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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,200
This programme contains
very strong language.
2
00:00:01,300 --> 00:00:06,360
Oh, look what Grandad John's found!
It's a ladybird, Rosie.
3
00:00:06,360 --> 00:00:08,000
They can also be yellow or orange,
4
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:10,840
but they all have those pretty spots
on the back.
5
00:00:10,840 --> 00:00:12,920
Isn't it beautiful?
6
00:00:12,920 --> 00:00:15,360
Whoa! Easy, Lenny. No, no, no.
7
00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:17,520
We don't eat things
we've killed in the park.
8
00:00:19,440 --> 00:00:23,960
Has your mum mentioned we were
thinking we could take Ben off your
hands for three weeks in the summer?
9
00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:25,320
What?
10
00:00:25,320 --> 00:00:28,240
Yeah. Get him down the countryside,
take him swimming in the river,
11
00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:29,880
go tor climbing.
12
00:00:29,880 --> 00:00:32,480
Not really your thing,
I know, but he'd love it.
13
00:00:32,480 --> 00:00:35,840
And we know how hard it is with kids
in the summer holidays.
14
00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:37,520
What about Rosie?
15
00:00:37,520 --> 00:00:39,400
Not really her thing, is it?
16
00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:40,800
What's her thing?
17
00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:43,480
I just think it might be good
for Ben to spend some time away
18
00:00:43,480 --> 00:00:45,120
playing with just his cousins.
19
00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:47,480
Get him muddy, doing kids' stuff.
20
00:00:47,480 --> 00:00:49,920
He is an only child,
when you think about it.
21
00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:51,920
He's not an only child,
he has a sister.
22
00:00:51,920 --> 00:00:54,000
I know, but not in a normal sense.
23
00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:56,880
OK, lets not talk about this
in front of Rosie.
24
00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:59,400
What? She can't understand.
25
00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:01,000
What are you worrying about?
26
00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:04,320
I'm just saying, it's not like Ben
comes to the park to play with her,
does he?
27
00:01:04,320 --> 00:01:07,200
OK, John, just don't let Em
hear you saying all of this.
28
00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:21,640
So, Rosie, this is Nana
and Grandad John's house.
29
00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:25,040
If he starts, you're going to have
to deal with him, OK?
He's your stepdad.
30
00:01:25,040 --> 00:01:27,000
MUSIC BLARES IN CAR
31
00:01:31,080 --> 00:01:34,400
Oh, here we are, darling. Good boy.
32
00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:37,920
I'll take this one, thank you.
33
00:01:39,040 --> 00:01:41,200
Hello, my big boy!
34
00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:44,480
How long has it been like that?
35
00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:46,800
Two months. Two months?!
36
00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:51,240
It's hard to get around to stuff
with, you know, looking after
Mistress Chaotica.
37
00:01:51,240 --> 00:01:52,880
I'll take that. Why? She's fine.
38
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:55,360
She's just putting everything
in her mouth at the minute.
39
00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:57,600
She's not going to bloody
swallow it, is she?
40
00:01:57,600 --> 00:02:00,080
Well... Well, I can mend that.
Piece of piss.
41
00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:02,760
You know we're here for you
whatever you want, Simon.
42
00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:04,560
Right, what else needs doing?
43
00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:06,160
Pictures putting up?
44
00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:08,440
Hm! Picture of Pat.
45
00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:10,040
She loves her Gandalf.
46
00:02:10,040 --> 00:02:12,560
ROSIE VOCALISES
47
00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:14,120
She definitely prefers you
to my dad.
48
00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:15,520
I'm not bothered.
49
00:02:16,760 --> 00:02:20,440
While we're here, we can take
some pictures of me and Nana.
50
00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:21,720
Would you like that?
51
00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:24,720
DOOR SLAMS SHUT
I'm home!
52
00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:34,720
It's OK, Ann, I can manage.
53
00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:43,920
No, Rosie, leave the bags alone.
She's a nightmare with the shopping.
54
00:02:43,920 --> 00:02:45,520
It's all right, she's helping!
55
00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:46,760
Rosie, that's not helping.
56
00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:48,640
It's fine. Nothing's broken.
57
00:02:48,640 --> 00:02:51,480
ROSIE VOCALISES
58
00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:56,360
She has a terrible diet still,
doesn't she?
59
00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:03,520
Sophie's started putting cauliflower
in the pizza dough
for Alice and Fliss.
60
00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:05,800
Sadly, pizza is no longer
Rosie's favourite.
