All language subtitles for The King of Queens (2007) - S09E10 - Manhattan Project_track3_[eng]
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1
00:00:02,960 --> 00:00:04,330
*
My eyes
are gettin' weary*
2
00:00:04,370 --> 00:00:07,130
*
My back is gettin' tight*
3
00:00:07,170 --> 00:00:09,170
*
I'm sittin' here
in traffic*
4
00:00:09,210 --> 00:00:11,880
*
On the Queensboro Bridge
tonight*
5
00:00:11,920 --> 00:00:17,470
*
But I don't care,
'cause all I want to do*
6
00:00:17,510 --> 00:00:21,390
*
Is cash my check and drive
right home to you*
7
00:00:23,180 --> 00:00:25,150
*
'Cause, baby,
all my life*
8
00:00:25,190 --> 00:00:29,320
*
I will be drivin' home
to you*
9
00:00:32,940 --> 00:00:34,700
Morning, Douglas.
10
00:00:34,740 --> 00:00:38,200
What you got going on there,
greased lightning?
11
00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:40,330
It happens to be
called style.
12
00:00:40,370 --> 00:00:44,120
As the entertainment director
at the senior center,
13
00:00:44,160 --> 00:00:46,750
it's important that
I maintain a certain image.
14
00:00:48,340 --> 00:00:50,210
Well, if you're trying
for the
Stuart Littlelook,
15
00:00:50,250 --> 00:00:52,550
you nailed it.
16
00:00:52,590 --> 00:00:54,220
I'm not going to let
your little gibes
17
00:00:54,260 --> 00:00:56,380
get to me, Douglas,
because I just booked
18
00:00:56,430 --> 00:00:59,930
one of the greatest
singers of all time--
19
00:00:59,970 --> 00:01:01,930
Ava St. Clair.
20
00:01:01,970 --> 00:01:03,220
Who?
21
00:01:03,270 --> 00:01:04,560
Ava St. Clair,
22
00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:06,480
the youngest of
the St. Clair sisters!
23
00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:11,070
Oh, the youngest,
yeah, never heard of her.
24
00:01:11,110 --> 00:01:12,610
Of course you have.
25
00:01:12,650 --> 00:01:14,070
Remember her big hit?
26
00:01:14,110 --> 00:01:15,400
My candy store's closed
27
00:01:15,450 --> 00:01:16,820
that's how it's gonna be
28
00:01:16,860 --> 00:01:18,820
*
You can lick
that lollipop, mister*
29
00:01:18,870 --> 00:01:21,120
*
But you can't lick me*
30
00:01:22,830 --> 00:01:24,750
Still nothing.
31
00:01:24,790 --> 00:01:26,080
Hermione Gingold
32
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:28,250
did a hilarious
parody version!
33
00:01:28,290 --> 00:01:30,040
Okay, stop saying names
I never heard,
34
00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:31,630
and you're not using
those breath strips
35
00:01:31,670 --> 00:01:33,130
I gave you, are you?
36
00:01:33,170 --> 00:01:35,590
Deacon, what's the first
thing you think of
37
00:01:35,630 --> 00:01:39,090
when I say,
"Lick my lollipop"?
38
00:01:39,140 --> 00:01:40,800
Um...
39
00:01:42,970 --> 00:01:44,390
No.
40
00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:48,060
Hey, I grabbed
your mail for you.
41
00:01:48,100 --> 00:01:50,900
Oh, thanks.
42
00:01:53,730 --> 00:01:55,280
What the heck is this?
43
00:01:55,320 --> 00:01:56,820
"We are pleased to inform you
that your apartment
44
00:01:56,860 --> 00:01:59,610
in Stuyvesant Towers
has become available.
45
00:01:59,660 --> 00:02:02,530
You have 30 days
from the above date to respond."
46
00:02:02,580 --> 00:02:04,540
You guys moving
to Manhattan?
47
00:02:04,580 --> 00:02:06,790
No.
48
00:02:06,830 --> 00:02:08,790
Oh, my God.
49
00:02:08,830 --> 00:02:12,210
This is from when, like,
we first got married.
50
00:02:13,210 --> 00:02:14,420
MAN: Yeah,
it's a one-bedroom,
51
00:02:14,460 --> 00:02:15,630
laundry's in
the basement,
52
00:02:15,670 --> 00:02:17,970
and you get
full doorman service.
53
00:02:18,010 --> 00:02:19,300
[PHONE RINGS]
54
00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:20,550
Let me just take this.
55
00:02:20,590 --> 00:02:22,180
Feel free
to look around.
