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1
00:00:03,080 --> 00:00:04,790
* My eyesare gettin' weary*
2
00:00:04,830 --> 00:00:07,290
* My back is gettin' tight*
3
00:00:07,340 --> 00:00:09,210
* I'm sittin' herein traffic*
4
00:00:09,250 --> 00:00:12,470
* On the Queensboro Bridgetonight*
5
00:00:12,510 --> 00:00:17,680
* But I don't care,'cause all I want to do*
6
00:00:17,720 --> 00:00:21,310
* Is cash my check and driveright home to you*
7
00:00:23,390 --> 00:00:25,100
* 'Cause, baby,all my life*
8
00:00:25,150 --> 00:00:28,770
* I will be drivin' hometo you*
9
00:00:32,530 --> 00:00:34,450
[**]
10
00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:36,410
[SPORTS PLAYING ON TV]
11
00:00:36,450 --> 00:00:38,830
Doug, you're not
even dressed yet?
12
00:00:38,870 --> 00:00:41,870
[GROANS] We're not really
going to karaoke, are we?
13
00:00:41,910 --> 00:00:45,330
I went to see
Jean-Claude Van Damme
14
00:00:45,370 --> 00:00:47,380
at The Learning Annex.
15
00:00:47,420 --> 00:00:50,420
You knew that bill
was coming due.
16
00:00:50,460 --> 00:00:52,130
Don't make me do this.
17
00:00:52,170 --> 00:00:53,760
I don't perform well
under pressure.
18
00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:55,840
Believe me, I know.
19
00:00:57,220 --> 00:00:59,430
But maybe karaoke
will be different.
20
00:01:00,810 --> 00:01:02,470
Relax, man.
We'll all be there.
21
00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:04,100
It's gonna be a hoot.
22
00:01:04,850 --> 00:01:06,350
A hoot?
23
00:01:07,730 --> 00:01:09,480
You got to stop hanging
around white people.
24
00:01:11,150 --> 00:01:13,530
Hey, hey. Danny
isn't here yet, is he?
25
00:01:13,570 --> 00:01:15,110
-Mm-mmm.
-Okay.
26
00:01:15,150 --> 00:01:17,240
When he comes here,
excuse yourself and go upstairs.
27
00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:18,530
What for?
28
00:01:18,570 --> 00:01:20,410
I want you to call him
on his cell phone, okay?
29
00:01:20,450 --> 00:01:22,200
Say you're from "the lab"
30
00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:24,790
and you have his
"test results," okay?
31
00:01:24,830 --> 00:01:26,250
And then...you know what?
32
00:01:26,290 --> 00:01:28,120
I have it all here
in this script.
33
00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:31,590
This is funny.
34
00:01:31,630 --> 00:01:33,250
You know what?
I can do it in an accent.
35
00:01:33,300 --> 00:01:34,460
Like...[IMITATING
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER]
36
00:01:34,510 --> 00:01:36,300
"Hello, I'm from
the institute."
37
00:01:36,340 --> 00:01:37,720
That would be great.
That would be great.
38
00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:38,800
Okay, here he comes.
39
00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:40,350
I got to try
not to laugh.
40
00:01:40,390 --> 00:01:42,760
-What's up, man?
-Hi, guys.
41
00:01:42,810 --> 00:01:44,140
What's going on?
42
00:01:44,180 --> 00:01:46,430
Spence wanted me
to screw with you.
43
00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:48,190
What are you doing?
44
00:01:48,230 --> 00:01:50,770
Wow. You really did
your homework.
45
00:01:50,810 --> 00:01:53,320
I would've been
devastated.
46
00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:54,820
I'm gonna grab a beer.
47
00:01:56,490 --> 00:01:58,410
Danny pulls pranks
on me all the time.
48
00:01:58,450 --> 00:01:59,950
I just wanted
to get him back once.
49
00:01:59,990 --> 00:02:01,660
Spence, let me
break it down for you, okay?
50
00:02:01,700 --> 00:02:03,580
You're not a prankster.
51
00:02:03,620 --> 00:02:05,330
You're a victim.
52
00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:07,870
Accept it, and you're
gonna save yourself
53
00:02:07,910 --> 00:02:09,670
a lot of heartache.
54
00:02:09,710 --> 00:02:10,750
Oh, by the way,
when we get
55
00:02:10,790 --> 00:02:12,170
to karaoke tonight,
56
00:02:12,210 --> 00:02:13,670
I'm staying in character,
57
00:02:13,710 --> 00:02:17,920
so I'll only answer
to "Neil" or "Mr. Diamond."
