All language subtitles for Damned s02e02.eng

- Are you avoiding me?
- No, why?

A lot of people's shoelaces seem
to come untied when I'm around,

even if they're wearing slip-ons.

Look, I just don't want to start
the day with a load of grief about

Mimi being placed with
Martin instead of you.

- All right, Cliff?
- Hello.

I mean, surely you must be used
to not getting the girl by now.

Why do you imagine I'm such
a failure with da ladies?

Maybe because you keep using
words like "da ladies".

Maybe it's a good thing,
that I'm not with Mimi,

because office romances
are unprofessional.

You haven't got a chance. She
says you have a dandruff problem.

A, don't listen in to
people's private conversations.

B, what the hell are you doing in there.

- I'm...
- C, it's not dandruff.

I just run my fingers
through my hair sometimes

when I'm eating crisps.

And it was pickled onion Monster Munch.

It's a nightmare, because I had to
shampoo twice to get the stink out.

I hope that's on your dating profile.

Are you coming, Nat?

Yeah. Can't find the
missing files in there.

I thought you said they were
missing from the computer system.

- Yes. - So, why would
they be in the recycling?

Well, I've looked everywhere else.

They were sent to be digitized,
weren't they, when we did the move?

So, maybe they've been sent here by
mistake and they've been turfed out.

A lot of stuff comes here by
mistake and should be turfed out.

There's not going to
be anything interesting

in them, though, is there?

- They're pre-war.
- They're 1980s.

Yeah. Pre-Iraq war.

That's what pre-war means, isn't it?

Yeah.

She's got to go.

Elm Heath Children's Services.

Very, very young boys have just put
a sausage through my letterbox.

Oh, how very strange.

Well, I was wondering if you think
it's safe to eat the sausage.

Oh, if it were me...

Oh, I want one of those. Nice to
see you here with time to spare.

One of the pluses of Lee lying
around house like a beached whale,

is that I get out early in
the morning and I stay later.

That's Rose. Rose there, and today,
she's turned up early and eager,

as opposed to late and nearly dead.

So we've put that there.

'Hello.

I'd like to purchase some breast milk.

Breast Milk Man's back.

Uh, Nitin, predictable.

What's the point of being
boring? But he's not.

He's not. A very interesting guy.

Got it. I won an eBay bid on my TV.

What about Caitlin
giving that back to you,

on account that it's actually yours.

Yeah, she's been saying that for ages.

It's never going to happen.

So I thought I'd pick one up second-hand,

found she'd listed it.

So you paid for your own TV?

Yeah, but now I don't
have to confront her.

You're going to have to confront
her when you go pick up the TV.

Shit, I hadn't thought of that.

- Will you do it for me?
- No fucking way.

I've only met her once. I
still get the night terrors.

Good morning, Ingrid.

Sean, you can't just turn up here.

You have to make an appointment.
You know that. What are you doing?

You're not playing truant again, are you?

No. Look, I've got a meeting today,

and the school are trying to exclude me.

Can you just come in
and talk them out of it?

Why can't your mum go...?

Sorry, your dad.

She's still my mum. She just
wants me to call her dad.

Well, he identifies as male, so
that's what I have to call him.

Why isn't he going to the meeting?

Oh, he doesn't know about it, does he?

All right, so, why are you being excluded?

- Fighting. - Because of what
the other kids are saying?

- Sort of. - Well, you know he's going
to find out about it, don't you?

Not if you come in and
convince them to let me stay.

Can't you just ignore them? I don't know.

No, I can't.

If I could, I wouldn't be here, Al.

Well, just keep your hands in your pocket.

You don't have to lamp them all.

All right, Ing. Limahl settling in OK?

Oh, a bit of an adjustment
period, but I tell you what,

I brought in his welcome cake.

I thought everyone might like a piece.

- He made that?
- No, I made it for him.

He looked on appreciatively.

I have cut off the bit of icing
where he stubbed out his cigarette.

Oh, um, lovely.

Sorry, do these hairy old ears
deceive me, but a cigarette?

He's 14, isn't he? He
shouldn't be smoking.

That's what I said to him

and that's why he stubbed out
the cigarette in the cake.

- What can you do? - God, Ben Evans
has fallen off the wagon again.

PC Harris took him home
last night with a caution

for urinating in a hanging basket.

Was he underneath it?

