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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:16,116 Mummy! 2 00:00:20,040 --> 00:00:21,996 Disgustin'! 3 00:00:57,320 --> 00:01:01,074 WHOOOOH! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! 4 00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:28,918 (RADIO) The great sound of Lena Martell. 5 00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:31,680 A dedication to all in the Ed Stewart Ward 6 00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:35,156 having a bleeding miserable time in the nasal area! 7 00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:38,909 So we're going back in Mike King's time machine to 1976! 8 00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:41,076 Here's Racey! 9 00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:43,236 (MUSICAL I NTRO) 10 00:01:43,440 --> 00:01:45,396 ♪ Some girls will... ♪ 11 00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:48,160 Hey! Remember this? 12 00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:51,909 "Some Girls Do." I played rhythm guitar on that! 13 00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:54,839 On the demo. Oh, yeah. 14 00:01:57,240 --> 00:01:59,196 Nicky Chin says to me, 15 00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:04,076 "Les, keep on playing like that, son, and we'll be...finished on schedule." 16 00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:07,033 And we were! Ahead of time, in fact. 17 00:02:07,240 --> 00:02:11,916 Went down the pub. He buys me a pint. Lovely fella - good sense of humour. 18 00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:15,078 McQueen, there's arses need wiping! 19 00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:17,236 Righto, Mr Best. 20 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:21,958 Yeah, you're right. I'm glad I packed it in. 21 00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:26,436 - It's a shit business! - MCQUEEN! 22 00:02:31,480 --> 00:02:36,429 So caring, considerate, good looking. Is it what you are or what you want? 23 00:02:36,640 --> 00:02:39,154 - It's what I want. - Right. 24 00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:41,316 I was gonna say - good looking? 25 00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:45,479 OK, my name is Olive and it's my job to build up a profile of you, 26 00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:49,514 then match it to a suitable lady from our extensive files. 27 00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:53,679 Are you very kind, kind, fairly kind or not at all kind to animals? 28 00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:55,154 Sorry? 29 00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:58,318 Very kind, kind, fairly kind or not kind to animals? 30 00:02:58,520 --> 00:03:01,398 - I can't really say. - So not at all kind. 31 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:04,831 - Don't put that. - Gotta take your first answer. Quiet? 32 00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:06,996 - When? - In general. 33 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:09,156 - Sometimes... - Quiet. 34 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:11,715 - Must you put that? - We need your bad points. 35 00:03:11,920 --> 00:03:14,150 That's not such a bad point, is it? 36 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:17,591 You say that, but you can't get a girlfriend, can you? 37 00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:22,680 Let me explain how a dating agency works. 38 00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:25,838 95% of the people that come here are weirdos. 39 00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:28,508 My boyfriend doesn't like me working here. 40 00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:32,474 Not that he's jealous. I tell him, "You should see the state of 'em!" 41 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:37,549 - Just thinks it's depressing for me. - Did you meet him through an agency? 42 00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:41,432 God, no! 43 00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:44,757 I shall tell him that tonight in bed! He'll laugh! 44 00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:48,919 No, we met at a friend's party. You meet people through people. 45 00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:51,475 A lot of them haven't got friends! 46 00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:54,956 Ultimately, you have to question that, don't you? 47 00:03:55,160 --> 00:04:00,154 Listen to me wittering on! Let's get you paired up! Miracles can happen! 48 00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:03,830 How confident are you on a scale of 1 to 10? 10 being very. 49 00:04:04,040 --> 00:04:05,473 Five. 50 00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:09,076 Two. 51 00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:12,716 Single, married, divorced, widowed? Single, obviously. 52 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:15,832 Do you want a physical relationship? We have to ask. 53 00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:19,794 Some of our ladies couldn't blow up a paper bag, never mind the other! 54 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:21,638 - Yes. - You are? 55 00:04:21,840 --> 00:04:23,831 - I am. - It's like Cracker, this! 56 00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:27,191 - Why did you force her?! Why?! - I DIDN'T FORCE HER! 57 00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:31,516 (I didn't force her.) 58 00:04:35,280 --> 00:04:38,238 OK, Iain, we'll put all this into the computer 59 00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:41,398 and, if we get a match, we'll let you know, OK? 60 00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:48,952 Olive, do you think, if you didn't have a boyfriend, one day you... 61 00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:51,435 No! 62 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:02,155 Everything all right, Mickey, love? 63 00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:05,716 Right, Pauline. 