Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,909 --> 00:00:02,809
Previously on How I Met Your Mother.
2
00:00:02,911 --> 00:00:04,276
She was completely amazing,
3
00:00:04,379 --> 00:00:06,973
She was amazing and funny and...
4
00:00:07,182 --> 00:00:10,049
- You have feelings for Ted?
- Maybe.
5
00:00:10,252 --> 00:00:14,552
I've just been offered a fellowship
at a culinary institute in Germany.
6
00:00:14,656 --> 00:00:16,556
- Do you wanna try long distance?
- Yes!
7
00:00:16,658 --> 00:00:18,717
"This long distance thing sucks, huh?
8
00:00:18,827 --> 00:00:20,624
"And I really need to talk to you tonight."
9
00:00:20,729 --> 00:00:23,197
- She's gonna dump me!
- She's not gonna break up with you, Ted.
10
00:00:23,331 --> 00:00:24,355
Hello?
11
00:00:25,233 --> 00:00:26,666
Do you want to come over?
12
00:00:40,081 --> 00:00:42,515
Kids, your grandma
always used to say to me,
13
00:00:42,617 --> 00:00:45,245
"Nothing good happens after 2.00 a.m."
14
00:00:45,353 --> 00:00:47,913
She was right,
When 2.00 a.m. rolls around,
15
00:00:48,023 --> 00:00:49,888
just go home and go to sleep,
16
00:00:49,991 --> 00:00:51,117
Case in point...
17
00:00:54,362 --> 00:00:56,956
- Hello?
- Hi, Ted, it's Robin.
18
00:00:57,799 --> 00:01:00,768
Listen, I know it's late,
but do you want to come over?
19
00:01:02,837 --> 00:01:04,862
Let's back up a little bit,
20
00:01:16,284 --> 00:01:17,376
Sit.
21
00:01:17,852 --> 00:01:19,843
Good boys. Okay.
22
00:01:19,955 --> 00:01:23,288
Remember, stay out of the liquor cabinet.
23
00:01:23,391 --> 00:01:24,722
See you tonight.
24
00:01:25,961 --> 00:01:29,260
So, the life of a television reporter
is very rewarding,
25
00:01:29,364 --> 00:01:32,492
and I strongly urge you
to consider it as a career.
26
00:01:33,301 --> 00:01:34,632
Thank you.
27
00:01:37,005 --> 00:01:39,473
- Yeah.
- Do you have a fiancé?
28
00:01:40,575 --> 00:01:44,011
Marshall was here yesterday.
They just learned the word "fiancé."
29
00:01:44,379 --> 00:01:46,176
No, I don't have a fiancé.
30
00:01:46,281 --> 00:01:47,509
Then who do you live with?
31
00:01:47,615 --> 00:01:50,743
Well, actually, I've got five dogs.
32
00:01:50,852 --> 00:01:52,615
Don't you get lonely?
33
00:01:52,887 --> 00:01:55,151
No, I've got five dogs.
34
00:01:55,423 --> 00:01:58,654
My Grandma has five cats
and she gets lonely.
35
00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:02,252
Well, yeah, that's cats.
I'm not some pathetic cat lady.
36
00:02:02,397 --> 00:02:04,524
Not that your grandmother is...
37
00:02:04,632 --> 00:02:06,224
Does anyone else have a...
38
00:02:06,334 --> 00:02:08,302
- Yes.
- Are you a lesbian?
39
00:02:08,403 --> 00:02:11,930
No, are you? Just because a woman
lives alone doesn't mean she's a...
40
00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:15,339
Okay. Let's have a big hand
for Robin the reporter!
41
00:02:15,844 --> 00:02:18,210
All right, our next guest
is another friend...
42
00:02:18,313 --> 00:02:23,080
So, Robin, you ever report on train wrecks
'cause I just saw one. What up. Tiny five.
43
00:02:25,053 --> 00:02:28,955
Laugh now. Those kids are monsters.
They're gonna eat you alive.
44
00:02:29,257 --> 00:02:31,384
He has a job doing...
45
00:02:31,893 --> 00:02:33,918
- What do you do?
- Please.
