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1
00:00:02,870 --> 00:00:04,420
SINGER: *My eyesare gettin' weary*
2
00:00:04,460 --> 00:00:06,330
*My back is gettin' tight*
3
00:00:06,380 --> 00:00:08,380
*I'm sittin' herein traffic*
4
00:00:08,420 --> 00:00:11,510
*On the Queensboro Bridgetonight*
5
00:00:11,550 --> 00:00:16,800
*But I don't care'cause all I want to do*
6
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:22,350
*Is cash my check and driveright home to you*
7
00:00:22,390 --> 00:00:24,230
*'Cause, baby,all my life*
8
00:00:24,270 --> 00:00:29,270
*I will be drivin' hometo you*
9
00:00:33,570 --> 00:00:35,360
DOUG: *Doug, Doug, Doug!*
10
00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:38,030
*How do you like it,how do you like it?*
11
00:00:38,070 --> 00:00:40,740
*Doug, Doug, Doug!*
12
00:00:40,790 --> 00:00:42,250
*How do you like it?*
13
00:00:42,290 --> 00:00:43,870
Ha, ha! See what I did
there?
14
00:00:43,910 --> 00:00:45,120
I threw a little
Doug in there.
15
00:00:45,170 --> 00:00:46,500
-That's my new theme song.
-Mmm.
16
00:00:46,540 --> 00:00:48,130
Mmm. Well, I, for one,
am gonna miss
17
00:00:48,170 --> 00:00:50,380
Yellow Dougmarine.
18
00:00:50,420 --> 00:00:52,300
What's going on here,
pretty young thing?
19
00:00:52,340 --> 00:00:53,920
I am making
breakfast.
20
00:00:53,970 --> 00:00:55,550
Mmm.
21
00:00:55,590 --> 00:00:56,510
Come on, quit it.
22
00:00:56,550 --> 00:00:58,090
What? It's
strawberry shampoo.
23
00:00:58,140 --> 00:01:00,180
They want you
to eat it.
24
00:01:00,930 --> 00:01:04,430
Mmm! [COUGHING]
25
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,270
-Hair?
-[WHEEZES]
26
00:01:10,190 --> 00:01:11,360
Y-you okay, there?
27
00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:13,360
-Spectacular.
-Wow.
28
00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:14,900
Look at this mood
you're in.
29
00:01:14,940 --> 00:01:16,320
You're singing,
you're eating my hair.
30
00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:18,740
It's like having a little
monkey around the house.
31
00:01:18,780 --> 00:01:20,240
Well, I'm happy,
you know.
32
00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:22,740
Just one more week,
and I'll be parking my butt
33
00:01:22,790 --> 00:01:23,870
outside in the garage
34
00:01:23,910 --> 00:01:26,000
in front of my
55-inch bad boy
35
00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:29,670
watching Super Bowl XXXV.
36
00:01:29,710 --> 00:01:33,250
That's 35 to all you
non-roman people.
37
00:01:33,300 --> 00:01:35,550
Gotta tell you, Doug,
I love you at Super Bowl time.
38
00:01:35,590 --> 00:01:37,470
You are a delight
to be around.
39
00:01:37,510 --> 00:01:38,760
Hey, you have
your special days.
40
00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:41,180
Your Christmas
and whatnot.
41
00:01:41,220 --> 00:01:42,970
I have this.
42
00:01:43,010 --> 00:01:45,770
I just wish the Super Bowl
came every day.
43
00:01:45,810 --> 00:01:47,560
So do I, Carrie.
44
00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:49,400
So do I.
45
00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:52,610
-[DOORBELL RINGS]
-SUSAN:Who is it?
46
00:01:52,650 --> 00:01:55,780
Uh, it's I.P.S. for
Mrs. Susan Horowitz.
47
00:01:55,820 --> 00:01:57,650
WOMAN [OVER TV]:Now I heardthat menopause can start
48
00:01:57,700 --> 00:01:59,450
when they're in their 20's.Is that true?
49
00:01:59,490 --> 00:02:01,530
-Hi.
-Hey, Bath and Body Works.
50
00:02:01,570 --> 00:02:03,120
Someone's
pampering herself.
51
00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:04,660
Good for you.
52
00:02:04,700 --> 00:02:07,160
-Where do I sign?
-Oh, just right here.
53
00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:08,460
Oh, my god,
that television.
54
00:02:08,500 --> 00:02:11,790
-Is that hi-def?
-Uh, yeah, I guess so.
55
00:02:12,750 --> 00:02:15,380
BOY: Ma, where's
the peanut butter?
56
00:02:15,420 --> 00:02:17,760
-It's in the pantry!
-[BABY CRYING]
57
00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:19,300
The detail
is amazing.
58
00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:21,300
-Oh, please don't cry, baby.
-It's like star Jones
59
00:02:21,340 --> 00:02:24,060
is actually in
your living room.
60
00:02:24,100 --> 00:02:25,810
BOY: There isn't any!
61
00:02:25,850 --> 00:02:27,730
Then there isn't any!
62
00:02:27,770 --> 00:02:29,310
Do you know if
they're broadcasting
63
00:02:29,350 --> 00:02:30,690
-the super bowl in hi-def?
-They gotta be.
64
00:02:30,730 --> 00:02:32,310
-They should be.
-Yeah, I really don't know.
65
00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:34,730
-My husband's the one who--
-BOY: Ma!
