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1
00:00:03,210 --> 00:00:05,170
SINGER:
* My eyes are gettin' weary *
2
00:00:05,210 --> 00:00:07,500
* My back is gettin' tight *
3
00:00:07,540 --> 00:00:09,590
* I'm sittin' herein traffic *
4
00:00:09,630 --> 00:00:12,510
* On theQueensboro Bridge tonight *
5
00:00:12,550 --> 00:00:14,260
* But I don't care *
6
00:00:14,300 --> 00:00:17,760
* 'Cause all I want to do *
7
00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:20,140
* Is cash my checkand drive *
8
00:00:20,180 --> 00:00:22,230
* Right home to you *
9
00:00:23,560 --> 00:00:25,480
* 'Cause, baby, all my life *
10
00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:29,230
* I will bedrivin' home to you *
11
00:00:34,150 --> 00:00:36,700
Dad, for the third time,
your dinner's ready!
12
00:00:36,740 --> 00:00:38,070
ARTHUR: And for the third time,
13
00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:40,700
I'm still shaving my ears!
14
00:00:40,740 --> 00:00:43,540
Well, hurry up.
You're gonna be late!
15
00:00:43,580 --> 00:00:45,540
All right. Ready to rock
when you are.
16
00:00:45,580 --> 00:00:47,790
Oh, come on.
You're wearing that?
17
00:00:47,830 --> 00:00:49,170
What's wrong with my outfit?
18
00:00:49,210 --> 00:00:50,710
Okay, outfit is
an awfully big word
19
00:00:50,750 --> 00:00:52,840
for what you've done here,
my friend.
20
00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:55,340
We're going to the circus.
What, I gotta throw on a tux
21
00:00:55,380 --> 00:00:57,640
to watch a clown
light his ass on fire?
22
00:00:57,680 --> 00:00:59,680
It's not
a regular circus.
23
00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:01,470
It's French.
It'sCirque Du Soleil.
24
00:01:01,510 --> 00:01:04,270
They have men with wings
dancing in the air.
25
00:01:05,310 --> 00:01:07,850
More like
cirque de so gay.
26
00:01:07,900 --> 00:01:10,820
And they have those
female contortionists,
27
00:01:10,860 --> 00:01:12,690
you know,
that bend their legs
28
00:01:12,730 --> 00:01:14,820
all the way around the back
over the head.
29
00:01:14,860 --> 00:01:16,910
See, that's where
they lose me, right there.
30
00:01:16,950 --> 00:01:18,870
-I need a little more distance
between the sun and the moon.
-All right.
31
00:01:20,410 --> 00:01:23,410
All right.
Let's get this over with.
32
00:01:23,450 --> 00:01:26,540
Oh, Dad,
you look great!
33
00:01:26,580 --> 00:01:30,250
[LAUGHS] Just promise
you won't bury me in this.
34
00:01:30,290 --> 00:01:32,420
You're all over my clothes,
but he gets to wear a shirt
35
00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:34,920
with anchors
and ukuleles on it?
36
00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:37,590
Yes. I told you,
I signed dad up
37
00:01:37,630 --> 00:01:39,390
for that package
of theme dances
38
00:01:39,430 --> 00:01:40,800
at the senior center.
39
00:01:40,850 --> 00:01:42,310
Oh, that's right.
Yeah, the thing you told me
40
00:01:42,350 --> 00:01:44,220
to act positive about
in front of him.
41
00:01:45,390 --> 00:01:47,480
Yes, I did say
to be positive
42
00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:49,400
because it is a good thing.
43
00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:51,480
Ow!
44
00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:53,940
Tonight's theme
is Maui madness.
45
00:01:53,980 --> 00:01:55,740
Well, I think you
look great, Arthur.
46
00:01:55,780 --> 00:01:56,950
I like the way the purple
47
00:01:56,990 --> 00:01:58,780
brings out the veins
in your legs.
48
00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:03,790
What the hell do you
call this, anyway?
49
00:02:03,830 --> 00:02:06,500
I call it fish,
like most people.
50
00:02:06,540 --> 00:02:09,500
Is it too late to substitute
something enjoyable?
51
00:02:09,540 --> 00:02:13,420
Dad, your cholesterol
is now, like, the low 700s.
52
00:02:13,460 --> 00:02:14,500
Come on, the fish
is good for you.
53
00:02:14,550 --> 00:02:16,760
I don't care.
I want bacon.
54
00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:18,470
Oh, okay. You want bacon?
I'll give you bacon.
55
00:02:18,510 --> 00:02:20,180
Just make sure
you wave hi to grandma
56
00:02:20,220 --> 00:02:22,510
as you're going
towards the light, okay?
57
00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:27,430
Oh, my God.
Doug, it's late.
58
00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:29,520
Would you mind dropping dad off
at the senior center
59
00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:30,690
while I finish
getting ready?
60
00:02:30,730 --> 00:02:32,310
Mind? You kiddin' me?
Between that
61
00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:34,940
and the French circus,
this is a dream night.
62
00:02:34,980 --> 00:02:38,400
Okay, Dad, come on.
Medicine time.
63
00:02:38,450 --> 00:02:39,700
Okay...
64
00:02:40,820 --> 00:02:42,870
red, yellow,
65
00:02:42,910 --> 00:02:44,370
and big blue.
