All language subtitles for Speechless (2016) - S01E05 - H-A-L-- HALLOWEEN_track3_[eng]

You guys know your dad.
I don't excel at much.

I have no sense of direction,
the memory of a goldfish,

and I have never once won
a game of Tic-Tac-Toe.

But there is one thing
I do better

than literally
anyone else.

Forget birthdays?
Lose your keys?

You never won
at Tic-Tac-Toe?

That's right.

Design
family Halloween costumes

that creatively incorporate
the wheelchair.

Now, before I unveil
this year's theme,

I'd like to make
a quick apology to Kenneth.

You were
a recent addition,

and we did not have time
to add you to the costume.

Why do bad things happen
to good people?

No, no, no.
You want to be part of this.

My Jimmy is an artist.

Look, I'll show you.

Last year,
Star Wars theme.

Oh!

Oh, look at that one.

Titanic.
That was a big hit.

Jimmy!
How about that?

Aladdin.
Magic, isn't it?

Impressive.
Quick question.

Why are Ray and Maya a couple
in every one?

No, we're not.
That's --

I don't think that's...

**

Agh!
That's disgusting!

Jimmy: Oh, wow. Oh, wow.
"Yuck! Yuck! Yuck!"

Oh, my God.
Dylan:
Ew, Yuck! Every year!

Don't. No!

It's Romeo and Juliet.

**

Pizza's here!

As is the guy who is shocked

you had the nerve
to ask him to get you pizza.

There it is.

Get your brother.

Mmm!
This pizza's amazing.

Did Gino's
get a new chef or something?

Gino's?
(chuckles)

This is from Sal's.

(spits) Pizzas down!
Everyone, right now. Come on.

Spit it out. Out.
Dylan: Mnh-mnh.

Out!
Jimmy: Mnh-mnh.

Spit it out.

(swallows)

You traitor.

What am I about to learn?
We don't order from Sal's.

They're...dead to Maya.

Maya: With good reason.

They refused service

to my disabled son.

Well, Christmas morning,
they were closed.

Okay. No Sal's.
Understood.

There's more.
A whole list.

Rainbow Carwash.
Stefano's Dry Cleaners.

That place.

Don't hold my $20s
up to the light.

They're real.
Give me my damn blouse!

Eventually, the list
jumped from businesses
that had wronged Maya

to things Jimmy likes.

Hawaiian shirts,
whistling,

the phrase...
Don't say it.

..."Uh, ya think?"
(groans)

You know, you should probably
learn the list.

**

You're just gonna write
on the wall?

He'll paint over it later.
Right, Dad?

Sure.

**

Energy drinks?
Human pyramids?

'90s ska music?

What did '90s ska music
do to you?

It ruined the '90s.

Smart. So you can
study the list at home.
Nah.

I've been looking for a way
to describe you to my family.

(chuckling)
This tells a story.

(camera shutter clicks)
(cellphone rings)

Huh. That's weird.

My phone only rings
when I lose it

and make you guys
call my number.

Hi. I think you have
the wrong number.

This is Ray.

Jillian: Hey, Ray.
It's Jillian.

Really?

Jillian, hi.

So, you probably heard
Zane and I broke up.

I...did not hear that.

(cellphone beeps)

(on speakerphone)
Anyway, I'm running the
school's haunted house

fundraiser
on Halloween night.

Zane was
in charge of a room.

He dropped out.

(cellphone beeps)
I need you
to fill in for him.

Yeah, I think
I can make that work.

Thanks, Ray.

I'll see you
at the meeting tomorrow.

Cool.
I like this phone chemistry.

Hello?

Here.
Try on this jacket.

Oh, perfect!

Who needs Tic-Tac-Toe?
Halloween! Ugh!

**

You guys heard about my party
Halloween night, right?

Gonna be sick.

I'm sure it's not gonna be as
fun as your Oedipal nightmare.

(chuckles)

Hey, JJ.

"Can I come to your party?"

Wait, what?
Dude, totally.

I just wasn't you sure
you could.

"Great. See you there."

Cool.

(sighs) No, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.

You already have plans
and so do I.

"It's a P-A-- party.

I want
a high-school experience

like in 'American Pie'
or 'Bring It On!'"

Yeah, and I want
to sing "Monster Mash"

at Spooky Karaoke
at the mini-mall.

**

Fine.
I'll sing "Monster Mash"

next weekend at normal karaoke
like an idiot.

(sighing)

Ray, I love you, buddy, but
the next sigh will be your last.

