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1
00:00:07,380 --> 00:00:10,210
I get so sad when my food's
coming to an end.
2
00:00:12,380 --> 00:00:13,760
I know you do, honey.
3
00:00:16,090 --> 00:00:18,560
Then you start first seeing
the bottom of the container,
4
00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:21,390
and you,
you know it's almost over.
5
00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:38,240
Hey, what you got there?
6
00:00:39,490 --> 00:00:41,290
The one you brought in for me.
7
00:00:41,330 --> 00:00:43,160
Ah-ha.
8
00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:45,210
-Do you want it?
-No, I shouldn't, I shouldn't.
9
00:00:45,250 --> 00:00:46,750
Then don't.
10
00:00:53,630 --> 00:00:55,340
[MUMBLES]
11
00:00:58,850 --> 00:01:00,180
Mmm.
12
00:01:08,230 --> 00:01:10,110
I'm gettin' sad again.
13
00:01:12,190 --> 00:01:15,400
MALE SINGER: *My eyesare gettin' weary*
14
00:01:15,450 --> 00:01:18,240
*My back is gettin' tight*
15
00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:20,280
*I'm sitting herein traffic*
16
00:01:20,330 --> 00:01:23,410
*On the Queensboro Bridgetonight*
17
00:01:23,450 --> 00:01:28,500
*But I don't care'cause all I want to do*
18
00:01:28,540 --> 00:01:32,630
*Is cash my check and driveright home to you*
19
00:01:34,300 --> 00:01:35,840
*'Cause, baby,all my life*
20
00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:38,890
*I will be drivin' hometo you*
21
00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:52,860
Where'd you
get that shirt?
22
00:01:52,900 --> 00:01:54,940
This? It's velour.
23
00:01:56,490 --> 00:01:57,700
It's nice.
24
00:01:57,740 --> 00:01:59,700
My mother's got a toilet
seat cover like that.
25
00:02:01,910 --> 00:02:02,740
DOUG: What's up, boys?
26
00:02:02,780 --> 00:02:03,870
Slide it on over.
27
00:02:03,910 --> 00:02:05,700
Do me a favor--
make a little room
28
00:02:05,750 --> 00:02:08,830
for the I.P.S. Driver
of the Month.
29
00:02:08,870 --> 00:02:10,670
SPENCE:
Oh, nice work, man.
30
00:02:10,710 --> 00:02:13,420
Number one on-time record,
number one delivery record,
31
00:02:13,460 --> 00:02:15,880
and the fewest
lost packages.
32
00:02:15,920 --> 00:02:17,670
Driver...
33
00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:19,430
of the Month.
34
00:02:20,510 --> 00:02:22,550
I put a fire out
at a nursery school.
35
00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:23,720
Oh, that's good.
Listen, could
36
00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:25,140
we get a pitcher
of beer over here?
37
00:02:25,180 --> 00:02:27,060
Anything you want tonight,
boys. I'm buyin'.
38
00:02:27,100 --> 00:02:28,690
So what do you
get for this,
39
00:02:28,730 --> 00:02:30,520
a trophy with
a little truck on top?
40
00:02:30,560 --> 00:02:32,190
DEACON:
Hey, for your information,
41
00:02:32,230 --> 00:02:34,690
they gave my man 4 Mets
tickets in the I.P.S. box
42
00:02:34,730 --> 00:02:36,990
for this Saturday...
front row.
43
00:02:37,030 --> 00:02:39,070
4 seats, 4 of us,
we're there!
44
00:02:39,110 --> 00:02:40,490
Hey, let's
get there early.
45
00:02:40,530 --> 00:02:42,120
You know what?
We should sleep at Doug's.
46
00:02:43,950 --> 00:02:45,240
Actually, Carrie's
already called dibs
47
00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:46,620
on one of the tickets.
48
00:02:46,660 --> 00:02:47,910
And I know I get one.
49
00:02:47,950 --> 00:02:49,620
-Why do you get one?
-'Cause I punched him in
50
00:02:49,660 --> 00:02:51,000
6 times when he was late,
51
00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:52,540
hence his perfect
on-time record.
52
00:02:53,630 --> 00:02:55,590
Well, who
gets the fourth ticket?
53
00:02:55,630 --> 00:02:57,210
I don't know. I guess
you guys gotta decide
54
00:02:57,260 --> 00:02:58,920
-among yourselves.
-Here you go.
55
00:02:58,970 --> 00:02:59,920
Doug, your wife's
on the phone.
