All language subtitles for The King of Queens (2003) - S05E14 - Prints Charming_track3_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,410 --> 00:00:05,040 [**] 2 00:00:12,510 --> 00:00:14,590 -[DOUG SIGHS] -Okay, that's it. 3 00:00:14,630 --> 00:00:16,760 I get to pick the next 5 movies. 4 00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:18,760 What? It was great! 5 00:00:18,810 --> 00:00:20,680 Yeah, a kid gets sliced in half 6 00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:23,180 by a surfboard. 7 00:00:23,230 --> 00:00:25,350 There's a feel-good moment. 8 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,610 It was called Slaughter Beach. 9 00:00:27,650 --> 00:00:29,320 What were you expecting? 10 00:00:29,360 --> 00:00:30,690 Come on, you gotta admit 11 00:00:30,730 --> 00:00:33,860 that killer was pretty freakin' scary, huh? 12 00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:35,200 [LOWERS VOICE] Surf's up. 13 00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:37,160 Don't do that! 14 00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:38,530 Why? Does it freak you out 15 00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:39,660 when I say [LOWERS VOICE] surf's up. 16 00:00:39,700 --> 00:00:41,540 -Stop it! -Stop what? 17 00:00:41,580 --> 00:00:42,750 That voice! 18 00:00:42,790 --> 00:00:46,670 What voice? This is just the way I talk. 19 00:00:46,710 --> 00:00:48,630 Would you like an English muffin? 20 00:00:48,670 --> 00:00:50,420 Come on! I mean it, stop it! 21 00:00:50,460 --> 00:00:51,710 You know these movies give me nightmares. 22 00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:53,550 Here, take the garbage out. 23 00:00:53,590 --> 00:00:55,430 [NORMAL VOICE] Fine. 24 00:01:01,430 --> 00:01:03,350 [TELEPHONE RINGS] 25 00:01:05,230 --> 00:01:06,350 Hello? 26 00:01:06,390 --> 00:01:09,440 DOUG [LOWERING VOICE]: Surf's up. 27 00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:17,360 It's a shame you had to leave the beach so early. 28 00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:20,120 You were with the boy who played guitar. 29 00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:23,450 Well, he don't sing no more. 30 00:01:24,750 --> 00:01:27,250 [NORMAL VOICE] Carrie? Hello? 31 00:01:29,210 --> 00:01:31,840 *My eyes are gettin' weary* 32 00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:34,590 *My back is gettin' tight* 33 00:01:34,630 --> 00:01:36,470 *I'm sittin' here in traffic* 34 00:01:36,510 --> 00:01:39,510 *On the Queensboro Bridge tonight* 35 00:01:39,550 --> 00:01:45,180 *But I don't care, 'cause all I want to do* 36 00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:48,730 *Is cash my check and drive right home to you* 37 00:01:50,650 --> 00:01:52,820 *'Cause, baby, all my life* 38 00:01:52,860 --> 00:01:56,190 *I will be drivin' home to you* 39 00:02:04,700 --> 00:02:07,830 All right, toothpaste, razor blades, Kleenex. 40 00:02:07,870 --> 00:02:09,670 Do we need anything else? 41 00:02:10,580 --> 00:02:12,090 Yeah, I'm getting this. 42 00:02:13,670 --> 00:02:14,710 A ball? 43 00:02:14,750 --> 00:02:16,340 Yeah, I'm getting a ball. 44 00:02:16,380 --> 00:02:17,880 All right, put it back. 45 00:02:20,010 --> 00:02:21,640 I'm not putting it back. 46 00:02:22,680 --> 00:02:24,060 What do you need a ball for? 47 00:02:24,100 --> 00:02:25,310 For bouncing. 48 00:02:25,350 --> 00:02:26,640 All right, come on. Put it back. Stop it. 49 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:27,850 -Put it back! -Fine. 50 00:02:27,890 --> 00:02:29,350 If I'm not allowed to get a ball, 51 00:02:29,390 --> 00:02:31,190 then you're not allowed to get... 52 00:02:31,230 --> 00:02:33,190 your tampons. Yeah! 53 00:02:33,230 --> 00:02:34,820 Yeah. 54 00:02:34,860 --> 00:02:36,780 Bye-bye, "Sure and natural for light days." 55 00:02:36,820 --> 00:02:38,610 All right, give it to me. Don't be an idiot. 56 00:02:38,650 --> 00:02:41,030 All right, let me just pick up our pictures and we can go. 57 00:02:41,070 --> 00:02:42,780 [SIGHS] 58 00:02:42,820 --> 00:02:44,780 So, it's Saturday night. What are we gonna do? 59 00:02:44,830 --> 00:02:46,330 You wanna go to a movie? 60 00:02:46,370 --> 00:02:48,250 Eh, I don't wanna deal with parking. 61 00:02:48,290 --> 00:02:49,830 You wanna rent? 62 00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:51,040 Then you gotta make the 2 trips-- 63 00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:53,590 one to rent and one to return. 64 00:02:54,750 --> 00:02:56,590 It never ends. 65 00:02:57,800 --> 00:02:59,050 Hi. I dropped off some film the other day. 66 00:02:59,090 --> 00:03:00,220 Heffernan? 