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1
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:05,130
* My eyes are gettin' weary*
2
00:00:05,170 --> 00:00:07,340
* My back is gettin' tight*
3
00:00:07,380 --> 00:00:09,300
* I'm sittin' herein traffic*
4
00:00:09,340 --> 00:00:12,300
* On the Queensboro Bridgetonight*
5
00:00:12,340 --> 00:00:17,600
* But I don't care,'cause all I want to do*
6
00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:21,310
* Is cash my check and driveright home to you*
7
00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:25,150
* 'Cause, baby, all my life*
8
00:00:25,190 --> 00:00:28,570
* I will be drivin' hometo you*
9
00:00:32,440 --> 00:00:34,320
[**]
10
00:00:37,700 --> 00:00:39,700
[SIGHS]
11
00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:41,830
What is it, baby?
12
00:00:41,870 --> 00:00:43,460
I love barbecue
shrimp.
13
00:00:43,500 --> 00:00:45,120
I don't know why I ordered
the stuffed mushrooms.
14
00:00:45,170 --> 00:00:48,380
Ugh, I knew this was gonna
come back to haunt us.
15
00:00:48,420 --> 00:00:51,300
I saw the word "stuffed"
and I just stopped reading.
16
00:00:53,210 --> 00:00:54,630
What the hell?
17
00:00:57,300 --> 00:00:59,220
That guy over there
keeps staring at me.
18
00:00:59,260 --> 00:01:00,640
So? You like it
when guys stare at you.
19
00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:02,850
Not all guys.
Like, Latino guys.
20
00:01:02,890 --> 00:01:05,890
You know, young,
sexy, beautiful smile.
21
00:01:05,940 --> 00:01:07,560
You know, fit
but still cut--
22
00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:09,770
Yeah, not me.
I got it.
23
00:01:09,810 --> 00:01:11,650
Doug, he is staring
right at me.
24
00:01:11,690 --> 00:01:14,820
Go over there
and say something.
25
00:01:14,860 --> 00:01:17,280
You know, he's probably just
staring at these wine bottles.
26
00:01:17,320 --> 00:01:19,320
Look at him, he looks
like a real boozer.
27
00:01:19,370 --> 00:01:21,370
Can you just go over
there and say something?
28
00:01:21,410 --> 00:01:23,120
You're my husband.
You're supposed to protect me.
29
00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:25,290
-Yeah, I never agreed to that.
-Just go.
30
00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:34,210
Hi. Uh, listen,
31
00:01:34,260 --> 00:01:36,340
if you're staring at those
wine bottles over there,
32
00:01:36,380 --> 00:01:37,590
I completely understand,
it's just that
33
00:01:37,630 --> 00:01:38,760
they're right near
my wife's head
34
00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:40,220
and she gets confused,
35
00:01:40,260 --> 00:01:41,510
she thinks you're
staring at her, so--
36
00:01:41,550 --> 00:01:44,270
Actually, I was looking
at your wife.
37
00:01:45,350 --> 00:01:46,810
Oh.
38
00:01:46,850 --> 00:01:50,230
Are you interested in making
a substantial amount of money?
39
00:01:53,940 --> 00:01:55,490
I'm listening.
40
00:01:56,610 --> 00:01:58,660
My name's Edward Brill.
41
00:01:58,700 --> 00:02:00,280
I'm in the wig business.
42
00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:01,780
And we pay quite handsomely
43
00:02:01,830 --> 00:02:03,740
for quality hair like
your wife's.
44
00:02:06,540 --> 00:02:08,620
What are
we talking here?
45
00:02:08,670 --> 00:02:11,630
Well, depending on how much
she's willing to cut...
46
00:02:11,670 --> 00:02:13,500
$2,000 to $3,000.
47
00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:14,880
Wow.
48
00:02:14,920 --> 00:02:17,720
-Think about it.
-I will.
49
00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:19,680
I see you got
the barbecue shrimp.
50
00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:21,390
Please!
Help yourself.
51
00:02:21,430 --> 00:02:24,350
-Oh. Thank you.
-[EDWARD CHUCKLES]
52
00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:31,560
Hey, babe.
53
00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:33,360
Hi, honey.
54
00:02:34,860 --> 00:02:36,860
You have such
beautiful hair.
55
00:02:36,900 --> 00:02:38,820
Tell ya, I don't know
what sheen is, but...
56
00:02:38,860 --> 00:02:40,820
you got it.
57
00:02:40,860 --> 00:02:42,240
Aw. That's really
sweet, baby.
58
00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:43,660
Thank you.