64 00:05:18,520 --> 00:05:21,432 - Please take a seat. - Oh, thank you. 65 00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:28,030 Now, according to your file, you were fired from the Burger Me restaurant. 66 00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:30,800 - Is that correct? - That is correct, yes. 67 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:33,878 What happened exactly? Mickey wouldn't say. 68 00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:36,036 I don't know, Ross. 69 00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:40,199 I guess we just didn't... cut the mustard. 70 00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:44,632 Right, well, that's... what I'll put in my report. 71 00:05:44,840 --> 00:05:46,796 Pen? 72 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:51,395 - Thank you. - You're welcome! 73 00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:55,671 You do realise what this means, don't you, Pauline? 74 00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:59,236 I do, Ross. Back on the dole, getting up at dinnertime 75 00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:01,749 and flicking meself off to Trisha! 76 00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:04,714 No. 77 00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:08,071 The DSS rules state that, because you were sacked, 78 00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:11,559 all your benefits will be suspended. 79 00:06:11,760 --> 00:06:13,034 What?! 80 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:15,708 For a period of not less than nine weeks. 81 00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:18,798 Nine weeks?! What am I supposed to do?! 82 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:21,798 I've washed my hair in Fairy Liquid for a fortnight! 83 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:25,117 Look for other work, look at the boards downstairs. 84 00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:29,677 Oh, I'm 48, Ross! Couldn't you just give me me old job back? 85 00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:32,110 I've changed! You know I have! 86 00:06:32,320 --> 00:06:35,312 I'm sorry, Pauline, it's... out of my hands. 87 00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:39,198 What about...the child? 88 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:42,710 Mickey? Well, the same goes for him, I'm afraid. 89 00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:46,993 Look, I feel sorry for you, but...there it is. 90 00:06:49,720 --> 00:06:52,234 Oh, actually, there is...one thing. 91 00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:54,829 I could lodge an appeal on your behalf. 92 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:58,157 It might not work, but it'd slow the process down. 93 00:06:58,360 --> 00:07:00,999 If you could! Anything to give me more time! 94 00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:03,632 OK... 95 00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:05,796 ..beg me. 96 00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:09,872 What? 97 00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:13,758 Well, come on, Pauline... 98 00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:15,916 ..Iet's see how YOU like it. 99 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:18,076 Beg me! 100 00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:21,876 Not very nice, is it? 101 00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:26,589 You might want to think about that! 102 00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:33,476 See you later, Mickey. 103 00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:49,833 Ahhhhhhh! 104 00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:20,276 - Pauline! - Get him off me, Mickey, love! 105 00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:22,436 Help me! 106 00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:27,397 - What are you doing?! - Get him in that chair, Mickey! 107 00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:32,319 - Pauline, what's happening?! - You vicious little bastard! 108 00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:35,478 Think you can walk into MY office and speak to me like that?! 109 00:08:35,680 --> 00:08:39,195 - It's my office! - Not any more, Ross! 110 00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:42,390 Not any more! 111 00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:46,238 (HOWLING) 112 00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:49,637 Quiet, David, we're trying to work! 113 00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:52,836 Now...candles. 114 00:08:53,040 --> 00:08:54,996 Um... 115 00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:57,274 ..twelvety! 116 00:08:57,480 --> 00:09:00,278 Good. Cans of Can't? 117 00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:02,436 Um... 118 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:04,474 ..twelvety! 119 00:09:04,680 --> 00:09:07,194 And...precious things? 120 00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:09,356 Um... 121 00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:11,834 ..twelvety! 122 00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:14,554 Good. We haven't sold a thing. 123 00:09:16,560 --> 00:09:20,269 Oh, Tubbs...we're getting too old for this. 124 00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:23,119 My eyes, they're not what they were. 125 00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:27,632 Well, perhaps David could help out on busy days like today. 