58
00:02:19,430 --> 00:02:21,890
So, uh, what are you
guys gonna sing?
59
00:02:21,930 --> 00:02:23,300
I was gonna do
The Carpenters,
60
00:02:23,350 --> 00:02:26,310
but after that
"white people" comment,
61
00:02:26,350 --> 00:02:28,180
thinking I might go Tupac.
62
00:02:30,310 --> 00:02:32,190
* Well,tune right in*
63
00:02:32,230 --> 00:02:35,860
* And you'll findthe love you lost*
64
00:02:37,940 --> 00:02:39,700
* 'Cause nowI'm sittin' here*
65
00:02:39,740 --> 00:02:45,490
* With the manI sent away long ago*
66
00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:47,250
* They found itreally loud*
67
00:02:47,290 --> 00:02:48,910
* They said it really loud*
68
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:51,420
* On the radio*
69
00:02:51,460 --> 00:02:52,710
I don't get
this song.
70
00:02:52,750 --> 00:02:54,340
Did she hear
about the letter
71
00:02:54,380 --> 00:02:55,750
listening to the radio,
72
00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:58,970
or was it physically
on top of the radio?
73
00:02:59,010 --> 00:03:00,630
You know what?
I'm black and I'm proud,
74
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:02,010
and I'm singing
"Laughter In The Rain."
75
00:03:02,050 --> 00:03:04,510
CARRIE: * Whoa-ohhhh*
76
00:03:04,550 --> 00:03:06,930
* On the radio*
77
00:03:06,970 --> 00:03:09,310
-DOUG: Whoo!
-DEACON: Good, Carrie!
78
00:03:09,350 --> 00:03:11,440
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
79
00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:13,650
DEACON: Give it up. Yeah!
80
00:03:14,980 --> 00:03:16,610
All right, honey.
Your turn. Have fun.
81
00:03:16,650 --> 00:03:18,230
Yeah, I hate everything
about you.
82
00:03:18,280 --> 00:03:19,740
MAN: Let's have a big
Scooter McGee's welcome
83
00:03:19,780 --> 00:03:21,360
for Doug Heffernan!
84
00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:22,700
Whoo!
85
00:03:22,740 --> 00:03:25,450
-DEACON: Yeah!
-CARRIE: Come on, baby!
86
00:03:28,580 --> 00:03:29,540
[CLEARS THROAT]
87
00:03:29,580 --> 00:03:31,000
[MUSIC PLAYING]
88
00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:33,290
* There's a port* No.
89
00:03:33,330 --> 00:03:35,380
* There's a port*
90
00:03:35,420 --> 00:03:37,300
* On a western bay*
91
00:03:37,340 --> 00:03:38,960
* It serves*
92
00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:41,420
* A hundred ships a day*
93
00:03:41,470 --> 00:03:43,720
* Lonely sailors*
94
00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:44,930
* Pass the time away*
95
00:03:44,970 --> 00:03:47,260
* Talk about*
96
00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:48,310
* Homes*
97
00:03:48,350 --> 00:03:49,720
* Brandy*
98
00:03:49,770 --> 00:03:51,600
* Wears a braided chain*
99
00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:53,480
* Made of finest silver*
100
00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:55,480
* From the north of Spain*
101
00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:57,650
* A locket*
102
00:03:57,690 --> 00:03:59,320
* That bears the name*
103
00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:02,400
* Of a manthat Brandy loved*
104
00:04:02,450 --> 00:04:04,740
* She hears him say,"Brandy*
105
00:04:04,780 --> 00:04:06,570
* "You're a fine girl*
106
00:04:06,620 --> 00:04:10,410
* "What a good wifeyou would be*
107
00:04:10,450 --> 00:04:11,710
* "But my life*
108
00:04:11,750 --> 00:04:13,870
* "My love, and my lady*
109
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,670
* Is the sea"*
110
00:04:15,710 --> 00:04:19,340
* Du-du-du-dudu, du, du, du, du-du*
111
00:04:19,380 --> 00:04:20,300
MAN: Whoo!
112
00:04:20,340 --> 00:04:23,090
Whoo! Ooh!
113
00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:25,890
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
114
00:04:25,930 --> 00:04:27,930
Let's give it up
for Doug Heffernan!
115
00:04:27,970 --> 00:04:29,600
Yeah!
116
00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:30,810
Honey,
117
00:04:30,850 --> 00:04:33,310
I got to tell you,
that did not suck.
118
00:04:33,350 --> 00:04:34,770
Yeah, that was great.
119
00:04:34,810 --> 00:04:36,810
Yeah, I felt like
I was off--really?
120
00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:38,440
Yeah.