59
00:02:47,750 --> 00:02:48,790
What was that?
60
00:02:48,830 --> 00:02:50,580
What was what?
61
00:02:50,620 --> 00:02:52,250
You barely brushed
your hair.
62
00:02:52,290 --> 00:02:53,790
You're supposed to do,
like, 100 strokes a night.
63
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,420
Where'd you
hear that?
64
00:02:55,460 --> 00:02:57,630
Uh, one Miss Marcia Brady.
Come here. Look it.
65
00:02:57,670 --> 00:03:01,340
1, 2, 3--
66
00:03:01,380 --> 00:03:02,430
Actually,
that feels kinda nice.
67
00:03:02,470 --> 00:03:06,850
Of course it does.
4, 5, 6--
68
00:03:06,890 --> 00:03:08,310
You know what
I was thinking?
69
00:03:08,350 --> 00:03:10,230
-Hmm?
-You...
70
00:03:10,270 --> 00:03:12,650
would look
reallygood...
71
00:03:12,690 --> 00:03:14,810
with short hair.
72
00:03:14,860 --> 00:03:15,940
What are you saying?
73
00:03:15,980 --> 00:03:17,860
You just said
you loved my long hair.
74
00:03:17,900 --> 00:03:20,240
Yeah, I know, but--
75
00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:21,610
if you love something,
you know the saying,
76
00:03:21,650 --> 00:03:24,030
you gotta
"Set it free"!
77
00:03:24,070 --> 00:03:25,240
Heh. What?
78
00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:26,530
Ahem. You know what?
79
00:03:26,580 --> 00:03:27,700
Just thinking
out loud here--
80
00:03:27,740 --> 00:03:28,950
when we do cut it,
81
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:30,460
we should put it in
a bag and sell it.
82
00:03:30,500 --> 00:03:32,460
35, 36.
83
00:03:32,500 --> 00:03:34,250
Stop. What?
What are you talking about?
84
00:03:34,290 --> 00:03:35,500
All right,
look, the guy tonight
85
00:03:35,540 --> 00:03:37,000
at the restaurant
was a wig maker.
86
00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:38,380
All right? He says
you have beautiful hair
87
00:03:38,420 --> 00:03:40,380
we can make a ton
of money off it!
88
00:03:40,420 --> 00:03:42,260
You want me
to sell my hair?
89
00:03:42,300 --> 00:03:43,720
Look. I know
it sounds weird,
90
00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:44,970
but he's talking,
like, $3,000.
91
00:03:45,010 --> 00:03:46,890
I really don't care!
92
00:03:46,930 --> 00:03:48,430
[STAMMERS]
Look, Carrie--
93
00:03:48,470 --> 00:03:50,810
Just think about it
for a minute, okay?
94
00:03:50,850 --> 00:03:52,560
First of all, we could
really use that money,
95
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:55,440
and, bonus, we could
be helping other people.
96
00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:56,610
People who aren't
blessed with your
97
00:03:56,650 --> 00:03:59,480
thick,
beautiful long hair.
98
00:03:59,530 --> 00:04:01,900
Actually, it would be
nice to--to give back.
99
00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:03,450
There you go!
100
00:04:04,660 --> 00:04:06,070
-So $3,000, huh?
-Yes.
101
00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:07,910
And the best part about
it is a year from now...
102
00:04:07,950 --> 00:04:10,290
you'll have a full head
of hair again, bang, $3,000
103
00:04:10,330 --> 00:04:12,330
in the pocket again.
104
00:04:12,370 --> 00:04:13,750
We could do a lot
with that money, right?
105
00:04:13,790 --> 00:04:15,670
We can get that pizza oven
I've been talking about.
106
00:04:15,710 --> 00:04:19,340
Or, more, we can go
on that cruise
107
00:04:19,380 --> 00:04:21,050
with Deacon and Kelley!
108
00:04:21,090 --> 00:04:22,590
Better yet,
when they come back,
109
00:04:22,630 --> 00:04:25,050
we throw 'em
a pizza party!
110
00:04:25,090 --> 00:04:26,760
Fine. Next batch,
I got dibs on.
111
00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:31,810
[**]
112
00:04:35,980 --> 00:04:37,650
What do you think?
113
00:04:40,070 --> 00:04:41,480
Wow.
114
00:04:45,450 --> 00:04:46,530
Look at you!
115
00:04:46,570 --> 00:04:48,410
So it's good?
116
00:04:48,450 --> 00:04:49,580
Look at you.
117
00:04:49,620 --> 00:04:50,990
I know!
118
00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:56,750
-Look at you.
