All language subtitles for The King of Queens (2001) - S03E14 - Paint Misbehavinaaa

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:07,920 A paintball party? 2 00:00:07,960 --> 00:00:09,670 You say it like you've never heard those 2 words together. 3 00:00:09,710 --> 00:00:11,630 All right. So let me get this straight. 4 00:00:11,670 --> 00:00:13,840 We drive a hundred miles up 5 00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:15,010 into the Catskills 6 00:00:15,050 --> 00:00:16,340 in order to run around in the muck 7 00:00:16,390 --> 00:00:19,430 and shoot balls of paint at each other? 8 00:00:19,470 --> 00:00:20,770 -Yes. -Oy. 9 00:00:21,930 --> 00:00:23,390 Come on. It's Deacon's birthday. 10 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:25,350 You don't think maybe the guy should get to choose 11 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,110 what he wants to do on his own birthday? 12 00:00:27,150 --> 00:00:29,070 Honey, you really want to do this? 13 00:00:29,110 --> 00:00:30,690 I don't care. 14 00:00:30,730 --> 00:00:32,030 Yes, he does. 15 00:00:32,070 --> 00:00:33,860 Fine. Can't afford to paint the house, 16 00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:35,360 but we can cram it into guns 17 00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:37,700 and shoot it at each other. 18 00:00:37,740 --> 00:00:40,200 What are you running from? 19 00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:42,660 Okay, can we order now? 20 00:00:42,700 --> 00:00:43,660 I'm starving. 21 00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:45,580 I come knowin' what I want. 22 00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:54,010 [MUMBLES] 23 00:00:54,050 --> 00:00:55,180 Hmm? 24 00:00:55,220 --> 00:00:56,760 Pool table. 25 00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:01,470 Mmm. Uh-oh, no, no. 26 00:01:07,060 --> 00:01:10,020 Mmm. 27 00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:11,690 Burger looks good. 28 00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:31,840 How's that? 29 00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:33,210 -That's good. -Okay. 30 00:01:33,250 --> 00:01:36,010 SINGER: *My eyes are gettin' weary* 31 00:01:36,050 --> 00:01:38,430 *My back is gettin' tight* 32 00:01:38,470 --> 00:01:40,300 *I'm sittin' here in traffic* 33 00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:43,430 *On the Queensboro Bridge tonight* 34 00:01:43,470 --> 00:01:45,020 *But I don't care* 35 00:01:45,060 --> 00:01:48,730 *'Cause all I want to do* 36 00:01:48,770 --> 00:01:51,150 *Is cash my check and drive* 37 00:01:51,190 --> 00:01:54,530 *Right home to you* 38 00:01:54,570 --> 00:01:56,240 *'Cause, baby, all my life* 39 00:01:56,280 --> 00:02:01,240 *I will be drivin' home to you* 40 00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:09,500 TV ANNOUNCER:If you like what the girls do during the day, 41 00:02:09,540 --> 00:02:11,330 wait till you see 'em at night. 42 00:02:11,380 --> 00:02:12,500 Stay tuned for more 43 00:02:12,540 --> 00:02:14,840 College girls:Crazy in Rio. 44 00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:16,340 Oy. 45 00:02:16,380 --> 00:02:18,590 200 channels and nothing on. 46 00:02:19,380 --> 00:02:20,470 It's okay, Doug. 47 00:02:20,510 --> 00:02:22,180 You can watch your college sluts 48 00:02:22,220 --> 00:02:23,850 in Rio. 49 00:02:23,890 --> 00:02:26,520 They're not my college sluts. 50 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:28,690 And just so you know, next time we're out 51 00:02:28,730 --> 00:02:30,150 and you see a girl you think is hot, 52 00:02:30,190 --> 00:02:32,020 -you can look. -I can? 53 00:02:32,060 --> 00:02:34,190 Yes. Just don't be a jerk when you do it, 54 00:02:34,230 --> 00:02:36,230 like that thing you do with your eyes. 55 00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:38,610 It's so creepy. Doesn't it hurt? 56 00:02:38,650 --> 00:02:40,490 A little, but I-- I push through. 57 00:02:40,530 --> 00:02:41,870 Doug, come on. You know what I'm saying. 58 00:02:41,910 --> 00:02:43,780 I mean, just because we're married doesn't mean 59 00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:44,870 we're not gonna be attracted 60 00:02:44,910 --> 00:02:47,250 to other people once in a while. 