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1
00:00:01,492 --> 00:00:04,106
Before I take this test...
willingly, I might add...
2
00:00:04,108 --> 00:00:06,676
you want to tell me
who you really are, Edie?
3
00:00:10,543 --> 00:00:11,475
"U.S. Piss"?
4
00:00:11,510 --> 00:00:14,011
"USPIS." It rhymes with "justice."
5
00:00:14,046 --> 00:00:16,210
No, it doesn't.
It rhymes with "juspice."
6
00:00:16,211 --> 00:00:18,816
The United States
Postal Inspection Service
7
00:00:18,851 --> 00:00:20,584
is the oldest law-enforcement agency
8
00:00:20,619 --> 00:00:23,204
in America, created
by one Benjamin Franklin.
9
00:00:23,329 --> 00:00:24,745
- Ever heard of him?
- No.
10
00:00:24,901 --> 00:00:26,490
Then I guess you guys
don't go to Broadway.
11
00:00:26,523 --> 00:00:28,184
What does that have to do with anything?
12
00:00:28,186 --> 00:00:28,974
Oh, I'm sorry.
13
00:00:28,975 --> 00:00:31,803
It's only the hottest ticket
in town for like a year.
14
00:00:31,898 --> 00:00:34,665
And the second half of the third
act is all about the mail.
15
00:00:34,939 --> 00:00:37,157
16
00:00:37,693 --> 00:00:39,636
Mail, mail, we cannot fail
17
00:00:39,672 --> 00:00:42,539
Through snow, rain,
heat, or the hail
18
00:00:42,575 --> 00:00:44,541
From big cities to small towns
19
00:00:44,577 --> 00:00:46,310
Nothing will keep these couriers
20
00:00:46,345 --> 00:00:47,878
From their appointed rounds
21
00:00:47,913 --> 00:00:49,380
JAMES MADISON:
I know
you like to be frank
22
00:00:49,415 --> 00:00:50,914
So you can take this to the bank
23
00:00:50,950 --> 00:00:52,616
I don't remember requiring
your attendance
24
00:00:52,651 --> 00:00:54,518
-
Why's that?
-
'Cause we're drafting
25
00:00:54,553 --> 00:00:58,422
The goddamn Declaration
of Independence
26
00:00:58,457 --> 00:01:00,657
They were, and it's important,
but so was the mail
27
00:01:00,693 --> 00:01:02,092
It mattered to me
28
00:01:02,128 --> 00:01:03,827
But all they cared about
was the presidency
29
00:01:03,863 --> 00:01:05,262
I mean, it's really diverse.
30
00:01:05,297 --> 00:01:06,930
Like, almost distractingly so.
31
00:01:06,966 --> 00:01:08,165
No, necessary
32
00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:09,433
Too big to functionary
33
00:01:09,468 --> 00:01:10,968
It's simply mail to carry
34
00:01:11,003 --> 00:01:12,436
Now, that's it
35
00:01:12,471 --> 00:01:14,505
Call the constabulary
36
00:01:14,540 --> 00:01:16,106
We were like Tom and Jerry
37
00:01:16,142 --> 00:01:18,042
This shit is getting scary
38
00:01:18,084 --> 00:01:19,917
Bear with me, man, just wait
39
00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:22,293
It's good. Is it worth the money?
40
00:01:22,356 --> 00:01:23,347
No. God, no.
41
00:01:23,382 --> 00:01:25,015
We must just trust
that it is beneficial
42
00:01:25,051 --> 00:01:26,617
And just like that, I became
43
00:01:26,652 --> 00:01:29,019
The second-highest paid
U.S. government official
44
00:01:29,055 --> 00:01:31,288
We're going postal
45
00:01:31,323 --> 00:01:32,289
It was federal
46
00:01:32,324 --> 00:01:33,991
Coast to coastal
47
00:01:34,026 --> 00:01:35,726
They called me Postmaster General
48
00:01:35,761 --> 00:01:36,827
Postal
49
00:01:36,862 --> 00:01:38,395
Yeah, we're going postal
50
00:01:38,431 --> 00:01:39,763
We're going postal
51
00:01:39,799 --> 00:01:40,998
We're going postal
52
00:01:41,033 --> 00:01:42,099
Postal
53
00:01:42,134 --> 00:01:43,967
Gents, I know you're nervous
54
00:01:44,003 --> 00:01:45,469
But we'll protect it
55
00:01:45,504 --> 00:01:51,208
With the U.S. Postal
Inspection Service
56
00:01:51,243 --> 00:01:53,477
One more word about the mail
57
00:01:53,512 --> 00:01:56,413
I swear I'll send you to your grave
58
00:01:56,449 --> 00:01:59,917
Thomas Jefferson, relax, man
59
00:01:59,952 --> 00:02:02,553
Go bang your slave
60
00:02:02,588 --> 00:02:03,940
Yes, massa!
61
00:02:03,941 --> 00:02:06,156
[Laughter]
62
00:02:06,192 --> 00:02:09,860
[Cheers And Applause]
63
00:02:09,895 --> 00:02:13,030
64
00:02:14,066 --> 00:02:16,400
Didn't "Schoolhouse Rock"
do this like 40 years ago?
65
00:02:16,435 --> 00:02:18,168
I don't know what they're applauding,
66
00:02:18,204 --> 00:02:19,837
the anachronisms or the shitty rap.
67
00:02:19,872 --> 00:02:21,672
Whoo!
68
00:02:21,707 --> 00:02:23,440
Oh, yeah, we saw that.
69
00:02:23,476 --> 00:02:24,275
And?
70
00:02:24,276 --> 00:02:25,564
It...
71
00:02:26,300 --> 00:02:27,410
It was just a little overrated.
72
00:02:27,411 --> 00:02:29,066
It won 14 Tonys!
73
00:02:29,102 --> 00:02:30,910
How many Tonys have you won?!
