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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:05,130 * My eyes are gettin' weary* 2 00:00:05,170 --> 00:00:07,340 * My back is gettin' tight* 3 00:00:07,380 --> 00:00:09,300 * I'm sittin' here in traffic* 4 00:00:09,340 --> 00:00:12,300 * On the Queensboro Bridge tonight* 5 00:00:12,340 --> 00:00:17,600 * But I don't care, 'cause all I want to do* 6 00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:21,310 * Is cash my check and drive right home to you* 7 00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:25,150 * 'Cause, baby, all my life* 8 00:00:25,190 --> 00:00:28,570 * I will be drivin' home to you* 9 00:00:32,440 --> 00:00:34,320 [**] 10 00:00:37,700 --> 00:00:39,700 [SIGHS] 11 00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:41,830 What is it, baby? 12 00:00:41,870 --> 00:00:43,460 I love barbecue shrimp. 13 00:00:43,500 --> 00:00:45,120 I don't know why I ordered the stuffed mushrooms. 14 00:00:45,170 --> 00:00:48,380 Ugh, I knew this was gonna come back to haunt us. 15 00:00:48,420 --> 00:00:51,300 I saw the word "stuffed" and I just stopped reading. 16 00:00:53,210 --> 00:00:54,630 What the hell? 17 00:00:57,300 --> 00:00:59,220 That guy over there keeps staring at me. 18 00:00:59,260 --> 00:01:00,640 So? You like it when guys stare at you. 19 00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:02,850 Not all guys. Like, Latino guys. 20 00:01:02,890 --> 00:01:05,890 You know, young, sexy, beautiful smile. 21 00:01:05,940 --> 00:01:07,560 You know, fit but still cut-- 22 00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:09,770 Yeah, not me. I got it. 23 00:01:09,810 --> 00:01:11,650 Doug, he is staring right at me. 24 00:01:11,690 --> 00:01:14,820 Go over there and say something. 25 00:01:14,860 --> 00:01:17,280 You know, he's probably just staring at these wine bottles. 26 00:01:17,320 --> 00:01:19,320 Look at him, he looks like a real boozer. 27 00:01:19,370 --> 00:01:21,370 Can you just go over there and say something? 28 00:01:21,410 --> 00:01:23,120 You're my husband. You're supposed to protect me. 29 00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:25,290 -Yeah, I never agreed to that. -Just go. 30 00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:34,210 Hi. Uh, listen, 31 00:01:34,260 --> 00:01:36,340 if you're staring at those wine bottles over there, 32 00:01:36,380 --> 00:01:37,590 I completely understand, it's just that 33 00:01:37,630 --> 00:01:38,760 they're right near my wife's head 34 00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:40,220 and she gets confused, 35 00:01:40,260 --> 00:01:41,510 she thinks you're staring at her, so-- 36 00:01:41,550 --> 00:01:44,270 Actually, I was looking at your wife. 37 00:01:45,350 --> 00:01:46,810 Oh. 38 00:01:46,850 --> 00:01:50,230 Are you interested in making a substantial amount of money? 39 00:01:53,940 --> 00:01:55,490 I'm listening. 40 00:01:56,610 --> 00:01:58,660 My name's Edward Brill. 41 00:01:58,700 --> 00:02:00,280 I'm in the wig business. 42 00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:01,780 And we pay quite handsomely 43 00:02:01,830 --> 00:02:03,740 for quality hair like your wife's. 44 00:02:06,540 --> 00:02:08,620 What are we talking here? 45 00:02:08,670 --> 00:02:11,630 Well, depending on how much she's willing to cut... 46 00:02:11,670 --> 00:02:13,500 $2,000 to $3,000. 47 00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:14,880 Wow. 48 00:02:14,920 --> 00:02:17,720 -Think about it. -I will. 49 00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:19,680 I see you got the barbecue shrimp. 50 00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:21,390 Please! Help yourself. 51 00:02:21,430 --> 00:02:24,350 -Oh. Thank you. -[EDWARD CHUCKLES] 52 00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:31,560 Hey, babe. 53 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:33,360 Hi, honey. 54 00:02:34,860 --> 00:02:36,860 You have such beautiful hair. 55 00:02:36,900 --> 00:02:38,820 Tell ya, I don't know what sheen is, but... 56 00:02:38,860 --> 00:02:40,820 you got it. 57 00:02:40,860 --> 00:02:42,240 Aw. That's really sweet, baby. 58 00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:43,660 Thank you. 59 00:02:47,750 --> 00:02:48,790 What was that? 60 00:02:48,830 --> 00:02:50,580 What was what? 61 00:02:50,620 --> 00:02:52,250 You barely brushed your hair. 62 00:02:52,290 --> 00:02:53,790 You're supposed to do, like, 100 strokes a night. 