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[**]
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KEVIN JAMES: PreviouslyonThe King of Queens...
3
00:00:12,920 --> 00:00:15,510
Stuyvesant Towers?
4
00:00:15,550 --> 00:00:16,640
Oh, my gosh, Carrie.
5
00:00:16,680 --> 00:00:17,800
Do you remember
that apartment in the city
6
00:00:17,850 --> 00:00:18,850
we signed up for years ago?
7
00:00:18,890 --> 00:00:20,020
Uh-huh.
8
00:00:20,060 --> 00:00:21,520
[LAUGHS]
It's available now.
9
00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:23,180
So, what happened
to that whole, uh,
10
00:00:23,230 --> 00:00:24,440
apartment thing?
11
00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:26,560
Oh! It's dead.
12
00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:27,520
Thanks to Arthur,
13
00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:28,900
we're staying right here
in Queens.
14
00:00:28,940 --> 00:00:31,150
-We can do it!
-Huh?
15
00:00:31,190 --> 00:00:33,240
We can move
to the city!
16
00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:34,570
What about Arthur?
17
00:00:34,610 --> 00:00:36,410
He's getting married!
18
00:00:37,070 --> 00:00:40,080
-I've got...
-Keys?
19
00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:42,200
To our apartment
in the city!
20
00:00:42,250 --> 00:00:43,540
I was thinking...
21
00:00:43,580 --> 00:00:45,370
that we could
sleep there tonight.
22
00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:46,880
You know, bring
the air mattress,
23
00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:48,420
some wine, bag of ice.
24
00:00:48,460 --> 00:00:50,460
I could play,
uh, Eskimo girl.
25
00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:52,960
-I--I don't want to do it!
-What?
26
00:00:53,010 --> 00:00:54,130
I don't want to move
to the city, all right?
27
00:00:54,170 --> 00:00:55,300
We can do
Eskimo girl here.
28
00:00:55,340 --> 00:00:56,720
I'll be Eskimo girl.
I don't even care.
29
00:00:56,760 --> 00:00:58,050
I just don't
want to move!
30
00:00:58,090 --> 00:00:59,100
Doug, what are you--
31
00:00:59,140 --> 00:01:00,310
you said you were
okay with this,
32
00:01:00,350 --> 00:01:01,930
that my dream
was your dream!
33
00:01:01,970 --> 00:01:03,480
Yeah, I said that
because...
34
00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:04,850
only because I didn't
think we could move,
35
00:01:04,890 --> 00:01:07,480
because of your father.
36
00:01:07,520 --> 00:01:08,980
Oh, God!
37
00:01:09,020 --> 00:01:10,570
You know what?
38
00:01:10,610 --> 00:01:11,940
Go, I'm glad
you're leaving.
39
00:01:11,980 --> 00:01:13,030
Good, I'm going.
40
00:01:13,070 --> 00:01:14,400
Fine, go to
your fancy Manhattan!
41
00:01:14,440 --> 00:01:16,490
You know what, and I'll
be here, keeping it real.
42
00:01:16,530 --> 00:01:20,370
She'll be back in
5-4-3-2...
43
00:01:20,410 --> 00:01:22,580
-[CAR STARTS]
-[TIRES SCREECHING]
44
00:01:29,130 --> 00:01:31,630
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS]
45
00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:38,840
[TURNS STEREO OFF]
46
00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:40,300
DOUG: Hey!
47
00:01:42,140 --> 00:01:43,600
Oh.
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00:01:44,970 --> 00:01:46,770
Hello.
49
00:01:46,810 --> 00:01:48,770
What the hell
is that?!
50
00:01:48,810 --> 00:01:49,850
Warden moved out,
51
00:01:49,900 --> 00:01:51,560
finally got my scooter.
52
00:01:51,610 --> 00:01:53,820
Good for you, Doug.
On your own a week
53
00:01:53,860 --> 00:01:56,490
and you've already given up
cleaning and walking.
54
00:01:57,950 --> 00:01:59,280
So you finally decided
to come home?
55
00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:01,700
No. I just came
to get some stuff.
56
00:02:01,740 --> 00:02:04,240
And by the way,
my home is in Manhattan now.
57
00:02:04,290 --> 00:02:05,620
And you're welcome
to join me.
58
00:02:05,660 --> 00:02:07,040
Well, you know
what you might want to do?
59
00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:08,120
You might want
to open a window
60
00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:09,330
and check
the temperature,
61
00:02:09,370 --> 00:02:10,960
because it's going
to be a cold day in hell
62
00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:12,130
before that happens.
63
00:02:12,170 --> 00:02:14,590
Trust me, I'm all
for opening up a window.
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00:02:14,630 --> 00:02:15,880
Ooooooh.
65
00:02:15,920 --> 00:02:17,510
I get it!
