Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,930 --> 00:00:02,967
So, you spent the winter on a boat,
2
00:00:02,999 --> 00:00:05,201
you beat up a Russian to make
money for your dream house...
3
00:00:05,235 --> 00:00:07,172
- [Crowd cheering]
- Oh, shit.
4
00:00:07,173 --> 00:00:09,539
You went to town on this Russian guy.
5
00:00:09,573 --> 00:00:12,243
This guy looks worse than that
Mexican ex-husband of yours.
6
00:00:12,275 --> 00:00:14,110
Oh, my God. Honey.
7
00:00:14,785 --> 00:00:17,381
I did it for you guys... to make money.
8
00:00:17,413 --> 00:00:19,450
Seven months alone on a boat.
9
00:00:19,482 --> 00:00:21,918
That must have been quite
the homecoming, huh? Fssh!
10
00:00:21,951 --> 00:00:24,087
Not really. She didn't even pick me up.
11
00:00:24,121 --> 00:00:25,355
I'm a bit of an asshole.
12
00:00:25,389 --> 00:00:26,958
Yeah, to put it mildly.
13
00:00:28,258 --> 00:00:30,427
- [Three tones]
- Operator: The number you have reached
14
00:00:30,459 --> 00:00:33,930
is not in service at this time,
and there is no new number...
15
00:00:35,598 --> 00:00:38,534
? The wheels on the bus... ?
16
00:00:38,567 --> 00:00:41,070
Well, look what the nets dragged in.
17
00:00:41,104 --> 00:00:42,205
Argh!
18
00:00:44,542 --> 00:00:46,306
Gene? The hell are you doing here?
19
00:00:46,384 --> 00:00:48,553
Your wife told me
to pick up a fat dipshit
20
00:00:48,586 --> 00:00:49,757
at the diner by the docks,
21
00:00:49,758 --> 00:00:52,024
and you're the only fat
dipshit that I can see.
22
00:00:52,056 --> 00:00:53,558
W... Ooh!
23
00:00:53,559 --> 00:00:54,826
Wait. You were talking to...
24
00:00:54,860 --> 00:00:56,128
Why were you in Alaska?
25
00:00:56,161 --> 00:00:57,963
I was invited to the wedding, thank you.
26
00:00:57,995 --> 00:00:59,931
- What wedding?
- Yours, dipshit.
27
00:00:59,964 --> 00:01:02,000
My wife planned a wedding?
28
00:01:02,867 --> 00:01:04,535
[Chuckling] Oh, man.
29
00:01:04,568 --> 00:01:05,716
This is gonna be fun.
30
00:01:05,717 --> 00:01:07,506
[Laughs]
31
00:01:08,655 --> 00:01:11,958
I'm telling you, man,
marriage is a pathetic trap.
32
00:01:12,109 --> 00:01:15,066
When I got divorced
for the third and final time,
33
00:01:15,067 --> 00:01:17,049
suddenly, it all made sense.
34
00:01:17,082 --> 00:01:18,784
Well, I haven't seen my
wife in seven months,
35
00:01:18,817 --> 00:01:19,558
so I'm pretty excited.
36
00:01:19,559 --> 00:01:21,452
You know, when I used to go away
37
00:01:21,485 --> 00:01:23,454
for long stretches of time cavorting...
38
00:01:23,487 --> 00:01:24,535
I wasn't cavorting.
39
00:01:24,536 --> 00:01:26,114
Weren't you on a singles cruise?
40
00:01:26,115 --> 00:01:28,060
I was on a factory fishing boat.
41
00:01:28,092 --> 00:01:29,860
Ohhh. Yeah, that's the smell.
42
00:01:29,861 --> 00:01:31,796
I sorted dead fish for a living.
43
00:01:31,829 --> 00:01:32,831
It's way worse than that.
44
00:01:32,864 --> 00:01:34,266
It's like a dead fish
45
00:01:34,299 --> 00:01:36,268
after five days doing coke in a sauna.
46
00:01:36,302 --> 00:01:38,237
- What's your point?
- Well, my point is,
47
00:01:38,277 --> 00:01:40,866
when I would come home reeking of sin,
48
00:01:40,866 --> 00:01:42,260
I'd come to a little place like this,
49
00:01:42,261 --> 00:01:44,055
splash a little cover-all on myself.
50
00:01:44,056 --> 00:01:45,557
Oh, my God. What's cover-all?
51
00:01:46,727 --> 00:01:47,608
Dude! Dude!
52
00:01:47,609 --> 00:01:49,897
What... is your problem?!
53
00:01:49,929 --> 00:01:51,798
Gasoline... covers all.
54
00:01:51,831 --> 00:01:53,866
All cheap perfume, all body lotions
55
00:01:53,899 --> 00:01:57,370
from strippers and
hookers and "dead fish."
56
00:01:57,403 --> 00:01:58,539
Stop! Stop it!
57
00:01:58,572 --> 00:01:59,515
Pathetic, right?
58
00:01:59,516 --> 00:02:01,507
Yes, it's very pathetic!
59
00:02:01,540 --> 00:02:03,543
That's marriage, man.
60
00:02:05,911 --> 00:02:07,924
Stop! Stop it! It burns!
61
00:02:08,057 --> 00:02:11,017
? Somewhere behind the mountains ?
62
00:02:11,051 --> 00:02:13,487
? There is a place I'm thinkin' ?
63
00:02:13,519 --> 00:02:14,893
[Distorted music plays]
64
00:02:14,894 --> 00:02:17,986
Synced and corrected by hawken45
for www.addic7ed.com
65
00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:23,997
[Engine revs]
66
00:02:24,029 --> 00:02:25,498
[Flaps lips]
67
00:02:25,531 --> 00:02:27,400
Jesus. That's a lot of texts.
