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1
00:00:02,580 --> 00:00:04,040
[**]
2
00:00:05,580 --> 00:00:07,670
[EERIE THEME PLAYING ON TV]
3
00:00:07,710 --> 00:00:10,170
You know, for a guy who
can't see his own reflection,
4
00:00:10,210 --> 00:00:12,800
Dracula is
pretty well groomed.
5
00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:15,050
All right, let's see
what else is on.
6
00:00:15,090 --> 00:00:16,640
[SIGHS]
7
00:00:16,680 --> 00:00:17,680
[CHANGES CHANNEL]
8
00:00:17,720 --> 00:00:19,220
Oh, leave that,
leave that.
9
00:00:19,260 --> 00:00:20,520
CHARLIE ROSE: Prime Minister,thank you very much.
10
00:00:20,560 --> 00:00:21,730
Charlie Rose?
11
00:00:21,770 --> 00:00:23,770
You realize that's PBS?
12
00:00:23,810 --> 00:00:27,770
Doug, we never watch anything
that broadens our horizons.
13
00:00:27,810 --> 00:00:30,190
Maybe this will give us
something to talk about.
14
00:00:30,230 --> 00:00:32,610
We watch TV
so we don't have to talk.
15
00:00:33,780 --> 00:00:35,530
Let's just try it.
16
00:00:35,570 --> 00:00:37,070
-[DOUG SIGHS DEEPLY]
-ROSE: You find successsquarely in the center
17
00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:38,620
of today'smost pressing issues--
18
00:00:38,660 --> 00:00:40,330
the war on terror,the future shape of Europe...
19
00:00:40,370 --> 00:00:41,870
Who's he interviewing,
anyway?
20
00:00:41,910 --> 00:00:45,250
It says right there--
the prime minister of Turkey.
21
00:00:46,370 --> 00:00:47,710
I gotta level with ya.
22
00:00:47,750 --> 00:00:49,540
I'd rather see an interview
with an actual turkey.
23
00:00:49,590 --> 00:00:51,050
All right, shh.
24
00:00:51,090 --> 00:00:55,180
ROSE: Tell me what roleyou think Turkey can play
25
00:00:55,220 --> 00:00:56,680
in shaping...
26
00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:58,550
I'll bet you five bucks
Charlie picks up his water glass
27
00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:00,560
-in the next 30 seconds.
-Come on.
28
00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:01,810
Give me 3 to 1 odds.
29
00:01:01,850 --> 00:01:03,390
[WOMAN SPEAKING
INDISTINCTLY ON TV]
30
00:01:03,430 --> 00:01:05,390
-All right, you're on.
-Okay.
31
00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:08,230
Come on, you're bored
and you're thirsty, Charlie.
32
00:01:08,270 --> 00:01:10,650
Chalooch.
Come on now,
pick it up, buddy.
33
00:01:10,690 --> 00:01:12,110
-No, don't do it. Don't do it.
-Come on, pick it up.
34
00:01:12,150 --> 00:01:13,570
-Charlie, don't do it.
-Just grab it!
35
00:01:13,610 --> 00:01:14,690
-Don't do it! Don't do it!
-Grab it, take a sip!
36
00:01:14,740 --> 00:01:16,110
Hey, Sipsy Russell!
37
00:01:18,700 --> 00:01:19,910
All right, you want
to go double or nothing
38
00:01:19,950 --> 00:01:21,790
on Masterpiece Theater?
39
00:01:25,290 --> 00:01:28,380
* My eyesare gettin' weary*
40
00:01:28,420 --> 00:01:30,590
* My back is gettin' tight*
41
00:01:30,630 --> 00:01:32,420
* I'm sittin' herein traffic*
42
00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:35,590
* On the Queensboro Bridgetonight*
43
00:01:35,630 --> 00:01:41,260
* But I don't care,'cause all I want to do*
44
00:01:41,300 --> 00:01:44,680
* Is cash my check and driveright home to you*
45
00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:48,400
* 'Cause, baby,all my life*
46
00:01:48,440 --> 00:01:52,230
* I will be drivin' hometo you*
47
00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:04,240
Ah, Douglas.
[SNIFFS]
48
00:02:04,290 --> 00:02:06,870
What is that
powerful aroma?
49
00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:10,080
I could ask
the same thing.
50
00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:14,800
Is that some kind
of melted sandwich?
