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1
00:00:02,410 --> 00:00:03,790
[**]
2
00:00:03,830 --> 00:00:05,330
[DOOR OPENS]
3
00:00:05,380 --> 00:00:07,880
Douglas, if you have a moment,
I've written a letter
4
00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:09,960
and I'd like your thoughts.
5
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,510
[QUIETLY]
I almost went
to White Castle.
6
00:00:11,550 --> 00:00:13,050
[NORMAL]
Yeah.
7
00:00:13,090 --> 00:00:14,840
"Dear sir or madam,
8
00:00:14,880 --> 00:00:18,220
"recently I purchased a tube
of your so-called soothing
ointment
9
00:00:18,260 --> 00:00:20,180
"to combat
a particularly stubborn rash
10
00:00:20,220 --> 00:00:22,680
"that contracted
through no fault of my own.
11
00:00:22,730 --> 00:00:26,230
"Upon using said product,
not only did I fail
to find relief,
12
00:00:26,270 --> 00:00:28,860
"but the area is now
completely enflamed
13
00:00:28,900 --> 00:00:30,570
"and periodically erupting.
14
00:00:30,610 --> 00:00:32,190
"See photo A.
15
00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:35,570
"To remove all uncertainty
from the matter,
16
00:00:35,610 --> 00:00:38,320
"I conducted
a controlled experiment
17
00:00:38,370 --> 00:00:40,620
"using an acquaintance
of mine named Bernard.
18
00:00:40,660 --> 00:00:42,250
"See photo B.
19
00:00:42,290 --> 00:00:45,710
"Bernard is the squatting fellow
on the left.
20
00:00:45,750 --> 00:00:49,790
"Please review this material
and advise me post haste.
21
00:00:49,840 --> 00:00:52,880
Sincerely, A. Spooner."
22
00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:54,720
What do you think?
23
00:00:54,760 --> 00:00:56,760
It's delightful.
24
00:00:57,890 --> 00:00:59,180
You can keep those photos.
25
00:00:59,220 --> 00:01:01,430
I have better angles.
26
00:01:03,390 --> 00:01:04,230
Oh, God.
27
00:01:04,270 --> 00:01:06,270
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
28
00:01:08,100 --> 00:01:09,860
[INDISTINCT]
29
00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:20,370
[**]
30
00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:33,670
Ah, nothing quite like changing
out of your work clothes
31
00:01:33,710 --> 00:01:37,220
and throwing on a comfy,
old pair of sweats.
32
00:01:37,260 --> 00:01:39,300
Doug, you wear
shorts to work.
33
00:01:39,340 --> 00:01:41,640
And you unbutton them
in the truck.
34
00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:44,680
Actually, I've been
asked not to do that.
35
00:01:45,350 --> 00:01:47,690
So, uh, how's your day?
36
00:01:47,730 --> 00:01:49,190
It was OK.
37
00:01:49,230 --> 00:01:50,980
Although, they have me wearing
one of those headsets now
38
00:01:51,020 --> 00:01:52,270
to talk on the phone.
39
00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:53,900
Ooh, I like those.
40
00:01:53,940 --> 00:01:56,700
Think they'll let you
take it home so we could, uh--
41
00:01:56,740 --> 00:01:58,410
You know.
42
00:01:58,450 --> 00:02:02,370
What? Talk on the phone
without using our hands?
43
00:02:02,410 --> 00:02:04,080
No, fool around.
44
00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:05,620
I could pretend
you're Janet Jackson
45
00:02:05,660 --> 00:02:10,580
or a... TIME LIFE
operator.
46
00:02:10,630 --> 00:02:12,710
And would you still be you?
47
00:02:12,750 --> 00:02:14,840
Hey, that hurts.
48
00:02:16,010 --> 00:02:17,800
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
49
00:02:21,390 --> 00:02:23,810
[GROANING]
50
00:02:23,850 --> 00:02:25,220
Hello.
51
00:02:25,270 --> 00:02:27,060
Oh, hey, there.
52
00:02:27,100 --> 00:02:28,690
Uh...
53
00:02:28,730 --> 00:02:29,890
OK. Sure. Fine.
54
00:02:29,940 --> 00:02:30,940
We'll be here.
55
00:02:30,980 --> 00:02:32,190
OK, bye.
56
00:02:32,230 --> 00:02:33,520
Who was that?
57
00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:35,030
The Sackskys
from next door.
58
00:02:35,070 --> 00:02:36,280
They said they have
something very important
to tell us.
59
00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:37,570
They're
on their way over.
60
00:02:37,610 --> 00:02:38,820
What?
61
00:02:38,860 --> 00:02:41,110
No, they're
so annoying.
62
00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:43,490
Why did you say
they can come over?
