All language subtitles for The King of Queens (2004) - S06E19 - Precedent Nixin_track3_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,870 --> 00:00:04,420 SINGER: *My eyes are gettin' weary* 2 00:00:04,460 --> 00:00:07,040 *My back is gettin' tight* 3 00:00:07,090 --> 00:00:09,130 *I'm sittin' here in traffic* 4 00:00:09,170 --> 00:00:11,840 *On the Queensboro Bridge tonight* 5 00:00:11,880 --> 00:00:17,550 *But I don't care, 'cause all I want to do* 6 00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:23,020 *Is cash my check and drive right home to you* 7 00:00:23,060 --> 00:00:24,690 *'Cause, baby, all my life* 8 00:00:24,730 --> 00:00:29,610 *I will be drivin' home to you* 9 00:00:34,030 --> 00:00:36,740 [TELEPHONE RINGS] 10 00:00:36,780 --> 00:00:38,780 Hello? 11 00:00:38,830 --> 00:00:40,410 Oh, hey, Janet. 12 00:00:40,450 --> 00:00:42,250 Yeah, we got our tickets. 13 00:00:42,290 --> 00:00:45,960 Yeah, we can't wait to see you, either. 14 00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:47,540 Uh, okay. It's your mom. 15 00:00:47,580 --> 00:00:51,500 She wants to know if we still like Corn Chex. 16 00:00:51,550 --> 00:00:53,720 Uh, yeah. 17 00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:56,180 Yeah, that's a green light on the Corn Chex. 18 00:00:56,220 --> 00:00:59,220 Okay. Bye-bye, hon. 19 00:00:59,260 --> 00:01:01,720 Okay, that's the 14th call about our trip. 20 00:01:01,770 --> 00:01:03,430 You know my mom. She just wants it to be great 21 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:05,560 -for us down there. -No, I know. I love your mom. 22 00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:07,560 I just wish she didn't have to work so hard 23 00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:09,560 when we come there. 24 00:01:09,610 --> 00:01:13,030 Hey, maybe this time, we can take the burden off her 25 00:01:13,070 --> 00:01:16,280 and stay in a hotel or something. 26 00:01:16,320 --> 00:01:19,160 -A hotel. Interesting. -Isn't it? 27 00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:20,580 Yeah. You know what else we could do? 28 00:01:20,620 --> 00:01:23,410 We could smack her in the face with a shovel. 29 00:01:23,450 --> 00:01:25,500 Would you just think of it for a moment? 30 00:01:25,540 --> 00:01:28,790 I mean, we'd see your parents just as much during the day, 31 00:01:28,830 --> 00:01:30,590 get in all that family goodness, 32 00:01:30,630 --> 00:01:32,340 and then at night, we'd stay in a hotel. 33 00:01:32,380 --> 00:01:33,460 We have a little privacy, 34 00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:35,550 you know, without all their stuff 35 00:01:35,590 --> 00:01:39,720 that makes us a little crazy. Heh. 36 00:01:39,760 --> 00:01:41,100 Uh, what-what stuff? 37 00:01:41,140 --> 00:01:43,430 Doug, come on. Like-like the fact that we can't 38 00:01:43,470 --> 00:01:46,560 leave the house after 8:00 because they set the alarm 39 00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:50,940 and it's too complicated to teach us a 4-digit code. 40 00:01:50,980 --> 00:01:53,940 Followed by "pound." 41 00:01:53,980 --> 00:01:55,490 And once that red light is on, 42 00:01:55,530 --> 00:01:57,360 we are stuck there! Do you know in prison, 43 00:01:57,400 --> 00:01:59,570 they call that lockdown? 44 00:01:59,610 --> 00:02:01,620 So now staying at my parents' is like prison? 45 00:02:01,660 --> 00:02:03,870 No, because in prison you could actually flush 46 00:02:03,910 --> 00:02:06,200 the toilet past 8:30. 47 00:02:06,250 --> 00:02:07,660 They're light sleepers, okay? 48 00:02:07,710 --> 00:02:09,500 And by the way, I'm not quite sure prison 49 00:02:09,540 --> 00:02:11,790 is the paradise you think it is. 50 00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:13,590 CARRIE: All right, take your mother's feelings 51 00:02:13,630 --> 00:02:15,380 out of this for a second. This is about you. 52 00:02:15,420 --> 00:02:17,880 You're saying you would actually rather stay 53 00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:20,720 in your parents' retirement complex 54 00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:21,760 than in a beautiful room 55 00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:24,760 stocked with liquor and dirty movies? 56 00:02:33,940 --> 00:02:35,900 No! 57 00:02:35,940 --> 00:02:37,150 But we can't stay in a hotel. 58 00:02:37,190 --> 00:02:38,780 Okay? We just can't! 59 00:02:38,820 --> 00:02:39,900 Look, Doug--okay, look, 60 00:02:39,950 --> 00:02:42,450 your mom will be upset for a minute, okay, 61 00:02:42,490 --> 00:02:43,660 but then she'll get over it, 62 00:02:43,700 --> 00:02:46,160 and we're adults here! We're in our thirties. 