61 00:02:47,290 --> 00:02:49,960 You know, it's okay. 62 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:51,710 I mean, I would be worried if you weren't. 63 00:02:51,750 --> 00:02:52,790 Like Janee, my nail girl. 64 00:02:52,830 --> 00:02:53,710 You think she's hot, right? 65 00:02:53,750 --> 00:02:55,090 -No. -Doug? 66 00:02:55,130 --> 00:02:56,500 Yes. 67 00:02:56,550 --> 00:02:58,130 You see? It's okay. 68 00:02:58,170 --> 00:02:59,340 You can just tell me. 69 00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:01,430 You don't have to lurk outside the salon window 70 00:03:01,470 --> 00:03:03,800 when you come to pick me up. 71 00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:07,020 She's purty! 72 00:03:07,060 --> 00:03:10,640 Yes, she is. So, come on. Anybody else? 73 00:03:10,690 --> 00:03:12,690 You can tell me. 74 00:03:12,730 --> 00:03:13,980 Yeah, well... 75 00:03:14,020 --> 00:03:16,320 I guess there's Maggie at the dry cleaners. 76 00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:19,070 Oh, and this toll taker on the Whitestone Bridge. 77 00:03:19,110 --> 00:03:21,200 I mean, from the waist up she's mmm-wah! Ha ha. 78 00:03:21,240 --> 00:03:24,120 The rest of her, that's anybody's guess. 79 00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:28,450 That's why you didn't get easy pass. 80 00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:31,620 So who revs old Carrie up, huh? 81 00:03:31,670 --> 00:03:33,580 All right. Um, well, 82 00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:35,920 I ain't hatin' that kid, Pedro, at the car wash. 83 00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:39,170 Whoa! What the-- young, buff, and illegal. 84 00:03:39,210 --> 00:03:41,420 Good choice. Good choice. 85 00:03:41,470 --> 00:03:42,760 So who else? Come on. I wanna-- 86 00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:44,180 I wanna know what kind of nympho 87 00:03:44,220 --> 00:03:45,430 I'm dealin' with here. 88 00:03:45,470 --> 00:03:46,850 Okay, um... 89 00:03:46,890 --> 00:03:48,470 well, the sparkletts guy. 90 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:49,520 Okay. 91 00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:53,520 Eric at the office, Deacon... 92 00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:55,900 oh, and that guy who power-walks 93 00:03:55,940 --> 00:03:57,570 his greyhound in the morning. 94 00:03:57,610 --> 00:03:59,570 [LAUGHS] I'm pretty sure he's gay, though. 95 00:03:59,610 --> 00:04:00,820 You don't have to worry about it. 96 00:04:00,860 --> 00:04:02,650 I mean, those little shorts, right? 97 00:04:02,700 --> 00:04:04,160 [LAUGHS] Right? 98 00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:06,530 So, Deacon, huh? 99 00:04:06,570 --> 00:04:08,540 Yeah. Deacon, among others. 100 00:04:08,580 --> 00:04:12,120 But among others, Deacon. 101 00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:13,420 Yeah. 102 00:04:13,460 --> 00:04:15,460 So, milady's got a thing for Deacon. 103 00:04:15,500 --> 00:04:17,880 Wants some Deacon and eggs. 104 00:04:18,590 --> 00:04:19,710 I don't have a thing for him, 105 00:04:19,750 --> 00:04:21,210 and it's no more of a big deal 106 00:04:21,260 --> 00:04:22,670 than the ones you said. 107 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:23,720 It's not a big deal. 108 00:04:23,760 --> 00:04:24,800 It's just a fun fact, you know? 109 00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:27,720 Like a fruit fly lives for a day... 110 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:31,270 and my wife's hot for my best friend. 111 00:04:31,310 --> 00:04:32,430 Who would have thunk it? 112 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:34,310 I don't know. 113 00:04:35,770 --> 00:04:37,810 TV ANNOUNCER: And we are back. 114 00:04:37,860 --> 00:04:40,110 New York, down 2, 115 00:04:40,150 --> 00:04:42,070 3 minutes to go. 116 00:04:42,110 --> 00:04:42,860 What? 117 00:04:42,900 --> 00:04:44,070 Nothin'. I was just-- 118 00:04:44,110 --> 00:04:45,410 I just noticed that your ear's 119 00:04:45,450 --> 00:04:48,660 a little small for your head. 120 00:04:48,700 --> 00:04:51,330 A little bit. Just a little bit. 121 00:04:51,370 --> 00:04:52,450 I'll tell you, Doug. 122 00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:53,750 This is great hangin' like this. 123 00:04:53,790 --> 00:04:55,290 Yeah. Glad you could make it, guy. 124 00:04:55,330 --> 00:04:56,830 I mean before my pizza place went out of business, 125 00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:59,380 I-I wouldn't have time for this stuff. 