All language subtitles for The King of Queens (2003) - S06E10 - American Idle_track3_[eng]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

[RING]

[RING]

[RING]

[RING]

There we go.

[ANSWERING MACHINE
BEEPS]

DEBRA:Carrie, hi,
it's Debra

from Murphy, Blatt,
and Sherman calling.

Just following up on your
interview with us today.

It was wonderful
meeting you.

Unfortunately,
it looks like

we're gonna go with
someone else for the job,

but, uh, hey, listen,
I ran out at lunch

and I bought a pair of those
great shoes you had on.

I love them. Thanks for
the tip. Okay, bye.

I just had
the best interview.

I met with one of
these female partners, okay?

And we totally hit it off.

You know, I actually like this
firm better than my old firm,

so screw them
for firing me, you know?

[LAUGHS]

I guess everything just
happens for a reason.

You know when I knew
I really nailed it?

When she said
she loved my shoes

and asked me
where I got them.

Oh, there's
a message!

DOUG: Uh, phone bad.
Phone bad.

Why? Did she call?
What'd she say?

Well, she did love
the shoes.

I didn't get the job?

It's all right.
Come on now.

It's gonna be all right.

You just said everything
happens for a reason.

CARRIE: Come on. We both know
that that's crap.

I'm sorry, darling.
I take it things

didn't work out
with your interview.

No.

I trust you'll give me
ample notice

if I need to make
other living arrangements.

Dad, don't worry.
We're not gonna kick you out

no matter how tight
money gets.

Mm-hmm.

Would it be possible
to get that in writing?

Arthur, go!

Mm-hmm.

[SIGHS] I've been on, like,
5,000 job interviews.

I can't do this
anymore.

I think I know what
might cheer you up.

Would someone like a little
man-breast puppet theater?

[SPANISH ACCENT]
Coco, why you so upset?

Come over here.

I can't quite-a make it
over there.

I'm not huge enough.

You must eat more cheese.

Is this nipple on?

You know what I wish
I could do?

I wish I could just
like forget

this whole job search thing
for a while

and just, you know,
focus on me.

-What do you mean?
-Well, I don't know.

I mean, I've been working
since I was 17.

There's a million things
I would do

-if I had the time.
-Like what?

CARRIE: Like, I've always wanted
to readThe Great Gatsby,

and I wanted to, like,
really learn how to cook.

And there's a million things
around here I wanted to do.

And, oh! You remember
when I wanted to start

my own business,

making designer
cell phone cases?

You know, decorating them
with vintage, um,

fabric and fur?

What do you think? You think
I'd be good at that?

I've never personally seen you
work with fur,

but I'm optimistic.

So, what do you think?
You think I could just

take some time for me
and, you know,

like, just find myself?

You know what?

Yeah, I think
you should do that.

We'll be all right.

We got enough savings,

and you've got
a little severance.

Oh, my god, Doug.
This is--thank you.

It's gonna be great.

[SPANISH ACCENT] I'll tell you
what would be great.

If you would introduce
me and lefty

to your
lady-breast friends.

Where are you going? Come on!
I got beers in the van!

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

-Hey.
-Hey.

What are you doing
with our coffee maker?

Ah, the thing broke--

the glass thing
that holds the coffee.

The carafe?

Okay, we're in America.
Speak English.

Anyway, you gotta get a new one
that fits that, all right?

Okay, I'll
take care of it.

-All right. Great, thanks.
-Look.

What's this, honey?

-What?
-My commute.

Nice. You want me
to grope you

so you feel like
you're on the subway?

You didn't get your fill of that
last night when you thought I
was sleeping?

I'm not proud of last night,
can we move on?

Honey, I love this.

I just feel so energized.
Look at this.

I got my book,

and I got all our
old pictures out,

and I'm gonna
cross-reference them

with my old
day planner

to get the right
dates on the back.

How great is that?

Doesn't sound like something
a Doug Heffernan

would sink his teeth into,

but you go to town.

All right, I gotta get going.