That's genuinely impressive.

- It doesn't say.
- I think you should pop round there.

Why? To find out where he pissed from?

No, to see if his kids are all right.

Isn't that a bit of
phlegm on the edge there?

Oh, yes, I think it might be.

Yes, I'll go and wipe it off.

No, don't wipe it. Cut it out.

Chuck it out. He's probably
jizzed into the middle of it.

Speaking from experience?

Yeah, I've been caught by that before.

I meant you've done it, not eaten it.

I didn't get on with one of my brothers.

Do you remember Sean Atkins?

- Yeah. - Mum with plums,
or whatever you call a woman

who wants to be a man.

Nitin. For fuck's sake.

Well, you just swore in front of a
client, though, so that's worse,

and no-one could accuse
me of being transphobic.

Apart from anyone who knows you.

Walk over there in a non-phobic way.

Phobic.

- Sean, I...
- Phobic.

Sean, I apologise for using
inappropriate terminology.

I've had worse, but say that
again, and I will fuck you up.

Well, now he's sworn. You both swore,

and that cancels out what I said.

If only there were two of you,

and then you could cancel each other out.

He's about to be excluded for fighting.

- You could probably tell.
- Yeah, Sean, it,

it might be a good idea
to start off somewhere new

where the kids know your dad as your dad,

rather than someone
that used to be your mum.

That's letting ignorant people win.

They always do. Look at Brexit.

I mean, I just had an e-mail
from the Kowalskis, right?

They've gone back to Poland

because some idiot Tippexed a swastika

on the back of Tommy's fucking wheelchair.

I mean, Nigel Farage should
have his nose hair ripped out

and fashioned into tiny cudgels
to beat Boris Johnson with.

Uh, I think ripping out Mr Farage's
pubics would be a better option.

Nat, can you tell Denise to take
the Kowalskis off the Strat agenda?

They've left the country.

- Gone anywhere nice?
- No, it's not a holiday.

Oh, it's all right. I'll do, I'll do it.

I'm off to Evan's nightmare.

But it is quite near that big Tesco's.

Can you nip in there
and get a decent cake?

I don't fancy Ing's.

No. No, thanks.

If you don't, I'll tell Denise that
you insulted a transgender client

in front of their son, so just do it.

What do you want, then, one
of those Peppa Pig ones?

- Yeah, Peppa Pig.
- Yeah, Peppa Pig is fine.

I'm going to argue that
it'll cause you more distress

to go to a referral unit.

It's unhelpful cos of what
you're going through at home.

- Thanks for this.
- Nah, it's all right, it's my job.

- For now. - What, are
you thinking of changing?

- Maybe.
- What else could you do?

It's a pretty transferable skill.

Yeah, but it's tough for old people.

I'm older than you, but
I'm not old people.

You're about as old as my dad,
and he can't find anything.

He's been stressing about
that more than the op.

And the rent keeps going
up, the TV packed in.

I thought your generation didn't watch TV.

I thought it was all phones and tablets.

Like I can afford an iPad.

Denise, the, uh, Kowalskis...

Hiya, hello.

Do you two know each other?

He queue-jumped me in
the pub the other night.

And I bought you a drink
to make up for it.

Oh, yes, and it was lovely, thank you.

Yeah, I don't think I caught your name.

- I'm, I'm Rose.
- Dennis.

How do you two know each other?

- He's my brother.
- I didn't know you had a brother.

- Why would you? - Oh, it might
have popped up in conversation.

We don't have conversations.

We have exchanges of
professionally relevant information.

She was like this as a kid.

I used to get memos as a birthday card.

Thank you, Dennis. Is that it?

- Is that all you needed?
- Dennis and Denise?

Who's named after who?

Rose, if I had a pound for every
tedious comment about our names,

I'd have enough to pay your
redundancy out of my own pocket.

Don't worry, you caught
her at a bad moment.

- Her 50s.
- Do you want these

or will you be moving
out to a hotel tonight?

Oh, come on, Stinker, I'm just
trying to lighten the mood.

I'll get back to work.

Yes, which is a first for you.

Professionally, she admires me, really.

I just wanted to say

that the Kowalskis won't
be coming to the meeting.

They've gone back to Poland,

they said they just don't
feel welcome here any more.

Thank you, and talking of being
welcome, that will be all.

Shall I Brexit?

Listen, give me your number.