126 00:04:59,420 --> 00:05:01,960 Too busy makin' a leaving. 127 00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:04,090 Everything works out for a reason. 128 00:05:04,130 --> 00:05:05,680 Whoo! I'll tell ya. I am really lookin' 129 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:07,590 forward to this paintball party. 130 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:10,010 I could use a little relaxation. 131 00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:13,270 Pow, pow, pow! Pow, pow, pow, pow, pow! 132 00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:15,690 You spot me a ride up there? 133 00:05:15,730 --> 00:05:16,900 What happened to your car? 134 00:05:16,940 --> 00:05:19,270 Ah, I sold it to buy a karaoke machine 135 00:05:19,310 --> 00:05:21,150 to pump up business. Ha. 136 00:05:21,190 --> 00:05:24,070 A little late on that fad. Pow! 137 00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:27,700 Well. I--I can take 8 in my minivan. 138 00:05:27,740 --> 00:05:28,870 Who's going? 139 00:05:28,910 --> 00:05:30,240 Uh. Let's see. You got us, uh, 140 00:05:30,280 --> 00:05:33,370 plus Carrie, Kelly, uh, my sister Stephanie. 141 00:05:33,410 --> 00:05:36,080 Yeah, ride with us, Danny. 142 00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:37,080 Hey, guys. 143 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:38,420 -Hey, man. -What's goin' on, man? 144 00:05:38,460 --> 00:05:41,040 -What's happenin'? -Oh, I was just drivin' by. 145 00:05:41,090 --> 00:05:44,880 Couldn't help noticing all the cars of my friends. 146 00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:46,550 Come on, man. This wasn't planned. 147 00:05:46,590 --> 00:05:48,220 It just sort of happened. 148 00:05:48,260 --> 00:05:52,390 And I suppose hot wings just happened. 149 00:05:52,430 --> 00:05:53,560 Will you stop? 150 00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:54,850 You remember my cousin Danny, right? 151 00:05:54,890 --> 00:05:56,140 Hey, man. Good to see you again. 152 00:05:56,180 --> 00:05:57,270 Hello. 153 00:05:57,310 --> 00:05:58,310 Come on, guys. 154 00:05:58,350 --> 00:06:00,940 Sit down, hang out and watch the game. 155 00:06:03,150 --> 00:06:07,450 I would, but my seat isoccupado. 156 00:06:07,490 --> 00:06:08,610 Fine. Here. Sit here, okay? 157 00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:09,820 I'm goin' back to the house. 158 00:06:09,860 --> 00:06:11,410 Anybody want anything? 159 00:06:11,450 --> 00:06:12,830 Some more hot wings? Deac? 160 00:06:12,870 --> 00:06:14,080 Uh. No, thanks, man. 161 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:15,580 Tryin' to drop a few pounds. 162 00:06:15,620 --> 00:06:19,000 Good. Glad you're on top of that. 163 00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:20,580 Man, I didn't know Doug's sister 164 00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:21,920 was comin' on this paintball thing. 165 00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:24,170 I'm thinkin' maybe I shouldn't go. 166 00:06:24,210 --> 00:06:25,380 Why not? 167 00:06:25,420 --> 00:06:26,340 Well, like, 10 years ago, 168 00:06:26,380 --> 00:06:28,380 we all went on this big ski trip, 169 00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:30,140 shared this big condo. 170 00:06:30,180 --> 00:06:31,050 Yeah. So? 171 00:06:31,090 --> 00:06:33,260 Yeah. So, we had a couple drinks, 172 00:06:33,300 --> 00:06:35,810 and let's just say I threw one her way. 173 00:06:35,850 --> 00:06:37,980 Ah. That's very sweet of you. 174 00:06:38,020 --> 00:06:39,850 I told her that I really liked her. 175 00:06:39,890 --> 00:06:40,940 I promised that I'd call 176 00:06:40,980 --> 00:06:42,940 as soon as we got back to the city. 177 00:06:42,980 --> 00:06:45,190 Here's the kicker: 178 00:06:45,230 --> 00:06:47,400 I never did. 179 00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:49,650 Get out. 180 00:06:49,700 --> 00:06:51,660 So, Deac. 181 00:06:51,700 --> 00:06:53,700 The big 33. Hey. 182 00:06:53,740 --> 00:06:56,290 We have got to do something special for your birthday. 183 00:06:56,330 --> 00:06:57,660 Oh. We are. 184 00:06:57,700 --> 00:07:00,290 Yeah. Doug's throwing me a paintball party upstate. 