66
00:02:34,770 --> 00:02:37,280
If you ask me for peanut butter
one more time,
67
00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:39,360
I'm gonna smack you!
68
00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:42,280
-Are we done here?
-They're talking
69
00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:44,990
about menopause,
yet I'm hypnotized.
70
00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:47,910
-BOY: Ma-a-a!
-Shut up!
71
00:02:47,950 --> 00:02:49,660
Beautiful!
72
00:02:54,170 --> 00:02:57,300
MAN [OVER TV]:And nowonly 99 cents.
73
00:02:57,340 --> 00:02:58,840
I don't understand
what you're saying,
74
00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:00,550
the picture looks fine.
75
00:03:00,590 --> 00:03:04,100
In fact, I wasn't in the mood
for a chalupa before...
76
00:03:04,140 --> 00:03:05,470
I am now.
77
00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:08,560
You just don't get it do you?
78
00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:10,690
What's your problem?
I thought you loved this TV.
79
00:03:10,730 --> 00:03:16,110
I did, until today when I saw
the future... high def.
80
00:03:16,150 --> 00:03:17,530
It's like when you have a kid.
81
00:03:17,570 --> 00:03:19,490
You know, and you're really
happy with that kid.
82
00:03:19,530 --> 00:03:21,280
But then, you have a second kid.
83
00:03:21,320 --> 00:03:22,610
And all of a sudden,
you know what,
84
00:03:22,660 --> 00:03:25,700
first kid doesn't
look so good anymore.
85
00:03:25,740 --> 00:03:28,160
You have some issues with Mom
and Dad, don't you?
86
00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:30,460
Yeah.
87
00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:36,090
I'll be right with you.
88
00:03:36,130 --> 00:03:37,750
Thank you.
89
00:03:38,460 --> 00:03:39,630
All right, listen up.
90
00:03:39,670 --> 00:03:41,170
I'm gonna ask
for the most expensive
91
00:03:41,220 --> 00:03:42,680
hi-def set
they make,
92
00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:44,840
then you say, "We can't
afford that."
93
00:03:44,890 --> 00:03:46,390
that way, it'll look like
I'm buying one for real,
94
00:03:46,430 --> 00:03:47,810
and not just buying one
to return it
95
00:03:47,850 --> 00:03:49,970
-after the Super Bowl.
-Why am I saying "we"?
96
00:03:50,020 --> 00:03:53,560
I mean, are we supposed
to be a couple or something?
97
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:55,360
Yeah. So it just doesn't look
like, you know,
98
00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:57,400
we're 2 dudes who wanna watch
the Super Bowl. You know?
99
00:03:57,440 --> 00:03:58,980
We're together.
We're committed.
100
00:03:59,030 --> 00:04:00,900
Maybe we bought
a townhouse.
101
00:04:03,030 --> 00:04:04,570
All right.
102
00:04:04,610 --> 00:04:05,990
What?
103
00:04:06,030 --> 00:04:08,280
I just don't know how believable
it's gonna be, you know?
104
00:04:08,330 --> 00:04:10,580
That--that I'm withyou.
105
00:04:12,870 --> 00:04:14,580
Well, excuse me.
106
00:04:14,620 --> 00:04:16,290
I didn't mean anything by it.
I'm just saying--
107
00:04:16,330 --> 00:04:18,250
I know what you're saying,
okay. It's fine.
108
00:04:18,290 --> 00:04:20,170
Look, it's more
the black-and-white thing.
109
00:04:20,210 --> 00:04:22,590
I just don't think
people are ready to--
110
00:04:22,630 --> 00:04:23,970
Stop it.
111
00:04:25,180 --> 00:04:27,220
-Ok, what do you need?
-Uh, yeah,
112
00:04:27,260 --> 00:04:28,720
this hi-def model right here.
113
00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:30,350
Is this the most
expensive one you carry?
114
00:04:30,390 --> 00:04:32,270
Yeah, it is. It's also the best
one on the market.
115
00:04:32,310 --> 00:04:34,940
-It is a beauty.
-Doug,
116
00:04:34,980 --> 00:04:36,520
we can't afford it.
117
00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:39,270
Excuse me,
there's no "we" here, okay?
118
00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:41,940
We broke up.
Now move on.
119
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:47,660
Sorry about that.
He's...
120
00:04:47,700 --> 00:04:50,290
anyway, uh, yeah,
I will take it,
121
00:04:50,330 --> 00:04:51,450
and that'd be great.
122
00:04:51,490 --> 00:04:53,660
Any chance you could
deliver it by, uh,
123
00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:56,170
I don't know,
maybe Sunday?
124
00:04:56,210 --> 00:04:57,960
Tomorrow between
12:00 and 6:00.
125
00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:01,170
Good. Great.
Stellar.
126
00:05:01,210 --> 00:05:02,260
Ahem.
127
00:05:02,300 --> 00:05:04,420
So what's the, uh,
return policy
128
00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:06,890
on one of these bad boys?
What is it, like, 30 days?
129
00:05:06,930 --> 00:05:08,180
Why?
130
00:05:08,220 --> 00:05:09,470
You're not just gonna buy it
for the Super Bowl
131
00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:11,510
and then return it,
are you?
132
00:05:13,430 --> 00:05:15,020
Is that not encouraged?
133
00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:24,570
Carrie.
134
00:05:24,610 --> 00:05:26,030
Someone's been
parking in my spot,
135
00:05:26,070 --> 00:05:28,030
do you have any idea
who I talk to about that?
