'em.

And your sisters, come on.

Look, see your dad knew that there
are a lot of creepy guys out there..

who are just gonna pounce
on them like wolves.

-Wow, I never thought of it like that.

-Well not everyone is
sensitive like you or me.

-Hey, look at the jugs on her.

-Mom, it's so good to have you here.

-Guess who sat next to me
on the plane? An Indian.

I mean, what are the
odds, on Thanksgiving,

that I would be sitting
next to an Indian?

-Gram, it's 'Native American.
-Oh, God, you sound just like him.

-You know what, Grandma, that was a great
story. How 'bout you finish your coffee.

Mom... let's get dinner going.
I'm just very hungry.

-Hey, Dad. Guess who
decided to join us.

-Jim; Hi, kiddo!
-Hey, Gram.

-What kind of charade is this?
-What are you talking about?

This. Just because it's
Thanksgiving you think..

..you can get your mother
and me to reconcile.

-No, I don't.
-Oh; ... Good.

-So, Rory, how was
the game? -Okay.

You're cooking?
-Don't act so surprised..

..like you've never seen me in
the kitchen before. -I haven't.

I mean, in all the years
we were married.

No wait; let me be fair.
No. Never.

Cate, let me help.
That's what I came here for.

-Sure, you fly in here one day,
it's easy to look like a hero.

Where were you this morning
when I was opening cans?

He opened cans?
-Alright, you two look

If you wanna help just come help
me set the table. Come on, Dad.

-God, they should be here
by now. -Who should?

-Kerry, were you talking to someone?
-I didn't hear anybody.

-Must be the wind. -Yeah.
Blowing through your empty head.

-Rory, everything you say to me
goes in one ear and out the other.

-Hey. So you must be Luke.

-Yeah. Is Bridget here?

-So, I see you got
a motorcycle. -Yeah.

-Bet you get a lot of ladies
with it. -I do all right.

So, is... is Bridget here?
-Right, I have a message for you..

..from your precious Bridget.
'Thanks for the mono!'

-Mono? No, I don't have mono.

-Well then her message is,
Sorry I gave you 'mono'.

-Oh, man. Now, I gotta
make a lot of calls.

-Child's play.

-I didn't know you made a pumpkin pie.

-Actually, Dad made that.

-Your dad?

-Yeah, you know, actually, Mom.

Ever since you separated,
he's been doing a lot of things

that are really uncharacteristic.

Like doing laundry and not
smoking in the bathtub.

-That's nice.

-He's seeing someone, isn't he?

-No! Why, Mom, do you care?

No! Of course I don't care.

-Has he been whistling? Because that's
a sure sign he's getting some.

-Ma', just so you know, I
will never be old enough..

..for us to have this conversation.

Rory, you're gonna build a fire?

It's a little cold in here.
-Yeah. -Atta boy.

Are you sure you opened the flue?
-Yes, Grandpa, I'm sure.

I watched my dad make
fires all the time.

-You're using a starter log?
Sort of cheating, isn't it?

-Yeah, well... fire's come a
long way since your day.

-Yeah, you know what
else we had in my day?

A leather strap and a woodshed.

-So Luke's not here yet?
-No. He hasn't shown up.

I don't know what
happened to him, God.

-Now we're going to be
stuck here all night.

Our plan has gone awry.
-'Awry'?

Yeah, I know big words, too.

You make the fire. -No, you
make it. -No, you make it.

No... alright, I'll make it.
-Fine.

Kerry, honey,

Would you go get your
grandpa a nice sweater?

Hey.
-Hey, Kyle, what are you doing here?

-Oh, Kerry called me and invited
me over for a little turkey.

And then when Luke gets here, we're
gonna sneak out over to Amanda's party.

How awesome is that?
-Pretty awesome.

Wanna go toss the football?
-Sure.

-Go long! Longer! Longer!

Wow, I didn't think that was possible.

-Hey, have you seen Kyle? -Yeah, he's
about two blocks away, waving his arms.

What? -I threw him out.
-Rory Hennessey, I am gonna kill you!

What did he do to you? -Shannon told
Jenna told Courtney from first period..

..not Courtney from gym class because Shannon
and Courtney from gym class hate each other..

..because Shannon innocently pointed out that
Courtney's boobs are two totally different..

..in front of someone who blabs, well, me..
that you told Luke that I had mono!!

-What's this about mono?
-Well, this little slug..

..threw both of our boyfriends out even
though they were officially invited!

-They were gonna sneak out! -Can
somebody please, tell me what happened?

-Well, Jenna told Shannon who
told Courtney... -Mom!

-We have to fix this now.
-No, no. You're not going anywhere!

We're gonna have dinner
in a few minutes! Fix what?

-The girls are scamming us, Cate.

-What did you just call me?

