All language subtitles for The King of Queens (2001) - S03E23 - Sno Job_track3_[eng]

SINGER: *My eyes
are gettin' weary*

*My back is gettin' tight*

*I'm sittin' here
in traffic*

*On the Queensboro Bridge
tonight*

*But I don't care,
'cause all I want to do*

*Is cash my check and drive
right home to you*

*'Cause, baby,
all my life*

*I will be drivin' home
to you*

Wow. They broke up
a cock-fighting ring

in Brooklyn.

Now they're gonna
have to put

all the chickens
to sleep.

That makes me
kind of sad.

And yet you can
suck on a drumstick

till it sparkles.

You don't think I
feel bad after that?

Honey, I am
making dinner

for your uncle
and your cousin.

A little help here?

What? I'm coolin'
the rolls.

All right.
Come on, help.

Bring something out.

[SIGHS] I don't
even wanna have

this stupid dinner,
anyway.

Come on, your cousin
Danny really likes you.

Give him a break.

I don't wanna
give him a break.

He's annoying.

He's like
the human version

of sand
in my underwear.

Well, it'll be
nice to see

your uncle Stu, right?
You like him.

Oh, he's all right,
although I could live

without the big wet kiss
he gives me

every time he sees me.
That's brutal.

Oh, he just
cares about you.

He just likes
to show it

through awkward physical
man-love, that's all.

Well, I'm off.

What? Where
you goin'?

I was at the mall
yesterday,

and a young man
with a clipboard

asked me to assist him
in some market research

concerning
an upcoming movie.

What movie?

She's Got The Stuff.

"It's the story about
5 kids from Pittsburgh

"tryin' to get some

on the wildest
spring break ever."

Oh, that sounds right
up your alley, Dad.

But don't you remember?
Stu's in from New Orleans?

We're having a whole
family dinner.

I'm sorry, darling,

but, uh, I promised this
young man I'd be there.

So what?

So what?

A movie is a team effort!

What if...

Mr. Freddie Prinze, Jr.
Just decided

he didn't want to show up
for work? What then?

DOUG: Let him go!

All right, fine.
Go, have fun.

-Good night!
-Good night.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Oh, they're here.

Pucker up.

Oh, I got an idea!

When Uncle Stu
makes his move,

I'm just gonna tell him
I'm sick, huh?

Yeah. You're a genius.

Hey, sweetie.

-Hey.
-Where's your dad?

Oh, he's, uh,
parkin' the car.

Listen, here's the deal.
Real quick.

He doesn't know my pizza place
went out of business,

and he's not exactly
up to speed

with my wife leavin' me,

so stay away
from those 2 subjects.

Other than that,
let's have a nice time.

Hey!

-Hi!
-Carrie!

Doug.

-Uh, uh...
-[COUGHS]

you know what?
I, uh,

I got a cold.
Sorry.

Well, don't worry.
So do I.

[LAUGHS]

Carrie, this meatloaf
is the best thing

I've ever eaten
in my life.

Couldn't be
more delightful.

Well, if there's one
thing I've learned

being married
to Doug,

it's how to shape
ground meat

into a pile. Yeah.

Heh. Hey, when
these two come

to your pizza place,

you, uh, take care
of 'em, huh?

He takes care
of you, right?

Uh, absolutely.

Yeah, we, uh, never
spend a dime in there.

Good.

Oh, you know,
he catered a party

for us once
for--for free.

A whole party?

What, are you tryin'
to be a big shot?

For God sakes, you
gotta cover your nut.

Right, right.
Sorry, sorry.

Yeah, he tries
to buy love, this kid.

You got a wife
at home for that.

Look, you're
running a business.

Hey, Artie's back.

Hello, Arthur.

-Mm-uhh!
-Mm-uhh!

Forgive me
for missing dinner,

but I had a professional
commitment

I simply couldn't
get out of.

Well, better
late than never.