185 00:07:00,330 --> 00:07:01,170 What?! 186 00:07:01,210 --> 00:07:02,130 I told you, like, a month ago. 187 00:07:02,170 --> 00:07:03,540 You remember? You--you called it 188 00:07:03,590 --> 00:07:07,260 "a barbaric throwback to the worst in human nature." 189 00:07:07,300 --> 00:07:09,590 I just say things to hear myself talk. 190 00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:11,260 You know that. 191 00:07:11,300 --> 00:07:14,140 Well. The thing is, I mean, the teams, they gotta be even, 192 00:07:14,180 --> 00:07:18,480 and I, uh, I already invited Danny. 193 00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:21,980 Oh. I see. Um... 194 00:07:22,020 --> 00:07:24,560 hey, uh, I'm late for a thing. 195 00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:26,020 Uh, good-bye. 196 00:07:26,070 --> 00:07:28,320 Would you hold on, Spence? You can come. 197 00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:31,990 No, no. I wouldn't want to uneven your precious teams. 198 00:07:32,030 --> 00:07:33,200 Spence, it's okay. 199 00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:34,910 Forget it. I don't want to get in the way 200 00:07:34,950 --> 00:07:36,490 of all this time you've been spending 201 00:07:36,530 --> 00:07:38,040 with your little cousin. 202 00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:41,330 And by the way, I know about the Jets game. 203 00:07:41,370 --> 00:07:42,710 I--I only took Danny 'cause he's goin' 204 00:07:42,750 --> 00:07:44,130 through a hard time right now. 205 00:07:44,170 --> 00:07:45,420 Now, you're comin' to paintball. You got it? 206 00:07:45,460 --> 00:07:46,540 -No! -You're comin', 207 00:07:46,590 --> 00:07:47,880 even if I gotta tackle you 208 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:49,210 and strap you to the hood of my car. 209 00:07:49,260 --> 00:07:50,670 What are you yellin' at Spence for? 210 00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:53,260 Because my wife thinks you're hot. 211 00:07:56,140 --> 00:07:57,310 KELLY:Honey. Come on. 212 00:07:57,350 --> 00:07:59,520 We got about a million people to pick up. 213 00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:02,060 Uh, coming. 214 00:08:02,100 --> 00:08:07,020 I am one handsome black man. 215 00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:09,730 What are you doing, staring at yourself in the mirror? 216 00:08:09,780 --> 00:08:12,780 How do you keep your hands off me? 217 00:08:12,820 --> 00:08:14,490 What is with you today? 218 00:08:14,530 --> 00:08:15,950 Nothing. 219 00:08:15,990 --> 00:08:18,990 Oh. Some little honey on your route thought you were fine? 220 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:22,710 Nope. At least not anyone on my route. 221 00:08:22,750 --> 00:08:23,750 So, who, then? 222 00:08:23,790 --> 00:08:24,920 Mmm. Better not tell you. 223 00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:26,000 I don't want to get you jealous 224 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:27,790 and get those claws out. 225 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:31,970 Oh. Please, honey. I think I can handle it. 226 00:08:32,010 --> 00:08:35,260 SINGER: *It's a beautiful mornin'* 227 00:08:35,930 --> 00:08:37,470 *Ah* 228 00:08:37,510 --> 00:08:42,730 *I think I'll go outside for a while* 229 00:08:42,770 --> 00:08:45,400 *And just smile* 230 00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:50,280 *Just diggin' some clean, fresh air 'cause* 231 00:08:54,820 --> 00:08:56,610 DOUG:All right, people. Listen up. 232 00:08:56,660 --> 00:08:59,450 Okay, now, the object is to capture your enemy's flag. 233 00:08:59,490 --> 00:09:02,790 Okay, now, remember, we're out here to have fun, 234 00:09:02,830 --> 00:09:04,790 but also to kill. 235 00:09:04,830 --> 00:09:06,370 Any questions? 236 00:09:06,420 --> 00:09:09,380 [ALL CHATTERING] 237 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,510 Okay, then. 238 00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:15,300 Here. Hon. Let me help you with that. 239 00:09:15,340 --> 00:09:16,680 I got it... 240 00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:19,350 but maybe you ought to go help your girlfriend. 241 00:09:23,310 --> 00:09:24,980 Need some help with that? 242 00:09:25,020 --> 00:09:26,810 No, I think I got it. 243 00:09:29,020 --> 00:09:30,690 Been a long time, huh? 244 00:09:30,730 --> 00:09:31,900 Has it? 245 00:09:31,940 --> 00:09:34,490 You look real good. 246 00:09:34,530 --> 00:09:37,660 You mean I'm not the fat cow I used to be. 247 00:09:37,700 --> 00:09:39,070 Yeah, right. 