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1
00:00:02,580 --> 00:00:04,460
[**]
2
00:00:04,500 --> 00:00:06,330
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
3
00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:09,500
[RING]
4
00:00:09,550 --> 00:00:10,340
Should I get that?
5
00:00:10,380 --> 00:00:12,300
No, let the machine
get it.
6
00:00:12,340 --> 00:00:13,720
[RING]
7
00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:15,470
ARTHUR [ON MACHINE]:Hello.You've reached the home
8
00:00:15,510 --> 00:00:18,680
of Doug, Carrie,and yours truly, Arthur.
9
00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:22,350
If this is Herb,I already left for the movie.
10
00:00:22,390 --> 00:00:24,770
Don't bring anyof those crummy sandwiches,
11
00:00:24,810 --> 00:00:27,230
'cause I got chicken.
12
00:00:27,270 --> 00:00:30,320
I'll meet you in the theaterin the front row.
13
00:00:30,360 --> 00:00:33,400
That's right, you heard me.The front row.
14
00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:36,570
Didn't think I'd have the nugsto stand up to you, did ya?
15
00:00:36,610 --> 00:00:39,030
Well, I'm not gonnabe your whipping boy anymore!
16
00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:44,540
It's a new day, my friend,so you better get used to it!
17
00:00:44,580 --> 00:00:47,630
[PLEASANTLY]Anyone else,please leave a message.
18
00:00:48,500 --> 00:00:51,090
[**]
19
00:01:00,430 --> 00:01:01,930
MALE HOST [ON RADIO]:
It's 7:30 in the morning.
20
00:01:01,970 --> 00:01:04,680
[BOING, GONG]
21
00:01:04,730 --> 00:01:06,100
[MAN SCREAMING]
22
00:01:06,140 --> 00:01:07,150
[MAN WHISTLES]
23
00:01:07,190 --> 00:01:09,560
[HAMMERING]
24
00:01:09,610 --> 00:01:11,150
[MAN BURPS]
25
00:01:11,980 --> 00:01:13,820
[CARTOON NOISES]
26
00:01:13,860 --> 00:01:14,820
[SWITCHES OFF]
27
00:01:14,860 --> 00:01:15,900
What? Come on,
it's funny.
28
00:01:15,950 --> 00:01:18,030
I hate our bathroom.
29
00:01:18,070 --> 00:01:20,030
That's what you were
sitting there thinking?
30
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,910
It's just so bathroom-y,
you know,
31
00:01:21,950 --> 00:01:24,910
with the blecch tile
and those horrible curtains,
32
00:01:24,950 --> 00:01:26,500
don't you think?
33
00:01:27,290 --> 00:01:29,380
There are curtains?
34
00:01:29,420 --> 00:01:31,130
Yes, there are curtains.
35
00:01:31,170 --> 00:01:32,420
They're peach,
and they're ugly.
36
00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:34,130
You know what?
Come look with me.
37
00:01:34,170 --> 00:01:35,590
I will show you what I mean.
38
00:01:35,630 --> 00:01:38,090
Carrie, I was just
in there for a very
long time.
39
00:01:38,130 --> 00:01:39,390
I gotta get to work.
40
00:01:39,430 --> 00:01:40,930
They're sticking me
with a trainee today.
41
00:01:40,970 --> 00:01:42,100
I can't be late.
42
00:01:42,140 --> 00:01:44,060
All right. Well, maybe
I'll stop off
43
00:01:44,100 --> 00:01:45,600
and look at some
new tile or paint.
44
00:01:45,640 --> 00:01:48,440
What do you think of,
like, a taupe?
45
00:01:52,150 --> 00:01:54,650
You can go now.
I love you.
46
00:01:58,490 --> 00:02:01,160
Well, I got 8 months
to die.
47
00:02:02,780 --> 00:02:05,620
You, uh...
I'm sorry, what?
48
00:02:05,660 --> 00:02:09,420
I was at the cemetery
paying my respects
49
00:02:09,460 --> 00:02:10,710
to one of
your stepmothers,
50
00:02:10,750 --> 00:02:12,590
and I happened to look
at my headstone.
51
00:02:12,630 --> 00:02:14,590
-You have a headstone?
-Yeah.
52
00:02:14,630 --> 00:02:16,880
I prepaid for it
20 years ago to save money.
53
00:02:16,920 --> 00:02:22,600
It says, "Arthur Spooner,
1926 to 19 blank blank."
54
00:02:22,640 --> 00:02:25,180
They already carved
in the 19,
55
00:02:25,220 --> 00:02:29,600
so unless I die by the end
of the year, I'm screwed!
56
00:02:29,640 --> 00:02:32,020
Uh...good luck?
57
00:02:32,060 --> 00:02:34,360
You know, when I bought
the stone,
58
00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:37,320
the salesman assured me
I would be dead
by the year 2000.