67 00:03:00,260 --> 00:03:02,970 Let me take a look. 68 00:03:03,010 --> 00:03:06,010 -Yeah, here they are, right here. -Oh. 69 00:03:06,060 --> 00:03:08,140 Uh, I can ring the rest of that stuff up for you here, too. 70 00:03:08,180 --> 00:03:09,890 Oh. Great. Thank you. 71 00:03:09,930 --> 00:03:11,600 We don't have to wait in that line up front? 72 00:03:11,640 --> 00:03:13,150 No. 73 00:03:13,190 --> 00:03:14,310 I mean, you'd ring us up 74 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:16,020 even if we weren't getting pictures? 75 00:03:16,070 --> 00:03:18,400 Yeah. 76 00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:21,150 That is a hot little secret, my friend. 77 00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:22,360 That everything? 78 00:03:22,410 --> 00:03:24,030 Oh, I just have to pick up 79 00:03:24,070 --> 00:03:26,700 my dad's heart medicine. I'll be right back. 80 00:03:27,700 --> 00:03:30,250 And I can't get a ball. 81 00:03:34,710 --> 00:03:38,000 All right, what do we got here? 82 00:03:38,050 --> 00:03:39,170 You barbecuing. 83 00:03:39,210 --> 00:03:41,130 Our fender when we got hit. 84 00:03:41,170 --> 00:03:42,680 Oh! 85 00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:44,760 This is when you made me take that picture of you 86 00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:46,220 in front of that place, Doug's Diner, 87 00:03:46,260 --> 00:03:48,970 'cause it was kind of like it was your diner. 88 00:03:50,060 --> 00:03:51,730 Oh, yeah. 89 00:03:51,770 --> 00:03:53,140 Doug's Diner. 90 00:03:55,150 --> 00:03:56,820 Oh, look, my cousin Becky. 91 00:03:56,860 --> 00:03:58,650 Okay, general rule: If I'm not in it, 92 00:03:58,690 --> 00:04:00,320 don't need to see it. 93 00:04:01,740 --> 00:04:03,990 [TELEPHONE RINGS] 94 00:04:04,030 --> 00:04:06,410 [RING] 95 00:04:06,450 --> 00:04:08,370 Hello? 96 00:04:08,410 --> 00:04:10,410 Oh, hey, Dad. 97 00:04:10,450 --> 00:04:12,290 I don't know, where are you? 98 00:04:12,330 --> 00:04:14,290 I'm right here. 99 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:18,920 Welcome to the future, kids. I am now the proud owner 100 00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:20,460 of a cellular telephone. 101 00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:22,970 Oh. Good for you, Dad. 102 00:04:23,010 --> 00:04:24,800 I was in the mall this evening, 103 00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:27,300 I saw a booth, and I couldn't resist. 104 00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:29,970 This little phone is gonna set me free. 105 00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:32,680 I could have a business meeting from the beach. 106 00:04:34,770 --> 00:04:36,100 Yeah, if you had a business 107 00:04:36,150 --> 00:04:38,440 or a way to get to the beach. 108 00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:40,230 Anyway, if you need to reach me, 109 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:44,950 my number: 555-LOGS. 110 00:04:44,990 --> 00:04:46,280 -Logs? -Yes. 111 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:48,370 It's a phone number and a word. 112 00:04:48,410 --> 00:04:50,120 Marvelous! 113 00:04:53,750 --> 00:04:57,500 I'm guessing they didn't have 555-NUTBAG. 114 00:04:57,540 --> 00:05:01,710 All right, let's see what's in the second packet here. 115 00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:05,880 -Wait a minute. -What? 116 00:05:05,930 --> 00:05:09,350 I think we got someone else's pictures. 117 00:05:09,390 --> 00:05:11,060 Yeah, it says "Hofferman" here, 118 00:05:11,100 --> 00:05:12,810 not "Heffernan." 119 00:05:12,850 --> 00:05:14,180 We got someone else's pictures? 120 00:05:14,230 --> 00:05:15,390 Yeah, I guess so. 121 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,020 Great, let me see 'em. 122 00:05:17,060 --> 00:05:19,020 Doug! 123 00:05:19,060 --> 00:05:21,020 You can't look at somebody else's pictures! 124 00:05:21,070 --> 00:05:22,280 That's wrong! 125 00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:23,360 [IMITATES BABY] Oh, is it wrong to look 126 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:24,440 at other people's pictures? 127 00:05:24,490 --> 00:05:26,240 Give! 128 00:05:28,410 --> 00:05:29,990 All right, well, then slow down. 129 00:05:30,030 --> 00:05:32,080 Slow down. 130 00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:33,870 Nice-looking couple. 131 00:05:33,910 --> 00:05:36,370 Mid-thirties, well-dressed. 132 00:05:36,410 --> 00:05:38,290 Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Hofferman. 