Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,414 --> 00:00:03,687
Okay, we've got four deliveries.
Let's hit the road, Grandma.
2
00:00:03,781 --> 00:00:05,656
_
3
00:00:06,577 --> 00:00:08,844
Hey! People paid for that food.
4
00:00:08,868 --> 00:00:10,492
_
5
00:00:10,547 --> 00:00:11,947
Cattleman's To-Go doesn't stand for
6
00:00:12,015 --> 00:00:13,849
Cattleman's to-go-out-of-business, okay?
7
00:00:13,884 --> 00:00:14,916
Don't make me kick you out.
8
00:00:14,986 --> 00:00:16,366
_
9
00:00:16,428 --> 00:00:20,062
_
10
00:00:20,123 --> 00:00:21,923
How do you even have a license?
11
00:00:22,126 --> 00:00:23,865
_
12
00:00:27,731 --> 00:00:28,924
Hey!
13
00:00:28,963 --> 00:00:30,177
_
14
00:00:30,202 --> 00:00:32,893
_
15
00:00:40,644 --> 00:00:42,611
What is this? Bats mating?
16
00:00:42,658 --> 00:00:43,943
_
17
00:00:44,013 --> 00:00:47,717
_
18
00:00:47,818 --> 00:00:49,551
A person is making this noise?
19
00:00:49,653 --> 00:00:51,119
An angel.
20
00:00:51,188 --> 00:00:52,631
I'm changing it back.
21
00:00:58,829 --> 00:01:01,730
I can slap all day.
22
00:01:04,535 --> 00:01:06,835
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
23
00:01:06,937 --> 00:01:08,003
♪ Fresh off the boat ♪
24
00:01:08,105 --> 00:01:09,604
♪ I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go ♪
25
00:01:09,706 --> 00:01:11,773
♪ If you don't know, homey,
now you know ♪
26
00:01:11,875 --> 00:01:13,208
♪ Fresh off the boat ♪
27
00:01:13,310 --> 00:01:15,610
♪ Homey, you don't know
where I come from ♪
28
00:01:15,712 --> 00:01:16,878
♪ But I know where I'm goin' ♪
29
00:01:16,980 --> 00:01:19,079
♪ I'm fresh off the boat ♪
30
00:01:20,485 --> 00:01:22,552
Next up, it's what
you've all been waiting for,
31
00:01:22,607 --> 00:01:25,554
88.7 FM's "The Lurch" giveaway!
32
00:01:25,656 --> 00:01:27,814
Call in to win
the biggest prize of the year!
33
00:01:27,861 --> 00:01:29,824
Everybody ready? Fingers nimble?
34
00:01:29,927 --> 00:01:32,142
So nimble. I've been practicing my dial.
35
00:01:32,896 --> 00:01:34,396
One-point-seven seconds flat.
36
00:01:34,498 --> 00:01:36,798
Home phone, Grandma's phone...
37
00:01:36,900 --> 00:01:37,866
whose phone is this?
38
00:01:37,935 --> 00:01:40,669
Derek Jeter was hitting on you?
39
00:01:40,771 --> 00:01:41,937
I know you don't like men, Nicole,
40
00:01:42,039 --> 00:01:43,638
but you could've at least gotten
a gift bag.
41
00:01:43,740 --> 00:01:46,007
- Honey, get off the phone!
- Sorry, Jessica!
42
00:01:46,076 --> 00:01:47,642
Okay all you radio-heads... haha...
43
00:01:47,744 --> 00:01:49,177
it's time to get on those phones!
44
00:01:49,279 --> 00:01:51,346
Caller 88 wins the big prize,
45
00:01:51,448 --> 00:01:52,984
starting now!
46
00:01:53,047 --> 00:01:55,150
Wait for it... wait for it...
47
00:01:55,252 --> 00:01:57,185
go, go, go!
48
00:01:59,022 --> 00:02:01,289
- Busy signal!
- Us, too!
49
00:02:01,391 --> 00:02:02,657
Hello?
50
00:02:02,759 --> 00:02:04,826
Congratulations,
you're caller number 88!
51
00:02:04,928 --> 00:02:06,595
We won!
52
00:02:06,697 --> 00:02:08,697
I knew we could do it,
53
00:02:08,799 --> 00:02:10,065
we are a well-oiled machine.
54
00:02:10,167 --> 00:02:11,399
Like B2-D2.
55
00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:14,669
Now, as our lucky winner,
you get to choose
56
00:02:14,771 --> 00:02:16,938
your grand prize...
a resort getaway for two
57
00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:19,074
- at Sandturtles...
- Sounds expensive.
58
00:02:19,153 --> 00:02:22,067
...or the brand-new Office '98
software bundle!
59
00:02:22,138 --> 00:02:23,511
The entire bundle?
60
00:02:23,614 --> 00:02:24,713
Including Access?
61
00:02:24,815 --> 00:02:26,848
- Access to what?
- Who cares?!
62
00:02:26,950 --> 00:02:28,116
So, what'll it be?
63
00:02:28,218 --> 00:02:30,185
Well, obviously the getaway, right?
64
00:02:30,253 --> 00:02:31,219
Definitely.
65
00:02:31,321 --> 00:02:33,054
I could really use a weekend
by the pool.
66
00:02:33,156 --> 00:02:35,390
Lie back, relax, soak up some rays...
67
00:02:35,492 --> 00:02:36,691
UV rays, not stingrays.
68
00:02:36,793 --> 00:02:37,759
I wasn't confused.
69
00:02:37,828 --> 00:02:39,995
Bundle! Bundle! Bundle!
70
00:02:40,097 --> 00:02:41,730
How do we tell the boys?
