Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,040 --> 00:00:05,420
* You can lick the lollipop,mister*
2
00:00:05,460 --> 00:00:06,840
* But you can't lick me*
3
00:00:06,880 --> 00:00:07,840
I'm getting married.
4
00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:08,880
To who?
5
00:00:08,920 --> 00:00:10,420
Ms. Ava St. Clair.
6
00:00:10,460 --> 00:00:11,970
Oh, my gosh. Carrie,
you remember that apartment
7
00:00:12,010 --> 00:00:13,340
in the city we signed up
for years ago?
8
00:00:13,380 --> 00:00:15,300
-Uh-huh.
-It's available now.
9
00:00:15,340 --> 00:00:16,850
I don't wanna move
to the city.
10
00:00:16,890 --> 00:00:17,890
What are you talkin' about?
11
00:00:17,930 --> 00:00:19,140
You said
you were okay with this,
12
00:00:19,180 --> 00:00:20,640
that my dream
was your dream.
13
00:00:20,680 --> 00:00:22,730
What are you doin'? What,
are you--you leavin' me?
14
00:00:22,770 --> 00:00:23,940
No, Doug.
15
00:00:23,980 --> 00:00:26,190
I'm going to our
apartment in the city,
16
00:00:26,230 --> 00:00:27,560
and I hope
you join me.
17
00:00:27,610 --> 00:00:29,360
Hi. Thanks for
painting the bedroom,
18
00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:32,150
and that mural in the
bathroom is amazing.
19
00:00:32,190 --> 00:00:34,030
-You--you like it?
-[SCOFFS]
20
00:00:34,070 --> 00:00:36,990
I love it. You made me
look really busty.
21
00:00:37,030 --> 00:00:38,370
I may be moving out.
22
00:00:38,410 --> 00:00:40,410
Don't be sorry. Roommates are
a dime a dozen. Heh.
23
00:00:40,450 --> 00:00:42,450
And so, let me just
get this straight.
24
00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:45,290
You're gonna get rid
of the apartment,
25
00:00:45,330 --> 00:00:47,210
I'm gonna get a new job,
26
00:00:47,250 --> 00:00:49,040
and we're both
gonna get a baby.
27
00:00:49,090 --> 00:00:51,420
That's the deal
that's on the table.
28
00:00:51,460 --> 00:00:52,630
I'm in.
29
00:00:52,670 --> 00:00:53,880
Me, too.
30
00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:56,090
Dinelli Office Furnishings.
First in lumbar.
31
00:00:56,130 --> 00:00:57,590
Doug Heffernan speaking.
32
00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:59,930
SPENCE [RASPY]: Have youchecked your apartment
33
00:00:59,970 --> 00:01:02,680
in Manhattan?
34
00:01:10,610 --> 00:01:13,990
* My eyesare gettin' weary*
35
00:01:14,030 --> 00:01:16,320
* My back is gettin' tight*
36
00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:18,240
* I'm sittin' herein traffic*
37
00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:21,240
* On the Queensboro Bridgetonight*
38
00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:25,500
* But I don't care,'cause all I wanna do*
39
00:01:26,790 --> 00:01:30,670
* Is cash my check and driveright home to you*
40
00:01:32,420 --> 00:01:34,090
* 'Cause, baby,all my life*
41
00:01:34,130 --> 00:01:38,340
* I will be drivin' hometo you*
42
00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:52,940
Bill! Heh. I don't know
what you want from me, man.
43
00:01:52,980 --> 00:01:54,610
I can't
help you out here.
44
00:01:54,650 --> 00:01:56,360
Look, you know what?
Carrie just walked in.
45
00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:58,360
I will ask her. Jeez.
46
00:01:58,410 --> 00:01:59,820
Carrie,
it's my friend Bill.
47
00:01:59,860 --> 00:02:01,370
He's--he's movin'
into Manhattan.
48
00:02:01,410 --> 00:02:02,870
-Bill who?
-Hmm?
49
00:02:02,910 --> 00:02:04,290
Bill who?
50
00:02:06,450 --> 00:02:08,790
Uh, Bill Krispies.
51
00:02:11,790 --> 00:02:13,630
You got rid of that
apartment, like, 3 weeks ago.
52
00:02:13,670 --> 00:02:16,050
There's definitely somebody
in there by now, right?
53
00:02:16,090 --> 00:02:18,590
Uh, yeah, there's probably
somebody in there.
54
00:02:18,630 --> 00:02:21,890
I told him that.
Yeah, Bill, no go.