136
00:05:28,070 --> 00:05:29,320
Uh, did you leave a note?
137
00:05:29,370 --> 00:05:30,910
-No.
-Did you call the
parking office?
138
00:05:30,950 --> 00:05:32,290
[CHUCKLES] I'm going to level
with you,
139
00:05:32,330 --> 00:05:33,910
when I asked,
"Who can I talk to about this",
140
00:05:33,950 --> 00:05:36,460
I really meant, "Who could you
talk to about this."
141
00:05:36,500 --> 00:05:40,790
Ahh... OK, I'll call right after
I make your raisin toast.
142
00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:42,420
Thank you much.
143
00:05:44,510 --> 00:05:45,760
Hey, Car.
144
00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:47,720
Hi, baby!
145
00:05:47,760 --> 00:05:48,930
Ah, Mr. Pruzan,
146
00:05:48,970 --> 00:05:50,050
you remember
my husband Doug?
147
00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:51,430
-Sure, I do.
-Good to see ya.
148
00:05:51,470 --> 00:05:53,140
Yeah. Remember my joke
from last time, Doug?
149
00:05:53,180 --> 00:05:54,810
My name's Doug,
and your name's Doug,
150
00:05:54,850 --> 00:05:57,390
-so in Spain, we'd be...
-Doug y Doug.
151
00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:58,900
-Like the actor.
-Yes.
152
00:05:58,940 --> 00:06:02,480
Ooh, hey, if were named Mark,
we'd be Mark y Mark.
153
00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:03,570
Not following you, Doug.
154
00:06:03,610 --> 00:06:05,280
Is that a person?
155
00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:08,240
No. No.
156
00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:09,910
So what are you
doing in the city?
157
00:06:09,950 --> 00:06:12,580
I was just over at the wiz
pricing those hi-def TVs.
158
00:06:12,620 --> 00:06:13,910
Let me ask you
something.
159
00:06:13,950 --> 00:06:17,750
How opposed are you
to dancing at night?
160
00:06:17,790 --> 00:06:19,710
Doug, why do you want
a hi-def TV?
161
00:06:19,750 --> 00:06:21,840
You have a great TV.
I bought you the best TV
162
00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:24,170
-they had.
-Yeah, in the nineties.
163
00:06:24,210 --> 00:06:26,260
I tell you,
those hi-defs are amazing.
164
00:06:26,300 --> 00:06:28,050
They gave me one of those
when I made partner.
165
00:06:28,090 --> 00:06:29,880
-They did?
-Yeah. Beautiful picture,
166
00:06:29,930 --> 00:06:32,430
but it's still the idiot box.
Am I right?
167
00:06:34,430 --> 00:06:35,720
They gave him a TV.
168
00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:38,270
You know what they got me
when I got promoted?
169
00:06:38,310 --> 00:06:39,440
A cat mug.
170
00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:41,810
"Con-cat-ulations."
171
00:06:43,310 --> 00:06:44,440
He has hi-def.
172
00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:45,820
Yeah, so?
173
00:06:45,860 --> 00:06:48,280
So, you know, invite him
to my poker game tonight!
174
00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:49,450
Eww! No!
175
00:06:49,490 --> 00:06:50,740
Why would I do that?
176
00:06:50,780 --> 00:06:52,450
Hello! Brownie points
for you with your boss
177
00:06:52,490 --> 00:06:54,030
and maybe an invite
to watch the Super Bowl
178
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:57,000
-on hi-def for me!
-Doug, he is my boss, okay?
179
00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:58,830
I do not want him
in my home.
180
00:06:58,870 --> 00:07:00,120
That is my turf!
181
00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:01,790
Your turf?
Okay, when exactly
182
00:07:01,830 --> 00:07:05,050
did you
become Pinky Tuscadero?
183
00:07:05,090 --> 00:07:06,590
Okay, can I get back
to work now, please?
184
00:07:06,630 --> 00:07:10,130
I have a very serious parking
situation to deal with.
185
00:07:10,180 --> 00:07:11,840
No, Carrie. You obviously
don't understand
186
00:07:11,890 --> 00:07:12,890
what's going on here!
187
00:07:12,930 --> 00:07:16,260
I'm talking hi-def.Hi-def!
188
00:07:16,310 --> 00:07:17,140
Oh...
189
00:07:17,180 --> 00:07:19,310
yeah. That means
nothing to me.
190
00:07:19,350 --> 00:07:20,810
Let me try
to explain it to you.
191
00:07:20,850 --> 00:07:22,650
Look at me. Look at me!
Look at me!
192
00:07:22,690 --> 00:07:23,940
[SIGHS]
193
00:07:23,980 --> 00:07:25,610
-Are you looking?
-Yes, I am looking.
194
00:07:25,650 --> 00:07:27,780
Okay. Now if I were on hi-def,
195
00:07:27,820 --> 00:07:29,860
I'd be sharper and more lifelike
196
00:07:29,900 --> 00:07:32,450
than I am right now,
not to mention wider.
197
00:07:32,490 --> 00:07:34,200
Shut it.
198
00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:36,280
Carrie, I'm gonna need those
files when you get a chance,
199
00:07:36,330 --> 00:07:38,040
-if I'm not interrupting.
-Oh, no, no. No problem.
200
00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:40,540
No. We were just talking
about my poker game tonight
201
00:07:40,580 --> 00:07:43,170
that I need another guy for.