63 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,420 Where'd you hear that? 64 00:02:55,460 --> 00:02:57,630 Uh, one Miss Marcia Brady. Come here. Look it. 65 00:02:57,670 --> 00:03:01,340 1, 2, 3-- 66 00:03:01,380 --> 00:03:02,430 Actually, that feels kinda nice. 67 00:03:02,470 --> 00:03:06,850 Of course it does. 4, 5, 6-- 68 00:03:06,890 --> 00:03:08,310 You know what I was thinking? 69 00:03:08,350 --> 00:03:10,230 -Hmm? -You... 70 00:03:10,270 --> 00:03:12,650 would look reallygood... 71 00:03:12,690 --> 00:03:14,810 with short hair. 72 00:03:14,860 --> 00:03:15,940 What are you saying? 73 00:03:15,980 --> 00:03:17,860 You just said you loved my long hair. 74 00:03:17,900 --> 00:03:20,240 Yeah, I know, but-- 75 00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:21,610 if you love something, you know the saying, 76 00:03:21,650 --> 00:03:24,030 you gotta "Set it free"! 77 00:03:24,070 --> 00:03:25,240 Heh. What? 78 00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:26,530 Ahem. You know what? 79 00:03:26,580 --> 00:03:27,700 Just thinking out loud here-- 80 00:03:27,740 --> 00:03:28,950 when we do cut it, 81 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:30,460 we should put it in a bag and sell it. 82 00:03:30,500 --> 00:03:32,460 35, 36. 83 00:03:32,500 --> 00:03:34,250 Stop. What? What are you talking about? 84 00:03:34,290 --> 00:03:35,500 All right, look, the guy tonight 85 00:03:35,540 --> 00:03:37,000 at the restaurant was a wig maker. 86 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:38,380 All right? He says you have beautiful hair 87 00:03:38,420 --> 00:03:40,380 we can make a ton of money off it! 88 00:03:40,420 --> 00:03:42,260 You want me to sell my hair? 89 00:03:42,300 --> 00:03:43,720 Look. I know it sounds weird, 90 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:44,970 but he's talking, like, $3,000. 91 00:03:45,010 --> 00:03:46,890 I really don't care! 92 00:03:46,930 --> 00:03:48,430 [STAMMERS] Look, Carrie-- 93 00:03:48,470 --> 00:03:50,810 Just think about it for a minute, okay? 94 00:03:50,850 --> 00:03:52,560 First of all, we could really use that money, 95 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:55,440 and, bonus, we could be helping other people. 96 00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:56,610 People who aren't blessed with your 97 00:03:56,650 --> 00:03:59,480 thick, beautiful long hair. 98 00:03:59,530 --> 00:04:01,900 Actually, it would be nice to--to give back. 99 00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:03,450 There you go! 100 00:04:04,660 --> 00:04:06,070 -So $3,000, huh? -Yes. 101 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:07,910 And the best part about it is a year from now... 102 00:04:07,950 --> 00:04:10,290 you'll have a full head of hair again, bang, $3,000 103 00:04:10,330 --> 00:04:12,330 in the pocket again. 104 00:04:12,370 --> 00:04:13,750 We could do a lot with that money, right? 105 00:04:13,790 --> 00:04:15,670 We can get that pizza oven I've been talking about. 106 00:04:15,710 --> 00:04:19,340 Or, more, we can go on that cruise 107 00:04:19,380 --> 00:04:21,050 with Deacon and Kelley! 108 00:04:21,090 --> 00:04:22,590 Better yet, when they come back, 109 00:04:22,630 --> 00:04:25,050 we throw 'em a pizza party! 110 00:04:25,090 --> 00:04:26,760 Fine. Next batch, I got dibs on. 111 00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:31,810 [**] 112 00:04:35,980 --> 00:04:37,650 What do you think? 113 00:04:40,070 --> 00:04:41,480 Wow. 114 00:04:45,450 --> 00:04:46,530 Look at you! 115 00:04:46,570 --> 00:04:48,410 So it's good? 116 00:04:48,450 --> 00:04:49,580 Look at you. 117 00:04:49,620 --> 00:04:50,990 I know! 118 00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:56,750 -Look at you. -Mm. 119 00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:08,720 [DOORBELL RINGS] 120 00:05:09,550 --> 00:05:11,010 [CLEARS THROAT] 121 00:05:12,770 --> 00:05:13,850 [JAMAICAN ACCENT] Hey, mon, you ready 122 00:05:13,890 --> 00:05:16,020 for some island-hopping? 123 00:05:16,060 --> 00:05:18,060 I should have never let him watch "Cool Runnings." 124 00:05:18,100 --> 00:05:21,480 [SCOFFS] Where's Carrie? 125 00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:25,030 Uh, she's upstairs working her comb-over. 126 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:27,740 Haircut not so good? 127 00:05:27,780 --> 00:05:30,330 You know Moe, from the "Three Stooges"? 