56
00:02:59,970 --> 00:03:01,130
Oh, thanks.
57
00:03:03,090 --> 00:03:04,760
How do we decide who
gets the extra ticket?
58
00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:07,770
I don't know. Deac,
what do you think is fair?
59
00:03:07,810 --> 00:03:10,190
Don't care.
I already got my ticket.
60
00:03:10,230 --> 00:03:12,600
Hey, we could
measure somethin'.
61
00:03:12,650 --> 00:03:14,480
You know, like the length
of somethin'.
62
00:03:18,940 --> 00:03:20,150
All right.
63
00:03:22,820 --> 00:03:24,160
Or maybe
there's another way.
64
00:03:26,830 --> 00:03:28,500
-What's up?
-Carrie's gonna be
65
00:03:28,540 --> 00:03:29,910
at her office late.
I gotta go pick up Arthur
66
00:03:29,950 --> 00:03:31,540
from work.
67
00:03:31,580 --> 00:03:33,880
Basically what I'm sayin'
is pay for your own food.
68
00:03:38,210 --> 00:03:40,800
Well, looks like
we're gonna be here for a while.
69
00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:42,800
Yup.
70
00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:44,260
You hungry?
71
00:03:44,300 --> 00:03:47,180
-Yeah, you got some food?
-No, just making conversation.
72
00:03:51,230 --> 00:03:55,060
Come on, man,
this traffic is brutal.
73
00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:56,860
Well, on the bright side,
74
00:03:56,900 --> 00:03:58,270
it gives us a chance
to talk.
75
00:03:59,690 --> 00:04:01,240
Hey,
76
00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:03,910
have you ever heard the story
about my foot surgery?
77
00:04:03,950 --> 00:04:04,990
Uh...
78
00:04:05,030 --> 00:04:06,280
yes?
79
00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:09,290
It didn't take place
in a hospital proper,
80
00:04:09,330 --> 00:04:11,660
but I'm gettin' ahead
of myself.
81
00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:13,210
Let me first tell ya
about the accident.
82
00:04:15,210 --> 00:04:18,170
So if I didn't sell at least
200 canned hams a week,
83
00:04:18,210 --> 00:04:19,210
I didn't see a dime!
84
00:04:22,090 --> 00:04:23,630
And that little baby
85
00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:26,260
grew up to be
Miss Rosemary Clooney.
86
00:04:29,220 --> 00:04:31,270
Douglas, let me tell you
how the Vietnam War
87
00:04:31,310 --> 00:04:33,560
could have been avoided
with a simple phone call.
88
00:04:35,690 --> 00:04:37,770
Imagine the possibilities,
Douglas.
89
00:04:37,810 --> 00:04:39,020
You can sleep in it
at night
90
00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:40,820
and eat it
in the morning.
91
00:04:43,650 --> 00:04:46,070
And I guess the lesson
I learned from that was,
92
00:04:46,110 --> 00:04:48,240
farm equipment
is serious business.
93
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:52,040
Well, here we are,
home again.
94
00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:54,160
-Home again.
-Yup.
95
00:04:54,210 --> 00:04:56,620
It only took
an hour and a half.
96
00:04:56,670 --> 00:04:59,250
Yes, but in a way,
it was a blessing in disguise.
97
00:04:59,290 --> 00:05:01,130
We had some wonderful
bonding time.
98
00:05:02,090 --> 00:05:03,300
You're a good egg,
Douglas.
99
00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:06,090
Oh,
100
00:05:06,130 --> 00:05:08,930
and I will get you
that literature I promised you.
101
00:05:08,970 --> 00:05:10,680
Great. I look forward
to it.
102
00:05:15,690 --> 00:05:17,310
-[DOOR CLOSES]
-Oh, my God...
103
00:05:21,940 --> 00:05:24,940
-[DAVID LETTERMAN SPEAKING
ON TV INDISTINCTLY]
-[LAUGHING]
104
00:05:26,150 --> 00:05:28,870
-Hey, I'm home.
-Hey!
105
00:05:28,910 --> 00:05:29,990
What are you
watchin'?
106
00:05:30,030 --> 00:05:31,370
Letterman,top 10.
107
00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:35,080
-Huh?
-Top 10 list.
108
00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:36,790
What is it tonight?
109
00:05:36,830 --> 00:05:38,290
Top 10 sign...
110
00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:41,250
-Top 10 what?
-Well, hold on!