55
00:02:23,430 --> 00:02:24,850
Okay, listen,
do not be late
56
00:02:24,890 --> 00:02:26,560
for my father's wedding,
okay?
57
00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:29,100
I need you and Deacon
on the road by noon.
58
00:02:29,140 --> 00:02:30,690
I have to go there now,
'cause I got a lot to do.
59
00:02:30,730 --> 00:02:33,060
Okay? I love you. Bye.
60
00:02:34,730 --> 00:02:37,440
MAN 1 [OVER TV]:
A brand-new exercise bike.
61
00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:38,700
MAN 2 [OVER TV]:
I'll bid, uh, 750.
62
00:02:38,740 --> 00:02:41,070
-[KNOCKS ON DOOR]
-DEACON: Doug.
63
00:02:41,110 --> 00:02:42,370
It's open!
64
00:02:42,410 --> 00:02:44,450
-[DOOR CLICKS]
-DEACON: It's locked.
65
00:02:44,490 --> 00:02:46,330
Sorry.
66
00:02:46,370 --> 00:02:48,330
It's locked!
67
00:02:48,370 --> 00:02:49,580
Just open the damn door,
will you?
68
00:02:49,620 --> 00:02:51,370
Oh, gosh, all right.
69
00:02:51,420 --> 00:02:54,040
I'm comin',
you princess.
70
00:02:54,090 --> 00:02:55,590
[GROANS]
71
00:02:56,590 --> 00:02:57,800
There you go.
72
00:02:57,840 --> 00:02:59,090
I've been honking out there--
73
00:02:59,130 --> 00:03:00,220
Where are your pants?
74
00:03:00,260 --> 00:03:02,890
Oh, wouldn't you
love to know?
75
00:03:02,930 --> 00:03:04,350
Why are you sittin'
around here, drinkin'?
76
00:03:04,390 --> 00:03:05,720
We gotta get
to the wedding, man.
77
00:03:05,760 --> 00:03:08,560
Mm-mmm. I ain't goin'.
Hey, come on, man!
78
00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:10,140
The Rice-a-Roni
is much cheaper
79
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,850
than the Turtle Wax!
80
00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:13,520
What the hell
is goin' on here?
81
00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:15,690
Oh, well, let's see.
I'm divorcin' Carrie,
82
00:03:15,730 --> 00:03:17,900
and Ensign Curtis here
just cost himself
83
00:03:17,940 --> 00:03:20,070
a trip to
the Showcase Showdown!
84
00:03:21,740 --> 00:03:23,910
Get a divorce? I thought
you guys were good now.
85
00:03:23,950 --> 00:03:25,870
Yeah, well, turns out
she secretly kept
86
00:03:25,910 --> 00:03:27,410
her little apartment
in the city.
87
00:03:27,450 --> 00:03:29,000
"Oh, Doug,
I love ya.
88
00:03:29,040 --> 00:03:32,710
Let's adopt
Chinese babies together."
89
00:03:32,750 --> 00:03:34,420
It was all a pack of lies...
90
00:03:34,460 --> 00:03:37,250
or a--a web of lies.
91
00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:39,300
Aw, some groupin' of lies.
92
00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:42,930
So she kept the place,
huh. Did she say why?
93
00:03:42,970 --> 00:03:44,590
She doesn't even
know I know, man,
94
00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:46,390
but it's obvious.
It's her ticket
95
00:03:46,430 --> 00:03:48,810
out of f-fattytown.
96
00:03:49,470 --> 00:03:50,430
But you know what?
97
00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:51,730
I'm beatin' her
to the punch.
98
00:03:51,770 --> 00:03:52,940
You know what?
All I know is
99
00:03:52,980 --> 00:03:54,190
I'm supposed to get you,
a cake,
100
00:03:54,230 --> 00:03:56,360
and a rabbi to
Poughkeepsie by 4:00,
101
00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:57,520
so put your pants on.
102
00:03:57,570 --> 00:03:58,940
No. I ain't goin', buddy.
103
00:03:58,980 --> 00:04:00,150
You're doin' it. Man,
don't make me carry you
104
00:04:00,190 --> 00:04:01,990
out of here
in your drawers, man.
105
00:04:02,030 --> 00:04:04,610
Don't make me carry you
out of here in my drawers.
106
00:04:04,660 --> 00:04:05,820
All right, you know what?
Just come on.
107
00:04:05,870 --> 00:04:07,280
-Let's go.
-No way.
108
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:08,950
It's not happenin', man.
109
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:11,000
Stop it!
110
00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:12,410
All right!
