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[**]
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00:00:10,670 --> 00:00:13,720
[WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING
IN MOVIE]
3
00:00:16,640 --> 00:00:18,100
Oh. Here's some seats
right here, honey.
4
00:00:18,140 --> 00:00:19,350
Slow down.
I see 4 down there.
5
00:00:19,390 --> 00:00:21,140
You gonna sit
in the front row?
6
00:00:21,180 --> 00:00:24,270
Sure. I like to stretch out
my legs and unbutton a little.
7
00:00:25,690 --> 00:00:27,650
What, you're
sittin' with him?
8
00:00:27,690 --> 00:00:29,230
He's got
my Goobers.
9
00:00:29,270 --> 00:00:31,360
[SIGHS] Why didn't we send him
on to Chicken Little
10
00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:32,860
-like I wanted?
-Uh...
11
00:00:32,900 --> 00:00:35,450
because cartoon chickens
give my father nightmares.
12
00:00:35,490 --> 00:00:37,200
Where've youbeen?
13
00:00:38,410 --> 00:00:40,660
Oh, look.
It's Father Melley.
14
00:00:40,700 --> 00:00:42,580
Oh, great.
We haven't been to church
15
00:00:42,620 --> 00:00:44,080
in a really long
time, and now
16
00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:45,620
he spots us
at a Farrelly Brothers movie?
17
00:00:45,670 --> 00:00:47,710
Doug? Carrie!
18
00:00:47,750 --> 00:00:49,210
-Oh, hey!
-Hey!
19
00:00:49,250 --> 00:00:50,670
-What a surprise!
-Father Melley!
20
00:00:50,710 --> 00:00:52,340
Is this seat open?
21
00:00:53,260 --> 00:00:55,300
-Sure!
-Yeah!
22
00:00:55,340 --> 00:00:58,890
-Excuse me.
-Okay.
23
00:00:58,930 --> 00:01:00,720
MALE ANNOUNCER:
And that was Irving Berlin's
White Christmas,
24
00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:04,640
the highest-grossingChristmas song of all time.
25
00:01:05,770 --> 00:01:07,350
Hmm.
26
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:08,560
What?
27
00:01:08,610 --> 00:01:10,730
You write one
hokey holiday song,
28
00:01:10,770 --> 00:01:12,360
and you're set
for life.
29
00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:15,780
Actually, Irving Berlin
wrote over 1,200 songs.
30
00:01:15,820 --> 00:01:17,820
Oh, why don't you
just marry him?
31
00:01:17,860 --> 00:01:20,490
-What's your problem?
-I got no problem.
32
00:01:20,530 --> 00:01:22,160
I'm saying we should
write our own song
33
00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:24,500
and cash in
on this Christmas thing.
34
00:01:24,540 --> 00:01:26,500
-You're serious?
-Why not?
35
00:01:26,540 --> 00:01:27,920
I'll handle the lyrics,
36
00:01:27,960 --> 00:01:29,460
and you seem like the type
that can write music.
37
00:01:29,500 --> 00:01:31,590
What's that
supposed to mean?
38
00:01:31,630 --> 00:01:32,920
I think you know
what it means,
39
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:35,590
Mr. I-just-haven't-
found-the-right-girl.
40
00:01:37,340 --> 00:01:39,590
What do you got goin' on
this holiday season?
41
00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:42,350
Oh, well, I am up to my eyeballs
in preparations.
42
00:01:42,390 --> 00:01:46,230
There's a toy drive, bake sale,
our outreach programs.
43
00:01:46,270 --> 00:01:48,520
But the Lord has blessed me
with congregants
44
00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:51,650
who are kind and generous enough
to donate their time.
45
00:01:54,530 --> 00:01:56,650
Of course, with everything
bein' so busy,
46
00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:58,860
we can always use
a little more help.
47
00:01:58,910 --> 00:02:00,660
-So if you guys...
-[MUSIC PLAYING ON MOVIE SCREEN]
48
00:02:00,700 --> 00:02:02,700
Oh, shhhhh.
49
00:02:11,380 --> 00:02:13,380
[CLEARS THROAT]
50
00:02:13,420 --> 00:02:14,630
So if you two'd
be willing
51
00:02:14,670 --> 00:02:16,920
to pitch in,
that'd be great.
52
00:02:18,340 --> 00:02:20,260
[WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
53
00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:26,890
-Oh, hey, babe.
-Hey.
54
00:02:26,930 --> 00:02:27,890
Where you goin'?
55
00:02:27,930 --> 00:02:29,390
Oh, Father Melley
called.
56
00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:31,400
I got manger duty.
57
00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:32,810
What's that?
58
00:02:32,860 --> 00:02:34,480
I gotta guard the Nativity scene
down at the church.
59
00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:36,480
Apparently, last year,
the whole thing was vandalized,
60
00:02:36,530 --> 00:02:38,280
and there was myrrh
everywhere.
