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1
00:00:01,803 --> 00:00:03,610
Danny, listen to my great idea.
2
00:00:03,611 --> 00:00:04,844
We should name the baby
3
00:00:04,845 --> 00:00:06,312
after a classic movie character,
4
00:00:06,313 --> 00:00:08,848
like Indiana or Wall-E.
5
00:00:08,849 --> 00:00:10,417
I told you,
I want a name from history.
6
00:00:10,418 --> 00:00:12,852
Yeah, I suggested O.J.
and you thought it was too edgy.
7
00:00:12,853 --> 00:00:14,154
Although to be safe,
8
00:00:14,155 --> 00:00:15,955
we probably should pick
something gender-neutral.
9
00:00:15,956 --> 00:00:17,524
You know, in case he's trans.
10
00:00:17,525 --> 00:00:19,125
He's not gonna be trans.
11
00:00:19,126 --> 00:00:20,760
Well, that's up to herm.
12
00:00:20,761 --> 00:00:21,928
"Herm"?
13
00:00:21,929 --> 00:00:22,929
I don't think so.
14
00:00:22,930 --> 00:00:24,164
- Danny?
- Hmm?
15
00:00:24,165 --> 00:00:25,665
Put your book down. I'm horny.
16
00:00:25,666 --> 00:00:28,067
Uh, okay, babe, maybe...
17
00:00:28,068 --> 00:00:30,203
- Maybe not tonight.
- Come here, come here.
18
00:00:30,204 --> 00:00:32,605
Okay, okay.
19
00:00:32,606 --> 00:00:35,141
Just want a little sweet D.
20
00:00:35,142 --> 00:00:37,110
It's just,
I don't want my special guy
21
00:00:37,111 --> 00:00:38,912
so close to my special guy.
22
00:00:38,913 --> 00:00:40,380
I mean, he might hear us.
23
00:00:40,381 --> 00:00:43,116
You don't want to have
sex because of the baby?
24
00:00:43,117 --> 00:00:46,119
Danny, this is my baby.
He loves sex sounds.
25
00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:48,321
How would you like it if you
were minding your own business
26
00:00:48,322 --> 00:00:51,224
and a big penis just came
and hit you right in the face?
27
00:00:51,225 --> 00:00:53,426
Yeah, that's my life
you're describing.
28
00:00:53,427 --> 00:00:55,094
Sweetheart, look at this ring.
29
00:00:55,095 --> 00:00:57,330
This is our solemn oath
to be with each other
30
00:00:57,331 --> 00:00:59,032
for the rest of our lives,
is it not?
31
00:00:59,033 --> 00:01:00,433
- It is, yes.
- Okay.
32
00:01:00,434 --> 00:01:02,569
You bought the cow,
now get the milk for free.
33
00:01:02,570 --> 00:01:04,671
Babe, I'm sorry, I just...
34
00:01:04,672 --> 00:01:06,372
A son should only see
his father's thing
35
00:01:06,373 --> 00:01:08,041
when they stop on a hike to pee.
36
00:01:08,042 --> 00:01:09,209
You know what, you prude?
37
00:01:09,210 --> 00:01:10,944
I don't even need you.
Read your book.
38
00:01:10,945 --> 00:01:13,414
I will just draw my own erotica.
39
00:01:16,884 --> 00:01:18,351
[clears throat]
40
00:01:18,352 --> 00:01:20,086
Aah. Ooh.
41
00:01:20,087 --> 00:01:21,688
This is some real good stuff.
42
00:01:21,689 --> 00:01:23,923
You're just drawing
the number 69.
43
00:01:23,924 --> 00:01:25,592
Yeah. Ooh la la.
44
00:01:25,593 --> 00:01:26,893
- Oh oh.
- Mm-hmm.
45
00:01:26,894 --> 00:01:29,729
You keep it going, 69.
46
00:01:29,730 --> 00:01:32,966
- Just please, please! Please!
- What? Stop! No!
47
00:01:32,967 --> 00:01:35,969
[hip-hop music]
48
00:01:35,970 --> 00:01:39,970
49
00:01:44,776 --> 00:01:47,256
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
50
00:01:49,950 --> 00:01:51,451
Oh, good news, everybody.
51
00:01:51,452 --> 00:01:54,120
I'm taking the entire staff
out to dinner tomorrow night,
52
00:01:54,121 --> 00:01:56,322
with Whitney,
the girl I'm dating.
53
00:01:56,323 --> 00:01:57,924
It's actually
the restaurant where the guy
54
00:01:57,925 --> 00:02:00,493
breaks up with his phone plan
in the Verizon commercial.
55
00:02:00,494 --> 00:02:01,794
No big deal. [sniffs]
56
00:02:01,795 --> 00:02:03,930
Sorry, I'm taking
a night school class.
57
00:02:03,931 --> 00:02:06,232
It's called
"Making Excuses at Work."
58
00:02:06,233 --> 00:02:09,435
Bev! I was counting on you.
Come on, guys.
59
00:02:09,436 --> 00:02:12,639
Don't make Whitney think
I'm a weird loser with no friends.
60
00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:14,307
- Adrian?
- No, sorry.
61
00:02:14,308 --> 00:02:17,644
I gotta give the dog his shots
while my wife's on a date.
62
00:02:17,645 --> 00:02:19,279
At least she's letting
me in the house.
63
00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:21,047
[sighs] Mindy, Morgan.
64
00:02:21,048 --> 00:02:23,483
You love free slop.
65
00:02:23,484 --> 00:02:27,620
Look, Jeremy. I for one would
love to want to go to that.
66
00:02:27,621 --> 00:02:29,489
But my fertility
clinic has a booth
67
00:02:29,490 --> 00:02:31,157
at the Manhattan Fertility Expo.
68
00:02:31,158 --> 00:02:33,826
Yeah, we started a pretty
innovative new program.
69
00:02:33,827 --> 00:02:35,194
It's to convince
girls in their 20s
70
00:02:35,195 --> 00:02:36,429
to want to freeze their eggs.
71
00:02:36,430 --> 00:02:38,531
It's called "Later, Baby!"
72
00:02:38,532 --> 00:02:41,067
And it was my idea!
I'm a business partner.
73
00:02:41,068 --> 00:02:42,902
Frisbee! [disc clatters]
74
00:02:42,903 --> 00:02:43,970
- Sorry.
- Really?
75
00:02:43,971 --> 00:02:45,805
No takers for a free dinner?
76
00:02:45,806 --> 00:02:47,407
Unbelievable.
You lot would turn down
77
00:02:47,408 --> 00:02:49,075
a free car if it was from me!
78
00:02:49,076 --> 00:02:51,945
Wait, who's giving
away a free car?
79
00:02:51,946 --> 00:02:53,513
Uh, I'm good.
80
00:02:53,514 --> 00:02:55,381
I... I mean... just...
81
00:02:55,382 --> 00:02:56,883
Tamra!
82
00:02:56,884 --> 00:02:59,319
Hey, we were wondering
if we could run our spiel
83
00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:00,920
for the Fertility Expo by you?