111
00:04:13,290 --> 00:04:14,460
Fine.
112
00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:15,540
Not goin' anywhere.
113
00:04:15,580 --> 00:04:18,000
-You're goin'!
-No, I'm not!
114
00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:22,130
Oh, God. Unh!
I--I think I--
115
00:04:22,170 --> 00:04:23,800
I think I accidentally
touched something.
116
00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:27,430
Accidentally or
been plannin' for years?
117
00:04:27,470 --> 00:04:29,470
Look, just put
your pants on
118
00:04:29,510 --> 00:04:30,810
and get in the car.
119
00:04:30,850 --> 00:04:32,640
Fine! You know what?
I will get in the car!
120
00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:33,890
You mark my words.
121
00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:36,860
You will never see pants
on this body again.
122
00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:42,610
Now, Dad, we have
a lot of family coming today
123
00:04:42,650 --> 00:04:44,150
that you haven't
seen in a while,
124
00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:47,200
so I want you to remember
no slapping anybody.
125
00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:48,530
But Bernice is coming.
126
00:04:48,580 --> 00:04:50,740
Okay, Dad, last time,
she knocked you out, okay?
127
00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:53,710
Leave it alone.
Leave it alone.
128
00:04:53,750 --> 00:04:55,620
I'm gonna go see if Ava
needs anything, okay?
129
00:04:55,670 --> 00:04:57,710
-All right.
-All right.
130
00:05:03,550 --> 00:05:05,380
Oh, are you okay, Mom?
131
00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:08,430
I know this has gotta be rough
seeing Arthur get married.
132
00:05:08,470 --> 00:05:10,390
I'm very happy for him.
133
00:05:10,430 --> 00:05:12,060
Why would you say that?
134
00:05:12,100 --> 00:05:16,270
Well, you've been sobbing
and retching a lot lately.
135
00:05:16,310 --> 00:05:17,900
No more than usual.
136
00:05:18,860 --> 00:05:20,360
-Greetings.
-Oh, Hey, Arthur.
137
00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:22,280
Um, here are those
place cards you wanted.
138
00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:24,900
Uh, the Venetian-style
calligraphy you wanted
139
00:05:24,940 --> 00:05:26,280
was really intricate.
140
00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:27,490
I was up all night.
141
00:05:27,530 --> 00:05:28,990
Thank you.
142
00:05:29,030 --> 00:05:31,830
I hope this isn't
in lieu of a gift.
143
00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:38,880
Congratulations on
your nuptials, Arthur.
144
00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:40,840
Thank you, Veronica.
145
00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:42,710
Ava St. Clair.
146
00:05:42,750 --> 00:05:44,210
Pish-posh.
147
00:05:44,260 --> 00:05:45,970
That she is.
148
00:05:46,010 --> 00:05:48,390
I guess I always knew
you'd wind up
149
00:05:48,430 --> 00:05:50,600
with someone like that.
150
00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:52,010
You deserve it.
151
00:05:52,060 --> 00:05:55,600
You're a good loser,
Veronica,
152
00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:58,350
the best loser
I've ever known.
153
00:05:58,940 --> 00:06:01,060
Thank you, Arthur.
154
00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:04,400
Yo! Yo, Rabbi!
155
00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:05,940
Over here.
156
00:06:08,450 --> 00:06:09,990
I hope you don't mind
sittin' in the back.
157
00:06:10,030 --> 00:06:11,700
I, uh, got the cake
up here.
158
00:06:11,740 --> 00:06:13,660
Ah, no, no.
It's--it's fine.
159
00:06:13,700 --> 00:06:15,160
It's just, um...
160
00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:17,870
Do you know there's
a man with no pants back here?
161
00:06:17,910 --> 00:06:19,710
Oh, yeah. That's--
that's the best man.
162
00:06:19,750 --> 00:06:21,080
He's sleepin' off
a couple six-packs.
163
00:06:21,130 --> 00:06:22,880
Do me a favor
and, uh,
164
00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:25,380
give him
a smack, will ya?
165
00:06:25,420 --> 00:06:27,130
Oh, okay.
166
00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:32,800
Y-you gotta
really drill him.
167
00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:37,390
I'm not comfortable
drilling anyone on shabbos.
168
00:06:37,430 --> 00:06:38,390
All right.
169
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:39,520
I'll take care
of it.
170
00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:40,650
Hang on.
171
00:06:40,690 --> 00:06:42,110
[TIRES SCREECHING]
172
00:06:42,150 --> 00:06:43,940
Aw, Deac, gotta tell ya,
173
00:06:43,980 --> 00:06:46,570
gettin' a little tired
of that move.
