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1
00:00:02,187 --> 00:00:04,533
Anyway, Friday
will be a half day
2
00:00:04,534 --> 00:00:07,637
so we can all get ready
for Danny's wedding weekend.
3
00:00:07,638 --> 00:00:09,506
So book your waxing now.
4
00:00:09,507 --> 00:00:11,541
I barely got an appointment
with my girl.
5
00:00:11,542 --> 00:00:12,810
It sounds like
Dr. C is dropping
6
00:00:12,811 --> 00:00:14,611
hella bills
on this wedding, y'all.
7
00:00:14,612 --> 00:00:16,179
I'm talking harpist money.
8
00:00:16,180 --> 00:00:18,949
They're gonna regret
that open bar.
9
00:00:18,950 --> 00:00:22,052
Hey, let's ix-nay
on the wedding talk, okay?
10
00:00:22,053 --> 00:00:24,888
Not everyone's going.
Dr. L.
11
00:00:24,889 --> 00:00:26,957
Okay.
JEREMY: Mindy, we are so sorry.
12
00:00:26,958 --> 00:00:29,660
It must be devastating thinking
about how happy Danny is.
13
00:00:29,661 --> 00:00:31,895
- Someday, girl.
- Guys, I'm fine.
14
00:00:31,896 --> 00:00:34,031
Dr. L, you don't have to
put on a brave face.
15
00:00:34,032 --> 00:00:35,733
We heard you crying
in the bathroom.
16
00:00:35,734 --> 00:00:37,167
Okay, I was crying
in the bathroom
17
00:00:37,168 --> 00:00:38,702
because I dropped my phone
in the toilet again.
18
00:00:38,703 --> 00:00:40,036
I'm happy for Danny.
19
00:00:40,038 --> 00:00:41,138
We've both moved on.
20
00:00:41,139 --> 00:00:43,640
Hey. Good for you.
21
00:00:43,641 --> 00:00:45,676
Now Dr. C can get
his blushing bride,
22
00:00:45,677 --> 00:00:48,478
and you are gonna go
on one of those
23
00:00:48,479 --> 00:00:51,148
spinster cruises
to the Galapagos.
24
00:00:51,149 --> 00:00:53,150
You're gonna meet
a bunch of old gals.
25
00:00:53,151 --> 00:00:55,986
You're gonna have fu... oh, maybe
you fall off the rail.
26
00:00:55,987 --> 00:00:58,155
- Big lawsuit.
- I have a serious boyfriend.
27
00:00:58,156 --> 00:01:00,157
Okay, and I am not
going to the wedding
28
00:01:00,158 --> 00:01:02,766
because I thought that would be
weird for Sarah and Danny,
29
00:01:02,767 --> 00:01:06,003
but Leo's going as the world's
cutest ring bearer.
30
00:01:06,004 --> 00:01:07,604
[coughing] Nepotism!
31
00:01:07,605 --> 00:01:09,106
Sorry, I have a cold.
32
00:01:09,107 --> 00:01:10,841
I...
33
00:01:10,842 --> 00:01:13,243
BEN: All right, Leo. Come on.
Bring me the rings.
34
00:01:13,244 --> 00:01:14,845
MINDY: Oh, Leo.
Come on, Sweetie.
35
00:01:14,846 --> 00:01:16,179
Okay, this is totally my fault.
36
00:01:16,180 --> 00:01:17,881
We should have been
practicing for weeks,
37
00:01:17,882 --> 00:01:20,183
and instead I let him watch
that O.J. documentary.
38
00:01:20,184 --> 00:01:21,518
Are you gonna be
all right this weekend?
39
00:01:21,519 --> 00:01:22,786
I can get another chaperone
40
00:01:22,787 --> 00:01:23,921
for Lindsay's volleyball
tournament.
41
00:01:23,922 --> 00:01:24,922
No, I'm gonna be fine.
42
00:01:24,923 --> 00:01:26,623
Thank you for offering.
43
00:01:26,624 --> 00:01:28,558
Just gonna order some Thai food,
gonna do some laundry.
44
00:01:28,559 --> 00:01:30,193
I might take that pill
that I found on the floor.
45
00:01:30,194 --> 00:01:32,562
No, you won't.
You never do laundry.
46
00:01:32,563 --> 00:01:33,797
That's true.
[knocking on door]
47
00:01:33,798 --> 00:01:35,532
Oh. Leo. It's Grandma.
48
00:01:35,533 --> 00:01:38,035
She's here to take you for
your wedding weekend.
49
00:01:38,036 --> 00:01:40,437
Hi. Ben.
Nice to finally meet you.
50
00:01:40,438 --> 00:01:42,105
I'll learn your name
if you stick.
51
00:01:42,106 --> 00:01:45,709
- Okay.
- Where's my little ring bearer?
52
00:01:45,710 --> 00:01:48,045
Enchant?e.
53
00:01:48,046 --> 00:01:50,480
- Ben. Nice to meet you.
- Dot.
54
00:01:50,481 --> 00:01:53,483
Currently single, but not
looking to stay that way.
55
00:01:53,484 --> 00:01:55,753
[chuckles]
ANNETTE: Leo looks small.
56
00:01:55,754 --> 00:01:57,655
Is he eating?
If he doesn't eat,
57
00:01:57,656 --> 00:01:59,990
how will he be big
and tall like his dad?
58
00:01:59,991 --> 00:02:01,965
- What?
- I'm sorry.
59
00:02:01,966 --> 00:02:03,566
How tall do you think Danny is?
60
00:02:03,567 --> 00:02:05,168
Tallest in his
second-grade class.
61
00:02:05,169 --> 00:02:06,603
That's how tall.
62
00:02:06,604 --> 00:02:08,071
He played Abe Lincoln
63
00:02:08,072 --> 00:02:09,139
in the Christmas pageant.
64
00:02:09,140 --> 00:02:10,974
That's our tallest president.
65
00:02:10,975 --> 00:02:13,076
Okay, well, you know what?
If Leo kisses the flower girl,
66
00:02:13,077 --> 00:02:14,644
can you just please
give him a treat?
67
00:02:14,645 --> 00:02:16,646
Okay.
You know, Mindy,
68
00:02:16,647 --> 00:02:19,082
I'm really sorry
about this whole mess.
69
00:02:19,083 --> 00:02:21,084
Even though you brought this
on yourself,
70
00:02:21,085 --> 00:02:23,086
having your son's dad
marry someone else
71
00:02:23,087 --> 00:02:25,588
is pretty crappy.
I should know.
72
00:02:25,589 --> 00:02:27,691
- She doesn't like the new one.
- Mm.
73
00:02:27,692 --> 00:02:29,092
At least you never let Danny
74
00:02:29,093 --> 00:02:30,828
push you around like this one.
75
00:02:30,829 --> 00:02:31,962
DOT: Oh, I don't know.
76
00:02:31,963 --> 00:02:33,697
Some people like
being pushed around.
77
00:02:33,698 --> 00:02:34,932
Well, if it doesn't work out
with Mindy,
78
00:02:34,933 --> 00:02:36,934
- I'll let you know.
- Oh, baby.