126 00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:31,230 No, Tubbs! This is a local shop for local people! 127 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:34,876 David has spent far too much time amongst the strangers! 128 00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:38,516 His behaviour is too...peculiar. 129 00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:43,872 Maybe. 130 00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:46,150 But one day this shop will be his. 131 00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:49,158 That's what worries me. Our mother was lucky. 132 00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:53,672 She had us to carry on the line, but David is an only child. 133 00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:56,835 And my insides are all wrong. 134 00:09:57,040 --> 00:10:01,636 Then the time has come to find him a mate! 135 00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:05,913 - A no-tail? But how will we get one? - Leave it to me, Tubbs! 136 00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:11,876 I...have a way with women. 137 00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:19,069 Seen, seen, seen, seen, seen, seen. 138 00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:23,118 - Seen, seen, seen, seen, seen... - All right, Ally? 139 00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:26,551 - All right, Henry. - Seen this? My sister got it out. 140 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:28,716 Richard I-I-I. 141 00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:32,832 - What's it about? - It's about two hours. 142 00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:35,429 No, I mean what is the theme of the film? 143 00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:37,756 Oh, the theme of the film is... 144 00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:40,520 ♪ Dum da da da-da da-daa 145 00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:45,669 ♪ Diddle-de de-de de-de de diddle-de! De-de de-deh! ♪ 146 00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:49,997 - Is it an 'orror? - No, it's a Shakespeare. 147 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:52,760 You devoid! Shakespeare is a language! 148 00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:57,397 That is what I thought, but it turns out he is a director from them days. 149 00:10:57,600 --> 00:11:00,273 - It's colour, though. - So was it any good? 150 00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:03,836 - Yeah. There is some talking. - Aw! 151 00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:07,794 But mainly there's just loads and loads of killings. 152 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,752 - How many? - Loads. 153 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:14,033 Do you see 'em all? Would Richard I-I-I win, say, Predator? 154 00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:17,835 - In terms of killings, yeth. - Right, we'll get it, then. 155 00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:21,077 Ian McKellen? I thunked he was a weather man. 156 00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:22,599 He is. 157 00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:24,792 (WHISTLES CHEERILY) 158 00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:31,397 (CHUCKLES) 159 00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:33,750 Stinks like a cacky nappy in here! 160 00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:36,633 Hello, Mr King. Not doing your radio show? 161 00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:39,991 That's what I've come to talk to YOU about. It's Les? 162 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,760 - Yeah. - I was talking to some of the lads. 163 00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:47,590 - You used to be in a band. - Yeah. Creme Brulee. 164 00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:49,791 Creme Brulee! The ones who... 165 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:53,709 - Nearly signed to Pickwick in '76. - What was your first single? 166 00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:56,559 - Telephone Tears. - Telephone Tears! Never! 167 00:11:56,760 --> 00:11:59,911 ♪ You're always engaged, girl, but not to me 168 00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:03,078 ♪ Is there room in your heart for my last 2p? 169 00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:07,239 - # The operator... # - Listen, Les, done any DJ-ing? 170 00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:09,914 Yes. 171 00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:12,350 How would you like to do a guest spot? 172 00:12:12,560 --> 00:12:14,471 - When?! - Tonight. 173 00:12:14,680 --> 00:12:18,992 Something's come up. A benefit for Down's syndrome. Fancy filling in? 174 00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:21,156 Doesn't matter if you can't. 175 00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:25,433 No, I'm sure I'll finish in time for your evening slot, Mr King. 176 00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:28,319 - Mike. - Mike. 177 00:12:28,520 --> 00:12:30,511 - Come up about ten-to. - Righto. 178 00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:32,278 Er, Mike. 179 00:12:32,480 --> 00:12:34,789 Is there a...play list? 180 00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:38,390 There's only 30 LPs in there! These buggers never notice! 181 00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:40,556 Play what you like! 182 00:12:57,800 --> 00:12:59,756 Hilary. 183 00:12:59,960 --> 00:13:01,996 We must stop meeting like this. 184 00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:06,270 I don't need to go, you know. 185 00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:09,040 Better get it out...for appearances. 