84
00:03:00,921 --> 00:03:03,890
'Cause you're young
and millennial, right?
85
00:03:03,891 --> 00:03:04,924
[phone chimes]
86
00:03:04,925 --> 00:03:06,259
Perfect.
87
00:03:06,260 --> 00:03:08,161
Do you know there's no better
time to freeze your eggs
88
00:03:08,162 --> 00:03:09,429
than when you're in your 20s?
89
00:03:09,430 --> 00:03:11,230
Mm-hmm, and it's
a great way to make sure
90
00:03:11,231 --> 00:03:14,133
that your reproductive
health is... on fleek.
91
00:03:14,134 --> 00:03:17,604
And that is... cool.
92
00:03:17,605 --> 00:03:19,138
Freezing your eggs?
93
00:03:19,139 --> 00:03:20,740
I heard that stuff's unnatural,
94
00:03:20,741 --> 00:03:22,375
at least that's what
the midwives from upstairs said
95
00:03:22,376 --> 00:03:23,476
in their ad.
96
00:03:23,477 --> 00:03:25,545
- The midwives?
- Yeah, look.
97
00:03:25,546 --> 00:03:27,447
Okay.
98
00:03:27,448 --> 00:03:30,083
Pollution. Drought.
99
00:03:30,084 --> 00:03:31,918
Peanut sensitivity.
100
00:03:31,919 --> 00:03:35,521
The modern world is
ruining our lives.
101
00:03:35,522 --> 00:03:38,091
And now, from birthing
drugs to egg freezing,
102
00:03:38,092 --> 00:03:41,194
Big Fertility wants to change
the way we make new life.
103
00:03:41,195 --> 00:03:42,895
But there is another way...
104
00:03:42,896 --> 00:03:44,564
A more natural way.
105
00:03:44,565 --> 00:03:46,566
At Downtown Women's
Holistic Health Center,
106
00:03:46,567 --> 00:03:48,167
- my brother Duncan and I...
- Hi!
107
00:03:48,168 --> 00:03:51,137
Are returning to traditions
when birth was a tribal ritual,
108
00:03:51,138 --> 00:03:55,241
spiritual, erotic even...
not a sterile medical procedure.
109
00:03:55,242 --> 00:03:58,077
Brendan has the charisma
of a young Paul Newman.
110
00:03:58,078 --> 00:03:59,379
That's enough.
111
00:03:59,380 --> 00:04:02,982
Drug-free birthing techniques
for every kind of family,
112
00:04:02,983 --> 00:04:06,386
from same-sex couples to
inter-species triples.
113
00:04:06,387 --> 00:04:08,354
Let's hear from Brooke Burke.
114
00:04:08,355 --> 00:04:09,789
Thanks to Paleo Birth,
115
00:04:09,790 --> 00:04:13,326
I didn't go into labor
surrounded by masked doctors.
116
00:04:13,327 --> 00:04:14,661
Masks?
117
00:04:14,662 --> 00:04:15,928
Really, doctors?
118
00:04:15,929 --> 00:04:17,130
What are you hiding?
119
00:04:17,131 --> 00:04:19,699
You know who else wears masks?
Bank robbers.
120
00:04:19,700 --> 00:04:21,034
And ISIS.
121
00:04:21,035 --> 00:04:24,137
I gave birth right here
in my Brentwood garden,
122
00:04:24,138 --> 00:04:27,040
and my child's first sight
wasn't a hospital gown.
123
00:04:27,041 --> 00:04:28,441
It was a butterfly.
124
00:04:28,442 --> 00:04:32,078
And then the sprinklers
came on and we had to move.
125
00:04:32,079 --> 00:04:33,546
Paleo Birth.
126
00:04:33,547 --> 00:04:36,716
Stone Age health
care is finally here.
127
00:04:36,717 --> 00:04:37,850
Bye-bye!
128
00:04:37,851 --> 00:04:39,018
Natural birth?
129
00:04:39,019 --> 00:04:40,586
Easy for you to say,
Brooke Burke!
130
00:04:40,587 --> 00:04:42,488
If I had a birthing
canal that straight,
131
00:04:42,489 --> 00:04:44,557
basically, having a baby
is like taking a big fart.
132
00:04:44,558 --> 00:04:45,625
All right, yeah, sure,
133
00:04:45,626 --> 00:04:47,493
that movie was
beautiful and well-made,
134
00:04:47,494 --> 00:04:48,795
but at the end of the day,
135
00:04:48,796 --> 00:04:50,196
what are you gonna
remember more:
136
00:04:50,197 --> 00:04:53,332
A great movie,
or a good ol' Frisbee
137
00:04:53,333 --> 00:04:55,501
made in the U.S. of...
138
00:04:55,502 --> 00:04:56,903
- Chernobyl?
- Okay, just...
139
00:04:56,904 --> 00:05:00,206
Y'all mad.
That video was hella compelling.
140
00:05:00,207 --> 00:05:02,075
And everyone knows Brooke
Burke doesn't get out of bed
141
00:05:02,076 --> 00:05:03,876
for less than $10,000.
142
00:05:03,877 --> 00:05:06,112
Okay, it wasn't compelling
and everyone hated it.
143
00:05:06,113 --> 00:05:07,246
And let me tell you something.
144
00:05:07,247 --> 00:05:09,615
I will never have
a natural birth, okay?
145
00:05:09,616 --> 00:05:11,217
I'm gonna be so drugged
out for my C-section,
146
00:05:11,218 --> 00:05:12,418
that when I wake up,
147
00:05:12,419 --> 00:05:14,320
Donald Trump will have
started second term.
148
00:05:14,321 --> 00:05:15,689
[clears throat]
149
00:05:18,492 --> 00:05:19,759
Morning, Danny.
150
00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:21,728
C-section? Drugged up?
151
00:05:21,729 --> 00:05:24,731
Have we not gone over
my birthing plan?
152
00:05:24,732 --> 00:05:26,966
What the hell?
You want to have the baby here?
153
00:05:26,967 --> 00:05:29,635
Sir, this is the most luxurious
154
00:05:29,636 --> 00:05:31,170
birthing suite in Manhattan.
155
00:05:31,171 --> 00:05:33,306
We've hosted everyone
from Bethenny Frankel
156
00:05:33,307 --> 00:05:34,707
to Miss Tina Fey.
157
00:05:34,708 --> 00:05:37,110
[sighs] It's everything
I've ever creamed of.
158
00:05:37,111 --> 00:05:39,278
Come on, this place is
bigger than my apartment.
159
00:05:39,279 --> 00:05:40,346
It's nicer, too.
160
00:05:40,347 --> 00:05:41,781
Danny, look at this place!
161
00:05:41,782 --> 00:05:44,517
There's a massage chair,
there's satellite radio.
162
00:05:44,518 --> 00:05:46,986
They put spa water
in the IV for you.
163
00:05:46,987 --> 00:05:49,522
Sir, I understand you're
nervous, but don't worry.