61
00:02:39,900 --> 00:02:41,530
I think I'm gettin' sick.
Feel my head.
62
00:02:41,570 --> 00:02:44,530
Doug, come on.
You are not sick, honey.
63
00:02:44,580 --> 00:02:45,830
We got roped in.
Suck it up.
64
00:02:45,870 --> 00:02:47,700
I have to make something
for the bake sale.
65
00:02:47,750 --> 00:02:49,460
You don't hear
mecomplaining.
66
00:02:49,500 --> 00:02:51,580
Okay, you get to work
indoors with cake batter,
67
00:02:51,620 --> 00:02:53,590
so don't even. Okay?
68
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:59,220
[PLAYING TUNE SLOWLY]
69
00:03:01,590 --> 00:03:04,510
What rhymes
with "poinsettia"?
70
00:03:04,550 --> 00:03:06,890
Ooh. That's...
not an easy word to rhyme.
71
00:03:06,930 --> 00:03:08,600
Damn it,
I just had it.
72
00:03:08,640 --> 00:03:10,690
Don't speak unless
you're spoken to.
73
00:03:10,730 --> 00:03:13,230
You didjust speak to me.
You asked me what rhy--
74
00:03:13,270 --> 00:03:15,400
I lost it again!
You are impossible!
75
00:03:16,270 --> 00:03:17,610
Stop yelling at me!
76
00:03:17,650 --> 00:03:19,360
I can't create
in a hostile environment!
77
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:20,860
Well, I wouldn't be
so hostile
78
00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:23,240
if you had one ounce
of talent!
79
00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:26,990
You kick me again,
I'm leaving.
80
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,540
I'm sorry, son. It's just
the choir down at the mall
81
00:03:29,580 --> 00:03:31,540
is supposed to debut
our song tomorrow,
82
00:03:31,580 --> 00:03:32,920
and we haven't
got diddly.
83
00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:35,380
Hey, believe me,
I want this as bad as you. Okay?
84
00:03:35,420 --> 00:03:36,670
I mean,
I work in the subway
85
00:03:36,710 --> 00:03:38,710
and share a tiny apartment
with another man,
86
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:41,880
and...I really want
calf implants.
87
00:03:41,930 --> 00:03:43,840
I mean...
this is my ticket.
88
00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:45,300
Your calves
arespindly.
89
00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:46,930
Okay, you know what?
Let's...
90
00:03:46,970 --> 00:03:48,680
back off "poinsettia,"
and--and let's focus
91
00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:49,720
on a word that's
easier to rhyme,
92
00:03:49,770 --> 00:03:52,020
like, uh...
"tree" or "holly."
93
00:03:52,060 --> 00:03:53,400
What did you say?
94
00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:54,400
Um..."holly."
95
00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:56,610
"Holly."
Now...
96
00:03:56,650 --> 00:03:58,900
what sounds
Christmassy
97
00:03:58,940 --> 00:04:01,570
and rhymes
with "Holly"?
98
00:04:01,610 --> 00:04:03,740
-"Jolly."
-You got it!
99
00:04:03,780 --> 00:04:05,450
Come here, you!
100
00:04:05,490 --> 00:04:07,660
[**]
101
00:04:12,750 --> 00:04:14,580
[CHATTERING]
102
00:04:14,620 --> 00:04:16,000
[CHUCKLES]
103
00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:18,420
What's up?
104
00:04:18,460 --> 00:04:19,670
[GROUP CHUCKLES]
105
00:04:19,710 --> 00:04:22,420
Yeah, laugh and walk,
boys, laugh and walk.
106
00:04:22,470 --> 00:04:24,880
Get to steppin',
huh?
107
00:04:24,930 --> 00:04:26,590
Hey, that goes
for you guys, too. Let's go.
108
00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:28,890
Keep it movin'.
It's the same as last year.
109
00:04:28,930 --> 00:04:30,930
Keep it movin'.
You saw it.
110
00:04:34,690 --> 00:04:36,730
Excuse me.
Do you have the time?
111
00:04:36,770 --> 00:04:38,310
Who wants to know?
112
00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:39,980
Oh. Sorry.
I'm-- I'm Larry Kelly.
113
00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:41,940
I'm around the corner
guarding the Christmas tree.
114
00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:43,110
-Oh.
-Hi.
115
00:04:43,150 --> 00:04:45,360
Hey. Yeah.
It's about, uh...
116
00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:46,820
9:15.
Doug Heffernan.
117
00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:48,620
How's, uh...
how's it goin' on your beat?
118
00:04:48,660 --> 00:04:51,450
Not bad. Not bad.
Couple of curious dogs. Yeah.
119
00:04:51,490 --> 00:04:52,790
Collies. Yeah.
120
00:04:52,830 --> 00:04:53,910
They tried to give me
some trouble.