174
00:06:50,660 --> 00:06:51,780
-There it is.
-[EXHALES]
175
00:06:51,820 --> 00:06:53,660
-Okay.
-Okay.
176
00:06:53,700 --> 00:06:55,450
Oh, you look beautiful.
177
00:06:55,490 --> 00:06:56,790
Really?
178
00:06:56,830 --> 00:06:58,960
I'm so nervous.
179
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:00,120
Oh, you're gonna be fine.
180
00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:01,790
At my last wedding,
I passed out
181
00:07:01,830 --> 00:07:04,210
right into
a chopped-liver swan.
182
00:07:05,250 --> 00:07:09,420
But Gerald was
so understanding.
183
00:07:09,470 --> 00:07:12,140
Oh, God rest his soul.
184
00:07:13,140 --> 00:07:14,640
That was your last husband?
185
00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:16,100
Yeah. Well...
186
00:07:16,140 --> 00:07:17,810
after the first jerk
I married,
187
00:07:17,850 --> 00:07:21,560
I decided from now on,
only gay men.
188
00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:24,150
ARTHUR: 15-minute warning!
189
00:07:24,190 --> 00:07:25,320
Oh.
190
00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:28,230
Ava, darling,
that dress is delicious.
191
00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:30,280
You're a vision in chiffon.
192
00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,110
I can't wait
to rip it off tonight
193
00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:36,200
and finally
have my way with you.
194
00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:48,960
Could I--could I help at all?
Or are you...
195
00:07:49,010 --> 00:07:50,260
Yeah, you know what?
Just, uh, let me bridge
196
00:07:50,300 --> 00:07:51,840
off your shoulder.
I'm gonna have
197
00:07:51,880 --> 00:07:53,220
to fire my hips off--
there we go.
198
00:07:53,260 --> 00:07:54,510
Aah! I'm gettin' under it.
199
00:07:54,550 --> 00:07:55,850
What's goin' on back
there? You don't have
200
00:07:55,890 --> 00:07:57,140
your pants on yet?
201
00:07:57,180 --> 00:07:59,310
The rabbi and I
are working on it,
202
00:07:59,350 --> 00:08:00,600
thank you.
203
00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:01,850
It's been 2 hours.
204
00:08:01,890 --> 00:08:03,190
There's no room
back here.
205
00:08:03,230 --> 00:08:04,690
Why the hell didn't you
take the minivan?
206
00:08:04,730 --> 00:08:06,020
Aw, Kelly's got it.
She doesn't like
207
00:08:06,060 --> 00:08:07,320
driving this car.
It's too small.
208
00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:08,650
Oh, great.
So she gives it
209
00:08:08,690 --> 00:08:10,280
to her 8-foot-tall
husband.
210
00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:11,740
Yeah, I can't believe you
aren't the one getting divorced.
211
00:08:11,780 --> 00:08:13,030
Hey, hey. Stop
talkin' about divorce,
212
00:08:13,070 --> 00:08:14,860
will you? You guys
are gonna be fine.
213
00:08:14,910 --> 00:08:16,950
You always work
these things out.
214
00:08:16,990 --> 00:08:18,370
She screams.
You cry.
215
00:08:18,410 --> 00:08:20,160
2 pizzas later,
you're back to normal.
216
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,120
But this is different,
Deac, okay?
217
00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:24,710
We had a commitment
about our future, and--
218
00:08:24,750 --> 00:08:27,040
and she just didn't
hold up her end.
219
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:29,050
That's not right, is it?
220
00:08:29,090 --> 00:08:31,090
Well, I certainly understand
why you're upset,
221
00:08:31,130 --> 00:08:34,680
but I also know that God
believes in forgiveness.
222
00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:35,800
Yeah, I'm--
223
00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:38,560
Is that just your god
or any god?
224
00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:42,230
Do you think you and I
have different gods?
225
00:08:42,270 --> 00:08:44,270
No. No, no, no, no, no.
226
00:08:44,310 --> 00:08:48,310
Oh. I mean, yeah.
Only 'cause...
227
00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:50,230
my god is...
228
00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:51,320
Jesus.
229
00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:53,610
But, uh--but from
what I understand,
230
00:08:53,650 --> 00:08:55,070
my god is the son
of your god,
231
00:08:55,110 --> 00:08:57,370
so I'm sure they're
on very good terms.
232
00:08:57,410 --> 00:08:58,870
They probably see
each other all the time--
233
00:08:58,910 --> 00:09:00,790
you know, holidays,
family functions.