164
00:05:49,523 --> 00:05:51,224
This suite has a "Dad Cave,"
165
00:05:51,225 --> 00:05:53,793
with a tequila list
curated by Pitbull.
166
00:05:53,794 --> 00:05:54,827
A very smart breed.
167
00:05:54,828 --> 00:05:56,129
I don't care about any of that.
168
00:05:56,130 --> 00:05:57,263
Mindy,
don't you think you should
169
00:05:57,264 --> 00:05:58,698
check out the delivery room?
170
00:05:58,699 --> 00:06:00,333
Oh, don't worry about that,
Dr. Lahiri.
171
00:06:00,334 --> 00:06:01,834
You'll never remember it.
172
00:06:01,835 --> 00:06:04,337
You've opted for the five-day
C-section knockout package.
173
00:06:04,338 --> 00:06:05,671
- You have?
- Mm-hmm.
174
00:06:05,672 --> 00:06:07,607
Are you serious?
You want to be high on goofy gas
175
00:06:07,608 --> 00:06:09,609
for the most beautiful
moment of your life?
176
00:06:09,610 --> 00:06:11,611
Okay, the most beautiful
moment of my life
177
00:06:11,612 --> 00:06:13,746
was when I got a selfie with
Gayle King on that flight.
178
00:06:13,747 --> 00:06:15,515
Second of all, Danny,
this is my delivery.
179
00:06:15,516 --> 00:06:17,583
Just let me do what I want.
180
00:06:17,584 --> 00:06:19,786
Well, you have time to decide.
181
00:06:19,787 --> 00:06:22,321
Her baby removal appointment
isn't until next Saturday.
182
00:06:22,322 --> 00:06:24,023
You mean childbirth?
Okay, guys, look.
183
00:06:24,024 --> 00:06:25,725
We need to figure
this out, okay?
184
00:06:25,726 --> 00:06:27,426
We need to be prepared
if the little guy
185
00:06:27,427 --> 00:06:29,562
wants to come out on its own...
naturally.
186
00:06:29,563 --> 00:06:31,230
- Naturally?
- Naturally.
187
00:06:31,231 --> 00:06:32,732
He can't come out early!
188
00:06:32,733 --> 00:06:35,368
Then he'd be a Virgo and Virgos
are honest and reliable.
189
00:06:35,369 --> 00:06:37,436
Okay. All right.
190
00:06:37,437 --> 00:06:38,571
Uh, Brad?
191
00:06:38,572 --> 00:06:41,574
This was an amazing tour.
192
00:06:41,575 --> 00:06:43,709
This is for you.
For your troubles.
193
00:06:43,710 --> 00:06:45,311
Sir, this is a dollar.
194
00:06:45,312 --> 00:06:47,915
Exactly,
and I need 50 cents back.
195
00:06:49,550 --> 00:06:51,017
Hello, Daniel. I'm excited
196
00:06:51,018 --> 00:06:53,519
you've finally decided to
see me about your problem.
197
00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:55,721
Problem? What problem?
198
00:06:55,722 --> 00:06:57,190
Well...
199
00:06:57,191 --> 00:06:59,225
You were molested by
your priest as a child.
200
00:06:59,226 --> 00:07:01,194
That's why your personality
turned out this way.
201
00:07:01,195 --> 00:07:03,329
Why does everyone
assume I was molested?
202
00:07:03,330 --> 00:07:05,264
Listen, the reason I'm here
is because I saw your video
203
00:07:05,265 --> 00:07:08,501
and I thought you might
be able to suggest some...
204
00:07:08,502 --> 00:07:11,270
non-medical ways to
induce childbirth.
205
00:07:11,271 --> 00:07:13,639
Mm-hmm, I understand.
And remind me again
206
00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:15,675
how you described
my methods on the local news?
207
00:07:15,676 --> 00:07:18,744
Was it "superstitious
hoodoo for dumdums?"
208
00:07:18,745 --> 00:07:21,047
Yeah, I stand by it.
But who knows?
209
00:07:21,048 --> 00:07:23,583
The Yankees always won every
time I sat on Father Tony's lap.
210
00:07:23,584 --> 00:07:26,452
I mean, anything's possible.
211
00:07:26,453 --> 00:07:29,355
Hmm. I think I can help you.
212
00:07:29,356 --> 00:07:31,624
Chapter seven of
my new book "Paleo Birth"
213
00:07:31,625 --> 00:07:35,361
suggests natural ways
to induce childbirth.
214
00:07:35,362 --> 00:07:37,163
That's great. Thank you.
215
00:07:37,164 --> 00:07:38,164
You're welcome.
216
00:07:38,165 --> 00:07:39,232
How much do I owe you?
217
00:07:39,233 --> 00:07:40,833
You know what?
Just pay it forward.
218
00:07:40,834 --> 00:07:42,602
Initiate a conversation on race.
219
00:07:42,603 --> 00:07:44,203
Take in a homeless
person for a week.
220
00:07:44,204 --> 00:07:46,839
Start a critical mass
bike ride for veganism.
221
00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:48,742
Okay, great. Thank you.
222
00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:54,614
Whoa.
223
00:07:54,615 --> 00:07:55,982
Lot of candles, babe.
224
00:07:55,983 --> 00:07:58,718
Natural ways to
induce childbirth...
225
00:07:58,719 --> 00:08:01,087
Come over here.
Try this arrabbiata.
226
00:08:01,088 --> 00:08:02,755
You cooked?
227
00:08:02,756 --> 00:08:04,857
Ooh. Looks great.
228
00:08:04,858 --> 00:08:05,958
- There you go.
- Okay.
229
00:08:05,959 --> 00:08:07,793
Spicy foods...
230
00:08:07,794 --> 00:08:09,395
Ow!
231
00:08:09,396 --> 00:08:12,031
Oh, my God! That is very spicy.
232
00:08:12,032 --> 00:08:13,966
- Sorry, here.
- Hm.
233
00:08:13,967 --> 00:08:15,501
- Red wine...
- Alcohol?
234
00:08:15,502 --> 00:08:16,702
Yeah.
235
00:08:16,703 --> 00:08:18,070
Tried to have a sip of
your beer last month,
236
00:08:18,071 --> 00:08:19,405
you called me Casey Anthony.
237
00:08:19,406 --> 00:08:20,673
Not tonight.
238
00:08:20,674 --> 00:08:22,408
Massage...
239
00:08:22,409 --> 00:08:24,911
Would you like a massage?
240
00:08:24,912 --> 00:08:26,579
Okay.
241
00:08:26,580 --> 00:08:29,115
[sighs]
242
00:08:29,116 --> 00:08:32,051
Oh, that's good.
243
00:08:32,052 --> 00:08:33,119
Ah, babe.
244
00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:35,055
Nipple stimulation...
245
00:08:37,124 --> 00:08:38,324
Ow!
246
00:08:38,325 --> 00:08:39,859
Why'd you tweak my tit?
247
00:08:39,860 --> 00:08:41,360
I'm horny, let's get to it.
248
00:08:41,361 --> 00:08:43,129
- You're horny?