51
00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:16,170
Yes, it is, and I don't want you
shedding on it,
52
00:02:16,210 --> 00:02:18,130
so could you
step back?
53
00:02:18,170 --> 00:02:19,760
So, I can't be near
your food.
54
00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:21,340
Then I assume
you'd really get upset
55
00:02:21,390 --> 00:02:23,930
if I touched it
like this, huh?
56
00:02:23,970 --> 00:02:26,560
Actually, all you did
is touch hot butter.
57
00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:29,100
Excuse me.
I need some salve.
58
00:02:31,060 --> 00:02:32,310
Oh, hey.
59
00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:34,020
Listen, did you get fitted
for your suit
60
00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:35,730
for my cousin Faye's
wedding?
61
00:02:35,780 --> 00:02:37,320
No, but it's right at the top
of my to-do list.
62
00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:39,570
Honey, you understand
the wedding is in 2 weeks,
63
00:02:39,610 --> 00:02:41,570
and you are a guy who needs
a tailor's help.
64
00:02:41,610 --> 00:02:43,200
Okay, you understand
the concept
65
00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:45,120
behind a grilled cheese
sandwich.
66
00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:48,040
Okay, if the cheese cools,
this was all for nothing.
67
00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:50,920
Doug, all I'm asking you to do
is get the suit!
68
00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:53,920
And all I'm asking you to do
is shutty.
69
00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:56,090
Ohh!
70
00:02:57,380 --> 00:02:58,340
Doug!
71
00:02:58,380 --> 00:03:00,130
Oh, my God,
are you okay?
72
00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:04,680
[HIGH VOICE]
Cheese still hot.
73
00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:07,810
Okay, try to keep the weight
on the other foot.
74
00:03:07,850 --> 00:03:10,140
Let's plant you
on the couch.
75
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:12,150
I don't have to remind you
to do that.
76
00:03:13,270 --> 00:03:14,980
All right,
remember the doctor said
77
00:03:15,020 --> 00:03:16,650
to keep your foot
elevated,
78
00:03:16,690 --> 00:03:19,650
and you have to take
your pills every 3 hours.
79
00:03:19,690 --> 00:03:21,110
Next one's at 4:00.
80
00:03:21,150 --> 00:03:23,030
Okay, um, did he happen
to mention what time
81
00:03:23,070 --> 00:03:24,410
you're going to say
you're sorry
82
00:03:24,450 --> 00:03:26,240
for pushing me
down the stairs!
83
00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:28,240
I didn't push you.
You fell.
84
00:03:28,290 --> 00:03:29,910
Because you hit me!
85
00:03:29,950 --> 00:03:31,080
Because you didn't get
fitted for your suit
86
00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:32,250
like I asked you to!
87
00:03:32,290 --> 00:03:33,830
So you cripple me?
88
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:36,250
And for the time you ripped up
my Voguemagazine
89
00:03:36,290 --> 00:03:38,090
'cause you had to make
your collage.
90
00:03:38,130 --> 00:03:39,710
Okay, it wasn't
a collage.
91
00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:41,130
I was constructing
the perfect woman.
92
00:03:41,170 --> 00:03:42,680
Okay...
93
00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:47,680
Anyway, the doctor said
you're not crippled.
94
00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:49,680
With a month of physical
therapy, you'll be fine.
95
00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:51,060
Oh, just a month...
96
00:03:51,100 --> 00:03:53,350
and every day it rains
for the rest of my life!
97
00:03:58,230 --> 00:04:00,110
I understand
that you're upset, okay?
98
00:04:00,150 --> 00:04:02,860
But you do understand that I
didn't mean to hurt you, right?
99
00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:05,820
I want to believe that.
100
00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:16,130
What?
101
00:04:16,170 --> 00:04:17,250
I just came up
for a glass of water.
102
00:04:17,290 --> 00:04:18,420
I don't
want any trouble.
103
00:04:18,460 --> 00:04:19,840
Come on, Dad.
It was an accident.
104
00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:21,260
Oh, please, You could have
killed him.
105
00:04:21,300 --> 00:04:23,130
With him being
basically uninsurable,
106
00:04:23,170 --> 00:04:24,760
where would that leave us?
107
00:04:26,390 --> 00:04:27,890
All right,
would you back off?
108
00:04:27,930 --> 00:04:29,100
It wasn't my fault.
109
00:04:29,140 --> 00:04:30,850
Shame on you, Carrie.