79
00:02:36,935 --> 00:02:39,536
Hey, cool it.
Okay. All right.
80
00:02:39,537 --> 00:02:40,771
It was very nice
to see you again.
81
00:02:40,772 --> 00:02:42,605
I'm gonna get my son.
82
00:02:42,606 --> 00:02:44,775
MAN: M!
HOST: Yes. Two M's.
83
00:02:44,776 --> 00:02:46,109
MINDY: Oh, man,
is "Wheel of Fortune"
84
00:02:46,110 --> 00:02:48,779
getting harder or am I
getting dumber?
85
00:02:48,780 --> 00:02:51,148
[phone dinging]
HOST: Yes, two O's.
86
00:02:51,149 --> 00:02:53,016
JEREMY: Danny's bachelor dinner
is quite fun.
87
00:02:53,017 --> 00:02:55,117
Beverly's speech
was surprisingly moving.
88
00:02:55,119 --> 00:02:57,120
- You doing okay?
- [sighs]
89
00:02:57,121 --> 00:02:59,122
MINDY: I have $100 of barbeque
on the way.
90
00:02:59,123 --> 00:03:01,491
I'm perfect.
91
00:03:01,492 --> 00:03:02,833
Stupid Jeremy.
92
00:03:02,834 --> 00:03:04,067
Doesn't need to check up on me.
93
00:03:04,068 --> 00:03:05,635
I don't need to go to a wedding
94
00:03:05,636 --> 00:03:06,970
to get drunk and make
a fool of myself.
95
00:03:06,971 --> 00:03:09,006
I can do that right here.
96
00:03:09,007 --> 00:03:11,141
DANNY: You keep telling yourself
that you're fine,
97
00:03:11,142 --> 00:03:12,542
but you're not.
98
00:03:12,543 --> 00:03:13,977
Who's here?
I have a gun.
99
00:03:13,978 --> 00:03:15,578
And I don't know how to use it.
100
00:03:15,579 --> 00:03:18,648
DANNY: Come on, Min,
you know who it is.
101
00:03:18,649 --> 00:03:20,751
Danny?
DANNY: Right behind you.
102
00:03:20,752 --> 00:03:22,019
That's it.
103
00:03:22,020 --> 00:03:24,221
Getting warmer.
Getting warmer.
104
00:03:24,222 --> 00:03:25,889
You're burning up.
105
00:03:25,890 --> 00:03:27,157
Bingo.
106
00:03:27,158 --> 00:03:28,659
Oh, my God.
107
00:03:28,660 --> 00:03:30,092
Is this photo talking to me?
108
00:03:30,094 --> 00:03:31,428
DANNY: Damn right I am.
109
00:03:31,429 --> 00:03:34,031
Look, Min, we got to talk.
110
00:03:34,032 --> 00:03:37,500
Hey, man, this is really,
really strange, okay?
111
00:03:37,501 --> 00:03:38,769
DANNY: You know what's
strange, Mindy?
112
00:03:38,770 --> 00:03:39,837
Ending it with me.
113
00:03:39,838 --> 00:03:41,772
Biggest mistake of your life.
114
00:03:41,773 --> 00:03:43,841
That's debatable.
DANNY: Oh, I'm sorry.
115
00:03:43,842 --> 00:03:45,174
You're right.
You're doing great.
116
00:03:45,176 --> 00:03:47,444
Drinking alone and eating
full-fat popcorn
117
00:03:47,445 --> 00:03:48,779
out of a SkinnyPop bag.
118
00:03:48,780 --> 00:03:50,513
- Who are you trying to fool?
- You know what?
119
00:03:50,514 --> 00:03:52,115
I don't need to hear
any more of this, all right?
120
00:03:52,116 --> 00:03:54,051
Enjoy the trash can,
you stupid photo.
121
00:03:54,052 --> 00:03:57,955
DANNY: Wait, what are you doing?
No!
122
00:03:57,956 --> 00:04:00,090
Wow, there's a lot of
candy wrappers in here.
123
00:04:00,091 --> 00:04:02,132
Ah! Ah! Ah!
124
00:04:02,133 --> 00:04:04,450
[music]
125
00:04:04,451 --> 00:04:06,752
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
126
00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:11,541
MINDY: Ah, there's a demonic
presence in my home.
127
00:04:11,542 --> 00:04:13,977
I'm gonna need holy water,
garlic, a Catholic priest.
128
00:04:13,978 --> 00:04:15,779
Wait, no,
Danny loves those things.
129
00:04:15,780 --> 00:04:16,980
DANNY: I'm in here too.
130
00:04:16,981 --> 00:04:18,648
Ah! Get out of my bedroom!
131
00:04:18,649 --> 00:04:21,118
I've actually never said that
to a man before.
132
00:04:21,119 --> 00:04:24,154
Where are you?
Come on, come on.
133
00:04:24,155 --> 00:04:25,723
DANNY: There you go.
134
00:04:25,724 --> 00:04:27,224
Hey, you did this to yourself,
you know.
135
00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:28,892
MINDY: What? We were all wrong.
136
00:04:28,893 --> 00:04:30,894
We were like peas and carrots.
Barf city.
137
00:04:30,895 --> 00:04:32,561
DANNY: Really, because all you
ever wanted
138
00:04:32,563 --> 00:04:34,064
was to be married to a rich guy.
139
00:04:34,065 --> 00:04:35,899
I loved you.
I challenged you.
140
00:04:35,900 --> 00:04:37,835
I did that thing to you
in bed you liked.
141
00:04:37,836 --> 00:04:39,837
You liked it more.
DANNY: Now you're sitting here
142
00:04:39,838 --> 00:04:41,571
alone while I'm getting
ready to be
143
00:04:41,572 --> 00:04:43,741
- happy for the rest of my life.
- You know what?
144
00:04:43,742 --> 00:04:44,975
I don't need your
chilling observations
145
00:04:44,976 --> 00:04:45,976
right now, photo.
146
00:04:45,977 --> 00:04:47,945
I am fine, okay?
147
00:04:47,946 --> 00:04:49,246
And I'm gonna show everybody
148
00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:55,118
just how fine I am.
149
00:04:55,119 --> 00:04:56,987
Okay, I'm... I'm going crazy.
150
00:04:56,988 --> 00:05:01,124
I got to get
out of my apartment.
151
00:05:01,125 --> 00:05:03,600
I just need to get out of
the house and clear my head.
152
00:05:03,601 --> 00:05:05,703
I know, I'll listen
to some tunes.
153
00:05:05,704 --> 00:05:07,771
[sad music playing]
154
00:05:07,772 --> 00:05:09,807
Nope, too sad...
this is the song I sang
155
00:05:09,808 --> 00:05:11,875
when they banned me from
Michael Jordan's Steak House.
156
00:05:11,876 --> 00:05:14,812
Eh. I'll try public radio.
That'll bore me.
157
00:05:14,813 --> 00:05:17,280
MAN: I'm Ira Flatow.
Tonight on "Science Friday,"
158
00:05:17,281 --> 00:05:20,117
we look at how female regret
can lead to brain tumors.