I have to bail
on the family costume.

What?
No, you can't do that to Dad.

But Jillian asked me to help out
at the haunted house.

Really?
That sounds awesome.

He'll just have to understand.
We're doing that.

We? No.

You have to do the costume
with JJ.

(grunts)

"I have a party."

He has a party.

No! Not you, too!

Stop lasering me!

We can't all bail!

You're right.

I guess it's just a question
of who bails first.

Dad!

Dad, please wake up.
It's super important.

Me too.
Mine's more important.
It can't wait till morning.

I really need to tell you
something.
Matters of the heart
are at stake.

We need to talk to Dad.
What? At this hour?

You know he goes into
a medical coma at night.

Don't you?
I mean, look at him.

(snoring starts, stops)
Look at that.

See?
What's so damn important?

We all have plans
for Halloween.

(gasps)
But it's our tradition.

You know how much
he loves the costume.

This man
does so much for us.

He's got
such a good heart.

He works so hard
to provide for this family.

I mean, look at the calluses
on that hand.

Jillian needs me.
This might be my big chance.

"And I have a party."

A...party? Really?

"Why should I be left out?

I deserve this."

(sighs)

And I like spooky stuff.

Maybe I should have gone
before JJ.

Okay.

All right,
if you're gonna do this...

he's gonna take it
very hard.

Yeah.

I'll be the one to tell him.
Go on.

Bugger off back to bed.

Oh.

You poor, sweet thing.

Mm.

(groans)

You starting something?

**

Jillian:
Everyone, please settle.

I'd like to call this meeting
to order.

Dylan: I see why
you like this chick.

(imitates snoring)
Stop it!

The event's tomorrow.

We have to plan a room
from scratch.

Let's brainstorm.

I have an idea.
Or more of a notion.

Is there is anything
in cobwebs?

Off that, perhaps --
jack-o'-lanterns.

Interesting.

Look, I know scary.

Here's what
we're gonna do.

We need blood.
Real blood.

Human, pig -- whatever.

And there's tons of websites
that sell cadavers.

I'm sorry about --

Shh, shh!
Keep going, Dylan.

I'm thinking
of a torture room

where people
actually get waterboarded

for a couple of seconds.

I saw how to do it
on "Locked Up Abroad."

It's safe.

This is amazing!

You're exactly what
this committee's been missing.

You like that stuff?

'Cause we both
came up with it together.

Why don't you
design the room?

**

Done.

(snoring)
Stop it!

(clattering)

That is
the most amazing costume.

What is it?
Is it a spaceship?

It's the DeLorean
from "Back to the Future."

Before my time.

I got some bad news.

(sighs)

When are you due?

Not that.

The -- The kids aren't gonna do
family costume this year.

They're ditching us
for Halloween.

(tool clatters)

Oh.

That physically hurts.

Well, I mean,
you knew this day was coming.

They are growing up.

Agh.
It's my fault.

I shouldn't have half-assed
the costume this year.

(whirring)

(knock on door)

JJ, your ride's here.

* Trick or treat

(door closes)

(stammers)

No costumes.
Got it.

All right, buddy.
Let's hit the road.

We're heading out, too.

Thanks again for being so cool
about this, Dad.

It's all good.

I got stuff I can do
around the house, anyway.

Like
paint over that wall?

Sure.
Okay. Have fun!
Be safe, everyone!

Oh, and, Kenneth, if
JJ comes back with so
much as a scratch --

You'll tie me down and make me
watch you eat my cat.
Yes, I will.

Happy Halloween.
And to you.

Well, that went well.

Nobody even cried.

Well, someone did.

Eh.

Okay,
whenever I'm a wreck,

and it hasn't happened
that many times -- today --

you always find a way
to lift my spirits.

Now it's my turn.

Tonight,
for one night only,

in the spirit
of Halloween,

I hereby undead
the whole list.

Cologne?
Mm-hmm.

Puns?
Yep.

Tighty-whities?
Mm-hmm.

Excited?
Uh, ya think?

Even that.

(dance music plays)

* Hey! Hey!

* Get crazy

* Hey! Hey!

Okay, so this is a lot more
intense than I expected.

Uh, okay, JJ.
Um, you know what?

Maybe we just take a spin
through and head home.

"Maybe you get me
a B-E-E-R."

Okay.
I think you misspelled "soda."

* Make my body rock

Hey, JJ.

Okay. I'm -- I'm dead.

James DiMeo, my love.
Welcome to everything I hate.