128 00:05:31,910 --> 00:05:33,240 I'd kill for that. 129 00:05:34,910 --> 00:05:36,500 Ta-da! 130 00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:39,210 So, what do you think? 131 00:05:39,250 --> 00:05:41,340 It's really, really... 132 00:05:41,380 --> 00:05:42,500 -Sassy? -Yes! 133 00:05:42,550 --> 00:05:43,840 I know! 134 00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:45,340 That's what the stylist said! 135 00:05:45,380 --> 00:05:47,260 And you know what, it's so easy to manage. 136 00:05:47,300 --> 00:05:49,430 I mean, my hair dries faster than his now. 137 00:05:49,470 --> 00:05:53,180 [LAUGHS] It's true, it does, it does. Faster. 138 00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:54,390 You know what? I'm gonna go 139 00:05:54,430 --> 00:05:56,060 say good bye to my dad. 140 00:05:56,100 --> 00:05:57,810 Why don't you guys load up the bags in the car, okay? 141 00:05:57,850 --> 00:05:59,310 Oh, honey. 142 00:05:59,350 --> 00:06:01,230 Tell them how I got carded at the liquor store. 143 00:06:01,270 --> 00:06:04,070 DOUG: Oh. Yeah. Yeah. 144 00:06:04,110 --> 00:06:05,360 She did. 145 00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:07,530 'Cause "she looks like a weird boy". 146 00:06:12,370 --> 00:06:14,580 Oh, hey. We're leaving now. 147 00:06:14,620 --> 00:06:16,540 Who the hell are you? 148 00:06:26,090 --> 00:06:28,840 I got my hair cut, Dad. 149 00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:32,140 Anyway, we'll be back on Sunday. I made you lasagna. 150 00:06:32,180 --> 00:06:33,390 I'm gonna put it in the oven 151 00:06:33,430 --> 00:06:34,930 so you can have it for lunch. 152 00:06:34,970 --> 00:06:36,350 With your hair cut short like that, 153 00:06:36,390 --> 00:06:38,810 you know who you look exactly like? 154 00:06:38,850 --> 00:06:40,940 Halle Berry? 155 00:06:40,980 --> 00:06:42,940 Frank Medford. 156 00:06:46,110 --> 00:06:47,440 Okay. 157 00:06:48,860 --> 00:06:50,530 He rented a room from your mom and I 158 00:06:50,570 --> 00:06:52,490 -when we first got married. -Oh, yeah? 159 00:06:52,530 --> 00:06:54,990 He was always very nice to your mother. 160 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:56,410 He... 161 00:06:56,450 --> 00:06:58,500 looked after her when I was away on business. 162 00:06:58,540 --> 00:07:01,120 He moved out rather abruptly around the time 163 00:07:01,170 --> 00:07:03,000 she got pregnant with you. 164 00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:06,420 Okay, Daddy. I love you. 165 00:07:06,460 --> 00:07:08,840 I'll call you from the boat. 166 00:07:12,180 --> 00:07:13,600 Oh, dear God. 167 00:07:20,390 --> 00:07:22,480 * Some day* 168 00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:26,320 * When I'm awfully low* 169 00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:29,530 * When the world is cold* 170 00:07:29,570 --> 00:07:31,320 * I will feel the glow* 171 00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:36,280 * Just thinkin' of you* 172 00:07:36,330 --> 00:07:37,990 * And the way you look* 173 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:39,370 How great is this? 174 00:07:39,410 --> 00:07:42,960 We're halfway to Barbados with our best friends 175 00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:45,500 we have Robert Goulet singing to us. 176 00:07:45,540 --> 00:07:48,170 I mean, what else can you ask for? 177 00:07:48,210 --> 00:07:50,050 Not a thing. 178 00:08:04,060 --> 00:08:06,060 * With each word* 179 00:08:06,110 --> 00:08:10,280 * Your tenderness grows* 180 00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:12,280 * Tearing my fears...* 181 00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:14,280 What, Deac? You wanna cut in? 182 00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:18,370 Dancin' with my wife, but hey, what the heck. 183 00:08:18,410 --> 00:08:20,410 Switch it up! Swap-see! 184 00:08:22,500 --> 00:08:24,210 * It touches my...* 185 00:08:24,250 --> 00:08:27,250 -Stop it! -* Foolish heart* 186 00:08:27,290 --> 00:08:29,050 -Hey. -Hey, all right. 187 00:08:29,090 --> 00:08:30,170 Let's see what you got, big boy. 188 00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:32,420 [CHUCKLES] Right. 189 00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:39,100 [**] 190 00:08:46,270 --> 00:08:47,270 Hey, Arthur. 