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1
00:00:01,569 --> 00:00:03,706
Sue: See? You were right.
That Pacalioglu guy
2
00:00:03,707 --> 00:00:06,311
was there the day before your s?ance.
3
00:00:06,312 --> 00:00:08,214
- I knew it!
- But there's more.
4
00:00:08,215 --> 00:00:10,385
Right when they entered the gallery,
5
00:00:10,386 --> 00:00:12,623
the camera stops recording.
6
00:00:12,624 --> 00:00:15,495
That must have been when they
tampered the lights bulbs.
7
00:00:15,496 --> 00:00:17,398
What else do we know about this guy?
8
00:00:17,399 --> 00:00:19,702
It seems he's fashioned
himself a little ghost hut
9
00:00:19,703 --> 00:00:22,575
out of an abandoned newsstand.
10
00:00:22,576 --> 00:00:25,513
What are you scheming?
11
00:00:25,514 --> 00:00:29,188
What's going on inside
that chubby brain of yours?
12
00:00:31,526 --> 00:00:34,363
(Alarm buzzing)
13
00:00:34,364 --> 00:00:36,734
Yes! Three hours without moving!
14
00:00:36,735 --> 00:00:40,241
A new record! P.R. it all over the place.
15
00:00:40,242 --> 00:00:43,014
To the victor go the spoils.
16
00:00:44,283 --> 00:00:45,652
Oh, what...?
17
00:00:47,156 --> 00:00:49,594
- Aah! Oh, God!
- Aah!
18
00:00:57,174 --> 00:01:01,181
Hey, buddy. What are you supposed to be?
19
00:01:01,182 --> 00:01:03,285
You're like a little blob creature?
20
00:01:03,286 --> 00:01:05,188
- Chips.
- Kevin: No. No, no.
21
00:01:05,189 --> 00:01:06,825
This is living people food.
22
00:01:06,826 --> 00:01:08,561
- It won't take.
- Please?
23
00:01:08,562 --> 00:01:12,067
Oh, cute. Okay, fine. Fine. Here.
24
00:01:12,068 --> 00:01:14,205
Yay!
25
00:01:14,206 --> 00:01:15,808
(Munching)
26
00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:19,348
Whoa! How are you eating that?
27
00:01:19,349 --> 00:01:20,717
Bye.
28
00:01:20,718 --> 00:01:22,186
Oh! Hey, no!
29
00:01:22,187 --> 00:01:24,157
Get back here, you little scamp!
30
00:01:24,158 --> 00:01:27,831
Come on... Aw! I was eating those.
31
00:01:29,669 --> 00:01:32,306
I don't believe that guy.
32
00:01:34,845 --> 00:01:37,449
(Coughing): Oh, God!
33
00:01:37,450 --> 00:01:40,154
Excuse me. Hi, there.
34
00:01:40,155 --> 00:01:41,791
Oh, hi, there. Oh.
35
00:01:41,792 --> 00:01:43,460
I thought these were classics.
36
00:01:43,461 --> 00:01:44,796
But they're flaming hot.
37
00:01:44,797 --> 00:01:46,666
(Coughing) Ooh!
38
00:01:46,667 --> 00:01:50,139
Oh, God. Oh.
39
00:01:50,140 --> 00:01:52,210
Okay, I'm sorry. Okay.
40
00:01:52,211 --> 00:01:54,247
Here we go. Ahem.
41
00:01:54,248 --> 00:01:56,452
Under control. How can I help you?
42
00:01:56,453 --> 00:01:58,521
Well, it says here that
you deal with ghosts.
43
00:01:58,522 --> 00:02:01,694
Is that real or is that like a joke?
44
00:02:01,695 --> 00:02:03,865
No, that's real. Why, is it funny?
45
00:02:03,866 --> 00:02:06,103
No, no. And I know funny.
46
00:02:06,104 --> 00:02:09,342
I'm Darcy Baldo. I own the
Big Apple Comedy Shack.
47
00:02:09,343 --> 00:02:11,780
Oh, my God. That is my favorite
comedy club in New York.
48
00:02:11,781 --> 00:02:13,884
All right! I've never seen the stand-up
49
00:02:13,885 --> 00:02:15,653
but the chili cheeseburgers are fantastic.
50
00:02:15,654 --> 00:02:18,292
Well, we have the same
chef as the Laugh Factory.
51
00:02:18,293 --> 00:02:20,463
I know. Ha-ha!
52
00:02:20,464 --> 00:02:23,602
Here's the deal. I think
my club is haunted.
53
00:02:23,603 --> 00:02:25,739
Oh. The weirdness only happens
54
00:02:25,740 --> 00:02:27,777
really late at night after I close down.
55
00:02:27,778 --> 00:02:30,883
So I was wondering if you
could come by and maybe
56
00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:33,220
- check it out?
- Yeah. I could swing that.
57
00:02:33,221 --> 00:02:35,691
Oh, fantastic! Great.
