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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,258 --> 00:00:00,995 Okay, you know what? 2 00:00:00,996 --> 00:00:02,443 I'm starting to lose my patience. 3 00:00:02,444 --> 00:00:04,594 We got the results of your lie-detector test. 4 00:00:04,596 --> 00:00:06,529 To the question "did you move to New York City?" 5 00:00:06,531 --> 00:00:08,448 you answered "yes," which was truthful. 6 00:00:08,795 --> 00:00:10,336 "Did you move here for a job?" 7 00:00:10,406 --> 00:00:11,972 "Yes." Also truthful. 8 00:00:12,164 --> 00:00:14,104 "Was the job dealing in illegal products?" 9 00:00:14,163 --> 00:00:16,263 You answered "no," which was deceptive. 10 00:00:16,264 --> 00:00:18,608 So, that's what you want us for? Selling water pills? 11 00:00:18,608 --> 00:00:19,734 You know what we want. 12 00:00:19,735 --> 00:00:20,631 I don't. 13 00:00:21,604 --> 00:00:24,605 Then you are an even bigger idiot than I mistook you for. 14 00:00:24,607 --> 00:00:26,863 And I thought he was a pretty big idiot. 15 00:00:28,043 --> 00:00:29,969 Hey! Hey! 16 00:00:30,713 --> 00:00:33,447 Hey, then turn your light off if somebody's in there! 17 00:00:33,449 --> 00:00:35,649 God. I'm gonna be late for SoulCycle. 18 00:00:35,651 --> 00:00:35,986 It's gonna be okay. 19 00:00:35,986 --> 00:00:36,871 It's Amanda K. 20 00:00:36,872 --> 00:00:39,552 She's the only one who plays the trop deep house I like. 21 00:00:39,553 --> 00:00:41,348 - Then take Amanda J.'s class. - Amanda J.? 22 00:00:41,349 --> 00:00:43,673 Amanda J. Just plays regular deep house. 23 00:00:44,153 --> 00:00:44,847 Okay. 24 00:00:50,032 --> 00:00:52,533 What are you doing? Are you praying? 25 00:00:53,576 --> 00:00:54,525 - Hey. - Hm? 26 00:00:54,526 --> 00:00:56,503 - [Laughing] Are you praying? - No. 27 00:00:56,505 --> 00:00:57,971 It looked... It looked like you were praying. 28 00:00:57,973 --> 00:00:59,440 - Why would I do that? - I don't know. 29 00:00:59,442 --> 00:01:00,874 But if you weren't doing that, what were you doing? 30 00:01:00,875 --> 00:01:03,844 I was just having a little faith that a cab will come along 31 00:01:03,846 --> 00:01:06,180 and, uh, you know, putting some good vibes out there. 32 00:01:06,182 --> 00:01:08,415 - To whom? - To anyone who's listening. 33 00:01:08,417 --> 00:01:09,854 I don't know. The universe. 34 00:01:10,014 --> 00:01:11,417 Nobody's listening. 35 00:01:11,418 --> 00:01:13,454 Okay. Sure. 36 00:01:13,456 --> 00:01:14,652 Ah. 37 00:01:14,653 --> 00:01:15,615 What? 38 00:01:15,616 --> 00:01:16,885 Oh, 'cause you... 39 00:01:17,595 --> 00:01:18,120 That was luck. 40 00:01:18,121 --> 00:01:19,448 All right. Call it what you want. 41 00:01:19,449 --> 00:01:20,595 I'm gonna... I'm gonna call it luck. 42 00:01:20,596 --> 00:01:21,565 Faith, luck... same thing. 43 00:01:21,566 --> 00:01:23,406 Oh, is it the same thing? 44 00:01:23,407 --> 00:01:25,240 Hold on just a second. 45 00:01:25,241 --> 00:01:27,301 Last I checked, wars aren't fought in the name of luck. 46 00:01:27,303 --> 00:01:29,102 Okay. Children aren't abused because of luck. 47 00:01:29,104 --> 00:01:31,057 And I'm quite certain there's no such thing as organized luck. 48 00:01:31,058 --> 00:01:31,553 Okay. 49 00:01:31,553 --> 00:01:32,420 Have fun in Amanda J.'s class. 50 00:01:32,421 --> 00:01:33,681 - Yeah, it's Amanda K. - Okay. 51 00:01:33,682 --> 00:01:35,264 Hey, can't you just be appreciative 52 00:01:35,265 --> 00:01:36,923 of how great our life is right now? 53 00:01:36,924 --> 00:01:38,505 Three months ago, we were living in a trailer. 54 00:01:38,506 --> 00:01:40,114 - You know what I did? - You got a job. 55 00:01:40,115 --> 00:01:41,693 Yes, I know. But before that. 56 00:01:42,497 --> 00:01:43,959 - I... - Don't you say it. 57 00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:44,916 I prayed. 58 00:01:44,917 --> 00:01:46,994 I prayed, and someone answered that prayer. 59 00:01:46,995 --> 00:01:48,058 Someone's listening. 60 00:01:48,653 --> 00:01:50,163 Did God set you up on Linkedln? 61 00:01:50,164 --> 00:01:52,141 No, but I'm pretty sure I'm the first person 62 00:01:52,142 --> 00:01:53,199 who's ever been hired by it. 63 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:54,600 Okay? That's a miracle. 64 00:01:54,601 --> 00:01:56,430 That's probably true. 65 00:01:57,500 --> 00:01:58,005 Bye. 66 00:01:58,006 --> 00:01:59,829 - I'm praying for you. - Please don't. 67 00:02:04,423 --> 00:02:06,023 - Tits up. - Bankrupt? 68 00:02:06,025 --> 00:02:08,292 Perils of having entrepreneurial dreams 69 00:02:08,294 --> 00:02:09,693 in an over-regulated economy. 70 00:02:11,518 --> 00:02:13,417 What the hell are you doing, son? 71 00:02:13,492 --> 00:02:13,831 Hm? 72 00:02:13,833 --> 00:02:15,566 You're not praying, are you? 73 00:02:15,568 --> 00:02:17,216 I thought I hired a thinking man, 74 00:02:17,217 --> 00:02:19,568 not some child who still believes in fairy tales. 