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1
00:00:08,082 --> 00:00:09,877
Jump back, baby.
2
00:00:49,480 --> 00:00:53,934
Fritz, did you go down and
see the welfare people today?
3
00:00:53,979 --> 00:00:57,070
Yeah. They told me to report
some place tomorrow.
4
00:00:57,112 --> 00:00:59,168
I got it written down
on a piece of paper, I think.
5
00:00:59,212 --> 00:01:01,110
Listen, are you gonna go?
6
00:01:01,145 --> 00:01:03,008
I don't know. Let's fuck.
7
00:01:03,045 --> 00:01:06,670
Then will you go out and
look for a job like you said?
8
00:01:06,712 --> 00:01:08,769
What? Did I say that?
9
00:01:08,811 --> 00:01:11,868
Man, oh, man, am I stoned!
10
00:01:11,911 --> 00:01:15,435
How is it a grown man
can spend so much time...
11
00:01:15,478 --> 00:01:20,137
just dreaming about what
he's gonna do for his family?
12
00:01:21,677 --> 00:01:25,609
For Christ's sakes!
Will you come down to Earth?
13
00:01:25,644 --> 00:01:29,736
What we need is the basic staff of life!
14
00:01:29,777 --> 00:01:31,140
Like grub!
15
00:01:31,177 --> 00:01:35,234
I never saw anybody walking
around more stoned than you.
16
00:01:35,277 --> 00:01:37,106
Always stoned!
17
00:01:37,142 --> 00:01:39,870
Where do you get the money
to buy that grass?
18
00:01:39,909 --> 00:01:41,171
Will you tell me?
19
00:01:41,209 --> 00:01:43,607
You and your Acapulco Gold.
20
00:01:43,643 --> 00:01:46,040
You know what that is? That's shit!
21
00:01:46,077 --> 00:01:49,940
Which is what you are! You are shit, Fritz!
22
00:01:49,977 --> 00:01:52,407
Here's something you don't know.
23
00:01:52,443 --> 00:01:56,068
Harvey and I made it.
What do you think of that?
24
00:01:56,108 --> 00:01:59,007
We made it, and he's better
in bed than you are.
25
00:01:59,041 --> 00:02:01,802
You know why? He's hung like a horse.
26
00:02:01,842 --> 00:02:05,001
What about you? You're nothing.
27
00:02:05,042 --> 00:02:06,701
You're nothing in the living room.
28
00:02:06,741 --> 00:02:08,298
You're nothing in the bathroom.
29
00:02:08,341 --> 00:02:09,864
You're nothing in bed.
30
00:02:09,908 --> 00:02:13,897
You don't even change the damn
roller on the toilet paper.
31
00:02:13,940 --> 00:02:15,998
I'm the one that uses that mostly.
32
00:02:16,041 --> 00:02:17,221
And what about putting the seat down?
33
00:02:17,241 --> 00:02:18,468
Why don't you ever do that?
34
00:02:18,508 --> 00:02:22,998
Why don't you take that
chicken-shit grin off your face?
35
00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:26,871
Fritz! You're a no-good!
36
00:02:26,907 --> 00:02:29,839
How much can a person take?
37
00:02:31,173 --> 00:02:33,605
And why don't you ever
put the goddamn seat down...
38
00:02:33,640 --> 00:02:35,663
when you're through peeing?
39
00:02:35,707 --> 00:02:37,400
You rotten putz, you!
40
00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:39,735
That's all you do is sit around.
41
00:02:39,773 --> 00:02:43,000
I never saw anything like it
in my entire life!
42
00:02:43,039 --> 00:02:44,971
You know what I would like to do to you?
43
00:02:45,006 --> 00:02:47,233
I would like to take you and shake you...
44
00:02:47,273 --> 00:02:50,931
until all your teeth
fall right onto the floor...
45
00:02:50,973 --> 00:02:52,336
and then you know what I'd do?
46
00:02:52,372 --> 00:02:54,133
I'd stamp on them, all the teeth...
47
00:02:54,173 --> 00:02:55,551
and I'd make them right into powder.
48
00:02:55,571 --> 00:02:57,764
And then I'd sprinkle the powder
right over your head.
49
00:02:57,805 --> 00:03:01,000
And then I would knock you
right in the goddamn face!
50
00:03:01,038 --> 00:03:02,697
I'd like to pulverize you!
51
00:03:02,738 --> 00:03:04,034
I'd take your nose...
52
00:03:04,072 --> 00:03:06,231
and I'd put it across the room on the wall.
53
00:03:06,271 --> 00:03:09,669
I'd like to knock you
into next week sometimes!
54
00:03:09,705 --> 00:03:12,898
This is it, Fritz. I'm really sore.
55
00:03:12,938 --> 00:03:15,403
Now, I'm really sore. I am sick to death!
56
00:03:15,438 --> 00:03:17,529
I'm gonna tell you one time
and one time only...
57
00:03:17,570 --> 00:03:19,298
so you better listen to me...
58
00:03:19,338 --> 00:03:20,963
because if you don't listen to me now...
59
00:03:21,004 --> 00:03:22,197
I ain't gonna say it again.
60
00:03:22,238 --> 00:03:24,499
I'll go out and get myself a two by four...
61
00:03:24,537 --> 00:03:26,196
and beat your fucking head in!
62
00:03:26,237 --> 00:03:28,362
You are gonna pick up after yourself.
63
00:03:28,403 --> 00:03:30,426
From now on, I'm through
picking up after you.
64
00:03:30,470 --> 00:03:33,697
And you will put the seat down
on that goddamn toilet!
65
00:03:33,736 --> 00:03:36,134
I'm telling you one time and one time only.
66
00:03:36,170 --> 00:03:39,261
You're a no-good bum,
and I've had it with you, Fritz!
67
00:03:39,303 --> 00:03:41,291
I have had it with you!
68
00:03:47,902 --> 00:03:49,732
And let me tell you something else.
69
00:03:49,768 --> 00:03:51,666
I know you play around.
70
00:03:51,702 --> 00:03:54,725
Don't try to lie to me.
71
00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:57,064
You don't even have
a guilty look on your face.
72
00:03:57,101 --> 00:03:58,349
You really don't give a goddamn.
73
00:03:58,369 --> 00:04:00,891
I know that you're playing around.
74
00:04:00,935 --> 00:04:02,298
Don't think I haven't seen you.
75
00:04:02,336 --> 00:04:04,358
I get telephone calls from girls.
76
00:04:04,401 --> 00:04:06,889
They call me up.
God knows why they want you.
77
00:04:06,934 --> 00:04:10,423
Don't they know how shitty you are in bed?!
78
00:04:14,101 --> 00:04:16,033
Hey, man, don't do that.
79
00:04:16,067 --> 00:04:17,533
What? Do what?
80
00:04:17,567 --> 00:04:18,747
You know what I'm talking about.
81
00:04:18,767 --> 00:04:20,790
What the hell are you laying on me, man?
82
00:04:20,834 --> 00:04:22,663
I ain't laying nothing on you, man.
83
00:04:22,700 --> 00:04:24,929
It's what you laid on me.
No need to be crude.
84
00:04:24,967 --> 00:04:26,956
God damn it, you freaking out or something?
85
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:29,932
Look, Juan, if we can
just cash this welfare check...
86
00:04:29,967 --> 00:04:32,797
we can get us some Rip Bull
or maybe even some muscatel.
87
00:04:32,833 --> 00:04:34,822
Kiss off, dude! That's your problem.
88
00:04:34,867 --> 00:04:37,060
You ain't got the guts
to admit when you're wrong.
89
00:04:37,099 --> 00:04:39,725
You just passed gas at me, man,
and that's uncool.
90
00:04:39,765 --> 00:04:41,061
Oh, wow.
91
00:04:41,099 --> 00:04:43,725
Don't have the guts to confess
you're a goddamn coward.
92
00:04:43,766 --> 00:04:45,731
You're just like my sister.
93
00:04:45,766 --> 00:04:48,390
Well, you P.R.s
are hypersensitive, you know?
94
00:04:48,433 --> 00:04:49,612
I thought you and me were friends.
95
00:04:49,632 --> 00:04:51,462
A little wig out, I'm a religion now, huh?
96
00:04:51,499 --> 00:04:52,795
A P.R., huh? Nice.
97
00:04:52,832 --> 00:04:54,354
Hey, about your sister, Juan...
98
00:04:54,398 --> 00:04:56,091
does she have big tits?
99
00:04:58,765 --> 00:05:00,788
I wish you people
would learn to speak English.
100
00:05:00,832 --> 00:05:02,127
Christ knows we were here first.
101
00:05:02,165 --> 00:05:05,460
It's the only way I talk to
a man who has habits like a pig.
102
00:05:05,499 --> 00:05:06,691
Man, don't be that way.
103
00:05:06,731 --> 00:05:08,992
Let's get some wine
and go see your sister...
104
00:05:09,031 --> 00:05:10,587
and maybe we can get it on.
105
00:05:10,631 --> 00:05:13,563
Beats the hell out of
freezing our balls off, right?
106
00:05:13,598 --> 00:05:17,257
No deal, man. I can't trust you no more.
107
00:05:17,297 --> 00:05:19,559
I can't let you fuck my sister, you know?
108
00:05:19,598 --> 00:05:21,188
You got no class, man.
109
00:05:21,231 --> 00:05:22,924
You wouldn't let me fuck your sister.
110
00:05:22,964 --> 00:05:24,487
Why should I let you fuck mine?
111
00:05:24,531 --> 00:05:26,190
Listen, your sister is some piece of ass.
112
00:05:26,230 --> 00:05:28,822
I know, man. Yeah.
113
00:05:28,863 --> 00:05:30,329
My sister?
114
00:05:30,363 --> 00:05:32,261
Wow, man, I can't believe that.
115
00:05:32,296 --> 00:05:33,785
Yeah, man, you better believe it.
116
00:05:33,830 --> 00:05:36,455
She was a female creature
of tender passion...
117
00:05:36,497 --> 00:05:38,928
of simple earthen charm, you know?
118
00:05:38,963 --> 00:05:42,087
Wow, dude, that's good.
119
00:05:42,129 --> 00:05:44,424
Yeah, you could say that.
120
00:05:44,462 --> 00:05:46,893
Juan, you better get back
in the phone booth again.
121
00:05:46,929 --> 00:05:48,952
I feel a fart coming on.
122
00:06:01,062 --> 00:06:02,789
Check it out.
123
00:06:02,827 --> 00:06:05,919
We done came all the way across town...
124
00:06:05,961 --> 00:06:10,087
done caught busses and cars
and hitchhiked to get here...
125
00:06:10,127 --> 00:06:11,649
then put on our best clothes...
126
00:06:11,694 --> 00:06:13,284
so we can walk in this neighborhood...
127
00:06:13,327 --> 00:06:16,158
so we can get in one
of these white houses...
128
00:06:16,193 --> 00:06:18,819
to rip off one of them $400 televisions...
129
00:06:18,861 --> 00:06:20,758
one of them $300 watches...
130
00:06:20,794 --> 00:06:22,952
one of them Panasonic, rena-sonic...
131
00:06:22,993 --> 00:06:26,289
exto-sonic, plesto-plastic stereos.
132
00:06:26,327 --> 00:06:28,555
With the quadro-flex, modu-lextic...
133
00:06:28,593 --> 00:06:31,685
medu-modula needles and shit...
134
00:06:31,726 --> 00:06:32,885
Big-time shit, man.
135
00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:34,272
I ain't never heard of nothing like that.
136
00:06:34,292 --> 00:06:36,315
You ain't in this community, blood!
137
00:06:36,359 --> 00:06:38,917
That's why we came here,
you know what I'm saying?
138
00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:40,619
You don't know what you doing, man.