202
00:07:43,210 --> 00:07:44,500
Huh.
203
00:07:45,460 --> 00:07:47,840
Well, I'm feelin'
a little wild here.
204
00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:49,510
Dealer bets 15 cents.
205
00:07:49,550 --> 00:07:50,550
-Whoa!
-Oh!
206
00:07:50,590 --> 00:07:52,840
You're scaring me.
Ooh!
207
00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:53,970
I'm out.
208
00:07:54,010 --> 00:07:55,180
It looks like
somebody's scared.
209
00:07:55,220 --> 00:07:57,850
Whoa. Don't get
The Hulk angry.
210
00:07:57,890 --> 00:08:00,270
You won't like him
when he's angry.
211
00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:04,060
Good one.
212
00:08:04,690 --> 00:08:05,860
Ha ha ha!
213
00:08:05,900 --> 00:08:07,360
Well...
214
00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:09,360
eh--I'm out.
Good luck, gentlemen.
215
00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:11,240
All right,
I'll take a ride.
216
00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:13,700
-As will I.
-And comin' around...
217
00:08:13,740 --> 00:08:15,070
Well, this is
great, huh?
218
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:18,580
Male bonding.
Just me and the guys.
219
00:08:18,620 --> 00:08:20,540
And my sister.
220
00:08:20,580 --> 00:08:22,960
We oughta do this
more often, right, Deac?
221
00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:25,040
Huh? Oh, right. Um...
222
00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:26,330
but not next Sunday,
223
00:08:26,380 --> 00:08:29,050
'cause that's
the Super Bowl.
224
00:08:30,050 --> 00:08:31,760
That's right, it is.
Where are we, uh...
225
00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:33,340
where are we
watchin' that, anyway?
226
00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:35,180
I don't know.
I have to admit,
227
00:08:35,220 --> 00:08:38,010
it rather snuck up
on me this year.
228
00:08:42,390 --> 00:08:44,020
All I know is
something like that
229
00:08:44,060 --> 00:08:48,020
should be seen on a television
with definition that's...
230
00:08:48,060 --> 00:08:50,230
fairly high.
Am I right?
231
00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:53,150
You're right. Can't argue
with someone who's right.
232
00:08:53,190 --> 00:08:55,320
Ladies, wanna swap
recipes later?
233
00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:56,910
I'm trying to play
some cards here.
234
00:08:56,950 --> 00:08:59,030
Ooh! You're a feisty one,
aren't ya?
235
00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:02,950
Yeah, I'm down $3.00,
and I'm PMSing big time.
236
00:09:04,460 --> 00:09:06,830
So, Lou, now that you've moved
into the neighborhood,
237
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,460
we should hit
the weights together.
238
00:09:08,500 --> 00:09:11,130
Um, I start really
early in the morning.
239
00:09:11,170 --> 00:09:12,130
Yeah, that's cool.
240
00:09:12,170 --> 00:09:14,300
See, here's where I'm at.
241
00:09:15,930 --> 00:09:17,550
I wanna work out...
242
00:09:17,590 --> 00:09:20,220
but I don't wanna
getpumpedpumped.
243
00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:23,060
I mean, all those big muscles
are gross.
244
00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:24,770
Uh...no offense.
245
00:09:24,810 --> 00:09:26,100
-Right.
-See,
246
00:09:26,140 --> 00:09:27,310
I just wanna
get ripped.
247
00:09:27,350 --> 00:09:30,020
You know, I'd like
Mitch Gaylord's body.
248
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:31,610
I'll bet you would.
249
00:09:33,900 --> 00:09:36,280
And the king
bets 40 cents.
250
00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:37,110
Ooh!
251
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:38,320
Big man! Well,
252
00:09:38,370 --> 00:09:41,620
I'll call you,
and I'll raise you 50 cents.
253
00:09:41,660 --> 00:09:43,620
Mmm. I'm aroused.
254
00:09:43,660 --> 00:09:44,870
Ok, call.
255
00:09:44,910 --> 00:09:45,790
3 kings.
256
00:09:45,830 --> 00:09:47,580
-Uh-oh!
-Oh!
257
00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:48,630
You know...
258
00:09:48,670 --> 00:09:49,710
all I've got is...
259
00:09:49,750 --> 00:09:50,960
all hearts. Wait a minute.
260
00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:52,590
I do believe that's a flush!
261
00:09:52,630 --> 00:09:54,630
Ha ha!
262
00:09:54,670 --> 00:09:56,300
Nicely played.
263
00:09:56,340 --> 00:09:58,430
Nicely played.
Speaking of nicely played,
264
00:09:58,470 --> 00:09:59,760
you know what I hope
is nicely played?
265
00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:02,310
The Super Bowl!
266
00:10:02,350 --> 00:10:04,140
Who's with me, huh?
Show of hands.
267
00:10:04,180 --> 00:10:05,430
All right!
There ya go.
268
00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:07,140
Doug, this Rheingold
went right through me.
269
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:09,480
-Where's the head?
-It's upstairs.
270
00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:11,020
Thanks.
271
00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:15,820
MAN [OVER TV]:You'rewatchingIntimate Portrait:
272
00:10:15,860 --> 00:10:17,820
Rue McClanahan.
273
00:10:17,860 --> 00:10:19,570
No, I'm not!
274
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:21,410
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
275
00:10:21,450 --> 00:10:22,330
Yeah?