- Very.
249
00:08:43,130 --> 00:08:45,464
Oh, my God, Danny,
this is great news,
250
00:08:45,465 --> 00:08:47,199
'cause I've been cheating
on you with a banister .
251
00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:48,367
- Let's go.
- Mmm.
252
00:08:48,368 --> 00:08:50,636
Sexual intercourse.
253
00:08:50,637 --> 00:08:52,605
Ow, ow. There's something here.
254
00:08:52,606 --> 00:08:53,941
Don't worry about it.
255
00:08:55,609 --> 00:08:57,476
- "Paleo Birth"?
- Nah, it's...
256
00:08:57,477 --> 00:08:59,478
Danny, why do you have this?
257
00:08:59,479 --> 00:09:01,882
Were you trying to boink
the baby out of me?
258
00:09:06,954 --> 00:09:07,954
I cannot believe you.
259
00:09:07,955 --> 00:09:09,488
You tried to trick my body
260
00:09:09,489 --> 00:09:11,557
into giving birth
before my C-section.
261
00:09:11,558 --> 00:09:12,892
Booze? Sex?
262
00:09:12,893 --> 00:09:14,760
Danny, you used all
my favorite things against me!
263
00:09:14,761 --> 00:09:17,263
Look, Min, if you have this
baby safe and naturally,
264
00:09:17,264 --> 00:09:18,364
you'll be glad you did.
265
00:09:18,365 --> 00:09:20,933
Your body knows how to
do this... it knows.
266
00:09:20,934 --> 00:09:22,134
My body is an idiot.
267
00:09:22,135 --> 00:09:24,170
Have you ever seen me
try to climb a ladder?
268
00:09:24,171 --> 00:09:26,973
Danny, it's decided, okay?
I'm getting a C-section.
269
00:09:26,974 --> 00:09:28,441
Do you know what
that C stands for?
270
00:09:28,442 --> 00:09:30,876
Yeah, comfort,
convenience, coolness.
271
00:09:30,877 --> 00:09:33,479
No. C is for "coward."
272
00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:35,548
- [gasps]
- C-sections are designed
273
00:09:35,549 --> 00:09:36,849
for emergencies,
274
00:09:36,850 --> 00:09:38,985
not for rich women to
schedule their births
275
00:09:38,986 --> 00:09:40,586
between spin classes.
276
00:09:40,587 --> 00:09:42,822
How dare you.
You know I don't spin.
277
00:09:42,823 --> 00:09:45,291
[sighs] Look, if you let it,
278
00:09:45,292 --> 00:09:47,093
birth can be
a beautiful experience.
279
00:09:47,094 --> 00:09:48,594
Excuse me?
280
00:09:48,595 --> 00:09:50,463
I'm an OB/GYN, too, Danny.
281
00:09:50,464 --> 00:09:52,331
We both know that childbirth
is a horror movie.
282
00:09:52,332 --> 00:09:53,866
Basically, your vagina explodes
283
00:09:53,867 --> 00:09:55,468
a bloody,
screaming little alien.
284
00:09:55,469 --> 00:09:56,769
Yeah, well,
that sounds beautiful to me.
285
00:09:56,770 --> 00:09:59,171
Besides,
the pain of childbirth, I mean,
286
00:09:59,172 --> 00:10:01,173
that's a rite of
passage for a woman.
287
00:10:01,174 --> 00:10:03,576
Why should only women have
to suffer through pain, okay?
288
00:10:03,577 --> 00:10:04,744
Why don't you get one
of your cavities filled
289
00:10:04,745 --> 00:10:05,745
without any Novocain?
290
00:10:05,746 --> 00:10:06,746
I don't get cavities, okay?
291
00:10:06,747 --> 00:10:08,047
I got a brushing ritual.
292
00:10:08,048 --> 00:10:09,448
Two minutes up and down,
two minutes round and round,
293
00:10:09,449 --> 00:10:10,683
- and I go...
- I can't listen to you
294
00:10:10,684 --> 00:10:12,351
talk about how you brush
your teeth anymore.
295
00:10:12,352 --> 00:10:14,220
Why does it bother
you so much, okay?
296
00:10:14,221 --> 00:10:15,588
Why don't you just let
me sleep through it,
297
00:10:15,589 --> 00:10:17,123
like when you make
me watch "Frontline"?
298
00:10:17,124 --> 00:10:18,190
Okay, so you want
to sleep through
299
00:10:18,191 --> 00:10:19,525
your first big challenge
of being a mom?
300
00:10:19,526 --> 00:10:21,027
Fine.
301
00:10:21,028 --> 00:10:24,030
But there's gonna be nothing but
more challenges down the line,
302
00:10:24,031 --> 00:10:27,300
and you're not gonna be
able to sleep through those.
303
00:10:32,672 --> 00:10:35,074
[recorded screaming]
[screams]
304
00:10:35,075 --> 00:10:37,643
- Startle the mother.
- Dammit, Danny!
305
00:10:37,644 --> 00:10:41,080
Whoo! Expo is here, Dr. L!
306
00:10:41,081 --> 00:10:43,549
I am nervous, but excited.
307
00:10:43,550 --> 00:10:45,518
What two things are you?
308
00:10:45,519 --> 00:10:48,020
My two words?
Betrayed and upset.
309
00:10:48,021 --> 00:10:49,388
What?
310
00:10:49,389 --> 00:10:50,589
You want to know what Danny
tried to do last night?
311
00:10:50,590 --> 00:10:54,093
Danny tried to trick my body
into giving birth early.
312
00:10:54,094 --> 00:10:55,661
- Okay, between me and you?
- Yeah?
313
00:10:55,662 --> 00:10:57,196
- I love Dr. C.
- Mm-hmm.
314
00:10:57,197 --> 00:10:59,198
He's always been the Yoko of
our relationship.
315
00:10:59,199 --> 00:11:00,199
Well, who am I?
316
00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:02,134
- The Beatles.
- Who are you?
317
00:11:02,135 --> 00:11:04,070
Morgan. Not a music fan.
318
00:11:04,071 --> 00:11:05,271
Listen, the point is this.
319
00:11:05,272 --> 00:11:08,374
You are a confident,
beautiful ethnic goddess, okay?
320
00:11:08,375 --> 00:11:10,976
Don't let some man tell you
what to do with your body.
321
00:11:10,977 --> 00:11:12,578
- Thank you.
- Last time I checked,
322
00:11:12,579 --> 00:11:14,346
this was America,
and we respect women here.
323
00:11:14,347 --> 00:11:16,282
Yeah, "Roe v. Wade" and stuff.
324
00:11:16,283 --> 00:11:19,151
Yeah, "Roe v. Wade,"
Dwyane Wade, all the Wades.
325
00:11:19,152 --> 00:11:21,087
Thank you, Morgan. You're right.
326
00:11:21,088 --> 00:11:23,289
And you know what?
I'm really excited for the Expo.
327
00:11:23,290 --> 00:11:24,857
As long as this
little guy doesn't try
328
00:11:24,858 --> 00:11:26,325
to come out before
the C-section.
