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1
00:00:08,834 --> 00:00:11,315
[mysterious music]
2
00:00:23,371 --> 00:00:26,069
[comical music]
3
00:00:30,726 --> 00:00:33,033
[indistinct chatter]
4
00:00:36,862 --> 00:00:39,126
Curly fries, good choice!
Try them with horsey sauce, huh?
5
00:00:46,481 --> 00:00:48,831
-Hey, hey, J.K.!
-Hey, guys. What's up?
6
00:00:48,961 --> 00:00:50,659
Uh, Theo's dong. [chuckles]
7
00:00:50,789 --> 00:00:51,790
Very funny.
8
00:00:53,444 --> 00:00:55,055
You guys want something to eat?
9
00:00:55,185 --> 00:00:56,534
No, we heard there was going
to be a sorority party
10
00:00:56,665 --> 00:00:57,927
over at UCLA.
11
00:00:58,058 --> 00:00:59,407
-Thought we'd check it out.
-What sorority?
12
00:00:59,537 --> 00:01:01,365
Uh, Hubba Kappa,
something like that.
13
00:01:01,496 --> 00:01:03,324
That's Alpha Kappa, doofus!
14
00:01:03,454 --> 00:01:05,500
Right, Alpha Kappa Doofus,
whatever.
15
00:01:05,630 --> 00:01:07,458
-Want to come with, Jer?
-Nope. Got to work late.
16
00:01:07,589 --> 00:01:09,460
Then I've got
a date with Monica.
17
00:01:09,591 --> 00:01:12,115
[Theo] Ooh, you guys
getting serious or what?
18
00:01:12,246 --> 00:01:14,596
[Jerry] Well, let's just say
that tonight is the night
19
00:01:14,726 --> 00:01:17,468
when Mr. Train should
be hitting the magic tunnel.
20
00:01:17,599 --> 00:01:18,730
[Zoomer]
You're taking her on a train?
21
00:01:18,861 --> 00:01:20,254
So what's the big plan?
22
00:01:22,299 --> 00:01:23,387
[chiming]
23
00:01:23,518 --> 00:01:25,868
"The Complete Guide
to Hypnosis"?
24
00:01:25,998 --> 00:01:27,696
Oh, you guys are starting
a lounge act.
25
00:01:27,826 --> 00:01:29,480
[suspenseful music]
26
00:01:29,611 --> 00:01:31,526
-[chiming]
-[TV in background]
27
00:01:31,656 --> 00:01:33,136
[whispering] ...ninety-four...
28
00:01:33,963 --> 00:01:35,834
...ninety-five...
29
00:01:35,965 --> 00:01:37,575
-Good evening, friends!
-...ninety-six...
30
00:01:37,706 --> 00:01:41,623
And welcome
to the holy hootin'-nanny.
31
00:01:41,753 --> 00:01:45,453
Now, tonight I want
to talk to all of you
32
00:01:45,583 --> 00:01:47,803
about communicating
with God!
33
00:01:47,933 --> 00:01:49,283
Ooh!
34
00:01:49,413 --> 00:01:51,415
Damn, Jerry, I don't get it!
35
00:01:51,546 --> 00:01:54,157
How come you always get
the hot babes like Monica
36
00:01:54,288 --> 00:01:57,421
and we have to go begging
for dates from the Hubba Kappas?
37
00:01:57,552 --> 00:02:00,076
It's all a matter of attitude,
Zoom. You gotta be loose,
38
00:02:00,207 --> 00:02:01,773
you gotta be cool
and you gotta be confident.
39
00:02:03,427 --> 00:02:07,388
Hummata, hummata, hummata...
40
00:02:07,518 --> 00:02:08,824
[Jerry] There you go,
perfect timing.
41
00:02:08,954 --> 00:02:10,565
Now go over there
and make something happen.
42
00:02:10,695 --> 00:02:13,524
-Damn, let's go for it!
-That's the attitude, Zoom.
43
00:02:13,655 --> 00:02:14,960
-Now remember, you're loose...
-I'm loose.
44
00:02:15,091 --> 00:02:16,397
-You're cool...
-I'm cool.
45
00:02:16,527 --> 00:02:17,789
You're confident.
46
00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:19,835
Don't push it.
47
00:02:19,965 --> 00:02:21,576
Go get them, boys!
48
00:02:21,706 --> 00:02:22,272
[sighs] Oh, God...
49
00:02:28,931 --> 00:02:30,193
Evening, ladies.
50
00:02:31,586 --> 00:02:32,282
Come here often?
51
00:02:35,851 --> 00:02:38,810
So, you chicks up for a little
hide the banana tonight or what?
52
00:02:38,941 --> 00:02:40,203
Beat it, bozos.
53
00:02:41,639 --> 00:02:44,903
Right. That's cool. I can deal.
54
00:02:45,034 --> 00:02:47,254
I'll catch you babes later, huh?
55
00:02:47,384 --> 00:02:48,385
Jesus, God!
56
00:02:50,866 --> 00:02:54,565
We must keep our eyes
and our ears open
57
00:02:54,696 --> 00:02:58,526
because I will tell you,
right now.
58
00:02:58,656 --> 00:03:01,616
There will be a
sign from God,
59
00:03:01,746 --> 00:03:05,794
for you, for you,
and for you.
60
00:03:05,924 --> 00:03:09,363
Today, and each
and every day,
61
00:03:09,493 --> 00:03:11,887
you must look
for that sign.
62
00:03:12,017 --> 00:03:14,455
And when you see that sign,
you must say,
63
00:03:14,585 --> 00:03:17,936
"Yes, Lord,
I hear you talking to me!"
64
00:03:18,067 --> 00:03:19,503
Ooh.
65
00:03:19,634 --> 00:03:23,507
And you must devote yourself
to God
66
00:03:23,638 --> 00:03:26,510
from that moment onand let
nothing stand in the way
67
00:03:26,641 --> 00:03:29,296
of your life long service
68
00:03:29,426 --> 00:03:30,427
to the Lord!
69
00:03:30,558 --> 00:03:32,864
And I do mean Jesus.
70
00:03:32,995 --> 00:03:35,911
[weeping]
71
00:03:42,439 --> 00:03:43,962
[woman singing]
72
00:03:44,093 --> 00:03:46,487
[stutters] Okay, Mom. Thanks.
73
00:03:47,488 --> 00:03:50,491
[weeping]
74
00:03:52,188 --> 00:03:54,364
[comical music]
75
00:03:55,974 --> 00:03:57,846
[screams, laughs]
76
00:04:06,463 --> 00:04:08,509
Oh, look...
77
00:04:09,814 --> 00:04:12,121
The lights!
78
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:16,125
They look like lost angels
searching for divine redemption
79
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:18,649
amidst a dark sea
of metaphysical nothingness.
80
00:04:19,824 --> 00:04:20,912
Don't you think?
81
00:04:22,740 --> 00:04:24,089
Oh, yeah.
82
00:04:24,220 --> 00:04:27,702
[Monica chuckles]
83
00:04:27,832 --> 00:04:29,878
So what do you want to do now?
[sighs]
84
00:04:30,008 --> 00:04:33,490
Well, I'm not allowed
to name it,
85
00:04:33,621 --> 00:04:37,407
but I will say it involves
two excited organs
86
00:04:37,538 --> 00:04:38,495
and a change of underwear.
87
00:04:40,889 --> 00:04:42,412
New idea, you want to work
on our hypnosis?
88
00:04:43,544 --> 00:04:44,414
Okay.
89
00:04:47,156 --> 00:04:49,201
-You've been practicing?
-Yeah, I have,
90
00:04:49,332 --> 00:04:51,552
but... I don't know, I'm just
not getting the hang of it.
91
00:04:51,682 --> 00:04:52,466
I'm doing something wrong.
92
00:04:52,596 --> 00:04:54,381
It's easier with two people.
93
00:04:54,511 --> 00:04:59,603
You know, I bet you're right.
Okay, let me do you first. Okay?
94
00:04:59,734 --> 00:05:01,562
-Oh, okay. [chuckles]
-[chuckles] Okay.
95
00:05:01,692 --> 00:05:02,345
Now...
96
00:05:03,215 --> 00:05:04,347
Relax.
97
00:05:09,570 --> 00:05:10,310
Okay.
98
00:05:11,267 --> 00:05:13,922
You are very...
99
00:05:14,052 --> 00:05:16,054
-...very relaxed.
-[suspenseful music]
100
00:05:17,578 --> 00:05:19,710
You are very sleepy.
101
00:05:19,841 --> 00:05:23,540
Your eyelids are very heavy.
102
00:05:23,671 --> 00:05:27,065
You are very, very sleepy.
103
00:05:27,196 --> 00:05:28,893
[gasps] Wow!
104
00:05:29,024 --> 00:05:31,592
-That was great!
-Jerry, you ruined it!
105
00:05:31,722 --> 00:05:33,333
I changed my mind.
I want to do you first.
106
00:05:34,029 --> 00:05:35,160
Are you sure?
107
00:05:35,291 --> 00:05:37,641
Kick back, relax.
108
00:05:37,772 --> 00:05:39,513
Just keep your eyes
on the crystal.
109
00:05:39,643 --> 00:05:40,383
Okay. [chuckles]
110
00:05:42,994 --> 00:05:45,170
Relax all the tension
111
00:05:45,301 --> 00:05:48,478
in all of the muscles
in your entire body.
112
00:05:49,740 --> 00:05:52,569
You are getting very relaxed.
113
00:05:52,700 --> 00:05:57,357
You, Monica,
are completely relaxed.
114
00:05:58,662 --> 00:06:00,577
You feel and hear nothing
115
00:06:00,708 --> 00:06:03,232
but with the sound of my voice.
116
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:05,582
Your eyelids are getting heavy
117
00:06:05,713 --> 00:06:08,498
and you are feeling very sleepy.
118
00:06:09,804 --> 00:06:11,675
When I count to three,
119
00:06:11,806 --> 00:06:15,549
you will fall
into a deep, deep sleep.
120
00:06:16,941 --> 00:06:19,770
One, two, three.
121
00:06:26,037 --> 00:06:27,952
When I snap my fingers,
122
00:06:28,083 --> 00:06:31,695
you will wake up
and remember nothing.
123
00:06:31,826 --> 00:06:35,090
But you will find yourself
irresistibly attracted
124
00:06:35,220 --> 00:06:37,658
to Jerry Kaminsky.
125
00:06:37,788 --> 00:06:41,618
You will crave
his strong, masculine hands
126
00:06:41,749 --> 00:06:45,013
all over your eager nubile body
127
00:06:45,143 --> 00:06:48,408
and you'll want to make
mad, passionate love with him.
128
00:06:49,670 --> 00:06:52,150
Do you understand, Monica?
129
00:06:52,281 --> 00:06:53,935
Yes, I understand.
130
00:06:54,065 --> 00:06:55,066
Good.
131
00:06:56,590 --> 00:06:57,460
Ready?
132
00:06:59,331 --> 00:07:01,464
[suspenseful music]
133
00:07:07,905 --> 00:07:10,212
[thunder]
134
00:07:11,866 --> 00:07:14,042
[sighs]
135
00:07:14,172 --> 00:07:18,089
Make me scream, little cowboy!
[screams]
136
00:07:20,048 --> 00:07:21,484
[Jerry] Yes, yes!
137
00:07:22,311 --> 00:07:24,269
Yes!
138
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:25,706
[celestial music]
139
00:07:25,836 --> 00:07:26,620
[gasps]
140
00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:29,579
[Monica] Oh!
141
00:07:32,103 --> 00:07:33,975
The sign!
142
00:07:34,105 --> 00:07:35,672
The sign from God!
143
00:07:37,282 --> 00:07:38,153
[Monica chuckles]
144
00:07:39,937 --> 00:07:41,852
Oh, yes, Lord. I hear you.
145
00:07:41,983 --> 00:07:43,811
Monica,
what are you talking about?
146
00:07:43,941 --> 00:07:46,944
[gasps] I'm coming, Lord.
147
00:07:47,075 --> 00:07:50,992
I'm coming, I'm coming,
I'm coming, I'm coming, Lord.
148
00:07:51,122 --> 00:07:52,776
To love you, and to serve you,
149
00:07:52,907 --> 00:07:53,864
and to be
your groveling slave...
150
00:07:53,995 --> 00:07:56,127
-Monica!
-...the rest of my days.
151
00:07:56,258 --> 00:07:58,129
Wait for me, wait for me!
152
00:07:58,260 --> 00:08:00,828
[Monica screams]
153
00:08:00,958 --> 00:08:02,656
-Bro, vicious babes!
-Mine, too!
154
00:08:05,789 --> 00:08:06,790
Did some dudes just run by here?
155
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:10,228
-Thanks.
-Let's get them.
156
00:08:16,321 --> 00:08:18,672
[suspenseful music]
157
00:08:21,457 --> 00:08:23,720
Yeah, it's him, alright.
158
00:08:23,851 --> 00:08:26,375
-Are you sure?
-Sure I'm sure.
159
00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:29,291
-How do you know for a fact?
-Because I know, alright?
160
00:08:29,421 --> 00:08:32,642
Remember, I am the man
that makes the plan.
161
00:08:32,773 --> 00:08:33,861
Let me see.
162
00:08:33,991 --> 00:08:34,905
[imitates bird]
163
00:08:37,473 --> 00:08:39,954
Yeah, it's him, alright.
164
00:08:40,084 --> 00:08:41,695
Thought I just heard myself
say that.
165
00:08:41,825 --> 00:08:43,392
-Let's get him.
-Whoa.
166
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,568
What do you want to do?
Just run up there and say,
167
00:08:45,699 --> 00:08:49,659
"Excuse me, Sisters,
but can we kidnap your handyman
168
00:08:49,790 --> 00:08:50,921
so we can cut off his nuts?"
169
00:08:51,052 --> 00:08:52,662
Okay, okay.
170
00:08:52,793 --> 00:08:54,316
So what do we do?
171
00:08:54,446 --> 00:08:57,145
Doofus! We call Cleeghorn,
that's what we do.
172
00:08:57,275 --> 00:09:00,235
Stuey, why do you always call me
a doofus?
173
00:09:01,323 --> 00:09:03,194
I don't know, Bean.
174
00:09:03,325 --> 00:09:05,632
Maybe it's
because you're such a doofus!
175
00:09:05,762 --> 00:09:08,156
I hate that.
176
00:09:08,286 --> 00:09:10,027
[Jerry] Anyway,
I'm glad she's alright.
177
00:09:10,158 --> 00:09:11,551
Thanks for the info,
Mrs. Woolsey.
178
00:09:12,203 --> 00:09:12,943
Bye.
179
00:09:17,165 --> 00:09:18,993
A convent!
180
00:09:19,123 --> 00:09:22,039
-Huh?
-She joined a friggin' convent!
181
00:09:22,170 --> 00:09:23,780
[laughs]
182
00:09:23,911 --> 00:09:26,261
It's not funny, Theo!
183
00:09:26,391 --> 00:09:28,959
You've pissed off a lot of women
in your day, Jerry,
184
00:09:29,090 --> 00:09:30,918
but you've never driven
any of them to this.
185
00:09:31,048 --> 00:09:33,268
I didn't drive her to anything.
She just up and ran off.
186
00:09:33,398 --> 00:09:35,836
What convent did she go to?
187
00:09:35,966 --> 00:09:37,794
You guys are not going
to believe this:
188
00:09:37,925 --> 00:09:39,753
the convent
of the Blessed Virgin.
189
00:09:39,883 --> 00:09:42,843
No shit! What's that?
190
00:09:42,973 --> 00:09:44,192
It's where the nuns
from Virgin High live.
191
00:09:44,322 --> 00:09:46,020
And no comment from you!
192
00:09:46,150 --> 00:09:47,804
Look, you have to admit
that there is a pattern
193
00:09:47,935 --> 00:09:49,545
here with your girlfriends.
194
00:09:49,676 --> 00:09:52,504
First, Christy Murphy gets sent
to school there and now this?
195
00:09:52,635 --> 00:09:54,855
All I know is
something is definitely wrong.
196
00:09:54,985 --> 00:09:56,813
Monica is not the nun type.
197
00:09:56,944 --> 00:09:58,772
Maybe she really had a calling.
198
00:09:58,902 --> 00:09:59,773
It does happen, you know?
199
00:09:59,903 --> 00:10:02,863
[girl crying]
200
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:11,219
Sherry, what's the matter?
201
00:10:11,349 --> 00:10:13,351
She's having doubts.
202
00:10:13,482 --> 00:10:15,440
Doubts? What kind of doubts?
203
00:10:15,571 --> 00:10:19,053
Oh, Monica, I don't know
if I'm meant to be a nun.
204
00:10:19,183 --> 00:10:21,838
I can't memorize all that stuff
like you two can.
205
00:10:21,969 --> 00:10:24,885
Oh, sure you can!
206
00:10:25,015 --> 00:10:27,496
You just have to stick with it!
Come on.
207
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,846
Did you know
that when Mother Theresa started
208
00:10:29,977 --> 00:10:31,326
she didn't know
a plenary indulgence
209
00:10:31,456 --> 00:10:32,849
from a cocktail weenie?