By the way, Daniel,

I, uh, drove by
your pizza place.

What happened?
Did you have a fire?

Uh, no.

Then why was it
all boarded up?

Arthur, you must

be talking about
the wrong pizza place.

No, 15-40 Bell Boulevard,

next to Phil's
House of Magic.

Oh, we love
that place!

Remember,
you got stuck

in those Chinese
handcuffs?

Oh, yeah. I was, like,
whoa, whoa, whoa! Yeah.

I can laugh about it now,
but it was scary then.

Danny, you having
a problem

with your pizza shop?

[SIGHS] It's gone.

I lost the business
a couple months ago.

Oh, my God.

So, how are you and Eva
been getting by?

Eva's back?

Sweet diggity!
That's good news!

I can't believe this.

Your business is gone,
your wife left you.

Why didn't you
tell me all this?

I don't know.
I was afraid to. I--

I'm your father.
I love you.

So, have you got
another job?

Mmm, I've been lookin',

but there's nobody
really hirin' right now.

Nobody's hiring,

or you're not
really looking?

Nobody's hiring.

People have jobs!

Your brother's got
a beautiful job

as a C.P.A.

Dad, if you know
someone that's hiring,

why don't you tell me?
'cause I'd love to know.

Doug's place
is hiring.

Oh...no, no, no.

That was someone
else's place.

Um, yeah,

it must've been
Hooters, so...

Just a sec. Doug.

Doug, you think
there's a chance

you could get
an interview for Danny

down at I.P.S.?

Uh...uh...
I--I guess so.

There you go!

Doug's gonna get
you an interview!

Ha ha ha ha!

Thank your cousin there!

Thanks, Doug.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

Thank you, Carrie.
Nice job.

What? It just
slipped out.

No, no, no. It didn't
just slip out.

You did it on purpose!

I did not!

You did so!
You're always trying

to get me and Danny
together,

get me closer
with my family,

spend more time,
love them more.

It's a sickness
with you!

I just feel bad
for him, that's all.

He's like a--like
a full-grown dog

that's still
at the pet shop.

You know, they slash
the price 5 times,

but you know
he ain't goin' anywhere.

And you know why?

'cause he's annoying!

Oh--all right.
You know what?

It's your work.
I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have
interfered.

That's right.
It's my work, okay?

And I don't
want him there.

[UNDER HER BREATH]
I don't know what

the big deal is.

The big deal is
what I just said

over there, okay?

Don't want him working
where I work.

I'm at the closet now,
but nothing's changed.

The feeling moves with me.

If you're
so against it,

just call him
and say I was wrong

and that they're
not hiring.

[SIGHS]
I can't now.

Uncle Stu's
all over this.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Don't get it,
please.

I don't want
to talk to anybody.

CARRIE, ON MACHINE:You've
reached the Heffernan's.

Leave a message.

[BEEP]

WOMAN:Hi, Doug,
honey. It's mom.

Your father's
downstairs

with his trains,

so I thought I'd give
you a quick jingle.

Listen, I just hung up
with your Uncle Stu,

and he told me
what a wonderful thing

you're doin' for Danny.

I am so proud of you,

and so is God.

Thank you, baby.
Love you.

[CLICKING]

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

What you got goin'
on there, Dad?

It's the questionnaire
forShe's Got the Stuff.

It's such a deep

and marvelously
layered thing

these young filmmakers,
the Bickel brothers,

have put together.

Aren't you supposed
to fill those things out

right after you
see the movie?

Well, all
the others did,

but I requested
more time

so I could give them
a more in-depth analysis

in essay form.

They told me to take
all the time I needed.

Well, they must really
value your opinion, Dad.

Thank you. Now,
if you'll excuse me,

I have to get
back to this.

"Who was your favorite
character?"

Skeeter stole a piece
of my heart,

and T-Money took what was left.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

[SIGHS]

Hey, guy,
what are you doin'?

What do you mean?