111
00:05:41,290 --> 00:05:42,710
Carrie,
I'm listening!
112
00:05:42,750 --> 00:05:43,960
Just tell me the topic!
113
00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:46,050
Carrie, could you--
Ah! I missed it!
114
00:05:48,430 --> 00:05:50,850
-Sorry.
-That's all right.
115
00:05:50,890 --> 00:05:52,060
Hey, thanks
for pickin' up Dad
116
00:05:52,100 --> 00:05:53,850
from work tonight.
Did it go okay?
117
00:05:53,890 --> 00:05:55,270
Okay? Ha ha!
118
00:05:55,310 --> 00:05:57,270
Let me tell you somethin'.
I love your dad,
119
00:05:57,310 --> 00:05:58,940
but bein' trapped in the car
with him for 2 hours--
120
00:05:58,980 --> 00:06:01,060
not even close to OK.
121
00:06:01,110 --> 00:06:04,150
I mean, he just kept
goin' on and on
122
00:06:04,190 --> 00:06:06,280
about every little
stupid thing.
123
00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:07,360
And I'll tell ya
another thing--
124
00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:08,450
I'd really like
to set up a meeting
125
00:06:08,490 --> 00:06:09,950
between your father
and a Tic Tac.
126
00:06:09,990 --> 00:06:11,160
Hot ziggety!
127
00:06:12,410 --> 00:06:14,450
Whoo!
128
00:06:14,490 --> 00:06:16,870
God, it was brutal.
It was like bein' trapped
129
00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:19,330
in the car with a demented
old circus monkey.
130
00:06:22,420 --> 00:06:24,170
Anyway, why are you late
from work again?
131
00:06:24,210 --> 00:06:25,670
It's like the third time
this week.
132
00:06:25,710 --> 00:06:26,760
You should
just tell your--
133
00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:30,220
-Hey, Arthur.
-Douglas.
134
00:06:36,850 --> 00:06:38,440
Where were you?
135
00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:40,350
In the garage,
getting a beer.
136
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,230
-What's the matter?
-Carrie, my God.
137
00:06:44,900 --> 00:06:46,190
I thought you were in there,
138
00:06:46,230 --> 00:06:47,740
and I started goin' off
about your father,
139
00:06:47,780 --> 00:06:49,900
and he came up,
and I don't know if he heard me.
140
00:06:49,950 --> 00:06:51,450
Well, what did you say?
141
00:06:51,490 --> 00:06:54,280
I think I called him
a demented old circus monkey.
142
00:06:56,370 --> 00:07:00,290
A demented
old circus monkey?
143
00:07:00,330 --> 00:07:02,210
I know it's hurtful.
That's the point.
144
00:07:03,210 --> 00:07:04,710
But why did you say it?
145
00:07:04,750 --> 00:07:06,300
You know he's always coming in
and out of doors.
146
00:07:06,340 --> 00:07:08,300
He's been down there
for 4 hours.
147
00:07:08,340 --> 00:07:09,420
I saw him take his pills.
148
00:07:09,470 --> 00:07:11,380
It looked like enough
to put a rhino down.
149
00:07:11,430 --> 00:07:13,010
Well, how did he act
when you walked in?
150
00:07:13,050 --> 00:07:14,300
Did he act
like he heard you?
151
00:07:14,350 --> 00:07:17,180
I don't know.
He just said, "Douglas."
152
00:07:17,220 --> 00:07:20,520
Oh, I just wanted to come home
and have a beer and relax.
153
00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:22,230
I know, just for a moment,
154
00:07:22,270 --> 00:07:25,150
let's assume that he did hear
"demented old circus monkey."
155
00:07:25,190 --> 00:07:27,190
How bad does that
actually sound?
156
00:07:28,190 --> 00:07:29,780
Well, it
doesn't sound good.
157
00:07:29,820 --> 00:07:32,160
Wait a second now. "Circus"--
158
00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:34,410
fun for the whole family, right?
159
00:07:34,450 --> 00:07:36,410
And "monkey"--I think
of the tricycle, mug of beer.
160
00:07:36,450 --> 00:07:38,290
It's very cute.
161
00:07:38,330 --> 00:07:39,750
What about demented?
162
00:07:40,790 --> 00:07:42,170
That could bite me
in the ass, yeah.
163
00:07:49,090 --> 00:07:52,510
Hey, there he is--
my man Artie.
164
00:07:52,550 --> 00:07:54,140
Hey, the art man.
165
00:07:55,260 --> 00:07:56,430
Art of the deal.