68
00:02:29,058 --> 00:02:31,160
It's -20 out. It's getting really cold.
69
00:02:31,194 --> 00:02:33,363
Thought you could maybe use
a little bit of a warm-up,
70
00:02:33,396 --> 00:02:35,032
you know, like a little bit of...
71
00:02:35,064 --> 00:02:37,166
Delilah: God damn it!
Get a room! You're pathetic!
72
00:02:37,199 --> 00:02:38,999
I have a room! This is my house!
73
00:02:39,002 --> 00:02:40,789
I don't care! It's my house, too!
74
00:02:40,791 --> 00:02:41,773
Please come home.
75
00:02:41,872 --> 00:02:43,374
Yikes. It's fine.
76
00:02:43,665 --> 00:02:45,100
It's -30 out.
77
00:02:45,271 --> 00:02:47,073
The wine's frozen, so that's what I'm...
78
00:02:47,075 --> 00:02:48,343
that's what I'm dealing with.
79
00:02:48,345 --> 00:02:50,015
Nice change of pace, ya drunk!
80
00:02:50,244 --> 00:02:51,343
It's noon.
81
00:02:51,344 --> 00:02:53,027
It's -56 degrees.
82
00:02:53,028 --> 00:02:53,959
Oh, boy.
83
00:02:54,617 --> 00:02:55,644
Dad, you got to get back here.
84
00:02:55,645 --> 00:02:57,421
These two are losing their shit.
85
00:02:58,767 --> 00:03:00,734
Why are you always yelling at me?!
86
00:03:00,735 --> 00:03:03,653
That's the only way I'm able
to communicate with you!
87
00:03:03,654 --> 00:03:05,562
Then I feel like I'm not being heard...
88
00:03:05,594 --> 00:03:06,679
What is happening?
89
00:03:06,711 --> 00:03:08,971
You sure you want to go home, dipshit?
90
00:03:09,243 --> 00:03:10,944
Yes. Yes, I do.
91
00:03:12,110 --> 00:03:13,155
Wait. Where are you going, man?
92
00:03:13,156 --> 00:03:14,421
I told you I want to go home.
93
00:03:14,422 --> 00:03:15,665
That is your home.
94
00:03:15,666 --> 00:03:17,735
What? This? What... did she move?
95
00:03:17,767 --> 00:03:19,736
When did she do that?
What's... What's happening?
96
00:03:19,770 --> 00:03:21,972
You're asking way too many questions
97
00:03:22,004 --> 00:03:23,738
that I don't have answers for.
98
00:03:24,307 --> 00:03:27,577
[Wavves' "When Will You Come" plays]
99
00:03:30,780 --> 00:03:32,783
[Music stops]
100
00:03:35,718 --> 00:03:37,820
[Music resumes]
101
00:03:37,854 --> 00:03:45,062
?
102
00:03:45,094 --> 00:03:46,115
- [Music stops]
- Out!
103
00:03:46,117 --> 00:03:46,688
I'm not in.
104
00:03:46,688 --> 00:03:47,516
[Grunts] Ungh!
105
00:03:48,270 --> 00:03:50,066
Bad luck to see the bride
the night before the wedding!
106
00:03:50,099 --> 00:03:51,412
Bad luck! Bad luck!
107
00:03:52,459 --> 00:03:53,303
Aaaah!
108
00:03:53,337 --> 00:03:54,694
I hate your sister!
109
00:03:55,571 --> 00:03:56,502
[Groans]
110
00:03:57,122 --> 00:03:58,255
Why is she here?!
111
00:03:58,508 --> 00:04:00,778
[Music resumes]
112
00:04:00,811 --> 00:04:05,982
?
113
00:04:06,016 --> 00:04:07,252
- [Music slows, stops]
- Ow!
114
00:04:07,254 --> 00:04:08,178
Where are you going?
115
00:04:08,179 --> 00:04:10,486
- I'm going to Mason's house.
- No! We have a rehearsal!
116
00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:13,315
Yo! Mr. P's back! What's up?
117
00:04:14,144 --> 00:04:15,325
That guy made it through the winter?
118
00:04:15,359 --> 00:04:16,460
Yeah, and he's still a douche.
119
00:04:16,493 --> 00:04:17,587
And you're still a bitch!
120
00:04:17,588 --> 00:04:20,150
Whoa! Do not talk
to your mother that way!
121
00:04:20,151 --> 00:04:22,219
And who are you?
Are you this bitch's friend?
122
00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:23,911
'Cause she can fight her own battles!
123
00:04:23,912 --> 00:04:25,969
Hey, you don't talk to him that way!
124
00:04:26,001 --> 00:04:27,371
Young lady!
125
00:04:28,738 --> 00:04:30,220
What did you do to my daughter?
126
00:04:30,220 --> 00:04:31,576
It was a really long winter.
127
00:04:31,608 --> 00:04:33,937
- [Engine starts]
- I'm just so glad you're back.
128
00:04:33,937 --> 00:04:34,744
[Music resumes, stops]
129
00:04:34,777 --> 00:04:36,847
Oh! Hey, guys! Yes! Great! You're here.
130
00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:38,682
- [Vehicle doors open, close]
- What is happening?
131
00:04:38,714 --> 00:04:40,383
You're gonna go right around back.
132
00:04:40,876 --> 00:04:41,719
Just down the stairs.
133
00:04:41,751 --> 00:04:42,919
What is going on here?
134
00:04:42,952 --> 00:04:44,755
I planned a wedding. Surprise!
135
00:04:44,787 --> 00:04:45,855
It says "bride" on my butt.