- I owe you a drink.
- Oh, OK.

You said you already bought her one.

Well, I'm going to get her another one.

I've been out of the
country for a few years,

and I don't know many people.

Oh, well, as long as "out of the country"

isn't a euphemism for prison.

No, I've been in Canada, where, obviously,

I was serving time for murder.

- Give me your phone.
- No!

Do not phone that woman.

- Why not?
- She has appalling hygiene.

- Dennis.
- Hello, is that Rose?

Dennis, it's not funny.

Sorry, I'm late. Found a
13-year-old with condoms in his bag.

Said he was using them for water bombs.

Probably shouldn't have shared that,

but, uh, it's been one of those days.

Who are you?

- Where's your dad?
- I'm Al Kavanagh.

I was Sean's social
worker when his dad le...

Biological dad left, so,
it's before your time.

And, Sean's dad, as we
now know him, where's he?

Sean hasn't told his dad
about the possible exclusion.

His dad's going through
a difficult time...

.. emotionally, with the process of
transitioning and also financially,

and Sean feels guilty, and he
doesn't want to add to that.

So, I'm just here to ask you
to give him another chance.

Well, I'm very sorry to hear all of that,

but I can't tolerate
violence between pupils.

No, and, of course, I appreciate
that, but, but, equally,

Sean shouldn't have to put
up with insensitive taunts

and provocations from
the other kids and...

Sean's classmates have
actually been very supportive,

and the ones that haven't
been have been kept in check

by the rest of the class, and by me.

Sean's being excluded for
hitting another pupil

who actually said how cool
his dad was for transitioning.

That's not what you told me, Sean.

Sean.

Sean! OK, right.

- I can't have this.
- That's enough.

Uh, no, John T.

Come on.

Hi, do you remember me?

Oh, God, sorry, yeah.

Um, there you go.

- What's that for?
- You brought the take away last night?

- I didn't have enough
change for a tip. - Wow.

In 2017. That wasn't me.

Where do I know you from, then?

Your wife left a baby in the
supermarket three months ago.

Oh, yeah. I remember you
tried and failed to detain us

under your Stalinesque bureaucracy.

Shit. Fuck.

- Have you been drinking?
- I don't have to answer that.

- Oh, Christ, no.
- There you go.

We've got a problem here.

This is a living hell.

- You're not coping.
- Are you just going to stand there?

I mean, she helped. I don't even know her.

You've got that harness too tight.

Oh, you're a harness expert, are you?

I thought you were an
expert in being annoying.

- Where's your wife?
- Search me.

Living in a ditch, hopefully.

You've got way too many clothes on her.

- Him.
- He's sweating.

You're as bad as she was.

Now it's too hot, now it's too cold,

don't leave him in the bath on his own.

- OK, you're coming with me.
- Like fuck, I am.

All right, maybe then I'll
just slap a section 47 on you.

You're a lawyer. You know what that means.

I'm a corporate lawyer.

It's part of the 1989 Children Act.

Guarantees an investigation

if the child's welfare is
considered to be at risk.

Maybe you should ask one
the lawyers at your firm

to explain further. I'm
sure they'd love to be able.

Fine. Last time you took John T
away from us for a couple of hours.

Could do with a break.

Oh, look, it's The Incredible Sulk.

For fuck's sake, I'm too
sick and tired of everyone

trying to be understanding!

- That's the fucking problem!
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.

- So what are you saying now? People
are too understanding? - I don't know.

It's just all these teachers
are spouting this modern therapy

bullshit to show how much they care.

And then the rest of the class
all trying to outdo each other

to show how OK they are with it.

I just feel like I'm not allowed
to feel pissed off about everything

or freaked or angry.

Is that how you feel, you
feel freaked and angry?

I lost my dad when he walked out on us

and now it feels like I'm
going to you lose my mum.

- Come on.
- Sean.

When I've had you in here
before, you've just clammed up.

This is the first time
I'm hearing any of this.

I just feel crap that I'm the only
person that seems to have a problem

with all this.

I fucking hate it, that's how I feel.

- Can we just lose the swearing?
- Why the fuck should I?

I'm out, aren't I? I'm not
excluded, I'm expelled!

Well, maybe I didn't have
the full picture before.

So, I am prepared to discuss
a probationary period

with you and your dad.

No, I don't want him to know.