166
00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:58,520
Hello, Douglas.
167
00:07:59,810 --> 00:08:00,770
How ya doin'?
168
00:08:02,350 --> 00:08:04,900
Ah-ah-ah-ah!
169
00:08:04,940 --> 00:08:06,770
Love this guy.
Rawrr!
170
00:08:09,860 --> 00:08:11,400
Uh, you know, uh,
171
00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:14,360
yesterday, right after
we got caught in traffic,
172
00:08:14,410 --> 00:08:16,910
I was a little, uh,
v-v-v-p, little crazy, you know?
173
00:08:16,950 --> 00:08:19,870
I was just sayin' stuff,
174
00:08:19,910 --> 00:08:21,960
but I was thinkin'
later on,
175
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:24,080
that that time we spent
in the car together,
176
00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:26,500
that was kind of special,
you know,
177
00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:28,920
'cause you were just so--
you were...
178
00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:30,340
you,you know?
179
00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:33,130
I am me, yes.
180
00:08:36,970 --> 00:08:39,390
Hey, Stanley,
181
00:08:39,430 --> 00:08:42,270
you demented
old circus monkey, you!
182
00:08:48,650 --> 00:08:51,440
Who's a demented
old circus monkey?
183
00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:54,150
You are, yes, you are,
'cause you're so good
184
00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,280
and fun to be around.
185
00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:57,410
Yeah.
186
00:08:57,450 --> 00:08:58,620
Hey, honey.
Hi, Dad.
187
00:08:58,660 --> 00:09:01,240
Hey, Carrie, you
demented old circus monkey!
188
00:09:03,660 --> 00:09:05,120
What?
189
00:09:05,170 --> 00:09:06,500
It's just my new thing
I call everyone I love,
190
00:09:06,540 --> 00:09:07,960
you know?
191
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:10,250
It's my catch phrase,
startin' yesterday.
192
00:09:11,460 --> 00:09:13,210
I'm off to work.
193
00:09:13,260 --> 00:09:14,380
See you tonight.
194
00:09:14,420 --> 00:09:15,970
All right, I want you
to take it easy now,
195
00:09:16,010 --> 00:09:18,300
you demented old
circus monkey!
196
00:09:20,930 --> 00:09:22,140
That was subtle.
197
00:09:23,350 --> 00:09:25,140
I know. I was tryin'.
198
00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:27,650
He wouldn't give me
anything, you know?
199
00:09:27,690 --> 00:09:30,320
He didn't seem that angry, but
he wasn't all that nice, either.
200
00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:33,280
He was just kind of there,
like a cat.
201
00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:34,990
Doug, listen to me.
202
00:09:35,030 --> 00:09:36,990
You need to either
apologize to him,
203
00:09:37,030 --> 00:09:38,160
or let this thing go,
204
00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:40,030
because you're really
starting to annoy me.
205
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,990
I just need to know
if he heard.
206
00:09:44,580 --> 00:09:46,000
Okay, I got it.
207
00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:48,380
You and I, we're
gonna do a reenactment.
208
00:09:48,420 --> 00:09:49,920
-A reenactment?
-Yeah.
209
00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:51,290
Yeah. I'm gonna be me.
You're gonna be him,
210
00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:52,670
and I'm gonna repeat
what I said, exactly
211
00:09:52,710 --> 00:09:54,460
the way I said it,
212
00:09:54,510 --> 00:09:56,550
and then we'll find out whether
he heard once and for all.
213
00:09:56,590 --> 00:09:59,390
Okay, what can I do
to make this not happen?
214
00:10:00,430 --> 00:10:03,100
We need everything
to be exactly the same way.
215
00:10:03,140 --> 00:10:05,480
This pass-way, this
was open right here, okay?
216
00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:06,980
And the TV was on.
217
00:10:07,020 --> 00:10:08,140
It was definitely on.
218
00:10:08,190 --> 00:10:09,520
Okay...
219
00:10:09,560 --> 00:10:11,230
How loud did I say it,
though, you know?
220
00:10:13,150 --> 00:10:15,030
Demented old circus monkey.
221
00:10:15,070 --> 00:10:16,320
It'd be like drivin'
around with a...
222
00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:18,240
[LOUDER]
demented old circus monkey!
223
00:10:19,570 --> 00:10:21,700
[SLIGHTLY QUIETER] Like
a demented old circus monkey.
224
00:10:21,740 --> 00:10:24,240
Yeah, that was the one--
the third one, right there.