You don't, by any chance,
58
00:02:35,692 --> 00:02:37,662
charge extra for late-night gigs, do you?
59
00:02:37,663 --> 00:02:40,400
I hadn't actually ever thought of that.
60
00:02:40,401 --> 00:02:42,538
- Uh, good idea. Can I?
- Ah.
61
00:02:42,539 --> 00:02:44,842
No. Just forget I mentioned that.
62
00:02:44,843 --> 00:02:46,679
- Bad idea.
- Yeah.
63
00:02:46,680 --> 00:02:48,582
- Forgotten.
- Great.
64
00:02:48,583 --> 00:02:50,286
So I'll see you later tonight.
65
00:02:50,287 --> 00:02:51,389
For what?
66
00:02:54,127 --> 00:02:56,198
(Mysterious theme playing)
67
00:03:00,606 --> 00:03:02,844
(Rock theme playing)
68
00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:27,000
?Synced & Corrected by Seppuku17?
?www.addic7ed.com?
69
00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:30,394
(Upbeat theme playing)
70
00:03:30,395 --> 00:03:33,634
Roofie: No, no, $50 to see.
71
00:03:33,635 --> 00:03:35,203
- I'm giving you 45.
- Fifty.
72
00:03:35,204 --> 00:03:37,576
- It's 45. Take it.
- (Groans)
73
00:03:43,787 --> 00:03:45,255
Isn't that...?
74
00:03:45,256 --> 00:03:47,326
That's my new client, Anal Bead.
75
00:03:47,327 --> 00:03:49,664
- He loves dope.
- Oh.
76
00:03:49,665 --> 00:03:51,501
(Muttering)
77
00:03:51,502 --> 00:03:53,237
- How you doin', Pac?
- Good.
78
00:03:53,238 --> 00:03:54,640
How's business?
79
00:03:54,641 --> 00:03:55,943
Everything's great. Can't complain.
80
00:03:55,944 --> 00:03:58,914
I have a gig tonight at a comedy club.
81
00:03:58,915 --> 00:04:01,620
It's an all-night thing. I was
wondering if you have uppers.
82
00:04:01,621 --> 00:04:04,725
Oh. So I'm assuming I'll
put this on your tab?
83
00:04:04,726 --> 00:04:07,264
Yeah, or you could put it on my hand.
84
00:04:07,265 --> 00:04:09,501
(Both chuckle)
85
00:04:09,502 --> 00:04:11,404
Yo, just be careful with that stuff, man.
86
00:04:11,405 --> 00:04:12,975
You know how you get.
87
00:04:12,976 --> 00:04:16,449
(Mysterious theme playing)
88
00:04:18,453 --> 00:04:21,457
Okay. All right, might as
well get comfortable, huh?
89
00:04:21,458 --> 00:04:24,396
Sometimes these ghosts can take
their sweet-ass time showing up.
90
00:04:24,397 --> 00:04:26,767
Know what I mean, know what
I mean, know what I mean?
91
00:04:26,768 --> 00:04:29,338
So why don't we rap, huh? What's your name?
92
00:04:29,339 --> 00:04:31,209
We covered that. It's Darcy, isn't it?
93
00:04:31,210 --> 00:04:32,878
Is it Darcy, is it D'arcy?
94
00:04:32,879 --> 00:04:35,216
- No, it's just Darcy.
- Just Darcy, all right.
95
00:04:35,217 --> 00:04:37,487
What's your zodiac sign? Any
pets? What're their signs?
96
00:04:37,488 --> 00:04:39,424
How many men have you slept with?
97
00:04:39,425 --> 00:04:42,530
- Just lock up when you leave.
- Can do. Can do.
98
00:04:42,531 --> 00:04:43,832
- Okay. All right.
- Eee!
99
00:04:43,833 --> 00:04:45,771
Ugh!
100
00:04:48,542 --> 00:04:50,779
(Imitating guitar solo)
101
00:04:50,780 --> 00:04:53,483
Unh! Wow.
102
00:04:53,484 --> 00:04:56,590
(Mellow theme playing)
103
00:04:57,990 --> 00:05:00,130
(Voices chattering)
104
00:05:04,170 --> 00:05:07,169
Man: Ladies and gentlemen, would
you please welcome to the stage,
105
00:05:07,170 --> 00:05:08,939
Buddy Silvers.
106
00:05:08,940 --> 00:05:11,149
- Ha-ha-ha! Hi.
- (Audience applauds)
107
00:05:11,150 --> 00:05:13,019
Buddy: Thank you. Thank you.
108
00:05:13,020 --> 00:05:14,489
Thank you, ladies and
gentlemen. Thank you very much.
109
00:05:14,490 --> 00:05:16,259
And thank you especially.
110
00:05:16,260 --> 00:05:17,959
My wife was the romantic
one in our relationship.
111
00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:20,560
I have to say she said,
"Buddy, listen to me.