191 00:08:47,310 --> 00:08:49,230 -You're late! -Late? 192 00:08:49,270 --> 00:08:51,070 You told me 10 minutes ago and told me 193 00:08:51,110 --> 00:08:52,610 to be here in 10 minutes. 194 00:08:52,650 --> 00:08:54,610 Let's not waste more time with your pathetic excuses! 195 00:08:54,650 --> 00:08:57,120 Okay. What's going on? 196 00:08:57,160 --> 00:08:59,950 -You see that man in there? -Yeah. 197 00:08:59,990 --> 00:09:01,290 I have reason to believe he may be 198 00:09:01,330 --> 00:09:04,000 Carrie's real father. 199 00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:05,120 What are you talking about? 200 00:09:05,170 --> 00:09:06,960 It's a long story. 201 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:08,590 Actually, it's pretty short. 202 00:09:10,500 --> 00:09:12,630 I think he boinked Carrie's mother. 203 00:09:15,510 --> 00:09:17,760 If there was only some way I could know for sure. 204 00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:19,720 Well, you know what? You could do a DNA test. 205 00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:22,470 You send in some of her hair, some of his hair, 206 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:24,230 you'd know in a couple of days. 207 00:09:24,270 --> 00:09:25,690 How am I gonna get his hair? 208 00:09:25,730 --> 00:09:27,350 It doesn't have to be hair. It could be... 209 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,190 saliva, or a skin sample. 210 00:09:29,230 --> 00:09:31,070 Skin sample, huh? 211 00:09:31,110 --> 00:09:32,480 I'll be right back. 212 00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:35,780 Hey, Frank! How 'bout we catch up 213 00:09:35,820 --> 00:09:38,490 with a good old-fashioned scratch-fight? 214 00:09:39,660 --> 00:09:41,330 -What? -You know. 215 00:09:41,370 --> 00:09:42,620 A scratch-fight. Like we used to have 216 00:09:42,660 --> 00:09:44,120 back in the neighborhood. 217 00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:46,620 You know, just for kicks, huh? 218 00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:49,460 What the hell is going on here, Artie? 219 00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:51,540 You call me up out of the blue, 220 00:09:51,590 --> 00:09:54,510 you invite me over here for crab legs, 221 00:09:54,550 --> 00:09:56,470 and instead, all I get is tap water-- 222 00:09:56,510 --> 00:09:58,340 You're absolutely right, Frank. 223 00:09:58,390 --> 00:10:00,300 Allow me to apologize 224 00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:03,010 by swabbing the inside of your mouth. 225 00:10:04,350 --> 00:10:06,310 Okay. I'm outta here! 226 00:10:06,350 --> 00:10:07,640 So soon? Wait! 227 00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:09,150 You have something in your hair. 228 00:10:09,190 --> 00:10:10,480 What? 229 00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:11,770 Ow! 230 00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:14,110 Turns out it's just a clump of your hair. 231 00:10:17,740 --> 00:10:19,070 [DOOR CLOSES] 232 00:10:19,740 --> 00:10:21,570 [**] 233 00:10:25,370 --> 00:10:27,710 How beautiful is this? 234 00:10:27,750 --> 00:10:30,170 Yeah. It's beautiful. Just... 235 00:10:30,210 --> 00:10:31,790 a little chilly, isn't it? Here. 236 00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:34,750 Let me help you with this right there. 237 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:38,170 Stop! No, honey. Come on. 238 00:10:38,220 --> 00:10:40,510 I actually like the wind on my scalp, you know? 239 00:10:40,550 --> 00:10:42,050 Feels good. 240 00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:44,220 -Okay. -What's the matter? 241 00:10:44,260 --> 00:10:47,180 -Nothing, I over-buffeted. -Oh. Okay. 242 00:10:48,390 --> 00:10:50,560 -Oh, look, it's Robert Goulet! -Where? 243 00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:51,810 Where? [CHUCKLES] 244 00:10:51,860 --> 00:10:54,520 I'm sleeping with his wife. 245 00:10:54,570 --> 00:10:56,190 [CHUCKLES] Listen, we loved your show tonight. 246 00:10:56,230 --> 00:10:58,740 Yeah, and I usually hate that kind of crap, so... 247 00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:01,780 Isn't that sweet? 