159
00:05:20,118 --> 00:05:21,685
What the hell?
160
00:05:21,686 --> 00:05:23,286
Why is there nothing
to listen to?
161
00:05:23,287 --> 00:05:25,689
I'm so lame and miserable.
[gasps]
162
00:05:25,690 --> 00:05:27,190
Lame and miserable?
I'll just sing
163
00:05:27,191 --> 00:05:29,126
the entire "Les Miz" musical
to myself.
164
00:05:29,127 --> 00:05:30,728
[clears throat]
165
00:05:30,729 --> 00:05:32,561
Look down, look down
166
00:05:32,563 --> 00:05:34,464
Don't look them in the eye
167
00:05:34,465 --> 00:05:37,668
Filling the darkness
168
00:05:37,669 --> 00:05:40,570
With order and light
169
00:05:40,571 --> 00:05:42,172
I've done no wrong
170
00:05:42,173 --> 00:05:44,074
Sweet Jesus, hear my prayer
171
00:05:44,075 --> 00:05:47,010
You are the sentinels
172
00:05:47,011 --> 00:05:49,212
Do you hear the people sing
173
00:05:49,213 --> 00:05:51,514
Singing the song
of angry men
174
00:05:51,515 --> 00:05:53,183
Whoa.
175
00:05:53,184 --> 00:05:55,653
God.
176
00:05:55,654 --> 00:05:57,020
Huh.
177
00:05:57,021 --> 00:05:58,488
I'm at my parents' house?
178
00:05:58,489 --> 00:06:00,858
I'm in Concord, Massachusetts?
179
00:06:00,859 --> 00:06:03,033
How long have I been driving?
180
00:06:03,034 --> 00:06:04,501
I guess I really was transported
181
00:06:04,502 --> 00:06:09,106
by the sound of
my beautiful voice.
182
00:06:09,107 --> 00:06:10,741
Mom?
183
00:06:10,742 --> 00:06:12,209
Dad?
184
00:06:12,210 --> 00:06:13,777
Is anybody here?
Ow!
185
00:06:13,778 --> 00:06:15,913
God!
Why did you hit me?
186
00:06:15,914 --> 00:06:17,214
I said "Mom"!
187
00:06:17,215 --> 00:06:19,182
That's what
a robber would say!
188
00:06:19,183 --> 00:06:21,952
RISHI: Mom, why you making
so much noise?
189
00:06:21,953 --> 00:06:23,687
Your sister broke
into the house.
190
00:06:23,688 --> 00:06:25,622
RISHI: Damn you, Mindy.
I was up there
191
00:06:25,623 --> 00:06:27,791
having a dream that I was
hooking up with a mermaid.
192
00:06:27,792 --> 00:06:30,694
I was dressed like Prince Errk
and everything.
193
00:06:30,695 --> 00:06:32,594
Um, what the hell, you guys?
194
00:06:32,596 --> 00:06:33,964
I come here in the middle
of the night,
195
00:06:33,965 --> 00:06:35,766
clearly in the need
of emotional support,
196
00:06:35,767 --> 00:06:37,701
and I get full-on
Tom and Jerry'd.
197
00:06:37,702 --> 00:06:40,103
Oh, I'm sorry, beta.
Is this about Danny's wedding?
198
00:06:40,104 --> 00:06:42,604
I figured you might
be emotional.
199
00:06:42,606 --> 00:06:44,541
I mean, I thought I was fine.
200
00:06:44,542 --> 00:06:46,543
And then some
not-very-cool things
201
00:06:46,544 --> 00:06:49,212
started happening to me,
pretty psychedelic, actually.
202
00:06:49,213 --> 00:06:50,748
And I took nothing.
203
00:06:50,749 --> 00:06:52,783
I mean, except, like, an Ambien
and Red Bull.
204
00:06:52,784 --> 00:06:55,085
And then I drove and drove,
and I wound up here.
205
00:06:55,086 --> 00:06:57,821
Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie.
206
00:06:57,822 --> 00:06:59,556
Come. Let's get you upstairs.
207
00:06:59,557 --> 00:07:00,758
RISHI: Man, this sucks.
208
00:07:00,759 --> 00:07:02,733
The golden child stumbles
just as
209
00:07:02,734 --> 00:07:04,968
the prodigal son steps
out of the shadows.
210
00:07:04,969 --> 00:07:07,237
SONU: Stop it, Rishi.
You're both perfect.
211
00:07:07,238 --> 00:07:09,740
I'm better.
212
00:07:09,741 --> 00:07:11,641
[knocking on door]
213
00:07:11,642 --> 00:07:13,744
- SONU: Wake up, darling.
- [yawning] Hey, Mom.
214
00:07:13,745 --> 00:07:15,779
Did you bring me
breakfast in bed?
215
00:07:15,780 --> 00:07:17,247
No.
MINDY: Oh, no.
216
00:07:17,248 --> 00:07:19,817
Dad isn't doing it, is he?
He sucks at it.
217
00:07:19,818 --> 00:07:21,685
He always makes the hollandaise
too salty.
218
00:07:21,686 --> 00:07:23,854
No, Baba's not here.
He went to one of his gem shows
219
00:07:23,855 --> 00:07:25,923
- in Nashua for he weekend.
- What?
220
00:07:25,924 --> 00:07:28,258
So what is your plan
for today?
221
00:07:28,259 --> 00:07:30,661
Same as always whenever I'm
going through hard shit:
222
00:07:30,662 --> 00:07:33,430
sleep, cry,
watch "Princess Bride,"
223
00:07:33,431 --> 00:07:35,432
lay in bed all day
while you bring me food.
224
00:07:35,433 --> 00:07:38,535
Sorry, beta, I can't just
spend my day waiting on you.
225
00:07:38,536 --> 00:07:40,470
But that's your job.
226
00:07:40,471 --> 00:07:42,940
Today's packed; I have to
volunteer at the library,
227
00:07:42,941 --> 00:07:45,142
then there's disco stretch
at the Lexington Women's Center,
228
00:07:45,143 --> 00:07:48,111
and tonight I'm having dinner
with Priya and Anjuli.
229
00:07:48,112 --> 00:07:49,947
Priya Auntie
and Anjuli Auntie?
230
00:07:49,948 --> 00:07:52,449
But they're losers, and
Priya Auntie has a weird eye.
231
00:07:52,450 --> 00:07:53,951
Mindy, that's not nice.
232
00:07:53,952 --> 00:07:56,987
Oh, I'm sorry.
Her eye is normal and beautiful.
233
00:07:56,988 --> 00:07:58,789
You know what isn't
normal and beautiful?
234
00:07:58,790 --> 00:08:02,532
My life right now.
235
00:08:02,533 --> 00:08:04,034
Okay, okay, uh, these...
236
00:08:04,035 --> 00:08:05,235
you can find them
at the library.
237
00:08:05,236 --> 00:08:06,837
- Homeless people.
- No! Uh...
238
00:08:06,838 --> 00:08:08,505
- They're at Barnes & Noble.
- Uh, DVDs.
239
00:08:08,506 --> 00:08:10,640
"Twilight" calendars.
Barnes & Noble gift cards!
