All language subtitles for S01E10 - The Pineapple Incident

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:14,720 --> 00:00:16,585 Now, I remember a lot of stories 2 00:00:16,689 --> 00:00:18,452 from back in the days before I met your mother, 3 00:00:18,557 --> 00:00:20,718 But there's one story I don't remember, 4 00:00:20,826 --> 00:00:24,455 Uncle Marshall still refers to it as the "pineapple incident," 5 00:00:24,563 --> 00:00:27,760 The night started like any other, We were downstairs at the bar, 6 00:00:27,867 --> 00:00:29,232 Hey, it's on the house. 7 00:00:29,335 --> 00:00:30,700 - Whoa! - Whoa! 8 00:00:30,803 --> 00:00:33,294 It's my own concoction. I call it the Red Dragon. 9 00:00:33,406 --> 00:00:35,135 - Wow. - Thanks, Carl. 10 00:00:35,241 --> 00:00:36,333 - Really sweet. - Wow. 11 00:00:36,442 --> 00:00:38,171 - We're not really doing shots, are we? - I hope not. 12 00:00:38,277 --> 00:00:39,608 - No, no, no. - Not in a million years. 13 00:00:39,712 --> 00:00:41,873 These look kind of like blood. 14 00:00:41,981 --> 00:00:45,883 Okay, I know that you've all dismissed this theory before. 15 00:00:45,985 --> 00:00:48,044 But is there any chance that Carl is a vampire? 16 00:00:48,521 --> 00:00:49,681 - No. - That's ludicrous. 17 00:00:50,122 --> 00:00:53,057 No, look, I am serious. Think about it. He always wears black, 18 00:00:53,159 --> 00:00:55,491 we never see him in the daylight, only after dark. 19 00:00:55,594 --> 00:01:01,089 Oh, my God. That does describe a vampire. Or, you know, a bartender. 20 00:01:02,935 --> 00:01:05,836 - Well, I should go get dressed. - Where you going, buddy, hot date? 21 00:01:05,938 --> 00:01:08,304 I'll say. She's going out with a billionaire. 22 00:01:08,407 --> 00:01:10,272 Lily, I told you not to call him that. 23 00:01:10,376 --> 00:01:12,071 Wait, you're really going out with a billionaire? 24 00:01:12,178 --> 00:01:14,203 He's not a billionaire. He's a hundred millionaire. 25 00:01:14,313 --> 00:01:16,144 Why do people always round up? 26 00:01:16,248 --> 00:01:19,843 - So, where's Thurston Howell taking you? - A charity dinner. 27 00:01:19,952 --> 00:01:23,649 - Yeah, $2,000 a plate. - $1,500! Stop rounding up. 28 00:01:24,457 --> 00:01:27,824 - And it's for Third World hunger. - You gonna put out? 29 00:01:28,060 --> 00:01:30,585 What? There's only one reason he's taking her to this dinner, 30 00:01:30,696 --> 00:01:34,154 and it's not so little Mu Tu can get his malaria pills. 31 00:01:35,167 --> 00:01:38,068 I think my soul just threw up a little bit. 32 00:01:38,938 --> 00:01:40,929 Well, I'm gonna be late. You guys have fun. 33 00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:42,098 - Bye. - See you. 34 00:01:42,208 --> 00:01:43,539 - Bye. - See you. 35 00:01:44,210 --> 00:01:46,235 - You okay? - Sure. Why? 36 00:01:46,345 --> 00:01:50,145 Oh, I don't know. Girl of your dreams, dating a billionaire. 37 00:01:50,249 --> 00:01:52,979 Okay, first of all, hundred millionaire. 38 00:01:53,386 --> 00:01:56,150 And second, she's not the girl of my dreams. 39 00:01:56,255 --> 00:01:57,483 We're just friends. 40 00:01:57,590 --> 00:01:59,490 Look, it would not be smart if we got together. 41 00:01:59,592 --> 00:02:01,924 I mean, I'm looking to settle down, she's looking for... 42 00:02:03,929 --> 00:02:05,794 What, you done? Great. 43 00:02:06,198 --> 00:02:09,361 Check out table number four. 44 00:02:10,269 --> 00:02:14,330 See that little hottie on the end? She's short, but has an ample bosom. 