59
00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:39,450
You know what
my mistake was?
60
00:02:39,490 --> 00:02:41,870
I shoulda got that
in writing!
61
00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:49,500
And here's
the driver's lounge.
62
00:02:49,540 --> 00:02:51,120
After a hard day
on the road,
63
00:02:51,170 --> 00:02:52,130
you enjoy some
burnt coffee
64
00:02:52,170 --> 00:02:53,460
and sit on
a metal chair,
65
00:02:53,500 --> 00:02:55,170
you know what
I'm saying?
66
00:02:55,210 --> 00:02:56,460
Uh-huh.
67
00:02:56,500 --> 00:02:57,670
Oh.
68
00:02:58,380 --> 00:03:00,430
Any questions so far?
69
00:03:00,470 --> 00:03:01,840
Uh-uh.
70
00:03:05,810 --> 00:03:07,220
I gotta go
talk to him
for a minute.
71
00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:08,930
Uh-huh.
72
00:03:11,730 --> 00:03:12,690
Phew.
73
00:03:12,730 --> 00:03:14,230
So how's it going
with your trainee?
74
00:03:14,270 --> 00:03:16,190
Man, the fact that they
think someone like him
75
00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:19,490
could do my job
is very depressing.
76
00:03:19,530 --> 00:03:22,200
Hey, is one
of you guys
Doug Heffernan?
77
00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:23,780
That would be me.
78
00:03:23,820 --> 00:03:24,870
Hi. I'm Julie Patterson.
79
00:03:24,910 --> 00:03:27,450
You're supposed
to be my trainer person.
80
00:03:29,660 --> 00:03:32,040
Hey, how are you there?
Great to meet you, Julie.
81
00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:33,710
This is Deacon Palmer.
82
00:03:33,750 --> 00:03:34,710
How you doing?
83
00:03:34,750 --> 00:03:35,750
Hi. Sorry I'm late.
84
00:03:35,790 --> 00:03:37,630
I was just getting
my uniform together.
85
00:03:37,670 --> 00:03:41,380
Never thought
green was my color,
but I guess it is now. Heh.
86
00:03:41,420 --> 00:03:44,260
Sorry, I have some hyper
first day thing going on here.
87
00:03:44,300 --> 00:03:46,890
It's OK, settle down, Julie.
You already got the job.
88
00:03:46,930 --> 00:03:48,180
Right.
89
00:03:48,220 --> 00:03:50,230
So you ready to saddle up
and hit the trail?
90
00:03:50,270 --> 00:03:52,480
I think so.
Let me just go
grab my jacket.
91
00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:54,600
OK.
92
00:03:57,610 --> 00:03:59,320
Damn!
93
00:04:04,110 --> 00:04:06,320
So, how'd I do
on that delivery?
94
00:04:06,370 --> 00:04:07,910
Better.
Definitely better.
95
00:04:07,950 --> 00:04:10,250
Just next time, you might not
want to refer to this
96
00:04:10,290 --> 00:04:12,080
as "the sign-y thing".
97
00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:13,920
Oh... I know.
98
00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:16,840
No, I knew it as soon
as I said it, too. Heh.
99
00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:17,840
What's it called
anyway?
100
00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:19,840
That little baby
is your DICAD board.
101
00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:22,090
Take care of it,
and it'll take care of you.
102
00:04:22,130 --> 00:04:24,430
[LAUGHS]
What's that stand for?
103
00:04:24,470 --> 00:04:27,760
Oh, it's your Delivery
Information Coordination--
104
00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:30,270
[STAMMERS]
It's your DICAD board.
105
00:04:30,310 --> 00:04:32,810
That's all you need
to know right now. OK?
106
00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:37,020
So, where'd you get this?
107
00:04:37,060 --> 00:04:39,520
Oh, uh, I don't like
to brag, let's just say
108
00:04:39,570 --> 00:04:41,780
I know my way
around a ring toss.
109
00:04:41,820 --> 00:04:43,780
Heh. Very impressive.
110
00:04:43,820 --> 00:04:45,450
Thank ya.
111
00:04:50,370 --> 00:04:52,330
So, is shehothot
112
00:04:52,370 --> 00:04:55,250
or is she just
delivery-person hot?
113
00:04:55,290 --> 00:04:56,620
Hothot.
114
00:04:56,670 --> 00:04:58,960
In fact,
I might even throw
in a third hot.
115
00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:02,630
Really? You mean
hot hot hot?
116
00:05:02,670 --> 00:05:04,800
That would be 3.
Very good.
117
00:05:04,840 --> 00:05:07,470
All right, Moose,
just bottom-line this
for me.
118
00:05:07,510 --> 00:05:10,100
Is she hot enough
that you might think
about her
119
00:05:10,140 --> 00:05:11,640
while you're having sex
with Carrie?