240
00:08:10,641 --> 00:08:13,677
- Books, woman! It's books!
- Books?
241
00:08:13,678 --> 00:08:15,145
Why didn't you just say,
"These are what
242
00:08:15,146 --> 00:08:17,214
- Chelsea Handler writes"?
- [verbal shrug]
243
00:08:17,215 --> 00:08:19,582
- Hey, why are you here, anyway?
- [sighs] Oh, man.
244
00:08:19,583 --> 00:08:21,985
It got really stressful
at DJ school.
245
00:08:21,986 --> 00:08:23,821
So I decided to take
some time off
246
00:08:23,822 --> 00:08:25,889
and just kind of, like,
you know, find myself.
247
00:08:25,890 --> 00:08:28,258
Yeah, well, I wish I had time
to find myself,
248
00:08:28,259 --> 00:08:31,929
but between raising a son and
satisfying my Snapchat follower,
249
00:08:31,930 --> 00:08:34,097
I'm pretty worn out...
oh.
250
00:08:34,098 --> 00:08:36,066
Hey, y'all,
it's your girl, Mindy.
251
00:08:36,067 --> 00:08:39,236
I'm a little bummed because my
ex is getting married tomorrow.
252
00:08:39,237 --> 00:08:42,572
But later I'm gonna try out
the new "Kung Fu Panda" filter.
253
00:08:42,573 --> 00:08:44,574
- Bye!
- Oh, man.
254
00:08:44,575 --> 00:08:46,609
That is so hard to watch.
255
00:08:46,610 --> 00:08:49,012
Danny getting married
really has you tripping.
256
00:08:49,013 --> 00:08:50,613
MINDY: Yeah, it kind of does.
257
00:08:50,614 --> 00:08:51,882
When we were just
broken up and single,
258
00:08:51,883 --> 00:08:53,050
I was like, "All right,
we're both
259
00:08:53,051 --> 00:08:54,184
gonna die alone."
260
00:08:54,185 --> 00:08:55,185
But now he found someone
261
00:08:55,186 --> 00:08:56,787
great to die with.
262
00:08:56,788 --> 00:08:58,221
It's just like,
where does that leave me?
263
00:08:58,222 --> 00:08:59,757
Are you kidding me?
264
00:08:59,758 --> 00:09:02,059
You have your own successful
fertility clinic
265
00:09:02,060 --> 00:09:04,768
that you started without
compromising your own life.
266
00:09:04,769 --> 00:09:06,536
Woman, you could do a TED talk
267
00:09:06,537 --> 00:09:08,739
if your voice wasn't
so annoying.
268
00:09:08,740 --> 00:09:11,742
Thank you.
269
00:09:11,743 --> 00:09:13,576
Oh, there is literally nothing
270
00:09:13,577 --> 00:09:15,946
to eat in here
but Indian food!
271
00:09:15,947 --> 00:09:17,747
Mom knows I won't eat
leftovers.
272
00:09:17,749 --> 00:09:19,582
- Did you call her to complain?
- Obviously.
273
00:09:19,583 --> 00:09:21,151
- But she didn't pick up.
- What?
274
00:09:21,152 --> 00:09:22,953
Who does she think she is?
You know what?
275
00:09:22,954 --> 00:09:27,224
She's at Priya Auntie's.
I'm gonna call her.
276
00:09:27,225 --> 00:09:28,959
Oh, hey, Priya Auntie,
it's Mindy.
277
00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:31,261
I need to talk to my mom.
278
00:09:31,262 --> 00:09:32,930
What do you mean
she's not there?
279
00:09:32,931 --> 00:09:34,965
She's supposed to be having
dinner with you tonight.
280
00:09:34,966 --> 00:09:37,567
Yeah, yeah, Leo loved the curly
Indian shoes you got him.
281
00:09:37,568 --> 00:09:39,569
Look, Priya Auntie,
I got to go, okay?
282
00:09:39,570 --> 00:09:41,071
I love you. Bye.
283
00:09:41,072 --> 00:09:42,572
Guess what, Rish?
284
00:09:42,573 --> 00:09:44,007
Mom ain't at
no Priya Auntie's house.
285
00:09:44,008 --> 00:09:45,909
Mom went AWOL?
286
00:09:45,910 --> 00:09:47,277
Why would she lie to us?
287
00:09:47,278 --> 00:09:50,013
[gasps] Who is she?
288
00:09:50,014 --> 00:09:52,683
All right, first we got to turn
on her old-ass computer.
289
00:09:52,684 --> 00:09:54,184
Eh... don't touch anything.
290
00:09:54,185 --> 00:09:56,519
I'm 'bout to Mr. Robot
this bi-yi-yatch.
291
00:09:56,520 --> 00:09:58,088
Okay, well,
her email's already open.
292
00:09:58,089 --> 00:10:00,090
- We're in.
- Hey, look at this email.
293
00:10:00,091 --> 00:10:01,825
It's from a dude named "Conrad"
294
00:10:01,826 --> 00:10:04,467
and the subject heading is
"Dinner?"
295
00:10:04,468 --> 00:10:07,137
"Dear Sonu, I was dazzled
by your audition today.
296
00:10:07,138 --> 00:10:08,872
"The Concord Carlisle
Community Theater
297
00:10:08,873 --> 00:10:11,208
is rarely graced
by such an exotic talent."
298
00:10:11,209 --> 00:10:14,111
Eww, gross!
This guy's perving on Mom!
299
00:10:14,112 --> 00:10:16,046
"Before your callback,
I thought we could meet
300
00:10:16,047 --> 00:10:18,882
to work on the character
in a more intimate setting.
301
00:10:18,883 --> 00:10:21,084
I was thinking... Bertinelli's?"
302
00:10:21,085 --> 00:10:23,053
Both: Bertinelli's?
Damn!
303
00:10:23,054 --> 00:10:24,955
That's where you go
before prom.
304
00:10:24,956 --> 00:10:27,658
I ate so many unlimited rolls
I couldn't zip up my dress.
305
00:10:27,659 --> 00:10:29,559
Wait, wait. She responded?
306
00:10:29,560 --> 00:10:32,930
"Dear Conrad, I've been walking
on air since the audition.
307
00:10:32,931 --> 00:10:35,632
"I'd love to pick your brain
about your time in New York.
308
00:10:35,633 --> 00:10:39,970
Saturday at six?
Heart, Sonu."
309
00:10:39,971 --> 00:10:42,605
[sighs] Okay, well,
that's where she is now.
310
00:10:42,606 --> 00:10:44,842
But why did she lie to us?
311
00:10:44,843 --> 00:10:46,777
Mom's been cheating on Dad.
312
00:10:46,778 --> 00:10:48,511
They're gonna get a divorce.
313
00:10:48,512 --> 00:10:50,580
Where am I gonna have Christmas?
MINDY: Hey. Rishi.
314
00:10:50,581 --> 00:10:52,015
You are being ridiculous.
315
00:10:52,016 --> 00:10:53,651
I'm sure there's
a reasonable explanation.
316
00:10:53,652 --> 00:10:54,918
RISHI: Yeah, Dad's a loser.