56
00:02:22,220 --> 00:02:24,180
This is Burt.
57
00:02:24,220 --> 00:02:25,640
How great is this?
58
00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:27,890
And I think it's some kind
of rent control-y thing,
59
00:02:27,930 --> 00:02:29,390
so we can actually
afford it.
60
00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:31,310
Yeah, it's just
kinda small, isn't it?
61
00:02:31,350 --> 00:02:32,980
Yes, of course it is.
It's Manhattan.
62
00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:34,480
But you know what?
63
00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:36,530
We're right across
the street from the park.
64
00:02:36,570 --> 00:02:38,110
And you said you wanted
to start training
65
00:02:38,150 --> 00:02:39,530
for your marathon, right?
66
00:02:39,570 --> 00:02:42,490
Yeah, it's 3 weeks away,
I don't want to peak too early.
67
00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:43,830
You know what else
they do in the park?
68
00:02:43,870 --> 00:02:46,200
They have this whole
Shakespeare festival.
69
00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:47,830
I mean, we could watch it
from our window!
70
00:02:47,870 --> 00:02:50,120
Carrie, you know me,
I'm all over Shakespeare,
71
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:51,620
but wouldn't it be
more practical
72
00:02:51,670 --> 00:02:53,590
to get a place
out in Queens?
73
00:02:53,630 --> 00:02:55,710
This way we have a house,
we got our yard.
74
00:02:55,750 --> 00:02:57,260
You know, we'll be
near our friends.
75
00:02:57,300 --> 00:02:58,670
We can get a dog with,
like, half a tail.
76
00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:00,220
I always feel bad
for those guys.
77
00:03:00,260 --> 00:03:02,930
Come on, let's go
check out the bedroom.
78
00:03:02,970 --> 00:03:05,350
[SIGHS]
79
00:03:05,390 --> 00:03:07,680
Man, she's really got a thing
for living in the city.
80
00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:09,810
Well, I should tell you
this unit's rented,
81
00:03:09,850 --> 00:03:12,770
and the waiting list for this
building is pretty long.
82
00:03:12,810 --> 00:03:14,230
How long?
83
00:03:14,270 --> 00:03:17,110
Believe it or not,
could be 5, 10 years.
84
00:03:17,150 --> 00:03:18,690
Who knows?
85
00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:20,610
Really?
86
00:03:24,700 --> 00:03:26,580
So, you really
want this, huh?
87
00:03:26,620 --> 00:03:30,830
Yeah, it's always
been my dream.
88
00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:35,210
Well then, I say
we do it.
89
00:03:35,250 --> 00:03:37,210
Really? You would
do this for me?
90
00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:39,960
Carrie,
you're my wife now.
91
00:03:40,010 --> 00:03:42,590
So, that means
your dream...
92
00:03:42,630 --> 00:03:44,590
is my dream.
93
00:03:45,930 --> 00:03:50,680
God, my dad was
sowrong about you.
94
00:03:51,770 --> 00:03:54,690
So, basically, you lied
to the person you love most.
95
00:03:54,730 --> 00:03:58,020
And got rewarded.
We went to K.F.C. that night.
96
00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:03,110
God, that's Carrie.
97
00:04:03,150 --> 00:04:05,030
I'd better not let her see this.
98
00:04:05,070 --> 00:04:06,570
Why not?
99
00:04:06,620 --> 00:04:08,240
Because she never really got
over the whole Manhattan thing
100
00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:09,410
and I don't want to get her
all revved up again.
101
00:04:09,450 --> 00:04:10,700
Well, how can you
do it anyways?
102
00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:12,160
It's a one bedroom
and you got Arthur.
103
00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:14,420
Oh, my God,
you're right.
104
00:04:14,460 --> 00:04:17,290
I forgot about
the crazy old man!
105
00:04:18,290 --> 00:04:19,420
You know what?
106
00:04:19,460 --> 00:04:20,510
I bet you
I could use this,
107
00:04:20,550 --> 00:04:22,420
get a little
extra
credit,
108
00:04:22,470 --> 00:04:26,090
and maybe a return trip
to K.F.C.
109
00:04:26,140 --> 00:04:27,970
-CARRIE: Oh, you got the mail.
-Yeah.
110
00:04:28,010 --> 00:04:30,680
Yeah, it's just nothing
but bills, bills, bills,
111
00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:33,770
you know what I'm saying?
[LAUGHING]
112
00:04:33,810 --> 00:04:36,810
Oh, what is this?
113
00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:40,610
Stuyvesant Towers?