186 00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:11,196 Oh, right! 187 00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:13,356 (UNZIPS) 188 00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:17,477 Are we still on for tonight? 189 00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:21,229 - That an offer, Maurice? - The meeting, I mean! 190 00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:23,670 Seems longer than a month since the last. 191 00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:26,553 I'm looking forward to filling my freezer. 192 00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:28,910 8.30 prompt. 193 00:13:29,120 --> 00:13:31,076 My place. 194 00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:49,993 As you can see, we have a very generous reception area. 195 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:53,156 (FLICKS LIGHT SWITCH) 196 00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:57,717 When you decide you wanna move in, I get my son to put a new bulb in. 197 00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:00,309 We've got a few more places to see, Mr... 198 00:14:00,520 --> 00:14:03,034 Call me Pop! Ah, now! 199 00:14:03,240 --> 00:14:06,038 The telephone number here is a REAL feature! 200 00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:08,435 It's 444 4244! 201 00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:10,596 Is real easy to remember! 202 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:15,351 I bet, if I ask you now what is the number, you can reel it back to me! 203 00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:18,313 - Go on, what is the phone number? - 4... 204 00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:22,274 444 4244! That's right! You see, you know it already! 205 00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:27,110 - You said it was central heating. - Right, it's central heating. 206 00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:29,880 So, Gary, you like this room, huh? 207 00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:33,038 It's fully fitted for TV, video, satellite! 208 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:36,152 You can do whatever you like in this room! 209 00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:38,669 You could be making love on the floor! 210 00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:42,031 Once you sign the lease, get on with whatever you like. 211 00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:44,196 I can't see any radiators. 212 00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:49,711 Yeah. I expect you wanna go and see the kitchen, yeah? 213 00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:53,310 A woman wanna know most - "What is the kitchen like??" 214 00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:55,670 That's right, isn't it, Gary? 215 00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:59,429 You go and look at the kitchen while I talk to Gary! 216 00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:04,312 - Like the house? - We've other appointments... 217 00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:07,273 Is no necessary! No necessary! 218 00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:11,792 You will not find a better place than this! Not for the price! 219 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:14,560 - We're just looking. - You found, so sign! 220 00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:17,433 - I-I need to speak to... - Shhhhh! 221 00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:21,638 Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary. 222 00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:26,354 What is it you are worried about, huh? 223 00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:30,314 You worried about THAT? Take some advice from a man who knows life. 224 00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:32,670 Women like decision. 225 00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:36,156 So...I'm-a gonna give you this pen - huh? - 226 00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:40,956 and you is gonna sign this paper and we're gonna shake hands like men! 227 00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:44,038 - Like men who've done a deal! - I can't sign... 228 00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:47,596 In a minute, Gary, I'm gonna lose my temper with you! 229 00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:51,236 'Cause we had an agreement here, a verbal agreement. 230 00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:53,396 That is like a contract 231 00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:55,909 and you don't break a contract, Gary! 232 00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:58,270 - Not without consequence! - Well... 233 00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:01,552 What is the matter with you? Are you a homosexual? 234 00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:04,069 - You can't make a decision?! - I 'm... 235 00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:07,431 Then show me! Prove it to me! 236 00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:11,792 Sign your name! That's who you are! 237 00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:18,120 I'm proud of you, Gary! 238 00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:20,675 Something happen here today! 239 00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:25,636 Something good. 240 00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:30,756 Congratulations, Lynne! 241 00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:33,950 Welcome to your new home! 242 00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:39,275 Gary, there's no heating. 243 00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:50,590 Help, someone, please! 