46
00:02:34,929 --> 00:02:36,487
Kids, let's rap.
47
00:02:36,598 --> 00:02:39,567
You guys don't give half a brown Crayola
what I do for a living, do you?
48
00:02:39,667 --> 00:02:42,795
- No.
- No, no. I know what you want.
49
00:02:43,872 --> 00:02:47,000
- Magic.
- Yeah!
50
00:02:47,442 --> 00:02:49,342
- Hello?
- Why hasn't she called yet?
51
00:02:49,444 --> 00:02:51,105
Okay, you're making yourself crazy.
52
00:02:51,212 --> 00:02:53,305
It's Saturday night.
Go out and do something.
53
00:02:53,415 --> 00:02:56,646
No, what's the point of going out?
I got a girlfriend. For now.
54
00:02:57,585 --> 00:02:59,177
Besides, if I go out,
who's gonna watch the news?
55
00:02:59,287 --> 00:03:00,447
I'm like half your viewership.
56
00:03:00,555 --> 00:03:03,046
I'm flattered
you think we have two viewers.
57
00:03:05,460 --> 00:03:06,950
And, we're clear.
58
00:03:07,062 --> 00:03:08,927
So, Scherbatsky. Got a boyfriend?
59
00:03:09,030 --> 00:03:11,828
No, and why does this
keep coming up today?
60
00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:13,695
I just thought that guy you
were on the phone with...
61
00:03:13,802 --> 00:03:16,600
What? Oh, no. That was Ted.
He's just a friend.
62
00:03:16,704 --> 00:03:19,400
I mean, there was this moment
where we almost dated,
63
00:03:19,507 --> 00:03:21,907
but we want completely different things.
64
00:03:22,010 --> 00:03:23,841
Anyway, now he has his girlfriend
in Germany
65
00:03:23,945 --> 00:03:25,640
and he thinks she's calling
to dump him tonight,
66
00:03:25,747 --> 00:03:27,237
but I don't think she is.
67
00:03:27,348 --> 00:03:30,010
And, besides,
we want completely different things.
68
00:03:30,118 --> 00:03:32,643
- We should have sex.
- What?
69
00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:34,187
Why not?
70
00:03:34,289 --> 00:03:37,349
We're both available. We're both
attractive. We're both good at it.
71
00:03:37,459 --> 00:03:38,949
At least, I'm good at it.
72
00:03:39,060 --> 00:03:42,757
And even if you're not, don't worry.
I'll have a good time either way.
73
00:03:42,864 --> 00:03:45,765
Well, moving past the horrifying image
of your hair helmet
74
00:03:45,867 --> 00:03:47,528
clanging against the headboard,
75
00:03:47,635 --> 00:03:50,502
I don't get involved
with people I work with.
76
00:03:50,705 --> 00:03:54,698
Get involved? Who said get involved?
I'm just saying we should have sex.
77
00:03:54,809 --> 00:03:56,276
- We're on in five, four...
- It'd be fun.
78
00:03:56,377 --> 00:03:58,004
Having sex is fun.
79
00:03:58,646 --> 00:04:00,170
Home number. Call me anytime.
80
00:04:00,281 --> 00:04:02,306
A lot of local teams in action tonight.
81
00:04:05,753 --> 00:04:07,345
Hey, guys.
82
00:04:08,890 --> 00:04:10,084
Miss me?
83
00:04:13,761 --> 00:04:15,490
I missed you, too.
84
00:05:03,511 --> 00:05:05,342
Hi, Ted, it's Robin.
85
00:05:06,181 --> 00:05:09,639
Listen, I know it's late,
but do you want to come over?
86
00:05:17,167 --> 00:05:20,034
- Ted?
- Yeah. Hi, I'm here.
87
00:05:21,138 --> 00:05:24,130
- Do you want to come over?
- Why? What's up?
88
00:05:25,709 --> 00:05:29,805
Well, I just finally set up my new juicer,
89
00:05:29,913 --> 00:05:32,177
and I was gonna make some juice.
And I was like,
90
00:05:32,282 --> 00:05:34,580
"You know who likes juice? Ted."
91
00:05:36,787 --> 00:05:37,776
I love juice.
