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1
00:00:02,540 --> 00:00:06,210
[**]
2
00:00:18,220 --> 00:00:19,640
What the...?
3
00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:23,770
Thank you.
4
00:00:27,940 --> 00:00:30,570
No, I mean it.
Thank you.
5
00:00:31,610 --> 00:00:33,820
[TO HIMSELF]
Oh, this is so great.
6
00:00:39,160 --> 00:00:42,370
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
What are you doing
with that?
7
00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:44,540
Just watching
the sunlight hit it.
8
00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:48,130
That is for tomorrow.
9
00:00:48,170 --> 00:00:50,460
But I'm hungry.
I'm just going
to take a leg.
10
00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:52,510
Doug, we are having
guests for Thanksgiving,
11
00:00:52,550 --> 00:00:55,970
and I am not serving
them a one-legged turkey.
12
00:00:56,010 --> 00:00:58,220
Oh, what a turkey can't
be handicapped?
13
00:00:58,260 --> 00:01:00,220
What, have you got
some kind of problem?
14
00:01:00,260 --> 00:01:03,140
Come on, I will find you
something in there
15
00:01:03,180 --> 00:01:05,060
that is good, okay?
16
00:01:05,100 --> 00:01:07,100
Here we go.
Let's see...
17
00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:09,230
OK, you can't have that.
18
00:01:09,270 --> 00:01:10,770
Mashed potatoes, no.
19
00:01:10,820 --> 00:01:12,530
Yams, no.
Pie, no.
20
00:01:12,570 --> 00:01:14,360
OK, you know what, you name
one more thing I can't have,
21
00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:16,490
and I'm gonna
pghh-taaa ya!
22
00:01:18,070 --> 00:01:19,700
I'm following you...
23
00:01:19,740 --> 00:01:22,450
I'm sorry, I don't think
there's anything in here
that you can have.
24
00:01:22,490 --> 00:01:24,120
How about stuffing?
A little stuffing.
25
00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:25,830
Come on.
I love you.
26
00:01:28,290 --> 00:01:30,090
No.
It's stuffing!
27
00:01:30,130 --> 00:01:33,250
You can't tell
if stuffing's missing!
28
00:01:33,300 --> 00:01:35,800
I'll re-mold it,
I'll even it out.
29
00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:37,050
Hey, look at me.
30
00:01:37,090 --> 00:01:39,140
No one has to know.
31
00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:42,640
Ah-ah-ah,
look, lookie here.
32
00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:45,680
I found something
that you can have.
33
00:01:45,730 --> 00:01:47,270
Oh, Lunchables.
Right.
34
00:01:47,310 --> 00:01:48,900
Oh, this is good.
35
00:01:48,940 --> 00:01:51,110
It's great, you know why?
Because this is like lunch,
36
00:01:51,150 --> 00:01:52,440
only a lot smaller.
37
00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:55,070
This is gonna be perfect.
Thank you very much.
38
00:01:55,110 --> 00:01:57,490
OK, there we go...
39
00:01:58,990 --> 00:02:00,660
Mmm...
40
00:02:06,540 --> 00:02:08,790
I'm stuffed!
41
00:02:08,830 --> 00:02:12,130
* My eyesare gettin' weary *
42
00:02:12,170 --> 00:02:14,300
* My back is gettin' tight *
43
00:02:14,340 --> 00:02:16,210
* I'm sittin' herein traffic *
44
00:02:16,260 --> 00:02:18,970
* On the Queensboro Bridgetonight *
45
00:02:19,010 --> 00:02:24,720
* But I don't care,'cause all I want to do *
46
00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:28,600
* Is cash my check and driveright home to you *
47
00:02:30,230 --> 00:02:32,150
* 'Cause, baby,all my life *
48
00:02:32,190 --> 00:02:35,570
* I will be drivin' hometo you *
49
00:02:43,910 --> 00:02:47,000
Uhh...I, for one,
am stuffed.
50
00:02:47,660 --> 00:02:50,040
Yeeeaaaaw!
Whoo!
51
00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:54,590
Thanksgiving, man.
Not a good day
to be my pants.
52
00:02:56,090 --> 00:02:58,590
There aren't a lot
of real good days.
53
00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:02,140
That's nice, very nice,
after we just fed you.
No.
54
00:03:02,180 --> 00:03:04,640
Carrie, the food
was unbelievable.
Oh, excellent.