45 00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:17,773 I love it. She's like half boob. Let's go. 46 00:02:17,877 --> 00:02:20,607 Yeah, and say what? What's our big opening line? 47 00:02:20,713 --> 00:02:23,910 Oh, it's, "Daddy's home." 48 00:02:25,217 --> 00:02:26,548 - Daddy's home? - Yeah. 49 00:02:26,652 --> 00:02:29,450 Okay, you want us to go over there, right now, 50 00:02:29,555 --> 00:02:32,217 and say to those girls, Daddy's home? 51 00:02:32,324 --> 00:02:34,519 Really think about that, Barney. 52 00:02:35,961 --> 00:02:38,293 Yeah, I think it's pretty solid. 53 00:02:38,397 --> 00:02:39,955 Okay, think about this. 54 00:02:40,066 --> 00:02:43,866 Is there even a single item on the menu that has garlic in it? 55 00:02:44,136 --> 00:02:45,569 There's garlic fries. 56 00:02:46,105 --> 00:02:48,437 Okay, well, I'll get back to you. 57 00:02:48,941 --> 00:02:51,068 Oh! Daddy's back. 58 00:02:51,177 --> 00:02:53,304 See, if you'd taken a moment to think about that... 59 00:02:53,412 --> 00:02:58,213 Then Daddy wouldn't have gotten this seven-digit Father's Day card from Amy. 60 00:02:59,485 --> 00:03:01,715 That worked? I hate the world. 61 00:03:01,821 --> 00:03:04,551 Ted, your problem is all you do is think, think, think. 62 00:03:04,657 --> 00:03:06,682 I'm teaching you how to do, do, do. 63 00:03:06,792 --> 00:03:08,453 - Doo-doo. - Totally. 64 00:03:09,228 --> 00:03:12,493 So I think a lot. I happen to have a very powerful brain. 65 00:03:12,598 --> 00:03:15,158 - It can't be helped. - Oh, yes, it can. 66 00:03:16,135 --> 00:03:17,397 Interesting! 67 00:03:17,503 --> 00:03:20,028 Ted, I believe you and I met for a reason. 68 00:03:20,139 --> 00:03:22,801 It's like the universe was saying, "Hey, Barney, there's this dude, 69 00:03:22,908 --> 00:03:26,173 "he's pretty cool, but it's your job to make him awesome." 70 00:03:26,278 --> 00:03:28,508 Your brain screws you up, Ted. It gets in the way. 71 00:03:28,614 --> 00:03:31,276 It happened with Robin. It happened with half boob. 72 00:03:31,383 --> 00:03:32,975 And it's gonna keep on happening, 73 00:03:33,085 --> 00:03:37,351 until you power down that bucket of neuroses, inebriation style. 74 00:03:37,823 --> 00:03:40,223 So what? You want me to do a shot? 75 00:03:40,459 --> 00:03:43,257 Oh, no. I want you to do five shots. 76 00:03:43,362 --> 00:03:45,489 - Oh, more interesting. - Whoa. 77 00:03:45,998 --> 00:03:50,799 - Barney, I think you've officially... - No, don't think. Do! 78 00:03:50,903 --> 00:03:55,363 Ted, he's right. You over think. Maybe you should over drink. 79 00:03:55,574 --> 00:03:58,509 - Drink. Drink. Drink. Drink. - Drink. Drink. Drink. 80 00:03:58,611 --> 00:04:00,977 Lily, will you tell these guys how stupid they're being? 81 00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:04,982 Guys, you are being immature, and moronic, and drink, drink. 82 00:04:05,851 --> 00:04:09,685 - Drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink. - Drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink. 83 00:04:09,788 --> 00:04:10,914 - Yeah! - Yeah! 84 00:04:11,023 --> 00:04:12,854 - Drink, drink, drink... - Drink, drink, drink... 85 00:04:12,958 --> 00:04:15,051 Let me tell you something about this brain, okay? 86 00:04:15,161 --> 00:04:16,253 Drink, drink! drink, drink! 87 00:04:16,362 --> 00:04:17,329 Yeah! 88 00:04:17,463 --> 00:04:19,954 Mere alcohol cannot stop this brain. 89 00:04:20,065 --> 00:04:21,532 - Drink, drink, drink... - Drink, drink, drink... 