Oh, my gosh, Carrie,
114
00:04:40,650 --> 00:04:42,030
you remember that
apartment in the city
115
00:04:42,070 --> 00:04:43,320
we signed up for years ago?
116
00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:44,610
Uh-huh.
117
00:04:44,650 --> 00:04:46,740
Well, it's available.
Man...
118
00:04:46,780 --> 00:04:49,660
-What?
-Yeah.
119
00:04:49,700 --> 00:04:52,910
Oh, my God, I totally
forgot about this.
120
00:04:52,950 --> 00:04:54,540
Yeah, me too.
121
00:04:55,790 --> 00:04:58,790
You don't want
to move to the city, right?
122
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:03,340
I don't know, man,
it is your dream, right?
123
00:05:04,670 --> 00:05:05,840
Yeah.
124
00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:10,010
Well, like 10 years ago
I said, you know,
125
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:11,930
whatever your dream is,
126
00:05:11,970 --> 00:05:14,060
is my dream, too.
127
00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:17,600
You would do this?
128
00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:21,480
Look, do I love living
in Queens? Yeah.
129
00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:25,650
Do I love you more?
You betcha.
130
00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:29,700
So, I'm going to call right now
and reserve it, okay?
131
00:05:29,740 --> 00:05:32,160
I can't think
of any reason why not.
132
00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:33,790
[LAUGHS]
133
00:05:33,830 --> 00:05:36,000
I mean, can you?
134
00:05:36,830 --> 00:05:38,830
No!
135
00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:40,540
Okay, let's do it!
136
00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:44,840
I'll wait for you
in the car.
137
00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:46,170
Ah, let me see that.
138
00:05:46,220 --> 00:05:48,510
I-I just want to make sure
we're not forgetting,
139
00:05:48,550 --> 00:05:51,100
you know, something or...
140
00:05:51,140 --> 00:05:53,930
somebody.
141
00:05:54,930 --> 00:05:57,270
Oh, my--my dad.
We can't do it.
142
00:05:57,310 --> 00:06:00,690
-It's a one-bedroom.
-God, gut-punch.
143
00:06:00,730 --> 00:06:05,940
Well, that was exciting
for about 2 seconds.
144
00:06:05,990 --> 00:06:08,530
All right, well,
I'll just call them later
145
00:06:08,570 --> 00:06:10,120
and tell them
to take us off the list.
146
00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:12,280
I'm so sorry, babe.
147
00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:13,450
That's okay, you tried.
148
00:06:13,490 --> 00:06:16,750
I did try.
You know what?
149
00:06:16,790 --> 00:06:19,210
Tonight, I say we get us
some comfort food.
150
00:06:19,250 --> 00:06:22,590
Yes!
Pick us up some sushi.
151
00:06:28,970 --> 00:06:30,050
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
152
00:06:30,090 --> 00:06:32,050
I'm sorry to disturb you,
Miss St. Clair,
153
00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:33,510
I just wanted to let you know
we're running
154
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:35,600
a few minutes behind.
Nothing major,
155
00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:38,520
our sound man's
suffering chest pains.
156
00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:40,980
Well, it doesn't matter.
I'm not going on.
157
00:06:41,020 --> 00:06:42,400
What?
158
00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:44,520
-But we have a full house.
-Send them home.
159
00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:47,610
Nobody wants to see
some horrible, aging diva.
160
00:06:47,650 --> 00:06:50,490
You're not horrible,
you're Ava St. Clair!
161
00:06:50,530 --> 00:06:51,610
No, I'm not.
162
00:06:51,660 --> 00:06:54,740
I am Esther Levine
from Brooklyn.
163
00:06:55,870 --> 00:06:57,500
I don't know.
Who am I fooling?
164
00:06:57,540 --> 00:06:59,040
I should've retired
years ago,
165
00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:01,750
when I could still
sing worth a damn.
166
00:07:01,790 --> 00:07:04,540
[CRYING]
Why didn't I marry Vic Damone
167
00:07:04,590 --> 00:07:06,590
when I had the chance!
168
00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:08,880
Ms. St. Clair,
169
00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:10,470
can I tell you
a little story?
170
00:07:10,510 --> 00:07:12,470
I don't care.
171
00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:15,760
The year was 1962,
172
00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:19,520
and my pencil eraser business
had just gone belly-up.
173
00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:21,560
Pens had become
all the rage.
174
00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:23,230
I was flat broke,
175
00:07:23,270 --> 00:07:24,440
my fiancée left me,
176
00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:26,730
I didn't want
to live anymore.