Why are you using the little
handles on your cup?

I don't know. You know,
they put 'em on this

so I figured
I'd give them a try.

I gotta tell you, you--
you look ridiculous.

Really? Well,
if this bothers you,

you're really gonna
hate this.

That's it.
Gimme the coffee.

-Get off.
-Then stop using

-the handle.
-Listen to yourself!

Will you look at yourself?

You're outta control today.

I'm drinking coffee!

What's with you,
man?

[SIGHING] Oh, gosh!

It's just last night Carrie
opened her stupid mouth

and told my cousin Danny
we were hiring.

Now I've gotta get him
an interview here.

Really? Man, that guy
is annoying as hell.

Isn't he?

There's O'Boyle.
Better go do this now.

All right.
Hey.

Good luck.

I hate you.

Yeah. I'm sorry, ma'am,

but sometimes
packages get lost.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Yeah, come in!

Yeah, I understand.

The crackers came.
The cheese didn't.

Very frustrating.

Look...soon
as I know somethin',

I'll call you back.

What is it, Doug?
I got, like, 2 seconds here.

Right. Uh, the thing is,
I just--

I heard
we were hiring,

and I was wondering
if you could...

interview
my cousin Danny?

I'm swamped
with applications.

Has he got experience?
'cause I don't want

to waste my time.

Very experienced, yes.

Good worker?

Excellent.
The best.

All right. Fine.
Have him come in

tomorrow morning at 8:00.

-Thanks. Thanks very much.
-[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Yeah.

No, I talked to the--
you know. What?

Just one more thing.

Could you do me a favor
and not hire him?

Wait. You don't want me
to hire him?

No.

Duke, can you
hang on a second?

Yeah, there's a moron
in my office.

What do you mean,
don't hire him?

You just said
how good he was.

Well, he's--he's not
that good, really.

He's got a bad knee,

and he's not
the brightest.

He fell in a pool
when he was little, and...

he was in there
for a while.

Then why the hell
do you want me

to interview him?

Well, you know,
the thing is...

he's definitely good enough
to be interviewed,

but not quite good enough
to be hired.

He's like a 'tweener.

What in the hell
are you talkin' about?!

All right,
it's a family thing.

I--I promised I'd
get him an interview,

but I really don't
want him workin' here.

Can you help me out?

Yeah. All right. Fine.

-Oh, thanks.
-By the way...

I drink Johnnie Walker.
Black.

Okay. Thanks.

Oh, and...if you can
make it seem

like I really
pushed for him,

that'd be great.
Thank you.

I'm gonna go now.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

Hey, poppin' fresh!

Okay! Ya gotta
stop doin' that.

Ha ha!

Hey, Doug, thanks so much
for the interview, man.

-I'm pumped!
-Oh, great.

You know, I had my brown jacket
on, then I said to myself,

"you idiot!
Wear green, I.P.S. color."

You know, it would be like a
subliminal thing, you know?

"Hey, I don't know why,
but I gotta hire this guy."

Right?

Yeah. Busted out the green
jacket, huh?

Yeah, oh no, no, no.
I bought it.

It's $150, but gotta spend money
to make money.

Oh, uh...Doug,
this your cousin?

Yeah, this is him.
Great guy.

Come on in.

Oh, hey... any
last-minute advice?

No. Just be yourself.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

Dad, come on.
We're supposed to meet

Dan and Stu

at the restaurant
in 20 minutes.

Oh, sweetheart,
I'm afraid I can't go.

What? Why not?

Oh, filling in
this movie survey

has become a real
ding-darling of a task.

You're still workin'
on this thing?

What's the problem?

Well, as I replay
the movie in my head,

there are
so many nagging questions.

Why do Jeff and Skeeter

have to drive all the way
to Fort Lauderdale

just to register
for the skateboard competition?

Why can't they
call ahead? Why?

Maybe there are
just some things

we're not meant
to know.