(ska music plays)
Ugh.

Off we go.

**

(exhales sharply)

Huh?

**

**

(clatter)

(breathing heavily)

Is this gonna be
scary enough?

Pace more.
That'll help.

It's just got to be
really scary for Jillian.

See, there's this phenomenon
that I read about online.

Why do
all of your romantic plans

start with
an Internet search?

If someone
is truly terrified,

their emotions are so raw

that they easily
slip into a state of arousal.

It's called "scarousal."

Ray, I'm very scared
of you right now,

and I can assure you,
I'm not aroused.

So, how's this
gonna work here?

You're the doctor,
I'm the patient?

I'm just gonna pop out
when they enter, or --
Oh, my God.

Okay.

You're gonna be camouflaged
with that wall.

When people walk in, they're
gonna be focusing on this dummy.

Then you're gonna
pop out of the wall

and scare the bejesus
out of them.

Got it?

I don't know.
Is that gonna work?

I mean, this is my
best chance that I'm
gonna have with Jillian.

Honestly, I can't imagine
anyone being frightened by --

Boo!
Aaaah!

Yes! Do that!
That works!

(chanting "Chug, chug")

Kenneth: C-H-- "Chug."

C-H-- "Chug."

C-H--
Yeah, I get the pattern.

No! No beer.

Come on, man.
Let the kid have a drink.

You're gonna exclude him
'cause he's disabled?

That's discrimination.

Uh, wait, what?

Put your picket signs down.

I'm not gonna get a civil rights
lesson by two blond teenagers.

Now, shoo.

"At least water
in a red cup"?

Now, that, I can do.

(rap music plays)

Ben:
"He's gone. Beer me."

Sick!

Oh, babe.
Thank you so much.

You have really
cheered me up tonight.

Aww. I know how
to take care of you.

You don't need those kids.
Nah!

Now, about the music.

I'm fine with the ska,

but do we have to play the same
song over and over and over?

Oh, these have all been
different songs.

Yeah,
it's just what it is.

(doorbell rings)

(ska music plays)

Together: Trick or treat!

Oh, look
at the little angels.

Two boys and one girl,
like ours.

Jimmy, look.

Oh, I forgot how sweet
the little ones are.

(voice breaking)
You were right.

We've lost so much.

What? No. No.

I'm finally feeling better.
Don't you start.

Uh, is everything okay?

For you. For now.

Our babies are gone.
Forever.

Oh, growing up.
Not dead.

No, nobody dies. Ever.
It's fine.

Wait.
You have a family costume.

Who sent you?!

(screaming in distance)

Jillian's coming!
Do no mess this up.

The stakes
could not be higher.

Why'd you say that?
How does that help?

Whoa.
This is the scariest room yet.

Yeah, I see they took my cobweb
idea and really ran with it.

Agh!
Aaah!

I got you, girl.

I've been waiting
since the second grade

to hear you say that.

**

Hey, that's my scarousal!
Jillian, how could you?!

Why did I even do
this haunted house?!

To raise money
for the National Honor Society?

Gah!

You are so annoying.

You and Ray
would be perfect together!

(screams)

(dance music plays)
Kenneth: See?

You don't need beer.

"Can you get me a tissue?"

You got it, boss.

**

Ben: "Now."

**

Here you go, buddy.

"I'm cold.
Can you get my jacket?"

Sure.

**

"My other jacket."

* Unh

* Yeah, yeah, yeah

* Unh

* Unh

* Unh

* Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na

* Yo, it's KU,
allow me to introduce you *

**

(laughter)

What's going on here?

What are you saying?

"I...

Nresd tdbjdhortethl."

Dude!
You're slurring your words.

Son of a bitch.
Are you drunk?

(laughs)

Where are you going?

Pull over!
Pull over!

JJ! I can't believe
you did this to me.

"What's the big shhdeal?"

I'll tell you
what the big "shhdeal" is.

I'm working hard
to earn your parents' trust,

and I can't trust you?

When we get home,
let me handle this.

And stop running over
my damn foot, alky!

* Thought it couldn't get worse,
but then my phone died *

* It was a landslide

This is not
the right "Landslide."
No, it's not Stevie Nicks.
No.

We don't matter to our kids
anymore, darling.

Guess we better get used to many
more nights like this one.

So we're not
their best friends anymore.

You're still
my best friend.

And I'm your best friend.

Oh, yeah, definitely.
Mm-hmm.

Who needs the kids,
right?

We don't need the kids.
Nah.