177
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:29,690
Well, you're still here,
so what happened?
178
00:07:29,740 --> 00:07:31,320
I was in Horn and Hadots,
179
00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:33,700
having a cup of hot water
and lemon.
180
00:07:33,740 --> 00:07:37,580
Suddenly a song
came on the radio.
181
00:07:37,620 --> 00:07:41,620
*
You can lick
that lollipop, mister*
182
00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:45,920
*
But you can't
lick me*
183
00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:50,880
It gave me
the will to go on.
184
00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:53,510
What, my song
saved your life?
185
00:07:53,550 --> 00:07:55,800
Yes, and I also realized
186
00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:58,140
I couldn't off myself
if I wanted to,
187
00:07:58,180 --> 00:07:59,520
I'm very much a coward.
188
00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:01,020
[LAUGHING]
189
00:08:01,060 --> 00:08:02,310
Mr. Spooner,
190
00:08:02,350 --> 00:08:05,020
the concession stand
is almost out of pudding.
191
00:08:05,060 --> 00:08:07,440
We're about 5 minutes
from this place
192
00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:09,230
turning into Attica.
193
00:08:10,530 --> 00:08:12,320
Well, cue the band!
194
00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:16,200
Ava St. Clair is
in the house!
195
00:08:24,210 --> 00:08:25,670
-Whoo!
-Whoo!
196
00:08:25,710 --> 00:08:28,170
Oh, yeah!
You can't stop me,
197
00:08:28,210 --> 00:08:30,510
you can only hope
to contain me!
198
00:08:30,550 --> 00:08:33,170
-19-zip.
-Y-you know what?
199
00:08:33,220 --> 00:08:36,890
You--you and Deacon versus us
isn't fair, man.
200
00:08:36,930 --> 00:08:38,680
You didn't hear us crying
when you kicked our ass
201
00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:40,180
at Pictionary.
202
00:08:41,560 --> 00:08:44,480
All right, well, at least
give us an asthma break.
203
00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:47,360
All right,
you got 40 seconds.
204
00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:48,820
[AIR DISPENSES]
205
00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:53,070
[AIR DISPENSES]
206
00:08:53,110 --> 00:08:55,700
So what happened with
that whole apartment thing?
207
00:08:55,740 --> 00:08:57,570
Oh. It's dead.
208
00:08:57,620 --> 00:09:00,040
Thanks to Arthur, I'm staying
right here in Queens.
209
00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:02,410
What? Carrie wants
to move?
210
00:09:02,450 --> 00:09:03,750
Yeah.
211
00:09:03,790 --> 00:09:05,830
I got the same problem
with pudgy.
212
00:09:05,870 --> 00:09:09,290
Okay, would
someone tell Lord Dipwad
213
00:09:09,340 --> 00:09:10,550
that buying a house
214
00:09:10,590 --> 00:09:12,920
is a sound financial investment.
Y-you pay rent,
215
00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:14,510
you're just throwing
money down a rat hole.
216
00:09:14,550 --> 00:09:17,590
Yeah, w-well, so is spending
$1,000 on massage school.
217
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,640
Oh, well,
I didn't hear your feet
218
00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:21,350
complaining last night.
219
00:09:22,810 --> 00:09:24,850
* That's how
it's going to be*
220
00:09:24,890 --> 00:09:27,520
*
You can lick
that lollipop, mister*
221
00:09:27,560 --> 00:09:29,900
*
But you can't lick me*
222
00:09:29,940 --> 00:09:31,190
*
No*
223
00:09:31,230 --> 00:09:32,230
*
No*
224
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:33,570
*
No*
225
00:09:33,610 --> 00:09:39,370
*
You can't lick me*
226
00:09:42,450 --> 00:09:43,910
Thank you!
227
00:09:43,950 --> 00:09:45,290
Oh, I think
they liked me,
228
00:09:45,330 --> 00:09:47,420
-they really liked me.
-Liked you?
229
00:09:47,460 --> 00:09:51,290
If they had their teeth in,
they'd eat you alive.
230
00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:52,630
Oh, and Arthur,
231
00:09:52,670 --> 00:09:54,880
I couldn't have done it
without you.
232
00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:56,220
I mean it.
233
00:09:56,260 --> 00:09:58,930
You were the wind
beneath my wings.
234
00:09:58,970 --> 00:10:02,310
Imagine that.
I'm Ava St. Clair's wind.
235
00:10:04,350 --> 00:10:06,600
You know, Arthur,
I've been looking
236
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:10,810
for somebody to, uh, help me
with the rest of my tour.
