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1
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Now, I remember a lot of stories
2
00:00:16,689 --> 00:00:18,452
from back in the days
before I met your mother,
3
00:00:18,557 --> 00:00:20,718
But there's one story I don't remember,
4
00:00:20,826 --> 00:00:24,455
Uncle Marshall still refers to it
as the "pineapple incident,"
5
00:00:24,563 --> 00:00:27,760
The night started like any other,
We were downstairs at the bar,
6
00:00:27,867 --> 00:00:29,232
Hey, it's on the house.
7
00:00:29,335 --> 00:00:30,700
- Whoa!
- Whoa!
8
00:00:30,803 --> 00:00:33,294
It's my own concoction.
I call it the Red Dragon.
9
00:00:33,406 --> 00:00:35,135
- Wow.
- Thanks, Carl.
10
00:00:35,241 --> 00:00:36,333
- Really sweet.
- Wow.
11
00:00:36,442 --> 00:00:38,171
- We're not really doing shots, are we?
- I hope not.
12
00:00:38,277 --> 00:00:39,608
- No, no, no.
- Not in a million years.
13
00:00:39,712 --> 00:00:41,873
These look kind of like blood.
14
00:00:41,981 --> 00:00:45,883
Okay, I know that you've all dismissed
this theory before.
15
00:00:45,985 --> 00:00:48,044
But is there any chance
that Carl is a vampire?
16
00:00:48,521 --> 00:00:49,681
- No.
- That's ludicrous.
17
00:00:50,122 --> 00:00:53,057
No, look, I am serious. Think about it.
He always wears black,
18
00:00:53,159 --> 00:00:55,491
we never see him in the daylight,
only after dark.
19
00:00:55,594 --> 00:01:01,089
Oh, my God. That does describe a vampire.
Or, you know, a bartender.
20
00:01:02,935 --> 00:01:05,836
- Well, I should go get dressed.
- Where you going, buddy, hot date?
21
00:01:05,938 --> 00:01:08,304
I'll say. She's going
out with a billionaire.
22
00:01:08,407 --> 00:01:10,272
Lily, I told you not to call him that.
23
00:01:10,376 --> 00:01:12,071
Wait, you're really going out
with a billionaire?
24
00:01:12,178 --> 00:01:14,203
He's not a billionaire.
He's a hundred millionaire.
25
00:01:14,313 --> 00:01:16,144
Why do people always round up?
26
00:01:16,248 --> 00:01:19,843
- So, where's Thurston Howell taking you?
- A charity dinner.
27
00:01:19,952 --> 00:01:23,649
- Yeah, $2,000 a plate.
- $1,500! Stop rounding up.
28
00:01:24,457 --> 00:01:27,824
- And it's for Third World hunger.
- You gonna put out?
29
00:01:28,060 --> 00:01:30,585
What? There's only one reason
he's taking her to this dinner,
30
00:01:30,696 --> 00:01:34,154
and it's not so little Mu Tu
can get his malaria pills.
31
00:01:35,167 --> 00:01:38,068
I think my soul just threw up a little bit.
32
00:01:38,938 --> 00:01:40,929
Well, I'm gonna be late.
You guys have fun.
33
00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:42,098
- Bye.
- See you.
34
00:01:42,208 --> 00:01:43,539
- Bye.
- See you.
35
00:01:44,210 --> 00:01:46,235
- You okay?
- Sure. Why?
36
00:01:46,345 --> 00:01:50,145
Oh, I don't know.
Girl of your dreams, dating a billionaire.
37
00:01:50,249 --> 00:01:52,979
Okay, first of all, hundred millionaire.
38
00:01:53,386 --> 00:01:56,150
And second,
she's not the girl of my dreams.
39
00:01:56,255 --> 00:01:57,483
We're just friends.
40
00:01:57,590 --> 00:01:59,490
Look, it would not be smart
if we got together.
41
00:01:59,592 --> 00:02:01,924
I mean, I'm looking to settle down,
she's looking for...
42
00:02:03,929 --> 00:02:05,794
What, you done? Great.
43
00:02:06,198 --> 00:02:09,361
Check out table number four.
44
00:02:10,269 --> 00:02:14,330
See that little hottie on the end?
She's short, but has an ample bosom.
45
00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:17,773
I love it. She's like half boob. Let's go.
46
00:02:17,877 --> 00:02:20,607
Yeah, and say what?