66
00:02:45,950 --> 00:02:47,330
Good.
67
00:02:50,460 --> 00:02:52,880
Ahh. There. Happy?
68
00:02:52,920 --> 00:02:54,840
Take big blue.
69
00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:56,380
I took it.
70
00:02:57,340 --> 00:02:58,590
See?
71
00:02:58,630 --> 00:03:01,510
Get it out of your sock
and swallow it.
72
00:03:01,550 --> 00:03:04,350
Yes,mein fuehrer!
73
00:03:04,390 --> 00:03:05,930
Oh! I almost
forgot something.
74
00:03:10,810 --> 00:03:13,230
[GIDDY]
Eee-yah!
75
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:15,730
Oh, Dad...
76
00:03:15,770 --> 00:03:17,940
you look
so adorable.
77
00:03:17,980 --> 00:03:20,400
Okay, okay!
Have a good time. Bye-bye.
78
00:03:22,570 --> 00:03:24,370
Is there any chance
I can use this
79
00:03:24,410 --> 00:03:25,700
to hang myself?
80
00:03:29,540 --> 00:03:32,670
[ELECTRIC PIANO
PLAYING "ALOHA OE"]
81
00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:37,300
Hey, hey.
82
00:03:37,340 --> 00:03:39,420
The joint
is really jumping.
83
00:03:39,460 --> 00:03:40,880
Huh?
84
00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:42,760
Look, there's
your buddy Mickey.
85
00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:44,590
Aloha!
86
00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:47,260
Ready to hang 10?
87
00:03:48,100 --> 00:03:49,470
Yeah.
88
00:03:49,810 --> 00:03:51,270
Yeah.
89
00:03:51,690 --> 00:03:53,440
Let's go.
90
00:03:53,480 --> 00:03:55,980
All right, I'll see you
in a few hours.
91
00:04:00,990 --> 00:04:02,950
Bru-tal...
92
00:04:04,610 --> 00:04:07,330
[ELECTRIC PIANO PLAYING
"ROCK AROUND THE CLOCK"]
93
00:04:11,790 --> 00:04:14,620
Hey! Daddy-O!
94
00:04:25,140 --> 00:04:27,010
Howdy, partner!
95
00:04:27,890 --> 00:04:29,010
Come on.
96
00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:32,310
What is wrong
with that man?
97
00:04:34,980 --> 00:04:38,360
DOUG:So, it'souter space night, huh?
98
00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:43,070
I like it a lot better
than pajama party night.
99
00:04:43,110 --> 00:04:44,610
I gotta be honest.
I didn't expect
100
00:04:44,650 --> 00:04:46,610
to see
so many negligees.
101
00:04:46,660 --> 00:04:47,990
I mean, there were
a few secrets
102
00:04:48,030 --> 00:04:50,870
Victoria should have
kept to herself, am I right?
103
00:04:51,830 --> 00:04:53,000
Pull over.
104
00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:54,080
I'm sorry, what?
105
00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:55,920
Pull the car over,
Douglas.
106
00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:58,080
Arthur, we're still
six blocks away.
107
00:04:58,130 --> 00:04:59,460
Do it.
108
00:05:03,670 --> 00:05:05,590
Look, I think we're
in a bus lane here.
109
00:05:05,630 --> 00:05:07,340
Douglas,
look me in the eye.
110
00:05:11,430 --> 00:05:12,560
Hi.
111
00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:14,640
You gotta
help me out here.
112
00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:16,560
I can't go
to that place again.
113
00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:17,810
I just can't.
114
00:05:17,850 --> 00:05:19,480
Why not?
115
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:21,360
Have you taken
a good look?
116
00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:24,070
That place is like
Death's greenroom.
117
00:05:24,110 --> 00:05:26,610
Well, it's no hooters,
I'll give you that.
118
00:05:26,650 --> 00:05:28,110
But really, what is?
119
00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:30,080
Listen to me.
120
00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:31,870
I know this fellow
named Chick.
121
00:05:31,910 --> 00:05:33,830
He's hipped me to some clubs
down at the docks.
122
00:05:33,870 --> 00:05:35,370
Let me
go down there tonight.
123
00:05:35,410 --> 00:05:36,870
The docks?
124
00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:39,170
What am I supposed
to tell Carrie?
125
00:05:39,210 --> 00:05:40,670
She doesn't have to know.
126
00:05:40,710 --> 00:05:42,710
I'll be back
at the center by 10:00.
127
00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:44,760
Douglas, I'm beggin'.
128
00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:46,720
There's a taxi stand
at the corner.
129
00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:49,590
Please give me back
the night!
130
00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:53,010
Go ahead. Go on.
Get out of here.
131
00:05:53,060 --> 00:05:54,970
Oh, thank you, friend!
132
00:05:55,020 --> 00:05:56,690
So, you won't tell Carrie?
133
00:05:56,730 --> 00:05:58,730
Tell Carrie what?
134
00:05:58,770 --> 00:06:00,520
About our arrangement.
135
00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:02,020
I know. I was
just doing the thing
136
00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:03,860
where I pretend to not even know
what you're talking about.
137
00:06:03,900 --> 00:06:06,490
-I don't follow you.
-Just go. Just go. Just go.