61
00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:08,800
In fact, she seems to have decided
to stop eating it altogether.
62
00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:10,400
She does seem interested in salad.
63
00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:12,240
No, she's interested in
the clingfilm.
64
00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:15,160
She starts chewing it and then
she swallows it and that's no good,
65
00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:18,280
because when it comes out,
it's like a magician pulling out
66
00:03:18,280 --> 00:03:20,160
the flags of all nations,
67
00:03:20,160 --> 00:03:22,920
except not as cool
because it's covered in... You know.
68
00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:27,520
Have you thought about seeing
a nutritionist?
69
00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:30,920
Treats are all very well, but
maybe if they were used as rewards.
70
00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:34,000
Yeah. Yeah, we do try.
71
00:03:35,640 --> 00:03:37,360
In there.
72
00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:43,160
Right...
73
00:03:45,040 --> 00:03:47,480
Oh, Rosie, this is lovely!
74
00:03:47,480 --> 00:03:49,400
That Em's Mother's Day card. Aw!
75
00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:52,880
It's meant lovingly, but there
should be some quality control.
76
00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:56,480
Surely the teacher looks at that and
has to say, let's have another go?
77
00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:58,320
Why can't you just be nice?
78
00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:01,000
You get Mother's Day and you get
Father's Day,
79
00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:02,720
but why don't you get
Children's Day?
80
00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:04,400
Every day is Children's Day.
81
00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:06,160
So, Ben, I've been
chatting to your dad.
82
00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:08,760
How would you like to come
down to Nana and Grandad's house
83
00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:10,480
for three weeks during the summer?
84
00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:12,840
Yeah, that sounds fun.
85
00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:14,480
I thought it might be nice for Ben,
86
00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:16,640
and it would get him off your hands
for a few weeks.
87
00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:19,240
You can take Rosie off our hands.
88
00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:24,880
Well, we just thought
it would be more suited to Ben.
89
00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:27,600
Grandad's thinking of building
a treehouse.
90
00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:31,120
In the holidays, do not get
any respite provision
91
00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:32,720
from Social Services?
92
00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:36,200
You know, professional carers who
can take her for a night or weekend?
93
00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:38,280
Might be good for Rosie.
94
00:04:38,280 --> 00:04:41,800
We don't really want her
waking up in strangers' houses.
95
00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:43,560
What about in the day?
96
00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:46,280
Well, Mencap offer a couple of days,
97
00:04:46,280 --> 00:04:48,240
but they're really oversubscribed.
98
00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:49,560
And what about her friends?
99
00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:52,840
Is there not a system of
mutual playdates?
100
00:04:56,280 --> 00:04:59,560
John, Rosie doesn't have
any friends. We're all she's got.
101
00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:05,040
Except Hippo.
102
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:09,760
Well, I'd better get down to Wickes.
103
00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:15,280
# Ding dong merrily on high...#
104
00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:19,880
So on Christmas morning,
we were thinking a big family
walk to Coombe Stone Tor.
105
00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:21,800
That'll be fun, eh, Ben?
106
00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:23,840
Isn't it supposed to be bad weather?
107
00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:26,680
There's no such thing
as bad weather, just bad clothing.
108
00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:29,600
That's how we do things on Dartmoor,
rain or shine.
109
00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:31,480
That won't be any good for Rosie.
110
00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:32,800
Why not?
111
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:35,520
Her routine is really important.
She's not sleeping.
112
00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:37,640
Fresh air might knacker her out.
113
00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:39,840
Not in the cold.
I know one thing for sure,
114
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:42,520
babies and kids are a lot tougher
than you think.
115
00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:44,160
It'll be fine, Em.
116
00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:47,560
Yeah, I think I might be the expert
here on Rosie.
117
00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:54,800
Hm!
118
00:05:56,960 --> 00:05:59,920
MUSIC: How Soon Is Now?
by The Smiths
119
00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:11,920
Oh, for fuck's sake!
120
00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:20,360
But if the 19th
doesn't work for you,
121
00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:23,440
Ben's probably old enough to
come down on the train on his own.
122
00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:25,600
It'll be good for him.
ROSIE VOCALISES
123
00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:27,040
Rosie, no snargling with Nana.
124
00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:29,720
Be careful, Ann, because she's been
quite bitey recently.
125
00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:32,240
Oh, she's fine.
She probably just wants something.
126
00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:34,920
Rosie, are you thirsty?
Do you want your milk?