121
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,790
I sent 'em packin'.
122
00:04:55,830 --> 00:04:57,580
Hi, sweetie.
What are you doin' here?
123
00:04:57,630 --> 00:04:59,460
Hi. They're sayin'
it might snow,
124
00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:01,590
so I brought you some soup
and your heavy jacket.
125
00:05:01,630 --> 00:05:04,090
Oh...thanks, honey.
That's great.
126
00:05:04,130 --> 00:05:06,630
This is Doug Heffernan,
fellow parishioner.
127
00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:08,350
Doug, my wife Cathy.
128
00:05:08,390 --> 00:05:10,060
-Nice to meet you, Doug.
-Nice to meet you, Cat.
129
00:05:10,100 --> 00:05:11,970
Oh. If I'd known there
were gonna be 2 of you,
130
00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:15,390
I would've brought some extra
minestrone and another jacket.
131
00:05:18,520 --> 00:05:19,810
That's all right.
My wife's gonna be stoppin' by
132
00:05:19,860 --> 00:05:22,780
any minute, I'm sure.
[CLEARS THROAT]
133
00:05:26,450 --> 00:05:28,530
Yeah, I'll just give her a call,
see what she's doin'.
134
00:05:28,570 --> 00:05:30,120
LARRY: Mmm.
135
00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:33,370
[PHONE RINGING]
136
00:05:36,500 --> 00:05:37,540
Hello.
137
00:05:37,580 --> 00:05:39,460
Hey.
Honey, it's me.
138
00:05:39,500 --> 00:05:41,500
CARRIE [OVER PHONE]:
Hey. How's it goin'?
139
00:05:41,540 --> 00:05:43,420
Oh. It's cold.
[CHUCKLES]
140
00:05:43,460 --> 00:05:45,010
Tell ya though,
I could really go for some soup.
141
00:05:45,050 --> 00:05:47,470
Oh, that's so funny.
I just had some.
142
00:05:52,060 --> 00:05:53,520
Uh-huh.
143
00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:55,020
You know, uh...
144
00:05:55,060 --> 00:05:56,770
They're sayin'
it's gonna snow tonight.
145
00:05:56,810 --> 00:06:00,560
Oh, really? Well, try not to
track any in the house. Okay?
146
00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:01,820
Oh, I justmessed my pinky.
147
00:06:01,860 --> 00:06:03,780
I gotta go.I gotta go.
148
00:06:07,110 --> 00:06:09,070
I love you, too,
baby. Yeah.
149
00:06:10,570 --> 00:06:12,080
CHOIR: * As the gifts lay*
150
00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:14,040
* Under the tree*
151
00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:17,120
* We'll all be jollyas we hang the holly*
152
00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:18,120
Good golly!
153
00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:22,130
* That's Christmas*
154
00:06:22,170 --> 00:06:25,210
* Christmas*
155
00:06:25,260 --> 00:06:26,720
* Christmas*
156
00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:30,800
* To me*
157
00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:34,930
Not bad, huh?
158
00:06:34,970 --> 00:06:37,640
Are you deaf?
That was a train wreck.
159
00:06:39,060 --> 00:06:41,730
I thought
it went okay.
160
00:06:41,770 --> 00:06:44,730
It's hopelessly generic!
It's pap!
161
00:06:44,770 --> 00:06:47,190
Yeah. We didn't blow
too many people away, huh?
162
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,700
Of course not, because
we're not saying anything
163
00:06:49,740 --> 00:06:52,530
that hasn't been said
a thousand times before
164
00:06:52,570 --> 00:06:55,040
by Burl Ives,
God rest his soul.
165
00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:57,500
Possibly. I have no idea
if he's dead or alive.
166
00:06:58,830 --> 00:07:01,000
That's great.
I gotta go call Dr. Blaustein
167
00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:03,210
and tell him to cancel
my calf surgery.
168
00:07:04,630 --> 00:07:07,090
Wait, wait, wait.
What did you just say?
169
00:07:07,130 --> 00:07:08,170
Um...calf surgery?
170
00:07:08,210 --> 00:07:09,760
No, no, no.
Before that.
171
00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:12,090
-I have to call--
-In the middle.
172
00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:13,090
Dr. Blaustein.
173
00:07:13,140 --> 00:07:14,220
Yes.
174
00:07:14,260 --> 00:07:16,560
-He a Jewish fella?
-Yeah. Why?
175
00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:17,890
That's it.
What the world needs
176
00:07:17,930 --> 00:07:19,230
is a new Hanukkah song.
177
00:07:19,270 --> 00:07:20,560
Aside from
Dreidel Dreidel
178
00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:22,520
and that
Adam Sandler thing,
179
00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:24,860
it's an untapped market.
180
00:07:24,900 --> 00:07:27,730
Oh, yeah. Yeah,
and, you know, I'm 1/8 Jewish.