138
00:06:06,530 --> 00:06:07,860
Right. Right.
139
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:14,120
Wait... take off your antenna.
140
00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:24,000
Boy, some of these people
really went for it
141
00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:26,670
with the space costumes,
huh? [LAUGHS]
142
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:29,510
Oh, check out the guy
with the oxygen tanks. [LAUGHS]
143
00:06:29,550 --> 00:06:31,090
Actually, I think
those are real.
144
00:06:31,140 --> 00:06:32,470
Oh.
145
00:06:33,930 --> 00:06:36,220
So where's my dad?
Why hasn't he come out yet?
146
00:06:36,270 --> 00:06:39,940
You know him.
He's probably stealing
some cookies or something.
147
00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:43,020
CARRIE: Oh, hi, Mickey.
148
00:06:43,060 --> 00:06:45,650
Hey, you're
lookin' good there.
149
00:06:45,690 --> 00:06:47,650
Oh, thank you.
150
00:06:47,690 --> 00:06:49,820
If you ever get tired
of big boy,
151
00:06:49,860 --> 00:06:51,950
my planet needs women.
152
00:06:53,030 --> 00:06:53,990
I'll let you know.
153
00:06:54,030 --> 00:06:55,660
So, is my dad
still in there?
154
00:06:55,700 --> 00:06:57,450
He never showed up.
155
00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:00,960
Funny story...
156
00:07:07,210 --> 00:07:08,970
CARRIE:What the hellwere you thinking?
157
00:07:09,010 --> 00:07:10,470
He promised
he'd be back by 10:00.
158
00:07:10,510 --> 00:07:11,930
Yeah, well,
he also promised
159
00:07:11,970 --> 00:07:13,890
to wear underwear
underneath his bathrobe,
160
00:07:13,930 --> 00:07:16,510
and we know how
that worked out, don't we?
161
00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:18,140
All right, well,
he's not at home,
162
00:07:18,180 --> 00:07:19,850
and he didn't leave
a message on the machine.
163
00:07:19,890 --> 00:07:21,020
This is just great.
164
00:07:21,060 --> 00:07:22,100
Will you relax, okay?
165
00:07:22,150 --> 00:07:23,360
I know exactly
where he is.
166
00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:25,190
Oh, really? Would you
mind telling me?
167
00:07:25,230 --> 00:07:27,480
He's down by the, uh...
you know, the, uh...
168
00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:28,900
the docks.
169
00:07:29,990 --> 00:07:31,150
The docks?
170
00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:32,240
Oh, that sounds
like a perfect place
171
00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:33,990
for an old man
with gout.
172
00:07:34,030 --> 00:07:35,240
Where at the docks?
173
00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:36,370
He didn't specify,
but he did tell me
174
00:07:36,410 --> 00:07:38,370
-who he was gonna be with.
-Who?
175
00:07:38,410 --> 00:07:41,080
A gentleman named Chick.
176
00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:42,580
-Chick?
-It's a nickname.
177
00:07:42,620 --> 00:07:46,250
Probably short for... chicken.
178
00:07:46,290 --> 00:07:48,960
I can't believe
you let him run off.
179
00:07:49,010 --> 00:07:51,130
God, what if something
happened to him?
180
00:07:51,170 --> 00:07:53,640
He can take care of himself.
Will you stop worrying?
181
00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:55,180
All right,
now, we'll go down there,
182
00:07:55,220 --> 00:07:56,260
we'll check out
a few places,
183
00:07:56,300 --> 00:07:57,600
and I'm sure
we'll find him.
184
00:07:57,640 --> 00:08:00,100
Don't forget
to drop me off first.
185
00:08:00,140 --> 00:08:02,390
Oh, we won't, Mickey.
Where should I turn?
186
00:08:03,140 --> 00:08:04,310
I don't know.
187
00:08:06,060 --> 00:08:07,400
You don't know?
188
00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:11,320
Well, I just moved in
a couple of months ago.
189
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:13,910
Okay. Well, can you
give me something?
190
00:08:13,950 --> 00:08:16,240
A landmark?
191
00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:19,040
I live next door
to the Johnsons.
192
00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:20,330
They're colored.
193
00:08:21,580 --> 00:08:23,080
Okay.
194
00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:26,580
[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]
195
00:08:29,210 --> 00:08:31,550
Hello, young lovers.
196
00:08:31,590 --> 00:08:33,090
Attaboy, Arty.
197
00:08:33,130 --> 00:08:34,630
Hey, Chicky!
198
00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:36,640
-To life!
-To love!
199
00:08:36,680 --> 00:08:38,010
To the ladies.
200
00:08:38,050 --> 00:08:39,220
I'll drink to that.
201
00:08:39,260 --> 00:08:41,180
May I freshen
your rusty nail, Enid?
202
00:08:41,220 --> 00:08:43,350
You aren't going
anywhere, fella.
203
00:08:43,390 --> 00:08:45,150
I aims to please.
204
00:08:47,270 --> 00:08:49,610
Hey, Carrie!
He's in this one!
205
00:08:49,650 --> 00:08:51,480
Hey, Douglas!
Welcome!
206
00:08:51,530 --> 00:08:52,690
I want you
to meet the gang.
207
00:08:52,740 --> 00:08:54,280
That's Chick
and Monica...