133 00:05:38,330 --> 00:05:39,420 [BOTH CHUCKLE] 134 00:05:39,460 --> 00:05:41,840 Or maybe Dr. and Mrs. Hofferman. 135 00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:45,170 Or maybe Mr. and Dr. Hofferman. 136 00:05:45,220 --> 00:05:46,880 Yeah, like she's a doctor and he's not. 137 00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:49,140 Like that happensever. 138 00:05:50,970 --> 00:05:52,350 Oh, look. 139 00:05:52,390 --> 00:05:55,890 They ran that 10K in Corona Park. 140 00:05:55,930 --> 00:05:57,440 And here they are scuba-diving. 141 00:05:57,480 --> 00:06:00,310 Man, these people really get out, huh? 142 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:03,070 Here they are hiking. 143 00:06:03,110 --> 00:06:05,400 Jeez, this guy is playing guitar 144 00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:08,240 on top of a mountain! 145 00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:10,120 Are you gettin' what I'm gettin'? 146 00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:12,450 Uh, he no-likey girls so much? 147 00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:16,370 No! These people are amazing! 148 00:06:16,410 --> 00:06:18,920 I mean, look at their pictures compared to ours! 149 00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:20,250 That's not a fair comparison. 150 00:06:20,290 --> 00:06:22,090 They're doctors! 151 00:06:23,420 --> 00:06:25,920 Doug, they run, they--they hike, 152 00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:27,090 they scuba-dive. 153 00:06:27,130 --> 00:06:28,840 I mean, I can't even find one of us here 154 00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:30,930 where we're even standing up! 155 00:06:32,850 --> 00:06:34,600 Come on. Whatever. 156 00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:37,980 No, I'm serious. I mean, we suck! 157 00:06:39,270 --> 00:06:41,480 It is Saturday night, and what have we done? 158 00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:43,480 We went to a drugstore, 159 00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:45,320 and now we're lying around eating pizza, 160 00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:47,360 even too lame to rent a movie. 161 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:49,450 I mean, we should be out there doing stuff! 162 00:06:49,490 --> 00:06:51,110 If you'll recall, 163 00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:53,450 I wanted to buy a ball and someone wouldn't let me. 164 00:06:57,330 --> 00:06:58,580 Doug, come on! 165 00:06:58,620 --> 00:07:00,540 I mean, we're letting our lives go by. 166 00:07:00,580 --> 00:07:02,130 I mean, we should be scuba-diving. 167 00:07:02,170 --> 00:07:03,460 -Uh-boy. -Come on, 168 00:07:03,500 --> 00:07:05,130 you said you wanted to learn to scuba. 169 00:07:05,170 --> 00:07:07,260 -When?! -When we were dating. 170 00:07:07,300 --> 00:07:08,630 Of course I said it when we were dating! 171 00:07:08,670 --> 00:07:11,180 I was trying to make you think I went outside! 172 00:07:13,260 --> 00:07:14,430 All right, well, I still think we need 173 00:07:14,470 --> 00:07:16,100 to live a little bit more. 174 00:07:16,140 --> 00:07:17,270 All because of these people? 175 00:07:17,310 --> 00:07:18,930 Carrie, we don't even know who they are! 176 00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:20,980 They could be ax-murderers! 177 00:07:21,020 --> 00:07:23,020 At least that's an activity! 178 00:07:24,190 --> 00:07:26,070 Fine! We'll be ax-murderers. 179 00:07:26,110 --> 00:07:28,860 Can we start with 555-LOGS-ie? 180 00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:35,530 Hey, man. 181 00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:37,990 Carrie's making us go scuba-diving. 182 00:07:38,910 --> 00:07:40,870 You and me? 183 00:07:40,910 --> 00:07:42,500 No, me and her. 184 00:07:42,540 --> 00:07:44,580 She wants us to be more active. 185 00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:46,630 Can you picture me in a wetsuit? 186 00:07:48,170 --> 00:07:50,010 Oh, yeah, I just did. 187 00:07:51,220 --> 00:07:52,590 And it wasn't zipped up. 188 00:07:54,220 --> 00:07:56,510 OK, why wasn't it zipped up? 189 00:07:56,550 --> 00:07:58,470 I don't know. It just popped into my head unzipped. 190 00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:00,520 I'm no happier about this than you are. 191 00:08:01,980 --> 00:08:03,440 Ah, this is brutal. 192 00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:05,940 I got to figure out someway to get her off of scuba. 