181
00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:30,280
Sweet. I'm gonna grab
a bagel and a schmear.
182
00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:33,070
Settle up with the choir.
Bop. Ga.
183
00:07:46,540 --> 00:07:48,210
Hey, babe.
Where you goin'?
184
00:07:48,250 --> 00:07:50,630
Hey. I'm headin'
back to the manger.
185
00:07:50,670 --> 00:07:52,680
Oh. So you won't
be home for dinner?
186
00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:54,590
No. Why?
What are you makin'?
187
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:58,600
Uh, a phone call
to Shanghai Gardens. Heh.
188
00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:02,190
Hey, uh...
189
00:08:02,230 --> 00:08:04,190
Hope it doesn't snow tonight,
but if it does,
190
00:08:04,230 --> 00:08:06,690
you-you'll bring me
my heavy coat, right?
191
00:08:06,730 --> 00:08:08,610
Why don't you just take it
with you now, babe?
192
00:08:10,610 --> 00:08:12,990
I just thought that,
you know, like...
193
00:08:14,410 --> 00:08:16,070
Okay, yeah, yeah.
That's fine.
194
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:20,040
So how's the, uh,
cake comin' along?
195
00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:21,370
-Wha--what?
-You know,
196
00:08:21,410 --> 00:08:22,540
the cake
you told Father Melley
197
00:08:22,580 --> 00:08:23,540
you're making
for the bake sale.
198
00:08:23,580 --> 00:08:25,500
Oh. Right. That.
199
00:08:25,540 --> 00:08:27,420
Uh...I actually
haven't decided
200
00:08:27,460 --> 00:08:29,050
what I'm gonna
make yet,
201
00:08:29,090 --> 00:08:32,510
but whatever I decide,
it gon' be good. Ha.
202
00:08:32,550 --> 00:08:34,220
[LAUGHS] Seriously,
203
00:08:34,260 --> 00:08:36,680
you should probably
settle on somethin'.
204
00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:39,390
I will, honey.
I have till Saturday. Okay?
205
00:08:39,430 --> 00:08:42,350
I know. It's just that,
you know, Larry's wife Cathy,
206
00:08:42,390 --> 00:08:44,480
she's already begun
the prep work on her cake.
207
00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:46,060
Oh. Prep work.
208
00:08:46,100 --> 00:08:47,230
[MOCKING TONE]
Oh, I better get out
209
00:08:47,270 --> 00:08:50,320
my sugar
and my butter.
210
00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:54,530
[CONTINUING TONE] I only
have 3 days to make a cake.
211
00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,240
She doesn't actually sound
like that, but whatever.
212
00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:01,580
Yeah, hello.
Order for delivery, please.
213
00:09:01,620 --> 00:09:03,290
Okay.
214
00:09:03,330 --> 00:09:06,670
* We'll light the menorahwith my crazy Aunt Flora*
215
00:09:06,710 --> 00:09:09,420
Oy! What a schnorra!
216
00:09:09,460 --> 00:09:11,550
* That's Hanukkah to*
217
00:09:11,590 --> 00:09:14,590
* Me*
218
00:09:19,550 --> 00:09:21,510
Thud.
219
00:09:21,560 --> 00:09:24,680
I guess people love that Dreidel
song more than we thought.
220
00:09:24,730 --> 00:09:26,190
This is humbling.
221
00:09:26,230 --> 00:09:29,110
-So, what now, boss?
-I don't know.
222
00:09:29,150 --> 00:09:31,980
Grease the choir while I figure
out our next move.
223
00:09:33,780 --> 00:09:36,030
CHOIR:
* It's the happiest time*
224
00:09:36,070 --> 00:09:37,530
* Of the year*
225
00:09:37,570 --> 00:09:39,410
* So we loveour Barry Bonda*
226
00:09:39,450 --> 00:09:41,370
* He's so cooljust like the Fonz-a*
227
00:09:41,410 --> 00:09:42,370
Yeah!
228
00:09:42,410 --> 00:09:45,540
* That's Kwanza*
229
00:09:45,580 --> 00:09:49,130
* Yeah, Kwanza*
230
00:09:49,170 --> 00:09:50,540
* That's Kwanza*
231
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:55,130
* To me*
232
00:10:03,850 --> 00:10:07,230
[**]
233
00:10:13,570 --> 00:10:14,650
Hey.
234
00:10:14,690 --> 00:10:15,650
All right!
235
00:10:15,690 --> 00:10:17,150
It's 9:00.
236
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:19,280
The bake sale's
tomorrow...
237
00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:20,780
and I'm starin'
at an empty cake plate.
238
00:10:20,820 --> 00:10:22,490
I need
some answers.
239
00:10:22,530 --> 00:10:24,160
[CHUCKLES]
Relax, honey.
240
00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:25,450
I was gonna make one,
241
00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:27,250
but I had to work late
and I'm exhausted,
242
00:10:27,290 --> 00:10:31,040
so, thank ya...