208
00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:55,490
-How do you do?
-Hi, how are ya?
209
00:08:55,530 --> 00:08:57,700
And this young lady
is Enid.
210
00:08:57,740 --> 00:08:59,530
Pleasure to meet ya.
211
00:09:00,620 --> 00:09:02,500
A delightful morsel,
am I right?
212
00:09:02,540 --> 00:09:05,460
Oh, yes. She's very--
can I see you
for a second, please?
213
00:09:05,500 --> 00:09:06,580
What the hell's going on?
214
00:09:06,620 --> 00:09:08,130
You were supposed
to be back by 10:00.
215
00:09:08,170 --> 00:09:09,250
And I will.
What time is it now?
216
00:09:09,290 --> 00:09:10,630
It's 1:30
in the morning!
217
00:09:10,670 --> 00:09:11,760
Wow!
218
00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:15,050
[SIGHS] Sorry, big guy.
Truth is...
219
00:09:15,090 --> 00:09:17,640
I have something
marvelous going on with Enid.
220
00:09:19,300 --> 00:09:21,100
-Enid, huh?
-Yeah.
221
00:09:21,140 --> 00:09:23,020
DOUG: She's not bad.
222
00:09:23,060 --> 00:09:26,560
Kind of has that worldly,
smoky quality.
223
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:30,020
So, can you buy me
a little time?
224
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:31,070
I'm gonna level
with you, Arthur--
225
00:09:31,110 --> 00:09:32,730
-Dad?
-We're dead men.
226
00:09:32,780 --> 00:09:34,280
He's fine.
I told you he was fine.
227
00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:36,610
Dad-- Dad, what have you
been doing?
228
00:09:36,650 --> 00:09:39,280
I have been worried
half out of my mind about you!
229
00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:41,450
Any chance we can discuss
this later, darling?
230
00:09:41,490 --> 00:09:42,620
Maybe tomorrow?
231
00:09:42,660 --> 00:09:45,330
Have you been drinking
hard liquor?
232
00:09:45,370 --> 00:09:47,420
I may have had
a sip or two of a Rob Roy.
233
00:09:47,460 --> 00:09:48,420
Why do you ask?
234
00:09:48,460 --> 00:09:51,210
Because you have
half a liver,
235
00:09:51,250 --> 00:09:52,460
and you're on nine medications
236
00:09:52,500 --> 00:09:54,630
that say,
"Do not take with alcohol."
237
00:09:54,670 --> 00:09:56,300
That's why I ask.
238
00:09:56,340 --> 00:09:58,300
Wow, you weren't
kidding, Arty.
239
00:09:58,340 --> 00:09:59,300
Short leash.
240
00:09:59,340 --> 00:10:00,600
Who the hell are you?
241
00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:01,600
I'm Chick Dugan.
242
00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:03,720
Who are you,
his nurse?
243
00:10:04,560 --> 00:10:06,140
No, I am his daughter,
244
00:10:06,180 --> 00:10:08,100
and we are in the middle
of a private conversation,
245
00:10:08,140 --> 00:10:09,810
so why don't you go shake down
the vending machines.
246
00:10:09,850 --> 00:10:11,610
Ooh, excuse me.
247
00:10:11,650 --> 00:10:13,780
That's why I like 'em
post menopause.
248
00:10:13,820 --> 00:10:15,360
I hear that.
249
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:19,360
Listen, darling,
why don't you kids
head for home--
250
00:10:19,410 --> 00:10:20,620
Dad, don't be ridiculous.
251
00:10:20,660 --> 00:10:22,080
It's almost
2:00 in the morning.
252
00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:23,120
Now, we're going home.
253
00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:24,160
Say good-bye
to your friends.
254
00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:25,370
I'll meet you in the car.
255
00:10:27,370 --> 00:10:30,040
Come on, Arthur.
We should get going.
256
00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:30,880
Right.
257
00:10:30,920 --> 00:10:34,380
Arty, take care
of yourself.
258
00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:36,460
You, too, kiddo.
259
00:10:36,510 --> 00:10:37,760
DOUG: All right. Come on,
partner. Let's go, huh?
260
00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:39,470
Plenty more
where that came from.
261
00:10:39,510 --> 00:10:40,800
Sure.
262
00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:43,560
The living room
is filled with adventure.
263
00:10:52,690 --> 00:10:54,730
Dad, come inside!
What are you gonna do,
264
00:10:54,770 --> 00:10:56,400
sleep in the car?
265
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,490
[ANGRY]
Good night!
266
00:11:07,290 --> 00:11:08,870
How dare you?
267
00:11:08,910 --> 00:11:11,670
How dareme?
How dareyou?
268
00:11:11,710 --> 00:11:13,840
No, how dare you?
269
00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:15,300
How dare you?!
270
00:11:15,340 --> 00:11:17,840
All right, let's just
get the fight going.
271
00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:20,550
You humiliated me
in front of my friends.
272
00:11:20,590 --> 00:11:22,140
I got news for you,
sweetheart.
273
00:11:22,180 --> 00:11:23,390
You're my daughter,
274
00:11:23,430 --> 00:11:25,140
not the other way around!
275
00:11:25,180 --> 00:11:28,310
Well, if you don't want
to be treated like a child,
276
00:11:28,350 --> 00:11:29,350
then don't act like one.