92
00:05:37,888 --> 00:05:41,346
Great, so you want to come over
and make juice?
93
00:05:42,125 --> 00:05:44,855
When it's after 2.00 a.m. just go to sleep,
94
00:05:44,961 --> 00:05:49,159
Because the decisions you make after
2.00 a.m. are the wrong decisions,
95
00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:51,928
Okay, sure, I'll come over, we'll
96
00:05:52,836 --> 00:05:54,531
- juice.
- Yes, we'll juice.
97
00:05:54,971 --> 00:05:57,701
- Okay.
- Okay, bye.
98
00:05:58,742 --> 00:05:59,868
Bye.
99
00:06:05,682 --> 00:06:08,207
This is fine. This is totally fine.
100
00:06:08,318 --> 00:06:09,512
What's fine?
101
00:06:09,619 --> 00:06:13,248
Oh, I'm going over to this girl's house
to make some juice.
102
00:06:13,590 --> 00:06:14,579
Nice.
103
00:06:14,691 --> 00:06:17,626
No, it's not like that.
We're juicing as friends.
104
00:06:18,361 --> 00:06:20,386
See, I have this girlfriend.
105
00:06:20,497 --> 00:06:23,625
I would never cheat on her.
She lives in Germany.
106
00:06:23,867 --> 00:06:27,928
See, she was supposed to call me
four hours ago to have a serious talk.
107
00:06:28,038 --> 00:06:30,973
I still haven't heard from her.
I don't know.
108
00:06:31,074 --> 00:06:33,167
Sorry to bug you with my problems.
109
00:06:33,443 --> 00:06:36,412
Guess cab drivers
are the new bartenders, huh?
110
00:06:37,347 --> 00:06:39,110
You ain't kidding, kid.
111
00:06:40,717 --> 00:06:41,741
Want a nip?
112
00:06:41,852 --> 00:06:44,218
You could just let me out right up here.
113
00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:48,518
- Where are you going to buddy?
- Park Slope, Eighth and Eighth.
114
00:06:49,993 --> 00:06:52,484
Okay, here's where I left off
with the last guy.
115
00:06:52,596 --> 00:06:55,827
See, I have a girlfriend, but I'm going
over to this other girl's house...
116
00:06:55,932 --> 00:06:58,196
And you're wondering if I'd be upset.
117
00:06:58,368 --> 00:07:00,802
Hi, Ted. Remember me? Your girlfriend.
118
00:07:00,904 --> 00:07:02,997
Okay, relax. Robin's just a friend.
119
00:07:03,106 --> 00:07:05,472
Right. You're gonna go make some juice.
120
00:07:05,575 --> 00:07:07,873
Yes, yes. Juice is perfectly harmless.
121
00:07:07,978 --> 00:07:09,707
In fact, it's healthy.
122
00:07:09,813 --> 00:07:12,782
Oh, yeah? Then why are you wondering
what she looks like naked?
123
00:07:12,883 --> 00:07:14,350
I am not...
124
00:07:14,451 --> 00:07:17,477
Okay, even if I am wondering that,
it's only 'cause you put it in my head.
125
00:07:17,587 --> 00:07:19,987
But I am just a manifestation
of your subconscious,
126
00:07:20,090 --> 00:07:22,183
so actually, you put it in your own head.
127
00:07:22,292 --> 00:07:23,384
Damn it!
128
00:07:23,493 --> 00:07:24,755
Nothing's gonna happen.
129
00:07:24,861 --> 00:07:27,455
- Right.
- Okay, okay. You want a second opinion?
130
00:07:27,564 --> 00:07:28,588
Fine.
131
00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:35,102
Hey. Did she call?
132
00:07:35,205 --> 00:07:36,934
No. I need a ruling.
133
00:07:38,174 --> 00:07:40,335
I'm... Yeah, this is stupid.
It's not even a big deal,
134
00:07:40,443 --> 00:07:43,310
but I'm on my way over to Robin's
right now.
135
00:07:43,947 --> 00:07:46,575
She got a new juicer. Whatever.
We're gonna test it out.
136
00:07:47,450 --> 00:07:48,508
Let me call you back.