248 00:11:01,820 --> 00:11:03,200 Actually, would you mind if we took 249 00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:04,620 a picture with you? 250 00:11:04,660 --> 00:11:07,750 No, as long as he likes my crappy music, why not? 251 00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:10,120 I'm just gonna go get the camera. 252 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:12,630 I'll be right back, okay? 253 00:11:12,670 --> 00:11:14,460 Boy, that is... 254 00:11:14,500 --> 00:11:16,300 wild hair. 255 00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:19,300 I just thought she'd look cute with short hair. 256 00:11:19,340 --> 00:11:20,590 You know, like Jamie Lee Curtis. 257 00:11:20,630 --> 00:11:22,720 Oh, Jamie Lee, I love her. 258 00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:24,600 We did a Muppet special together. 259 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:28,810 She sang a haunting duet with Fozzie Bear. 260 00:11:28,850 --> 00:11:31,230 Oh, wait. I have my camera right here. 261 00:11:37,650 --> 00:11:40,400 -Hey. -Hey. 262 00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:41,740 What were you doing? 263 00:11:41,780 --> 00:11:43,110 Nothing, I'm just sitting here 264 00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:44,620 talking to Mr. Robert Goulet. 265 00:11:44,660 --> 00:11:46,740 Can you believe it? Pinch me! Now! Pinch me! 266 00:11:46,790 --> 00:11:48,200 [CHUCKLING] That's crazy. 267 00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:50,500 Were you talking about my hair? 268 00:11:50,540 --> 00:11:52,370 No. No. 269 00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:53,880 Was he making fun of my hair? 270 00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:55,340 Look, I'm in a hurry. 271 00:11:55,380 --> 00:11:57,250 I've gotta call Bingo in the Barracuda Lounge. 272 00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:58,920 Yeah, you're not going anywhere, show-tunes. 273 00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:00,170 Just tell me. Was he making fun 274 00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:01,800 of my hair or not? Was he? 275 00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:04,760 He says you look like Pete Rose. 276 00:12:08,470 --> 00:12:10,430 -Pete Rose? -He's the all-time... 277 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,440 hits leader! He's-- 278 00:12:13,850 --> 00:12:15,560 Oh, buddy, I'm sorry. 279 00:12:15,610 --> 00:12:17,570 Look, drink's half price. 280 00:12:17,610 --> 00:12:18,650 My late show, okay. 281 00:12:18,690 --> 00:12:20,320 See you. 282 00:12:26,530 --> 00:12:27,910 [SIGHS] Carrie, what're you doing? 283 00:12:27,950 --> 00:12:29,450 I'm leaving. 284 00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:32,960 You do realize we're on a boat. 285 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:34,290 Then I will swim. 286 00:12:34,330 --> 00:12:35,880 I have the perfect hair for it. 287 00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:37,670 Come on! 288 00:12:37,710 --> 00:12:39,590 I saw you and Robert Goulet 289 00:12:39,630 --> 00:12:41,720 laughing at how bad my hair looks. 290 00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:43,470 We weren't laughing at how bad your hair looks. 291 00:12:43,510 --> 00:12:44,630 We were laughing with... 292 00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:46,430 how bad you hair looks. 293 00:12:46,470 --> 00:12:47,800 I can't believe I convinced myself 294 00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:50,270 that this looked stylish and sassy. 295 00:12:50,310 --> 00:12:52,230 I look like a mental patient! 296 00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:54,850 -I know it's hard. -Get off me! 297 00:12:54,890 --> 00:12:56,650 Don't touch me! 298 00:12:56,690 --> 00:12:58,650 You know how humiliated I am? 299 00:12:58,690 --> 00:13:00,320 I mean, and you talked me into this! 300 00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:01,780 Look, I didn't know it was gonna look so bad. 301 00:13:01,820 --> 00:13:03,320 But here's the thing, Carrie. 302 00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:04,650 You know what? Your hair's gonna grow back 303 00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:06,320 and you never have to do this again. 304 00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:07,820 Actually, one more time, 'cause the pizza oven 305 00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:09,530 was part of the deal. 306 00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:11,200 Ow! 307 00:13:12,580 --> 00:13:14,250 Look, we made a mistake. 