329
00:11:26,326 --> 00:11:28,327
Oh, let me handle that one.
330
00:11:28,328 --> 00:11:31,030
Hey, boy! Hey, sit!
331
00:11:31,031 --> 00:11:32,865
Sit! Stay!
332
00:11:32,866 --> 00:11:33,966
Okay.
333
00:11:33,967 --> 00:11:36,001
Good boy. You get a treat.
334
00:11:36,002 --> 00:11:37,870
Okay, how many times
have I told you?
335
00:11:37,871 --> 00:11:39,205
The only thing you're
allowed to kiss are my feet.
336
00:11:39,206 --> 00:11:40,673
You got it.
337
00:11:40,674 --> 00:11:42,341
Well, it's gonna be great.
338
00:11:42,342 --> 00:11:43,409
Aah!
339
00:11:43,410 --> 00:11:44,543
Ow!
340
00:11:44,544 --> 00:11:45,678
What happened? Did you say "ow"?
341
00:11:45,679 --> 00:11:47,513
Or did you start to say "owl?"
342
00:11:47,514 --> 00:11:49,683
'Cause I can get you an owl.
343
00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:54,720
[knocking on door]
344
00:11:54,721 --> 00:11:55,921
Hey, mate.
345
00:11:55,922 --> 00:11:58,757
Hey, what do you think
about Frank as a baby name?
346
00:11:58,758 --> 00:12:00,659
Oh, I have
a brother named Frank.
347
00:12:00,660 --> 00:12:01,794
You do?
348
00:12:01,795 --> 00:12:03,529
Yeah, he used to walk
me to the garden,
349
00:12:03,530 --> 00:12:06,866
where he'd have the others
wait for me, with their sticks.
350
00:12:06,867 --> 00:12:09,869
[sighs] I gotta stop
running these names by you.
351
00:12:09,870 --> 00:12:13,439
Okay, so, what's up?
352
00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:15,441
Oh, nothing.
Just seeing who's around.
353
00:12:15,442 --> 00:12:17,443
I'm surprised you're not
at the Fertility Expo.
354
00:12:17,444 --> 00:12:19,945
Yeah, Mindy and I had
a difference of opinion.
355
00:12:19,946 --> 00:12:21,280
I thought I'd stay here.
356
00:12:21,281 --> 00:12:23,315
Aha! Busted!
357
00:12:23,316 --> 00:12:25,484
If you're not going to the Expo,
then you have no choice
358
00:12:25,485 --> 00:12:27,153
but to come to dinner
with Whitney and me.
359
00:12:27,154 --> 00:12:28,320
Tonight?
360
00:12:28,321 --> 00:12:30,055
To... oh, you know what?
361
00:12:30,056 --> 00:12:32,424
I'm sorry, I just remembered,
Ma needs me...
362
00:12:32,425 --> 00:12:34,293
No, no, no, no, no.
You're trapped, Danny,
363
00:12:34,294 --> 00:12:36,795
like a mouse wriggling
on glue paper.
364
00:12:36,796 --> 00:12:38,864
Now Whitney will see
what good friends I have.
365
00:12:38,865 --> 00:12:40,400
Ha!
366
00:12:44,571 --> 00:12:47,306
Hey, guys... I appreciate
that you're coming with us,
367
00:12:47,307 --> 00:12:49,441
but do you think you could
let a pregnant lady sit?
368
00:12:49,442 --> 00:12:50,676
Sorry, I can't.
369
00:12:50,677 --> 00:12:53,145
My legs are tired from
being long and thin.
370
00:12:53,146 --> 00:12:55,114
How do you know
I'm not pregnant?
371
00:12:55,115 --> 00:12:56,382
I'm late!
372
00:12:56,383 --> 00:12:57,950
So then,
I will just continue to stand,
373
00:12:57,951 --> 00:13:00,186
even though I am
1,000 months pregnant.
374
00:13:00,187 --> 00:13:01,587
You guys are jerks.
375
00:13:01,588 --> 00:13:02,688
Oh, God.
376
00:13:02,689 --> 00:13:03,956
It's the Deslauriers.
377
00:13:03,957 --> 00:13:06,559
Oh, hey, Brendan! Duncan!
378
00:13:06,560 --> 00:13:07,993
Come over here
and stand with us!
379
00:13:07,994 --> 00:13:09,395
What are you doing?
We hate them.
380
00:13:09,396 --> 00:13:10,496
Oh, right.
381
00:13:10,497 --> 00:13:12,031
- Hey, Morgan.
- Hey, what's up?
382
00:13:12,032 --> 00:13:13,332
Oh, hi, guys!
383
00:13:13,333 --> 00:13:15,434
What a nice coincidence, ha-ha.
384
00:13:15,435 --> 00:13:18,270
Mindy, congratulations.
When did you have the baby?
385
00:13:18,271 --> 00:13:19,405
Okay, that's hilarious.
386
00:13:19,406 --> 00:13:21,373
- [fake laughs]
- What are you, a comedian now?
387
00:13:21,374 --> 00:13:24,510
For your FYI, this baby is
getting delivered on schedule,
388
00:13:24,511 --> 00:13:25,678
in a ritzy birthing suite,
389
00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:28,714
that Saddam Hussein called,
quote, "a bit much."
390
00:13:28,715 --> 00:13:30,716
Aah.
391
00:13:30,717 --> 00:13:32,618
Are you okay?
392
00:13:32,619 --> 00:13:34,220
Are you having contractions?
393
00:13:34,221 --> 00:13:37,189
No, I was just remembering a
funny joke that Morgan told me.
394
00:13:37,190 --> 00:13:38,791
Oh, was it the one
about the banana
395
00:13:38,792 --> 00:13:40,559
on a date with silverware?
396
00:13:40,560 --> 00:13:42,895
"You're very a-peel-ing.
Wanna fork?"
397
00:13:42,896 --> 00:13:43,929
[laughs]
398
00:13:43,930 --> 00:13:46,599
Why is the floor all wet, Mindy?
399
00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:47,933
Oh, God.
400
00:13:47,934 --> 00:13:49,635
'Cause she's laughing
so hard at my joke,
401
00:13:49,636 --> 00:13:51,303
she peed herself, obviously.
402
00:13:51,304 --> 00:13:53,372
Yeah, why is it
so hard to believe
403
00:13:53,373 --> 00:13:55,040
that Morgan is hilarious?
404
00:13:55,041 --> 00:13:56,709
All right? He should be
hosting "The Daily Show."
405
00:13:56,710 --> 00:13:57,710
Yes!
406
00:13:57,711 --> 00:14:00,679
Mindy, your water just broke.
407
00:14:00,680 --> 00:14:01,982
[panting]
408
00:14:07,053 --> 00:14:08,187
[panting] Oh, God.
409
00:14:08,188 --> 00:14:09,188
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
410
00:14:09,189 --> 00:14:10,689
This cannot be
happening right now.
411
00:14:10,690 --> 00:14:12,791
- I had a plan.