210
00:10:33,545 --> 00:10:34,721
Oh?
211
00:10:35,939 --> 00:10:37,898
Well, it's more than that.
212
00:10:38,028 --> 00:10:41,075
I want to serve God, but I...
213
00:10:41,205 --> 00:10:46,558
I miss my old life.
I miss school. I miss shopping.
214
00:10:46,689 --> 00:10:48,822
I miss Bon Jovi,
and beach parties,
215
00:10:48,952 --> 00:10:51,389
and Albuquerque
turkey sandwiches.
216
00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:52,913
And you know what I really miss?
217
00:10:55,393 --> 00:10:56,743
Boys. [sighs]
218
00:10:58,222 --> 00:11:00,485
You know what?
219
00:11:00,616 --> 00:11:01,965
I think I'm having doubts too.
220
00:11:04,402 --> 00:11:05,882
Will you two cut it out?
221
00:11:06,013 --> 00:11:08,015
I mean, okay, look.
222
00:11:08,145 --> 00:11:10,191
It's perfectly natural
to have doubts at first,
223
00:11:10,321 --> 00:11:12,454
but a year from now you'll say,
224
00:11:12,584 --> 00:11:15,936
"Jesus Christ,
do I love being a nun!"
225
00:11:16,066 --> 00:11:18,982
And he'll say, "Yes, you do."
226
00:11:19,113 --> 00:11:22,856
Yes, but... no more dates
for the rest of our lives.
227
00:11:22,986 --> 00:11:24,466
Ay, ay, ay!
228
00:11:24,596 --> 00:11:27,687
You two are taking the entirely
wrong attitude here.
229
00:11:28,557 --> 00:11:29,993
Okay, look.
230
00:11:30,124 --> 00:11:32,169
Who's the studliest guy
you can think of?
231
00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:33,431
I don't know.
232
00:11:35,042 --> 00:11:35,869
Jean Claude Van Damme?
233
00:11:35,999 --> 00:11:36,696
[Sherry] Rob Lowe.
234
00:11:37,609 --> 00:11:39,350
Okay.
235
00:11:39,481 --> 00:11:42,484
Well, mine
is William F. Buckley.
236
00:11:42,614 --> 00:11:46,531
So let's take
Jean Claude, Rob and Bill
237
00:11:46,662 --> 00:11:50,057
all rolled into
one super-tough dude,
238
00:11:50,187 --> 00:11:52,015
multiply it
by one hundred billion
239
00:11:53,147 --> 00:11:54,061
and what have you got?
240
00:11:54,191 --> 00:11:55,105
Heaven on earth?
241
00:11:55,236 --> 00:11:57,368
No, silly!
242
00:11:57,499 --> 00:12:00,110
You've got God. God!
243
00:12:00,241 --> 00:12:02,417
Who could be studlier than God?
244
00:12:02,547 --> 00:12:05,420
[thunder]
245
00:12:05,550 --> 00:12:08,902
And just think we are all
going to be married to him
246
00:12:09,032 --> 00:12:12,122
for the rest of our lives.
247
00:12:12,253 --> 00:12:14,908
Could anything be
more exciting than that?
248
00:12:15,038 --> 00:12:15,952
[Sherry] I guess not.
249
00:12:19,347 --> 00:12:20,000
'Course not.
250
00:12:21,697 --> 00:12:24,352
Besides, if you two quit now,
251
00:12:24,482 --> 00:12:27,224
you'll probably roast in hell
for all eternity.
252
00:12:27,355 --> 00:12:28,095
[thunder]
253
00:12:31,054 --> 00:12:32,099
And we don't want that, do we?
254
00:12:33,970 --> 00:12:34,841
[Monica sighs]
255
00:12:34,971 --> 00:12:36,016
[holy chanting]
256
00:12:37,626 --> 00:12:40,455
[thunder]
257
00:12:40,585 --> 00:12:42,979
[Cleeghorn] Why don't you talk
to me the way you do, you know?
258
00:12:43,110 --> 00:12:44,589
[Rowena] What way?
259
00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:47,070
You know, that baby talk.
260
00:12:47,201 --> 00:12:48,506
-[pants]
-Right now?
261
00:12:48,637 --> 00:12:49,812
Yeah, yeah.
262
00:12:49,943 --> 00:12:51,422
[laughs]
263
00:12:51,553 --> 00:12:54,904
[imitates baby gurgling]
264
00:12:55,035 --> 00:12:55,905
-Oh, yeah.
-[giggles]
265
00:12:58,081 --> 00:13:00,257
[dramatic music]
266
00:13:00,388 --> 00:13:02,042
[Cleeghorn] What do you two
bozos want?
267
00:13:02,172 --> 00:13:04,392
Good news, sir.
We found Max Moolash.
268
00:13:04,522 --> 00:13:06,089
Really?
269
00:13:06,220 --> 00:13:07,612
Yeah, he's hiding out in a
convent.
270
00:13:07,743 --> 00:13:10,180
Yeah he's pretending to be
a handyman or something.
271
00:13:10,311 --> 00:13:14,228
We finally caught up with
that ungrateful little weasel.
272
00:13:14,358 --> 00:13:17,231
When I think of how
I practically raised that kid
273
00:13:17,361 --> 00:13:19,233
into a respectable life of crime
it just makes me...
274
00:13:20,060 --> 00:13:21,975
[grunts]
275
00:13:22,105 --> 00:13:23,759
Well how did you find him?
276
00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:27,371
-Well, in all modesty sir...
-Never mind!
277
00:13:27,502 --> 00:13:30,157
The point is:
we know where he's at.
278
00:13:30,287 --> 00:13:32,159
Now all we gotta do
is get to him
279
00:13:32,289 --> 00:13:35,162
to find out what he did with
those stones he lifted from us,
280
00:13:35,292 --> 00:13:37,033
I mean me.
281
00:13:37,164 --> 00:13:41,429
Now... How might we go
about this, I wonder?
282
00:13:41,559 --> 00:13:44,954
Well if I might suggest a couple
of Uzis and a grenade launcher.
283
00:13:45,085 --> 00:13:46,608
Nah, forget that.
284
00:13:46,738 --> 00:13:47,914
That's too risky.
285
00:13:48,044 --> 00:13:51,178
Besides, Moolash is one
tough nut to crack
286
00:13:51,308 --> 00:13:54,094
which is something
I taught him myself, by the way.
287
00:13:54,224 --> 00:13:58,446
Nah, nah, we need
a more subtle approach.
288
00:13:58,576 --> 00:14:03,973
We need somebody with experience
in the art of persuasion.
289
00:14:04,104 --> 00:14:05,670
Somebody...
290
00:14:05,801 --> 00:14:08,021
who understands men.
291
00:14:08,151 --> 00:14:10,675
Knows how to make them
play ball.
292
00:14:10,806 --> 00:14:14,027
Now, I wonder, who do we have in
this organization
293
00:14:14,157 --> 00:14:16,203
that fits that bill?
294
00:14:16,333 --> 00:14:18,205
-Sir, I think it's obvious--
-If I might--
295
00:14:18,335 --> 00:14:20,381
Stupid idiots!
296
00:14:20,511 --> 00:14:22,992
I'm talking about Rowena here.
297
00:14:23,123 --> 00:14:24,602
[Stuey] I knew that sir.
298
00:14:24,733 --> 00:14:26,300
He's talking about Rowena there!
299
00:14:27,779 --> 00:14:29,303
Now...
300
00:14:29,433 --> 00:14:33,611
We send Rowena in a disguise.
Alright?
301
00:14:33,742 --> 00:14:36,527
And you two boneheads, you
watch her and the whole place.
302
00:14:36,658 --> 00:14:38,094
And make sure Moolash
doesn't get wise
303
00:14:38,225 --> 00:14:40,401
and try to split or something.
304
00:14:40,531 --> 00:14:41,968
Now, you think you
can handle that?
305
00:14:42,098 --> 00:14:44,144
No problem, Mr. C.
306
00:14:44,274 --> 00:14:46,537
Good! Because if you
screw this up,
307
00:14:46,668 --> 00:14:49,366
I'll run both of yous up a
flagpole by your macadamia nuts.
308
00:14:51,325 --> 00:14:53,153
Now get the hell outta here!
309
00:14:53,283 --> 00:14:54,981
-Thank you, sir.
-Right, come on, Beano.
310
00:14:57,287 --> 00:14:58,027
Now...
311
00:15:00,116 --> 00:15:01,074
where were we?
312
00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:04,338
[baby talk]
313
00:15:17,568 --> 00:15:18,918
[doorbell ringing]
314
00:15:26,055 --> 00:15:28,014
-Good morning.
-Ah, good morning, sister.
315
00:15:28,144 --> 00:15:29,667
And you are...?
316
00:15:29,798 --> 00:15:31,713
I'm Sister Flavia,
the Mother Superior
317
00:15:31,843 --> 00:15:33,062
and who might you be?
318
00:15:33,193 --> 00:15:33,933
Me?
319
00:15:34,063 --> 00:15:38,285
I might be Sister... Tiffany.
320
00:15:38,415 --> 00:15:40,678
-Sister Tiffany?
-Uh-huh.
321
00:15:40,809 --> 00:15:42,854
Well what can I do
for you today?
322
00:15:42,985 --> 00:15:46,249
Well I'm in this country on kind
of a foreign exchange program.
323
00:15:46,380 --> 00:15:47,468
And, uh...
324
00:15:47,598 --> 00:15:48,643
[Flavia] Where might
you be from?
325
00:15:48,773 --> 00:15:51,298
Uh... Idaho! And, uh...
326
00:15:51,428 --> 00:15:52,734
That's not a foreign country.
327
00:15:52,864 --> 00:15:56,433
Of course it isn't.
How silly of me.
328
00:15:57,695 --> 00:15:59,654
Uh, Canada.
329
00:15:59,784 --> 00:16:01,395
-That's foreign, isn't it?
-Yes.
330
00:16:02,918 --> 00:16:06,008
Well, I'm from Idaho, Canada.
331
00:16:06,139 --> 00:16:09,185
A little out of the way convent
in the north woods.
332
00:16:09,316 --> 00:16:10,317
And we are travelling
across America
333
00:16:10,447 --> 00:16:12,406
going from convent to convent,
334
00:16:12,536 --> 00:16:14,669
spending a week
or two at each one,
335
00:16:14,799 --> 00:16:17,977
just helping out, getting to
know the Sisters, what have you.
336
00:16:18,107 --> 00:16:22,416
It's kind of an international
goodwill mission for the Church.
337
00:16:23,286 --> 00:16:24,853
I see.
338
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,072
Let's go inside and talk.
339
00:16:26,202 --> 00:16:27,769
Bless you, sister!
340
00:16:27,899 --> 00:16:28,988
[sneezes violently]
341
00:16:31,686 --> 00:16:32,339
Sorry.
342
00:16:33,775 --> 00:16:35,211
Conditioned reflex.
343
00:16:35,342 --> 00:16:36,212
[intermittent beeping]
344
00:16:36,343 --> 00:16:38,519
[Stuey] Well, she's in.
345
00:16:38,649 --> 00:16:40,260
[radio crackles] Are you sure?
346
00:16:41,348 --> 00:16:43,437
[Stuey] Sure I'm sure.
347
00:16:43,567 --> 00:16:45,352
How do you know for a fact?
348
00:16:45,482 --> 00:16:47,397
[Stuey] Beano, would you quit
asking me that?
349
00:16:47,528 --> 00:16:49,965
Hey, I just wanted to make
sure, that's all.
350
00:16:50,096 --> 00:16:53,273
Hey, as long as I'm here,
you can be sure.
351
00:16:53,403 --> 00:16:54,274
[epic music]
-Like I told you,
352
00:16:54,404 --> 00:16:56,450
I am the man that makes
the plan--
353
00:16:56,580 --> 00:16:59,322
[distorted crackling
and whirring]
354
00:16:59,453 --> 00:17:00,628
[electronic feedback]
355
00:17:00,758 --> 00:17:02,238
What's that?
356
00:17:02,369 --> 00:17:04,327
Oh. [laughs nervously]
357
00:17:04,458 --> 00:17:07,156
Please excuse me, sister.
I had beans for breakfast.
358
00:17:09,289 --> 00:17:10,507
[whirring continues]
359
00:17:16,339 --> 00:17:17,340
[noise stops]
360
00:17:17,471 --> 00:17:19,386
[lively music playing]
361
00:17:22,302 --> 00:17:23,912
I've got it!
362
00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:25,566
You call up the convent, right?
363
00:17:25,696 --> 00:17:27,698
You ask to speak to Monica,
right?
364
00:17:27,829 --> 00:17:29,700
Then, when she comes
to the phone,
365
00:17:29,831 --> 00:17:31,485
you try to talk her
into leaving.
366
00:17:31,615 --> 00:17:33,835
-And?
-And that's it.
367
00:17:33,965 --> 00:17:36,533
[scoffs] That is the stupidest
thing I ever heard!
368
00:17:36,664 --> 00:17:38,318
Theo, he's right!
369
00:17:38,448 --> 00:17:39,406
We might as well start out
with the obvious.
370
00:17:47,718 --> 00:17:49,068
We'll put you in room 6.
371
00:17:49,198 --> 00:17:50,417
I'll see to it that you'll have
clean linens.
372
00:17:52,636 --> 00:17:54,638
Sister, what are you looking at?
373
00:17:54,769 --> 00:17:55,683
Me?
374
00:17:55,813 --> 00:17:57,641
Oh nothing.
375
00:17:57,772 --> 00:18:03,299
I, I, I just had
this little twitch in my butt.
376
00:18:04,692 --> 00:18:06,259
[Flavia] Uh-huh.
377
00:18:06,389 --> 00:18:08,609
[laughs uncomfortably]
378
00:18:08,739 --> 00:18:11,090
Well, let's get you settled in.
379
00:18:12,265 --> 00:18:13,179
Bitchin'!
380
00:18:14,919 --> 00:18:18,184
I mean, thanks be to God.
381
00:18:21,012 --> 00:18:22,797
Tell me, sister,
382
00:18:22,927 --> 00:18:25,582
what is this Saint Tiffany
the patron saint of?
383
00:18:25,713 --> 00:18:27,236
Saint Tiffany?
384
00:18:27,367 --> 00:18:30,500
[stammers]
385
00:18:30,631 --> 00:18:32,241
-Jewellery.
-[screams.]
386
00:18:32,981 --> 00:18:34,243
[laughing]
387
00:18:41,990 --> 00:18:43,948
Jewellery, that's...
that's precious.
388
00:18:44,079 --> 00:18:45,341
[phone rings]
389
00:18:47,561 --> 00:18:48,257
Excuse me.
390
00:18:52,479 --> 00:18:55,177
Good morning, convent
of the Blessed Virgin.
391
00:18:55,308 --> 00:18:58,311
I'm just going to go outside
and pray for a few minutes
392
00:18:58,441 --> 00:18:59,355
if that's okay with you.
393
00:19:03,098 --> 00:19:05,013
This is Sister Flavia, may I
help you?
394
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,755
[fake voice] Hello, this is
Walter Woolsey,
395
00:19:07,885 --> 00:19:10,584
I'd like to speak to my daughter
Monica, please.
396
00:19:10,714 --> 00:19:13,021
Mr. Woolsey, we talked about
this yesterday.
397
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:15,284
No one outside the convent
is allowed to speak
398
00:19:15,415 --> 00:19:16,329
to the new postulants,
399
00:19:16,459 --> 00:19:17,939
including the parents.
400
00:19:18,069 --> 00:19:21,029
The girls must be
isolated from the world
401
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,335
for at least three months.
402
00:19:22,465 --> 00:19:24,685
Well this is kind of an
emergency, you see.
403
00:19:24,815 --> 00:19:26,861
Her grandmother slipped into
a coma this morning
404
00:19:26,991 --> 00:19:27,557
and whoa!
405
00:19:29,646 --> 00:19:32,693
You told me both of her
grandmothers are dead.
406
00:19:32,823 --> 00:19:35,565
Did I say grandmother?
Whoa, what a bonehead!
407
00:19:35,696 --> 00:19:37,567
I meant her aunt,
her aunt Philamina.
408
00:19:37,698 --> 00:19:40,570
She has no aunt Philamina.
409
00:19:40,701 --> 00:19:45,488
Well, we just call her aunt,
see, she's more of an, an uncle.
410
00:19:45,619 --> 00:19:46,489
She had this operation
411
00:19:46,620 --> 00:19:47,882
and everything hangs
differently now.
412
00:19:48,012 --> 00:19:49,579
I know how difficult it is for
the parents
413
00:19:49,710 --> 00:19:51,668
when the girls first
come to convent.
414
00:19:51,799 --> 00:19:54,671
But you're just going to have to
trust that she's in good hands.
415
00:19:54,802 --> 00:19:56,369
There will be a visiting day
within three months
416
00:19:56,499 --> 00:19:57,848
you can see her then.
417
00:19:57,979 --> 00:20:01,243
Three months huh?