121
00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:40,030
[**]
122
00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:43,650
Did you find
a movie yet?
123
00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:45,490
Okay. So at the Midway
we can still make
124
00:04:45,530 --> 00:04:48,580
the 7:15 showing
of Habeas Corpus.
125
00:04:48,620 --> 00:04:51,660
Oh, I hear that's great.
It's based on a true story.
126
00:04:51,700 --> 00:04:53,660
Mm-mmm. You know my rule.
127
00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:56,330
If it's true,
it's craparoo.
128
00:04:58,460 --> 00:05:00,090
I'll keep looking.
129
00:05:00,130 --> 00:05:01,800
[CHIMING]
130
00:05:01,840 --> 00:05:02,960
Oh, Doug, you got an e-mail.
131
00:05:03,010 --> 00:05:04,970
Hmm. Who is it from?
132
00:05:05,010 --> 00:05:08,930
Uh, it says,
"cutiepie32."
133
00:05:08,970 --> 00:05:10,930
Hmm. Open it up.
134
00:05:10,970 --> 00:05:12,890
Okay.
135
00:05:12,930 --> 00:05:14,600
"I hope this is
the right Doug Heffernan.
136
00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:17,350
"Did you sing at the
karaoke bar last night?
137
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:18,650
"I'm there
almost every night,
138
00:05:18,690 --> 00:05:19,940
"and you were awesome.
139
00:05:19,980 --> 00:05:21,730
Anyway, just wanted
to let you know."
140
00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:22,980
Hmm.
141
00:05:23,030 --> 00:05:24,690
Fan mail.
142
00:05:26,030 --> 00:05:26,990
You didn't even get that
when you won
143
00:05:27,030 --> 00:05:28,820
the wing-eating contest.
144
00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:31,030
That time, you put
your life on the line.
145
00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:32,990
Yeah, relax,
everybody, all right?
146
00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:35,500
You sang "Brandy",
it's like one octave.
147
00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:38,960
Okay, guys, let's hit
this pizza hard
148
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:40,420
and get out of here.
149
00:05:40,460 --> 00:05:42,630
I'm not missing the
Harry Potterpreview again.
150
00:05:44,630 --> 00:05:46,680
What's going on?
151
00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:48,930
Doug's got a little
karaoke fan.
152
00:05:48,970 --> 00:05:50,680
-Really?
-Yeah.
153
00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:52,010
Apparently, I don't
just sing a song.
154
00:05:52,060 --> 00:05:55,020
-I make love to it.
-Oh, man.
155
00:05:55,060 --> 00:05:56,390
Hey, do you think
it was those
156
00:05:56,430 --> 00:05:57,600
Aer Lingus stewardesses
157
00:05:57,640 --> 00:05:59,190
that sang
"Dancing Queen"?
158
00:05:59,230 --> 00:06:01,560
Whoa. Let's not
get ahead of ourselves here.
159
00:06:01,610 --> 00:06:02,900
How do we know
that "cutiepie"
160
00:06:02,940 --> 00:06:05,150
isn't "cutieguy"?
161
00:06:07,030 --> 00:06:09,070
Oh, you know who it is I bet?
I bet you it's the hot waitress.
162
00:06:09,110 --> 00:06:10,740
You remember she said
I did a good job.
163
00:06:10,780 --> 00:06:12,030
Yeah, yeah. It's not
like she was angling
164
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:13,830
for a tip or anything.
165
00:06:14,950 --> 00:06:17,040
[CHIMING]
166
00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:18,830
Ooh, look at this.
I got another e-mail
167
00:06:18,870 --> 00:06:20,920
from cutiepie32.
168
00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:22,540
Unbelievable.
169
00:06:22,590 --> 00:06:24,420
"Okay, truth time.
170
00:06:24,460 --> 00:06:26,880
"It's not just that
I'm a fan of your singing.
171
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:28,590
"I think you're really sexy.
172
00:06:28,630 --> 00:06:30,090
"Oh, and thanks for opening
your shirt a little.
173
00:06:30,140 --> 00:06:32,890
That was the icing
on the cake."
174
00:06:32,930 --> 00:06:35,680
She's using a semi-colon
and closed parentheses.
175
00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:38,890
She's winking at you.
176
00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:41,150
Hey. I thought you guys
were going to the movies.
177
00:06:41,190 --> 00:06:43,440
Oh, that's right.
Let's get going.
178
00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:44,730
Take care, Carrie.
179
00:06:44,770 --> 00:06:47,190
Don't wanna be late
for Habeas Corpus.
180
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:50,070
-Have fun. Doug.
-Yeah?
181
00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:52,780
Why are you taking
your laptop to the movies?