139
00:06:40,658 --> 00:06:43,648
I also be doing this big-time
organizing and shit.
140
00:06:43,692 --> 00:06:48,125
You ripping off washing machines
and toilet paper.
141
00:06:48,159 --> 00:06:51,682
Unusual odd shit. Now you know why we here.
142
00:06:51,725 --> 00:06:54,157
OK, now...
143
00:06:54,191 --> 00:06:56,782
we gonna crawl in this here
window, all right?
144
00:06:56,825 --> 00:07:00,814
You take the downstairs,
and I'll take the upstairs.
145
00:07:00,858 --> 00:07:03,381
Why is it that I always
got to take the downstairs?
146
00:07:03,425 --> 00:07:05,686
Beause you don't like
jumping out of windows, man.
147
00:07:05,724 --> 00:07:06,883
Shit!
148
00:07:06,923 --> 00:07:09,890
Now, will you cut that out, Fritz?
149
00:07:09,924 --> 00:07:11,583
Hey!
150
00:07:13,257 --> 00:07:15,689
The beauty of cannabis.
151
00:07:15,723 --> 00:07:18,246
And then once we get inside,
get everything...
152
00:07:18,290 --> 00:07:20,915
don't get no washing machines... then leave.
153
00:07:20,957 --> 00:07:22,218
Somebody's home!
154
00:07:22,257 --> 00:07:23,723
Doesn't it fill you with joy?
155
00:07:23,756 --> 00:07:25,086
Is that cat smoking?
156
00:07:25,122 --> 00:07:27,748
The unfettered exuberance,
the lust for life?
157
00:07:27,790 --> 00:07:29,255
It makes you...
158
00:07:29,289 --> 00:07:31,312
Look how he's smoking weed.
159
00:07:31,356 --> 00:07:32,981
want to drop your phony inhibitions...
160
00:07:33,023 --> 00:07:36,011
and love your fellow man?
161
00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:38,487
Look at that chick with them titties!
162
00:07:38,523 --> 00:07:40,421
Or brother, maybe. Doesn't it? Huh?
163
00:07:41,956 --> 00:07:43,421
It is Juan's sister.
164
00:07:43,456 --> 00:07:46,182
Don't you kind of see things
more clearly, huh?
165
00:07:51,855 --> 00:07:54,719
That's right. Take a good, long drag, sis.
166
00:07:54,754 --> 00:07:56,652
Now breathe in the smoke. Deep.
167
00:07:56,688 --> 00:07:59,153
It'll help clear your sinuses.
168
00:08:00,422 --> 00:08:03,115
Hey, I feel light-headed.
169
00:08:09,821 --> 00:08:11,616
That is Juan's sister, man!
170
00:08:11,653 --> 00:08:14,142
He's going to the store!
171
00:08:34,219 --> 00:08:36,277
Looks like a feature film,
you know what I mean?
172
00:08:36,319 --> 00:08:37,546
Right on.
173
00:09:01,384 --> 00:09:07,077
Will it really expand my... awareness?
174
00:09:07,117 --> 00:09:09,208
Well, you know what they say...
175
00:09:09,251 --> 00:09:12,308
"Take tea and see."
176
00:09:12,350 --> 00:09:14,680
Doesn't clear my sinuses at all.
177
00:09:18,616 --> 00:09:22,070
Daddy says you're only good
for getting the papers.
178
00:09:24,250 --> 00:09:26,943
Is that all you're good for, Fritz?
179
00:09:26,983 --> 00:09:29,312
That's some kick, huh?
180
00:09:31,349 --> 00:09:34,111
You know the most interesting
thing about smoking?
181
00:09:34,149 --> 00:09:36,012
It causes excessive perspiration...
182
00:09:36,049 --> 00:09:38,072
and a person has to take
off all his clothes.
183
00:09:38,115 --> 00:09:40,240
Otherwise, he can drown
to death in his own juices.
184
00:09:49,315 --> 00:09:53,714
Now, this activity
is like artificial respiration.
185
00:09:53,748 --> 00:09:55,940
Smoke some more of this shit. Fuck them.
186
00:09:58,181 --> 00:10:01,079
If I get up in this pad,
I got the downstairs...
187
00:10:01,114 --> 00:10:03,477
- Hold it in.
- I'll knock it out.
188
00:10:03,514 --> 00:10:05,275
You'd knock it out, you'd what?
189
00:10:05,314 --> 00:10:11,213
I love my brother's friends.
190
00:10:11,246 --> 00:10:13,770
Man, he ought to put a bag
over that ugly bitch's head.
191
00:10:13,814 --> 00:10:15,972
Stick her head in the couch, man.
192
00:10:16,013 --> 00:10:17,774
Before I stick my thing in her...
193
00:10:17,813 --> 00:10:20,279
- Look at them fuck.
- Man, hold up.
194
00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:23,275
Makes me kind of horny, man.
195
00:10:23,313 --> 00:10:24,643
- Yeah.
- Let's rob.
196
00:10:24,680 --> 00:10:27,407
Duck, man. There's a car
coming up the driveway.
197
00:10:27,445 --> 00:10:29,809
I bet it's her old man.
198
00:10:32,645 --> 00:10:34,804
Is this good for the liver?
199
00:10:37,146 --> 00:10:40,270
Oh, Fritz. That's good!
200
00:10:40,312 --> 00:10:41,539
Chita!
201
00:10:41,578 --> 00:10:43,101
That's the ugliest motherfucker.
202
00:10:43,145 --> 00:10:44,304
Daddy!
203
00:10:44,345 --> 00:10:45,777
Look at that snaggle-toothed...
204
00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:48,004
big, greasy, fucking nasty pig.
205
00:10:48,045 --> 00:10:50,738
Gee, pops, maybe I should
go get the papers, huh?
206
00:10:50,778 --> 00:10:54,767
Papers?! Why, you, you!
Little son of a bitch.
207
00:10:54,811 --> 00:10:56,867
What do you want, pops, News or the Times?
208
00:10:56,911 --> 00:10:59,206
Pink commie bastard!
209
00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:03,536
Shit.
210
00:11:03,577 --> 00:11:06,009
I guess you killed him, right in the ass.
211
00:11:06,044 --> 00:11:08,407
I guess we can't rob this pad today, huh?
212
00:11:08,444 --> 00:11:11,534
We'll come back tomorrow.
213
00:11:11,610 --> 00:11:14,132
My sister was once in psychoanalysis.
214
00:11:14,176 --> 00:11:16,608
She says you're a boy
who would fuck his mother.
215
00:11:16,643 --> 00:11:18,370
And what have you done for Ralphie?
216
00:11:18,410 --> 00:11:20,433
Other than to teach him how to masturbate?
217
00:11:20,477 --> 00:11:22,874
And left-handed, no less.
218
00:12:18,407 --> 00:12:20,634
You must be new around here.
219
00:12:20,672 --> 00:12:23,968
I haven't seen your face before.
220
00:12:24,006 --> 00:12:25,904
My old lady kicked me out of the house.
221
00:12:25,939 --> 00:12:28,905
I've had this streak of bad luck lately...
222
00:12:28,940 --> 00:12:31,167
and she's been making noise
I should go find work.
223
00:12:36,005 --> 00:12:40,062
What'd you say, something about work?
224
00:12:40,104 --> 00:12:42,798
Everybody knows that's what kills a man.
225
00:12:46,005 --> 00:12:48,698
Starts out with an eight-hour day...
226
00:12:48,737 --> 00:12:50,600
forty hours a week...
227
00:12:50,638 --> 00:12:53,626
and, hell, boy, before you know it...
228
00:12:53,672 --> 00:12:57,797
you're married to some fine-ass
woman and buying a house.
229
00:13:02,003 --> 00:13:03,526
I'll help you.
230
00:13:05,870 --> 00:13:08,734
Yeah, that's terrible.
231
00:13:08,770 --> 00:13:10,599
Work is terrible.
232
00:13:10,636 --> 00:13:13,830
What the hell do you get for it, anyway?
233
00:13:13,870 --> 00:13:15,426
Jeez, I don't know.
234
00:13:15,470 --> 00:13:17,993
It's just money is all. It's evil.
235
00:13:18,037 --> 00:13:19,866
I tell you, it's evil.
236
00:13:19,902 --> 00:13:22,562
It all starts from having to work.
237
00:13:22,603 --> 00:13:25,194
Now, if you don't have to work...
238
00:13:25,235 --> 00:13:27,099
why, you don't get any money.
239
00:13:27,135 --> 00:13:29,068
You know what I mean? It's that simple.
240
00:13:29,101 --> 00:13:31,794
Yeah. That's what
I try to tell my old lady.
241
00:13:31,836 --> 00:13:34,768
She sent my ass down
to the welfare office again...
242
00:13:34,801 --> 00:13:36,182
and those creeps started to hit on me...
243
00:13:36,202 --> 00:13:39,396
about receiving public
assistance for over a year...
244
00:13:39,435 --> 00:13:43,924
and here was my last... Are you OK?
245
00:13:43,968 --> 00:13:45,433
It's my last check and all...
246
00:13:45,468 --> 00:13:46,748
and I had failed to find employment again.
247
00:13:46,768 --> 00:13:49,598
It's just too much bullshit, so I split.
248
00:13:49,634 --> 00:13:50,914
It doesn't pay to hit the big time.
249
00:13:50,934 --> 00:13:53,526
- No.
- Yeah.
250
00:14:03,867 --> 00:14:05,355
Oh, wow.
251
00:14:09,567 --> 00:14:12,192
Well, you got any plans, son?
252
00:14:12,233 --> 00:14:14,460
Oh, yeah. I figured I'd settle down here.
253
00:14:14,500 --> 00:14:16,591
Get away from all the zipper-heads uptown.
254
00:14:16,632 --> 00:14:20,257
Not get involved with all
the extemporaneous bullshit.
255
00:14:20,299 --> 00:14:22,197
And, hey, by the way, what's your name?
256
00:14:22,233 --> 00:14:25,494
Oh, I'm God.
257
00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,361
Wow, man, that is heavy.
258
00:14:27,399 --> 00:14:29,523
You're really God, huh? No shit?
259
00:14:38,098 --> 00:14:39,757
You OK?
260
00:14:39,798 --> 00:14:43,696
I've been God for about
three and a half years now.
261
00:14:45,331 --> 00:14:47,853
A lot of responsibility, you know.
262
00:14:52,931 --> 00:14:54,556
I'll bet.
263
00:14:54,597 --> 00:14:57,324
Also, I'm black belt karate.
264
00:14:57,363 --> 00:15:00,124
No shit? Wow, this really blows my mind.
265
00:15:00,164 --> 00:15:01,789
Me, I'm standing here rapping with God.
266
00:15:01,830 --> 00:15:03,797
Far out!
267
00:15:03,830 --> 00:15:05,796
You want to be my assistant?
268
00:15:05,830 --> 00:15:07,194
Well...
269
00:15:07,230 --> 00:15:10,627
I might be forced to give up my job.
270
00:15:13,096 --> 00:15:16,425
I can't keep busting my ass this here way.
271
00:15:17,729 --> 00:15:21,319
Anyway, I've been into some
heavy gear in one of my lives.
272
00:15:21,362 --> 00:15:23,055
I got nine of them, pal.
273
00:15:23,095 --> 00:15:25,254
I got hung up with
the weirdest dude one time...
274
00:15:25,296 --> 00:15:27,319
you could ever imagine.
275
00:15:30,195 --> 00:15:31,990
This guy I'm thinking of
was really psycho...
276
00:15:32,029 --> 00:15:34,017
you wouldn't believe it.
277
00:15:38,894 --> 00:15:40,917
Jesus.
278
00:15:59,227 --> 00:16:02,624
Wow, God, you really do
some weird shit, you know?