71
00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:44,633
We're taking Sandturtles.
72
00:02:44,735 --> 00:02:46,635
Cool beans, the getaway it is!
73
00:02:46,737 --> 00:02:47,836
- Nooooooooo!
- Come on!
74
00:02:47,938 --> 00:02:50,205
You don't need a computer.
You have your brains.
75
00:02:50,307 --> 00:02:53,174
Now, I'm assuming this vacation package
76
00:02:53,243 --> 00:02:55,477
comes with a free bathing suit.
I like the ones
77
00:02:55,579 --> 00:02:57,679
with the little skirt on them
so I can twirl.
78
00:02:57,781 --> 00:02:59,381
Sorry guys, the bundle sounds good,
79
00:02:59,483 --> 00:03:00,882
but your mom really needs this.
80
00:03:00,984 --> 00:03:02,150
Totally fine,
81
00:03:02,252 --> 00:03:04,352
I'll just keep writing
my school essays in Paint.
82
00:03:04,454 --> 00:03:06,354
Oh, that sounds cool.
83
00:03:10,761 --> 00:03:13,028
So my birthday party is gonna be epic.
84
00:03:13,130 --> 00:03:14,696
Phase one, laser tag.
85
00:03:14,798 --> 00:03:15,897
Phase two, pizza.
86
00:03:15,999 --> 00:03:17,198
The square kind.
87
00:03:17,300 --> 00:03:19,367
Phase three, an appearance
by a special guest.
88
00:03:19,469 --> 00:03:21,703
Hint... he went to UMass Amherst.
89
00:03:22,506 --> 00:03:24,272
Trent just sat on my sunglasses.
90
00:03:24,374 --> 00:03:26,207
You can't say anything... he's a guest.
91
00:03:26,309 --> 00:03:28,443
- So you're coming, right, Eddie?
- Definitely.
92
00:03:28,545 --> 00:03:30,011
I need something to look forward to
93
00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:31,780
after a whole week
of driving with Grandma.
94
00:03:31,882 --> 00:03:33,782
Why? Grandma is fascinating.
95
00:03:33,884 --> 00:03:35,383
Lots of layers to that gal.
96
00:03:35,485 --> 00:03:36,951
I'd love a day in the car with her.
97
00:03:37,054 --> 00:03:38,386
Not with the Chinese opera she plays.
98
00:03:38,488 --> 00:03:43,124
And every time I try to put in my O.G.
Best of '95 mix, she slaps me.
99
00:03:43,226 --> 00:03:45,427
Eddie, you've been mainlining
hardcore rap
100
00:03:45,462 --> 00:03:46,628
since you were 9.
101
00:03:46,730 --> 00:03:48,463
You gotta ease your grandma in
with the soft stuff.
102
00:03:48,565 --> 00:03:49,664
Hmm.
103
00:03:49,766 --> 00:03:51,299
Kinda like how my dad
eased me into wasabi
104
00:03:51,401 --> 00:03:52,701
with horseradish.
105
00:03:52,803 --> 00:03:54,536
I just need to find
the horseradish of rap.
106
00:03:54,638 --> 00:03:56,404
Let's crack open those Case Logics.
107
00:03:56,506 --> 00:03:57,906
Yeah.
108
00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:04,946
These aren't mine. These are Dad's.
109
00:04:10,487 --> 00:04:12,987
Why are these sunglasses so small?
110
00:04:14,324 --> 00:04:17,017
Wow. This place is beautiful.
111
00:04:17,079 --> 00:04:19,594
It's like an Olive Garden
and a Tommy Bahama store
112
00:04:19,663 --> 00:04:21,896
got together and made a resort baby.
113
00:04:21,998 --> 00:04:24,833
We earned this.
114
00:04:24,935 --> 00:04:27,302
Let's find out how much we earned.
115
00:04:29,806 --> 00:04:32,307
Hi, how much did you pay
for this vacation?
116
00:04:32,409 --> 00:04:33,675
Does it start with a four? Five?
117
00:04:33,777 --> 00:04:35,310
Six?
118
00:04:35,412 --> 00:04:37,345
It doesn't really matter
how much it costs,
119
00:04:37,380 --> 00:04:39,247
as long as it gets our marriage
back on track.
120
00:04:39,349 --> 00:04:40,682
What?
121
00:04:40,784 --> 00:04:43,184
Sandturtles is a place
for troubled couples
122
00:04:43,253 --> 00:04:44,853
to rehabilitate their marriages.
123
00:04:44,921 --> 00:04:48,089
See, there's an entire itinerary
planned for this weekend.
124
00:04:49,159 --> 00:04:51,326
Ugh. From 2:00 to 2:30,
125
00:04:51,394 --> 00:04:53,495
we're washing each other's areolas?
126
00:04:53,597 --> 00:04:54,763
Auras.
127
00:04:54,865 --> 00:04:57,866
- The emanation of our souls.
- Ugh! That is even worse.
128
00:04:57,968 --> 00:04:59,534
There must be some kind of a mistake.
129
00:04:59,603 --> 00:05:01,136
We're just here for vacation.
130
00:05:01,171 --> 00:05:02,771
Great, Kelly, now they're upset.
131
00:05:02,873 --> 00:05:04,172
You're always oversharing.
132
00:05:04,241 --> 00:05:05,406
Well, you're too private!
133
00:05:05,509 --> 00:05:06,741
Well, I like to think!
134
00:05:06,843 --> 00:05:08,109
Well, watching you think is boring!
135
00:05:08,211 --> 00:05:09,210
Oh, really, Kelly?
136
00:05:09,312 --> 00:05:10,812
No matter what happens,
137
00:05:10,914 --> 00:05:13,148
I'm not returning the swimsuit.