110
00:04:30,890 --> 00:04:33,140
I've pushed many people
down flights of stairs,
111
00:04:33,180 --> 00:04:36,060
but damn it,
I've always owned up to it.
112
00:04:49,490 --> 00:04:52,120
[**]
113
00:04:59,290 --> 00:05:02,260
Okay, physical therapy's
on the 2nd floor.
114
00:05:02,300 --> 00:05:04,170
Oh, the snack bar's
on the 5th floor.
115
00:05:04,220 --> 00:05:06,130
This day just
keeps getting better.
116
00:05:08,220 --> 00:05:09,430
What the hell?
117
00:05:12,390 --> 00:05:14,310
That is sick!
118
00:05:17,230 --> 00:05:18,940
Hey, excuse me,
119
00:05:18,980 --> 00:05:20,400
what's that?
120
00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:23,320
That right there is a little
thing called "Slamball."
121
00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:24,820
Great, another cool thing
we can't do
122
00:05:24,860 --> 00:05:26,030
because of Carrie.
123
00:05:26,070 --> 00:05:27,740
Yeah, we can't...
124
00:05:29,030 --> 00:05:30,160
Wecan.
125
00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:31,790
Hey, put us
down for tomorrow.
126
00:05:31,830 --> 00:05:33,500
Heffernan. H-E-F-F--
127
00:05:33,540 --> 00:05:35,330
Whoa, whoa. Don't get ahead
of yourself, chief.
128
00:05:35,370 --> 00:05:37,290
We got
a 3-month waiting list.
129
00:05:37,330 --> 00:05:39,920
Hey!
You can't touch him there.
130
00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:45,130
[**]
131
00:05:45,170 --> 00:05:47,090
[BASKETBALL GAME PLAYING ON TV]
132
00:05:49,010 --> 00:05:50,470
[SIGHS]
133
00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:53,770
Have you
changed your pants
134
00:05:53,810 --> 00:05:55,100
since you fell
down the stairs?
135
00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:59,100
It's a whole thing
getting them off.
136
00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:00,230
Just...
137
00:06:00,270 --> 00:06:02,400
-Hey, guys.
-Hey, Carrie.
138
00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:04,900
How'd your
physical therapy go?
139
00:06:04,940 --> 00:06:06,240
Pretty rough.
140
00:06:06,280 --> 00:06:08,240
He worked some deep tissue
on my thigh
141
00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:11,030
while I went
to my safe place.
142
00:06:11,070 --> 00:06:12,950
Anyway, I thought
you might be hungry,
143
00:06:12,990 --> 00:06:15,250
so I got you some burgers
from White Castle.
144
00:06:15,290 --> 00:06:17,080
Oh, thank you.
145
00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:18,540
Yeah. And I know you like
the fries
146
00:06:18,580 --> 00:06:19,960
from
the bowling alley,
147
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:21,420
so there you go.
148
00:06:21,460 --> 00:06:22,960
Great.
149
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:24,960
I'll be right back
with a soda.
150
00:06:26,420 --> 00:06:27,920
I got to tell you--
151
00:06:27,970 --> 00:06:29,260
I feel like going home
and having Kelly
152
00:06:29,300 --> 00:06:31,090
push me down some stairs.
153
00:06:32,220 --> 00:06:33,430
What are you
talking about?
154
00:06:33,470 --> 00:06:35,850
I've never seen Carrie
serve you.
155
00:06:35,890 --> 00:06:38,060
Or smile at you.
156
00:06:38,100 --> 00:06:39,440
She's just
acting all nice.
157
00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:41,060
You know what,
I bet she feels guilty.
158
00:06:41,100 --> 00:06:42,360
No, no, no,
it's much more
than that.
159
00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:44,320
It's a fundamental change.
160
00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:47,990
The whole balance of power
has shifted to you.
161
00:06:48,030 --> 00:06:49,530
Get out of here.
162
00:06:49,570 --> 00:06:51,110
I'm telling you as long as
you keep that thing on your leg,
163
00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:53,030
I bet you get
anything you want.
164
00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:55,910
Here you go.
165
00:06:56,580 --> 00:06:57,830
You all set?
166
00:06:57,870 --> 00:07:00,960
Um...actually,
you know what,
167
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:03,460
could you just take
the pickles off the burgers?
168
00:07:03,500 --> 00:07:05,090
Sure.