120
00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:13,350
I don't think
about other women
121
00:05:13,390 --> 00:05:14,810
while I'm having sex
with my wife.
122
00:05:14,850 --> 00:05:18,020
Oh, sure. So what
do you think about?
123
00:05:19,270 --> 00:05:20,770
I think about
my marriage vows
124
00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:23,110
and the life
we built together.
125
00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:25,950
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
126
00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:30,120
Ah, funny stuff,
funny stuff.
127
00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:32,490
So, how you plan
on telling Carrie
128
00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:33,790
about this
little trainee?
129
00:05:33,830 --> 00:05:35,250
You think I should
tell her?
130
00:05:35,290 --> 00:05:36,370
Whoa, yeah,
you gotta tell her.
131
00:05:36,410 --> 00:05:38,000
That's a great big
mistake.
132
00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:39,330
What are you
talking about?
133
00:05:39,380 --> 00:05:40,960
If he doesn't tell her,
and then she finds out,
134
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:43,130
she'll wonder why he
was keeping it a secret
in the first place.
135
00:05:43,170 --> 00:05:45,300
He'll never get out
from under that.
136
00:05:45,340 --> 00:05:46,720
So what do you
want him to do,
137
00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:48,470
walk into his kitchen and say,
"Hey, honey, guess what.
138
00:05:48,510 --> 00:05:50,930
My new trainee's got an ass
like a nectarine"?
139
00:05:50,970 --> 00:05:53,350
No. But he's gotta
tell her something.
140
00:05:53,390 --> 00:05:56,810
There is no way that a guy
could tell his wife
141
00:05:56,850 --> 00:05:58,560
about a broad
that he thinks is hot
142
00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:01,560
without her knowing that
he thinks that she's hot.
143
00:06:01,610 --> 00:06:03,110
Give me a little credit,
would ya?
144
00:06:03,150 --> 00:06:04,730
I can tell Carrie about this
without it being a big deal.
145
00:06:04,780 --> 00:06:06,530
No, you can't.
Yes, I can.
146
00:06:06,570 --> 00:06:08,530
I'll just bring up
the topic of work casually.
147
00:06:08,570 --> 00:06:09,860
She'll ask,
"Oh, how's your trainee?"
148
00:06:09,910 --> 00:06:12,620
I'll say, "She's fine,"
and we'll move on.
149
00:06:12,660 --> 00:06:14,830
OK, let's try it out.
I'm Carrie.
150
00:06:14,870 --> 00:06:15,700
OK.
151
00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:18,420
So, how's your trainee?
152
00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:25,420
S-she's fine.
153
00:06:26,260 --> 00:06:27,760
Oh, God.
154
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,670
Arthur?
155
00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:05,670
ARTHUR: Yello.
156
00:07:06,210 --> 00:07:08,010
Nothin'.
157
00:07:08,050 --> 00:07:09,010
Hey.
158
00:07:09,050 --> 00:07:10,340
Hey, what's with the--
159
00:07:10,380 --> 00:07:11,590
Tombstone?
160
00:07:11,630 --> 00:07:13,140
My dad got into a fight
with the cemetery
161
00:07:13,180 --> 00:07:16,140
because they wouldn't change
his date of death for free.
162
00:07:16,180 --> 00:07:18,640
God bless him,
he keeps busy.
163
00:07:19,270 --> 00:07:21,600
So, hon...
Yeah?
164
00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:24,270
I had quite a day
at work.
165
00:07:24,310 --> 00:07:25,730
Oh, that's great.
166
00:07:25,770 --> 00:07:27,650
Oh, before we eat,
let me show you
some paint samples.
167
00:07:27,690 --> 00:07:28,780
What do you think?
168
00:07:28,820 --> 00:07:30,200
You know, that's
the exact color
169
00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:31,860
of the coffee stirrers
we have down at work.
170
00:07:31,910 --> 00:07:33,620
Who was using one
of those today?
171
00:07:33,660 --> 00:07:35,780
Oh, yes, my trainee.
172
00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:38,750
I don't know.
It might look good
on a sample,
173
00:07:38,790 --> 00:07:42,120
but a whole wall might
make you wanna puke.
174
00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:44,460
Well, at least you'll be
in the right room, right?
175
00:07:44,500 --> 00:07:45,790
Puke. Speaking of which,
176
00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:48,710
I almost puked
on my trainee today.
177
00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:49,510
What?
178
00:07:49,550 --> 00:07:50,840
I didn't almost puke.
179
00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:53,050
It was more of a burp
with ham.
180
00:07:54,340 --> 00:07:55,890
Trainees.
God love 'em, huh?
181
00:07:55,930 --> 00:07:58,140
You know,
they're our future.
182
00:07:58,810 --> 00:08:00,350
So how is your trainee?
183
00:08:00,390 --> 00:08:03,230
Oh, sheeeeesh...