63
00:02:43,530 --> 00:02:44,490
What am I gonna say?
64
00:02:44,530 --> 00:02:45,700
You make something up.
65
00:02:45,740 --> 00:02:47,700
We're sleeping,
we're eating,
66
00:02:47,750 --> 00:02:48,830
we're dead.
67
00:02:48,870 --> 00:02:49,910
I don't know,
68
00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:52,330
you think on your feet,
for God's sakes.
69
00:02:52,380 --> 00:02:53,460
I'm sorry.
70
00:02:53,500 --> 00:02:54,790
He said, "How ya
doing, champ?"
71
00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:56,880
And I got thrown.
72
00:02:56,920 --> 00:02:58,420
What do they want?
73
00:02:58,470 --> 00:03:00,760
You didn't run over
anything they own,
did ya?
74
00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:01,800
No.
75
00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:04,680
Oh, wait a second,
do they have a cat?
76
00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:06,100
No.
77
00:03:06,140 --> 00:03:07,640
Did you run over a cat?
78
00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:11,190
I don't think
it was, no.
79
00:03:11,230 --> 00:03:12,350
All right, look, Doug,
80
00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:13,770
I do not want
to get involved
81
00:03:13,810 --> 00:03:14,770
with these people.
82
00:03:14,810 --> 00:03:16,780
So no matter
what they suggest,
83
00:03:16,820 --> 00:03:18,440
we say no. Got it?
84
00:03:18,490 --> 00:03:20,280
Fine. So,
what's our excuse?
85
00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:21,950
Um, I have a cold.
86
00:03:21,990 --> 00:03:24,620
You? What if they want
to do something with me?
87
00:03:24,660 --> 00:03:27,160
Excuse me,
I thought of it, OK?
88
00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:30,210
I get the cold.
I'm nasal anyway.
89
00:03:30,250 --> 00:03:31,210
[DOORBELL RINGS]
90
00:03:31,250 --> 00:03:33,040
Go, go.
91
00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:34,130
Hi.
92
00:03:34,170 --> 00:03:35,290
Hi.
Hi.
93
00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:36,800
Hey there,
how ya doing?
94
00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:39,760
[SNEEZING]
Oh, I'm sorry,
I've got a cold.
95
00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:43,930
Come on in.
Come on in.
Have a seat.
96
00:03:45,970 --> 00:03:48,850
So...what's up?
97
00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:52,480
Well, we have some news.
98
00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:54,150
This is
kind of hard to say,
99
00:03:54,190 --> 00:03:56,900
and it'll probably
be hard to hear.
100
00:03:59,190 --> 00:04:00,610
Tim and I
are separating.
101
00:04:00,650 --> 00:04:01,990
TIM: Now, it's
no one's fault.
102
00:04:02,030 --> 00:04:03,990
We just have some issues
that can't be resolved.
103
00:04:04,030 --> 00:04:08,080
And we just wanted
to tell the people
closest to us.
104
00:04:10,830 --> 00:04:12,410
Oh, us. Right.
105
00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:14,290
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
106
00:04:14,330 --> 00:04:15,750
Sorry.
107
00:04:15,790 --> 00:04:19,000
We'll both be
staying in the house
until we can sell it,
108
00:04:19,050 --> 00:04:20,460
which could be a while.
109
00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:23,170
Tim seems to have
bought on the high end
of the market.
110
00:04:23,220 --> 00:04:25,180
Yes, I did.
111
00:04:25,220 --> 00:04:27,890
I did that.
112
00:04:29,350 --> 00:04:30,680
Well...
113
00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:33,690
this is a lot
to take in all at once.
114
00:04:33,730 --> 00:04:34,640
Uh...
115
00:04:34,690 --> 00:04:36,270
if it's OK,
I think Doug and I
116
00:04:36,310 --> 00:04:38,360
need to be alone
with this right now.
117
00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:39,440
Absolutely.
118
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:40,690
Let's go.
Let's go.
119
00:04:40,730 --> 00:04:42,190
Oh, there is
one more thing.
120
00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:43,700
You see, we actually
have a time-share
121
00:04:43,740 --> 00:04:46,030
out in the Hamptons
for the third week in June.
122
00:04:46,070 --> 00:04:47,030
Oh, here's a brochure.
123
00:04:47,070 --> 00:04:48,030
Yeah, it's all paid for,
124
00:04:48,070 --> 00:04:49,580
but obviously
we won't be using it,
125
00:04:49,620 --> 00:04:51,540
so we'd love to give it
away to friends.
126
00:04:51,580 --> 00:04:53,040
Well,
you know, that all
sounds very nice,
127
00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:55,500
but unfortunately,
we gotta throw
you a no.
128
00:04:55,540 --> 00:04:58,130
I'm actually having
129
00:04:58,170 --> 00:05:00,300
exploratory surgery
that week.
