All language subtitles for The King of Queens (2006) - S09E03 - Moxie Moron_track3_[eng]

* My eyes are
gettin' weary*

*My back is gettin' tight*

*I'm sittin' here
in traffic*

*On the Queensboro Bridge
tonight*

*But I don't care,
'cause all I want to do*

*Is cash my check and
drive right home to you*

*'Cause, baby,
all my life *

*I will be drivin' home
to you*

-Hi, man.
-Hey.

What's with the bag?

I'm thinking about
joining that new gym

that opened up
down the block.

Oh.

Yeah. You know,
if I can get someone

to join with me, we get
a half-off membership.

I would, but I'm
still working on

the "before" picture.

Palmer, Heffernan,
get in here.

What's he want to
see us for?

I don't know.
Oh, you know what?

I dropped a package,
and I signed your name

on the incident report,

but that doesn't explain
why he wants to see me.

Sir, before you lay
into Palmer about

the broken package,

I want you to know
it wasn't him.

It was me.

You see, my wife,
she's got, uh,

bladder issues.

Um, you may not
know this,

but, well, over the last
couple of years,

I developed a little bit
of a drinking problem.

-Really?
-Get out of here.

Yeah, and, well,

apparently at the company
picnic last weekend,

I crossed the line
with a couple of the wives.

Hey, who didn't, man?
It's a picnic. Whoo!

The thing is, the legal
department and I

have decided that tomorrow,
I'm gonna check myself

into a rehab center

just outside of Syracuse.

Nice.

I got a sweatshirt
from Syracuse.

I'd loan it to you,
but it's a double XL.

It probably wouldn't fit.
You know what?

I have an old Oneonta
sweatshirt that my--

Sorry.

They have asked me to pick
somebody to fill in

while I'm on vacation,

and, well, since you two
are the senior drivers...

[SIGHS]

...whichever one of you
wants it, I don't care.

I got to go write my name
in all my underwear.

So, uh, how are we
gonna decide this?

Here's one way.
I don't want to do it.

Okay. Great. All right.

But you know I got to tell
Kelly about this,

and she's gonna
tell Carrie.

Oh, right. Her.

I just know how she's always
on you to make more of yourself.

Yeah. She's still pushing
that rock up that hill.

You know what? No, man.
I'm my own man, okay?

I'm not taking
orders from her.

I'll do what I want.
If I don't feel

like doing it,
I ain't doing it.

-You sure?
-Absolutely,

Mr. Supervisor.

I'm going to take
a nap now.

Don't be a jerk
about that.

I just got a call from
Mr. Kaufman's assistant.

She wants to make sure all
the secretaries are here.

Really? Why?

I think they're
giving us gifts

for all the hard work we did
on the East Side Project.

Oh, I wonder what.

You know, over
at Bader and Nash,

they closed a huge deal,

and all the assistants
got cars.

Dawn, we're not getting
cars, honey.

Although the partners
did make, like, a kajillion

dollars on this deal.

Actually, didn't
Mr. Kaufman say

in the memo that
he appreciated our drive?

-Yes, he did!
-Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Could you imagine
if we got cars?

I wonder if we get
to pick the color.

I'm feeling
lightheaded now.

Oh, my God. Hey.
What's this?

Just a thank-you
from Mr. Kaufman for

everyone's hard work.

What is this? Soap?

And lotion.
Made from mustard seeds.

Congratulations!

Okay, you know what?

I'm seeing a lot
of tissue paper here

and not a lot
of car keys.

What did this cost him--
like, 10 bucks?

I think this stuff
is from that hotel

we're tearing down.

What? They got it
for free?

I kind of like it.

It'll feel like
I'm staying in a fancy hotel

right in
my own apartment.

I can't believe that.

I mean, this is like
getting nothing.

This is like
a slap in the face.

Oh, ladies.

I see you got
your gift baskets.

-Got 'em and love 'em.
-Yeah.

Hey, baby.

What smells
like mustard?

My bonus.

Quick thing.

Today I had a chance
to become

a temporary
supervisor,

but I told Deacon
he should take it.

Oh. Okay.

You understand that this
could be a permanent thing,

but I like driving,
and I ain't doing it.

Doug, look, I know

all you want to be
is a driver.