55
00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:06,350
Yes, honey,
it was delicious.
Thank you.
56
00:03:06,390 --> 00:03:10,560
Oh, don't thank me.
Thank the good folks
at "Holiday in a Box."
57
00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:12,440
Yeah, but who went
and picked it up?
58
00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:15,230
Actually, they--they
dropped it off.
59
00:03:15,270 --> 00:03:17,980
Well, come on, girl,
who re-heated it?
60
00:03:18,030 --> 00:03:21,860
That's true, I did.
OK, OK, pride is back.
61
00:03:22,950 --> 00:03:25,700
Ahh...you know
the food is good
62
00:03:25,740 --> 00:03:28,790
when it knocks
a man out cold.
63
00:03:28,830 --> 00:03:30,410
Hey, you wanna stick
his hand in warm water,
64
00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:32,250
see if we can
make him pee?
65
00:03:32,290 --> 00:03:34,080
Oh, yeah. It'll be nice
66
00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:37,460
to be on the other end
of that for once.
67
00:03:37,500 --> 00:03:40,590
Even if it does work,
aren't you just going to
be ruining your own couch?
68
00:03:40,630 --> 00:03:42,380
A good point,
good point.
69
00:03:43,180 --> 00:03:44,140
Let's see here.
70
00:03:44,180 --> 00:03:47,640
Oh, this
is perfect.
This is great.
71
00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:53,270
Oh, man.
Shh!
72
00:03:53,310 --> 00:03:55,060
Sorry.
Shh!
73
00:03:56,230 --> 00:03:57,980
[ALL LAUGHING]
74
00:04:00,860 --> 00:04:03,110
It's funny, right?
75
00:04:04,660 --> 00:04:07,870
Actually,
my kid could look
exactly like that.
76
00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:13,040
Doug, what
the hell are you
doing to him?
77
00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:15,290
Just dressing him up
like a big baby, relax.
78
00:04:15,330 --> 00:04:16,330
Stop it!
79
00:04:16,380 --> 00:04:18,170
Just killin' time
till dessert.
80
00:04:18,210 --> 00:04:20,300
Doug, it's Thanksgiving.
Could you be nice?
81
00:04:20,340 --> 00:04:22,800
I think I have a right
to mess with him
on Thanksgiving.
82
00:04:22,840 --> 00:04:23,970
Dessert's up.
83
00:04:24,010 --> 00:04:25,390
What are you
talking about?
84
00:04:25,430 --> 00:04:27,010
Are you kidding me?
Remember how
he tortured me
85
00:04:27,050 --> 00:04:28,680
the first
Thanksgiving
I met him?
86
00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:30,140
My God,
it was hell.
87
00:04:30,180 --> 00:04:32,480
I remember
Thanksgiving very well.
It was a great day.
88
00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:35,520
It was the first time
I got the nerve up
to tell you "I love you."
89
00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:38,980
Got the nerve up?
It wasn't so hard
after I told you.
90
00:04:39,020 --> 00:04:42,110
What? You think
you told me first?
91
00:04:42,150 --> 00:04:43,650
Si, senorita.
92
00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:46,490
Uh, I think
I told you first,
senor.
93
00:04:46,530 --> 00:04:49,700
OK, you know what?
Don't go Spanish.
I went Spanish.
94
00:04:50,410 --> 00:04:52,080
Spanish?
95
00:04:55,830 --> 00:04:57,080
That got you up?
96
00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:59,670
You know what?
Dad will know.
97
00:04:59,710 --> 00:05:01,050
Dad, do you remember
meeting Doug
98
00:05:01,090 --> 00:05:02,800
for the first time
on Thanksgiving?
99
00:05:02,840 --> 00:05:05,630
Of course I remember
meeting Doug.
100
00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:08,220
I believe it was
Thanksgiving.
101
00:05:11,060 --> 00:05:13,680
Daddy, we're going to
the Thanksgiving party now.
102
00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:16,310
Have fun, sweetheart.
103
00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:19,110
Hey! You touch
one hair on her head,
104
00:05:19,150 --> 00:05:22,480
I'll gut you
like a fish. Scram!
105
00:05:25,570 --> 00:05:29,780
Dad, that was
Donny Peacock,
and we were 8 years old.
106
00:05:29,820 --> 00:05:32,450
And he ran out of
the house crying.
107
00:05:32,490 --> 00:05:36,500
I am talking about
meeting Doug,
on Thanksgiving.