244 00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:53,917 Oh, my dear! What has happened? Are you all right? 245 00:16:54,120 --> 00:16:56,873 My leg! I was just out walking! 246 00:16:57,080 --> 00:17:00,834 - Yes. Who would do such a thing? - I don't know! 247 00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:02,996 Oh, thank God you came! 248 00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:07,198 - Tell me, my dear, are you local? - No! 249 00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:09,789 - AHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHH! - Damn! 250 00:17:10,880 --> 00:17:12,836 Did the plan work, Edward? 251 00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:17,234 Not local. 252 00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:20,398 Oh, oh! Please help me! 253 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:36,833 - Pauline, what are you doing? - Shut up! I'm thinking! 254 00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:40,635 - Has anyone been past, Mickey, love? - Only cars. 255 00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:43,035 Let me know if any pigs sniff round. 256 00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:46,357 Right. What about dogs? 257 00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:49,555 What do you hope to achieve by this? 258 00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:53,355 I want my job back, you shit! The job you stole from me! 259 00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:56,916 - Or you'll draw on my face (?) - I'll do more than that! 260 00:17:57,120 --> 00:18:01,875 - Pauline! There's someone coming! - Let me speak to 'em! Get down! 261 00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:05,272 Hello, little boy! 262 00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:09,268 Go to the police station and give a message to Inspector Cox. 263 00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:11,675 Cocks! 264 00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:15,672 Tell him I am holding a hostage at the Job Centre! 265 00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:19,714 I will not let him go until I get reinstated as Restart Officer! 266 00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:21,876 Now, have you got that? 267 00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:24,958 What's up with him? Is he simple? 268 00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:29,636 You can also tell him I want a big, massive box of pens 269 00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:32,593 with "Pauline's Pens" written on the side! 270 00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:36,759 - And I want a fire engine! - Give over! No, ignore that! 271 00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:40,316 - You promised! - Mickey, love, you can't even drive! 272 00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:43,273 - I can learn! - In a fire engine?! 273 00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:46,472 I'd like to see you do a three-point turn! 274 00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:49,877 No, forget the fire engine, just get me my job back! 275 00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:52,036 - And the pens! - And the pens! 276 00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:54,390 - I want one! - They won't have time! 277 00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:56,909 - I want one now! - Oh, for fu...! 278 00:18:57,120 --> 00:19:00,476 Change of plan. We now want the fire engine, all right? 279 00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:04,670 Well, go on, then! Off you go! 280 00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:09,234 - You satisfied? - Yeah! 281 00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:13,516 Well, now what happens? 282 00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:15,676 Now we wait. 283 00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:21,435 - And if they won't cooperate? - I start cutting off YOUR benefits. 284 00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:30,149 Creme Brulee with Voodoo Lady from the album Just Desserts 285 00:19:30,360 --> 00:19:32,316 still available on mail order. 286 00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:35,193 The address coming up at the end of the show. 287 00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:38,836 Now, we all remember the long hot summer of '76. 288 00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:42,749 Ladybird invasions, tiger sharks off Brighton beach, 289 00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:46,270 blokes in the park charging £1 for a can of Pepsi Cola! 290 00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:50,439 But I wonder what Creme Brulee were up to. Well, we were... 291 00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:52,631 They were Dreaming Of Memphis! 292 00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:56,718 (ELECTRIC GUITAR RIFF) 293 00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:05,758 (MUFFLED GUITAR RIFF) 294 00:20:34,120 --> 00:20:38,193 Honestly, Simone, she'll be fine with us! Won't you, Jade? Yeah! 295 00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:41,119 Go to t'hospital. You'll be all right. Tara! 296 00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:43,880 (IN BABY VOICE) What are you doing? 297 00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:49,156 Right, let's get you sat down here, then! Shift that! 298 00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:51,510 - What? - All of it! 299 00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:55,951 He shouldn't be doing that in here, should he, Jade? 300 00:20:56,160 --> 00:21:00,153 - I hope she's paying you! - This is your Uncle Charlie, Jade. 301 00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:02,316 - Say hello, Charlie! - Hello. 