66
00:02:18,590 --> 00:02:22,680
You're gone. I'm all
by myself and I "smell."
67
00:02:23,930 --> 00:02:25,310
Okay, where are you going?
68
00:02:25,350 --> 00:02:26,310
To get the china.
69
00:02:26,350 --> 00:02:28,180
Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
70
00:02:28,230 --> 00:02:30,940
My house, my china.
71
00:02:32,110 --> 00:02:33,190
What do you
need the china for?
72
00:02:33,230 --> 00:02:34,520
You having a dinner party?
73
00:02:34,570 --> 00:02:35,900
I'll have
a dinner party.
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00:02:35,940 --> 00:02:38,360
I'll have a dinner
party right now!
75
00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:39,700
You didn't even
know we had china
76
00:02:39,740 --> 00:02:40,780
until I said something.
77
00:02:40,820 --> 00:02:41,820
I know we have china.
78
00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:42,910
Okay. I love our china!
79
00:02:42,950 --> 00:02:44,030
Oh, you love our china?
80
00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:45,120
Well, what's the pattern?
81
00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:47,910
Um...gay!
82
00:02:47,950 --> 00:02:49,500
Yeah.
83
00:02:49,540 --> 00:02:51,000
Just stop!
You're being an idiot.
84
00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:52,500
No!
85
00:02:58,010 --> 00:02:59,510
You know what?
10 years of that,
86
00:02:59,550 --> 00:03:02,640
it's nothing
but scar tissue now.
87
00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:04,140
Okay, fine. If that's the way
you want to play it.
88
00:03:04,180 --> 00:03:05,260
I'll just get
some new china.
89
00:03:05,310 --> 00:03:06,810
Oh, yeah?
Well, good luck!
90
00:03:06,850 --> 00:03:09,350
Because I already
maxed out the credit cards
91
00:03:09,390 --> 00:03:11,940
retrofitting the SUV
for this baby!
92
00:03:11,980 --> 00:03:13,520
Yeah!
93
00:03:18,110 --> 00:03:20,320
Yeah, that's funny.
94
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:23,780
-What the hell?
-Holy...
95
00:03:23,820 --> 00:03:24,780
You've been robbed!
96
00:03:24,820 --> 00:03:26,030
Whoa, whoa.
Wait, wait.
97
00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:27,200
What if--what if
they're still in the house?
98
00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:28,540
I mean...I can't die
tonight.
99
00:03:28,580 --> 00:03:31,000
I'm wearing
very girlish underwear.
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00:03:32,870 --> 00:03:34,540
CARRIE [ON ANSWERING MACHINE]:
Hi, baby. Just to let you know,
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00:03:34,580 --> 00:03:36,380
I stopped byand grabbed a few things.
102
00:03:36,420 --> 00:03:38,920
But don't worry,I left the china.
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00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:40,130
Enjoy your dinner party.
104
00:03:40,170 --> 00:03:41,510
[MACHINE BEEPS]
105
00:03:42,260 --> 00:03:43,510
DOUG:
This is all your fault!
106
00:03:43,550 --> 00:03:45,050
You know, for making
us bowl 2 extra frames!
107
00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:46,100
We could've stopped her!
108
00:03:46,140 --> 00:03:47,680
It's the only sport
I'm good at!
109
00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:49,310
You had them
put up the bumpers!
110
00:03:49,350 --> 00:03:52,310
I hardly used them.
111
00:03:52,350 --> 00:03:53,980
You know what?
Why don't we just go to Cooper's
112
00:03:54,020 --> 00:03:55,400
and watch
the hockey game there?
113
00:03:55,440 --> 00:03:57,400
We do that
and she wins!
114
00:03:57,440 --> 00:03:59,610
Well, she is good.
115
00:03:59,650 --> 00:04:01,490
Hey!
116
00:04:01,530 --> 00:04:02,950
Fine! You know what?
117
00:04:02,990 --> 00:04:04,030
I don't need you guys!
118
00:04:04,070 --> 00:04:05,070
I don't need her!
119
00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:06,370
I don't need anybody!
120
00:04:06,410 --> 00:04:08,080
I was going to
make you panini, too!
121
00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:10,950
You know what?
More panini for me!
122
00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:16,920
MAN [ON RADIO]: Abenesencofftakes the puck in the corner.
123
00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:18,800
Centers itto Ponikarovsky.
124
00:04:18,840 --> 00:04:21,340
Ponikarovsky passesit back to Abenesencoff.
125
00:04:21,380 --> 00:04:22,880
[WHISTLE BLOWS]And a whistle...
126
00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:24,720
High-sticking.
127
00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:28,010
[PHONE RINGS]
128
00:04:31,810 --> 00:04:32,730
Hello.
129
00:04:32,770 --> 00:04:34,020
JANET [OVER PHONE]: Dougie!