182
00:06:52,820 --> 00:06:55,200
Uh, so I can write
about it in my blog.
183
00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:03,500
[**]
184
00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:08,840
Come on, man.
185
00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:10,260
Are we gonna play
basketball or what?
186
00:07:10,300 --> 00:07:11,470
Just a few more minutes.
She's gonna e-mail me.
187
00:07:11,510 --> 00:07:12,930
I can feel it.
188
00:07:14,180 --> 00:07:16,350
You haven't heard
from her in 3 days.
189
00:07:16,390 --> 00:07:18,020
I know.
190
00:07:18,060 --> 00:07:19,270
One minute
she's sending me a list
191
00:07:19,310 --> 00:07:20,520
of our children's names--
192
00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:22,020
I like Caleb.
193
00:07:23,270 --> 00:07:25,070
And all of a sudden, nothing.
I don't get it.
194
00:07:25,110 --> 00:07:27,280
Maybe she's just been busy
and doesn't have the time.
195
00:07:27,320 --> 00:07:30,490
Hey, you're a stalker.
You make the time.
196
00:07:31,910 --> 00:07:33,490
[CHIMING]
197
00:07:33,530 --> 00:07:35,910
Uh-huh. Back in business.
198
00:07:35,950 --> 00:07:37,240
Let me see here.
199
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:39,580
Uhh! It's from my mom.
200
00:07:41,250 --> 00:07:43,170
"10 reasons why men
leave the seat up."
201
00:07:43,210 --> 00:07:45,000
Delete! Delete!
202
00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:46,420
Take it easy, man.
203
00:07:46,460 --> 00:07:48,420
What are you getting all
worked up about this for?
204
00:07:48,460 --> 00:07:51,130
I don't know.
It just made me feel good, okay?
205
00:07:51,170 --> 00:07:52,510
It's not every day
that a woman asks
206
00:07:52,550 --> 00:07:55,680
to see me in tighter clothes.
207
00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:58,180
You know what? She probably
just lost interest.
208
00:07:58,220 --> 00:08:00,890
Memories fade, man.
Think about it.
209
00:08:00,930 --> 00:08:03,560
You sang one song
to her a week ago.
210
00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:08,400
* My love*
211
00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:13,700
* There's only youin my life*
212
00:08:13,740 --> 00:08:17,950
* The only thingthat's bright*
213
00:08:20,450 --> 00:08:24,330
* My first love*
214
00:08:24,370 --> 00:08:29,380
* You're every breaththat I take*
215
00:08:29,420 --> 00:08:34,380
* You'reevery step I make*
216
00:08:34,430 --> 00:08:36,720
It looks like you're next.
What are you gonna sing?
217
00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:40,140
Uh, what I always sing,
Neil Diamond.
218
00:08:40,180 --> 00:08:43,060
Oh, sorry, you got to pick
something else.
219
00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:46,020
Somebody sang him
at Happy Hour.
220
00:08:48,310 --> 00:08:49,940
So what?
221
00:08:49,980 --> 00:08:51,940
We don't double
Diamond here.
222
00:08:53,570 --> 00:08:55,570
It says so
on the sign-up sheet.
223
00:08:55,610 --> 00:08:58,160
All right, fine.
I'll do it next week.
224
00:08:58,200 --> 00:09:01,160
But just so you know,
you're not punishing me.
225
00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:03,330
You're punishing them.
226
00:09:03,370 --> 00:09:05,580
DOUG: * 2 hearts*
227
00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:11,710
BOTH: * 2 heartsthat beat as one*
228
00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:16,130
* Our liveshave just begun*
229
00:09:18,470 --> 00:09:19,970
* Forever*
230
00:09:20,010 --> 00:09:22,390
* Ohh-whoa*
231
00:09:22,430 --> 00:09:24,600
* I'll hold you close*
232
00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:27,190
* In my arms*
233
00:09:27,230 --> 00:09:31,980
* I can't resistyour charms*
234
00:09:36,150 --> 00:09:38,240
-How much fun was that?
-I know.
235
00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:40,370
And you see, I had to drag
you there the first time,
236
00:09:40,410 --> 00:09:42,120
and now you're
dragging me there.
237
00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:44,450
-I got the fever!
-I know.
238
00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:45,660
Hey, honey,
239
00:09:45,710 --> 00:09:47,250
what do you say
we go upstairs
240
00:09:47,290 --> 00:09:50,670
and, uh, make
some more endless love?
241
00:09:50,710 --> 00:09:53,630
Oh. Well, I wouldn't count
on the "endless" part,
242
00:09:53,670 --> 00:09:55,420
but yeah.