-Jim, don't just sit there. Help!
-Money, money. Who wants money?

-No, no, we don't do that here.

We'll just hook up with them after
we eat turkey. -Hook up with who?

-Wait a minute. Shouldn't we be
smelling turkey right now? -God.

Oh, this thing is nowhere near done.

Alright, we're not having dinner
for another couple of hours.

A couple of hours?
We don't have a couple of hours!

Yes you do. Family meeting!

What? Forget you and your
stupid family meeting!

-Alright, now that is enough!

Now, all I wanted was a nice
Charlie Brown Thanksgiving.

Is that too much to ask?
-Don't worry, Cate.

I'll handle the girls. -What?!
-Back me up on this!

-Alright. Everybody out of here;
I need to talk to Rory.

-Did you see how they
speak to me? -Sit.

Alright, what is going on
with you and your sisters?

-Come on.
-I was trying to protect them.

-Well that's sweet. -I was afraid they
were going to turn into big fat whores.

-Okay, not so sweet.
-How come?

-Well, at the football game, Tommy said
I was the man of the house. -So?

-Well, when Dad used to cover the
Tigers' away games when I was little,..

..he'd always say, 'While I'm gone,
Ror, you're the man of the house.

But he'd always come back
and I'm just afraid that..

..if I don't fill his shoes, the girls are
gonna turn into big, fat... -I know..

..I know.

Honey, your job is to be
a fourteen-year-old kid..

..and kind of a pain in the ass.

I can do that.
-You're great at that.

Don't take on this responsibility.

You're the son. I'm the parent.

I'll handle the girls.

-So, as a parent who has it 'handled'..

..you do realize that while we're
having this touchy-feely..

..mother-son moment, the girls snuck out
to Amanda's party. -��Right..!!

-Momma 'H' in the house!

-We'll just be in the other room..

..having a non-alcoholic beverage.
-Thanks a lot, guys.

-I can't believe that you girls would
pull a stunt like this on Thanksgiving.

I have been in that kitchen
all day preparing dinner..

..your Grandma flew in from Florida..

..and your Grandpa even made a pie.

I told you, you weren't going
to this party! -We know, Mom.

But don't you understand?
This is the first Thanksgiving...

-I don't care that this
is the first Thanksg...!

Alright, look..

..I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.

I've been doing my best today,

but this is no picnic for me either.

The truth is I don't
know what I'm doing..

..I'm just making this up as I go along..

And something just tells me
that the right thing to do..

..is for us to have dinner in our home at
our dining room table, with our family,..

..even if this is the first
Thanksgiving without your father.

-That was really nice, Mom.

But what I was gonna say was...

this is the first Thanksgiving that I
actually got invited to Amanda's party

and I really want to be here.
-Yeah. Me, too.

But, Mom, what you said
was really beautiful. -Yes.

-Ahh..
-Mom, why are you laughing?

-Mom, you're losing it. In front
of our college friends.

All I wanted was to have
a normal Hennessy Thanksgiving.

..And I just realized I got it.

With my teenage daughters trying
to ditch me to go to a party.

What could be more normal?

-I'm so glad we could
make it so special.

-Well, bye.

-Oh, no. You're grounded.

Now, get your things, let's go.
And hurry up or I'll embarrass you.

-Bridget, Kerry... sorry
I ruined your plans.

-Dance, monkey, dance!!.

-Girls, let go of him. -God, how
much product do you use?

Alright, come on; everybody help me
get into the dining room. Come on!

-What?

-Dad, you're whistling.
-I'm happy. -Aww.

-Your mother wants to know if
you guys are ready to eat.

Since it's only eight o'clock
at night, I wasn't sure.

-Dad?
-Yeah, what honey?

-It's going to get easier, right?
-That's what I'm hoping.

-Yeah, I just want to get all these
'firsts' over as fast as possible.

-Well, you got a lot of
firsts to look forward to.

You got the first graduation,
the first wedding..

..the first grandchild...provided
that comes after the first wedding.

-You know, Dad, you turned
out to be a pretty great guy.

Here comes your mother.
Say that again!

I hope everyone's worked up an
appetite. -This just looks wonderful.

Thanks for going to all this trouble.
-Honey, it was no trouble.

In fact, your father actually helped
me. He opened a few cans.

-I've been working on myself.
-I'll say.

-It turned out to be a pretty
good Thanksgiving after all.

-Grandma's touching grandpa's cheek?.

-Three kinds of potatoes! Anyone
heard of Atkins in this family?

-Did you know the human body has
twenty-seven feet of intestines?

I plan to fill every inch of them.
-Gross. -Gross, Rory.

-Well, Dad, here you go.

-Rory? Would you do the honor?

-Rory! Stop it! -Come on, we have
enough! -Rory, come on!

-Rory, you missed a little
on this side. -Rory!

---oOo---