63 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:47,790 We're allowed to do this. 64 00:02:47,830 --> 00:02:49,660 It's like that time you finally realized 65 00:02:49,710 --> 00:02:53,880 youcanhave cookies before dinner. 66 00:02:53,920 --> 00:02:56,800 You told me I couldn't have cookies before dinner. 67 00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:58,590 You can't, okay? 68 00:02:58,630 --> 00:03:00,340 I'm just saying your parents aren't the ones 69 00:03:00,380 --> 00:03:02,050 -who are stopping you. -Okay, you know what? 70 00:03:02,090 --> 00:03:03,680 My head is spinning. If I go get a cookie 71 00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:05,890 right now, what's gonna happen to me? 72 00:03:05,930 --> 00:03:09,520 Please, honey, let's just do this this one time, okay? 73 00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:11,020 We set the precedent. We never have to have 74 00:03:11,060 --> 00:03:12,350 this conversation again. 75 00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:13,690 I will dial the number for you, okay? 76 00:03:13,730 --> 00:03:15,860 The thing is, don't even have to touch the buttons. 77 00:03:15,900 --> 00:03:16,940 Please? Come on, honey. 78 00:03:16,980 --> 00:03:19,110 Come on. I'm calling. 79 00:03:19,150 --> 00:03:21,860 All right, all right. Let's do it. 80 00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:24,740 She'll be fine, I promise. 81 00:03:24,780 --> 00:03:27,700 Hey, mom. Uh, look, Carrie and I were talking, 82 00:03:27,740 --> 00:03:30,660 and we need to tell you something. 83 00:03:30,710 --> 00:03:31,750 Uh, we've... 84 00:03:31,790 --> 00:03:35,250 kind of turned against the Corn Chex. 85 00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:42,550 You know what skill I realized I have? 86 00:03:42,590 --> 00:03:44,180 I can tell who's doing the voice-over 87 00:03:44,220 --> 00:03:46,100 on any commercial. And I'm not talkin' 88 00:03:46,140 --> 00:03:48,060 James Earl Jones for Verizon. 89 00:03:48,100 --> 00:03:49,390 All right? That's kid stuff. 90 00:03:49,430 --> 00:03:52,890 I'm talkin' Lisa Kudrow for Aquafina. 91 00:03:52,940 --> 00:03:54,850 Yeah, it's her. 92 00:03:54,900 --> 00:03:56,980 You wanna talk skills? I can always tell 93 00:03:57,020 --> 00:03:59,610 whether a dog is a girl or a boy. 94 00:03:59,650 --> 00:04:01,110 You mean, without looking underneath? 95 00:04:01,150 --> 00:04:02,530 Yeah, see, that's what makes it a skill. 96 00:04:02,570 --> 00:04:05,280 See, otherwise, it's just looking. 97 00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:08,990 Wow, I really missed these conversations 98 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:10,370 when we were separated. 99 00:04:10,410 --> 00:04:13,750 What's her problem? She ain't got no skills? 100 00:04:13,790 --> 00:04:15,750 She's just mad 'cause I'm making her go skiing 101 00:04:15,790 --> 00:04:17,790 -for a vacation. -Oh, it's too damn cold. 102 00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:19,880 CARRIE: Hey, when are you guys going on vacation? 103 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:21,880 Next week. He's dragging me up to some lodge in Vermont. 104 00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:24,180 Yeah, it's gonna be great. Fun for us and fun for them 105 00:04:24,220 --> 00:04:26,850 to see what black people look like. 106 00:04:26,890 --> 00:04:30,020 Um, Doug, come with me to the salad bar. 107 00:04:30,060 --> 00:04:31,430 What? 108 00:04:31,470 --> 00:04:33,230 Come with me to the salad bar. 109 00:04:33,270 --> 00:04:34,600 Uh... 110 00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:36,900 I don't eat the salad when it's brought to me. 111 00:04:36,940 --> 00:04:39,610 Definitely not makin' a special trip for it. 112 00:04:39,650 --> 00:04:42,110 They have a taco section. 113 00:04:42,150 --> 00:04:43,950 -Really? -Mm-hmm. 114 00:04:48,870 --> 00:04:50,990 Okay, where--where's the taco section? 115 00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:52,700 Listen, I lied, okay? 116 00:04:52,750 --> 00:04:56,120 You lied? Okay, I'm a person. 117 00:04:56,170 --> 00:04:58,000 Doug, listen to me. Deacon and Kelly 118 00:04:58,040 --> 00:05:02,130 are going on vacation the same time as us. 119 00:05:02,170 --> 00:05:04,050 -So? -So if we talk them into going 120 00:05:04,090 --> 00:05:06,090 to Florida with us instead, 121 00:05:06,130 --> 00:05:07,760 we can't stay at your parents' house. 122 00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:09,010 They don't have the room for us! 123 00:05:09,050 --> 00:05:10,810 We have to stay in a hotel! 