Hungarian Bakery.
243
00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:32,630
You bought a cake?
244
00:10:32,670 --> 00:10:35,630
Yeah. And once they scraped off
"Happy retirement, Gus,"
245
00:10:35,670 --> 00:10:38,050
it was good to go.
246
00:10:38,090 --> 00:10:40,640
Oh, the new People
came. Good.
247
00:10:41,550 --> 00:10:42,720
Nnggg...
248
00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:46,060
Carrie...
249
00:10:46,100 --> 00:10:48,100
you can't bring
a bought cake
250
00:10:48,140 --> 00:10:49,310
to a church bake sale.
251
00:10:49,350 --> 00:10:50,850
-It-it-it's wrong.
-Says who?
252
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:53,110
Uh...the Bible.
253
00:10:54,690 --> 00:10:56,650
Look, Doug,
just relax. Okay?
254
00:10:56,690 --> 00:10:58,360
I'm sure I'm
not the only one
255
00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:00,160
who's bringing a bought cake.
Okay? [CHUCKLES]
256
00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:01,530
Well, I know
Larry's wife isn't.
257
00:11:01,570 --> 00:11:02,620
She's makin'
a volcano cake.
258
00:11:02,660 --> 00:11:03,700
Do you know
what that is?
259
00:11:03,740 --> 00:11:05,370
It erupts
caramel lava
260
00:11:05,410 --> 00:11:07,580
and then drowns
a gingerbread village.
261
00:11:11,370 --> 00:11:13,710
Any chance you're
gonna be in that village?
262
00:11:15,130 --> 00:11:16,670
Nice joke.
That's real funny.
263
00:11:16,710 --> 00:11:17,880
You know what's
real funny, though?
264
00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:19,260
The fact that
I actually thought
265
00:11:19,300 --> 00:11:20,300
you were gonna make
this cake.
266
00:11:20,340 --> 00:11:21,430
What does thatmean?
267
00:11:21,470 --> 00:11:22,550
It means
you're not wife-ish!
268
00:11:22,590 --> 00:11:23,720
I'm not whitefish?
269
00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:26,810
Wife-ish!
Wifely. Wife-like.
270
00:11:26,850 --> 00:11:28,600
You--you never
bring me my slippers
271
00:11:28,640 --> 00:11:30,440
or tell me I'm clever
or knit me somethin'!
272
00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:32,440
Oh, well, I'm sorry
I don't wait on you
273
00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:33,690
hand and foot, Doug.
274
00:11:33,730 --> 00:11:35,900
That's because
I workfor a living!
275
00:11:35,940 --> 00:11:37,440
Y--well, so does the woman
in the commercial,
276
00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:38,820
and she manages to get
everything done
277
00:11:38,860 --> 00:11:40,860
withacid reflux!
278
00:11:43,570 --> 00:11:45,410
So why don't you
marry her,
279
00:11:45,450 --> 00:11:48,160
and I'll marry the guy in the
Pepsi commercial that Ilike.
280
00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:50,250
Oh, 'cause he'd
never be with you,
because you know what?
281
00:11:50,290 --> 00:11:51,670
He'd have to get
his own Pepsi!
282
00:11:51,710 --> 00:11:52,790
Oh, you know what?
283
00:11:52,830 --> 00:11:54,250
You're acting
like a lunatic.
284
00:11:54,290 --> 00:11:55,460
This is the cake
that I'm bringing,
285
00:11:55,500 --> 00:11:56,670
so just deal with--
286
00:11:56,710 --> 00:11:57,710
You know what?
You're absolutely right.
287
00:11:57,750 --> 00:11:59,260
-This is fine!
-Stop! Stop!
288
00:11:59,300 --> 00:12:00,720
Let me just cut it up for you!
Hyah! Hyah!
289
00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:02,380
Stop it.
290
00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:06,930
Yeah.
291
00:12:06,970 --> 00:12:09,850
Fantastic. I'll just
buy another one.
292
00:12:09,890 --> 00:12:12,140
You know what, Carrie,
when I told people
293
00:12:12,190 --> 00:12:14,810
you were bakin' a cake
for the church...
294
00:12:14,850 --> 00:12:17,360
I actually felt proud.
295
00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:19,360
[SIGHS] Guess I was
just bein' naive.
296
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:34,830
What are you doin'?
297
00:12:34,870 --> 00:12:37,540
I'm baking your freakin' cake,
so get out.
298
00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:40,920
Really? What...what kind?
299
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,300
Well, it's gonna be this
whole delicious fudge thing
300
00:12:43,340 --> 00:12:45,010
that's gonna make
Cathy's volcano
301
00:12:45,050 --> 00:12:46,640
look like a pile of crap.
302
00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:49,850
Is it in the oven?
Can I see it?
