All language subtitles for The Mindy Project s04e03 Leo Castellano Is My Son.eng

[door opens]
Welcome home, Prince Leo.

Behold,
one day all this will be yours.

I hope you like
property taxes, kid.

Oh, Danny, you're already
making lame dad jokes.

I'll tell you what's a joke.
The parking at that hospital.

- Danny?
- Yeah?

Where's our TV?
And my laptop, and our booze.

[gasps] Oh, my God,
we've been robbed.

No, we haven't been robbed.

- I baby proofed the place.
- Baby proofed?

- Yeah.
- More like fun-proofed.

Look, I read in
an article that says kids

shouldn't watch screens
until they're 18.

I was literally raised on TV,
and I turned out perfect.

You have an attention
span of 15 seconds.

What? Huh?

Hey, did you disable the wifi?

- Yep.
- How am I gonna turn

my ill-informed mommy blog
into a book of stolen recipes?

- That's my dream!
- Look, it's gonna be hard

for me too.
Giving up the Weather Channel

Especially in an El Nino year.

Yeah. You do love El Nino.

We're both in this
together, okay?

Look at him.
He's all that matters.

- I love this guy.
- Hey, did you find my gun?

There's a gun in here?

No.

- Love you.
- I love you, too.

[playful music]

Found it. It was in the toilet.

[hip-hop music]

Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/

[speaking Italian]

Danny, what does that mean?

A beautiful boy
could only come from

such a beautiful mother?

Danny, I love that.

I'm gonna get
that as a tramp stamp.

- Yeah?
- That's gorgeous.

Come here.
[sighs]

How am I supposed to go
back to work tomorrow?

Maybe I should take
paternity leave.

[moaning]

Are you kidding me?
Sex noises again?

- It's ridiculous.
- The third time this week.

- It's disgusting.
- I'm getting a UTI

just thinking about it.

You know what we used to do
when we heard sex noises?

We would just turn the volume
up on the TV, so maybe...

We should go next
door and talk to her

because we're not
bringing back the TV.

- Yes. Great idea.
- But... but...

- Let's do it. Come on, babe.
- Okay.

Just one sec, guys.

Just fool around with each
other for a minute, okay?

- Yeah?
- Can you quiet it down?

This is a family building,
not the last days of Rome.

Yeah, yeah, you guys are
the old married couple

- that live next door.
- I'm sorry, old?

No, no, no, no.
Him, maybe. Not me.

I'm essentially a child bride.

Okay, regardless,
this is a family building,

so can you dial it down
a couple of shades of Grey?

Okay, so I have
to sit and listen

to your baby cry all night?

I'd rather die
than dial anything down

for a couple of smug breeders
because in six months

when you guys move
out to Scarsdale

and you get fat and you die,
I'm gonna be here

partying with the anorexic gay
couple that moves in, okay?

- Okay, all right.
- All right.

Oh.

Okay, so we agreed, no screens,

no junk food till he's
done breastfeeding,

and no going outside
till he gets his vaccinations.

Except to go to
the movies with him,

which is fine
because I'm ethnic.

No, New York City is
the greatest city in the world,

but it's a vile
cesspool of disease.

We invented AIDS.

Take that, San Fran.

Okay. I can stay inside.

Although I did email TMZ that
I'd be leaving the house today.

And most important,
keep this nearby

so Leo doesn't forget Papa.

That's sweet, but we are
saying "daddy" and "mommy."

None of this, like, Papa, Mama,

European bull jive, okay?
We're Americans.

No.

Mi familia.

Okay, you're
getting very Italian

and very emotional this morning.

You guys...
I love you guys so much.

- Yeah.
- I love you.

I love you, too.

Ciao Bella.

Go out and make us
some money, okay?

I have very expensive habits.

- I'll call you in five minutes.
- Bye, babe.

So as of now, we no longer
take the API insurance,

but we do take Steve
Harvey brand insurance.

So nice of you to finally
join us, Dr. Castellano.

Or should I say,
proud Papa Castellano.

Bring it in. Bring it in.

Hey, where's Dr. L?

Oh, wait, let me guess.
She's at home with that baby.

She's with Leo, yeah.
They're doing great.

Not that anyone's asking.
She should be back

about, I don't know,
8 to 12 weeks.

Oh, that must be nice.

I didn't get any time off
when my dog had puppies.

- You took two weeks off.
- I only needed one.

I totally get it. I recently
missed an important lunch

because I was admiring
a butter-yellow dandelion

that had forced its way
through a pavement crack.

That's a weird new attitude.

Yeah, Dr. Reed's been
in a real good mood

since he started
getting it on the reg.