130
00:04:34,060 --> 00:04:35,440
Oh! Hey, Mom.
What's up?
131
00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:36,860
JANET [OVER PHONE]:
Thank God you answered!
132
00:04:36,900 --> 00:04:39,190
I've been tryingto reach you for days.
133
00:04:39,230 --> 00:04:40,440
I wanted to tell
you and Carrie
134
00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:41,780
that we're flying in.
135
00:04:41,820 --> 00:04:45,450
I had a companion ticket
that was about to expire.
136
00:04:45,490 --> 00:04:47,280
JANET [OVER PHONE]:
Anyway, we just landed.
137
00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:48,660
What?!
138
00:04:48,700 --> 00:04:50,990
We should be there in
2 shakes of a lamb's tail.
139
00:04:53,330 --> 00:04:56,830
[**]
140
00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:07,050
Mom! Dad! Hey!
141
00:05:07,090 --> 00:05:09,390
Come have some
cheese and crackers.
142
00:05:09,430 --> 00:05:11,970
Where the hell's
all your furniture?
143
00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:13,270
Oh, uh...
144
00:05:13,310 --> 00:05:16,020
W-we're having
it refurbished.
145
00:05:16,060 --> 00:05:17,230
All of it?
146
00:05:17,270 --> 00:05:18,480
Yeah, you know.
147
00:05:18,520 --> 00:05:19,650
It's taking a long time,
though, because...
148
00:05:19,690 --> 00:05:20,940
I've got to be honest,
I don't even know
149
00:05:20,980 --> 00:05:23,110
how they furbish it
in the first place.
150
00:05:23,150 --> 00:05:24,400
Where's Carrie?
151
00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:26,650
Oh, Carrie.
Um...
152
00:05:26,700 --> 00:05:27,490
bridge.
153
00:05:27,530 --> 00:05:28,990
She plays bridge?
154
00:05:29,030 --> 00:05:32,040
No, she's
on the bridge.
155
00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:33,700
Queensboro,
she's cleaning it.
156
00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:35,120
It's a community
service thing.
157
00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:36,870
It's court ordered.
158
00:05:38,210 --> 00:05:40,590
What's going
on here, Doug?
159
00:05:42,550 --> 00:05:44,420
Here's the thing,
uh...
160
00:05:44,460 --> 00:05:45,970
Carrie, uh...
161
00:05:46,010 --> 00:05:47,970
she's just got a little
apartment in the city,
162
00:05:48,010 --> 00:05:49,140
and, uh...
163
00:05:49,180 --> 00:05:51,010
I'm kind of staying here
by myself right now.
164
00:05:51,050 --> 00:05:53,010
It's all good!
165
00:05:53,060 --> 00:05:55,430
You're separated?
Oh, my God.
166
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:56,850
No, no, no.
We're not separated.
167
00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:59,020
We're just kind of shaking
things up a little bit.
168
00:05:59,060 --> 00:06:00,060
You know...separately!
169
00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:01,360
[LAUGHING]
170
00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:03,070
I need water.
171
00:06:11,370 --> 00:06:12,830
Hey, you were right.
172
00:06:12,870 --> 00:06:15,330
This seafoam green
really pops!
173
00:06:15,370 --> 00:06:16,910
SPENCE: I told you!
174
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:18,080
Listen, I want
to thank you
175
00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:19,460
for keeping Doug
at the bowling alley.
176
00:06:19,500 --> 00:06:22,250
I never could have gotten
the furniture without you.
177
00:06:22,290 --> 00:06:24,840
Hey, it was not easy.
178
00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:27,010
I had to tell him that
I needed the bumpers.
179
00:06:27,050 --> 00:06:29,880
[LAUGHS]
I don't!
180
00:06:29,930 --> 00:06:31,260
Listen, uh,
181
00:06:31,300 --> 00:06:33,260
I know you and Doug
are friends and--
182
00:06:33,300 --> 00:06:34,510
Yeah.
183
00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:38,560
You guys are all about
"bros before hos," but...
184
00:06:39,770 --> 00:06:42,310
this ho really
appreciates it.
185
00:06:43,150 --> 00:06:44,320
Thanks.
186
00:06:49,990 --> 00:06:52,320
The cotton is soft.
187
00:06:58,870 --> 00:07:00,460
Okay, well...
188
00:07:00,500 --> 00:07:01,670
3 cans of Comet later,
189
00:07:01,710 --> 00:07:03,210
the kitchen
is presentable.
190
00:07:03,250 --> 00:07:04,670
I'm going to go
upstairs and see
191
00:07:04,710 --> 00:07:06,300
if the oven cleaner
took care of that
192
00:07:06,340 --> 00:07:08,340
toilet situation.
193
00:07:09,670 --> 00:07:10,680
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
194
00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:12,550
It's open!