184
00:08:03,270 --> 00:08:04,900
I got a good one.
185
00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:06,690
Nice guy?
186
00:08:06,730 --> 00:08:07,690
You know, that's
the funny thing--
187
00:08:07,730 --> 00:08:08,690
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
188
00:08:08,730 --> 00:08:11,110
Wait. Hang on
one second.
189
00:08:11,150 --> 00:08:12,990
Hello?
190
00:08:13,740 --> 00:08:16,160
Oh, hi.
This is his daughter.
191
00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:17,660
What?!
192
00:08:17,700 --> 00:08:19,160
Oh, come on.
193
00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:22,870
You can't ban him
from being buried
in your cemetery.
194
00:08:24,290 --> 00:08:25,710
But he'll be dead!
195
00:08:25,750 --> 00:08:28,590
He's not gonna bother you
when he's dead.
196
00:08:30,170 --> 00:08:33,170
All right.
I'll call you back.
OK. Bye.
197
00:08:33,220 --> 00:08:34,840
Hon, I got to go
talk to Dad.
198
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:38,180
[DOOR CLOSES]
199
00:08:38,220 --> 00:08:40,220
My trainee's a girl.
200
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,020
She's hot.
201
00:08:47,940 --> 00:08:50,480
All right, anything up
to 70 pounds can go as is.
202
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:51,940
Anything from 70-150,
203
00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:54,610
you got to throw on
a heavy-package sticker.
204
00:08:55,320 --> 00:08:57,030
Now, don't be the one
205
00:08:57,070 --> 00:08:59,830
who puts a heavy package
sticker on my back.
206
00:08:59,870 --> 00:09:03,580
It's been done. Ha ha.
I'm heavy, we get it.
207
00:09:04,580 --> 00:09:05,710
Yo, Dougie?
Yeah?
208
00:09:05,750 --> 00:09:07,040
Carrie's here.
What?
209
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:08,460
Yeah, I just saw her
in the front office
210
00:09:08,500 --> 00:09:10,840
chatting with Sheehan's
secretary.
211
00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:12,590
You know what?
That's it for now.
212
00:09:12,630 --> 00:09:14,880
Why don't you guys go practice
punching in and out?
213
00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:18,390
What am I gonna do? I never
told her about Julie.
Ooh!
214
00:09:18,430 --> 00:09:20,890
I tried to the other night,
but then the phone rang,
215
00:09:20,930 --> 00:09:23,060
and she left the room.
I missed my window.
216
00:09:23,100 --> 00:09:26,140
Well, I told Kelly
about my trainee,
217
00:09:26,190 --> 00:09:27,770
no problem.
218
00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:31,650
Hey, you know what
I was thinking?
219
00:09:31,690 --> 00:09:33,610
Maybe you should go
around the back
220
00:09:33,650 --> 00:09:35,490
and unload those
2-day packages.
221
00:09:35,530 --> 00:09:36,950
But the 2-days
aren't here yet.
222
00:09:36,990 --> 00:09:39,410
Oh, well, maybe you
should go around back,
223
00:09:39,450 --> 00:09:41,870
and, you know,
start to stretch.
224
00:09:41,910 --> 00:09:44,410
Maybe I'll just get
our afternoon route schedule.
225
00:09:44,450 --> 00:09:46,120
Sure. Fine. Good. OK.
226
00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:49,330
Hey, what are you
doing here? I love you.
227
00:09:50,670 --> 00:09:52,920
All right, I think
I finally picked out
a color,
228
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,300
and before I get, like,
80 gallons of it
229
00:09:55,340 --> 00:09:57,550
I must wanna make sure
that you didn't hate it.
230
00:09:57,590 --> 00:10:00,300
OK, what do you think?
Misty aqua.
231
00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:02,600
Misty aqua. Yes, yes!
232
00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:04,470
Yeah!
233
00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:06,690
Really? You don't think
it's too light?
234
00:10:06,730 --> 00:10:08,560
No, no, no, it's perfect.
235
00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:12,150
It gives you that aqua
feeling, only mistier.
236
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:15,610
Maybe I'll keep looking.
237
00:10:15,650 --> 00:10:17,150
Keep looking. That's great,
I'll see you tonight?
238
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:18,150
All right.
OK.
239
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:18,990
I'll see you, hon.
240
00:10:19,030 --> 00:10:19,950
Hey, Doug.
Is this your wife?
241
00:10:19,990 --> 00:10:22,620
Uh, yes, yes,
yes, it is.
242
00:10:22,660 --> 00:10:24,450
Isn't she a doozie?
243
00:10:24,490 --> 00:10:27,620
Hi. I'm Julie,
Doug's trainee.
244
00:10:27,660 --> 00:10:30,750
Hi. I-I'm Carrie.
How you doing?
245
00:10:30,790 --> 00:10:31,880
Fine. Fine.