243
00:09:55,470 --> 00:09:57,380
Okay. I'm gonna
go take a shower.
244
00:09:57,430 --> 00:10:00,050
All right. I'll be up there
in a minute. [CHUCKLING]
245
00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:10,060
S-s-still nothing.
246
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,060
CARRIE: Honey?
247
00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:12,690
Uh...what?
248
00:10:12,730 --> 00:10:15,780
Uh, I was thinking...
wanna take a shower with me?
249
00:10:15,820 --> 00:10:17,320
Conserve water?
250
00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:19,660
Oh. See, now, I like
where you're going there
251
00:10:19,700 --> 00:10:22,700
because it sounds like
we can get up there
252
00:10:22,740 --> 00:10:25,250
-and have a little--
-[CHIMING]
253
00:10:27,540 --> 00:10:30,500
Fun. Let's lather up.
254
00:10:30,540 --> 00:10:32,380
Who's "cutiepie32"?
255
00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:35,800
Yeah, I think it's Dea--
it's Deacon.
256
00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:42,510
"The subject is 'Your arms
looked sexy tonight.'"
257
00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:45,520
Yeah, it's
definitely Deacon.
258
00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:48,180
Open it up.
259
00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:49,440
That's all right.
I'll talk to him tomorrow.
260
00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:50,520
-No, you should open it up.
-Okay.
261
00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:51,810
Okay.
262
00:10:52,810 --> 00:10:54,190
[CLEARS THROAT]
263
00:10:55,650 --> 00:10:58,320
-There you go.
-Oh!
264
00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:01,700
Did Deacon scan his panties
and send them to you?
265
00:11:02,870 --> 00:11:06,120
That, my friend,
is a cry for help.
266
00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:07,750
All right, what the hell
is going on here?
267
00:11:08,910 --> 00:11:10,870
-Nothing. Ju--
-Who is that?
268
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,710
-Look, I don't know.
-You don't know?
269
00:11:12,750 --> 00:11:13,790
I don't know.
I never met her.
270
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:15,750
She saw me sing karaoke,
271
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,760
and, uh, she's been
e-mailing me ever since.
272
00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:19,380
I don't write her back.
273
00:11:19,420 --> 00:11:21,180
So that's why you
brought me there tonight?
274
00:11:21,220 --> 00:11:23,550
So you could sing to her?
275
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,140
And you.
276
00:11:26,390 --> 00:11:27,810
Come on.
How about that shower?
277
00:11:27,850 --> 00:11:29,850
Oh, my--
you are unbelievable.
278
00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:31,390
I'm not doing
anything wrong here.
279
00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:32,730
You're not doing
anything wrong?
280
00:11:32,770 --> 00:11:35,150
You're having some thing
with some cyber-skank.
281
00:11:35,190 --> 00:11:36,780
Look, it's not a thing, okay?
She's stalking me.
282
00:11:36,820 --> 00:11:38,400
I'm the victim here.
283
00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:41,400
Oh, you're the victim? Okay.
You're loving this.
284
00:11:41,450 --> 00:11:43,410
Oh, com--
285
00:11:43,450 --> 00:11:44,910
Oh, I get it.
286
00:11:44,950 --> 00:11:46,870
Oh, my God--
You're jealous.
287
00:11:46,910 --> 00:11:48,790
I'm jealous.
I'm jealous of what?
288
00:11:48,830 --> 00:11:52,120
You're jealous I have
a stalker and you don't.
289
00:11:53,210 --> 00:11:54,420
Excuse me, Doug.
290
00:11:54,460 --> 00:11:56,340
I have had
plenty of stalkers, okay?
291
00:11:56,380 --> 00:11:57,630
You know how many times
I had to move or change
292
00:11:57,670 --> 00:11:58,840
my phone number
293
00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:00,800
'cause I was being
hounded by some weirdo?
294
00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:04,390
Hmm. Not ringing a bell
since I've known you.
295
00:12:05,680 --> 00:12:08,770
Anyone stalk you, say,
in the 21st Century?
296
00:12:10,350 --> 00:12:12,270
Yes. As a matter of fact,
I'm being stalked right now.
297
00:12:12,310 --> 00:12:13,440
-Really?
-Yeah.
298
00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:17,270
-By who?
-By Tommy Leonardi, okay?
299
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:18,570
I knew him from high school.
He Googled me,
300
00:12:18,610 --> 00:12:19,690
and he e-mailed me just today.
301
00:12:19,730 --> 00:12:20,860
Happens all the time.
302
00:12:20,900 --> 00:12:22,610
Wow. Why don't
you show me?
303
00:12:23,910 --> 00:12:25,530
[SCOFFS]
304
00:12:28,870 --> 00:12:30,290
Fine. That's fine.
305
00:12:30,330 --> 00:12:32,500
But I'll tell you what.
It ain't pretty.
306
00:12:35,210 --> 00:12:38,500
"Then in April,
I was transferred to Tucson.
307
00:12:38,550 --> 00:12:41,300
So me, Alice, Dylan, and
the twins packed up the car..."
308
00:12:41,340 --> 00:12:43,800
That's your stalker?
309
00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:45,470
That's a Christmas letter.
310
00:12:45,510 --> 00:12:47,680
Doug, that's
the way it starts.
311
00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:49,890
Then the phone calls.
Then the hang-ups.
312
00:12:49,930 --> 00:12:51,600
The next thing you know,
he's gonna be wearing
313
00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:52,810
my skin as a suit.
314
00:12:52,850 --> 00:12:54,520
Okay. Now you're
embarrassing yourself.
315
00:12:54,560 --> 00:12:56,600
Okay. You know what?
This conversation is over.
316
00:12:56,650 --> 00:12:59,480
All right. You and your
little karaoke slut--
317
00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:00,900
you're through. Okay?
318
00:13:00,940 --> 00:13:02,280
What am I supposed to do?
319
00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:05,320
Believe me, if there
was some magical way
320
00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:08,320
to block her
from e-mailing me, I would.
321
00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:09,870
[KEYBOARD CLACKING]
322
00:13:12,580 --> 00:13:14,370
There.
323
00:13:14,410 --> 00:13:15,870
She's blocked.
324
00:13:17,290 --> 00:13:18,540
Thank you.
325
00:13:21,340 --> 00:13:22,800
[**]
326
00:13:24,510 --> 00:13:26,430
Doug, stop
checking your inbox.
327
00:13:26,470 --> 00:13:28,510
Carrie blocked her.
It's over.
328
00:13:28,550 --> 00:13:29,930
You know,
this is ridiculous.
329
00:13:29,970 --> 00:13:31,390
I can't have
anything anymore.
330
00:13:31,430 --> 00:13:34,230
No more Ring-Dings.
No stalker.
331
00:13:35,310 --> 00:13:36,850
Why do I even get out of bed?
332
00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:38,900
Just come watch
Celebrity Poker.
333
00:13:38,940 --> 00:13:41,730
Marg Helgenberger
has pocket aces.
334
00:13:42,820 --> 00:13:44,400
I'm not
taking this anymore.
335
00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:45,700
Spence, you know about
computer crap.
336
00:13:45,740 --> 00:13:47,780
Is there any way
I can undo this block?
337
00:13:47,820 --> 00:13:49,370
Well, yeah, but...
338
00:13:49,410 --> 00:13:50,700
Well then come over here
and help me, would you?
339
00:13:50,740 --> 00:13:53,240
I don't wanna
get Carrie mad at me.
340
00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:55,460
She doesn't
like you anyway, okay?
341
00:13:55,500 --> 00:13:57,920
Now, do me a favor and
just un-crack the code.
342
00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:00,880
There's no code.
You just hit "unblock."
343
00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:02,750
Okay, I don't need to know
how the sausage is made.
344
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:04,710
Just do it.
345
00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:07,050
I did it, okay?
And I was never here.
346
00:14:07,090 --> 00:14:10,800
Okay. Come on, cutiepie32.
347
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:12,010
DEACON: I got to tell you,
348
00:14:12,060 --> 00:14:14,270
I'm seeing your clothes
all over the lawn.
349
00:14:15,100 --> 00:14:17,390
-[CHIMING]
-Ah.
350
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,730
And welcome back,
cutiepie.
351
00:14:21,060 --> 00:14:24,780
"Dear Doug. First you block
me, then you unblock me.
352
00:14:24,820 --> 00:14:28,030
Nobody treats me
like that. Nobody."
353
00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:31,740
Da--
354
00:14:31,780 --> 00:14:33,870
She's a little...
she's a little miffed.
355
00:14:33,910 --> 00:14:35,790
[CHIMING]
356
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:39,040
"Don't think you can
get away from me,
357
00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:40,790
because I'm watching you."
358
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:44,710
Watching me.
That's right out
359
00:14:44,750 --> 00:14:46,590
of the "crazy" handbook,
am I right?
360
00:14:46,630 --> 00:14:48,300
Yeah. Right.
361
00:14:49,090 --> 00:14:50,800
[CHIMING]
362
00:14:53,050 --> 00:14:56,730
"I like your shirt.
I'm a Mets fan, too."
363
00:14:59,850 --> 00:15:01,440
Uh...I-I-I'm
gonna head out.
364
00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:03,610
SPENCE: Yeah, yeah. My, uh,
365
00:15:03,650 --> 00:15:05,070
dog's been cooped up
all day.
366
00:15:05,110 --> 00:15:06,110
I'm gonna head out, too.
367
00:15:06,150 --> 00:15:07,740
Guys, it's
a lucky guess.
368
00:15:07,780 --> 00:15:11,070
Half the fat guys
in Queens wear Mets shirts.
369
00:15:11,110 --> 00:15:13,070
[CHIMING]
370
00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:15,120
[CHIMING]
371
00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:17,080
[CHIMING]
372
00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:25,380
[**]
373
00:15:49,940 --> 00:15:51,740
-[KETTLE WHISTLING]
-Oh, God!
374
00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:57,200
You know, you can warn
a person when you're
375
00:15:57,240 --> 00:15:58,330
gonna make tea, okay?
376
00:15:58,370 --> 00:16:00,040
Common courtesy!
377
00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:02,500
For the love of God!
You ever hear of knocking?
378
00:16:02,540 --> 00:16:04,000
What's going on?
379
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:07,050
This came in.
380
00:16:09,170 --> 00:16:11,340
"Hey, Doug, sorry I've been
a little hard on you.
381
00:16:11,380 --> 00:16:12,800
"You know what would
really cheer me up?
382
00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:14,140
"If you would sing me
a song tonight
383
00:16:14,180 --> 00:16:15,220
"at the karaoke bar.
384
00:16:15,260 --> 00:16:16,890
"How about
'I Will Always Love You'?
385
00:16:16,930 --> 00:16:19,100
I really hope
you don't let me down."
386
00:16:22,390 --> 00:16:24,270
Doesn't sound so bad.
387
00:16:24,310 --> 00:16:26,940
Yeah? This came with it.
388
00:16:31,860 --> 00:16:34,200
I guess you probably
shouldn't let her down.
389
00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:39,240
Hey, how many of you
out there like Christmas?
390
00:16:39,290 --> 00:16:41,250
[APPLAUSE]
391
00:16:41,290 --> 00:16:43,870
Well, I do, too. Heh.
392
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:45,080
Why don't we
celebrate a little early
393
00:16:45,130 --> 00:16:46,420
with one of my favorites.
394
00:16:46,460 --> 00:16:48,550
And if anybody likes
what they hear or see,
395
00:16:48,590 --> 00:16:51,840
I can be reached
at carrieheff70@yahoo.com.
396
00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:54,510
That's with two F's,
by the way. Here we go.
397
00:16:54,550 --> 00:16:55,890
[MUSIC PLAYING]
398
00:16:55,930 --> 00:16:57,390
* Santa, baby*
399
00:16:57,430 --> 00:17:00,060
* Slip the sableunder the tree*
400
00:17:00,100 --> 00:17:01,930
* For me*
401
00:17:01,980 --> 00:17:04,350
* I've beenan awful good girl*
402
00:17:04,390 --> 00:17:06,100
* Santa, baby*
403
00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:09,940
* And hurry downthe chimney tonight*
404
00:17:09,980 --> 00:17:12,240
Hello. Are you
from out of town?
405
00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:14,280
Yeah, I could tell. Heh.
406
00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:15,950
Did you guys come together?
407
00:17:15,990 --> 00:17:18,450
Well, that's so unfortunate.
408
00:17:18,490 --> 00:17:20,950
-Hey, I need your spot.
-What?
409
00:17:20,990 --> 00:17:22,450
No way. I've been
waiting 2 weeks to do this.
410
00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:24,410
Danny, if my stalker doesn't
hear me sing tonight,
411
00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:25,460
I'm gonna die.
412
00:17:25,500 --> 00:17:26,500
Oh. I see.
413
00:17:26,540 --> 00:17:28,000
Now I have to go
on her schedule.
414
00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:29,290
Yes. And tell them
I'm gonna sing
415
00:17:29,340 --> 00:17:31,380
"I Will Always Love You."
416
00:17:31,420 --> 00:17:33,050
Fine. I'll tell DJ Ron.
417
00:17:33,090 --> 00:17:35,340
-When is your spot?
-Right after Carrie.
418
00:17:35,380 --> 00:17:37,220
CARRIE: * Santa, baby*
419
00:17:37,260 --> 00:17:41,260
* Hurry downthe chimney tonight*
420
00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:43,520
* Hurry down the chimney*
421
00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:45,600
* Tonight*
422
00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:48,440
* Hurry down the chimney*
423
00:17:49,230 --> 00:17:53,360
* Tonight*
424
00:17:56,360 --> 00:17:57,950
Thank you so much.
425
00:17:57,990 --> 00:18:00,870
Remember, that's
carrieheff70@yahoo.com.
426
00:18:00,910 --> 00:18:02,080
Thank you so much.
427
00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,250
Carrie,
what are you doing here?
428
00:18:05,290 --> 00:18:06,500
Singing.
429
00:18:06,540 --> 00:18:08,500
You're trying to get stalked.
430
00:18:08,540 --> 00:18:10,500
MAN: Okay, let's make
a little noise
431
00:18:10,540 --> 00:18:12,340
for Doug Heffernan!
432
00:18:12,380 --> 00:18:13,590
What are you
trying to do,
433
00:18:13,630 --> 00:18:15,630
impress
your little stalker?
434
00:18:15,670 --> 00:18:17,510
No. My stalker went
all fatal attraction on me
435
00:18:17,550 --> 00:18:19,510
since you blocked her e-mails.
Now she wants me to sing!
436
00:18:19,550 --> 00:18:21,260
Well, show her to me.
I'll kick her ass.
437
00:18:21,300 --> 00:18:23,470
-You don't even know her.
-Let's go.
438
00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:25,020
* And I*
439
00:18:25,060 --> 00:18:26,690
* I-I*
440
00:18:26,730 --> 00:18:29,020
* I-I*
441
00:18:29,060 --> 00:18:32,320
* Will always love you*
442
00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:34,190
* Oo-oo*
443
00:18:34,230 --> 00:18:36,030
* Oo-oo*
444
00:18:36,070 --> 00:18:39,660
* Will always love you*
445
00:18:39,700 --> 00:18:41,620
* Oo-oo*
446
00:18:41,660 --> 00:18:43,620
* Oo*
447
00:18:43,660 --> 00:18:45,160
I will always...
448
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:46,580
love you.
449
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:52,920
* So I'll go*
450
00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:55,420
* And I know*
451
00:19:01,260 --> 00:19:04,310
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
452
00:19:14,770 --> 00:19:16,610
Doug?
453
00:19:16,650 --> 00:19:18,240
Wait.
454
00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:20,320
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
455
00:19:25,450 --> 00:19:27,500
What are you in such
a hurry for, sweetie?
456
00:19:27,540 --> 00:19:29,210
What do you want from me?
I sang your song.
457
00:19:29,250 --> 00:19:31,420
Now, leave me alone.
458
00:19:31,460 --> 00:19:33,960
Somebody just wanted me
to give you this message.
459
00:19:34,630 --> 00:19:36,050
Here.
460
00:19:41,590 --> 00:19:43,350
"Look behind you"?
461
00:19:45,140 --> 00:19:46,970
Hello, Doug.
462
00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:48,270
Spence?
463
00:19:48,310 --> 00:19:50,270
You're cutiepie32?
464
00:19:50,310 --> 00:19:52,230
That's right.
465
00:19:52,270 --> 00:19:53,480
Well...
466
00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:57,190
So...you're
in love with me?
467
00:19:57,230 --> 00:19:58,740
What? No!
468
00:19:58,780 --> 00:20:01,070
No. Listen. It all
started that first night
469
00:20:01,110 --> 00:20:02,450
we went to karaoke.
470
00:20:02,490 --> 00:20:04,660
You're not a prankster.
You're a victim.
471
00:20:04,700 --> 00:20:06,370
Accept it, and you're
gonna save yourself
472
00:20:06,410 --> 00:20:07,990
a lot of heartache.
473
00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:13,080
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
474
00:20:41,360 --> 00:20:43,110
Who's the victim now?
475
00:20:43,740 --> 00:20:46,320
Me.
476
00:20:46,370 --> 00:20:50,540
And in about
one minute, you.
477
00:20:50,580 --> 00:20:52,210
I'm-I'm gonna get going.
478
00:20:56,210 --> 00:20:58,590
DEACON:
* Without an umbrella *
479
00:20:58,630 --> 00:21:00,800
* We're soaked to the skin *
480
00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:06,510
* I feel a shiverrun up my spine *
481
00:21:06,550 --> 00:21:12,890
* I feel the warmthof her hand in mine *
482
00:21:12,930 --> 00:21:17,690
* Oh, I hear laughterin the rain *
483
00:21:17,730 --> 00:21:22,860
* Walking hand in handwith the one I love *
484
00:21:22,900 --> 00:21:25,530
* Oh, how I love... *
485
00:21:25,570 --> 00:21:28,580
[**]
33875
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