Boy, that's long!
418
00:20:01,374 --> 00:20:03,941
Mr. Woolsey, you sound different
today. Do you have a cold?
419
00:20:04,072 --> 00:20:05,813
[coughs] Cold?
420
00:20:05,943 --> 00:20:08,250
Yeah, a cold, flu, hemorrhoids,
jock itch, the works!
421
00:20:10,078 --> 00:20:12,385
-I hope you feel better.
-Thank you, Sister.
422
00:20:12,515 --> 00:20:13,647
God bless you.
423
00:20:14,909 --> 00:20:15,997
[sneezes]
424
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:20,219
[conspicuous music]
425
00:20:23,831 --> 00:20:25,006
Hello, there.
426
00:20:25,136 --> 00:20:26,616
Good morning Sister.
427
00:20:26,747 --> 00:20:28,966
I like the way
you handle that rake.
428
00:20:29,097 --> 00:20:30,881
-You do?
-Yes.
429
00:20:31,012 --> 00:20:35,234
I can tell you're very skilled
with long, stiff objects.
430
00:20:37,148 --> 00:20:38,933
I'm Sister Tiffany.
431
00:20:39,063 --> 00:20:41,588
I'm Max, Max Moolash.
Pleased to meet you.
432
00:20:41,718 --> 00:20:45,113
Oh! Yes, yes. No doubt about it.
433
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:49,073
These are the hands
of a strong and masterful
434
00:20:49,204 --> 00:20:52,294
yet exquisitely sensitive man.
435
00:20:53,687 --> 00:20:54,775
Been here long Max?
436
00:20:54,905 --> 00:20:57,821
Oh no, just a few weeks. You?
437
00:20:57,952 --> 00:20:59,649
About 10 minutes.
438
00:20:59,780 --> 00:21:01,521
-You like it here, Max?
-Shit yeah!
439
00:21:01,651 --> 00:21:03,392
Oh, I mean, sure do Ma'am.
440
00:21:03,523 --> 00:21:05,133
Well, I can see why.
441
00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:10,921
Here you are, a fine specimen
of raw manhood,
442
00:21:11,052 --> 00:21:16,013
living amongst all
these sex starved women.
443
00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:21,149
Well, I just want you to know,
Max,
444
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:24,935
that if you ever need anything,
445
00:21:25,066 --> 00:21:28,722
and I do mean anything,
446
00:21:30,593 --> 00:21:32,639
I'll be in room six.
447
00:21:34,684 --> 00:21:37,078
After all, we newcomers have
to...
448
00:21:39,907 --> 00:21:41,822
stick together.
449
00:21:46,522 --> 00:21:47,306
Goodbye.
450
00:21:49,046 --> 00:21:49,786
Bye.
451
00:21:54,617 --> 00:21:55,575
Oh, God. I love this place.
452
00:22:00,101 --> 00:22:01,407
[rock music]
453
00:22:09,110 --> 00:22:09,763
[Jerry] Later, boys.
454
00:22:15,943 --> 00:22:18,598
Hey Jerry, isn't there some law
against impersonating a priest?
455
00:22:31,611 --> 00:22:32,525
[laughing]
456
00:22:32,655 --> 00:22:34,091
How does he get away with this?
457
00:22:34,222 --> 00:22:35,528
We would never get away with
this.
458
00:22:35,658 --> 00:22:36,703
-No kidding.
-Babe alert, babe alert.
459
00:22:39,662 --> 00:22:40,489
How does he do this?
460
00:22:40,620 --> 00:22:41,360
Take notes.
461
00:22:49,629 --> 00:22:50,369
[mischievous music]
462
00:23:02,772 --> 00:23:03,469
[Jerry thinking] What
a waste!
463
00:23:03,599 --> 00:23:05,209
[exclaims]
464
00:23:05,340 --> 00:23:06,385
[Max] Father, are you all right?
465
00:23:08,865 --> 00:23:09,518
Oh...
466
00:23:10,780 --> 00:23:11,651
Oh!
467
00:23:11,781 --> 00:23:12,913
Oh!
468
00:23:13,043 --> 00:23:15,611
Oh...
469
00:23:15,742 --> 00:23:17,831
-Oh.
-Are you a gardener, father?
470
00:23:17,961 --> 00:23:18,919
My passion.
471
00:23:19,049 --> 00:23:20,573
And I've got to tell you,
472
00:23:20,703 --> 00:23:23,663
this is the finest specimen
of Venus flytrap I've ever seen.
473
00:23:23,793 --> 00:23:24,881
Those are birds
of paradise, father.
474
00:23:25,795 --> 00:23:27,188
Exactly.
475
00:23:27,318 --> 00:23:28,668
Where is everybody?
476
00:23:28,798 --> 00:23:30,060
Most of the Sisters
are in vespers.
477
00:23:30,191 --> 00:23:31,497
Is there anything
I can help you with?
478
00:23:32,585 --> 00:23:33,586
Oh!
479
00:23:33,716 --> 00:23:35,283
There they are.
480
00:23:35,414 --> 00:23:36,676
Guess I'll just go hobnob
with the penguins.
481
00:23:36,806 --> 00:23:38,939
-Catch you later, uh...
-Max.
482
00:23:39,069 --> 00:23:39,983
Father Goose. E
pluribus unum.
483
00:23:44,379 --> 00:23:47,164
Good morning Father. I'm Sister
Flavia.
484
00:23:47,295 --> 00:23:48,775
I'm Father Goose.
485
00:23:48,905 --> 00:23:51,038
That's Goose: it's Dutch.
486
00:23:51,168 --> 00:23:53,823
It's a derivative of
the old English "Gooshy"
487
00:23:53,954 --> 00:23:56,260
meaning "servant of God,"
488
00:23:56,391 --> 00:23:58,088
or "eater of lizards,"
depending on the context.
489
00:23:58,219 --> 00:24:00,656
I see. What brings you here
today?
490
00:24:00,787 --> 00:24:02,789
Actually I was sent here
by the Arch whooo...
491
00:24:02,919 --> 00:24:04,921
uh, dia... decesiwith.
492
00:24:05,052 --> 00:24:07,446
"Diocese"?
493
00:24:07,576 --> 00:24:10,579
He sent me over to interview
your new group of pledges.
494
00:24:10,710 --> 00:24:11,972
To see how they are doing.
495
00:24:12,102 --> 00:24:14,670
Pledges? You mean postulants.
496
00:24:14,801 --> 00:24:17,020
We're calling them pledges now.
497
00:24:17,151 --> 00:24:18,544
It's a directive from
you-know-who.
498
00:24:20,807 --> 00:24:21,808
It's very unusual.
499
00:24:21,938 --> 00:24:23,549
It's sort of an impulse thing.
500
00:24:24,637 --> 00:24:26,073
[laughs]
501
00:24:26,203 --> 00:24:28,118
That's very strange.
502
00:24:28,249 --> 00:24:29,859
No one from the outside
503
00:24:29,990 --> 00:24:33,080
has ever spoken with
the postulants before.
504
00:24:33,210 --> 00:24:34,908
Well you know
what they say, Sister:
505
00:24:35,038 --> 00:24:37,519
"If it weren't for change,
we'd all stay the same."
506
00:24:39,826 --> 00:24:41,480
I think I better
double check this.
507
00:24:41,610 --> 00:24:45,179
Tell you what, why don't you go
on over to the rectory
508
00:24:45,309 --> 00:24:48,835
and meet the other priests
and I'll call the archdiocese.
509
00:24:56,233 --> 00:24:57,496
[mischievous music]
510
00:25:11,248 --> 00:25:11,901
Anything new?
511
00:25:13,729 --> 00:25:15,209
Beano!
512
00:25:15,339 --> 00:25:17,211
[dramatically]
Well, excuseme.
513
00:25:17,341 --> 00:25:19,866
Maybe His Majesty would like
to get his own lunch.
514
00:25:19,996 --> 00:25:20,997
All right, gimme, gimme.
Come on.
515
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:26,002
Maybe we ought to call
Cleeghorn.
516
00:25:26,133 --> 00:25:29,092
Beano, we don't have to call
Cleeghorn every five minutes.
517
00:25:29,223 --> 00:25:31,965
He told us to keep him posted.
518
00:25:32,095 --> 00:25:34,097
Well, to hell with Cleeghorn!
519
00:25:34,228 --> 00:25:36,839
When I have myplan going,
520
00:25:36,970 --> 00:25:39,015
and I got myoperation
going.
521
00:25:39,146 --> 00:25:40,930
Wewill have to answer
to no-one.
522
00:25:43,324 --> 00:25:44,891
-Hey, what's this?
-What?
523
00:25:45,021 --> 00:25:47,894
This on the sandwich.
You got horsey sauce on this.
524
00:25:48,024 --> 00:25:52,289
-So?
-So, I told you no horsey sauce.
525
00:25:52,420 --> 00:25:55,249
No horsey sauce don't mean yes
horsey sauce.
526
00:25:55,379 --> 00:25:58,382
It does not mean
maybe horsey sauce.
527
00:25:58,513 --> 00:26:01,647
No horsey sauce means
flat out no horsey sauce!
528
00:26:01,777 --> 00:26:04,127
Have a cow, Stuey!
529
00:26:04,258 --> 00:26:06,216
Why don't you just take the
horsey sauce off?
530
00:26:06,347 --> 00:26:08,044
Oh right!
531
00:26:08,175 --> 00:26:09,698
Like the horsey sauce taste
won't still be on there anyway.
532
00:26:09,829 --> 00:26:13,006
Ah, gee, my knee!
533
00:26:13,136 --> 00:26:14,355
-[walkie-talkie crackles]
-[Rowena] Stuey?
534
00:26:16,444 --> 00:26:19,795
-Yeah?
-I've got everything set here.
535
00:26:19,926 --> 00:26:22,145
-Where is he?
-He's still in the yard.
536
00:26:22,276 --> 00:26:25,018
Let me know as soon as he comes
in.
537
00:26:25,148 --> 00:26:26,585
-Okay?
-Wait.
538
00:26:31,067 --> 00:26:32,416
He's just gone in.
539
00:26:32,547 --> 00:26:34,854
Great! In and out.
540
00:26:34,984 --> 00:26:37,073
That's "over and out," Rowena!
541
00:26:37,204 --> 00:26:37,857
For you, maybe.
542
00:26:38,814 --> 00:26:39,685
Bye.
543
00:26:41,208 --> 00:26:41,861
Tramp.
544
00:26:43,514 --> 00:26:44,603
Max?
545
00:26:45,473 --> 00:26:46,605
[sexy music]
546
00:26:48,128 --> 00:26:48,998
Hi, sister.
547
00:26:51,958 --> 00:26:53,829
I'm having this little...
548
00:26:55,004 --> 00:26:56,789
problem here.
549
00:26:56,919 --> 00:26:57,920
Do you think you could give me
a...
550
00:26:59,008 --> 00:26:59,748
hand?
551
00:27:02,055 --> 00:27:02,751
Sure.
552
00:27:07,669 --> 00:27:10,019
That damn radiator acting up
again?
553
00:27:10,150 --> 00:27:12,108
You know, I fixed
that thing at least...
554
00:27:12,239 --> 00:27:12,848
[weakly] Um...
555
00:27:16,025 --> 00:27:17,418
[gasps]
556
00:27:17,548 --> 00:27:18,680
Sister Tiffany!
557
00:27:20,508 --> 00:27:21,161
Call me...
558
00:27:22,815 --> 00:27:23,772
Tiff.
559
00:27:23,903 --> 00:27:25,034
W-What are you doing?
560
00:27:26,557 --> 00:27:28,777
I want you, Max.
561
00:27:28,908 --> 00:27:31,824
I crave your body.
562
00:27:31,954 --> 00:27:34,304
I knew the instant I saw you,
563
00:27:34,435 --> 00:27:37,394
that you were the only
man for me.
564
00:27:37,525 --> 00:27:38,874
But you're a nun
565
00:27:39,005 --> 00:27:39,919
and I'm not even Catholic.
566
00:27:40,049 --> 00:27:41,529
So what.
567
00:27:41,660 --> 00:27:43,574
So you're married to God.
568
00:27:43,705 --> 00:27:45,925
God doesn't have a hairy chest
like you do.
569
00:27:46,055 --> 00:27:47,230
But if he's the jealous type..,
570
00:27:47,361 --> 00:27:49,145
Oh, man!
571
00:27:49,276 --> 00:27:50,973
Forget about it.
572
00:27:51,104 --> 00:27:52,758
I'm quitting the order.
573
00:27:52,888 --> 00:27:54,847
Are you sure?
574
00:27:54,977 --> 00:27:56,718
I'm... positive.
575
00:27:59,590 --> 00:28:00,896
[Max weakly] Oh!
576
00:28:01,027 --> 00:28:03,464
Personally I see the mystical
body
577
00:28:03,594 --> 00:28:06,119
as more of a pedagogic
theoretical construct
578
00:28:06,249 --> 00:28:08,034
than a temporal actuality.
579
00:28:08,164 --> 00:28:09,122
Of course, of course. But...
580
00:28:11,211 --> 00:28:13,343
don't you believe that's it's
palpable enough for us
581
00:28:13,474 --> 00:28:16,216
to participate
in its divine puissance
582
00:28:16,346 --> 00:28:18,435
than on a quotidian level?
583
00:28:18,566 --> 00:28:20,133
[Father Flynn] Well that's what
I would call into question.
584
00:28:20,263 --> 00:28:22,701
After all, how can we
make it corporeal
585
00:28:22,831 --> 00:28:25,834
within the context of the
relativist metaphysical climate
586
00:28:25,965 --> 00:28:28,010
in which we live today?
587
00:28:28,141 --> 00:28:29,316
[Father Gibson] I see your
point, father.
588
00:28:30,360 --> 00:28:31,884
Tell me,
589
00:28:32,014 --> 00:28:32,972
what do you think, father...
590
00:28:34,277 --> 00:28:35,626
Goose?
591
00:28:35,757 --> 00:28:36,845
[Father Flynn] About
the mystical body.
592
00:28:38,978 --> 00:28:39,805
[clears throat]
593
00:28:41,415 --> 00:28:41,981
Gee, boys,
594
00:28:45,462 --> 00:28:47,595
you've certainly bitten off a
big one there.
595
00:28:47,726 --> 00:28:50,903
I mean, what do we mean by
mystical, or body,
596
00:28:51,033 --> 00:28:52,687
for that matter?
597
00:28:52,818 --> 00:28:56,299
And I do get your point about
divine puissance, I mean,
598
00:28:56,430 --> 00:28:58,171
who knows when you get
enough of that.
599
00:28:58,301 --> 00:29:00,477
It... but...
600
00:29:00,608 --> 00:29:02,305
it's six of one
or half dozen of the other.
601
00:29:02,436 --> 00:29:04,046
It's not whether you win or lose
602
00:29:04,177 --> 00:29:05,178
but how you look doing it.
603
00:29:06,745 --> 00:29:08,050
If we're talking mystical body
604
00:29:09,704 --> 00:29:10,879
in the Godly sense,
605
00:29:12,533 --> 00:29:13,795
I'd have to go
with Christy Brinkley.
606
00:29:15,275 --> 00:29:16,406
Hmm.
607
00:29:16,537 --> 00:29:18,234
Food for thought.
608
00:29:18,365 --> 00:29:21,194
Oops! Time for your four o'clock
mass, Father.
609
00:29:21,324 --> 00:29:23,109
Oh, I thought you were saying
that today.
610
00:29:23,239 --> 00:29:25,459
Me? No, I have a meeting
at 4:15,
611
00:29:25,589 --> 00:29:27,026
I thought you were scheduled.
612
00:29:27,156 --> 00:29:29,028
No Father, I'm teaching today.
613
00:29:29,158 --> 00:29:29,811
-[both] Hmm...
-[dramatic music]
614
00:29:34,076 --> 00:29:35,817
[organ music]
615
00:30:04,063 --> 00:30:06,979
Dominus, domino, domini.
616
00:30:07,109 --> 00:30:08,110
[everyone] Amen!
617
00:30:09,503 --> 00:30:10,199
[clears throat]
618
00:30:12,027 --> 00:30:13,115
Anno domini,
619
00:30:13,246 --> 00:30:15,074
and a double dominer!
620
00:30:15,204 --> 00:30:16,379
[everyone] Thanks be to God.
621
00:30:45,147 --> 00:30:46,801
Ladies and gentlemen,
622
00:30:46,932 --> 00:30:49,064
I would like to depart
from the usual ceremony today.
623
00:30:50,892 --> 00:30:52,111
And I know
that's kind of irregular,
624
00:30:54,678 --> 00:30:56,115
but even the good Lord is
entitled
625
00:30:56,245 --> 00:30:57,551
to a little
irregularity now and then!
626
00:30:57,681 --> 00:30:58,944
[laughs maniacally]
627
00:31:01,294 --> 00:31:02,861
So what I'd like to do
628
00:31:02,991 --> 00:31:05,211
is start out with a
little spiritual Simon says.
629
00:31:05,341 --> 00:31:06,299
Everybody, stand up!