You should just say to your dad
everything that you've just said

cos you're not saying you don't love him,

you're not saying you don't support him.

Why don't I give him a call?

I heard something about a victim
of abuse at the football club.

I'm just wondering why
that's not down here.

- It's historic abuse and the
police are dealing with it. - Right.

Don't get why they investigate.

Surely if it's historic,
it happened, end of.

I just wanted to asked before
Denise arrives... Don't note this.

- I'm not, I'm playing hangman.
- Against yourself?

Yeah, I'm really good at it.

I don't try and guess the word,
cos obviously that's in my head.

I just really love drawing the hanged man.

Pretend it's an ex.

Better than killing them, eh?

I'm just wondering, Mimi, who
your choice would have been

if Denise hadn't overruled you?

Now, steady, Nitin.

Sounds like you've got a mouth
full of rather sour grapes there.

I don't like grapes, Martin.

If it's any consolation, Nitin,
you did make the long list.

The long list? There were
five of us in contention so...

Exactly. So...

OK, was it the dandruff cos
I can explain the dandruff?

The fact is, that it's not dandruff.

Oh, aside from the dandruff and
the long list of other issues,

you have RDD.

Is that a posh name for crabs?

No, Responsibility Deficit Disorder.

- What? - It's not
officially recognised yet.

Theoretical stage, but you have it.

Well, if it's not officially
recognised and it's theoretical

then it doesn't exist,
so, I don't have it.

Definitely have OCD. It can
be linked to Trichotillomania.

- Trickle..?
- Hair-pulling disorder.

It actually might explain the dandruff.

There's no dandruff. There is no dandruff!

It's crisps.

Right, let's get on.

Where's Alastair?

The Atkins boy turned up.

The father left leading
to behavioural issues,

remaining parent transitioning?

Yeah, he's got a few problems at school

so Al's gone up there to try
and smooth things over before...

OK, then will start with Nitin.

- Ben Evans' relapse?
- Yeah, he's embarrassed and remorseful

but he's committed to staying sober.

- The kids are fine. The house
is clean-ish. - Meaning?

The lid was off the butter tub and I
noticed there was some crumbs in it.

I'm a neat freak. It's one of my bugbears.

- Completely irrelevant, strike that.
- I hate that.

Just strike it, strike it.

Anyway, on my way back, I
popped into the supermarket

- because you wanted a cake
which I forgot... - Oh.

I bumped into Zach Stott.

Remember the guy with the wife who
left the baby in the supermarket?

- Posh boy. - Yeah, anyway, now his
wife has left him with the baby.

How can a woman do that, abandon her baby?

Let's not woman shame, Nat. No-one
ever blames a man for walking out.

- They do.
- Not to the same degree.

Women are conditioned to be care
givers so when a mother abandons

her child they are seen as unnatural
beings which is totally unfair.

Too right, girl power!

Can we cut the vacuous
feminist chit-chat, please?

Nitin, carry on.

I brought him in cos he
seemed drunk and distraught,

and not coping at all.

The baby was overdressed and
too tight in the carrier.

OK, Rose, speak to him.

Why am I not being assigned
to this, cos I brought him in?

- No, no, we need a senior on
this. Rose will do it. - Senior.

Find out where the mother
is and set him straight.

We're not here to pick up the pieces

for people who can afford
to pay for themselves.

The kid's called Jonty, by the way,

which is grounds for
intervention in itself.

Stupid names are just child cruelty.

Jonty. Jonty.

- Jonty? - Yeah. It's
his gran's intervention.

John T?

J-O-N-T-Y.

- There was someone at our
school called Salome. - All right.

I can tell by the smirks and the way
you're talking about stupid names

that you've all been having
a great laugh at my expense.

Sorry, I think you might be barking
up the wrong tree there, Denise.

Did you just call me Dennis? I will
not tolerate such insubordination.

Why would I do that?

Because that's what Rose told
you my brother was called.

Actually I didn't.

I see, well. Then...

.. apologies are due on both sides.

Apologies are just due on one side

because it was only you who falsely
accused everyone in the room.

Do you want to have the world's
shortest placement or something?

Denise, obviously there's only
one victim here and we apologise.

Oh, shut up, Nitin, you obsequious turd!

You should probably tell
Nat not to note that.

I deliberately used the word obsequious

- to stop that from happening.
- Good move, not a clue.