277
00:11:29,390 --> 00:11:32,190
I did not act
like a child!
278
00:11:32,230 --> 00:11:33,810
Dad, you ran off,
you didn't call,
279
00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:35,480
you didn't leave a message,
you were drinking,
280
00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:36,730
and I gotta be
honest with you, Dad,
281
00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:38,360
okay, your date
looked like a pro.
282
00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:39,690
How dare you?
283
00:11:39,740 --> 00:11:41,530
Okay, let's not backtrack.
284
00:11:41,570 --> 00:11:43,110
I've got news for you,
sweetheart.
285
00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:45,410
Tonight was the first night
I felt alive
286
00:11:45,450 --> 00:11:47,120
since you dragged me
into this house.
287
00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:48,750
But you couldn't stand
to see it, could you?
288
00:11:48,790 --> 00:11:52,460
No! You had to hobble me like
that fat broad inMisery.
289
00:11:54,330 --> 00:11:56,880
I'm not trying to
hobble you, Dad,
290
00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:58,840
I am trying
to look after you.
291
00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:01,260
I care about you,
that's all.
292
00:12:01,300 --> 00:12:02,590
Douglas,
I appeal to you.
293
00:12:02,630 --> 00:12:04,840
Am I crazy, or did she
spill my plums
294
00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:07,260
all over
that barroom floor?
295
00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:08,770
Actually, I gotta
tell you, Hon,
296
00:12:08,810 --> 00:12:11,180
you were a little
rough on him back there.
297
00:12:11,230 --> 00:12:12,770
You were.
298
00:12:12,810 --> 00:12:14,560
All right, don't you
start in on me,
299
00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:16,270
because this is
your fault, too.
300
00:12:16,310 --> 00:12:17,650
-My fault?
-Yes!
301
00:12:17,690 --> 00:12:19,400
All you had to do
was drop him off
302
00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:21,740
at the senior center.
Simple thing.
303
00:12:21,780 --> 00:12:23,280
He's a grown man.
He wanted out,
304
00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:24,490
what am I gonna do,
lock him in the car?
305
00:12:24,530 --> 00:12:25,620
Yes! You can lock all the doors
306
00:12:25,660 --> 00:12:26,700
from the driver's side!
307
00:12:26,740 --> 00:12:28,330
I showed you that!
308
00:12:28,370 --> 00:12:29,620
Whatever! So, if it didn't
happen tonight,
309
00:12:29,660 --> 00:12:31,450
it was gonna happen
eventually.
310
00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:32,830
I gotta be honest
with you.
311
00:12:32,870 --> 00:12:34,710
I've been observing you
for quite a while,
312
00:12:34,750 --> 00:12:36,420
and you've been
stifling him.
313
00:12:36,460 --> 00:12:39,420
Stifling him? Is that
what you've observed, Doug?
314
00:12:39,460 --> 00:12:41,170
-Yeah, yeah.
-Oh. Oh, okay.
315
00:12:41,210 --> 00:12:42,630
'Cause I thought your view
might have been blocked
316
00:12:42,670 --> 00:12:44,930
by the dorito bag
you always have your head in.
317
00:12:44,970 --> 00:12:46,720
How dare you?
318
00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:48,680
All right.
Anyway, what I'm saying is,
319
00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:50,350
just back off him, okay?
320
00:12:50,390 --> 00:12:52,180
You've been running his life
like a drill sergeant.
321
00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:53,440
Oh. Really?
322
00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:55,310
And, what, you think
you can do better?
323
00:12:55,350 --> 00:12:56,980
I would have made
some different choices, yeah.
324
00:12:57,020 --> 00:12:57,980
Would ya?
325
00:12:58,020 --> 00:12:59,190
Indeed, I would.
326
00:12:59,230 --> 00:13:00,940
Indeed, you would? Hmm.
327
00:13:00,980 --> 00:13:03,650
Okay, okay. Obviously
I'm in the wrong here.
328
00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:05,410
I mean, you think so.
He thinks so.
329
00:13:05,450 --> 00:13:07,200
Even Chick thinks so.
330
00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:08,990
So, um, you know what?
331
00:13:09,030 --> 00:13:10,830
As of this moment,
I am out of it.
332
00:13:10,870 --> 00:13:12,500
You can make
all the decisions.
333
00:13:12,540 --> 00:13:14,250
He belongs to you.
334
00:13:14,290 --> 00:13:16,000
Fine. I'll do it.
It's no big deal.
335
00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:18,460
Okay. That works
for you, too, Dad?
336
00:13:18,500 --> 00:13:21,500
Douglas would be
a breath of fresh air.
337
00:13:21,550 --> 00:13:23,510
Okay. Well,
have fun, ladies.
338
00:13:23,550 --> 00:13:25,510
Oh, we'll have more
than fun, Mary Jane.
339
00:13:25,550 --> 00:13:26,760
We'll have
so much damn fun,
340
00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:28,970
the neighbors
will think it's weird.
341
00:13:31,430 --> 00:13:32,560
Okay.
342
00:13:39,860 --> 00:13:41,320
All right, Art Deco.
Give me an update.
343
00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:44,150
How are we lookin'
with the waffle iron?