308 00:13:14,290 --> 00:13:16,460 -What do you want me to do? -Shave your head. 309 00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:18,960 You know, I'm not shavin' my head. 310 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:20,840 Well, shave somethin', babe. 311 00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:23,010 Yeah, that's right. 312 00:13:23,050 --> 00:13:24,630 How about that weird patch on your back? 313 00:13:24,670 --> 00:13:26,760 Oh. No, I need that. 314 00:13:30,390 --> 00:13:31,810 We can still have a good time, all right? 315 00:13:31,850 --> 00:13:34,020 Why don't you-- here. Throw this scarf on, 316 00:13:34,060 --> 00:13:35,520 and we'll go meet Deacon and Kelly 317 00:13:35,560 --> 00:13:37,850 down at the, you know, midnight buffet. 318 00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:40,900 I'm not going anywhere until my hair grows back. 319 00:13:42,570 --> 00:13:43,900 So, what are you saying? We're gonna stay here 320 00:13:43,940 --> 00:13:46,030 in the cabin for the rest of the cruise? 321 00:13:46,070 --> 00:13:47,820 Not we. 322 00:13:54,660 --> 00:13:56,750 You guys got an extra pillow? 323 00:13:58,790 --> 00:14:00,540 Just askin'. 324 00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,680 [**] 325 00:14:18,770 --> 00:14:20,190 Hey. 326 00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:26,190 What the hell are you doing? 327 00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:29,740 I'm sorry. It was cold, all right? 328 00:14:29,780 --> 00:14:31,280 Where's Kelly? 329 00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:32,780 She left. She got pretty freaked out 330 00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:34,450 when I got into bed. 331 00:14:34,490 --> 00:14:36,000 Oh, man! 332 00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:37,660 I've really been looking forward to this trip. 333 00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,330 Now I'm stuck in bed with you instead of my wife. 334 00:14:39,370 --> 00:14:41,210 [SIGHS] Women. 335 00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:45,210 Sometimes it's like no matter what we do, 336 00:14:45,260 --> 00:14:46,300 it just isn't good enough for them. 337 00:14:46,340 --> 00:14:48,170 You know what I'm saying? 338 00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:49,840 Don't lump us together. 339 00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:52,100 I saved up money for 6 months for this trip. 340 00:14:52,140 --> 00:14:54,890 You sold your wife for parts. 341 00:14:54,930 --> 00:14:56,270 I'm sorry. What am I supposed to do? 342 00:14:56,310 --> 00:14:57,890 I don't know, but I got two more days 343 00:14:57,930 --> 00:14:59,310 on this boat without my kids 344 00:14:59,350 --> 00:15:02,150 and I plan on gettin' lucky, and not with you. 345 00:15:02,190 --> 00:15:04,820 Well, just for that the candy shop is closed. 346 00:15:04,860 --> 00:15:07,030 Okay? 347 00:15:07,070 --> 00:15:09,240 Quit hogging the blanket. 348 00:15:12,030 --> 00:15:14,370 There's gotta be some way I can make this better. 349 00:15:14,410 --> 00:15:16,830 Buy her a hat, or... 350 00:15:16,870 --> 00:15:19,160 a helmet. 351 00:15:19,210 --> 00:15:21,120 How about a wig? 352 00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:24,130 Okay, where am I gonna get her a wig on a cruise ship? 353 00:15:24,170 --> 00:15:27,260 Where were you gonna get a helmet, idiot? 354 00:15:27,300 --> 00:15:30,220 Now I see why Kelly left. I really do. 355 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:37,850 Shhhh. You gotta be fast. 356 00:15:37,890 --> 00:15:39,100 Okay. 357 00:15:39,140 --> 00:15:41,350 Look, I really appreciate this, Mr. Goulet. 358 00:15:41,390 --> 00:15:44,060 Okay. Lock up on your way out. 359 00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:45,730 Okay. All right. 360 00:15:45,770 --> 00:15:47,360 Let's do this and get out of here. 361 00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:49,780 Where's the wigs? Where's the wigs? 362 00:15:49,820 --> 00:15:52,160 Look at this stuff. 