130
00:05:00,340 --> 00:05:03,340
We really would
have loved for you
to stay in the cottage.
131
00:05:03,380 --> 00:05:04,840
Well, can't do it.
132
00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:06,430
Cannot do it.
133
00:05:06,470 --> 00:05:07,590
Right, hon?
134
00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:10,140
Hmm? Oh, right.
Right, right, right.
135
00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:31,280
Hey.
136
00:05:31,330 --> 00:05:32,580
Hey, it's 8:30,
were ya been?
137
00:05:32,620 --> 00:05:34,200
I stopped at the drugstore
138
00:05:34,250 --> 00:05:35,750
and then swung by the, uh,
139
00:05:35,790 --> 00:05:36,960
Hamptons.
140
00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:38,170
The Hamptons?
141
00:05:38,210 --> 00:05:40,670
Yeah, where the Sackskys
have their time-share.
142
00:05:40,710 --> 00:05:43,000
Doug, it is a nice house--
143
00:05:43,050 --> 00:05:44,420
It's blue, with a deck,
144
00:05:44,460 --> 00:05:46,050
and those Cape-Coddy shutters.
145
00:05:46,090 --> 00:05:47,720
So, what are
you saying, you actually
wanna do this now?
146
00:05:47,760 --> 00:05:50,760
It's in this cute
little town called Quogue.
147
00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:53,560
Quoo-g.
148
00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:55,020
Come on, honey,
let's do this.
149
00:05:55,060 --> 00:05:56,810
Carrie, you went on
and on the other night
150
00:05:56,850 --> 00:05:58,600
about how we
shouldn't get involved
with these people.
151
00:05:58,650 --> 00:06:01,360
Doug, we are not getting
involved with these people.
152
00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:04,280
We'll be at their house,
70 miles away,
153
00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:05,740
and they'll still be here.
154
00:06:05,780 --> 00:06:07,900
Did you work that up
on the car ride home?
155
00:06:07,950 --> 00:06:11,200
Come on, let's spend
a week at the beach.
156
00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:13,330
I don't want to.
Why not?
157
00:06:13,370 --> 00:06:15,120
Carrie, I'm gigantic
and I'm fair-skinned,
158
00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:18,000
all right?
The beach is not
the best spot for me.
159
00:06:20,330 --> 00:06:21,670
Doug, I want a vacation.
160
00:06:21,710 --> 00:06:24,090
We never have any money
to go anywhere nice.
161
00:06:24,130 --> 00:06:27,840
Oh, OK. I guess
Hershey, Pennsylvania,
is not nice,
162
00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:29,470
a whole town that
smells like chocolate.
163
00:06:29,510 --> 00:06:31,970
Whatever?!
164
00:06:32,010 --> 00:06:34,640
But, Doug,
they're offering this
to us for free.
165
00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:35,970
It's like we won this.
166
00:06:36,020 --> 00:06:37,810
Come on, come on,
come on, come on--
167
00:06:37,850 --> 00:06:39,690
Aah, all right.
Yes!
168
00:06:39,730 --> 00:06:41,520
Thank you, honey.
All right, call.
169
00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:43,060
Why do I
have to call 'em?
170
00:06:43,110 --> 00:06:45,320
Because they like you.
You're the nice one.
171
00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:47,150
Here, I will
dial it for you.
172
00:06:47,190 --> 00:06:50,030
Oh, great, thanks,
'cause when you
make a phone call,
173
00:06:50,070 --> 00:06:52,820
the dialing,
that's the hard part.
174
00:06:57,540 --> 00:06:59,910
[RING]
175
00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:00,830
Hello.
176
00:07:00,870 --> 00:07:02,710
Uh, hi, Tim,
it's Doug Heffernan.
177
00:07:02,750 --> 00:07:05,630
Hey, Doug, hey. How's
the weather over there?
178
00:07:05,670 --> 00:07:07,840
[LAUGHING]
What did he say?
What did he say?
179
00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:09,880
C-c-could you
hang on a second?
180
00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:13,180
He said, "How's
the weather over there?"
181
00:07:13,220 --> 00:07:14,260
What does that mean?
182
00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:16,260
Do you want to do this?
OK, go.
183
00:07:16,310 --> 00:07:17,470
What's up, Doug?
184
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,020
Uh, it's just
that Carrie and I
185
00:07:19,060 --> 00:07:21,600
would, uh,
love to take
that time-share
186
00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:23,360
if she's still
floating around.
187
00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:24,690
Well, what happened
to your surgery?
188
00:07:24,730 --> 00:07:27,650
Hmm. Oh, I--I--I
don't need it.
189
00:07:27,690 --> 00:07:31,110
The coin worked
its way out.