195
00:07:12,590 --> 00:07:13,640
Hey!
196
00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:15,470
Look who's here!
197
00:07:15,510 --> 00:07:16,810
-Hi.
-Hi!
198
00:07:16,850 --> 00:07:19,350
Dougie! You remember
your second cousin Virginia?
199
00:07:20,270 --> 00:07:21,440
Oh, yeah.
200
00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:23,560
We played Mouse Trap
at Uncle Freddy's funeral.
201
00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:25,020
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Sure.
202
00:07:25,070 --> 00:07:27,480
Anyway, I'll
put on some coffee,
203
00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:29,900
while you kids catch up.
204
00:07:37,660 --> 00:07:40,160
Well, the toilet's
bubbling.
205
00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:43,170
I think that's
a good sign.
206
00:07:43,210 --> 00:07:45,000
Aren't you Howard
and Judy's daughter?
207
00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:46,840
I put Bailey's
in the coffee!
208
00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:50,510
Get this party started,
as the kids say.
209
00:07:50,550 --> 00:07:53,970
Joe, could I talk
to you in the kitchen?
210
00:07:55,970 --> 00:07:57,430
What the "H" "E"
double hockey sticks
211
00:07:57,470 --> 00:07:58,520
are you doing?
212
00:07:58,560 --> 00:07:59,680
Oh, open your eyes!
213
00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:01,140
Their marriage is over.
214
00:08:01,180 --> 00:08:02,350
We don't find him somebody,
215
00:08:02,390 --> 00:08:04,730
he's going to move
back in with us.
216
00:08:04,770 --> 00:08:06,310
So you set him up
with his cousin?!
217
00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:08,820
What do you want?
A 3-headed grandchild?
218
00:08:08,860 --> 00:08:10,690
They can adopt!
219
00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:11,860
Like that Madonna--
220
00:08:11,900 --> 00:08:13,660
Will you stop it!
221
00:08:13,700 --> 00:08:14,860
Look, Carrie and I
are going to deal
222
00:08:14,910 --> 00:08:17,240
with our own problems
by ourselves, okay?
223
00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:18,910
You're darn tootin',
you will.
224
00:08:18,950 --> 00:08:20,120
You know what
you're going to do?
225
00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:22,000
You and Carrie
are going to go talk
226
00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:23,000
to Father Biscup.
227
00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:24,290
He'll straighten
you out.
228
00:08:24,330 --> 00:08:25,380
Mom, I-I'm--
229
00:08:25,420 --> 00:08:27,380
Don't you Mom me!
230
00:08:27,420 --> 00:08:29,250
You are going, mister.
231
00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:32,880
CARRIE: Hey! Thanks for
painting the bedroom.
232
00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:34,630
And that mural
in the bathroom
233
00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:35,970
is amazing.
234
00:08:36,010 --> 00:08:37,350
Oh, you--you like it?
235
00:08:37,390 --> 00:08:39,890
I love it! You made me
look really busty.
236
00:08:39,930 --> 00:08:41,560
Well, um...
237
00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:43,520
I'm going to go out
and pick up some more paint
238
00:08:43,560 --> 00:08:47,360
and...maybe something
for the top of your curio shelf.
239
00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:48,480
What curio shelf?
240
00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:50,690
The one I bought you
at The Great Indoors.
241
00:08:50,730 --> 00:08:52,280
Aww, you're the best.
242
00:08:56,610 --> 00:08:58,070
[ELEVATOR BELL RINGS]
243
00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:03,580
[DOOR BUZZER RINGS]
244
00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:08,420
CARRIE: You're not taking
the furniture back!
245
00:09:08,460 --> 00:09:09,460
Don't want it.
246
00:09:09,500 --> 00:09:10,840
Just open the door.
247
00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:13,300
I just want
to talk to you.
248
00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:17,720
Wipe your wheels.
249
00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:19,300
They're clean.
250
00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:23,100
So, this is it, huh?
251
00:09:23,140 --> 00:09:26,560
Yep. This is the place
you promised you'd live.
252
00:09:31,190 --> 00:09:33,860
DOUG: Why is there a picture
of Joan Collins on your wall?
253
00:09:33,900 --> 00:09:35,320
Okay.
254
00:09:36,490 --> 00:09:38,240
If you're not here
to tell me you're moving in,
255
00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:40,120
I got things I gotta do.
256
00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:42,330
Okay, here's the deal.
257
00:09:45,330 --> 00:09:47,620
My mom found out
about us bein'...
258
00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:48,830
whatever we are.
259
00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:49,960
All right, and she says
she's not going to go
260
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:50,960
back down to Florida
261
00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:52,920
unless we go see
Father Biscup.
262
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,340
And this is my problem
because...
263
00:09:55,380 --> 00:09:57,760
Because she's right
downstairs in the car.
