All language subtitles for The Mindy Project s03e15 Dinner At The Castellanos.eng

Yeah, this one is positive.

Which makes 30 positives.

But there was that one negative.

The negative was
a popsicle stick.

Do you even bother
telling your boyfriend

if there's only, like, a 96%
chance you could be pregnant?

100% chance.
It was a popsicle stick.

I saw you eat the popsicle

and then draw this little
minus sign on it

and then pee on it
for some reason.

It's because I have
crazy pregnancy brain, Neepa!

Oh, God.

I'm really pregnant.

Uh-huh.

I have to tell Danny.

Hey.

Hey, Daddy...
I mean, Danny. Damn it.

[baby crying]

I can't hear you right now.
This baby's crying.

Remind me not to have kids
until I'm old and deaf.

Larry King's got the right idea.

Mm-hmm, totally.
I love Larry King.

The thing about telling
your Justice Scalia-level

Catholic boyfriend
that you're pregnant is

no time ever feels
like the right one.

Hey, Danny,
do you have a second to...

Whoa, you look hot as hell.

Okay.
All right, relax.

Father Francis is doing his
big sermon on shame today.

If he even suspects that
I'm talking to a girl,

he'll sit me
with the masturbators.

Is there anything you want me
to confess for you?

Nope.
Have a good time at church.

Bye.

(Mindy) And then it hit me,

I'll come visit him,

plan a romantic weekend getaway

where after a day of pretending

to enjoy reading and fresh air,

I'll tell him that we're
having a little...

Son of a bitch!

Cindy!

Mindy.

[hip-hop music]

Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/

Great to see you again, Alan,
Little Danny.

Why are you guys in town?

Oh, are you house-sitting for us
while we go away?

That's great.

If you're gonna do some laundry,

maybe throw
some of mine in there.

But I need you
to look at the tags,

because my clothes
are on the fancier side.

We're not house-sitting.

She got suspended
from school for a week.

Little Danny?
But she's so cute.

I slapped my teacher
in her dumb face.

And then she slapped the
principal, who happens to be,

get this, an Indonesian
transgender woman.

So she gets rewarded with
a free trip to New York City?

When I was suspended
for stalking my teacher,

I was locked in my room
for five days.

Yeah, sure, I escaped,
'cause, I mean,

nothing was gonna keep me
away from Mr. Sherman.

(Alan) This is no vacation.

I warned her, I said,
"You mess up,

you're gonna have to deal
with Big Danny."

Me, you don't listen to.

You, she respects.

Can I talk to you
for a second? Yeah.

This thing with
Little Danny is serious.

And I don't think we can
go away this weekend.

No, Danny, we have to go away.

I have to tell you something.

I know everything's been weird

since you said you're
moving to Frisco,

but everything's great
between us.

Right now my family needs me.

Yeah, I get it.
Okay?

It's probably for the best
we're not going anyway.

Don't want to start
another forest fire.

Another forest fire?

Yeah, don't worry about it.

(Danny) This is it, Dad.

This is where I work.

Who are these people?
Let me guess.

Your old scout leader and
a little girl robot you built.

Morgan, this is my dad
and my baby sis.

Your dad, huh?

So this is who we have to thank
for a lifetime of grouchiness.

No, no, no.
No, no.

If you hurt this boy again,
I will hurt you.

Morgan.
You son of a bitch.

Morgan, stop.
Morgan, stop.

Welcome, hello.

Little girl,
I like your glasses.

You know, I got
a pair of glasses.

Wanna hear a great story?

I'm at the Salvation Army.

They're about to throw them out.

I grab 'em, I say,
"No way, Jose."

Now I wear 'em
three days a week.

All right, hey, Little D,
check this out.

The kitchen over there,
bottomless toaster pastries.

Oh, there's a bottom,

and it is covered
in rat droppings.

You wanna take a look?
Come on.

Hey, look at this, Pop.

That's my office.

She's okay.
Yeah, it's fine.

[phone vibrating]

Danny...
Yeah, it's allowed.

Annette?
Mindy, hi.