248 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,950 Okay, well, let's get this show on the road. 249 00:09:41,990 --> 00:09:43,870 Where the hell is Carrie? 250 00:09:45,710 --> 00:09:47,330 Okay. That was unpleasant. 251 00:09:47,370 --> 00:09:48,920 Could you hurry up? We're choosing up teams. 252 00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:52,460 Oh, oh, I'm sorry. It was so lovely in there, I lingered. 253 00:09:52,500 --> 00:09:55,380 Hey, could you make a little effort to enjoy this? 254 00:09:55,420 --> 00:09:58,340 If not for me, at least for Deacon. 255 00:09:58,390 --> 00:10:00,760 Oy, would you stop with that already? 256 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:02,140 You're the one who can't stop... 257 00:10:02,180 --> 00:10:04,020 loving him. 258 00:10:04,060 --> 00:10:05,140 Yeah. That's right, Doug. 259 00:10:05,180 --> 00:10:06,430 I got it bad for Deacon. 260 00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:08,140 Guess what? We're planning to kill you 261 00:10:08,190 --> 00:10:10,730 and run away with your millions. 262 00:10:10,770 --> 00:10:12,190 Hey. Come on, man. Let's choose sides 263 00:10:12,230 --> 00:10:13,480 and get this paint war started. 264 00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:15,780 You can have first pick. 265 00:10:15,820 --> 00:10:16,820 Let me see. 266 00:10:16,860 --> 00:10:21,280 Who would I like to have by my side? 267 00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:23,280 I will take Kelly. 268 00:10:23,330 --> 00:10:25,040 Get over here, Ms. Foxy Brown. 269 00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:26,450 Comin', colonel. 270 00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:28,670 Okay. You got my wife, I'll take yours. 271 00:10:28,710 --> 00:10:31,130 Carrie. Come on, sugar. 272 00:10:31,170 --> 00:10:34,000 Yes. This just feels right. 273 00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:36,550 Yeah? Well, we can just stop pickin' right now, 274 00:10:36,590 --> 00:10:38,050 and we'd have a winning team. 275 00:10:38,090 --> 00:10:40,640 Oh, yeah? Well, so can we. 276 00:10:40,680 --> 00:10:44,970 I guess we'd better keep pickin', though. 277 00:10:45,020 --> 00:10:47,430 DEACON: I take Louis. 278 00:10:48,940 --> 00:10:50,100 You know what? 279 00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:51,520 Why doesn't someone just give me a wedgie now 280 00:10:51,560 --> 00:10:54,110 and complete my humiliation? 281 00:10:54,150 --> 00:10:55,530 Well, I told you you'd be extra. 282 00:10:55,570 --> 00:10:56,480 Well, what are we gonna do? 283 00:10:56,530 --> 00:10:58,740 STROHMEYER: Excuse me. 284 00:11:00,950 --> 00:11:04,830 Do you need any additional personnel? 285 00:11:04,870 --> 00:11:06,750 Uh, uh, yeah, great. We'll, uh... 286 00:11:06,790 --> 00:11:08,250 we'll get you some equipment. 287 00:11:08,290 --> 00:11:10,080 No need. I have all 288 00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:11,880 the necessary equipment... 289 00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:13,920 in my vehicle. 290 00:11:16,170 --> 00:11:19,010 [WHISTLING] 291 00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:25,350 Ok, how long are we gonna sit here? 292 00:11:25,390 --> 00:11:27,060 'Cause I gotta be honest, 293 00:11:27,100 --> 00:11:28,560 I really thought there was gonna be a lot more running and shooting. 294 00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:30,940 This is a lot of... 295 00:11:30,980 --> 00:11:32,350 -lurking. -Shh. 296 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:33,770 It's just that we only rented the field until 2:30, 297 00:11:33,810 --> 00:11:35,110 after that, we gotta pay extra. 298 00:11:35,150 --> 00:11:36,110 Shh. 299 00:11:36,150 --> 00:11:37,280 OK, you don't have to shush me. 300 00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:38,400 OK? 301 00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:39,650 I'm a person. 302 00:11:39,690 --> 00:11:40,900 We've been sitting here for 45 minutes, OK, 303 00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:42,110 I wanna start shooting people. 304 00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:43,280 Doug... 305 00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:45,450 Yelling at me will not keep your wife... 306 00:11:45,490 --> 00:11:47,120 from lusting after your best friend. 