108
00:05:36,540 --> 00:05:38,080
You don't remember?
109
00:05:44,260 --> 00:05:47,430
I'll take the Thanksgiving
special, Kimiko.
110
00:05:47,470 --> 00:05:50,140
Yes, Arthur-san.
111
00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:56,140
No, that couldn't
be the one.
112
00:05:57,980 --> 00:06:02,110
Dad, 1993, I had
been dating Doug
a few months,
113
00:06:02,150 --> 00:06:05,280
you were still
married to Lily.
You remember?
114
00:06:11,320 --> 00:06:13,080
Ooh!
115
00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:16,250
Here you go,
a little taste
of what's coming.
116
00:06:16,290 --> 00:06:19,500
Delicious,
as are you, m'lady.
117
00:06:19,540 --> 00:06:22,420
Oh...mmm...
Mmm...
118
00:06:22,460 --> 00:06:25,760
Guys, guys, guys, guys!
My boyfriend's gonna
be here any minute,
119
00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:28,970
and we're not close
to ready. Any chance
we can get dinner going
120
00:06:29,010 --> 00:06:31,390
before you guys
get to 3rd base?
121
00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:34,560
You heard her,
get off.
122
00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:38,480
So, uh, who is
this, uh, Happerman
fellow?
123
00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:40,810
Heffernan, Dad,
Doug Heffernan.
124
00:06:40,850 --> 00:06:42,980
He's the guy
I've been dating
for 6 months.
125
00:06:43,020 --> 00:06:44,610
Any relation
to Lou Heffernan?
126
00:06:44,650 --> 00:06:46,230
I don't know.
Uh, where's the ladle?
127
00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:49,240
Wouldn't that be
funny if they were
related, huh?
128
00:06:49,280 --> 00:06:51,740
Yes, that would be
very, very funny, Lily.
129
00:06:51,780 --> 00:06:53,160
Listen, um,
by the way, you guys,
130
00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:55,740
I took down your naked poster
of John and Yoko.
131
00:06:55,790 --> 00:06:58,040
Please don't fight me on that.
132
00:06:58,080 --> 00:07:00,870
So, what is
this young man's
line of work, anyway?
133
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:03,840
Uh, he's training
to be a driver at IPS.
134
00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:05,590
Whoa-boy.
135
00:07:06,630 --> 00:07:08,170
Dad, it's a good job.
136
00:07:08,210 --> 00:07:11,630
Yeah, it's a swell job,
until they invent
a machine to do it.
137
00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:13,260
Come on, who are you
to talk?
138
00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:15,430
You polish bowling balls
for a living.
139
00:07:15,470 --> 00:07:17,100
I polish
and engrave them.
140
00:07:17,140 --> 00:07:19,560
Show me the machine
that can do that.
141
00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:22,150
Leave her alone,
Arthur.
142
00:07:22,190 --> 00:07:23,860
I'm glad
she finally found a boy
143
00:07:23,900 --> 00:07:25,650
she's serious about.
144
00:07:25,690 --> 00:07:27,780
Has he told you
he loves you yet?
145
00:07:27,820 --> 00:07:29,740
Oh, not yet.
He's not the, uh,
146
00:07:29,780 --> 00:07:31,990
"Say I love you out loud"
type of guy.
147
00:07:32,030 --> 00:07:33,660
Hmm. Well...
148
00:07:33,700 --> 00:07:35,280
I know I'm not
your mother, dear,
149
00:07:35,330 --> 00:07:38,450
but may I still
offer you a word
of advice?
150
00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:40,000
Oh, sure.
151
00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:41,870
If you want
to make a sale,
152
00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:43,170
you got to let
the customer
153
00:07:43,210 --> 00:07:46,090
sample
the merchandise.
154
00:07:46,130 --> 00:07:51,590
Absolutely. I will
do him in his car tonight.
155
00:07:52,930 --> 00:07:55,220
Leave her alone, Lily.
Just because you gave it away,
156
00:07:55,260 --> 00:07:57,180
doesn't mean she should.
Well, I wouldn't have,
157
00:07:57,220 --> 00:08:00,180
if you hadn't been
so damn good at the mambo.
158
00:08:00,230 --> 00:08:02,140
[SLAPS HANDS]
Come here!
159
00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:03,730
[BOTH VOCALIZING MAMBO TUNE]
160
00:08:03,770 --> 00:08:05,020
Hey, guys, stop it.