-Mm.
119
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:08,720
[DOORBELL RINGS]
120
00:05:09,550 --> 00:05:11,010
[CLEARS THROAT]
121
00:05:12,770 --> 00:05:13,850
[JAMAICAN ACCENT]
Hey, mon, you ready
122
00:05:13,890 --> 00:05:16,020
for some island-hopping?
123
00:05:16,060 --> 00:05:18,060
I should have never let him
watch "Cool Runnings."
124
00:05:18,100 --> 00:05:21,480
[SCOFFS]
Where's Carrie?
125
00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:25,030
Uh, she's upstairs
working her comb-over.
126
00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:27,740
Haircut not so good?
127
00:05:27,780 --> 00:05:30,330
You know Moe,
from the "Three Stooges"?
128
00:05:31,910 --> 00:05:33,240
I'd kill for that.
129
00:05:34,910 --> 00:05:36,500
Ta-da!
130
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:39,210
So, what do you think?
131
00:05:39,250 --> 00:05:41,340
It's really,
really...
132
00:05:41,380 --> 00:05:42,500
-Sassy?
-Yes!
133
00:05:42,550 --> 00:05:43,840
I know!
134
00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:45,340
That's what
the stylist said!
135
00:05:45,380 --> 00:05:47,260
And you know what,
it's so easy to manage.
136
00:05:47,300 --> 00:05:49,430
I mean, my hair dries
faster than his now.
137
00:05:49,470 --> 00:05:53,180
[LAUGHS] It's true,
it does, it does. Faster.
138
00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:54,390
You know what?
I'm gonna go
139
00:05:54,430 --> 00:05:56,060
say good bye to my dad.
140
00:05:56,100 --> 00:05:57,810
Why don't you guys load up
the bags in the car, okay?
141
00:05:57,850 --> 00:05:59,310
Oh, honey.
142
00:05:59,350 --> 00:06:01,230
Tell them how I got carded
at the liquor store.
143
00:06:01,270 --> 00:06:04,070
DOUG: Oh. Yeah. Yeah.
144
00:06:04,110 --> 00:06:05,360
She did.
145
00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:07,530
'Cause "she looks like
a weird boy".
146
00:06:12,370 --> 00:06:14,580
Oh, hey.
We're leaving now.
147
00:06:14,620 --> 00:06:16,540
Who the hell
are you?
148
00:06:26,090 --> 00:06:28,840
I got my hair cut,
Dad.
149
00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:32,140
Anyway, we'll be back on
Sunday. I made you lasagna.
150
00:06:32,180 --> 00:06:33,390
I'm gonna put it
in the oven
151
00:06:33,430 --> 00:06:34,930
so you can have it
for lunch.
152
00:06:34,970 --> 00:06:36,350
With your hair cut short
like that,
153
00:06:36,390 --> 00:06:38,810
you know who you look
exactly like?
154
00:06:38,850 --> 00:06:40,940
Halle Berry?
155
00:06:40,980 --> 00:06:42,940
Frank Medford.
156
00:06:46,110 --> 00:06:47,440
Okay.
157
00:06:48,860 --> 00:06:50,530
He rented a room
from your mom and I
158
00:06:50,570 --> 00:06:52,490
-when we first got married.
-Oh, yeah?
159
00:06:52,530 --> 00:06:54,990
He was always very nice
to your mother.
160
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:56,410
He...
161
00:06:56,450 --> 00:06:58,500
looked after her when
I was away on business.
162
00:06:58,540 --> 00:07:01,120
He moved out rather abruptly
around the time
163
00:07:01,170 --> 00:07:03,000
she got pregnant with you.
164
00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:06,420
Okay, Daddy.
I love you.
165
00:07:06,460 --> 00:07:08,840
I'll call you
from the boat.
166
00:07:12,180 --> 00:07:13,600
Oh, dear God.
167
00:07:20,390 --> 00:07:22,480
* Some day*
168
00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:26,320
* When I'm awfully low*
169
00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:29,530
* When the world is cold*
170
00:07:29,570 --> 00:07:31,320
* I will feel the glow*
171
00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:36,280
* Just thinkin' of you*
172
00:07:36,330 --> 00:07:37,990
* And the way you look*
173
00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:39,370
How great is this?
174
00:07:39,410 --> 00:07:42,960
We're halfway to Barbados
with our best friends
175
00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:45,500
we have Robert Goulet
singing to us.
176
00:07:45,540 --> 00:07:48,170
I mean, what else
can you ask for?
177
00:07:48,210 --> 00:07:50,050
Not a thing.