317
00:10:54,919 --> 00:10:56,486
Mom doesn't love him anymore.
318
00:10:56,487 --> 00:10:58,121
Why does he have to buy
his jeans at Kohl's?
319
00:10:58,122 --> 00:10:59,589
Okay, we all hate Dad's jeans,
320
00:10:59,590 --> 00:11:00,991
and I get that
you're very upset,
321
00:11:00,992 --> 00:11:02,932
but don't jump to conclusions,
all right?
322
00:11:02,934 --> 00:11:05,035
Let's just go to Bertinelli's
and see what's up.
323
00:11:05,036 --> 00:11:07,470
[phone ringing]
324
00:11:07,471 --> 00:11:09,272
Hey, Morgan.
Is everything okay with Leo?
325
00:11:09,273 --> 00:11:11,274
Go put on some pants!
MORGAN: Listen, Leo is fine.
326
00:11:11,275 --> 00:11:14,211
I've got an update for you:
the rehearsal dinner is amazing.
327
00:11:14,212 --> 00:11:16,046
I just had lasagna
for the first time.
328
00:11:16,047 --> 00:11:17,781
Now I know what
Garfield's on about.
329
00:11:17,782 --> 00:11:20,217
Hey, man, I ain't got no time
for this, all right?
330
00:11:20,218 --> 00:11:21,985
I am dealing with
the biggest family crisis
331
00:11:21,986 --> 00:11:23,954
since Dad's snoring,
so you have ten seconds
332
00:11:23,955 --> 00:11:26,023
to make this conversation about
me or I'm gonna hang up on you.
333
00:11:26,024 --> 00:11:27,791
MORGAN: Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Hold on. Okay.
334
00:11:27,792 --> 00:11:30,493
Dr. C, he had a few drinks,
and he pulled me aside.
335
00:11:30,494 --> 00:11:32,663
Now, I thought he was just
gonna kick me out,
336
00:11:32,664 --> 00:11:35,032
but he told me he's been
thinking about you,
337
00:11:35,033 --> 00:11:38,635
and he thinks he might be
making a huge mistake.
338
00:11:38,636 --> 00:11:41,004
Well, okay, I mean,
that could mean anything.
339
00:11:41,005 --> 00:11:42,806
You know, grooms always
have cold feet.
340
00:11:42,807 --> 00:11:43,974
Nope. Checked his feet.
341
00:11:43,975 --> 00:11:45,976
They were warm.
They were sweaty.
342
00:11:45,977 --> 00:11:49,646
Listen, I think if
you came here,
343
00:11:49,647 --> 00:11:51,081
he wouldn't go through with it.
344
00:11:51,082 --> 00:11:53,483
But if you do come,
bring a gift.
345
00:11:53,484 --> 00:11:57,154
We'll say it's from both of us.
346
00:11:57,155 --> 00:12:00,057
Okay, I think I might have to
go back to New York.
347
00:12:00,058 --> 00:12:01,558
What?
348
00:12:01,559 --> 00:12:04,034
Our family is falling apart.
349
00:12:04,035 --> 00:12:06,971
Plus, I need you
to pay for dinner.
350
00:12:11,509 --> 00:12:13,576
MINDY: Rishi, I am very sorry,
but something personal came up,
351
00:12:13,577 --> 00:12:15,012
and I have to figure it out.
352
00:12:15,013 --> 00:12:17,214
Something more important
than your mama?
353
00:12:17,215 --> 00:12:19,683
The women who went to
a junior high dance with you
354
00:12:19,684 --> 00:12:21,852
dressed up as "Cousin Shriv"?
355
00:12:21,853 --> 00:12:24,722
Okay, fine, that is
some really good guilting.
356
00:12:24,723 --> 00:12:26,189
We're gonna go to Bertinelli's,
we're gonna make sure
357
00:12:26,190 --> 00:12:27,557
that Mom doesn't get
her groove back on,
358
00:12:27,558 --> 00:12:28,625
and then I got to go
to New York.
359
00:12:28,626 --> 00:12:29,927
Yes! Let's do this!
360
00:12:29,928 --> 00:12:30,928
I'm gonna put on some pants!
361
00:12:30,929 --> 00:12:31,929
Go put on some pants.
362
00:12:31,930 --> 00:12:32,963
RISHI: Aw, damn.
363
00:12:32,964 --> 00:12:38,963
Mom didn't do my laundry.
364
00:12:40,338 --> 00:12:41,604
There, there, there.
365
00:12:41,605 --> 00:12:44,041
They usually save that booth
for Bill Belichick.
366
00:12:44,042 --> 00:12:45,876
[laughing]
367
00:12:45,877 --> 00:12:49,046
My God. Did you see that?
Her coquettish laugh.
368
00:12:49,047 --> 00:12:50,513
The one she uses
to get Dad to buy her
369
00:12:50,514 --> 00:12:52,049
lawn furniture at Costco.
370
00:12:52,050 --> 00:12:53,450
We may already be too late.
371
00:12:53,451 --> 00:12:55,352
Come on. Come on.
Come on. Let's go.
372
00:12:55,353 --> 00:12:57,220
[Mindy clearing throat]
RISHI: Hey, Ma.
373
00:12:57,221 --> 00:12:58,956
How's dinner with
the Aunties, huh?
374
00:12:58,957 --> 00:13:01,191
Hey, Mindy, doesn't Priya Auntie
look kind of different?
375
00:13:01,192 --> 00:13:02,632
Yeah, her eyes are normal,
376
00:13:02,633 --> 00:13:04,067
and she's an old white dude
with a scarf.
377
00:13:04,068 --> 00:13:05,368
Pssh!
CONRAD: Sonu.
378
00:13:05,369 --> 00:13:07,237
Who are these people?
379
00:13:07,238 --> 00:13:09,406
I'm so sorry, Conrad.
These are my children.
380
00:13:09,407 --> 00:13:11,374
Uh, I'm sorry.
You're sorry to him?
381
00:13:11,375 --> 00:13:14,044
Why don't you apologize to Dad,
who is, at this moment,
382
00:13:14,045 --> 00:13:17,080
at a gem convention getting
lapis lazuli for your bookshelf.
383
00:13:17,081 --> 00:13:19,249
- While you're cheating on him.
- Cheating?
384
00:13:19,250 --> 00:13:21,551
I'm here with my colleague
to discuss a part
385
00:13:21,552 --> 00:13:23,553
in the playhouse's
upcoming production.
386
00:13:23,554 --> 00:13:24,620
Oh, yeah? What's the play?
387
00:13:24,622 --> 00:13:25,723
Is it a Puccini opera
388
00:13:25,724 --> 00:13:27,725
- called "Lying Mom"?
- Oh.
389
00:13:27,726 --> 00:13:29,727
CONRAD: You'll have to
excuse me.
390
00:13:29,728 --> 00:13:33,230
Drama is my profession,
not my hobby.
391
00:13:33,231 --> 00:13:34,630
MINDY: Yeah, you better walk,
dude.
392
00:13:34,632 --> 00:13:36,633
And you know what?