169
00:07:05,130 --> 00:07:07,260
And then chop them up
into little bits,
170
00:07:07,300 --> 00:07:09,970
and then put them
back on like relish?
171
00:07:11,930 --> 00:07:14,300
-I wasn't kidding.
-Oh, okay.
172
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:18,480
[POPS MOUTH]
173
00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:21,020
[**]
174
00:07:23,020 --> 00:07:26,190
* I put a spellon you*
175
00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:34,530
* Because you're mine*
176
00:07:39,700 --> 00:07:43,120
* Stop the things you do*
177
00:07:46,420 --> 00:07:48,670
* Ha ha ha,what's up?*
178
00:07:48,710 --> 00:07:52,380
* I ain't lyin'*
179
00:07:53,470 --> 00:07:56,470
[**]
180
00:07:56,510 --> 00:07:58,010
Well,
the swelling's gone,
181
00:07:58,060 --> 00:08:00,060
and you've got
full mobility back.
182
00:08:00,100 --> 00:08:02,520
Oh...what?
183
00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:04,230
Yeah, it wasn't as bad
as we thought.
184
00:08:04,270 --> 00:08:05,610
You're 100 percent.
185
00:08:05,650 --> 00:08:09,190
Okay, that is
completely unacceptable.
186
00:08:09,230 --> 00:08:11,240
I'm going to need
to speak to your manager.
187
00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:14,360
Um, you can pay
on your way out.
188
00:08:14,410 --> 00:08:16,530
I was promised a month
of pain and discomfort.
189
00:08:16,570 --> 00:08:18,370
I was promised a month.
A month!
190
00:08:18,410 --> 00:08:19,620
Come on, man.
191
00:08:19,660 --> 00:08:21,080
You had
a hell of a ride.
192
00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:24,370
Oh, God...
193
00:08:24,420 --> 00:08:26,670
now I got to go to her cousin's
wedding on Saturday.
194
00:08:26,710 --> 00:08:28,670
So? It's just a wedding.
195
00:08:28,710 --> 00:08:31,050
It's a Wiccan wedding!
196
00:08:31,090 --> 00:08:32,220
What the hell is that?
197
00:08:32,260 --> 00:08:34,220
They're witches.
198
00:08:34,260 --> 00:08:36,930
And not hot witches
like Tabitha or Sabrina.
199
00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:39,180
It's going to be
a nightmare.
200
00:08:39,220 --> 00:08:41,980
Well, what are you going
to do?
201
00:08:42,020 --> 00:08:43,390
I got to keep
this thing going.
202
00:08:44,730 --> 00:08:46,060
Here. You know what?
203
00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:48,400
Hobble me.
204
00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:52,740
How am I going
to hobble you with this?
205
00:08:52,780 --> 00:08:53,990
Just do it.
206
00:08:54,030 --> 00:08:55,320
No!
207
00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:57,410
Fine. Then I'll do it,
all right?
208
00:08:59,700 --> 00:09:01,120
Here...
209
00:09:04,710 --> 00:09:06,420
Coward!
210
00:09:17,090 --> 00:09:19,640
[BANGING] Ugh!
211
00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:20,760
[BANGING]
212
00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:22,020
Doug, is that you?
213
00:09:22,060 --> 00:09:23,730
Yeah, be right up.
214
00:09:25,890 --> 00:09:26,940
Are you okay?
215
00:09:26,980 --> 00:09:28,650
Oh, yeah. I'm...fine.
216
00:09:28,690 --> 00:09:30,150
What happened? I thought
you were getting better.
217
00:09:30,190 --> 00:09:31,520
I was.
218
00:09:31,570 --> 00:09:32,980
I was at
physical therapy today,
219
00:09:33,030 --> 00:09:34,570
and I told the guy
to really test me,
220
00:09:34,610 --> 00:09:37,160
and it felt good
for awhile
221
00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:38,570
but then I heard
this sound.
222
00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:40,450
It was like a...
223
00:09:40,490 --> 00:09:41,830
a snap....
224
00:09:41,870 --> 00:09:44,500
crackle...sound.
225
00:09:44,540 --> 00:09:46,620
Honey, you shouldn't
have pushed it.
226
00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:48,880
I know.
It's just that I, uh...
227
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,880
Ah, never mind.
It's...it's stupid.
228
00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:53,380
What? Tell me.
229
00:09:56,050 --> 00:09:58,090
I really wanted
to dance with you
230
00:09:58,130 --> 00:10:00,640
at your cousin's wedding,
you know?