On the reg with Whitney?

Well...

She knows you're going out,
right?

Indeed she does, Danny.

And I'm as happy
as a prawn in sauce.

Hey, Dr. R., since you're
in such a good-ass mood,

I was wondering if
we could revisit my request

for a "TLC Tuesdays" dress code?

TLC Tuesdays?

You know, like,
I don't want no scrubs

to wear on my body.

No scrubs.
Well, that could be fun.

Oh, my God. Thank you!

It will so not
interfere with work.

I just need
the next two hours off

- to plan what I'm going to wear.
- Get outta here.

I was planning on making
an Irish exit here,

but since you're in
such a good mood,

what the hell?
And my wife took me back.

So I'm quitting and going
back to Philly to be with her.

Adrian, that is fantastic news.

No way, no. No, no, no, no.

That's not fantastic.

No. If he quits,
there's only two doctors here.

More importantly, if he quits,

I'm the only single
guy in the office.

Me. The cute one.

Don't get in the way of love.

Oh, my little buddy, Leo, is up.

What kind of trouble are
we gonna get in today?

Any drama? Any fun excitement?

Nothing?

[sighs]

[phone ringing]

Oh, my God, Danny.
There's an emergency!

What? Wha... wha...
wha... wha... Is Leo okay?

Is he okay? What's going on?

I'm so bored.

- For God's sake.
- Danny, I have no internet.

I have no TV.
Did you know that Leo's not even

gonna talk
until he's 12 months old?

Yes, we're doctors.
You didn't know that?

I'm an OB-GYN, pal.
I'm not a pedo-atrician.

How can you be bored?

Our baby's like a work of art.

It's like being at
the Guggenheim all day.

Do not bring up the Guggenheim.

Remember they kicked me out
for tripping and falling

all the way down the spiral?

I was worried this might happen,

so I left you a care package.
It's in our closet.

A care package? In the closet?

- Mindy?
- Thank you, Danny!

All right.

Leo, your daddy
gave me a present.

Ugh! Books? Come on, dude.

[sighs]

Okay...

[sighs]

What do we got here? Ahem.

"Jack Sprat could eat no fat,
his wife could eat no lean."

Okay, this is hitting
a little too close to home.

Now, let's...

"The Adventures of
Huckleberry Finn."

Certainly has a lot of
the N-word like a Kanye song.

Oh, no, but it has
a message like a Common song.

No, thank you.

Hmm. I hear this
one's pretty good.

Very violent.

How can a book with
this many Jews in it

not have a single joke?

So, how are we feeling
these days, Mr. Reese?

There you go.

My husband left a year ago

and I've only recently felt
like I'm ready to love again.

Me and you both, sister,
'cause I'm single

and I'm looking for
a nice girl to take care of.

Well, you know,
we're kind of in the same boat.

It might be fun if you and I...
[phone ringing]

Shh! Quiet. Quiet. Stop, stop.

That's Dr. L's ring.

Okay.

Hey, Dr. L,
I guess you butt dialed me.

I'm gonna hand up on myself.
So sorry to waste your time.

Wait, no, Morgan. Don't hang up.

- Hello?
- I called you on purpose.

What's going on in the office?

This is a social call?

Yeah, this is a social call.

Waited my whole life for this.

I am so bored.

I'm finally getting around

to writing my sweet
16 thank you cards.

Well, oh, yeah,
my love life's in the toilet.

- Okay.
- It there not one woman

out there who is willing
to date a nice, poor man?

It sounds good to me.

Shh! Please, can you be quiet?
I'm on the phone.

Eileen, I need you to be quite.

You talking to me?

This is a freaking big one.

Hello?

Wait. That's the minimum wage?

Nobody tell Morgan.

Finally, some real news. An ad.

Jake and Maggie Gyllenhaal
are signing copies

of their new cookbook.

Jake and Maggie are
my favorite actor siblings.

Oh, man.

I know your dad doesn't want
us to leave the apartment,

but what are the chances that
Jake Gyllenhaal has rubella?

Like, 30% max.

[Charlie XCX's "Gold Coins"]

Sheena, I'm going through
my boss' clothes for TLC Tuesdays.

Just, it's so hard being
alone at this time of year

because summer's over and,
you know,

the ladies are
wearing sweaters now,

so you can't see
their boobs so good.

Morgan, can I help you?

I hope so.
I've been talking to you

for a half hour.
Is there anything...

Just I've got lots
of work to do.

Well, I have to work on myself.

- Whitney.
- Hi, baby.

- Hey, baby.
- How are you?

- Better now.
- Oh, good, me, too.

[phone ringing]
God.