161
00:08:05,060 --> 00:08:07,400
[VOCALIZING CONTINUES]
[PROTESTS WITH NOISES]
162
00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:10,150
Okay, okay, let me explain
something here, okay?
163
00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:12,700
I-I really, really
like this guy,
164
00:08:12,740 --> 00:08:15,240
and I have put off having him
meet you for six months,
165
00:08:15,280 --> 00:08:17,410
but at this point,
I am running out of excuses.
166
00:08:17,450 --> 00:08:20,290
So if you two could,
I don't know,
167
00:08:20,330 --> 00:08:22,370
maybe imitate normal people,
168
00:08:22,410 --> 00:08:24,420
just for today,
I would really appreciate it
169
00:08:24,460 --> 00:08:27,590
because Doug is
very, very special.
170
00:08:30,170 --> 00:08:31,590
Gotcha.
Damn.
171
00:08:31,630 --> 00:08:34,840
Oh! It's worth
the mini-puke
to be the best.
172
00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:36,090
See, that's where
we're different.
173
00:08:36,140 --> 00:08:38,260
I'm not that committed.
174
00:08:39,430 --> 00:08:41,600
Hello, Douglas!
175
00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:43,060
Hey, man!
Hey, this is the guy
176
00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:44,100
I was telling you about
from work.
177
00:08:44,140 --> 00:08:45,900
Deacon Palmer,
Spence Olchin.
178
00:08:45,940 --> 00:08:47,940
At your service.
Word up, Spence.
179
00:08:47,980 --> 00:08:51,230
Oh, most people
call me "The Spencenator."
180
00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:52,820
So, Doug,
are you nervous
181
00:08:52,860 --> 00:08:53,900
about meeting
Carrie's family?
182
00:08:53,950 --> 00:08:55,240
Yeah, I kind of am,
you know?
183
00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:56,740
I thought
I would have met 'em
sooner but, uh,
184
00:08:56,780 --> 00:08:59,280
apparently they
spend a lot of time
in the Orient.
185
00:09:00,330 --> 00:09:02,750
So you guys are
starting to get serious.
186
00:09:02,790 --> 00:09:05,080
I think so. I think so.
187
00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:09,250
Oh. Have you said
the "l-word" yet?
188
00:09:09,290 --> 00:09:10,340
Not yet.
189
00:09:10,380 --> 00:09:11,760
It's cocked
and loaded, though.
190
00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:13,300
Today could be
the day.
191
00:09:13,340 --> 00:09:14,630
Gonna tell her
you love her?
192
00:09:14,670 --> 00:09:15,930
Wow.
193
00:09:15,970 --> 00:09:17,260
The only time I heard
you use that word
194
00:09:17,300 --> 00:09:21,060
was talking about
pork snacks and Mookie Wilson.
195
00:09:21,100 --> 00:09:24,810
Well, Carrie's about to join
that exclusive club.
196
00:09:24,850 --> 00:09:26,390
* Doo-doo-doo-doo *
197
00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:29,270
* Doug and Carrie,can't touch them! *
198
00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:38,110
OK, this baby
is ready for action.
199
00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:40,200
Good heavens,
we've got a lot
of food here.
200
00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:42,620
Hope your Doug
fellow likes
to eat.
201
00:09:42,660 --> 00:09:44,410
I think we're good.
202
00:09:44,450 --> 00:09:46,960
Oh, Arthur,
I told you
2 hours ago
203
00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:49,830
to clean up
all these
boat brochures.
204
00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:51,380
Well, I'm sorry,
205
00:09:51,420 --> 00:09:53,130
but I'm right on the verge
of a decision.
206
00:09:53,170 --> 00:09:54,210
Stop it, Arthur.
207
00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:55,920
We are not buying
a boat.
208
00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:57,300
Oh, come on,
Lily darling.
209
00:09:57,340 --> 00:09:59,140
I even have a name
all picked out for her.
210
00:09:59,180 --> 00:10:01,180
TheLily Darling.
211
00:10:01,850 --> 00:10:05,310
[RADIO PLAYING]
212
00:10:07,850 --> 00:10:10,940
* Know what I mean *
213
00:10:10,980 --> 00:10:12,980
Arthur, you are
such a dreamer!
214
00:10:13,020 --> 00:10:14,400
I am not.