75 00:02:19,569 --> 00:02:20,558 Come on, grow up. 76 00:02:20,559 --> 00:02:23,674 Somewhere behind the skyline 77 00:02:23,676 --> 00:02:26,310 There is a place I'm thinkin' 78 00:02:26,312 --> 00:02:29,680 [Distorted music plays] 79 00:02:32,518 --> 00:02:34,718 [Sighs] I can't go through this again. 80 00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:36,887 It's too tough on my wife and my kids. 81 00:02:36,889 --> 00:02:38,756 God, I just hired an assistant. 82 00:02:38,758 --> 00:02:39,890 Here's your coffee, Mr. Parker. 83 00:02:39,892 --> 00:02:41,492 Oh. Thank you, Isabel. 84 00:02:41,494 --> 00:02:43,560 Time to fire her. Everyone, really. 85 00:02:43,562 --> 00:02:44,728 Why me? 86 00:02:44,730 --> 00:02:45,814 Because you're the boss. 87 00:02:45,815 --> 00:02:47,264 T.G.I. Friday, bossman. 88 00:02:47,266 --> 00:02:48,499 Historically speaking, 89 00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:50,534 Friday is the best day to fire people. 90 00:02:50,536 --> 00:02:53,003 Hey, boss. Closed on the condo. 91 00:02:53,005 --> 00:02:53,422 Great. 92 00:02:53,423 --> 00:02:54,487 I just want to thank you 93 00:02:54,488 --> 00:02:56,807 for convincing me to pull the trigger. 94 00:02:56,809 --> 00:02:57,908 Okay. 95 00:02:57,910 --> 00:02:58,976 Okay. 96 00:02:58,978 --> 00:03:00,945 You know, uh... 97 00:03:02,033 --> 00:03:03,614 I-I feel like, for the first time 98 00:03:03,616 --> 00:03:04,919 since I've lost my son, 99 00:03:04,920 --> 00:03:07,459 that everything's coming up Shelly. 100 00:03:07,756 --> 00:03:09,119 [Laughs] 101 00:03:09,121 --> 00:03:10,254 Yeah. 102 00:03:10,256 --> 00:03:12,856 Okay, okay, okay. 103 00:03:12,858 --> 00:03:14,024 Okay. 104 00:03:16,306 --> 00:03:18,255 - You're gonna be fine. - I don't want to be fine. 105 00:03:18,256 --> 00:03:19,985 I want to be great, like I was 10 minutes ago. 106 00:03:19,986 --> 00:03:20,683 Relax. 107 00:03:21,207 --> 00:03:23,305 This is not the end of our relationship. 108 00:03:23,306 --> 00:03:26,429 Look, I have a little hacienda down in Cuba. 109 00:03:26,430 --> 00:03:27,969 I call it the Robin's Nest. 110 00:03:27,970 --> 00:03:28,746 That's my wife's name. 111 00:03:28,747 --> 00:03:30,195 Must be a sign! 112 00:03:30,196 --> 00:03:32,528 Why don't you all come on down, kick back... 113 00:03:32,529 --> 00:03:34,020 Look, I appreciate the offer, all right, 114 00:03:34,021 --> 00:03:37,058 but I believe in this company, and I can save it. 115 00:03:37,059 --> 00:03:38,827 Nate, it's over. 116 00:03:38,828 --> 00:03:40,926 No! I have faith in this product, sir. 117 00:03:40,927 --> 00:03:42,085 They're just water pills. 118 00:03:42,086 --> 00:03:43,149 Give me the weekend, okay? 119 00:03:43,150 --> 00:03:44,599 I have got a very promising lead. 120 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:47,342 If I can land him, he represents a lot of revenue. 121 00:03:47,343 --> 00:03:50,744 We could probably stay afloat for seven, eight months, maybe. 122 00:03:50,746 --> 00:03:51,979 I don't know. 123 00:03:53,416 --> 00:03:54,615 - Sure. - Yes! 124 00:03:54,617 --> 00:03:56,122 - Knock yourself out. - All right. 125 00:03:56,123 --> 00:03:58,591 [Laughs] Yeah! 126 00:03:58,986 --> 00:04:00,454 I'm gonna save the company. 127 00:04:01,721 --> 00:04:03,565 Who does a business deal on a Sunday? 128 00:04:03,566 --> 00:04:04,382 A lot of people do. 129 00:04:04,383 --> 00:04:05,943 And in Brooklyn? That's asking a lot. 130 00:04:05,944 --> 00:04:07,514 Guys, look, this is a really important 131 00:04:07,515 --> 00:04:09,166 business deal for my company, okay? 132 00:04:09,167 --> 00:04:12,730 So I need you all to act really cool, okay, really normal. 133 00:04:12,732 --> 00:04:14,082 Why are you looking at me? I didn't say anything. 134 00:04:14,083 --> 00:04:16,217 I'm just saying, no politics or religion or anything. 135 00:04:16,218 --> 00:04:18,204 - Are they religious? - I don't think so. 136 00:04:18,205 --> 00:04:21,899 But, you know, if they were, you know, no judgment. 137 00:04:21,900 --> 00:04:24,100 [Vocalizing] 138 00:04:24,102 --> 00:04:25,802 [Women harmonizing] 139 00:04:25,804 --> 00:04:27,704 Dum, dum, dum 140 00:04:27,706 --> 00:04:29,840 Dum, dum, dum 141 00:04:29,842 --> 00:04:34,311 Lord, hear my prayer 142 00:04:35,102 --> 00:04:38,016 - Some guys like Muhammad - Oh, come on! 143 00:04:38,063 --> 00:04:40,837 - Some girls like Buddha - Shh! 144 00:04:40,919 --> 00:04:42,652 Some look to L. Ron 145 00:04:42,681 --> 00:04:45,738 I say coulda, shoulda, woulda 146 00:04:45,845 --> 00:04:48,825 Say goodbye to your sons and your daughters 147 00:04:48,827 --> 00:04:50,874 Say goodbye to them 148 00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:51,879 Shush. 149 00:04:52,030 --> 00:04:53,063 Hey, hey! 150 00:04:53,207 --> 00:04:54,357 Welcome, Parkers. 151 00:04:54,823 --> 00:04:56,293 Meet my lovely wife, Laura. 