246
00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:33,340
So what, you guys
have not met yet?
247
00:10:33,380 --> 00:10:36,050
Have you not met before,
'cause I--I thought I was--
248
00:10:36,090 --> 00:10:38,380
No, really?
I must be screwy.
249
00:10:38,430 --> 00:10:42,640
'Cause...Well, so here I am
with my wife and my trainee,
250
00:10:42,680 --> 00:10:45,060
the 2 women in my life.
251
00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:48,850
Haaahh!
252
00:10:51,020 --> 00:10:53,980
All right, guess
I'll get going, hon.
253
00:10:54,020 --> 00:10:55,650
Actually, Doug,
I think it's time
254
00:10:55,690 --> 00:10:57,030
to get back out
on the road.
255
00:10:57,070 --> 00:10:58,820
Oh, you're right.
I'll see you tonight.
256
00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:00,990
Doug?
257
00:11:01,030 --> 00:11:03,200
I'm coming with you,
right?
258
00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:06,490
Uh, sure, I guess
if that's what you want.
259
00:11:06,540 --> 00:11:08,540
I come with you
every day.
260
00:11:08,580 --> 00:11:10,960
Listen, whatever.
261
00:11:23,550 --> 00:11:25,100
Hey, Arthur.
Uh, Carrie home?
262
00:11:25,140 --> 00:11:26,470
Not yet.
263
00:11:26,510 --> 00:11:28,140
Hey, give me
a hand here, will ya?
264
00:11:28,180 --> 00:11:31,440
-What are you doin'?
-Uh, I'm writing my epitaph.
265
00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:32,650
OK...
266
00:11:32,690 --> 00:11:34,440
Since I'm gonna be getting
a new headstone,
267
00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:36,570
I figured why not do a little
rewrite on the whole thing.
268
00:11:36,610 --> 00:11:39,860
-Well, what do you got so far?
-Well, take a look.
269
00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:42,360
"Arthur Spooner.
Husband, father,
270
00:11:42,410 --> 00:11:44,780
true inventor
of the moist towelette."
271
00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:47,620
Touching, yet paranoid.
272
00:11:47,660 --> 00:11:48,830
I like it.
273
00:11:49,830 --> 00:11:51,080
How about this one?
274
00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:53,790
"Arthur Spooner.
Your ad here."
275
00:11:53,830 --> 00:11:56,880
All revenue
would go straight to you kids.
276
00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:58,300
They all seem fine.
277
00:11:58,340 --> 00:12:00,970
No, no, no.
Too long.
278
00:12:01,010 --> 00:12:04,550
Need something snappy,
something that'll bring
'em in off the street.
279
00:12:05,430 --> 00:12:06,850
You got anything?
280
00:12:06,890 --> 00:12:08,310
I-I don't know.
281
00:12:08,350 --> 00:12:10,520
Uh, "Rest in peace."
282
00:12:11,770 --> 00:12:13,810
No, that's not me.
283
00:12:13,850 --> 00:12:15,060
Let's both keep at it.
284
00:12:15,110 --> 00:12:17,230
I'll meet you back here
in two hours.
285
00:12:21,900 --> 00:12:23,860
Hey, you!
Hello.
286
00:12:23,910 --> 00:12:25,450
What's this?
287
00:12:25,490 --> 00:12:29,660
Oh, seafoam, great.
Yeah, much better than
that aqua mist crap.
288
00:12:29,700 --> 00:12:31,040
Doug--
289
00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:32,410
All right,
my trainee's a girl.
I should've told you,
290
00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:34,870
but I didn't. I'm sorry.
Can we please move on?
291
00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:40,010
Yes she's a girl, and you
were afraid to tell me
292
00:12:40,050 --> 00:12:42,720
because you think
she's hot.
293
00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:44,090
I don't think she's hot.
294
00:12:44,130 --> 00:12:45,840
Doug, please.
I know you very well.
295
00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:48,010
It's like
you have a window
on your forehead,
296
00:12:48,050 --> 00:12:50,140
and I can read
your thoughts.
297
00:12:50,180 --> 00:12:53,350
Right now, the 2 big
ones are "Entenmann's"
298
00:12:53,390 --> 00:12:55,270
and "She's hot."
299
00:12:55,310 --> 00:12:56,650
Look, I'm sorry.
300
00:12:56,690 --> 00:12:58,360
I just didn't feel comfortable
talking about it.
301
00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:00,190
I mean, here's
this cute trainee
302
00:13:00,230 --> 00:13:01,990
driving around in the truck
all day with me,
303
00:13:02,030 --> 00:13:04,740
and I wouldn't blame you
if you felt a little
weird about that.
304
00:13:04,780 --> 00:13:05,860
I don't.
305
00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:07,530
Come on, it's not
a little weird for you?