307 00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:49,700 Hey, how did you know that? 308 00:11:49,750 --> 00:11:51,500 I believe the question is, 309 00:11:51,540 --> 00:11:54,460 "How did you not know?" 310 00:11:54,500 --> 00:11:56,920 They're not having an affair or anything, 311 00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:57,920 you know? 312 00:11:57,960 --> 00:11:58,840 She just uh... 313 00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:00,630 thinks he's kind of attractive. 314 00:12:00,670 --> 00:12:02,430 So, it doesn't really matter. 315 00:12:02,470 --> 00:12:04,300 And it's eating you alive. 316 00:12:04,340 --> 00:12:05,970 Yes, it is. Yep. 317 00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:07,850 [PAINTBALL ROUNDS SPLATTER] 318 00:12:07,890 --> 00:12:09,680 We are fine! 319 00:12:11,430 --> 00:12:12,940 [YELLS] 320 00:12:17,110 --> 00:12:18,900 [GROANS] 321 00:12:20,690 --> 00:12:22,570 Time for a second coat. 322 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:24,280 [YELLS] 323 00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:26,490 It's just a game, you psycho. 324 00:12:26,530 --> 00:12:27,830 Let's go, Doug. 325 00:12:27,870 --> 00:12:29,370 I'm sorry, are you all right, man? 326 00:12:29,410 --> 00:12:30,370 -[YELLS] -Doug! 327 00:12:30,410 --> 00:12:32,000 I'm outta here, move! 328 00:12:32,910 --> 00:12:34,920 [WHISTLING] 329 00:12:44,010 --> 00:12:49,560 Try and take my place? Think again, pizza boy. 330 00:12:57,440 --> 00:12:59,070 Oh, crap. 331 00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:06,200 KELLY: Hey. 332 00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:09,200 Oh. Hi, Kel. 333 00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:10,540 Kill anybody yet? 334 00:13:10,580 --> 00:13:13,040 Nope. 335 00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:16,000 God, this paintball thing is so stupid. 336 00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:17,170 I know. 337 00:13:17,210 --> 00:13:19,090 -[LAUGHS] -[LAUGHS] 338 00:13:22,090 --> 00:13:23,920 Oh! It's on now! 339 00:13:30,850 --> 00:13:32,270 [SCREAMS] Oh, my God. 340 00:13:32,310 --> 00:13:34,350 You okay? What's goin' on? 341 00:13:34,390 --> 00:13:35,560 Your wife's gunning for me. 342 00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:36,850 She's got crazy eyes. 343 00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:39,270 Oh. She's taking this worse than I thought. 344 00:13:39,310 --> 00:13:41,400 Taking what worse? 345 00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:42,940 You know. 346 00:13:44,070 --> 00:13:47,240 Oh, my God. Did Doug tell you? 347 00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:48,530 Uh-huh. 348 00:13:48,570 --> 00:13:50,080 Oh, my. 349 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:51,490 God. Okay. 350 00:13:51,530 --> 00:13:53,790 Chunky dies today. 351 00:13:55,410 --> 00:13:58,830 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 352 00:14:06,420 --> 00:14:09,590 Hey! That went right by my ear. 353 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:11,810 Yeah, 'cause I missed. 354 00:14:11,850 --> 00:14:14,470 All right. Now I gotta shoot you. 355 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,270 Fine. Just don't say you're gonna call me 356 00:14:16,310 --> 00:14:18,140 after you shoot me. 357 00:14:18,190 --> 00:14:20,980 Hey, look. I'm sorry about not calling you, okay? 358 00:14:21,020 --> 00:14:24,980 It's--it's just that, uh, my phone was broke... 359 00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:26,780 and I--I blew my nose on the napkin 360 00:14:26,820 --> 00:14:27,950 that had your number on it, 361 00:14:27,990 --> 00:14:29,700 and I couldn't tell if it was 667-- 362 00:14:29,740 --> 00:14:30,990 Would you shut up? 363 00:14:31,030 --> 00:14:33,950 You know, I--I really liked you, Richie. 364 00:14:33,990 --> 00:14:35,620 Sorry... 365 00:14:35,660 --> 00:14:37,790 but you know what? 366 00:14:37,830 --> 00:14:39,620 Hand to God. When I saw you today, 367 00:14:39,670 --> 00:14:44,590 I thought, "Wow. She looks good now." 368 00:14:44,630 --> 00:14:47,050 Ha ha. Really? 369 00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:50,340 That's sweet. 370 00:14:52,010 --> 00:14:53,640 Oh! 371 00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:56,850 Jeez. My aim is better than I thought. 