I'm sorry to bother you on
your romantic weekend getaway,

but I looked online
and I'm a little confused

because that place
you're staying,

it only has one bed per room.

You know what?
We ended up not going.

Did you break up with Danny?

Did Danny break up with you?

No, no.

We didn't go because
of some last-minute

out-of-town visitors.

Okay then, I guess I'll...

It was Alan and Little Danny.

Damn it,
you're a good detective.

Danny's father's in town?

After walking out on me,
he's back?

I knew I shouldn't
have told you,

but it's not my fault.
I have ADHDTV.

You're mad, huh?

Mindy, no,
I'm not still mad at Alan.

It's water under the bridge.

In fact, why don't you all
come to dinner tonight?

This isn't one of those dinners
where you guilt everyone, is it?

No.

Guilt dinners are only for you.

And they may need to stop
'cause it's getting expensive.

I personally would hate
to see the man

who abandoned me
with two small children,

but if you're cool with it,
then fine.

See you at 7:00.
Bring dessert.

Oh, I shouldn't bring dessert.
I'll just eat it in the car.

[dial tone] Hello?

Hello?

You told Mom we'd bring Dad
and Little Danny

to dinner tonight?

What the hell is wrong with you?

Why don't you just
invite a lion?

There'd be less carnage.

I spoke to your mom
on the phone.

She seemed really chill
about it.

I think that that wine
of the day club I got her

is really working.
Sit down.

I'm sorry, Danny,
but she seemed really sincere.

Like when she tells me
she hates my makeup.

Fine.
It's okay.

It's just, please don't come.

This is something
only families should see.

Like when Ma cooks eggs
in her bra.

I'm sorry, you don't
think of me as family?

You don't want me
to come to dinner?

I wouldn't wish that
on my worst enemy, babe.

I gotta go.

Make sure Ma doesn't
poison the gravy.

Hey, Peter.

How's Texas treating you?

It's so great.

The other day I saw
Henry and Lauren

for about an hour or two,

and then they saw me
and I ran away.

You know what, it's only
stalking if it doesn't work.

You make her love you.
Roger that, hoss.

So how's Danny?
Did he make you quit your job

when he found out
you were pregnant?

Actually, Peter,
I haven't told him yet.

He didn't even invite me
to his family dinner tonight.

What?
That's crazy.

Who's more family than you?
You're carrying his child.

Wasn't that the whole point

in tricking him
into getting you pregnant?

For the last time,
I did not trick him

into getting pregnant, Peter!

Now what do I do?

You go to that dinner.

Family doesn't wait
to be invited.

It's like HPV, it just shows up
and never leaves.

You're right, Peter.

I gotta be the human
equivalent of HPV.

Good. All right, I'm gonna
go back to my brisket.

I've actually had two heart
attacks since I've been here.

You need to eat
some fiber, dude.

Stop, stop, stop!
Stop the car!

Stop!
What are you doing?

You can't just
run through the street.

This isn't Calcutta.

I flew 40,000 miles
from San Francisco

because we need time together.

If there's gonna be a Castellano
family dinner tonight,

I need to come with you.

Okay, get in the car.

Thank you.

Can I run upstairs
and make a mix tape?

Your music sucks.
No! Get in the car.

No NPR, please.

[sighs]

(Mindy) Hey, guys!

Hey, cool it with the pie, okay?

Ma's making a special
Italian seafood feast.

No one's excused until she can
comb her hair with the bones.

Sorry, Danny, I just... I've been
craving these apple pies,

and they're only available

in the doctors' lounge
vending machine.

They're from the '80s,

before natural ingredients
completely ruined snacks.

She's passed out.

Unbelievable.

You're like the Dog Whisperer,
Cesar Chavez, only for kids.

How do you think your mom's
gonna react tonight?

Think she'll take off
her earrings?

Whenever my ma was about
to let my dad have it,

she'd take her earrings off.

Now most people think
black women invented that.

Nope, Ma.

Either way, I think
tonight's gonna be

a really warm family affair.

Okay, everybody be cool.
No freaking out.