I'm okay with it.

Oh, I get what
you're doing.

A little reverse
psychology thing.

You say all I can be
is a driver,

and I say,
"Oh, I'll show her."

But you know what?

It didn't work when
Raj tried it on Rerun,

and it ain't gonna
work on me.

Doug, a little story.

Sit. Sit.

Remember a couple
of months ago I sent you

to that investment seminar
in the city?

-Yeah.
-I wanted you to learn

a little bit about
managing money

and investing
in our future.

What did you come
back with?

-Some kittens.
-Kittens.

That's all right, baby.
That's all right.

While I was driving around
trying to find them homes,

I realized,
you know what?

Nothing good has ever come
from me pushing you.

You are who you are,
and I'm okay with it.

-Really?
-Yeah.

Were there some tears?

Sure.

Did I look into
a one-way ticket to Miami?

Absolutely.

But you know what?
I made my peace with it,

and I'm okay with it.

Oh, I'll show her.

Good morning, ladies.

-Oh, good morning.
-Question.

Are any of your husbands
mechanics?

I can't figure out
the seat warmers

on my new Bentley.

-No. Sorry.
-Sorry. I can't help you there.

Well, someone got a new car.

You know what
I'd like to do?

I'd like to go over
there and say,

"Yeah, you know why you have
a half-million-dollar car?

"Because of us.

"Now you want
your seat warmed?

Why don't you sit
on those cheap-ass

candles you gave us?"

Uh, pardon me, ladies.

I never get
my own coffee.

Which one
is the decaf?

Oh, it's the one
on the right, sir.

You know, sir,

maybe if you got
your own coffee

once in a while,
you'd know which was which.

Excuse me?

Maybe you'd understand
what we go through around here.

We worked really, really
hard on that last project,

and what did we get?

Stinky baskets!

So if you want
your seat warmed,

why don't you sit
on those cheap-ass

candles you gave us?

What is your name?

Dawn Morgan.

Bye, Dawn.

Well, Miss Morgan,
you're absolutely right.

I have been so busy
with the new car

and getting the
summer house ready,

I guess
I had forgotten

the people who made
all this possible.

Thank you, Dawn, for
speaking your mind.

That took moxie,

and that's exactly
the kind of thing

we need around here.

You're going places,
young lady.

Crap.

-Morning.
-Hey, man.

Uh, what are you doing?

Oh, you know what?
I decided I want to be

fill-in supervisor
after all.

What?

Yeah. You know what Carrie
said to me last night?

She said she accepts me
for who I am.

Well, I'm sure that
must have hurt,

but I'm all set up here.

Oh? Well, hey, maybe

we could do the job
together.

Two heads are better
than one, right?

Well,
theoretically, but--

Here you go.
All right!

Whoo! What a rush.

Ha ha ha! Yep,
making it work.

Making it work.

What have you got there?
Some time cards?

Float me some of
those bad boys.

Give me some.
All right.

I'll work on that.

Okay. Oh, I just need
this thing here.

Sorry. Here we go.

[CLICKING]

What's the matter?
The numbers ain't adding up?

No. Did you have
any idea

Gomez's middle
name was Eugene?

It doesn't fit.
It doesn't fit.

Okay, you know what?

Time cards is more of
a one-man job, so...

What do you want
me to do?

Um, I'm sure we got
something around here

that you might be right for.

Okay, now,
this is all wrong.

We need a smoother
transition from

salty to sweet,

and you know what?
Lose the raisins.

It's just making
the guys angry.

This is the stuff
they always order.

Okay, hey. New sheriff
in town, all right?

Now, who do I talk to
about a carving station?

Everything's
looking good.

I synchronized
all the clocks

and I spoke
to the janitor.

First thing Monday,
new urinal cakes.

-Good work.
-[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Yeah?
Oh, hey, Wally.

Sir, I'm really sorry about
the late deliveries

this morning.
The bridge was closed.

Closed. It's okay.
Just remember, next time,

radio in, and we'll give you
an alternate route.

Will do, sir.

And thanks for being
cool about it.

Not a problem.
And listen, call me Deacon.

Sure.

Hey, I'm cool with it, too.

Uh-huh.

Call me Doug.

Hey, uh, they know
I'm supervisor, too, right?