225
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:26,540
Are you sure
you're in the right key?
226
00:10:26,580 --> 00:10:28,040
Now, come on,
you're Arthur,
227
00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:29,210
and you're comin' up
out of the basement.
228
00:10:29,250 --> 00:10:30,380
-Oy!
-Would you just work with me?
229
00:10:30,420 --> 00:10:33,420
-Please? Okay.
-Fine!
230
00:10:33,460 --> 00:10:35,130
You need me to say
something like, "action,"
231
00:10:35,170 --> 00:10:36,340
or anything like that?
232
00:10:36,380 --> 00:10:37,550
I can handle it, Butch.
233
00:10:37,590 --> 00:10:39,550
All right, don't push it.
Throw it away.
234
00:10:42,220 --> 00:10:43,300
Douglas!
235
00:10:43,350 --> 00:10:44,600
I'm Arthur!
236
00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:47,390
Arthur Spooner,
that's me!
237
00:10:47,430 --> 00:10:50,020
I've invented
a new kind of pie.
238
00:10:59,530 --> 00:11:01,110
Hi. Ahem.
239
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:03,030
Oh, my God.
This is not my hat.
240
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:05,370
Hey, Arthur,
we were just, uh--
241
00:11:05,410 --> 00:11:06,950
I saw what you were doin'.
242
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,620
I guess when I leave you
do little skits about me,
243
00:11:08,660 --> 00:11:10,170
is that it?
244
00:11:10,210 --> 00:11:11,370
Well, I don't.
245
00:11:13,460 --> 00:11:15,170
No, of course not.
246
00:11:15,210 --> 00:11:17,550
You're too busy calling me
a demented old circus monkey
247
00:11:17,590 --> 00:11:19,260
-behind my back!
-Dad--
248
00:11:19,300 --> 00:11:20,720
No! I'm glad
I can be a source
249
00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:22,640
of such amusement
to you two.
250
00:11:24,050 --> 00:11:25,060
I'll be goin' now.
251
00:11:26,060 --> 00:11:27,560
And by the way,
252
00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:30,350
I didn't invent
a new kind of pie.
253
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:32,310
It was a crumb cake!
254
00:11:43,740 --> 00:11:45,280
-Thank you.
-Mm-hmm.
255
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,580
-Thank you.
-Mm-hmm.
256
00:11:55,630 --> 00:11:57,460
Oh, wow,
he's really mad at us.
257
00:11:57,500 --> 00:11:59,090
There is nous.
258
00:11:59,130 --> 00:12:01,590
You started this, and then
you took me down with you
259
00:12:01,630 --> 00:12:03,720
with that brilliant
little reenactment.
260
00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:05,430
In my defense, Carrie,
it was your choice
261
00:12:05,470 --> 00:12:06,680
to wear the hat.
262
00:12:07,970 --> 00:12:09,600
You created an atmosphere
263
00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:11,690
where it was easy
to get carried away.
264
00:12:12,810 --> 00:12:14,440
Just go out there and try
to talk to him, will ya?
265
00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:15,690
-Why don't you?
-I did.
266
00:12:15,730 --> 00:12:17,860
Every time I do,
he just covers his ears
267
00:12:17,900 --> 00:12:18,900
and shuts his eyes
268
00:12:18,940 --> 00:12:21,030
and walks away...
269
00:12:21,070 --> 00:12:22,650
usually
right into something.
270
00:12:23,950 --> 00:12:25,320
Okay. I'll go.
271
00:12:28,700 --> 00:12:31,410
Dad, would you just come inside
and eat with us?
272
00:12:31,450 --> 00:12:32,660
Sorry.
273
00:12:32,710 --> 00:12:33,830
I prefer to eat out here
274
00:12:33,870 --> 00:12:36,670
with the other demented
circus monkeys.
275
00:12:39,130 --> 00:12:41,880
You're not
a circus monkey, Dad.
276
00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:43,090
Unh-uh.
277
00:12:43,130 --> 00:12:45,470
Demented circus monkey.
278
00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:49,970
Will you stop it?
We're sorry, okay?
279
00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:51,730
Sure. It's easy
to say you're sorry
280
00:12:51,770 --> 00:12:53,480
afterthe insult.
281
00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:55,560
Well, it's kind of hard
to do it before the insult.
282
00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:57,770
Heh. Heh heh heh!