I feel like you're freaking out.

No, I'm not.

Okay.

Hello.

Mindy, Danny, welcome.

Oh, I'm sorry, sir.

The soup kitchen
is just down the road.

Nettie.
It's me, Alan.

Your ex.

Oh, my goodness, Alan!

It's so wonderful to see you
after all these years

you spent baking
in the desert sun.

(Dot) Well, well, well.

Look what clumped up
at the bottom of the drain.

Hello, Dorothy.

30 years you been gone.

This woman was shattered.

You leave me
to pick up the pieces.

That's why I don't
have a husband.

Yeah, Dot,
that's ancient history.

I've never been happier.

In fact, my cheeks actually
hurt from smiling so much.

Ow!
[laughs]

Come on in.

Dot will take your coats.

Come in.
Sit anywhere.

Danielle, it's so good
to finally meet you.

You're just gorgeous.

Could you ask first?
I have stranger issues.

Of course.

That's a very normal request.

My apologies.

Don't have to ask me
'cause I love hugs.

Oh, man, I would never
leave you hanging for a hug.

Mom, this is a wonderful event.

The house smells beautiful.

Looks beautiful.

And you, I don't know
what you're doing.

I'm like, "Ba-ba-ba-boink," right?
Thank you.

Thank you for inviting me.
You look very beautiful.

Yes, yes, I found happiness
and life on my own.

My hair turned blonde,
like a princess.

You got brown hair on Facebook.

Yeah, well,
those photos were taken

before I met
my wonderful boyfriend,

Dr. Robert Ledreau.

Robbie!
Hello.

Oh, you must be Alan.

Put 'er there.

I ain't gonna shake your pinky.

No, of course not.

Champagne, anyone?

17.99 a bottle.

But that's nothing
on a doctor's salary.

No, thank you.
I'm sober six weeks.

I only drink beer.

Okay, well,
why doesn't Dr. Ledreau

tell the boys all about
his decorated military service

while the girls
go set the table?

Mm-hmm, 'cause in this family,
you gots to do your chores.

(Dot) Stop saying stupid stuff.
Come help.

Hey, squirt.

Kinda up to my nuts
in plates right now.

You wanna help with the knives?

My counselor actually says

I'm not supposed
to be around sharp objects.

They might trigger
my emotional problems.

Aww, you poor thing.

Why don't you just go rest
until dinner?

Go lie down in Danny's bed
and watch TV.

Danny, I need your help!

It's time to prepare
"Il sangue delle anguille."

Really? Do we need that
for the feast?

I mean, everyone
just eats the galamar

and the fish-a-sticks, anyway.

I'll do it.

I love family traditions.

In my family after Thanksgiving,

I make everyone gather around
while I do a fashion show.

I don't know, I mean, are you
sure you can handle this?

Yeah.
"Il sangria del linguini?"

It sounds delicious.

No, no.
"Il sangue delle anguille."

The blood of the eels.

Whatever happens, don't fall in.

[laughs]

Look what I found.

Oh, wow.
Eh?

Your old trains.
Yeah.

Ma never let us touch those.

She'd always turn on
the gas in the oven and say,

"I'll blow us all to bits
before I let something

of your father's
bring you happiness."

I got news for you.

They're yours now.
Mine?

Is that HO Gauge?

HO Gauge?
That's a toy.

This is O Gauge,
a man's model train.

Oh, look at that.

I did it, I did it,
I killed 'em!

In the pot, in the pot.

Whoa, that is a new record.

You sure you're not
a Castellano?

Really?
Me?

A Castellano?

Oh, God, it moved!

It's a reflex.

It might happen
when we're eating.

They don't make 'em
like they used to, Pop.

Danny, what I'm gonna say
may not mean so much

coming from a mope like me,

but I gotta tell you,
you did great raising Richie

and yourself
after I flew the coop.

Well, thanks, Dad.
That does mean a lot.

I mean, look, you know,
it was hard,

but it made me who I am.

I'm a lousy father.

And Little Danny's mom is
always off selling turkey legs

at these Renaissance fairs.
She's never home.