302 00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:04,476 Speak properly! 303 00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:10,077 Hello! Hello, Jade, pleased to meet you! Sorry, I've got wet hands. 304 00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:13,397 - Oh, Charlie, she's not a dog! - Her mother is! 305 00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:20,557 -Don't listen to him, Jade! He's a silly man! Yes, a silly man! 306 00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:22,910 Oh, yes, I'm a silly man, Jade! 307 00:21:23,120 --> 00:21:26,351 I only work six days a week to keep a family together! 308 00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:30,951 Call it a family! It's not a family! He couldn't care less, could he?! 309 00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:32,718 Shut up! 310 00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:36,230 When you grow up, don't let a man put his winkie in you! 311 00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:41,514 They've got you! It's how Charlie got me! And that was the end of my life! 312 00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:47,156 I'll just go and get your bock-bock, Jade. And I want that lot shifted! 313 00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:56,038 She's lying! 314 00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:59,710 There's many reasons why a mummy and daddy fall out! 315 00:21:59,920 --> 00:22:03,879 I work my frigging arse off... Sorry, Jade. What does SHE do? 316 00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:08,312 She gambles! Fruit machines, scratch cards! She's known for it! 317 00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:11,114 Don't listen to him! He's a big fat liar! 318 00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:13,595 Oh, I'm lying, am I, Jade? 319 00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:15,950 What are all these, then, eh?! 320 00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:19,038 - Give me them! - Stuffed behind the bread bin! 321 00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:22,152 - They must be Julie's, Jade! - Jade knows! 322 00:22:22,360 --> 00:22:26,148 - Honestly, they must be Julie's! - Jade's disgusted with you! 323 00:22:26,360 --> 00:22:30,273 I'm stuck in the house all day! I have nowt to look forward to! 324 00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:34,029 - Jade doesn't want your excuses! - I hate the guts of him! 325 00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:37,277 - She don't mean that, Jade! - I can't see colours! 326 00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:39,436 - Please, Jade! - Jade, please! 327 00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:41,596 (BABY CRIES) 328 00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:47,070 Aww...she misses her mummy. 329 00:22:47,280 --> 00:22:51,034 - Shall I go and warm her bock-bock? - If you would, Charlie. 330 00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:09,478 - Are we playing for money? - Only way to play! 331 00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:12,831 - Do the honours, young man! - Thank you, young sir. 332 00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:16,191 - What's it to be, then? - Knock-out whist. 333 00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:21,349 Knock-out whist?! I think not, Doc. Let's have a round of Slippery Jack. 334 00:23:21,560 --> 00:23:25,269 - Excellent, sir, excellent! - I don't know how to play. 335 00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:29,598 - Doc doesn't know Slippery Jack. - You don't know Slippery Jack? 336 00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:32,109 Let's have a round of 40-Card Drag. 337 00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:34,788 Is that the one that's a bit like poker? 338 00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:38,030 Don't you know any card games, Doc? 339 00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:41,232 Yes, whist, knock-out whist, rummy, pontoon... 340 00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:43,590 Let's play Go, Johnny, Go Go Go Go! 341 00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:47,873 - Fine idea, young man! - I don't know that one either. 342 00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:50,878 - Everyone knows Go, Johnny! - I don't. 343 00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:54,470 You do! It's like a cross between Hoover and 8 Men Down. 344 00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:56,636 I haven't played those either! 345 00:23:56,840 --> 00:24:00,549 It's all right. We'll just have to explain the rules to you. 346 00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:03,832 - It's very simple. - Jacks are worth 10, kings 3. 347 00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:06,873 - One-eyed jacks are wild. - We'll come to those. 348 00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:09,355 Round 1, you get nine. Round 2, seven. 349 00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:11,630 - Twos are wild. - We'll come to those. 350 00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:14,957 - Diamonds retain their face value. - Except the king. 351 00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:17,799 We play in sequence unless you match a pair 352 00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:20,833 or play a card in ascending or descending order. 353 00:24:21,040 --> 00:24:23,952 - That's a Go, Johnny, Go Go Go Go! - You stand up 354 00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:26,151 and shout, "Go, Johnny, Go Go Go Go!" 355 00:24:26,360 --> 00:24:28,316 The winner has the most tricks. 356 00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:32,991 You'll pick up the rest as we play. Shall we say...a pound a round? 