124 00:05:10,850 --> 00:05:13,020 You see? That way, your parents are not offended, 125 00:05:13,060 --> 00:05:14,890 and we set our precedent, 126 00:05:14,930 --> 00:05:16,480 and everybody's happy! 127 00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:19,900 Oh, my God, they're looking. Get some salad. Get some salad. 128 00:05:19,940 --> 00:05:21,520 Okay, but Deacon and Kelly aren't gonna change 129 00:05:21,570 --> 00:05:23,030 their vacation just so we don't have to stay 130 00:05:23,070 --> 00:05:24,400 -at my parents'. -I know. 131 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:25,950 We don't tell them that part. We just say, 132 00:05:25,990 --> 00:05:28,200 "You know, we haven't all gone away together 133 00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:29,820 since you guys got back together," 134 00:05:29,870 --> 00:05:31,530 how it's all about the foursome, 135 00:05:31,580 --> 00:05:32,830 blah, blah, blah. 136 00:05:32,870 --> 00:05:34,950 Kelly doesn't wanna go to Vermont anyway. 137 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:36,210 She'll be all over this! 138 00:05:36,250 --> 00:05:37,830 This could work. 139 00:05:37,870 --> 00:05:39,380 -Hey, what are you doing? -I-I don't know. 140 00:05:39,420 --> 00:05:40,840 I panicked. I went all baby corn. 141 00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:42,630 All right, put some dressing on. Put some dressing on! 142 00:05:42,670 --> 00:05:44,170 Okay. All right, let's do this. 143 00:05:44,210 --> 00:05:46,010 But don't sit too close to me, 'cause I'm gonna accidentally 144 00:05:46,050 --> 00:05:48,510 -knock this on the floor. -Okay. Come on. 145 00:05:53,890 --> 00:05:54,850 So, look at us, 146 00:05:54,890 --> 00:05:57,560 all 4 of us together. [LAUGHS] 147 00:05:57,600 --> 00:05:59,100 -This is great. -This is great. 148 00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:01,440 I wonder what else we could do? 149 00:06:03,940 --> 00:06:06,610 CARRIE: You see? I told you this would work out. 150 00:06:06,650 --> 00:06:08,200 I guess your mother didn't take us 151 00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:10,410 staying at the hotel too hard, huh? 152 00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:15,410 I said, "huh?" 153 00:06:16,870 --> 00:06:19,330 Oh, my God! 154 00:06:19,370 --> 00:06:22,880 I tried to tell her. I couldn't! 155 00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:23,960 There they are! 156 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:26,050 -Hi, kids! -Hey! 157 00:06:26,090 --> 00:06:27,760 -Ohh! -Hi! 158 00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:29,970 Hi, how you doin', dad? Nice to see you. 159 00:06:30,010 --> 00:06:32,010 -Hi, sweetheart. -Hi. 160 00:06:32,050 --> 00:06:33,100 You kids look great! 161 00:06:33,140 --> 00:06:34,600 Don't they look great, Joe? 162 00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:35,850 Why aren't you standing under the chute 163 00:06:35,890 --> 00:06:37,890 -where the bags come out? -What? 164 00:06:37,930 --> 00:06:39,230 Now we'll be stuck at the other end 165 00:06:39,270 --> 00:06:40,560 of the carousel in Siberia! 166 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:41,690 Get comfortable, people. 167 00:06:41,730 --> 00:06:42,810 We're gonna be here all day. 168 00:06:42,860 --> 00:06:44,570 We're not gonna be here all day. 169 00:06:44,610 --> 00:06:46,400 No, we're not, because I'm gonna shimmy my way 170 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:47,780 under the chute. Doug, you see one 171 00:06:47,820 --> 00:06:48,860 of those sittin' around, grab it. 172 00:06:48,900 --> 00:06:50,280 I'm not coughing up 2 bucks 173 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:53,120 for a glorified shopping cart. 174 00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:54,740 You kids must be tired. 175 00:06:54,780 --> 00:06:56,290 We'll go home, we'll have lunch, 176 00:06:56,330 --> 00:06:58,370 and then you can take a nice nap. 177 00:06:58,410 --> 00:07:00,920 Oh, by the way, good news. 178 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:03,590 Costco was willing to swap the Corn Chex 179 00:07:03,630 --> 00:07:06,170 for the Rice Chex even-Stevens. 180 00:07:06,210 --> 00:07:08,210 Whew! Crisis averted! 181 00:07:08,260 --> 00:07:10,380 -[LAUGHS] Yeah! -Yeah. 182 00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:13,090 Isn't that your friend Deacon? 183 00:07:13,140 --> 00:07:14,470 Oh, which one? 184 00:07:14,510 --> 00:07:17,520 Right there, next to Kelly. 185 00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:18,980 I don't know what you're sayin'. 