344
00:13:44,190 --> 00:13:46,860
It would appear to have
reached optimal temperature.
345
00:13:46,910 --> 00:13:49,990
Now hit me with a load
of Dougie batter.
346
00:13:50,030 --> 00:13:53,330
Let's start with the waffles
and see what happens, huh?
347
00:13:53,370 --> 00:13:56,080
Ahh... the sound
of good eatin'.
348
00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:57,250
Good mornin'.
349
00:13:57,290 --> 00:13:58,750
Oh, hello.
350
00:13:58,790 --> 00:14:00,090
What have you guys
got going on there?
351
00:14:00,130 --> 00:14:03,130
We're living our life.
Now, back off, sister!
352
00:14:04,300 --> 00:14:08,260
Easy. I'm just
getting some juice.
353
00:14:08,300 --> 00:14:09,930
By the by, Douglas,
I want to take
354
00:14:09,970 --> 00:14:11,260
this opportunity
to thank you
355
00:14:11,300 --> 00:14:13,430
for involving me
in the morning goings-on.
356
00:14:13,470 --> 00:14:15,680
Oh, well,
you're very welcome, Arthur.
357
00:14:15,730 --> 00:14:16,940
And may I add
that your wisdom
358
00:14:16,980 --> 00:14:19,230
has enriched
the waffle-making process.
359
00:14:19,270 --> 00:14:22,110
Kudos on the nutmeg.
360
00:14:22,150 --> 00:14:23,780
ARTHUR: I surely
appreciate that.
361
00:14:23,820 --> 00:14:25,780
Oh, it's right
around the time
362
00:14:25,820 --> 00:14:29,110
when my pills are usually
forced down my gullet.
363
00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:31,370
Douglas, do you mind
if I take them later,
364
00:14:31,410 --> 00:14:33,160
of my own volition?
365
00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:34,910
I don't know
what "volition" means,
366
00:14:34,950 --> 00:14:37,290
but I certainly understand
"later." That'd be fine.
367
00:14:37,330 --> 00:14:40,130
Thank you for
that shred of respect.
368
00:14:40,170 --> 00:14:42,250
Well, I gotta say,
369
00:14:42,290 --> 00:14:45,010
this is working out
delightfully.
370
00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:47,010
I mean, everything's
under control,
371
00:14:47,050 --> 00:14:49,840
wafflemania's
in progress...
372
00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:52,140
and guess who's got
a free afternoon
373
00:14:52,180 --> 00:14:54,810
to get a manicure.
Hi, me!
374
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:02,440
Oh, look, Douglas.
Scissors.
375
00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:04,980
May I run with them?
376
00:15:07,190 --> 00:15:09,030
Be my guest, Arthur.
377
00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:10,820
Ooh, look!
378
00:15:10,860 --> 00:15:12,990
I'm running
with the scissors,
379
00:15:13,030 --> 00:15:17,450
and I'm not dead!
Whoo! Look at me!
380
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:19,290
-[LAUGHS]
-Good one.
381
00:15:19,330 --> 00:15:20,830
Oh, watch this.
382
00:15:20,870 --> 00:15:22,380
Ooh, look, a fork.
383
00:15:22,420 --> 00:15:26,420
Douglas, do you mind
if I stick it in the toaster?
384
00:15:26,460 --> 00:15:28,800
Actually, yes.
Don't do that.
385
00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:31,220
Okay, guys, I'm going.
Doug...
386
00:15:31,260 --> 00:15:33,970
don't forget to run
his errands with him.
387
00:15:34,010 --> 00:15:35,220
Errands?
388
00:15:38,770 --> 00:15:40,100
ARTHUR:You call thisa haircut?
389
00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:42,440
Where arethe blond highlights?
390
00:15:45,900 --> 00:15:47,480
I don't careif your sign says
391
00:15:47,530 --> 00:15:49,820
"No shoes, no shirt,no service."
392
00:15:49,860 --> 00:15:52,070
I want my wind chimes!
393
00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:59,830
Sorry, Douglas.It used to be here.
394
00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:06,920
Son of a gun.Not here, either.
395
00:16:09,590 --> 00:16:11,050
Be patient, Douglas.
396
00:16:11,090 --> 00:16:13,430
It's very hardto find parking here.
397
00:16:15,050 --> 00:16:17,430
I don't care how manytattoos you've got.
398
00:16:17,470 --> 00:16:21,020
You mess with me,you mess with myson-in-law!
399
00:16:21,060 --> 00:16:23,440
[CAR SCREECHES AWAY]
400
00:16:27,110 --> 00:16:29,900
What a day,
what a way.
401
00:16:29,940 --> 00:16:31,110
Am I right, Douglas?
402
00:16:31,150 --> 00:16:32,780
I don't know.
403
00:16:33,450 --> 00:16:34,780
Boy, I'm starving.
404
00:16:34,820 --> 00:16:36,990
What's for dinner,
hop sing?
405
00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:38,790
I don't know.
What do you want?
406
00:16:38,830 --> 00:16:40,450
Cake.
407
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:42,160
Cake? You can't have
cake for dinner.
408
00:16:42,210 --> 00:16:44,080
Okay, then Jambalaya.
409
00:16:45,290 --> 00:16:46,540
I'll make you
a grilled cheese.
410
00:16:46,580 --> 00:16:47,960
I love it.