If you want to cheat with a mom,
393
00:13:36,634 --> 00:13:38,435
why don't you go to the Chico's
at the Burlington mall?
394
00:13:38,436 --> 00:13:40,637
- Ooh, you old.
- Sonu.
395
00:13:40,638 --> 00:13:42,239
If you want to play this role,
396
00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:44,606
I would require
your complete focus.
397
00:13:44,608 --> 00:13:48,311
I just don't think a housewife
trying to manage all this
398
00:13:48,312 --> 00:13:49,913
is up to the challenge.
399
00:13:49,914 --> 00:13:52,015
Thank you for paying for dinner.
400
00:13:52,016 --> 00:13:54,583
Conrad. No.
401
00:13:54,585 --> 00:13:56,954
Mom, real disappointed in you.
402
00:13:56,955 --> 00:14:00,090
RISHI: Yeah, and put
a turtleneck on.
403
00:14:00,091 --> 00:14:02,092
My one chance
at a truly great role,
404
00:14:02,093 --> 00:14:04,534
torn from my fingers by the very
children I gave life to.
405
00:14:04,535 --> 00:14:06,302
I curse you!
MINDY: Hey, Mom.
406
00:14:06,303 --> 00:14:08,271
Don't curse us. It's mean.
All right?
407
00:14:08,272 --> 00:14:10,106
Why don't you just admit that
you were busted, all right?
408
00:14:10,107 --> 00:14:11,507
You were obviously
gonna cheat on Dad.
409
00:14:11,508 --> 00:14:13,476
- How dare you! I would never.
- Don't you see?
410
00:14:13,477 --> 00:14:15,011
That completely
proves our point.
411
00:14:15,012 --> 00:14:16,546
Mom, you were ready to throw
all of this away
412
00:14:16,547 --> 00:14:18,682
for what, one night of passion
with Conrad...
413
00:14:18,683 --> 00:14:20,450
who, for the record,
is a con artist,
414
00:14:20,451 --> 00:14:22,052
and not very rad at all,
ironically.
415
00:14:22,053 --> 00:14:24,154
I wasn't going to have sex.
416
00:14:24,155 --> 00:14:26,122
But I needed the temptation.
417
00:14:26,123 --> 00:14:27,623
- Oh, barf.
- Ooh!
418
00:14:27,624 --> 00:14:29,492
You admit you were flirting!
419
00:14:29,493 --> 00:14:30,994
Oh, I'm an actress!
420
00:14:30,995 --> 00:14:33,129
Every scene is a seduction.
421
00:14:33,130 --> 00:14:34,497
Why am I the only one
in this family
422
00:14:34,498 --> 00:14:36,332
who's not allowed
to pursue her dreams?
423
00:14:36,333 --> 00:14:38,134
You're a doctor.
424
00:14:38,135 --> 00:14:41,238
Rishi, you're one quarter of
the way through DJ school.
425
00:14:41,239 --> 00:14:45,175
When do I get my chance?
426
00:14:45,176 --> 00:14:47,377
- Oh, come on.
- Come on.
427
00:14:47,378 --> 00:14:49,512
You got so much, Mom.
428
00:14:49,513 --> 00:14:52,315
You get to cook
and clean for us,
429
00:14:52,316 --> 00:14:55,052
and you get to get us dope
presents at the holidays.
430
00:14:55,053 --> 00:14:56,486
And you get to pick
431
00:14:56,487 --> 00:14:59,022
all the pictures
in the family portraits.
432
00:14:59,023 --> 00:15:00,523
Shut up, shut up, you're
describing, like, the Taliban.
433
00:15:00,524 --> 00:15:02,032
Okay, listen. Mom.
434
00:15:02,033 --> 00:15:03,566
I get it, and I'm sorry
435
00:15:03,567 --> 00:15:06,269
that we got in the way of you
pursuing your dreams.
436
00:15:06,270 --> 00:15:10,173
You've always
helped us pursue ours.
437
00:15:10,174 --> 00:15:12,175
I got to go.
438
00:15:12,176 --> 00:15:14,377
Whoa, whoa.
You're going to New York?
439
00:15:14,378 --> 00:15:17,347
No. Not yet.
I should be, but I'm not.
440
00:15:17,348 --> 00:15:22,085
I'm gonna go help Mom
follow her dreams.
441
00:15:22,086 --> 00:15:24,021
Uch, this is Conrad's place?
442
00:15:24,022 --> 00:15:26,123
It's like where a witness
lives in "Spotlight."
443
00:15:26,124 --> 00:15:28,425
[knocking on door]
444
00:15:28,426 --> 00:15:30,627
CONRAD: Oh, look who's
rap-rap-rapping
445
00:15:30,628 --> 00:15:32,529
at my chamber door.
446
00:15:32,530 --> 00:15:36,299
That's from Edgar Allan Poe's
classic poem, "The Raven."
447
00:15:36,300 --> 00:15:39,269
Well, come in, I suppose.
448
00:15:39,270 --> 00:15:41,972
Did you come here
to insult me further?
449
00:15:41,973 --> 00:15:44,908
MINDY: No, I came here
to say I'm sorry,
450
00:15:44,909 --> 00:15:48,078
and I felt it would be best
if I did it in person.
451
00:15:48,079 --> 00:15:49,412
CONRAD: Apology accepted.
452
00:15:49,413 --> 00:15:51,548
May I offer you some water?
453
00:15:51,549 --> 00:15:54,151
Yeah. That would be great.
I'm a little parched.
454
00:15:54,152 --> 00:15:56,553
Thank you. Okay.
This smells like soup.
455
00:15:56,554 --> 00:15:58,255
I'm cool.
Look.
456
00:15:58,256 --> 00:16:00,423
My mother is a great actress,
and I would hate
457
00:16:00,424 --> 00:16:01,959
if our behavior in Bertinelli's
458
00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:03,300
messed up her chance
to be in your play.
459
00:16:03,301 --> 00:16:06,569
And I will do anything
to make it right.
460
00:16:06,570 --> 00:16:11,574
Maybe I can help you
if you help me.
461
00:16:11,575 --> 00:16:13,310
Did you just take a Viagra?
462
00:16:13,311 --> 00:16:14,444
No, of course not.
463
00:16:14,445 --> 00:16:15,612
I can't afford those.
464
00:16:15,613 --> 00:16:18,281
This is an herbal
male stimulant.
465
00:16:18,282 --> 00:16:20,250
Shall I convert the couch?
466
00:16:20,251 --> 00:16:21,752
Oh, my God!
467
00:16:21,753 --> 00:16:23,586
You were trying to get
my mom into bed!
468
00:16:23,587 --> 00:16:25,322
You know what?
You're a scumbag.
469
00:16:25,323 --> 00:16:27,424
I'm headed out,
and I'm keeping your mug.
470
00:16:27,425 --> 00:16:32,429
[stammers] In my defense,
I'm just a horny old man.
471
00:16:32,430 --> 00:16:34,932
SONU: I should have known he was
only interested in sex.
472
00:16:34,933 --> 00:16:36,934
My acting will never be
as good as my boobs.
473
00:16:36,935 --> 00:16:38,669
Hey, Mom. Don't say that.