186 00:07:19,020 --> 00:07:21,100 I really don't. 187 00:07:21,140 --> 00:07:22,850 Um, here's the thing: 188 00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:24,060 yeah, we, uh-- 189 00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:26,150 we all decided to go on vacation together. 190 00:07:26,190 --> 00:07:28,400 We know you don't have the room for all four of us, 191 00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:30,110 so we're just gonna stay at a hotel. 192 00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:33,070 No big whoop. 193 00:07:33,110 --> 00:07:35,370 Oh. 194 00:07:35,410 --> 00:07:37,120 You look so pretty. 195 00:07:43,790 --> 00:07:46,090 Well, that was the worst car ride ever. 196 00:07:46,130 --> 00:07:49,260 What? I don't think your mother took it that bad. 197 00:07:49,300 --> 00:07:51,090 She refused to put on her seat belt. 198 00:07:51,130 --> 00:07:53,510 She said, "What's the point?" 199 00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:56,350 Okay, she was a little rattled, 200 00:07:56,390 --> 00:07:58,430 but she'll get over it, okay? Honey, come on. 201 00:07:58,470 --> 00:08:00,390 Please just remember why we're doing this. 202 00:08:00,430 --> 00:08:02,690 I mean, look around. 203 00:08:02,730 --> 00:08:04,690 We are in a hotel room 204 00:08:04,730 --> 00:08:07,270 in Florida. Okay? 205 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:08,860 I mean, look at this. Look. 206 00:08:08,900 --> 00:08:11,860 We got a TV that swivels... 207 00:08:11,900 --> 00:08:14,780 and some painting of some... 208 00:08:14,820 --> 00:08:17,410 mystical dolphins... 209 00:08:17,450 --> 00:08:19,240 and when we get bored lookin' at that, 210 00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:21,330 we can go downstairs and have a little drink 211 00:08:21,370 --> 00:08:23,920 at Cap'n Toby's. 212 00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:25,290 Actually, I saw that they let you 213 00:08:25,330 --> 00:08:27,880 throw your peanut shells on the ground. 214 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:30,670 I've always wanted to try that. 215 00:08:30,710 --> 00:08:33,340 You see? Now you're thinkin', honey! 216 00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:35,220 Okay. So what do you wanna do first? 217 00:08:35,260 --> 00:08:36,640 Anything. Just name it. 218 00:08:36,680 --> 00:08:38,850 -Anything? -Anything. 219 00:08:38,890 --> 00:08:42,520 You'd watch a movie starring The Rock with me? 220 00:08:42,560 --> 00:08:44,480 I would love to. 221 00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:46,100 [KNOCKS ON DOOR] 222 00:08:47,940 --> 00:08:49,070 -Hey! -Hello. 223 00:08:49,110 --> 00:08:51,070 -Hey. -Nice hotel you picked. 224 00:08:51,110 --> 00:08:53,280 Uh, the air conditioning in our room? 225 00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:56,160 Not working. 226 00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:58,070 Oh, well, maybe you should call downstairs-- 227 00:08:58,120 --> 00:08:59,740 And get another room? Yeah, already tried that. 228 00:08:59,780 --> 00:09:01,450 They're all booked. 229 00:09:02,540 --> 00:09:05,250 You know where you don't need air conditioning? 230 00:09:05,290 --> 00:09:06,960 Vermont. 231 00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:20,060 I'm sure sometimes you need air-conditioning in Vermont. 232 00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:22,680 I think you do. I think he's just exaggerating. 233 00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:24,520 All right, honey. Come on. You pick a little snack 234 00:09:24,560 --> 00:09:27,940 from the minibar, and let's watch The Rock. 235 00:09:27,980 --> 00:09:31,110 Be a neurosurgeon who saves the president. 236 00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:34,610 Okay. 237 00:09:45,330 --> 00:09:48,710 D.J.: Spring break 2004 is on! 238 00:09:48,750 --> 00:09:50,130 [SCREAMING AND CHEERING] 239 00:09:50,170 --> 00:09:51,500 D.J.:All right, here's how this works, people. 240 00:09:51,540 --> 00:09:53,130 I call your school, you pound a beer 241 00:09:53,170 --> 00:09:56,090 and scream like hell! Are we ready? 242 00:09:56,130 --> 00:09:58,680 [CHEERING AND SCREAMING] 243 00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:01,390 D.J.: I can't hear you! 244 00:10:01,430 --> 00:10:04,310 That's crazy. How can he not hear that? 245 00:10:05,390 --> 00:10:08,600 I'll just turn it up a little bit. 246 00:10:08,650 --> 00:10:11,150 D.J.: Michigan State! 247 00:10:11,190 --> 00:10:13,360 [SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE THAT THINGPLAYING] 248 00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:16,900 D.J.: University of Maryland! 