190
00:07:34,070 --> 00:07:37,160
Well, well, great,
then the place is yours.
191
00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:40,370
Just happy we cankeep it in the family.
192
00:07:40,410 --> 00:07:41,920
Well, great.
Thanks a lot, Tim.
193
00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:43,420
Hey, you know what?
I'll bring the key
194
00:07:43,460 --> 00:07:45,040
and the parking permit
over right now,
195
00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:47,250
then maybe we can,
you know, hang out
and watch a game.
196
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:49,260
You wanna watch a game?
197
00:07:49,300 --> 00:07:52,760
Uh, just
hang on a second, OK?
198
00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:56,300
Huh? Hmm-mm-mm-mm.
199
00:07:56,350 --> 00:07:57,560
He wants
to drop the key off,
200
00:07:57,600 --> 00:07:59,270
and then he wants
to watch a game with me.
201
00:07:59,310 --> 00:08:00,810
So, watch!
202
00:08:00,850 --> 00:08:03,100
They're offering us
their time-share,
for God's sake.
203
00:08:03,140 --> 00:08:04,850
Don't be rude.
204
00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:07,320
Uh, sure, Tim.
205
00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:09,730
On my way.
OK, great.
206
00:08:11,070 --> 00:08:12,610
Thank you.
207
00:08:12,650 --> 00:08:13,610
I love you.
208
00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:15,120
Yeah, get off.
209
00:08:17,410 --> 00:08:19,490
Look at this.
210
00:08:19,540 --> 00:08:22,290
Will you look at this?
211
00:08:22,330 --> 00:08:24,080
Hot damn,
this is living!
212
00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:25,290
Whoo!
213
00:08:25,330 --> 00:08:26,880
OK, let's get
the whole game thing going.
214
00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:28,960
What do ya say, huh?
Oh, yeah.
215
00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:31,170
Oh, by the way,
here's your, uh,
parking permit.
216
00:08:31,210 --> 00:08:32,170
Oh.
217
00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:33,800
Ay-oh!
218
00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:35,680
You know, I couldn't
find the key,
219
00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:38,510
but Dorothy'll bring
it by tomorrow, and...
220
00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:41,770
I brought us
some Dutch beers.
221
00:08:41,810 --> 00:08:43,140
You like
the dark lager, do ya?
222
00:08:43,180 --> 00:08:46,600
Oh, anything
with alcohol
would be perfect.
223
00:08:46,650 --> 00:08:49,480
I hear ya.
224
00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:51,110
Oh, boy. Ah.
225
00:08:51,150 --> 00:08:52,860
Click.
Yeah.
226
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:56,410
Ahh.
227
00:08:56,450 --> 00:08:59,080
You like
racquetball, Doug?
228
00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:00,950
Um, maybe.
229
00:09:00,990 --> 00:09:02,790
Do you?
230
00:09:02,830 --> 00:09:04,210
What do you like?
231
00:09:04,250 --> 00:09:07,630
You like, uh,
a nice jog, a hike,
skeet shooting?
232
00:09:07,670 --> 00:09:09,130
What's your thing?
233
00:09:09,170 --> 00:09:12,300
Actually, I'm between
things right now.
234
00:09:12,340 --> 00:09:13,550
Ah.
235
00:09:13,590 --> 00:09:17,470
Hey, mind if
I flip around?
236
00:09:17,510 --> 00:09:18,600
Oh, yeah.
237
00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:21,970
Single life
is gonna be good.
238
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:24,020
I can come over here
anytime I want
239
00:09:24,060 --> 00:09:26,230
without the wifey
breathing down my neck.
240
00:09:26,270 --> 00:09:27,770
Whoa...
241
00:09:27,810 --> 00:09:31,820
Boy, those Olsen twins
are growing up fast,
aren't they?
242
00:09:44,290 --> 00:09:46,000
Hey.
243
00:09:48,210 --> 00:09:49,830
You owe me big.
244
00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:52,800
Tim is very unpleasant.
245
00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:55,380
You did good, babe.
246
00:09:58,430 --> 00:10:00,470
I said you owe me big.
247
00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:08,060
There you go.
248
00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:17,150
[DOORBELL RINGS]
249
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:19,360
Oyyy!
250
00:10:21,570 --> 00:10:23,370
Hi, Carrie.
Dorothy, hi.
251
00:10:23,410 --> 00:10:26,580
I didn't mean to bother you.
I just wanted to drop by
some time-share stuff.
252
00:10:26,620 --> 00:10:28,750
Oh, that was
so sweet. Thanks.
253
00:10:28,790 --> 00:10:30,250
Oh, there are
some local menus.
254
00:10:30,290 --> 00:10:31,750
Ooh, Crab Shack, yummy.