630
00:31:08,083 --> 00:31:09,171
[chortles]
631
00:31:11,304 --> 00:31:12,479
Simon didn't say.
632
00:31:15,699 --> 00:31:17,876
Simon says everybody stand up.
633
00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:22,402
Simon says put
your hands together.
634
00:31:25,274 --> 00:31:26,145
Simon says
635
00:31:26,275 --> 00:31:29,191
Lord have mercy!
636
00:31:29,322 --> 00:31:31,106
[everyone] Lord have mercy!
637
00:31:31,237 --> 00:31:31,890
Okay, kneel down.
638
00:31:34,414 --> 00:31:36,938
You people? you're out.
639
00:31:39,201 --> 00:31:40,507
You. You're out.
640
00:31:44,380 --> 00:31:45,904
Gee, thanks, Tiff.
641
00:31:48,515 --> 00:31:49,298
No biggie.
642
00:31:50,560 --> 00:31:51,344
So, Max,
643
00:31:53,215 --> 00:31:54,477
what do you think of me?
644
00:31:54,608 --> 00:31:56,088
[laughs nervously]
645
00:31:56,218 --> 00:31:57,437
I like you a lot.
646
00:31:57,567 --> 00:32:00,309
I like you, too, Max.
647
00:32:00,440 --> 00:32:03,182
And it's not just because you're
a stud muffin in the sack
648
00:32:03,312 --> 00:32:04,879
or anything.
649
00:32:05,010 --> 00:32:07,490
I mean because you're
an honest man.
650
00:32:08,927 --> 00:32:12,060
And honesty really turns me on!
651
00:32:12,713 --> 00:32:13,757
It does?
652
00:32:13,888 --> 00:32:15,498
I've got an idea.
653
00:32:15,629 --> 00:32:17,544
Let's play Truth.
654
00:32:17,674 --> 00:32:18,937
Truth?
655
00:32:19,067 --> 00:32:22,331
We both tell some deep dark
secret about ourselves
656
00:32:22,462 --> 00:32:23,942
that we've never told
anyone before.
657
00:32:25,378 --> 00:32:26,553
Okay.
658
00:32:26,683 --> 00:32:28,033
Okay, I'll go first.
659
00:32:28,163 --> 00:32:32,907
Once I snuck a bag
of nacho cheese tortilla chips
660
00:32:33,038 --> 00:32:35,692
into the convent and hid them
from the other Sisters
661
00:32:35,823 --> 00:32:36,998
so that I could have them
all to myself.
662
00:32:38,217 --> 00:32:39,435
[sighs] Okay.
663
00:32:39,566 --> 00:32:40,262
Now's your turn.
664
00:32:41,350 --> 00:32:42,134
But remember,
665
00:32:42,786 --> 00:32:45,441
honesty.
666
00:32:45,572 --> 00:32:48,140
Oh gee I don't think I could
think of anything right now.
667
00:32:48,270 --> 00:32:49,271
Well of course you can.
668
00:32:49,402 --> 00:32:51,404
I mean, everybody has a big
secret.
669
00:32:51,534 --> 00:32:54,842
I mean like, maybe when you...
670
00:32:54,973 --> 00:32:56,670
hid something from somebody?
671
00:32:56,800 --> 00:32:58,454
Hid?
672
00:32:58,585 --> 00:33:02,110
Yeah, like something that didn't
belong to you.
673
00:33:03,329 --> 00:33:04,591
Oh jeez, I just remembered
674
00:33:04,721 --> 00:33:06,332
I forgot to sweep up
the front room.
675
00:33:06,462 --> 00:33:07,942
Well, you didn't tell me your
secret, Max.
676
00:33:08,073 --> 00:33:10,684
I can't think of one right now,
maybe later.
677
00:33:10,814 --> 00:33:11,554
Bye!
678
00:33:17,430 --> 00:33:19,301
High-pitched fast voice
over the phone.
679
00:33:23,001 --> 00:33:24,654
You're sure you've never heard
of any Father Goose?
680
00:33:27,309 --> 00:33:28,484
[sighs] I see.
681
00:33:31,270 --> 00:33:33,576
Thank you very much
682
00:33:33,707 --> 00:33:35,883
[Jerry] Simon says,
do the twist!
683
00:33:36,014 --> 00:33:37,537
[organ playing twist music]
684
00:33:46,589 --> 00:33:49,157
Simon says, flog yourself
for sins!
685
00:33:49,288 --> 00:33:51,159
Ay, ay, ay!
686
00:33:51,290 --> 00:33:53,161
[all together] Ay, ay, ay!
687
00:33:54,989 --> 00:33:58,123
Simon says, on your knees
and grovel before God.
688
00:34:06,914 --> 00:34:08,176
Simon says...
689
00:34:09,264 --> 00:34:11,092
[room goes quiet]
690
00:34:11,223 --> 00:34:12,180
Uh-oh.
691
00:34:12,311 --> 00:34:13,181
[everyone] Uh-oh.
692
00:34:15,357 --> 00:34:16,402
[dramatic organ music]
693
00:34:22,625 --> 00:34:24,366
Oh, Father Goose, can I talk
to you for a minute?
694
00:34:24,497 --> 00:34:25,411
We'll have to make it fast.
695
00:34:25,541 --> 00:34:26,629
Will you tell me something,
father?
696
00:34:26,760 --> 00:34:28,414
Is it okay for a priest
to kiss a nun?
697
00:34:28,544 --> 00:34:31,025
Well, sure, as long as we don't
get into the habit!
698
00:34:31,156 --> 00:34:32,418
How about a handyman? Can a
handyman kiss a nun?
699
00:34:32,548 --> 00:34:34,202
What are you trying
to tell me, Max?
700
00:34:34,333 --> 00:34:35,899
You see, father, oh...
701
00:34:36,030 --> 00:34:37,858
I had carnal relations with one
of the Sisters
702
00:34:37,988 --> 00:34:39,207
and I want to find out
if I'm going to hell.
703
00:34:39,338 --> 00:34:41,253
Why, Max, you devil!
704
00:34:41,383 --> 00:34:45,344
Oh! I knew it. Oh, God.
705
00:34:45,474 --> 00:34:46,954
-Tell me all about this.
-I didn't mean to, Father.
706
00:34:47,085 --> 00:34:48,999
It was her idea. She told me
she was quitting the order.
707
00:34:49,130 --> 00:34:50,479
Father, if you saw the
Larry Csonkas on this chick--
708
00:34:50,610 --> 00:34:51,437
She told you she was quitting
the order?
709
00:34:51,567 --> 00:34:52,655
-Yes!
-Then you'll be fine!
710
00:34:52,786 --> 00:34:54,309
-I am?
-It's right there in the Bible.
711
00:34:54,440 --> 00:34:56,398
Cowboys 23, Line 15.
712
00:34:56,529 --> 00:34:57,834
"He who baffeth a nun
who quitteth the order,
713
00:34:57,965 --> 00:34:59,662
shall not go to helleth."
-Really?
714
00:34:59,793 --> 00:35:01,055
-You're fine.
-Thank you, father, thank you!
715
00:35:01,186 --> 00:35:02,317
You don't know what a relief
this is,
716
00:35:02,448 --> 00:35:03,927
'cause I really like her a lot,
717
00:35:04,058 --> 00:35:04,798
and now she wants to talk
about all my deep dark secrets.
718
00:35:04,928 --> 00:35:06,408
What deep dark secrets?
719
00:35:06,539 --> 00:35:07,975
Oh, I don't know if I should
say, Father.
720
00:35:08,106 --> 00:35:10,717
We're protected by
a priest-sinner privilege here.
721
00:35:10,847 --> 00:35:12,240
Well the truth
of the matter is, father,
722
00:35:12,371 --> 00:35:13,328
I'm not really a handyman.
723
00:35:13,459 --> 00:35:15,069
No shit.
724
00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:15,765
I used to hang around
with these jewel thieves,
725
00:35:15,896 --> 00:35:17,463
but I'm clean now.
726
00:35:17,593 --> 00:35:18,681
And they think I stole their
rocks even though I didn't.
727
00:35:18,812 --> 00:35:20,727
-And now they're after me.
-So?
728
00:35:20,857 --> 00:35:22,642
And this nun,
she's really big on honesty
729
00:35:22,772 --> 00:35:24,948
and I'm afraid if I don't tell
her she won't like me anymore,
730
00:35:25,079 --> 00:35:27,908
-But if I do tell her--
-Max, a word of advice:
731
00:35:28,038 --> 00:35:29,518
As the famous philosopher
Little Richard once said,
732
00:35:29,649 --> 00:35:31,433
"Tutti frutti, oh rootie.
733
00:35:31,564 --> 00:35:33,957
Wop bop a loo bop a lop!"
734
00:35:34,088 --> 00:35:35,350
I think there's something
in there for all of us.
735
00:35:35,481 --> 00:35:36,699
-But should I tell her?
-Yes!
736
00:35:36,830 --> 00:35:38,223
-Oh, thank you, father.
-Later, Max.
737
00:35:38,353 --> 00:35:39,267
[sighs]
738
00:35:40,399 --> 00:35:41,617
[lively music]
739
00:35:47,971 --> 00:35:49,538
[walkie-talkie crackles]
740
00:35:49,669 --> 00:35:51,279
[Rowena] But by this time
tomorrow...
741
00:35:51,410 --> 00:35:52,672
Well, boys,
742
00:35:52,802 --> 00:35:55,979
let's just say I'll be all set
743
00:35:56,110 --> 00:35:58,678
to bag Max's marbles.
744
00:36:00,419 --> 00:36:02,377
In and out.
745
00:36:07,687 --> 00:36:10,080
[Cleeghorn] Yeah, to the left.
To the left, ah.
746
00:36:10,211 --> 00:36:12,474
Oh, yeah. Oh, that's great.
Oh, yeah.
747
00:36:12,605 --> 00:36:14,563
Oh, yeah! Oh, hiya.
748
00:36:14,694 --> 00:36:16,304
Yeah, go ahead, go ahead.
749
00:36:16,435 --> 00:36:17,566
Get this one. Oh, that's it.
750
00:36:17,697 --> 00:36:19,612
I love it, that's good.
751
00:36:19,742 --> 00:36:21,614
Oh, yeah. A little lower.
Oh, that's it.
752
00:36:21,744 --> 00:36:23,398
Get this one,
get this one right there.
753
00:36:23,529 --> 00:36:24,965
That's it, yeah, file that.
754
00:36:25,095 --> 00:36:26,358
Excuse me, Mr. C.
755
00:36:26,488 --> 00:36:27,837
What do you want?
756
00:36:27,968 --> 00:36:29,404
Can't you see
I'm working out here?
757
00:36:29,535 --> 00:36:31,363
Sorry, sir, but I thought
you might wanna know
758
00:36:31,493 --> 00:36:32,364
that everything's taken care of.
759
00:36:32,494 --> 00:36:34,104
Rowena's in the convent,
760
00:36:34,235 --> 00:36:35,845
and she'll have more info for us
by tomorrow.
761
00:36:36,933 --> 00:36:38,152
Fine, fine.
762
00:36:38,283 --> 00:36:39,501
Now get back to work.
But remember,
763
00:36:39,632 --> 00:36:41,547
if you bozos blow this,
764
00:36:41,677 --> 00:36:42,983
and I gotta come down there
to bail you out,
765
00:36:43,113 --> 00:36:45,768
I'll have your gonads
for golf balls!
766
00:36:45,899 --> 00:36:47,683
-Thank you, sir.
-Get outta here!
767
00:36:49,598 --> 00:36:51,426
That's it. A little lower.
768
00:36:51,557 --> 00:36:52,471
That's it. Get this one.
769
00:36:52,601 --> 00:36:53,776
Oh, yeah. That's it. Oh, yeah.
770
00:37:03,525 --> 00:37:04,526
So what are you guys
doing tonight?
771
00:37:05,658 --> 00:37:07,355
Well, I thought maybe--
772
00:37:07,486 --> 00:37:08,400
No dates again, huh?
773
00:37:08,530 --> 00:37:09,575
You got it.
774
00:37:09,705 --> 00:37:11,751
Don't worry about it.
775
00:37:11,881 --> 00:37:13,318
A little more practice, you'll
be a couple of happening dudes.
776
00:37:13,448 --> 00:37:15,102
Like you, Jer?
777
00:37:15,233 --> 00:37:16,408
[sarcastic] Yeah, like that
Father Goose thing.
778
00:37:16,538 --> 00:37:18,410
There's a real happening idea.
779
00:37:18,540 --> 00:37:20,020
You know, it's jut that attitude
780
00:37:20,150 --> 00:37:22,196
that keeps you two clowns
in social Podunk Ville
781
00:37:22,327 --> 00:37:24,198
while I'm tossing dice
on the Riviera.
782
00:37:24,329 --> 00:37:26,679
Oh, yeah, why couldn't you get
in to see Monica?
783
00:37:26,809 --> 00:37:29,551
Because that Father Goose thing
was just Phase 1.
784
00:37:29,682 --> 00:37:31,640
Now comes Phase 2.
785
00:37:31,771 --> 00:37:34,556
Yeah, next he's going in
as the Pope.
786
00:37:34,687 --> 00:37:36,384
-[laughs]
-No, it's better than that.
787
00:37:36,515 --> 00:37:37,690
Satisfaction guaranteed.
788
00:37:40,475 --> 00:37:41,389
[both] Uh-oh.
789
00:37:54,750 --> 00:37:55,882
[doorbell ringing]
790
00:38:04,978 --> 00:38:05,674
Hello.
791
00:38:10,026 --> 00:38:10,592
[door closes]
792
00:38:12,899 --> 00:38:15,554
I don't think I've ever seen you
before, Sister.
793
00:38:15,684 --> 00:38:17,599
[high-pitched voice] I'm Sister
Mary Voluptua
794
00:38:17,730 --> 00:38:19,384
from over at St. Betty's,
795
00:38:19,514 --> 00:38:22,212
and the girls sent me down here
to meet your new postulants
796
00:38:22,343 --> 00:38:24,345
and present them
with this little gift.
797
00:38:24,476 --> 00:38:26,347
Sort of as a welcome to
the wonderful world of nundom!
798
00:38:26,478 --> 00:38:28,654
[laughs]
799
00:38:28,784 --> 00:38:31,439
Autographed pictures of Jesus.
800
00:38:31,570 --> 00:38:32,962
Immaculate inscription.
801
00:38:33,093 --> 00:38:34,399
[laughs]
802
00:38:35,661 --> 00:38:37,140
That's so sweet of you.
803
00:38:37,271 --> 00:38:39,665
I'll make sure
that the postulants gets these.
804
00:38:39,795 --> 00:38:41,971
Actually, I kind of need to
present it to them personally.
805
00:38:42,102 --> 00:38:43,669
Oh, that's not possible.
806
00:38:43,799 --> 00:38:45,584
Mother Superior would never,
never allow that.
807
00:38:45,714 --> 00:38:47,934
Well there's a speech that goes
along with it.
808
00:38:48,064 --> 00:38:50,110
-If I could just--
-No one is allowed
809
00:38:50,240 --> 00:38:52,417
to touch the postulants
or see them.
810
00:38:52,547 --> 00:38:54,593
It's just a rule.
811
00:38:54,723 --> 00:38:55,637
Could you just ask her for me?
812
00:38:57,900 --> 00:38:58,553
Well,
813
00:38:59,685 --> 00:39:01,904
if you stay right here,
814
00:39:02,035 --> 00:39:03,776
I'll go get Mother Superior.
815
00:39:04,516 --> 00:39:05,691
Now.
816
00:39:05,821 --> 00:39:07,040
-Okie-dokie.
-[bell tolls]
817
00:39:08,302 --> 00:39:09,347
[suspenseful music]
818
00:39:12,219 --> 00:39:13,568
[bell tolls]
819
00:39:16,832 --> 00:39:17,790
Good morning, sister.
820
00:39:34,589 --> 00:39:35,677
[muffled voices]
821
00:39:38,593 --> 00:39:39,768
[woman giggling]
822
00:39:46,601 --> 00:39:47,689
All right, Max.
823
00:39:51,693 --> 00:39:52,738
[giggling and kissing continues]
824
00:39:55,828 --> 00:39:57,003
[suspenseful music]
825
00:40:11,713 --> 00:40:12,410
[Sherry] A woman?
826
00:40:18,154 --> 00:40:19,765
-Just like my mom.
-He does...
827
00:40:19,895 --> 00:40:20,635
-Hi Sister.
-[shouts]
828
00:40:20,766 --> 00:40:21,854
Oh!
829
00:40:21,984 --> 00:40:23,508
I'm sorry. Are you all right?
830
00:40:23,638 --> 00:40:24,596
Oh yes.
831
00:40:24,726 --> 00:40:26,293
Just a little boo-boo.
832
00:40:26,424 --> 00:40:27,207
Can I get you some ice?
833
00:40:27,337 --> 00:40:29,514
No thanks.
I take mine straight up.