What's our big opening line?
47
00:02:20,713 --> 00:02:23,910
Oh, it's, "Daddy's home."
48
00:02:25,217 --> 00:02:26,548
- Daddy's home?
- Yeah.
49
00:02:26,652 --> 00:02:29,450
Okay, you want us
to go over there, right now,
50
00:02:29,555 --> 00:02:32,217
and say to those girls, Daddy's home?
51
00:02:32,324 --> 00:02:34,519
Really think about that, Barney.
52
00:02:35,961 --> 00:02:38,293
Yeah, I think it's pretty solid.
53
00:02:38,397 --> 00:02:39,955
Okay, think about this.
54
00:02:40,066 --> 00:02:43,866
Is there even a single item on the menu
that has garlic in it?
55
00:02:44,136 --> 00:02:45,569
There's garlic fries.
56
00:02:46,105 --> 00:02:48,437
Okay, well, I'll get back to you.
57
00:02:48,941 --> 00:02:51,068
Oh! Daddy's back.
58
00:02:51,177 --> 00:02:53,304
See, if you'd taken
a moment to think about that...
59
00:02:53,412 --> 00:02:58,213
Then Daddy wouldn't have gotten this
seven-digit Father's Day card from Amy.
60
00:02:59,485 --> 00:03:01,715
That worked? I hate the world.
61
00:03:01,821 --> 00:03:04,551
Ted, your problem is
all you do is think, think, think.
62
00:03:04,657 --> 00:03:06,682
I'm teaching you how to do, do, do.
63
00:03:06,792 --> 00:03:08,453
- Doo-doo.
- Totally.
64
00:03:09,228 --> 00:03:12,493
So I think a lot.
I happen to have a very powerful brain.
65
00:03:12,598 --> 00:03:15,158
- It can't be helped.
- Oh, yes, it can.
66
00:03:16,135 --> 00:03:17,397
Interesting!
67
00:03:17,503 --> 00:03:20,028
Ted, I believe you and I met for a reason.
68
00:03:20,139 --> 00:03:22,801
It's like the universe was saying,
"Hey, Barney, there's this dude,
69
00:03:22,908 --> 00:03:26,173
"he's pretty cool,
but it's your job to make him awesome."
70
00:03:26,278 --> 00:03:28,508
Your brain screws you up, Ted.
It gets in the way.
71
00:03:28,614 --> 00:03:31,276
It happened with Robin.
It happened with half boob.
72
00:03:31,383 --> 00:03:32,975
And it's gonna keep on happening,
73
00:03:33,085 --> 00:03:37,351
until you power down that bucket
of neuroses, inebriation style.
74
00:03:37,823 --> 00:03:40,223
So what? You want me to do a shot?
75
00:03:40,459 --> 00:03:43,257
Oh, no. I want you to do five shots.
76
00:03:43,362 --> 00:03:45,489
- Oh, more interesting.
- Whoa.
77
00:03:45,998 --> 00:03:50,799
- Barney, I think you've officially...
- No, don't think. Do!
78
00:03:50,903 --> 00:03:55,363
Ted, he's right. You over think.
Maybe you should over drink.
79
00:03:55,574 --> 00:03:58,509
- Drink. Drink. Drink. Drink.
- Drink. Drink. Drink.
80
00:03:58,611 --> 00:04:00,977
Lily, will you tell these guys
how stupid they're being?
81
00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:04,982
Guys, you are being immature,
and moronic, and drink, drink.
82
00:04:05,851 --> 00:04:09,685
- Drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink.
- Drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink.
83
00:04:09,788 --> 00:04:10,914
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
84
00:04:11,023 --> 00:04:12,854
- Drink, drink, drink...
- Drink, drink, drink...
85
00:04:12,958 --> 00:04:15,051
Let me tell you
something about this brain, okay?
86
00:04:15,161 --> 00:04:16,253
Drink, drink!
drink, drink!
87
00:04:16,362 --> 00:04:17,329
Yeah!
88
00:04:17,463 --> 00:04:19,954
Mere alcohol cannot stop this brain.
89
00:04:20,065 --> 00:04:21,532
- Drink, drink, drink...
- Drink, drink, drink...
90
00:04:21,634 --> 00:04:22,931
I love it. I love it. I love it!
91
00:04:23,035 --> 00:04:25,970
This brain, dear mortals,
is no ordinary brain.