306
00:13:07,570 --> 00:13:12,200
No! Doug, I mean,
I know you wouldn't
fool around on me.
307
00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:14,000
Of course I wouldn't,
but her.
308
00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:16,710
I mean, she looks up to me.
I'm the center of her world.
309
00:13:16,750 --> 00:13:19,380
I'm the man
with the DICAD board.
310
00:13:19,420 --> 00:13:23,380
Well, yes, honey, that
is quite the aphrodisiac,
311
00:13:23,420 --> 00:13:26,380
but look,
to be honest with you,
312
00:13:26,430 --> 00:13:28,970
I'm not worried about women
coming on to you.
313
00:13:29,010 --> 00:13:31,060
You're not.
No.
314
00:13:31,100 --> 00:13:33,310
You're a decent guy.
315
00:13:33,350 --> 00:13:35,230
And women sense that
about you.
316
00:13:35,270 --> 00:13:37,560
I mean, you send out
that "good guy" vibe.
317
00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:38,270
You're nice.
318
00:13:38,310 --> 00:13:40,900
I am?
Yes!
319
00:13:41,860 --> 00:13:42,820
[SLAM]
320
00:13:42,860 --> 00:13:44,240
I am not nice!
321
00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:45,820
Yes, you are.
No, I'm not.
322
00:13:45,860 --> 00:13:48,110
I used to play football
in high school.
323
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:50,330
I used to
shoplift candy.
324
00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:52,620
Carrie's talking
about me
325
00:13:52,660 --> 00:13:55,710
like I'm this little,
harmless round guy.
326
00:13:58,080 --> 00:14:00,710
How dare she?
327
00:14:00,750 --> 00:14:02,920
Look, I'm out of shape.
I'll give her that,
328
00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:05,220
but, hey, I got a thing
going on, don't I?
329
00:14:05,260 --> 00:14:09,090
Sort of like a raw...
you know, sexual energy?
330
00:14:09,140 --> 00:14:11,510
Yeah, absolutely.
I just wish you
could turn it off
331
00:14:11,550 --> 00:14:13,640
so I could focus
on my work.
332
00:14:13,680 --> 00:14:16,060
All I'm saying is
someone like Julie
could be into me.
333
00:14:16,100 --> 00:14:17,440
Carrie thinks
it's impossible.
334
00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:19,270
I'll tell you what,
it's insulting.
335
00:14:19,310 --> 00:14:21,690
You're not gonna fool
around on her. Why does
any of this even matter?
336
00:14:21,730 --> 00:14:23,110
Because there's
a principle here.
337
00:14:23,150 --> 00:14:25,490
I assume sleazy guys
are hitting on her
all the time.
338
00:14:25,530 --> 00:14:27,820
Don't I deserve
the same respect?
339
00:14:28,530 --> 00:14:30,530
Hey, what's going on?
340
00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:31,870
Rich, what are you
doing here?
341
00:14:31,910 --> 00:14:35,080
I, uh, I just wanted
to send in my gas bill.
342
00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:38,710
OK. That would be
the post office.
We send packages.
343
00:14:38,750 --> 00:14:42,840
Oh. So, you got a box
I could put it in?
344
00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:44,960
You are so obvious.
345
00:14:45,010 --> 00:14:47,170
Come on, let me just
meet her, Moose. Come on.
346
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:48,800
I got this whole rap
worked out.
347
00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:50,840
Little bit of this,
little bit of that,
348
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:52,390
Bada-bing! Who knows?
349
00:14:52,430 --> 00:14:54,470
Doug, good.
You haven't left yet.
350
00:14:54,510 --> 00:14:56,060
Can I talk to you
for a sec?
351
00:14:56,100 --> 00:14:57,730
Yeah, sure.
Um...
352
00:14:57,770 --> 00:15:01,860
Um, Julie, this is
my friend Richie.
353
00:15:02,810 --> 00:15:04,650
How ya doing?
354
00:15:06,650 --> 00:15:07,820
Good.
355
00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:10,700
OK.
356
00:15:14,780 --> 00:15:16,540
You got game.
357
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:20,000
Oh, what's up?
358
00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:21,250
Oh, Mr. O'Boyle
wants me to turn in
359
00:15:21,290 --> 00:15:23,210
my union application
by tomorrow.
360
00:15:23,250 --> 00:15:26,300
Do you have, like,
10 minutes to
go over it with me?
361
00:15:26,340 --> 00:15:28,380
Yeah, sure.
362
00:15:29,300 --> 00:15:31,260
Uh, actually,
you know what?
363
00:15:31,300 --> 00:15:33,050
I got some stuff
I gotta do right now.
364
00:15:33,090 --> 00:15:36,010
Why don't you give me
a call home later tonight?
365
00:15:36,060 --> 00:15:37,180
Can I?
Yeah.
366
00:15:37,220 --> 00:15:38,640
That'd be great.