363 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:54,950 Hey, look. How would I look if I wore this? 364 00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,950 Looks like you ate Elton John. 365 00:16:01,250 --> 00:16:04,000 -Come on. -Here we are! Look at this! 366 00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:05,340 All right. 367 00:16:05,380 --> 00:16:07,210 What do you think? 368 00:16:08,090 --> 00:16:09,210 Well, this one is nice. 369 00:16:09,260 --> 00:16:11,010 All right, well, put it on. 370 00:16:11,050 --> 00:16:12,880 What? I'm not doing that. 371 00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:14,090 That's why I brought you down here, 372 00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:15,430 so I could see it on someone. 373 00:16:15,470 --> 00:16:16,970 Trust me, any wig I put on, 374 00:16:17,010 --> 00:16:18,770 I'm gonna look like Rick James. 375 00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:25,020 I got an idea. 376 00:16:25,060 --> 00:16:26,230 What are you doing? 377 00:16:26,270 --> 00:16:27,770 I'm drawing her face. 378 00:16:30,940 --> 00:16:31,950 All right. 379 00:16:31,990 --> 00:16:33,280 How does that look? 380 00:16:35,490 --> 00:16:36,830 I don't know. 381 00:16:36,870 --> 00:16:38,450 It doesn't look much like Carrie. 382 00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:40,950 Oh. 383 00:16:45,170 --> 00:16:47,130 Now look. How does that look? 384 00:16:48,590 --> 00:16:51,010 -There she is. -Yeah. 385 00:16:51,050 --> 00:16:53,800 [**] 386 00:16:55,970 --> 00:16:57,260 So? 387 00:16:57,300 --> 00:16:59,010 What are the results? 388 00:16:59,060 --> 00:17:00,470 I don't know, Spence. 389 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,520 I've been too nervous to open it. 390 00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:03,850 Do you want me to look? 391 00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:05,350 No, I should do this. 392 00:17:15,860 --> 00:17:19,370 According to this, the father is... 393 00:17:20,330 --> 00:17:22,870 Spence Olchin. 394 00:17:22,910 --> 00:17:24,290 What?! 395 00:17:24,330 --> 00:17:26,580 [CRYING] You bastard! 396 00:17:26,620 --> 00:17:29,290 -There must be some mistake. -Yeah! 397 00:17:29,340 --> 00:17:31,590 The mistake was letting you anywhere near my wife! 398 00:17:31,630 --> 00:17:33,590 I've never met your wife 399 00:17:33,630 --> 00:17:35,470 and I'm only 2 years older than Carrie. 400 00:17:35,510 --> 00:17:38,510 Oh, look at you, you're 50 if you're a day! 401 00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:42,640 Okay, Arthur, the reason my name 402 00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:45,940 is on this is because I'm the one paid for the test! 403 00:17:45,980 --> 00:17:48,270 For reasons I still don't understand. 404 00:17:50,190 --> 00:17:52,230 Well, you wiggled outta that one pretty good. 405 00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:54,110 See? It says right here, 406 00:17:54,150 --> 00:17:56,490 Frank Medford is not a match. 407 00:17:56,530 --> 00:17:58,410 You're Carrie's father. 408 00:17:58,450 --> 00:18:00,330 Well that's pretty anti-climactic. 409 00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:01,910 I'm gonna grab a nap. 410 00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:05,250 [**] 411 00:18:06,540 --> 00:18:11,000 [PIANO MUSIC PLAYING] 412 00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:12,500 Hey, look who found himself 413 00:18:12,550 --> 00:18:14,050 a high class hooker, huh? 414 00:18:14,090 --> 00:18:15,220 [FAKE LAUGHS] 415 00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:16,630 Hey. 416 00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:19,390 -Girl, you look amazing. -Damn. 417 00:18:19,430 --> 00:18:20,680 Damn? Now, do you mean that? 418 00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:22,350 'Cause you said you liked my short hair. 419 00:18:22,390 --> 00:18:25,350 No, no, no. That was scary. You're good now. 420 00:18:25,390 --> 00:18:26,940 Oh, yeah? 421 00:18:26,980 --> 00:18:28,600 'Cause I kinda feel like a Charlie's Angel, you know? 422 00:18:28,650 --> 00:18:31,270 -Freeze! -[ALL LAUGH] 423 00:18:31,310 --> 00:18:33,020 How great is this, man? Isn't it fun? 424 00:18:33,070 --> 00:18:34,440 Look at us. We're all hanging out. 425 00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:36,030 We got good hair. We're just chillin'. 426 00:18:36,070 --> 00:18:38,570 It's awesome, man. Don't get better than this. 427 00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:41,990 What are you looking at? You got a problem? 