834
00:40:29,644 --> 00:40:30,645
[laughs]
835
00:40:32,691 --> 00:40:34,388
Well, actually,
836
00:40:34,519 --> 00:40:37,217
I'm Sister Mary Voluptua
from over at St. Betty's
837
00:40:37,347 --> 00:40:39,915
and we just like to sort
of visit the new postulants
838
00:40:40,046 --> 00:40:42,570
at the local convents and say
"Hi how are you, how's tricks?"
839
00:40:42,701 --> 00:40:44,311
[giggles]
840
00:40:44,442 --> 00:40:46,705
Oh how nice. I'm Catherine.
841
00:40:46,835 --> 00:40:48,620
-Sherry.
-Monica.
842
00:40:48,750 --> 00:40:50,578
Well hi, hi, hi.
843
00:40:52,232 --> 00:40:53,407
What's that?
844
00:40:53,538 --> 00:40:55,627
Oh, this is
just a little present
845
00:40:55,757 --> 00:40:58,368
from all of us to all of you.
846
00:40:58,499 --> 00:41:00,588
-[giggles]
-Oh, that's so sweet.
847
00:41:00,719 --> 00:41:01,807
Thank you, Sister.
848
00:41:01,937 --> 00:41:03,025
Can we open it?
849
00:41:03,156 --> 00:41:03,983
Well sure.
850
00:41:08,944 --> 00:41:09,771
Enjoy!
851
00:41:12,948 --> 00:41:14,297
Sister, I don't understand.
852
00:41:14,428 --> 00:41:16,169
It's grace, silly.
853
00:41:17,692 --> 00:41:19,259
[all] Oh.
854
00:41:19,389 --> 00:41:21,696
Careful, it's escaping.
855
00:41:21,827 --> 00:41:22,741
[giggles]
856
00:41:22,871 --> 00:41:25,047
Oh!
857
00:41:25,178 --> 00:41:26,658
I don't want to interrupt
you girls.
858
00:41:26,788 --> 00:41:27,920
Why don't you just go
right ahead
859
00:41:28,050 --> 00:41:29,835
with what you were doing before.
860
00:41:29,965 --> 00:41:31,489
Actually, we were just changing.
861
00:41:32,664 --> 00:41:33,795
Oh.
862
00:41:33,926 --> 00:41:35,144
Go right ahead.
863
00:41:41,760 --> 00:41:42,891
Oh, I'm sorry Sister,
864
00:41:43,022 --> 00:41:44,153
it's just that you look
very familiar to me.
865
00:41:44,284 --> 00:41:45,981
Well...
866
00:41:46,112 --> 00:41:48,767
People say I look like
Ingrid Bergman
867
00:41:48,897 --> 00:41:50,638
in the Bells of
St. Mary's.
868
00:41:50,769 --> 00:41:52,510
[laughs]
869
00:41:55,164 --> 00:41:56,818
So...
870
00:41:56,949 --> 00:41:59,821
How do you girls like
convent life so far?
871
00:41:59,952 --> 00:42:01,388
Oh Sister, it's the best.
872
00:42:01,519 --> 00:42:03,259
I've never been happier
since devoting my life to God.
873
00:42:04,347 --> 00:42:05,087
You're kidding.
874
00:42:07,263 --> 00:42:08,700
I mean, wow!
875
00:42:08,830 --> 00:42:10,789
It's, like,
totally awesome! Wicked!
876
00:42:12,094 --> 00:42:13,792
How about you two?
877
00:42:13,922 --> 00:42:15,271
-It's...
-Fine.
878
00:42:15,402 --> 00:42:18,100
That doesn't sound
very enthusiastic.
879
00:42:18,231 --> 00:42:20,059
Are you sure?
880
00:42:20,189 --> 00:42:22,670
-Oh yeah.
-Sure.
881
00:42:22,801 --> 00:42:25,673
Ah girls, don't be coy, now.
882
00:42:25,804 --> 00:42:27,936
I am here to serve.
883
00:42:28,067 --> 00:42:30,765
You can bare it all to me.
884
00:42:30,896 --> 00:42:33,028
Sister, to be honest,
885
00:42:33,159 --> 00:42:34,595
we've been struggling
with some doubts.
886
00:42:34,726 --> 00:42:35,683
Ah...
887
00:42:36,815 --> 00:42:38,077
Tell me about them.
888
00:42:39,252 --> 00:42:40,122
Okay.
889
00:42:43,909 --> 00:42:46,215
♪ When I was
just 13 or so ♪
890
00:42:46,346 --> 00:42:48,087
♪ My mama told me
891
00:42:48,217 --> 00:42:52,700
♪ Honey, if heaven's
Where you want to go ♪
892
00:42:54,659 --> 00:42:58,097
♪ You best
become a nunny ♪
893
00:42:58,227 --> 00:43:00,752
♪ I used to drive
a Pontiac ♪
894
00:43:00,882 --> 00:43:03,363
♪ I used to go
out malling ♪
895
00:43:03,493 --> 00:43:07,410
♪ I used to date
A guy named Yitzac ♪
896
00:43:07,541 --> 00:43:09,848
[both] Yitzac?
897
00:43:09,978 --> 00:43:14,287
♪ But then I had
a calling ♪
898
00:43:14,417 --> 00:43:17,159
♪ Don't get me wrong
899
00:43:17,290 --> 00:43:19,597
♪ Don't get me wrong
900
00:43:19,727 --> 00:43:22,034
♪ The man upstairs
Is number one ♪
901
00:43:22,164 --> 00:43:24,427
♪ And has been
all along ♪
902
00:43:24,558 --> 00:43:25,951
♪ Convent life
903
00:43:26,081 --> 00:43:27,213
♪ That convent life
904
00:43:27,343 --> 00:43:28,693
♪ Can be a bitch
905
00:43:30,303 --> 00:43:34,829
♪ To get accustomed to
906
00:43:34,960 --> 00:43:35,961
♪ I imagine that
it would be ♪
907
00:43:37,919 --> 00:43:39,138
♪ It seems to us
908
00:43:39,268 --> 00:43:41,096
♪ It seems to them
909
00:43:41,227 --> 00:43:42,837
♪ It seems to
us sometimes ♪
910
00:43:42,968 --> 00:43:43,838
♪ It seems to them
911
00:43:43,969 --> 00:43:45,318
♪ Like all we do is
912
00:43:45,448 --> 00:43:47,929
♪ Like all they do is
913
00:43:49,583 --> 00:43:51,933
♪ Pray and meditate
914
00:43:52,064 --> 00:43:54,457
♪ Or meditate and pray
915
00:43:54,588 --> 00:43:56,285
♪ Pray and meditate
916
00:43:56,416 --> 00:43:59,158
♪ And meditate and pray
917
00:43:59,288 --> 00:44:01,029
♪ Up at six,
down at ten ♪
918
00:44:01,160 --> 00:44:03,162
♪ Then we're back
In church again ♪
919
00:44:03,292 --> 00:44:05,773
♪ And try, try, try
920
00:44:05,904 --> 00:44:07,296
♪ Try, try, try
921
00:44:07,427 --> 00:44:09,168
♪ Oh yes, we try
922
00:44:09,298 --> 00:44:12,171
♪ Oh we try
923
00:44:12,301 --> 00:44:14,042
♪ Not to think
about men ♪
924
00:44:14,173 --> 00:44:15,783
♪ Men
925
00:44:17,089 --> 00:44:23,922
♪ Amen
926
00:44:25,358 --> 00:44:26,968
[all sigh]
927
00:44:27,099 --> 00:44:30,102
♪ But think Of what
you're getting here ♪
928
00:44:30,232 --> 00:44:33,279
♪ The solitude
and quiet ♪
929
00:44:33,409 --> 00:44:38,110
♪ Angels singing
in your ear ♪
930
00:44:38,240 --> 00:44:41,940
♪ Don't knock it
Till you've tried it ♪
931
00:44:42,070 --> 00:44:43,158
♪ Don't get me wrong
932
00:44:44,638 --> 00:44:46,945
♪ Don't get me wrong
933
00:44:47,075 --> 00:44:49,382
♪ The man upstairs
Is number one ♪
934
00:44:49,512 --> 00:44:51,776
♪ And has been
all along ♪
935
00:44:51,906 --> 00:44:54,256
♪ Oh
936
00:44:54,387 --> 00:44:56,737
♪ I know exactly what you mean
937
00:44:58,391 --> 00:45:01,481
♪ Pray and meditate
938
00:45:01,611 --> 00:45:03,918
♪ Meditate and pray
939
00:45:04,049 --> 00:45:06,138
-Everybody!
-♪ Pray and meditate
940
00:45:06,268 --> 00:45:09,271
♪ And meditate and pray
941
00:45:09,402 --> 00:45:10,403
♪ If I might
just interject ♪
942
00:45:10,533 --> 00:45:12,927
♪ It rubs me right
When you genuflect ♪
943
00:45:13,058 --> 00:45:14,886
♪ Try, try, try
944
00:45:15,016 --> 00:45:16,888
I know you can do better
than that.
945
00:45:17,018 --> 00:45:18,716
♪ Try, try, try
946
00:45:18,846 --> 00:45:22,197
Come on, girls, give it
that old convent try.
947
00:45:22,328 --> 00:45:23,459
-♪ Try
-Yeah!
948
00:45:25,374 --> 00:45:26,158
Oh!
949
00:45:26,288 --> 00:45:30,162
♪ We try
950
00:45:30,292 --> 00:45:32,817
♪ Not to think about
951
00:45:33,948 --> 00:45:40,825
♪ Amen
952
00:45:42,652 --> 00:45:43,305
[Monica] Hey!
953
00:45:44,480 --> 00:45:45,743
Sister,
954
00:45:47,396 --> 00:45:48,354
Sister, I figured out who it is.
955
00:45:50,051 --> 00:45:51,139
-You did?
-Uh-huh.
956
00:45:51,270 --> 00:45:52,271
You look just
like my uncle Dwight.
957
00:45:52,401 --> 00:45:53,968
I mean, it's uncanny.
958
00:45:54,099 --> 00:45:56,057
The same face,
the same expressions.
959
00:45:57,842 --> 00:45:58,886
Oh, I'm sorry.
That's rude, isn't it?
960
00:45:59,017 --> 00:46:00,105
Oh, that's okay.
961
00:46:00,235 --> 00:46:01,671
But now that I know more
962
00:46:01,802 --> 00:46:05,023
from where all you girls
are coming from,
963
00:46:05,153 --> 00:46:07,286
maybe I can counsel you
individually.
964
00:46:07,416 --> 00:46:10,332
Starting with, say...
you, Monica.
965
00:46:10,463 --> 00:46:12,421
Oh, okay. We could go next door.
966
00:46:12,552 --> 00:46:13,901
Okay.
967
00:46:14,032 --> 00:46:14,946
Bye, girls.
968
00:46:15,076 --> 00:46:16,034
Toodle-oo.
969
00:46:19,646 --> 00:46:20,908
[laughing]
970
00:46:26,174 --> 00:46:27,393
So what did you think of that?
971
00:46:27,523 --> 00:46:29,134
[laughing]
972
00:46:31,005 --> 00:46:32,180
I knew you would.
973
00:46:32,311 --> 00:46:34,835
Want to see what I can do
with this?
974
00:46:38,056 --> 00:46:40,493
And you will.
975
00:46:40,623 --> 00:46:46,064
But first you have to tell me
that big secret.
976
00:46:47,543 --> 00:46:49,545
Big secret?
977
00:46:49,676 --> 00:46:51,417
Come on, Maxey, fair is fair.
978
00:46:51,547 --> 00:46:53,158
I mean, besides,
I just don't think
979
00:46:53,288 --> 00:46:56,030
I can get turned on again
if you don't do something...
980
00:46:56,161 --> 00:46:57,031
honest.
981
00:46:58,467 --> 00:47:00,469
Well... Oh. I have to...
982
00:47:00,600 --> 00:47:02,428
No, you don't!
983
00:47:02,558 --> 00:47:04,256
There is no escape this time.
984
00:47:04,386 --> 00:47:06,084
Come on.
985
00:47:06,214 --> 00:47:07,389
I really gotta go
to the bathroom.
986
00:47:09,087 --> 00:47:11,002
Scout's honor.
987
00:47:11,132 --> 00:47:13,656
[clicks tongue] Okay.
988
00:47:13,787 --> 00:47:15,484
-But make it fast.
-Three minutes.
989
00:47:16,442 --> 00:47:17,182
Okay.
990
00:47:26,365 --> 00:47:28,497
I can't believe
you didn't recognize me.
991
00:47:28,628 --> 00:47:29,498
What?
992
00:47:33,285 --> 00:47:35,026
-[screams]
-Monica!
993
00:47:35,156 --> 00:47:35,853
What is the matter with you?
994
00:47:36,766 --> 00:47:37,506
It's me.
995
00:47:38,377 --> 00:47:39,552
Jerry.
996
00:47:39,682 --> 00:47:40,466
Jerry?
997
00:47:41,728 --> 00:47:43,121
Kaminsky.
998
00:47:43,251 --> 00:47:44,165
Jerry Kaminsky?
999
00:47:46,515 --> 00:47:47,473
Jerry...
1000
00:47:50,258 --> 00:47:51,042
[giggles]
1001
00:47:51,172 --> 00:47:53,261
Jerry. [sighs]
1002
00:47:53,392 --> 00:47:55,481
Monica, what are you...?
1003
00:47:55,611 --> 00:47:59,180
I crave your strong,
masculine hands
1004
00:47:59,311 --> 00:48:01,356
over my eager, nubile body.
1005
00:48:01,487 --> 00:48:03,881
This is hardly the time
or the place.
1006
00:48:05,143 --> 00:48:06,622
Oh, my God.
1007
00:48:06,753 --> 00:48:09,277
I'm irresistibly
attracted to you.
1008
00:48:09,408 --> 00:48:11,062
No you're not.
It's post hypnotic suggestion.
1009
00:48:11,192 --> 00:48:12,106
-Listen--
-Come here.
1010
00:48:12,237 --> 00:48:13,542
When I snap my fingers,
1011
00:48:13,673 --> 00:48:15,718
you will no longer be
irresistibly attracted
1012
00:48:15,849 --> 00:48:17,285
to Jerry Kaminsky.
1013
00:48:17,416 --> 00:48:19,897
Maybe a little bit.
1014
00:48:20,027 --> 00:48:22,073
I want to make mad,
passionate love with you.
1015
00:48:22,203 --> 00:48:24,118
[dramatic music]
1016
00:48:28,601 --> 00:48:30,255
[chiming]
1017
00:48:30,385 --> 00:48:32,213
[organ music]
1018
00:48:32,344 --> 00:48:35,608
Forgive me Lord
for I am a sinner.
1019
00:48:37,262 --> 00:48:38,132
Oh...
1020
00:48:48,751 --> 00:48:49,709
No, I don't know where he is.
1021
00:48:52,973 --> 00:48:55,106
Monica, tell me
what's going on here.
1022
00:48:55,236 --> 00:48:56,150
You don't belong
in this convent.
1023
00:48:56,281 --> 00:48:59,066
Why did you come here?
1024
00:49:00,850 --> 00:49:02,765
To give lifelong service
to the Lord.
1025
00:49:02,896 --> 00:49:04,637
Come on Monica,
that's not you talk--
1026
00:49:08,119 --> 00:49:10,208
Oh, boy.
1027
00:49:10,338 --> 00:49:12,732
Somewhere in there
someone must have given her
1028
00:49:12,862 --> 00:49:14,473
another post hypnotic
suggestion.
1029
00:49:18,956 --> 00:49:21,175
Come here
you studly sex machine.
1030
00:49:22,872 --> 00:49:24,309
Listen Monica.
1031
00:49:24,439 --> 00:49:26,702
This is all a mistake,
I have to get you out of here.
1032
00:49:26,833 --> 00:49:28,400
-[knocking]
-[Sister Flavia] Hello.
1033
00:49:28,530 --> 00:49:30,315
-Who is in there?
-[sighs] Shit.
1034
00:49:30,445 --> 00:49:31,490
Just a moment, Sister.
1035
00:49:33,405 --> 00:49:35,015
Listen, don't say anything,
not a word. Okay?
1036
00:49:35,146 --> 00:49:36,234
Please?
1037
00:49:42,327 --> 00:49:43,458
Oh.
1038
00:49:43,589 --> 00:49:45,591
I thought I heard voices.
1039
00:49:45,721 --> 00:49:49,290
No Sister, that was just me.
I was speaking in tongues.
1040
00:49:49,421 --> 00:49:51,597
[sighs] Have you seen a nun
running around here
1041
00:49:51,727 --> 00:49:54,469
that calls herself
Sister Mary Voluptua?
1042
00:49:55,340 --> 00:49:56,689
Oh, um, well...
1043
00:49:56,819 --> 00:49:59,779
was she tall, dark eyebrows,
1044
00:49:59,909 --> 00:50:03,739
big hands, funny voice
and kind of ugly?
1045
00:50:03,870 --> 00:50:05,480
-That's her.
-No, Sister.
1046
00:50:07,830 --> 00:50:09,223
[sighs]
You check the front room.
1047
00:50:09,354 --> 00:50:10,137
I'll talk to the others.