231
00:10:01,890 --> 00:10:04,470
Outside, under the stars.
232
00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:08,480
-Oh, baby That's so sweet.
-Yeah.
233
00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:09,690
But you know what?
You're not going to the wedding.
234
00:10:09,730 --> 00:10:10,860
I'm not going to risk
235
00:10:10,900 --> 00:10:12,480
having you
hurt yourself again.
236
00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:14,440
I'll be fine. Just prop me
up against the tree.
237
00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:15,820
I am going!
I am going!
238
00:10:15,860 --> 00:10:18,200
-Oh, God!
-Baby! Oh, my--
239
00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:19,660
Oh, God! Oh!
240
00:10:19,700 --> 00:10:21,990
Are you okay?
Here, let's get you--
241
00:10:22,030 --> 00:10:23,950
Oh, God!
242
00:10:23,990 --> 00:10:25,120
You don't get cute
with a knee.
243
00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:26,200
I know that now.
244
00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:29,040
Oh, sweetheart.
245
00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:30,420
Mmm...
246
00:10:30,460 --> 00:10:32,880
Listen, is there
anything I can do?
247
00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:34,550
Make you feel better?
248
00:10:36,130 --> 00:10:37,550
Actually...
249
00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:41,800
There's like 3 leftover
White Castle downstairs.
250
00:10:45,060 --> 00:10:46,430
Can you re-heat 'em?
251
00:10:47,100 --> 00:10:49,060
-Yes, yes.
-Thanks.
252
00:10:50,770 --> 00:10:52,690
[**]
253
00:10:54,150 --> 00:10:56,940
Doug, please, you don't have
to carry my bag, I can do it.
254
00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:58,860
I want to see
my baby off.
255
00:10:58,900 --> 00:11:00,860
All right.
Let me get it.
256
00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:04,990
No, I got it!
I have to learn, okay!
257
00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:10,000
Okay, baby.
And thank you.
258
00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:10,920
I got it.
259
00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:13,130
-All right.
-Okay.
260
00:11:13,170 --> 00:11:15,170
Deacon, you're going
to be with him, right?
261
00:11:15,210 --> 00:11:16,630
Don't worry. We'll get him
through this together.
262
00:11:16,670 --> 00:11:18,920
Okay. Thank you.
263
00:11:18,970 --> 00:11:20,880
-Bye, honey.
-All right.
264
00:11:26,180 --> 00:11:27,680
I don't care
what you told her,
265
00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:29,680
I'm not giving you
a sponge bath.
266
00:11:30,890 --> 00:11:32,520
How about just a shampoo?
267
00:11:33,310 --> 00:11:34,940
You are such a wuss.
268
00:11:34,980 --> 00:11:36,940
Can you believe this guy?
He bought a stun gun.
269
00:11:36,980 --> 00:11:38,230
Hey, you know,
I work in the subway.
270
00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:39,940
I need this
for protection.
271
00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:41,030
Actually,
in his defense,
272
00:11:41,070 --> 00:11:42,780
he has been beaten,
set on fire,
273
00:11:42,820 --> 00:11:44,120
and violated twice.
274
00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:46,830
Anyway,
that little stun gun
275
00:11:46,870 --> 00:11:48,290
is not going
to stop anyone.
276
00:11:48,330 --> 00:11:51,920
Really? Why don't I
try it out on you?
277
00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:53,630
Make it worth my while.
278
00:11:53,670 --> 00:11:55,090
I'll give you 20 bucks.
279
00:11:55,130 --> 00:11:58,130
[SCOFFS]
20 bucks...no, thanks.
280
00:11:58,170 --> 00:11:59,710
I'll kick in 20.
281
00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:02,010
Yeah, me, too.
282
00:12:02,050 --> 00:12:04,510
But you can't scream.
283
00:12:04,550 --> 00:12:05,850
Open your jacket.
284
00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:10,850
[GROANING SOUNDS]
285
00:12:11,850 --> 00:12:13,140
[SHORT SCREECH]
286
00:12:16,020 --> 00:12:17,150
Pay up.
287
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,530
I'll have to owe you.
288
00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:27,620
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
289
00:12:27,660 --> 00:12:29,120
Oh,
that's your phone.
290
00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:30,160
Could you get it?
291
00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:31,540
Yeah.