127
00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:38,200
You want to watch her with the milk
because it often goes everywhere.
128
00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:47,800
That's my good girl!
129
00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:50,560
Yes, you're being very good
for Nana, aren't you, Rosie?
130
00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:54,800
All done. It needs to dry and then
you just use fine-grade sandpaper
131
00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:56,480
to get the filler flush.
132
00:06:56,480 --> 00:06:59,600
Right, we should start
thinking about food.
133
00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:00,880
Don't worry, we can do that.
134
00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:02,920
No, you sit down, relax.
I can just go and throw on
135
00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:06,240
a big load of pasta with
tomato sauce. It's no bother.
136
00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:08,960
I'm not sure we want that.
I won't do you one.
137
00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:10,840
Just something that's more bother.
138
00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:13,400
Why don't you two go out?
139
00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:16,520
Yes.
140
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:18,000
What about Rosie?
141
00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:20,360
She'll be fine. Yes, go out.
142
00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:23,440
Sophie went to see The Dance of
Reality at a cinema the other week.
143
00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:26,160
You know, Jodorowsky.
She said it was wonderful!
144
00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:28,600
It's bound to be on somewhere
around here.
145
00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:30,920
We could go out.
146
00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:33,600
We can go out, yeah.
147
00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:35,200
We won't be back late.
148
00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:37,240
Be as long as you like.
149
00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:39,840
So, be a superstar for Nana
and Grandad. Help with Rosie.
150
00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:43,880
Yes, Mum. And if Grandad asks about
going on holiday, you don't have
to say yes to everything.
151
00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:46,840
Because three weeks is a long time,
and they don't have iPads, do they?
152
00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:48,600
I really want to go.
153
00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:50,880
Although Grandad does make me
work in his allotment.
154
00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:53,080
Em? Yes, coming!
155
00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:59,000
Be a good girl for Nana.
156
00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:01,240
Who's Mummy's gorgeous girl?
157
00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:04,120
If she makes the noise,
she might want a bath,
but it might be the telly.
158
00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:06,760
But we've got loads of Peppa Pig
on the box. It's the black remote.
159
00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:09,680
Shoo! Go on, bloody shoo!
160
00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:12,600
Have fun! We're going for
a quick drink first, right? Yeah.
161
00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:15,120
Where shall we go? Well...
Where do you want to go?
162
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:18,400
Go on, have a good time.
We'll take it from here.
163
00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:20,560
Where do you want to go?
164
00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:29,600
Hiya. Oh, hello.
165
00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:32,520
Sorry, I'm John, Simon's stepdad.
166
00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:34,600
Chris. Hi. Sorry.
167
00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:36,480
Yeah, I've just been out.
168
00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:39,720
I've got a half marathon in a couple
of weeks. Trying to beat my time.
169
00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:41,800
1:37.15.
170
00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:43,400
I was just having a look at
this wall.
171
00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:45,840
Simon said it was a bit wobbly,
but it looks all right to me.
172
00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:49,120
It just needed a bit of repair,
so I just went ahead and did it.
173
00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:51,000
It was about a year ago, I think.
174
00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:52,880
DIY is not my stepson's forte.
175
00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:56,200
He'd sit watching
a self-tapping screw.
176
00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:58,400
Needs instructions to work a hammer.
177
00:08:58,400 --> 00:08:59,720
THEY LAUGH
178
00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:01,400
No, he's a good bloke.
179
00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:03,320
Oh, yeah, we're proud of him.
180
00:09:03,320 --> 00:09:05,160
See you later.
181
00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:06,920
FOOTSTEPS
182
00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:10,400
DOOR OPENS
183
00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:21,960
Oh. What?
184
00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:23,560
Simon!
185
00:09:23,560 --> 00:09:24,960
Oh, God!
186
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:26,840
Don't wake me up,
it's three in the morning.
187
00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:29,960
I just want a cuddle. No. Get off!
188
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:32,920
No, I don't want any of that,
I just want to talk, Em.
189
00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:35,200
Oh!
190
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:36,880
Simon, not this again.
191
00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:40,840
She's only just stopped crying.
192
00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:42,720
No, come here, come here.
193
00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:45,360
Oh, Simon, stop! Oh!
194
00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:48,400
I'm just trying to show
some affection to my wife!
195
00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:52,120
What's so fucking wrong with that?
What?!
196
00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:56,920
Because you're going to upset Rosie,
you stinking, selfish bastard!