92
00:04:26,071 --> 00:04:27,800
Drink, drink, drink...
drink, drink, drink...
93
00:04:27,907 --> 00:04:29,306
This is a super brain.
94
00:04:29,408 --> 00:04:31,501
Drink, drink. Drink!
drink, drink. Drink!
95
00:04:31,610 --> 00:04:34,636
This brain is unstoppable! This brain...
96
00:04:35,047 --> 00:04:39,006
And that's all I remember,
except for a few hazy memories,
97
00:04:50,797 --> 00:04:54,289
And, really, the next thing I remember
is waking up the following morning,
98
00:05:10,641 --> 00:05:13,075
So, there were some
unanswered questions,
99
00:05:13,177 --> 00:05:14,804
How much did I drink?
100
00:05:14,912 --> 00:05:16,937
How did I sprain my ankle?
101
00:05:20,584 --> 00:05:22,916
And who was this girl in my bed?
102
00:05:23,821 --> 00:05:25,721
There's a rock star.
103
00:05:26,056 --> 00:05:28,957
Okay. What the hell happened last night?
104
00:05:29,059 --> 00:05:31,721
You really don't remember, super brain?
105
00:05:32,163 --> 00:05:34,631
So, Uncle Marshall
and Aunt Lily filled me in,
106
00:05:35,132 --> 00:05:39,068
- And how'd you guys like the shots?
- I drank all five, bitch!
107
00:05:40,137 --> 00:05:44,198
- I love drunk Ted.
- Marshall thinks you're a vampire.
108
00:05:46,744 --> 00:05:49,907
If he pukes, one of you guys cleans it up.
109
00:05:51,048 --> 00:05:52,208
No dibs!
110
00:05:52,316 --> 00:05:54,079
No... Oh, damn it!
111
00:05:54,185 --> 00:05:57,621
How quickly you all forget!
I haven't puked since high school.
112
00:05:57,721 --> 00:05:59,916
I am vomit-free since '93.
113
00:06:00,457 --> 00:06:04,553
Vomit-free since '93. That's funny.
I'm funny!
114
00:06:05,062 --> 00:06:06,723
- Who are you calling?
- Robin.
115
00:06:06,831 --> 00:06:08,298
Bad idea jeans.
116
00:06:08,399 --> 00:06:11,300
No, no, it's a great idea.
That's the whole point of getting drunk.
117
00:06:11,402 --> 00:06:13,893
You do things you'd never do
in a million years if you were sober.
118
00:06:14,004 --> 00:06:16,165
Says every girl you've ever slept with.
119
00:06:16,273 --> 00:06:17,763
Say what?
120
00:06:19,810 --> 00:06:21,175
Hello, Robin, it's Ted.
121
00:06:21,345 --> 00:06:23,836
- Hi, Ted.
- Hello, Robin, it's Ted.
122
00:06:24,481 --> 00:06:27,245
Hi, Ted. Sounds like you're having fun.
123
00:06:27,418 --> 00:06:31,377
Robin, have I ever told you
that I am vomit-free since '93?
124
00:06:32,523 --> 00:06:35,253
Oh, listen, Ted, I can't
really talk right...
125
00:06:35,359 --> 00:06:38,089
Ninety-three? Dude, that's impressive.
126
00:06:38,362 --> 00:06:41,695
Robin, you know, I don't say this enough,
but you're a great woman!
127
00:06:41,799 --> 00:06:44,700
And a great reporter.
You should be on 60 Minutes,
128
00:06:44,802 --> 00:06:46,702
You should be one of the minutes!
129
00:06:47,805 --> 00:06:51,502
Well, that's sweet and odd,
but I'm kind of on a date right now.
130
00:06:51,609 --> 00:06:53,236
Yeah, and I disagree with Barney.
131
00:06:53,344 --> 00:06:55,107
Just 'cause this guy is spending
a lot of money
132
00:06:55,212 --> 00:06:57,009
doesn't mean you have to put out.
133
00:06:57,114 --> 00:07:00,277
Take it slow, Robin. Take it slow.
134
00:07:01,085 --> 00:07:03,645
- Slow.
- Bye, Ted.
135
00:07:04,188 --> 00:07:05,883
Slow.
136
00:07:05,990 --> 00:07:08,788
Wow, right. That's why we don't do shots.