234
00:09:00,830 --> 00:09:01,830
[TIRE SCREECHES]
235
00:09:01,870 --> 00:09:03,580
What the hell
was that for?!
236
00:09:03,620 --> 00:09:05,290
To shut you up.
237
00:09:06,790 --> 00:09:08,170
Don't give me
your back talk!
238
00:09:08,210 --> 00:09:09,920
There are plenty
of harpists out there
239
00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:12,130
who will play Dueling Banjos!
240
00:09:12,170 --> 00:09:13,590
You sent for me, darlin'?
241
00:09:13,630 --> 00:09:15,720
Yes. Dad, I, um...
242
00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:17,010
Where's Ava?
243
00:09:17,050 --> 00:09:19,640
Well, that's actually
what I wanna...
244
00:09:20,680 --> 00:09:21,720
Ava left, Dad.
245
00:09:21,770 --> 00:09:22,720
What?
246
00:09:22,770 --> 00:09:24,020
Yeah,
she was very upset.
247
00:09:24,060 --> 00:09:25,230
She's--she's very sorry,
248
00:09:25,270 --> 00:09:26,810
but she can't marry you.
249
00:09:26,850 --> 00:09:27,980
Wh-why?
250
00:09:28,020 --> 00:09:29,940
Well, uh...
251
00:09:29,980 --> 00:09:31,860
turns out Ava...
252
00:09:31,900 --> 00:09:34,820
like, uh, many women
in show business,
253
00:09:34,860 --> 00:09:38,110
wanted a different kind
of husband,
254
00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:41,790
more of a companion.
255
00:09:41,830 --> 00:09:43,450
I was a wonderful companion.
256
00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:45,660
Yeah. Yeah.
257
00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:47,620
Uh...
258
00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:51,460
but she wanted a companion
who was also...
259
00:09:51,500 --> 00:09:53,670
a choreographer...
260
00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:56,300
type.
261
00:09:57,800 --> 00:10:01,300
A hairdresser type.
262
00:10:01,350 --> 00:10:03,640
You don't see where
I'm goin' with this?
263
00:10:03,680 --> 00:10:04,970
She wanted a black man?
264
00:10:05,020 --> 00:10:08,100
Gay, Dad.
She wanted a gay man.
265
00:10:08,140 --> 00:10:09,900
She thought
you were gay.
266
00:10:09,940 --> 00:10:11,310
That's preposterous!
267
00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:13,190
That's not what
she wants at all.
268
00:10:13,230 --> 00:10:15,490
[SIGHS] Dad, look.
269
00:10:15,530 --> 00:10:17,150
This is a picture of
Gerald, her last husband.
270
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:18,780
What do you see
when you look at that?
271
00:10:18,820 --> 00:10:20,820
I see a normal
heterosexual man
272
00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:23,540
leaping into the air
with a parasol.
273
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,210
How did I not
notice that before?
274
00:10:28,870 --> 00:10:29,920
I'm sorry, Daddy.
275
00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:31,670
But I still
don't understand.
276
00:10:31,710 --> 00:10:33,090
What did I ever do
277
00:10:33,130 --> 00:10:36,170
to give her the impression
that I was gay?
278
00:10:36,210 --> 00:10:40,760
[SHOW TUNE PLAYING]
279
00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:42,720
Hey.
280
00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:46,270
[DISCO MUSIC PLAYING]
281
00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:50,310
In retrospect,
that was an unfortunate choice
282
00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:52,650
of Halloween costume.
283
00:10:59,900 --> 00:11:01,320
Dad, look,
I know this is hard,
284
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:02,870
but we have a hundred guests
out there
285
00:11:02,910 --> 00:11:04,330
waiting for
the ceremony to start.
286
00:11:04,370 --> 00:11:05,740
You have to go out there
and tell 'em.
287
00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:09,000
But I had my heart set
on being married today.
288
00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:10,870
Not just my heart.
289
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:13,750
I took enough Cialis
for a hockey team.
290
00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:17,760
The bottom line is, Dad,
Ava's not coming back.
291
00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:19,880
But I could
be gay for her.
292
00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:23,760
I could be the gayest man
the world has ever seen!
293
00:11:24,470 --> 00:11:26,140
I know you could.
294
00:11:27,180 --> 00:11:29,140
But--but it's over, Dad.
295
00:11:32,020 --> 00:11:34,480
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
296
00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:51,080
Arthur,
what's this all about?
297
00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:52,290
Why are we in here?
298
00:11:52,330 --> 00:11:54,710
I need to speak
to you privately.