255
00:10:31,790 --> 00:10:33,920
Emergency numbers,
oh, and directions
to the house--
256
00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:36,260
the place can be
impossible to find.
257
00:10:36,300 --> 00:10:37,590
Tell me about it.
258
00:10:37,630 --> 00:10:39,760
What?
Huh?
259
00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:42,640
Oh, anyway, uh,
I guess you're all set.
260
00:10:42,680 --> 00:10:44,260
Yes, we are.
261
00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:45,680
So, is there
a key or--
262
00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:47,640
Oh, it's in
our safe-deposit box
at the bank.
263
00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:49,140
I'll swing by tomorrow.
264
00:10:49,190 --> 00:10:52,230
There's some stuff
I have to sneak out
of there anyway.
265
00:10:53,650 --> 00:10:56,440
Ahem. So, once again,
266
00:10:56,480 --> 00:11:00,280
uh, thank you so much
for letting us
use your house.
267
00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:01,700
Don't be silly.
268
00:11:01,740 --> 00:11:03,450
I'm just glad...the place
269
00:11:03,490 --> 00:11:06,700
won't be
sitting there empty.
270
00:11:06,750 --> 00:11:09,080
Well, I'm just
heading out
to the gym, so...
271
00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:11,330
[CRYING]
272
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:16,250
Is everything all right?
273
00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:20,880
Tim is out on a date.
274
00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:23,470
What?
Oh, I'm so sorry.
275
00:11:23,510 --> 00:11:24,680
I'm sorry, Carrie.
276
00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:26,640
I'm sorry for
dropping all this
on you.
277
00:11:26,680 --> 00:11:28,140
It's just that,
I don't know,
278
00:11:28,180 --> 00:11:31,480
I just feel
such a connection
with you.
279
00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:35,230
D-d-ditto.
280
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:38,820
DOUG: You're not even trying.
281
00:11:38,860 --> 00:11:41,150
I told you I didn't
even want to do this.
282
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,030
Come on. Open
your mouth wider.
Let's go.
283
00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:44,530
The problem is
your teeth are too big.
284
00:11:44,570 --> 00:11:47,240
W-w-what if
I swallow one?
285
00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:49,410
That's
a classy problem.
286
00:11:49,450 --> 00:11:50,750
Oh.
287
00:11:50,790 --> 00:11:53,000
Hey, honey.
Come on. Try it.
288
00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:54,830
Come on,
try to catch one.
289
00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:56,840
OK. That's mine now.
290
00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:58,420
What's the matter?
291
00:11:58,460 --> 00:11:59,840
My new best friend Dorothy
292
00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:02,090
is in there
driving me crazy.
293
00:12:02,130 --> 00:12:03,390
Aw, too bad.
294
00:12:03,430 --> 00:12:04,720
I guess that's
the price you pay
295
00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:08,260
for falling in love
with the word, "Quogue."
296
00:12:09,430 --> 00:12:11,520
Shut up.
297
00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:12,850
Hey, Richie,
298
00:12:12,890 --> 00:12:15,310
will you do me
a huge favor?
299
00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,020
I told Dorothy that I
would bring her a beer.
300
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:18,190
Would you bring
this in to her
301
00:12:18,230 --> 00:12:20,070
and be a little nice
to her, huh?
302
00:12:20,110 --> 00:12:22,450
I'm busy.
303
00:12:22,490 --> 00:12:23,740
Richie, come on.
304
00:12:23,780 --> 00:12:25,620
She's--she's
depressed and very needy
right now,
305
00:12:25,660 --> 00:12:27,120
and I'm late
for the gym.
306
00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:30,450
Just bring this in
to her and flatter her,
boost her ego,
307
00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:31,450
please.
308
00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:33,040
I don't wanna.
309
00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:34,710
You want me
to take this one?
310
00:12:34,750 --> 00:12:36,460
Um...
311
00:12:36,500 --> 00:12:40,510
Would a simple
"No, thank you"
have killed you?
312
00:12:46,550 --> 00:12:47,550
Hi.
Hi.
313
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:48,560
Here ya go.
314
00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:50,140
Oh, thanks.
315
00:12:52,310 --> 00:12:54,730
I'm Dorothy Sacksky.
316
00:12:54,770 --> 00:12:57,150
Richie Ianucci.
317
00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:00,400
So, um...
318
00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:02,780
you have
very nice...
319
00:13:04,610 --> 00:13:06,910
hair.
320
00:13:06,950 --> 00:13:10,200
Heh. Thank you.
321
00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:15,580
[TAP ON WINDOW]
322
00:13:15,620 --> 00:13:17,460
DOROTHY [WHISPERING]:
Carrie.
323
00:13:17,500 --> 00:13:18,750
Carrie.