All I have to do
215
00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:15,650
is go to the bank,
get a loan,
216
00:10:15,690 --> 00:10:16,950
and 5 minutes later
217
00:10:16,990 --> 00:10:19,030
I'm Captain Arty
of theLily Darling.
218
00:10:19,070 --> 00:10:21,370
It is not that simple
to get a loan, Arthur.
219
00:10:21,410 --> 00:10:23,160
Boats are
very expensive.
220
00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:25,370
Oh, I see.
So is this your way
221
00:10:25,410 --> 00:10:28,420
of rubbing the bankruptcy
in my face?
222
00:10:31,750 --> 00:10:35,960
* Saw her picturein a magazine *
223
00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:38,430
* Ba dum dum *
224
00:10:38,470 --> 00:10:40,840
Why don't you go back
to the street corner
where I found you?
225
00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:42,300
I was waiting
for the bus!
226
00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:44,720
Whatever helps you
sleep at night!
227
00:10:47,020 --> 00:10:49,940
CARRIE:
Dad! Get out of
the bathroom now!
228
00:10:49,980 --> 00:10:52,270
ARTHUR:
No! She's violent!
229
00:10:52,310 --> 00:10:54,320
LILY:
He's a moron!
230
00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:56,320
ARTHUR:
She shaves her lip!
231
00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:58,740
LILY:
His nipples don't match!
232
00:11:04,700 --> 00:11:05,830
CARRIE:
You're insane!
233
00:11:05,870 --> 00:11:07,580
ARTHUR:
I heard that!
234
00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:10,040
[DOORBELL RINGS]
235
00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:11,750
CARRIE:
Crap, he's here!
236
00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:13,590
LILY:
I'll get it!
237
00:11:13,630 --> 00:11:14,670
CARRIE:
Don't get it!
238
00:11:14,710 --> 00:11:16,000
LILY:
I have to get it!
239
00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:19,590
The poor schmo is
standing right on the porch!
240
00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:23,010
Hi, you must
be Doug.
241
00:11:23,050 --> 00:11:24,760
One sec, hon.
242
00:11:26,260 --> 00:11:29,430
LILY:
He's here! Now get out
of the freakin' crapper!
243
00:11:31,850 --> 00:11:33,900
Dad, will you
just come out?
244
00:11:33,940 --> 00:11:35,150
ARTHUR: Not until
she apologizes.
245
00:11:35,190 --> 00:11:36,820
Lily,
just apologize.
246
00:11:36,860 --> 00:11:39,440
You don't have to mean it,
just say the words.
247
00:11:42,110 --> 00:11:44,370
All right. I'm sorry!
248
00:11:44,410 --> 00:11:45,780
Ha! Did you hear that,
Daddy?
249
00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:47,580
She said she's sorry.
That's so sweet of her.
250
00:11:47,620 --> 00:11:48,910
Now come on out.
251
00:11:48,950 --> 00:11:50,000
Are we getting
a boat?
252
00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:51,160
Just say yes.
253
00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:53,290
The second lie
is always easier.
254
00:12:00,170 --> 00:12:01,800
Yes! We can get a boat.
255
00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:03,220
Ah!
Do you hear that, Dad?
256
00:12:03,260 --> 00:12:04,510
You're gonna get your boat.
257
00:12:04,550 --> 00:12:06,100
And a jet ski!
258
00:12:06,140 --> 00:12:07,720
A jet ski?!
259
00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:09,930
Oh, God.
You're insane!
260
00:12:09,970 --> 00:12:10,980
You're not gonna
get anything,
261
00:12:11,020 --> 00:12:12,390
you little pain
in the ass!
262
00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:14,900
I hope you stay in
that bathroom forever!
263
00:12:14,940 --> 00:12:16,690
Maybe I will.
And by the way,
264
00:12:16,730 --> 00:12:20,610
I am currently
making a lewd
gesture!
265
00:12:20,650 --> 00:12:22,200
[DOORBELL RINGS]
266
00:12:22,240 --> 00:12:24,450
Oh, you...
miserable old people!
267
00:12:24,490 --> 00:12:26,830
I can't believe
you're doing this to me!
268
00:12:40,170 --> 00:12:41,510
[CAR STARTS]
269
00:12:42,130 --> 00:12:43,130
Carrie?
270
00:12:43,170 --> 00:12:44,510
[CAR DRIVES OFF]
271
00:12:45,180 --> 00:12:46,470
Doug!
272
00:12:46,510 --> 00:12:48,970
It's so nice
to finally meet you.