197
00:09:56,920 --> 00:09:58,800
SHE SIGHS
198
00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:00,640
How are you this pissed again?
199
00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:02,600
Fuck off!
200
00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:06,440
Oh, just fuck off,
you sanctimonious arsehole!
201
00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:11,000
You're boring. You're boring.
202
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:13,000
You bore me.
203
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:14,480
I don't care. Just go away.
204
00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:17,800
Sanctimonious fucking arsehole.
BABY CRIES
205
00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:19,880
Happy fucking Christmas.
206
00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:22,480
BABY CONTINUES TO CRY
207
00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:25,960
Sh, sh, sh, sh.
208
00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:31,080
Oh, I can stay in here if I want.
209
00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:32,600
Sh, sh, sh...
210
00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:36,240
BABY CRIES
211
00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:40,400
Simon.
212
00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:41,680
This has got to stop.
213
00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:48,120
THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS PLAYS
ON RADIO
214
00:10:56,720 --> 00:10:58,360
Right, we're going out.
215
00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:00,280
What are you doing?
Taking the kids out.
216
00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:03,200
No. Can you come here, please, Ben?
217
00:11:04,680 --> 00:11:06,920
Give us a chance
to get out of your hair.
218
00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:08,400
Where are you going?
219
00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:10,000
We haven't decided.
220
00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:14,600
Can you make sure that you keep
holding his hand on the roads?
221
00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:16,560
No need to worry.
222
00:11:16,560 --> 00:11:18,800
We'll be a couple of hours.
223
00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:20,880
Her snow suit is on the pram.
224
00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:22,360
Bye, Ben.
225
00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:25,680
FRONT DOOR CLOSES
226
00:11:25,680 --> 00:11:27,200
SHE SIGHS
227
00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:29,000
I'm sure it'll be fine.
228
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:32,840
I'm their mother, why does no-one
in this family get that?
229
00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:44,880
Thanks.
230
00:11:48,560 --> 00:11:50,720
This date isn't going great.
231
00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:53,240
You look older than I thought
you were going to be.
232
00:11:53,240 --> 00:11:55,840
I'm just glad to be going
on a date, to be honest.
233
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:58,680
You know, I'm married,
I'm just looking for fun.
234
00:11:58,680 --> 00:12:01,960
My husband is a total arsehole.
235
00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:04,040
Well, you made your vows,
236
00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:07,400
so I'm all you've got
for the rest of your life.
237
00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:10,520
Oh, sweetie,
for the rest of your life.
238
00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:12,480
Well...
239
00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:14,720
Child free for the night.
240
00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:17,680
It's like we just met.
Let's rekindle that magic.
241
00:12:17,680 --> 00:12:19,520
We can go to the student union
242
00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:22,200
and spend the evening playing
Ms Pac-Man!
243
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,640
That would be awesome.
244
00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:26,200
Yeah. Do you want to go and see
that movie?
245
00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:29,360
What was it?
Dance of something? Reality?
246
00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:32,920
Yeah, I mean, Mad Max: Fury Road
is on at eight.
247
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:35,840
Mm. Is Minions still running?
248
00:12:37,560 --> 00:12:41,160
They waste so much money
on special effects.
249
00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:45,200
There's so much fascinating
real natural history to watch.
250
00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:48,280
Oh, that latest Attenborough
programme is stunning.
251
00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:52,680
Oh, yeah, he went to the Hwange
National Park - we've been there -
252
00:12:52,680 --> 00:12:56,480
and caught this incredible game
of dare between agama lizards
253
00:12:56,480 --> 00:13:00,120
and a pride of lions.
It was mesmerising.
254
00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:02,960
I mean, what is that
even meant to be?
255
00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:04,400
A Nazgul.
256
00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:05,880
Bloody daft.
257
00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:07,320
And how does that not kill him?
258
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:10,280
I mean, he stabbed him
and he's not even bleeding.
259
00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:13,880
He's protected by Elvish armour.
It's unrealistic though, isn't it?
260
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:17,520
No, it's about a Hobbit trying to
destroy a magic ring in Mount Doom.
261
00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:20,040
It's Mum and Dad's favourite film.
262
00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:22,040
That doesn't surprise me.
263
00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:25,240
Right, Rosie, I think
it's time for your tea.
264
00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:27,240
You've been very good.
265
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:31,120
Would you like some of Aunt Sophie's
special recipe pasta?
266
00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:38,240
They're going to unload
the dishwasher, then it will take
267
00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:40,720
hours to put everything
back in the right place.