324
00:13:18,790 --> 00:13:21,000
Hey, um,
325
00:13:21,050 --> 00:13:23,590
what are ya--
throwing curlers?
326
00:13:23,630 --> 00:13:24,920
Is Doug in there?
327
00:13:24,970 --> 00:13:27,800
No, he's still out
skeet shooting
with Tim.
328
00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:29,550
You gotta talk
to your friend Richie.
329
00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:30,720
About?
330
00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:32,470
Well, I invited
him over last night
331
00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:33,770
to check my smoke alarms,
332
00:13:33,810 --> 00:13:37,020
and let's just say
a lot more happened.
333
00:13:37,980 --> 00:13:39,560
We made love.
334
00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:41,940
Eeh.
335
00:13:41,980 --> 00:13:43,610
Anyway, he gave me
his phone number
336
00:13:43,650 --> 00:13:45,780
and I just
tried calling him--
337
00:13:45,820 --> 00:13:48,410
Does he live in a bakery?
338
00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:50,490
You know what?
339
00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:52,370
I think he might.
340
00:13:52,410 --> 00:13:59,330
Oh, my God, you don't think
he was just using me
as a one-night stand?
341
00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:01,210
No, no, that doesn't
sound like Richie.
342
00:14:01,250 --> 00:14:02,880
Oh, you gotta talk to him.
You gotta talk to him.
343
00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:05,970
Tell I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have said
"I love you" so soon.
344
00:14:06,010 --> 00:14:07,800
Oh, please
tell him, Carrie.
345
00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:10,010
Dorothy, just calm down.
I will go talk to him.
346
00:14:10,050 --> 00:14:11,390
Tell him I can change.
347
00:14:11,430 --> 00:14:14,520
Tell him I can
be whatever he
wants me to be.
348
00:14:14,560 --> 00:14:15,770
Whatever he
wants you to be.
349
00:14:15,810 --> 00:14:16,890
Yeah.
Got it.
350
00:14:16,940 --> 00:14:18,310
Thank you.
351
00:14:18,350 --> 00:14:21,860
Oh, Dorothy, any luck
with that key yet, or...?
352
00:14:21,900 --> 00:14:24,980
I can't think
about that right now.
353
00:14:27,110 --> 00:14:30,280
All I said
was flatter her.
354
00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:31,280
I did.
355
00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:34,870
I was very
complimentary throughout.
356
00:14:35,870 --> 00:14:37,750
I'm glad you think
this is funny.
357
00:14:37,790 --> 00:14:39,460
What were
you thinking?
358
00:14:39,500 --> 00:14:40,750
I didn't mean to do it.
359
00:14:40,790 --> 00:14:42,170
I was just up on a ladder,
360
00:14:42,210 --> 00:14:45,760
checking her smoke alarms,
and, bam, it happened.
361
00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:47,670
What?
362
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,510
Carrie, what are you
yelling at him for?
363
00:14:49,550 --> 00:14:51,340
It's your fault. You're
the one that sent him
in there...with beer.
364
00:14:51,390 --> 00:14:55,720
I did not tell him
to have sex with her.
365
00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:57,230
Well, what do you expect?
366
00:14:57,270 --> 00:15:01,480
If you put a snake in a cage
with a mouse and...beer...
367
00:15:03,940 --> 00:15:07,280
you have to expect
that they'll have sex.
368
00:15:08,860 --> 00:15:10,110
Look, you don't
have to worry about it
369
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:12,030
'cause I'm not
gonna see her again.
370
00:15:12,070 --> 00:15:14,950
Oh, but that's
where you're wrong,
my friend.
371
00:15:14,990 --> 00:15:16,950
You're gonna keep
seeing her for,
372
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,460
I don't know,
at least a month.
373
00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:21,120
A month?
A month's a long time,
honey.
374
00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:23,380
Doug, he had sex with her.
375
00:15:23,420 --> 00:15:26,880
The only decent thing
to do after you've
had sex with somebody
376
00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:28,550
is to keep seeing them.
377
00:15:28,590 --> 00:15:30,930
But not a month.
378
00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:34,390
All right, 3 weeks.
379
00:15:34,430 --> 00:15:36,970
That way, Dorothy
wont feel like she
was a one-night stand.
380
00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:39,430
In fact, she'll probably
be sick of him by then.
381
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:42,900
I don't see why
you even care so much.
382
00:15:42,940 --> 00:15:45,900
I care.
383
00:15:45,940 --> 00:15:47,650
She's my neighbor,
384
00:15:47,690 --> 00:15:50,900
my friend,
she's a human being,
385
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:52,530
and she hasn't
given me the key
386
00:15:52,570 --> 00:15:54,280
to her beach house yet.
387
00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:57,580
Ah, so that's what
this is all about.