367
00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:41,560
You know what?
I'll be getting in
probably around 11:00.
368
00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:44,940
Why don't you call me?
Here's my number.
369
00:15:44,980 --> 00:15:46,360
Are you sure that late?
370
00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:48,110
Oh, yeah.
I mean, I'll be up.
371
00:15:48,150 --> 00:15:50,530
The night time is my time.
372
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:53,990
I am the night.
373
00:16:11,930 --> 00:16:13,590
Rowlf.
374
00:16:16,260 --> 00:16:18,810
R-r-r-rowl-rowlf.
375
00:16:20,100 --> 00:16:21,940
Meowwrr.
376
00:16:22,770 --> 00:16:26,150
[IMITATING DOG
AND CAT SNARLING]
377
00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:36,740
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
378
00:16:36,780 --> 00:16:38,580
[RING]
379
00:16:38,620 --> 00:16:40,200
Doug, are you
gonna answer that?
380
00:16:40,250 --> 00:16:41,200
Why me?
381
00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:42,250
[RING]
382
00:16:42,290 --> 00:16:43,540
Well, because
you're wide awake
383
00:16:43,580 --> 00:16:45,420
and the phone is
on your side of the bed.
384
00:16:45,460 --> 00:16:46,420
[RING]
385
00:16:46,460 --> 00:16:47,750
Why don't you answer it?
386
00:16:47,790 --> 00:16:49,960
I love the way
you say "hello."
387
00:16:52,010 --> 00:16:53,880
[RING]
388
00:16:53,930 --> 00:16:56,550
Oh...hello?
389
00:16:56,590 --> 00:16:58,010
Oh, yeah...
390
00:16:59,140 --> 00:17:01,310
Oh, yeah, hi.
Yeah, hold on.
391
00:17:01,350 --> 00:17:02,770
It's what's-her-face,
your trainee.
392
00:17:02,810 --> 00:17:06,440
Really? Calling me
at home at 11:00?
393
00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:07,480
What's that about?
394
00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:10,150
Yeah, Julie.
What is it?
395
00:17:10,190 --> 00:17:13,780
Your union application?
Isn't this something we
can talk about at work?
396
00:17:13,820 --> 00:17:17,740
I mean,
it's after 11:00.
No. Not then either.
397
00:17:17,780 --> 00:17:19,830
I spend my weekends
with my wife.
398
00:17:19,870 --> 00:17:23,120
Look, I think you and I
need to have a talk
about boundaries.
399
00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:25,170
OK? OK. Good-bye.
400
00:17:26,210 --> 00:17:28,790
Jeez, well,
what's tha...
401
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:30,500
[SNORING]
402
00:17:44,350 --> 00:17:47,690
Excuse me, honey.
I just need to...
403
00:17:50,820 --> 00:17:53,320
You know what?
I just need to--
real quick.
404
00:17:53,360 --> 00:17:56,530
I just want to see
if there's room
for a vanity here.
405
00:17:56,570 --> 00:17:58,820
You know what?
Can you hold this,
real quick?
406
00:17:58,870 --> 00:18:01,030
Can I please
brush my teeth?
407
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,540
What's wrong with you?
408
00:18:06,540 --> 00:18:09,040
You called menice!
409
00:18:12,550 --> 00:18:14,340
What are you
talking about?
410
00:18:14,380 --> 00:18:16,050
When we were talking
about my trainee
411
00:18:16,090 --> 00:18:18,590
and you said
you weren't worried
because I'm a nice guy.
412
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:20,680
Oh, that's what this is?
413
00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:24,220
Doug, nice is good.
Women like nice.
414
00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:25,640
Yeah? Well, let me
ask you this.
415
00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:26,980
Who would you rather
have sex with?
416
00:18:27,020 --> 00:18:29,020
A guy with
an eye patch who
rides a motorcycle
417
00:18:29,060 --> 00:18:30,690
or a guy who's nice?
418
00:18:30,730 --> 00:18:33,650
Well, I wouldn't want
a guy who drives a motorcycle
419
00:18:33,690 --> 00:18:36,240
andhas an eye patch.
420
00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:38,490
No depth perception there.
421
00:18:38,530 --> 00:18:39,740
Come on.
422
00:18:39,780 --> 00:18:41,700
Doug, what do you
want me to say?
423
00:18:41,740 --> 00:18:43,280
That you're
a little worried
424
00:18:43,330 --> 00:18:45,370
that I have a hot
female trainee with
an ass like a nectarine.
425
00:18:45,410 --> 00:18:46,910
I'm sorry.
426
00:18:49,210 --> 00:18:51,080
I am worried.
Hmm?
427
00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:53,380
Yeah. I mean, now that
I think about it,
428
00:18:53,420 --> 00:18:58,720
you're out there
alone in your truck
with her every day.
429
00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:03,260
You know what?