273
00:12:49,010 --> 00:12:50,680
Come in, come in, come in!
274
00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:19,880
So?
275
00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:20,960
Yeah.
276
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,710
How are you enjoying
the food, dear?
277
00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:24,880
Oh. It's, uh, it's great.
Thanks.
278
00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:27,550
Oh, thank you so much for
bringing these buffalo wings.
279
00:13:27,590 --> 00:13:29,220
They look delicious.
280
00:13:29,260 --> 00:13:32,640
No problem. Uh,
they're from Cooper's.
281
00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:35,270
They're famous
for their wings.
282
00:13:36,390 --> 00:13:38,270
Half of these are hot,
283
00:13:38,310 --> 00:13:39,980
the other half are mild.
284
00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:42,320
I didn't know
what you guys liked.
285
00:13:48,530 --> 00:13:50,280
I like hot.
286
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:52,080
I like mild.
287
00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:53,950
Hey, that's what makes
the world go round, huh?
288
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:55,330
Ha ha ha!
289
00:13:55,370 --> 00:13:57,370
Question for ya.
Is Carrie coming back
at any point?
290
00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:58,830
Oh, of course she is!
291
00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:02,130
I think she's having
a visit from her Aunt Flo.
292
00:14:04,170 --> 00:14:07,380
So, how would you like
a nice warm biscuit?
293
00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:08,390
OK. Yeah, sure.
294
00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:10,100
Be back in a jiff.
295
00:14:16,980 --> 00:14:19,230
ARTHUR:
Is the bitch gone?
296
00:14:23,690 --> 00:14:26,400
Did someone...
Hello?
297
00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:28,030
Is she gone?
298
00:14:28,070 --> 00:14:30,950
Uh, yeah, she's
in the kitchen.
299
00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:34,660
Arthur Spooner.
I'm Carrie's father.
300
00:14:34,700 --> 00:14:36,450
Oh, hi.
Doug Heffernan.
301
00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:38,830
So, you're with
IPS, huh?
302
00:14:38,870 --> 00:14:41,460
Yeah, IPS, yeah.
303
00:14:41,500 --> 00:14:44,840
Aren't you concerned
about losing your job
to a machine?
304
00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:48,930
Not really, no.
I, uh...
305
00:14:48,970 --> 00:14:50,760
See, I drive to
a lot of people's
houses and...
306
00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:53,810
and deliver
packages to them.
307
00:14:55,430 --> 00:14:58,980
I, uh, don't know
really how a machine
would do that.
308
00:14:59,020 --> 00:15:01,020
Oh, it's going to
happen, my friend.
309
00:15:01,060 --> 00:15:03,570
They're working on it
even as we speak.
310
00:15:03,610 --> 00:15:04,860
[DING]
311
00:15:04,900 --> 00:15:06,480
LILY: They're ready.
312
00:15:06,530 --> 00:15:08,030
I was never here!
313
00:15:11,740 --> 00:15:13,660
Here you go.
Piping hot.
314
00:15:13,700 --> 00:15:17,080
Ooh! Let me freshen up
that Orangina.
315
00:15:21,710 --> 00:15:22,830
Give me a drumstick!
316
00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:24,340
Drumstick! Now!
317
00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:27,710
Thank you.
318
00:15:29,470 --> 00:15:32,140
There you go,
sweetheart.
319
00:15:32,180 --> 00:15:34,390
Where's the other
drumstick?
320
00:15:34,430 --> 00:15:35,810
I don't, um...
321
00:15:35,850 --> 00:15:38,140
I think this one
started out with one.
322
00:15:39,180 --> 00:15:42,850
Arthur! Give me
back that drumstick!
323
00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:46,940
You'll have to
pry it out of my
dead, cold hands!
324
00:15:46,980 --> 00:15:48,820
Excuse me, where...
Where's the bathroom?
325
00:15:48,860 --> 00:15:50,530
The psycho is in it.
326
00:15:50,570 --> 00:15:52,070
Arthur, Doug has to
go to the bathroom!
327
00:15:52,110 --> 00:15:53,490
Now, get out!
328
00:15:53,530 --> 00:15:56,830
No. He can come
in if he wants,
but I'm staying.
329
00:15:57,950 --> 00:16:00,500
Son, what do you
have-- number 1
or number 2?
330
00:16:07,670 --> 00:16:11,050
So...you've been
dating my daughter
for quite a while now.