152 00:04:56,326 --> 00:04:57,645 Hey. Good to see you, man. How are you? 153 00:04:57,647 --> 00:04:59,073 - Laura, this is Nate. - G'day. 154 00:04:59,074 --> 00:05:00,860 Oh, hey, hey. How are you? 155 00:05:00,862 --> 00:05:02,295 It's good to see you. Good to meet you. 156 00:05:02,297 --> 00:05:02,943 Mwah! 157 00:05:02,944 --> 00:05:04,430 Jesus. 158 00:05:04,432 --> 00:05:05,665 - It's Jesus - That was... 159 00:05:05,667 --> 00:05:07,160 - G'day. - G'day. 160 00:05:07,161 --> 00:05:08,111 [Laughs] 161 00:05:08,112 --> 00:05:09,426 How great is this place, huh? 162 00:05:09,427 --> 00:05:11,021 Yeah, it's pretty great. 163 00:05:11,022 --> 00:05:12,738 We just loved God, and He loved us right back, 164 00:05:12,739 --> 00:05:14,407 and He gifted us with this. 165 00:05:14,408 --> 00:05:16,153 A place to launder money. 166 00:05:16,154 --> 00:05:18,978 [Laughs] 167 00:05:19,213 --> 00:05:21,166 It's a joke. It's her sense of humor. 168 00:05:21,168 --> 00:05:21,971 It's, uh... It's a little wry. 169 00:05:21,972 --> 00:05:23,219 You know what I mean? 170 00:05:23,220 --> 00:05:25,367 [Laughs] 171 00:05:25,368 --> 00:05:27,454 So, is this the whole family, just the four of you? 172 00:05:27,455 --> 00:05:29,834 Yeah, that's... How many do you guys have? 173 00:05:29,835 --> 00:05:31,703 Oh, I don't count miracles. 174 00:05:31,704 --> 00:05:33,136 But if I did, they'd be them. 175 00:05:33,137 --> 00:05:35,599 [Harmonizing] 176 00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:38,339 Jesus, Jesus 177 00:05:38,340 --> 00:05:40,076 They're all... all yours? All five? 178 00:05:40,077 --> 00:05:40,986 They seem so old. 179 00:05:40,987 --> 00:05:42,361 When did you start having kids? 180 00:05:42,362 --> 00:05:44,720 Uh, we had Naomi when I was 40. 181 00:05:44,721 --> 00:05:45,868 Uh, how old is she? 182 00:05:45,869 --> 00:05:47,225 She just had her 25th birthday. 183 00:05:47,226 --> 00:05:48,887 What? Uh, you're 65? 184 00:05:48,888 --> 00:05:49,812 Yeah, yeah. 185 00:05:49,813 --> 00:05:52,064 Healthy living, dose of vitamin and supplements, 186 00:05:52,065 --> 00:05:53,175 and three roots a day. 187 00:05:53,176 --> 00:05:54,591 Hey! 188 00:05:54,592 --> 00:05:55,403 Come on, love. 189 00:05:55,404 --> 00:05:56,725 [Australian accent] I hear that, mate. 190 00:05:56,726 --> 00:05:59,452 Don't you ever, ever do that in public again. 191 00:05:59,454 --> 00:05:59,864 [Normal voice] I'm sorry. 192 00:05:59,865 --> 00:06:01,541 - Don't do that. - I didn't... It was... 193 00:06:01,542 --> 00:06:04,259 Can I hear amen? 194 00:06:04,260 --> 00:06:06,266 [Indistinct conversations] 195 00:06:06,267 --> 00:06:07,631 I love your dress. 196 00:06:12,634 --> 00:06:13,829 So, how did you and Levi meet? 197 00:06:13,830 --> 00:06:16,242 Believe it or not, it was actually an arranged marriage. 198 00:06:16,243 --> 00:06:18,037 I do believe it. 199 00:06:18,039 --> 00:06:19,897 How else do you preserve the master race, huh? 200 00:06:19,898 --> 00:06:21,436 Exactly. 201 00:06:21,437 --> 00:06:22,276 Oh, God. 202 00:06:22,277 --> 00:06:23,921 Hey, mate! Quick question. 203 00:06:23,922 --> 00:06:25,273 What's your bap status? 204 00:06:25,274 --> 00:06:26,799 You know, your baptismal sitch? 205 00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:28,430 Well, I'm a bastard, if that counts. 206 00:06:28,431 --> 00:06:30,269 [Laughs] 207 00:06:30,270 --> 00:06:32,499 So, um, no dunked under water, 208 00:06:32,501 --> 00:06:34,662 "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," yada yada yada? 209 00:06:34,663 --> 00:06:36,308 Oh, yeah. My mom said heaven's a lie 210 00:06:36,309 --> 00:06:38,324 so people don't get scared. 211 00:06:38,457 --> 00:06:40,259 - It's head down, mate. - Yeah, I... It is. 212 00:06:40,260 --> 00:06:41,701 - Just relax. - Yeah, I'm relaxed. 213 00:06:41,702 --> 00:06:43,470 Just breathe. 214 00:06:43,471 --> 00:06:45,155 [Exhales sharply] 215 00:06:45,156 --> 00:06:46,646 [Grunts] 216 00:06:46,647 --> 00:06:47,031 Damn it. 217 00:06:47,031 --> 00:06:47,863 That's not a drive. 218 00:06:49,019 --> 00:06:50,552 It was a pretty good drive. 219 00:06:50,554 --> 00:06:51,920 [Scoffs] 220 00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,650 That's a drive. 221 00:06:58,996 --> 00:07:00,998 Whoa. I don't think I can do that many. 222 00:07:00,999 --> 00:07:03,222 Come on, Delilah. We believe in you. 223 00:07:03,223 --> 00:07:05,434 You've just got to believe in yourself. 224 00:07:06,075 --> 00:07:08,525 You guys are the nicest people I've ever met. 225 00:07:08,526 --> 00:07:11,103 "Do unto others as you would have done unto you." 226 00:07:11,104 --> 00:07:12,502 It's a pretty simple concept. 227 00:07:12,503 --> 00:07:14,643 Now break! 228 00:07:14,645 --> 00:07:17,112 [Exhales] 229 00:07:18,260 --> 00:07:19,293 Hyah! 230 00:07:19,295 --> 00:07:20,861 [Girls cheering] 231 00:07:20,863 --> 00:07:22,696 Mom, did you see?! I broke seven boards! 