276
00:10:22,370 --> 00:10:25,290
-Hey, Carrie.
-Oh! Hi! Hi!
277
00:10:25,330 --> 00:10:26,960
I was just on my way to
the little boys' room,
278
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:29,000
thought I'd stop in
and say hey.
279
00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:30,670
Hey back atcha!
280
00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:33,750
It's the first door on the left.
281
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:34,920
I can hold it.
282
00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:36,380
I gotta tell ya,
Carrie,
283
00:10:36,420 --> 00:10:38,550
you guys have quite
a little nest here.
284
00:10:38,590 --> 00:10:40,300
Oh, thank you.
285
00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:41,720
So...
286
00:10:41,760 --> 00:10:43,930
what time tomorrow, 9:00?
287
00:10:43,970 --> 00:10:45,350
Question for ya, Car.
288
00:10:45,390 --> 00:10:47,430
Is your sister-in-law
seeing anyone?
289
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:50,350
'cause I find her
delightful.
290
00:10:51,350 --> 00:10:53,820
-Stephanie?
-I sense a spark.
291
00:10:53,860 --> 00:10:55,320
-You and Stephanie?
-Yeah, yeah.
292
00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:56,860
I know I'm something
of a ladies' man
293
00:10:56,900 --> 00:10:58,360
around the office,
294
00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:00,700
but in a couple of years,
that's gonna stop being cute
295
00:11:00,740 --> 00:11:02,820
and start being pathetic.
296
00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:05,200
Stephanie's very different
from the women
297
00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:07,370
I usually date.
She's...
298
00:11:07,410 --> 00:11:08,370
real.
299
00:11:08,410 --> 00:11:10,870
I'd like to try
something real.
300
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,170
Actually, you know what,
the thing is,
301
00:11:12,210 --> 00:11:13,630
she's actually not that real.
302
00:11:13,670 --> 00:11:15,210
Ha ha! That's funny.
303
00:11:15,250 --> 00:11:17,510
Why don't you run it
past her and get back to me?
304
00:11:17,550 --> 00:11:19,970
-Ok.
-Great.
305
00:11:20,010 --> 00:11:22,720
Ooh!Facts of life!
306
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,900
-Hi.
-What's your problem?
307
00:11:32,940 --> 00:11:34,560
Aw, Pruzan didn't bite.
308
00:11:34,610 --> 00:11:40,610
Now I gotta watch the Super Bowl
on my 55 inch piece of poop.
309
00:11:40,650 --> 00:11:43,990
And what's the story here?
We building a tower?
310
00:11:44,030 --> 00:11:46,830
Just too sad to do dishes.
311
00:11:47,950 --> 00:11:50,750
Oh, my poor baby.
312
00:11:52,620 --> 00:11:53,540
Ow!
313
00:11:53,580 --> 00:11:55,090
You think
you had a bad night?
314
00:11:55,130 --> 00:11:56,460
-No.
-You wanna know
315
00:11:56,500 --> 00:11:58,920
what I did tonight?
I had a slumber party
316
00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:00,380
with Pruzan. Yeah.
317
00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:01,970
We talked
about relationships
318
00:12:02,010 --> 00:12:05,470
and then we watched
The Facts of Lifemarathon.
319
00:12:06,300 --> 00:12:08,180
You loveThe Facts of Life.
320
00:12:08,220 --> 00:12:10,140
I told you. I told you
this would happen!
321
00:12:10,180 --> 00:12:12,520
-My turf!
-All right, well, I'm sorry.
322
00:12:12,560 --> 00:12:13,600
All right. It's done. He's gone.
323
00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:16,110
Eech! He kept going on
and on,
324
00:12:16,150 --> 00:12:17,730
asking me questions
about Stephanie,
325
00:12:17,770 --> 00:12:19,440
you know, and meanwhile,
I'm sitting there
326
00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:22,400
in my pajamas with the hole
in the crotch!
327
00:12:23,990 --> 00:12:25,620
It was horrible!
328
00:12:25,660 --> 00:12:27,370
Wait a minute. What do you--
what do you mean
329
00:12:27,410 --> 00:12:29,080
he was asking questions
about Stephanie?
330
00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:31,120
He wants to date her.
331
00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:32,540
Oh--it's so gross.
332
00:12:32,580 --> 00:12:35,500
I mean, it's like
having a pigeon in the house.
333
00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:37,880
Did you tell her yet?
334
00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:39,420
No, I didn't tell her.
335
00:12:39,460 --> 00:12:41,460
What do you mean
you didn't tell her?
336
00:12:41,510 --> 00:12:44,260
I'm not telling her.
This dies with me.
337
00:12:44,300 --> 00:12:46,760
Carrie, what if they were meant
to be with each other?
338
00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:49,560
Yeah, what if god is using you
to bring them together?
339
00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:51,470
If you don't, it's like you're
doing the opposite
340
00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:55,690
of what god wants, which pretty
much makes you the devil!
341
00:12:56,730 --> 00:12:58,440
The devil.
342
00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:01,610
Okay, if anyone is
the devil here, it's you.
343
00:13:01,650 --> 00:13:03,490
Yeah, it's me.
Yeah, right. Okay, right.
344
00:13:03,530 --> 00:13:05,660
The devil always goes around
trying to make love grow.
345
00:13:05,700 --> 00:13:07,200
Whatever.