90 00:04:21,634 --> 00:04:22,931 I love it. I love it. I love it! 91 00:04:23,035 --> 00:04:25,970 This brain, dear mortals, is no ordinary brain. 92 00:04:26,071 --> 00:04:27,800 Drink, drink, drink... drink, drink, drink... 93 00:04:27,907 --> 00:04:29,306 This is a super brain. 94 00:04:29,408 --> 00:04:31,501 Drink, drink. Drink! drink, drink. Drink! 95 00:04:31,610 --> 00:04:34,636 This brain is unstoppable! This brain... 96 00:04:35,047 --> 00:04:39,006 And that's all I remember, except for a few hazy memories, 97 00:04:50,797 --> 00:04:54,289 And, really, the next thing I remember is waking up the following morning, 98 00:05:10,641 --> 00:05:13,075 So, there were some unanswered questions, 99 00:05:13,177 --> 00:05:14,804 How much did I drink? 100 00:05:14,912 --> 00:05:16,937 How did I sprain my ankle? 101 00:05:20,584 --> 00:05:22,916 And who was this girl in my bed? 102 00:05:23,821 --> 00:05:25,721 There's a rock star. 103 00:05:26,056 --> 00:05:28,957 Okay. What the hell happened last night? 104 00:05:29,059 --> 00:05:31,721 You really don't remember, super brain? 105 00:05:32,163 --> 00:05:34,631 So, Uncle Marshall and Aunt Lily filled me in, 106 00:05:35,132 --> 00:05:39,068 - And how'd you guys like the shots? - I drank all five, bitch! 107 00:05:40,137 --> 00:05:44,198 - I love drunk Ted. - Marshall thinks you're a vampire. 108 00:05:46,744 --> 00:05:49,907 If he pukes, one of you guys cleans it up. 109 00:05:51,048 --> 00:05:52,208 No dibs! 110 00:05:52,316 --> 00:05:54,079 No... Oh, damn it! 111 00:05:54,185 --> 00:05:57,621 How quickly you all forget! I haven't puked since high school. 112 00:05:57,721 --> 00:05:59,916 I am vomit-free since '93. 113 00:06:00,457 --> 00:06:04,553 Vomit-free since '93. That's funny. I'm funny! 114 00:06:05,062 --> 00:06:06,723 - Who are you calling? - Robin. 115 00:06:06,831 --> 00:06:08,298 Bad idea jeans. 116 00:06:08,399 --> 00:06:11,300 No, no, it's a great idea. That's the whole point of getting drunk. 117 00:06:11,402 --> 00:06:13,893 You do things you'd never do in a million years if you were sober. 118 00:06:14,004 --> 00:06:16,165 Says every girl you've ever slept with. 119 00:06:16,273 --> 00:06:17,763 Say what? 120 00:06:19,810 --> 00:06:21,175 Hello, Robin, it's Ted. 121 00:06:21,345 --> 00:06:23,836 - Hi, Ted. - Hello, Robin, it's Ted. 122 00:06:24,481 --> 00:06:27,245 Hi, Ted. Sounds like you're having fun. 123 00:06:27,418 --> 00:06:31,377 Robin, have I ever told you that I am vomit-free since '93? 124 00:06:32,523 --> 00:06:35,253 Oh, listen, Ted, I can't really talk right... 125 00:06:35,359 --> 00:06:38,089 Ninety-three? Dude, that's impressive. 126 00:06:38,362 --> 00:06:41,695 Robin, you know, I don't say this enough, but you're a great woman! 127 00:06:41,799 --> 00:06:44,700 And a great reporter. You should be on 60 Minutes, 128 00:06:44,802 --> 00:06:46,702 You should be one of the minutes! 129 00:06:47,805 --> 00:06:51,502 Well, that's sweet and odd, but I'm kind of on a date right now. 130 00:06:51,609 --> 00:06:53,236 Yeah, and I disagree with Barney. 131 00:06:53,344 --> 00:06:55,107 Just 'cause this guy is spending a lot of money 132 00:06:55,212 --> 00:06:57,009 doesn't mean you have to put out. 133 00:06:57,114 --> 00:07:00,277 Take it slow, Robin. Take it slow. 134 00:07:01,085 --> 00:07:03,645 - Slow. - Bye, Ted. 135 00:07:04,188 --> 00:07:05,883 Slow. 136 00:07:05,990 --> 00:07:08,788 Wow, right. That's why we don't do shots. 