331
00:16:11,090 --> 00:16:11,880
Huh?
332
00:16:11,930 --> 00:16:14,680
Yes, about
6 months now, sir.
333
00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:16,550
So...pretty serious?
334
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:20,180
Oh, yes.
She's a great girl.
335
00:16:21,270 --> 00:16:24,850
And you are
planning to get
the weight off?
336
00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:29,780
Absolutely.
I'm on it.
337
00:16:32,570 --> 00:16:36,120
Problem with
the plumbing, son?
338
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:37,830
No, no. You know,
I'm just having
a hard time
339
00:16:37,870 --> 00:16:40,080
going with
you in here.
340
00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:41,790
Oh, why didn't
you say so?
341
00:16:41,830 --> 00:16:44,420
By all means,
I'll give you
some privacy.
342
00:16:44,460 --> 00:16:46,330
Oh, well,
thank you.
343
00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:58,810
So where you from?
344
00:17:00,810 --> 00:17:02,310
Regal Park.
345
00:17:02,350 --> 00:17:03,560
Oh, wonderful area.
346
00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:05,980
You must know
my friend Stan.
347
00:17:06,020 --> 00:17:09,190
Runs the shoe shine joint
down by the Dunkin Donuts.
348
00:17:09,230 --> 00:17:11,280
No. You know what, nope,
don't know him.
349
00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:12,740
Sure you do.
350
00:17:12,780 --> 00:17:15,280
I'm sorry,
don't know him,
Mr. Spooner.
351
00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:19,450
For God's sakes, son--
Stan. Stan.
352
00:17:19,490 --> 00:17:22,040
Shoe Shine Stan!
353
00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:24,370
Oh, Shoe--
Show Shine Stan.
354
00:17:24,410 --> 00:17:26,710
Yes. Oh, yeah,
he did one of my shoes.
355
00:17:26,750 --> 00:17:28,630
Yup. Yeah.
356
00:17:28,670 --> 00:17:30,170
There you go.
357
00:17:30,210 --> 00:17:32,170
OK, you know what?
I'm not having
any luck with this.
358
00:17:32,210 --> 00:17:35,300
I'm just going to go up
to the mobile station
on the corner.
359
00:17:35,340 --> 00:17:36,510
They're gonna make
you buy something.
360
00:17:36,550 --> 00:17:38,010
OK.
361
00:17:39,050 --> 00:17:40,600
LILY:
You out, Doug?
362
00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:42,180
Want some pie?
363
00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:51,860
Oh, sweet freedom!
364
00:17:54,820 --> 00:17:56,280
You're here?
365
00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:58,110
Were you here
the whole time?
366
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,160
No. I drove down
to the 7-Eleven
367
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:02,580
to get a pack
of Capris.
368
00:18:02,620 --> 00:18:03,790
Oh, did you?
Oh, that's nice.
369
00:18:03,830 --> 00:18:05,330
Do you mind if I...?
370
00:18:05,370 --> 00:18:06,670
You don't smoke.
371
00:18:06,710 --> 00:18:10,380
That's right,
I don't smoke!
372
00:18:10,420 --> 00:18:11,590
Why did you leave?!
373
00:18:11,630 --> 00:18:13,090
Because, I...
374
00:18:13,130 --> 00:18:14,920
I didn't want
to be there
for the moment
375
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:18,260
when you realized
I come from
a crazy farm!
376
00:18:18,300 --> 00:18:19,430
You know what?
377
00:18:19,470 --> 00:18:20,850
I would love to
hear this, but
I gotta pee.
378
00:18:20,890 --> 00:18:22,510
Yeah, OK.
You gotta pee.
You know what?
379
00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:24,850
Why don't you call me
in 6 months when
you're done "peeing."
380
00:18:24,890 --> 00:18:26,310
OK? We'll have
a cup of coffee.
381
00:18:26,350 --> 00:18:27,980
6--What are you
talking about?
"6 months."
382
00:18:28,020 --> 00:18:29,190
I gotta pee,
I'm serious.
383
00:18:29,230 --> 00:18:31,190
Look, if you want
to just go, go!
384
00:18:31,230 --> 00:18:33,650
My whole life's been
a freak show, I don't
even blame you.
385
00:18:33,690 --> 00:18:35,780
What are you doing?
Bye!
386
00:18:35,820 --> 00:18:37,450
I was gonna tell you
I love you today,
387
00:18:37,490 --> 00:18:38,660
dumb ass!