You know, when I didn't know
what to do with Richie,

I would sneak out
to the electronics store

and I'd watch Growing Pains
on the TV display.

I learned a lot
from Alan Thicke.

A lot.

What I'm trying to say is
Little Danny deserves better.

And I know in my heart

that you would be a great father
to your little sister.

I'm hoping that maybe you
take her in for a while.

You want me to take her in?

She deserves better.
You're right.

I would make a great dad

Little Danny could stay with me
for as long as she needs to.

What?

How did you let your little sister
moving

without discussing it
with me first?

We spent three weeks
debating whether or not

we were gonna have a scented
candle in your bathroom,

which, to your credit,
saved our relationship.

You didn't discuss moving
to San Francisco with me.

You just did it.

And you stole all
my good underwear.

I love them!
They fit me like a thong.

Besides, San Francisco
is not the same

as raising
a 12-year-old girl, Danny.

Yeah, you're right,
Little Danny is family.

I'm sorry, blood is thicker
than your Napa chardonnay.

You're getting played.

Girls her age
always have "problems."

When I was 11, I hated
that boys would tease me

because I would read
all the time.

And my parents wouldn't
let me wear makeup.

I was embarrassed,
and I wanted to move

to Lake Buena Vista and audition

for the all-new
Mickey Mouse Club.

And my mom wasn't like,

"Sure, great plan, Mindy.
Go do that."

She hit me with an encyclopedia.

And now I'm perfect.

Well, I don't know if you're...

Oh, sorry, am I
interrupting something?

Yes.
Yeah, kind of.

Well, it's time for dinner,

and Annette wants everyone
to wash up.

Okay.

Specifically you, Mindy

Make me!

[sighs]

Dear Lord, thank you
for this bounty of the sea.

And thank you, Lord,
for bringing us Alan.

Oh, here it comes,
tropical storm Annette.

Though we've had
our differences,

he seems to have
genuinely changed

and to have raised
a beautiful daughter.

Amen.

Okay, my turn.
Rot in hell, you son of a bitch!

Okay, let's eat.
Mange il pesce.

Hey, kiddo.

So, Danny, why do you want
to leave So Cal?

Have you seen
the Mayor of Los Angeles?

He's hot as hell.

I'm in a very dark place
right now.

You know, when I was your age,

I was also in a dark place.

It's because I hated gym class.

My thighs would rub together,

and the sound was like
a squeaking balloon.

I hate gym too.

So what I ended up doing

was drawing a pentagram
on my forehead

and then they let me
go watch TV with the nurse.

No way! That worked?
Yeah, it worked.

It worked real good.
You know why? Why?

'Cause I was a good
little faker like you.

Excuse me?

I was cyber-bullied
for being tall,

and now I have
emotional problems.

Yeah, and I got out of chorus

because of my
uncontrollable farting.

Whatever.

Give me that phone.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's going on here?

Your little sister has learned
the age-old tactic

of acting like a psycho
to get what she wants.

I know that because
I invented that.

Okay, Mindy, stop it.

I'm not gonna stop
until your little sister

tells us what she wants.

And if not, I hope she has
a lot of underwater minutes.

Okay, fine!

I slapped my teacher because
I hate living in the desert,

and I hate that my dad's
2,000 years old,

and he yells at the newspaper.

And I hate that my TV
only gets 50 channels.

It's not fair!

So I guess what we have

is a normal teenager acting out,

making a lot of drama
to get what she wants.

I hate you!
You're a bitch!

Ow!
Oh!

Oh, my God,
you do not slap a slapper.

Ow!
Whoa!

Okay, that's it.

That's it.

I'm talking to you.
What?

Get up.
Oh, don't step to me.

I just murdered
a bunch of eels tonight.

Okay, let's go.

What are you doing?

She slapped me first.

That's no excuse.

Ethnic people slap each other
all the time.

It's, like, half
of reality television.

Also, let's not forget,
I was right.

Little Danny was lying.

Okay, I don't think that's
gonna be the takeaway

from the dinner.

Okay, well, if I am so horrible,

maybe I should just go.