137 00:07:09,093 --> 00:07:11,425 Friends don't let friends drink and dial. 138 00:07:11,528 --> 00:07:14,793 - I need that phone back! - You'll get this back at the end of class. 139 00:07:14,899 --> 00:07:18,596 Ding! Class dismissed. Here you go, kid, you call whoever you want. 140 00:07:18,702 --> 00:07:20,033 Thank you, kind sir! 141 00:07:20,137 --> 00:07:24,130 At least someone appreciates the fact that I am doing and not thinking. 142 00:07:24,275 --> 00:07:28,109 And now, I don't think I won't not go to the bathroom. 143 00:07:29,914 --> 00:07:33,350 Was that necessary? He is not making smart decisions. 144 00:07:33,450 --> 00:07:37,819 Exactly! It's like, what's he gonna do next? I don't know, but I want to find out! 145 00:07:42,326 --> 00:07:45,261 Cheap Trick. Oh, Ted. 146 00:07:48,265 --> 00:07:49,323 Hello again, Ted. 147 00:08:04,748 --> 00:08:06,841 I love everyone in this bar! 148 00:08:06,951 --> 00:08:09,112 And we love you, drunk Ted! 149 00:08:18,262 --> 00:08:19,354 Ted? 150 00:08:20,030 --> 00:08:21,554 Well, that explains the ankle. 151 00:08:21,665 --> 00:08:23,997 And then we brought you home and put you to bed. 152 00:08:24,101 --> 00:08:26,797 Was there anyone else in there with me? 153 00:08:38,015 --> 00:08:40,040 - There's a girl in there. - I know. 154 00:08:40,150 --> 00:08:42,141 - And a pineapple. - I know! 155 00:08:42,252 --> 00:08:44,277 - Who is she? - I don't know. 156 00:08:46,824 --> 00:08:49,725 - What the hell happened to my jacket? - Whoa. 157 00:08:50,894 --> 00:08:53,362 That girl in there is alive, right? 158 00:08:54,932 --> 00:08:58,197 I should call Barney. Maybe he knows what happened. 159 00:09:16,186 --> 00:09:17,312 Hello. 160 00:09:17,421 --> 00:09:18,979 Why are you sleeping in our tub? 161 00:09:19,089 --> 00:09:21,990 The porcelain keeps the suit from wrinkling. 162 00:09:23,193 --> 00:09:25,127 Wait, were you here when I went to the bathroom 163 00:09:25,229 --> 00:09:28,824 - in the middle of the night? - Don't worry, I slept through it. 164 00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:32,000 I totally didn't sleep through it! 165 00:09:32,403 --> 00:09:35,668 Oh, and, wow, for a little girl you got a big tank. 166 00:09:36,807 --> 00:09:39,571 How did you get in here, anyway? We put Ted to bed around 1:00. 167 00:09:39,676 --> 00:09:41,803 Oh, you put Ted to bed all right. 168 00:09:42,279 --> 00:09:46,045 You guys take care of me. You guys are the best. 169 00:09:46,550 --> 00:09:48,518 I love you guys so much. 170 00:09:49,386 --> 00:09:51,980 - Good night, Ted. - Love you, too, buddy. 171 00:09:54,091 --> 00:09:54,224 I'm back, baby doll! 172 00:09:54,225 --> 00:09:56,283 I'm back, baby doll! 173 00:09:56,827 --> 00:10:00,092 Hey! He rallies! 174 00:10:00,397 --> 00:10:04,128 And the night begins now. All right. Game face on. 175 00:10:04,234 --> 00:10:07,761 Carl, two more. All right, all right. What do we think of this one? 176 00:10:07,871 --> 00:10:11,238 - I think she... - Trick question. No thinking! 177 00:10:11,675 --> 00:10:14,303 You know what time it is? It's do o'clock. 178 00:10:14,411 --> 00:10:16,208 - Let's ride. - Bring it! 179 00:10:17,581 --> 00:10:18,548 Hi. 180 00:10:19,083 --> 00:10:22,416 Have you met Ted? He... 181 00:10:24,822 --> 00:10:26,119 Excuse me. 182 00:10:28,659 --> 00:10:31,389 - You're calling Robin. - I'm calling Robin. 