292
00:12:32,290 --> 00:12:33,710
Hello.
293
00:12:33,750 --> 00:12:35,170
Wh--oh, yeah.
294
00:12:35,210 --> 00:12:37,340
No, no, no--
we want it, we'll take it.
295
00:12:37,380 --> 00:12:39,050
All right. Thanks.
296
00:12:39,090 --> 00:12:41,170
Guys, remember how the
Slamball court was booked?
297
00:12:41,210 --> 00:12:42,670
Well, there's been
a cancellation
298
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:44,130
and we have it
Wednesday night.
299
00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:46,800
That's awesome.
300
00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:47,890
Wait a sec.
You can't go.
301
00:12:47,930 --> 00:12:48,970
You just
convinced Carrie
302
00:12:49,010 --> 00:12:50,640
you had
a major setback.
303
00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:53,100
So? I'll just get all better
by Slamball.
304
00:12:53,140 --> 00:12:54,310
You're going to go
from crippled to jumping
305
00:12:54,350 --> 00:12:56,310
on a trampoline
in 3 days?
306
00:12:56,350 --> 00:12:58,020
She'll never buy it.
307
00:12:58,060 --> 00:12:59,190
How about this?
308
00:12:59,230 --> 00:13:00,650
She comes home
Sunday night, right?
309
00:13:00,690 --> 00:13:02,190
I tell her
I iced my knee all weekend
310
00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:03,860
and the swelling went down.
311
00:13:03,900 --> 00:13:06,870
Monday, I drop my crutch
in front of her,
312
00:13:06,910 --> 00:13:09,280
I put weight on the knee,
it goes well.
313
00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:11,700
Guys, I can't see
out of my left eye.
314
00:13:16,080 --> 00:13:19,920
Tuesday, my doctor calls,
the X-rays look good.
315
00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:21,920
Wait, you're going to get
your doctor
316
00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:23,210
to go along with this?
317
00:13:23,260 --> 00:13:25,590
I think so,
because my doctor is you.
318
00:13:25,630 --> 00:13:27,930
Whoo...
I'm an orthopedist.
319
00:13:27,970 --> 00:13:29,720
Then, Wednesday morning,
320
00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:32,100
I invite Carrie out
for a walk.
321
00:13:32,140 --> 00:13:34,140
She becomes a partner
in my recovery,
322
00:13:34,180 --> 00:13:37,600
12 hours later,
Slamball!
323
00:13:41,940 --> 00:13:44,240
[**]
324
00:13:47,950 --> 00:13:49,820
CARRIE:
Honey, I'm home!
325
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:00,710
-Hey.
-Hey, baby.
326
00:14:00,750 --> 00:14:02,300
You're home from the wedding
early. How was it?
327
00:14:02,340 --> 00:14:05,300
[SCOFFS]
Well, I don't know what
I enjoyed more,
328
00:14:05,340 --> 00:14:07,430
the mud dancing
or the actual ceremony,
329
00:14:07,470 --> 00:14:09,140
which I'm pretty sure
was officiated
330
00:14:09,180 --> 00:14:10,800
by a crow.
331
00:14:11,810 --> 00:14:13,180
Officiated by a crow.
332
00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:15,020
Anyway, I've been icing
my knee all weekend,
333
00:14:15,060 --> 00:14:17,310
and I think
the swelling went down.
334
00:14:17,350 --> 00:14:19,770
I think I got sap
in my hair.
335
00:14:19,810 --> 00:14:21,900
Oh, geez.
336
00:14:21,940 --> 00:14:23,860
Wow, I got
a little weight on her.
337
00:14:23,900 --> 00:14:25,940
Doesn't feel too bad.
Almost a little bounce in there.
338
00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:27,110
Bouncy.
339
00:14:27,150 --> 00:14:29,160
That's great, honey.
340
00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:31,410
Hey, maybe later on
we'll go for a walk.
341
00:14:31,450 --> 00:14:32,830
Okay.
342
00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:44,090
Arthur,
why are the lights off?
343
00:14:44,130 --> 00:14:46,840
You'll see me
when the time is right.
344
00:14:48,130 --> 00:14:49,680
What's going on?
345
00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:52,220
I'm just looking
at some family photos.
346
00:14:53,850 --> 00:14:56,350
I think Carrie will find
this one interesting.
347
00:14:57,810 --> 00:15:01,310
No cast, no crutches.