137
00:07:54,391 --> 00:07:57,087
Honey, there's a situation developing.
138
00:07:57,193 --> 00:07:59,286
Do you remember the huge secret
that you told me
139
00:07:59,396 --> 00:08:01,557
that you weren't supposed to, but you did?
140
00:08:01,665 --> 00:08:03,394
The thing about Robin?
141
00:08:03,500 --> 00:08:03,733
You mean, how Robin's in love with Ted?
142
00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:04,665
You mean, how Robin's in love with Ted?
143
00:08:04,768 --> 00:08:05,757
- What?
- What?
144
00:08:05,869 --> 00:08:08,269
Yeah. She told me already. Go on.
145
00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:10,566
Wait. So I'm the only one
that she didn't tell?
146
00:08:10,674 --> 00:08:12,335
She told you and not me?
147
00:08:12,442 --> 00:08:15,343
Well, I guess I'm just better friends
with her than you are.
148
00:08:15,445 --> 00:08:18,209
Well, I'm better friends with Ted
than you are.
149
00:08:18,315 --> 00:08:20,249
- That is a lie.
- It is not a lie.
150
00:08:20,350 --> 00:08:23,012
- Okay, that's it. You and me.
- You think you can take me? Come on!
151
00:08:23,119 --> 00:08:24,711
I'm not afraid of you!
You're embarrassing your...
152
00:08:24,821 --> 00:08:26,186
I'll show you things
you've never seen before!
153
00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:31,691
Come on. Pick up.
154
00:08:32,362 --> 00:08:33,829
Damn it, Victoria. Where are you?
155
00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:35,488
Pick up! Pick up!
156
00:08:35,732 --> 00:08:37,290
- Cupcake?
- No, thanks.
157
00:08:37,867 --> 00:08:40,028
Where are you? Why haven't you called?
158
00:08:40,136 --> 00:08:42,036
I'm out hooking up.
159
00:08:42,238 --> 00:08:44,069
With three other guys.
160
00:08:44,641 --> 00:08:48,805
Or maybe I'm a devoted girlfriend
and I'm calling you right now.
161
00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:50,807
Yeah, why do I doubt that?
162
00:08:53,216 --> 00:08:55,446
- Hello?
- Ted. I just saw the news,
163
00:08:55,552 --> 00:09:00,990
and a truck carrying sulfuric acid
overturned right in front of Robin's house.
164
00:09:01,091 --> 00:09:02,558
And it's melting through the sidewalk,
165
00:09:02,659 --> 00:09:04,024
You can see straight down into Hell.
166
00:09:04,127 --> 00:09:06,288
It's bad. You should go home, dude.
167
00:09:06,396 --> 00:09:08,887
Marshall, it's fine.
Nothing's gonna happen.
168
00:09:09,599 --> 00:09:12,762
- Ted, what does your Mom always say?
- Nothing good ever...
169
00:09:12,869 --> 00:09:16,930
Nothing good ever happens after 2:00 a.m.
Go home! It's too late for juice.
170
00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:20,908
Dude, Robin and I are just friends.
She doesn't even like me that way.
171
00:09:21,011 --> 00:09:23,775
Yes, she does! She likes you. She told me.
172
00:09:24,748 --> 00:09:26,272
- What?
- It's a big secret.
173
00:09:26,383 --> 00:09:30,376
So don't tell her I told you,
but she's very vulnerable right now.
174
00:09:30,487 --> 00:09:33,320
And you have a girlfriend. Go home, Ted.
175
00:09:33,923 --> 00:09:36,084
- She likes me?
- Yes,
176
00:09:36,192 --> 00:09:39,719
So you see why it would be
a very bad idea for you to go up there,
177
00:09:39,829 --> 00:09:41,456
Go home, Ted,
178
00:09:42,432 --> 00:09:43,922
She likes me?
179
00:09:44,501 --> 00:09:45,695
Go home, Ted.
180
00:09:47,704 --> 00:09:51,105
You're right, I'll see you at home.
181
00:09:52,676 --> 00:09:54,667
Good. He's going home.
182
00:09:54,778 --> 00:09:56,370
He is so not going home.