We have each other.
Yeah.

Oh, thank God.
Oh, thank God
they're here.

Welcome home, sweetheart.
Hey!
How was your night?

Terrible!

He seems upset.
I know.
I think he needs his mummy.

Really? A boy and his dad --
It's a whole thing.

Both: Rock, paper,
scissors, shoot!

Yes!
Damn it!

Yes! Yes!
Coming, darling.

I need help!

Ooh, I'll take her.
She's easier.

Mm.

It's killing me, Dad.

She kissed another guy.
I don't know what to do.

Are you saying
you need me?

Yeah.

I'm in love with her.

What's wrong with me?

Why doesn't she feel
the same way?

Mummy's here, darling.
What is it?

I spilt pig's blood
on my favorite jeans.

Weird problem.
I'll take it.

Ray: The thing
about Jillian is --

the moment I saw her,
I was crazy about her.

The thing about pig's blood
is it just smells so bad.

I've tried everything --
being funny, playing it cool.

Rubbing, dabbing,
soda water.

I think there's one more thing
you have to try.

(sighs)

Let her go.

When you find
the right person,

you're not gonna have to
work so hard

'cause she'll see in you
what you see in her.

Maya: Let them go.

There are stains on here
that are much, much worse.

Absolutely disgusting, actually.
Revolting.

(gags)

Thanks, Dad.

Dylan:
Thanks, Mom, but...

I'm keeping them.
All right.

(sighs) All right.
Now, let me handle this, okay?

Lose the smile.

JJ!
Oh! Hey!

Hey, buddy!
How'd it go?
Hey!

"My first high-school party
was great!"

Yeah. "But all that fun
has me feeling tired.

I'm gonna hit the hay."

You heard the man.
(laughs)

Oh, darling,
we missed you.

Go on.
Give us the highlights.

What was the most fun thing
at your party?

Uh, well, first --

Oh, that's right!
Looking up at the stars.

Uh, come along,
my little Neil deGrasse Tyson.

Time to --
Time to dream of constellations.

All right, well,
night-night, darling.

Sweet dreams, buddy.

(vomits)

Bloody hell!
He is drunk!

I cannot believe
you let this happen.

You, sir,
are going on the wall.

I'm sorry.

I said I would take care of him
and, um...

Yeah, I screwed up.
You certainly did.

Jimmy: "He didn't know.

I T-R-I-- tricked him"?

Oh, good! See?

I was down to take the hit,
but this little bitch played me.

All right, well,
that's a bit much, actually.
Easy!

I'm very disappointed in you,
JJ.

(laughs)

At least he's a happy drunk,
though, right?

Drinking at 16.
There will be consequences.

What are the consequences?
We have never punished him.

Well,
w-we'll ground him.

You are grounded
for one year.

Three weeks.

Why don't we just
do a whole month?

I feel like that's what they did
on "Growing Pains."
(groans)

It's gonna take a lot to
earn back our trust, young man.

Oh, that was good!

(laughs)

Okay.
I know we're disappointed.

He's grounded.
Blah, blah, blah.

But was that not
fantastic?

We just grounded
our special-needs son

for being
a normal teenager.

Eh, well,
we don't say normal.

All right.
For being an idiot teenager.

Exactly.

Dude.

Not cool,
what you did tonight.

I know that you're a teenager
and you're gonna try to have fun

and try to break the rules,
but I'm your caretaker,

which means
I'm gonna try to stop you.

But between you and me...

in this little game
of cat-and-mouse,

the friend part of me
wants you to win.

I feel very comfortable
telling you this

'cause you're not
gonna remember any of
it in the morning.

(laughs)
Now I'm gonna go back
to that party.

You got a text
that the cops showed up.

I want to see a bunch of
white kids getting handcuffed.

(laughs)

It turns out our kids still
have room for us in their lives.

Yeah.
Maybe not for the fun stuff,

but for problems --
teenage problems, love problems.

Pig blood problems.

I need to drown my sorrows.
Do we have any candy?

Yeah. It's Halloween
and I haven't had any all night.

I know
where we can get some.

("Back to the Future"
score plays)

I feel like I fit in,
right?

You happy, darling?

Very happy.

I definitely am.

For once,
Mom and I aren't a couple.

Well, not in the past,
but in the part that plays out

in the present day...

Yeah,
we don't need it.

Are any of these houses open?
I want candy.

We'll find one.
It's only 1:45.

**

(electricity crackling)

-- Captions by VITAC --