388
00:15:57,620 --> 00:16:00,790
You just want to get
to use their beach house.
389
00:16:00,830 --> 00:16:02,540
What, you just
figured that out now?
390
00:16:02,580 --> 00:16:05,790
You haven't noticed that
I've been skeet shooting
a lot more than usual?
391
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:08,000
Oh, come on, you guys.
392
00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:10,340
Help me out.
I've been working
very hard this year.
393
00:16:10,380 --> 00:16:11,590
I want a tan.
394
00:16:11,630 --> 00:16:13,470
Doug,
tell him to do this.
395
00:16:13,510 --> 00:16:15,100
What's in it for me?
396
00:16:16,890 --> 00:16:18,600
Richie, go do it.
397
00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:19,600
But Moose--
398
00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:21,480
Do it!
399
00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:28,780
Man, this Dorothy
is wearing me out.
400
00:16:28,820 --> 00:16:31,400
At least she
finally got the top step
of her ladder carpeted.
401
00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:34,450
Hmm, fate is
a funny animal,
isn't it?
402
00:16:34,490 --> 00:16:36,620
If it had been me
who brought her
the beer that night,
403
00:16:36,660 --> 00:16:39,290
I'd be
the exhausted lover
right now,
404
00:16:39,330 --> 00:16:44,460
instead of
a lonely,
bitter man-child.
405
00:16:46,630 --> 00:16:48,880
Hey, hey, hey, Doug.
406
00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:49,960
Yeah, Tim?
407
00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:51,720
TIM: Hey, uh,
408
00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:54,380
so what are you doing--
you watching a game?
409
00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:55,970
Yeah, sure.
410
00:16:56,010 --> 00:16:57,140
Come on over.
411
00:16:57,180 --> 00:16:59,390
Moose, what the hell
are you doing?
412
00:16:59,430 --> 00:17:00,810
Relax. He doesn't
know you're the guy.
413
00:17:00,850 --> 00:17:02,770
I'm wearing his shirt.
414
00:17:05,060 --> 00:17:07,150
Oh, the plot thickens.
415
00:17:07,190 --> 00:17:08,860
Why are you
wearing his shirt?
416
00:17:08,900 --> 00:17:12,280
'Cause Dorothy
chewed the buttons off
of mine last night.
417
00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:13,990
See, those could
have been my but--
418
00:17:14,030 --> 00:17:15,820
Oh, forget it.
419
00:17:15,860 --> 00:17:18,160
Try not to let him
see it, that's all.
420
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:19,530
All right, all right.
If he notices,
421
00:17:19,580 --> 00:17:22,500
just tell him I went
to Swatchmore, too.
422
00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:24,410
Hey.
Hey, Tim.
423
00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:27,540
Oh, so, uh,
is this your posse?
424
00:17:29,090 --> 00:17:30,250
I actually like
425
00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:33,210
to refer to them
as my peeps, but yes.
426
00:17:33,260 --> 00:17:35,010
Hiya, Tim Sacksky.
427
00:17:35,050 --> 00:17:36,130
Spence Olchin.
428
00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:37,680
Ooh, strong handshake there.
429
00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:38,680
You in sales?
430
00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:40,720
Yep, subway tokens.
431
00:17:42,180 --> 00:17:43,850
Uh, Tim Sacksky,
how are ya?
432
00:17:43,890 --> 00:17:45,060
Fine.
433
00:17:45,100 --> 00:17:47,560
He's gotta get
to know you first.
434
00:17:48,900 --> 00:17:51,520
So, what have
we got here--
435
00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:52,480
a sports game?
436
00:17:52,530 --> 00:17:54,320
Uh, basketball
playoffs, yeah.
437
00:17:54,360 --> 00:17:56,950
Oh, hey, all right!
438
00:17:56,990 --> 00:17:58,370
Oh, this is great.
439
00:17:58,410 --> 00:18:00,370
Oh, it feels so good
just to hang with the boys,
440
00:18:00,410 --> 00:18:02,040
you know,
have a brewski,
441
00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:04,370
take my mind off
the fact that my wife
442
00:18:04,410 --> 00:18:07,330
is screwing someone else!
443
00:18:09,250 --> 00:18:12,380
Uh, haven't you
been seeing someone, Tim?
444
00:18:12,420 --> 00:18:17,220
No. No, I--I only made
that up to get her jealous.
445
00:18:17,260 --> 00:18:19,590
No, I just
go to the multiplex
446
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:23,140
and watch all those movies
with the teenagers in 'em.
447
00:18:23,180 --> 00:18:24,680
You should see
She's All That.
448
00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:27,810
It's kind of
a modern-day
Pygmalion story.
449
00:18:27,850 --> 00:18:31,980
She is obviously
only doing this
to get back at me.