183
00:09:56,479 --> 00:09:58,572
I cannot believe you just told him that.
184
00:09:58,682 --> 00:10:00,980
- What do you mean?
- Lily, here's what you just said,
185
00:10:01,084 --> 00:10:02,381
"Ted, whatever you do,
186
00:10:02,485 --> 00:10:05,886
"don't go up there. There's a beautiful
girl who wants to have sex with you."
187
00:10:05,989 --> 00:10:09,254
And then she's gonna
make you some delicious juice!
188
00:10:09,559 --> 00:10:13,086
No. He's not going up there.
He has more sense than that.
189
00:10:13,830 --> 00:10:16,128
I did have more sense than that,
190
00:10:16,466 --> 00:10:18,297
- Keep the change. Thanks.
- Thanks.
191
00:10:18,401 --> 00:10:21,700
But after 2.00 a.m.,
my good sense was sound asleep,
192
00:10:32,321 --> 00:10:34,221
So, you're doing this?
You're going up there?
193
00:10:34,323 --> 00:10:35,881
You want to get out of the way?
194
00:10:35,991 --> 00:10:37,686
I'm not in the way.
195
00:10:38,193 --> 00:10:40,627
You know, if you had just called me, I...
196
00:10:47,102 --> 00:10:48,694
- Hi!
- Hey.
197
00:10:49,171 --> 00:10:51,469
I got some vegetables. I got carrots.
I got beets.
198
00:10:51,573 --> 00:10:53,165
Or we could just drink wine.
199
00:10:53,275 --> 00:10:56,676
Wine not. Wow, that's the stupidest thing
I ever said.
200
00:10:57,513 --> 00:10:58,707
Thanks.
201
00:10:59,081 --> 00:11:00,548
Make it a big glass.
202
00:11:00,783 --> 00:11:01,841
Sure.
203
00:11:02,718 --> 00:11:05,551
So, how's it hanging? "How's it hanging?"
204
00:11:05,988 --> 00:11:07,649
Haven't you ever had one of those days
205
00:11:07,756 --> 00:11:10,884
where nothing at all
that monumental happens,
206
00:11:10,993 --> 00:11:15,123
but, by the end of it, you have no idea
who you are anymore,
207
00:11:15,230 --> 00:11:17,698
or what the hell you're doing
with your life?
208
00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:19,734
Do you ever have one of those days?
209
00:11:19,835 --> 00:11:21,200
About once a week.
210
00:11:21,804 --> 00:11:24,432
I don't know. It was just a rough day,
211
00:11:24,540 --> 00:11:28,306
and the only person I wanted to see
at the end of it was you.
212
00:11:30,813 --> 00:11:34,476
So, how was the big phone call
with your girlfriend?
213
00:11:34,983 --> 00:11:37,884
When the clock strikes two,
just go to sleep,
214
00:11:39,054 --> 00:11:40,214
We broke up.
215
00:11:41,123 --> 00:11:42,112
What?
216
00:11:42,224 --> 00:11:44,021
Yeah. Yeah. She finally called.
217
00:11:44,126 --> 00:11:46,686
We talked for a while.
How hard long distance is,
218
00:11:46,795 --> 00:11:49,093
and then she dumped me.
219
00:11:50,499 --> 00:11:52,364
Ted, I'm so sorry.
220
00:11:52,467 --> 00:11:54,401
That's just terrible.
221
00:11:54,503 --> 00:11:56,061
I feel awful.
222
00:11:56,939 --> 00:11:58,201
You're smiling.
223
00:11:58,307 --> 00:11:59,899
Am I? No, I'm not.
224
00:12:01,109 --> 00:12:02,508
Well, I'm a news anchor.
225
00:12:02,611 --> 00:12:04,203
Smiling is a part of the job.
226
00:12:04,313 --> 00:12:07,043
Thousands died
in a tragic avalanche today.
227
00:12:07,149 --> 00:12:08,377
See?
228
00:12:10,419 --> 00:12:11,852
You're smiling, too.
229
00:12:14,189 --> 00:12:15,486
Yeah.
230
00:12:16,024 --> 00:12:18,288
I have no idea what that's all about.