- Yeah, me too!
412
00:14:12,792 --> 00:14:14,660
God, I was supposed to
be at the Expo right now,
413
00:14:14,661 --> 00:14:16,795
networking with other
business Morgans.
414
00:14:16,796 --> 00:14:18,664
Ah, I'm starting to feel
a little bad that I ever
415
00:14:18,665 --> 00:14:20,099
messed with your birth
control in the first place.
416
00:14:20,100 --> 00:14:22,901
- What?
- I still ain't moving.
417
00:14:22,902 --> 00:14:25,771
[all exclaim]
418
00:14:25,772 --> 00:14:28,307
Sorry, folks.
We have a slight delay.
419
00:14:28,308 --> 00:14:30,576
Apparently a man has
fallen onto the tracks
420
00:14:30,577 --> 00:14:33,379
while filming a viral
video of some kind.
421
00:14:33,380 --> 00:14:35,714
Well, just run him over,
for God's sakes!
422
00:14:35,715 --> 00:14:38,784
We will update you on
the premise of the viral video
423
00:14:38,785 --> 00:14:40,653
when we have more information.
424
00:14:40,654 --> 00:14:42,021
Thank you for riding the MTA.
425
00:14:42,022 --> 00:14:43,455
It's gonna be a song parody.
426
00:14:43,456 --> 00:14:46,325
Okay, Mindy,
you're going to have this baby
427
00:14:46,326 --> 00:14:47,893
right now on this subway.
428
00:14:47,894 --> 00:14:49,295
Oh, my God!
429
00:14:49,296 --> 00:14:50,696
A subway baby?
430
00:14:50,697 --> 00:14:52,131
You're gonna be on
"The Ellen Show!"
431
00:14:52,132 --> 00:14:53,565
Sheena was in the audience once,
432
00:14:53,566 --> 00:14:55,901
and she got some Omaha
steaks and a pair of Tom's.
433
00:14:55,902 --> 00:14:57,469
- No, no, no, no, thanks.
- Up, up, get up now.
434
00:14:57,470 --> 00:14:58,971
Thank you.
I won't be needing your help.
435
00:14:58,972 --> 00:15:00,739
I'm just gonna keep
my legs closed,
436
00:15:00,740 --> 00:15:01,740
and wait till we get
to the Javits Center.
437
00:15:01,741 --> 00:15:02,875
- Shh.
- Thanks.
438
00:15:02,876 --> 00:15:05,711
Everyone stay calm.
She's in good hands.
439
00:15:05,712 --> 00:15:07,513
Although my techniques
are designed for younger
440
00:15:07,514 --> 00:15:08,814
and more athletic women,
441
00:15:08,815 --> 00:15:11,183
this one is going to have
her baby the Paleo way.
442
00:15:11,184 --> 00:15:13,720
- You can do it, Mindy!
- Shh, we don't know that yet.
443
00:15:16,356 --> 00:15:17,990
- Hey.
- Danny!
444
00:15:17,991 --> 00:15:19,325
Thank God you're here.
445
00:15:19,326 --> 00:15:20,959
Okay, if there are people
you don't recognize
446
00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:22,428
at the dinner table,
447
00:15:22,429 --> 00:15:24,630
I've hired some improv actors
to play my other friends.
448
00:15:24,631 --> 00:15:27,099
One of them...
I have no idea why...
449
00:15:27,100 --> 00:15:28,534
is doing a surfer dude.
450
00:15:28,535 --> 00:15:29,836
Okay.
451
00:15:31,638 --> 00:15:33,205
Danny, hello? What's wrong?
452
00:15:33,206 --> 00:15:35,074
What's happening?
What's the matter?
453
00:15:35,075 --> 00:15:36,275
Have I a booger?
454
00:15:36,276 --> 00:15:37,443
No, you're fine. Look...
455
00:15:37,444 --> 00:15:38,444
- Sure?
- Yeah.
456
00:15:38,445 --> 00:15:39,878
I just got this
crazy woman pregnant
457
00:15:39,879 --> 00:15:41,180
and now she wants to check out
458
00:15:41,181 --> 00:15:43,782
for the most important
moment in her life.
459
00:15:43,783 --> 00:15:47,286
Well, maybe it's
because she's terrified.
460
00:15:47,287 --> 00:15:48,721
Terrified?
461
00:15:48,722 --> 00:15:50,856
Of what, a little pain?
No, that's not Mindy.
462
00:15:50,857 --> 00:15:53,192
I mean, just last week,
she spent the whole day
463
00:15:53,193 --> 00:15:54,593
with a dart in her shoulder.
464
00:15:54,594 --> 00:15:57,229
Danny, whenever Mindy gets
scared of doing something hard,
465
00:15:57,230 --> 00:15:59,131
she always tries to pretend
like it's not happening.
466
00:15:59,132 --> 00:16:00,699
Like that time
she stole all that Oxy
467
00:16:00,700 --> 00:16:02,901
because she was afraid
to get a Brazilian.
468
00:16:02,902 --> 00:16:04,603
She's scared, Danny.
469
00:16:04,604 --> 00:16:06,605
Yeah.
470
00:16:06,606 --> 00:16:08,974
I mean, she hasn't been to
the dentist in, like, 10 years.
471
00:16:08,975 --> 00:16:11,677
The other day we were kissing
and a tooth came right out.
472
00:16:11,678 --> 00:16:12,911
I swallowed it.
473
00:16:12,912 --> 00:16:14,513
That's the worst
thing I've ever heard.
474
00:16:14,514 --> 00:16:16,548
[both laugh]
[cell phone buzzing]
475
00:16:16,549 --> 00:16:18,084
What's up? Who's that?
476
00:16:21,287 --> 00:16:23,422
What's wrong?
477
00:16:23,423 --> 00:16:25,190
You bet... no, no, no, no.
You better not be leaving.
478
00:16:25,191 --> 00:16:26,326
[cell phone buzzing]
479
00:16:30,930 --> 00:16:32,298
- What?
- What, what?
480
00:16:35,068 --> 00:16:36,535
We... I mean, we better go in...
481
00:16:36,536 --> 00:16:37,569
I gotta... I gotta...
482
00:16:37,570 --> 00:16:38,737
The baby's coming. He's coming.
483
00:16:38,738 --> 00:16:40,706
- The baby's coming.
- Danny!
484
00:16:40,707 --> 00:16:42,508
- It's coming.
- My friend!
485
00:16:42,509 --> 00:16:44,143
- What's up, brah?
- [sighs]
486
00:16:44,144 --> 00:16:45,711
When we digging into some grub?
487
00:16:45,712 --> 00:16:47,379
[sighs]
488
00:16:47,380 --> 00:16:48,680
You look amazing.
489
00:16:48,681 --> 00:16:50,215
Okay, your contractions
are eight minutes apart,
490
00:16:50,216 --> 00:16:51,784
so I'm with you... I'm going
to stay with you, okay?
491
00:16:51,785 --> 00:16:53,685
- Okay, thank you.
- Step out of the way.