-See you later.
-Okay, bye, honey.

[DOOR CLOSES]

when did we go
to this jackass' wedding?

Oh, "Dr. Phil confronts
giant babies."

Sweet!

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

I'm gonna go in
a little early

'cause I gotta
hit Starbucks

'cause the, uh,

the coffee thing's
still broken there.

Hi.

Oh, hey, baby.

What's, uh,
what's for dinner?

Oh. I already ate at 4:00.
I'm sorry.

I'm not that hungry.

[WHIMPERING]
I am.

Doug. Doug, I'm sorry.

Honey, I'm so tired,

I can't even
think straight.

[PLAYING OPENING NOTES
TO CHOPSTICKS]

So, how's the, uh,
Great Gatsby?

Oh, it's good.
I like it.

Hey, what's it about?

Um, just some great guy
named Gatsby.

Okay.

I'm just gonna
move this guy over here,

get him ready
for his trip.

There she is.

Okay.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

DOUG: Hey, man. Didn't see
you this morning.

Yeah, I was a little late.
I went running.

Look, can I ask you
something?

What?

What does Kelly do
all day?

You're interested in Kelly?

I think about Kelly.

I guess she, uh,

gets the kids ready
in the morning,

takes them to school,
runs some errands,

makes dinner,
then we crawl into bed,

and usually sometime
during the 11:00 news

she opens for business.

Even after
a full day like that,

she opens for business?!

You don't even
gotta bang on the door?!

No.

Son of a mother!

What?

Carrie--
I mean, she's home,

and she came up
with this whole plan

about finding herself,

but she's
not doing anything.

She made you
a pretty fine-looking lunch.

I made it!

I was up at 6 A.M.
grilling flank steak

just to
cheer myself up.

Can I have a piece?

Yeah.

Not only is she doing nothing
during the day,

but the other night, I tried to
get something going,

and she said she was,

"So tired, she couldn't
think straight."

OK, first of all, what the hell
are you so tired from?

And, second,
why does she have to think?

It's not like I got a Rubiks
Cube down there.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

Hey, honey.
Whatcha doing?

Just making
some eggs.

Oh, can I have some?

Sure.

I'd, uh, make you
some coffee, but...

[CHUCKLES]

Thing's
still broken.

Darling, I've been perusing
the classifieds for you,

and I have found some
interesting options.

Have you ever considered
dancing exotically?

Dad, you would
want your own daughter

to strip naked
in front of strangers?

You just shut down.

It's like they're
not even there.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

-Hey, guys.
-Hey, Holly.

Arthur,
ready for your walk?

Yes, and
apropos to nothing,

how would you like to have
a long-term house guest?

Why? Are you
having a problem?

I'm not.

[CLICKS TONGUE]

Carrie,
is everything--

CARRIE: Everything is fine!

Dad, I said we're
not gonna kick you

out on the street,
all right?!

ARTHUR: Then why won't you
put it in writing?!

HOLLY: Okay. Who's ready
for a walk?

Looks like
you're doing your thing,

so, uh, I'm
just gonna get going.

CARRIE: Yeah, I better
get on my stuff, too.

DOUG: Okay, bye-bye, now.

Bye, hon.

MAN ON TV:A supervisor?

SECOND MAN:
I want my number.

ANNOUNCER:A man with no
education to make a living.

Nigel says he's proud
of his criminal activity,

especially the fact
that he's recently become

a successful pimp
with a stable of prostitutes

who sell their bodies
for him,

something his mom
knows nothing about.

Doug,
what are you doing?

Just waiting for Judge Hatchett
to hand down her decision.

-Doug!
-I'm coming around.

Would you please
explain to me

why you were outside spying
on me like a 2-year-old?

DOUG: Uh, not a whole lot of
2-year-old spies out there.

And the only reason
I'm checking up on you

is because I just don't get
what you're doing here all day!

You know what I'm doing.
We've discussed this.

DOUG: No, I know what you said
you were gonna do,

but I mean, look at this.

You said you were gonna put
together a photo album, right?