74
00:02:31,274 --> 00:02:31,932
Huh?!
75
00:02:33,581 --> 00:02:36,531
Somewhere behind the skyline
76
00:02:36,532 --> 00:02:39,611
There is a place I'm thinkin'
77
00:02:39,646 --> 00:02:43,014
[Distorted Music Plays]
78
00:02:46,420 --> 00:02:47,608
79
00:02:47,609 --> 00:02:49,609
_
80
00:02:50,416 --> 00:02:51,676
Oh, my goodness.
81
00:02:51,677 --> 00:02:52,642
[Sniffs]
82
00:02:52,678 --> 00:02:54,878
[Sighs] Smell that head.
83
00:02:54,921 --> 00:02:55,996
- [Chuckles]
- Aww.
84
00:02:55,997 --> 00:02:58,113
Yeah, it's not the smell
of the head you love.
85
00:02:58,150 --> 00:02:59,816
It's the smell of talc you love.
86
00:02:59,851 --> 00:03:01,151
[Canned Laughter]
87
00:03:01,186 --> 00:03:04,395
Babe, are we sure
we don't want another one?
88
00:03:04,435 --> 00:03:05,685
LARS: Isn't it a little late?
89
00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:07,217
I thought you already
got your vasectomy.
90
00:03:07,249 --> 00:03:08,764
No, I got my consultation.
91
00:03:08,765 --> 00:03:10,956
There's a one-month
waiting period in New York.
92
00:03:10,957 --> 00:03:12,725
Yeah, it's to prevent buyer's remorse.
93
00:03:12,726 --> 00:03:14,772
Yeah. More like pliers remorse.
94
00:03:14,773 --> 00:03:15,939
[Canned Laughter]
95
00:03:15,973 --> 00:03:17,573
Hey. What are you guys talking about?
96
00:03:17,608 --> 00:03:20,312
Well, uh, we were just discussing
97
00:03:20,344 --> 00:03:23,111
- your father's vasectomy.
- Every man should get one.
98
00:03:23,146 --> 00:03:24,936
Why is it always up
to the woman to get it?
99
00:03:24,937 --> 00:03:25,878
We don't do enough
100
00:03:25,879 --> 00:03:28,152
pushing a 10-pound bowling
ball out of our vagina?
101
00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:29,887
[Canned Laughter]
102
00:03:29,888 --> 00:03:31,457
We've had some frank talks.
103
00:03:31,801 --> 00:03:32,403
White people.
104
00:03:32,404 --> 00:03:36,637
[Laughter]
105
00:03:38,374 --> 00:03:40,571
This shit should be on TBS.
106
00:03:40,572 --> 00:03:41,568
Very funny.
107
00:03:41,569 --> 00:03:45,579
108
00:03:48,141 --> 00:03:49,409
What the hell is going on?
109
00:03:49,462 --> 00:03:51,757
Oh, my God. This family is too funny.
110
00:03:51,805 --> 00:03:52,821
Hey, show her the part where the boy
111
00:03:52,822 --> 00:03:54,743
gets his first hand job
from the girl next door.
112
00:03:54,744 --> 00:03:57,958
Please, don't tell me you watched that.
113
00:04:00,059 --> 00:04:01,238
_
114
00:04:01,464 --> 00:04:03,533
Whoa! Whoa!
115
00:04:03,596 --> 00:04:06,066
It's going everywhere! It won't stop!
116
00:04:07,122 --> 00:04:07,830
Well, you know what,
117
00:04:07,831 --> 00:04:09,287
that actually wasn't the funny part.
118
00:04:09,421 --> 00:04:11,565
It was the dad's sock. And
he didn't know what it was.
119
00:04:11,567 --> 00:04:12,802
And he was like, "What is this?
Shampoo?"
120
00:04:12,803 --> 00:04:13,869
What's shampoo doing in my sock?"
121
00:04:13,870 --> 00:04:15,032
And then he started sniffing it.
122
00:04:15,040 --> 00:04:17,086
This isn't some raunchy sitcom
we're watching!
123
00:04:17,087 --> 00:04:19,247
This is two months
of surveillance footage
124
00:04:19,248 --> 00:04:21,983
trying to connect this family
to USPIS enemy number one...
125
00:04:21,984 --> 00:04:23,254
the goddamn Big Tuna!
126
00:04:23,262 --> 00:04:25,557
Wow! Okay. That's so intense.
127
00:04:25,558 --> 00:04:28,045
You do realize we're
just the mail police, right?
128
00:04:29,758 --> 00:04:32,392
You, outside!
129
00:04:32,723 --> 00:04:35,624
The mail is a lot more
dangerous than you think.
130
00:04:35,831 --> 00:04:37,952
You know, maybe male predators,
but not mail predators.
131
00:04:37,953 --> 00:04:38,886
[Chuckling] You know what I mean?
132
00:04:38,926 --> 00:04:40,640
Let me educate you, rook.
133
00:04:40,660 --> 00:04:43,703
14 USPIS members have been
killed in the line of duty.
134
00:04:44,224 --> 00:04:44,966
Since when?
135
00:04:44,967 --> 00:04:46,390
Since the beginning.
136
00:04:46,426 --> 00:04:47,635
Like 1776?
137
00:04:47,636 --> 00:04:49,360
14 is too many.
138
00:04:49,396 --> 00:04:51,397
And eight of those were suicides.
139
00:04:51,680 --> 00:04:53,296
Because this job was so rough on them,
140
00:04:53,317 --> 00:04:55,083
it pushed them to end it all.
141
00:04:57,070 --> 00:04:59,217
We have exactly one
month to get something
142
00:04:59,218 --> 00:05:00,700
approaching collusion on this woman,
143
00:05:00,701 --> 00:05:03,628
or else this operation
is in for a world of trouble.