279
00:16:10,592 --> 00:16:14,026
Make the fucking world in
seven days... try it sometime.
280
00:16:36,225 --> 00:16:37,815
Work your vanilla!
281
00:16:41,624 --> 00:16:43,613
Oh, the Yanks are coming!
282
00:16:46,291 --> 00:16:50,155
And remember, your fathers and mothers...
283
00:16:50,191 --> 00:16:53,248
and all of your Fatherland
will be watching you.
284
00:16:53,291 --> 00:16:56,223
Envying in the great glory...
285
00:16:56,256 --> 00:16:59,245
for which you have been selected...
286
00:16:59,290 --> 00:17:03,688
you all have promised
to die for the Fuhrer.
287
00:17:03,723 --> 00:17:06,245
Who wants to be next?
288
00:17:06,290 --> 00:17:08,517
Ooh! Oh, Mama!
289
00:17:08,557 --> 00:17:11,283
Mama, was Papa ever like this?
290
00:17:35,821 --> 00:17:39,117
Mein Fuhrer, the bombs have
just killed your orderly!
291
00:17:39,154 --> 00:17:42,551
Ah, another orderly gone.
292
00:17:42,588 --> 00:17:44,917
Get me another one!
293
00:17:44,954 --> 00:17:47,749
Order another orderly quickly!
294
00:17:47,786 --> 00:17:49,412
Another orderly quickly!
295
00:17:49,454 --> 00:17:51,010
Another orderly!
296
00:17:51,054 --> 00:17:53,746
Another orderly for the Fuhrer!
297
00:17:53,787 --> 00:17:55,810
Put up an "Out of Orderly" sign!
298
00:17:55,854 --> 00:18:00,548
- Harder!
- I get excited! Good!
299
00:18:00,587 --> 00:18:02,950
My Lenore!
300
00:18:02,986 --> 00:18:05,713
My liebchen!
301
00:18:10,319 --> 00:18:13,876
Ohh! Hans! I mean, he was... ohh!
302
00:18:13,919 --> 00:18:15,714
Hans, I'm sorry. I...
303
00:18:15,752 --> 00:18:17,377
Stand aside!
304
00:18:17,419 --> 00:18:20,407
Oh, he was so wonderful! Oh, Hans!
305
00:18:21,885 --> 00:18:23,714
I mean, he was...
306
00:18:23,752 --> 00:18:25,650
My aching swastika!
307
00:18:25,685 --> 00:18:28,015
I thought being a Nazi
as all "Sieg, Sieg"...
308
00:18:28,051 --> 00:18:30,280
and "Sieg Heil!" This is for shit!
309
00:18:30,318 --> 00:18:32,250
I better get my ass the fuck out of here.
310
00:18:32,285 --> 00:18:33,580
War is hell!
311
00:18:49,483 --> 00:18:52,881
Mein Fuhrer, here are
the candidates for your orderly.
312
00:18:56,850 --> 00:18:58,281
Heil Hitler!
313
00:18:58,316 --> 00:19:00,804
Sieg heil!
314
00:19:00,850 --> 00:19:02,440
That one!
315
00:19:02,483 --> 00:19:03,710
I want that one!
316
00:19:03,750 --> 00:19:05,977
Him! That's him!
317
00:19:19,949 --> 00:19:23,540
Excuse me, Fuhrer. I didn't mean to stare.
318
00:19:23,582 --> 00:19:26,877
What is it? You see
something missing maybe?
319
00:19:26,915 --> 00:19:29,108
No, no! Everything's fine...
320
00:19:29,148 --> 00:19:31,306
but you've only got one ball.
321
00:19:31,348 --> 00:19:35,006
Everybody in the Third Reich
has to do without something!
322
00:19:35,048 --> 00:19:36,513
I see.
323
00:19:36,548 --> 00:19:40,742
When the Fuhrer is naked,
everyone is naked!
324
00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:44,736
Well, here I am, aren't I? Hi.
325
00:19:44,780 --> 00:19:48,007
Imbecile. Imbecile.
326
00:19:48,047 --> 00:19:52,036
Don't you know what is expected of you now?
327
00:19:52,079 --> 00:19:54,637
What? I think you dropped something.
328
00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:57,236
What? I dropped something?
329
00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,472
I put the soap in your hand, you see...
330
00:19:59,513 --> 00:20:01,501
and you seem to have let it go.
331
00:20:01,546 --> 00:20:03,410
Dropped it, like...
332
00:20:03,446 --> 00:20:06,640
almost like you weren't
interested in washing at all!
333
00:20:06,679 --> 00:20:09,042
I was not conscious of this.
334
00:20:09,079 --> 00:20:11,067
It is simple to see, Mein Fuhrer.
335
00:20:11,112 --> 00:20:13,772
You're real motivations are blocked here.
336
00:20:13,813 --> 00:20:17,267
Blocked? What is blocked?
337
00:20:17,312 --> 00:20:18,800
It's a new word.
338
00:20:18,845 --> 00:20:20,674
It means what's inside can't get outside.
339
00:20:20,711 --> 00:20:22,109
Some kind of Freudian horseshit.
340
00:20:22,144 --> 00:20:25,577
Oh, inside, can't get out...
341
00:20:25,611 --> 00:20:27,440
You're a nice boy.
342
00:20:30,144 --> 00:20:32,666
I'm going to make a confession.
343
00:20:32,711 --> 00:20:36,733
Sometimes, I would like
to be a ballet dancer.
344
00:20:36,777 --> 00:20:38,265
Really? No kidding?
345
00:20:38,311 --> 00:20:40,606
I often see myself in the opera.
346
00:20:40,644 --> 00:20:41,870
Oh, wow.
347
00:20:41,911 --> 00:20:43,809
And the people are applauding me!
348
00:20:43,843 --> 00:20:45,537
Well, sure they would.
349
00:20:55,609 --> 00:20:57,507
There you go! You see?
350
00:20:57,543 --> 00:20:59,372
That means this whole number you're doing...
351
00:20:59,410 --> 00:21:01,500
this conquest of the world thing...
352
00:21:01,543 --> 00:21:04,509
or whatever it is,
is just to get attention.
353
00:21:04,543 --> 00:21:07,236
Interesting you should say that...
354
00:21:07,275 --> 00:21:09,468
but I am washing, see, now?
355
00:21:09,509 --> 00:21:12,565
So why did I drop the soap?
356
00:21:12,609 --> 00:21:15,733
Well, that, my dear Herr Hitler...
357
00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:17,934
is a question you must ask yourself...
358
00:21:17,974 --> 00:21:20,770
when you wrestle with
the true identity, you know.
359
00:21:20,808 --> 00:21:23,330
I mean, in the dawning of self-awareness...
360
00:21:23,375 --> 00:21:25,738
between you and your pillow, man...
361
00:21:25,775 --> 00:21:28,104
when after the labors
of sleepless nights...
362
00:21:28,141 --> 00:21:32,903
you gained the exalted heights
of the altar of truth!
363
00:21:32,941 --> 00:21:34,600
You have insight.
364
00:21:34,641 --> 00:21:37,937
When I see something I want, I grab it.
365
00:21:37,973 --> 00:21:39,269
Sure, why not?
366
00:21:39,307 --> 00:21:43,932
And my stomach doesn't stop
to ask my head if it's hungry.
367
00:21:43,974 --> 00:21:45,166
No, that figures.
368
00:21:45,207 --> 00:21:49,503
By the way, what is your name?
369
00:21:49,540 --> 00:21:51,506
Fritz.
370
00:21:51,540 --> 00:21:57,029
Well, Fritz, you say
you once had three balls?
371
00:21:57,073 --> 00:21:58,299
Yeah.
372
00:21:58,339 --> 00:22:01,498
Would you like to try for one?
373
00:22:01,540 --> 00:22:04,164
I don't... Sir!
374
00:22:04,206 --> 00:22:06,671
Listen... OK, OK!
375
00:22:06,705 --> 00:22:09,331
Now, look, I'm gonna pick up the soap.
376
00:22:09,372 --> 00:22:11,167
I am. Just wait.
377
00:22:11,206 --> 00:22:14,500
I'm gonna bend over now. Just...
378
00:22:14,539 --> 00:22:17,504
I'm gonna... Hey, watch it, will ya?!
379
00:22:17,539 --> 00:22:19,835
Mein Fuhrer, wait!
380
00:22:19,871 --> 00:22:21,530
Oh, my God, wait!
381
00:22:22,604 --> 00:22:25,070
Ich bin der fuhrer!
382
00:22:30,603 --> 00:22:33,467
Gee, Fuhrer, now you got no balls.
383
00:22:33,504 --> 00:22:35,560
Mein Fuhrer!
384
00:22:35,603 --> 00:22:40,558
Gentlemen, we can no longer continue.
385
00:22:40,603 --> 00:22:43,365
War is just a question of balls.
386
00:22:43,403 --> 00:22:46,835
Ja, balls.
387
00:22:46,870 --> 00:22:49,802
Goebbels. Goebbels, are you not...
388
00:22:49,836 --> 00:22:52,302
my most loyal and truthful assistant?
389
00:22:52,336 --> 00:22:53,824
Jawohl, Mein Fuhrer.
390
00:22:53,869 --> 00:22:57,824
Did you not invent the slogan
which binds all us Nazis?
391
00:22:57,869 --> 00:22:59,267
Jawohl, Mein Fuhrer.
392
00:22:59,302 --> 00:23:00,825
And what is that slogan?
393
00:23:00,869 --> 00:23:02,062
Death before dishonor.
394
00:23:02,103 --> 00:23:05,000
What an asshole slogan.
395
00:23:05,035 --> 00:23:07,297
You can always change the slogan.
396
00:23:15,569 --> 00:23:17,534
You must think of Fraulein Braun.
397
00:23:17,568 --> 00:23:19,057
She needs you.
398
00:23:19,102 --> 00:23:21,158
Ja, think of Eva.
399
00:23:21,201 --> 00:23:23,463
How she would miss you, Adolf.
400
00:23:23,501 --> 00:23:25,796
That's right.
401
00:23:27,734 --> 00:23:31,167
After all, who could take my place?
402
00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:32,996
Sieg heil!
403
00:24:43,730 --> 00:24:46,025
I got that Nazi rat bastard...
404
00:24:46,062 --> 00:24:48,029
right between the crack in his ass!
405
00:24:48,062 --> 00:24:52,460
Now how do those sons of bitches
expect to win a war...
406
00:24:52,496 --> 00:24:54,825
when they're out of goddamn uniform, huh?
407
00:24:58,463 --> 00:25:00,361
I don't have any time
to do anything for myself!
408
00:25:00,395 --> 00:25:02,986
I don't even have time
to get myself a new diaphragm!
409
00:25:03,029 --> 00:25:05,586
If you hold it up to the light,
you can see little pinholes.
410
00:25:05,628 --> 00:25:09,788
Fritz, I'm tired of
plugging it up with Chapstick!
411
00:25:17,628 --> 00:25:19,992
Out of my shop. I won't cash your check...
412
00:25:20,027 --> 00:25:22,227
and there's no such thing
as a refund on those things...
413
00:25:22,261 --> 00:25:24,352
just 'cause you say
it don't fit quite right.
414
00:25:24,394 --> 00:25:26,485
But it's never been used, Niki.
415
00:25:26,528 --> 00:25:28,051
I'll even take a prorated refund.
416
00:25:28,094 --> 00:25:29,492
It was used!
417
00:25:33,860 --> 00:25:36,883
Well, only a little, a quickie.
418
00:25:36,926 --> 00:25:39,722
And I bet I know who this
was used on, too, huh?
419
00:25:39,759 --> 00:25:42,055
OK, Niki, you're on. Try to guess who.