Well, here we are
in Philadelphia.

And... black!

I mean, look at all these
pictures just sitting here,

they got Chinese food
all over them.

Look at this.

There's chow mein on my face.

That's in the picture.

Well, it's not just that.

What about
the cell phone cases

and all this reading
you're gonna do?

The Great Gatsby--

do you even know
why he's so great yet?

What are you, my boss?
I have to prove to you

all the work
that I've been doing?

What? I have to ask you
for a bathroom key

next time I have to go?

Just help me
understand this.

Okay, humor me here.

Okay, tell me what you did
yesterday, besides watch TV

and play the beginning
ofThe Roseon the piano.

All right, you know what?
I am done talking to you.

This conversation
is over.

Oh, I'll tell you
when this is over,

-because I'm still talking.
-CARRIE: Well, good.

Have fun
talking to yourself.

What are you doing?

I am testing pens

to see which ones
are dry.

Are you kidding me?!

Look, Doug,

I know it doesn't look
like I've gotten

a lot of work done
around here,

but I--I
have been thinking

about what my cell phones
are gonna look like, okay?

And I have been thinking

about how to arrange
those pictures.

You ever heard of that?
Thinking?

DOUG: Yeah, I heard of thinking.

I have a question for you.

You ever heard of dinner?!

-What?
-DOUG: Yeah.

You think one day here
while you're deep in thought,

You might just bump
into the stove

and accidentally cook me
something?!

Oh, so that's
what this is all about.

Food. That's a shocker.

You know what?
It wouldn't be about food

if I could get myself
a hot cup of coffee,

but the coffee maker's
been sitting in the doorway

for the last 2 weeks!

You think you could
find yourself a half hour

to go out and get
a new glass pitcher thing?!

Okay, you still can't remember
the word "carafe"?

DOUG: I'm not calling it that.
It sounds fruity!

Well, you think
you can help out

by putting a lid
back on the pen here?

These are all dry,
thank you.

Look, I understand
you're upset, okay?

And you think
I'm the bad guy here,

but don't you find it
the slightest bit odd

that we're paying for someone
to walk your father

while you're
home on the couch

with
fully-functioning legs?

I am finding myself.

DOUG: Okay, well,
let me help you.

Here you are!
Right in there!

That's you! I found you!

Now make some chicken!

So how are things
at the senior center?

You ever figure out
who stole all that applesauce?

Can we drop
the chit-chat

and address
the huge elephant

that's
in the room here?

What are you
talking about?

This family's
financial situation.

You canceled
my dog walker,

you're no longer offering
coffee in the kitchen.

We're clearly
going under.

We're not going under.

Oh, come on.
This is the walk

when you just leave me
in the woods, isn't it?

No! Everything's fine!

I told you that the only reason
I'm walking you

and cooking
and doing errands

is because
Doug is making me.

Oh.

Well, you are home.

What's wrong
with doing things

for your husband?

Nothing.

Just a lot of things
I want to do,

you know, like, for me.

Like I wanted to do
all this reading

and had this idea
to make designer

cell phone cases.

Maybe it's time to stop
blaming Douglas

and start following
your dream.

I think cell phone razors
are a brilliant idea.

You talk. You shave.

It's marvelous.

Cell phone cases,
dad. Cases.

Oh.

Well...
good luck with that.

[DOOR OPENS]

CARRIE: Hey, you guys,
I went to the craft store,

and I got some more fabric.

And I also got
the little plastic hot dogs

for the "take me out
to the ball game" phones.

-How you guys doing?
-I'm about halfway through

gluing the rhinestones
on these.

Should be very popular
with the fey crowd.

Thank you guys so much
for helping me out here.

Can I take a break?

Mmm, actually,
Mickey, you know what?

Um, people are gonna be
coming here in a few hours,

so why don't you just finish
what you're doing there,

and then we'll see
where we're at, okay?

So, all right,
now, all these

are for the cowgirl-themed
phones, all right?

So you guys
glue on the lassos,

and I'll--I'll
sew on the denim.