You're an amazing actress.
474
00:16:38,670 --> 00:16:41,939
I should have just been happy
playing servants and trees.
475
00:16:41,940 --> 00:16:43,974
DANNY: Hey, would you hit
the road already?
476
00:16:43,975 --> 00:16:46,109
Come on!
You're running out of time.
477
00:16:46,110 --> 00:16:47,477
[whispering] Shut up.
This isn't a good time.
478
00:16:47,478 --> 00:16:49,512
When is a good time, Mindy?
479
00:16:49,513 --> 00:16:50,647
DANNY: I just want to tell you,
480
00:16:50,648 --> 00:16:51,682
I'm slipping away from you.
481
00:16:51,683 --> 00:16:53,216
Tick, tock.
482
00:16:53,217 --> 00:16:55,385
- This isn't helpful!
- Oh, I know.
483
00:16:55,386 --> 00:16:57,655
Please just hold me.
MINDY: Okay. Okay.
484
00:16:57,656 --> 00:17:00,958
All right, Mom, I... I wish
I could stay here with you,
485
00:17:00,959 --> 00:17:03,066
but I got to go.
I got to go back to New York.
486
00:17:03,067 --> 00:17:06,503
- I'm really sorry.
- That's okay. I understand.
487
00:17:06,504 --> 00:17:10,040
My life is going nowhere.
Focus on yours.
488
00:17:10,041 --> 00:17:13,043
DANNY: Yeah, focus on yours.
She can take care of herself.
489
00:17:13,044 --> 00:17:15,412
RISHI: You know what, woman?
Don't you even worry about it.
490
00:17:15,413 --> 00:17:17,380
'Cause while you're gone,
I'm gonna take care of Mom
491
00:17:17,381 --> 00:17:19,249
with my sick beats.
492
00:17:19,250 --> 00:17:22,419
Hey there, girl, I know you,
your name is Sonu.
493
00:17:22,420 --> 00:17:24,655
I know you feel alone
'cause the old white man
494
00:17:24,656 --> 00:17:26,489
- tried to jump your bone...
- Okay!
495
00:17:26,490 --> 00:17:28,158
You know, I think...
I think that's
496
00:17:28,159 --> 00:17:29,326
gonna bum her out a little bit,
497
00:17:29,327 --> 00:17:30,427
but I like the gesture.
498
00:17:30,428 --> 00:17:31,494
- Sure.
- Okay.
499
00:17:31,495 --> 00:17:32,996
I got to go.
I love you guys.
500
00:17:32,997 --> 00:17:34,665
I think this will
sort itself out, though.
501
00:17:34,666 --> 00:17:35,999
I'm gonna call
and check up on you
502
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:37,334
to make sure that you're good.
503
00:17:37,335 --> 00:17:39,103
Again, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
504
00:17:44,342 --> 00:17:46,076
DANNY: What are you doing?
Drive faster.
505
00:17:46,077 --> 00:17:47,610
You're not taking the parkway.
506
00:17:47,611 --> 00:17:49,346
Just, I don't need advice
how to drive, okay?
507
00:17:49,347 --> 00:17:50,513
I'll get there when I get there.
508
00:17:50,514 --> 00:17:51,849
DANNY: Come on!
Pedal to the metal!
509
00:17:51,850 --> 00:17:54,517
[phone ringing]
510
00:17:54,518 --> 00:17:56,252
Oh, God.
511
00:17:56,254 --> 00:17:58,355
Hey, Ben.
BEN: Hey, are you in Boston?
512
00:17:58,356 --> 00:18:01,692
All the people in the background
of your Instagrams are white.
513
00:18:01,693 --> 00:18:03,801
Yeah, you know, I...
I decided to
514
00:18:03,802 --> 00:18:05,535
visit my parents this weekend.
515
00:18:05,536 --> 00:18:06,870
BEN: Oh, that's cool.
516
00:18:06,871 --> 00:18:08,605
I was just checking in on you.
517
00:18:08,606 --> 00:18:10,407
I thought maybe you were
taking this wedding
518
00:18:10,408 --> 00:18:12,609
harder than you let on.
519
00:18:12,610 --> 00:18:14,477
That's really sweet.
520
00:18:14,478 --> 00:18:16,213
Uh, I think I have been
taking it
521
00:18:16,214 --> 00:18:18,215
a little bit harder
than I thought.
522
00:18:18,216 --> 00:18:20,250
I get it.
523
00:18:20,251 --> 00:18:22,552
Listen, I've been...
524
00:18:22,553 --> 00:18:24,788
been thinking about you a lot,
and...
525
00:18:24,789 --> 00:18:27,758
I just wanted to say that...
526
00:18:27,759 --> 00:18:30,661
I think I kind of love you.
527
00:18:30,662 --> 00:18:34,464
And anyway, that's...
528
00:18:34,465 --> 00:18:36,433
that's what I wanted to say.
529
00:18:36,434 --> 00:18:38,235
DANNY: Yeah, right.
He loves you?
530
00:18:38,236 --> 00:18:39,636
Does he know how crazy you are?
531
00:18:39,637 --> 00:18:41,805
God, shut up.
532
00:18:41,806 --> 00:18:44,241
Okay, not the response
I was hoping for.
533
00:18:44,242 --> 00:18:45,743
- I guess I'll go.
- Oh, no, no.
534
00:18:45,744 --> 00:18:48,245
I wasn't saying
"Shut up" to you.
535
00:18:48,246 --> 00:18:49,579
I was saying it to a picture
536
00:18:49,580 --> 00:18:50,848
because I talk to pictures
sometimes,
537
00:18:50,849 --> 00:18:51,849
and I'm a little bit crazy,
538
00:18:51,850 --> 00:18:53,751
and I hope that's okay.
539
00:18:53,752 --> 00:18:55,786
You know, believe it or not,
I knew that already.
540
00:18:55,787 --> 00:18:57,420
Yeah, I was tipped off
when you deleted
541
00:18:57,421 --> 00:18:59,422
all the female contacts
from my phone.
542
00:18:59,423 --> 00:19:00,623
[chuckles]
543
00:19:00,624 --> 00:19:01,631
Not all of them.
544
00:19:01,632 --> 00:19:04,201
I left you mine.
545
00:19:04,202 --> 00:19:06,837
Hey, Ben, I love...
546
00:19:06,838 --> 00:19:08,271
that you called me.
547
00:19:08,272 --> 00:19:09,472
You're exactly the voice
548
00:19:09,473 --> 00:19:11,541
I needed to hear tonight.
549
00:19:11,542 --> 00:19:14,945
Um, and I will talk
to you later.
550
00:19:14,946 --> 00:19:20,945
Talk to you later.
551
00:19:22,386 --> 00:19:24,855
Mom? Rishi?
552
00:19:24,856 --> 00:19:27,691
Ow! God! Mom!
Why do you keep doing that?
553
00:19:27,692 --> 00:19:30,360
I just get so scared,
I shut my eyes and swing.
554
00:19:30,361 --> 00:19:32,629
- Why did you come back?
- Give me that.