249 00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:18,150 [KNOCKS ON DOOR] 250 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:19,320 Okay, well, 251 00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:22,030 there's 9.95 I'll never see again. 252 00:10:24,370 --> 00:10:25,700 Yeah? 253 00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:32,040 You know where kids don't go for spring break? 254 00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:35,840 Vermont. 255 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:37,590 SINGER: *Shake, shake, shake that thing* 256 00:10:37,630 --> 00:10:39,340 *Shake, shake* 257 00:10:39,380 --> 00:10:42,220 *Shake, shake, shake that thing...* 258 00:10:42,260 --> 00:10:44,600 D.J.: University of Texas! 259 00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:46,470 SINGER: *Shake, shake, shake that thing* 260 00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:48,230 *Shake, shake, shake that thing* 261 00:10:48,270 --> 00:10:49,640 Honey, come on. It's not that bad. 262 00:10:49,690 --> 00:10:50,690 Look at it this way. 263 00:10:50,730 --> 00:10:53,020 We have our own disco in the room! 264 00:10:53,060 --> 00:10:54,610 Huh? Come on! 265 00:10:54,650 --> 00:10:56,360 -Shake that thing, baby! -DOUG: I don't really-- 266 00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:57,690 Do it for me, for me! You know I love it! 267 00:10:57,740 --> 00:10:59,150 You know I love it! Come on, do it for me! 268 00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:00,410 Do it for me! Do it for me! 269 00:11:00,450 --> 00:11:02,240 Come on, shake it! Shake that thing! 270 00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:04,910 Shake that thing! Shake that thing! 271 00:11:04,950 --> 00:11:06,790 -Yeah! Yeah! -I don't wanna. 272 00:11:06,830 --> 00:11:08,660 I don't wanna! I really-- you know, I wanna relax. 273 00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:10,290 You wanna relax? okay, how 'bout this? 274 00:11:10,330 --> 00:11:12,170 How 'bout this-- we just freshen up a little bit, 275 00:11:12,210 --> 00:11:14,630 we go downstairs, we kick one back with Cap'n Toby? 276 00:11:14,670 --> 00:11:16,420 Come on, let's freshen up. Come on. 277 00:11:16,460 --> 00:11:17,710 All right. 278 00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:24,470 [WINGS FLAPPING] 279 00:11:24,510 --> 00:11:27,770 -What happened? -There's a bat in there. 280 00:11:27,810 --> 00:11:29,060 -What? -DOUG: There is a bat 281 00:11:29,100 --> 00:11:32,850 -in the bathroom! -No. 282 00:11:32,900 --> 00:11:36,110 I'm sorry, did you just say, "No"? 283 00:11:36,150 --> 00:11:38,400 How can there be a bat in the bathroom? 284 00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:42,030 It's probably just a moth or something. 285 00:11:42,070 --> 00:11:43,070 Ay-yi-yi. 286 00:11:43,110 --> 00:11:44,910 [FLAPPING] 287 00:11:44,950 --> 00:11:46,030 Okay, um, 288 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:49,330 there's a bat in the bathroom... 289 00:11:49,370 --> 00:11:51,080 and he's a big'un. 290 00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:52,540 Let's not panic. Let's not panic. 291 00:11:52,580 --> 00:11:54,500 I will just call downstairs, 292 00:11:54,540 --> 00:11:58,300 and we will just get this taken care of right away. 293 00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:02,010 Yeah, hi. Um... 294 00:12:02,050 --> 00:12:04,720 we have a bat in our bathroom. [LAUGHS] 295 00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:07,760 No, it--no, I'm sure you get 296 00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:10,100 a lot of prank phone calls from the spring breakers, 297 00:12:10,140 --> 00:12:12,640 but I'm serious. We really-- 298 00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:16,360 Okey-doke. 299 00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:18,110 -What'd they say? -He told me to have 300 00:12:18,150 --> 00:12:20,780 another Heineken, and he hung up on me. 301 00:12:20,820 --> 00:12:23,660 This is ridiculous. I'm going in there myself. 302 00:12:25,660 --> 00:12:27,700 What are you gonna do with the hair spray? 303 00:12:27,740 --> 00:12:28,830 I'm gonna spray him, okay? 304 00:12:28,870 --> 00:12:30,290 Maybe it'll kill him. 305 00:12:30,330 --> 00:12:32,910 Maybe it'll just freeze his wings out like that. 306 00:12:34,210 --> 00:12:35,420 Wait, wait, wait! Take these. 307 00:12:35,460 --> 00:12:37,630 Wear these for protection. 308 00:12:41,420 --> 00:12:43,430 Now the bat's gonna think I'm Elton John. 309 00:12:43,470 --> 00:12:45,930 Just wear them, please! 310 00:12:53,230 --> 00:12:56,520 [WINGS FLAPPING] 311 00:13:01,990 --> 00:13:03,150 Did you get him? 312 00:13:03,190 --> 00:13:04,950 I got him angry. 