They don't know
that you're not.

[PHONE RINGS]

Excuse me.
Palmer here.

No, no. They have
to be out by 3:00.

All right, look,
just start loading them up.

All right, bye.

Got trouble on
the loading dock?

You want me
to get into it?

Nah. I got it.
Just don't...

Oh, Deke's not here?
I'll come back.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I'm a supervisor, too.
What's up?

I was just looking
for my route assignment.

Oh, right...
no problem.

[MUMBLING]

There you are.
You're going to Jersey.

-Jersey?
-Yeah, that's right, New Jersey.

I don't usually do
runs out of state.

[MOCKING]
Oh, you don't usually do
runs out of state?

You're going to Jersey.

-Wow.
-Yeah, wow.

So you're really moving
to the 19th floor?

Yeah. And all because
I blew up at Mr. Kaufman.

I don't even know where
all that stuff came from.

I think I do.

Anyway, they're having a pizza
party for me upstairs,

so...gotta scoot.

I'm really, really
gonna miss you guys.

Aw, aren't you
just made of sugar.

Here,
let me help you.

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

Uh, Mr. Kaufman.

Yes, Carrie.

Listen, I just want
to tell you that we worked

really hard on that project,

and all we got was
some stupid gift baskets.

So if you want
your seats warmed,

why don't you sit on those
cheap-ass candles you gave us.

Yeah.

You're just repeating
what Dawn said this morning.

Dawn talked to you?

I believe you were
right there.

Oh, no, that wasn't me.

You know, all us
white girls look alike.

Ha ha!

What's going on?

All right, look,
all that stuff

that Dawn said to you
came from me.

-What?
-I said it first.

All right, behind your back,
but it was all me.

Okay? Not her, me.

That may be true,
Carrie,

but she's the one
who had the moxie

to say it
to my face.

But it was my moxie.

She stole my moxie!

Excuse me.
I have a long drive

to the island, so...

Look, Mr. Kaufman,
I really do have moxie.

Okay, look, I can say
stuff to your face.

You're bald.

Try fat and bald.

Mm-hmm.

And you know what?
I steal stuff.

Not little things
like our pens--

big stuff.

Moxie?

Carrie, stealing is
a fireable offense.

The kind of
fireable offense

you've been needing
around here?

DEACON: Again, I apologize.

You'll get your shipment
first thing in the morning.

Okay.

What are you doing
route assignments for?

Just putting
the co in co-supervisor.

Why? What's up?

You sent out
4 parts of a TV stand

in 4 different trucks.

Well, the president
and the vice president

never travel in the same
plane together, so...

next question.

Okay, how about explaining
why nobody north

of Hillside Avenue
got their packages today?

All right,
Negative Nellie,

what about south
of Hillside?

Oh, they got packages,
just the wrong ones.

I gotta tell you,
this co-supervisor thing

just ain't working out
for me.

What are you
trying to say?

I'm saying you suck
and I want you out of here.

Okay, well, I'm not
going anywhere,

and you know what?
Now I think of it,

you're out of here.
You go, go.

All right, fine,
we got to figure out

-some way to settle this.
-Fine.

Let's have
a staring contest.

Doug, we're talking about
our careers.

I'm not gonna have
this whole thing decided--

You blinked!
You blinked! I won!

-Get out.
-There was no staring contest.

There absolutely was.
I suggested it.

You locked in.
It was on.

Not a person in the world
would disagree with me.

All right, fine.
You know what?

You're supervisor.
Have fun with it.

Great.
I will be.

Thanks for being
a part of the team.

You're a good man.

-Moron.
-Call me Doug.

[INTERCOM BUZZES]

Yo.

DANNY:Hey, it's Danny.

I think there's
something wrong

with the route you gave me.

You take 95 south
to route 27.

I don't think I can go
any further, you know?

It looks
a little dangerous.

All right. Maybe I should
just turn around

and start heading back.

Whoa, whoa. Guy,
you're an I.P.S. driver.

Sometimes that means

putting your life
on the line.

I don't think it does.

Look, now is a bad time
for you to come back here

and embarrass me
in front of Deacon,

so just drive, damn it!

Fine!

Because I'm the one
who said it first,

so I deserve the office.

I mean,
if you can't see that,

then you're just
a freaking idiot.