231
00:12:25,701 --> 00:12:27,726
How much does Korean Elvis rock?
232
00:12:27,836 --> 00:12:30,304
I'll answer that. Infinity.
233
00:12:30,772 --> 00:12:33,297
He rocks infinity.
234
00:12:34,176 --> 00:12:35,643
Okay, it's time for bed.
235
00:12:35,744 --> 00:12:37,871
What? No. It's 2:30.
236
00:12:37,980 --> 00:12:40,642
And nothing good ever happens
after 2:00 a.m.
237
00:12:40,749 --> 00:12:43,445
You know, I have found in my travels
238
00:12:43,552 --> 00:12:47,818
that all the best things in life
happen after 2:00 a.m.
239
00:12:47,923 --> 00:12:50,221
When I look back
at the best stories of my life,
240
00:12:50,325 --> 00:12:54,352
the Liberty Bell incident, the little
scrape I got in at the Russian embassy,
241
00:12:54,463 --> 00:12:56,397
- the almost four-way.
- You never had a four-way.
242
00:12:56,498 --> 00:12:58,796
- I said "almost"!
- Well, all right.
243
00:12:59,001 --> 00:13:01,367
All those things happened after 2:00 a.m.
244
00:13:01,470 --> 00:13:07,272
Because after 2:00 a.m. Is when things get,
audience, say it with me, legendary!
245
00:13:08,343 --> 00:13:11,107
- We gotta go.
- What's that? "Interesting theory, Barney,
246
00:13:11,213 --> 00:13:13,579
"but I'll need some proof." Okay.
247
00:13:16,184 --> 00:13:20,678
Korean Elvis. How would you like
to have a drink with me and my friends?
248
00:13:21,256 --> 00:13:22,723
Rock 'n' roll.
249
00:13:23,725 --> 00:13:25,454
And it begins.
250
00:13:27,562 --> 00:13:30,827
So, hey. I got a new phone.
251
00:13:31,300 --> 00:13:32,699
Same as yours. Look.
252
00:13:32,801 --> 00:13:34,462
Oh, yeah, do you like it?
253
00:13:35,070 --> 00:13:37,061
Yeah. Yeah.
254
00:13:37,272 --> 00:13:39,172
This is some solid small talk.
255
00:13:39,942 --> 00:13:42,570
I had that other phone, and it was good,
256
00:13:42,678 --> 00:13:45,670
but I think, the whole time,
a little part of me
257
00:13:45,814 --> 00:13:47,509
wanted this phone instead.
258
00:13:47,983 --> 00:13:49,348
This phone
259
00:13:50,652 --> 00:13:51,778
feels right.
260
00:13:53,455 --> 00:13:54,922
Oh, wow. Weird.
261
00:13:55,424 --> 00:13:58,291
Yeah, I should probably take this.
262
00:13:58,927 --> 00:14:00,792
I'll be here.
263
00:14:06,401 --> 00:14:09,199
- Hello?
- Ted. This is your main man K.E.
264
00:14:09,304 --> 00:14:11,864
I want you to shake your tail feather
down here ASAP. You dig?
265
00:14:11,974 --> 00:14:14,204
Okay. Sorry about that.
266
00:14:14,309 --> 00:14:15,867
Who... Was that Korean Elvis?
267
00:14:15,978 --> 00:14:19,277
I'll explain later.
Hey, we're heading down to MacLaren's.
268
00:14:19,381 --> 00:14:22,714
Actually, I'm at Robin's.
269
00:14:23,618 --> 00:14:26,678
Yeah, and I might have done
something bad.
270
00:14:26,788 --> 00:14:30,417
I just lied and told her I broke up
with Victoria.
271
00:14:30,792 --> 00:14:34,159
Ted, I don't want to swear
in front of Korean Elvis,
272
00:14:34,262 --> 00:14:36,856
but what the bleep are you doing, dude?
273
00:14:36,965 --> 00:14:39,160
What do you expect from me? It's Robin!
274
00:14:39,267 --> 00:14:42,134
Victoria's great, but it's Robin!
275
00:14:42,904 --> 00:14:45,134
I've made up my mind,
I'm gonna end it with Victoria.