372 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,650 Look, Richie. I'm sorry. 373 00:15:00,690 --> 00:15:04,110 I'm sorry, Richie. You're gonna be okay. 374 00:15:04,150 --> 00:15:05,400 Oy. 375 00:15:07,780 --> 00:15:09,780 Ah! I'm out of ammo! 376 00:15:11,610 --> 00:15:13,490 I'm out, too. 377 00:15:13,530 --> 00:15:15,370 So, what do we do now? 378 00:15:15,410 --> 00:15:16,410 Unh! 379 00:15:16,450 --> 00:15:20,330 First, we calm down. 380 00:15:20,370 --> 00:15:23,290 I think my crown came loose. 381 00:15:23,340 --> 00:15:25,840 Our only chance is to head for those woods over there, 382 00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:29,090 pick up more ammunition, and head on back. 383 00:15:29,130 --> 00:15:30,760 Okay, okay. 384 00:15:32,220 --> 00:15:35,180 Doug, I don't know if you believe in God. 385 00:15:35,220 --> 00:15:38,520 But this might be a fun time to say a little prayer. 386 00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:40,440 Okay, okay. 387 00:15:42,730 --> 00:15:44,900 Well. 388 00:15:46,110 --> 00:15:52,320 Bless us, Father for the paint we are about to shoot. 389 00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:57,290 I'm really more of an amen guy. 390 00:15:58,660 --> 00:16:00,120 Doug, let's go. On 3. 391 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:02,870 1...2... 392 00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:07,300 He, uh, he didn't give me a 3. 393 00:16:07,340 --> 00:16:08,920 [GUNFIRE] 394 00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:16,430 [GUNFIRE] 395 00:16:20,390 --> 00:16:21,940 [GUNFIRE] 396 00:16:33,780 --> 00:16:35,370 Hold it. 397 00:16:35,410 --> 00:16:37,410 Oh, God. 398 00:16:40,370 --> 00:16:42,080 Why are you stalking me? 399 00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:43,080 I'm not. 400 00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:44,500 DANNY: What did I ever do to you? 401 00:16:44,540 --> 00:16:46,250 None of your b-i-beeswax! 402 00:16:46,290 --> 00:16:47,920 -Unh! -Uhh! 403 00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:49,300 [BOTH GRUNTING] 404 00:16:49,340 --> 00:16:51,300 Aah! Aah! Aah! Oh! 405 00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:11,150 [GASPING] 406 00:17:11,190 --> 00:17:15,530 I left my inhaler in the van. 407 00:17:15,570 --> 00:17:16,780 [LAUGHS] 408 00:17:16,820 --> 00:17:18,740 Take that! 409 00:17:18,780 --> 00:17:21,490 [BOTH GASPING, WHEEZING] 410 00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:26,620 [LAUGHS] 411 00:17:26,670 --> 00:17:29,210 Please! No! [GASPING] 412 00:17:30,500 --> 00:17:31,800 [INHALES] 413 00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:33,420 Ha ha. 414 00:17:33,470 --> 00:17:35,090 [WHEEZING] 415 00:17:38,260 --> 00:17:40,810 [INHALES] 416 00:17:40,850 --> 00:17:43,850 [BOTH PANTING] 417 00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:46,690 This is fun. 418 00:17:46,730 --> 00:17:48,150 Yeah. 419 00:17:50,190 --> 00:17:51,940 Hah! 420 00:17:59,030 --> 00:18:01,490 Okay, you never told me what this means. 421 00:18:01,530 --> 00:18:03,160 I don't even know. 422 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:04,540 Where are they? All right? 423 00:18:04,580 --> 00:18:06,160 Maybe you were wrong. Maybe they're not here. 424 00:18:06,210 --> 00:18:09,040 [GUNFIRE] 425 00:18:30,690 --> 00:18:33,190 [PANTING] 426 00:18:33,230 --> 00:18:35,860 I can't--I can't do this. 427 00:18:35,900 --> 00:18:38,490 I'm not good at war. 428 00:18:38,530 --> 00:18:42,370 You really don't have an ounce of self-respect, do you? 429 00:18:42,410 --> 00:18:44,080 I just want lunch. 430 00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:47,540 For God's sakes, man. Tuck in your underwear. 431 00:18:49,580 --> 00:18:52,790 [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING] 432 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:55,090 Okay, I gotta get back. 433 00:18:59,090 --> 00:19:01,090 Hey. Stephanie... 434 00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:03,890 so are you gonna call me? 435 00:19:03,930 --> 00:19:06,930 Yeah, sure. I'll--I'll call you. 436 00:19:12,190 --> 00:19:18,030 All right. What do we have here? 437 00:19:19,950 --> 00:19:21,410 Oh, extra crispy. 438 00:19:21,450 --> 00:19:23,780 *Winner* 439 00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:25,240 Don't move. 440 00:19:25,290 --> 00:19:27,660 [LAUGHS] 441 00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:28,750 You were right, Carrie. 