183 00:10:31,495 --> 00:10:35,829 Ted, as your mentor and spiritual guide, I forbid you from calling her. 184 00:10:36,166 --> 00:10:38,634 Oh, yeah? What you gonna do? 185 00:10:40,737 --> 00:10:44,264 If you complete that call, I will set your coat on fire. 186 00:10:45,676 --> 00:10:47,234 You're bluffing. 187 00:10:49,813 --> 00:10:51,303 Hello, Robin, it's Ted. 188 00:10:51,482 --> 00:10:53,746 Ted, for the last time, stop... 189 00:10:55,352 --> 00:10:56,341 Ted? 190 00:10:56,553 --> 00:10:58,748 You set me on fire. 191 00:10:59,156 --> 00:11:03,286 Real suede wouldn't have gone up so fast. You got robbed. This is a blend. 192 00:11:04,161 --> 00:11:06,425 You set me on fire! 193 00:11:07,397 --> 00:11:09,490 And who's the girl in my bed? 194 00:11:19,810 --> 00:11:21,903 There's a girl in your bed. 195 00:11:22,179 --> 00:11:26,115 And a pineapple! Am I the only one who's curious about the pineapple? 196 00:11:26,216 --> 00:11:28,684 - Who is she? - I have no idea. 197 00:11:28,785 --> 00:11:29,877 Nice. 198 00:11:30,554 --> 00:11:31,919 You really don't know who that is? 199 00:11:32,022 --> 00:11:33,853 No. After I hosed you down with the beverage gun, 200 00:11:33,957 --> 00:11:35,185 I brought you back here. 201 00:11:35,292 --> 00:11:37,556 I better not have gotten burned. 202 00:11:40,631 --> 00:11:42,531 Did any of you write that? 203 00:11:42,666 --> 00:11:45,726 "Hi, I'm Ted. If lost please call..." 204 00:11:46,503 --> 00:11:50,269 - Whose number is that? - I don't know. 205 00:11:50,374 --> 00:11:52,069 Dude, call it. 206 00:11:52,876 --> 00:11:55,606 Oh, hold on. I'm gonna make some popcorn. 207 00:11:57,716 --> 00:12:01,243 Okay, you can call now. God, this is intense. I love it. 208 00:12:04,590 --> 00:12:07,855 - CARL; Hello, - Hi. Who is this? 209 00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:11,396 - You called me, Who's this? - It's Ted. 210 00:12:11,864 --> 00:12:13,593 It's Carl from the bar. 211 00:12:14,433 --> 00:12:16,128 And then Carl filled us in, 212 00:12:16,235 --> 00:12:20,831 Barney, you've always taken care of me. You are a gentleman and a scholar! 213 00:12:21,273 --> 00:12:24,003 Go into my stable and take my finest stallion. 214 00:12:24,109 --> 00:12:26,577 He's yours. His name is Windjammer. 215 00:12:28,113 --> 00:12:29,774 Sleep it off, bro. 216 00:12:31,784 --> 00:12:33,752 I'm back, baby doll! 217 00:12:35,988 --> 00:12:39,480 And I am gonna throw up. 218 00:12:41,627 --> 00:12:44,687 I threw up? My streak is over. 219 00:12:44,797 --> 00:12:47,493 Vomit-free since '05 doesn't sound good. 220 00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:49,890 Sorry, Carl, go on. 221 00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:52,161 Carl? 222 00:12:52,805 --> 00:12:56,639 Did you know the word "karaoke" is Japanese for empty orchestra? 223 00:12:57,276 --> 00:12:59,608 Isn't that hauntingly beautiful? 224 00:13:00,546 --> 00:13:02,207 Are you a vampire? 225 00:13:03,082 --> 00:13:06,176 All right. I'm cutting you off. Go home and get some sleep, Ted. 226 00:13:06,285 --> 00:13:08,549 Yeah, sun's gonna come up soon. 227 00:13:08,654 --> 00:13:11,646 Wouldn't want to be around for that, would we? 228 00:13:12,591 --> 00:13:14,855 Hey, how easy you think it would be to sneak into the zoo? 229 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:17,326 I have to see some penguins, like, right now. 230 00:13:17,429 --> 00:13:20,193 - All right, give me your arm. - Okay. 231 00:13:20,833 --> 00:13:23,631 This way, if you pass out in the gutter... 232 00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:25,467 It tickles! 