264
00:09:57,800 --> 00:09:59,590
What?!
265
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:00,550
Crap!
266
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,760
And as soon as I
press this button,
267
00:10:02,810 --> 00:10:04,560
her giant, old lady
cell phone
268
00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:06,850
is going to ring,
269
00:10:06,890 --> 00:10:08,140
and as soon
as she figures out
270
00:10:08,190 --> 00:10:10,150
how to answer it,
271
00:10:10,190 --> 00:10:12,690
she's gonna be up here,
Carrie.
272
00:10:12,730 --> 00:10:14,730
So, you
gotta ask yourself.
273
00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:16,190
What's it gonna be?
274
00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:18,910
All right!
We'll see Father Biscup.
275
00:10:18,950 --> 00:10:20,950
Good.
276
00:10:20,990 --> 00:10:22,280
But just to be clear,
277
00:10:22,330 --> 00:10:23,950
it's only to get your
mother off our backs, right?
278
00:10:23,990 --> 00:10:25,160
We're just going
through the motions.
279
00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:26,830
-Deal.
-Deal.
280
00:10:26,870 --> 00:10:28,420
Oh...
281
00:10:28,460 --> 00:10:29,750
and I'm taking back
the panini grill.
282
00:10:29,790 --> 00:10:30,830
No, you are not
taking back the--
283
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:33,380
-Eeeeeee.
-Fine! Fine!
284
00:10:54,570 --> 00:10:56,610
Where the hell
were you?
285
00:10:56,650 --> 00:10:58,650
I waited outside
the podiatrist office
286
00:10:58,700 --> 00:10:59,490
for 2 hours.
287
00:10:59,530 --> 00:11:01,910
Sorry, I got
caught up.
288
00:11:01,950 --> 00:11:03,530
What the hell is that?
289
00:11:03,580 --> 00:11:05,660
It's a little, uh,
somethin' somethin'
290
00:11:05,700 --> 00:11:08,910
-for a pretty special lady.
-Who?
291
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:12,580
I can't say,
it's complicated.
292
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:15,380
God, you're annoying.
293
00:11:15,420 --> 00:11:16,710
What is your problem?
294
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:18,420
I've had a rough
afternoon, all right?
295
00:11:18,470 --> 00:11:21,300
You know, I sat with you,
when you had your corn shaved.
296
00:11:21,340 --> 00:11:23,970
Look, things are moving
pretty fast
297
00:11:24,010 --> 00:11:25,760
between me and Ms. X.
298
00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:27,930
And we may be
taking our relationship
299
00:11:27,970 --> 00:11:29,770
to the next level.
300
00:11:29,810 --> 00:11:30,980
What do you mean?
301
00:11:31,020 --> 00:11:32,440
I may be moving out.
302
00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:35,570
I'm sorry I couldn't
give you anymore notice.
303
00:11:35,610 --> 00:11:38,360
Don't be sorry.
Roommates are a dime a dozen.
304
00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:39,570
But know this,
305
00:11:39,610 --> 00:11:41,490
you walk out that door,
you're dead to me.
306
00:11:41,530 --> 00:11:42,950
I'm like an assassin.
307
00:11:42,990 --> 00:11:44,780
I never look back.
308
00:11:44,820 --> 00:11:47,330
Well, it was, uh,
good being your roommate.
309
00:11:47,370 --> 00:11:49,080
And uh, you know
I-I gotta...
310
00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:50,160
a lot of stuff to do.
311
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:52,040
So I'll, uh...
see you later.
312
00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:54,750
Yeah, whatever.
Take it easy.
313
00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:06,350
Doug, Carrie, welcome.
314
00:12:07,180 --> 00:12:08,810
Now, I understand,
from Doug's mother
315
00:12:08,850 --> 00:12:10,520
that you two have
hit a little rough patch
316
00:12:10,560 --> 00:12:12,520
in your relationship.
317
00:12:12,560 --> 00:12:13,940
Well, in my experience,
318
00:12:13,980 --> 00:12:17,570
no matter how difficult
things may seem at the moment,
319
00:12:17,610 --> 00:12:19,190
there's usually an answer.
320
00:12:19,230 --> 00:12:22,070
Sometimes, where
you least expect it.
321
00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:24,490
Well, you've been
very helpful.
322
00:12:24,530 --> 00:12:25,870
-Yeah.
-Thank you so much.
323
00:12:25,910 --> 00:12:27,080
Wait, wait, wait.
324
00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:29,660
Doug, Carrie,
I'm not quite done.
325
00:12:31,660 --> 00:12:34,210
Now, Carrie,
I understand your father
326
00:12:34,250 --> 00:12:37,130
has moved out
to get married.
327
00:12:37,170 --> 00:12:38,340
Yeah.