442 00:19:28,790 --> 00:19:30,370 Yep. He likes his chicken. 443 00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:34,880 Yeah? Well. Now he's finger-lickin' dead. 444 00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:36,130 Good one. 445 00:19:36,170 --> 00:19:38,380 [LAUGHS] So long, my man. 446 00:19:38,420 --> 00:19:40,340 -Hold it! -Yeow! 447 00:19:41,340 --> 00:19:42,470 Go ahead, man. Pull the trigger, 448 00:19:42,510 --> 00:19:44,140 but if you shoot me, Kelly shoots you. 449 00:19:44,180 --> 00:19:46,470 Yeah, well, if Kelly shoots me, Carrie shoots Kelly. 450 00:19:46,510 --> 00:19:47,930 Then I shoot Carrie. 451 00:19:47,970 --> 00:19:50,560 Doug, you shoot me and you're never getting sex again. 452 00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:51,640 You can't do that! 453 00:19:51,690 --> 00:19:53,690 Oh, it's done. 454 00:19:54,980 --> 00:19:56,440 DOUG: All right, we're gettin' crazy here. 455 00:19:56,480 --> 00:19:57,440 Look, man, we... 456 00:19:57,480 --> 00:19:58,610 we all came up here to celebrate 457 00:19:58,650 --> 00:19:59,990 my best friend's birthday, 458 00:20:00,030 --> 00:20:01,950 and we're acting like idiots. 459 00:20:01,990 --> 00:20:04,450 Come on, let's all just... 460 00:20:04,490 --> 00:20:06,990 let's calm down, okay? 461 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:08,620 -All right. -You're right. 462 00:20:08,660 --> 00:20:10,580 I'm tired. 463 00:20:10,620 --> 00:20:11,710 [DOUG'S GUN CLICKS] 464 00:20:11,750 --> 00:20:13,040 -What was that? -Nothin'. 465 00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:14,130 You were gonna shoot me, 466 00:20:14,170 --> 00:20:15,710 but your gun jammed. 467 00:20:15,750 --> 00:20:17,210 I think you're wrong. 468 00:20:17,250 --> 00:20:19,170 Oh, man. You are unbelievable. 469 00:20:19,210 --> 00:20:21,260 Leave him alone! This is your fault, Deacon! 470 00:20:21,300 --> 00:20:25,260 Hey! I can't help bein' fine. 471 00:20:25,300 --> 00:20:28,600 And I can't believe you told Deacon what I said. 472 00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:30,810 Well, I couldn't have told him if you didn't tell me. 473 00:20:30,850 --> 00:20:32,060 You asked. 474 00:20:32,100 --> 00:20:33,350 I didn't want to hear Deacon. 475 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:36,270 I wanted Pedro at the car wash. 476 00:20:37,690 --> 00:20:38,860 All right. You're right. 477 00:20:38,900 --> 00:20:42,030 I--I--I started this whole thing. 478 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:46,570 Go ahead. Take a free shot at me. 479 00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:47,700 I'm not gonna shoot you. 480 00:20:47,740 --> 00:20:49,580 No. Come on. Come on. You'll feel better. 481 00:20:49,620 --> 00:20:53,040 Here. Have a piece of chicken and shoot me. 482 00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:54,920 You'll be a new man. 483 00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:56,000 MAN: Hold it. 484 00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:57,960 Say good night, little lady. 485 00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:00,760 [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING] 486 00:21:18,980 --> 00:21:21,400 I thought he was going for the chicken. 487 00:21:29,950 --> 00:21:31,660 Honey, I'm home! 488 00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:34,710 Where the hell have you been? 489 00:21:34,750 --> 00:21:38,080 Oh, were you at that stupid paintball place again? 490 00:21:38,130 --> 00:21:39,250 I--I went-- I went--I just-- 491 00:21:39,290 --> 00:21:40,500 I went--I went--I went-- 492 00:21:40,550 --> 00:21:42,550 you know the Hendersons are coming for Bridge. 493 00:21:42,590 --> 00:21:43,760 I mean, look at you. 494 00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:45,430 Would you take that stupid rag off your head? 495 00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:46,590 I got--I got-- 496 00:21:46,630 --> 00:21:50,260 I got your ice cream you wanted. 497 00:21:50,310 --> 00:21:51,720 This is frozen yogurt. 498 00:21:51,770 --> 00:21:55,440 My God. You're an idiot. 499 00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:58,860 Uh--wha--I--uh-- I'll go back. 33575

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