I'm so thirsty.

-Hey, what's going on?
-Hey, honey.

I am officially
out of my funk.

I am finally making
my cell phone cases.

DOUG: Really?
That's great!

Yeah. Hey,
check this one out.

Wow. Fuzzy.

Yes, and I invited a few people
over tonight for a little party

so I can whip these out
and sell 'em.

Who'd you invite?

Oh, just some of our friends,
the neighbors,

some people
you work with.

Well,
ain't that nice?

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, it worked
for Tupperware, right?

Tupperware
was agoodidea.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

CARRIE:Okay.

Uh, hello.

I just want to thank
everyone for coming.

I know you're all wondering
what you're doing here.

Um, as you may know,

I've been out of work
for a while.

It's okay.
It's okay. It's okay.

Anyway, um,
while I've been home,

I've started
my own business

making designer
cell phone cases,

and because you guys
are all my friends,

I wanted to give you
first crack at buying them,

so may I present
to you...

mobile homes!

Mobile homes!
I get it!

They're decorative homes
for your mobile phone.

Exactly.

Wow. You made these?

They're gorgeous.

But I bet
they're expensive.

Not for what
you're getting.

Are the little hairs
on the back of your neck

standing up, too?

Darling, I've dropped
my cell phone again.

I wish I had
a protective case phone--

uh, phone cell--

I mean, case cell--
oh, damn it!

Okay, so who's first?

Uh, well, how much
is this Jets one?

Oh, the Jets one is 45.

Dollars?

Yeah, I know
it seems kind of high,

but you want to protect
your phone, don't you?

My phone was free.

How about you,
Spence?

Oh, you know,
I have combo PDA phone,

and it's not gonna fit.

Oh, no. I made these
to fit any phone.

Well, actually,
the, uh--

Yeah, let me see.
Give it.

Okay, look.
You see, you just--

you gotta--

you just gotta--

you gotta work it.
There you go.

All right.
See? Perfect.

Well, uh, oh, I think
it's dialing somebody.

Like you can't use
a new friend, right?

All right.
Come on, Holly.

You like your denim,
right?

Holly,
you like your denim.

How about
a little denim cowgirl

cell phone case, huh?

Well, it's just, um,
you recently laid me off,

and I don't
really have a lot of--

okay, you're rehired.
It's $50.

-Okay.
-Okay.

-Here you go.
-Great. Thank you.

-There you go.
-Aah! Ow!

The little lasso cut me.

I'm okay.
I'm okay. I'm okay.

What is--what is wrong
with you people?

I mean, why--

why are none of you
looking directly at me?

Oh, my God.

What am I doing?

These are awful.

No, they're not.

[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]

They're
awful... great.

I'm--I'm so sorry.

A little eye contact
would have killed you?

Hey.

What am I doing?

I'm gluing plastic hot dogs
on cell phones

and making
my friends buy them.

They're nice.

Oh, shut up.

Would you make
those people go away?

Yeah,
I'll take care of it.

You know, I thought
I hit rock bottom

when I was laying on the couch
all day doing nothing,

but this is worse.

Look at me. I have no job.
I have no life.

I'm not finding myself.
I'm totally lost.

So--so you feel lost.

You don't think
I've felt lost before?

You don't think
the Great Gatsby was lost

before he became a magician?

He's a magician?

Yeah, what the hell else
could he be?

He's the Great Gatsby!

Look, you're gonna
find yourself eventually.

You know, for now,
maybe you just need

to lie on the couch.

And then maybe you'll go out
and find a new job.

You know, maybe you'll do
the cell phone cases again.

Although, you know,
I'm not pushing that.

Whatever
you decide to do,

I want you to know
I'm here for you

and I love you.

Thanks.

I knew there was a reason
I keep you around.

I think I got it.

Darling, I've dropped
my cellophane case phone.

Damn it!

Mickey,
let's run it again.

Darling, I dropped my
call phone again,

I wish I had a protective
coating on my coastal phone.

Ah, this is torture.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]