357 00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:37,159 - I'm not really sure how to start. - Just put a card on the table. 358 00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:41,996 - Come on! - Hurry up, Doc! 359 00:24:45,120 --> 00:24:48,237 - A three?! - You can't lead with a three! 360 00:24:48,440 --> 00:24:50,635 This is not Bamalama-Fizz-Vaj! 361 00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:54,037 - Sorry! - Start again! 362 00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:56,909 She says, "That's all covered in doings!" 363 00:24:57,120 --> 00:25:00,237 I says, "How more free range do you want??" 364 00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:02,396 (OUTSIDE DOOR OPENS) 365 00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:05,831 - Oh, this'll be Maurice. - About time! 366 00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:10,200 Maurice, we'd almost given up on you. 367 00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:13,710 Sorry I'm late, Hilary. Oh, the lot of a magistrate! 368 00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:18,038 - The bench has to come first! - All right, Judge Jeffreys! 369 00:25:18,240 --> 00:25:20,151 Sit down. 370 00:25:21,120 --> 00:25:25,193 Right...now we're all finally convened. 371 00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:28,756 As my special customers, you're no doubt... 372 00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:30,951 Hiya. I was just parking the car. 373 00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:39,112 Right...Eunice... an unexpected pleasure. 374 00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:43,198 Sam, would you like to get Eunice a drink? 375 00:25:45,960 --> 00:25:47,916 Maurice, do you have a moment? 376 00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:53,796 Are you out of your fucking mind?! 377 00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:57,832 - What do you mean? - How much does she know? 378 00:25:58,040 --> 00:26:01,396 - Just the basics. - Just the basics! 379 00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:06,549 - I thought she could come in on it. - Get rid of her, Maurice! 380 00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:11,914 Do you want me to get rid of the others, too? 381 00:26:12,120 --> 00:26:15,237 - What others?! - Her brother-in-law and the kids. 382 00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:19,069 They're all parked outside in a Maxi. 383 00:26:21,120 --> 00:26:23,554 Get out, Maurice! 384 00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:27,354 Is this what I think it is? It's lovely! 385 00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:30,233 - Come along, Eunice! - We've just got here! 386 00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:33,352 - I-I left the door on the latch! - You never did? 387 00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:35,516 - Anyway, I can stay. - No! Come on! 388 00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:46,434 Well?! 389 00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:52,030 I think we may have to take steps. 390 00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:01,791 (BOTH) Mmmmmmmm! 391 00:27:02,880 --> 00:27:05,838 Very interesting, Mr Bond! 392 00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:10,436 Huit. 393 00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:16,834 Ace in the hole. 394 00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:21,353 Tal. 395 00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:27,190 - What? - Come on, Doc. 396 00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:30,870 - What? - That's a Go, Johnny Go Go Go Go! 397 00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:33,196 - Is it? Great! - You can't touch 'em! 398 00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:36,278 - Why not? - Say "Go, Johnny, Go Go Go Go!" 399 00:27:36,480 --> 00:27:39,040 - Go, Johnny, Go Go Go Go! - Stand up first. 400 00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:41,231 And say "Go, Johnny, Go Go Go Go!" 401 00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:43,874 - Go, Johnny, Go Go Go Go! - Name your pairs. 402 00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:45,832 - What? - Name your pairs! 403 00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:47,996 - Pairs? - You put down a three. 404 00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:51,749 - You must have pairs! - That's a Go, Johnny, Go Go Go Go! 405 00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:55,316 - You can't look at 'em! - I'm supposed to remember them? 406 00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:58,239 - Jacks are worth 10... - One-eyed jacks... 407 00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:01,000 LOOK... 408 00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:04,317 ..why can't we just play something simple? 409 00:28:05,360 --> 00:28:08,591 Why do we only play things you two know the rules of?! 410 00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:13,191 It was like this when we were kids! You put bets on bloody...Buckaroo! 411 00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:19,635 Why can't we just play... hangman or something? 412 00:28:23,360 --> 00:28:25,635 (BOTH) Ooooooooooooooooh! 413 00:28:25,840 --> 00:28:29,389 - All right, Doc! - Whatever you say, Doc! 414 00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:33,434 - Hangman it is! - Hangman. Sounds good to me. 415 00:28:33,640 --> 00:28:36,313 - I'm sorry... - It's all right. Hangman. 416 00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:40,591 Canadian rules or Italian? 417 00:28:42,400 --> 00:28:44,755 Pauline, what if nobody comes? 418 00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:49,112 Oh, shut up, Ross! And stop hogging that duvet! 419 00:28:49,162 --> 00:28:53,712 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 33096

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