303
00:12:49,890 --> 00:12:52,180
Actually,
I haven't started yet.
304
00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:54,020
Looks like you started.
305
00:12:54,060 --> 00:12:55,560
I can't do it! Okay?
306
00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:57,650
I tried!
I mean, all these recipes
307
00:12:57,690 --> 00:12:59,570
need things that I--
that I don't know how to use,
308
00:12:59,610 --> 00:13:02,570
like a food processor
and big spoons!
309
00:13:03,860 --> 00:13:05,610
And how do you
fold an egg?
310
00:13:05,660 --> 00:13:07,620
It's impossible!
It's witchcraft!
311
00:13:07,660 --> 00:13:09,120
Okay. Just relax. Okay?
312
00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:10,660
Look, we'll find you somethin'
here that we can make.
313
00:13:10,700 --> 00:13:12,290
All right? Um...
314
00:13:12,330 --> 00:13:13,830
Hey. How 'bout this?
How 'bout rum cake?
315
00:13:13,870 --> 00:13:15,870
Oh, I tried that.
But then I got nervous,
316
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:17,580
and I drank all the rum.
317
00:13:19,750 --> 00:13:21,590
You're right, honey.
I'm not wife-ish or whitefish,
318
00:13:21,630 --> 00:13:23,670
whatever it is
you called me.
319
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,760
All those things you said
about me--it's true.
320
00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:28,010
Oh, just--hey, stop.
Stop, stop, stop, stop!
321
00:13:28,050 --> 00:13:30,640
Stop! Okay? Look, you know what?
I got an idea.
322
00:13:30,680 --> 00:13:31,930
We'll--we'll
just call my mom.
323
00:13:31,970 --> 00:13:33,890
Aw, come on!
What are you doin' to me?
324
00:13:33,930 --> 00:13:35,730
Well [SIGHS]...
325
00:13:35,770 --> 00:13:38,230
she'll talk us through
an easy recipe. Okay?
326
00:13:38,270 --> 00:13:41,150
Oh, fine.
I'm too drunk to fight.
327
00:13:42,150 --> 00:13:43,190
JANET [OVER PHONE]:
Hello?
328
00:13:43,230 --> 00:13:44,740
Hey, Ma, it's me.
329
00:13:44,780 --> 00:13:46,950
JANET [OVER PHONE]:
Oh, my God. What's wrong?
330
00:13:46,990 --> 00:13:48,740
Nothing's wrong.
Look, I just need
331
00:13:48,780 --> 00:13:50,370
your help on something.
332
00:13:50,410 --> 00:13:52,240
JANET [OVER PHONE]: Well,all right. What is it, darling?
333
00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:55,250
Well, uh, tomorrow
is our church bake sale,
334
00:13:55,290 --> 00:13:58,630
and Carrie
is gonna bake a cake.
335
00:13:59,460 --> 00:14:00,960
JANET [SURPRISED]: Oh.
336
00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:03,170
DOUG:
Anyway, uh,
337
00:14:03,210 --> 00:14:04,630
we were wonderin'
if you had like, uh,
338
00:14:04,670 --> 00:14:07,090
an easy recipe to,
you know, give us.
339
00:14:07,130 --> 00:14:08,260
JANET:
Let me think.
340
00:14:08,300 --> 00:14:10,680
A nice, easy cake recipe.
341
00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:11,680
JOE [OVER PHONE]:
Hey, how 'bout that, uh,
342
00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:13,100
chocolate crumbly thing?
343
00:14:13,140 --> 00:14:14,890
JANET:
No. She can't do that.
344
00:14:16,230 --> 00:14:18,190
Hey, well, at least I can match
my pants to my shirt--
345
00:14:18,230 --> 00:14:23,780
* Everybody lovesthe holidays! *
346
00:14:23,820 --> 00:14:25,110
[WHISPERING]
This my be our last chance!
347
00:14:25,150 --> 00:14:26,240
Just get
the frickin' recipe already!
348
00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:28,360
All right.
Ma, you got anything?
349
00:14:28,410 --> 00:14:29,820
How about a Lemon Bundt Cake?
350
00:14:29,860 --> 00:14:31,950
Very easy.A monkey could make it.
351
00:14:33,830 --> 00:14:35,410
[WHISPERING]
A monkey could make it.
352
00:14:44,130 --> 00:14:45,710
[OVEN BELL DINGS]
353
00:14:48,260 --> 00:14:50,050
-Carrie. The cake.
-Huh?
354
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:52,720
-It's done. It's done.
-I'm up. I'm up. I'm up.
355
00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:53,890
Let's take
a look at it.
356
00:14:53,930 --> 00:14:55,810
-Okay.
-Ha.
357
00:14:57,520 --> 00:14:59,060
[SWEETLY]
I love you.
358
00:15:01,940 --> 00:15:03,860
I love you.