1048
00:50:18,493 --> 00:50:20,800
Tiff, it's like this.
1049
00:50:20,930 --> 00:50:22,193
No, no.
1050
00:50:22,323 --> 00:50:24,412
Tiff, it's like this.
1051
00:50:26,893 --> 00:50:28,373
Max?
1052
00:50:28,503 --> 00:50:29,852
What's going on?
1053
00:50:29,983 --> 00:50:31,158
Nothing Sister. I was just...
1054
00:50:32,551 --> 00:50:34,379
Hey, wait a minute.
1055
00:50:34,509 --> 00:50:37,295
I've never seen you here before.
How do you know my name?
1056
00:50:37,425 --> 00:50:39,558
Well I had
this vision last night
1057
00:50:39,688 --> 00:50:43,692
and there were angels singing
and people dancing...
1058
00:50:43,823 --> 00:50:45,172
Oh to hell with it.
Look, it's me, all right?
1059
00:50:45,303 --> 00:50:46,260
Father Goose?
1060
00:50:47,479 --> 00:50:49,176
A switch hitting priest.
1061
00:50:49,307 --> 00:50:50,221
I'm not even a priest.
1062
00:50:50,351 --> 00:50:51,396
You're not a priest?
1063
00:50:53,354 --> 00:50:54,834
It's a long story Max.
1064
00:50:54,964 --> 00:50:56,314
Does this mean
I'm going to hell after all?
1065
00:50:56,444 --> 00:50:58,403
How should I know? Ask a priest.
1066
00:50:58,533 --> 00:51:00,840
Oh damn. I was just going
to tell her my secret.
1067
00:51:00,970 --> 00:51:02,363
Your nun friend,
1068
00:51:02,494 --> 00:51:03,234
cute little blonde
with great Winnebagos?
1069
00:51:03,364 --> 00:51:05,540
Yeah, why?
1070
00:51:05,671 --> 00:51:06,672
I think she's trying to pull
something over on you friend.
1071
00:51:06,802 --> 00:51:08,456
-You're telling me.
-No, I saw her talking
1072
00:51:08,587 --> 00:51:10,328
to this guy
on a walkie talkie yesterday.
1073
00:51:10,458 --> 00:51:12,199
She's getting ready
to bag your marbles.
1074
00:51:12,330 --> 00:51:13,853
You're lying. Tiff loves me.
1075
00:51:13,983 --> 00:51:15,855
She would never do
something like that to me.
1076
00:51:15,985 --> 00:51:17,465
Look, I'm just trying
to help you out.
1077
00:51:17,596 --> 00:51:19,902
What is the fastest way
out of here?
1078
00:51:20,033 --> 00:51:21,078
Probably running.
1079
00:51:27,171 --> 00:51:31,044
Get your big,
mega-hunk ass over here
1080
00:51:31,175 --> 00:51:35,266
and tell me
a big, whopper truth.
1081
00:51:35,396 --> 00:51:37,268
[laughs]
1082
00:51:37,398 --> 00:51:38,399
[suspenseful music]
1083
00:51:39,357 --> 00:51:40,227
Well?
1084
00:51:41,359 --> 00:51:43,491
Oh!
1085
00:51:43,622 --> 00:51:44,710
I think I reinjured
my old war wound.
1086
00:51:44,840 --> 00:51:45,841
War wound?
1087
00:51:45,972 --> 00:51:47,626
My thyroid is flaring up again.
1088
00:51:47,756 --> 00:51:49,497
That's not where
your thyroid is!
1089
00:51:49,628 --> 00:51:50,542
That's where mine is.
They had to move it.
1090
00:51:50,672 --> 00:51:52,283
Oh!
1091
00:51:52,413 --> 00:51:53,414
Wait a minute!
1092
00:51:53,545 --> 00:51:54,850
Gotta go, gotta go.
1093
00:51:54,981 --> 00:51:55,634
Bye.
1094
00:52:06,514 --> 00:52:07,515
[Clemmons]
All right Your Holiness.
1095
00:52:07,646 --> 00:52:08,777
We'll make preparations
right away.
1096
00:52:11,389 --> 00:52:13,652
Well?
1097
00:52:13,782 --> 00:52:17,221
He wants to visit some parishes,
mingle with the common folk.
1098
00:52:17,351 --> 00:52:18,918
What on earth for?
1099
00:52:19,048 --> 00:52:21,138
Oh you know.
The people's Pope and all that.
1100
00:52:22,356 --> 00:52:24,010
So what do we do?
1101
00:52:24,141 --> 00:52:25,446
We visit some parishes.
1102
00:52:28,232 --> 00:52:29,320
So what's the story?
Have you given up
1103
00:52:29,450 --> 00:52:30,799
on Monica or what?
1104
00:52:30,930 --> 00:52:32,845
What happened to this grand plan
of yours?
1105
00:52:32,975 --> 00:52:35,413
Phase two
was a smashing success.
1106
00:52:35,543 --> 00:52:37,328
Now it's time for phase three.
1107
00:52:37,458 --> 00:52:38,416
[Theo] Which is?
1108
00:52:41,506 --> 00:52:43,290
All I have to do is go in there
1109
00:52:43,421 --> 00:52:44,639
and de-hypnotize her.
1110
00:52:44,770 --> 00:52:46,598
If you two banana heads
play your cards right,
1111
00:52:46,728 --> 00:52:48,295
I might do you a favor
in the bargain.
1112
00:52:48,426 --> 00:52:50,515
Oh really?
1113
00:52:50,645 --> 00:52:52,908
Two of Monica's friends
are having some serious doubts.
1114
00:52:53,039 --> 00:52:54,736
You guys come in there with me
1115
00:52:54,867 --> 00:52:57,304
and you'll turn those doubts
into dates.
1116
00:52:57,435 --> 00:52:59,350
[Zoomer laughs] Nuns?
1117
00:52:59,480 --> 00:52:59,959
[Theo] No way.
1118
00:53:03,615 --> 00:53:04,529
[Jerry] Fore!
1119
00:53:05,573 --> 00:53:06,357
[glass shatters]
1120
00:53:06,487 --> 00:53:07,793
Sorry officer.
1121
00:53:14,626 --> 00:53:15,844
[snoring]
1122
00:53:41,087 --> 00:53:43,481
Hey, Beano. Beano, wake up!
1123
00:53:43,611 --> 00:53:45,657
Hey! Check it out!
Check it out! Check it out!
1124
00:53:49,878 --> 00:53:51,489
Dude!
1125
00:53:51,619 --> 00:53:52,707
Come on, let's go. Come on.
1126
00:53:55,971 --> 00:53:58,844
-[both grunt]
-Beano!
1127
00:53:58,974 --> 00:54:01,586
As it was in the beginning,
is now and ever shall be,
1128
00:54:01,716 --> 00:54:03,457
world without end. Amen.
1129
00:54:03,588 --> 00:54:04,458
Amen.
1130
00:54:06,025 --> 00:54:07,287
Sherry?
1131
00:54:07,418 --> 00:54:08,549
Oh. Amen.
1132
00:54:12,901 --> 00:54:14,773
What were you thinking about?
1133
00:54:14,903 --> 00:54:19,647
Oh God, heaven, guardian angels,
the usual stuff.
1134
00:54:19,778 --> 00:54:21,606
Good for you, Sherry.
1135
00:54:21,736 --> 00:54:23,956
I'm setting this alarm
for a one hour nap. Okay?
1136
00:54:44,063 --> 00:54:45,847
It's not true.
1137
00:54:45,978 --> 00:54:48,676
I was thinking about Mel Gibson.
I lied about it.
1138
00:54:48,807 --> 00:54:51,418
Sherry, take it easy.
It's perfectly normal. Really.
1139
00:54:51,549 --> 00:54:52,637
I don't know.
1140
00:54:52,767 --> 00:54:55,074
Sherry, it is perfectly normal.
1141
00:54:56,597 --> 00:54:58,120
Why, just a while ago
1142
00:54:58,251 --> 00:55:00,340
I was thinking
of Menachem Golan.
1143
00:55:01,515 --> 00:55:02,342
You were?
1144
00:55:02,473 --> 00:55:04,910
Mm-hm.
1145
00:55:05,040 --> 00:55:07,173
So if you get
any lustful thoughts,
1146
00:55:07,304 --> 00:55:09,654
just say a bunch of Hail Marys
until it passes.
1147
00:55:10,698 --> 00:55:11,917
It works for me.
1148
00:55:12,047 --> 00:55:13,832
Okay. Thanks, Monica.
1149
00:55:23,320 --> 00:55:25,844
Hail Mary full of grace,
the Lord is with thee ....
1150
00:55:32,024 --> 00:55:35,549
I don't believe this Kaminsky.
This is utterly Looney Tunes.
1151
00:55:35,680 --> 00:55:36,898
Cool your jets Elmer Fudd.
1152
00:55:37,029 --> 00:55:38,596
Everything is going to be
just fine.
1153
00:55:38,726 --> 00:55:40,380
I don't know, I kind of like it.
1154
00:55:40,511 --> 00:55:40,989
Let's go.
1155
00:56:02,924 --> 00:56:04,056
[comical music]
1156
00:56:22,291 --> 00:56:23,118
Hiya Maxey.
1157
00:56:24,772 --> 00:56:25,730
Hi Mr. Cleeghorn.
1158
00:56:26,861 --> 00:56:27,732
Just up, Mr. Cleeghorn.
1159
00:56:28,689 --> 00:56:29,603
Get him!
1160
00:56:39,918 --> 00:56:41,398
[whispers] They're asleep.
1161
00:56:41,528 --> 00:56:43,095
[whispers] Great! This
is going to be a fun date.
1162
00:56:43,225 --> 00:56:44,705
[whispers] I got an idea.
1163
00:56:44,836 --> 00:56:45,532
We can wake them up
1164
00:56:45,663 --> 00:56:46,620
Shh!
1165
00:56:51,277 --> 00:56:52,974
Monica Woolsey,
1166
00:56:53,105 --> 00:56:55,890
this is the Holy Ghost speaking.
1167
00:56:56,021 --> 00:56:57,805
I have a message for you.
1168
00:56:57,936 --> 00:57:00,591
You have made a big mistake.
1169
00:57:00,721 --> 00:57:03,724
I repeat, a big mistake.
1170
00:57:03,855 --> 00:57:04,508
[comical music continues]
1171
00:57:10,992 --> 00:57:13,821
When I snap my fingers,
you will wake up
1172
00:57:13,952 --> 00:57:17,129
and you will no longer have
any desire to be a nun.
1173
00:57:17,259 --> 00:57:18,609
Do you understand, Monica?
1174
00:57:20,175 --> 00:57:20,828
Good.
1175
00:57:22,787 --> 00:57:25,659
And you'll still crave
Jerry Kaminsky's body
1176
00:57:25,790 --> 00:57:28,575
but not until later
when I say so.
1177
00:57:28,706 --> 00:57:29,707
[snickering]
1178
00:57:31,926 --> 00:57:35,016
One, two, three...
1179
00:57:42,023 --> 00:57:44,896
Hi Jer,
1180
00:57:45,026 --> 00:57:48,073
what are you doing
in a funky outfit like that?
1181
00:57:48,203 --> 00:57:50,118
-And where the hell am I?
Shh!
1182
00:57:50,249 --> 00:57:51,598
[whispers] Jerry,
what is going on here?
1183
00:57:51,729 --> 00:57:52,904
Take it easy, babe.
1184
00:57:53,034 --> 00:57:54,601
You just ran off
and joined a convent,
1185
00:57:54,732 --> 00:57:55,820
no big deal.
1186
00:57:57,212 --> 00:57:57,952
Oh, yeah.
1187
00:58:00,259 --> 00:58:01,260
Oh no...
1188
00:58:01,390 --> 00:58:02,914
Hello Sisters.
1189
00:58:03,044 --> 00:58:04,263
What's going on?
1190
00:58:06,178 --> 00:58:08,572
-Ta-da!
-[screaming]
1191
00:58:08,702 --> 00:58:10,225
Shh! Shh!
1192
00:58:10,356 --> 00:58:12,663
Girls, relax,
they're perfectly harmless.
1193
00:58:12,793 --> 00:58:14,839
Thanks a lot.
1194
00:58:14,969 --> 00:58:17,537
So I hear you girls
are having a couple doubts.
1195
00:58:21,149 --> 00:58:22,760
I don't believe this.
1196
00:58:22,890 --> 00:58:25,240
If Sister Flavia walks
in the door we're dead.
1197
00:58:25,371 --> 00:58:28,113
So we can have a good time
until then, right?
1198
00:58:28,243 --> 00:58:29,680
We're not allowed to have fun.
1199
00:58:29,810 --> 00:58:31,029
Wait a minute. Hold it.
1200
00:58:31,159 --> 00:58:32,770
Think about this.
1201
00:58:32,900 --> 00:58:35,337
Three guys dressed in habits
walk into our room
1202
00:58:35,468 --> 00:58:37,165
while we're sleeping
and try to pick us up.
1203
00:58:37,296 --> 00:58:38,645
It's too weird, right?
1204
00:58:38,776 --> 00:58:39,951
No kidding.
1205
00:58:40,081 --> 00:58:41,909
Okay, so that can mean
only one thing.
1206
00:58:42,040 --> 00:58:44,085
We're dreaming.
1207
00:58:44,216 --> 00:58:45,826
-Dreaming?
-[Catherine] Yeah.
1208
00:58:45,957 --> 00:58:47,654
And if we're dreaming,
we can do whatever we want
1209
00:58:47,785 --> 00:58:48,873
and who's gonna know?
1210
00:58:51,832 --> 00:58:53,225
Sounds good to me.
1211
00:58:55,009 --> 00:58:56,533
-Let's party.
-All right!
1212
00:59:05,803 --> 00:59:07,195
-Shit!
-Now what?
1213
00:59:07,326 --> 00:59:08,762
I'm calling Cleeghorn.
1214
00:59:08,893 --> 00:59:11,896
You stay here
and watch the place.
1215
00:59:12,026 --> 00:59:14,725
To the monastic life,
a hard habit to break.
1216
00:59:14,855 --> 00:59:16,161
-Here, here!
-Wait!
1217
00:59:16,291 --> 00:59:18,467
-What?
-I left the cheese in the car.
1218
00:59:18,598 --> 00:59:19,904
-Oh man.
-It'll take a minute. Hang on.
1219
00:59:20,034 --> 00:59:21,732
Hurry up, would you?
1220
00:59:21,862 --> 00:59:23,211
[laughter]
1221
00:59:27,041 --> 00:59:28,347
Get her a couple more drinks
before Jerry gets back.
1222
00:59:28,477 --> 00:59:30,044
[grunts]
1223
00:59:30,175 --> 00:59:31,698
I'm sorry Sister.
1224
00:59:34,832 --> 00:59:36,181
If anybody asks,
1225
00:59:36,311 --> 00:59:37,661
you did not see me.
Gotta run. See ya.
1226
00:59:41,882 --> 00:59:43,580
[suspenseful music]
1227
00:59:47,322 --> 00:59:48,889
-[static]
-Rowena?
1228
00:59:49,020 --> 00:59:49,890
[radio static]
1229
00:59:51,762 --> 00:59:52,763
Yeah?
1230
00:59:52,893 --> 00:59:55,113
Have you seen
our friend Max lately?
1231
00:59:55,243 --> 00:59:57,202
I told you I'm working on it.
1232
00:59:57,332 --> 00:59:58,986
[Beano] Oh really?
1233
00:59:59,117 --> 01:00:00,640
Then you must know
he tried to get away.
1234
01:00:00,771 --> 01:00:02,076
What!
1235
01:00:02,207 --> 01:00:03,948
He tried to escape
1236
01:00:04,078 --> 01:00:06,124
but luckily we chased him
back into the convent.
1237
01:00:06,254 --> 01:00:08,561
But you must find him fast
1238
01:00:08,692 --> 01:00:10,998
or Cleeghorn is going
to roast our gooseberries.
1239
01:00:11,129 --> 01:00:12,957
I'm on it.
1240
01:00:13,087 --> 01:00:14,219
[Beano] Weren't you
going to sign off?
1241
01:00:15,916 --> 01:00:17,831
Yeah. Out and in.
1242
01:00:17,962 --> 01:00:20,094
Right. Over and out.
1243
01:00:20,225 --> 01:00:21,052
[suspenseful music]
1244
01:00:28,189 --> 01:00:29,669
Holy shitski.
1245
01:00:32,063 --> 01:00:34,413
[sinister laugh]
1246
01:00:36,371 --> 01:00:40,941
Alright, attention all morons.
1247
01:00:41,072 --> 01:00:44,597
Because of a certain pair
of incompetent horseheads
1248
01:00:44,728 --> 01:00:48,079
that managed to tip off Moolash
that we found him,
1249
01:00:48,209 --> 01:00:51,865
I am forced to invade this house
of religious order to get him.
1250
01:00:51,996 --> 01:00:54,607
Is there any questions?
1251
01:00:54,738 --> 01:00:56,783
If you raise a thumb
so help me I'll bite it off.