138
00:05:13,183 --> 00:05:14,682
I already ripped out the liner.
139
00:05:17,954 --> 00:05:19,320
I was just thinking.
140
00:05:19,389 --> 00:05:21,923
Could you imagine
if a dog got loose back here?
141
00:05:22,025 --> 00:05:23,024
Boy, oh, boy.
142
00:05:24,961 --> 00:05:26,036
We should go get gas.
143
00:05:26,060 --> 00:05:27,857
_
144
00:05:27,898 --> 00:05:29,030
Better to be safe than sorry.
145
00:05:29,065 --> 00:05:31,032
Speaking of safe,
146
00:05:31,101 --> 00:05:32,901
I know you didn't like
my rap music before,
147
00:05:32,969 --> 00:05:34,869
but that was because
I should've eased you in.
148
00:05:34,971 --> 00:05:37,071
Introducing Will Smith.
149
00:05:37,140 --> 00:05:38,973
He's the horseradish of rap.
150
00:05:39,075 --> 00:05:40,208
He never cusses,
151
00:05:40,277 --> 00:05:42,877
and he only raps about
soft stuff like aliens,
152
00:05:42,979 --> 00:05:44,879
summertime, and going to Miami.
153
00:05:47,017 --> 00:05:47,949
I will allow it.
154
00:05:48,018 --> 00:05:49,484
Awesome.
155
00:05:49,519 --> 00:05:51,419
And when you're ready,
we'll go up the rap chain...
156
00:05:51,488 --> 00:05:55,557
Mase, Puff Daddy, Jay-Z, DMX,
until we get to Biggie.
157
00:05:55,625 --> 00:05:57,192
He's the toughest guy out there.
158
00:05:57,294 --> 00:05:58,726
He's kinda who I take after, you know.
159
00:05:58,829 --> 00:05:59,994
Really?
160
00:06:00,063 --> 00:06:01,696
You're not Biggie.
161
00:06:01,765 --> 00:06:02,764
You're Will Smith...
162
00:06:02,866 --> 00:06:03,998
soft.
163
00:06:13,710 --> 00:06:18,346
Hi. Uh, sorry to interrupt
your... deodorant check...
164
00:06:18,415 --> 00:06:20,315
but we heard you're the owner
of this resort?
165
00:06:20,417 --> 00:06:22,784
Yes, I'm Guru Sheela,
166
00:06:22,886 --> 00:06:25,787
and I was just starting my day
with a little self-hug.
167
00:06:25,889 --> 00:06:26,921
A self-hug sounds nice.
168
00:06:27,023 --> 00:06:28,656
That's how I stand on the train.
169
00:06:28,758 --> 00:06:30,592
We heard this is a couples' retreat?
170
00:06:30,694 --> 00:06:32,360
And there are classes all weekend?
171
00:06:32,462 --> 00:06:35,196
We don't have classes. We have journeys.
172
00:06:35,298 --> 00:06:36,965
Pass.
173
00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:38,199
We're just gonna go sit by the pool.
174
00:06:38,301 --> 00:06:41,502
So, everyone at Sandturtles is required
175
00:06:41,571 --> 00:06:44,906
to follow the itinerary
so that we can all bond
176
00:06:44,941 --> 00:06:47,212
over a shared experience, okay?
177
00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:50,278
So you can go through
the program or leave.
178
00:06:50,380 --> 00:06:51,846
Oh, um...
179
00:06:51,915 --> 00:06:55,149
I want to go in the pool
and then in the hot tub
180
00:06:55,252 --> 00:06:57,085
and back in the pool.
181
00:06:57,120 --> 00:06:59,454
All right, look, Googoo Sheela, is it?
182
00:06:59,556 --> 00:07:00,722
Here's the deal.
183
00:07:00,790 --> 00:07:02,038
Our marriage is great.
184
00:07:02,112 --> 00:07:04,148
Louis and I are like
a well-oiled machine.
185
00:07:04,218 --> 00:07:06,628
We're not like the other suckers
that paid to be here.
186
00:07:06,696 --> 00:07:08,396
I mean, uh, this place is lovely
187
00:07:08,531 --> 00:07:09,864
and you seem very sweet, but...
188
00:07:09,966 --> 00:07:11,399
We don't need this garbage.
189
00:07:12,302 --> 00:07:13,868
I think you do.
190
00:07:13,970 --> 00:07:17,205
The greater the resistance,
the greater the need.
191
00:07:17,307 --> 00:07:20,132
- That sounds like some commie bull...
- Okay, you know what?
192
00:07:20,187 --> 00:07:21,609
We're... We're gonna, uh,
hit the guava station,
193
00:07:21,678 --> 00:07:22,877
and then we'll be back.
194
00:07:22,979 --> 00:07:25,146
I have to go say good morning
to the sun.
195
00:07:25,248 --> 00:07:27,081
Of course you do.
196
00:07:28,785 --> 00:07:30,652
Can you believe that woman?
197
00:07:30,754 --> 00:07:32,053
She thinks we need to be here?
198
00:07:32,122 --> 00:07:34,893
- We don't have any problems!
- Let's just load up on towels and go.
199
00:07:34,908 --> 00:07:38,092
No. We're gonna prove to her
that we're the best couple here.
200
00:07:38,194 --> 00:07:40,328
We're gonna stay. And we're gonna win.
201
00:07:40,430 --> 00:07:42,497
I don't think this is a competition.
202
00:07:42,599 --> 00:07:43,831
It is now.
203
00:07:43,934 --> 00:07:46,728
- And we are going to win.
- Okay.