492
00:16:53,686 --> 00:16:56,088
Listen to me,
you little son of a bitch!
493
00:16:56,089 --> 00:16:57,322
You're ruining my Expo.
494
00:16:57,323 --> 00:16:59,391
You're ruining
my best friend's body,
495
00:16:59,392 --> 00:17:00,793
and you are gonna
stay in there...
496
00:17:00,794 --> 00:17:01,860
- Oh, my God!
- Till the Daddy shows up!
497
00:17:01,861 --> 00:17:03,262
Get your head out of my crotch!
498
00:17:03,263 --> 00:17:04,730
Why would you think
that was okay?
499
00:17:04,731 --> 00:17:06,031
- I was trying something new.
- Sit down!
500
00:17:06,032 --> 00:17:07,533
It's okay.
Now, Mindy, do you have
501
00:17:07,534 --> 00:17:09,234
a favorite mantra
you'd like to recite?
502
00:17:09,235 --> 00:17:10,502
I do have a mantra.
503
00:17:10,503 --> 00:17:12,137
It's "save my money
and spend his."
504
00:17:12,138 --> 00:17:13,539
Save my money and spend his.
505
00:17:13,540 --> 00:17:15,307
Save my money and spend...
it's not working.
506
00:17:15,308 --> 00:17:16,775
Mmm, less corporate,
more spiritual.
507
00:17:16,776 --> 00:17:20,212
Oh, God, I just want my birthing
suite and my playlist.
508
00:17:20,213 --> 00:17:22,080
I can play you something.
509
00:17:22,081 --> 00:17:23,615
Oh, my God. You can?
510
00:17:23,616 --> 00:17:24,950
- Sure!
- Duncan,
511
00:17:24,951 --> 00:17:26,318
do you know "Drunk in Love?"
512
00:17:26,319 --> 00:17:27,753
- No.
- Okay, uh...
513
00:17:27,754 --> 00:17:30,022
"Irreplaceable?" "Naughty Girl?"
514
00:17:30,023 --> 00:17:32,958
"Bonnie and Clyde '02?"
Literally anything Beyonce?
515
00:17:32,959 --> 00:17:36,161
Oh, if you like Beyonce,
you're gonna love this.
516
00:17:36,162 --> 00:17:38,030
[sighs] Okay.
517
00:17:38,031 --> 00:17:39,264
[playing ukulele] -
I've been working
518
00:17:39,265 --> 00:17:41,433
On the railroad
519
00:17:41,434 --> 00:17:43,669
All the livelong day
520
00:17:43,670 --> 00:17:45,003
Is this for real?
521
00:17:45,004 --> 00:17:47,840
All:
I've been working
on the railroad
522
00:17:47,841 --> 00:17:50,409
Just to pass
the time away
523
00:17:50,410 --> 00:17:51,810
Please stop!
524
00:17:51,811 --> 00:17:53,245
All:
Can't you hear
the whistle blowing
525
00:17:53,246 --> 00:17:54,286
- Please stop!
- Whoo-whoo!
526
00:17:57,851 --> 00:17:59,084
Excuse me, sir.
527
00:17:59,085 --> 00:18:00,385
Can I get down there?
My girl's having a baby.
528
00:18:00,386 --> 00:18:02,187
Sorry, sir. Subway's closed.
529
00:18:02,188 --> 00:18:03,856
- It's closed?
- Closed.
530
00:18:03,857 --> 00:18:05,257
Okay.
531
00:18:05,258 --> 00:18:07,025
- All right.
- Hey!
532
00:18:07,026 --> 00:18:08,460
[dramatic music]
533
00:18:08,461 --> 00:18:10,095
- Excuse me.
- Hey, whoa!
534
00:18:10,096 --> 00:18:14,933
535
00:18:14,934 --> 00:18:16,268
Mindy, look at me.
536
00:18:16,269 --> 00:18:18,504
This is sage.
This is nature's anesthetic.
537
00:18:18,505 --> 00:18:19,738
Breathe this in.
538
00:18:19,739 --> 00:18:21,707
- What?
- It's better than an epidural.
539
00:18:21,708 --> 00:18:23,775
Nature sucks! I need drugs!
540
00:18:23,776 --> 00:18:25,210
Somebody give me drugs!
541
00:18:25,211 --> 00:18:27,279
You know what, guys?
I just need some drugs.
542
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:28,680
Please someone give me drugs!
543
00:18:28,681 --> 00:18:29,915
Nobody give her drugs, please.
544
00:18:29,916 --> 00:18:31,116
Here!
545
00:18:31,117 --> 00:18:32,784
Don't drink it all.
It's my dinner.
546
00:18:32,785 --> 00:18:34,152
Don't drink any of it.
547
00:18:34,153 --> 00:18:35,787
Yuck.
548
00:18:35,788 --> 00:18:37,823
Miracle of childbirth,
am I right?
549
00:18:37,824 --> 00:18:40,292
Listen, you should have kids,
but not for a long time.
550
00:18:40,293 --> 00:18:43,395
Have you considered
freezing your eggs?
551
00:18:43,396 --> 00:18:46,398
[dramatic music]
552
00:18:46,399 --> 00:18:47,466
553
00:18:47,467 --> 00:18:49,368
You know what?
This is just too much.
554
00:18:49,369 --> 00:18:51,069
I gotta be straight
up unconscious, man.
555
00:18:51,070 --> 00:18:52,271
You gotta punch me in the face.
556
00:18:52,272 --> 00:18:53,672
Mindy, I've wanted to
punch you in the face
557
00:18:53,673 --> 00:18:54,873
- for so very long.
- Yeah.
558
00:18:54,874 --> 00:18:56,141
I will not do that right now.
559
00:18:56,142 --> 00:18:57,576
God damn you!
560
00:18:57,577 --> 00:18:59,545
Tamra. Sweet Tamra.
561
00:18:59,546 --> 00:19:01,079
Please slap me across the face.
562
00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:02,648
I can't just slap you.
563
00:19:02,649 --> 00:19:04,750
You have to say something
I find offensive.
564
00:19:04,751 --> 00:19:06,151
Beyonce's really 44!
565
00:19:06,152 --> 00:19:07,152
[gasps]
566
00:19:07,153 --> 00:19:08,654
Oh, God!
567
00:19:08,655 --> 00:19:11,089
That did nothing
and I've betrayed Beyonce!
568
00:19:11,090 --> 00:19:13,125
- I feel better.
- [crying]
569
00:19:13,126 --> 00:19:16,562
570
00:19:16,563 --> 00:19:17,763
Mindy?
571
00:19:17,764 --> 00:19:18,797
Sorry.
572
00:19:18,798 --> 00:19:20,465
[gasping] Okay, I have an idea.
573
00:19:20,466 --> 00:19:23,068
I'm just going to raise
this baby inside of me,
574
00:19:23,069 --> 00:19:24,836
and then it can just
see out of my mouth.
575
00:19:24,837 --> 00:19:25,871
No.
576
00:19:25,872 --> 00:19:27,940
I'm stumped. Mantras, herbs.