144
00:05:03,629 --> 00:05:05,576
Oh! I found that clip.
145
00:05:05,612 --> 00:05:06,500
NATE: What the hell is this?
146
00:05:06,501 --> 00:05:08,012
[Sniffs]
147
00:05:08,047 --> 00:05:09,647
Oh, that's familiar.
148
00:05:09,682 --> 00:05:10,700
It's my favorite socks.
149
00:05:10,701 --> 00:05:12,583
- What is that smell?
- It's not shampoo.
150
00:05:12,619 --> 00:05:13,885
No, it's... it's, like, right
151
00:05:13,920 --> 00:05:15,820
on the tip of my tongue. [Sniffs]
152
00:05:18,813 --> 00:05:20,446
- Focus, please!
- [Laughing] What?
153
00:05:20,481 --> 00:05:22,448
- Last one. How much time?
- You've been out of time.
154
00:05:22,483 --> 00:05:24,383
DELILAH: Yeah, you were out of
time like five minutes ago.
155
00:05:24,845 --> 00:05:27,212
I hate to say it, but they seem
like a perfectly normal family.
156
00:05:27,275 --> 00:05:30,347
All right, what is this?
Bank deposit, garbled.
157
00:05:30,410 --> 00:05:32,699
I don't know. It appeared a
couple times in the transcripts.
158
00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:35,224
He's making a deposit, big deposit.
159
00:05:35,767 --> 00:05:37,099
He's uncomfortable.
160
00:05:37,101 --> 00:05:39,476
He thought they were past
this part of their life.
161
00:05:39,631 --> 00:05:40,736
It's important to her.
162
00:05:40,738 --> 00:05:41,864
He says, "Why this bank?"
163
00:05:41,879 --> 00:05:43,610
She's like, "Well,
it's across the street"
164
00:05:43,611 --> 00:05:45,968
from that Vietnamese place
I like... very discreet."
165
00:05:47,059 --> 00:05:49,998
Looks like it's time for a good
old-fashioned stakeout.
166
00:05:53,645 --> 00:05:55,411
Boom. Target is active.
167
00:05:55,447 --> 00:05:56,630
CARL: What do you think?
168
00:05:56,631 --> 00:05:59,348
I don't know. Vietnamese, Hasids.
169
00:05:59,384 --> 00:06:01,175
Best guess is diamond smuggle.
170
00:06:06,868 --> 00:06:07,800
[Buzzer Rings]
171
00:06:07,835 --> 00:06:08,934
WOMAN: Excelsior Cryobank.
172
00:06:08,970 --> 00:06:10,236
Oh, hey.
173
00:06:10,271 --> 00:06:12,053
Uh, I'm here to, um...
uh, make a deposit.
174
00:06:12,054 --> 00:06:13,214
Something's going down.
175
00:06:13,215 --> 00:06:14,514
Fifth floor, down the hall.
176
00:06:14,549 --> 00:06:15,882
[Door Buzzes]
177
00:06:16,518 --> 00:06:18,184
Just...
178
00:06:18,219 --> 00:06:20,853
Yeah. I mean, you were literally
just talking to someone.
179
00:06:20,889 --> 00:06:22,088
Wait for the buzzer, please.
180
00:06:22,123 --> 00:06:23,289
Just... What is he...?
181
00:06:23,324 --> 00:06:25,157
He's having a little trouble, there.
182
00:06:25,193 --> 00:06:26,526
Yeah, you buzzed but it didn't open.
183
00:06:26,561 --> 00:06:28,127
[Door Buzzes] Are you pushing, sir?
184
00:06:28,162 --> 00:06:29,795
- This guy's an idiot.
- Just push the door.
185
00:06:29,831 --> 00:06:30,796
Thank you. Thank you.
186
00:06:31,502 --> 00:06:32,235
CARL: Should we follow him?
187
00:06:32,236 --> 00:06:33,190
No. Hang tight.
188
00:06:34,105 --> 00:06:35,227
We're after her.
189
00:06:36,074 --> 00:06:37,240
[Sniffs]
190
00:06:38,750 --> 00:06:40,059
You're gonna go into room five.
191
00:06:40,060 --> 00:06:41,858
There's a 15-minute time limit.
192
00:06:41,893 --> 00:06:43,028
Why is there a time limit?
193
00:06:43,029 --> 00:06:44,262
This isn't a peep show.
194
00:06:44,296 --> 00:06:46,171
No, I didn't think it was.
195
00:06:46,202 --> 00:06:47,801
I'm just... I'm... I'm only
doing this for my wife.
196
00:06:47,837 --> 00:06:49,837
You know, she wants
the baby option on the table.
197
00:06:49,872 --> 00:06:51,338
I'm getting a vasectomy, so...
198
00:06:51,374 --> 00:06:52,973
Don't forget your cup.
199
00:06:53,009 --> 00:06:54,375
Jesus Christ.
200
00:06:54,946 --> 00:06:56,276
Why is it so big?
201
00:06:56,312 --> 00:06:58,312
Some men can be very productive.
202
00:07:00,116 --> 00:07:01,148
What the...
203
00:07:01,183 --> 00:07:01,935
Jesus.
204
00:07:01,936 --> 00:07:02,708
Sir.
205
00:07:06,412 --> 00:07:07,034
Five.
206
00:07:15,618 --> 00:07:17,184
[Chair Bangs]
207
00:07:18,928 --> 00:07:20,613
That's romantic.
208
00:07:22,492 --> 00:07:25,926
209
00:07:32,068 --> 00:07:34,001
[Knock On Door]
210
00:07:41,244 --> 00:07:43,210
I like that sweater.
211
00:07:43,246 --> 00:07:45,646
WOMAN: I think it makes me look boxy.
212
00:07:47,204 --> 00:07:49,617
They only had it in a medium.
213
00:07:50,912 --> 00:07:52,629
I was thinking about returning it...