204
00:07:49,463 --> 00:07:52,258
Welcome all to Sandturtles,
205
00:07:52,327 --> 00:07:55,221
the preeminent healing place
for broken couples.
206
00:07:55,276 --> 00:07:58,477
Together, we are going to find the nexus
207
00:07:58,512 --> 00:08:00,579
of all of your problems.
208
00:08:00,656 --> 00:08:02,122
Is there a trophy for the winner?
209
00:08:02,183 --> 00:08:04,450
Well, my hope is that
by the end of the retreat,
210
00:08:04,518 --> 00:08:05,784
you'll all be winners
211
00:08:05,853 --> 00:08:07,319
and that the trophy you'll leave with
212
00:08:07,421 --> 00:08:09,188
is the partner you came with.
213
00:08:09,256 --> 00:08:11,156
You could've just said "no."
214
00:08:11,225 --> 00:08:14,927
So, here at Sandturtles,
you are no longer individuals.
215
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,795
You are now units,
216
00:08:16,864 --> 00:08:19,765
and as such,
I'm going to ask you right now
217
00:08:19,867 --> 00:08:22,401
to name those new units.
218
00:08:22,470 --> 00:08:25,070
- Let the work begin.
- Okay.
219
00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:27,373
How about "Best Couple Here"?
220
00:08:27,441 --> 00:08:29,241
Or "No Problem Havers"?
221
00:08:29,310 --> 00:08:30,509
No, those are awesome,
222
00:08:30,544 --> 00:08:32,077
but, you know, I can't get comfortable.
223
00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:33,412
- It's these mats.
- I know.
224
00:08:33,481 --> 00:08:34,580
My back is acting up, too.
225
00:08:34,682 --> 00:08:36,715
Let me ask for some chairs.
Googoo Sheela.
226
00:08:38,152 --> 00:08:40,619
- I'm hearing you.
- These mats are hurting our back.
227
00:08:40,688 --> 00:08:41,787
Can we get some chairs?
228
00:08:41,856 --> 00:08:43,377
So, here at Sandturtles,
229
00:08:43,455 --> 00:08:45,290
we prefer you closer to the ground.
230
00:08:45,359 --> 00:08:47,326
It's where human beings
are the most vulnerable.
231
00:08:47,395 --> 00:08:49,094
To what? Snakes?
232
00:08:49,163 --> 00:08:50,396
Uh, Jessica was just joking.
233
00:08:50,431 --> 00:08:52,698
We don't need chairs. Thank you so much.
234
00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:54,032
This retreat has been great so far.
235
00:08:54,135 --> 00:08:57,002
Good. Good.
236
00:08:57,071 --> 00:08:58,904
What was that about?
237
00:08:58,939 --> 00:09:00,372
None of the other couples
asked for chairs.
238
00:09:00,408 --> 00:09:02,674
- You want to win, right?
- No, I want Mr. Stupid
239
00:09:02,710 --> 00:09:04,810
and his wife, Mrs. Idiot, to win.
240
00:09:09,116 --> 00:09:11,150
Our new name is Starfish.
241
00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:12,618
We both love the ocean,
242
00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:14,787
and starfishes are just so cool.
243
00:09:14,822 --> 00:09:17,156
Yeah, actually, uh,
the plural of "starfish"
244
00:09:17,258 --> 00:09:18,590
is "starfish,"
245
00:09:18,659 --> 00:09:20,926
so, hence our name, Starfish.
246
00:09:20,995 --> 00:09:23,028
You're always criticizing me
in front of other people.
247
00:09:23,097 --> 00:09:25,164
I-I don't know why I do that.
248
00:09:25,266 --> 00:09:26,432
I'm sorry.
249
00:09:26,467 --> 00:09:29,601
I've never heard you say that before.
250
00:09:29,703 --> 00:09:32,905
Starfish has found their nexus.
251
00:09:33,007 --> 00:09:34,339
Snaps for Starfish.
252
00:09:36,811 --> 00:09:38,210
Great work, you guys.
253
00:09:41,949 --> 00:09:43,048
Our name is...
254
00:09:43,073 --> 00:09:44,016
Jessica.
255
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,784
Uh, we wanted to combine our names,
256
00:09:45,853 --> 00:09:48,487
but we couldn't choose "Jouis"
for obvious reasons,
257
00:09:48,589 --> 00:09:50,189
and "Lessica" just sounds negative.
258
00:09:50,224 --> 00:09:52,157
I did pitch Lewbacca, like...
259
00:09:55,396 --> 00:09:58,030
...but that was also nixed.
260
00:09:58,132 --> 00:09:59,231
Interesting.
261
00:09:59,300 --> 00:10:00,232
Moving on.
262
00:10:00,301 --> 00:10:02,201
Wait, wait!
263
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:03,202
No "Snaps for Jessica"?
264
00:10:03,304 --> 00:10:04,436
Oh, come on, Starfish.
265
00:10:04,538 --> 00:10:05,871
I snapped for you.
266
00:10:05,940 --> 00:10:07,973
Can't force a snap.
267
00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:11,210
Can you believe Grandma
said I was Will Smith?
268
00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:12,578
She called me soft!
269
00:10:12,646 --> 00:10:14,346
A lot of great things are soft...
270
00:10:14,415 --> 00:10:16,014
pillows, marshmallows...
271
00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:17,015
Gnocchi...
272
00:10:17,084 --> 00:10:18,217
We could go on all day.
273
00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:20,419
I'm sure you could, because you're soft.
274
00:10:20,488 --> 00:10:21,520
But I'm not!
275
00:10:21,589 --> 00:10:23,055
On my first day of school,
a kid insulted me,
276
00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:24,890
and I smashed his hand in a microwave.