359
00:15:13,740 --> 00:15:14,990
Maybe it'll look better
if we put it on the cake pla--
360
00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:17,250
Yeah, let's do that.
Let's do that.
361
00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:31,340
Am I dreaming
that we're giants?
362
00:15:35,060 --> 00:15:37,060
Nope.
363
00:15:37,100 --> 00:15:38,100
Are we giants?
364
00:15:38,140 --> 00:15:39,520
[SIGHS]
365
00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:41,350
I told you
we needed more batter!
366
00:15:41,390 --> 00:15:43,150
Well, you shoulda put more
baking powder in there!
367
00:15:43,190 --> 00:15:44,770
You have no idea
how much a pinch is!
368
00:15:44,810 --> 00:15:45,860
I know what
a pinch is!
369
00:15:45,900 --> 00:15:47,230
-Okay?
-Aah! Aah!
370
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:48,440
-Oh, you wanna go?!
-No, come on!
371
00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:50,360
Stop! Stop it!
Stop it! Come on!
372
00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:53,200
We've been up all night!
I'm hung-over.
373
00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:55,370
And nobody's gonna want to buy
this stupid doll cake!
374
00:15:57,240 --> 00:15:58,500
-What are we gonna do?!
-I don't know!
375
00:15:58,540 --> 00:16:01,330
This is my first
bad experience with cake!
376
00:16:01,370 --> 00:16:02,460
All right, you know what?
I'm just gonna see
377
00:16:02,500 --> 00:16:03,540
what place is open.
378
00:16:03,580 --> 00:16:04,880
We're gonna buy one. Okay?
379
00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:07,380
N-no! No! Look,
I got an idea. Okay?
380
00:16:07,420 --> 00:16:10,050
We-we'll bring the covered
cake plate to the bake sale.
381
00:16:10,090 --> 00:16:11,550
And I'll just say to
everybody, "Hey, everybody,
382
00:16:11,590 --> 00:16:13,180
I'm gonna buy my wife's cake."
And then we'll leave
383
00:16:13,220 --> 00:16:14,840
with the same
covered cake plate,
384
00:16:14,890 --> 00:16:17,180
and nobody has to know
that the cake...
385
00:16:18,430 --> 00:16:20,770
never existed.
386
00:16:22,270 --> 00:16:24,520
So you're okay
with an invisible cake,
387
00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:26,400
but you won't let me
buy a real one.
388
00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:28,400
You know what? You can judge me
when you sober up.
389
00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:29,940
Now, grab the lid.
390
00:16:32,070 --> 00:16:34,320
Oh, the lid
is made of glass!
391
00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:36,950
Everybody will know
there's nothing in there!
392
00:16:36,990 --> 00:16:38,240
Come on.
That's it. It's over.
393
00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:39,830
No! Wait. I j--
I'll tell you what.
394
00:16:39,870 --> 00:16:41,040
Just grab me somethin'
cake-shaped
395
00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:42,040
and a can of frosting.
396
00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:43,080
Okay.
397
00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:44,920
We don't have any frosting.
398
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:47,040
-In my nightstand, go!
-Okay.
399
00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:49,920
[**]
400
00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:51,260
* That's Columbus Day*
401
00:16:51,300 --> 00:16:52,470
* Observed! *
402
00:16:52,510 --> 00:16:56,220
* To me*
403
00:16:59,140 --> 00:17:01,180
I thought that went over
rather well.
404
00:17:01,220 --> 00:17:02,560
Are you kidding?!
405
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:03,980
The only song
that bombed worse
406
00:17:04,020 --> 00:17:07,020
was That's Wednesday to Me.
407
00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:08,270
Well, we gave it
a whirl.
408
00:17:08,310 --> 00:17:10,190
Come on. Let's sneak into
Chicken Little.
409
00:17:10,230 --> 00:17:12,110
What? No. Arthur.
410
00:17:12,150 --> 00:17:14,070
I'm not gonna go see
a movie with you. Okay?
411
00:17:14,110 --> 00:17:16,360
I-I've spent over $600
on this choir.
412
00:17:16,410 --> 00:17:18,240
My calves
are smaller than ever.
413
00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:20,240
The only thing I feel
like doing right now
414
00:17:20,290 --> 00:17:22,910
is reaching
down your throat,
grabbing your heart,
415
00:17:22,950 --> 00:17:24,410
and crushing it
with my bare hands.
416
00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:26,250
Do you understand me?
417
00:17:26,290 --> 00:17:28,210
I understand you've written
the first line
418
00:17:28,250 --> 00:17:30,550
of a hit
breakup song!
419
00:17:30,590 --> 00:17:32,170
Come here, you!
420
00:17:35,970 --> 00:17:38,010
[**]
421
00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:46,440
-Oh, hey. Season's greetings.
-Season's greetings.
422
00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:48,900
-Uh, my wife Carrie.
-Larry.