178
00:08:04,060 --> 00:08:06,060
* With each word*
179
00:08:06,110 --> 00:08:10,280
* Your tenderness grows*
180
00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:12,280
* Tearing my fears...*
181
00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:14,280
What, Deac?
You wanna cut in?
182
00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:18,370
Dancin' with my wife,
but hey, what the heck.
183
00:08:18,410 --> 00:08:20,410
Switch it up!
Swap-see!
184
00:08:22,500 --> 00:08:24,210
* It touches my...*
185
00:08:24,250 --> 00:08:27,250
-Stop it!
-* Foolish heart*
186
00:08:27,290 --> 00:08:29,050
-Hey.
-Hey, all right.
187
00:08:29,090 --> 00:08:30,170
Let's see what you got,
big boy.
188
00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:32,420
[CHUCKLES]
Right.
189
00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:39,100
[**]
190
00:08:46,270 --> 00:08:47,270
Hey, Arthur.
191
00:08:47,310 --> 00:08:49,230
-You're late!
-Late?
192
00:08:49,270 --> 00:08:51,070
You told me 10 minutes
ago and told me
193
00:08:51,110 --> 00:08:52,610
to be here in 10 minutes.
194
00:08:52,650 --> 00:08:54,610
Let's not waste more time
with your pathetic excuses!
195
00:08:54,650 --> 00:08:57,120
Okay. What's going on?
196
00:08:57,160 --> 00:08:59,950
-You see that man in there?
-Yeah.
197
00:08:59,990 --> 00:09:01,290
I have reason to believe
he may be
198
00:09:01,330 --> 00:09:04,000
Carrie's real father.
199
00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:05,120
What are you talking
about?
200
00:09:05,170 --> 00:09:06,960
It's a long story.
201
00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:08,590
Actually,
it's pretty short.
202
00:09:10,500 --> 00:09:12,630
I think he boinked
Carrie's mother.
203
00:09:15,510 --> 00:09:17,760
If there was only some way
I could know for sure.
204
00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:19,720
Well, you know what?
You could do a DNA test.
205
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:22,470
You send in some of her
hair, some of his hair,
206
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:24,230
you'd know
in a couple of days.
207
00:09:24,270 --> 00:09:25,690
How am I gonna
get his hair?
208
00:09:25,730 --> 00:09:27,350
It doesn't have to be
hair. It could be...
209
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,190
saliva,
or a skin sample.
210
00:09:29,230 --> 00:09:31,070
Skin sample, huh?
211
00:09:31,110 --> 00:09:32,480
I'll be right back.
212
00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:35,780
Hey, Frank!
How 'bout we catch up
213
00:09:35,820 --> 00:09:38,490
with a good old-fashioned
scratch-fight?
214
00:09:39,660 --> 00:09:41,330
-What?
-You know.
215
00:09:41,370 --> 00:09:42,620
A scratch-fight.
Like we used to have
216
00:09:42,660 --> 00:09:44,120
back in the neighborhood.
217
00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:46,620
You know,
just for kicks, huh?
218
00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:49,460
What the hell
is going on here, Artie?
219
00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:51,540
You call me up
out of the blue,
220
00:09:51,590 --> 00:09:54,510
you invite me over here
for crab legs,
221
00:09:54,550 --> 00:09:56,470
and instead,
all I get is tap water--
222
00:09:56,510 --> 00:09:58,340
You're absolutely
right, Frank.
223
00:09:58,390 --> 00:10:00,300
Allow me to apologize
224
00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:03,010
by swabbing the inside
of your mouth.
225
00:10:04,350 --> 00:10:06,310
Okay. I'm outta here!
226
00:10:06,350 --> 00:10:07,640
So soon? Wait!
227
00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:09,150
You have something
in your hair.
228
00:10:09,190 --> 00:10:10,480
What?
229
00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:11,770
Ow!
230
00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:14,110
Turns out it's just
a clump of your hair.
231
00:10:17,740 --> 00:10:19,070
[DOOR CLOSES]
232
00:10:19,740 --> 00:10:21,570
[**]
233
00:10:25,370 --> 00:10:27,710
How beautiful
is this?
234
00:10:27,750 --> 00:10:30,170
Yeah. It's beautiful.
Just...
235
00:10:30,210 --> 00:10:31,790
a little chilly,
isn't it? Here.
236
00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:34,750
Let me help you
with this right there.
237
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:38,170
Stop! No, honey.
Come on.
238
00:10:38,220 --> 00:10:40,510
I actually like the wind
on my scalp, you know?