428 00:18:42,030 --> 00:18:43,580 No, no. I just-- 429 00:18:43,620 --> 00:18:46,120 I wanted to ask you if you wanted to dance. 430 00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:48,460 Oh. 431 00:18:50,210 --> 00:18:51,290 Do you mind, honey? 432 00:18:51,330 --> 00:18:52,540 Kiddin' me? You're doin' me a solid. 433 00:18:52,590 --> 00:18:55,010 I have the wrong underwear on for dancing. 434 00:18:57,050 --> 00:18:59,050 Thank you. 435 00:18:59,090 --> 00:19:02,050 * For once I can say this is mine* 436 00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:03,600 * You can't take it* 437 00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:06,270 * As long as I know I have loved* 438 00:19:06,310 --> 00:19:08,060 * I can make it* 439 00:19:08,100 --> 00:19:10,600 * For once in my life I have someone* 440 00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:15,030 * Who needs me* 441 00:19:15,070 --> 00:19:16,940 [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] 442 00:19:20,110 --> 00:19:21,110 Hey. There you are. 443 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,070 Thought we were gonna dance. 444 00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:24,490 Oh, you're finally done with Paco? 445 00:19:24,530 --> 00:19:28,250 Ugh. I'm all yours now, baby. 446 00:19:28,290 --> 00:19:31,080 God, you smell like Old Spice. 447 00:19:32,460 --> 00:19:34,540 That is sweet. You're jealous! 448 00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:35,750 I'm not jealous. 449 00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:36,960 Aw, Dougie-wougie, he's jealous! 450 00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:38,590 Stop it! Come on, stop it! 451 00:19:38,630 --> 00:19:40,260 Doug, what is wrong with you? I mean, 452 00:19:40,300 --> 00:19:41,680 when I looked horrible you didn't like it, 453 00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:43,470 now I look fantastic and you don't like it. 454 00:19:43,510 --> 00:19:45,390 I wouldn't say "fantastic." 455 00:19:45,430 --> 00:19:47,640 Oh. Really? That's interesting, 456 00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:49,180 because there's a whole shipload 457 00:19:49,230 --> 00:19:51,440 of cabin boys that think I'm pretty sexy, 458 00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:53,020 -so nighty night. -Yeah? Well, try it without 459 00:19:53,060 --> 00:19:54,110 your little friend. Yeah! 460 00:19:54,150 --> 00:19:55,270 -Doug! Give that to me! -No! 461 00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:56,650 No, the wig's mine now. 462 00:19:56,690 --> 00:19:59,070 Yeah, so go get the dance floor, cue ball. 463 00:20:00,490 --> 00:20:01,740 All right, you're being a jerk. 464 00:20:01,780 --> 00:20:03,200 No, wait, no. You know what? 465 00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:04,450 It's my turn maybe. You know what? 466 00:20:04,490 --> 00:20:06,030 'Cause it's dirty dancin' time 467 00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:08,330 and guess what? Baby just showed up. 468 00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:11,210 Yeah. Yeah... 469 00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:19,210 You could've told me it was for you. 470 00:20:19,260 --> 00:20:20,550 I would've understood. 471 00:20:26,220 --> 00:20:27,600 What the hell are we doing here? 472 00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:29,350 I don't know, honey. 473 00:20:29,390 --> 00:20:32,140 Look... 474 00:20:32,190 --> 00:20:34,230 I'm sorry about everything, all right? 475 00:20:35,770 --> 00:20:37,570 I'm sorry, too. 476 00:20:49,700 --> 00:20:52,250 It's beautiful tonight, isn't it? 477 00:20:52,290 --> 00:20:53,750 It is. 478 00:20:55,670 --> 00:20:57,380 Yeah. 479 00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:06,640 Come on, honey, I'm waiting... 480 00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:08,890 DEACON [GROANS]: I really don't want to do this. 481 00:21:08,930 --> 00:21:10,640 Heh, you promised. 482 00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:17,150 Let's hear it. 483 00:21:20,570 --> 00:21:23,700 [IMITATING RICK JAMES] * I'm a super freak * 484 00:21:23,740 --> 00:21:25,570 * Super freak * 485 00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:30,120 [**] 33422

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