233 00:13:26,105 --> 00:13:29,597 Someone will call me, and I will come get you. 234 00:13:29,708 --> 00:13:31,198 Thanks, Carl. 235 00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:33,505 We can't just be friends! We're attracted to each other. 236 00:13:33,612 --> 00:13:35,739 - We both know it. - Excuse me? 237 00:13:36,582 --> 00:13:40,450 Me and Robin. Me and Robin. I have to make one more call. 238 00:13:41,253 --> 00:13:43,084 Yeah, this'll go good. 239 00:13:47,126 --> 00:13:48,855 Hey, it's me again. 240 00:13:49,595 --> 00:13:53,224 Look. Who are we kidding? You and I are both attracted to each other. 241 00:13:53,332 --> 00:13:56,165 We're young. We're drunk. Half of us, anyway. 242 00:13:56,268 --> 00:13:57,735 And we only get one life. 243 00:13:57,836 --> 00:14:00,202 So, why don't you come over to my apartment right now, 244 00:14:00,306 --> 00:14:03,036 and we'll think of something stupid to do together. 245 00:14:03,142 --> 00:14:05,133 Really? Great. 246 00:14:05,244 --> 00:14:07,678 Wait, really? Great. 247 00:14:08,647 --> 00:14:10,080 Thanks, Carl. 248 00:14:11,250 --> 00:14:13,878 It's Robin. That's Robin in there. 249 00:14:16,088 --> 00:14:17,578 Did you guys... 250 00:14:22,995 --> 00:14:25,225 Oh, come on. You've gotta give me this one. 251 00:14:25,331 --> 00:14:28,300 Those five shots got you farther with Robin than your brain ever did. 252 00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:31,062 See what happens when you don't think? You do! 253 00:14:31,170 --> 00:14:35,368 More importantly, you do Robin. Come on! 254 00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:39,736 All right, right over here. 255 00:14:40,179 --> 00:14:43,546 But, still, what does this mean? Are we dating now? 256 00:14:43,649 --> 00:14:45,480 I mean, I never pictured it going down this way, 257 00:14:45,584 --> 00:14:48,052 but maybe that's how it had to happen. I mean, think about it. 258 00:14:48,153 --> 00:14:50,815 Someone get him a shot. He's thinking again. 259 00:14:50,923 --> 00:14:54,620 Well, hold on, man. Maybe it's not such a bad idea to think about this one. 260 00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:58,561 You and Robin went down this road before. You got dinged up, really bad. 261 00:14:58,664 --> 00:15:02,122 You know who might have something to say about Ted's future with Robin? 262 00:15:02,234 --> 00:15:04,429 Robin. Go wake her up. 263 00:15:04,703 --> 00:15:07,604 - Wake her up and say what? - Daddy's home. 264 00:15:12,311 --> 00:15:13,938 Good luck, buddy. 265 00:15:21,787 --> 00:15:23,846 - Hello? - Ted, it's Robin. 266 00:15:29,027 --> 00:15:30,494 Are you sure? 267 00:15:33,439 --> 00:15:36,499 Hey, Robin. How are you? 268 00:15:36,608 --> 00:15:37,939 Ted, I think you and I should have a talk... 269 00:15:38,076 --> 00:15:39,703 - Is that Robin? - So, who's the girl in the bedroom? 270 00:15:39,812 --> 00:15:41,712 About those phone calls last night. I have no idea! 271 00:15:41,814 --> 00:15:43,714 - Do you mind if I swing by? - Ask her about the pineapple! 272 00:15:43,816 --> 00:15:45,113 - Yeah, sure. Come on over. - Thanks. 273 00:15:45,217 --> 00:15:46,878 No! Wait! Don't come. 274 00:15:47,553 --> 00:15:49,214 She's coming over. Crap! 275 00:15:49,321 --> 00:15:53,189 Wait, this is killing me. We have to find out who that girl is. 276 00:15:54,059 --> 00:15:58,052 Trudy. My name is Trudy. 277 00:16:02,468 --> 00:16:04,095 And then Trudy filled us in, 278 00:16:04,870 --> 00:16:06,929 I'm just surprised you didn't dump him sooner. 