Hey.

Call your mom.

Okay. So, did you, uh,

you ever done it with
a supervisor before?

Hmm?

When I worked
at Shoe Town.

-And Beverage Barn. And then--
-Okay, you know what?

I was just trying
to be cute.

Wasn't looking for
an actual answer.
Oh.

But you are looking at
the new I.P.S. Supervisor.

And all you thought
I was gonna be

was a driver, right?

That's gotta sting.

Actually, it doesn't.

It couldn't come
at a better time

because I mouthed off
to my boss today

and I think I might
lose my job.

What?
I might lose my job.

What?

Yeah, I sent all the drivers off
in different directions,

and I left my log book
at a Denny's,

and I don't even know
which Denny's. I'm so fired.

No, baby, come on,
it was your first day.

You'll get better.

Really think so?

No!

You're such
an idiot.

-You screwed up at work, too!
-Not as bad as you.

So, then why don't you go back
to your Shoe Town Supervisor.

Ah, he's gay now.

Yeah, gee,
I wonder why.

All right, come on.

Now, let's not
turn on each other

just yet here, okay?

All right, all right.

All right,
now let me think here.

Now, how much does
management upstairs know?

I don't think
very much at all

'cause I don't return
their calls.

Okay, that's good,
that's good.

So here's what
you're gonna do.

First thing
tomorrow,

you're gonna convince
Deacon to be supervisor.

And by the time
they realize

how screwed up
everything is,

Deacon will be there
to take the fall.

You can't do that.
Deacon will get fired.

Nah, they won't fire him.
He's a minority.

All right,
and as for me,

I gotta do whatever
it takes to keep my job.

And I do mean
whatever it takes.

You okay with that?

I assumed you'd been doing that
all along, so yeah.

You wanted to
see me, Supervisor?

Yeah, Deke, listen,
[SIGHS]

I've been thinking,
and, uh,

you're the guy who deserves
to be sitting back here.

Oh, yeah?

You won
the staring contest.

The truth is
I blinked first.

But you couldn't tell

because I have
very fast blinking.

I'm doing it right now.
Can you see?

No, 'cause it's that fast.

Anyway,
congratulations.

You got an angry call
on line 3.

You think
I'm that stupid?

All right, it was
all Carrie's idea.

Well, you can tell her
I'm not gonna get fired

for your screw-up.

You're not gonna get fired.
You're a minority.

What?

Also Carrie.
She's unbelievable.

Oh...

-Hey, Wallach!
-Yes, sir?

Listen, guy,
I've been watching you

since you started
on Monday.

And I gotta tell you,
you got the right stuff.

I got a little proposal
for you.

I'm not taking
your job.

Fine!
Send Danny in!

Danny's not here.

No one's seen him
since yesterday.

Mommy!

Mr. Kaufman.

Listen, I want
to apologize for

everything I said.

My husband's having
bladder problems.

Anyway, I just
wanted to let you know

that I'm very happy here

and I hope you allow me
to continue

to be an asset
to this company.

You know, Carrie,
I was quite put off

with your behavior yesterday,

but then I started to think,

that actually took moxie.

Really?

But this pathetic display
of insincere groveling

proves to me I was wrong.

You don't have
a trace of moxie.

[BELL RINGS]

So...anyways, my father
is lying sprawled out

on the floor
in front of my mother.

I said,
"Are you okay, Dad?"

He says, "Yeah,
but I'm not your--"

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Heffernan?

This a good time?

What the hell
are you doing here?

I just need a little help
with the supervisor thing.

Wait, what, you're supervisor?

You said either me
or Palmer could do it.

I did?

Well, I must have
been out of it.

I guess so.
Yikes.

Anyway, you want
to come back?

No can do.

Turns out Patrick C. O'Boyle

is a pretty
broken bird.

Can you at least
give me some advice?

The stress
is killing me.

How do you deal
with everything?

You say you didn't get
the insulin.

My tracker report
says you did.

So I guess we'll just
have to agree to disagree now.

Okay? You be good.

Ah!

Hey.

What are you doing home?

I got suspended.

[GROANS]

Me too.

You're drinkin'?
It's two in the afternoon.

Aw, get off my back, woman!

Is that whiskey?

[**]