137
00:07:09,093 --> 00:07:11,425
Friends don't let friends drink and dial.
138
00:07:11,528 --> 00:07:14,793
- I need that phone back!
- You'll get this back at the end of class.
139
00:07:14,899 --> 00:07:18,596
Ding! Class dismissed. Here you go, kid,
you call whoever you want.
140
00:07:18,702 --> 00:07:20,033
Thank you, kind sir!
141
00:07:20,137 --> 00:07:24,130
At least someone appreciates the fact
that I am doing and not thinking.
142
00:07:24,275 --> 00:07:28,109
And now, I don't think
I won't not go to the bathroom.
143
00:07:29,914 --> 00:07:33,350
Was that necessary?
He is not making smart decisions.
144
00:07:33,450 --> 00:07:37,819
Exactly! It's like, what's he gonna do next?
I don't know, but I want to find out!
145
00:07:42,326 --> 00:07:45,261
Cheap Trick. Oh, Ted.
146
00:07:48,265 --> 00:07:49,323
Hello again, Ted.
147
00:08:04,748 --> 00:08:06,841
I love everyone in this bar!
148
00:08:06,951 --> 00:08:09,112
And we love you, drunk Ted!
149
00:08:18,262 --> 00:08:19,354
Ted?
150
00:08:20,030 --> 00:08:21,554
Well, that explains the ankle.
151
00:08:21,665 --> 00:08:23,997
And then we brought you home
and put you to bed.
152
00:08:24,101 --> 00:08:26,797
Was there anyone else in there with me?
153
00:08:38,015 --> 00:08:40,040
- There's a girl in there.
- I know.
154
00:08:40,150 --> 00:08:42,141
- And a pineapple.
- I know!
155
00:08:42,252 --> 00:08:44,277
- Who is she?
- I don't know.
156
00:08:46,824 --> 00:08:49,725
- What the hell happened to my jacket?
- Whoa.
157
00:08:50,894 --> 00:08:53,362
That girl in there is alive, right?
158
00:08:54,932 --> 00:08:58,197
I should call Barney.
Maybe he knows what happened.
159
00:09:16,186 --> 00:09:17,312
Hello.
160
00:09:17,421 --> 00:09:18,979
Why are you sleeping in our tub?
161
00:09:19,089 --> 00:09:21,990
The porcelain keeps the suit
from wrinkling.
162
00:09:23,193 --> 00:09:25,127
Wait, were you here
when I went to the bathroom
163
00:09:25,229 --> 00:09:28,824
- in the middle of the night?
- Don't worry, I slept through it.
164
00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:32,000
I totally didn't sleep through it!
165
00:09:32,403 --> 00:09:35,668
Oh, and, wow,
for a little girl you got a big tank.
166
00:09:36,807 --> 00:09:39,571
How did you get in here, anyway?
We put Ted to bed around 1:00.
167
00:09:39,676 --> 00:09:41,803
Oh, you put Ted to bed all right.
168
00:09:42,279 --> 00:09:46,045
You guys take care of me.
You guys are the best.
169
00:09:46,550 --> 00:09:48,518
I love you guys so much.
170
00:09:49,386 --> 00:09:51,980
- Good night, Ted.
- Love you, too, buddy.
171
00:09:54,091 --> 00:09:54,224
I'm back, baby doll!
172
00:09:54,225 --> 00:09:56,283
I'm back, baby doll!
173
00:09:56,827 --> 00:10:00,092
Hey! He rallies!
174
00:10:00,397 --> 00:10:04,128
And the night begins now. All right.
Game face on.
175
00:10:04,234 --> 00:10:07,761
Carl, two more. All right, all right.
What do we think of this one?
176
00:10:07,871 --> 00:10:11,238
- I think she...
- Trick question. No thinking!
177
00:10:11,675 --> 00:10:14,303
You know what time it is? It's do o'clock.
178
00:10:14,411 --> 00:10:16,208
- Let's ride.
- Bring it!
179
00:10:17,581 --> 00:10:18,548
Hi.
180
00:10:19,083 --> 00:10:22,416
Have you met Ted? He...
181
00:10:24,822 --> 00:10:26,119
Excuse me.
182
00:10:28,659 --> 00:10:31,389
- You're calling Robin.
- I'm calling Robin.
183
00:10:31,495 --> 00:10:35,829
Ted, as your mentor and spiritual guide,
I forbid you from calling her.