- I got to take this, okay?
- Okay.

- Ah.
- The hell are you...

Fuego. New lovers.

Can, uh,
can we take you out to lunch?

- Our treat.
- So you two can rub your love

in my face all meal? Maybe.

Only 'cause I make $2 an hour.

I will see you tonight.

Oh, I can't wait.

No, don't worry.
He doesn't suspect anything.

He's an idiot.
Okay, 8:00 at Averill's.

Got ya.

Oh my God, Sheena! I think my boss'
new girlfriend is cheating!

Your job is interesting!
I hate working ate the White House.

Well, Leo, we did it.
We meet the Gyllenhaals.

Peter Sarsgaard
said to your mommy,

"Get the hell away
from my wife."

That was pretty cool.

You cannot tell your father
about any of this, all right?

You keep all of Mommy's secrets,
don't you.

[gurgling]

[gasps]

[Leo giggles]

Oh, God.

[phone vibrates]

I'm missing your guts so much.
I'm on my way home for lunch!

Leo. Are you okay?

Try to throw
the keys under the door.

[keys jingle]

Damn it, they're too big.

Oh, no.

Sexually-active hallmate!

Excuse me? Oh, thank God.

Oh, it's you.

You back to do some
more slut-shaming?

You know, you have some nerve.

'cause I've seen
you walking around

in those sweatpants
that say "ho" on the butt.

They say "hero," it's just my
crack eats the middle letters.

I need to use your balcony.

I got locked out
of my apartment,

and my boyfriend cannot
know I left the house.

Why? Is he holding you hostage?

You know what?
I railed a cop last night.

I can wake him up.

Okay, that's a plan B.
I need to help my baby, please.

All right.

Oh, man. There's a lot
of condoms out here.

Oh, the Clippers were in town.

- Ugh.
- Yeah.

Okay, it doesn't matter.

[grunts]

Ah, my sweet junk food.

I'm coming for you, Leo!

I am so happy you're
one of those rich girls

that stays at home all
day and doesn't work.

What? I'm a publicist.

Well, that's a pretty easy job.

- For Bieber.
- Oh, God.

- I know.
- Okay.

Oh, mama. I think I can do this.

- Okay.
- Oh, God,

my episiotomy stitches!

- Oh...
- Oh, that really hurts.

Oh, God. We're so high up.

I can't do this.
I can't do this.

- It's very scary.
- You can do this.

You can do this.

Matt Lauer does
this all the time.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- Okay?
- I'm really scared.

I know, but it's okay.
You're halfway there.

- You think so?
- Yeah.

Okay. One...

both: Two, three.

- You did it.
- I did... aah!

Okay, all right.
I saw that coming.

Oh, help me, Chelsea.

I'm gonna wipe my barbecue
fingerprints off on the baby.

You just go hide
all the junk food

and the portable
DVD player I had.

Where?

Uh, there is a hiding spot
under some floorboards

in the bedroom.

It's filled with candy!

[keys rattling]

Hide, hide!

Leo, I'm home.

Look at these two.

[sighs]

What happened here?

I was reading one of
your old Hardy Boy books.

Got really excited
and I knocked it over.

Oh, that's happened to me.
Which one were you reading?

I... it was the one
about the... cave?

Oh, you can't read
that by yourself at home.

No way. It's really scary stuff.

- Right?
- It'll freak you out.

[pager vibrating]

Ah, I have a delivery.

You know what? I'll call Jeremy

and I'll ask if he can cover
so I can hang out with you guys.

No, leave, leave. Please leave.

I want... I want the little
one to see your work ethic.

That is a great point.

It's never too early.
I had my first job at six.

I was a lookout for
the Puerto Rican Diablos.

Yeah. Time to go.

- You should head out.
- Okay.

- Well, all right.
- Yeah.

- I love you.
- I love you, too.

I love you.

Bye, sweetheart.

I'll see you in a little while.

[door closes]

- Hey.
- Oh, God.

Whew, the a yapper
on that guy, huh?

Ugh.

Yeah, I know.

Thank you for helping me,
Chelsea.

I'm really sorry
about the other night.

Before I have a baby, I loved
listening to you bone randos.

And I loved falling asleep to
you munching on peanut brittle.

Danny banned everything peanut

until Leo has his allergy tests.

Wow. Danny's really strict, huh?

Yeah, he already grounded Leo
for giving him the finger.

Well, at least he's hot

and rich enough to buy you
that giant engagement ring.

At this point I would
settle for an ugly-poor

if he were nice.

- You want to settle down?
- Yeah.

I thought you were
slutty for modern female

empowerment reasons,
not for old-fashioned sad ones.