277
00:10:24,959 --> 00:10:25,991
I'm hardcore.
278
00:10:26,060 --> 00:10:27,593
That's me. That's who I am.
279
00:10:27,661 --> 00:10:29,127
I don't see what the big deal is.
280
00:10:29,196 --> 00:10:32,130
How would you like it if Grandma
called you disorganized?
281
00:10:33,067 --> 00:10:34,244
Exactly.
282
00:10:34,283 --> 00:10:39,337
_
283
00:10:39,373 --> 00:10:40,606
How is that our song?
284
00:10:40,669 --> 00:10:42,690
_
285
00:10:42,729 --> 00:10:45,517
_
286
00:10:45,579 --> 00:10:47,356
Grandma, I am not Will Smith.
287
00:10:47,410 --> 00:10:49,848
Will Smith is for softies
like Evan and Emery.
288
00:10:49,894 --> 00:10:53,192
_
289
00:10:53,254 --> 00:10:54,620
It's better to be safe than s...
290
00:10:56,130 --> 00:10:59,498
Oh, is that one of Biggie's rap lines?
291
00:10:59,585 --> 00:11:02,542
_
292
00:11:02,589 --> 00:11:03,895
_
293
00:11:03,927 --> 00:11:05,898
What? But I'm Carlton.
294
00:11:10,070 --> 00:11:14,573
Now, this next exercise
is called "Love Sandwich,"
295
00:11:14,675 --> 00:11:16,708
a test of communication.
296
00:11:16,810 --> 00:11:17,876
Get into positions.
297
00:11:17,978 --> 00:11:19,211
Let's begin.
298
00:11:19,313 --> 00:11:20,512
Okay, first we need the bread.
It's on the right.
299
00:11:20,581 --> 00:11:21,847
Your right or my right?
300
00:11:21,882 --> 00:11:23,520
We're facing the same direction,
there's only one right!
301
00:11:23,573 --> 00:11:25,332
Oh, uh... Oh, got it.
302
00:11:25,410 --> 00:11:27,753
- Oh, just rip it open.
- And waste all that bread?
303
00:11:27,821 --> 00:11:29,821
- Just do it!
- Okay, uh, your right hand,
304
00:11:29,924 --> 00:11:31,590
45 degrees to the left.
305
00:11:31,659 --> 00:11:33,458
Yep. There's the jar.
Okay, back to center.
306
00:11:33,561 --> 00:11:36,261
Great. Now, left hand, okay, uh,
307
00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:37,596
right below you is the knife.
308
00:11:37,665 --> 00:11:39,598
Okay, be careful. Be careful.
Don't cut yourself.
309
00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:40,799
Oh, thanks babe. I won't.
310
00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:42,834
Wonderful. Great communication.
311
00:11:42,937 --> 00:11:44,403
Snaps for Starfish.
312
00:11:45,472 --> 00:11:47,172
Stop snapping! You're wasting time!
313
00:11:47,241 --> 00:11:48,407
Keep your head in the game.
314
00:11:48,509 --> 00:11:49,741
You know what? Switch.
315
00:11:49,843 --> 00:11:52,344
Uh...
316
00:11:52,413 --> 00:11:54,580
Okay, I have the knife,
now where's the jam?
317
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:57,349
Where's the jam, Louis?!
318
00:11:57,418 --> 00:11:58,617
Stop swinging! You're gonna cut me!
319
00:11:58,719 --> 00:11:59,785
We did it!
320
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:02,821
Mmm.
321
00:12:02,930 --> 00:12:05,108
Aww, it tastes just like
our honeymoon, babe.
322
00:12:05,155 --> 00:12:06,191
- Aww.
- Ugh.
323
00:12:06,260 --> 00:12:08,827
- We just lost because of you.
- Me?
324
00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:10,662
Yes. If you hadn't been so busy
325
00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:12,698
snapping for Starfish, we would've won.
326
00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:15,100
It should be us tasting
their honeymoon right now.
327
00:12:19,373 --> 00:12:21,540
Terry-cloth bathrobes are soft...
328
00:12:21,575 --> 00:12:22,641
Feathers... flower petals...
329
00:12:22,710 --> 00:12:24,876
My face after I moisturize.
330
00:12:30,017 --> 00:12:32,451
Whoa. Cool outfit, Eddie.
331
00:12:32,553 --> 00:12:33,885
Yeah, looking fly!
332
00:12:33,954 --> 00:12:36,922
Oof, as soon as I said that,
I knew it wasn't me.
333
00:12:36,991 --> 00:12:39,324
Thanks, boys. Gotta rep hard
at Trent's b-day, ya know?
334
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:40,926
Oh, please.
335
00:12:40,995 --> 00:12:42,260
Grandma, you got to check it.
336
00:12:42,363 --> 00:12:43,428
You don't understand me at all.
337
00:12:43,497 --> 00:12:45,797
Isn't that a Will Smith song,
338
00:12:45,866 --> 00:12:48,100
"Grandparents Just Don't Understand"?
339
00:12:48,168 --> 00:12:51,203
For the last time, I am not Will Smith.
340
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:52,771
If anyone is soft around here, it's you.
341
00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:54,638
You read cartoons every day.
342
00:12:54,708 --> 00:12:56,742
And my mom paints your fingernails.
343
00:12:56,844 --> 00:12:58,810
Now let's go. I don't want
to be late for Trent's birthday.
344
00:12:58,879 --> 00:13:00,775
- I'm not coming.
- What?
345
00:13:00,837 --> 00:13:02,014
But I can't drive without you.
346
00:13:02,082 --> 00:13:05,484
I have cartoons to read.