268
00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:42,960
Last time, they took
the salad dressing jar,
269
00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:46,680
they put the jar in
with the glasses,
270
00:13:46,680 --> 00:13:48,880
they put the lid
in the knife drawer.
271
00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:51,360
What made them split them up, Si?
Why?
272
00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:54,200
Maybe we put them
in the wrong place.
273
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:56,520
Well, we have done
everything else wrong.
274
00:13:56,520 --> 00:13:59,560
Earlier I had, "Rosie's got
a shit diet." She does.
275
00:13:59,560 --> 00:14:01,720
I know!
276
00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:05,160
Have you noticed how suddenly,
she's not playing up?
277
00:14:05,160 --> 00:14:08,800
Everything is so easy
and I'm sitting there thinking,
"Go on, love, go mental."
278
00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:11,160
You know, "Bang your arm a bit,
bite Nana.
279
00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:13,720
"Not too hard, obviously,
but make a mark!"
280
00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:16,000
Maybe it is just us,
maybe we are terrible parents.
281
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:18,880
We are.
Compared to your sister... Jesus!
282
00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:21,200
God. I've had that all day.
283
00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:24,600
I think Fliss probably
came out of Sophie's vagina
284
00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:28,440
doing her Grade Three violin exam
and getting a distinction.
285
00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:30,880
One more round?
Yeah, take it easy, though.
286
00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:33,600
We don't want you calling your mum
and step-dad a cunt.
287
00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:37,400
You know, we can't afford a trip to
Center Parcs to say sorry. Again.
288
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:38,640
Yeah.
289
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:46,880
Now then, my darling Rosie,
this is delicious pasta and sauce.
290
00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:02,920
Well, then, we'll just have to start
all over again, won't we?
291
00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:06,080
You'll see plenty of real animals
in the summer.
292
00:15:07,920 --> 00:15:11,880
Grandad, are we going to eat outside
all the time in Devon?
293
00:15:11,880 --> 00:15:14,640
Of course we will,
get the picnic blanket out.
294
00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:16,960
With all the wasps?
295
00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:19,200
Bloody hell, you'll be all right.
296
00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:22,560
They mollycoddle you.
297
00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:25,120
Ooh, is he the one that's in Sharpe?
298
00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:28,640
All good?
She didn't want her pasta.
299
00:15:28,640 --> 00:15:31,800
But we got there in the end,
didn't we, Rosie?
300
00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:35,000
I think it's time for bath-time.
301
00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:38,640
Here's what I don't get -
if she so easy to look after,
302
00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:40,640
why won't they look after her
in the summer?
303
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:43,120
"Do anything for you,
cut off my leg for you, Simon.
304
00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:44,360
"Look after Rosie?"
305
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:47,160
"Sorry, I can't hear you.
Ben? Of course we'll take Ben."
306
00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:48,920
"Rosie. Rosie."
307
00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:51,680
"Busy that week. What week
was it? Cos we're busy."
308
00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:55,640
It's because they won't admit
that it's a boring nightmare.
309
00:15:55,640 --> 00:15:58,520
You know, why would anyone
want to take her for three weeks?
310
00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:02,120
Of course, but they dress it up like
it's good for Ben. Only child...
311
00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:05,440
What's that? Nothing. I mean,
he's not even allowed an iPad there.
312
00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:06,720
That's what I said!
313
00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:08,960
And their broadband
is even slower than Rosie.
314
00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:11,040
Oi! Hands off my Rosie.
315
00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:16,640
You know, it probably
is really good for Ben.
316
00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:19,640
I know, but I don't want them to
take Ben, because they keep saying
317
00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:22,000
they're making it easy -
it's easier with Ben here.
318
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:25,280
He helps with her. He helps me.
319
00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:29,040
VOICE BREAKING: He's always
helped me...
320
00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:31,720
SHE SNIFFLES AND SIGHS
321
00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:33,680
They're all right at home,
aren't they?
322
00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:35,320
Shall I phone?
323
00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:38,080
Maybe we shouldn't
talk about the kids all night.
324
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:39,520
Yeah.
325
00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:41,000
It's very good beer.
326
00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:47,800
I'm sure they're OK.
327
00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:51,720
Besides, there's only
one field in the village
328
00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:52,920
where you get reception.
329
00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:54,840
Even then, you have
to jump in the air.
330
00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:02,200
Is this a qualifier
for the World Staring Championships?