1252
01:00:56,914 --> 01:00:57,958
[rock music]
1253
01:01:00,004 --> 01:01:01,048
You guys
are not going to believe
1254
01:01:01,179 --> 01:01:02,310
what I found in the hallway.
1255
01:01:03,311 --> 01:01:05,400
-[gasps]
-Wow!
1256
01:01:05,531 --> 01:01:07,315
-Do you know what this means?
-Oh my God!
1257
01:01:07,446 --> 01:01:08,969
What?
1258
01:01:09,100 --> 01:01:09,927
They're fake, I mean,
why would diamonds
1259
01:01:10,057 --> 01:01:11,058
be hanging around
the hall of the convent?
1260
01:01:11,189 --> 01:01:12,451
Yeah, they're fake, you guys.
1261
01:01:12,581 --> 01:01:14,018
Come on, we could wake up
any minute here.
1262
01:01:16,585 --> 01:01:17,717
You're right.
1263
01:01:19,850 --> 01:01:20,720
[thud]
1264
01:01:25,464 --> 01:01:27,945
Dope. If it's not
too complicated
1265
01:01:28,075 --> 01:01:29,990
for your brain to understand,
1266
01:01:30,121 --> 01:01:33,254
I want you to find
the phone lines and cut them.
1267
01:01:33,385 --> 01:01:36,257
Alright, you go
round everybody up.
1268
01:01:36,388 --> 01:01:38,825
I want to snoop around
a little bit.
1269
01:01:38,956 --> 01:01:39,478
[frustrated sigh]
1270
01:01:45,876 --> 01:01:46,790
Max?
1271
01:02:03,458 --> 01:02:04,372
Max!
1272
01:02:05,243 --> 01:02:06,723
[rock music]
1273
01:02:09,987 --> 01:02:10,509
You know...
1274
01:02:12,598 --> 01:02:14,469
This is awfully real
for a dream.
1275
01:02:14,600 --> 01:02:16,036
Oh, come on.
You're dancing the limbo
1276
01:02:16,167 --> 01:02:18,909
with three guys in habits.
How real could it be?
1277
01:02:19,039 --> 01:02:21,041
[laughter]
1278
01:02:21,172 --> 01:02:23,043
Whoa. I guess you're right.
1279
01:02:23,174 --> 01:02:25,089
Hold it! Max told me
1280
01:02:25,219 --> 01:02:26,351
he used to be involved
with jewel thieves.
1281
01:02:28,092 --> 01:02:29,310
-So?
-So maybe those diamonds
1282
01:02:29,441 --> 01:02:30,964
-were real.
-[grunts]
1283
01:02:31,095 --> 01:02:33,053
-[thud]
-We've gotta get them back!
1284
01:02:33,184 --> 01:02:33,488
[Zoomer] Who's Max?
1285
01:02:35,534 --> 01:02:37,362
Oh! Lyle.
1286
01:02:37,492 --> 01:02:39,625
Well if ain't
Sister Mary Airhead.
1287
01:02:39,756 --> 01:02:41,888
Look, I've done everything
you told me to do.
1288
01:02:42,019 --> 01:02:44,021
You stupid little bimbo.
1289
01:02:44,151 --> 01:02:45,326
You screwed up
and I'm pissed off.
1290
01:02:45,457 --> 01:02:48,199
I am not a bimbo, Lyle.
1291
01:02:48,329 --> 01:02:51,376
Hey, I tell you what you are
and what you aren't.
1292
01:02:51,506 --> 01:02:53,334
Now you better find Moolash fast
1293
01:02:53,465 --> 01:02:56,033
or you're going to be
one dead bimbo.
1294
01:02:56,163 --> 01:02:57,338
Get! I said get!
1295
01:03:06,695 --> 01:03:07,740
-[Sister Gabriel screams]
-Get out here!
1296
01:03:07,871 --> 01:03:09,568
-Come out here into the hallway.
-What do you want?
1297
01:03:09,698 --> 01:03:11,309
Who are you? Don't you put
your crummy hands on me.
1298
01:03:11,439 --> 01:03:12,440
-You don't scare me.
-Get going here.
1299
01:03:21,145 --> 01:03:21,972
Max, what the hell
1300
01:03:22,102 --> 01:03:22,537
-is going on here?
-Shh!
1301
01:03:24,539 --> 01:03:25,932
You're a bad boy, my friend.
1302
01:03:28,195 --> 01:03:29,457
I thought you were out
of the hot rocks business.
1303
01:03:29,588 --> 01:03:31,285
I am, I just kept
this one little batch
1304
01:03:31,416 --> 01:03:33,070
because it's the only way
I could pay for my law school.
1305
01:03:33,200 --> 01:03:34,941
Plus my mama needs
this operation real bad.
1306
01:03:35,072 --> 01:03:36,377
-Max--
-It's the truth!
1307
01:03:36,508 --> 01:03:37,988
What could be keeping him?
1308
01:03:38,118 --> 01:03:39,641
I hope he's all right.
1309
01:03:39,772 --> 01:03:41,992
Good heavens,
what's going on here
1310
01:03:42,122 --> 01:03:44,516
Catechism class.
Now get with them.
1311
01:03:44,646 --> 01:03:45,822
Look, I can't be jawing
with you right now.
1312
01:03:45,952 --> 01:03:47,345
They found me, they're here,
and they're gonna chop me up
1313
01:03:47,475 --> 01:03:48,955
-for bug food.
-Who is?
1314
01:03:49,086 --> 01:03:50,391
The guys I work for!
1315
01:03:50,522 --> 01:03:51,697
Now, if they get ahead
of these stones,
1316
01:03:51,828 --> 01:03:52,959
they're just gonna sell them
for drugs again.
1317
01:03:53,090 --> 01:03:54,395
Now go away. Please.
1318
01:03:58,486 --> 01:03:59,183
Here.
1319
01:04:01,228 --> 01:04:02,621
Hey, you nun. Hey.
1320
01:04:02,751 --> 01:04:04,188
You seen Max Moolash around?
1321
01:04:04,318 --> 01:04:06,146
Hey, you ain't no nun.
1322
01:04:06,277 --> 01:04:07,234
Yes I am.
1323
01:04:07,365 --> 01:04:10,237
Cut the bullshit. You're a guy!
1324
01:04:10,368 --> 01:04:12,022
Shows what you know.
We're coed now.
1325
01:04:12,152 --> 01:04:14,111
What kind of place is--
1326
01:04:14,241 --> 01:04:16,243
Hey, what have you got
behind your back?
1327
01:04:16,374 --> 01:04:17,462
-Nothing.
-Let me see.
1328
01:04:18,637 --> 01:04:20,421
Let me see the other one.
1329
01:04:20,552 --> 01:04:22,510
[stutters] Let me see! Hey!
1330
01:04:22,641 --> 01:04:23,947
Let me see! Let me see!
1331
01:04:24,077 --> 01:04:25,862
[grunting]
1332
01:04:27,124 --> 01:04:28,647
Both of them! Ah!
1333
01:04:28,777 --> 01:04:30,214
Hey!
1334
01:04:30,344 --> 01:04:31,868
[grunting] Hey!
1335
01:04:33,043 --> 01:04:34,609
Hey!
1336
01:04:34,740 --> 01:04:36,133
Get back here,
whatever you are! Hey!
1337
01:04:39,136 --> 01:04:40,093
Alright you people.
1338
01:04:41,573 --> 01:04:43,531
What the hell's going on
in here?
1339
01:04:43,662 --> 01:04:45,272
Yeah, what the hell
is going on in here?
1340
01:04:45,403 --> 01:04:47,187
Oh my God!
1341
01:04:47,318 --> 01:04:49,494
[sobs] Oh God, I knew this
was going to happen.
1342
01:04:49,624 --> 01:04:51,409
Now we're going to be executed.
1343
01:04:51,539 --> 01:04:53,672
Zoomer, get a hold of yourself!
1344
01:04:53,802 --> 01:04:56,240
What do you got now,
homos in habits?
1345
01:04:56,370 --> 01:04:58,068
That's what I'd like to know.
1346
01:04:58,198 --> 01:04:59,678
You see, Sister, we were just...
1347
01:04:59,808 --> 01:05:01,288
Never mind.
1348
01:05:01,419 --> 01:05:02,507
The rest of you
get on over there with them.
1349
01:05:02,637 --> 01:05:03,943
Come on, come on.
1350
01:05:07,642 --> 01:05:08,426
Now...
1351
01:05:09,818 --> 01:05:12,169
who knows where Max Moolash is?
1352
01:05:12,299 --> 01:05:13,083
[dramatic music]
1353
01:05:22,875 --> 01:05:24,050
-[sinister laugh]
-[screams]
1354
01:05:24,181 --> 01:05:25,138
Nuts!
1355
01:05:36,410 --> 01:05:38,064
Jeez, that was a tough chick.
1356
01:05:39,109 --> 01:05:40,066
[grunts]
1357
01:05:40,197 --> 01:05:42,286
Get that guy,
he's got the stones!
1358
01:05:42,416 --> 01:05:44,723
-Huh?
-You idiot, go after him!
1359
01:05:44,853 --> 01:05:45,506
Oh!
1360
01:05:46,638 --> 01:05:48,596
Maxey...
1361
01:05:48,727 --> 01:05:49,641
Max...
1362
01:05:50,598 --> 01:05:52,122
Come on.
1363
01:05:52,252 --> 01:05:54,080
I know
you're out here somewhere.
1364
01:05:54,689 --> 01:05:56,082
Oh!
1365
01:05:56,213 --> 01:05:57,257
Max!
1366
01:05:57,388 --> 01:05:58,476
What the hell are you doing?
1367
01:05:58,606 --> 01:06:00,695
What does it look like?
1368
01:06:00,826 --> 01:06:05,265
Max, where are the diamonds?
1369
01:06:05,396 --> 01:06:07,224
I don't know, and even if I did,
I wouldn't tell you.
1370
01:06:07,354 --> 01:06:10,314
I was just doing my job.
Don't take it personally.
1371
01:06:10,444 --> 01:06:12,359
You're just using me!
1372
01:06:12,490 --> 01:06:13,621
I really liked you a lot,
and I thought you liked me.
1373
01:06:13,752 --> 01:06:16,233
I do like you, Maxey!
1374
01:06:16,363 --> 01:06:19,366
Come on, just tell me
where the diamonds are.
1375
01:06:19,497 --> 01:06:20,933
I told you, I don't know.
1376
01:06:21,064 --> 01:06:22,152
I gave them to some guy
in a nun suit.
1377
01:06:22,282 --> 01:06:24,241
What?
1378
01:06:24,371 --> 01:06:24,676
[frustrated sigh]
1379
01:06:26,504 --> 01:06:28,723
Alright, let's go.
1380
01:06:30,377 --> 01:06:31,988
Come on, Maxey!
1381
01:06:32,118 --> 01:06:34,555
I don't want
to have to use this. Now go!
1382
01:06:34,686 --> 01:06:36,340
Go ahead and shoot me,
1383
01:06:36,470 --> 01:06:37,558
I don't have anything
to live for anyway.
1384
01:06:37,689 --> 01:06:39,212
[music continues]
1385
01:06:48,091 --> 01:06:50,615
Sir, obviously we don't know
where Max is.
1386
01:06:50,745 --> 01:06:52,269
You might as well let us go.
1387
01:06:52,399 --> 01:06:55,315
We stay here
until somebody talks.
1388
01:06:55,446 --> 01:06:57,230
Well, what do you want
him for, anyway?
1389
01:06:57,361 --> 01:06:59,319
He's our fourth for bridge.
1390
01:06:59,450 --> 01:07:01,234
None of your business!
1391
01:07:01,365 --> 01:07:03,497
We're wasting time.
1392
01:07:03,628 --> 01:07:07,371
And as for your three,
you have some explaining to do.
1393
01:07:07,501 --> 01:07:10,156
You know what? I don't like
this dream anymore.
1394
01:07:10,287 --> 01:07:11,723
Me either. It's too real.
1395
01:07:11,853 --> 01:07:13,116
Let's pinch ourselves
and wake up.
1396
01:07:13,246 --> 01:07:14,291
-Alright.
-No!
1397
01:07:14,421 --> 01:07:15,466
[both]
No, you don't want to do that.
1398
01:07:15,596 --> 01:07:17,424
-Why not?
-Because the best part
1399
01:07:17,555 --> 01:07:19,296
-is yet to come.
-Which part?
1400
01:07:19,426 --> 01:07:21,602
The, um...
1401
01:07:21,733 --> 01:07:23,300
The Spanish fly part.
1402
01:07:25,389 --> 01:07:27,347
-What?
-I told you people
1403
01:07:27,478 --> 01:07:28,827
to stop the yik-yaking.
1404
01:07:43,276 --> 01:07:45,583
[gunshots]
1405
01:07:46,845 --> 01:07:48,629
Sir...
1406
01:07:48,760 --> 01:07:50,718
I don't know
where Max Moolash is.
1407
01:07:52,590 --> 01:07:55,506
But I'm sure
if we put our heads together
1408
01:07:55,636 --> 01:07:57,203
we can come up with something.
1409
01:07:57,334 --> 01:07:59,858
[both laugh]
1410
01:07:59,988 --> 01:08:02,208
Kind of cute for a nun,
aren't you?
1411
01:08:02,339 --> 01:08:04,080
[both laugh]
1412
01:08:04,819 --> 01:08:06,299
Hm.
1413
01:08:06,430 --> 01:08:07,344
Mm-hm.
1414
01:08:10,347 --> 01:08:11,391
Mm-hm.
1415
01:08:12,436 --> 01:08:13,176
[grunts]
1416
01:08:15,961 --> 01:08:18,268
-Ah-ah!
-[both laugh]
1417
01:08:18,398 --> 01:08:22,010
Naughty, naughty, naughty.
1418
01:08:22,141 --> 01:08:27,451
You are
a very, very naughty boy.
1419
01:08:27,581 --> 01:08:34,371
You are very, very, very sleepy.
1420
01:08:34,501 --> 01:08:40,464
Your eyelids
are very, very, very heavy.
1421
01:08:40,594 --> 01:08:46,122
Sleep, sleep, sleep...
1422
01:08:51,823 --> 01:08:53,999
[sniffs] Nice try, sweet cakes.
1423
01:08:54,130 --> 01:08:55,435
Now get over there and shut up!
1424
01:09:02,747 --> 01:09:04,227
What are you looking at?
1425
01:09:05,750 --> 01:09:07,969
Come on, Maxey. Please!
1426
01:09:08,100 --> 01:09:09,667
I'm in deep enough doodoo
as it is.
1427
01:09:09,797 --> 01:09:12,017
If I don't take you to Lyle,
he's going to kill me.
1428
01:09:12,148 --> 01:09:13,453
Good. It'd serve you right.
1429
01:09:13,584 --> 01:09:15,890
[gasping]
1430
01:09:16,021 --> 01:09:17,544
I can't pretend any longer.
1431
01:09:18,371 --> 01:09:20,330
It's true.
1432
01:09:20,460 --> 01:09:21,896
I hate Lyle.
1433
01:09:22,027 --> 01:09:25,552
It's you I want, Maxey.
I adore you.
1434
01:09:25,683 --> 01:09:27,467
I didn't want it to happen,
but I couldn't help myself.
1435
01:09:28,425 --> 01:09:29,513
Huh?
1436
01:09:29,643 --> 01:09:32,080
Let's run away, you and me.
1437
01:09:32,211 --> 01:09:33,604
We can leave town
and move to Alaska,
1438
01:09:33,734 --> 01:09:35,823
where Lyle could never find us.
1439
01:09:35,954 --> 01:09:37,564
You could go to law school.
1440
01:09:37,695 --> 01:09:40,393
And I could stay home
and bake gingersnaps.
1441
01:09:40,524 --> 01:09:41,655
You're making it up.
1442
01:09:41,786 --> 01:09:44,789
No, I swear, Maxey!
Oh come on, we gotta hurry.
1443
01:09:44,919 --> 01:09:46,051
You really mean it?
1444
01:09:46,182 --> 01:09:47,705
Cross my heart and hope to die.
1445
01:09:47,835 --> 01:09:48,880
Well, how do I know for sure?
1446
01:09:50,795 --> 01:09:53,711
[romantic music]
1447
01:09:53,841 --> 01:09:55,452
-Tiff!
-[sighs and laughs]
1448
01:09:55,582 --> 01:09:56,583
[dramatic music]
1449
01:10:03,460 --> 01:10:04,374
[grunting]
1450
01:10:06,593 --> 01:10:07,768
[grunting]
1451
01:10:07,899 --> 01:10:08,987
[Cleeghorn] Go that way!
1452
01:10:20,390 --> 01:10:21,347
[gunshot]
1453
01:10:22,696 --> 01:10:23,741
[gunshot]
1454
01:10:50,507 --> 01:10:52,378
-Hey!
-[gunshot]
1455
01:10:53,118 --> 01:10:53,988
Ow!
1456
01:10:55,599 --> 01:10:56,730
Nothing's happening.