214
00:07:52,630 --> 00:07:55,631
to the store where I got it.
215
00:07:55,667 --> 00:07:56,662
Come on, get to it.
216
00:07:56,663 --> 00:07:58,762
Listen, we need to talk.
217
00:07:58,797 --> 00:08:00,130
No, you need to [Bleep]
218
00:08:00,165 --> 00:08:02,099
There's something I have to tell you.
219
00:08:02,134 --> 00:08:03,233
What?
220
00:08:03,268 --> 00:08:05,669
I have cancer.
221
00:08:05,704 --> 00:08:06,603
What?
222
00:08:06,638 --> 00:08:08,004
Ooh, yeah.
223
00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:09,573
Ew! What is this?
224
00:08:09,608 --> 00:08:11,975
This is a long conversation
that we need to have.
225
00:08:12,010 --> 00:08:14,311
[Fast-Forwarding]
226
00:08:14,346 --> 00:08:19,082
Oh, my God. Are you still talking?
227
00:08:20,285 --> 00:08:22,352
What about you? Lookin' to get some?
228
00:08:22,387 --> 00:08:23,854
All right. Here we go.
229
00:08:23,889 --> 00:08:25,298
WOMAN: You know it.
230
00:08:25,622 --> 00:08:27,355
Then take it off, then.
231
00:08:34,967 --> 00:08:36,466
- Oh!
- That's all you go?
232
00:08:36,502 --> 00:08:38,602
- Oh!
- You can take more off.
233
00:08:38,637 --> 00:08:39,870
No! What?
234
00:08:39,905 --> 00:08:43,206
I like a little reemo between my chemo.
235
00:08:43,242 --> 00:08:45,308
- Oh! Oh, God!
- [Retching]
236
00:08:46,632 --> 00:08:49,019
Do you have anything else?
This is not really my thing.
237
00:08:49,481 --> 00:08:51,081
Oh.
238
00:08:53,318 --> 00:08:55,085
Why would you think I'd be into this?
239
00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:56,253
I know your type.
240
00:08:57,477 --> 00:08:58,522
This is no one's type.
241
00:09:01,260 --> 00:09:03,026
Thank you.
242
00:09:03,061 --> 00:09:04,828
"Pubes and Lube"?
243
00:09:04,863 --> 00:09:05,762
"Hydra"...
244
00:09:05,798 --> 00:09:07,597
"Big Nasty Rabbits Take"...
245
00:09:07,633 --> 00:09:09,866
What? Who would...
246
00:09:09,902 --> 00:09:11,001
Oh, come on.
247
00:09:11,036 --> 00:09:13,444
A lobster? This is all so niche.
248
00:09:13,507 --> 00:09:16,317
Look, we can't pay for everyone's
sexual whims, all right?
249
00:09:16,318 --> 00:09:17,339
There's a lot out there.
250
00:09:17,340 --> 00:09:19,507
No one could get off to this stuff.
251
00:09:19,541 --> 00:09:21,441
That's... That's...
252
00:09:24,146 --> 00:09:25,645
Jesus Christ.
253
00:09:26,605 --> 00:09:29,250
Don't you just have girls
playing volleyball or something?
254
00:09:29,284 --> 00:09:30,283
[Cellphone Buzzes]
255
00:09:30,332 --> 00:09:31,297
Hey. You done already?
256
00:09:31,297 --> 00:09:32,200
No, I'm not done.
257
00:09:32,201 --> 00:09:33,534
The porn here is way too intense for me.
258
00:09:33,570 --> 00:09:35,536
So go to the volleyball
site you always go to.
259
00:09:35,572 --> 00:09:36,671
I don't go to the volley...
260
00:09:36,706 --> 00:09:38,172
- Nate.
- Okay, fine.
261
00:09:38,199 --> 00:09:39,698
It's only 'cause they make
them wear the spandex.
262
00:09:39,742 --> 00:09:40,922
- It's... I don't...
- I don't care.
263
00:09:40,944 --> 00:09:43,922
I tried to go, but I put
the Net Nanny on the phone,
264
00:09:44,049 --> 00:09:46,488
- and now I forgot the password.
- Reset your phone.
265
00:09:46,536 --> 00:09:48,761
I haven't backed it up in a while.
I don't want to lose pictures, you know.
266
00:09:48,762 --> 00:09:50,126
Baby, you have to back it up every week.
267
00:09:50,127 --> 00:09:53,226
Can you just do me a favor and, like...
268
00:09:53,227 --> 00:09:54,411
talk sexy to me?
269
00:09:54,412 --> 00:09:55,904
No. I'm at the spa.
270
00:09:56,373 --> 00:09:57,549
With the children.
271
00:09:57,550 --> 00:09:58,733
[Laughing] That tickles!
272
00:09:58,734 --> 00:10:00,637
Stop! It's tickling me!
273
00:10:00,638 --> 00:10:02,593
Please help me out.
274
00:10:02,594 --> 00:10:04,349
Hey, what if I sexted you?
Would that work?
275
00:10:04,350 --> 00:10:06,358
No! That doesn't work for anybody.
276
00:10:06,451 --> 00:10:08,018
Okay. Hold on. Watch this.
277
00:10:08,139 --> 00:10:09,705
[Phone Whooshes]
278
00:10:09,707 --> 00:10:10,339
Right?
279
00:10:10,340 --> 00:10:11,360
[Phone Whooshes]
280
00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:12,495
Is that a peach?
281
00:10:12,496 --> 00:10:14,549
But it's... it's supposed
to be something else.
282
00:10:14,550 --> 00:10:16,027
What, a nectarine?
283
00:10:16,028 --> 00:10:17,058
God, you're literal.
284
00:10:17,083 --> 00:10:18,182
[Phone Whooshes]
285
00:10:18,219 --> 00:10:19,051
There.
286
00:10:19,334 --> 00:10:20,290
[Phone Whooshes]
287
00:10:20,291 --> 00:10:21,575
Why would you send me a...
288
00:10:21,576 --> 00:10:23,382
Why would you send me
a picture of a camel?
289
00:10:23,383 --> 00:10:24,083
Humping.
290
00:10:24,084 --> 00:10:25,958
Please just say something
291
00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:27,816
like "I'm gonna [Mutters] you tonight"?
292
00:10:27,817 --> 00:10:29,295
Oh, my God. Okay. Hold on.
293
00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:30,428
[Beeping]
294
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:31,729
[Chair Vibrating]
295
00:10:32,186 --> 00:10:33,219
Okay.
296
00:10:33,254 --> 00:10:34,047
[Sighs] Okay.
297
00:10:34,047 --> 00:10:34,995
Oh, God.
298
00:10:34,996 --> 00:10:37,123
Oh, yeah.
299
00:10:37,158 --> 00:10:38,891
Oh, yeah.
300
00:10:38,926 --> 00:10:41,927
Whew. Oh, you like that, right?
301
00:10:41,963 --> 00:10:43,366
How do you like it?
302
00:10:43,367 --> 00:10:44,405
You like it a lot?
303
00:10:44,406 --> 00:10:45,555
Yeah, I do, actually.
304
00:10:45,556 --> 00:10:47,133
- Oh, God.
- Pretty good.
305
00:10:47,168 --> 00:10:49,083
Oh, that's so good. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
306
00:10:49,085 --> 00:10:50,098
Sorry. Watch the bunion.
307
00:10:50,100 --> 00:10:50,437
What?
308
00:10:50,471 --> 00:10:52,304
DELILAH: Hey, is that Dad on the phone?
309
00:10:52,348 --> 00:10:54,036
- I want to talk to him!
- What? No. No!
310
00:10:54,037 --> 00:10:54,720
Hi, Dad!
311
00:10:54,728 --> 00:10:56,204
I was getting my foot pumiced,
312
00:10:56,205 --> 00:10:57,840
and dead skin was flying everywhere.
313
00:10:57,841 --> 00:11:00,413
- It looked like it was snowing.
- Yeah. Yeah.
314
00:11:00,448 --> 00:11:01,302
Yeah, tell him about my mouth!
315
00:11:01,303 --> 00:11:03,282
Dad, it got all in my mouth!
316
00:11:03,317 --> 00:11:04,950
ROBIN: Hey, hey. Give me the phone.
317
00:11:05,628 --> 00:11:08,044
I'll meet you in the lobby.
I'll take care of this.
318
00:11:10,866 --> 00:11:13,033
[Camera Shutter Clicking]
319
00:11:28,551 --> 00:11:29,205
Is it on?
320
00:11:29,206 --> 00:11:30,674
Oh, it's on.
321
00:11:35,124 --> 00:11:38,492
322
00:11:38,527 --> 00:11:39,793
Get mine.
323
00:11:39,829 --> 00:11:40,794
[Gags]
324
00:11:40,830 --> 00:11:41,862
Sorry.
325
00:11:43,961 --> 00:11:45,629
- Hey, which one is it?
- I don't know.
326
00:11:45,630 --> 00:11:47,038
- Can you...?
- [Buzzer Rings]
327
00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:48,710
Yeah, I'm gonna push...
I'm just pushing them.
328
00:11:48,711 --> 00:11:51,638
- [Buzzer Ringing]
- Can I help you?
329
00:11:51,674 --> 00:11:52,873
Just cover up. Just cover up.
330
00:11:52,908 --> 00:11:53,619
- What do you want?
- Gary, that you?
331
00:11:53,620 --> 00:11:54,810
Why can't she go in the room with me?
332
00:11:54,811 --> 00:11:56,041
What did I say?
333
00:11:56,042 --> 00:11:57,588
You said it wasn't a peep show.
334
00:11:57,589 --> 00:11:59,126
Well, it's not a brothel, either.
335
00:11:59,127 --> 00:12:00,238
She's not a hooker.
336
00:12:03,117 --> 00:12:03,861
What the...?
337
00:12:06,077 --> 00:12:07,456
This is a weird-ass bank.
338
00:12:07,457 --> 00:12:09,345
What is this place?
339
00:12:13,046 --> 00:12:13,824
Oh, shit.
340
00:12:14,252 --> 00:12:15,451
Shit!
341
00:12:15,486 --> 00:12:16,471
Go, go!
342
00:12:19,891 --> 00:12:22,024
I am not going in the bathroom.
343
00:12:28,699 --> 00:12:32,868
Okay, we're all clear. Let's go.
344
00:12:32,904 --> 00:12:34,737
- This is so gross.
- Take your pants off.
345
00:12:34,772 --> 00:12:36,172
- Yeah. Slow down.
- Well, I know,
346
00:12:36,207 --> 00:12:38,474
but my nails aren't done,
and I got to get back.
347
00:12:38,509 --> 00:12:40,342
- Take 'em off.
- Okay. All right?
348
00:12:40,378 --> 00:12:41,377
- Sorry.
- Jesus.
349
00:12:41,412 --> 00:12:42,999
- Can you...?
- What?
350
00:12:43,070 --> 00:12:44,436
You know, show me that or something?
351
00:12:44,472 --> 00:12:46,338
- My tits?
- I wasn't gonna call them that.
352
00:12:46,374 --> 00:12:47,773
Well, what do you want to...
353
00:12:47,808 --> 00:12:49,141
I mean, you've seen it. I don't...
354
00:12:49,176 --> 00:12:50,943
- I'm sorry.
- I'm not... It's a dirty bra.
355
00:12:50,978 --> 00:12:51,929
It doesn't just go up on its own.
356
00:12:51,930 --> 00:12:53,946
Yes. Go. Just look in there.
357
00:12:53,988 --> 00:12:54,863
It's nothing you haven't seen.
358
00:12:54,864 --> 00:12:56,752
- Okay. All right. That started it.
- That did it?
359
00:12:56,753 --> 00:12:58,634
Well, it started it.
You got to finish it
360
00:12:58,635 --> 00:12:59,631
. You want me to do it?
361
00:12:59,632 --> 00:13:01,012
That's why I called you.
362
00:13:01,013 --> 00:13:03,188
I thought you just wanted company.
363
00:13:03,907 --> 00:13:05,557
Well, don't roll your eyes.
364
00:13:05,593 --> 00:13:06,851
I was just breathing.
365
00:13:06,852 --> 00:13:07,316
Okay.
366
00:13:11,138 --> 00:13:12,204
[Sighs]
367
00:13:12,700 --> 00:13:13,666
Little more.
368
00:13:13,701 --> 00:13:15,768
That's it. Yeah.
369
00:13:15,803 --> 00:13:17,469
[Sighs]
370
00:13:22,577 --> 00:13:23,542
Come on!
371
00:13:23,578 --> 00:13:24,455
I had hummus.
372
00:13:24,456 --> 00:13:25,778
Just... Yeah.
373
00:13:25,813 --> 00:13:26,845
Oh, that's fast.
374
00:13:26,881 --> 00:13:28,614
Don't critique.
375
00:13:28,649 --> 00:13:30,215
You ready?
376
00:13:32,820 --> 00:13:33,884
- No.
- Okay.
377
00:13:33,885 --> 00:13:35,163
I need like 20 more minutes.
378
00:13:35,164 --> 00:13:36,906
I told you, I've been working
on my tolerance.
379
00:13:42,227 --> 00:13:43,493
_
NATE: We can just move past the whole...
380
00:13:43,528 --> 00:13:44,793
- He brought it up.
- I know, I know.
381
00:13:44,829 --> 00:13:46,658
No, I'm sorry. I didn't realize...
382
00:13:47,330 --> 00:13:49,566
[Crying]
383
00:13:49,675 --> 00:13:52,233
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
384
00:13:52,269 --> 00:13:53,602
You okay?
385
00:13:53,637 --> 00:13:54,736
No.
386
00:13:54,772 --> 00:13:57,472
Hey, don't let this get you down, okay?
387
00:13:57,508 --> 00:13:59,841
We've gone three times over budget,
388
00:13:59,877 --> 00:14:02,044
we've broken like 10 U.S. laws,
389
00:14:02,079 --> 00:14:05,380
and we're not even close
to finding the Big Tuna.
390
00:14:05,416 --> 00:14:08,016
No. Hey, look at me. Look at me.
391
00:14:08,052 --> 00:14:09,418
It's not your fault.
392
00:14:09,453 --> 00:14:13,021
It is. I'm the commanding officer.
393
00:14:13,057 --> 00:14:14,523
Blame me.
394
00:14:15,211 --> 00:14:16,564
Say I went rogue.
395
00:14:17,194 --> 00:14:19,027
You'd do that for me?
396
00:14:20,418 --> 00:14:23,452
397
00:14:43,787 --> 00:14:46,121
[Grunts]
398
00:14:46,156 --> 00:14:48,924
Did... Did you just finish?
399
00:14:48,959 --> 00:14:50,239
Um...
400
00:14:50,286 --> 00:14:51,410
God, you have a problem.
401
00:14:51,504 --> 00:14:53,071
Well, my girlfriend says
it's not a big deal.
402
00:14:53,106 --> 00:14:54,605
It is a big deal. It's a very big deal.
403
00:14:54,641 --> 00:14:56,429
Oh, hey, I have an idea.
What if we just brought them in?
404
00:14:56,430 --> 00:14:57,838
Uh, I'm not done talking about this yet.
405
00:14:57,846 --> 00:14:59,207
No, no, no.
What if we just brought them in
406
00:14:59,208 --> 00:15:01,221
for a good old-fashioned interrogation?
407
00:15:01,580 --> 00:15:03,348
She's never gonna give up the Big Tuna.
408
00:15:03,383 --> 00:15:04,849
How do you know unless you try?
409
00:15:04,884 --> 00:15:07,618
If we brought them in, we'd have
13 hours to break them, tops.
410
00:15:07,654 --> 00:15:09,136
Perfect. Separate them.
Divide and conquer.
411
00:15:09,137 --> 00:15:10,885
They're terrible when they're apart.
412
00:15:10,900 --> 00:15:12,434
- Let's do it.
- Awesome.
413
00:15:12,435 --> 00:15:13,484
No. Absolutely not.
414
00:15:13,485 --> 00:15:15,485
_
415
00:15:16,596 --> 00:15:19,997
416
00:15:21,633 --> 00:15:24,007
Oh, God. Why am I doing this?
417
00:15:24,077 --> 00:15:25,717
'Cause it's important to your daughter.
418
00:15:25,718 --> 00:15:28,350
Just take a couple extra
painkillers and take it easy.
419
00:15:28,351 --> 00:15:29,973
When do I ever take it easy, okay?
420
00:15:29,974 --> 00:15:32,325
And besides "Fun Walk"?
That doesn't rhyme.
421
00:15:32,326 --> 00:15:33,809
I'm gonna run. I'm gonna win.
422
00:15:33,811 --> 00:15:35,401
Hey. There are no winners.
423
00:15:35,745 --> 00:15:36,801
It's just to raise awareness
424
00:15:36,802 --> 00:15:38,372
for spaying and neutering
your service animals.
425
00:15:38,373 --> 00:15:39,936
God, talk about a first-world charity.
426
00:15:39,937 --> 00:15:41,949
This guy knows a little
something about being neutered.
427
00:15:41,950 --> 00:15:43,795
Oh!
428
00:15:43,830 --> 00:15:46,487
Oh-ho-ho-ho! Shhhhh...
429
00:15:46,488 --> 00:15:48,147
Why would you do...
430
00:15:48,148 --> 00:15:49,535
What is your problem?!
431
00:15:49,536 --> 00:15:51,181
- It was funny.
- It wasn't funny!
432
00:15:51,182 --> 00:15:53,533
I had a vasectomy three hours ago!
433
00:15:53,534 --> 00:15:55,940
This means so much to me! Thank you!
434
00:15:55,976 --> 00:15:57,275
Okay. Okay, sweetie.
435
00:15:57,310 --> 00:15:58,710
I know. I know. Just too sore for hugs.
436
00:15:58,745 --> 00:16:00,111
[Starting Gun Fires]
437
00:16:00,154 --> 00:16:00,604
[Cheering]
438
00:16:00,605 --> 00:16:01,037
Just think about it.
439
00:16:01,038 --> 00:16:02,350
As soon as you cross that finish line,
440
00:16:02,351 --> 00:16:04,662
it's unprotected sex
for the rest of your life.
441
00:16:04,663 --> 00:16:06,404
Stop touching my balls!
442
00:16:07,775 --> 00:16:08,820
All right.
443
00:16:08,821 --> 00:16:11,410
I want them brought in quiet,
and I want them brought in fast.
444
00:16:11,446 --> 00:16:13,613
Do not draw attention to yourselves.
445
00:16:13,648 --> 00:16:14,614
Any questions?
446
00:16:14,649 --> 00:16:16,015
Yes. Um...
447
00:16:16,050 --> 00:16:18,796
What branch of the government
are you guys with?
448
00:16:22,590 --> 00:16:24,205
"U.S. Piss."
449
00:16:24,206 --> 00:16:26,484
No. It's "USPIS."
450
00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:28,161
It's "us," like "we."
451
00:16:28,196 --> 00:16:29,795
Like "we..." like "we-PIS."
452
00:16:29,831 --> 00:16:30,680
They piss.
453
00:16:30,681 --> 00:16:31,796
Okay, you know what? Just go.
454
00:16:31,833 --> 00:16:33,666
[Cheers And Applause]
455
00:16:33,701 --> 00:16:36,235
[Groaning]
456
00:16:36,271 --> 00:16:37,203
Go, Dad!
457
00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:39,789
Thanks. Just had a vasectomy.
458
00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:40,870
Lap three!
459
00:16:40,871 --> 00:16:42,842
Yeah. Where'd you get that bike from?
460
00:16:42,877 --> 00:16:44,210
It's a fun run!
461
00:16:44,245 --> 00:16:46,646
Hurry up, slow poke!
I'm already on my second lap.
462
00:16:46,681 --> 00:16:48,314
'Cause you're on a skateboard!
463
00:16:48,349 --> 00:16:50,883
Where did you get these things from?
464
00:16:52,620 --> 00:16:53,553
[Winces]
465
00:16:53,588 --> 00:16:55,421
All right, here we go.
466
00:16:57,625 --> 00:16:58,111
Whoa!
467
00:16:58,112 --> 00:16:59,777
Yeah, no. No way, brother.
468
00:16:59,778 --> 00:17:02,595
I'm not getting lapped
by a guy in a costume.
469
00:17:02,630 --> 00:17:03,629
Ha, ha, ha!
470
00:17:03,665 --> 00:17:05,865
Yeah, painkillers! Whoo!
471
00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:07,316
Here I go!
472
00:17:07,317 --> 00:17:08,509
Whoo!
473
00:17:08,510 --> 00:17:10,803
God damn it, he's fast.
474
00:17:10,838 --> 00:17:12,972
Do you have the catch?
475
00:17:13,007 --> 00:17:14,740
I repeat, do you have the catch?
476
00:17:14,776 --> 00:17:16,142
That's a negative.
477
00:17:16,177 --> 00:17:17,944
We'll circle back,
pick him up at the finish.
478
00:17:17,979 --> 00:17:20,479
Ah! Damn it!
479
00:17:20,515 --> 00:17:21,681
Mother f'ing...
480
00:17:21,716 --> 00:17:23,149
CARL: Whoa. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
481
00:17:23,184 --> 00:17:24,483
It'll be fine. Just relax.
482
00:17:24,519 --> 00:17:27,802
Oh, do not tell me to relax... ever.
483
00:17:27,826 --> 00:17:28,440
Okay. Look.
484
00:17:28,441 --> 00:17:30,648
Hey, it just seems like you're
a little tense, all right?
485
00:17:30,649 --> 00:17:31,835
- I'm pregnant.
- What?
486
00:17:31,836 --> 00:17:33,782
[Crying] I don't know what to do.
487
00:17:33,783 --> 00:17:35,023
I'm such a shit show.
488
00:17:35,024 --> 00:17:37,000
It's all right. All right? Hey.
489
00:17:41,711 --> 00:17:42,919
You see your father?
490
00:17:43,613 --> 00:17:45,113
Oh! Oh, there he is!
491
00:17:47,549 --> 00:17:50,851
Oh, Nate! Nate! You're so close!
492
00:17:50,886 --> 00:17:52,406
You can do this!
493
00:17:52,407 --> 00:17:52,988
Fun run.
494
00:17:52,989 --> 00:17:54,482
Come on!
495
00:17:54,483 --> 00:17:55,989
Go! Come on!
496
00:17:56,024 --> 00:17:58,725
- Come on!
- Come on, Dad!
497
00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:00,861
498
00:18:00,896 --> 00:18:03,063
You got this!
499
00:18:38,233 --> 00:18:39,476
Oh!
500
00:18:39,477 --> 00:18:40,867
DELILAH: Oh!
501
00:18:40,903 --> 00:18:42,369
Why do you keep doing that?!
502
00:18:46,441 --> 00:18:47,407
Idiot!
503
00:18:47,442 --> 00:18:50,310
504
00:18:55,628 --> 00:18:57,562
How you doing, babe?
505
00:18:59,106 --> 00:19:00,564
I got a little emotional out there.
506
00:19:00,565 --> 00:19:01,682
- You did?
- Yeah.
507
00:19:01,683 --> 00:19:02,795
Aw, why?
508
00:19:02,796 --> 00:19:05,256
Just knowing that this part of our life,
509
00:19:05,641 --> 00:19:08,066
which is so great, is coming to an end.
510
00:19:08,067 --> 00:19:09,231
- Yeah.
- No more kids.
511
00:19:09,267 --> 00:19:09,899
I know.
512
00:19:10,697 --> 00:19:11,522
It's a little sad.
513
00:19:11,523 --> 00:19:12,988
That's why I had you put some on ice.
514
00:19:13,024 --> 00:19:15,458
I knew you weren't quite ready
to be done with it.
515
00:19:16,474 --> 00:19:19,908
516
00:19:25,269 --> 00:19:26,469
[Ringtone Plays]
517
00:19:27,113 --> 00:19:28,846
This better be important.
518
00:19:28,891 --> 00:19:31,307
RANDY: I came by the
bird's nest to sweep up,
519
00:19:31,342 --> 00:19:32,923
and guess who's knocking on their door?
520
00:19:32,924 --> 00:19:34,153
- Who?
- Big Bird.
521
00:19:34,154 --> 00:19:35,177
Who?
522
00:19:35,213 --> 00:19:36,465
Big Tuna!
523
00:19:36,466 --> 00:19:37,548
[Gasps] Are you sure?
524
00:19:37,549 --> 00:19:39,632
100%. Perfect match.
525
00:19:39,633 --> 00:19:42,918
Abort! I repeat, abort!
526
00:19:43,809 --> 00:19:45,515
We are fully committed now!
527
00:19:45,516 --> 00:19:47,690
Pull back! I repeat, abort!
528
00:19:47,725 --> 00:19:49,274
We have bigger fish to fry.
529
00:19:49,275 --> 00:19:51,627
We are 10 feet from the target.
530
00:19:51,662 --> 00:19:52,461
Hey, man.
531
00:19:52,497 --> 00:19:54,163
You talking about me?
532
00:19:54,198 --> 00:19:55,464
EDIE: Take cover!
533
00:19:55,500 --> 00:19:56,714
There is no cover.
534
00:19:56,715 --> 00:19:58,152
Uh, does he see you?
535
00:19:58,153 --> 00:19:59,559
Of course he sees me!
536
00:20:01,195 --> 00:20:02,155
He's waving!
537
00:20:02,156 --> 00:20:03,272
Don't wave back.
538
00:20:03,685 --> 00:20:04,321
Dude.
539
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:06,599
What's up, man?
540
00:20:08,264 --> 00:20:09,402
Not much. What's up with you guys?
541
00:20:10,039 --> 00:20:11,071
You all right?
542
00:20:11,106 --> 00:20:12,204
Yeah. Good.
543
00:20:12,708 --> 00:20:14,741
I think I know what this is about.
544
00:20:14,777 --> 00:20:16,076
You do?
545
00:20:16,111 --> 00:20:17,448
Yeah. Yeah.
546
00:20:17,449 --> 00:20:18,894
It's supposed to be a fun run,
547
00:20:18,895 --> 00:20:21,047
and I'm out there acting like a jackass.
548
00:20:21,083 --> 00:20:22,215
I'm sorry.
549
00:20:22,251 --> 00:20:23,583
I just get a little carried away.
550
00:20:23,619 --> 00:20:25,152
It was the drugs, I think.
551
00:20:25,187 --> 00:20:27,320
If it makes you feel any better,
I think I came in last place.
552
00:20:27,356 --> 00:20:28,497
- You did.
- Okay.
553
00:20:28,498 --> 00:20:30,257
Little consolation prize.
554
00:20:30,292 --> 00:20:31,725
That's a pretty sweet costume, dude.
555
00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:33,693
Yeah. That gun looks very real.
It really does.
556
00:20:33,729 --> 00:20:36,129
Yeah, as a matter of fact, it looks
a little too real. Oh, my God.
557
00:20:36,165 --> 00:20:38,665
You should get one of those orange-rubber tips
on there. Yeah, seriously. Let me see that.
558
00:20:38,700 --> 00:20:39,733
- I mean, look at that, Nate.
- Oh, Jesus.
559
00:20:39,768 --> 00:20:41,435
Look at that, man. Wow
560
00:20:41,470 --> 00:20:43,303
It's so authentic. And
it's really solid. Yeah.
561
00:20:43,338 --> 00:20:44,805
Yeah, you better not get
caught by the real cops.
562
00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:46,567
They will shoot you. [Laughs]
563
00:20:46,568 --> 00:20:48,675
But seriously, uh,
no hard feelings, huh?
564
00:20:48,710 --> 00:20:50,277
- Of course not.
- Yeah.
565
00:20:50,312 --> 00:20:51,545
All right. Cool.
566
00:20:51,580 --> 00:20:53,013
- Great costume, though.
- Same to you guys.
567
00:20:53,048 --> 00:20:54,945
Yeah. Get a lighter one if
you want to beat me next time.
568
00:20:54,946 --> 00:20:56,316
[Laughs]
569
00:20:56,351 --> 00:20:58,070
Sorry. There I go again.
570
00:20:58,211 --> 00:21:00,099
Wow. Did they run with their guns?
571
00:21:00,100 --> 00:21:01,108
They didn't even finish.
572
00:21:01,109 --> 00:21:02,789
[Laughs]
573
00:21:05,256 --> 00:21:08,531
- Synced and corrected by hawken45 -
- www.addic7ed.com -
574
00:21:08,581 --> 00:21:13,131
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