I want that little hussy
away from you.
430
00:19:04,220 --> 00:19:05,810
Don't even...
431
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:17,360
Doug.
432
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:19,610
Oh, hi, listen,
I'm really sorry
433
00:19:19,650 --> 00:19:21,700
about that whole
phone call thing
last night.
434
00:19:21,740 --> 00:19:24,240
I'm gonna level
with ya.
435
00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:27,160
I like my gin.
436
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:31,370
Look, uh, you clearly
have some issues
you're trying to work out.
437
00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:35,420
That's cool, but I really
need this job, so...
So?
438
00:19:35,460 --> 00:19:39,130
So I asked
Supervisor O'Boyle to
assign me to another driver.
439
00:19:39,170 --> 00:19:40,510
Ouch.
440
00:19:40,550 --> 00:19:44,180
I also asked that my locker
be moved away from yours.
441
00:19:44,220 --> 00:19:45,970
Ouch again.
442
00:19:46,010 --> 00:19:48,730
Anyway, I think
you're a great guy,
443
00:19:48,770 --> 00:19:51,060
and I'll see you around.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
444
00:19:51,100 --> 00:19:54,440
Just so you know,
I'm not crazy.
445
00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:56,110
It's just you're
an attractive woman,
446
00:19:56,150 --> 00:19:58,440
and I thought my wife
would be jealous,
447
00:19:58,490 --> 00:20:00,860
and when she wasn't,
I kind of felt bad,
448
00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:04,320
I flipped out,
and I tried to
make her jealous.
449
00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:07,040
Anyway, I'm--I'm sorry.
450
00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:10,250
Really? That's what
this was all about?
451
00:20:10,290 --> 00:20:11,410
Uh-huh.
452
00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:14,170
That is so cute!
453
00:20:14,210 --> 00:20:16,630
Cute. Great.
454
00:20:16,670 --> 00:20:19,130
Well, I gotta go.
455
00:20:19,170 --> 00:20:20,880
Oh, um, by the way,
456
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:23,680
can I get your friend
Richie's phone number?
457
00:20:25,970 --> 00:20:28,220
SHARI [ON RADIO]:Doug?
DOUG: Yeah.
458
00:20:28,260 --> 00:20:31,640
You got a rush order pickupat 1202 Stratford.
459
00:20:31,690 --> 00:20:35,020
Oh, I'm right here.
I'll get it now.
460
00:20:42,860 --> 00:20:44,280
Car, what are you--
461
00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:46,490
I'm your pickup.
462
00:20:46,530 --> 00:20:47,870
What?
463
00:20:47,910 --> 00:20:51,450
I want to say I was sorry
for calling you "nice."
464
00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:55,330
You're not nice.
You're bad.
465
00:20:55,380 --> 00:20:56,960
No, I'm not.
466
00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:59,050
OK, fine.
You're not bad, but...
467
00:20:59,090 --> 00:21:03,220
I think you are
the sexiest nice guy
468
00:21:03,260 --> 00:21:05,390
in the whole wide world.
469
00:21:05,430 --> 00:21:07,050
And just because
you're nice
470
00:21:07,100 --> 00:21:11,470
doesn't mean you can't
get a little nasty.
471
00:21:12,310 --> 00:21:14,560
Yes, Ma.
472
00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:16,350
Mm-hmm.
473
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,900
You mean the back
of the truck fantasy?
474
00:21:18,940 --> 00:21:20,360
That's right, tiger.
475
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:22,240
Come on.
476
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:26,070
DOUG:
Whoa, that metal's cold, huh?
477
00:21:26,110 --> 00:21:29,080
CARRIE:
Blanket or some
bubble wrap or something?
478
00:21:29,120 --> 00:21:31,160
DOUG:
No. I've got a hand truck.
479
00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:32,660
CARRIE:
It's still metal, honey.
480
00:21:32,700 --> 00:21:34,660
Maybe we should just do this
tonight at home.
481
00:21:34,710 --> 00:21:36,420
DOUG:
Yeah, maybe.
482
00:21:36,460 --> 00:21:37,960
I'm still bad, right?
483
00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:40,090
CARRIE:
Yes, you are.
484
00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:51,010
All right. It cost me
a pretty penny,
485
00:21:51,060 --> 00:21:53,810
but this headstone business
is finally behind us.
486
00:21:53,850 --> 00:21:57,270
I hired a mason
to buff out the 19
487
00:21:57,310 --> 00:21:58,520
and chisel in a 20.
488
00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:00,610
At least I can head
into the new millennium
489
00:22:00,650 --> 00:22:02,480
without worrying
about all this.
490
00:22:02,530 --> 00:22:05,240
Ah! That's a chest pain.
491
00:22:06,110 --> 00:22:08,070
I can't catch a break here!
492
00:22:12,580 --> 00:22:16,410
[**]
35029
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