411
00:16:50,170 --> 00:16:51,550
You know what? Here.
412
00:16:51,590 --> 00:16:52,920
Have a mini-doughnut.
413
00:16:52,970 --> 00:16:54,130
It'll tide you over
till dinner.
414
00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:56,010
Don't mind if I do.
415
00:16:56,050 --> 00:16:57,180
Whoo!
416
00:16:57,220 --> 00:16:59,310
Douglas, quick question.
417
00:16:59,350 --> 00:17:02,140
Is the room listing
severely to the left?
418
00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:04,190
Nope.
419
00:17:04,230 --> 00:17:06,270
Then I may need
my medication.
420
00:17:06,310 --> 00:17:08,020
You didn't take
your pills?
421
00:17:08,060 --> 00:17:09,440
Apparently not.
422
00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:11,440
Arthur, you said
you were gonna take them!
423
00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:14,490
I was drunk with freedom.
424
00:17:14,530 --> 00:17:15,860
All right, what do I start with?
What do we go with here?
425
00:17:15,910 --> 00:17:16,950
Hang on, hang on.
426
00:17:16,990 --> 00:17:18,120
Start with
the ear drops in,
427
00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:20,450
and for god's sakes... hurry.
428
00:17:20,490 --> 00:17:21,950
Well, there are
three droppers here,
429
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:23,410
and none of them
say "ear" on it.
430
00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:25,290
Oh, God. It's Carrie.
431
00:17:25,330 --> 00:17:27,460
-Hey!
-CARRIE: Hey!
432
00:17:27,500 --> 00:17:29,250
Everything okay here?
433
00:17:29,290 --> 00:17:30,170
Couldn't be better.
434
00:17:30,210 --> 00:17:31,920
-Yeah.
-Whoo!
435
00:17:33,380 --> 00:17:35,880
Well, I gotta
hand it to you guys.
436
00:17:35,930 --> 00:17:37,550
I had a good day,
and it looks like
437
00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:38,970
you had a good day, too.
438
00:17:39,010 --> 00:17:40,470
Oh, yeah. Great day,
great day.
439
00:17:40,510 --> 00:17:42,020
Just gonna throw in
the old ear drops now,
440
00:17:42,060 --> 00:17:44,180
and, uh... that'll be it.
Whoo!
441
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:46,980
Okay. But these are
the ear drops.
442
00:17:47,020 --> 00:17:49,440
If you want to use
the corn remover, be my guest.
443
00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:51,320
I don't want
to micromanage.
444
00:17:52,190 --> 00:17:53,360
Okay...
445
00:17:55,990 --> 00:17:57,360
All right, hang on.
Relief is on the way.
446
00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:59,410
All right, come here.
Tip your ears.
447
00:17:59,450 --> 00:18:00,490
The other one,
other one!
448
00:18:00,530 --> 00:18:02,330
Good... there you go.
449
00:18:02,370 --> 00:18:04,620
-Go ahead.
-All right, there we go.
Just gotta get it in there.
450
00:18:05,460 --> 00:18:07,370
Easy! I'm not a martini.
451
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:08,880
All right,
come on, relax.
452
00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:10,170
I want to make sure
it's in there.
453
00:18:10,210 --> 00:18:11,250
All right, now,
pills, pills, pills.
454
00:18:11,290 --> 00:18:12,500
Here we go.
455
00:18:12,550 --> 00:18:13,920
All right, we got
a red one, a blue one,
456
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:15,340
and a yellow one. Here.
457
00:18:15,380 --> 00:18:16,880
-I'm not taking big blue.
I hate those.
-What?
458
00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:18,090
You gotta take your medicine.
Open up!
459
00:18:18,130 --> 00:18:19,430
-Dream on!
-Open the damn mouth.
460
00:18:19,470 --> 00:18:21,390
No! Look at yourself,
Douglas.
461
00:18:21,430 --> 00:18:23,180
You're behaving
just like her.
462
00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:28,230
Oh, my God. You know what?
You're absolutely right.
463
00:18:28,270 --> 00:18:30,310
I'm-- I'm sorry, Arthur.
464
00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:31,610
Apology accepted.
465
00:18:31,650 --> 00:18:34,440
Yeah. Wow, I...
466
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:37,150
I'm just
gonna get dinner going.
467
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:38,530
I'm sorry
about that.
468
00:18:38,570 --> 00:18:40,530
I don't know what happened.
You know what?
469
00:18:40,570 --> 00:18:41,570
Just to show I'm a good guy,
470
00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:43,490
why don't you, uh...
471
00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:45,080
why don't you have yourself
another mini--
472
00:18:45,120 --> 00:18:46,660
mini-doughnut
before dinner, huh?
473
00:18:46,710 --> 00:18:48,080
-Thank you, Douglas.
-Okay.
474
00:18:48,120 --> 00:18:50,080
-That's more like it.
-Yeah.
475
00:18:53,130 --> 00:18:54,300
I gotta tell you, Arthur...
476
00:18:54,340 --> 00:18:56,260
you put up
such a good fight,
477
00:18:56,300 --> 00:18:58,300
it almost feels
wrong to win.
478
00:18:59,220 --> 00:19:00,720
What are you talking about?
479
00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:04,010
I slipped big blue
into your mini-doughnut.