423
00:17:48,940 --> 00:17:50,150
-Hi.
-My wife, Cathy.
424
00:17:50,190 --> 00:17:51,940
-Oh.
-Hi. Nice to meet you.
425
00:17:51,980 --> 00:17:53,610
Yeah. I've heard
so much about you
426
00:17:53,650 --> 00:17:57,070
and your famous
erupting cakes.
427
00:17:57,110 --> 00:17:58,990
Actually,
I'm a little nervous.
428
00:17:59,030 --> 00:18:01,660
It's supposed to be
bubbling by now.
429
00:18:01,700 --> 00:18:04,500
And it's not?
After all that prep work?
430
00:18:04,540 --> 00:18:05,960
Okay. [MUTTERS]
431
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:07,500
I'm just saying...
432
00:18:07,540 --> 00:18:09,000
We'll catch
you guys later.
433
00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:10,340
CARRIE: Okay. Bye-bye.
434
00:18:10,380 --> 00:18:11,500
Hey. There's
Father Melley.
435
00:18:11,540 --> 00:18:12,880
-Let's do this.
-Okay.
436
00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:14,010
[BOTH CLEAR THROATS]
437
00:18:14,050 --> 00:18:15,970
Then I--I went blond
in the eighties.
438
00:18:16,010 --> 00:18:17,970
But who didn't?
439
00:18:18,010 --> 00:18:21,350
Anyway, try the punch.
It's divine.
440
00:18:21,390 --> 00:18:22,930
Oh, hello, you two.
441
00:18:22,970 --> 00:18:25,100
Carrie.
Thank you so much.
442
00:18:25,140 --> 00:18:27,560
Oh, no problem.
[CHUCKLES]
443
00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:30,610
Wow. Look at all
the great cakes here.
444
00:18:30,650 --> 00:18:32,110
Gosh, I wonder
which one I'm gonna choose.
445
00:18:32,150 --> 00:18:33,320
I don't know.
446
00:18:33,360 --> 00:18:34,570
Well, I guess it's
gonna be this one.
447
00:18:34,610 --> 00:18:35,690
Okay. [CHUCKLES]
448
00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:37,030
All right.
449
00:18:37,070 --> 00:18:38,320
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa.
450
00:18:38,360 --> 00:18:39,570
Can't let you
do that.
451
00:18:39,610 --> 00:18:41,450
Well, why not?
452
00:18:41,490 --> 00:18:43,200
We don't do the traditional
bake sale here.
453
00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:44,450
We do something
much more fun.
454
00:18:44,490 --> 00:18:46,330
It's called
a Cake Walk.
455
00:18:46,370 --> 00:18:48,710
[CHUCKLES]
What's that?
456
00:18:48,750 --> 00:18:51,000
Well, uh, we put
the cakes in a circle,
457
00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:52,540
and the men
walk around them.
458
00:18:52,590 --> 00:18:54,000
And when
the music stops,
459
00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:55,380
if you're in front
of a cake, you buy it.
460
00:18:55,420 --> 00:18:58,930
If you're not, you keep goin'.
It's a panic.
461
00:19:01,260 --> 00:19:02,470
Uh-huh.
462
00:19:02,510 --> 00:19:03,930
So, do you want
the lid on or off?
463
00:19:03,970 --> 00:19:05,220
On. On. Uh, there's
some stuff in there
464
00:19:05,270 --> 00:19:08,390
that shouldn't be
exposed to air.
465
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:10,560
All righty.
466
00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:12,730
Okay, everyone,
let's gather around
467
00:19:12,770 --> 00:19:14,570
for the main event! Heh.
468
00:19:14,610 --> 00:19:17,280
-Great plan!
-I didn't count on a cake walk.
469
00:19:18,190 --> 00:19:22,240
[PLAYING BOUNCY, JAZZY TUNE]
470
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:01,360
[MUSIC STOPS]
471
00:20:03,660 --> 00:20:05,660
DOUG:
Sorry, man.
472
00:20:05,700 --> 00:20:07,160
Sorry.
473
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:10,120
[MUSIC PLAYING]
474
00:20:14,670 --> 00:20:16,380
[SPURTS]
475
00:20:18,510 --> 00:20:20,260
[SPURTS]
476
00:20:22,550 --> 00:20:26,680
[SPURTING]
477
00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:30,770
[MUSIC STOPS]
478
00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:37,480
What happened?!
479
00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:39,780
I've never seen
caramel do that.
480
00:20:42,070 --> 00:20:43,360
Hey...
481
00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:46,240
this is a chocolate
frosted couch pillow!
482
00:20:49,700 --> 00:20:52,710
Now!
Get the car!
483
00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:06,890
Dad?
What's the matter?
484
00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:09,810
I saw Chicken Little.
485
00:21:11,770 --> 00:21:13,600
Come on!
486
00:21:22,070 --> 00:21:25,490
[**]
34573
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