328
00:12:38,380 --> 00:12:40,210
Well, sometimes
the departure
329
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:42,550
of a family member
from the household
330
00:12:42,590 --> 00:12:45,510
creates a void
in your life.
331
00:12:45,550 --> 00:12:46,850
That's a lot
to chew on.
332
00:12:46,890 --> 00:12:48,180
Yeah.
333
00:12:48,220 --> 00:12:51,180
Void where prohibited.
Okay, thank you very much.
334
00:12:51,220 --> 00:12:53,730
You know,
I moved back a baptism
335
00:12:53,770 --> 00:12:55,850
to make time
for you two today.
336
00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:58,650
I thought you were here
for spiritual guidance.
337
00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:00,440
[SIGHS]
338
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:03,320
Well, the truth is,
father, um...
339
00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:05,410
we were going for more
340
00:13:05,450 --> 00:13:07,990
of the appearance
of spiritual guidance.
341
00:13:08,030 --> 00:13:08,910
Pardon me?
342
00:13:08,950 --> 00:13:11,120
Uh, the thing is,
father, uh...
343
00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:13,870
we're going to take care
of our problem by ourselves,
344
00:13:13,910 --> 00:13:16,040
but uh, we came to you
because, uh...
345
00:13:16,080 --> 00:13:18,420
well, we'd like you
to get my mom off our backs.
346
00:13:18,460 --> 00:13:20,000
[LAUGHS]
Oh, how wonderful.
347
00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:23,470
And what can I do
to help you deceive your mother?
348
00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:26,510
Oh! I mean, she's
in the car right now.
349
00:13:26,550 --> 00:13:30,350
So, uh, maybe you
could, uh, brrrmm...
350
00:13:30,390 --> 00:13:31,680
I don't know,
I'm just spitballin' here,
351
00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:33,730
uh, walk us out
with your arms around us?
352
00:13:33,770 --> 00:13:35,390
-Or something like that.
-Yes! Yes!
353
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:36,560
With a look on your face
354
00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:38,060
like "I did
the best I can do."
355
00:13:38,100 --> 00:13:39,940
-You know what I mean?
-Yeah, that would be great.
356
00:13:39,980 --> 00:13:42,610
I don't want to do
your job for you.
Yeah.
357
00:13:42,650 --> 00:13:45,280
All right.
If we're going to do this,
358
00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:46,400
let's get it over with.
359
00:13:46,450 --> 00:13:47,610
-All right!
-Thank you, Father!
360
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,410
-You're a lifesaver.
-Absolutely.
361
00:13:49,450 --> 00:13:50,870
Hey, and don't be surprised
if there's a little
362
00:13:50,910 --> 00:13:53,200
something extra in your, uh,
collection plate on Sunday.
363
00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:56,000
[LAUGHS]
You know what I'm saying?
364
00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:59,170
[CLEARS THROAT]
I'll see you on Sunday.
365
00:14:00,420 --> 00:14:01,500
Sorry to keep
you waiting.
366
00:14:01,540 --> 00:14:02,590
Just be another minute.
367
00:14:02,630 --> 00:14:03,760
Oh, that's okay, Father.
368
00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:05,800
-Oh! Hi, Suzy!
-Hey, Carrie!
369
00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:07,590
-I work with her.
-How are you?
370
00:14:07,630 --> 00:14:10,470
Good! Look at you, you lost
the baby weight already.
371
00:14:10,510 --> 00:14:11,760
I know,
and here it is!
372
00:14:11,810 --> 00:14:13,720
Aw, let me see.
What's his name?
373
00:14:13,770 --> 00:14:16,270
-He's cute.
-CARRIE: Aww!
374
00:14:16,310 --> 00:14:18,310
You know,
I just remembered,
375
00:14:18,350 --> 00:14:19,770
uh, Russ, Suzanna?
376
00:14:19,810 --> 00:14:22,610
I need you inside to sign
a few more baptism papers.
377
00:14:22,650 --> 00:14:24,650
Right now? I was
about to feed the baby.
378
00:14:24,690 --> 00:14:27,400
Oh, I'm sure Carrie
would be happy to do it.
379
00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:28,780
You don't mind,
do you?
380
00:14:28,820 --> 00:14:30,450
We'll be right
in here if you need us.
381
00:14:30,490 --> 00:14:32,280
Sure, go ahead!
382
00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:33,540
-All right.
-Thank you.
383
00:14:33,580 --> 00:14:35,950
[GIGGLING]
Yeah, no problem.
384
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,620
Uh, Father B,
385
00:14:37,660 --> 00:14:39,420
he's a...he's
a good egg, isn't he?
386
00:14:39,460 --> 00:14:42,130
Yeah, he just likes to hear
himself talk though, right?
387
00:14:42,170 --> 00:14:43,250
I know.
388
00:14:43,290 --> 00:14:44,380
What was with that
whole void thing?