450
00:18:32,020 --> 00:18:35,190
You know what?
She doesn't
even like sex.
451
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:37,280
The fact is,
452
00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:41,450
the woman
is incapable of
having an orgasm.
453
00:18:45,330 --> 00:18:47,710
I mean, she has
so many hang-ups.
454
00:18:47,750 --> 00:18:50,750
I mean, there
are certain things
that a man needs
455
00:18:50,790 --> 00:18:52,840
which she
flat-out won't do.
456
00:18:56,090 --> 00:18:58,510
Oh, God,
I want her back.
457
00:18:58,550 --> 00:19:01,220
I just--I just
want to hold her
in my arms again
458
00:19:01,260 --> 00:19:04,350
and make love
to her in the sand.
459
00:19:04,390 --> 00:19:07,060
But now there's
this other guy,
460
00:19:07,100 --> 00:19:10,440
and he probably
loves her, and...
461
00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:13,770
Oh, I'm sure
that he doesn't.
462
00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:17,570
Well, d-- Hey, did you
go to Swarthmore?
463
00:19:17,610 --> 00:19:19,490
Uh, yeah.
464
00:19:19,530 --> 00:19:21,450
What class?
465
00:19:21,490 --> 00:19:22,820
Thank you.
466
00:19:29,500 --> 00:19:33,000
Hey, look. Just
finished shopping
for the Hamptons.
467
00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:34,000
Huh?
468
00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:37,260
And look...
469
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:40,180
you...
470
00:19:46,510 --> 00:19:51,770
You are gonna
look so hot
with tan lines.
471
00:19:51,810 --> 00:19:54,150
Yeah, well, before you
get too excited, Quoggie,
472
00:19:54,190 --> 00:19:56,650
I, uh, got
some news for you.
473
00:19:56,690 --> 00:19:59,150
Tim wants to get
back together with Dorothy.
474
00:19:59,190 --> 00:20:01,240
What? How do
you know that?
475
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:02,450
'Cause he just told me.
476
00:20:02,490 --> 00:20:03,820
He w-wants
to get back with her.
477
00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:06,990
He wants to make love
to her...in the sand.
478
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,000
What? What sand?
Not our sand?
479
00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:11,210
Honey,
just prepare yourself.
480
00:20:11,250 --> 00:20:12,460
They're gonna
get back together,
481
00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:13,630
and they're gonna
want their beach house.
482
00:20:13,670 --> 00:20:15,210
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
483
00:20:15,250 --> 00:20:17,500
I am not so sure
they are getting
back together.
484
00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:19,170
I mean, Dorothy's
with Richie now.
485
00:20:19,210 --> 00:20:20,420
They're very happy.
486
00:20:20,470 --> 00:20:21,760
I saw them biking.
487
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:23,300
Let it go.
488
00:20:23,340 --> 00:20:26,010
OK, she's only with him
in the sick little world
489
00:20:26,050 --> 00:20:27,680
where you're the God.
490
00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:29,310
OK, how about this?
491
00:20:29,350 --> 00:20:32,190
How about this?
I tell Dorothy
492
00:20:32,230 --> 00:20:34,940
that Richie
is considering
proposing marriage--
493
00:20:34,980 --> 00:20:36,360
Carrie.
Meanwhile,
494
00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:38,230
the next time you go
skeet shooting with Tim,
495
00:20:38,270 --> 00:20:40,400
you accidentally
shoot him in the foot.
That way--
496
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:42,070
Honey, honey,
look at me.
497
00:20:42,110 --> 00:20:44,320
It's over.
498
00:20:45,950 --> 00:20:47,990
[REGGAE MUSIC PLAYING]
499
00:20:52,830 --> 00:20:54,210
Here you go, hon.
500
00:20:54,250 --> 00:20:56,040
Thank you.
501
00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:57,170
Careful up here.
502
00:20:57,210 --> 00:20:59,960
This, uh,
might be asbestos.
503
00:21:10,220 --> 00:21:13,310
Hey, Arthur,
you got a letter.
504
00:21:13,350 --> 00:21:16,230
Oh, it's from those
ointment people.
505
00:21:16,270 --> 00:21:19,480
Let's see what
those charlatans
have to say.
506
00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:22,940
"Dear Mr. Spooner,
after examining
the unused portion
507
00:21:22,990 --> 00:21:24,530
of the ointment
you returned,
508
00:21:24,570 --> 00:21:26,910
we determined that
what you were actually
using on your rash
509
00:21:26,950 --> 00:21:32,080
was our all-weather,
high-grade, silicon
window caulking."
510
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,250
"Please discontinue
use immediately."
511
00:21:35,290 --> 00:21:39,420
Well, that explains
the big metal applicator.
512
00:21:42,630 --> 00:21:46,510
[**]
35227
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