346
00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:10,540
Doug, the only reason you wanna
set up Pruzan with your sister
347
00:13:10,580 --> 00:13:13,580
is so you can watch the Super
Bowl on hi-def,
348
00:13:13,620 --> 00:13:15,080
and that's evil.
349
00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:16,420
It's not my fault that doing
something nice for Stephanie
350
00:13:16,460 --> 00:13:17,830
may also work out well for me.
351
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:21,500
I know that pains you what with
you being the devil.
352
00:13:21,550 --> 00:13:24,510
Doug, he is not right
for her. Trust me.
353
00:13:24,550 --> 00:13:26,510
He is totally weird, okay?
354
00:13:26,550 --> 00:13:28,430
She needs a nice,
normal guy,
355
00:13:28,470 --> 00:13:31,560
not a guy who
collects marionettes.
356
00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:33,100
Who's to say who
belongs with who?
357
00:13:33,140 --> 00:13:34,770
I mean, look,
who'd put us together?
358
00:13:34,810 --> 00:13:37,690
Look at us? I mean,
I could sit on you and kill you,
359
00:13:37,730 --> 00:13:39,860
yet we make it work.
360
00:13:39,900 --> 00:13:41,440
Okay, let it go.
361
00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:43,190
No, Carrie.
You don't understand.
362
00:13:43,230 --> 00:13:44,360
My sister's not like you.
363
00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:46,320
She doesn't have
a million guys after her.
364
00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:47,570
Right now, she only has one,
365
00:13:47,610 --> 00:13:50,240
and, thanks to you,
she'll never know that.
366
00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:51,700
Oh, my god. All right,
367
00:13:51,740 --> 00:13:53,370
so this is the way
it's gonna go, huh?
368
00:13:53,410 --> 00:13:55,870
You're willing to
make me feel like crap
369
00:13:55,910 --> 00:13:59,710
so you can watch the super
bowl on high-def?
370
00:13:59,750 --> 00:14:03,550
Hey, you push a dog
into a corner, she gonna bite.
371
00:14:10,470 --> 00:14:13,100
Okay, my last
Phys-Ed question:
372
00:14:13,140 --> 00:14:15,430
are the dodgeball
and the kickball
373
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,770
the same ball?
374
00:14:17,810 --> 00:14:19,230
You can use
the same ball, yeah,
375
00:14:19,270 --> 00:14:21,230
but you let a little air
out of the dodgeball.
376
00:14:21,270 --> 00:14:24,730
Wow! There's so much
for a gym teacher to know.
377
00:14:24,780 --> 00:14:25,990
Kudos to you.
378
00:14:26,030 --> 00:14:27,900
She also teaches
junior lifesaving.
379
00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:30,200
Tell him about the, uh, buddy
system. Go ahead. Tell him.
380
00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:31,490
-Now?
-Yeah.
381
00:14:31,530 --> 00:14:33,280
I was gonna use that
as my closer.
382
00:14:33,330 --> 00:14:34,870
Closer!
Ha ha ha!
383
00:14:34,910 --> 00:14:35,950
-That is funny!
-Whoa! We got
384
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:38,790
a laughter here.
Look out.
385
00:14:38,830 --> 00:14:40,830
Can I open the goobers now?
I'm starving.
386
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,880
Excuse me. But you know
I save all my candy
387
00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:45,630
for the start
of the previews.
388
00:14:45,670 --> 00:14:48,050
Have we just met?
389
00:14:48,090 --> 00:14:49,800
Hey, you know who's
a big goober guy--
390
00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:51,640
Arnie Grant
in litigation.
391
00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:52,760
He loves 'em.
392
00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:55,640
Does he? What a kook.
393
00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:57,730
I'm talkin' about
the office again.
394
00:14:57,770 --> 00:14:59,100
Guess that's one
of the pitfalls
395
00:14:59,140 --> 00:15:01,520
of dating your assistant's
sister-in-law.
396
00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:03,230
"Assistant's
sister-in law."
397
00:15:03,270 --> 00:15:05,360
Hey, that's hard
to say.
398
00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:06,570
That is hard to say.
399
00:15:06,610 --> 00:15:08,070
Assister's--
sister-in-law--
400
00:15:08,110 --> 00:15:11,070
I got it all messed up.
Ha ha ha!
401
00:15:11,110 --> 00:15:12,370
You try.
402
00:15:14,870 --> 00:15:17,500
Anyway, we're thinking
of having a Super Bowl party
403
00:15:17,540 --> 00:15:19,000
next Sunday.
404
00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:20,870
-You think you'd be into coming?
-Sure. That'd be great.
405
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,580
You know what,
don't get too excited,
406
00:15:22,630 --> 00:15:24,630
though, 'cause our TV
ain't so hot.
407
00:15:24,670 --> 00:15:26,050
The picture's kinda grainy.
408
00:15:26,090 --> 00:15:27,510
Then why don't you
and your friends just come over
409
00:15:27,550 --> 00:15:29,380
to my place
and watch the game?
410
00:15:29,420 --> 00:15:31,050
Your place?
411
00:15:31,090 --> 00:15:34,050
I guess that would work.
Okay, thanks.
412
00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:38,730
I'm gonna go get a soda.
413
00:15:42,020 --> 00:15:45,730
You know what? Get me an Icee
with an extra squirt of flavor!
414
00:15:45,770 --> 00:15:47,690
I don't think she heard you,
Doug. I'll go.