237
00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:12,440
Would you be interested?
238
00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:13,860
Are you serious?
239
00:10:13,900 --> 00:10:16,360
-Oh, obviously I would pay you.
-Nonsense!
240
00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:19,200
Working with Ava St. Clair
would be payment enough.
241
00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:21,240
-Oh, wonderful.
-Of course,
242
00:10:21,280 --> 00:10:23,200
I'd expect you to cover
my travel expenses.
243
00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:24,450
Absolutely.
244
00:10:24,490 --> 00:10:26,120
And I'd need a new suit
245
00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:28,290
and some
walking-around money.
246
00:10:28,330 --> 00:10:30,790
Are you sure you don't want me
to just pay you?
247
00:10:30,830 --> 00:10:32,590
I will not take a dime!
248
00:10:33,340 --> 00:10:35,960
[**]
249
00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:39,180
[NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
250
00:11:29,680 --> 00:11:31,230
Ow!
251
00:11:31,270 --> 00:11:33,400
Crap.
252
00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:34,940
Crap.
253
00:11:42,950 --> 00:11:46,160
Hey, Dad,
dinner's ready.
254
00:11:47,950 --> 00:11:49,500
That'll have to wait.
255
00:11:49,540 --> 00:11:51,120
I've got big news.
256
00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:52,960
If this is
an eczema update,
257
00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:54,210
okay, I'm still reeling
from last week.
258
00:11:54,250 --> 00:11:57,420
No,
I'm getting married.
259
00:11:57,460 --> 00:11:59,920
What? To who?
260
00:11:59,960 --> 00:12:02,050
Ms. Ava St. Clair.
261
00:12:02,090 --> 00:12:03,340
After her tour,
262
00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:05,260
we're getting hitched
in Tahoe,
263
00:12:05,300 --> 00:12:07,760
and settling in her house
in Rockland County.
264
00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:09,890
Okay, Dad. You're not
getting married.
265
00:12:09,930 --> 00:12:11,690
Look, I understand
you're threatened by
266
00:12:11,730 --> 00:12:13,310
another woman
in my life.
267
00:12:13,350 --> 00:12:15,400
Okay, so, here's what
I need you to do.
268
00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:18,400
I need you to take a couple
of your blue pills,
269
00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:21,070
go downstairs, and have yourself
a nice long nap,
270
00:12:21,110 --> 00:12:22,860
and we'll talk
about this later, okay?
271
00:12:22,900 --> 00:12:24,200
I'm a grown man!
272
00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:26,530
Stop treating me
like a child!
273
00:12:26,570 --> 00:12:29,120
Well, stop acting
like a child, okay?
274
00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:30,450
There's no way
I'm letting you get married
275
00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:32,080
to somebody you just met,
I'm sorry,
276
00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:34,420
but you're staying right here.
277
00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:38,710
Unless...
278
00:12:38,750 --> 00:12:41,170
you really,
really like her.
279
00:12:44,470 --> 00:12:45,430
We can do it!
280
00:12:45,470 --> 00:12:47,850
-Huh?
-We can move to the city!
281
00:12:47,890 --> 00:12:50,350
What about Arthur?
Remember him?
282
00:12:50,390 --> 00:12:54,560
Old guy, smells like cheese,
even when he hasn't had any.
283
00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:56,810
He's getting married.
284
00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:58,270
To who?
285
00:12:58,310 --> 00:13:01,070
To that woman who sings
that stupid lollipop song.
286
00:13:01,110 --> 00:13:03,150
She has a big house,
and she's letting him
287
00:13:03,190 --> 00:13:05,410
move in with 'em.
I'm telling you, it's like fate!
288
00:13:05,450 --> 00:13:06,990
Carrie, wait.
He's done this like
289
00:13:07,030 --> 00:13:08,410
a million times before,
he moves out
290
00:13:08,450 --> 00:13:09,870
and then he comes
right back here.
291
00:13:09,910 --> 00:13:12,910
He's like an old,
wrinkly boomerang.
292
00:13:12,950 --> 00:13:14,710
No, it's different
this time, I know it.
293
00:13:14,750 --> 00:13:16,790
Oh, why? Because he's marrying
a complete stranger?
294
00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:17,960
D-do you even
know her name?
295
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:19,290
Of course
I know her name,
296
00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:21,420
it's Ava...
Ava something.
297
00:13:21,460 --> 00:13:23,090
Oh, that's good daughtering
right there,
298
00:13:23,130 --> 00:13:24,630
you don't even know
her last name.