348
00:15:01,350 --> 00:15:04,770
So what? That picture could have
been taken a year ago.
349
00:15:04,820 --> 00:15:08,400
Look at the cover
of that magazine.
350
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:14,330
It features a clearly
pregnant Katie Holmes.
351
00:15:15,450 --> 00:15:16,410
Damn it!
352
00:15:16,450 --> 00:15:18,040
And the next one
was taken
353
00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:21,040
before yesterday's
Knickerbocker game.
354
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:26,710
And my personal favorite--
355
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:29,840
you receiving the news
about the return
356
00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:32,720
of the McRib sandwich.
357
00:15:35,260 --> 00:15:37,430
Turn it off.
358
00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:39,350
Turn it off!
359
00:15:42,100 --> 00:15:43,480
What do you want,
old man?
360
00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:45,360
I want what you've got.
361
00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:46,820
What are you
talking about?
362
00:15:46,860 --> 00:15:48,320
I'm talking about power.
363
00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:50,200
From now on, I'm getting
everything I want from Carrie
364
00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:52,410
through you!
365
00:15:52,450 --> 00:15:54,070
Oh, no, you're not.
You know what,
366
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:55,950
-I'm taking this.
-You should know the negatives
367
00:15:55,990 --> 00:15:58,410
are in a locker
at the Staten Island Y.
368
00:16:01,250 --> 00:16:02,370
CARRIE: Hey, honey?
369
00:16:02,420 --> 00:16:04,500
Do you know what
you want for dinner?
370
00:16:06,420 --> 00:16:07,920
Liver and onions.
371
00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:09,960
Oh, no, no, no--
372
00:16:10,010 --> 00:16:11,840
Liver and onions.
Say it.
373
00:16:14,890 --> 00:16:16,510
Liver and onions.
374
00:16:17,430 --> 00:16:20,020
CARRIE: Really? Okay.
375
00:16:20,060 --> 00:16:22,940
[CHUCKLES DEVILISHLY]
376
00:16:22,980 --> 00:16:24,440
[**]
377
00:16:26,860 --> 00:16:28,900
Yo, Slamball time.
378
00:16:28,940 --> 00:16:30,240
I can't go.
379
00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:32,400
What? What happened
to the 3-day plan?
380
00:16:32,450 --> 00:16:34,360
It was going great
until Arthur found out.
381
00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:35,570
Now he's blackmailing me,
382
00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:37,410
so I got to keep
pretending I'm hurt.
383
00:16:37,450 --> 00:16:39,040
What's all this?
384
00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:41,250
He's making me sort out
his dirty playing cards...
385
00:16:41,290 --> 00:16:43,120
by cup size.
386
00:16:44,290 --> 00:16:47,170
That one belongs
in its own pile.
387
00:16:48,130 --> 00:16:49,420
Come on, man.
We need 4 guys.
388
00:16:49,460 --> 00:16:51,550
ARTHUR: Douglas,
stop dilly-dallying!
389
00:16:51,590 --> 00:16:52,840
I've had some Drambuie
390
00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:54,590
and I want to play
Solitaire!
391
00:16:58,470 --> 00:16:59,810
Let's do this.
I'm doin' it.
392
00:16:59,850 --> 00:17:01,060
-You sure?
-Yeah, you know what?
393
00:17:01,100 --> 00:17:02,100
I'll just lie to Carrie
I'll tell her
394
00:17:02,140 --> 00:17:03,060
I'm going to physical therapy.
395
00:17:03,100 --> 00:17:04,480
What about Arthur?
396
00:17:04,520 --> 00:17:06,190
Give me 10 minutes.
397
00:17:06,230 --> 00:17:07,980
[**]
398
00:17:09,980 --> 00:17:11,190
How's the borscht?
399
00:17:11,230 --> 00:17:13,360
First rate.
400
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,950
Shame Carrie had to go
all the way to Yonkers
401
00:17:15,990 --> 00:17:18,950
to get it for you.
402
00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:22,370
Yeah, it's too bad.
403
00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:27,000
Strange...I feel
a bit lightheaded.
404
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:31,340
That's funny.
What do I have here?
405
00:17:31,380 --> 00:17:36,260
Oh, the sleeping pills
that Carrie got for me.
406
00:17:40,180 --> 00:17:43,350
I must say, you played the part
of the lumbering imbecile
407
00:17:43,390 --> 00:17:45,560
quite well.
408
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:47,850
Well, thank you.