555
00:19:32,630 --> 00:19:35,565
Look, I started to make
a mistake, and then I didn't.
556
00:19:35,566 --> 00:19:38,802
- I'm... I'm sorry I left.
- Oh, I'm sorry. Please.
557
00:19:38,803 --> 00:19:40,671
Come into the kitchen.
Let me make you some food.
558
00:19:40,672 --> 00:19:42,172
I'm sorry, darling.
Did I hurt you?
559
00:19:42,173 --> 00:19:43,807
Yeah, Mom. Yeah, Mom!
560
00:19:43,808 --> 00:19:45,843
So, are you finally
going to tell me
561
00:19:45,844 --> 00:19:48,478
where you were driving, sweetie?
562
00:19:48,479 --> 00:19:51,413
I was going to Danny's wedding
to stop it.
563
00:19:51,415 --> 00:19:53,751
Mom, I think I'm going crazy.
564
00:19:53,752 --> 00:19:55,318
No, stopping weddings
565
00:19:55,319 --> 00:19:56,654
is something you've done
several times.
566
00:19:56,655 --> 00:19:58,756
MINDY: No, no, Mom,
this whole weekend,
567
00:19:58,757 --> 00:20:01,659
photos of Danny have been
straight-up talking to me,
568
00:20:01,660 --> 00:20:03,667
telling me that I screwed up
my whole life
569
00:20:03,668 --> 00:20:06,469
and that he was my one shot
at happiness.
570
00:20:06,470 --> 00:20:09,172
But you're sure it was
Danny who was talking?
571
00:20:09,173 --> 00:20:11,809
I mean, if you ask me,
what the photo said
572
00:20:11,810 --> 00:20:14,277
sounds more like
something you would say.
573
00:20:14,278 --> 00:20:15,679
Huh? Ex-squeeze me?
574
00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:17,514
Look, sweetie.
575
00:20:17,515 --> 00:20:19,516
We've always been so proud
576
00:20:19,517 --> 00:20:21,118
of how hard you worked.
577
00:20:21,119 --> 00:20:22,519
Thank you for finally
admitting
578
00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:23,654
that I'm better than Rishi.
579
00:20:23,655 --> 00:20:25,355
But you've always been
580
00:20:25,356 --> 00:20:27,524
so driven and hard on yourself,
581
00:20:27,525 --> 00:20:29,827
that somewhere along the line,
you started to believe
582
00:20:29,828 --> 00:20:31,729
that if someone wasn't
hard on you,
583
00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:33,463
they didn't care about you.
584
00:20:33,464 --> 00:20:35,733
And eventually, you ended up
with a man
585
00:20:35,734 --> 00:20:37,467
who did the criticizing for you.
586
00:20:37,468 --> 00:20:39,469
And now that Danny's gone,
587
00:20:39,470 --> 00:20:43,306
I'm worried that you're doing
the criticizing for him.
588
00:20:43,307 --> 00:20:44,842
Whoa.
589
00:20:44,843 --> 00:20:47,310
Mom, that was,
like, really smart.
590
00:20:47,311 --> 00:20:49,479
So...
591
00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:51,480
I was the Danny photo
the whole time.
592
00:20:51,482 --> 00:20:54,484
DANNY: Ex-squeeze me?
This bitch is cray.
593
00:20:54,485 --> 00:20:56,519
That sounds exactly like
something I would say.
594
00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:58,388
Shut up, stupid me photo!
595
00:20:58,389 --> 00:20:59,723
Hey, Mom, you know what?
596
00:20:59,724 --> 00:21:01,859
I think this could make
a really cool movie.
597
00:21:01,860 --> 00:21:03,667
We're Indian...
do we know Night Shyamalan?
598
00:21:03,668 --> 00:21:07,671
You know who knows M. Night?
Priya Auntie.
599
00:21:07,672 --> 00:21:09,673
MINDY: You know, I never thought
how hard it must be
600
00:21:09,674 --> 00:21:11,742
for an older Indian woman
to try to break into
601
00:21:11,743 --> 00:21:13,610
the most unfair profession
in the world
602
00:21:13,611 --> 00:21:15,746
in the most secretly-racist
city in America.
603
00:21:15,747 --> 00:21:17,681
You can't help what you love.
604
00:21:17,682 --> 00:21:19,249
You know, the smartest thing
I ever did
605
00:21:19,250 --> 00:21:20,450
was start my own business.
606
00:21:20,451 --> 00:21:22,185
Then you get to be
your own boss,
607
00:21:22,186 --> 00:21:23,721
and the sexual harassment rules
don't apply to you,
608
00:21:23,722 --> 00:21:25,355
'cause you're the groper.
609
00:21:25,356 --> 00:21:26,423
Why don't you just do that?
610
00:21:26,424 --> 00:21:28,358
I can't become a gynecologist.
611
00:21:28,359 --> 00:21:29,893
- My hands are very cold.
- No!
612
00:21:29,894 --> 00:21:31,762
I mean, why don't you write
your own play?
613
00:21:31,763 --> 00:21:33,764
You know?
Based on your own stories.
614
00:21:33,765 --> 00:21:37,735
You know, I have kept
very detailed journals.
615
00:21:37,736 --> 00:21:39,469
Care for a taste?
616
00:21:39,470 --> 00:21:42,572
- We'd love to, Mom.
- Can I be high for that?
617
00:21:42,573 --> 00:21:45,408
There I was,
an Indian immigrant
618
00:21:45,409 --> 00:21:47,477
in Arlington, Massachusetts,
in the blizzard of 1978.
619
00:21:47,478 --> 00:21:50,279
[phone buzzing]
620
00:21:50,280 --> 00:21:52,716
What is this cold sugar
from the sky?
621
00:21:52,717 --> 00:21:55,385
America is the land
of plentiful!
622
00:21:55,386 --> 00:21:57,120
"No," my husband said.
623
00:21:57,121 --> 00:21:59,089
"That is snow, my darling."
624
00:21:59,090 --> 00:22:02,565
I asked, "Who is that white man
in our front yard?"
625
00:22:02,566 --> 00:22:04,634
"It's a snowman."
626
00:22:04,635 --> 00:22:06,269
MINDY: I love you too.
627
00:22:06,270 --> 00:22:07,570
SONU: I barely knew my husband.
628
00:22:07,571 --> 00:22:09,139
To say nothing of
the looks I got
629
00:22:09,140 --> 00:22:11,308
when I washed my clothes
in the Concord river.
630
00:22:11,309 --> 00:22:12,475
And I thought,
631
00:22:12,476 --> 00:22:15,345
Will this cold,
unforgiving place
632
00:22:15,346 --> 00:22:17,414
ever be my home?
633
00:22:17,415 --> 00:22:18,749
But as time went on,
634
00:22:18,750 --> 00:22:21,451
India became a distant memory,
635
00:22:21,452 --> 00:22:23,286
and all of it changed for me.
636
00:22:23,287 --> 00:22:25,155
My adoptive home
637
00:22:25,156 --> 00:22:28,602
became simply... my home.
638
00:22:28,603 --> 00:22:33,284
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
639
00:22:33,334 --> 00:22:37,884
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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