112
00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:22,699
"When we die, I want us
to come back us ghosts
113
00:05:22,700 --> 00:05:26,109
and haunt the place where
we had our first date."
114
00:05:26,110 --> 00:05:28,209
I said, "honey, I sold that car years ago."
115
00:05:28,210 --> 00:05:29,749
(Audience laughs)
116
00:05:29,750 --> 00:05:32,089
Buddy: We'll just do our
date, let me tell you.
117
00:05:32,090 --> 00:05:33,719
I finally figured out the
secret to a happy marriage.
118
00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:36,990
- One of you has to die, huh?
- (Laughing)
119
00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:39,399
My wife wasn't much of a
cook, you know what I mean?
120
00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:41,569
But she did have a tuna
casserole that was to die for.
121
00:05:41,570 --> 00:05:44,339
I found out the hard way.
122
00:05:44,340 --> 00:05:45,740
How do you think I got here?
123
00:05:45,750 --> 00:05:48,049
Thank you very much. Thank you, everybody.
124
00:05:48,050 --> 00:05:50,289
I'm Buddy Silvers. I will be here all week.
125
00:05:50,290 --> 00:05:51,659
And the next week and the week after that.
126
00:05:51,660 --> 00:05:53,289
- I'll be here for eternity.
- (Laughing)
127
00:05:53,290 --> 00:05:55,329
Good night, everybody. Thank you.
128
00:05:55,330 --> 00:05:57,369
Oh!
129
00:05:57,370 --> 00:06:00,539
It's funny because it's true.
130
00:06:00,540 --> 00:06:03,380
Oh-ho. Hey, thanks, Jim. Oh, yeah.
131
00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:08,489
Hi, uh, Buddy?
132
00:06:08,490 --> 00:06:10,589
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bother you
133
00:06:10,590 --> 00:06:14,199
but I wanted to come over and
tell you that that was really,
134
00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:17,139
- really something.
- You kidding? The crowd was dead.
135
00:06:17,140 --> 00:06:20,039
Thank you very much. (Laughs)
136
00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:22,179
That guy never takes a break, huh?
137
00:06:22,180 --> 00:06:23,579
So listen, do you mind if I sit down?
138
00:06:23,580 --> 00:06:26,289
- Suit yourself.
- Thanks.
139
00:06:26,290 --> 00:06:29,359
My name is Kevin Pacalioglu
and I'm actually a medium.
140
00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:32,229
I'm here to help you move on.
141
00:06:32,230 --> 00:06:34,469
You have to have something,
some unfinished business,
142
00:06:34,470 --> 00:06:36,369
or you wouldn't be
trapped here every night.
143
00:06:36,370 --> 00:06:37,679
- Trapped?
- Yeah.
144
00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:39,509
Are you kidding? It's a great gig.
145
00:06:39,510 --> 00:06:41,549
I'm only here every
night because I wanna be.
146
00:06:41,550 --> 00:06:43,449
And besides, you know,
147
00:06:43,450 --> 00:06:46,259
being a ghost is better
than what's waiting for me
148
00:06:46,260 --> 00:06:48,599
on the other side of that
light, I'll tell you that.
149
00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:50,769
- And what's that?
- My wife.
150
00:06:50,770 --> 00:06:53,400
That wasn't a joke.
151
00:06:53,410 --> 00:06:56,039
Seriously, she scares the hell out of me.
152
00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:58,610
So you just don't want to move on?
153
00:06:58,620 --> 00:07:01,120
I'm having the time of my afterlife here.
154
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:10,669
(Mysterious theme playing)
155
00:07:10,670 --> 00:07:12,639
Darcy: So how did it go?
156
00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:15,179
Your ghost is a former
comedian named Buddy Silvers.
157
00:07:15,180 --> 00:07:18,049
He does this bit about his wife.
158
00:07:18,050 --> 00:07:21,489
(Laughing): He's so good.
159
00:07:21,490 --> 00:07:23,429
It's coming non-stop.
160
00:07:23,430 --> 00:07:25,399
Yeah, I remember a Buddy Silvers.
161
00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:28,400
He was a headliner up in the
Catskills back in the '60s.
162
00:07:28,410 --> 00:07:31,339
Well, now he's a deadliner
here at your club.
163
00:07:31,340 --> 00:07:35,179
First ghost I've ever met that
didn't want my help, though.
164
00:07:35,180 --> 00:07:37,489
You're gonna figure out
something, though, right?
165
00:07:37,490 --> 00:07:39,729
- No. Yes. Not. I will.
- No? Okay.
166
00:07:39,730 --> 00:07:42,299
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, do you have a plan?
167
00:07:42,300 --> 00:07:45,339
Well, not totally. Uh, I have to go.
168
00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:48,379
I left my newsstand open. I
think I have a blob problem.
169
00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:50,379
(Chuckles)
170
00:07:50,380 --> 00:07:51,550
I gotta go. I gotta go.
171
00:07:54,350 --> 00:07:56,659
Oh, no! No, no, no! Get out of here!