193 00:08:05,980 --> 00:08:07,520 I got to come up with something that'll make her think 194 00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:09,530 we're being active, but in reality, 195 00:08:09,570 --> 00:08:10,900 it is very easy. 196 00:08:10,940 --> 00:08:12,200 You got anything? 197 00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:13,610 Well, what about tennis? 198 00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:17,280 [BLOWS RASPBERRY] 199 00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:19,660 Okay. Um... 200 00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:21,000 Archery. 201 00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:22,910 Already look enough like Cupid. 202 00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:25,210 Don't need the bow and arrow. 203 00:08:25,250 --> 00:08:27,670 -[CELL PHONE RINGS] -Hold on. 204 00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:30,960 Hello? 205 00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:32,510 ARTHUR: Deacon, it's Arthur. 206 00:08:32,550 --> 00:08:35,180 I've recently purchased a cellular telephone, 207 00:08:35,220 --> 00:08:36,550 and I wanted to update 208 00:08:36,590 --> 00:08:38,180 my contact information so I could be reached 209 00:08:38,220 --> 00:08:39,430 at any time, day or night. 210 00:08:39,470 --> 00:08:41,310 My new number is 555-LOGS. 211 00:08:41,350 --> 00:08:44,270 I look forward to hearing from you soon. 212 00:08:46,100 --> 00:08:48,020 Who is this again? 213 00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:52,570 FEMALE INSTRUCTOR: So, just to get the feel 214 00:08:52,610 --> 00:08:54,110 of breathing underwater, 215 00:08:54,150 --> 00:08:55,530 I'm gonna ask you to put your regulator 216 00:08:55,570 --> 00:08:58,320 in your mouth, let the air out of your B.C., 217 00:08:58,370 --> 00:09:00,450 and float gently down to the bottom. 218 00:09:00,490 --> 00:09:02,250 Take a couple of breaths down there, 219 00:09:02,290 --> 00:09:04,620 and then just come right back up. Okay? 220 00:09:04,660 --> 00:09:07,170 You three first. 221 00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:27,310 He loves the water. 222 00:09:29,690 --> 00:09:31,150 Hon? 223 00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:41,620 [GASPING] 224 00:09:53,630 --> 00:09:55,300 Thank you very much. 225 00:09:55,340 --> 00:09:56,680 Arthur, I hate leaving you here. 226 00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:58,470 Are you sure you don't want to finish our walk? 227 00:09:58,510 --> 00:10:00,550 Absolutely. I've got my caramel coffee, 228 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:01,640 my cell phone, 229 00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:03,310 I'm part of the modern world, 230 00:10:03,350 --> 00:10:05,180 and I'm loving it! 231 00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:07,020 Okay, well, I'll see you later. 232 00:10:07,060 --> 00:10:09,480 Have a nice afternoon. If you need to reach me, I'm at-- 233 00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:12,190 555-LOGS. Yeah, I know. 234 00:10:12,230 --> 00:10:14,610 Would you like to hear my humorous ring again? 235 00:10:14,650 --> 00:10:15,780 Oh, no, thanks. 236 00:10:15,820 --> 00:10:17,110 Didn't you like it? 237 00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:18,740 It's the theme from the movieArthur. 238 00:10:18,780 --> 00:10:21,570 Which is funny 'cause you're Arthur. 239 00:10:21,620 --> 00:10:23,330 -That's right. -Yeah, it's just... 240 00:10:23,370 --> 00:10:25,580 most people don't have the whole song. 241 00:10:25,620 --> 00:10:27,080 Anyway, I gotta go. 242 00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:29,330 I'll see you Tuesday. 243 00:10:29,370 --> 00:10:33,040 [HUMS THE THEME FROM ARTHUR] 244 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:41,800 [CELL PHONE RINGS] 245 00:10:41,850 --> 00:10:43,810 Hey. Nothing. 246 00:10:43,850 --> 00:10:45,770 Sitting in Starbucks. 247 00:10:45,810 --> 00:10:48,310 Actually, I already saw that. It's awful. 248 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,110 I got one, too. 249 00:10:57,400 --> 00:11:00,530 [CELL PHONE RINGS] 250 00:11:00,570 --> 00:11:02,410 Hello? Oh, hey. 251 00:11:02,450 --> 00:11:03,620 Yeah, I was just wondering 252 00:11:03,660 --> 00:11:05,450 if you wanna get manicures later. 253 00:11:21,510 --> 00:11:23,260 Hi. Um... 254 00:11:23,300 --> 00:11:25,390 do you have anything for when you're scuba-diving 255 00:11:25,430 --> 00:11:27,560 and you panic and you drag a kid 256 00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:29,680 under the water, and... 257 00:11:29,730 --> 00:11:32,100 and he bites you? 258 00:11:32,150 --> 00:11:33,770 Uh, I'm not sure. 259 00:11:33,810 --> 00:11:36,400 Anything like "Bite Be Gone" 260 00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:40,280 or "Boy-bite Be Gone"? 