232 00:07:22,698 --> 00:07:24,331 Oh, honey, I think that's a trick. 233 00:07:24,333 --> 00:07:25,432 They were probably scored. 234 00:07:25,434 --> 00:07:27,734 Scored, schmored! 235 00:07:27,736 --> 00:07:29,036 You were awesome! 236 00:07:29,038 --> 00:07:31,371 So, do you get back to Australia much? 237 00:07:31,373 --> 00:07:32,840 Not as much as we'd like. 238 00:07:32,842 --> 00:07:34,508 We're busy flying on missions around the world. 239 00:07:34,510 --> 00:07:35,943 Mm. First class, I assume. 240 00:07:35,945 --> 00:07:38,178 We're actually blessed to have our own private jet. 241 00:07:38,180 --> 00:07:40,047 Oh, my goodness. Just like Jesus. 242 00:07:40,049 --> 00:07:41,815 Well, he didn't need to fly, now, did he? 243 00:07:41,817 --> 00:07:43,851 Son of God and all. 244 00:07:43,853 --> 00:07:45,219 So, listen, I hate to bring it up. 245 00:07:45,221 --> 00:07:47,221 You're wondering if I'm gonna buy the supplements. 246 00:07:47,223 --> 00:07:48,222 Yeah. Sorry. 247 00:07:48,224 --> 00:07:49,556 Well, Nate, I'll tell you what. 248 00:07:49,558 --> 00:07:50,858 I don't know if I want to do business 249 00:07:50,860 --> 00:07:52,059 with people who might burn in hell 250 00:07:52,061 --> 00:07:53,293 simply for making the wrong bet. 251 00:07:53,972 --> 00:07:55,906 Oh, you're talking about Robin. Oh, no. 252 00:07:55,908 --> 00:07:57,841 Well, she's got other great attributes. 253 00:07:57,843 --> 00:07:59,676 You know, terrific mom, loving wife. 254 00:07:59,678 --> 00:08:01,945 Yeah, it's not just Robin. It's the whole family. 255 00:08:01,947 --> 00:08:04,415 Little wallaby told me that they haven't been baptized. 256 00:08:04,416 --> 00:08:07,117 Uh, yeah. So... So what? 257 00:08:07,119 --> 00:08:09,444 Little dunk in the pool and the deal is done. 258 00:08:09,445 --> 00:08:10,666 By "deal" you mean, like...? 259 00:08:10,667 --> 00:08:13,168 I've got almost 3 million followers in four continents, 260 00:08:13,169 --> 00:08:15,030 all of whom could use some... What do you call them? 261 00:08:15,031 --> 00:08:15,963 Water pills? 262 00:08:15,964 --> 00:08:17,961 Yeah. 263 00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:26,595 I think, uh, baptizing my kids could be fun. 264 00:08:26,597 --> 00:08:27,062 And your wife. 265 00:08:27,063 --> 00:08:28,381 Uh... sure. 266 00:08:33,321 --> 00:08:34,821 [Cheers and applause] 267 00:08:34,823 --> 00:08:38,057 268 00:08:38,326 --> 00:08:40,526 Man: Everyone join the party! 269 00:08:46,635 --> 00:08:54,173 Tell every soul you know 270 00:08:54,175 --> 00:09:00,913 We are going 2.0 271 00:09:01,674 --> 00:09:03,341 Upgrade your faith 272 00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:05,376 - It's pretty good. - It's Bible for 2.0 273 00:09:05,768 --> 00:09:09,270 Everyone is welcome, all your friends and foes 274 00:09:09,272 --> 00:09:11,405 [Rapping] My pet peeve is not believin' 275 00:09:11,407 --> 00:09:12,015 It's catchy. 276 00:09:12,017 --> 00:09:13,841 Put your mind on the Jes and you can be achievin' 277 00:09:13,843 --> 00:09:15,543 All that you want comes with admission 278 00:09:15,545 --> 00:09:16,911 Even if you got beef with religion 279 00:09:16,913 --> 00:09:18,579 People say it's pretty damn wack 280 00:09:18,581 --> 00:09:20,281 That our savior was black 281 00:09:20,283 --> 00:09:22,016 But it ain't intelligent 282 00:09:22,018 --> 00:09:24,118 To think he don't have melanin 283 00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:27,721 Forget about your likes or your brows on fleek 284 00:09:27,723 --> 00:09:31,592 It's yours to inherit and share it with me 285 00:09:31,594 --> 00:09:33,360 Upgrade your faith 286 00:09:33,362 --> 00:09:34,795 It's Bible 2.0 287 00:09:34,797 --> 00:09:36,831 I kind of like this, I got to admit. 288 00:09:36,833 --> 00:09:38,833 - Hey, where are the kids? - Uh, in the playroom. 289 00:09:38,835 --> 00:09:41,202 Churches translate the Bible, fill it with distortion 290 00:09:41,204 --> 00:09:42,937 Not GD mention of abortion 291 00:09:42,939 --> 00:09:44,839 They use it to repress or straight discriminate 292 00:09:44,841 --> 00:09:46,740 Instead of speaking love, these fools are preaching hate 293 00:09:46,742 --> 00:09:48,375 Yeah, God made Adam to be with Eve 294 00:09:48,377 --> 00:09:50,277 But guess what, fam? We're cool with Adam and Steve 295 00:09:50,279 --> 00:09:52,746 Not to mention Ali and Habib and Lee and Gandhi 296 00:09:52,748 --> 00:09:54,281 Everyone join the party 297 00:09:54,283 --> 00:09:55,516 Upgrade your faith 298 00:09:55,518 --> 00:09:55,862 You know what I like? 299 00:09:55,863 --> 00:09:58,144 Uh, it's... it's a really great sense of community. 300 00:09:58,145 --> 00:10:00,291 Yeah, it's a community of brain-dead sheep, 301 00:10:00,292 --> 00:10:01,808 - so that's cool. - Oh, my God! 302 00:10:01,809 --> 00:10:03,924 Isn't there a middle ground where you can listen to NPR 303 00:10:03,926 --> 00:10:05,902 and admit there's something bigger than yourself? 304 00:10:05,903 --> 00:10:06,488 No. 305 00:10:07,820 --> 00:10:10,261 You are a shaman, I say amen 306 00:10:10,263 --> 00:10:11,900 We be jammin' with Jah 307 00:10:11,901 --> 00:10:13,667 We all just players in this game 308 00:10:13,668 --> 00:10:15,452 So don't throw shade on Allah 309 00:10:15,453 --> 00:10:17,613 You got the spot upon your forehead 310 00:10:17,614 --> 00:10:19,371 Or your Lord isn't white 311 00:10:19,371 --> 00:10:21,584 Hey, about this business deal... 312 00:10:21,586 --> 00:10:24,087 I got a pretty big favor to ask of you. 313 00:10:24,089 --> 00:10:25,688 Okay. 314 00:10:25,690 --> 00:10:27,056 You're not gonna like it. 315 00:10:27,058 --> 00:10:28,725 We all just players in this game 316 00:10:28,727 --> 00:10:30,827 So don't throw shade on Allah 317 00:10:30,829 --> 00:10:32,729 You got the spot upon your forehead 318 00:10:32,731 --> 00:10:34,197 Or your Lord isn't white 319 00:10:34,199 --> 00:10:36,633 All of you atheists, we say know this 320 00:10:36,635 --> 00:10:38,900 We still think you're tight 321 00:10:39,214 --> 00:10:42,772 [Cheers and applause] 322 00:10:51,883 --> 00:10:52,782 Yeah! 323 00:10:52,784 --> 00:10:53,916 G'day, g'day. 324 00:10:54,899 --> 00:10:57,620 Ah, gee, it's a good day! 325 00:10:57,622 --> 00:10:59,211 It's a great day. 326 00:11:00,892 --> 00:11:03,389 "G" is for good. "G" is for great. 327 00:11:03,390 --> 00:11:05,749 "G" is for God! 328 00:11:05,750 --> 00:11:07,592 [Cheers and applause] 329 00:11:07,593 --> 00:11:08,626 Yeah! 330 00:11:09,823 --> 00:11:11,084 Oh, baby! 331 00:11:11,970 --> 00:11:15,071 I want you to turn to the person next to you and say, "G'day!" 332 00:11:15,073 --> 00:11:16,406 G'day! G'day! G'day! G'day! 333 00:11:16,408 --> 00:11:17,507 [Australian accent] G'day! 334 00:11:17,509 --> 00:11:17,969 Don't. Your accent's terrible. 335 00:11:17,970 --> 00:11:19,426 Yeah! 336 00:11:19,427 --> 00:11:22,512 Now, tell that person that you're happy to see them. 337 00:11:22,514 --> 00:11:23,680 I'm happy to see you! 338 00:11:23,682 --> 00:11:24,614 I am glad... 339 00:11:24,616 --> 00:11:26,315 I'm happy to see you. 340 00:11:26,317 --> 00:11:27,048 Okay. 341 00:11:27,049 --> 00:11:28,500 I'm so happy to see you. 342 00:11:28,501 --> 00:11:30,420 I'm happy to see you, Mr. Parker. 343 00:11:30,422 --> 00:11:31,854 Happy to see you, Mr. Parker. 344 00:11:31,856 --> 00:11:33,690 Well, I'm happy to see you guys. 345 00:11:33,692 --> 00:11:35,224 Even though I already saw you. 346 00:11:35,226 --> 00:11:37,516 Still, it's great to be seen again. 347 00:11:37,517 --> 00:11:39,629 It is, isn't it? 348 00:11:39,631 --> 00:11:42,800 Oh, you can feel the love! Can you feel it? 349 00:11:42,801 --> 00:11:45,468 [Audience cheers] 350 00:11:45,470 --> 00:11:46,803 Can you smell it? 351 00:11:46,805 --> 00:11:48,065 [Audience cheers] 352 00:11:48,066 --> 00:11:50,373 All right. Let's not get too crazy. 353 00:11:50,375 --> 00:11:52,544 Hey, why don't you give that special person next to you 354 00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:53,467 a big ol' hug? 355 00:11:54,142 --> 00:11:57,013 Oh, no, no, no. That's okay. 356 00:11:57,015 --> 00:11:57,708 All right. Nothing wrong with that. 357 00:11:57,709 --> 00:11:58,915 Maybe even a kiss. 358 00:11:59,528 --> 00:12:02,285 [Cheers and applause] 359 00:12:02,287 --> 00:12:03,953 Definitely no. 360 00:12:03,955 --> 00:12:07,156 Oh, okay. Nothing wrong with that. 361 00:12:07,158 --> 00:12:08,157 Innocent. 362 00:12:08,159 --> 00:12:09,158 Mnh-mnh. 363 00:12:12,768 --> 00:12:14,001 Ah, why not? 364 00:12:14,034 --> 00:12:15,769 Levi: Amen! Yeah! 365 00:12:15,834 --> 00:12:17,050 Made you feel left out. 366 00:12:17,051 --> 00:12:18,768 [Girls giggle] 367 00:12:18,770 --> 00:12:19,713 [Clears throat] What? 368 00:12:19,714 --> 00:12:22,004 Now, folks, I want to bring 369 00:12:22,006 --> 00:12:24,148 some special friends out on the stage here. 370 00:12:24,149 --> 00:12:28,223 Would you please welcome Chad, Summer, Jess, 371 00:12:28,224 --> 00:12:30,618 Delilah, and Jareb! 372 00:12:30,619 --> 00:12:32,048 What?! 373 00:12:32,050 --> 00:12:33,683 [Laughs] 374 00:12:33,685 --> 00:12:34,737 I thought I had more time in the show. 375 00:12:34,738 --> 00:12:35,810 - I was gonna tell you. - You are sacrificing 376 00:12:35,811 --> 00:12:37,302 your children for the sake of business? 377 00:12:37,303 --> 00:12:39,920 - They wanted to do it. - Oh, that is low. 378 00:12:39,921 --> 00:12:42,058 Look at Delilah. Come on. 379 00:12:45,509 --> 00:12:46,796 Ah, great! 380 00:12:46,798 --> 00:12:48,146 Come on, she's in heaven. 381 00:12:48,147 --> 00:12:50,533 - I'm in hell. - But these people are so nice to her! 382 00:12:50,535 --> 00:12:51,784 Do you know who else is nice to children? 383 00:12:51,785 --> 00:12:52,538 Oh, don't. 384 00:12:52,539 --> 00:12:54,337 Drug dealers, pedophiles. 385 00:12:54,339 --> 00:12:56,205 - We're going. Let's go. - No. Hey, we can't. 386 00:12:56,207 --> 00:12:58,537 Three minutes to baptism, folks! 387 00:12:58,538 --> 00:12:59,605 [Chuckles] 388 00:12:59,606 --> 00:13:00,956 It's... 389 00:13:00,957 --> 00:13:01,945 Come on! 390 00:13:01,946 --> 00:13:04,714 This church accepts gay people. How bad can it be? 391 00:13:04,716 --> 00:13:05,672 I'm not gay. 392 00:13:05,673 --> 00:13:07,784 No, I didn't... I didn't think you were. 393 00:13:07,786 --> 00:13:10,820 It's fine. Right? 394 00:13:10,822 --> 00:13:12,755 Well, when he comes out, they'll accept him. 395 00:13:12,757 --> 00:13:13,790 - Babe, please. - No! 396 00:13:13,792 --> 00:13:14,874 - You have to! - Why? 397 00:13:14,875 --> 00:13:16,578 Because if you don't, my business will go bankrupt 398 00:13:16,579 --> 00:13:18,694 and we'll be living in a trailer park. 399 00:13:18,696 --> 00:13:19,559 [Applause] 400 00:13:19,560 --> 00:13:23,300 Ladies and gents, the first true step in faith 401 00:13:23,363 --> 00:13:26,536 is admitting that you believe in something more than yourself, 402 00:13:26,538 --> 00:13:30,072 and committing before your brothers and sisters. 403 00:13:30,074 --> 00:13:32,591 You've already met Delilah and Jareb. 404 00:13:32,592 --> 00:13:33,699 They believe! 405 00:13:33,700 --> 00:13:34,773 [Cheers and applause] 406 00:13:34,774 --> 00:13:35,775 Whoo! 407 00:13:35,776 --> 00:13:37,262 Take a bow, kids. 408 00:13:38,917 --> 00:13:40,388 But their parents... 409 00:13:41,786 --> 00:13:45,521 well, that's another story. 410 00:13:45,523 --> 00:13:46,144 Oh, God. 411 00:13:46,145 --> 00:13:47,495 Meet Nate and Robin. 412 00:13:47,496 --> 00:13:49,125 Hey. 413 00:13:49,127 --> 00:13:52,359 That's me. [Chuckles] 414 00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:54,530 Come on up, Nate and Robin! 415 00:13:54,532 --> 00:13:56,132 Please, please. Please, just do it for us, 416 00:13:56,134 --> 00:13:57,733 - for our family. - Okay, okay, okay, okay! 417 00:13:58,478 --> 00:14:00,242 - But I'm crossing my fingers. - I don't care. Just... 418 00:14:00,243 --> 00:14:01,914 [Laughing] 419 00:14:01,915 --> 00:14:03,953 Thank you, everyone. Yeah. 420 00:14:03,954 --> 00:14:04,584 Hi. 421 00:14:08,247 --> 00:14:10,715 Brothers and sisters, I want to show you 422 00:14:10,716 --> 00:14:13,709 the power you can have with a little faith. 423 00:14:13,710 --> 00:14:17,334 Nate, I know you like water, a little H2O. 424 00:14:17,335 --> 00:14:18,029 Yeah. 425 00:14:18,030 --> 00:14:19,944 Why don't you take a walk? 426 00:14:19,945 --> 00:14:20,974 What, you want me to jump in the pool? 427 00:14:20,975 --> 00:14:24,429 Well, you told me that you believe in the power of water. 428 00:14:24,430 --> 00:14:25,371 I do. 429 00:14:25,372 --> 00:14:26,711 Well, then, take a walk. 430 00:14:26,712 --> 00:14:28,766 Jump. Yeah, okay. 431 00:14:28,768 --> 00:14:29,758 Can you hold my cellphone? 432 00:14:29,759 --> 00:14:31,729 Have a little faith, Nate. 433 00:14:31,730 --> 00:14:34,438 [Cheers and applause] 434 00:14:35,692 --> 00:14:36,789 All right. I do. 435 00:14:36,790 --> 00:14:37,852 [Clears throat] 436 00:14:37,853 --> 00:14:39,869 I guess I got to buy a new cellphone. 437 00:14:39,870 --> 00:14:41,049 You can do it, Dad. 438 00:14:42,875 --> 00:14:46,617 Oh, God, I hope this water's warm. 439 00:14:48,844 --> 00:14:49,980 Oh, shit! 440 00:14:49,981 --> 00:14:51,150 Oh, shit! 441 00:14:51,151 --> 00:14:51,952 Holy shit! 442 00:14:51,953 --> 00:14:53,772 - I'm sorry to swear, but... - It's okay, Nate. 443 00:14:53,773 --> 00:14:56,431 God created curse words for moments just like this. 444 00:14:56,432 --> 00:14:58,806 The moment you believed He was real. 445 00:14:58,807 --> 00:15:01,815 Holy shit! Jesus Christ! 446 00:15:01,816 --> 00:15:03,516 - Okay, settle down. - Yeah, sorry. 447 00:15:03,517 --> 00:15:04,814 Nate, come on. It's a trick. 448 00:15:04,815 --> 00:15:06,081 It's not a trick, Mom! 449 00:15:06,082 --> 00:15:07,636 You think your father can walk on water? 450 00:15:07,637 --> 00:15:08,786 I'm walking on water! 451 00:15:08,787 --> 00:15:12,284 [Cheers and applause] 452 00:15:12,285 --> 00:15:13,227 People can't walk on water. 453 00:15:13,228 --> 00:15:15,010 I want to have faith, Mom. I want to believe! 454 00:15:15,011 --> 00:15:16,419 Yeah, so we can do stuff like this. 455 00:15:16,420 --> 00:15:18,288 It's a table, guys. I can see it. 456 00:15:18,289 --> 00:15:20,986 - I can't see anything. - Just keep on walking, Nate. 457 00:15:20,987 --> 00:15:22,665 - [Laughs] - Hey, it's like in Vegas, 458 00:15:22,666 --> 00:15:24,763 the thing that we put our beer on at the swim-up bar? 459 00:15:24,764 --> 00:15:28,092 In Vegas, I can't do this. Whoo-hoo-hoo! 460 00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:30,694 I'm dancing on water! Whoo-hoo! 461 00:15:30,696 --> 00:15:31,673 I'm dancing. 462 00:15:31,674 --> 00:15:33,962 Oh, my God. This is such a stupid trick. 463 00:15:33,963 --> 00:15:35,900 If you're so sure, Robin, give it a try. 464 00:15:35,901 --> 00:15:37,406 You got to try this, babe. 465 00:15:37,407 --> 00:15:38,055 Okay. 466 00:15:38,055 --> 00:15:38,906 It's awesome. 467 00:15:39,358 --> 00:15:40,971 Oh, shoot! 468 00:15:40,973 --> 00:15:42,573 It was here. It was here. 469 00:15:42,575 --> 00:15:43,507 It was right here. 470 00:15:43,509 --> 00:15:45,010 It was right... right here. 471 00:15:45,011 --> 00:15:45,933 It was right here! 472 00:15:45,934 --> 00:15:48,445 Babe, just get out. Come on, come on. 473 00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:50,080 You still think it's a trick? 474 00:15:50,082 --> 00:15:52,216 I obviously... I didn't step where he stepped. 475 00:15:52,218 --> 00:15:53,040 I think you did, actually. 476 00:15:53,041 --> 00:15:54,389 Nate, do you think it's a trick? 477 00:15:54,390 --> 00:15:56,607 Uh... I don't know. 478 00:15:56,608 --> 00:15:57,859 Faith, Nate! 479 00:15:57,860 --> 00:15:59,125 I... 480 00:15:59,126 --> 00:16:01,127 Then, no, I don't think it's a trick. 481 00:16:01,128 --> 00:16:03,368 Yes! Yes, it is! Look! 482 00:16:03,369 --> 00:16:05,770 [Laughter] 483 00:16:05,771 --> 00:16:08,035 Stop laughing at me, you misfits! 484 00:16:08,036 --> 00:16:09,175 It's a goddamn trick! 485 00:16:09,177 --> 00:16:10,310 [Audience booing] 486 00:16:10,312 --> 00:16:12,545 Oh, don't... don't boo me. 487 00:16:13,043 --> 00:16:15,804 Use your heads. This guy is a fraud. 488 00:16:15,805 --> 00:16:17,486 You're following a magician 489 00:16:17,487 --> 00:16:18,944 who forced his wife to marry him. 490 00:16:18,945 --> 00:16:21,101 Who said forced? I said it was arranged. 491 00:16:21,102 --> 00:16:22,126 Oh, whatever. 492 00:16:22,133 --> 00:16:24,524 Marriage under Draconian measures. Same thing. 493 00:16:24,525 --> 00:16:26,430 Well, statistically, arranged marriages 494 00:16:26,431 --> 00:16:27,865 are the most successful marriages. 495 00:16:27,866 --> 00:16:30,042 Well, statistically most of the people in this room 496 00:16:30,043 --> 00:16:32,213 have herpes, so don't throw stats at me. 497 00:16:32,214 --> 00:16:33,498 I don't think that's true. 498 00:16:33,499 --> 00:16:35,103 Robin: And you want to know another thing? 499 00:16:35,104 --> 00:16:36,272 This dingo... 500 00:16:37,262 --> 00:16:38,468 Yeah, that's right. 501 00:16:38,469 --> 00:16:41,223 I compared him to a dog that eats babies. 502 00:16:41,224 --> 00:16:44,477 This dingo is flying around the world in his private jet 503 00:16:44,478 --> 00:16:46,942 while you're throwing your hard-earned cash at him. 504 00:16:46,943 --> 00:16:48,817 Everyone here knows about my jet. 505 00:16:48,818 --> 00:16:50,483 Everyone here is proud of my jet. 506 00:16:50,484 --> 00:16:51,306 Right? 507 00:16:51,307 --> 00:16:54,546 Audience: J-E-T, yes! Jet! Jet! Jet! 508 00:16:54,547 --> 00:16:58,448 [Cheers and applause] 509 00:16:59,071 --> 00:17:02,007 How else would I deliver basic supplements and vitamins 510 00:17:02,008 --> 00:17:03,323 to third-world nations? 511 00:17:03,324 --> 00:17:04,474 Commercial flights? 512 00:17:04,475 --> 00:17:07,545 [Laughter] 513 00:17:07,546 --> 00:17:08,417 Okay, okay. 514 00:17:08,418 --> 00:17:09,956 Did you know that right now 515 00:17:09,957 --> 00:17:11,833 he is doing a deal with my husband 516 00:17:11,834 --> 00:17:14,977 to get some "supplements" that are basically just water? 517 00:17:15,401 --> 00:17:17,304 - What are you doing? - I am proving a point. 518 00:17:17,305 --> 00:17:18,000 A terrible one. 519 00:17:18,001 --> 00:17:19,658 It is true, folks. 520 00:17:19,659 --> 00:17:21,714 I am in a business deal with Nate here. 521 00:17:22,061 --> 00:17:23,103 But that's because I think 522 00:17:23,104 --> 00:17:25,291 God put Nate in my life for a reason. 523 00:17:25,896 --> 00:17:27,779 I recently prayed that I would meet someone 524 00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:30,032 that would help supplement my teachings. 525 00:17:30,033 --> 00:17:31,777 And on the very same day, 526 00:17:31,778 --> 00:17:35,142 an actual supplement salesman cold-called me. 527 00:17:35,143 --> 00:17:37,972 Now, are the pills that he's selling black mamba oil? 528 00:17:37,973 --> 00:17:38,621 God, no. 529 00:17:38,622 --> 00:17:41,499 Or are they simply a reminder to hydrate? 530 00:17:41,501 --> 00:17:41,910 You bet. 531 00:17:41,911 --> 00:17:45,586 I mean, water is the most important element on Earth! 532 00:17:45,587 --> 00:17:48,168 All life needs it to flourish! 533 00:17:48,169 --> 00:17:51,024 It's what separates us from Mars! 534 00:17:51,025 --> 00:17:52,884 [Cheers and applause] 535 00:17:52,885 --> 00:17:54,721 I said that. That's my quote. 536 00:17:54,722 --> 00:17:55,585 It's on the pamphlet. 537 00:17:55,586 --> 00:17:58,387 I accept Jesus as my lord and savior! 538 00:17:58,388 --> 00:18:00,711 Whoa! 539 00:18:00,713 --> 00:18:02,264 Jesus lets us swear! 540 00:18:02,265 --> 00:18:03,365 Shit snacks! 541 00:18:03,366 --> 00:18:05,616 Nate: Oh, geez. Really? 542 00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:07,372 Looks like we're in business together, Nate. 543 00:18:07,373 --> 00:18:08,869 Let's call it 200,000 units. 544 00:18:09,731 --> 00:18:11,223 Uh, okay then. 545 00:18:11,588 --> 00:18:13,105 Look, I know you feel foolish. 546 00:18:13,106 --> 00:18:14,721 But, baby, he saved us, okay? 547 00:18:14,722 --> 00:18:15,430 Oh, geez! 548 00:18:15,881 --> 00:18:17,481 It's Bible 2.0 549 00:18:17,611 --> 00:18:20,779 Everyone is welcome, all your friends and foes 550 00:18:20,781 --> 00:18:22,380 Bring all the Jews 551 00:18:22,382 --> 00:18:24,416 And the black and the rainbow 552 00:18:24,418 --> 00:18:28,620 Everyone is welcome, all your friends and foes 553 00:18:28,622 --> 00:18:30,188 You are a shaman, I say amen 554 00:18:30,190 --> 00:18:31,556 We be jammin' with Jah 555 00:18:31,558 --> 00:18:33,425 We all just players in this game 556 00:18:33,427 --> 00:18:35,360 So don't throw shade on Allah 557 00:18:35,362 --> 00:18:37,429 You got the spot upon your forehead 558 00:18:37,431 --> 00:18:39,331 Or your Lord isn't white 559 00:18:39,333 --> 00:18:43,297 We're saved! We're saved! 560 00:18:44,226 --> 00:18:45,100 Whoo! 561 00:18:47,142 --> 00:18:48,788 And I'm literally standing on the water. 562 00:18:48,789 --> 00:18:49,974 - What? - Yeah, I don't know. 563 00:18:49,975 --> 00:18:51,453 Some Plexiglas trick or something. 564 00:18:51,454 --> 00:18:52,374 Anyway, the guy's like, 565 00:18:52,375 --> 00:18:54,647 [Australian accent] "I'll take 200,000 units of those." 566 00:18:54,648 --> 00:18:55,380 [Normal voice] And I'm like, 567 00:18:55,381 --> 00:18:57,227 "I don't even know what a unit is." 568 00:18:57,669 --> 00:18:59,695 But somebody just saved the company! 569 00:18:59,696 --> 00:19:03,185 [Laughs] 570 00:19:05,623 --> 00:19:06,659 [Bird cawing] 571 00:19:06,660 --> 00:19:08,519 Did we get off on the right floor? 572 00:19:12,563 --> 00:19:14,211 What the hell is going on here? 573 00:19:14,212 --> 00:19:16,357 What did you do to us? 574 00:19:16,358 --> 00:19:18,771 What do you mean me? I didn't do anything. 575 00:19:18,772 --> 00:19:20,434 I have no idea what's going on here. 576 00:19:20,435 --> 00:19:22,656 - You're the boss! - What do I do now? 577 00:19:22,657 --> 00:19:25,838 - I moved from Syracuse for this. - I quit my last job for this. 578 00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:28,067 Who's the boss here? 579 00:19:28,068 --> 00:19:29,074 He is! He is! He is! He is! 580 00:19:29,075 --> 00:19:32,036 We don't have any power! For real this time! 581 00:19:32,037 --> 00:19:35,183 I'm not the boss! 582 00:19:35,185 --> 00:19:38,287 583 00:19:50,772 --> 00:19:53,367 I just need you to know that I really hate liars. 584 00:19:53,368 --> 00:19:55,675 My dad's pathological, and I hate my dad. 585 00:19:55,677 --> 00:19:57,243 My father deals on the black market. 586 00:19:57,245 --> 00:19:58,235 That's all you need to know. 587 00:19:58,236 --> 00:19:59,469 Bag's gone. My dad. 588 00:19:59,470 --> 00:20:01,509 My father gave me it before he walked out on us. 589 00:20:01,510 --> 00:20:03,960 Edie: I repeat, abort! We have bigger fish to fry. 590 00:20:03,961 --> 00:20:06,886 We're not even remotely close to finding the Big Tuna. 591 00:20:06,888 --> 00:20:08,521 - Big Tuna! - Goddamn Big Tuna! 592 00:20:08,523 --> 00:20:09,735 - What about Dad? - Where's your dad? 593 00:20:09,736 --> 00:20:11,691 - He went to get my mom. - Can't wait to see her. 594 00:20:11,693 --> 00:20:13,101 Our piece-of-shit dad walked out on her. 595 00:20:13,102 --> 00:20:15,025 _ 596 00:20:15,027 --> 00:20:16,975 _ 597 00:20:16,976 --> 00:20:17,955 _ 598 00:20:20,668 --> 00:20:22,268 [Clicking tongue] 599 00:20:22,270 --> 00:20:23,703 Did God set you up on Linkedln? 600 00:20:23,705 --> 00:20:25,538 No, but I'm pretty sure I'm the first person 601 00:20:25,540 --> 00:20:26,639 who's ever been hired by it. 602 00:20:26,641 --> 00:20:28,007 Okay? That's a miracle. 603 00:20:28,009 --> 00:20:30,009 [Echoing] I call it the Robin's Nest. 604 00:20:30,011 --> 00:20:32,078 - That's my wife's name. - Must be a sign! 605 00:20:34,314 --> 00:20:35,621 Hey, there, Gummy Bear. 606 00:20:38,853 --> 00:20:40,586 Daddy's back. 607 00:20:42,457 --> 00:20:44,256 Holy shit. 608 00:20:44,258 --> 00:20:45,658 What? 609 00:20:46,418 --> 00:20:48,561 I have no idea what happened here. 610 00:20:50,461 --> 00:20:51,931 I really don't. 611 00:20:51,933 --> 00:20:53,099 Like, not a clue. 612 00:20:56,133 --> 00:20:59,547 - Synced and corrected by hawken45 - - www.addic7ed.com - 613 00:20:59,597 --> 00:21:04,147 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 42343

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