347
00:13:05,519 --> 00:13:07,119
You know what? Fine.
348
00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:08,453
Biggie wouldn't need
his grandmother anyways.
349
00:13:08,522 --> 00:13:09,655
I can drive my damn self.
350
00:13:11,892 --> 00:13:13,925
Um... cotton balls?
351
00:13:14,028 --> 00:13:16,361
I think the game is over.
352
00:13:16,430 --> 00:13:20,999
I can't believe
we failed another exercise.
353
00:13:21,068 --> 00:13:22,134
We almost had it.
354
00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:25,070
Okay, now turn to the left.
355
00:13:25,172 --> 00:13:27,305
Take three giant steps.
356
00:13:30,177 --> 00:13:32,411
Okay, now swim!
357
00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:36,048
Guru Sheela never said the pool
was off limits!
358
00:13:36,116 --> 00:13:37,349
That was the most direct path.
359
00:13:37,418 --> 00:13:39,151
I don't know why this keeps
happening to us.
360
00:13:39,253 --> 00:13:41,253
We are obviously the best couple here.
361
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:43,422
The only reason we're failing
is because Sandturtles is crazy.
362
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:45,357
I run a restaurant.
I know how to make a sandwich.
363
00:13:45,392 --> 00:13:47,159
And why does everything
have to involve blindfolds?
364
00:13:47,261 --> 00:13:48,927
We are both blessed with sight.
365
00:13:49,029 --> 00:13:50,929
And "find the nexus of your problems"?
366
00:13:50,998 --> 00:13:52,864
Uh, Earth to Sheela, there is no nexus,
367
00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:55,100
we don't have any problems.
You're just nutty.
368
00:13:55,169 --> 00:13:58,370
All we wanted was
a relaxing weekend by the pool.
369
00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:02,374
Let's go find Guru Sheela
and talk some sense into her.
370
00:14:02,443 --> 00:14:03,975
Sounds good. But can you give me
like two minutes?
371
00:14:04,078 --> 00:14:05,177
I can't go outside with wet hair.
372
00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:06,178
I'll achoo.
373
00:14:10,500 --> 00:14:11,783
Guru Sheela, we need to talk.
374
00:14:11,885 --> 00:14:13,018
Louis and I don't need to do
375
00:14:13,053 --> 00:14:14,186
your crazy exercises
376
00:14:14,288 --> 00:14:15,721
to show we're a good couple.
377
00:14:15,823 --> 00:14:17,122
So for the rest of the weekend,
378
00:14:17,191 --> 00:14:19,524
we're sitting by the pool,
and that is final.
379
00:14:19,626 --> 00:14:21,026
I see.
380
00:14:21,128 --> 00:14:22,594
And is this what Jessica wants,
381
00:14:22,696 --> 00:14:23,995
or is this what Jessica wants?
382
00:14:24,098 --> 00:14:26,298
Jessica just needs some pool time.
383
00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:28,100
Me?
384
00:14:28,202 --> 00:14:29,367
You wanted this, too.
385
00:14:29,470 --> 00:14:31,670
You just said in the room,
386
00:14:31,772 --> 00:14:34,139
"These exercises are all crazy,
Guru Sheela is a nutbag!"
387
00:14:34,241 --> 00:14:35,674
No, no, no.
I didn't use the term "nutbag."
388
00:14:35,776 --> 00:14:36,875
You know what?
389
00:14:36,944 --> 00:14:39,044
We thought we didn't have
any problems, but we do.
390
00:14:39,146 --> 00:14:41,146
It's you. You're the nexus.
391
00:14:41,248 --> 00:14:43,749
- What, me?
- Yes, you.
392
00:14:43,851 --> 00:14:46,145
You are so busy being the good guy.
393
00:14:46,224 --> 00:14:48,086
That's why we lost
the sandwich competition.
394
00:14:48,188 --> 00:14:49,270
Not a competition.
395
00:14:49,325 --> 00:14:51,123
You always make me do the dirty work,
396
00:14:51,148 --> 00:14:52,192
and I'm sick of it.
397
00:14:52,259 --> 00:14:54,478
Yes, there it is.
398
00:14:54,606 --> 00:14:56,172
Snaps for Jessica.
399
00:15:03,197 --> 00:15:04,663
Will you please stop snapping?!
400
00:15:04,732 --> 00:15:06,765
I was just celebrating the breakthrough.
401
00:15:06,834 --> 00:15:08,801
And if you two want
to explore this further,
402
00:15:08,869 --> 00:15:11,437
I would suggest
the penguin hug exercise.
403
00:15:11,505 --> 00:15:12,771
Not a chance.
404
00:15:12,840 --> 00:15:14,673
I think we're just
gonna explore it here,
405
00:15:14,775 --> 00:15:17,474
- but it does sound cute.
- Okay.
406
00:15:17,536 --> 00:15:19,553
There you go again,
hanging me out to dry,
407
00:15:19,613 --> 00:15:21,180
like an Italian woman's laundry.
408
00:15:21,248 --> 00:15:22,981
I'm sorry. I just didn't want
to hurt her feelings.
409
00:15:23,084 --> 00:15:24,616
What about me?
410
00:15:24,685 --> 00:15:25,951
You always make me do the dirty work
411
00:15:26,053 --> 00:15:27,653
and then you don't even back me up.
412
00:15:27,688 --> 00:15:29,855
Like when I asked Guru Sheela
for the chairs.
413
00:15:29,924 --> 00:15:31,223
Well, I don't want to anger someone
414
00:15:31,292 --> 00:15:33,125
who clearly has access to potions.
415
00:15:33,194 --> 00:15:35,928
It's not just this retreat.