299
00:13:24,670 --> 00:13:26,840
I know what it's going
to be. Spooner.
300
00:13:26,890 --> 00:13:28,220
Ha, come on,
301
00:13:28,260 --> 00:13:31,010
give me some knuckles
on that one, buddy!
302
00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:33,140
Would you listen
to yourself?
303
00:13:33,180 --> 00:13:34,180
Okay, look, Doug,
304
00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:35,890
I talked to her
on the phone,
305
00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:37,600
and she sounds like
a very nice woman.
306
00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:40,270
You know, she was
on Merv Griffin 53 times?
307
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,150
Now, do you think
he'd have somebody on the show
308
00:13:42,190 --> 00:13:44,570
that many times
if they were a bad person?
309
00:13:45,860 --> 00:13:47,610
-No.
-No, baby.
310
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:50,030
Come on, I know you love
living in Queens,
311
00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:51,370
but you're going
to love the city.
312
00:13:51,410 --> 00:13:53,370
It's like
a new adventure for us.
313
00:13:53,410 --> 00:13:55,080
And guess what?
With the money we make
314
00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:56,410
on selling this house,
315
00:13:56,460 --> 00:13:58,670
you can finally
get your go-kart.
316
00:13:58,710 --> 00:14:00,630
It's all
coming together!
317
00:14:02,380 --> 00:14:05,800
Oh, I'm getting
that go-kart,
318
00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:08,550
but we're
not moving anywhere.
319
00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:17,770
May I help you?
320
00:14:17,810 --> 00:14:20,440
Yes, I'm, uh,
here to see Arthur Spooner.
321
00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:23,900
Oh, it's all right, Marta,
he's my son-in-law.
322
00:14:23,940 --> 00:14:25,360
Oh, and, Marta,
323
00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:26,820
could you have Nils
bring the car around?
324
00:14:26,860 --> 00:14:30,120
I have a yen
for frozen yogurt.
325
00:14:31,570 --> 00:14:33,540
So, what brings you by?
326
00:14:33,580 --> 00:14:35,000
Huh, it's just,
327
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:36,830
everything happened
sort of fast,
328
00:14:36,870 --> 00:14:39,710
and I just wanted to make sure
you were okay here.
329
00:14:39,750 --> 00:14:42,340
You know, because you had it
pretty good back at our house.
330
00:14:42,380 --> 00:14:44,750
I lived in
a cold, wet basement.
331
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:46,760
Yeah, but we got you
that space heater.
332
00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:48,170
-Which caught fire.
-Yeah, because you dried
333
00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:49,430
your socks on it!
334
00:14:49,470 --> 00:14:51,390
Because they were
wet from the basement!
335
00:14:51,430 --> 00:14:52,760
Okay!
336
00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:54,140
We can go round
and round about this,
337
00:14:54,180 --> 00:14:56,310
all right, the point is
pack your things,
338
00:14:56,350 --> 00:14:57,730
you're coming home
with me. Let's go.
339
00:14:57,770 --> 00:15:02,230
Douglas, I'm living the life
of royalty here.
340
00:15:02,270 --> 00:15:04,150
What's going on?
341
00:15:04,190 --> 00:15:07,690
You want the truth?
[SIGHS]
342
00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:10,570
The truth is...
343
00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:15,290
I miss you.
344
00:15:15,330 --> 00:15:17,000
Really?
345
00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:19,500
I had no idea
you felt that way.
346
00:15:19,540 --> 00:15:21,670
It's because I'm
one of those people
347
00:15:21,710 --> 00:15:23,790
who keeps their feelings
bottled up.
348
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:27,210
But I can't
hide it anymore, I...
349
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:29,670
I need
my Yahtzee buddy.
350
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:30,930
The last time we played,
351
00:15:30,970 --> 00:15:33,220
you shoved the dice in my mouth.
352
00:15:34,640 --> 00:15:37,020
Sometimes,
I love you so much,
353
00:15:37,060 --> 00:15:38,890
I gotta hurt ya.
354
00:15:41,140 --> 00:15:42,810
Well, I'm staying here.
355
00:15:42,850 --> 00:15:45,650
But I'll try and carve out
some time for you on weekends.
356
00:15:45,690 --> 00:15:47,320
You know what? That's not
good enough for me, Arthur.
357
00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:48,900
I want you to get your stuff
now, you're coming home.
358
00:15:48,940 --> 00:15:50,490
I'm afraid that won't
be happening.
359
00:15:50,530 --> 00:15:51,650
-Oh, I'm afraid it will.
-Oh, I think not!