389
00:14:44,420 --> 00:14:47,130
I know.
Like what void?
390
00:14:51,890 --> 00:14:52,930
What? You d--
391
00:14:52,970 --> 00:14:55,020
You don't think
the baby's our void,
392
00:14:55,060 --> 00:14:56,770
do you, Doug?
393
00:14:56,810 --> 00:14:58,640
I mean, we've
been down this road.
394
00:14:58,690 --> 00:15:01,350
I--I...We tried
to get pregnant.
395
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:03,190
-We can't.
-Yeah, but, you know,
396
00:15:03,230 --> 00:15:05,320
we could adopt.
397
00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:06,900
My father said that
when he tried
398
00:15:06,940 --> 00:15:09,240
to set me up with
my second cousin.
399
00:15:10,610 --> 00:15:12,240
Look, I never
stopped wanting
400
00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:13,660
to have a baby, okay?
401
00:15:13,700 --> 00:15:14,950
What about you?
402
00:15:14,990 --> 00:15:16,910
Are you kidding me?
I'll take this one!
403
00:15:16,950 --> 00:15:20,000
He's already wrapped and fed,
let's get out of here.
404
00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:23,170
What are
we talking about?
405
00:15:23,210 --> 00:15:24,340
We can't adopt.
406
00:15:24,380 --> 00:15:26,760
We're not even living
in the same place.
407
00:15:28,340 --> 00:15:29,840
But we could be.
408
00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:31,800
Oh, and I guess
you're thinking
409
00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:33,720
that I'm the one
who should give in, right?
410
00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:35,060
I'm just saying,
look, you know,
411
00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:36,470
I mean a baby...
412
00:15:36,510 --> 00:15:38,350
should have a yard,
413
00:15:38,390 --> 00:15:39,810
where there's fresh air,
and you know.
414
00:15:39,850 --> 00:15:42,850
Uh, it can't get fresh air
on a fire escape?
415
00:15:46,980 --> 00:15:48,110
Fine...
416
00:15:48,860 --> 00:15:51,610
I'll give up
the apartment.
417
00:15:53,070 --> 00:15:55,780
But you know,
if we adopt a baby,
418
00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:57,370
I'm going to have to quit
my job for awhile.
419
00:15:57,410 --> 00:15:58,660
You know what
that means, right?
420
00:15:58,700 --> 00:16:02,580
Um, yeah, you're
gonna be around a lot.
421
00:16:03,750 --> 00:16:05,710
No, it means you're going
to have to get a job
422
00:16:05,750 --> 00:16:07,210
-that pays a lot more.
-Oh, come on Carrie.
423
00:16:07,250 --> 00:16:08,880
We're not going to go into
this stupid sales thing again.
424
00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:10,550
Doug, your uncle said
you could make double
425
00:16:10,590 --> 00:16:12,010
what you're making now.
426
00:16:12,050 --> 00:16:15,010
[SCOFFS] It's just that
I've been at IPS...
427
00:16:15,050 --> 00:16:16,850
longer than anybody
without a promotion.
428
00:16:16,890 --> 00:16:19,020
I mean, I'm right
where I want to be.
429
00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:21,690
Look, I know it's scary.
430
00:16:21,730 --> 00:16:24,560
But we're both taking
a leap of faith, here.
431
00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:27,860
So let me just
get this straight.
432
00:16:27,900 --> 00:16:30,490
You're going to
get rid of the apartment,
433
00:16:30,530 --> 00:16:33,410
I'm going to get a new job,
434
00:16:33,450 --> 00:16:36,120
and we're both
going to get a baby.
435
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:38,950
That's the deal
that's on the table.
436
00:16:40,580 --> 00:16:42,000
I'm in.
437
00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:44,790
Me too.
438
00:16:49,130 --> 00:16:50,590
Okay, um...
439
00:16:50,630 --> 00:16:53,380
I'm not pointing fingers,
440
00:16:53,430 --> 00:16:55,640
but someone peed on my hand.
441
00:17:01,470 --> 00:17:02,560
Hey, babe.
442
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:03,640
Hey.
443
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:04,690
Where's the scooter?
444
00:17:04,730 --> 00:17:06,310
Totaled it.
445
00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:12,530
By the way,
our mailman's suing us.
446
00:17:12,570 --> 00:17:15,110
So, all
the paperwork in?
447
00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:16,780
Yep, once they
give us the green light,
448
00:17:16,820 --> 00:17:18,120
we hop on a plane to China,
449
00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:22,200
and 14 hours later,
we're parents.
450
00:17:22,250 --> 00:17:25,120
Hey, I won't even have
to gain the 60 pounds.
[CHUCKLES]
451
00:17:25,170 --> 00:17:27,960
Yeah, I can't
make that promise.