279 00:16:07,039 --> 00:16:10,531 I know. It's two years of my life I'm never getting back. 280 00:16:10,642 --> 00:16:14,976 A little part of me wants to just jump the bones of the next guy I see. 281 00:16:16,014 --> 00:16:17,447 Daddy's home. 282 00:16:18,183 --> 00:16:20,048 Or the one after that. 283 00:16:20,486 --> 00:16:22,681 Okay, fair enough. But I've got to prove a point to a friend. 284 00:16:22,788 --> 00:16:27,953 So, you just gave me your number, and your name is Amy. 285 00:16:28,760 --> 00:16:29,954 Ladies. 286 00:16:31,129 --> 00:16:33,290 I love everyone in this bar! 287 00:16:33,966 --> 00:16:35,797 Look at that idiot go. 288 00:16:36,368 --> 00:16:37,892 He's kind of cute. 289 00:16:45,310 --> 00:16:47,904 What are you doing in the men's room? 290 00:16:48,247 --> 00:16:50,738 What am I doing in the ladies' room? 291 00:16:50,849 --> 00:16:53,943 Oh, right, I came in here 'cause I thought I was gonna throw up. 292 00:16:54,052 --> 00:16:55,246 Did you? 293 00:16:56,788 --> 00:16:58,153 I did not. 294 00:16:59,458 --> 00:17:02,791 And the streak continues. Vomit-free since '93. 295 00:17:05,163 --> 00:17:06,391 Sorry, Trudy. Go on. 296 00:17:06,932 --> 00:17:08,593 I liked your performance. 297 00:17:08,700 --> 00:17:10,395 What, the karaoke? 298 00:17:12,938 --> 00:17:14,405 I wish I had your guts. 299 00:17:14,506 --> 00:17:17,304 Getting up and making a complete idiot of myself. 300 00:17:17,409 --> 00:17:19,673 - So do it. - I don't know. 301 00:17:20,445 --> 00:17:23,141 Still, I've had a pretty serious week. 302 00:17:23,248 --> 00:17:25,614 I could sure stand to do something stupid. 303 00:17:25,717 --> 00:17:27,810 I'm something stupid. Do me. 304 00:17:28,487 --> 00:17:30,079 You're funny. 305 00:17:30,188 --> 00:17:32,918 - Hey, can I call you sometime? - Okay. 306 00:17:34,192 --> 00:17:35,659 Here, let me. 307 00:17:37,796 --> 00:17:39,855 Why do they call it "karaoke," anyhow? 308 00:17:39,965 --> 00:17:42,866 Was it invented by a woman named Carrie Okie? 309 00:17:43,135 --> 00:17:45,660 These are the kinds of things I think about. 310 00:17:45,771 --> 00:17:49,434 "Karaoke" is Japanese for empty orchestra. 311 00:17:50,108 --> 00:17:53,600 Wow. That's hauntingly beautiful. 312 00:17:57,015 --> 00:17:58,505 Hey, it works. 313 00:17:58,750 --> 00:18:01,548 Then I guess you're gonna have to call me. 314 00:18:03,288 --> 00:18:05,381 I gotta make one more call. 315 00:18:06,858 --> 00:18:08,120 Hello? 316 00:18:08,226 --> 00:18:09,625 Hey, it's me again. 317 00:18:09,728 --> 00:18:10,786 Hey. 318 00:18:10,896 --> 00:18:14,354 Look. Who are we kidding? You and I are both attracted to each other. 319 00:18:14,466 --> 00:18:17,367 We're young. We're drunk. Half of us, anyway. 320 00:18:17,469 --> 00:18:18,697 And we only get one life. 321 00:18:18,971 --> 00:18:21,030 So I came over here. 322 00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:24,336 And now I'm really, really embarrassed. 323 00:18:26,278 --> 00:18:28,473 Damn it, Trudy! What about the pineapple? 324 00:18:28,580 --> 00:18:30,309 Sorry, sorry, sorry. 325 00:18:34,620 --> 00:18:38,215 Robin's here. Look, Trudy, I need you to hide in my bedroom. 326 00:18:38,323 --> 00:18:39,585 Why? Is that your girlfriend? 327 00:18:39,691 --> 00:18:42,387 No. That's not my girlfriend. Look, it's complicated. 