239
00:10:40,550 --> 00:10:42,050
Feels good.
240
00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:44,220
-Okay.
-What's the matter?
241
00:10:44,260 --> 00:10:47,180
-Nothing, I over-buffeted.
-Oh. Okay.
242
00:10:48,390 --> 00:10:50,560
-Oh, look, it's Robert Goulet!
-Where?
243
00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:51,810
Where?
[CHUCKLES]
244
00:10:51,860 --> 00:10:54,520
I'm sleeping
with his wife.
245
00:10:54,570 --> 00:10:56,190
[CHUCKLES] Listen,
we loved your show tonight.
246
00:10:56,230 --> 00:10:58,740
Yeah, and I usually hate
that kind of crap, so...
247
00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:01,780
Isn't that sweet?
248
00:11:01,820 --> 00:11:03,200
Actually, would
you mind if we took
249
00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:04,620
a picture with you?
250
00:11:04,660 --> 00:11:07,750
No, as long as he likes
my crappy music, why not?
251
00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:10,120
I'm just gonna go
get the camera.
252
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:12,630
I'll be right back,
okay?
253
00:11:12,670 --> 00:11:14,460
Boy, that is...
254
00:11:14,500 --> 00:11:16,300
wild hair.
255
00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:19,300
I just thought she'd
look cute with short hair.
256
00:11:19,340 --> 00:11:20,590
You know,
like Jamie Lee Curtis.
257
00:11:20,630 --> 00:11:22,720
Oh, Jamie Lee,
I love her.
258
00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:24,600
We did
a Muppet special together.
259
00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:28,810
She sang a haunting duet
with Fozzie Bear.
260
00:11:28,850 --> 00:11:31,230
Oh, wait. I have
my camera right here.
261
00:11:37,650 --> 00:11:40,400
-Hey.
-Hey.
262
00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:41,740
What were you doing?
263
00:11:41,780 --> 00:11:43,110
Nothing, I'm just
sitting here
264
00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:44,620
talking
to Mr. Robert Goulet.
265
00:11:44,660 --> 00:11:46,740
Can you believe it?
Pinch me! Now! Pinch me!
266
00:11:46,790 --> 00:11:48,200
[CHUCKLING]
That's crazy.
267
00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:50,500
Were you talking
about my hair?
268
00:11:50,540 --> 00:11:52,370
No. No.
269
00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:53,880
Was he making fun
of my hair?
270
00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:55,340
Look, I'm in a hurry.
271
00:11:55,380 --> 00:11:57,250
I've gotta call Bingo
in the Barracuda Lounge.
272
00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:58,920
Yeah, you're not going
anywhere, show-tunes.
273
00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:00,170
Just tell me.
Was he making fun
274
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:01,800
of my hair or not?
Was he?
275
00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:04,760
He says you look
like Pete Rose.
276
00:12:08,470 --> 00:12:10,430
-Pete Rose?
-He's the all-time...
277
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,440
hits leader! He's--
278
00:12:13,850 --> 00:12:15,560
Oh, buddy, I'm sorry.
279
00:12:15,610 --> 00:12:17,570
Look, drink's half price.
280
00:12:17,610 --> 00:12:18,650
My late show, okay.
281
00:12:18,690 --> 00:12:20,320
See you.
282
00:12:26,530 --> 00:12:27,910
[SIGHS]
Carrie, what're you doing?
283
00:12:27,950 --> 00:12:29,450
I'm leaving.
284
00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:32,960
You do realize
we're on a boat.
285
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:34,290
Then I will swim.
286
00:12:34,330 --> 00:12:35,880
I have the perfect hair
for it.
287
00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:37,670
Come on!
288
00:12:37,710 --> 00:12:39,590
I saw you
and Robert Goulet
289
00:12:39,630 --> 00:12:41,720
laughing at how bad
my hair looks.
290
00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:43,470
We weren't laughing
at how bad your hair looks.
291
00:12:43,510 --> 00:12:44,630
We were laughing with...
292
00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:46,430
how bad you hair looks.
293
00:12:46,470 --> 00:12:47,800
I can't believe
I convinced myself
294
00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:50,270
that this looked
stylish and sassy.
295
00:12:50,310 --> 00:12:52,230
I look like
a mental patient!
296
00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:54,850
-I know it's hard.
-Get off me!
297
00:12:54,890 --> 00:12:56,650
Don't touch me!
298
00:12:56,690 --> 00:12:58,650
You know how
humiliated I am?
299
00:12:58,690 --> 00:13:00,320
I mean,
and you talked me into this!