331
00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:05,400
What do you want me to say, Simon?
332
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:07,720
I think this is a chance to talk.
333
00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:11,480
I've run out of talk.
334
00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:16,000
If I've done
something wrong, tell me.
335
00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:21,240
You don't remember, do you?
336
00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:24,800
Cos you never remember,
because you've blown away that bit
337
00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:28,040
of memory with the magic of booze,
and you don't remember this morning
338
00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:30,640
because you were unconscious
339
00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:33,200
while I'm dealing
with all the shit at 5am.
340
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:37,080
OK.
341
00:17:37,080 --> 00:17:38,640
Sorry.
342
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:40,560
It's happening all the time, Simon.
343
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:43,080
You know, you're out getting
hammered at work with Helen
344
00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:46,640
or now, it seems, by yourself.
345
00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:48,000
Sorry.
346
00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:53,760
Em, I need to be loved.
347
00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:06,280
And you have the nerve to act
all hard done by and self-entitled.
348
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:10,080
And demand love.
349
00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:12,080
It feels like you don't love me
any more.
350
00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:15,400
Oh, Jesus, Si.
351
00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:18,840
Listen to yourself.
352
00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:20,400
It's not about you.
353
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:24,160
When was the last time
you paid any attention
354
00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:28,040
to what I'm going through...
355
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:29,720
..and what I need?
356
00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:31,280
You make that hard.
357
00:18:31,280 --> 00:18:33,160
Oh, shut up, just shut up.
358
00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:34,920
SHE SIGHS
359
00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:44,400
Do you know what I think about
when I'm lying next to you,
360
00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:50,960
after you've shouted what a shit
I am in my face at 3am?
361
00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:54,000
I play it in my mind
like it's a film,
362
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:57,000
and you're pushing Rosie
in the buggy down the street,
363
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,080
a distance ahead of me and Ben,
364
00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:05,080
and a 337 bus goes past and just
swerves and flattens you both.
365
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:12,000
And I don't see anything,
I just see the buggy under the bus,
366
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:18,400
but it's obvious that
no-one survived, and I'm free.
367
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:26,760
I'm free to make a fresh start
with Ben, wonderful Ben...
368
00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:32,400
..who makes me so proud
every second of every day.
369
00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:40,160
And I might meet someone new,
someone loyal and boring,
370
00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:43,160
who's nice to me
and doesn't get drunk,
371
00:19:43,160 --> 00:19:46,080
and I might be bored shitless,
372
00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:49,040
but at least I'd...
373
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:52,680
..feel valued.
374
00:19:57,560 --> 00:20:00,120
You know, and it makes me sad
375
00:20:00,120 --> 00:20:06,040
that I've set the bar
so depressingly low.
376
00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:09,240
And I-I... I hate you.
377
00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:13,160
I hate you, Simon...
378
00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:18,120
..for not even trying to reach a bar
379
00:20:18,120 --> 00:20:21,120
that's so far below...
380
00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:23,640
..what I actually think I deserve.
381
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:27,920
But, mainly, I...I despise myself...
382
00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:31,920
..for having those thoughts
about Rosie.
383
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:33,240
But, you know...
384
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:38,920
..it couldn't happen, because when
the four of us actually do go out,
385
00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:42,240
you walk ahead with Ben.
386
00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:47,400
It's always me who ends up
pushing the fucking buggy!
387
00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:54,960
Don't. Just don't. Don't.
388
00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:10,960
MURMUR OF TV
389
00:21:12,560 --> 00:21:14,240
Amazing sequence, this.
390
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:18,720
African forest buffalo, hippo,
elephants and Red River hogs
391
00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:22,160
all come out of the forest
to sunbathe and swim.
392
00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:26,800
You don't get that in London.
393
00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:28,480
There is the zoo.
394
00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:35,160
WATER SPLASHING
395
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:37,600
Rosie, that's lovely splashing!
396
00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:40,160
Oh! Now, Rosie, calm down!
397
00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:42,560
I think it's time
you should be getting out.
398
00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:44,280
ROSIE VOCALISES
No, Rosie!
399
00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:47,680
Grandad, can I have some help
getting Rosie out the bath, please?!
400
00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:57,040
TV CHANNEL CHANGES
401
00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:00,600
We should think about
getting our dinner on.
402
00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:02,840
Come on, you.
403
00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:05,960
Come on, you little munchkin.
Let's get you ready for bed.