276
00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:47,538
- Gonna?
- Yes. First thing tomorrow.
277
00:14:47,709 --> 00:14:50,041
Okay, but as of right now,
278
00:14:50,145 --> 00:14:54,479
at 2:45 a.m. You still have a girlfriend.
279
00:14:54,916 --> 00:14:57,350
Ted, I love you. I love Robin.
280
00:14:57,452 --> 00:14:59,477
But if you do this right now,
281
00:14:59,588 --> 00:15:02,819
your entire future with her
will be built on a crime!
282
00:15:03,058 --> 00:15:06,289
Just go home, Ted,
Don't do this the wrong way!
283
00:15:07,029 --> 00:15:08,587
I hate how you're always right.
284
00:15:08,697 --> 00:15:11,222
It's my best and most annoying trait.
285
00:15:12,034 --> 00:15:13,092
Okay.
286
00:15:14,202 --> 00:15:16,636
I'm coming home. I'll see you soon.
287
00:15:20,876 --> 00:15:22,309
- Hey.
- Hey.
288
00:15:29,384 --> 00:15:32,581
I should probably get going.
It's pretty late.
289
00:15:34,389 --> 00:15:37,722
- I'm sorry. I...
- Oh, no. I understand. It's fine. Yeah.
290
00:15:41,029 --> 00:15:43,327
- Can I call you tomorrow?
- Totally.
291
00:15:43,432 --> 00:15:45,127
- Totally. Call me tomorrow.
- Okay.
292
00:15:45,233 --> 00:15:47,258
- Good night, Robin.
- Good night, Ted.
293
00:16:16,834 --> 00:16:19,598
Oh, my God! We're making out.
294
00:16:19,704 --> 00:16:21,137
- Right!
- This is crazy.
295
00:16:21,239 --> 00:16:22,866
Right! Right!
296
00:16:25,209 --> 00:16:28,701
Should we go to my room?
I mean, there's five dogs in there, but...
297
00:16:28,813 --> 00:16:29,939
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
298
00:16:30,048 --> 00:16:31,208
Yeah.
299
00:16:33,985 --> 00:16:38,945
I just, I have to run to the bathroom.
Real quick.
300
00:16:40,525 --> 00:16:42,049
Okay.
301
00:16:55,106 --> 00:16:56,539
Stop doing that!
302
00:16:56,808 --> 00:16:58,708
What are you doing?
303
00:16:58,810 --> 00:17:00,277
I'm calling you.
304
00:17:00,411 --> 00:17:02,379
We're breaking up.
I'm doing this right now.
305
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:04,539
I'm coming out of this bathroom
a single man.
306
00:17:04,649 --> 00:17:05,911
Okay.
307
00:17:06,017 --> 00:17:09,145
Say, Ted, how long do you think
that conversation's gonna be?
308
00:17:09,253 --> 00:17:11,448
Length of an average pee? No.
309
00:17:11,556 --> 00:17:13,956
We're gonna be on the phone
for at least 20 minutes.
310
00:17:14,058 --> 00:17:16,822
Robin's out there. She's gonna think
you're in here taking a massive...
311
00:17:16,928 --> 00:17:20,489
What do you want from me?
People break up. It happens.
312
00:17:21,299 --> 00:17:22,766
Not like this.
313
00:17:22,934 --> 00:17:26,961
Not from the bathroom of the girl
that you're about to sleep with.
314
00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:29,272
It's not ideal.
315
00:17:30,308 --> 00:17:32,003
Meanwhile, back at the bar,
316
00:17:32,110 --> 00:17:35,637
Barney was still trying to prove that
good things can happen after 2.00 a.m.
317
00:17:35,747 --> 00:17:37,544
Come on, Lily!
318
00:17:37,649 --> 00:17:42,211
How many women can say they've been
personally serenaded by Korean Elvis?
319
00:17:44,667 --> 00:17:46,350
I think he just spout on me.
320
00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:49,327
Barney, you tried. I think that's great.
But we're going.
321
00:17:49,436 --> 00:17:51,165
- No. No, come on!
- Yes!
322
00:17:51,271 --> 00:17:54,240
Dude. We haven't hit legendary yet.