415
00:15:47,730 --> 00:15:48,940
Can I get you
something, too?
416
00:15:48,990 --> 00:15:51,320
You look like
a snowcap girl to me.
417
00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:52,530
Do I?
418
00:15:52,570 --> 00:15:54,990
Actually, I'm very allergic,
but thank you.
419
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:02,870
*I think he likes you*
420
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:06,710
Of course he likes me.
All freaks like me.
421
00:16:06,750 --> 00:16:07,920
You're a real piece
of work, you know that?
422
00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:09,380
You manage to
find something wrong with
423
00:16:09,420 --> 00:16:10,840
every guy you go out with.
424
00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:13,640
Jonathan had no friends.
Gil wasn't tall enough.
425
00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:15,720
Tony was too into his cats.
426
00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:18,430
He blow-dried them
every morning.
427
00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:20,930
Look, Steph...
428
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:23,850
there's no such thing
as the perfect guy.
429
00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:26,310
The best you can do
is look for someone who's nice
430
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:27,570
and cares about you.
431
00:16:27,610 --> 00:16:28,780
But you're
never gonna find that
432
00:16:28,820 --> 00:16:31,490
because you don't
give people a chance.
433
00:16:31,530 --> 00:16:32,860
Yeah, I guess.
434
00:16:32,900 --> 00:16:34,320
Just go out with him
for a little bit,
435
00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:36,370
see how it feels.
436
00:16:36,410 --> 00:16:37,660
Fine. Fine.
437
00:16:37,700 --> 00:16:39,910
How long do you think
I should give it?
438
00:16:39,950 --> 00:16:43,920
Well, if you insist
on putting a clock on love,
439
00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:47,750
just give it
till the last Sunday in January.
440
00:16:47,790 --> 00:16:50,300
That seems like
a good cutoff point.
441
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:57,890
MAN [OVER TV]:Welcometo the following presentation
442
00:16:57,930 --> 00:17:00,770
of the National Football Leaguefrom CBS Sports...
443
00:17:00,810 --> 00:17:02,890
I gotta hand it
to you, man.
444
00:17:02,930 --> 00:17:05,440
You wanted a high-def
Super Bowl, and...
445
00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:09,320
well, god bless you, you
didn't stop till you got it.
446
00:17:10,190 --> 00:17:11,280
Thanks, guy.
447
00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:12,440
I gotta tell ya,
these last couple of days
448
00:17:12,490 --> 00:17:13,820
have been a blur.
449
00:17:13,860 --> 00:17:15,990
I'm not even sure
I went to work.
450
00:17:16,530 --> 00:17:17,780
Look at this, man!
451
00:17:17,820 --> 00:17:19,620
The pregame show
has never been so real.
452
00:17:19,660 --> 00:17:24,290
It's like Ditka
is pissed atme.
453
00:17:24,330 --> 00:17:25,830
You know what's really fun?
If you close your eyes
454
00:17:25,870 --> 00:17:27,750
and then open them,
it's like you're seeing it
455
00:17:27,790 --> 00:17:30,000
for the very first time.
456
00:17:35,630 --> 00:17:37,470
And that's
the whole tour.
457
00:17:37,510 --> 00:17:39,050
It's very nice, Doug.
458
00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:42,470
I don't think I've ever seen
so many marionettes before.
459
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,850
Well, they're my family.
460
00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:48,810
I'm gonna go see what Carrie's
up to in the kitchen.
461
00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:51,440
Great. I'll be here
hangin' with the guys.
462
00:17:53,780 --> 00:17:55,030
Hey, watcha doin' there?
463
00:17:55,070 --> 00:17:56,740
Oh, making icing seams
464
00:17:56,780 --> 00:17:59,160
on these little
football brownies.
465
00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:01,950
As soon as I finish,
please kill me.
466
00:18:02,700 --> 00:18:03,910
-You want some help?
-Yeah.
467
00:18:03,950 --> 00:18:05,580
Grab one of
those squeezy tubes.
468
00:18:05,620 --> 00:18:06,870
Ok.
469
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:08,960
So what is this,
like your, uh...
470
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,500
third or fourth date
with Pruzan?
471
00:18:11,540 --> 00:18:13,000
Yup.
472
00:18:13,050 --> 00:18:15,590
So I guess you
really like him, huh?
473
00:18:15,630 --> 00:18:17,300
Oh, he's a really nice guy,
474
00:18:17,340 --> 00:18:20,140
and I'm really getting to
like him a lot.
475
00:18:21,220 --> 00:18:22,510
[GUHH]
476
00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:24,850
What was that?
477
00:18:24,890 --> 00:18:26,600
-What?
-Just sounded like you
478
00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:28,350
were gonna throw up.
479
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:29,730
Me? No, no. No.
480
00:18:29,770 --> 00:18:31,560
Ok.
481
00:18:31,610 --> 00:18:32,690
-[GUHH]
-Okay, Steph,
482
00:18:32,730 --> 00:18:34,070
I'm gonna
have to ask you
483
00:18:34,110 --> 00:18:36,650
to take a step away
from the brownies now.
484
00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:38,200
Carrie,
I can't do this.
485
00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:39,700
I can't do this anymore.
486
00:18:39,740 --> 00:18:40,700
You can't do what? What?
487
00:18:40,740 --> 00:18:42,080
Go out with freako.
488
00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:44,200
He's the weirdest guy
I've ever met.