404
00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:09,120
MUSIC: Boys Don't Cry
by The Cure
405
00:22:17,120 --> 00:22:19,160
You know what they say,
if life gives you lemons -
406
00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:22,240
well, a lemon -
make a gin and tonic.
407
00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:24,160
Coping mechanism, I guess.
408
00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:28,920
No, it doesn't.
You've always drunk too much.
409
00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:30,800
All right, John, don't tell me.
410
00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:33,040
Don't you dare use Rosie
as an excuse.
411
00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:34,840
Well, I better thank my dad, then.
412
00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:37,000
To faulty fucking genes!
One way or another,
413
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,760
it's the bane of my family.
Got nothing to do with Bill.
414
00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:41,760
It's your responsibility, Simon.
415
00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:45,680
Thanks for the pep talk, John,
that's just what I needed. Thanks.
416
00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:47,480
Yeah, well, someone's got to say it.
417
00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:52,400
You need to sort yourself out,
because you're going to lose Em.
418
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:54,320
You could lose them all.
419
00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:57,560
I don't even know if
she loves me any more.
420
00:22:57,560 --> 00:23:01,160
Yeah, well, I may just be
a silly old sod.
421
00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:03,520
But you carry on -
drinking and sulking.
422
00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:07,160
Women find that really attractive.
423
00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:16,680
SHE GRUMBLES
424
00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:19,080
Yes, I know!
425
00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:22,080
I'm the wrong grandad, apparently.
426
00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:25,040
Should we put the stair gate up?
No, she'll be fine.
427
00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:26,880
Honestly, they worry too much.
428
00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:28,560
Now, you, into bed!
429
00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:33,800
SHE WAILS
430
00:23:35,360 --> 00:23:38,760
Uh, no, we're not having iPads
tonight.
431
00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:40,280
I'll read you a story.
432
00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:44,200
You know, I've never understood why
people are so obsessed
433
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:47,400
with bloody dinosaurs. Ah!
434
00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:52,160
Now, we bought this for Ben
when he was tiny.
435
00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:55,560
It's a wonderful book of
African folk tales for children.
436
00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:58,440
It was one of Nelson Mandela's
favourites.
437
00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:00,800
Here's a fantastic
Botswanan story.
438
00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:04,920
"Many years ago...
SHE WHINES
439
00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:09,360
"..a young boy
lived deep in the country
440
00:24:09,360 --> 00:24:11,280
"in a beautiful village,
441
00:24:11,280 --> 00:24:13,520
"next to where the motlopi trees
grow."
442
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:15,760
Ow! Whoa.
443
00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:18,920
I think we need to get
those nails trimmed!
444
00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:22,040
Nana, do you want to go and see if
there's some scissors? Yeah.
445
00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:23,760
There's lots of different scenarios.
446
00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:28,640
You know, like on the playground,
or...um...just at home,
447
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:32,800
sitting watching telly, or, um,
playing the iPad or something.
448
00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:35,800
Or there...there is one that
I keep having
449
00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:38,080
where she's going to a party...
450
00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:39,840
..and I'm helping her get ready,
451
00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:42,960
and she's like,
"No, Dad, get off. I can do it."
452
00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:45,960
That's the thing, Em - she talks,
she always talks in my dreams.
453
00:24:48,760 --> 00:24:52,400
SHE SIGHS
We really need to go home now, Si.
454
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:55,880
Come on. Let's go see if she's
awake. Yeah. Give her a big hug.
455
00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:57,880
So...
456
00:24:57,880 --> 00:25:00,400
..do you want to, like,
hook up again?
457
00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:03,480
Same time next year?
458
00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:10,640
"He took very great care
to give the buffalo a wide berth
459
00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:13,360
"from then on."
460
00:25:13,360 --> 00:25:14,960
It's good, isn't it?
461
00:25:18,520 --> 00:25:20,960
It'll be fine, stop worrying!
462
00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:25,200
..it's not about aesthetics!
463
00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:27,280
I think that's where your...
It's just the whole thing.
464
00:25:27,280 --> 00:25:29,800
It's a knee-jerk response...
No. I don't appreciate...
465
00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:31,960
Nice evening? Yeah, great.
466
00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:34,040
How were they? Fine.
467
00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:36,520
Rosie? Mm, fine.
468
00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:38,000
Yeah? She eat anything?
469
00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:40,800
Yeah, a big bowl of pasta
with tomato sauce.
470
00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:46,560
Gave her a bath, brushed her teeth.
She's up in bed now.