And the whole wet T-shirt
sequence at the girl's hotel.

It doesn't advance
the story one iota.

I'm loathe to
suggest cutting it.

All right, dad, I hate
to see you go through

all this aggravation,

so I'm just gonna
tell you the truth.

You're 60 years older
than their target audience.

They don't really care
what you think.

Hmm. Sounds like
someone's upset

heropinion wasn't asked.

Oy.

Oh, man, Danny,
I can't believe

you didn't get
the job. That--

that is total B.S.,
is what that is.

He didn't get it?

Yeah. All right, man.
Well...

I'll see you
at the restaurant, buddy.

Hey, keep your chin up.

Okay. Bye.

Oh, well, that's too bad.
But you know what?

You got him in there,
and that was very sweet of you.

I know. I just feel bad.

You know, like, maybe
I could've done more.

Dammit!

Wait a minute.

I thought you'd be happy

he didn't get the job.

Oh, yeah. No, no.
I mean, I said that

to make Danny feel better.

No. The phone call was over.
You just said it to me.

Well, it just s-spilled over.

Look, I got him the interview.
He didn't get the job.

It happens every day.
Back off!

Wait a second.
Did you have anything to do

with him not
getting that job?

What?! What, you think
I went in to O'Boyle

and said, "Could you take time
out of your busy schedule

to interview my cousin,
but don't hire him"?

I don't want him
workin' there!

I can't believe
you did that!

You made him go through a big,
stressful job interview

-for nothing?
-Not for nothin'.

He got some very valuable
interview experience.

And bonus, he now has
a snappy green blazer. Huh?

Oh, that--yeah, perfect.

That'll keep him warm
at the homeless shelter.

Oh, come on, Carrie,
nobody got hurt.

I mean, Danny's fine.
Uncle Stu's happy.

Mom's happy.
God's happy.

God is so...
not happy.

Oh, you know him
so well. God...

if you're not
happy with me,

hit me with lightning
right now.

Whassup?! Whassup?!

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

I want to thank
Doug and Carrie

for showing me such
a beautiful time

when I was here.

And also, Doug...

thanks got goin' the extra mile
to help Danny out.

You're good people.

[GLASSES CLINKING]

So, what is
everyone getting?

I think I'm gonna go with
the shrimp and crab bonanza.

Huhh! Well.

I guess someone worked up
quite an appetite

not getting a job.

Yeah. Right.
Good one.

You know, actually,
it was probably my fault.

I don't have
that much clout at I.P.S.

I'm liked...
but not well-liked.

Doug, you don't have
to make excuses for him.

Oh, so it's just me,
huh, Dad?

I'm a screw-up?
Is that what you're getting at?

You know, they have
a dessert on the menu

called The Fudge Slide.

Anyone else
think that's gross?

Look, all's I can say is,
they were looking for drivers,

and you had a personal
recommendation from Doug here.

All you had to do
was go in there,

not wet yourself,
and you had that job.

Turn your head
back to the group.

Yeah, yeah.
I--I'm a real loser, dad.

Right, sure, yeah.
And you're a big success--

sellin'
used mattresses?

They're reconditioned!

You know what?
Let's not fight.

It's Stu's last night--

Well, one thing I know.

Your brother would've taken
an opportunity like this

and run with it.

Oh, yeah, sure!
Mitchell's so wonderful!

Mitchell's a go-getter!
You love him so much!

Well, you know what else
Mitchell is? He's gay!

That's not true!

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

-[KNOCK ON DOOR]
-O'BOYLE:Yeah, come in!

Hey, whaddya got
there, Doug?

Yeah, well, uh...
as you requested,

a one-liter bottle
containing my end of the deal--

Johnnie Walker
Black.

What?

I'm sorry.
Was it red?

No. I...

I was just jokin'
about you gettin' me that.

Really?

Doug, I've been
a recovering alcoholic

for 7 years.

Oh, my God. I didn't know.
I'll just, um--

That's all right.
You can leave it.