489
00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:47,500
He has marionettes
sitting on chairs.
490
00:18:48,620 --> 00:18:50,710
Yes! Yes! He is a freak.
491
00:18:50,750 --> 00:18:52,210
I knew you couldn't like him.
I knew it!
492
00:18:52,250 --> 00:18:55,590
What?! Then why did you
set me up with him?
493
00:18:55,630 --> 00:18:56,920
Doug made me.
494
00:18:56,970 --> 00:18:58,430
Why did you keep
goin' out with him?
495
00:18:58,470 --> 00:19:00,260
Doug made me!
496
00:19:01,430 --> 00:19:03,720
Heisthe devil.
497
00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:07,020
MAN [OVER TV]:And thoseare your starting lineups.
498
00:19:07,060 --> 00:19:08,940
Doug, I really need
to talk to you.
499
00:19:08,980 --> 00:19:11,230
Doug, she needs
to talk to you.
500
00:19:11,270 --> 00:19:13,480
-[MMEEEOOWWW]
-Shut up, Spence.
501
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:14,940
Right-o.
502
00:19:14,980 --> 00:19:16,230
Hey, tell you
what, Steph.
503
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:19,320
Halftime, after Britney Spears,
I'm all yours.
504
00:19:19,360 --> 00:19:20,910
Come on, Steph.
Why don't you take a seat
505
00:19:20,950 --> 00:19:22,370
-right here on my lap?
-No.
506
00:19:22,410 --> 00:19:24,120
I really need to talk
to my brother right now.
507
00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:25,370
-Alright?
-Come on, Steph.
508
00:19:25,410 --> 00:19:27,700
Come and sit on pappy's lappy.
509
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:30,920
I don't want to
sit on pappy's lappy.
510
00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:35,420
Sure you do. It's smooth
like a Western saddle.
511
00:19:35,460 --> 00:19:36,920
I don't want to
sit on your lap.
512
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:38,380
I don't even want to
go out with you!
513
00:19:38,420 --> 00:19:41,630
I just did it 'cause
my dumb-ass brother made me!
514
00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:50,350
I have a lot
more girls for you.
515
00:19:50,390 --> 00:19:52,600
Gwen? Gwen from accounting?
Everyone's had her.
516
00:19:52,650 --> 00:19:54,980
I'm gonna hook that up.
I'm gonna hook that up.
517
00:19:55,020 --> 00:19:56,110
I'm just--I'm just gonna
put this here.
518
00:19:56,150 --> 00:19:57,570
You guys
can nosh on that.
519
00:19:57,610 --> 00:20:00,570
You make peace with your god.
You die tonight.
520
00:20:07,660 --> 00:20:09,160
All right.
521
00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:12,000
Well, we got the skirts
outta here.
522
00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:14,420
Now we can watch the game
without a lot of,
523
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:19,630
without a lot of yap-yap.
All right.
524
00:20:19,670 --> 00:20:23,800
MAN [OVER TV]:CBS Sportspresents Super Bowl XXXV...
525
00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:26,600
I'm such a fool.
526
00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:28,180
Way to go, Pruzan.
527
00:20:28,220 --> 00:20:32,190
You lost her because you
moved too damn fast.
528
00:20:32,230 --> 00:20:35,310
Stupid, stupid, stupid,
stupid, stupid.
529
00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:40,110
[CHANGES CHANNEL
TO FIDDLER ON THE ROOF]
530
00:20:42,820 --> 00:20:44,780
W-what happened?
531
00:20:44,820 --> 00:20:46,160
He switched the channel
to AMC.
532
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:47,530
Well, change it back, man.
533
00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:50,040
I can't. He cracked the remote.
It's not changing.
534
00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:51,410
Well, change it on the TV!
535
00:20:51,450 --> 00:20:53,330
-I don't see any button.
-It's smooth.
536
00:20:53,370 --> 00:20:55,500
Well, maybe there's
a panel that pops up.
537
00:20:55,540 --> 00:20:56,540
No, man.
538
00:20:56,580 --> 00:20:58,290
A lot of these are
voice-activated.
539
00:20:58,340 --> 00:21:00,880
Channel, change!
Channel, change!
540
00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:02,840
-Channel 2.
-Super Bowl.
541
00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:03,970
Welcome home.
542
00:21:04,010 --> 00:21:05,800
Super Bowl.
543
00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:08,050
Maybe it detects
motion, man.
544
00:21:10,220 --> 00:21:14,350
For the love of god,
football now!
545
00:21:16,730 --> 00:21:18,980
MAN [OVER RADIO]:
Whoa! A one-handed catch!
546
00:21:19,020 --> 00:21:21,150
He's at the 20.He's at the 10.
547
00:21:21,190 --> 00:21:23,530
Touchdown! Oh, my!
548
00:21:23,570 --> 00:21:28,200
Now that's one you haveto actually see to believe!
549
00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:34,540
[CHANGES STATION
TO SPANISH MUSIC]
550
00:21:38,790 --> 00:21:44,550
SINGER: *Is this the littleI girl Carried?*
551
00:21:44,590 --> 00:21:48,720
*Is this the little boyat play?*
552
00:21:50,970 --> 00:21:57,810
SINGER: *I don't remembergrowing older*
553
00:21:57,850 --> 00:22:03,900
*When did they?*
554
00:22:03,940 --> 00:22:07,280
SINGER: *When didshe get to be...*
555
00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:10,660
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
39956
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