172
00:07:56,660 --> 00:07:59,159
Come on! Oh, look at this mess.
173
00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:03,299
Oh, man! Like... thank you very much!
174
00:08:03,300 --> 00:08:06,139
- Uh, Camomile White? Hi.
- Mm-hmm.
175
00:08:06,140 --> 00:08:07,809
To whom do I owe
176
00:08:07,810 --> 00:08:09,879
this extraordinary honor
and how much do I owe?
177
00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:13,259
Save the idiot routine for your customers.
178
00:08:13,260 --> 00:08:15,689
I know you were at the gallery
the day before the s?ance.
179
00:08:15,690 --> 00:08:18,629
And I know you turned
off the security cameras.
180
00:08:18,630 --> 00:08:20,269
And I'm assuming that's when you did
181
00:08:20,270 --> 00:08:21,839
whatever you did to the light bulbs.
182
00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:24,839
I don't presume to know
what any of that means.
183
00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:27,410
Let's stop skirting around
the issue, shall we?
184
00:08:27,420 --> 00:08:29,219
You tell me your trick
and I'll tell you mine.
185
00:08:29,220 --> 00:08:31,119
Why don't we start with this newsstand?
186
00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:33,189
- Oh, yeah. This old boy.
- Yeah.
187
00:08:33,190 --> 00:08:35,529
Me and Roofie... my friend. We thought,
188
00:08:35,530 --> 00:08:37,399
maybe it would help me drum
up a little more business.
189
00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:40,169
It's just a silly little
idea but with some hard work
190
00:08:40,170 --> 00:08:42,709
and a little luck, maybe I can
be the next Camomile White,
191
00:08:42,710 --> 00:08:44,210
except, you know, for real.
192
00:08:47,390 --> 00:08:49,589
Maybe we got off on the wrong foot.
193
00:08:49,590 --> 00:08:51,659
Maybe.
194
00:08:51,660 --> 00:08:53,599
Would you like to go out sometime?
195
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:56,569
That's not what I thought
you were gonna say.
196
00:08:56,570 --> 00:08:58,609
You want to take my
number? Do you have a pen?
197
00:08:58,610 --> 00:09:01,549
Yes.
198
00:09:01,550 --> 00:09:03,249
Oh, I have this. Will this work?
199
00:09:03,250 --> 00:09:05,519
- Sure. Hand.
- Okay.
200
00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:07,659
Oh.
201
00:09:07,660 --> 00:09:08,889
(Groaning) Call me...
202
00:09:08,890 --> 00:09:11,599
when you want to...
203
00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:13,269
aah!
204
00:09:13,270 --> 00:09:15,669
Play. Okay.
205
00:09:15,670 --> 00:09:17,910
Yeah? Call me.
206
00:09:20,680 --> 00:09:23,489
Roofie: Why are you even going
out with this woman, man?
207
00:09:23,490 --> 00:09:25,359
She caused you so much trouble.
208
00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:27,729
Yeah, I've been thinking about that.
209
00:09:27,730 --> 00:09:29,569
But if she's this incredibly mean to me
210
00:09:29,570 --> 00:09:30,930
and I still wanna have sex with her,
211
00:09:30,940 --> 00:09:33,509
that's gotta be true love, Roof.
212
00:09:33,510 --> 00:09:35,839
Even if I'm wrong and I hate her,
213
00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:37,409
I'm sure that I still
wanna have sex with her.
214
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,919
Okay. But one problem.
215
00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:42,319
Camomile White is a woman
of expensive tastes.
216
00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:44,529
How'd you expect to pay for this?
217
00:09:44,530 --> 00:09:46,229
Ah, shart. I have to finish
this comedy club gig.
218
00:09:46,230 --> 00:09:48,269
What's the problem?
219
00:09:48,270 --> 00:09:51,239
It's this ghost comedian.
He just won't leave.
220
00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:52,739
Okay, so why don't you get a ghost heckler?
221
00:09:52,740 --> 00:09:55,379
No, Roofie. You don't understand
222
00:09:55,380 --> 00:09:57,279
the level of comedic genius
I'm dealing with here.
223
00:09:57,280 --> 00:09:59,519
This guy would destroy a heckler.
224
00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:01,889
Hmm.
225
00:10:01,890 --> 00:10:04,760
So, why don't you just find
the worst audience ever?
226
00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:08,300
Drunk, rowdy, uninhibited idiots
227
00:10:08,310 --> 00:10:10,539
who not only won't get his jokes,
228
00:10:10,540 --> 00:10:13,310
but they want all the
attention on themselves.
229
00:10:19,260 --> 00:10:21,229
(Chuckles)
230
00:10:21,230 --> 00:10:23,629
Kevin: Ladies, nonstop prog.
Real bachelorette party.
231
00:10:23,630 --> 00:10:25,369
Who wants to see a show?
232
00:10:25,370 --> 00:10:27,470
Did somebody say they
want to see a show? Huh?