184
00:10:36,166 --> 00:10:38,634
Oh, yeah? What you gonna do?
185
00:10:40,737 --> 00:10:44,264
If you complete that call,
I will set your coat on fire.
186
00:10:45,676 --> 00:10:47,234
You're bluffing.
187
00:10:49,813 --> 00:10:51,303
Hello, Robin, it's Ted.
188
00:10:51,482 --> 00:10:53,746
Ted, for the last time, stop...
189
00:10:55,352 --> 00:10:56,341
Ted?
190
00:10:56,553 --> 00:10:58,748
You set me on fire.
191
00:10:59,156 --> 00:11:03,286
Real suede wouldn't have gone up so fast.
You got robbed. This is a blend.
192
00:11:04,161 --> 00:11:06,425
You set me on fire!
193
00:11:07,397 --> 00:11:09,490
And who's the girl in my bed?
194
00:11:19,810 --> 00:11:21,903
There's a girl in your bed.
195
00:11:22,179 --> 00:11:26,115
And a pineapple! Am I the only one
who's curious about the pineapple?
196
00:11:26,216 --> 00:11:28,684
- Who is she?
- I have no idea.
197
00:11:28,785 --> 00:11:29,877
Nice.
198
00:11:30,554 --> 00:11:31,919
You really don't know who that is?
199
00:11:32,022 --> 00:11:33,853
No. After I hosed you down
with the beverage gun,
200
00:11:33,957 --> 00:11:35,185
I brought you back here.
201
00:11:35,292 --> 00:11:37,556
I better not have gotten burned.
202
00:11:40,631 --> 00:11:42,531
Did any of you write that?
203
00:11:42,666 --> 00:11:45,726
"Hi, I'm Ted. If lost please call..."
204
00:11:46,503 --> 00:11:50,269
- Whose number is that?
- I don't know.
205
00:11:50,374 --> 00:11:52,069
Dude, call it.
206
00:11:52,876 --> 00:11:55,606
Oh, hold on.
I'm gonna make some popcorn.
207
00:11:57,716 --> 00:12:01,243
Okay, you can call now.
God, this is intense. I love it.
208
00:12:04,590 --> 00:12:07,855
- CARL; Hello,
- Hi. Who is this?
209
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:11,396
- You called me, Who's this?
- It's Ted.
210
00:12:11,864 --> 00:12:13,593
It's Carl from the bar.
211
00:12:14,433 --> 00:12:16,128
And then Carl filled us in,
212
00:12:16,235 --> 00:12:20,831
Barney, you've always taken care of me.
You are a gentleman and a scholar!
213
00:12:21,273 --> 00:12:24,003
Go into my stable
and take my finest stallion.
214
00:12:24,109 --> 00:12:26,577
He's yours. His name is Windjammer.
215
00:12:28,113 --> 00:12:29,774
Sleep it off, bro.
216
00:12:31,784 --> 00:12:33,752
I'm back, baby doll!
217
00:12:35,988 --> 00:12:39,480
And I am gonna throw up.
218
00:12:41,627 --> 00:12:44,687
I threw up? My streak is over.
219
00:12:44,797 --> 00:12:47,493
Vomit-free since '05 doesn't sound good.
220
00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:49,890
Sorry, Carl, go on.
221
00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:52,161
Carl?
222
00:12:52,805 --> 00:12:56,639
Did you know the word "karaoke"
is Japanese for empty orchestra?
223
00:12:57,276 --> 00:12:59,608
Isn't that hauntingly beautiful?
224
00:13:00,546 --> 00:13:02,207
Are you a vampire?
225
00:13:03,082 --> 00:13:06,176
All right. I'm cutting you off.
Go home and get some sleep, Ted.
226
00:13:06,285 --> 00:13:08,549
Yeah, sun's gonna come up soon.
227
00:13:08,654 --> 00:13:11,646
Wouldn't want to be around for that,
would we?
228
00:13:12,591 --> 00:13:14,855
Hey, how easy you think it would be
to sneak into the zoo?
229
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:17,326
I have to see some penguins,
like, right now.
230
00:13:17,429 --> 00:13:20,193
- All right, give me your arm.
- Okay.
231
00:13:20,833 --> 00:13:23,631
This way, if you pass out in the gutter...
232
00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:25,467
It tickles!