136
00:04:45,888 --> 00:04:47,590
It says "brie" on your butt.
137
00:04:47,623 --> 00:04:50,027
Oh. The "D" keeps getting stuck
in my ass. That happens a lot.
138
00:04:50,060 --> 00:04:52,273
- We're getting married today?
- No, don't be stupid.
139
00:04:52,274 --> 00:04:53,408
We're getting married tomorrow.
140
00:04:53,442 --> 00:04:54,784
Why would you do this, though?
141
00:04:54,785 --> 00:04:57,312
Because you said you wanted to get
married the second you got back.
142
00:04:57,377 --> 00:04:58,700
I didn't mean it literally.
143
00:04:58,702 --> 00:05:00,876
Well, then don't use the word
"literally" when you...
144
00:05:00,877 --> 00:05:03,131
Mnh. You know what?
Forget it. It's fine. It's fine.
145
00:05:03,132 --> 00:05:04,585
Woman: Ma'am, where would
you like these flowers?
146
00:05:04,586 --> 00:05:06,755
Oh, yes! Flowers! Of course!
147
00:05:06,788 --> 00:05:07,561
Ba...
148
00:05:07,661 --> 00:05:08,650
Oh, my God.
149
00:05:08,875 --> 00:05:11,572
I've been to your house, Sarah.
You cannot see Russia.
150
00:05:11,573 --> 00:05:12,376
[Laughter]
151
00:05:12,377 --> 00:05:14,717
Jared, look who's home! Daddy's home!
152
00:05:14,718 --> 00:05:16,820
We're sorry. The mayor's
currently unavailable.
153
00:05:16,820 --> 00:05:18,273
I'm his father. Who the hell are you?
154
00:05:18,274 --> 00:05:20,435
- We handle the mayor.
- What are you talking about, "handle"?
155
00:05:20,468 --> 00:05:21,567
- He's a tourist attraction.
- "Was."
156
00:05:21,568 --> 00:05:23,438
This is the 98th largest city in Alaska.
157
00:05:23,471 --> 00:05:24,940
And it finally has the powerful leader
158
00:05:24,973 --> 00:05:26,596
and representation it deserves.
159
00:05:26,597 --> 00:05:28,010
Have a great day.
160
00:05:28,042 --> 00:05:29,659
I... plan on it, okay? I...
161
00:05:30,659 --> 00:05:32,222
Jared? Jared!
162
00:05:32,815 --> 00:05:33,892
Did I just get handled?
163
00:05:33,893 --> 00:05:35,456
Oh, yeah. Baby, you did.
164
00:05:35,458 --> 00:05:36,561
- I'm so sorry.
- Okay.
165
00:05:36,562 --> 00:05:38,222
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa! What? What?
166
00:05:38,223 --> 00:05:40,071
- Did you go to a strip club?
- No!
167
00:05:40,072 --> 00:05:41,152
Then why are you wearing cover-all?
168
00:05:41,153 --> 00:05:42,457
I'm not... Wh...
169
00:05:42,490 --> 00:05:43,459
How do you know about that?
170
00:05:43,492 --> 00:05:46,514
Mom blogs. It's pathetic...
really pathetic.
171
00:05:46,515 --> 00:05:48,597
Why would you go to a strip club
the day before your wedding?
172
00:05:48,598 --> 00:05:50,330
I got gasoline sprayed on me!
173
00:05:50,330 --> 00:05:51,466
Yeah, that's how they do it.
174
00:05:51,500 --> 00:05:52,867
T minus 15 minutes to rehearsal.
175
00:05:52,901 --> 00:05:53,813
We got to go, babe.
176
00:05:53,814 --> 00:05:55,123
- "Babe"?
- Yeah, it's our thing.
177
00:05:55,124 --> 00:05:56,493
Listen, hey, I get it.
178
00:05:56,494 --> 00:05:58,723
It was a five-hour drive
after seven months at sea.
179
00:05:58,724 --> 00:06:01,620
I'm a little upset that you didn't want
your first lap dance to be from me,
180
00:06:01,621 --> 00:06:02,563
but I forgive you,
181
00:06:02,907 --> 00:06:06,285
because I am so excited to get married!
182
00:06:06,286 --> 00:06:07,448
Finally!
183
00:06:07,481 --> 00:06:08,637
All: Yay!
184
00:06:08,638 --> 00:06:10,550
All: Byyyye!
185
00:06:10,551 --> 00:06:12,193
Hmm.
186
00:06:12,194 --> 00:06:15,916
Home from sea, and you're
already back on the old tugboat.
187
00:06:15,917 --> 00:06:16,811
But don't worry.
188
00:06:16,812 --> 00:06:19,995
Everyone says intimacy
picks up after the wedding.
189
00:06:20,028 --> 00:06:20,912
Does it?
190
00:06:20,913 --> 00:06:23,132
Mnh-mnh. Doesn't.
191
00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:25,166
I kn... I know.
192
00:06:25,199 --> 00:06:27,135
[Music resumes]
193
00:06:27,863 --> 00:06:29,277
Nate: Why am I walking down the aisle?
194
00:06:29,278 --> 00:06:30,983
Oh, 'cause Megwyn thought
it would be dope
195
00:06:30,984 --> 00:06:32,849
- to reverse the gender norms.
- So dope.
196
00:06:32,881 --> 00:06:36,252
[Groans] Why doesn't he reverse
gender norms at his own wedding?
197
00:06:36,789 --> 00:06:37,957
Where are all my friends?
198
00:06:37,990 --> 00:06:39,226
Well, Gene's here.
199
00:06:39,723 --> 00:06:40,824
I said "friends"!
200
00:06:40,856 --> 00:06:42,558
And you got your mom.
201
00:06:42,591 --> 00:06:44,627
It's okay, sweetheart.
202
00:06:44,661 --> 00:06:45,829
Just give me it.
203
00:06:45,861 --> 00:06:46,769
Give you what?
204
00:06:46,770 --> 00:06:47,930
Your dick.
205
00:06:47,964 --> 00:06:51,156
I'll hold it in my purse until
your wife lets you have it back.
206
00:06:51,735 --> 00:06:55,606
[Slow piano music plays]
207
00:06:55,639 --> 00:06:58,962
- ["Here Comes the Bride" plays]
- ? Here comes the cuck ?
208
00:06:58,963 --> 00:07:01,742
? 'Cause he's a cuck ?
209
00:07:02,478 --> 00:07:08,203
? Just like his dad,
who was also a cuck ?
210
00:07:09,206 --> 00:07:11,872
? It must be genetic ?
211
00:07:12,889 --> 00:07:15,015
? Cu-cuck, cu-cuck, cu-cuck ?
212
00:07:15,465 --> 00:07:16,900
Come on! Push!
213
00:07:17,060 --> 00:07:18,702
It's an electric wheelchair.
214
00:07:18,703 --> 00:07:21,402
I'm not gonna waste my battery
on this bullshit!
215
00:07:23,309 --> 00:07:25,002
What is she calling you? A duck?
216
00:07:25,003 --> 00:07:26,613
- A cuck.
- What's that?
217
00:07:26,645 --> 00:07:29,381
Short for "cuckold"...
an emasculated male.
218
00:07:29,414 --> 00:07:31,516
Oh. Makes sense.
219
00:07:31,549 --> 00:07:34,052
Whoo! Let's douche this! Whoo!
220
00:07:34,085 --> 00:07:36,636
Why don't we "douche" this
inside? It's raining.
221
00:07:36,636 --> 00:07:38,625
Because we need to rehearse
it, how we're gonna do it.
222
00:07:38,657 --> 00:07:40,225
At least put up a rain
tent or something.
223
00:07:40,258 --> 00:07:41,974
No, we're not gonna need it.
It's gonna be beautiful.
224
00:07:42,037 --> 00:07:43,629
Okay, uh, dearly beloved,
225
00:07:43,662 --> 00:07:45,795
we gather here today
to rehearse the wedding
226
00:07:45,796 --> 00:07:47,499
of Nate Parker and Robin Randall.
227
00:07:47,936 --> 00:07:49,035
And then I'll work the crowd.
228
00:07:49,267 --> 00:07:51,033
"So happy to see
so many registered voters,"
229
00:07:51,033 --> 00:07:51,867
throw a couple jokes.
230
00:07:51,868 --> 00:07:53,771
- The Talkeetna one.
- Oh, it's so good,
231
00:07:53,805 --> 00:07:55,240
the word "joke" doesn't do it justice.
232
00:07:55,272 --> 00:07:57,642
Right. And then we hold for laughs.
233
00:07:57,674 --> 00:07:59,110
[Wind gusts]
234
00:08:06,284 --> 00:08:08,654
Come on. Let's go, okay? It's raining.
235
00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:10,923
Still holding.
236
00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:13,625
The Talkeetna joke kills.
Waves of laughter.
237
00:08:14,625 --> 00:08:15,726
Still holding.
238
00:08:19,745 --> 00:08:22,047
Oh, my God. What is it? What
could possibly be this funny?
239
00:08:22,196 --> 00:08:23,168
You'll hear it on the day.
240
00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:25,636
- It's really funny.
- It's super funny.
241
00:08:25,669 --> 00:08:28,606
Four, three, two, one.
242
00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:29,895
Back to the special day.
243
00:08:29,896 --> 00:08:32,025
And then Delilah gives
some meaningful speech.
244
00:08:32,026 --> 00:08:33,995
She's not here right now,
but she will be on the day.
245
00:08:33,996 --> 00:08:35,633
And that's when the flash
mob does their thing.
246
00:08:35,634 --> 00:08:38,283
Dancers, costume changes,
umbrellas, top hats.
247
00:08:38,316 --> 00:08:40,065
- It's gonna be amazing.
- So amazing.
248
00:08:40,066 --> 00:08:41,251
Why would you do that?
249
00:08:41,285 --> 00:08:43,414
Well, because we rehearsed
it for two months.
250
00:08:43,415 --> 00:08:44,822
I'm gonna sing at you.
251
00:08:44,823 --> 00:08:47,291
Are you expecting
producers in the crowd?
252
00:08:47,324 --> 00:08:48,133
Tons!
253
00:08:48,224 --> 00:08:50,152
Happy wife, happy life. Am I right?
254
00:08:50,615 --> 00:08:51,952
Anyway, moving on to the vows.
255
00:08:52,197 --> 00:08:54,492
Oh, my God. This is like a bad dream.
256
00:08:54,493 --> 00:08:55,900
I haven't seen you in seven months,
257
00:08:55,933 --> 00:08:57,669
I haven't spoken to you in seven months,
258
00:08:57,702 --> 00:08:59,542
and now I can't because
of all this crap.
259
00:08:59,544 --> 00:09:00,506
This isn't crap.
260
00:09:00,538 --> 00:09:02,841
You never wanted any of this.
261
00:09:02,874 --> 00:09:06,344
What's wrong with you? This is just
a party to celebrate our love.
262
00:09:06,376 --> 00:09:07,377
I didn't want a party.
263
00:09:07,412 --> 00:09:09,748
I wanted to come home,
order a pizza, and [bleep].
264
00:09:09,780 --> 00:09:11,795
Okay, reminder to keep this PG.
265
00:09:12,764 --> 00:09:14,452
But those are words
to live by, no doubt.
266
00:09:14,486 --> 00:09:16,999
I needed something to get me
through those seven months, Nate.
267
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:18,322
Did I go a little overboard on this?
268
00:09:18,356 --> 00:09:19,957
Yes, yes, I sure as shit did.
269
00:09:19,991 --> 00:09:22,593
But the darkness, the cold...
270
00:09:22,626 --> 00:09:25,849
It was 56 below...
80 sometimes, with wind chill.
271
00:09:26,364 --> 00:09:27,354
I broke my hair!
272
00:09:27,354 --> 00:09:29,367
We had hair-sicles! Whoo!
273
00:09:29,399 --> 00:09:29,803
Shut up!
274
00:09:29,804 --> 00:09:31,939
Hey, hol... hold on.
Don't tell her to shut up.
275
00:09:31,970 --> 00:09:34,387
She's the one who helped me through
this. She's the one who kept me sane.
276
00:09:34,388 --> 00:09:36,207
No sane Robin would ever say that.
277
00:09:37,484 --> 00:09:38,652
I was so lonely, Nate.
278
00:09:38,842 --> 00:09:41,447
Oh, were you? Were you lonely?
279
00:09:41,448 --> 00:09:43,347
Because I was in the bowels of a boat
280
00:09:43,380 --> 00:09:44,882
with nothing but dead fish to talk to.
281
00:09:44,915 --> 00:09:45,983
This isn't a competition.
282
00:09:46,016 --> 00:09:48,706
Yes, it is! And I win.
283
00:09:48,707 --> 00:09:51,495
'Cause my life was hell,
and everything I did,
284
00:09:51,496 --> 00:09:54,694
I did for you and you and...
285
00:09:54,695 --> 00:09:56,586
wherever the hell she is, okay?
286
00:09:56,587 --> 00:09:58,263
The only thing that got me through it
287
00:09:58,295 --> 00:10:00,946
was thinking about you
and writing to you.
288
00:10:00,947 --> 00:10:03,367
And I loved those letters.
I read every one of them.
289
00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:05,303
Oh, so much so,
you couldn't even return one?
290
00:10:05,336 --> 00:10:06,404
Where was I gonna send you a letter?!
291
00:10:06,437 --> 00:10:08,373
I didn't have your address!
What was it gonna be?
292
00:10:08,405 --> 00:10:11,575
"Some guy I know, a boat, the ocean"?
293
00:10:11,608 --> 00:10:12,843
The boy has a name.
294
00:10:12,876 --> 00:10:14,011
Thank you, Mother.
295
00:10:14,044 --> 00:10:16,380
It's Cuck... Cuck Parker.
296
00:10:16,414 --> 00:10:17,282
[Sighs]
297
00:10:17,314 --> 00:10:19,479
Suits you so much better than "dipshit."
298
00:10:21,712 --> 00:10:23,548
I-I see you spent the money.
299
00:10:23,721 --> 00:10:24,688
What money?
300
00:10:24,722 --> 00:10:26,225
The money I sent you.
301
00:10:27,991 --> 00:10:29,212
You didn't send me any money.
302
00:10:29,213 --> 00:10:31,895
Yes, I did! A shit ton,
and I sent it in the mail!
303
00:10:31,928 --> 00:10:33,977
- You sent cash in the mail?
- Where else would you send it?
304
00:10:33,978 --> 00:10:35,422
Why would you send cash in the mail?
305
00:10:35,423 --> 00:10:37,322
Because if you can't
trust the post office,
306
00:10:37,323 --> 00:10:38,569
you can't trust anyone!
307
00:10:39,569 --> 00:10:41,705
I put it in a fish stick box
and wrapped it up.
308
00:10:41,739 --> 00:10:42,917
It was tamper-proof.
309
00:10:42,918 --> 00:10:44,576
I didn't get any money from you.
310
00:10:44,608 --> 00:10:47,044
Then how did you afford
this monstrosity?
311
00:10:47,077 --> 00:10:48,579
Our dad bought it for us
312
00:10:48,612 --> 00:10:50,314
'cause he knows how to support a family.
313
00:10:50,347 --> 00:10:52,516
Isn't this what you wanted? We're rich.
314
00:10:52,549 --> 00:10:55,286
Our family is finally
in a good place, Nate.
315
00:10:55,319 --> 00:10:57,321
Somebody's finally taking care of us.
316
00:10:57,355 --> 00:10:58,824
I thought that was my job.
317
00:11:00,537 --> 00:11:01,805
Okay. Moving on.
318
00:11:02,025 --> 00:11:03,428
Finally, we do the "I do"s
319
00:11:03,461 --> 00:11:05,563
and then "You may French the groom."
320
00:11:05,596 --> 00:11:07,432
[Chuckles]
321
00:11:07,465 --> 00:11:09,500
Or not. W-W-We can
save that for the day.
322
00:11:09,534 --> 00:11:10,635
Like the Talkeetna joke.
323
00:11:10,668 --> 00:11:12,303
[Both giggle]
324
00:11:12,337 --> 00:11:17,442
?
325
00:11:17,475 --> 00:11:19,377
Okay, good. We're done? Great.
326
00:11:19,409 --> 00:11:21,478
Oh, my God. Where are you going?
Nate, come back.
327
00:11:21,511 --> 00:11:23,152
No. No, no, no. You're finally
in such a good place.
328
00:11:23,153 --> 00:11:25,047
You don't need me. Just tell me
what time to show up.
329
00:11:25,141 --> 00:11:26,350
10:00 a.m. sharp.
330
00:11:26,384 --> 00:11:26,938
Babe.
331
00:11:26,939 --> 00:11:28,385
- Yes?
- Nate.
332
00:11:28,419 --> 00:11:31,322
No. I'll see you tomorrow,
like the cuck that I am.
333
00:11:32,751 --> 00:11:35,528
Even cucks don't call themselves a cuck.
334
00:11:36,279 --> 00:11:37,796
You sub-cuck!
335
00:11:37,828 --> 00:11:39,063
[Wind gusts]
336
00:11:40,157 --> 00:11:41,225
Hey.
337
00:11:42,491 --> 00:11:43,961
Hey, where you going?
338
00:11:45,629 --> 00:11:47,697
You're getting married tomorrow.
339
00:11:47,730 --> 00:11:49,600
Marriage makes everybody happy, right?
340
00:11:49,633 --> 00:11:50,935
Sure.
341
00:11:50,936 --> 00:11:54,404
Come on. Let's throw an
impromptu bachelor party.
342
00:11:54,437 --> 00:11:57,273
I was gonna drive a couple hours
and see some titties anyway.
343
00:11:57,307 --> 00:11:59,176
Not really in the mood
for scantily clad women
344
00:11:59,209 --> 00:12:02,013
and high-fiving bros, so... no.
345
00:12:03,046 --> 00:12:04,982
Yes! Yes! Yes!
346
00:12:05,014 --> 00:12:06,062
Awesome, right?
347
00:12:06,063 --> 00:12:07,584
Oh, man, this is better than awesome.
348
00:12:07,616 --> 00:12:09,152
This is Foxy Hoxxxey!
349
00:12:09,186 --> 00:12:10,653
Whoo! The hottest show on ice!
350
00:12:10,687 --> 00:12:12,188
Look at them go!
351
00:12:12,221 --> 00:12:13,957
Get it, get it, get it!
352
00:12:13,990 --> 00:12:15,425
It's like the roller derby of hockey,
353
00:12:15,459 --> 00:12:17,027
only with attractive women.
354
00:12:17,060 --> 00:12:19,129
[Chuckles] I didn't know
they were in town.
355
00:12:19,162 --> 00:12:20,598
What's up, Sweetheart?
356
00:12:21,664 --> 00:12:23,967
I can call her that 'cause
her nickname's Sweetheart.
357
00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:25,168
It's not sexist.
358
00:12:26,369 --> 00:12:28,304
Mm! There's McKinley!
359
00:12:28,337 --> 00:12:29,138
[Spits]
360
00:12:29,172 --> 00:12:30,975
- Aah!
- [Laughs]
361
00:12:31,008 --> 00:12:32,343
She goes by "Denali" now,
362
00:12:32,375 --> 00:12:34,377
but she'll always be McKinley to me.
363
00:12:34,411 --> 00:12:36,146
Let's go, girls! Move the puck!
364
00:12:36,178 --> 00:12:38,448
- [Thud]
- Oh! Yes! Yes!
365
00:12:38,481 --> 00:12:40,119
You know what's funny?
366
00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:42,986
I invented this in ninth grade
in my bedroom one night.
367
00:12:43,019 --> 00:12:45,321
I even had a prototype for a
high-heeled skate and everything.
368
00:12:45,355 --> 00:12:47,991
My mom said it would never
work, but I knew it would!
369
00:12:48,712 --> 00:12:50,147
It's a beautiful game!
370
00:12:50,149 --> 00:12:51,818
Oh, it sure as shit is.
371
00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:54,531
This girl, Bee, she's the
feminist of the group.
372
00:12:54,563 --> 00:12:57,500
She talks a big game, but she's
a really shitty fighter.
373
00:12:57,533 --> 00:13:04,273
?
374
00:13:04,307 --> 00:13:05,475
Yeeeeah!
375
00:13:05,509 --> 00:13:07,443
[Cheers and applause]
376
00:13:07,476 --> 00:13:09,545
? My way ?
377
00:13:09,579 --> 00:13:12,516
? My way-ay-ay ?
378
00:13:12,548 --> 00:13:15,352
Boom! Yeah, you suck, Bee!
379
00:13:17,687 --> 00:13:19,090
You're insane!
380
00:13:21,490 --> 00:13:22,792
[Coughs]
381
00:13:22,826 --> 00:13:24,194
Is that your tooth?
382
00:13:24,226 --> 00:13:31,501
?
383
00:13:31,534 --> 00:13:33,437
This is the greatest night of my life.
384
00:13:33,470 --> 00:13:35,638
[Crowd booing]
385
00:13:35,672 --> 00:13:37,408
Buh-bye!
386
00:13:38,575 --> 00:13:41,545
It looks like the
Arctic Fox from Koyukuk
387
00:13:41,577 --> 00:13:45,081
tried to check herself,
but wrecked herself!
388
00:13:45,114 --> 00:13:47,116
While she gets her brain un-concussed,
389
00:13:47,149 --> 00:13:49,086
we need another 'Kuk to sub in.
390
00:13:49,119 --> 00:13:52,097
Take this guy! He's the
biggest cuck in the house!
391
00:13:52,098 --> 00:13:53,623
This is his last night of freedom!
392
00:13:53,657 --> 00:13:56,949
He's getting forced
into marriage tomorrow!
393
00:13:57,056 --> 00:13:58,625
I was not forced.
394
00:14:01,597 --> 00:14:03,166
You up to throw down?
395
00:14:05,701 --> 00:14:07,370
Yes, I am.
396
00:14:07,403 --> 00:14:12,408
Yeeeeeeeeeeah!
397
00:14:12,441 --> 00:14:13,543
It's on!
398
00:14:14,643 --> 00:14:16,245
[Laughter]
399
00:14:16,278 --> 00:14:17,713
Nate the Skate!
400
00:14:17,746 --> 00:14:19,782
Nate the Skate!
401
00:14:19,816 --> 00:14:24,455
[Crowd chanting "Nate the Skate!"]
402
00:14:24,488 --> 00:14:25,393
That's right.
403
00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:27,434
Whoo!
404
00:14:29,426 --> 00:14:31,095
Whoo!
405
00:14:31,128 --> 00:14:32,329
Whoo!
406
00:14:34,196 --> 00:14:36,100
? Hello out there, we're on the air ?
407
00:14:36,133 --> 00:14:38,268
? It's hockey night tonight ?
408
00:14:38,301 --> 00:14:40,304
? The whistle blows, the tension grows ?
409
00:14:40,336 --> 00:14:42,271
- [Buzzer]
- ? And the puck goes down the ice ?
410
00:14:42,305 --> 00:14:44,408
? The goalie jumps,
and the players bump ?
411
00:14:44,441 --> 00:14:46,442
- ? And the fans all go insane ?
- [Buzzer]
412
00:14:46,475 --> 00:14:47,577
? Someone roars, "Bobby scores!" ?
413
00:14:47,610 --> 00:14:49,312
Not today, Sweetheart.
414
00:14:49,345 --> 00:14:50,714
- [Buzzer]
- Whoo!
415
00:14:50,746 --> 00:14:52,882
In your face!
416
00:14:52,916 --> 00:14:54,184
Breakaway.
417
00:14:54,216 --> 00:14:55,284
- Ohhh!
- [Buzzer]
418
00:14:55,317 --> 00:14:57,420
The Great One is back!
419
00:14:57,454 --> 00:14:58,555
Pass, pass, pass, pass!
420
00:14:58,587 --> 00:14:59,589
Attagirl.
421
00:14:59,623 --> 00:15:00,824
Boom! It's too easy!
422
00:15:00,856 --> 00:15:01,891
[Buzzer]
423
00:15:01,925 --> 00:15:03,827
Boo! Too much hockey!
424
00:15:03,860 --> 00:15:07,797
Nothing sexy about competent,
adult, amateur hockey!
425
00:15:07,831 --> 00:15:10,267
Alright, girls. Flying V. Here we go.
426
00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:11,635
Come on! Get some!
427
00:15:11,667 --> 00:15:13,769
What do you want?
You want some of that? Huh?
428
00:15:13,802 --> 00:15:15,806
- Oh, you left it wide open!
- [Buzzer]
429
00:15:15,839 --> 00:15:18,876
It's like you girls weren't even
chosen for your hockey skills.
430
00:15:18,908 --> 00:15:22,178
? They storm the crease
like bumblebees ?
431
00:15:22,211 --> 00:15:24,614
Can one of you girls
at least try to stop me?
432
00:15:24,648 --> 00:15:27,451
Just one. I swear to God.
My father-in-law's rich.
433
00:15:27,484 --> 00:15:30,387
I will pay you a million
dollars if you stop me.
434
00:15:32,656 --> 00:15:34,658
- Aah!
- Ohh!
435
00:15:34,691 --> 00:15:36,893
[Crowd booing]
436
00:15:36,927 --> 00:15:39,433
Oh, come on! It's a legal hit!
437
00:15:40,330 --> 00:15:41,797
You want a little kiss, huh?
438
00:15:41,831 --> 00:15:44,201
[Crowd cheers]
439
00:15:46,268 --> 00:15:48,839
Careful, okay? We're on
the same team, McKinley!
440
00:15:48,871 --> 00:15:50,506
It's Denali!
441
00:15:50,539 --> 00:15:53,305
Hey, looks like you need
some more cover-all, Nate!
442
00:15:53,306 --> 00:15:54,778
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
No, no, careful!
443
00:15:54,811 --> 00:15:56,213
Careful, please! Please! My...
444
00:15:56,245 --> 00:15:57,581
Please! My pants might explode!
445
00:15:57,614 --> 00:15:59,583
Ooh, yeah, I bet they will!
446
00:15:59,615 --> 00:16:01,518
No! I'm covered in gasoline! Please!
447
00:16:01,551 --> 00:16:04,555
Now, tell me again... what's my name?!
448
00:16:04,587 --> 00:16:05,588
It's...
449
00:16:06,855 --> 00:16:08,624
Denali! It's Denali! It's Denali.
450
00:16:08,658 --> 00:16:10,360
Ah, shit!
451
00:16:12,829 --> 00:16:14,531
Oh, you're nuts!
452
00:16:14,563 --> 00:16:19,235
? Is the good old hockey game ?
453
00:16:19,268 --> 00:16:21,871
Shit! Hey!
454
00:16:21,904 --> 00:16:24,807
I'm on [bleep] fire! Shit!
455
00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:27,844
Somebody help me! I'm on fire!
456
00:16:27,877 --> 00:16:29,846
Gene! Gene! Hey!
457
00:16:29,879 --> 00:16:31,815
Come on! Put it out!
458
00:16:31,847 --> 00:16:33,349
Put it out!
459
00:16:34,650 --> 00:16:37,554
Gene: You girls are gonna like these.
These are gonna get you lit!
460
00:16:37,720 --> 00:16:39,909
Where's Nate? Give these to Nate!
461
00:16:41,074 --> 00:16:42,759
[Laughing] Nice shorts, sweetheart.
462
00:16:43,385 --> 00:16:44,787
Care to go at it again?
463
00:16:45,294 --> 00:16:48,264
No. I don't. I'm leaving 'cause
I'm getting married tomorrow.
464
00:16:48,297 --> 00:16:50,299
Hey. What's wrong with you?
465
00:16:50,332 --> 00:16:52,903
Married life is the worst.
Look at me, Nate.
466
00:16:52,936 --> 00:16:55,405
Don't waste your life on a
woman who disrespects you.
467
00:16:55,437 --> 00:16:57,374
She didn't even come pick you up.
468
00:16:57,407 --> 00:17:00,409
Is this the same wife that forced you
to work on a boat for seven months?
469
00:17:00,443 --> 00:17:02,713
The reason you're on the run in Alaska?
470
00:17:02,745 --> 00:17:04,348
That's an abusive relationship.
471
00:17:04,380 --> 00:17:06,483
How much did you tell
them about my life?
472
00:17:06,515 --> 00:17:08,651
No, I have a fine relationship, okay?
473
00:17:08,685 --> 00:17:09,919
We've got kids.
474
00:17:09,953 --> 00:17:12,195
Man, when kids turn 14,
they're out the door.
475
00:17:12,196 --> 00:17:13,955
They're gone. They have their own lives.
476
00:17:13,990 --> 00:17:16,426
Look, no one's gonna judge
you for doing the thing
477
00:17:16,458 --> 00:17:18,461
that you think is the right thing.
478
00:17:18,494 --> 00:17:21,764
Walk away... tonight. Enjoy your life.
479
00:17:21,798 --> 00:17:25,269
[Crowd chanting "Nate the Skate!"]
480
00:17:31,340 --> 00:17:34,445
[Chanting continues]
481
00:17:38,348 --> 00:17:40,951
[Slurring] _
482
00:17:40,984 --> 00:17:43,224
_
483
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:44,499
_
484
00:17:44,500 --> 00:17:47,446
_
485
00:17:47,690 --> 00:17:49,325
He better have more drugs.
486
00:17:49,359 --> 00:17:50,927
We're just taking the drugs
and leaving, right?
487
00:17:50,959 --> 00:17:52,537
Oh, yeah. [Laughs]
488
00:17:53,248 --> 00:17:54,297
[Cellphone chimes]
489
00:17:54,331 --> 00:17:56,832
[Gene laughing]
490
00:17:56,866 --> 00:17:59,003
[Door closes]
491
00:18:00,803 --> 00:18:03,040
[Ringing]
492
00:18:04,808 --> 00:18:06,343
[Door opens]
493
00:18:10,979 --> 00:18:12,481
[Cellphone chimes]
494
00:18:12,514 --> 00:18:16,786
?
495
00:18:16,820 --> 00:18:17,921
[Cellphone chimes]
496
00:18:17,954 --> 00:18:26,629
?
497
00:18:26,663 --> 00:18:35,372
?
498
00:18:35,405 --> 00:18:43,879
?
499
00:18:43,913 --> 00:18:52,656
?
500
00:18:52,688 --> 00:19:01,364
?
501
00:19:01,398 --> 00:19:10,374
?
502
00:19:14,843 --> 00:19:20,149
?
503
00:19:20,183 --> 00:19:22,701
?
504
00:19:22,702 --> 00:19:24,933
[Scoffs] I knew he would screw this up.
505
00:19:24,934 --> 00:19:27,007
He's coming. He'll be here.
506
00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:29,309
Okay? We made a promise
to each other, so...
507
00:19:29,341 --> 00:19:30,642
Just don't... don't leave.
508
00:19:30,676 --> 00:19:32,544
He's coming. He's...
He's late, you know.
509
00:19:32,578 --> 00:19:34,030
An hour and a half late, but don't...
510
00:19:34,030 --> 00:19:35,415
don't anybody go anywhere.
511
00:19:35,447 --> 00:19:37,334
Sit down! You sit down
right now! He's coming!
512
00:19:37,335 --> 00:19:39,652
He'll be here, okay? You have to wait.
513
00:19:39,685 --> 00:19:41,320
- Where's Dad?
- Oh, my God!
514
00:19:41,354 --> 00:19:43,423
Why are you so obsessed with
him? He doesn't even like you!
515
00:19:43,455 --> 00:19:45,744
- It's important that he be here, babe.
- Shut up. Stop it.
516
00:19:45,745 --> 00:19:48,054
- You cannot call me that anymore.
- Good one, babe.
517
00:19:48,055 --> 00:19:50,496
Nate's Mom: Well, would
you look at that?
518
00:19:50,530 --> 00:19:52,268
The cuck finally grew a set.
519
00:19:52,270 --> 00:19:53,771
[Chuckles]
520
00:19:53,819 --> 00:19:55,254
Why are you clapping?
521
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:57,022
I clap when I'm happy.
522
00:19:57,777 --> 00:20:00,115
And I'm happy when nobody else is.
523
00:20:00,537 --> 00:20:02,339
Maybe we should get the flash mob going!
524
00:20:02,608 --> 00:20:04,210
Did someone say "flash mob"?
525
00:20:04,243 --> 00:20:05,135
No!
526
00:20:05,136 --> 00:20:07,781
Nobody ever says "flash mob,"
527
00:20:07,813 --> 00:20:10,082
because it's a terrible idea!
528
00:20:10,116 --> 00:20:13,252
[Calvin Harris featuring Kelis'
"Bounce" plays]
529
00:20:13,285 --> 00:20:19,124
?
530
00:20:19,157 --> 00:20:24,563
?
531
00:20:24,597 --> 00:20:28,134
[Slow music plays]
532
00:20:28,166 --> 00:20:34,840
?
533
00:20:34,874 --> 00:20:41,815
?
534
00:20:41,865 --> 00:20:46,415
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