313 00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:09,870 -D.J.:Piedmont college! -Ohh. 314 00:13:11,700 --> 00:13:13,460 Will somebody please shake that thing 315 00:13:13,500 --> 00:13:15,710 and get it over with? 316 00:13:18,340 --> 00:13:21,840 JANET: So how are things at your hotel? 317 00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:26,130 There was a goat swimming in the pool this morning. 318 00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:28,600 CARRIE: Doug's really enjoying that minibar, aren't you, honey? 319 00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:30,640 What did you end up settling on? M&M's? 320 00:13:30,680 --> 00:13:32,180 What are you doing eatin' from the minibar? 321 00:13:32,220 --> 00:13:33,980 You can buy M&M's at Walgreen's 322 00:13:34,020 --> 00:13:35,770 for a third of the price! 323 00:13:35,810 --> 00:13:37,690 I think I have some chocolate chips in the kitchen. 324 00:13:37,730 --> 00:13:39,940 I could put some in a baggie for you. 325 00:13:39,980 --> 00:13:41,900 Oh, that's okay. Thank you. 326 00:13:41,940 --> 00:13:43,320 All right. 327 00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:45,200 You know, Kelly, darling, if you're tired, 328 00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:46,910 you could take a nap in the guest room. 329 00:13:46,950 --> 00:13:49,410 Somebody might as well use it. 330 00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:53,370 Your parents have a guest room? 331 00:13:53,410 --> 00:13:55,540 What are you doing at the hotel? Save yourselves. 332 00:13:55,580 --> 00:13:56,920 Hell, no, if we have to suffer, 333 00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:59,080 they have to suffer, too. 334 00:13:59,130 --> 00:14:01,920 Don't worry. We're not staying here. 335 00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:03,050 All right, whatever. Deac, here. 336 00:14:03,090 --> 00:14:05,010 -Help me clear. -Okay. 337 00:14:09,260 --> 00:14:11,220 You know, maybe we should move out of the hotel 338 00:14:11,260 --> 00:14:12,720 and stay here. 339 00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:14,140 No! I don't want to. 340 00:14:14,180 --> 00:14:16,730 -Well, I kind of do. -Uh, Doug, 341 00:14:16,770 --> 00:14:20,020 let's remember why we're doing this. Okay? 342 00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:21,940 We are setting a precedent 343 00:14:21,980 --> 00:14:24,230 to stay in a hotel. 344 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:26,990 No one said it was gonna be easy. 345 00:14:27,030 --> 00:14:29,240 You did. 346 00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:30,740 You said as long as we got Deacon and Kelly 347 00:14:30,780 --> 00:14:33,950 to come down with us, we'd be home free. 348 00:14:36,830 --> 00:14:38,920 What I just heard 349 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:41,130 did not make me happy. 350 00:14:41,170 --> 00:14:44,460 No, no, 'cause you're taking it completely out of context. 351 00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:45,840 You invited us down here just so you wouldn't 352 00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:48,220 have to spend time with your in-laws? 353 00:14:48,260 --> 00:14:49,630 No. We invited you here 354 00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:51,470 because we are a foursome. 355 00:14:51,510 --> 00:14:54,180 Yeah, see, that's funny, 'cause what I heard 356 00:14:54,220 --> 00:14:55,810 was that I'm not skiing down a mountain 357 00:14:55,850 --> 00:14:57,770 of freshly packed snow with the wind in my face 358 00:14:57,810 --> 00:15:00,480 because you wanted to set a precedent. 359 00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:02,770 And because we're a foursome! 360 00:15:02,810 --> 00:15:05,940 Why does nobody remember this?! 361 00:15:05,980 --> 00:15:07,990 Kids, should I make something for lunch, 362 00:15:08,030 --> 00:15:10,280 or have you made other arrangements for that, too? 363 00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:11,610 You-you know what, Mrs. Heffernan? 364 00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:13,740 If that guest room is still available, 365 00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:15,990 we'd love to use it tonight. 366 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,790 That would be wonderful! 367 00:15:17,830 --> 00:15:21,460 You've made me very, very happy. 368 00:15:34,050 --> 00:15:35,760 Well... 369 00:15:35,810 --> 00:15:38,180 brunch was nice. 370 00:15:38,220 --> 00:15:40,230 [WINGS FLAPPING] 371 00:15:41,980 --> 00:15:44,520 CARRIE: Now you ready for a little dessert? 372 00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:46,020 [FLAPPING] 373 00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:47,650 [THUD] 374 00:15:47,690 --> 00:15:50,900 'Cause I'm gonna get on you like hot fudge. 375 00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:52,160 What is wrong with you, okay? 376 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:54,120 There's a bat in our bathroom! 377 00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:57,370 And there's gonna be some lovin' in the bedroom. 378 00:15:57,410 --> 00:15:59,040 Stop it, okay?! 379 00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:01,370 Have you noticed anything that's gone on here?! 380 00:16:01,410 --> 00:16:02,870 I mean, my mother hates us. 381 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:04,790 Our best friends hate us. 382 00:16:04,830 --> 00:16:06,210 This trip has turned evil! 383 00:16:06,250 --> 00:16:08,880 Okay, and for what? What's it all for? 384 00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:11,260 -For the precedent? -Ohh! 385 00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:13,890 Would you stop with that precedent! 386 00:16:13,930 --> 00:16:17,720 I'm not even entirely sure what it means. 387 00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:20,060 It means sweet freedom! 388 00:16:20,100 --> 00:16:21,230 Oh, my God, are you really telling me 389 00:16:21,270 --> 00:16:24,650 you can't spend 3 days with my parents? 390 00:16:24,690 --> 00:16:26,730 Let me fill you in on something. 391 00:16:26,770 --> 00:16:28,150 I live every second of my life 392 00:16:28,190 --> 00:16:30,360 with an old man who gets cereal 393 00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:33,780 by digging his apelike hands right into the box! 394 00:16:34,950 --> 00:16:36,700 All right, you don't need to bring my father 395 00:16:36,740 --> 00:16:39,080 -into this, okay? -Oh, don't I? 396 00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:41,250 This is a man who canceled our cable 397 00:16:41,290 --> 00:16:42,830 because they wouldn't pay him every time 398 00:16:42,870 --> 00:16:45,290 they ran the movieArthur! 399 00:16:49,500 --> 00:16:51,840 Come on. He's not that bad, Doug. I mean-- 400 00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:54,180 No, you know what? That's it. 401 00:16:54,220 --> 00:16:56,260 -What--what are you doing? -I'm packing. 402 00:16:56,300 --> 00:16:57,970 We're staying at my parents' house like we should've 403 00:16:58,010 --> 00:16:59,260 -in the first place. -CARRIE: No, Doug, 404 00:16:59,310 --> 00:17:00,890 we can't! Deacon and Kelly are staying 405 00:17:00,930 --> 00:17:02,480 in their guest bedroom, anyway! 406 00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:04,390 That's all right. You know what? We'll sleep on the floor, 407 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:06,600 or we'll sleep in the bed with my parents. 408 00:17:06,650 --> 00:17:08,980 God, my mother would love that. 409 00:17:12,820 --> 00:17:13,900 So, you got your water, 410 00:17:13,950 --> 00:17:15,360 and here are some extra pillows, 411 00:17:15,410 --> 00:17:17,570 and I put some tangerines in your room. 412 00:17:17,620 --> 00:17:19,780 Now, they told me at the market that they were seedless, 413 00:17:19,830 --> 00:17:21,950 so if they're not, I wanna know about it. 414 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:23,290 -[CHUCKLES] -Everything's great. 415 00:17:23,330 --> 00:17:24,830 -Thank you. -We'll see you in the morning. 416 00:17:24,870 --> 00:17:28,340 Good night. How are you two doin'? 417 00:17:28,380 --> 00:17:30,210 -Great. -Good. 418 00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:33,260 I'm so happy you're here. 419 00:17:33,300 --> 00:17:35,430 I love you both. 420 00:17:41,140 --> 00:17:43,140 COMPUTER: System Armed. 421 00:17:43,180 --> 00:17:46,900 Remember, don't open any doors or windows. 422 00:17:46,940 --> 00:17:48,360 Okey-doke. 423 00:17:56,200 --> 00:18:00,330 It's still a little light out. 424 00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:02,240 It's bedtime. 425 00:18:23,390 --> 00:18:25,520 -What are you doing? -I have to pee. 426 00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:27,230 Remember, don't flush. 427 00:18:27,270 --> 00:18:28,100 Oh, come on. 428 00:18:28,140 --> 00:18:30,810 Carrie, it's almost 9:15. 429 00:18:30,860 --> 00:18:32,320 Just... 430 00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:33,650 pee in the tub. 431 00:18:39,950 --> 00:18:43,740 I am not going to pee in the tub, okay? 432 00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:45,330 I begged you to go after dinner. 433 00:18:45,370 --> 00:18:47,370 -I didn't have to go then. -Well, then, you know what? 434 00:18:47,410 --> 00:18:48,710 You lost your chance. 