420
00:25:42,093 --> 00:25:45,218
Let's see now. With your filthy taste...
421
00:25:45,260 --> 00:25:47,192
Let's see, it must be a fat one, right?
422
00:25:47,226 --> 00:25:50,056
Yeah, right. Go on.
423
00:25:50,092 --> 00:25:53,923
And I just bet she sweat a lot,
and she smell like a goat, huh?
424
00:25:53,959 --> 00:25:55,219
Right.
425
00:25:56,225 --> 00:25:59,157
And she's got bad breath, no teeth?
426
00:25:59,192 --> 00:26:01,555
Yes! Go on! You're getting warmer!
427
00:26:01,592 --> 00:26:04,614
And she's got big, hairy...
428
00:26:04,658 --> 00:26:08,215
goddamn moustache on the top lip!
429
00:26:08,259 --> 00:26:11,315
Oh, you got me, Niki.
You got me nailed, man.
430
00:26:11,359 --> 00:26:12,654
And I'll bet...
431
00:26:12,691 --> 00:26:16,021
that fucking whore been with
every guy on this block, right?
432
00:26:16,057 --> 00:26:17,251
Right!
433
00:26:18,524 --> 00:26:21,013
Niki, you're a genius!
434
00:26:22,157 --> 00:26:25,920
Niki, you only left out one thing.
435
00:26:25,957 --> 00:26:28,014
What did I leave out, Fritz?
436
00:26:28,057 --> 00:26:31,022
You know what? She's got the clap!
437
00:26:33,223 --> 00:26:36,189
That's right!
438
00:26:36,223 --> 00:26:38,712
How could I skip that? That's a nice one.
439
00:26:38,757 --> 00:26:40,381
She got to have the clap, right?
440
00:26:40,423 --> 00:26:42,390
She has to.
441
00:26:42,423 --> 00:26:44,651
- Hey, Fritz.
- Shit.
442
00:26:44,689 --> 00:26:47,382
Fritz, I'll tell you something.
You're not so bad, you know?
443
00:26:47,423 --> 00:26:50,855
Maybe I'll cash your check after all.
444
00:26:50,890 --> 00:26:53,616
Hey, Fritz, tell me...
445
00:26:53,656 --> 00:26:55,644
what's this fat whore pig's name, huh?
446
00:26:55,688 --> 00:26:58,587
- What's the broad's name?
- Gina.
447
00:26:58,622 --> 00:26:59,849
- Hey, Fritz.
- What?
448
00:26:59,888 --> 00:27:01,582
That's a-my wife's name.
449
00:27:01,622 --> 00:27:04,349
Gina is my wife's name.
She don't have the clap.
450
00:27:06,822 --> 00:27:08,253
She does now.
451
00:27:08,288 --> 00:27:09,913
Why, you...
452
00:27:09,955 --> 00:27:12,011
You fucking cat, I rip your balls off!
453
00:27:12,054 --> 00:27:13,644
Get the fuck out of my shop!
454
00:27:13,687 --> 00:27:16,415
Fuck off! You fucking cat!
455
00:27:16,454 --> 00:27:19,012
I kill you! I fuck you in the ass!
456
00:27:19,054 --> 00:27:21,179
Fritz, man, what's
all this noise about, man?
457
00:27:21,220 --> 00:27:23,379
I can hear all the way from the alley.
458
00:27:24,421 --> 00:27:26,353
Don't even come here!
459
00:27:26,387 --> 00:27:28,478
Aw, nothing. Niki can't take a joke.
460
00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:30,043
He takes things too seriously.
461
00:27:30,087 --> 00:27:31,746
It's hard not to around here.
462
00:27:31,787 --> 00:27:33,719
Gets pretty fucking deadly sometimes.
463
00:27:33,753 --> 00:27:37,480
I heard it was better years ago,
you know what I mean?
464
00:27:37,520 --> 00:27:40,146
But, Lenny, things have
always been, more or less...
465
00:27:40,186 --> 00:27:41,550
up-and-down situation.
466
00:27:41,586 --> 00:27:44,017
This street wasn't always
a shit-house, let me tell ya.
467
00:27:44,052 --> 00:27:45,600
And even as far back as the thirties...
468
00:27:45,620 --> 00:27:47,233
there were those who gave
and those that took.
469
00:27:47,253 --> 00:27:50,616
Aw, Fritz, but what do I do
with this here thing?
470
00:27:50,652 --> 00:27:52,880
You can have it. I'm done with it anyway.
471
00:27:52,919 --> 00:27:54,578
When I was back in the thirties...
472
00:27:54,619 --> 00:27:57,279
I was one very sharp continental-type stud.
473
00:28:17,917 --> 00:28:21,849
The only thing we have to fear is...
474
00:28:21,884 --> 00:28:23,407
fear itself.
475
00:28:51,015 --> 00:28:53,379
People must have faith.
476
00:28:56,382 --> 00:28:59,472
Together... we cannot fail.
477
00:29:16,548 --> 00:29:21,479
And it is up to you...
to support... and make it work.
478
00:34:20,196 --> 00:34:21,685
Hey, putz!
479
00:34:21,729 --> 00:34:23,922
Your idea of helping out
with the gas shortage...
480
00:34:23,963 --> 00:34:26,292
was to stop eating pizza...
481
00:34:26,330 --> 00:34:28,296
and bring home
four of your hooker friends...
482
00:34:28,329 --> 00:34:31,124
to sleep with us at night
to stimulate heat.
483
00:34:32,496 --> 00:34:34,243
Look, I don't know
how you can own a business...
484
00:34:34,263 --> 00:34:35,819
and not be able to cash...
485
00:34:35,863 --> 00:34:38,385
this miserable pittance
of a welfare check is all.
486
00:34:38,429 --> 00:34:40,224
If I give you all my money...
487
00:34:40,262 --> 00:34:42,727
I'll have nothing left to buy with.
488
00:34:42,762 --> 00:34:45,092
Oh, Christ, then you are in luck, Morris.
489
00:34:45,128 --> 00:34:47,357
Look at this. Knowing of
your love for the unusual...
490
00:34:47,395 --> 00:34:50,208
I've brought you something
you won't be able to resist.
491
00:34:50,228 --> 00:34:51,387
- I know it.
- Resist?
492
00:34:51,428 --> 00:34:52,916
Believe me, I could resist.
493
00:34:52,962 --> 00:34:56,449
Just look at it, Morris...
the design, the gentle contours.
494
00:34:56,495 --> 00:34:58,790
Why, it's almost Louis Quinze
for Christ's sake.
495
00:34:58,828 --> 00:35:01,691
It's disgusting, for Christ's sake.
496
00:35:01,727 --> 00:35:03,955
It's the type of item
that will sell so fast...
497
00:35:03,994 --> 00:35:06,926
you'll be pleading for more
inside of a week, believe me.
498
00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:12,025
It's been used. I can tell.
499
00:35:12,060 --> 00:35:13,958
What? Used? By a little old lady.
500
00:35:13,994 --> 00:35:16,323
A one-owner shitter... and genteel.
501
00:35:16,360 --> 00:35:18,689
That's gentile, you stupid bastard.
502
00:35:18,727 --> 00:35:19,953
Don't get hosteel.
503
00:35:19,993 --> 00:35:21,220
That's "hostile."
504
00:35:21,259 --> 00:35:22,840
You're taking the wrong approach, Morris.
505
00:35:22,860 --> 00:35:25,122
Now, some of my best friends are Jewish.
506
00:35:25,159 --> 00:35:27,750
Do I look like the Chase Manhattan Bank?
507
00:35:27,792 --> 00:35:30,781
You come in here with
out-of-money look in your face.
508
00:35:30,825 --> 00:35:33,291
Look like you got hit in
the head with a foul pitch...
509
00:35:33,326 --> 00:35:35,349
and you want to sell me this.
510
00:35:35,392 --> 00:35:38,052
But with inflation, the value
of a dollar going down...
511
00:35:38,092 --> 00:35:39,990
my expenses skyrocketing...
512
00:35:40,024 --> 00:35:43,650
Why, even this week, the price
of a decent circumcision...
513
00:35:43,692 --> 00:35:45,681
something I shudder to think about.
514
00:35:45,724 --> 00:35:47,315
I agree with you there...
515
00:35:47,358 --> 00:35:50,791
but what's that got to do
with my toilet seat?
516
00:35:53,291 --> 00:35:56,415
That's the point, my friend.
517
00:35:56,458 --> 00:35:58,945
My old seder used to say to me...
518
00:35:58,990 --> 00:36:03,013
"Morris, take a pickle.
It's made for eating."
519
00:36:03,057 --> 00:36:06,114
The thing you're holding
is made for shitting.
520
00:36:06,157 --> 00:36:07,884
It's simple logic.
521
00:36:07,923 --> 00:36:09,583
You could even be a Rockefeller.
522
00:36:09,623 --> 00:36:13,146
It's tough to find a good pickle.
523
00:36:15,356 --> 00:36:19,515
Socioeconomically speaking,
you're absolutely correct, but...
524
00:36:19,556 --> 00:36:21,522
Look, Fritz...
525
00:36:21,555 --> 00:36:23,613
the pickles are beginning to get to me.
526
00:36:23,655 --> 00:36:27,315
And these days, a soft stool
is too important to me...
527
00:36:27,355 --> 00:36:30,345
for something to quibble,
so I'll make you a deal.
528
00:36:30,389 --> 00:36:32,014
Tell you what I'm going to do.
529
00:36:32,056 --> 00:36:35,283
You give me the seat,
I'll trade for you a bargain.
530
00:36:39,555 --> 00:36:42,543
Where did you get this thing?
531
00:36:43,589 --> 00:36:47,111
Questions... youth, all the time, questions.
532
00:36:47,154 --> 00:36:49,314
Nowadays people
don't know an opportunity...
533
00:36:49,354 --> 00:36:51,320
when it smacks them upside of the face.
534
00:36:51,355 --> 00:36:53,252
I think I've been screwed.
535
00:36:53,287 --> 00:36:55,878
With that, you could be
the next man on the moon.
536
00:36:55,921 --> 00:36:58,079
Fuck the moon.
I been further than that once.
537
00:36:58,121 --> 00:37:00,348
That's no big deal. I'd rather take a shit.
538
00:37:00,388 --> 00:37:01,876
So would l. Give me the seat.
539
00:37:01,920 --> 00:37:03,367
I'm going to hit you
on the top of the head.
540
00:37:03,387 --> 00:37:06,548
This should cure you.
Here we go. I say heal!
541
00:37:06,587 --> 00:37:08,644
Heal, Mr. Cobbs, heal!
542
00:37:08,687 --> 00:37:11,152
Through the power vested
in me by God, Jesus Christ...
543
00:37:11,187 --> 00:37:12,652
I'm going to heal you, Mr. Cobb.
544
00:37:12,753 --> 00:37:14,412
Hello, world.
545
00:37:14,453 --> 00:37:17,612
This is the event
mankind has been waiting for...
546
00:37:17,653 --> 00:37:20,585
the first man launched to Mars.
547
00:37:20,619 --> 00:37:24,382
Fritz, I got to tell you
something right out in front.
548
00:37:24,419 --> 00:37:26,510
If it wouldn't be for this fucking cold...
549
00:37:26,552 --> 00:37:29,541
I'd be going all the way to Mars with you.
550
00:37:29,586 --> 00:37:32,347
39 million miles... a drop kick.
551
00:37:32,386 --> 00:37:35,011
But the doc says
I can't fly with this cold.
552
00:37:35,052 --> 00:37:36,541
It's bad for the ears.
553
00:37:36,586 --> 00:37:38,826
He said something about me
popping a drum or something...
554
00:37:38,851 --> 00:37:41,716
I don't know.
555
00:37:43,351 --> 00:37:45,078
Jeez, I got to get some more Binaca.