452
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:32,300
So, how you, uh, doing
giving up this place, huh?
453
00:17:32,340 --> 00:17:33,340
I'm fine.
454
00:17:33,380 --> 00:17:35,180
You know, we're both
making sacrifices.
455
00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:38,600
Oh, hey. You want me to drop
these off with the super?
456
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:40,180
Ah, no.
I'll do it tonight.
457
00:17:40,220 --> 00:17:41,640
Okay.
458
00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:44,770
Hey, since this is
your last night in Manhattan,
459
00:17:44,810 --> 00:17:46,480
you want to, uh...
460
00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:48,810
enjoy a New York Minute?
461
00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:54,030
Uh, sure.
462
00:17:54,070 --> 00:17:56,700
Should we roll out
the bubble wrap?
463
00:17:56,740 --> 00:17:58,160
I don't think so.
Once I get going,
464
00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:00,700
it's going to sound
like a gun fight.
465
00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:26,940
Hey, Mike.
466
00:18:26,980 --> 00:18:29,310
Good job
on the Raymond-Jack account.
467
00:18:29,350 --> 00:18:31,060
Thanks.
468
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:32,360
Yeah.
469
00:18:34,690 --> 00:18:35,780
Hey, Doug!
470
00:18:35,820 --> 00:18:37,110
So how's your
first week going?
471
00:18:37,150 --> 00:18:38,110
Great so far.
472
00:18:38,150 --> 00:18:39,200
I mean, everyone's
been really nice,
473
00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:41,410
and Gary invited me
to lunch at Chili's.
474
00:18:41,450 --> 00:18:43,080
Oh, yeah?
Stay away from Gary.
475
00:18:43,120 --> 00:18:44,200
He'll pretend
to be your friend,
476
00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:45,910
and then bad-mouth
you to everyone.
477
00:18:45,950 --> 00:18:48,160
Actually, I was
pretty psyched about
478
00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:50,460
going to Chili's.
479
00:18:50,500 --> 00:18:51,840
Hey, it's your funeral.
480
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:53,920
Personally,
I'd fire the douche.
481
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:55,130
But he's my top salesman.
482
00:18:55,170 --> 00:18:57,130
So, uh, anyway,
how you doin', Doug?
483
00:18:57,170 --> 00:18:58,800
You sell any
office furniture today?
484
00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:00,840
Well, yeah, I-I
might have a few leads.
485
00:19:00,890 --> 00:19:04,100
A C.P.A. in Paramus
might want to buy a chair.
486
00:19:04,140 --> 00:19:05,560
Okay, I don't want
to hear about
487
00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:07,140
"a guy" and "a chair,"
488
00:19:07,180 --> 00:19:10,270
I want to hear about
a floor, a division, a company!
489
00:19:10,310 --> 00:19:12,230
This is a commission
business, Doug.
490
00:19:12,270 --> 00:19:15,110
You wanna make money?
Huh? Gary money?
491
00:19:15,150 --> 00:19:18,030
You get out there,
and you sell chairs!
492
00:19:18,780 --> 00:19:20,160
Capeesh?
493
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:21,910
Yes. Yes, sir.
494
00:19:21,950 --> 00:19:25,330
[BOTH CLICKING TONGUES]
495
00:19:25,370 --> 00:19:28,080
[PHONE RINGS]
496
00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:30,790
[RING]
497
00:19:30,830 --> 00:19:32,080
Denelli Office Furnishings,
498
00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:34,290
first in lumbar support,
Doug Heffernan.
499
00:19:34,340 --> 00:19:35,750
[MALE SCARY VOICE]
Have you checked
500
00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:39,420
your apartment in Manhattan?
501
00:19:39,470 --> 00:19:40,680
Who--who is this?
502
00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:43,850
Just check your apartment.
503
00:19:43,890 --> 00:19:45,180
Okay, we got rid
of our apart--
504
00:19:45,220 --> 00:19:47,060
Who--who--who
the hell is this?
505
00:19:47,100 --> 00:19:48,560
[PHONE HANGS UP; DIAL TONE]
506
00:19:54,900 --> 00:19:58,320
Dear God,
what have I done?
507
00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:00,820
[DOORBELL DINGS]
508
00:20:24,050 --> 00:20:26,300
Piece of work,
that man, right?
509
00:20:26,350 --> 00:20:28,260
Yeah. Well, at least
he doesn't tell vicious lies
510
00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:30,140
to the people
that love him.
511
00:20:30,180 --> 00:20:31,480
What are you
talking about?
512
00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:33,560
He does that
every day.
513
00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:35,110
What's the matter
with you, anyway?
514
00:20:35,150 --> 00:20:36,270
You know what?
I don't think I feel
515
00:20:36,310 --> 00:20:38,270
like discussing it right now.
516
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:47,580
[**]
35519
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