283
00:12:57,810 --> 00:12:59,570
If you're tryin' to
disarm me with your wit,
284
00:12:59,610 --> 00:13:01,690
I recommend
you save your time.
285
00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:08,530
Hey...
286
00:13:08,580 --> 00:13:09,700
party Artie!
287
00:13:09,740 --> 00:13:10,910
[CHUCKLES]
288
00:13:10,950 --> 00:13:12,540
Chef Boy-Artie!
289
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:15,710
Yeah. We're--
We're in here.
290
00:13:19,500 --> 00:13:20,550
RICHIE: All right,
I got it!
291
00:13:20,590 --> 00:13:22,380
You wait
in the Shea parking lot,
292
00:13:22,420 --> 00:13:23,920
and after 4 1/2 innings,
293
00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:25,130
I come out,
and then you go in
294
00:13:25,180 --> 00:13:26,630
for the rest of the game.
295
00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:28,010
How's that?
296
00:13:28,050 --> 00:13:29,600
You won't come out.
297
00:13:31,890 --> 00:13:33,060
That's true.
298
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:36,770
I apologized
to the guy 20 times.
299
00:13:36,810 --> 00:13:38,020
What else can I do?
300
00:13:38,060 --> 00:13:39,020
I don't know.
301
00:13:40,900 --> 00:13:42,070
Why don't you
take him somewhere?
302
00:13:43,530 --> 00:13:44,570
What, like...
303
00:13:44,610 --> 00:13:45,570
out to the woods?
304
00:13:47,570 --> 00:13:49,490
Hey, I got an idea.
305
00:13:49,530 --> 00:13:52,410
We got a dish here
with about a dozen butter balls.
306
00:13:52,450 --> 00:13:54,410
You eat 'em all
in under a minute,
307
00:13:54,450 --> 00:13:55,960
and you're goin' to Shea.
308
00:13:59,170 --> 00:14:00,590
I know what you could do.
309
00:14:01,750 --> 00:14:03,550
What?
310
00:14:03,590 --> 00:14:05,760
You could give him
the other Mets ticket.
311
00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:07,800
This is a lot of butter,
312
00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:11,680
and I think we have a deal.
313
00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:16,810
Not the game.
He'll ruin it somehow.
314
00:14:16,850 --> 00:14:18,940
He'll yell
something embarrassing,
315
00:14:18,980 --> 00:14:20,810
and the first-base coach
will look at me.
316
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,980
Look, man, you hurt
the guy's feelings.
317
00:14:23,020 --> 00:14:24,690
You gotta deal
with the consequences.
318
00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:31,450
I guess you're right.
I guess I gotta bite
319
00:14:31,490 --> 00:14:32,700
the bullet on this one.
320
00:14:33,830 --> 00:14:34,950
All right,
I'll bring 'im.
321
00:14:39,210 --> 00:14:40,750
That's 12.
322
00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:43,210
I win.
323
00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:47,090
I get the ticket! Aah!
324
00:14:48,630 --> 00:14:50,470
Eh...ah...
325
00:14:53,010 --> 00:14:54,010
What?
326
00:14:59,890 --> 00:15:01,020
MALE ANNOUNCER [OVER P.A.]:
Now batting...
327
00:15:01,060 --> 00:15:02,900
number 61...
328
00:15:02,940 --> 00:15:04,770
Gilbert Showman.
329
00:15:05,780 --> 00:15:08,490
Okay, Arthur,
got you a program
330
00:15:08,530 --> 00:15:11,950
and a pennant here
and a little bat.
331
00:15:11,990 --> 00:15:13,530
Ha ha ha!
It's also a pen.
332
00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:16,830
Look it! I'm a giant
baseball player
333
00:15:16,870 --> 00:15:19,120
with a very
normal-sized bat.
334
00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:20,620
Whoa! [CLICK]
335
00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:22,040
[IMITATING
CROWD CHEERING]
336
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:23,500
He lays down a bump!
337
00:15:23,540 --> 00:15:25,630
Okay, okay, it's not landing.
338
00:15:25,670 --> 00:15:27,840
Would you just take
this stuff, will ya?
339
00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:29,050
Thank you, no.
340
00:15:29,090 --> 00:15:32,590
I accepted this ticket
because I love the Mets
341
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,850
and I enjoy the company
of Mister, uh...
342
00:15:36,180 --> 00:15:37,680
-Palmer.
-Palmer here.
343
00:15:39,180 --> 00:15:41,190
You two, I can do without.
344
00:15:42,690 --> 00:15:43,980
All right, so what
do you wanna eat?