No, leave it!

Somethin' else?

Actually, it's--
it's about my cousin Danny.

Yeah?
What about him?

Well, I was wondering
if you could reconsider

his application,

this time with an eye
toward hiring him?

-[CHUCKLES]
-What?

You told me
you didn't want me to hire him.

Yeah, you know, you're right,
and it was because I was...

I was threatened by his skill
and his excellence.

I...I let
my personal feelings

get in the way of what's best
for the company,

something I swore
I would never do. [CHUCKLES]

Doug...

we have a very good stress
management counselor here.

Her name is Helen Canter.
And, uh...

thanks to her,
I'm not hitting you...

right now.

I'm, uh...
the truth is,

I--I screwed up,

and I gotta
make things right.

Can you please
help me out here?

Fine. Have him come in
tomorrow morning.

Thank you.

-And Doug...
-Yeah?

I wouldn't complain if a fistful
of Mexican Quaaludes found its
way into my drawer.

That's very funny, sir.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

Hey, babe.
What's goin' on?

Uhh, just usin'
2 packets of icing

on one toaster strudel.

Happy now...

sad later.

So, how's it going
with Danny at I.P.S.?

Are you okay
with him workin' there?

Yeah. Actually, O'Boyle
put him on the night shift.

He's a pretty fun guy
when you never, ever see him.

Well, I finally
finished the survey.

And I must say,
it's been quite an honor

helping to shape
She's Got The Stuff.

You mean the movie
that opens today

at a theater near you?

What?

They promised they'd wait!

That's Hollywood for you.

They chew you up,
and they spit you out.

First it was
Fatty Arbuckle, now it's me.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

Hey, there he is--
Mr. Night Shift.

He owns the night.

Heis...
the night.

You're still
on the night shift, right?

Yeah.

I just, uh, actually,
made sort of a decision.

Yeah? What about?

This job.

Not for me.

What?

Yeah, well,
first of all,

workin' nights
totally screws up

my inner clock.

Uh-huh, uh-huh...

And you know that I'm used to
being my own boss.

This is a lot
of being told

what to do.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm...

So, hey, would you
do me a favor?

Return my uniform
back to O'Boyle,

and, uh, also,
while you're in there,

could you grab
my check? Thanks.

You're--
you're not quitting.

-Yes, I am.
-No, you're not.

-I am!
-No!

I've already been
in there twice for you,

first to tell him
to not hire you,

then to hire you.

I'm not goin' in
the third time.

Wait, wait, wait.
You told him not to hire me?

The first time, yeah.

Why would you do that?

Because I didn't want
you working here.

Well, you got
your wish, pal.

I'mnotworkin' here.
See ya!

Oh, you're workin' here.

[CAR ENGINE STARTS]

Get back here!

-[TIRES SCREECH]
-Try to drivenow!

Fine! I'll walk home!

Yaaahhh!

Ow! You flipped me
on cement!

Ow! There's gravel
in my knee!

Say it! Say it!

Say you're not
quitting! Say it!

No! And if you're
worried about O'Boyle,

I'll tell him
it was all my fault.

That way, you won't
be in trouble,

and you won't have to work

with someone you hate!

I d--

I don't hate you.

Come on.
Yes, you do.

It's just...

some things about
your personality.

What do you mean?

I don't know.
You just...

sometimes
you push too hard.

I know.

Iknow.

I do that.

Damn me!

I--I just want to be
closer to you.

And I would definitely
like to seeyou...

once in a while.

That's nice to hear, man.

I'm glad
we're really talkin'.

It's good.

Doug, I...I feel
like givin' you a hug.

Why don't we
stand up first?

Dude, I'm driving
as fast as I can!

Well, if this crap box

isn't in Lauderdale
by noon

so we can enter the contest,
we're toast.

So why don't you
call ahead?!

I'm outta here.

Who's with me?
Come on!

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]