556
00:37:45,119 --> 00:37:47,641
Put that in my bring-ups, will you?
557
00:37:47,685 --> 00:37:49,198
Fritz, you know how I hate to bother you...
558
00:37:49,218 --> 00:37:50,741
when you're getting near the pad...
559
00:37:50,784 --> 00:37:53,875
but we got to make a decision
on the Poli-Grip account.
560
00:37:53,917 --> 00:37:55,906
I can see you with
a package of five spots...
561
00:37:55,951 --> 00:37:58,348
for the Japanese and Taiwan market.
562
00:37:58,384 --> 00:38:01,214
Incidentally, the residuals will be unreal.
563
00:38:01,251 --> 00:38:03,944
It's eight million yen
for every thirteen-week cycle...
564
00:38:03,984 --> 00:38:05,381
and you don't have to declare it.
565
00:38:05,417 --> 00:38:07,542
You know, there's a whole cult...
566
00:38:07,583 --> 00:38:09,516
of denture-adhesive freaks out there...
567
00:38:09,549 --> 00:38:10,947
just waiting for a leader.
568
00:38:10,983 --> 00:38:13,211
Some of them still got their own teeth.
569
00:38:13,249 --> 00:38:15,807
Am I bothering you with all this, Fritz?
570
00:38:15,850 --> 00:38:17,748
My God, Fritz,
I got to get some air in here.
571
00:38:17,783 --> 00:38:20,407
I feel myself slipping away.
572
00:38:20,449 --> 00:38:21,796
Now, I know you're against charities...
573
00:38:21,816 --> 00:38:23,304
and benefits and freebies...
574
00:38:23,349 --> 00:38:25,507
but hear me out on this one, Fritzie.
575
00:38:25,549 --> 00:38:28,014
There's a nationwide
charity telethon coming up...
576
00:38:28,049 --> 00:38:29,877
the first of next month...
577
00:38:29,915 --> 00:38:32,312
for the further development
of all-vegetable...
578
00:38:32,349 --> 00:38:36,280
organically-grown
polyunsaturated Preparation H...
579
00:38:36,316 --> 00:38:37,542
with suntan oil.
580
00:38:37,582 --> 00:38:40,275
Jerry Lewis is going
to be there... everybody.
581
00:38:40,315 --> 00:38:42,746
And before you shut me off,
I got to tell you...
582
00:38:42,782 --> 00:38:45,747
the exposure will be sensational for you.
583
00:38:45,781 --> 00:38:47,128
And we might even have a spin-off...
584
00:38:47,148 --> 00:38:48,548
on a new movie that's coming out...
585
00:38:48,581 --> 00:38:51,513
with Frankie Avalon
and Annette Funicello...
586
00:38:51,547 --> 00:38:53,376
called "Beach Ball Piles."
587
00:38:53,414 --> 00:38:56,676
Well, Fritz, I see we arrived at the pad...
588
00:38:56,714 --> 00:38:58,294
so this will give you
some things to think about...
589
00:38:58,314 --> 00:39:00,337
on a 39-million mile trip.
590
00:39:00,380 --> 00:39:03,211
And remember, Fritz, sweetheart,
I'd be with you all the way...
591
00:39:03,247 --> 00:39:05,678
it wouldn't be for this fucking cold.
592
00:39:08,213 --> 00:39:10,838
Hot damn. That chick wouldn't look bad...
593
00:39:10,880 --> 00:39:12,936
holding up a Hershey's bar, would she?
594
00:39:14,313 --> 00:39:15,802
With nuts.
595
00:39:19,812 --> 00:39:22,835
Ah, freedom of the press.
596
00:39:22,879 --> 00:39:25,140
Jeez, I feel sorry for the poor slob.
597
00:39:25,179 --> 00:39:27,201
I wouldn't make that trip
with him with six points.
598
00:39:27,246 --> 00:39:29,972
Hey, Fritz, baby, want to talk to Walter?
599
00:39:30,012 --> 00:39:31,637
Sure. Why not?
600
00:39:31,678 --> 00:39:35,111
Fritz, does being the first
to set foot on Mars...
601
00:39:35,145 --> 00:39:37,372
golly... kind of give you goose bumps?
602
00:39:37,412 --> 00:39:40,434
Ahem. Gentlemen, I've been up and down...
603
00:39:40,478 --> 00:39:42,467
the four corners of this big old world...
604
00:39:42,511 --> 00:39:45,000
and I've seen it all, and I've done it all.
605
00:39:45,044 --> 00:39:48,636
I've fought many a good man
and laid many a good woman.
606
00:39:48,678 --> 00:39:51,610
And I've had riches, fame,
and adventure, too.
607
00:39:51,643 --> 00:39:54,201
Yes. I've stood
eyeball-to-eyeball with death...
608
00:39:54,243 --> 00:39:58,608
countless times
and never, never once squinted.
609
00:39:58,643 --> 00:40:00,939
Oh, I've tasted life to the fullest...
610
00:40:00,976 --> 00:40:03,999
and still my tortured soul cries out... more!
611
00:40:04,044 --> 00:40:09,442
More! Oh, shit! God, can there be any more?
612
00:40:09,477 --> 00:40:11,840
How do it feel, Fritz?
613
00:40:11,876 --> 00:40:14,603
I mean, Mars ain't around the corner.
614
00:40:14,643 --> 00:40:16,471
You're so right.
615
00:40:16,509 --> 00:40:19,476
Hey, would you like
to discuss this in private?
616
00:40:19,509 --> 00:40:22,202
Gee, you got a lovely pair of eyes.
617
00:40:22,242 --> 00:40:23,674
In private?
618
00:40:23,708 --> 00:40:24,867
Sure. Listen, doll...
619
00:40:24,908 --> 00:40:26,534
I'd kind of like to give you a break.
620
00:40:26,575 --> 00:40:28,439
You know, kind of help pay back...
621
00:40:28,475 --> 00:40:30,566
for what my people did to your people.
622
00:40:30,608 --> 00:40:32,665
Yeah? What kind of a break?
623
00:40:32,708 --> 00:40:36,435
Well, you know, an exclusive...
an inside story.
624
00:40:36,475 --> 00:40:40,100
Fritz, wait a second!
Wait! Come on, what about us?
625
00:40:40,141 --> 00:40:44,096
What about a statement?
Give us a break, man, come on.
626
00:41:28,105 --> 00:41:30,094
Baby.
627
00:41:38,472 --> 00:41:41,028
We interrupt this telecast
of the first flight to Mars...
628
00:41:41,071 --> 00:41:43,127
for a message of real importance.
629
00:41:43,170 --> 00:41:46,762
As chairman of the board
of the Golf Oil company...
630
00:41:46,804 --> 00:41:50,463
with its 13,000 dealers
from coast-to-coast...
631
00:41:50,504 --> 00:41:54,629
I want to welcome you all
to this momentous event.
632
00:41:54,671 --> 00:41:58,398
When you drive into
one of our Golf stations...
633
00:41:58,436 --> 00:42:02,061
say howdy to the man
who polishes your window...
634
00:42:02,104 --> 00:42:06,365
and we'll say howdy right back at you.
635
00:42:08,470 --> 00:42:09,662
At this very minute...
636
00:42:09,702 --> 00:42:12,668
you can look at one
of our own Golf refineries...
637
00:42:12,703 --> 00:42:17,157
pumping away seven days a week,
twenty-four hours a day...
638
00:42:17,202 --> 00:42:20,226
filling your tanks with gasoline.
639
00:42:20,269 --> 00:42:23,927
We at Golf Oil are
bringing you this telecast...
640
00:42:23,969 --> 00:42:27,867
in appreciation of the millions
of happy Golf customers...
641
00:42:27,901 --> 00:42:30,662
when they say, "Fill 'er up."
642
00:42:30,702 --> 00:42:32,133
What's that I hear?
643
00:42:35,368 --> 00:42:39,095
Jeez, look at the money
they put in that rocket.
644
00:42:39,134 --> 00:42:40,648
You could buy time on "The Waltons"...
645
00:42:40,668 --> 00:42:42,691
for a year with that kind of bread.
646
00:42:45,501 --> 00:42:47,524
I wonder how you put a deal
like that together.
647
00:42:47,567 --> 00:42:49,556
That's fascinating.
648
00:42:54,200 --> 00:42:55,927
We have ignition.
649
00:42:59,200 --> 00:43:00,791
Me, too!
650
00:43:00,833 --> 00:43:02,356
Baby!
651
00:43:08,199 --> 00:43:09,927
So unbelievable.
652
00:43:09,966 --> 00:43:12,363
My brother-in-law would like
a rocket like that.
653
00:43:16,665 --> 00:43:18,154
Shit.
654
00:43:30,165 --> 00:43:31,721
That's fascinating.
655
00:43:39,597 --> 00:43:40,995
Gee, look at that.
656
00:43:41,031 --> 00:43:42,553
Well, there he goes.
657
00:43:42,597 --> 00:43:44,688
When he gets back, we'll make millions.
658
00:44:05,563 --> 00:44:08,461
Jeez, I hope they got
that explosion on tape.
659
00:44:08,496 --> 00:44:12,019
It'd be perfect for our forest lawn spots.
660
00:44:34,494 --> 00:44:36,256
Mr. Cobb. Heal, Mr. Cobb.
661
00:44:36,294 --> 00:44:37,817
Yeah. Heal.
662
00:44:37,861 --> 00:44:40,258
Through the power vested
in me by God, Jesus Christ...
663
00:44:40,294 --> 00:44:43,021
I'm going to heal you, Mr. Cobb.
664
00:45:26,558 --> 00:45:29,285
Let me make one thing very clear...
665
00:45:29,324 --> 00:45:31,756
I am not a crook.
666
00:45:31,825 --> 00:45:33,415
Why don't you climb up off your ass?
667
00:45:33,458 --> 00:45:34,970
Remember I was telling you
you should get to be...
668
00:45:34,990 --> 00:45:36,888
a contestant on "Let's Make a Deal"?
669
00:45:36,925 --> 00:45:38,947
I'll tell you what.
You dress up like a frog.
670
00:45:38,990 --> 00:45:41,115
You look good in green.
And wear a yarmulke.
671
00:45:41,156 --> 00:45:42,747
I think he likes Jewish people.
672
00:45:49,557 --> 00:45:53,784
Man, am I hung up, strung out, and uptight.
673
00:45:55,823 --> 00:45:59,153
Hey. God damn it, I know that laugh.
674
00:46:04,823 --> 00:46:08,152
Man, it couldn't be.
675
00:46:09,621 --> 00:46:12,315
Hey, man. You in a bag.
676
00:46:12,355 --> 00:46:15,981
Hey, Duke, is it really you?
677
00:46:16,022 --> 00:46:17,181
No shit.
678
00:46:17,222 --> 00:46:19,449
But I thought you were dead.
I thought they got you.
679
00:46:20,555 --> 00:46:23,282
Fritz, you ain't changed a bit.
680
00:46:23,321 --> 00:46:26,253
You still don't know where it's at.
681
00:46:26,288 --> 00:46:28,379
What are you doing down here, anyway?
682
00:46:28,421 --> 00:46:31,853
I'm looking for the true meaning
of my existence, as usual.
683
00:46:31,887 --> 00:46:33,819
I got tired of the pseudointellectuals...
684
00:46:33,854 --> 00:46:36,820
and the super-hype bullshitters
running the world...
685
00:46:36,854 --> 00:46:39,115
determining my destiny.
686
00:46:39,153 --> 00:46:42,085
You dig it?
And crushing my creative juices?
687
00:46:44,853 --> 00:46:46,479
Now lay the straight line on me.
688
00:46:46,520 --> 00:46:48,747
My old lady kicked my ass out.