360
00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:52,860
All right,
listen to me, Arthur.
361
00:15:52,910 --> 00:15:54,410
All right,
for the last 10 years,
362
00:15:54,450 --> 00:15:55,870
I've had to watch you
chew your food
363
00:15:55,910 --> 00:15:57,990
with your mouth open and cut
your toenails on my bed.
364
00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:00,210
All right, now you can finally
do some good for me.
365
00:16:00,250 --> 00:16:01,540
So, you're coming
home with me.
366
00:16:01,580 --> 00:16:03,670
You know, we can do this
the easy way...
367
00:16:03,710 --> 00:16:07,130
or we can do this
the hard way.
368
00:16:08,460 --> 00:16:10,340
Okay, what's that button?
369
00:16:10,380 --> 00:16:12,430
Just letting
the Nyack Police know
370
00:16:12,470 --> 00:16:15,720
that a big-boned intruder
is in my house.
371
00:16:21,100 --> 00:16:22,350
Hey, hey, guys,
372
00:16:22,390 --> 00:16:23,560
we're about
to have an open house,
373
00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:24,810
you're gonna
have to scoot.
374
00:16:24,850 --> 00:16:27,110
Really? 'Cause we had
no idea.
375
00:16:27,150 --> 00:16:28,820
Yeah, that's funny.
376
00:16:28,860 --> 00:16:31,030
I mean, because we were actually
thinking about buying a house.
377
00:16:31,070 --> 00:16:32,320
-Really?
-Yeah.
378
00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:33,820
Yeah. I mean, it'd have
to be a really great deal
379
00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:36,570
because we don't
really
lovethe place.
380
00:16:36,620 --> 00:16:38,540
I mean, we
like itlike it,
381
00:16:38,580 --> 00:16:40,450
we just
don't
love itlove it.
382
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:42,910
Well, I would want you
to buy anything
383
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:45,750
you didn't love.
So, [WHISTLES] Let's go.
384
00:16:45,790 --> 00:16:47,750
Wait, c-can we at least
look around?
385
00:16:47,790 --> 00:16:51,010
Okay, fine. But don't
do anything weird.
386
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:00,810
[PIANO PLAYING]
387
00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:07,270
Isn't living
in the city delightful?
388
00:17:07,310 --> 00:17:10,940
And our first cocktail party,
it's a hit.
389
00:17:14,740 --> 00:17:18,620
Okay, I'm going to need
about 500 more of these.
390
00:17:18,660 --> 00:17:21,580
[WOMEN LAUGHING]
391
00:17:21,620 --> 00:17:24,040
So, when I found out
Ivana was having
392
00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:26,370
her fundraiser
for the hospital on Friday,
393
00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:30,750
I moved my auction
for the homeless to Thursday.
394
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:33,380
Well played, Carrie.
395
00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:37,090
Doug, right?
396
00:17:37,140 --> 00:17:38,760
-Yeah.
-Hi, I'm Tucker Carlson.
397
00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:40,180
I live right across
the hall.
398
00:17:40,220 --> 00:17:42,520
If you ever want to swing by
and talk politics,
399
00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:45,100
door is always open.
400
00:17:45,140 --> 00:17:47,940
No!
401
00:17:47,980 --> 00:17:50,730
-Doug, come on, get up.
-Hmm?
402
00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:51,980
Come on, people are
going to be
403
00:17:52,030 --> 00:17:53,360
coming through here
any minute, hon.
404
00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:55,450
-For what?
-For the open house!
405
00:17:55,490 --> 00:17:56,740
Carrie, listen,
I really think--
406
00:17:56,780 --> 00:18:00,030
Oh, and look what I got.
407
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:02,950
-Keys?
-To our apartment in the city.
408
00:18:02,990 --> 00:18:04,580
I-I don't want to do it!
409
00:18:04,620 --> 00:18:06,370
-What?
-I don't want to move.
410
00:18:06,410 --> 00:18:08,830
Doug, what are--you said
you were okay with this,
411
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:10,500
that my dream
was your dream.
412
00:18:10,540 --> 00:18:12,800
Yeah, I only said that because
I knew we couldn't do it
413
00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:15,050
because of your father.
414
00:18:15,090 --> 00:18:17,180
Oh, God.
415
00:18:18,130 --> 00:18:21,140
I can't believe
you would do this!
416
00:18:21,180 --> 00:18:22,390
Look, Carrie,
417
00:18:22,430 --> 00:18:23,810
if I had a magic carpet
I'd go back in time
418
00:18:23,850 --> 00:18:25,600
and I'd do things differently,
but I don't!