328 00:18:42,494 --> 00:18:44,485 You're married. Yeah, I can't believe I did this. 329 00:18:44,596 --> 00:18:48,157 No, no, no. I'm not married. I'll explain after you hide. 330 00:18:55,474 --> 00:18:56,566 - Hello. - Hi. 331 00:18:56,675 --> 00:18:58,142 - Hey, Robin. Top of the morning. - Hey, guys. 332 00:18:58,243 --> 00:18:59,510 Hey, Robin. Good sweater. 333 00:18:59,511 --> 00:19:00,170 Hey, Robin. Good sweater. 334 00:19:01,346 --> 00:19:04,577 Sorry I kept calling you like that. I was pretty drunk. 335 00:19:04,683 --> 00:19:07,743 Yeah, no kidding. Those calls were really weird. 336 00:19:08,353 --> 00:19:10,719 Look, Ted, maybe we need to talk. 337 00:19:10,989 --> 00:19:13,583 - Let's go get a snack. - I love to snack. 338 00:19:13,692 --> 00:19:14,954 I'm good. 339 00:19:19,731 --> 00:19:22,461 Come on. Those calls weren't that weird. 340 00:19:28,206 --> 00:19:30,401 Robin! Come hang out! 341 00:19:30,509 --> 00:19:33,603 Okay, I'm gonna make this sound till you come hang out, 342 00:19:39,384 --> 00:19:41,875 That goes on for three and a half minutes. 343 00:19:41,987 --> 00:19:45,320 Without a breath? That's gotta be some kind of record. 344 00:19:45,424 --> 00:19:47,949 Ted, you can't do this. Please. 345 00:19:48,060 --> 00:19:50,790 We agreed to be friends, and now you're making it all confusing. 346 00:19:50,896 --> 00:19:54,354 No, I'm not. Look, I just turned off my brain for the night. 347 00:19:54,466 --> 00:19:56,866 Nothing's changed. You've moved on. I've moved on. 348 00:19:56,968 --> 00:19:59,163 Really? You've moved on? 349 00:19:59,271 --> 00:20:02,104 Yes. What, you don't believe me? 350 00:20:02,207 --> 00:20:03,799 Oh, okay. 351 00:20:05,010 --> 00:20:06,739 Trudy! Come on out. 352 00:20:07,345 --> 00:20:08,778 You are gonna laugh. 353 00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:12,941 - Wait, you were with someone last night? - Yeah, Trudy. She's cool. 354 00:20:13,585 --> 00:20:15,314 Trudy, come on out. 355 00:20:15,821 --> 00:20:17,948 Yeah, seriously, it's okay. 356 00:20:19,224 --> 00:20:24,127 This is so Trudy. She's really shy. I think. 357 00:20:25,430 --> 00:20:26,590 Trudy? 358 00:20:32,504 --> 00:20:35,564 Hi, Trudy. I'm Robin. It's nice to meet you. 359 00:20:36,975 --> 00:20:38,567 You're right, she's shy. 360 00:20:38,677 --> 00:20:42,340 I'm not making this up. She must've climbed out the fire escape. 361 00:20:42,447 --> 00:20:45,541 Whatever. Whatever. I don't care what you think. 362 00:20:46,184 --> 00:20:48,482 Then why did you hide her from me? 363 00:20:49,654 --> 00:20:51,019 Wow, you're good. 364 00:20:51,123 --> 00:20:53,557 Anyone ever tell you you should be on 60 Minutes? 365 00:20:53,658 --> 00:20:56,593 - Yes, you did. Last night. - Really? 366 00:20:59,297 --> 00:21:00,559 Well. 367 00:21:00,665 --> 00:21:02,792 Get some sleep, Ted. You had a long night. 368 00:21:03,769 --> 00:21:06,761 And don't feel bad. I've woken up with worse. 369 00:21:13,712 --> 00:21:17,045 I left Trudy a message, But she never called me back, 370 00:21:17,149 --> 00:21:19,276 That's just how life works sometimes, 371 00:21:19,384 --> 00:21:21,045 You turn off your brain for a night, 372 00:21:21,153 --> 00:21:25,055 and all you're left with the next day is a bad hangover, a sprained ankle 373 00:21:25,157 --> 00:21:26,715 and a pineapple, 374 00:21:27,092 --> 00:21:30,118 Oh, and we never found out where that pineapple came from, 375 00:21:30,228 --> 00:21:31,991 But it was delicious, 376 00:21:33,153 --> 00:21:36,153 Resynced by Ameen 29484

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