We're only at the "le."
323
00:17:54,340 --> 00:17:57,275
We still got the "gen," the "da," the "ry."
324
00:17:57,377 --> 00:17:59,174
Okay, if we're at the "le,"
325
00:17:59,279 --> 00:18:02,214
then I say we follow it up
with a "t's go home."
326
00:18:02,315 --> 00:18:06,342
Oh, wow! You just got burned.
Phonics style!
327
00:18:06,820 --> 00:18:10,119
No, no, no, no. Baby, baby, baby, don't go.
328
00:18:10,523 --> 00:18:13,219
- Just one dance, huh?
- Okay, seriously.
329
00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:15,624
Hey, I know what you like.
330
00:18:23,169 --> 00:18:24,966
And so, Barney was right,
331
00:18:25,071 --> 00:18:26,629
The night was legendary,
332
00:18:26,739 --> 00:18:30,607
It would come to be known as the time
Lily kicked Korean Elvis in the nards,
333
00:18:30,710 --> 00:18:35,272
Hey, you guys remember that time
that Lily kicked Korean Elvis in the nards?
334
00:18:37,183 --> 00:18:37,283
You're right.
335
00:18:37,284 --> 00:18:38,341
You're right.
336
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:40,419
I owe you a real breakup call.
337
00:18:40,854 --> 00:18:42,321
I'll call you tomorrow.
338
00:18:42,422 --> 00:18:44,686
Good. So, you're gonna go home?
339
00:18:45,992 --> 00:18:48,085
Why should I have to go home?
340
00:18:48,194 --> 00:18:51,527
You know, there's every chance
Robin's the woman I'm gonna marry.
341
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:53,394
- Ted.
- It could happen!
342
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:57,967
And so, really, what's it gonna matter
in 50 years if I jump the gun by one night?
343
00:18:58,071 --> 00:19:01,040
Look, I know this is a moral gray area, but
344
00:19:02,242 --> 00:19:03,573
it's Robin.
345
00:19:04,043 --> 00:19:05,032
And I'm exhausted.
346
00:19:05,145 --> 00:19:07,909
I am. I'm exhausted from pretending
I'm not in love with her.
347
00:19:08,014 --> 00:19:09,379
I think that makes this okay.
348
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:12,007
Oh, please. You just want to get laid!
349
00:19:12,418 --> 00:19:14,613
Yes, I do. You got me.
350
00:19:14,721 --> 00:19:17,315
That is exactly what I want right now.
And so what?
351
00:19:17,423 --> 00:19:19,015
I want this. She wants this.
352
00:19:19,125 --> 00:19:23,289
It's happening. And if you have a problem
with it, don't be in Germany!
353
00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:25,421
It's been nice pretending to talk to you.
354
00:19:25,532 --> 00:19:27,966
Thanks for not calling me and good night.
355
00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:31,063
That's not your phone.
356
00:19:32,205 --> 00:19:33,797
This isn't my phone.
357
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:42,310
Okay. Bye.
358
00:19:44,918 --> 00:19:47,284
I thought it was mine, so I answered it.
359
00:19:48,421 --> 00:19:50,514
- Was it...
- It was your girlfriend.
360
00:19:51,891 --> 00:19:53,882
You might want to call her back.
361
00:20:15,515 --> 00:20:18,712
I called Victoria from the cab,
and we broke up,
362
00:20:19,652 --> 00:20:21,051
Yes, I'm...
363
00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:23,446
And there you have it, kids,
364
00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:26,024
The stupidest thing I've ever done,
365
00:20:26,859 --> 00:20:30,420
In one night, I managed to hurt
two people I cared about,
366
00:20:30,530 --> 00:20:34,159
And none of it would've happened
if I had just listened to my mom,
367
00:20:44,611 --> 00:20:47,944
So, I guess if there's a lesson
to be learned here, it's this,
368
00:20:48,648 --> 00:20:50,616
when it's after 2.00 a.m.,
369
00:20:51,184 --> 00:20:52,708
just go to sleep.
370
00:21:14,426 --> 00:21:17,426
Resynced by Ameen
28390
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.