299
00:11:55,790 --> 00:11:58,510
What are you, a surgeon?
Beat it!
300
00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:04,470
So what is it?
301
00:12:04,510 --> 00:12:07,350
Veronica, something
marvelous has happened.
302
00:12:07,390 --> 00:12:09,220
I suddenly realized
it's not Ava
303
00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:11,480
I wanna marry today.
It's you.
304
00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:14,230
What?
You wanna marry me?
305
00:12:14,270 --> 00:12:16,310
Yes. I'm proposing to you.
306
00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:18,480
I would have done it
years ago, but...
307
00:12:18,530 --> 00:12:21,530
I found your beauty
intimidating.
308
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,280
She dumped you, huh?
309
00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:24,570
Yeah.
310
00:12:24,610 --> 00:12:26,990
Apparently I'm not
man enough for her.
311
00:12:27,030 --> 00:12:30,450
Or I'm too much man.
It's all very confusing.
312
00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:32,660
So now you're
tryin' to jam me in
313
00:12:32,710 --> 00:12:34,500
as your second choice?
314
00:12:34,540 --> 00:12:36,290
Well, let me tell you
something, Arthur.
315
00:12:36,330 --> 00:12:37,670
I may not be
the Queen of England
316
00:12:37,710 --> 00:12:40,130
or even Ava St. Clair,
but I deserve more
317
00:12:40,170 --> 00:12:42,760
than being proposed
to in front of a urinal.
318
00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:44,470
Look, look, look,
I admit I've never
319
00:12:44,510 --> 00:12:45,840
shown you the respect
you deserve.
320
00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:47,970
I was petty and vain and
thought I could do better,
321
00:12:48,010 --> 00:12:51,270
but I realize now
that I can't.
322
00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:54,560
Pride goeth
before a fall.
323
00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:55,690
Please, Veronica.
324
00:12:55,730 --> 00:12:57,190
I don't wanna die
in that basement.
325
00:12:57,230 --> 00:12:59,270
I'd much rather die
in a ground-floor apartment
326
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:02,150
such as yours
with you by my side.
327
00:13:02,190 --> 00:13:05,030
That does sound nice.
328
00:13:05,070 --> 00:13:07,740
I know we could learn
to love each other.
329
00:13:07,780 --> 00:13:10,700
I already love you,
Arthur.
330
00:13:10,740 --> 00:13:13,160
Well, then,
we're halfway there.
331
00:13:19,460 --> 00:13:20,840
Um, good afternoon.
332
00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:24,840
Everybody, ahem,
I'm Rabbi Eli Feldman.
333
00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:27,890
Today in the presence of God,
334
00:13:27,930 --> 00:13:30,430
we will be joining
together Arthur Spooner
335
00:13:30,470 --> 00:13:31,810
and Ava St. Clair,
336
00:13:31,850 --> 00:13:35,060
2 wonderful people
who have found joy, love,
337
00:13:35,100 --> 00:13:37,690
and happi--
excuse me a minute--
338
00:13:37,730 --> 00:13:40,270
happiness in each other's
spirits. Thank you.
339
00:13:42,650 --> 00:13:45,200
"Please turns off
all cell phones and pagers,
340
00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:46,570
"and in your programs,
341
00:13:46,610 --> 00:13:48,570
"wherever the name
Ava St. Clairappears,
342
00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:51,200
replace it
with Veronica Olchin."
343
00:13:57,830 --> 00:13:59,630
[WHISPERING]
Excuse me. Sorry.
344
00:13:59,670 --> 00:14:00,630
Sorry. Excuse me.
345
00:14:00,670 --> 00:14:02,000
-Hey.
-Where were you?
346
00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:05,130
Doug got drunk and
wouldn't put his pants on.
347
00:14:07,130 --> 00:14:07,880
How's it goin' here?
348
00:14:07,930 --> 00:14:09,090
Oh, Arthur
switched brides.
349
00:14:09,140 --> 00:14:10,930
Now he's marrying
Spence's mom.
350
00:14:10,970 --> 00:14:12,640
Oh.
351
00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:15,520
Dad! Well, what the hell
is going on?
352
00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:17,810
Meet your
new mother.
353
00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:20,020
Keep Wednesdays free,
darling.
354
00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:22,980
That's when we visit Nana
in the home.
355
00:14:23,650 --> 00:14:24,780
Where's my aunt Ava?
356
00:14:24,820 --> 00:14:26,110
Mom, what are
you doing?
357
00:14:26,150 --> 00:14:28,200
What does it look
like I'm doing?