300
00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:01,780
Look, I didn't know
it was gonna look so bad.
301
00:13:01,820 --> 00:13:03,320
But here's the thing,
Carrie.
302
00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:04,650
You know what?
Your hair's gonna grow back
303
00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:06,320
and you never have
to do this again.
304
00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:07,820
Actually, one more time,
'cause the pizza oven
305
00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:09,530
was part of the deal.
306
00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:11,200
Ow!
307
00:13:12,580 --> 00:13:14,250
Look, we made a mistake.
308
00:13:14,290 --> 00:13:16,460
-What do you want me to do?
-Shave your head.
309
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:18,960
You know,
I'm not shavin' my head.
310
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:20,840
Well, shave somethin', babe.
311
00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:23,010
Yeah, that's right.
312
00:13:23,050 --> 00:13:24,630
How about that weird patch
on your back?
313
00:13:24,670 --> 00:13:26,760
Oh. No, I need that.
314
00:13:30,390 --> 00:13:31,810
We can still have
a good time, all right?
315
00:13:31,850 --> 00:13:34,020
Why don't you-- here.
Throw this scarf on,
316
00:13:34,060 --> 00:13:35,520
and we'll go meet
Deacon and Kelly
317
00:13:35,560 --> 00:13:37,850
down at the, you know,
midnight buffet.
318
00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:40,900
I'm not going anywhere
until my hair grows back.
319
00:13:42,570 --> 00:13:43,900
So, what are you saying?
We're gonna stay here
320
00:13:43,940 --> 00:13:46,030
in the cabin for the rest
of the cruise?
321
00:13:46,070 --> 00:13:47,820
Not we.
322
00:13:54,660 --> 00:13:56,750
You guys got
an extra pillow?
323
00:13:58,790 --> 00:14:00,540
Just askin'.
324
00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,680
[**]
325
00:14:18,770 --> 00:14:20,190
Hey.
326
00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:26,190
What the hell
are you doing?
327
00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:29,740
I'm sorry.
It was cold, all right?
328
00:14:29,780 --> 00:14:31,280
Where's Kelly?
329
00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:32,780
She left. She got
pretty freaked out
330
00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:34,450
when I got into bed.
331
00:14:34,490 --> 00:14:36,000
Oh, man!
332
00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:37,660
I've really been looking
forward to this trip.
333
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,330
Now I'm stuck in bed
with you instead of my wife.
334
00:14:39,370 --> 00:14:41,210
[SIGHS]
Women.
335
00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:45,210
Sometimes it's like
no matter what we do,
336
00:14:45,260 --> 00:14:46,300
it just isn't good
enough for them.
337
00:14:46,340 --> 00:14:48,170
You know
what I'm saying?
338
00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:49,840
Don't lump us
together.
339
00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:52,100
I saved up money for
6 months for this trip.
340
00:14:52,140 --> 00:14:54,890
You sold your wife
for parts.
341
00:14:54,930 --> 00:14:56,270
I'm sorry.
What am I supposed to do?
342
00:14:56,310 --> 00:14:57,890
I don't know,
but I got two more days
343
00:14:57,930 --> 00:14:59,310
on this boat
without my kids
344
00:14:59,350 --> 00:15:02,150
and I plan on gettin'
lucky, and not with you.
345
00:15:02,190 --> 00:15:04,820
Well, just for that
the candy shop is closed.
346
00:15:04,860 --> 00:15:07,030
Okay?
347
00:15:07,070 --> 00:15:09,240
Quit hogging
the blanket.
348
00:15:12,030 --> 00:15:14,370
There's gotta be some way
I can make this better.
349
00:15:14,410 --> 00:15:16,830
Buy her a hat, or...
350
00:15:16,870 --> 00:15:19,160
a helmet.
351
00:15:19,210 --> 00:15:21,120
How about a wig?
352
00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:24,130
Okay, where am I gonna get
her a wig on a cruise ship?
353
00:15:24,170 --> 00:15:27,260
Where were you gonna
get a helmet, idiot?
354
00:15:27,300 --> 00:15:30,220
Now I see why Kelly left.
I really do.
355
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:37,850
Shhhh.
You gotta be fast.
356
00:15:37,890 --> 00:15:39,100
Okay.
357
00:15:39,140 --> 00:15:41,350
Look, I really appreciate
this, Mr. Goulet.
358
00:15:41,390 --> 00:15:44,060
Okay. Lock up
on your way out.
359
00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:45,730
Okay. All right.
360
00:15:45,770 --> 00:15:47,360
Let's do this
and get out of here.
361
00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:49,780
Where's the wigs?