388
00:18:39,990 --> 00:18:41,570
I'm really
gonna burst.
389
00:18:49,620 --> 00:18:50,710
ARTHUR: Douglas!
390
00:18:50,750 --> 00:18:52,790
Oh, God, now
I'm locked up.
391
00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:54,840
Douglas, over here!
392
00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:56,720
Yeah, Mr. Spooner?
393
00:18:56,760 --> 00:19:00,090
Listen, I couldn't
help but overhear
your little argument.
394
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:02,010
Uh, yeah. Do you
think it's possible
395
00:19:02,050 --> 00:19:04,060
that you could
send Carrie out?
396
00:19:04,100 --> 00:19:05,560
She's too upset.
397
00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:07,730
You can't talk
to her when
she's like this.
398
00:19:07,770 --> 00:19:09,520
Listen, you seem
like a good kid.
399
00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:11,770
Wait here,
and I'll go
talk to her.
400
00:19:11,810 --> 00:19:13,270
Try to patch
things up.
401
00:19:13,310 --> 00:19:17,570
No promises,
but I'll see
what I can do.
402
00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:49,980
Sorry, son.
No go.
403
00:19:50,020 --> 00:19:52,560
Really?
Believe me,
I tried.
404
00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:54,440
But she didn't
want to hear
a word of it.
405
00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:56,440
Anyway, it was
a pleasure
to meet you.
406
00:19:56,480 --> 00:19:58,360
Maybe someday,
when this
blows over,
407
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:00,200
we'll sit on
my boat and have
a good laugh.
408
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,450
If you still
have to pee,
409
00:20:02,490 --> 00:20:06,120
feel free to go
on the azaleas.
They're hers.
410
00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:17,960
Doug?
411
00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:19,460
Yes?
412
00:20:19,510 --> 00:20:22,050
Did you just say
you were gonna tell me
you loved me?
413
00:20:22,090 --> 00:20:24,220
Yes. Yes, I did.
414
00:20:25,390 --> 00:20:26,970
Did you just...
pee in our bushes?
415
00:20:27,010 --> 00:20:29,390
Yes. Yes, I did.
416
00:20:32,390 --> 00:20:33,650
I loveyou.
417
00:20:33,690 --> 00:20:35,520
I love you, too.
418
00:20:39,690 --> 00:20:41,240
ARTHUR: Where you going?
419
00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:42,990
Carrie, come back!
420
00:20:43,030 --> 00:20:44,860
He's got no future!
421
00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:46,320
I'm telling ya,
the 2 of you
422
00:20:46,370 --> 00:20:50,330
will be living
in my house
within 5 years!
423
00:20:50,370 --> 00:20:52,370
Carrie!
424
00:20:52,410 --> 00:20:54,080
And we drove off.
End of story.
425
00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:56,000
I said "I love you"
first...
426
00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:57,090
right after
you peed.
427
00:20:57,130 --> 00:20:58,880
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
428
00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:00,590
Are you even listening
to your own story?
429
00:21:00,630 --> 00:21:02,880
Way before that, I said,
"I love you, dumb ass."
430
00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:08,260
No, no. You said,
"I wasgonnasay
I love you, dumb ass,"
431
00:21:08,300 --> 00:21:09,680
but you didn't
actually say it.
432
00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:11,890
And by the way,
"dumb ass" kinda
killed it anyway.
433
00:21:11,930 --> 00:21:14,730
Now you're punching
wild. You know it's
the same thing.
434
00:21:14,770 --> 00:21:16,150
It's not
the same thing.
435
00:21:16,190 --> 00:21:17,610
If you say
you're gonna take
the garbage out,
436
00:21:17,650 --> 00:21:20,150
but you don't
actually take
the garbage out,
437
00:21:20,190 --> 00:21:23,190
is the garbage out?
438
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:24,400
I don't know where
the garbage is--
439
00:21:24,450 --> 00:21:27,870
Look, the point is,
the words "I love you"
440
00:21:27,910 --> 00:21:31,240
were never said
until I said them.
441
00:21:34,290 --> 00:21:36,120
Well, I said
"I wanna have sex" first.
442
00:21:36,170 --> 00:21:39,130
That was all you, yes.
443
00:21:52,060 --> 00:21:53,560
What's that?
444
00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:56,190
It's the new engraving
and buffing machine.
445
00:22:02,070 --> 00:22:05,200
[**]
31856
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