577
00:19:27,941 --> 00:19:29,608
We've tried everything
but modern medicine.
578
00:19:29,609 --> 00:19:30,943
Mindy?
579
00:19:30,944 --> 00:19:32,678
- Mindy!
- Danny?
580
00:19:32,679 --> 00:19:34,713
- Mindy!
- Oh, God, Danny!
581
00:19:34,714 --> 00:19:36,748
Where have you been?
What, did you stop for a slice?
582
00:19:36,749 --> 00:19:38,183
- You okay?
- Oh, God, it hurts.
583
00:19:38,184 --> 00:19:40,319
It hurts so much, Danny.
584
00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:42,988
Look, look, I'm sorry.
I know I was a jerk.
585
00:19:42,989 --> 00:19:45,457
I know you're really scared,
and so am I.
586
00:19:45,458 --> 00:19:46,825
- [sobbing] Me too.
- You are?
587
00:19:46,826 --> 00:19:48,060
Yeah, I am terrified.
588
00:19:48,061 --> 00:19:51,096
But the only thing
that calms me down...
589
00:19:51,097 --> 00:19:52,297
is knowing that I'm doing this
590
00:19:52,298 --> 00:19:54,032
with someone that's
stronger than I am.
591
00:19:54,033 --> 00:19:55,434
- I'm not, Danny, I'm not.
- Yes, you...
592
00:19:55,435 --> 00:19:57,202
I can't do it, Danny.
It hurts too much.
593
00:19:57,203 --> 00:19:59,504
Hey, yes, you are.
You are much stronger than me.
594
00:19:59,505 --> 00:20:01,239
You are much stronger than me.
You know it.
595
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:03,108
And you can do this.
You know why?
596
00:20:03,109 --> 00:20:04,509
Why?
597
00:20:04,510 --> 00:20:06,278
Because you're
a stone-cold bitch.
598
00:20:06,279 --> 00:20:08,614
He's right. You are a bitch.
599
00:20:08,615 --> 00:20:10,282
You're tough... you're
tougher than anyone I know.
600
00:20:10,283 --> 00:20:11,516
You're even tougher...
601
00:20:11,517 --> 00:20:13,685
You're even tougher than Ma.
602
00:20:13,686 --> 00:20:15,554
- Really?
- Yeah, really.
603
00:20:15,555 --> 00:20:17,356
Okay. Okay.
604
00:20:17,357 --> 00:20:18,991
- I love you.
- I love you.
605
00:20:18,992 --> 00:20:20,926
You can do this, okay?
606
00:20:20,927 --> 00:20:23,929
[upbeat music]
607
00:20:23,930 --> 00:20:27,930
608
00:20:28,735 --> 00:20:31,937
I can't stop looking at him.
609
00:20:31,938 --> 00:20:33,639
[whispers] Hey.
610
00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:35,674
He looks Latino.
611
00:20:35,675 --> 00:20:37,776
And you know what that means.
612
00:20:37,777 --> 00:20:39,711
He's really gonna clean up.
613
00:20:39,712 --> 00:20:41,313
I was thinking the same thing.
614
00:20:41,314 --> 00:20:42,814
- He's gorgeous.
- Right?
615
00:20:42,815 --> 00:20:44,783
He's basically a little model.
616
00:20:44,784 --> 00:20:47,052
This is definitely
the best thing I ever cooked.
617
00:20:47,053 --> 00:20:49,788
Where is he? Get away from me!
618
00:20:49,789 --> 00:20:51,423
I need to see him.
619
00:20:51,424 --> 00:20:53,925
[crying]
620
00:20:53,926 --> 00:20:55,961
I'm sorry, sweetheart.
He's waking up.
621
00:20:55,962 --> 00:20:57,929
- I'm sorry.
- You okay?
622
00:20:57,930 --> 00:20:59,498
He's an angel.
623
00:20:59,499 --> 00:21:00,899
He's gorgeous.
624
00:21:00,900 --> 00:21:03,335
Definitely not a Tookers boy.
He's too small.
625
00:21:03,336 --> 00:21:05,237
No, no, why would you say that?
626
00:21:05,238 --> 00:21:07,639
'Cause I was 16 pounds.
627
00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:09,474
So this is not my baby.
628
00:21:09,475 --> 00:21:10,509
What?
629
00:21:10,510 --> 00:21:11,777
But I still love you,
little Morgan.
630
00:21:11,778 --> 00:21:14,079
No, no, no, no.
His name's not Morgan, okay?
631
00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:16,715
We...
632
00:21:16,716 --> 00:21:18,316
We haven't named him yet.
633
00:21:18,317 --> 00:21:20,485
Danny, please, I'm so tired.
634
00:21:20,486 --> 00:21:21,486
Spent the last seven hours
635
00:21:21,487 --> 00:21:22,788
squeezing out this
little watermelon.
636
00:21:22,789 --> 00:21:24,423
Can you please pick a name?
637
00:21:24,424 --> 00:21:25,691
Okay.
638
00:21:25,692 --> 00:21:28,727
[poignant music]
639
00:21:28,728 --> 00:21:30,762
640
00:21:30,763 --> 00:21:33,398
Leo.
641
00:21:33,399 --> 00:21:35,233
I love it.
642
00:21:35,234 --> 00:21:36,835
For Leonardo DiCaprio?
643
00:21:36,836 --> 00:21:39,471
No, like Leonardo da Vinci.
644
00:21:39,472 --> 00:21:40,672
Of course.
645
00:21:40,673 --> 00:21:42,641
That... of course, that...
it makes so much more sense.
646
00:21:42,642 --> 00:21:45,677
Or Leo the lion.
647
00:21:45,678 --> 00:21:47,679
'Cause this little guy's
gonna be really strong.
648
00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:49,481
Mm-hmm.
649
00:21:49,482 --> 00:21:51,049
Like his ma.
650
00:21:51,050 --> 00:21:53,218
[crying]
651
00:21:53,219 --> 00:21:55,220
I'm Ma.
652
00:21:55,221 --> 00:21:56,556
Yeah.
653
00:21:58,224 --> 00:22:01,126
I love you, Leo Castellano.
654
00:22:01,127 --> 00:22:03,862
We can workshop the name.
655
00:22:03,863 --> 00:22:05,397
Hey, hey!
656
00:22:05,398 --> 00:22:08,233
- Hey, look at this.
- Hello, young man!
657
00:22:08,234 --> 00:22:09,267
[Sam Smith's "Stay With Me"]
658
00:22:09,268 --> 00:22:12,738
Oh won't you
stay with me
659
00:22:12,739 --> 00:22:14,139
660
00:22:14,140 --> 00:22:18,210
'Cause you're all I need
661
00:22:18,211 --> 00:22:19,578
662
00:22:19,579 --> 00:22:23,579
Oh
663
00:22:24,884 --> 00:22:28,884
Oh darling stay with me
664
00:22:30,381 --> 00:22:34,432
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
665
00:22:34,482 --> 00:22:39,032
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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