261 00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:42,410 You could try this. 262 00:11:42,450 --> 00:11:44,120 Oh, great. Thank you. 263 00:11:45,370 --> 00:11:49,160 So you used a child as your flotation device? 264 00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:51,870 Classy move. 265 00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:53,920 This is all Carrie's fault, okay? 266 00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:55,590 And she's not letting go of this, either. 267 00:11:55,630 --> 00:11:58,130 Last night I heard her talking about hang gliding. 268 00:11:58,170 --> 00:12:01,840 Yeah, I'm the guy you want dangling over a little town. 269 00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:03,430 Ugh, this is ridiculous. 270 00:12:03,470 --> 00:12:06,180 I mean, we get one roll of strangers' pictures, 271 00:12:06,220 --> 00:12:07,810 and all of a sudden, she wants us to be them. 272 00:12:07,850 --> 00:12:10,430 I'm sure their lives aren't like that all the time. 273 00:12:11,350 --> 00:12:12,770 What do you mean? 274 00:12:12,810 --> 00:12:14,650 I mean, I'm sure if you saw their next roll of pictures, 275 00:12:14,690 --> 00:12:16,400 they'd be watching TV in their underwear 276 00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:17,730 just like the rest of us. 277 00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:21,440 You know what? You're right. 278 00:12:21,490 --> 00:12:23,200 Where you going? 279 00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:25,530 I'm gonna see if the Hoffermans have any more pictures here. 280 00:12:25,570 --> 00:12:27,660 You can't steal these people's pictures again. 281 00:12:27,700 --> 00:12:29,330 Hey, we returned the last pack 282 00:12:29,370 --> 00:12:30,450 and everything worked out fine. 283 00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:32,910 Now, make yourself useful and... 284 00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:35,290 create a distraction. 285 00:12:36,750 --> 00:12:37,790 Fine. 286 00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:40,510 I'll go walk by the watches. 287 00:12:43,970 --> 00:12:45,760 Hi. Uh... 288 00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:48,390 just wanted to check to see if I had any pictures ready. 289 00:12:48,430 --> 00:12:49,390 What's the name? 290 00:12:49,430 --> 00:12:50,720 Uh, it's, uh... 291 00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:53,180 [CLEARS THROAT] Heoffrmnmm. 292 00:12:53,230 --> 00:12:54,980 -What was that? -Hoeoffernmn. 293 00:12:55,020 --> 00:12:57,730 I'm sorry. One more time? 294 00:12:57,770 --> 00:13:00,610 Hofferman, okay? I'm Mr. Hofferman. 295 00:13:00,650 --> 00:13:03,320 Might be under Dr. Hofferman. 296 00:13:04,530 --> 00:13:06,950 -They're right here. -Great, thank you. 297 00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:09,660 DEACON: Hey, you got 'em? 298 00:13:09,700 --> 00:13:10,830 Yup, let's see 299 00:13:10,870 --> 00:13:13,200 what the Hoffermans are up to this week. 300 00:13:13,910 --> 00:13:16,000 -Whoa. -What? 301 00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:18,290 [HIGH-PITCHED] Hoffernipple. 302 00:13:27,760 --> 00:13:30,260 Hey, sweet thang! What's going on? 303 00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,100 Well, I'm guessing you're not up 304 00:13:32,140 --> 00:13:33,730 for a second try at scuba, 305 00:13:33,770 --> 00:13:35,730 so I'm looking into a few hiking trails 306 00:13:35,770 --> 00:13:36,940 I think you can handle. 307 00:13:36,980 --> 00:13:38,270 Great. Bring it on. 308 00:13:38,310 --> 00:13:39,730 Really? 309 00:13:39,770 --> 00:13:42,070 I was expecting you to cry or run at me. 310 00:13:43,780 --> 00:13:46,070 What? No! You know, I've been thinking about 311 00:13:46,110 --> 00:13:48,370 these Hofferman folks, and you're right. 312 00:13:48,410 --> 00:13:51,870 They do know a little something about living life. 313 00:13:52,950 --> 00:13:54,370 Really? 314 00:13:54,410 --> 00:13:56,750 Well, I am glad you feel that way 315 00:13:56,790 --> 00:13:57,920 because I was looking at their pictures again-- 316 00:13:57,960 --> 00:13:58,960 What? 317 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:00,090 I thought you returned those. 318 00:14:00,130 --> 00:14:01,630 I kept the doubles. 