233
00:13:26,105 --> 00:13:29,597
Someone will call me,
and I will come get you.
234
00:13:29,708 --> 00:13:31,198
Thanks, Carl.
235
00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:33,505
We can't just be friends!
We're attracted to each other.
236
00:13:33,612 --> 00:13:35,739
- We both know it.
- Excuse me?
237
00:13:36,582 --> 00:13:40,450
Me and Robin. Me and Robin.
I have to make one more call.
238
00:13:41,253 --> 00:13:43,084
Yeah, this'll go good.
239
00:13:47,126 --> 00:13:48,855
Hey, it's me again.
240
00:13:49,595 --> 00:13:53,224
Look. Who are we kidding?
You and I are both attracted to each other.
241
00:13:53,332 --> 00:13:56,165
We're young. We're drunk.
Half of us, anyway.
242
00:13:56,268 --> 00:13:57,735
And we only get one life.
243
00:13:57,836 --> 00:14:00,202
So, why don't you come over
to my apartment right now,
244
00:14:00,306 --> 00:14:03,036
and we'll think of something stupid
to do together.
245
00:14:03,142 --> 00:14:05,133
Really? Great.
246
00:14:05,244 --> 00:14:07,678
Wait, really? Great.
247
00:14:08,647 --> 00:14:10,080
Thanks, Carl.
248
00:14:11,250 --> 00:14:13,878
It's Robin. That's Robin in there.
249
00:14:16,088 --> 00:14:17,578
Did you guys...
250
00:14:22,995 --> 00:14:25,225
Oh, come on.
You've gotta give me this one.
251
00:14:25,331 --> 00:14:28,300
Those five shots got you farther
with Robin than your brain ever did.
252
00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:31,062
See what happens when you don't think?
You do!
253
00:14:31,170 --> 00:14:35,368
More importantly, you do Robin. Come on!
254
00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:39,736
All right, right over here.
255
00:14:40,179 --> 00:14:43,546
But, still, what does this mean?
Are we dating now?
256
00:14:43,649 --> 00:14:45,480
I mean,
I never pictured it going down this way,
257
00:14:45,584 --> 00:14:48,052
but maybe that's how it had to happen.
I mean, think about it.
258
00:14:48,153 --> 00:14:50,815
Someone get him a shot.
He's thinking again.
259
00:14:50,923 --> 00:14:54,620
Well, hold on, man. Maybe it's not
such a bad idea to think about this one.
260
00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:58,561
You and Robin went down this road
before. You got dinged up, really bad.
261
00:14:58,664 --> 00:15:02,122
You know who might have something
to say about Ted's future with Robin?
262
00:15:02,234 --> 00:15:04,429
Robin. Go wake her up.
263
00:15:04,703 --> 00:15:07,604
- Wake her up and say what?
- Daddy's home.
264
00:15:12,311 --> 00:15:13,938
Good luck, buddy.
265
00:15:21,787 --> 00:15:23,846
- Hello?
- Ted, it's Robin.
266
00:15:29,027 --> 00:15:30,494
Are you sure?
267
00:15:33,439 --> 00:15:36,499
Hey, Robin. How are you?
268
00:15:36,608 --> 00:15:37,939
Ted, I think you and I
should have a talk...
269
00:15:38,076 --> 00:15:39,703
- Is that Robin?
- So, who's the girl in the bedroom?
270
00:15:39,812 --> 00:15:41,712
About those phone calls last night.
I have no idea!
271
00:15:41,814 --> 00:15:43,714
- Do you mind if I swing by?
- Ask her about the pineapple!
272
00:15:43,816 --> 00:15:45,113
- Yeah, sure. Come on over.
- Thanks.
273
00:15:45,217 --> 00:15:46,878
No! Wait! Don't come.
274
00:15:47,553 --> 00:15:49,214
She's coming over. Crap!
275
00:15:49,321 --> 00:15:53,189
Wait, this is killing me.
We have to find out who that girl is.
276
00:15:54,059 --> 00:15:58,052
Trudy. My name is Trudy.
277
00:16:02,468 --> 00:16:04,095
And then Trudy filled us in,
278
00:16:04,870 --> 00:16:06,929
I'm just surprised
you didn't dump him sooner.
279
00:16:07,039 --> 00:16:10,531
I know. It's two years of my life
I'm never getting back.