480
00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:08,270
You scurvy son of a bitch!
481
00:19:12,270 --> 00:19:13,730
Delightful sandwich.
482
00:19:13,770 --> 00:19:15,730
What kind of cheese
is this?
483
00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:17,190
American.
484
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:19,490
Oh, hats off to the Americans!
485
00:19:20,410 --> 00:19:21,660
Glad you like it.
486
00:19:21,700 --> 00:19:24,080
[CLEARS THROAT]
So what are you, uh...
487
00:19:24,120 --> 00:19:25,580
what do you got
going on for tonight?
488
00:19:25,620 --> 00:19:29,000
Remember my drinking buddy,
Chick, from the docks?
489
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:31,540
He got a tip
on a busted slot machine
490
00:19:31,580 --> 00:19:34,460
in one of those
Indian casinos in Connecticut.
491
00:19:34,500 --> 00:19:37,010
It's paying off
like gangbusters.
492
00:19:37,050 --> 00:19:39,260
Well, you... you want to go
to Connecticut tonight?
493
00:19:39,300 --> 00:19:41,680
Sure. Chick's Corvair
is street-legal again,
494
00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:43,680
and I just cashed in
some CDs.
495
00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:46,510
He's the wheels,
and I'm the bank.
496
00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:48,100
Are you insane, Arthur?
497
00:19:48,140 --> 00:19:49,140
You're not going.
498
00:19:49,180 --> 00:19:50,520
Oh, ho ho, I'm going.
499
00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:51,980
Oh, ho, no, you're not.
500
00:19:52,020 --> 00:19:54,560
And who, pray tell,
is gonna stop me?
501
00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:56,190
You're looking at him.
502
00:19:56,230 --> 00:19:58,690
Ho, ho, Douglas,
you are priceless.
503
00:19:58,740 --> 00:20:01,570
For the next eight hours,
you won't be able
504
00:20:01,610 --> 00:20:03,530
to stop yourself
from drooling.
505
00:20:04,070 --> 00:20:05,240
What?
506
00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:07,040
I jammed the rest
of the big blues
507
00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:08,450
in your sandwich.
508
00:20:08,500 --> 00:20:10,790
I was afraid you'd notice,
but fortunately,
509
00:20:10,830 --> 00:20:13,500
you wolf down your food
like a Rottweiler.
510
00:20:14,790 --> 00:20:16,420
You drugged me?
511
00:20:16,460 --> 00:20:22,010
[LAUGHS] Doesn't feel too good,
does it?
512
00:20:22,050 --> 00:20:24,640
So, bye-bye, sucker!
513
00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:26,510
Enjoy the pretty colors!
514
00:20:31,690 --> 00:20:34,100
["HEY JOE" BY JIMI HENDRIX
PLAYING ON THE STEREO]
515
00:20:56,250 --> 00:20:57,630
Doug?
516
00:20:57,670 --> 00:20:59,460
Hey, honey!
517
00:20:59,500 --> 00:21:02,340
[TURNS OFF MUSIC]
518
00:21:02,380 --> 00:21:03,630
Where's my father?
519
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:06,260
Oh, he put
the big blue pills
520
00:21:06,300 --> 00:21:08,390
in my sandwich,
and he ran away.
521
00:21:08,430 --> 00:21:09,720
I love you!
522
00:21:10,810 --> 00:21:12,350
Stay with me, Honey.
Stay with me.
523
00:21:12,390 --> 00:21:14,310
Where exactly did he go?
524
00:21:14,350 --> 00:21:18,650
He went to a casino
in Connec-i-ta-cut.
525
00:21:19,570 --> 00:21:21,570
Okay, and when did he leave?
526
00:21:21,610 --> 00:21:26,160
Well, that depends
on when now is... is now.
527
00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:29,280
Okay, I was
gonna take a bath,
528
00:21:29,330 --> 00:21:31,330
but searching casinos
in Connecticut
529
00:21:31,370 --> 00:21:32,700
seems just as relaxing.
530
00:21:32,750 --> 00:21:34,660
I tell you, Carrie,
you were right.
531
00:21:34,710 --> 00:21:36,750
You take good care
of your father.
532
00:21:36,790 --> 00:21:39,290
I was bad and stupid.
533
00:21:39,340 --> 00:21:40,550
I know, Honey.
534
00:21:40,590 --> 00:21:42,630
All right,
sleep it off.
535
00:21:42,670 --> 00:21:43,840
-All right.
-Okay.
536
00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:45,220
Hey...
537
00:21:45,260 --> 00:21:46,720
great ass!
538
00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:49,100
Thank you.
539
00:21:53,140 --> 00:21:55,100
CARRIE:Yeah, this manin the picture right here.
540
00:21:55,140 --> 00:21:56,480
Have you seen him?
541
00:21:56,520 --> 00:21:57,600
MAN:Oh, yes.
542
00:21:57,650 --> 00:21:58,770
He's the one we call
543
00:21:58,810 --> 00:21:59,940
"Little yells a lot."
544
00:21:59,980 --> 00:22:02,030
He leftabout 15 minutes ago.
545
00:22:02,070 --> 00:22:03,610
CARRIE:Oy.
546
00:22:10,830 --> 00:22:13,500
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
38313
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