It happens all the time.
416
00:15:35,996 --> 00:15:37,796
Like the other day with the boys.
417
00:15:37,865 --> 00:15:40,632
We both wanted this vacation
and not the bundle,
418
00:15:40,701 --> 00:15:42,134
but I had to be the one to tell them.
419
00:15:42,203 --> 00:15:43,735
But that's your thing...
you tell it like it is.
420
00:15:43,804 --> 00:15:44,903
I thought you liked doing that.
421
00:15:44,972 --> 00:15:47,739
Just 'cause I'm great at it
doesn't mean I enjoy it.
422
00:15:58,519 --> 00:16:00,519
You think Biggie would stop?
423
00:16:00,621 --> 00:16:03,889
Naw. He would push through, like a G.
424
00:16:11,365 --> 00:16:13,465
Crap.
425
00:16:15,697 --> 00:16:19,069
_
426
00:16:19,155 --> 00:16:21,545
_
427
00:16:21,639 --> 00:16:22,647
_
428
00:16:22,710 --> 00:16:25,177
You were right. I'm soft.
429
00:16:25,246 --> 00:16:26,445
I ran out of gas and had to walk home
430
00:16:26,514 --> 00:16:27,946
because I was too scared
to hitch a ride.
431
00:16:28,015 --> 00:16:30,816
And then I got freaked out
because I thought I saw a wolf.
432
00:16:30,885 --> 00:16:32,050
Turned out to be a cat.
433
00:16:33,187 --> 00:16:36,221
A kitten.
434
00:16:36,323 --> 00:16:37,890
Come, I'll help you.
435
00:16:37,958 --> 00:16:39,625
♪ Psycho react from a drunk kick ♪
436
00:16:39,660 --> 00:16:42,261
♪ You better back up
before I turn into a nine clip ♪
437
00:16:42,329 --> 00:16:45,464
♪ Loaded, now the fools
in the ground lookin' moldy ♪
438
00:16:45,566 --> 00:16:46,604
♪ It's a gang of us ♪
439
00:16:46,669 --> 00:16:48,799
♪ You know, you know,
you know, you know, yeah ♪
440
00:16:49,703 --> 00:16:51,069
How'd you learn to do all that?
441
00:16:51,132 --> 00:16:52,999
_
442
00:16:53,101 --> 00:16:55,114
_
443
00:16:55,169 --> 00:16:57,817
_
444
00:16:57,864 --> 00:17:02,005
_
445
00:17:02,059 --> 00:17:02,981
What was in them?
446
00:17:03,030 --> 00:17:04,116
_
447
00:17:04,171 --> 00:17:06,476
_
448
00:17:06,554 --> 00:17:09,021
Whoa. How come you didn't
tell me about this before?
449
00:17:09,123 --> 00:17:12,024
When you've lived a hard life,
450
00:17:12,092 --> 00:17:14,560
you'd rather not be reminded of it.
451
00:17:14,595 --> 00:17:16,461
So that's why you like soft stuff
452
00:17:16,564 --> 00:17:18,096
like Garfield and Will Smith.
453
00:17:18,165 --> 00:17:21,300
I only call you Will Smith
because you're a good kid.
454
00:17:21,402 --> 00:17:23,101
And you're lucky.
455
00:17:23,137 --> 00:17:26,972
You don't have to live
a hard life unless you want to.
456
00:17:27,074 --> 00:17:28,073
You want to try?
457
00:17:31,045 --> 00:17:32,034
Ugh!
458
00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:33,198
Oh damn, it burns!
459
00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:34,980
Holy crap! How do you handle that?!
460
00:17:38,285 --> 00:17:41,019
And remember, like actual sand turtles,
461
00:17:41,121 --> 00:17:42,754
you need to keep returning to the resort
462
00:17:42,856 --> 00:17:45,257
and laying your eggs of love.
463
00:17:45,326 --> 00:17:46,959
Now, snaps for everyone.
464
00:17:50,030 --> 00:17:52,431
What a miserable weekend.
465
00:17:53,467 --> 00:17:55,667
Here comes Starfish.
466
00:17:55,769 --> 00:17:57,903
Oh, my God, you guys,
467
00:17:58,005 --> 00:18:00,239
this has been such an amazing weekend.
468
00:18:00,307 --> 00:18:02,307
Right? Hey, we should keep
these good times going, huh?
469
00:18:02,409 --> 00:18:03,442
You want to have a drink?
470
00:18:06,847 --> 00:18:08,280
No, I don't want to.
471
00:18:08,349 --> 00:18:10,682
Okay. Uh, are you sure?
472
00:18:10,751 --> 00:18:12,718
Yeah.
473
00:18:12,820 --> 00:18:14,786
Oh, I'm so sorry about him.
474
00:18:14,855 --> 00:18:17,956
He hates drinks.
And he hates good times.
475
00:18:18,058 --> 00:18:19,825
If it were up to me, I would totally go.
476
00:18:19,927 --> 00:18:21,693
Great, just the three of us, then.
477
00:18:21,694 --> 00:18:22,627
Huh?
478
00:18:22,652 --> 00:18:25,731
First round of Mai Tais is on Ken, okay?
479
00:18:25,833 --> 00:18:27,132
So, you a fan of the Devil Rays yet?
480
00:18:27,201 --> 00:18:28,667
Nope, I'm out.
481
00:18:28,736 --> 00:18:30,769
I just remembered...
482
00:18:30,804 --> 00:18:34,039
I can't go get drinks with you
because I don't like you.
483
00:18:35,109 --> 00:18:36,375
Bye.
484
00:18:38,946 --> 00:18:41,004
Ugh.