Yeah, maybe in my 20s

that was my thing,
but now I see you,

and I'm, like, "That...
that looks kinda nice."

Would you really date anyone
as long as they were a nice guy?

Yes.

Like, anyone?

Yeah.

Ah.

[phone vibrating]

- Go for Morgan.
- Hey, Morgan.

- Yes.
- Do you want to go on...

- Yes. Yes!
- I haven't even said...

- Yes! Yes!
- Okay.

- He'll pick you up at 7:00.
- Great.

I don't have a car.
I don't have a car... but...

I think I got you a date.

Whoo!

Hey, you're, like, super busy

and don't have time to talk
about personal things, right?

I'm actually absolutely free.

I gave myself two hours to hang
up this photographic collage

and I finished with
four minutes to spare.

- So hit me.
- Well,

firstly I've been
loving TLC Tuesdays,

and no matter
the outcome of this,

I don't want that to end.

Nothing is gonna end
TLC Tuesdays, Tamra.

It's like my relationship
with Whitney.

Ugh, okay, well...

I was gonna tell
you this in person,

but now I think it's best you
hear it the traditional way.

[phone vibrating] - Oh,
I just got a text.

Whitney is ch...

Whitney's cheating on me?

Are you gonna end TLC Tuesdays?

'Cause I already paid a guy

to paint a bathing suit
on me for next week.

It was... it was going so well.

We'd given each other nicknames.

"Boo-boo-pants" and "Jeremy."

It's probably nothing.

All I know for sure is
that she's meeting a man

behind your back
that thinks you're an idiot.

Where is she meeting this man?

'Cause I'm gonna go there.

Yeah, and I'm gonna
walk right up

and look at him
from behind a plant.

- And you're coming with me.
- No.

Oh, yes, you are.

[knocking]
Doctor C,

can I borrow your stapler?

A button popped. Hello, Dr. C?

Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba.

Oh, God. That is right...

Hey, Dr. L.

Can you hear me? Can you see me?

Wait, I can see her,
but she can't see me.

He's got Dr. L on nanny cam?

[gasps]

[buttons, staples clatter]

[both moaning]

- Oh, God, another guy?
- Oh, my God.

- I'm loving this sex. Oh, boy.
- Did you hear that?

- No, I didn't hear anything.
- Say my name, Chelsea.

- That sounds like...
- Ew, no.

Okay, well then I will.
Morgan. Aah! Morgan.

It's Morgan. What the hell
is Morgan doing over there?

How do they even
know each other?

- I have no idea.
- I tell you what, if that

made a baby, we should
name it after the woman

- who introduced us.
- Here we go.

- Mindy.
- What? He knows another Mindy?

Why would you introduce them?

How are you even talking to her?

I can explain.

You know what's screwed up?

She's too scared to tell him

she took their son to
a book signing today.

Okay. You took Leo where?

I was dying in here.

Your care package actually
was all package and no care.

This is the ultimate betrayal.

That's nothing.
I went into his office today.

He has a nanny cam
on Dr. L all day.

- What?
- What?

A nanny cam?

That's not what they said.

Where is it, Danny?

I didn't hear...
I didn't hear them say that.

[gasps] Is it in
the picture frame?

Ow, ow, ow.

A nanny cam, Danny?

I can't believe you
wouldn't trust me.

Trust you? Are you kidding me?

Your first day alone with Leo

you expose him to Jake
Gyllenhaal's germs

and then locked him
inside our apartment?

You liked "Southpaw."

Yeah, well, I didn't love
"Brokeback Mountain."

- Danny!
- It wasn't my kind of movie.

You know what? It is not fair

that I am locked here
with zero entertainment.

I just want what's best for Leo.

And I don't?

[knocking]

- Who the hell's that?
- Who the hell is that?

I'm trying to have
a fight with my wife.

Hey, man, it's kinda hard
to maintain an erection

when I can hear my bosses
yelling at each other.

Two people are trying
to sex in there

and your old-people fighting,
it's too much.

It's... it's draining
our juices. Tell 'em, baby.

Uh, I think maybe
we should call it a night.

We're gonna call it...
what, what?

No, see what's happening?

Two minutes ago, she was like...

[imitates moaning]

But then...
[imitates muffled shouting]

Bah, bah, bah.
Muh, muh, muh, muh, muh.

Bah, bah, bah. Shut up!

You know what, Morgan?
It's actually not a problem

because I've been cooped up
in this apartment all day

and I think it would be kinda
fun to sneak out to get a drink.

- What?
- Okay, fine.

Yeah, if...
if that's okay with you, master.

- A drink?
- It's fine, yes.

He controls where
I go and when I go.