233
00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:28,779
(Women cheering)
234
00:10:28,780 --> 00:10:29,979
Hey, how are you doing out there?
235
00:10:29,980 --> 00:10:32,649
(Screaming) Whoo!
236
00:10:32,650 --> 00:10:35,359
What an attractive audience.
A battered women's shelter?
237
00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:37,889
We're a bachelorette party!
238
00:10:37,890 --> 00:10:40,560
Oh, bachelorette party, huh?
239
00:10:40,570 --> 00:10:42,699
Who's the bride-to-be, huh?
240
00:10:42,700 --> 00:10:45,509
Right here. Me. It's me.
241
00:10:45,510 --> 00:10:48,449
You? Wow! You landed a husband?
242
00:10:48,450 --> 00:10:50,350
What are you, rich?
243
00:10:51,790 --> 00:10:54,589
All right. Marriage is
a terrific institution.
244
00:10:54,590 --> 00:10:57,960
I myself, I only slept with
one woman for 25 years.
245
00:10:57,970 --> 00:10:59,669
And then my wife found out.
246
00:10:59,670 --> 00:11:01,569
(Kevin laughing)
247
00:11:01,570 --> 00:11:03,509
Hey, hey. Heh-heh. All right!
248
00:11:03,510 --> 00:11:05,479
You know what? Obviously, this...
249
00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:07,779
this didn't work. Everyone out. Let's go.
250
00:11:07,780 --> 00:11:10,519
Hey! This is my bachelorette party,
251
00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:13,689
and we're not leaving until we see
252
00:11:13,690 --> 00:11:16,769
- some hot damn man-flesh!
- (Women cheer)
253
00:11:16,770 --> 00:11:18,269
Oh!
254
00:11:18,270 --> 00:11:20,469
(Chanting): Stripper! Stripper!
255
00:11:20,470 --> 00:11:22,509
Hey, hey, whoa, whoa. Ladies, ladies.
256
00:11:22,510 --> 00:11:24,279
(Chanting): Stripper! Stripper!
257
00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:27,419
You're worse than my in-laws
at Thanksgiving dinner.
258
00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:30,689
See me at Dangerfield's from now on.
259
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:32,999
I don't need this.
260
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,469
It actually worked. Huh!
261
00:11:35,470 --> 00:11:38,769
(Chanting): Stripper! Stripper!
262
00:11:38,770 --> 00:11:42,649
Oh! Come on, who threw that? Was that you?
263
00:11:42,650 --> 00:11:44,549
You're a troublemaker. I can see it.
264
00:11:44,550 --> 00:11:46,419
- What the hell happened in here?
- Huh? Oh.
265
00:11:46,420 --> 00:11:49,559
Uh, nothing. I had to bring in a few cats
266
00:11:49,560 --> 00:11:51,469
to get rid of the mouse.
267
00:11:51,470 --> 00:11:54,539
I don't know what you're talking
about, but you listen to me.
268
00:11:54,540 --> 00:11:58,479
Mr. Tim Allen is performing here tonight
269
00:11:58,480 --> 00:12:01,079
and he hates ghosts, okay?
270
00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:04,989
If you don't fix this, you
are so not getting paid!
271
00:12:04,990 --> 00:12:06,759
- Oh, no, no.
- Oh, no.
272
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:08,829
I need you to pay me because
I need the money for my date.
273
00:12:08,830 --> 00:12:10,699
For my probably soulmate Camomile.
274
00:12:10,700 --> 00:12:12,439
I don't care about your date!
275
00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:14,579
The only thing I care about
right now is Tim Allen.
276
00:12:14,580 --> 00:12:17,979
You fix whatever ghost
stuff is happening here.
277
00:12:17,980 --> 00:12:19,919
- Yes.
- Fix it!
278
00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:21,819
Okay.
279
00:12:21,820 --> 00:12:24,960
(Women Chanting): Stripper!
Stripper! Stripper!
280
00:12:29,100 --> 00:12:32,109
All right, ladies, you don't
have to go into the light,
281
00:12:32,110 --> 00:12:34,549
but you can't stay here!
282
00:12:34,550 --> 00:12:37,019
Ain't that right, officer Billy Club?
283
00:12:37,020 --> 00:12:38,420
(Cheering)
284
00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:43,399
(Kevin laughs)
285
00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:45,629
Get this music on for you.
286
00:12:45,630 --> 00:12:48,669
(Pop music playing)
287
00:12:48,670 --> 00:12:50,880
All right!
288
00:12:53,820 --> 00:12:55,889
Whoo-hoo!
289
00:12:55,890 --> 00:12:57,389
(Women screaming)
290
00:12:57,390 --> 00:12:59,929
Yeah, he's got a gun, look out!
291
00:12:59,930 --> 00:13:01,699
Check out his gun, ladies!
292
00:13:01,700 --> 00:13:05,569
(Women cheering)
293
00:13:05,570 --> 00:13:07,709
Nice, right?