435 00:18:48,750 --> 00:18:51,000 Fine. I'll hold it. 436 00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:52,710 No, I can't hold it. I gotta go. Gotta go. 437 00:18:52,750 --> 00:18:54,840 Whoa. Whoa, whoa. Wait a second. 438 00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:56,920 Look, the rec center down the hall 439 00:18:56,970 --> 00:18:58,010 is open till 10:00, all right? 440 00:18:58,050 --> 00:19:00,090 They got a beautiful bathroom. 441 00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:02,010 What? Doug, we can't open the door. 442 00:19:02,050 --> 00:19:04,260 The frickin' alarm is on. 443 00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:09,480 I may know the code. 444 00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:10,730 What? 445 00:19:10,770 --> 00:19:12,150 I heard my parents talking, 446 00:19:12,190 --> 00:19:14,570 and I'm pretty sure it's my birthday. 447 00:19:14,610 --> 00:19:15,690 Well, what are you waiting for? 448 00:19:15,730 --> 00:19:17,360 Let's go. Open the door. 449 00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:19,030 But you go out, you do your business, you come back. 450 00:19:19,070 --> 00:19:20,950 -No one has to know. -Fine! 451 00:19:20,990 --> 00:19:23,450 All right. 452 00:19:23,490 --> 00:19:24,990 My birthday's, uh, 453 00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:28,540 February 9th, 1965. 454 00:19:29,830 --> 00:19:31,330 -What are you doing? -I'm loosening up 455 00:19:31,370 --> 00:19:33,460 -my fingers here. -All right, come on. 456 00:19:33,500 --> 00:19:34,880 Okay... 457 00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:37,010 that's, uh, 2... 458 00:19:37,050 --> 00:19:38,380 wait a second. That is my birthday, right? 459 00:19:38,420 --> 00:19:39,670 Doug, you don't know your birthday? 460 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:41,430 I blanked out. Excuse me. 461 00:19:41,470 --> 00:19:42,970 Okay, come on. 462 00:19:45,470 --> 00:19:49,230 2...9...6...5... 463 00:19:49,270 --> 00:19:52,100 pound. 464 00:19:52,150 --> 00:19:54,060 -ALARM:System disarmed. -[GASPS] 465 00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:55,360 Honey, I love you. 466 00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:57,030 I love you, too. Pee like the wind. 467 00:19:57,070 --> 00:20:00,450 -All right, all right. -[ALARM RINGING, WHOOPING] 468 00:20:00,490 --> 00:20:02,700 Oh, my God! What's going on?! I did it right! 469 00:20:02,740 --> 00:20:05,780 Is everybody okay?! 470 00:20:05,830 --> 00:20:07,040 What happened?! 471 00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:08,450 I saw the alarm switch off! 472 00:20:08,500 --> 00:20:11,620 I hit the panic button! There's somebody in here! 473 00:20:11,670 --> 00:20:12,830 Ma-- 474 00:20:12,870 --> 00:20:14,130 there's nobody in here, all right? 475 00:20:14,170 --> 00:20:15,210 I punched in the code. 476 00:20:15,250 --> 00:20:16,920 Why would you do that?! 477 00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:20,800 Oh, great. Now I gotta pay $25. 478 00:20:20,840 --> 00:20:21,930 Everyone all right in here? 479 00:20:21,970 --> 00:20:23,300 Should I call the real cops? 480 00:20:23,340 --> 00:20:25,220 Loo--no. 481 00:20:25,260 --> 00:20:27,470 Everything's fine, okay? It was an accident. 482 00:20:27,510 --> 00:20:29,220 Why would you fiddle with the alarm?! 483 00:20:29,270 --> 00:20:31,310 You know it's very complicated! 484 00:20:31,350 --> 00:20:34,690 You know where they don't fiddle with the alarm? 485 00:20:36,020 --> 00:20:37,230 All right, people, it's after 9:00. 486 00:20:37,270 --> 00:20:40,650 Back to bed. Let's go. 487 00:20:40,690 --> 00:20:42,490 [ALARM STOPS] 488 00:20:42,530 --> 00:20:46,200 I just wanted to stay in a hotel. 489 00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:54,790 I got the food. 490 00:20:54,830 --> 00:20:58,420 You know, with the A.C. working, I'm not hatin' being back here. 491 00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:01,760 Kell? 492 00:21:03,380 --> 00:21:05,430 SINGER: *Shake, shake, shake, shake that thing* 493 00:21:05,470 --> 00:21:07,140 *Shake, shake, shake that thing...* 494 00:21:07,180 --> 00:21:09,430 *Shake, shake, shake, shake that thing* 495 00:21:09,470 --> 00:21:11,680 *Shake, shake, shake that thing...* 496 00:21:11,730 --> 00:21:14,850 D.J.:Okay, girls, time to get those T-Shirts wet! 497 00:21:14,890 --> 00:21:18,020 [CHEERING] 498 00:21:31,750 --> 00:21:33,830 Kelly? 499 00:21:33,870 --> 00:21:36,830 Woman, put a damn towel around yourself! 500 00:21:38,460 --> 00:21:41,800 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 36370

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