345
00:15:44,020 --> 00:15:46,150
You want a hot dog,
peanuts?
346
00:15:46,190 --> 00:15:47,690
Nothing, thank you.
347
00:15:47,730 --> 00:15:49,280
What about one of those
ice creams you like?
348
00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:51,070
Cool-A-Coo? Huh?
349
00:15:51,110 --> 00:15:53,990
You love Cool-A-Coos.
350
00:15:54,030 --> 00:15:55,780
If I got you a Cool-A-Coo,
would you eat it?
351
00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:59,000
I might eat it.
352
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:01,710
Well, then, I'm gonna get
you a Cool-A-Coo.
353
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:04,630
And one for my friend, uh...
354
00:16:05,710 --> 00:16:07,050
I'm sorry, son,
355
00:16:07,090 --> 00:16:08,920
give it to me one more time.
356
00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:10,630
-Palmer.
-Palmer.
357
00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:13,010
ANNOUNCER:Now batting,
358
00:16:13,050 --> 00:16:14,640
number 4...
359
00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:16,600
Greg Jacobs.
360
00:16:20,100 --> 00:16:21,270
Oh, God.
361
00:16:28,190 --> 00:16:29,730
These seats are
pretty great, huh?
362
00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:36,660
You sure you don't want
the pennant?
363
00:16:36,700 --> 00:16:38,830
Because I think
it's pretty sweet.
364
00:16:38,870 --> 00:16:40,040
[CHUCKLES]
365
00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:41,080
I'm sure.
366
00:16:45,250 --> 00:16:46,750
Yeah!
367
00:16:48,130 --> 00:16:49,750
Yeah!
368
00:16:51,420 --> 00:16:54,720
Mets, yeah! God,
this thing is fun.
369
00:17:08,980 --> 00:17:12,780
Hi. I need
2 Cool-A-Coos, please.
370
00:17:12,820 --> 00:17:14,650
Sorry. Beer only.
371
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:18,240
Okay, I'll take a beer
and 2 Cool-A-Coos.
372
00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:19,370
Beer only.
373
00:17:20,410 --> 00:17:21,910
Wait.
What are you talking about?
374
00:17:21,950 --> 00:17:23,620
You have Cool-A-Coos
right there. I can see 'em!
375
00:17:23,660 --> 00:17:24,660
Beer only.
376
00:17:26,120 --> 00:17:29,250
Yeah, yeah, you mentioned that.
377
00:17:29,290 --> 00:17:32,260
Listen, um, I've got
an old man out there
378
00:17:32,300 --> 00:17:34,130
with very hurt feelings,
379
00:17:34,170 --> 00:17:37,300
and he's got his heart set
on a frickin' Cool-A-Coo.
380
00:17:37,340 --> 00:17:39,140
Now, I'm gonna count to 5,
381
00:17:39,180 --> 00:17:41,930
and if a Cool-A-Coo
does not appear in my hand,
382
00:17:41,970 --> 00:17:43,810
I'm gonna put you on a stick.
383
00:17:54,990 --> 00:17:56,860
What does Met
stand for anyway,
384
00:17:56,910 --> 00:17:58,070
ya know?
385
00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:00,330
I mean,
what's a Met?
386
00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:02,120
What's the deal
with that?
387
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:06,960
Come on.
Give me something, huh?
388
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,380
It's short for
Metropolitan.
389
00:18:10,210 --> 00:18:12,920
Or perhaps it's short
for "hurtful son-in-law."
390
00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:15,130
All right,
that's it! Come on, ya know?
391
00:18:15,170 --> 00:18:16,680
I said I was sorry,
all right.
392
00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:17,880
I didn't even mean
what I said.
393
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:18,970
I've apologized.
394
00:18:19,010 --> 00:18:21,100
I've shared front row
seats with ya.
395
00:18:21,140 --> 00:18:22,760
I'm out.
I'm out. I'm out.
396
00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:25,680
Never got a foul ball before.
397
00:18:31,190 --> 00:18:32,980
Hey, buddy!
398
00:18:33,020 --> 00:18:34,190
Back in your seat!
399
00:18:41,030 --> 00:18:42,280
Hey!
400
00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:47,410
[CHEERING]
401
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:49,040
Go, big man...
402
00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:50,290
Go.
403
00:18:52,250 --> 00:18:54,210
MALE ANNOUNCER:
Oh, will you look at this?
404
00:18:54,250 --> 00:18:55,420
This is terrible.