Yeah, just out in the night
into the cold,

armed with nothing but
my pepper spray and my gun.

You know what,
maybe that's a good idea.

I mean, look,
this is a family matter,

and we gotta
figure it out, so...

Okay, everybody,
Mindy had to leave.

So let's just enjoy
this nice fish meal

and talk about something
more pleasant.

Son, I know that Little Danny
has said some things.

But I still feel
that our agreement

is gonna provide her
with the best situation

for her to thrive.

Wait a minute.
What agreement?

Danny said that I could come
live with him in New York.

You said that Little Danny
could come live with you?

And Mindy slapped her?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Where you going?

Ma?

Ma!
[door shuts]

Yes, hi. How much
to go to San Francisco?

Mindy, wait!

Oh, God.
Hold on one second, sir.

Okay, you caught me.

I took your candlestick.
I was just borrowing it.

What the hell?

No, listen, when Richie was 15,

I wouldn't let him go live
with Bret Easton Ellis.

So he threatened
to throw himself

off the Empire State Building.

I said, "Good.
Here's ten bucks.

Enjoy the view.
Bring me back a T-shirt."

Annette, as much as
I love hearing

the origin stories
of gay men, I gotta go.

I'm sorry for
ruining your dinner.

No, Mindy, you didn't ruin it.

You weren't exactly Grace Kelly,

but when a kid's a brat,
you take 'em down.

Now, please, come back inside.

You don't even have your coat.

Annette, I can't.

I'm so mad that Danny
didn't have my back in there.

And I'm the one
that's just, like,

sitting here, sweating, so hot.

How can you be hot?
It's 20 degrees out.

I'm from Boston.

This is, like,
topless weather for me.

Wait a minute.

You aren't drinking.

And when you hugged me,

you were bigger than usual.

My breasts
have always been huge!

Mindy...

are you pregnant?

Uh, I don't think so, ma'am.

You're sweating because our
hot little Castellano babies

are like an angry furnace
in your stomach.

They are?
Yes.

It feels like I've swallowed
a space heater.

It's agony.

Oh, honey.

Oh, this is the best part.

It's gonna be so awful for you.

But I'm thrilled.
I'm gonna be a grandma!

Oh, my God.

Listen, I gotta go nail
some stugots to the cross,

and I do not want
my grandson to see this.

I'm gonna be a grandma.

Should I just stand here?

'Cause that was
the only cab I could find,

and I have, like,
a negative seven on Uber.

You know, Robert, I never
would have pictured Annette

with a lady doctor.

Her taste used to run more
towards motorcycle bad boys.

(Dot) Robert served in Vietnam,

while you cut your pinky toe off
for the draft board.

It was a lawnmower accident.

Everybody, shut up.

All I wanted
was a nice classy dinner

to show off that I finally
have things pretty good.

But I guess I forgot
that even after 30 years

garbage still stinks.

The garbage is you.

Uh-oh.

Mm-hmm.

Uh-oh.
Uh-oh.

You miserable S.O.B.

You left your son
to raise your other son,

and now you're trying to make
him raise your daughter too!

Ma, relax, it's the best thing
for the family.

I haven't even gotten
to you yet.

Do you have Stockholm Syndrome?

You just love raising
your brothers and your sisters.

And now you kicked
your girlfriend

and your unborn child
out of the house?

What?
What are you talking about?

You don't know?

Castellano men.

Shoot first,
ask questions never.

She's pregnant!

[Beyonce's XO plays]

[vocalizing]

[echoing]

(Mindy's voicemail)
It's Mindy, leave a message.

(Danny) Mindy, where are you?
I need to see you.

Mindy!

Mindy!

Min?

Hey, hey.

Hmm?

Hey, hey.

Why didn't you tell me?

I tried to tell you.
I just...

There never seemed
to be a good time.

And I know you're mad,

but it's okay, Danny.

I can raise this baby by myself.

My little brother and I, we had
a parakeet when I was little,

and it died after three months,

but they were three good months.

And I loved that parakeet and...

We're a family.

Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0