689
00:46:48,787 --> 00:46:50,308
That's what I figured.
690
00:46:50,353 --> 00:46:51,650
But you know, Duke...
691
00:46:51,686 --> 00:46:55,914
it's going to be better
for all of us, really.
692
00:46:55,952 --> 00:46:57,249
No shit.
693
00:47:01,619 --> 00:47:03,881
Ain't I heard that somewhere before?
694
00:47:03,919 --> 00:47:05,578
That's no bullshit.
695
00:47:05,618 --> 00:47:08,050
There's better days ahead, I kid you not.
696
00:47:08,086 --> 00:47:11,347
We brothers got some great times
rolling our way, man.
697
00:47:12,985 --> 00:47:15,711
- Now you brothers, huh?
- Right on.
698
00:47:15,752 --> 00:47:17,683
Shit. No telling how black we'll be...
699
00:47:17,719 --> 00:47:19,480
by the time this little chat ends.
700
00:47:19,518 --> 00:47:21,416
Take my word for it. I know.
701
00:47:21,452 --> 00:47:24,009
Hey, Duke, you ever hear of New Jersey?
702
00:47:25,051 --> 00:47:27,278
Sure.
703
00:47:27,318 --> 00:47:28,840
You ever heard of Ray Charles?
704
00:47:28,883 --> 00:47:31,145
Yeah. Hey, and I'll tell you...
705
00:47:31,185 --> 00:47:33,377
you crows are finally
going to come into your own.
706
00:47:33,417 --> 00:47:34,713
You wait and see.
707
00:47:34,750 --> 00:47:38,013
Jive sucker come into
the ghetto, talking some stuff.
708
00:47:38,050 --> 00:47:41,039
Ought to cut the jive mother.
709
00:47:52,016 --> 00:47:53,312
Twenty-five.
710
00:47:53,349 --> 00:47:56,679
Ready, aim, fire!
711
00:47:57,682 --> 00:48:00,114
Twenty-six.
712
00:48:16,515 --> 00:48:19,639
Hey, man, your number's up.
713
00:48:19,681 --> 00:48:21,579
Come on, let's get to this.
714
00:48:21,614 --> 00:48:24,409
But... look, please, sir...
715
00:48:24,448 --> 00:48:27,141
you got the wrong guy, see?
716
00:48:27,181 --> 00:48:30,306
Don't push!
717
00:48:30,348 --> 00:48:33,337
At least let me tell you
the way it happened, fella, huh?
718
00:48:36,714 --> 00:48:38,627
Go over to the White House
and pick up a package.
719
00:48:38,647 --> 00:48:40,340
Yes, sir.
720
00:48:44,513 --> 00:48:45,876
Mr. President.
721
00:48:45,913 --> 00:48:47,310
You've got to do something.
722
00:48:47,347 --> 00:48:52,643
Believe me, there's nothing to worry about.
723
00:48:52,679 --> 00:48:54,770
Nothing to worry about?
724
00:48:54,813 --> 00:48:57,438
This... what's his name...
725
00:48:57,479 --> 00:48:58,638
Imaku.
726
00:48:58,678 --> 00:49:00,008
Whatever... is suggesting...
727
00:49:00,045 --> 00:49:02,876
that New Africa make
a federation with Cuba...
728
00:49:02,912 --> 00:49:05,742
China, Africa, and Northern Ireland.
729
00:49:05,778 --> 00:49:07,573
I never did trust a nigger.
730
00:49:07,612 --> 00:49:10,100
But you voted in favor
of giving them New Jersey.
731
00:49:10,144 --> 00:49:12,270
The final solution
to the schwartzen problem...
732
00:49:12,311 --> 00:49:13,504
you said.
733
00:49:13,545 --> 00:49:15,340
And we get rid of the Puerto Ricans...
734
00:49:15,378 --> 00:49:17,037
and you can't get a decent shoeshine...
735
00:49:17,079 --> 00:49:18,442
in the whole of America.
736
00:49:18,478 --> 00:49:22,500
I haven't seen a decent
football game in ten years.
737
00:49:22,544 --> 00:49:24,567
Honduras beat us in the Olympics.
738
00:49:24,610 --> 00:49:26,371
You know what that means?
739
00:49:26,410 --> 00:49:28,433
We have a whole country full of niggers...
740
00:49:28,477 --> 00:49:31,443
angry niggers, right across
the river from New York.
741
00:49:31,477 --> 00:49:33,568
They could fart and destroy Washington.
742
00:49:37,477 --> 00:49:40,102
All we have to do...
743
00:49:40,143 --> 00:49:43,700
is keep President
Supreme Jackson in office.
744
00:49:45,810 --> 00:49:46,969
Come in.
745
00:49:47,009 --> 00:49:49,271
Mr. President,
I'm from the messenger service.
746
00:49:49,309 --> 00:49:50,468
It's about time.
747
00:49:50,509 --> 00:49:52,289
Now, deliver this
to President Supreme Jackson.
748
00:49:52,309 --> 00:49:55,241
In New Jersey? I mean, New Africa?
749
00:49:55,275 --> 00:49:56,605
Well, that's where he is.
750
00:49:56,643 --> 00:50:01,041
But I heard these crows don't
let whites in their country.
751
00:50:01,076 --> 00:50:02,974
How long have you been...
752
00:50:03,009 --> 00:50:04,599
with the Red Arrow delivery service?
753
00:50:04,642 --> 00:50:07,607
Today's my first day.
I used to be on welfare.
754
00:50:12,475 --> 00:50:15,464
Go to the motor pool
and get a car and a pass.
755
00:50:15,508 --> 00:50:16,667
Yes, sir.
756
00:50:16,708 --> 00:50:18,833
Remember, this is important...
757
00:50:18,874 --> 00:50:20,499
to our national security, so don't fail.
758
00:50:20,541 --> 00:50:21,802
I won't fail, sir.
759
00:50:21,841 --> 00:50:23,931
Please. Stop kissing my hand.
760
00:50:23,973 --> 00:50:26,962
- Yes, sir.
- And touching my palms.
761
00:50:29,274 --> 00:50:30,433
Can I help you?
762
00:50:30,474 --> 00:50:32,439
I want to see the man in charge.
763
00:50:32,474 --> 00:50:33,769
I'm in charge here.
764
00:50:33,807 --> 00:50:36,967
I came to get a car
and a pass into New Africa.
765
00:50:37,007 --> 00:50:40,302
OK, I'll get you a car
and a pass to Niggerville.
766
00:50:41,973 --> 00:50:44,632
This is a rotary engine Mazda.
767
00:50:44,672 --> 00:50:46,934
Them niggers will steal anything they can.
768
00:50:46,973 --> 00:50:50,267
No sense in risking a new car
to go over there.
769
00:50:50,306 --> 00:50:52,067
We ain't got anybody
to wash 'em up no more.
770
00:50:52,106 --> 00:50:53,594
Here you go.
771
00:50:54,672 --> 00:50:56,934
Thanks.
772
00:50:56,972 --> 00:50:58,732
Come here.
773
00:50:58,772 --> 00:51:03,294
If you're going to New Africa...
774
00:51:03,339 --> 00:51:07,169
I got a wife and kid over there.
775
00:51:07,205 --> 00:51:08,830
They had to go with their people...
776
00:51:08,871 --> 00:51:10,632
when they gave the blacks New Jersey.
777
00:51:10,672 --> 00:51:13,263
- No shit?
- Could you kind of...
778
00:51:13,304 --> 00:51:14,565
Well, there's a lot of blacks.
779
00:51:14,604 --> 00:51:16,263
You were married to a colored woman?
780
00:51:16,304 --> 00:51:18,600
Shit. That's ten years in the slammer.
781
00:51:18,638 --> 00:51:21,604
Yeah. Look, I don't expect you
to look for 'em...
782
00:51:21,637 --> 00:51:24,263
but if you should happen to see 'em...
783
00:51:24,303 --> 00:51:25,929
will you tell 'em l...
784
00:51:25,970 --> 00:51:27,868
tell 'em I said hi.
785
00:51:37,503 --> 00:51:41,992
I wonder if they're still over there?
786
00:51:44,035 --> 00:51:46,399
OK. Your pass is good. Go on.
787
00:51:46,437 --> 00:51:49,731
Oh, hey, how do I find
President Supreme Jackson?
788
00:51:49,769 --> 00:51:52,734
Wave a dollar bill.
789
00:51:52,769 --> 00:51:54,757
Yeah. Thanks.
790
00:51:54,802 --> 00:51:56,734
Yeah. Black is beautiful.
791
00:51:56,769 --> 00:51:58,461
Like they say, huh?
792
00:52:22,434 --> 00:52:25,264
I hears de gentle voices
793
00:52:29,667 --> 00:52:31,064
Hey, man.
794
00:52:31,100 --> 00:52:33,362
- Roscoe, dere, dere.
- What?
795
00:52:33,400 --> 00:52:35,831
That broad, man. That ugly broad.
796
00:52:35,866 --> 00:52:37,559
Hey, man.
797
00:52:37,599 --> 00:52:39,179
Ain't you going to say
hello to your old lady?
798
00:52:39,199 --> 00:52:41,165
- Watch out, now.
- That bitch is too ugly...
799
00:52:41,199 --> 00:52:44,063
for you to say hello to in public.
800
00:52:44,099 --> 00:52:46,031
Shoot. I'd go with her a lot quicker...
801
00:52:46,067 --> 00:52:48,396
than I'd go with your mama.
802
00:52:48,433 --> 00:52:49,592
Shoot. She's so ugly...
803
00:52:49,632 --> 00:52:52,428
your daddy don't even want to go with her.
804
00:52:52,465 --> 00:52:54,795
Shit! Look who's talking.
805
00:52:54,832 --> 00:52:57,423
Shit, if ugliness was electricity...
806
00:52:57,465 --> 00:52:59,488
your mama would be walking in a powerhouse.
807
00:52:59,532 --> 00:53:02,192
Oh, man, dig that. That's light shit.
808
00:53:02,231 --> 00:53:05,629
Your mama look like
ten miles of bad road, nigger.
809
00:53:05,664 --> 00:53:07,028
Your mama got a face...
810
00:53:07,065 --> 00:53:08,928
that look like it been run over by a bus...
811
00:53:08,964 --> 00:53:12,487
and everybody kept telling
how good she looking till you.
812
00:53:12,531 --> 00:53:15,826
And then... so she's been jumping
in front of buses ever since.
813
00:53:19,831 --> 00:53:23,319
Man, I don't want to hear that.
814
00:53:27,331 --> 00:53:30,319
Oh, hey, look at that.
815
00:53:33,330 --> 00:53:36,558
Boy, some pair of gazongas there.
816
00:53:36,596 --> 00:53:38,619
That isn't bad. A little young.
817
00:53:38,662 --> 00:53:40,720
But, then, what the hell.
818
00:53:40,763 --> 00:53:43,319
These chicks know where it's at
by the time they're 11 anyway.
819
00:54:20,727 --> 00:54:22,556
How do I get to the Black House?
820
00:54:22,593 --> 00:54:24,786
You take the number twenty bus
on the corner.
821
00:54:24,826 --> 00:54:27,850
You do know what a corner is,
don't you, honky?
822
00:54:51,958 --> 00:54:53,685
Somebody help.
823
00:54:53,725 --> 00:54:55,213
Help!
824
00:54:57,025 --> 00:55:00,047
Hey, man. Come on, help me, man, please.
825
00:55:00,091 --> 00:55:03,545
Oh, man. What's the matter?
826
00:55:03,591 --> 00:55:05,113
Well, a gang, man.
827
00:55:05,158 --> 00:55:06,748
They robbed...
828
00:55:06,791 --> 00:55:09,280
- Oh, Jesus.
- Help me, man.