358
00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:29,200
Now, you just stay there,
359
00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:30,780
because you have
to give me away.
360
00:14:30,820 --> 00:14:32,330
I'm not giving you away!
This is crazy!
361
00:14:32,370 --> 00:14:33,990
Yes, this is crazy!
362
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:36,830
Stop taking
your brother's side!
363
00:14:39,710 --> 00:14:40,880
Where's my aunt Ava?
364
00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:42,170
CARRIE: Oh, Doug,
there you are.
365
00:14:42,210 --> 00:14:43,880
Do you know what's going on?
Ava left,
366
00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:46,630
and now my dad wants
to marry Veronica.
367
00:14:46,670 --> 00:14:48,720
Hmm. That's nice.
368
00:14:51,970 --> 00:14:53,930
He--he wants us
to start.
369
00:14:53,970 --> 00:14:56,470
Sweetheart, I think
you go down first.
370
00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:58,520
Where's my aunt Ava?
371
00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:02,020
She's your aunt Ava.
Now get movin'!
372
00:15:06,860 --> 00:15:09,950
Dad, are you sure
you wanna do this?
373
00:15:09,990 --> 00:15:11,700
You really wanna
marry Veronica?
374
00:15:11,740 --> 00:15:14,200
Why? You got
someone better?
375
00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:17,200
Oy. All right,
let's just start.
376
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:19,040
Let's just start.
377
00:15:21,250 --> 00:15:23,000
[HARP PLAYING]
378
00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:25,130
Piece of work,
that man, right?
379
00:15:25,170 --> 00:15:27,460
Yeah. Well, at least
he doesn't tell vicious lies
380
00:15:27,510 --> 00:15:29,090
to the people that love him.
381
00:15:29,130 --> 00:15:32,760
What are you talking about?
He does that every day.
382
00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:34,140
What's the matter
with you, anyway?
383
00:15:34,180 --> 00:15:35,470
You know what?
I don't think I feel like
384
00:15:35,510 --> 00:15:37,310
discussing it right now.
385
00:15:51,740 --> 00:15:53,700
Thanks for comin'.
I'm not gay.
386
00:15:53,740 --> 00:15:55,700
Thanks for comin'.
Not gay.
387
00:15:55,740 --> 00:15:58,750
Hello, Zachary.
I'm not gay.
388
00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:03,290
I can't believe
you're doing this!
389
00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:04,880
I love him, Spencer.
390
00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:07,380
He's treating you
like an old dishrag.
391
00:16:07,420 --> 00:16:09,920
No marriage is perfect.
392
00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:17,470
Okay. [CLEARS THROAT]
393
00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:18,770
Is everyone
set to go?
394
00:16:18,810 --> 00:16:20,730
Uh-huh.
395
00:16:20,770 --> 00:16:22,480
Baruch atta adonai--
396
00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:24,940
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's that?
397
00:16:27,610 --> 00:16:29,320
It's a Hebrew prayer.
398
00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:31,400
Why Hebrew?
399
00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:35,280
Well, the--the original
bride was Jewish,
400
00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:37,450
a-and I'm a rabbi.
401
00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:39,580
Are you Jewish?
402
00:16:39,620 --> 00:16:41,330
Albanian orthodox.
403
00:16:41,370 --> 00:16:43,420
What the hell is that?
404
00:16:43,460 --> 00:16:45,000
It's a very nice
religion.
405
00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:47,130
We'll go with your thing.
406
00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:51,380
Baruch attaAdonai Elohanu...
407
00:16:51,420 --> 00:16:52,300
[GLASS BREAKS]
408
00:16:52,340 --> 00:16:54,630
-Mazel tov!-Mazel tov!
409
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:55,760
[APPLAUSE]
410
00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:58,140
[HARP PLAYING]
411
00:17:02,180 --> 00:17:04,350
KELLY: Carrie, your phone
was going off like crazy
412
00:17:04,390 --> 00:17:05,350
during the ceremony.
413
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:07,480
-You got, like, 4 calls.
-Really?
414
00:17:08,650 --> 00:17:11,530
Oh, my God.
It's the adoption agency.
415
00:17:11,570 --> 00:17:13,150
Doug--
416
00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:24,660
There you are.
What are you doing?
417
00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:28,130
Just enjoying the smells
of Poughkeepsie.
418
00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:32,880
Well, I have
some very exciting news.
419
00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:34,090
You're not gonna believe it.
420
00:17:34,130 --> 00:17:35,880
Look at this picture.
What's that?
421
00:17:35,930 --> 00:17:37,300
Our car.