319 00:14:01,670 --> 00:14:04,260 But, look, I didn't see this the first time. 320 00:14:04,300 --> 00:14:05,670 They have a dog! 321 00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:07,630 -Let's get a dog. -Sure, sure, 322 00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:09,220 -we could get a dog. -Yeah? 323 00:14:09,260 --> 00:14:11,930 And here's a few other things we can do. 324 00:14:13,470 --> 00:14:14,810 What's that? 325 00:14:14,850 --> 00:14:17,640 The next set of Hofferman pictures. 326 00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:18,940 Oh, my God, you stole 'em? 327 00:14:18,980 --> 00:14:20,060 Get 'em out! Get 'em out! 328 00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:21,270 Okay, all right. 329 00:14:21,310 --> 00:14:23,110 This one here, that's my favorite. 330 00:14:23,150 --> 00:14:24,400 [CLEARS THROAT] 331 00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:26,360 She's making him a waffle. 332 00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:29,820 No, she's making him a waffle in lacy lingerie. 333 00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:33,030 So what are you saying? You want me to do this? 334 00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:35,250 This and... 335 00:14:35,290 --> 00:14:37,080 this. 336 00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:41,210 And a little of this... 337 00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:45,760 And assuming we can find the right kind of chair, 338 00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:47,340 this. 339 00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:51,800 Good God! 340 00:14:51,850 --> 00:14:53,350 I'm not doing any of those things! 341 00:14:53,390 --> 00:14:54,850 But Mrs. Hofferman did. 342 00:14:54,890 --> 00:14:57,430 Yeah, well, I'm not a ho. 343 00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:59,020 And I'm not a scuba-diver, 344 00:14:59,060 --> 00:15:01,150 but guess what we did last Saturday, sister? 345 00:15:01,190 --> 00:15:03,690 Yeah. Get some rest. 346 00:15:15,870 --> 00:15:18,160 [CELL PHONE RINGS] 347 00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:19,960 Yeah, hi. I told you to sell those shares. 348 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:21,080 I don't want to hold onto them. 349 00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:22,330 [CELL PHONE RINGS] 350 00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:24,170 -[CELL PHONE RINGS] -You're kidding?! 351 00:15:24,210 --> 00:15:25,750 -[CELL PHONE RINGS] -Hey, Mom. 352 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:26,960 -[CELL PHONES RINGING] -Yeah, I'm off today. 353 00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:28,170 Actually, the show started. 354 00:15:28,210 --> 00:15:29,340 GIRL: Did you download their new song? 355 00:15:29,380 --> 00:15:30,470 -[LAUGHS] -You're welcome. 356 00:15:30,510 --> 00:15:32,050 -No deal. -Can you wait for me? 357 00:15:32,090 --> 00:15:33,720 Aaaaah! 358 00:15:37,810 --> 00:15:41,140 All right, you're a dirty batter girl. Gimme the look! 359 00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:45,110 Okay, that's angry batter girl. 360 00:15:45,150 --> 00:15:46,940 Okay, could you just take the picture, please? 361 00:15:46,980 --> 00:15:47,980 Thank you. Okay. 362 00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:50,110 Now, pick up a piece of bacon. 363 00:15:51,150 --> 00:15:52,160 All right. 364 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:53,820 Slap it! Slap it around! 365 00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:55,160 Doug, come on! 366 00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:56,200 There you go. 367 00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:58,040 All right, food's all cooking. 368 00:15:58,080 --> 00:15:59,250 What's next? 369 00:15:59,290 --> 00:16:01,370 Uh, I'm not really sure. 370 00:16:01,410 --> 00:16:03,250 We can do the sex, then the waffles, 371 00:16:03,290 --> 00:16:05,000 or the waffles, then the sex. 372 00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:06,750 -What do you think? -I don't know, honey. 373 00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:07,920 This is kind of your baby. 374 00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:12,430 Okay, then I choose sex, then waffles! 375 00:16:14,390 --> 00:16:16,850 Gotta admit, thought you were gonna go the other way. 376 00:16:16,890 --> 00:16:18,260 I did. All right! 377 00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:19,890 -Let's get cracking. -Okay. 378 00:16:19,930 --> 00:16:22,190 -Get in here. -All right. 379 00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:26,440 [BEEPING] 380 00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:33,820 Aah! Bacon grease! 