829
00:55:11,557 --> 00:55:13,523
Hey, help! There's a man hurt in the alley.
830
00:55:13,557 --> 00:55:15,182
Help me, somebody!
831
00:55:16,990 --> 00:55:19,889
- Where?
- Back here.
832
00:55:21,223 --> 00:55:23,587
He hurt bad?
833
00:55:23,623 --> 00:55:26,351
Look, man, there's a phone down the block.
834
00:55:26,390 --> 00:55:28,877
Go and call an ambulance.
835
00:55:47,988 --> 00:55:49,182
Hello?
836
00:55:49,221 --> 00:55:50,948
Operator, give me the hospital.
837
00:55:50,989 --> 00:55:52,285
Give you what?
838
00:55:52,322 --> 00:55:55,254
A hospital... sick, doctor,
pain, hurt, you know.
839
00:55:55,288 --> 00:55:57,083
Just a minute, mister.
840
00:55:57,121 --> 00:55:59,144
You looking for a Dr. Sax?
841
00:55:59,187 --> 00:56:00,449
Information number 30-70.
842
00:56:00,487 --> 00:56:04,420
Is that 13-17, or is that 30-70?
843
00:56:04,454 --> 00:56:08,148
- You making fun of me?
- No, I just wanted to get...
844
00:56:08,187 --> 00:56:10,415
Sound like you white. You white?
845
00:56:10,454 --> 00:56:12,613
What's that got to do with anything?
846
00:56:12,654 --> 00:56:16,313
Honky, what you doing talking
on a New African phone?
847
00:56:16,354 --> 00:56:18,319
Trying to get a hospital.
848
00:56:18,354 --> 00:56:21,286
You're going to need one the way
you making fun of people.
849
00:56:21,321 --> 00:56:22,548
Look, all I want to know...
850
00:56:22,586 --> 00:56:26,712
is if the number is 13-17 or 30-70 or what.
851
00:56:26,753 --> 00:56:29,878
You such a smart ass, you figure it out.
852
00:56:32,753 --> 00:56:35,479
My opponent is accusing me
of dodging the issues.
853
00:56:35,520 --> 00:56:37,485
Let me say this about that.
854
00:56:37,520 --> 00:56:41,509
Issues is the only thing I'm not dodging.
855
00:56:42,919 --> 00:56:46,214
Hey, two more of the same.
856
00:56:46,252 --> 00:56:49,445
What am I going to do, man? I mean, I work.
857
00:56:49,485 --> 00:56:53,439
I think I look good. I'm still young.
858
00:56:53,484 --> 00:56:56,473
You know, I might have about five children.
859
00:56:56,518 --> 00:56:58,143
And when I saw Jimi Hendrix...
860
00:56:58,185 --> 00:57:00,878
I'd never saw anybody
play guitar, play like...
861
00:57:00,918 --> 00:57:02,577
He took a guitar one time and took...
862
00:57:02,617 --> 00:57:04,277
he had it round his neck, right?
863
00:57:04,318 --> 00:57:06,216
And there was a girl in the audience...
864
00:57:06,251 --> 00:57:07,564
that he was dedicating the song to...
865
00:57:07,584 --> 00:57:09,264
and he took it, spun it
around his neck, right?
866
00:57:09,284 --> 00:57:10,463
He's got it on his neck, right?
867
00:57:10,483 --> 00:57:12,074
Just going around. Then he takes it...
868
00:57:12,117 --> 00:57:14,207
throws it down between
his legs and jerks it off.
869
00:57:14,250 --> 00:57:17,546
He jerks it off, man.
I couldn't believe it.
870
00:57:17,583 --> 00:57:19,572
And then threw her right back around his...
871
00:57:19,617 --> 00:57:21,163
and then started playing with his teeth.
872
00:57:21,183 --> 00:57:22,410
That's right. That's him.
873
00:57:22,450 --> 00:57:23,764
And then... after he played it
with his teeth...
874
00:57:23,784 --> 00:57:25,063
he dropped it down on the ground...
875
00:57:25,083 --> 00:57:26,412
took some lighter fluid...
876
00:57:27,649 --> 00:57:29,342
You see it on the album cover.
877
00:57:29,383 --> 00:57:33,179
I decided that I just wanted
to be a prostitute.
878
00:57:33,215 --> 00:57:35,148
Oh, honey. Wait a minute, baby.
879
00:57:35,182 --> 00:57:36,647
I just want to do my thing, baby.
880
00:57:36,683 --> 00:57:39,376
They tell me I can get me some furs.
881
00:57:39,416 --> 00:57:41,177
How you doing?
882
00:57:41,215 --> 00:57:42,680
Hey, pal...
883
00:57:42,715 --> 00:57:44,681
Nigger, you stepped on my shine!
884
00:57:44,715 --> 00:57:46,113
What's wrong with you?
885
00:57:46,149 --> 00:57:47,910
You better get the fuck outta my face.
886
00:57:47,948 --> 00:57:52,539
- What you talking about?
- I'll cut you. Shoot you.
887
00:57:52,581 --> 00:57:54,603
Man, nigger, step outside!
888
00:57:54,648 --> 00:57:56,876
Listen, nigger, you better back off!
889
00:57:56,914 --> 00:57:58,470
I'll cut you from here to tomorrow!
890
00:57:58,515 --> 00:58:00,537
Back up? Ooh, that's right!
891
00:58:00,581 --> 00:58:04,138
I'll cut you so goddamn fast
you won't bleed till tomorrow.
892
00:58:04,181 --> 00:58:05,340
Too easy.
893
00:58:05,380 --> 00:58:07,710
Have you got change for a dollar?
894
00:58:08,880 --> 00:58:12,143
Well, now, looky here!
895
00:58:12,180 --> 00:58:14,476
A real live white!
896
00:58:17,347 --> 00:58:18,972
Isn't anybody gonna break up that fight?
897
00:58:19,013 --> 00:58:20,808
Them niggers don't fight, sucker.
898
00:58:20,847 --> 00:58:23,471
Shit! They just roughin'.
899
00:58:23,514 --> 00:58:25,139
What's a whitey doing in this joint?
900
00:58:25,179 --> 00:58:27,441
- Here you go.
- Thanks. You got a phone?
901
00:58:27,480 --> 00:58:28,968
It got ripped off.
902
00:58:29,013 --> 00:58:30,672
There's one down the street.
903
00:58:42,145 --> 00:58:45,669
Help! Somebody! Police!
904
00:58:54,778 --> 00:58:58,369
I got five dollars say
you ain't gonna buy that number.
905
00:58:58,412 --> 00:59:01,138
In fact, I put my gold teeth on it...
906
00:59:01,177 --> 00:59:03,939
you can't make that number
with a pencil and a sheet of...
907
00:59:03,977 --> 00:59:05,568
Who goes there?
908
00:59:05,611 --> 00:59:08,168
- Excuse me.
- Don't bother me. I'm hot.
909
00:59:08,210 --> 00:59:11,108
Can you tell me where to find
President Supreme Jackson?
910
00:59:11,144 --> 00:59:13,235
This jive motherfu...
911
00:59:13,277 --> 00:59:15,469
He's right inside.
912
00:59:15,510 --> 00:59:17,272
Go ahead. You can't make that money.
913
00:59:17,310 --> 00:59:19,106
Come on seven. Bet five.
914
00:59:22,909 --> 00:59:24,068
Now what is it?
915
00:59:24,109 --> 00:59:26,904
Message from the White House.
The honky prez.
916
00:59:26,942 --> 00:59:30,397
- The White House?
- Gimme the message.
917
00:59:30,443 --> 00:59:32,408
What does it say?
918
00:59:32,443 --> 00:59:36,135
It says that we attempt an assassination...
919
00:59:36,175 --> 00:59:39,300
and blame it on lmaku, man.
920
00:59:39,342 --> 00:59:42,069
Attempt to assassinate who?
921
00:59:42,108 --> 00:59:43,630
You, fool!
922
00:59:43,675 --> 00:59:45,039
Don't worry, man.
923
00:59:45,075 --> 00:59:47,700
We'll get an expert shot, man,
and all he'll do is wound you.
924
00:59:47,741 --> 00:59:48,900
Wound me?
925
00:59:48,941 --> 00:59:50,736
We got to make it look real.
926
00:59:50,775 --> 00:59:54,003
Fuck that shit. I ain't
gonna let nobody shoot me.
927
00:59:54,041 --> 00:59:55,303
The answer is no.
928
00:59:55,341 --> 00:59:58,307
Man, I ain't gonna lose this election.
929
00:59:58,341 --> 01:00:00,499
If I got to get shot you are!
930
01:00:20,507 --> 01:00:22,063
Not necessarily.
931
01:00:22,105 --> 01:00:25,765
Fritz? General Jones wants to talk to you!
932
01:00:25,805 --> 01:00:27,738
OK, thanks.
933
01:00:29,539 --> 01:00:30,834
I'm from...
934
01:00:30,873 --> 01:00:33,430
I know where the hell you from...
935
01:00:33,471 --> 01:00:35,700
- Don't anybody move!
- What's this?
936
01:00:35,738 --> 01:00:37,185
We found you was bugging our conference...
937
01:00:37,205 --> 01:00:38,952
spying on the movements,
tapping the telephones...
938
01:00:38,972 --> 01:00:42,267
and telling the papers
I use hair straightener!
939
01:00:42,306 --> 01:00:43,601
How dare you.
940
01:00:43,638 --> 01:00:45,366
- Where's Jackson?
- He's dead.
941
01:00:45,405 --> 01:00:46,564
Don't you bullshit me!
942
01:00:46,605 --> 01:00:50,093
I'm not. Killed by an American spy.
943
01:00:50,138 --> 01:00:53,228
What? I didn't kill anybody.
944
01:00:53,271 --> 01:00:54,567
Why would they kill Jackson?
945
01:00:54,604 --> 01:00:56,968
'Cause Jackson was a real brother.
946
01:00:57,003 --> 01:01:00,663
Ain't gonna let this murder go unavenged!
947
01:01:00,704 --> 01:01:02,794
The council has just declared war...
948
01:01:02,837 --> 01:01:05,962
on the United States, and dig that!
949
01:04:10,093 --> 01:04:14,354
I thought you said we were going
to lose in two or three days.
950
01:04:14,393 --> 01:04:17,018
It's been two weeks.
951
01:04:17,059 --> 01:04:19,422
Where's all that war reparations money...
952
01:04:19,459 --> 01:04:20,686
we was supposed to get?
953
01:04:20,725 --> 01:04:23,021
All them PXs and black market cigarettes?
954
01:04:23,059 --> 01:04:26,116
Now, give me a chance
to get my head together, man.
955
01:04:26,158 --> 01:04:27,953
Now what is it?
956
01:04:27,992 --> 01:04:30,617
The President of the United States.
957
01:04:40,457 --> 01:04:44,049
Mr. Speaker, Mr. Vice President...
958
01:04:44,091 --> 01:04:48,046
Ladies and gentlemen,
as Commander in Chief...
959
01:04:48,091 --> 01:04:50,784
of all the United States military forces...
960
01:04:50,824 --> 01:04:53,346
I surrender.
961
01:04:56,057 --> 01:04:57,489
What? Surrender?
962
01:04:57,523 --> 01:04:59,079
What the hell you mean, surrender?!
963
01:04:59,124 --> 01:05:01,681
You better get back to fighting.
964
01:05:01,722 --> 01:05:03,689
You folks ain't never lost a war.
965
01:05:03,723 --> 01:05:06,883
- Shit, you can win!
- We getting them whiteys back?
966
01:05:08,722 --> 01:05:11,586
Unconditional surrender.
967
01:05:11,623 --> 01:05:14,611
That's your ass, Jones.