422
00:17:37,340 --> 00:17:38,470
Oh. I backed into a pole.
423
00:17:38,510 --> 00:17:39,800
That's for
the insurance company.
424
00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:41,720
No, no, no, no, no, no.
425
00:17:42,810 --> 00:17:44,430
Who's that?
426
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:45,940
I don't know.
Somebody's baby.
427
00:17:45,980 --> 00:17:48,520
Yeah. Our baby.
428
00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:50,650
Our baby.
429
00:17:51,980 --> 00:17:52,980
Oh, my God.
430
00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:55,030
Yeah. Her name
is Ming Mei.
431
00:17:55,070 --> 00:17:57,570
She's 4 days old.
Isn't she beautiful?
432
00:17:57,610 --> 00:17:59,370
All right, I have to call
the adoption agency
433
00:17:59,410 --> 00:18:01,080
and tell them that we're
on the next flight
434
00:18:01,120 --> 00:18:03,080
out to Beijing.
I've--I can't believe
435
00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:04,540
I'm making this call.
I mean, I've ordered
436
00:18:04,580 --> 00:18:08,420
Chinese before, but never
a baby. Ah ha ha! Ahh!
437
00:18:08,460 --> 00:18:11,090
Carrie, we're not
doing this.
438
00:18:11,130 --> 00:18:13,420
What? What are
you talking about?
439
00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:14,670
I know about
the apartment,
440
00:18:14,710 --> 00:18:17,260
and I know you never
got rid of it.
441
00:18:17,300 --> 00:18:18,930
Oh, yeah, that. Heh.
442
00:18:18,970 --> 00:18:20,550
Weird, huh?
443
00:18:23,850 --> 00:18:25,310
Uh...
444
00:18:25,350 --> 00:18:28,400
Look, Doug, you have
every right to be upset, okay?
445
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:30,270
I--I should've gotten
446
00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:32,190
rid of it a couple
weeks ago, but I--
447
00:18:32,230 --> 00:18:33,730
But what? I mean...
448
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:35,570
But I was just nervous about us
getting back together.
449
00:18:35,610 --> 00:18:38,610
So was I, you know,
but we made a deal.
450
00:18:38,660 --> 00:18:41,120
I mean, I quit my job for
you, and I loved that job.
451
00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:42,950
You hated that job.
You said so a thousand times.
452
00:18:42,990 --> 00:18:45,080
No, I said
I hated having a job.
453
00:18:45,120 --> 00:18:47,460
There's a difference.
454
00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:48,830
The point is I took
a leap of faith,
455
00:18:48,870 --> 00:18:51,380
for the sake of our
future, and you didn't!
456
00:18:51,420 --> 00:18:53,460
All right. Well, I'm taking
my leap of faith now.
457
00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:55,590
It doesn't count now,
Carrie. I mean,
458
00:18:55,630 --> 00:18:57,880
now you're just leaping
for the baby.
459
00:18:57,920 --> 00:18:59,380
Admit it. You've never
taken a leap of faith
460
00:18:59,430 --> 00:19:01,430
for me--
in your whole life.
461
00:19:01,470 --> 00:19:03,470
I married you.
What do you call that?
462
00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:05,850
Uh, hitting the jackpot.
463
00:19:08,180 --> 00:19:09,440
Getting married,
464
00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:12,110
that's not taking
a leap of faith.
465
00:19:12,150 --> 00:19:13,650
When you get married,
466
00:19:13,690 --> 00:19:16,690
you think it's gonna
be great forever.
467
00:19:16,740 --> 00:19:19,570
You know, but then
10 years down the line,
468
00:19:19,610 --> 00:19:21,070
you finally start
to realize,
469
00:19:21,110 --> 00:19:24,280
"Wow, he's fat,
and he's stayin' fat."
470
00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:27,660
"Man, she isn't gettin'
any nicer, is she?"
471
00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:30,370
Smoke clears, and it's
just the two of us
472
00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:33,420
standing there
fat, mean, and naked--
473
00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:36,670
that's when it
takes a leap of faith
474
00:19:36,710 --> 00:19:38,670
to keep going,
475
00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:40,510
and you didn't,
476
00:19:40,550 --> 00:19:43,430
and I can never
forget that.
477
00:19:43,470 --> 00:19:45,060
Okay, Doug,
so what are you saying?
478
00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:47,140
Are you saying we're over?
479
00:19:47,180 --> 00:19:48,930
I guess I am.
480
00:20:14,750 --> 00:20:18,340
[**]
33581
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