405
00:18:55,460 --> 00:18:57,300
Is that Doug?
406
00:18:57,340 --> 00:19:00,180
ANNOUNCER:Some moronis running around the field,
407
00:19:00,220 --> 00:19:02,220
ruining it for everyone.
408
00:19:02,260 --> 00:19:03,720
Go, Moose!
409
00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:12,110
Ah!
410
00:19:12,150 --> 00:19:13,860
Ah..
411
00:19:13,900 --> 00:19:15,110
Unh!
412
00:19:17,070 --> 00:19:18,190
Hey? How you guys doin'?
413
00:19:19,990 --> 00:19:22,740
That's my son-in-law!
414
00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:35,420
Piazza!
415
00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:41,090
Driver of the month.
416
00:19:43,390 --> 00:19:44,930
This is a long way
to fall.
417
00:19:47,930 --> 00:19:49,890
Um, excuse me, sir?
418
00:19:49,930 --> 00:19:51,390
I'm sorry to bother you.
419
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,060
Could you just
let us go now, please?
420
00:19:53,100 --> 00:19:54,400
He won't go
on the field again,
421
00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:56,480
and I won't spit on any
more concession people.
422
00:19:59,070 --> 00:20:00,530
Sorry. Rules are rules.
423
00:20:00,570 --> 00:20:02,110
Oh, come on. It's
not like you're running
424
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:03,240
a real jail here.
425
00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:05,330
It's Mets' jail.
Get a grip!
426
00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:09,410
-Piazza!
-Hey, dude,
427
00:20:09,450 --> 00:20:11,160
you know what?
We get it. You like Piazza.
428
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:14,920
-Okay, now settle down, drunky.
-All right now, honey. Easy!
429
00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:17,380
This man has puking
in his future.
430
00:20:18,460 --> 00:20:20,340
Hey, some guy's here
to claim you.
431
00:20:21,300 --> 00:20:22,260
DOUG: Hey, Arthur.
432
00:20:22,300 --> 00:20:24,010
Hi, Dad.
433
00:20:24,050 --> 00:20:26,970
Well, I can't say
this is my proudest moment.
434
00:20:28,260 --> 00:20:30,100
Sorry I didn't get you
that foul ball.
435
00:20:30,140 --> 00:20:32,850
No, no, Douglas.
I was very touched.
436
00:20:32,890 --> 00:20:34,270
You did toss it away
to save yourself,
437
00:20:34,310 --> 00:20:36,560
but other than that,
438
00:20:36,610 --> 00:20:38,400
it was a very nice gesture.
439
00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:40,940
I almost got you
your ice cream.
440
00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:44,450
Well, yes, but I heard you were
in the "beer only" line.
441
00:20:44,490 --> 00:20:46,830
Last time I checked,
that means "beer only."
442
00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:50,870
Well, anyway, I'm sorry.
443
00:20:50,910 --> 00:20:54,290
Come on. Let's get you kids
out of this hell hole.
444
00:20:54,330 --> 00:20:56,080
Listen, Arthur, I'm--
445
00:20:56,130 --> 00:20:58,130
I'm really sorry about
that demented monkey comment.
446
00:20:58,170 --> 00:20:59,840
Aw, forget it.
447
00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:01,510
To be honest, Douglas,
behind your back,
448
00:21:01,550 --> 00:21:04,880
I often refer to you
as the butterball.
449
00:21:06,180 --> 00:21:08,390
That's good to know,
and...ouch.
450
00:21:13,270 --> 00:21:15,520
[ORCHESTRAL FLOURISH ON TV]
451
00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:17,190
TV ANNOUNCER:And from the at-least-you-know-you're-smarter-
452
00:21:17,230 --> 00:21:19,440
than-someone file,here's a guy
453
00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:22,320
who really wanted a foul ballin Shea Stadium today.
454
00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:24,240
Look at this lunatic go.
455
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:27,410
Boing! Boing! Boing!
456
00:21:27,450 --> 00:21:28,620
Why don't
you show the part
457
00:21:28,660 --> 00:21:30,950
where I make a crazy old man
happy, huh?
458
00:21:30,990 --> 00:21:33,120
Oh, hey, Dad.
459
00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:34,410
Oh, you thought
that was funny, huh?
460
00:21:34,460 --> 00:21:37,290
-Ha ha ha!
-Funny. Funny. Funny! Funny!
461
00:21:40,590 --> 00:21:43,510
[**]
32113
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