294
00:13:07,710 --> 00:13:09,809
Whoa! Ha-ha!
295
00:13:09,810 --> 00:13:12,149
- Show that junk!
- Show that junk!
296
00:13:12,150 --> 00:13:15,059
Oh, they, uh, want you to show them
297
00:13:15,060 --> 00:13:17,089
your, uh, member.
298
00:13:17,090 --> 00:13:18,659
(Chuckles)
299
00:13:18,660 --> 00:13:22,660
They? I mean me. I call me "they."
300
00:13:22,900 --> 00:13:26,079
Oh, come on, buddy,
this isn't my first time
301
00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:29,649
dancing for a bachelorette fetishist.
302
00:13:29,650 --> 00:13:32,859
No, I'm telling you there's
a bachelorette party
303
00:13:32,860 --> 00:13:35,389
going on right behind
you. Right behind you.
304
00:13:35,390 --> 00:13:37,560
- Whoa!
- You're a little weirdo, huh?
305
00:13:37,570 --> 00:13:39,530
I know. Yeah.
306
00:13:39,540 --> 00:13:43,540
- There's girls right there.
- How come I can't see them?
307
00:13:43,780 --> 00:13:45,549
Because they're all dead. They're all dead.
308
00:13:45,550 --> 00:13:47,649
(Dramatic theme playing)
309
00:13:47,650 --> 00:13:50,489
You sick prick!
310
00:13:50,490 --> 00:13:52,689
Oh! Whoa, don't shoot! Don't shoot!
311
00:13:52,690 --> 00:13:56,669
- Wait. Is that a prop gun?
- Uh...
312
00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:59,909
It's just... it's just girls!
Officer Billy Club, come on!
313
00:13:59,910 --> 00:14:02,440
Hey, where did the man-flesh go?
314
00:14:02,450 --> 00:14:05,019
What kind of bachelorette party is this?
315
00:14:05,020 --> 00:14:08,159
I don't know. Can't we just
drink some cosmopolitans
316
00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:10,189
and play a game of pin
the dick on the donkey?
317
00:14:10,190 --> 00:14:13,569
No! We got on that bus,
and we had a vision.
318
00:14:13,570 --> 00:14:16,439
And that vision was of a
big, throbbing phallus.
319
00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:18,670
And we are not going anywhere
until we see some male dick!
320
00:14:18,680 --> 00:14:21,910
Okay, fine. You guys want to
see a dick and you'll leave?
321
00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:23,919
Yeah! Please.
322
00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:25,959
I said, you guys wanna see
some dick and you'll leave?
323
00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:28,029
(All cheer)
324
00:14:28,030 --> 00:14:30,029
All right, I'm gonna go
find the first guy I see,
325
00:14:30,030 --> 00:14:31,899
bring him in here and
make you show his dick.
326
00:14:31,900 --> 00:14:33,940
(Clothes ripping)
327
00:14:41,820 --> 00:14:43,819
Ghost bride: Whoa.
328
00:14:43,820 --> 00:14:46,800
Oh, it's so effing bright.
329
00:14:48,530 --> 00:14:51,239
Oh, Sujita, do you think
they have brunch there?
330
00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:53,069
Woman: Do you think we
need to make reservations?
331
00:14:53,070 --> 00:14:56,549
Let's order two things so
we can have more variety.
332
00:14:56,550 --> 00:14:58,079
(Sighs)
333
00:14:58,080 --> 00:14:59,920
Ah!
334
00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:09,269
You really wanna make this place look nice?
335
00:15:09,270 --> 00:15:11,439
- Throw on some pants.
- Oh, no!
336
00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:13,449
Are you kidding me?
What are you doing here?
337
00:15:13,450 --> 00:15:14,810
What happened to Dangerfield's?
338
00:15:14,820 --> 00:15:16,049
Nah, Kinison went long.
339
00:15:16,050 --> 00:15:17,589
I got bumped. The jerk.
340
00:15:17,590 --> 00:15:18,819
Oh.
341
00:15:18,820 --> 00:15:20,489
Come on, I'm begging you.
342
00:15:20,490 --> 00:15:22,659
Buddy, you gotta...
just go into your light.
343
00:15:22,660 --> 00:15:25,299
It's not my fault that
your wife sucked so hard.
344
00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:27,069
Hey, listen! My wife was a lot of things.
345
00:15:27,070 --> 00:15:29,539
But she did not suck.
346
00:15:29,540 --> 00:15:32,079
Sadly not even on my birthday.
But that's none your business.
347
00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:34,349
I ought to knock your block off.
348
00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:35,919
What are you talking about?
349
00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:38,459
Your whole act is about
how horrible your wife was.
350
00:15:38,460 --> 00:15:39,990
The act, it's jokes.
351
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:42,369
I wrote most of those things
before I even met her.
352
00:15:42,370 --> 00:15:44,039
The truth is my wife was nothing like that.