381 00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:35,120 What are you doing?! 382 00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:38,200 I was trying to unplug the waffle iron. 383 00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:39,490 What are you worrying about that now for?! 384 00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:40,950 This is the sex part! 385 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,830 You worry about that during the waffle part! 386 00:16:42,870 --> 00:16:44,330 I am sorry. It's hard to focus 387 00:16:44,370 --> 00:16:47,420 with a piercing whistle in my ear. This-- 388 00:16:47,460 --> 00:16:49,300 This whole thing is ridiculous. 389 00:16:49,340 --> 00:16:51,460 You know, let's just forget it. Thanks for nothing. 390 00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:53,380 I told you this was a stupid idea. 391 00:16:53,430 --> 00:16:56,340 Yeah, well, Mrs. Hofferman didn't think it was so stupid. 392 00:16:56,390 --> 00:16:58,970 You don't see her freaking out over the waffle iron. 393 00:16:59,010 --> 00:17:00,470 Oh, my God. You are not getting on me 394 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:01,980 about this, are you? 395 00:17:02,020 --> 00:17:04,100 Oh, okay, all right. Who's this? 396 00:17:04,140 --> 00:17:05,350 [GASPS] 397 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:07,270 Uhh! Uhh! I'm gonna die! 398 00:17:07,310 --> 00:17:09,980 I'm in 4 feet of water! 399 00:17:10,980 --> 00:17:12,570 Well, excuse me for not knowing 400 00:17:12,610 --> 00:17:14,320 how to breathe underwater! 401 00:17:14,360 --> 00:17:17,320 I'm not a walrus. Shuttie. 402 00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:23,250 Okay, you know what else you don't know how to do? 403 00:17:23,290 --> 00:17:25,920 Keep a room nice. I mean, look at this. 404 00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:28,420 Mr. Hofferman doesn't throw his clothes all over the floor. 405 00:17:28,460 --> 00:17:30,170 No gum wrappers on the dresser. 406 00:17:30,210 --> 00:17:31,840 That's maybe 'cause Mrs. Hofferman 407 00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:33,840 lets him go to the Knick game with his buddies. 408 00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:34,970 Well, why wouldn't she 409 00:17:35,010 --> 00:17:36,590 when he buys her roses like these? 410 00:17:36,630 --> 00:17:38,350 When was the last time you bought me roses? 411 00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:40,310 Well, maybe I would if you would-- 412 00:17:40,350 --> 00:17:43,020 and we're back to the chair thing. 413 00:17:44,180 --> 00:17:45,520 You know what? 414 00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:47,440 Why don't you just find Mrs. Hofferman 415 00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:49,310 and have waffle sex with her? 416 00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:51,020 Why don't you find Mr. Hofferman 417 00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:52,320 and go scuba-diving with him? 418 00:17:52,360 --> 00:17:53,440 I bet you his guitar sounds 419 00:17:53,490 --> 00:17:56,030 even fruitier underwater! 420 00:17:56,070 --> 00:17:58,200 The fruitiest thing I've ever seen underwater 421 00:17:58,240 --> 00:17:59,530 is you, my friend! 422 00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:03,540 [SIGHS] 423 00:18:05,500 --> 00:18:07,330 What are we doing here? 424 00:18:07,370 --> 00:18:08,960 I don't know. 425 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,500 The Hoffermans... 426 00:18:11,540 --> 00:18:13,250 they're destroying us. 427 00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:15,470 I know. 428 00:18:15,510 --> 00:18:17,510 Look, we gotta stop trying to be the Hoffermans. 429 00:18:17,550 --> 00:18:19,180 I mean, we're the Heffernans. 430 00:18:19,220 --> 00:18:21,140 It's like the Hoffermans, only slightly worse. 431 00:18:21,180 --> 00:18:22,600 And that's okay. 432 00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:25,520 Exactly. 433 00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:28,600 555-LOGS! 434 00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:34,030 I don't know, part of me really wants 435 00:18:34,070 --> 00:18:35,940 to try out to be onSurvivor, 436 00:18:35,990 --> 00:18:37,400 but another part of me is like, 437 00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:40,200 do I really want to expose myself in that way, you know? 438 00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:42,910 -[CELL PHONE RINGS] -Excuse me. 439 00:18:43,580 --> 00:18:45,330 Hello? 440 00:18:45,370 --> 00:18:47,040 Oh, hi, Mrs. Gilgore. 