Where's the wigs?
362
00:15:49,820 --> 00:15:52,160
Look at this stuff.
363
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:54,950
Hey, look. How would
I look if I wore this?
364
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,950
Looks like you ate
Elton John.
365
00:16:01,250 --> 00:16:04,000
-Come on.
-Here we are! Look at this!
366
00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:05,340
All right.
367
00:16:05,380 --> 00:16:07,210
What do you think?
368
00:16:08,090 --> 00:16:09,210
Well, this one is nice.
369
00:16:09,260 --> 00:16:11,010
All right, well,
put it on.
370
00:16:11,050 --> 00:16:12,880
What?
I'm not doing that.
371
00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:14,090
That's why I brought
you down here,
372
00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:15,430
so I could see
it on someone.
373
00:16:15,470 --> 00:16:16,970
Trust me,
any wig I put on,
374
00:16:17,010 --> 00:16:18,770
I'm gonna look like
Rick James.
375
00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:25,020
I got an idea.
376
00:16:25,060 --> 00:16:26,230
What are you doing?
377
00:16:26,270 --> 00:16:27,770
I'm drawing her face.
378
00:16:30,940 --> 00:16:31,950
All right.
379
00:16:31,990 --> 00:16:33,280
How does that look?
380
00:16:35,490 --> 00:16:36,830
I don't know.
381
00:16:36,870 --> 00:16:38,450
It doesn't look
much like Carrie.
382
00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:40,950
Oh.
383
00:16:45,170 --> 00:16:47,130
Now look.
How does that look?
384
00:16:48,590 --> 00:16:51,010
-There she is.
-Yeah.
385
00:16:51,050 --> 00:16:53,800
[**]
386
00:16:55,970 --> 00:16:57,260
So?
387
00:16:57,300 --> 00:16:59,010
What are the results?
388
00:16:59,060 --> 00:17:00,470
I don't know, Spence.
389
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,520
I've been too nervous
to open it.
390
00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:03,850
Do you want me
to look?
391
00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:05,350
No, I should do this.
392
00:17:15,860 --> 00:17:19,370
According to this,
the father is...
393
00:17:20,330 --> 00:17:22,870
Spence Olchin.
394
00:17:22,910 --> 00:17:24,290
What?!
395
00:17:24,330 --> 00:17:26,580
[CRYING] You bastard!
396
00:17:26,620 --> 00:17:29,290
-There must be some mistake.
-Yeah!
397
00:17:29,340 --> 00:17:31,590
The mistake was letting you
anywhere near my wife!
398
00:17:31,630 --> 00:17:33,590
I've never met
your wife
399
00:17:33,630 --> 00:17:35,470
and I'm only 2 years
older than Carrie.
400
00:17:35,510 --> 00:17:38,510
Oh, look at you,
you're 50 if you're a day!
401
00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:42,640
Okay, Arthur,
the reason my name
402
00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:45,940
is on this is because I'm
the one paid for the test!
403
00:17:45,980 --> 00:17:48,270
For reasons I still
don't understand.
404
00:17:50,190 --> 00:17:52,230
Well, you wiggled outta
that one pretty good.
405
00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:54,110
See? It says right here,
406
00:17:54,150 --> 00:17:56,490
Frank Medford
is not a match.
407
00:17:56,530 --> 00:17:58,410
You're Carrie's father.
408
00:17:58,450 --> 00:18:00,330
Well that's pretty
anti-climactic.
409
00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:01,910
I'm gonna grab a nap.
410
00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:05,250
[**]
411
00:18:06,540 --> 00:18:11,000
[PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
412
00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:12,500
Hey, look who found
himself
413
00:18:12,550 --> 00:18:14,050
a high class hooker, huh?
414
00:18:14,090 --> 00:18:15,220
[FAKE LAUGHS]
415
00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:16,630
Hey.
416
00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:19,390
-Girl, you look amazing.
-Damn.
417
00:18:19,430 --> 00:18:20,680
Damn? Now, do you mean that?
418
00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:22,350
'Cause you said you liked
my short hair.
419
00:18:22,390 --> 00:18:25,350
No, no, no. That was scary.
You're good now.
420
00:18:25,390 --> 00:18:26,940
Oh, yeah?
421
00:18:26,980 --> 00:18:28,600
'Cause I kinda feel like
a Charlie's Angel, you know?
422
00:18:28,650 --> 00:18:31,270
-Freeze!
-[ALL LAUGH]
423
00:18:31,310 --> 00:18:33,020
How great is this, man?
Isn't it fun?