353
00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:45,939
My wife was...
354
00:15:45,940 --> 00:15:47,879
she was, uh...
355
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:52,049
I can't remember. Wow!
356
00:15:52,050 --> 00:15:55,389
I guess I've been doing
the "my wife" bit so long
357
00:15:55,390 --> 00:15:57,690
I forgot what she was really like.
358
00:15:57,700 --> 00:15:59,429
I think I really loved her.
359
00:15:59,430 --> 00:16:01,369
If you really loved your wife,
360
00:16:01,370 --> 00:16:03,739
why can't you figure out a way to do
361
00:16:03,740 --> 00:16:05,840
- some nice material about her?
- Hold on.
362
00:16:08,780 --> 00:16:11,619
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
When I started dating my wife,
363
00:16:11,620 --> 00:16:13,459
I was so poor...
364
00:16:13,460 --> 00:16:15,859
Come on, help a specter out.
365
00:16:15,860 --> 00:16:18,369
- How poor were you?
- Thank you.
366
00:16:18,370 --> 00:16:22,369
I was so poor that I couldn't
even afford to buy her flowers.
367
00:16:22,370 --> 00:16:25,379
So I stopped on the way
to her house one day,
368
00:16:25,380 --> 00:16:27,980
at the empty lot, and I picked
up a bunch of dandelions.
369
00:16:27,990 --> 00:16:29,719
Oh, she's no dummy.
370
00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:31,789
She knew they were weeds
371
00:16:31,790 --> 00:16:34,860
but she put 'em on a vase
full of water, just the same.
372
00:16:34,870 --> 00:16:37,030
Just like they were a dozen roses.
373
00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:39,769
She didn't want to hurt my feelings.
374
00:16:39,770 --> 00:16:44,379
The point is I knew right at that moment
375
00:16:44,380 --> 00:16:45,620
she was the one.
376
00:16:49,990 --> 00:16:53,670
Well, what do you know. There's my light.
377
00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:57,469
Thanks, Kevin.
378
00:16:57,470 --> 00:16:59,540
Good luck.
379
00:17:03,390 --> 00:17:04,750
(Light pops)
380
00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:06,930
(Sighs)
381
00:17:08,530 --> 00:17:10,600
Wasn't very funny.
382
00:17:14,290 --> 00:17:15,619
All right, try it now.
383
00:17:15,620 --> 00:17:17,159
Testes. Testes. One, two, three.
384
00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:20,129
- Yes, good?
- Yeah, we're good.
385
00:17:20,130 --> 00:17:22,229
I'm just not sure why
you're still doing this.
386
00:17:22,230 --> 00:17:25,309
I mean, you met him.
Doesn't he seem harmless
387
00:17:25,310 --> 00:17:27,479
and a little sweet, in
a simple kind of way?
388
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:29,379
He's not harmless, Sue.
389
00:17:29,380 --> 00:17:31,749
He's probably the greatest
con artist of all time.
390
00:17:31,750 --> 00:17:33,859
I tried to reason with him medium to medium
391
00:17:33,860 --> 00:17:35,689
and he basically threatened me,
392
00:17:35,690 --> 00:17:38,199
saying he intended to become
the next Camomile White.
393
00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:39,569
Well, not on my watch.
394
00:17:39,570 --> 00:17:41,139
So you're just taking out
395
00:17:41,140 --> 00:17:42,809
a little insurance policy?
396
00:17:42,810 --> 00:17:46,249
All I need to do is get
him to say the magic words.
397
00:17:46,250 --> 00:17:49,419
You look really pretty tonight.
398
00:17:49,420 --> 00:17:51,559
(Knocking on door)
399
00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:53,659
Of course.
400
00:17:53,660 --> 00:17:55,100
Hi!
401
00:17:57,700 --> 00:17:59,840
Thank you.
402
00:18:01,780 --> 00:18:04,349
Oh, I got these for you.
403
00:18:04,350 --> 00:18:06,719
I picked them, actually.
They're beautiful dandelions.
404
00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:08,719
I know they're not actually flowers
405
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:10,520
- but a friend of mine told me...
- Thank you. They're lovely.
406
00:18:10,530 --> 00:18:12,599
- They mean more than...
- I'll put them in some water.
407
00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:14,729
- Thank you.
- Okay, great. Yeah.
408
00:18:14,730 --> 00:18:17,300
Wowee!
409
00:18:17,310 --> 00:18:19,739
So many nice things. Uh...
410
00:18:19,740 --> 00:18:21,749
so I was thinking that tonight,
411
00:18:21,750 --> 00:18:24,179
maybe we could just go to
the Big Apple Comedy Club.
412
00:18:24,180 --> 00:18:27,359
Two drink minimum but I happen
to know the owner, so...
413
00:18:27,360 --> 00:18:32,129
You know, I was thinking
that we could just stay in.
414
00:18:32,130 --> 00:18:34,299
I mean, you're clearly into me,
415
00:18:34,300 --> 00:18:38,379
and I'm clearly into you.