- Oh, that's not right, either.
- No, no, no.

- Is that okay?
- Let her go.

- A drink? A drink!
- Quiet.

- Ai maron!
- Stop it, stop it.

Oh, my God. It is so trashy.

I'm so sorry.
You ready for round two, mama?

Yeah, good idea.

I... I'm gonna hand with Dr. C.

I think he needs my help, so...

Oh, my God. Dr. C?

Dr. C, I think
the wind blew the door.

[lounge music playing]

[chuckles]

- Tamra.
- Come on.

How could you?

Is this because Dr. Reed
has a weird enormous head?

- Okay, I have tall hair.
- Jeremy?

Tamar? What are you doing here?

We are here to show you
the face of devastation,

specifically mine.

Hi, I'm Gerald.

Oh, forgive me. Jeremy Reed.

- Don't shake his hand!
- Right.

I heard you on the phone,
"Whiteney."

Scheming to meet this Gerald

while Dr. Reed's
back was turned.

Oh, my... you think
I'm cheating with Gerald?

Well, how else do
you explain it?

Actually, this is not a good
time to talk about this, okay?

- Great.
- Nah.

Explain yourself right now.

- [clears throat]
- Okay.

You want the truth?

For the past month,
I have been planning

a surprise engagement party
for my coworker, Gerald.

- Really?
- [sighs]

I would have been so surprised.

Then why the hell are
you two sitting out here?

Because we're waiting
for his fiance, John.

So, when you said
he doesn't suspect anything,

he's an idiot...

I was talking about Gerald.

Yeah.

I'm just gonna go home.

Oh, okay. That makes sense.

But the good news is,
you two are still together,

so we can keep TLC Tuesdays,
right?

No, from now on every day
is business formal day.

No.

I just bought
a completely clear top.

[groans]

[bar music playing]

Ahem, excuse me?

I would like your finest
body shot, please.

You got it.

Good news, I can stay.

Told the wife
I was working late.

[imitates explosion] Crushed it.

Huge, bro.

Here's to getting home after
the kids are bathed and asleep.

- Cheers.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Are you dudes for real?
You two would have rather

stay out here and drink than go
home and be with your babies?

As a mother, you disgust me.

Well, as a mother, what
the hell are you doing here?

For your information,
I am taking a break

'cause it's all too much.

That's exactly what we're doing.

I-I can't believe it.
Your poor wives.

I mean, honestly.

I bet they would
kill to be married

to an over-protective psycho

who's obsessed with their kid.

If I wanted to get told
off by an Indian woman,

I'd tell my doctor how
much I actually drink.

Whoa, you don't know
what her day was like.

Baby's probably
driving her crazy.

She's got it as bad as us.

Actually, my baby's an angel

and his father is a saint.

I should bounce.
I'm really sorry, guys.

I-I thought you
were these, like,

finance "American
Psycho" wannabes,

but, like, you're just creeps.

Catch you later, dudes.

OMG. That girl wasn't cheating
anow now my boss hater me.

Where you at?

White House situation room.
Syria's wack right now.

Well, for now on, I should
mind my own business.

That's what I keep telling
these fools about Syria.

[plastic clatters]

[playful music]

Hmm.

[sniffing]

[gasps]

Mind your business, Tamra.

[door opens]

- Hey.
- Hey.

I went and picked you up one
of those sandwiches you like

with all the leaves
inside of it.

Lettuce?

Thanks, babe.

How's he doing?

- He's doing great.
- Yeah.

You know, I was wrong
to use the nanny cam.

It's our first baby
and I was just a little nervous.

But of course I trust you,
Mindy.

That's a nice thing to say.

And I didn't do it just
to keep an eye out.

I wanted a way to check in
when I was missing you two.

Why didn't you just tell me?

I would have done, like,
a sexy strip tease for you.

And I definitely wouldn't
have eaten that scab.

- What?
- Nothing, nothing.

I have to tell you
something, too.

Okay.

I am so happy
that the father of my son

wants to be
so involved in his life.

I'm really lucky.

But you have to just
let me be a mom the way

that I know how to.

And I'm going to make mistakes,

like a lot of mistakes.

Like, more mistakes
than pretty much anyone,

but I think Leo will be okay.

Because we'll balance
each other out.

Yeah, as long as we both
compromise a little.

No, that's not what I said.

Yeah.

[gasps] Oh, my God.

What a crazy night, am I right?

- Cover up.
- We are so lucky

that we have each other.

Do I like Leo right now?
No, I don't.

But I will learn to love him
and he will learn to love me.

Morgan, I can see your penis.

Oh, my God! Oh, God.

Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0