424
00:18:33,070 --> 00:18:34,440
Look at us.
We're all hanging out.
425
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:36,030
We got good hair.
We're just chillin'.
426
00:18:36,070 --> 00:18:38,570
It's awesome, man.
Don't get better than this.
427
00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:41,990
What are you looking at?
You got a problem?
428
00:18:42,030 --> 00:18:43,580
No, no. I just--
429
00:18:43,620 --> 00:18:46,120
I wanted to ask you
if you wanted to dance.
430
00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:48,460
Oh.
431
00:18:50,210 --> 00:18:51,290
Do you mind, honey?
432
00:18:51,330 --> 00:18:52,540
Kiddin' me?
You're doin' me a solid.
433
00:18:52,590 --> 00:18:55,010
I have the wrong underwear
on for dancing.
434
00:18:57,050 --> 00:18:59,050
Thank you.
435
00:18:59,090 --> 00:19:02,050
* For once I can saythis is mine*
436
00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:03,600
* You can't take it*
437
00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:06,270
* As long as I knowI have loved*
438
00:19:06,310 --> 00:19:08,060
* I can make it*
439
00:19:08,100 --> 00:19:10,600
* For once in my lifeI have someone*
440
00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:15,030
* Who needs me*
441
00:19:15,070 --> 00:19:16,940
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
442
00:19:20,110 --> 00:19:21,110
Hey.
There you are.
443
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,070
Thought we were
gonna dance.
444
00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:24,490
Oh, you're finally
done with Paco?
445
00:19:24,530 --> 00:19:28,250
Ugh. I'm all yours
now, baby.
446
00:19:28,290 --> 00:19:31,080
God, you smell
like Old Spice.
447
00:19:32,460 --> 00:19:34,540
That is sweet.
You're jealous!
448
00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:35,750
I'm not jealous.
449
00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:36,960
Aw, Dougie-wougie,
he's jealous!
450
00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:38,590
Stop it!
Come on, stop it!
451
00:19:38,630 --> 00:19:40,260
Doug, what is wrong
with you? I mean,
452
00:19:40,300 --> 00:19:41,680
when I looked horrible
you didn't like it,
453
00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:43,470
now I look fantastic
and you don't like it.
454
00:19:43,510 --> 00:19:45,390
I wouldn't say
"fantastic."
455
00:19:45,430 --> 00:19:47,640
Oh. Really?
That's interesting,
456
00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:49,180
because there's
a whole shipload
457
00:19:49,230 --> 00:19:51,440
of cabin boys that think
I'm pretty sexy,
458
00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:53,020
-so nighty night.
-Yeah? Well, try it without
459
00:19:53,060 --> 00:19:54,110
your little friend.
Yeah!
460
00:19:54,150 --> 00:19:55,270
-Doug! Give that to me!
-No!
461
00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:56,650
No, the wig's mine now.
462
00:19:56,690 --> 00:19:59,070
Yeah, so go get the
dance floor, cue ball.
463
00:20:00,490 --> 00:20:01,740
All right,
you're being a jerk.
464
00:20:01,780 --> 00:20:03,200
No, wait, no.
You know what?
465
00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:04,450
It's my turn maybe.
You know what?
466
00:20:04,490 --> 00:20:06,030
'Cause it's dirty
dancin' time
467
00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:08,330
and guess what?
Baby just showed up.
468
00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:11,210
Yeah. Yeah...
469
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:19,210
You could've told me
it was for you.
470
00:20:19,260 --> 00:20:20,550
I would've understood.
471
00:20:26,220 --> 00:20:27,600
What the hell
are we doing here?
472
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:29,350
I don't know, honey.
473
00:20:29,390 --> 00:20:32,140
Look...
474
00:20:32,190 --> 00:20:34,230
I'm sorry about everything,
all right?
475
00:20:35,770 --> 00:20:37,570
I'm sorry, too.
476
00:20:49,700 --> 00:20:52,250
It's beautiful tonight,
isn't it?
477
00:20:52,290 --> 00:20:53,750
It is.
478
00:20:55,670 --> 00:20:57,380
Yeah.
479
00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:06,640
Come on, honey, I'm waiting...
480
00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:08,890
DEACON [GROANS]:
I really don't want to do this.
481
00:21:08,930 --> 00:21:10,640
Heh, you promised.
482
00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:17,150
Let's hear it.
483
00:21:20,570 --> 00:21:23,700
[IMITATING RICK JAMES]
* I'm a super freak *
484
00:21:23,740 --> 00:21:25,570
* Super freak *
485
00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:30,120
[**]
33422
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