419
00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:27,640
Okay, magic carpets
don't go back in time.
420
00:18:27,690 --> 00:18:29,100
-Yes, they do.
-No, they don't.
421
00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:31,060
They take you from one place
to another, magically,
422
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:32,440
but they don't
go back in time.
423
00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:33,980
Fine, fine, then I would
go in a time machine,
424
00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:35,280
they go back in time,
don't they? Yeah--
425
00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:37,030
Yeah, I guess they do,
and if I had one,
426
00:18:37,070 --> 00:18:39,360
I would go back
before I even met you.
427
00:18:39,410 --> 00:18:42,990
Hello!
This is the master.
428
00:18:43,030 --> 00:18:45,410
You can see that there's
lots of closet space.
429
00:18:45,450 --> 00:18:46,870
Is there
copper plumbing?
430
00:18:46,910 --> 00:18:49,710
No, it's rusty lead.
Now, beat it.
431
00:18:49,750 --> 00:18:51,880
Beat it!
432
00:18:54,460 --> 00:18:56,170
Look, Doug,
433
00:18:56,210 --> 00:18:58,680
I-I understand
434
00:18:58,720 --> 00:18:59,840
you don't want to move
to the city,
435
00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:01,010
and I know why you
lied to me,
436
00:19:01,050 --> 00:19:04,510
but this is
important to me.
437
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:05,600
And if there was
something that
438
00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:06,890
you dreamed of
your whole life,
439
00:19:06,930 --> 00:19:09,520
and I could give it to you,
I would.
440
00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:10,600
That's perfect, Carrie.
441
00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:11,860
Because you know what
my dream is?
442
00:19:11,900 --> 00:19:13,190
To live in a house
without an old man
443
00:19:13,230 --> 00:19:14,610
living in the basement.
Let's start there.
444
00:19:14,650 --> 00:19:16,480
What do you say,
dream weaver? Huh?
445
00:19:18,070 --> 00:19:21,240
Oh. All right,
what are you doing?
446
00:19:22,410 --> 00:19:23,780
Oh, okay.
447
00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:25,700
Carrie, I understand,
okay, I get it, you're mad.
448
00:19:25,740 --> 00:19:27,540
All right, you don't have
to fake pack.
449
00:19:27,580 --> 00:19:28,960
Excuse me.
450
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:30,620
What's so great
about the city, anyway?
451
00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:32,000
You know, it's crowded,
it's polluted,
452
00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:33,790
and according
to
the Planet of the Apes,
453
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:36,170
it's not going to be
there very long, all right?
454
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:41,970
So, what is that?
What are you doing?
455
00:19:42,010 --> 00:19:45,100
-You--you leaving me?
-No, Doug,
456
00:19:45,140 --> 00:19:47,600
I am moving to our apartment
in the city,
457
00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:49,770
and I hope you join me.
458
00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:52,400
Well, I'm not
going anywhere, okay?
459
00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:55,270
In fact, I don't think
I'm ever leaving this bedroom.
460
00:19:59,780 --> 00:20:02,030
You know what? Go.
I'm glad you're leaving.
461
00:20:02,070 --> 00:20:03,370
Good,
I'm going.
462
00:20:03,410 --> 00:20:04,450
-Good.
-Good!
463
00:20:04,490 --> 00:20:06,080
-Uh, Carrie? Carrie?
-What?
464
00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:09,370
Umm...could our inspector
come by tomorrow?
465
00:20:09,410 --> 00:20:10,540
Okay, we're not selling!
466
00:20:10,580 --> 00:20:11,870
Yes, we are.
467
00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:14,290
At this point I'd friggin' give
the house away.
468
00:20:16,210 --> 00:20:17,880
Fine, go to your
fancy Manhattan.
469
00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:20,260
You know, and I'll be here,
keeping it real.
470
00:20:20,300 --> 00:20:23,260
She'll be back
in 5-4-3-2...
471
00:20:23,300 --> 00:20:27,100
-[ENGINE REVVING]
-[TIRES SQUEALING]
472
00:20:35,020 --> 00:20:36,730
Okay, w-where're
you going?
473
00:20:36,770 --> 00:20:37,980
To get the china.
474
00:20:38,020 --> 00:20:42,900
Oh, no.
N-n-no, my house, my china.
475
00:20:47,410 --> 00:20:50,040
You know what?
10 years of that,
476
00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:52,580
it's nothing
but scar tissue, now.
477
00:20:54,460 --> 00:20:57,420
[**]
34211