1457
01:10:56,861 --> 01:10:59,516
Maybe you're only dreaming
that you're dreaming.
1458
01:10:59,646 --> 01:11:00,952
Yeah, maybe you're not even
sleeping at all,
1459
01:11:01,082 --> 01:11:02,910
Maybe you're in a movie.
1460
01:11:03,041 --> 01:11:04,651
Girls, look,
you might as well know.
1461
01:11:04,782 --> 01:11:07,567
We're not dreaming,
this is all very real.
1462
01:11:07,698 --> 01:11:10,657
You mean... that's a real gun
that guy has?
1463
01:11:10,788 --> 01:11:12,616
And these guys
really snuck into our room?
1464
01:11:12,746 --> 01:11:14,835
And we danced with them?
1465
01:11:14,966 --> 01:11:16,359
[Sherry] Oh my God.
1466
01:11:16,489 --> 01:11:18,491
You scuzzball.
1467
01:11:18,622 --> 01:11:20,885
How dare you try to pick up
a nun!
1468
01:11:23,583 --> 01:11:24,932
-[grunts]
-You should be ashamed!
1469
01:11:25,063 --> 01:11:26,630
-You pervert!
-[gasping]
1470
01:11:26,760 --> 01:11:28,501
[yelling]
1471
01:11:29,546 --> 01:11:30,851
Ha!
1472
01:11:30,982 --> 01:11:32,505
[crewman] Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.
1473
01:11:32,636 --> 01:11:34,377
Can I help you
with something, buddy?
1474
01:11:34,507 --> 01:11:35,465
[grunting]
1475
01:11:36,161 --> 01:11:37,336
[groans]
1476
01:11:43,647 --> 01:11:44,822
[moaning]
1477
01:11:46,954 --> 01:11:48,304
-Ha!
-[grunts]
1478
01:11:55,659 --> 01:11:58,314
[repeated shouts]
1479
01:12:00,185 --> 01:12:01,578
Ow!
1480
01:12:01,708 --> 01:12:03,057
[yells]
1481
01:12:22,120 --> 01:12:23,774
Dude, I think
you're in the wrong movie.
1482
01:12:23,904 --> 01:12:25,036
[in English] What did you say?
1483
01:12:31,695 --> 01:12:33,566
Oh... you are right.
1484
01:12:35,263 --> 01:12:37,309
I'm sorry, you guys.
1485
01:12:37,440 --> 01:12:40,573
Oh, by the way, which way
to Burbank?
1486
01:12:40,704 --> 01:12:42,270
I think it's over this way.
1487
01:12:42,401 --> 01:12:44,664
You know, Bruce, we really,
really should do lunch sometime.
1488
01:12:44,795 --> 01:12:47,101
I will have my girl
call your girl.
1489
01:12:47,232 --> 01:12:48,494
-Okay?
-Seasons change, don't you ever.
1490
01:12:48,625 --> 01:12:49,365
-Later, dude.
-[gunshot]
1491
01:13:03,291 --> 01:13:04,989
You know something?
1492
01:13:05,119 --> 01:13:07,165
You look awfully familiar to me.
1493
01:13:07,295 --> 01:13:09,297
Will you sit down, please?
1494
01:13:09,428 --> 01:13:11,387
I know I've seen you
someplace before...
1495
01:13:13,606 --> 01:13:14,955
Stuart McRiff!
1496
01:13:15,086 --> 01:13:17,262
Huh?
1497
01:13:17,393 --> 01:13:19,917
Sixth grade,
St. Jude Elementary.
1498
01:13:20,831 --> 01:13:22,136
Sister...
1499
01:13:23,137 --> 01:13:24,878
Flavia!
1500
01:13:25,009 --> 01:13:26,967
[Sister Flavia]
You little devil!
1501
01:13:27,098 --> 01:13:29,840
I knew you'd come to no good!
1502
01:13:29,970 --> 01:13:32,103
-[Stuey] Now wait a minute--
-I ought to spank your hiney!
1503
01:13:32,233 --> 01:13:34,018
-[screams]
-[Stuey shouting]
1504
01:13:34,148 --> 01:13:35,019
[Sister
Flavia] How dare you bring
1505
01:13:35,149 --> 01:13:36,803
-a gun in here!
-I'll be good!
1506
01:13:36,934 --> 01:13:37,500
[Sister Flavia] Wait till
your mother hears about this!
1507
01:13:37,630 --> 01:13:39,110
[gurgling]
1508
01:13:42,679 --> 01:13:44,071
What is this place?
1509
01:13:44,202 --> 01:13:46,813
The Convent
of the Blessed Virgin.
1510
01:13:46,944 --> 01:13:48,641
Let's go in.
1511
01:13:48,772 --> 01:13:50,382
With all due respect,
Your Holiness,
1512
01:13:50,513 --> 01:13:52,253
we've already visited
four parishes today.
1513
01:13:52,384 --> 01:13:54,125
And it's getting rather late.
1514
01:13:54,255 --> 01:13:56,432
Come, come! It's never too late
for God's work.
1515
01:14:00,653 --> 01:14:02,046
[comical music]
1516
01:14:14,014 --> 01:14:16,016
-[Cleeghorn] Freeze!
-[bodyguard] No, you freeze!
1517
01:14:16,147 --> 01:14:17,235
[Cleeghorn]
Who the hell are you?
1518
01:14:17,365 --> 01:14:19,890
-Never mind, who are you?
-Police.
1519
01:14:20,020 --> 01:14:21,239
That guy's a wanted jewel thief.
1520
01:14:21,369 --> 01:14:23,067
-What!
-Grab him, quick!
1521
01:14:26,331 --> 01:14:27,767
Wait a minute, he's no cop!
1522
01:14:27,898 --> 01:14:29,682
And you're no priest!
1523
01:14:29,813 --> 01:14:32,729
He's the thief!
Ask to see his badge.
1524
01:14:32,859 --> 01:14:34,470
-What the devil?
-Alright, nobody move.
1525
01:14:35,993 --> 01:14:37,255
You two guys with the guns...
1526
01:14:37,385 --> 01:14:39,083
Drop them! Or this guy gets it.
1527
01:14:41,172 --> 01:14:42,608
My good man, do you know
who that is?
1528
01:14:43,217 --> 01:14:44,088
Nah.
1529
01:14:45,698 --> 01:14:46,873
Oh God.
1530
01:14:47,004 --> 01:14:48,701
No, but you're close.
1531
01:14:48,832 --> 01:14:51,835
Some rabbi. So what!
1532
01:14:51,965 --> 01:14:54,794
He's not a rabbi.
He's the Holy Father the Pope.
1533
01:14:54,925 --> 01:14:56,970
Get outta here!
1534
01:14:57,101 --> 01:15:00,713
If he's the Pope, how come
he's wearing a yarmulke?
1535
01:15:00,844 --> 01:15:02,976
That's not a yarmulke.
1536
01:15:03,107 --> 01:15:05,326
Oh yeah? Then what is it?
1537
01:15:05,457 --> 01:15:06,937
It's the papal beanie.
1538
01:15:08,808 --> 01:15:11,115
Holy shit.
1539
01:15:11,245 --> 01:15:13,987
I'm sorry, Your Lordship.
Popeship. Popeworship.
1540
01:15:15,075 --> 01:15:15,989
Quite alright.
1541
01:15:18,296 --> 01:15:20,516
One Adam. Rampart.
1542
01:15:22,343 --> 01:15:23,693
How does this thing work?
1543
01:15:23,823 --> 01:15:24,911
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute.
1544
01:15:25,042 --> 01:15:25,999
Let's be reasonable here.
1545
01:15:26,130 --> 01:15:27,827
Dance, suckers!
1546
01:15:27,958 --> 01:15:29,916
-[yelling]
-That's showing them Sher!
1547
01:15:30,047 --> 01:15:31,309
Let's get out of here!
1548
01:15:32,440 --> 01:15:33,964
[grunting]
1549
01:15:34,094 --> 01:15:36,270
To think we were having doubts.
1550
01:15:36,401 --> 01:15:38,664
[Sherry] I'd forgotten
what scum men are.
1551
01:15:38,795 --> 01:15:41,014
-[panting]
-Dude...
1552
01:15:41,145 --> 01:15:43,103
I think we need to reexamine
our approach to women.
1553
01:15:44,844 --> 01:15:46,063
I'm out of here.
1554
01:15:47,934 --> 01:15:49,066
What?
1555
01:15:50,981 --> 01:15:52,069
[romantic music]
1556
01:15:58,902 --> 01:16:01,818
Alright, here's the deal.
1557
01:16:01,948 --> 01:16:04,864
Walk up real
nice and smooth, like.
1558
01:16:04,995 --> 01:16:06,431
And give me those rocks!
1559
01:16:06,562 --> 01:16:08,346
Everybody else, don't move.
1560
01:16:08,476 --> 01:16:10,740
Let's go, chop chop.
1561
01:16:10,870 --> 01:16:11,567
Come on, come on!
1562
01:16:14,482 --> 01:16:16,833
Lyle, look who I found.
1563
01:16:16,963 --> 01:16:19,313
Rowena, can't you see
I'm tied up here?
1564
01:16:19,444 --> 01:16:20,793
But I thought
you wanted Moolash!
1565
01:16:20,924 --> 01:16:22,969
I don't care about Moolash.
1566
01:16:23,100 --> 01:16:25,189
The stones are here,
you stupid bimbo!
1567
01:16:25,319 --> 01:16:27,887
Lyle, I told you,
I'm not a bimbo!
1568
01:16:28,018 --> 01:16:29,410
Shut up, you bimbo!
1569
01:16:29,541 --> 01:16:31,195
No, you shut up!
1570
01:16:31,325 --> 01:16:32,849
What are you doing?
1571
01:16:32,979 --> 01:16:34,894
I've taken
your poppycock long enough.
1572
01:16:35,025 --> 01:16:37,723
I love Max
and we're going away together.
1573
01:16:37,854 --> 01:16:39,159
Ah, Tiff!
1574
01:16:39,290 --> 01:16:40,683
It's Rowena, honey.
1575
01:16:41,858 --> 01:16:43,424
Oh, Rowena!
1576
01:16:43,555 --> 01:16:46,558
What? Everybody's gone
cuckoo around here!
1577
01:16:46,689 --> 01:16:49,735
Drop your gun
and let go of that rabbi!
1578
01:16:49,866 --> 01:16:50,736
No way!
1579
01:16:53,957 --> 01:16:55,306
Did you get 'em, boss?
1580
01:16:55,436 --> 01:16:57,264
Whoops. Guess not.
1581
01:16:57,395 --> 01:16:58,918
Beano!
1582
01:16:59,049 --> 01:17:00,398
Grab Rowena,
she's turning against us.
1583
01:17:00,528 --> 01:17:02,269
-Huh?
-Just do it!
1584
01:17:04,968 --> 01:17:06,317
Guess you'd better
drop it, honey.
1585
01:17:07,884 --> 01:17:09,886
Make my day.
1586
01:17:10,016 --> 01:17:12,802
Okay. Just drop the stones
on the ground.
1587
01:17:12,932 --> 01:17:13,846
-Move, move!
-[police sirens]
1588
01:17:17,023 --> 01:17:18,329
Hey! Hey!
1589
01:17:22,899 --> 01:17:24,291
Aw, come on!
1590
01:17:24,422 --> 01:17:25,858
[grunting] Give me my rocks!
1591
01:17:25,989 --> 01:17:27,033
Are you alright, sir?
1592
01:17:27,164 --> 01:17:29,427
Yes. Yes, I think so.
1593
01:17:29,557 --> 01:17:32,648
You're a very brave
young priest.
1594
01:17:32,778 --> 01:17:34,780
It was the least I could do
for my main holy man.
1595
01:17:34,911 --> 01:17:37,043
[laughing]
1596
01:17:37,174 --> 01:17:38,871
Horseheads and bimbos!
1597
01:17:39,002 --> 01:17:41,178
Oh God!
1598
01:17:41,308 --> 01:17:43,223
Here you go, Exhibit A.
1599
01:17:45,138 --> 01:17:46,052
[Cleeghorn yelling]
1600
01:17:46,183 --> 01:17:48,315
You men are very lucky.
1601
01:17:48,446 --> 01:17:50,840
Very lucky.
That's the Cleeghorn gang.
1602
01:17:50,970 --> 01:17:52,493
We've been after them
for months.
1603
01:17:52,624 --> 01:17:55,018
Well, you know,
we had a little help
1604
01:17:55,148 --> 01:17:56,933
from you-know-who.
1605
01:18:00,501 --> 01:18:01,764
I'll testify for you, Max.
1606
01:18:06,943 --> 01:18:08,945
You!
1607
01:18:09,075 --> 01:18:10,860
You have a lot of nerve
coming back here
1608
01:18:10,990 --> 01:18:12,252
you phony baloney!
1609
01:18:12,383 --> 01:18:15,038
"Father Goose" indeed.
1610
01:18:15,168 --> 01:18:17,301
Oh, and I bet all the rest
of these imposters
1611
01:18:17,431 --> 01:18:18,215
are friends of yours, too!
1612
01:18:18,345 --> 01:18:20,086
Don't be angry, Sister.
1613
01:18:20,217 --> 01:18:21,958
He's actually a fine young man.
1614
01:18:22,088 --> 01:18:23,655
Who's this bozo?
1615
01:18:23,786 --> 01:18:26,266
Really, Sister!
This is the Holy Father.
1616
01:18:26,397 --> 01:18:29,052
Oh, well, isn't that nice.
1617
01:18:29,182 --> 01:18:31,054
Holy Father indeed!
1618
01:18:31,184 --> 01:18:32,925
Well, it isn't often
we get a visit
1619
01:18:33,056 --> 01:18:34,971
from the Pope these days.
1620
01:18:35,101 --> 01:18:36,450
Well, Pope this!
1621
01:18:37,625 --> 01:18:39,540
[Pope] Oh!
1622
01:18:39,671 --> 01:18:40,498
[Sister Flavia]
What do you think I am,
1623
01:18:40,628 --> 01:18:42,326
some kind of an idiot?
1624
01:18:42,456 --> 01:18:44,415
The only thing "holey" about you
is your underwear!
1625
01:18:44,545 --> 01:18:45,590
I'm sorry, Your Holiness.
1626
01:18:45,721 --> 01:18:47,244
I had no idea she was demented.
1627
01:18:47,374 --> 01:18:49,507
[Sister Flavia] Let go of me!
Let go of me!
1628
01:18:49,637 --> 01:18:51,161
-Are you alright?
-Yes, yes.
1629
01:18:52,640 --> 01:18:55,992
Well, my son, you saved my life.
1630
01:18:56,122 --> 01:18:58,037
I would like to do
something for you.
1631
01:18:58,168 --> 01:18:59,691
Oh, it's not necessary for you
to do anything for me.
1632
01:18:59,822 --> 01:19:02,999
Nonsense! One kind act
deserves another.
1633
01:19:03,129 --> 01:19:05,001
[stutters] I don't know
if there's anything
1634
01:19:05,131 --> 01:19:06,654
-you could do for me, I mean--
-Come now.
1635
01:19:06,785 --> 01:19:08,091
I know there's something
I could do
1636
01:19:08,221 --> 01:19:10,876
for an outstanding young priest
like yourself.
1637
01:19:11,007 --> 01:19:11,964
Hm...
1638
01:19:13,661 --> 01:19:16,795
Maybe there's one thing.
1639
01:19:20,320 --> 01:19:22,018
[triumphant music]
1640
01:19:27,371 --> 01:19:28,764
[all laugh and cheer]
1641
01:19:34,682 --> 01:19:35,901
Monica!
1642
01:19:36,032 --> 01:19:37,033
Jerry!
1643
01:19:37,163 --> 01:19:39,252
I'm gonna kill ya!
I'm gonna kill ya!
1644
01:19:41,080 --> 01:19:42,429
Ah... bimbo!
1645
01:19:44,127 --> 01:19:45,171
Hey, Max!
1646
01:19:47,086 --> 01:19:48,827
Jerry!
1647
01:19:48,958 --> 01:19:49,915
Jerry!
1648
01:19:50,611 --> 01:19:52,135
Jerry!
1649
01:19:52,265 --> 01:19:53,397
Jerry!
1650
01:19:53,527 --> 01:19:55,834
Jerry! Jerry!
1651
01:19:55,965 --> 01:19:56,966
Jerry!
1652
01:19:57,096 --> 01:19:58,837
Jerry!
1653
01:19:58,968 --> 01:19:59,882
Jerry!
1654
01:20:00,012 --> 01:20:01,100
Jerry!
1655
01:20:03,146 --> 01:20:04,321
Jerry!
1656
01:20:06,018 --> 01:20:06,802
Jerry!
1657
01:20:08,978 --> 01:20:09,848
Jerry!
1658
01:20:10,675 --> 01:20:12,068
Jerry!
1659
01:20:13,069 --> 01:20:14,200
Jerry!
1660
01:20:18,726 --> 01:20:20,250
[lively piano music]
1661
01:22:31,816 --> 01:22:33,470
["Why'd You Have to Go"
by the Checks]
112882
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