968
01:05:17,255 --> 01:05:19,502
For crimes against the Sovereign
Republic of New Africa...
969
01:05:19,522 --> 01:05:20,681
and the assassination...
970
01:05:20,722 --> 01:05:23,017
of our beloved President Supreme Jackson...
971
01:05:23,056 --> 01:05:25,647
you've been ordered executed this day.
972
01:05:25,688 --> 01:05:27,348
You got a last request?
973
01:05:27,389 --> 01:05:30,082
Yes. Please don't shoot me.
974
01:05:31,288 --> 01:05:34,516
Ready... aim... fire!
975
01:05:34,588 --> 01:05:36,282
I bet you voted for Nixon!
976
01:05:36,321 --> 01:05:39,288
Did you by any chance, Mr. Smart Ass...
977
01:05:39,321 --> 01:05:41,446
pop some of my birth control pills?
978
01:05:41,488 --> 01:05:43,182
Oh, shit!
979
01:05:43,221 --> 01:05:45,278
Ralphie just peed on my shoes!
980
01:05:49,487 --> 01:05:53,011
Christ, is it refreshing to get away...
981
01:05:53,054 --> 01:05:55,110
from the pressures of the street.
982
01:05:56,886 --> 01:06:00,944
There's much to be said for
the advantages of isolation.
983
01:06:00,987 --> 01:06:04,748
It allows one total freedom
to pick and choose...
984
01:06:04,787 --> 01:06:09,844
without the forces
of society to wear you down.
985
01:06:12,419 --> 01:06:14,385
Take the example of the influence...
986
01:06:14,419 --> 01:06:16,044
of our present-day culture.
987
01:06:16,086 --> 01:06:21,177
It typifies humanity's lack
of personal concern for others.
988
01:06:31,084 --> 01:06:34,279
Hey, fuck you, you inconsiderate bastards!
989
01:06:34,318 --> 01:06:36,216
You just sit there on your fat asses...
990
01:06:36,250 --> 01:06:39,217
and dump on life indiscriminately.
991
01:06:45,350 --> 01:06:47,646
I suppose I should learn to accept...
992
01:06:47,684 --> 01:06:50,149
the miniscule distractions of life, though.
993
01:06:54,284 --> 01:06:56,374
Oh, shit!
994
01:06:59,283 --> 01:07:02,613
The sacred horn of Vishnu wakes you up.
995
01:07:02,650 --> 01:07:04,344
Do wake up, please, young Caucasian...
996
01:07:04,383 --> 01:07:06,246
'cause I've come to save your very soul.
997
01:07:06,283 --> 01:07:08,272
What? You sure you want me?
998
01:07:09,583 --> 01:07:12,879
It is not possible
that I could be in error.
999
01:07:12,915 --> 01:07:16,745
You see, my good book here,
it guides me as I wander...
1000
01:07:16,782 --> 01:07:19,577
through the vast cosmic universe
of my experience...
1001
01:07:19,615 --> 01:07:23,342
with astral flash
and good vibes as my bedfellows.
1002
01:07:23,383 --> 01:07:25,745
Wait a minute.
I can't get behind that really.
1003
01:07:25,782 --> 01:07:27,577
Aren't those the yellow pages?
1004
01:07:29,649 --> 01:07:31,910
Oh, man. Could you not do that?
1005
01:07:31,948 --> 01:07:35,244
Please to wash my feet.
Wash my feet, Caucasian one.
1006
01:07:35,281 --> 01:07:36,975
Especially the left one.
1007
01:07:37,014 --> 01:07:41,572
Only this morning,
I stepped in sacred cow shit.
1008
01:07:41,614 --> 01:07:44,409
Wow, man. Hold on now.
1009
01:07:44,447 --> 01:07:47,708
I'm not really into washing
cow shit off anybody's feet.
1010
01:07:47,748 --> 01:07:49,906
This is truly a bad omen.
1011
01:07:49,947 --> 01:07:52,504
I, Javral Ben Roderiga...
1012
01:07:52,546 --> 01:07:55,569
son of the most ample
Javral Ben Roderiga Sr...
1013
01:07:55,614 --> 01:07:57,545
have been truly affronted.
1014
01:07:57,580 --> 01:08:00,012
Look, I didn't mean to offend you, man.
1015
01:08:00,046 --> 01:08:03,137
Silence. There is no need to explain.
1016
01:08:04,779 --> 01:08:07,871
Oh, yeah, this is nice. Very nice.
1017
01:08:07,912 --> 01:08:09,878
The brass horn of Vishnu announces...
1018
01:08:09,912 --> 01:08:13,241
that I am the second
of two sent from the East.
1019
01:08:13,279 --> 01:08:15,142
Two also were sent from the West.
1020
01:08:15,178 --> 01:08:16,576
No matter.
1021
01:08:16,612 --> 01:08:19,737
It was to cure those,
those poor unfortunates...
1022
01:08:19,778 --> 01:08:21,267
afflicted with the leprosy.
1023
01:08:21,312 --> 01:08:23,608
Jeez, that's really a shame,
because I've seen...
1024
01:08:23,645 --> 01:08:26,611
a lot of disease down here,
but no leprosy... so far.
1025
01:08:26,645 --> 01:08:28,235
No leprosy? No running sores?
1026
01:08:28,278 --> 01:08:30,268
Nothing like that.
1027
01:08:30,311 --> 01:08:34,539
This is most disturbing news.
But chronic backache?
1028
01:08:34,577 --> 01:08:37,043
None of my friends have that,
either, I don't think.
1029
01:08:37,077 --> 01:08:39,838
Well, then perhaps the dreaded dandruff...
1030
01:08:39,877 --> 01:08:41,900
or the very heartbreak of psoriasis?
1031
01:08:41,944 --> 01:08:44,705
No. I'll tell you the truth.
I think you're a little late.
1032
01:08:44,744 --> 01:08:46,457
See, I think that went down
a long time ago.
1033
01:08:46,477 --> 01:08:48,090
I could tell you a story,
if you'd care to...
1034
01:08:48,110 --> 01:08:49,804
If you could possibly make it short...
1035
01:08:49,843 --> 01:08:52,537
because there is a strong possibility...
1036
01:08:52,576 --> 01:08:54,566
that I should be in Philadelphia.
1037
01:09:06,476 --> 01:09:09,465
Jesus, this stuff is dynamite.
1038
01:09:09,509 --> 01:09:13,532
The eyes of my own soul staring back at me.
1039
01:09:13,576 --> 01:09:17,235
God knows I've lived
the best lives I was capable of.
1040
01:09:17,276 --> 01:09:22,038
My minor infractions of
society's rules were only due...
1041
01:09:22,074 --> 01:09:24,540
Oh, please, Lucifer, don't take me!
1042
01:09:24,575 --> 01:09:25,938
I'm not ready! I'll change!
1043
01:09:25,975 --> 01:09:28,735
I'm already changing. Look at me change.
1044
01:09:28,774 --> 01:09:30,934
Oh, my God, what a way to go.
1045
01:09:34,074 --> 01:09:36,869
Excuse me, certainly. Hello?
1046
01:09:36,907 --> 01:09:38,338
Yoo-hoo down there.
1047
01:09:38,374 --> 01:09:42,034
Excuse me. Did anyone find an earring?
1048
01:09:42,073 --> 01:09:44,869
I dropped my earring in
the trash. You'd recognize it.
1049
01:09:44,906 --> 01:09:46,735
It opens on one side. Kind of a jade color.
1050
01:09:46,774 --> 01:09:50,399
It's got a picture of Errol
Flynn and Alan Hale naked...
1051
01:09:50,440 --> 01:09:52,598
Oh, Jesus Christ! Lucifer's a faggot!
1052
01:09:54,406 --> 01:09:57,100
Jesus Christ, my life is shit!
1053
01:09:57,139 --> 01:10:01,595
I had to get knocked up.
I could've had an abortion.
1054
01:10:01,640 --> 01:10:05,834
No. Mr. Good-Time Charlie over there.
1055
01:10:05,872 --> 01:10:08,463
"No," he says. "Have the baby.
1056
01:10:08,505 --> 01:10:11,562
"We'll get married. I'll take care of you."
1057
01:10:11,605 --> 01:10:13,662
What'll you take care of?
1058
01:10:13,705 --> 01:10:15,898
It's a good thing we got Ralphie.
1059
01:10:15,939 --> 01:10:18,768
Otherwise, we don't even get welfare.
1060
01:10:18,805 --> 01:10:21,862
Will you tell me one thing
you ever did for my Ralphie?
1061
01:10:21,904 --> 01:10:23,699
Do you ever play with him?
1062
01:10:23,739 --> 01:10:26,533
Do you ever take him to the ballgame?
1063
01:10:26,572 --> 01:10:29,128
Do you ever take him fishing?
How about fishing?
1064
01:10:29,171 --> 01:10:32,159
Why don't you take your own son fishing?
1065
01:10:32,204 --> 01:10:34,830
You don't even change his kitty litter!
1066
01:10:34,870 --> 01:10:38,200
Did you know that Dr. Spock...
1067
01:10:38,237 --> 01:10:41,499
has stated very clearly in his book...
1068
01:10:41,536 --> 01:10:44,593
that fathers who are never there...
1069
01:10:44,637 --> 01:10:47,966
usually makes a fag kid?
1070
01:10:48,004 --> 01:10:50,183
Do you know what he does most
of the time around the house?
1071
01:10:50,203 --> 01:10:53,499
If he's not picking his nose,
he's jerking off.
1072
01:10:53,536 --> 01:10:56,501
How's that gonna look
when he starts kindergarten?
1073
01:10:56,536 --> 01:10:58,831
Suck my dick, huh?
1074
01:10:58,869 --> 01:11:00,664
You get outta here!
1075
01:11:00,703 --> 01:11:03,133
Pack your things and get out!
1076
01:11:05,702 --> 01:11:08,032
I said get out, and I mean it!
1077
01:11:08,068 --> 01:11:09,466
While I'm still young enough...
1078
01:11:09,501 --> 01:11:12,332
to find a decent father
for my child, you bum.
1079
01:11:12,369 --> 01:11:13,834
All you do is lay around.
1080
01:11:13,868 --> 01:11:15,561
Listen, I'm sick of cleaning up after you.
1081
01:11:15,602 --> 01:11:18,328
And don't think I don't know
that you fool around.
1082
01:11:18,369 --> 01:11:21,062
I know it. You junkie, you hophead, you.
1083
01:11:21,102 --> 01:11:22,397
Are you kidding?
1084
01:11:22,434 --> 01:11:24,060
No, I'm not. I'm sick of seeing you...
1085
01:11:24,101 --> 01:11:25,795
sitting around here doing nothing.
1086
01:11:25,835 --> 01:11:27,198
Get serious!
1087
01:11:27,234 --> 01:11:30,064
Don't come back here
until you're ready to shape up!
1088
01:11:43,633 --> 01:11:47,089
Too much. I thought she was putting me on.
1089
01:11:47,133 --> 01:11:50,395
Hey, she actually did it.
That blows my mind.
1090
01:11:50,433 --> 01:11:53,887
Hey, I don't have to go
to the welfare office tomorrow.
1091
01:11:53,933 --> 01:11:57,365
Jesus! Wow!
1092
01:12:00,366 --> 01:12:01,764
Know what that is? That's shit!
1093
01:12:04,099 --> 01:12:05,497
You are shit!
1094
01:12:35,863 --> 01:12:37,853
Know what? Know what?
1095
01:12:37,897 --> 01:12:39,624
She's got the clap!
1096
01:12:39,663 --> 01:12:42,152
Some of my best friends...
1097
01:12:42,197 --> 01:12:44,186
When he gets back to Earth.
1098
01:13:30,261 --> 01:13:32,989
This is about the worst life I ever had.
81678
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