441 00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:48,670 Uh-huh. Sure, sure. 442 00:18:48,710 --> 00:18:50,000 Yeah, hold on for one second. 443 00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:51,170 Cupcake, it's your mommy. 444 00:18:51,210 --> 00:18:52,210 She's on the phone. She misses you 445 00:18:52,250 --> 00:18:54,130 and wants to say hello. 446 00:18:54,170 --> 00:18:56,050 Oh, for God's sake. 447 00:18:56,090 --> 00:18:57,920 How dare you get a cell phone call! 448 00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,220 You're a dog, Cupcake! 449 00:18:59,260 --> 00:19:01,510 A dog! 450 00:19:01,550 --> 00:19:03,390 You wipe that smug look off your face 451 00:19:03,430 --> 00:19:04,600 or I'll do it for you. 452 00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:06,220 Arthur, maybe we should just-- 453 00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:07,730 Give me that! 454 00:19:07,770 --> 00:19:09,390 Do you understand that there are 455 00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:11,440 human beings out there who need love?! 456 00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:13,060 Think about it. 457 00:19:13,110 --> 00:19:15,110 I curse the day I ever bought this thing. 458 00:19:15,150 --> 00:19:16,650 Unh! 459 00:19:16,690 --> 00:19:18,030 [LEAVES RUSTLE] 460 00:19:18,070 --> 00:19:20,160 Um, that was mine. 461 00:19:24,530 --> 00:19:26,580 So this is how we spend our Saturday nights. 462 00:19:26,620 --> 00:19:28,080 This is great. 463 00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:30,000 We love each other, and we love the drugstore. 464 00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:32,290 Nothing to be ashamed of. 465 00:19:34,290 --> 00:19:35,460 I'm getting a ball this time. 466 00:19:35,500 --> 00:19:37,210 You can't stop me. 467 00:19:41,130 --> 00:19:42,590 Where are you going? 468 00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:44,050 Nowhere. 469 00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:45,560 I just want to see if the Hoffermans 470 00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:47,680 have any more pictures. 471 00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:49,020 Carrie, let it go. 472 00:19:49,060 --> 00:19:50,350 We don't care, remember? 473 00:19:50,390 --> 00:19:52,150 No. I know, I know. I just... 474 00:19:52,190 --> 00:19:54,310 I just want to see their dog one last time. 475 00:19:55,190 --> 00:19:56,520 CLERK: May I help you? 476 00:19:56,570 --> 00:19:58,030 Yes, I was wondering if our pictures are ready? 477 00:19:58,070 --> 00:20:00,240 -The name's Hofferman. -[CARRIE GASPS] 478 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:03,200 Hi. 479 00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:05,240 -Hi. -Hello. 480 00:20:07,700 --> 00:20:10,120 [WHISPERS] Would you look at them? 481 00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:12,620 [WHISPERS] Okay, I admit they're magnificent. 482 00:20:12,670 --> 00:20:14,580 But think of it this way, 483 00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:15,750 they're here in a drugstore 484 00:20:15,790 --> 00:20:17,460 on a Saturday night, too. 485 00:20:17,500 --> 00:20:18,630 They're no better than us. 486 00:20:18,670 --> 00:20:20,300 You're right. You're right. 487 00:20:20,340 --> 00:20:21,300 Anything else? 488 00:20:21,340 --> 00:20:22,550 Yeah, the suntan lotion. 489 00:20:22,590 --> 00:20:23,640 Going somewhere good? 490 00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:25,140 Actually, yes. 491 00:20:25,180 --> 00:20:26,300 We're leaving tomorrow for the Galapagos Islands 492 00:20:26,350 --> 00:20:28,430 to do some research for our book. 493 00:20:28,470 --> 00:20:30,140 Damn it! 494 00:20:37,360 --> 00:20:38,440 Why did we have to get their pictures 495 00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:39,820 in the first place? 496 00:20:39,860 --> 00:20:41,610 There's gotta be one couple in here 497 00:20:41,650 --> 00:20:43,700 that'll make us seem good. 498 00:20:45,820 --> 00:20:48,330 Ah-ha. 499 00:20:48,370 --> 00:20:50,040 -The "Sosdorffs." -Yeah. 500 00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:51,790 Let's see what you got. 501 00:20:52,870 --> 00:20:55,250 Wow, nice sailboat. 502 00:20:56,540 --> 00:20:58,210 Come on, help me. 503 00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:05,640 Oh, man, this couple knows Halle Berry! 504 00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:09,470 Dump the bin! Dump the bin! 505 00:21:37,130 --> 00:21:39,000 [**] 34766

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