This thing with your brother,

is it something you'd like to
talk to me about in private...

.. in a professional capacity?

Was he the chap in here earlier
that asked for your number

- because I can see...
- Meeting adjourned.

It was the eyes.

Rose and Denny sitting in a tree.

H... S-H-A? G?G-G-I...

- Fuck off, Nat.
- Yay.

Top bants.

- Children services, can I help?
- Dad won't let me shave.

Your dad won't let you shave?

- And I've got a tash.
- How old are you?

- I'm eight.
- OK, what's your name?

Elisha. All my friends
are making fun of me.

- Thank God, can you take
over the rocking? - No.

Fuck's sake, my arm's killing me!

Oh, Jesus, I just got her down!

- I've spoken to your wife.
- Where is she? - At a friend's.

Which one? Is it Barbara?
Bet it's Barbara.

She fucking hates me cos I made
a comment about her breast once

and it was a compliment as well.

So is she coming back now I've
learned my lesson about hard it is

- to look after at kid?
- Look, she said she's exhausted.

She just needs to get herself together.

- Have you noticed how tired she is?
- We hardly see each other, you know.

I've long hours, then I need to unwind.

There's no point in me
going home straight away.

- I'd be useless.
- You are fucking useless.

Look, she could be suffering
from postnatal depression.

Meanwhile, I'm suffering from her
suffering from postnatal depression.

- Have you thought about counselling?
- Here we go.

- I don't have a drink problem.
- I meant for your marriage.

All I need from my marriage
is for my wife to be at home

so I can go to work.

I'm not saying that being a
mother isn't a job, but it isn't!

Her being a mother isn't what pays
the mortgage. I pay the mortgage.

That's on me and I can't
do it if I'm here.

Cleaning shit off baby balls.
I need her to come back.

All right, well, just let her
rest up and see how it goes.

I think she just needs
some time away from you,

as do we all.

Please, please, don't cry.

- Best to leave him with his dad.
- Yeah.

Walk!

- You'll let him stay though, yeah?
- Yeah, for a trial period.

And, I'll tell his class mates
to lay off the tolerance.

- I won't actually phrase it like that.
- Yeah, well...

Listen, can I have your e-mail address?

I... I'm just...

I've got over a relationship
actually, a bad one.

I was just going to suggest I could
keep you updated on Sean's progress.

Yeah, I'll just type that in.

You're really good with kids.

Better than some of my staff.

Well, I was thinking of a
career change, actually.

Maybe teaching would be an option.

It's tricky at your age.

Yeah, right.

I'm just going to pop to the toilet.
Dad asked if you could come back in.

Sure.

And maybe you could drop me a
line when you're over the bad one.

All good?

Yeah, I think so. Thanks.

Yeah, no problem. Just doing my job.

It doesn't look like I'm
going to get another one.

I'm glad it's your job, else they
might not have let me stay, so...

Well, look, best of luck.

- Sean, hang on!
- I need a shit.

Listen if you go here

after school with your dad

you can pick up a telly.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Don't you want the TV?

No, I've bid on two by
mistake so I've got a spare.

And I've dealt with that seller
before, so don't be offended

if she talks to you like you just
pissed on her shoes. It's normal.

OK.

Right, I'm off. Thanks for
the cake. Helped myself.

Don't thank me, thank Ingrid.

Pretty good. I love a
bit of salted chocolate.

I didn't put any salt in it.

Ingrid, you need to bin that cake.

And it sounds like you need
some support with Limahl.

Oh, no, I'm fine. He just
sent me a picture actually.

Seems to be having some sort of party.

Then get home and chuck them out!

It might be best to let it run its course.

- I can go and eat in the cafe.
- Do you want me to go and kick them out?

I haven't broken up a house
party since my time in blue.

- Oh, would you mind?
- Sure.

Think of it as payment in kind for
having that knob eat the wank cake.

Must have been loads for the
taste to cut through though.

Having said that, he's a teenager.

I could go five in a row back in the day.

- Wow!
- Not any more!

Well, I suppose it's quality,
not quantity, isn't it?

Well, the quality of the sex I'm having.

Lots of intercourse.

Oh, I thought maybe you had
a problem with your penis?

No, no problem with my penis.

? People, they ain't no good

? I think that's well understood

? You can see it everywhere you look

? People just ain't no good at all. ?

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