And when you start to drool,
409
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:49,560
keep it in the bowl.
410
00:17:53,190 --> 00:17:55,110
[**]
411
00:17:57,530 --> 00:17:59,070
Give me the ball.
412
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:00,490
I'm open!
413
00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:11,210
Hi, I'm Carrie Heffernan.
414
00:18:11,250 --> 00:18:12,460
Oh, you're Doug's wife.
415
00:18:12,500 --> 00:18:15,170
Yes. My father
wrote me this note
416
00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:16,630
before he fell asleep.
417
00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:18,970
"Help...Doug."
418
00:18:19,010 --> 00:18:20,140
I know he had an appointment
with you today.
419
00:18:20,180 --> 00:18:21,390
Is he all right?
420
00:18:21,430 --> 00:18:22,470
I haven't seen him
in 2 weeks,
421
00:18:22,510 --> 00:18:24,180
ever since his knee
was better.
422
00:18:24,220 --> 00:18:26,560
Better? What do you mean?
He had a huge setback.
423
00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:29,400
He did?
Well, have him call me.
424
00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:42,200
Yeah! Whoo!
425
00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:43,620
Whoo-hoo-hoo-yeow!
426
00:18:43,660 --> 00:18:45,330
Yeah!
427
00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:51,080
Hey...Car.
428
00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:53,340
Some kind of
crazy therapy, huh?
429
00:18:53,380 --> 00:18:56,300
So, you've been faking
this whole time?
430
00:18:56,340 --> 00:18:58,340
No,
not the whole time.
431
00:18:58,380 --> 00:18:59,970
All right,
get off of there.
432
00:19:00,010 --> 00:19:01,260
-No.
-Doug,
433
00:19:01,300 --> 00:19:03,220
don't bounce
away from me.
434
00:19:05,060 --> 00:19:07,560
Do you know what
you put me through? Huh?
435
00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:09,480
I mean, all the things
you made me do for you.
436
00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:12,650
Some things
I can't even mention.
437
00:19:12,690 --> 00:19:14,110
You made me feel
so guilty
438
00:19:14,150 --> 00:19:15,360
that I've been
actually listening
439
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:17,400
to anger management
tapes.
440
00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:19,320
You may want
to pop one in now.
441
00:19:19,360 --> 00:19:20,700
Oh, you think
this is funny?
442
00:19:20,740 --> 00:19:22,240
Let me tell you some--
443
00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:24,370
Doug....okay.
444
00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:26,540
Doug...
445
00:19:28,620 --> 00:19:29,580
You know what, Doug?
446
00:19:29,620 --> 00:19:31,420
I can't believe
you did this!
447
00:19:31,460 --> 00:19:33,080
I'm sorry, okay?
448
00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:35,460
Oh, you're sorry,
that's not good enough!
449
00:19:39,010 --> 00:19:41,180
Yeah. It's fun, right?
450
00:19:41,220 --> 00:19:42,590
I'm still mad at you.
451
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:45,100
-Hey, try the sit down.
-I don't want to.
452
00:19:45,140 --> 00:19:46,100
Whoo!
453
00:19:46,140 --> 00:19:47,640
Give it a shot.
454
00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:50,520
-Come on.
-Whoo!
455
00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:53,190
There you go!
It's great, right?
456
00:19:53,230 --> 00:19:54,270
Bounce it out.
457
00:19:54,310 --> 00:19:55,570
Go higher, go higher!
458
00:19:55,610 --> 00:19:56,610
No, I don't want to.
I'm scared.
459
00:19:56,650 --> 00:19:57,570
You do it, honey.
460
00:19:57,610 --> 00:20:00,200
Okay, watch me.
461
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:01,490
Go higher, baby.
462
00:20:01,530 --> 00:20:03,320
Higher, baby.
Come on, higher!
463
00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:04,450
-Higher!
-[CRACK]
464
00:20:04,490 --> 00:20:05,700
Ohh!
465
00:20:26,550 --> 00:20:29,180
-I got Danny.
-DANNY [SLAPS HANDS]: Okay.
466
00:20:29,220 --> 00:20:31,060
I'll take Carrie.
467
00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:34,060
I got Arthur.
468
00:20:40,650 --> 00:20:42,490
Um...
469
00:20:43,990 --> 00:20:45,700
Come on!
470
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:48,740
Eh.
471
00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:54,000
[**]
32196
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