280
00:16:10,642 --> 00:16:14,976
A little part of me wants to
just jump the bones of the next guy I see.
281
00:16:16,014 --> 00:16:17,447
Daddy's home.
282
00:16:18,183 --> 00:16:20,048
Or the one after that.
283
00:16:20,486 --> 00:16:22,681
Okay, fair enough.
But I've got to prove a point to a friend.
284
00:16:22,788 --> 00:16:27,953
So, you just gave me your number,
and your name is Amy.
285
00:16:28,760 --> 00:16:29,954
Ladies.
286
00:16:31,129 --> 00:16:33,290
I love everyone in this bar!
287
00:16:33,966 --> 00:16:35,797
Look at that idiot go.
288
00:16:36,368 --> 00:16:37,892
He's kind of cute.
289
00:16:45,310 --> 00:16:47,904
What are you doing in the men's room?
290
00:16:48,247 --> 00:16:50,738
What am I doing in the ladies' room?
291
00:16:50,849 --> 00:16:53,943
Oh, right, I came in here
'cause I thought I was gonna throw up.
292
00:16:54,052 --> 00:16:55,246
Did you?
293
00:16:56,788 --> 00:16:58,153
I did not.
294
00:16:59,458 --> 00:17:02,791
And the streak continues.
Vomit-free since '93.
295
00:17:05,163 --> 00:17:06,391
Sorry, Trudy. Go on.
296
00:17:06,932 --> 00:17:08,593
I liked your performance.
297
00:17:08,700 --> 00:17:10,395
What, the karaoke?
298
00:17:12,938 --> 00:17:14,405
I wish I had your guts.
299
00:17:14,506 --> 00:17:17,304
Getting up
and making a complete idiot of myself.
300
00:17:17,409 --> 00:17:19,673
- So do it.
- I don't know.
301
00:17:20,445 --> 00:17:23,141
Still, I've had a pretty serious week.
302
00:17:23,248 --> 00:17:25,614
I could sure stand to do something stupid.
303
00:17:25,717 --> 00:17:27,810
I'm something stupid. Do me.
304
00:17:28,487 --> 00:17:30,079
You're funny.
305
00:17:30,188 --> 00:17:32,918
- Hey, can I call you sometime?
- Okay.
306
00:17:34,192 --> 00:17:35,659
Here, let me.
307
00:17:37,796 --> 00:17:39,855
Why do they call it "karaoke," anyhow?
308
00:17:39,965 --> 00:17:42,866
Was it invented by a woman
named Carrie Okie?
309
00:17:43,135 --> 00:17:45,660
These are the kinds of
things I think about.
310
00:17:45,771 --> 00:17:49,434
"Karaoke" is Japanese
for empty orchestra.
311
00:17:50,108 --> 00:17:53,600
Wow. That's hauntingly beautiful.
312
00:17:57,015 --> 00:17:58,505
Hey, it works.
313
00:17:58,750 --> 00:18:01,548
Then I guess you're gonna have to call me.
314
00:18:03,288 --> 00:18:05,381
I gotta make one more call.
315
00:18:06,858 --> 00:18:08,120
Hello?
316
00:18:08,226 --> 00:18:09,625
Hey, it's me again.
317
00:18:09,728 --> 00:18:10,786
Hey.
318
00:18:10,896 --> 00:18:14,354
Look. Who are we kidding?
You and I are both attracted to each other.
319
00:18:14,466 --> 00:18:17,367
We're young. We're drunk.
Half of us, anyway.
320
00:18:17,469 --> 00:18:18,697
And we only get one life.
321
00:18:18,971 --> 00:18:21,030
So I came over here.
322
00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:24,336
And now I'm really, really embarrassed.
323
00:18:26,278 --> 00:18:28,473
Damn it, Trudy!
What about the pineapple?
324
00:18:28,580 --> 00:18:30,309
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
325
00:18:34,620 --> 00:18:38,215
Robin's here. Look,
Trudy, I need you to hide in my bedroom.
326
00:18:38,323 --> 00:18:39,585
Why? Is that your girlfriend?
327
00:18:39,691 --> 00:18:42,387
No. That's not my girlfriend.
Look, it's complicated.
328
00:18:42,494 --> 00:18:44,485
You're married.
Yeah, I can't believe I did this.
329
00:18:44,596 --> 00:18:48,157
No, no, no. I'm not married.
I'll explain after you hide.
330
00:18:55,474 --> 00:18:56,566
- Hello.
- Hi.
331
00:18:56,675 --> 00:18:58,142
- Hey, Robin. Top of the morning.
- Hey, guys.
332
00:18:58,243 --> 00:18:59,510
Hey, Robin. Good sweater.
333
00:18:59,511 --> 00:19:00,170
Hey, Robin. Good sweater.
334
00:19:01,346 --> 00:19:04,577
Sorry I kept calling you like that.
I was pretty drunk.
335
00:19:04,683 --> 00:19:07,743
Yeah, no kidding.
Those calls were really weird.
336
00:19:08,353 --> 00:19:10,719
Look, Ted, maybe we need to talk.
337
00:19:10,989 --> 00:19:13,583
- Let's go get a snack.
- I love to snack.
338
00:19:13,692 --> 00:19:14,954
I'm good.
339
00:19:19,731 --> 00:19:22,461
Come on. Those calls weren't that weird.
340
00:19:28,206 --> 00:19:30,401
Robin! Come hang out!
341
00:19:30,509 --> 00:19:33,603
Okay, I'm gonna make this sound
till you come hang out,
342
00:19:39,384 --> 00:19:41,875
That goes on for three and a half minutes.
343
00:19:41,987 --> 00:19:45,320
Without a breath?
That's gotta be some kind of record.
344
00:19:45,424 --> 00:19:47,949
Ted, you can't do this. Please.
345
00:19:48,060 --> 00:19:50,790
We agreed to be friends,
and now you're making it all confusing.
346
00:19:50,896 --> 00:19:54,354
No, I'm not. Look,
I just turned off my brain for the night.
347
00:19:54,466 --> 00:19:56,866
Nothing's changed. You've moved on.
I've moved on.
348
00:19:56,968 --> 00:19:59,163
Really? You've moved on?
349
00:19:59,271 --> 00:20:02,104
Yes. What, you don't believe me?
350
00:20:02,207 --> 00:20:03,799
Oh, okay.
351
00:20:05,010 --> 00:20:06,739
Trudy! Come on out.
352
00:20:07,345 --> 00:20:08,778
You are gonna laugh.
353
00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:12,941
- Wait, you were with someone last night?
- Yeah, Trudy. She's cool.
354
00:20:13,585 --> 00:20:15,314
Trudy, come on out.
355
00:20:15,821 --> 00:20:17,948
Yeah, seriously, it's okay.
356
00:20:19,224 --> 00:20:24,127
This is so Trudy. She's really shy.
I think.
357
00:20:25,430 --> 00:20:26,590
Trudy?
358
00:20:32,504 --> 00:20:35,564
Hi, Trudy. I'm Robin.
It's nice to meet you.
359
00:20:36,975 --> 00:20:38,567
You're right, she's shy.
360
00:20:38,677 --> 00:20:42,340
I'm not making this up.
She must've climbed out the fire escape.
361
00:20:42,447 --> 00:20:45,541
Whatever. Whatever.
I don't care what you think.
362
00:20:46,184 --> 00:20:48,482
Then why did you hide her from me?
363
00:20:49,654 --> 00:20:51,019
Wow, you're good.
364
00:20:51,123 --> 00:20:53,557
Anyone ever tell you
you should be on 60 Minutes?
365
00:20:53,658 --> 00:20:56,593
- Yes, you did. Last night.
- Really?
366
00:20:59,297 --> 00:21:00,559
Well.
367
00:21:00,665 --> 00:21:02,792
Get some sleep, Ted. You had a long night.
368
00:21:03,769 --> 00:21:06,761
And don't feel bad.
I've woken up with worse.
369
00:21:13,712 --> 00:21:17,045
I left Trudy a message,
But she never called me back,
370
00:21:17,149 --> 00:21:19,276
That's just how life works sometimes,
371
00:21:19,384 --> 00:21:21,045
You turn off your brain for a night,
372
00:21:21,153 --> 00:21:25,055
and all you're left with the next day
is a bad hangover, a sprained ankle
373
00:21:25,157 --> 00:21:26,715
and a pineapple,
374
00:21:27,092 --> 00:21:30,118
Oh, and we never found out
where that pineapple came from,
375
00:21:30,228 --> 00:21:31,991
But it was delicious,
376
00:21:33,153 --> 00:21:36,153
Resynced by Ameen
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