416
00:18:38,380 --> 00:18:39,809
Phew.
417
00:18:39,810 --> 00:18:42,580
So let's stop dancing around our feelings
418
00:18:42,590 --> 00:18:44,320
- and let's just (Bleep)
- Oh!
419
00:18:45,730 --> 00:18:48,559
- Whoa! Oh, just a heads up.
- Yeah.
420
00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:49,860
There's no button on these pants.
421
00:18:49,870 --> 00:18:51,469
So you don't have to do anything.
422
00:18:51,470 --> 00:18:52,839
There's an elastic all the way around.
423
00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:54,409
- Perfect.
- It is, right?
424
00:18:54,410 --> 00:18:56,339
I just need to know something first.
425
00:18:56,340 --> 00:18:58,919
Are you seeing any other women?
426
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:00,489
Yeah, I'm seeing some girls.
427
00:19:00,490 --> 00:19:02,589
I'm kidding. I don't know why I said that.
428
00:19:02,590 --> 00:19:04,529
Nope. I was being hard to get.
429
00:19:04,530 --> 00:19:07,669
Well, good. Because I
don't want to share you.
430
00:19:07,670 --> 00:19:11,309
Good. Trust me, I am not seeing
any other women right now.
431
00:19:11,310 --> 00:19:14,240
Well, are you seeing any ghosts right now?
432
00:19:14,250 --> 00:19:17,179
- No.
- What about recently?
433
00:19:17,180 --> 00:19:19,219
- You seen any ghost recently?
- Uh, no.
434
00:19:19,220 --> 00:19:20,759
I have never seen a ghost.
435
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,689
I don't even know how that would work
436
00:19:22,690 --> 00:19:24,659
if I'm being totally honest.
437
00:19:24,660 --> 00:19:27,699
Very good, Mr. Packalockloogie.
438
00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:29,769
Oh. Uh, close. Mr. Pacalioglu.
439
00:19:29,770 --> 00:19:32,249
At least I think it is.
I've never met my parents.
440
00:19:32,250 --> 00:19:34,549
- I'm an orphan.
- Right.
441
00:19:34,550 --> 00:19:36,519
What happened? Are you okay?
442
00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:38,589
Is my boner too big?
443
00:19:38,590 --> 00:19:40,859
- No.
- Okay.
444
00:19:40,860 --> 00:19:42,660
I've suddenly got a splitting
headache. You better go.
445
00:19:42,670 --> 00:19:44,639
Well, you can take something for that.
446
00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:46,339
I got pills. I could give you one of those.
447
00:19:46,340 --> 00:19:47,970
I'm sure one would be good for headache.
448
00:19:47,980 --> 00:19:51,510
This headache won't go away
for as long as you're here.
449
00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:54,419
- Oh, it's one of those.
- Yeah, you better go.
450
00:19:54,420 --> 00:19:55,759
I've been around a few of those.
451
00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:57,459
- Okay.
- Mm-hmm.
452
00:19:57,460 --> 00:19:59,299
- Okay, but, Ms. White?
- Yeah?
453
00:19:59,300 --> 00:20:01,799
I would just like to say
that I had the time...
454
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:03,500
- Me too.
- No, uh...
455
00:20:06,310 --> 00:20:08,509
Oh, my God. How did it go? It sounded good.
456
00:20:08,510 --> 00:20:12,290
Perfect. We've got lots of work to do.
457
00:20:14,660 --> 00:20:16,490
(Camomile on recording):
What about recently?
458
00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:17,899
Have you seen any ghosts recently?
459
00:20:17,900 --> 00:20:20,269
Kevin: No. I have never seen a ghost.
460
00:20:20,270 --> 00:20:21,869
I don't even know how that would work
461
00:20:21,870 --> 00:20:24,610
- if I'm being totally honest.
- Got him.
462
00:20:28,750 --> 00:20:30,950
(Mellow theme playing)
463
00:20:35,420 --> 00:20:38,250
Seriously, what the heck
are you supposed to be?
464
00:20:38,260 --> 00:20:40,519
- I don't know.
- Women, huh?
465
00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:43,859
- Yeah.
- Love is hard.
466
00:20:43,860 --> 00:20:45,829
(Sighs)
467
00:20:45,830 --> 00:20:48,369
So what, you need a place to stay, buddy?
468
00:20:48,370 --> 00:20:49,569
Yeah.
469
00:20:49,570 --> 00:20:52,800
Yeah, that's what I thought.
470
00:20:54,270 --> 00:20:56,269
Okay, buddy, come on home with me.
471
00:20:56,270 --> 00:20:58,339
(Babbling)
472
00:20:58,340 --> 00:21:00,610
More chips, please.
473
00:21:02,010 --> 00:21:05,349
(Mellow theme playing)
474
00:21:05,350 --> 00:21:13,900
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475
00:21:13,950 --> 00:21:18,500
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