471
00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:51,200
Yeah, John says Rosie
behaved herself.
472
00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:53,320
Yes! Good as gold.
473
00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:58,840
What, Mum, why're you being weird?
474
00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:01,520
Nothing!
I was just checking on Rosie.
475
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:04,200
She's, uh, she's not asleep yet,
so let's leave her for a bit.
476
00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:05,680
I'll put the stair gate up.
477
00:26:08,120 --> 00:26:09,560
Mum, what's happened?
478
00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:14,280
Rosie?
479
00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:15,320
Rosie!
480
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:20,600
Oh, my God!
481
00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:23,840
What have they done to you?!
482
00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:27,080
What've you done to my beautiful
princess? What did you do to her?!
483
00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:29,520
How special needs do you think
she needed to look?!
484
00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:31,560
Oh, her fringe needed cutting.
It was in her eyes.
485
00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:33,800
She has enough problems in life,
without looking like
486
00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:36,040
she just escaped from
One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest!
487
00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:38,440
Don't be daft, it's just a trim.
488
00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:41,360
She looks like Dave Hill from Slade!
489
00:26:41,360 --> 00:26:43,760
It's not even straight!
490
00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:45,960
You just can't stop interfering,
can you, in everything?
491
00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:48,120
Why can't you just
leave things alone, eh?
492
00:26:48,120 --> 00:26:49,880
Why?! I mean...
493
00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:54,520
..I'm actually asking!
Why can't you just stop?!
494
00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:02,120
She just looks horrid, Mum.
495
00:27:02,120 --> 00:27:03,840
Why did you let him do it?
496
00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:07,960
I wasn't in the room!
And he was only trying to help.
497
00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:09,920
Don't forget everything
he does for you.
498
00:27:09,920 --> 00:27:12,440
I know, but sometimes it seems like
when it suits him.
499
00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:15,640
It's not about me or him
or the kids. That's not true.
500
00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:18,680
Isn't it? "Oh, I'll do anything
for you, Simon."
501
00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:21,480
Well, then, why is it OK
to take Ben away over the summer
502
00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:23,040
and not Rosie?
503
00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:26,960
He's not the problem, she is.
504
00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:31,280
J-John...would have her...
at the drop of a hat.
505
00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:38,160
SHAKILY: It's because I'm scared,
Simon.
506
00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:41,360
If anything were to
happen to her.
507
00:27:41,360 --> 00:27:43,680
I mean, it's all right
here in London.
508
00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:46,360
You have the house all set up,
but in Devon?!
509
00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:49,560
The river's so near.
510
00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:53,080
If anything happened to her,
I would never forgive myself.
511
00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:56,360
I love her so much!
512
00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:17,480
Come on, give Rosie to me.
No, it's all right, she's OK.
513
00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:19,600
I know she is,
I'm not here for Rosie.
514
00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:20,960
I came to look after you.
515
00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:24,240
You'll get some sleep.
516
00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:26,080
We've got her from now on.
517
00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:30,160
Thank you.
518
00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:37,080
You know, we all love you
very much, Emily.
519
00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:45,080
I think maybe...we should all
be telling you that a lot more.
520
00:28:55,680 --> 00:28:57,680
SHE SIGHS
521
00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:08,720
What happened?
522
00:29:08,720 --> 00:29:12,360
Hair was in her eyes,
so I started cutting her fringe,
523
00:29:12,360 --> 00:29:16,480
but it wasn't even, so...
I was trying to compensate
524
00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:18,480
by cutting the other side.
525
00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:19,800
And by the end of it...
526
00:29:22,120 --> 00:29:23,920
That's all right.
527
00:29:23,920 --> 00:29:25,400
It'll grow back.
528
00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:27,520
Awww.
529
00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:29,920
Stupid bastard!
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.
530
00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:31,880
John, it's OK.
531
00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:34,800
Thank you for letting us
go to the pub.
532
00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:37,160
And I'm sure that Ben
533
00:29:37,160 --> 00:29:41,120
would love to spend some time
having adventures with his grandad.
534
00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:45,320
You haven't cut Ben's hair
as well, have you?
535
00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:51,000
MUSIC: Love Will Tear Us Apart
by Joy Division
536
00:29:53,280 --> 00:29:58,240
# Love, love will tear us apart
537
00:29:58,240 --> 00:30:00,080
# Again
538
00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:04,520
# Love, love will tear us apart
539
00:30:04,520 --> 00:30:06,000
# Again. #
41527
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