485
00:18:41,074 --> 00:18:42,254
I couldn't do it. I broke.
486
00:18:42,283 --> 00:18:44,516
- I saw.
- I don't know how you do it.
487
00:18:44,585 --> 00:18:47,085
My cheeks hurt
from fake-smiling so hard.
488
00:18:47,154 --> 00:18:48,587
I don't know how you could
be the bad guy.
489
00:18:48,656 --> 00:18:50,088
My heart is beating so fast.
490
00:18:50,157 --> 00:18:51,423
You would've gone to the bar with them.
491
00:18:51,492 --> 00:18:52,958
Yeah, and I would've bought
season tickets
492
00:18:53,060 --> 00:18:54,487
to the Devil Rays.
493
00:18:54,565 --> 00:18:56,128
You're right.
494
00:18:56,196 --> 00:18:58,196
I do like being the bad guy.
495
00:18:58,265 --> 00:19:00,299
Yeah, but instead of hanging you
out to dry,
496
00:19:00,367 --> 00:19:01,833
I could do a better job
of supporting you.
497
00:19:01,902 --> 00:19:03,435
And maybe once in a while
498
00:19:03,504 --> 00:19:06,938
I could tone down my public thunder.
499
00:19:07,041 --> 00:19:08,874
Oh, crap.
500
00:19:08,976 --> 00:19:10,309
She was right. We did need this.
501
00:19:10,411 --> 00:19:12,010
Mm.
502
00:19:12,079 --> 00:19:13,011
Penguin hug?
503
00:19:13,113 --> 00:19:15,047
Yes.
504
00:19:21,722 --> 00:19:23,855
Action.
505
00:19:23,957 --> 00:19:25,457
Mom, Dad, you're home!
506
00:19:25,559 --> 00:19:26,491
How was your vacation?
507
00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:28,560
You must be so tired.
508
00:19:28,629 --> 00:19:30,629
The type of tired
where cooking sounds terrible.
509
00:19:30,698 --> 00:19:32,964
Hey, yeah, great point, Evan.
510
00:19:33,067 --> 00:19:34,800
What do you say we order a pizza?
511
00:19:34,902 --> 00:19:36,301
What an idea, Emery!
512
00:19:36,403 --> 00:19:38,303
Nice try. You're not getting pizza.
513
00:19:38,372 --> 00:19:41,807
Pizza! Pizza! Pizza! Pizza!
514
00:19:41,842 --> 00:19:43,442
You heard your mom. No pizza.
515
00:19:46,747 --> 00:19:48,180
That was so hard.
516
00:19:48,282 --> 00:19:49,748
Don't worry. It gets easier.
517
00:19:49,850 --> 00:19:52,351
Y'know, after two days of guava,
pizza did sound good.
518
00:19:52,419 --> 00:19:54,653
We'll order one after they go to bed.
519
00:19:58,692 --> 00:20:02,094
Okay, Grandma, let's kick
this off Big Willie-style...
520
00:20:03,197 --> 00:20:04,563
Hey! What was that for?
521
00:20:04,665 --> 00:20:06,335
You're tougher than I thought.
522
00:20:06,413 --> 00:20:08,433
You have graduated to Mase.
523
00:20:10,971 --> 00:20:12,237
♪ What you know about goin' out? ♪
524
00:20:12,339 --> 00:20:13,505
♪ Head west, red Lex ♪
525
00:20:13,607 --> 00:20:15,107
- ♪ TVs all up in the headrest ♪
- I'll take it.
526
00:20:15,209 --> 00:20:16,608
- ♪ Try and live it up ♪
- Mase is way harder than Will Smith.
527
00:20:16,710 --> 00:20:18,110
♪ Ride true, bigger truck,
piece all glittered up ♪
528
00:20:18,178 --> 00:20:19,678
♪ Stick up kid, what? ♪
529
00:20:19,780 --> 00:20:22,214
- ♪ Bad, bad, bad, bad boy ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪
530
00:20:22,316 --> 00:20:24,416
- Delivery tax.
- ♪ You make me feel so good ♪
531
00:20:24,518 --> 00:20:26,097
- ♪ Bad boy ♪
- ♪ You know you make me feel so good ♪
532
00:20:26,159 --> 00:20:27,987
♪ You know you make me feel so good ♪
533
00:20:30,995 --> 00:20:33,560
Congratulations,
you're caller number 12!
534
00:20:33,615 --> 00:20:35,320
You've won our weekly giveaway...
535
00:20:35,374 --> 00:20:36,460
We don't want the prize.
536
00:20:36,523 --> 00:20:37,456
Uh, excuse me?
537
00:20:37,558 --> 00:20:38,824
You lied to us.
538
00:20:38,892 --> 00:20:41,760
We thought we were getting
a relaxing resort vacation,
539
00:20:41,895 --> 00:20:43,695
instead, you made us work
on our marriage.
540
00:20:43,797 --> 00:20:45,597
Not cool, bro. Not cool.
541
00:20:45,666 --> 00:20:47,566
I... I'm sorry?
542
00:20:47,668 --> 00:20:49,401
- Yeah, you should be.
- Okay.
543
00:20:49,503 --> 00:20:52,547
Well, do you still want
the prize you just won, or...?
544
00:20:52,633 --> 00:20:53,805
What is it?
545
00:20:53,874 --> 00:20:55,574
A package of hand towels!
546
00:20:55,676 --> 00:20:56,975
- Yes, yes, a hundred percent yes.
- Now, that's a prize.
547
00:20:57,077 --> 00:20:58,243
Ooh, party!
548
00:20:58,321 --> 00:21:03,321
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
www.tvsubtitles.net
38921
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof