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1
00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:20,730
Dads is recorded in front
of a live studio audience.
2
00:00:25,149 --> 00:00:27,150
You ready to go
again, handsome?
3
00:00:27,151 --> 00:00:29,585
Well, I wasn't until
you called me "handsome."
4
00:00:37,327 --> 00:00:39,128
(clears throat)
5
00:00:45,803 --> 00:00:46,869
(clears throat loudly)
6
00:00:46,904 --> 00:00:48,905
Oh.
7
00:00:48,906 --> 00:00:51,107
Didn't realize
you had company.
8
00:00:51,141 --> 00:00:52,208
Hi.
9
00:00:52,242 --> 00:00:53,776
Um,
10
00:00:53,811 --> 00:00:55,211
Dad, this is Sarah.
11
00:00:55,212 --> 00:00:57,313
Sarah... my dad.
12
00:00:57,314 --> 00:00:58,681
Nice to meet you.
13
00:00:58,716 --> 00:01:00,049
Are you pregnant?
14
00:01:00,084 --> 00:01:01,384
No.
15
00:01:01,418 --> 00:01:02,819
Then I don't
need to meet you.
16
00:01:02,853 --> 00:01:06,856
You know, maybe
I should get dressed.
17
00:01:06,890 --> 00:01:09,358
Yeah, I was lying about being
able to go again anyway.
18
00:01:11,361 --> 00:01:12,528
What are you doing? I thought
19
00:01:12,529 --> 00:01:13,730
you were gonna give me
the apartment tonight.
20
00:01:13,764 --> 00:01:15,765
Why are you
always surprised
21
00:01:15,766 --> 00:01:17,200
when I disappoint you?
22
00:01:17,234 --> 00:01:19,368
SARAH:
Eli, can you call me a cab?
23
00:01:19,403 --> 00:01:21,170
Sure.
24
00:01:21,205 --> 00:01:22,972
What?!
25
00:01:22,973 --> 00:01:25,608
A beautiful woman comes over,
gives you her body,
26
00:01:25,609 --> 00:01:28,978
and it doesn't even occur
to you to drive her home?
27
00:01:30,347 --> 00:01:32,348
I've taught you well.
28
00:01:35,919 --> 00:01:39,021
Daddy took me to the zoo
29
00:01:39,056 --> 00:01:41,057
Na, na, na, na
30
00:01:41,091 --> 00:01:45,061
Just to see
something brand-new
31
00:01:45,095 --> 00:01:47,096
Na, na, na
32
00:01:47,131 --> 00:01:51,334
So many stars up in the sky
33
00:01:51,335 --> 00:01:55,805
So many questions have I
34
00:01:55,806 --> 00:01:57,907
Na, na, na, na
35
00:01:57,908 --> 00:01:59,423
Daddy took me for a ride.
36
00:01:59,424 --> 00:02:03,514
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
37
00:02:04,748 --> 00:02:06,716
Hey.
Hey.
38
00:02:06,750 --> 00:02:08,451
How did it go last night
with your latest fling?
39
00:02:08,485 --> 00:02:09,819
Oh, it's over.
40
00:02:09,820 --> 00:02:12,021
She brought up horoscopes.
41
00:02:12,055 --> 00:02:14,223
You're unbelievable.
42
00:02:14,224 --> 00:02:16,392
She just took you
on a weekend trip
43
00:02:16,393 --> 00:02:18,361
to wine country
for your birthday.
44
00:02:18,395 --> 00:02:21,364
I know, and then,
she brought up horoscopes.
45
00:02:21,398 --> 00:02:23,633
You don't have a caring
bone in your body.
46
00:02:23,667 --> 00:02:24,934
Yes, I do.
47
00:02:24,935 --> 00:02:28,037
My bone cared for her
twice last night.
48
00:02:30,073 --> 00:02:32,942
And a bendy third time.
49
00:02:32,976 --> 00:02:34,977
You only care about your needs.
50
00:02:35,012 --> 00:02:37,747
Well, of course.
I'm a Sagittarius.
51
00:02:37,781 --> 00:02:39,749
God, you are such a...
52
00:02:39,750 --> 00:02:41,083
(coughs) ...pig.
53
00:02:41,118 --> 00:02:44,220
Uh, did somebody just cough?
54
00:02:45,522 --> 00:02:47,490
If you're sick,
you have to go home.
55
00:02:47,491 --> 00:02:50,126
We-we can't have disease
in the office.
56
00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:51,460
Warner, I'm fine.
57
00:02:51,461 --> 00:02:53,129
Asians never get sick.
58
00:02:54,298 --> 00:02:56,999
We fight it off
with gross soups.
59
00:02:57,034 --> 00:02:59,569
Okay, well, I'm serious.
I-I can't deal with it.
60
00:02:59,603 --> 00:03:01,070
Sorry.
61
00:03:01,104 --> 00:03:02,738
Yeah, you know
Warner's a crazy germaphobe.
62
00:03:02,739 --> 00:03:04,574
Even the word "vomit"
makes him dry heave.
63
00:03:04,575 --> 00:03:06,142
Watch this. Vomit.
64
00:03:06,176 --> 00:03:08,110
Don't... (heaving)
Vomit.
65
00:03:08,145 --> 00:03:09,378
Vomit.
Don't.
66
00:03:09,379 --> 00:03:10,513
Warm, chunky vomit.
67
00:03:10,547 --> 00:03:12,081
(coughing)
68
00:03:12,115 --> 00:03:13,516
Oh, you can see the tomatoes
in the vomit.
69
00:03:13,550 --> 00:03:14,784
Okay.
70
00:03:14,818 --> 00:03:16,686
Oh, you can smell
the parmesan in the vomit.
71
00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:18,321
(retching)
72
00:03:18,322 --> 00:03:20,189
August Dumpster-juice vomit!
73
00:03:20,224 --> 00:03:22,258
(vomiting)
74
00:03:24,228 --> 00:03:26,195
(blowing nose)
75
00:03:26,230 --> 00:03:27,096
Okay, that's it.
76
00:03:27,097 --> 00:03:28,798
You gotta go.
77
00:03:28,799 --> 00:03:30,867
No. I'm not sick.
78
00:03:30,868 --> 00:03:33,536
Yes, you are, and you're
contaminating the whole office.
79
00:03:33,537 --> 00:03:35,972
(groans) I just need
to lie down for a minute.
80
00:03:36,006 --> 00:03:38,040
Oh, that's a great idea... you
can go to my bed; I'll take you.
81
00:03:38,075 --> 00:03:39,742
Aah!
82
00:03:39,743 --> 00:03:41,644
I am never getting in your bed.
83
00:03:41,645 --> 00:03:44,814
That's where
cheerleaders go to die.
84
00:03:44,848 --> 00:03:46,148
Well, I would offer you
the couch,
85
00:03:46,149 --> 00:03:47,650
but my dad is fused with it.
86
00:03:47,651 --> 00:03:49,619
(imitating Obi-Wan): And he's
more couch now than man.
87
00:03:49,620 --> 00:03:52,355
Twisted and evil.
88
00:03:52,389 --> 00:03:53,322
Obi-Wan.
89
00:03:53,357 --> 00:03:54,724
Right.
90
00:03:54,758 --> 00:03:56,192
Nice. Now get her out of here.
91
00:03:56,226 --> 00:03:58,661
Okay. Okay, fine, I'll go, but...
92
00:03:58,695 --> 00:04:00,062
you can't pretend
to be nice to me
93
00:04:00,063 --> 00:04:01,564
and hope I'll hook up with you
when I get better.
94
00:04:01,598 --> 00:04:03,633
What?!
95
00:04:03,634 --> 00:04:06,669
How little you think of me.
96
00:04:06,703 --> 00:04:08,404
You're so going
to pretend to be nice to her.
97
00:04:08,438 --> 00:04:10,273
Of course I am.
98
00:04:10,274 --> 00:04:11,841
You're never gonna
pull it off.
99
00:04:11,842 --> 00:04:13,242
Really?
Yeah.
100
00:04:13,243 --> 00:04:15,578
Oh. Hey, how are
your kids doing?
101
00:04:15,612 --> 00:04:17,947
Okay. Yeah, the little one's
got an ear infection,
102
00:04:17,948 --> 00:04:20,182
but, uh, Alden's in charge
of the class turtle.
103
00:04:20,217 --> 00:04:21,751
Aw.
Yeah.
104
00:04:21,785 --> 00:04:23,486
You don't care about any
of that, do you.
105
00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:25,621
No, but you believed I did,
106
00:04:25,622 --> 00:04:27,423
and in that window,
I could've grabbed
107
00:04:27,457 --> 00:04:29,458
your boobs. Ah-ooh!
108
00:04:32,529 --> 00:04:35,164
Sorry the elevator's out,
and you have to carry me.
109
00:04:35,165 --> 00:04:36,799
I hope I'm
not too heavy.
110
00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:38,801
No, no, no, you're...
111
00:04:38,802 --> 00:04:41,070
light as a... as a feather.
112
00:04:41,071 --> 00:04:43,806
(grunting with effort):
Where do all those noodles even go?
113
00:04:43,840 --> 00:04:46,709
Well, we're almost there.
114
00:04:46,743 --> 00:04:49,445
Oh, wait... I forgot my jacket.
115
00:04:49,479 --> 00:04:51,213
Seriously?
116
00:04:51,248 --> 00:04:53,582
(whining):
I need it.
117
00:04:55,218 --> 00:04:57,219
Okay. Okay.
118
00:04:57,220 --> 00:04:59,221
Yeah.
119
00:05:01,325 --> 00:05:02,925
I can't wait to lie down.
120
00:05:02,926 --> 00:05:05,628
I'm so tired.
121
00:05:05,662 --> 00:05:07,663
Oh, you're tired?
122
00:05:07,664 --> 00:05:11,067
I'm just gonna put you down
for just a second so I can...
123
00:05:11,068 --> 00:05:12,435
(sighs)
124
00:05:12,436 --> 00:05:14,904
Just until my eyesight returns.
125
00:05:16,273 --> 00:05:18,274
Oh!
126
00:05:23,714 --> 00:05:25,948
Oh! Oh, we made it. Yeah.
127
00:05:25,949 --> 00:05:27,950
MALE VOICE: Attention!
Attention! (alarm sounds)
128
00:05:27,951 --> 00:05:29,685
An alarm has been activated.
129
00:05:29,686 --> 00:05:32,154
Please exit the building
immediately!
130
00:05:32,155 --> 00:05:34,156
Attention! Attention!
131
00:05:34,157 --> 00:05:36,158
An alarm has been activated.
132
00:05:36,159 --> 00:05:38,227
Please exit the building
immediately!
133
00:05:38,228 --> 00:05:40,229
Okay.
134
00:05:50,874 --> 00:05:52,875
(panting)
135
00:05:57,614 --> 00:05:59,382
Oh.
136
00:05:59,383 --> 00:06:01,884
You didn't tell me you were
bringing home Chinese.
137
00:06:16,700 --> 00:06:18,701
Dad, what are you doing?
138
00:06:18,702 --> 00:06:21,570
Packing. I can't
be around her.
139
00:06:23,140 --> 00:06:27,009
At my age, I've got
one cold left in me.
140
00:06:27,010 --> 00:06:29,845
Come on, you're exaggerating.
141
00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:32,114
No. Magic Johnson's
immune system
142
00:06:32,115 --> 00:06:34,183
could beat mine, one-on-one.
143
00:06:35,819 --> 00:06:39,455
Oh, my God, I have a whole list
of work I have to do today.
144
00:06:39,489 --> 00:06:41,824
It's okay. Edna do.
145
00:06:41,858 --> 00:06:44,293
See that? It's okay. Edna do. Oh.
146
00:06:45,362 --> 00:06:47,363
Thank you, Mr. Eli.
147
00:06:47,397 --> 00:06:51,467
It's my dream to be
a real American businesswoman!
148
00:06:53,537 --> 00:06:54,704
Ooh.
149
00:06:54,738 --> 00:06:56,672
Uh, why aren't you going
to the office?
150
00:06:56,707 --> 00:06:57,840
I on break.
151
00:07:01,712 --> 00:07:05,348
Okay, first on the list.
152
00:07:05,382 --> 00:07:07,416
Who is Tom?
153
00:07:07,417 --> 00:07:09,418
You're fired.
154
00:07:10,887 --> 00:07:13,055
Okay, who Jamie?
155
00:07:13,056 --> 00:07:14,623
Too bad.
156
00:07:14,658 --> 00:07:15,958
Jamie get raise.
157
00:07:17,728 --> 00:07:20,062
No raise. You fired.
158
00:07:20,097 --> 00:07:21,764
Check.
159
00:07:24,701 --> 00:07:25,968
(sighs)
160
00:07:25,969 --> 00:07:27,303
Warner, what
are you doing?
161
00:07:27,304 --> 00:07:28,604
I'm, uh,
162
00:07:28,638 --> 00:07:32,074
disinfecting Veronica's desk
with this UV light.
163
00:07:32,109 --> 00:07:33,409
Does that even work?
164
00:07:33,443 --> 00:07:35,444
Oh, yeah.
These things are amazing.
165
00:07:35,445 --> 00:07:38,214
It even lights up semen.
166
00:07:38,248 --> 00:07:39,715
Hey, gang.
167
00:07:53,130 --> 00:07:56,432
If you guys are done with these,
you have to put them away.
168
00:07:56,466 --> 00:08:00,403
But we're still playing.
169
00:08:00,404 --> 00:08:04,740
You can't possibly be playing
all of these games.
170
00:08:04,775 --> 00:08:06,075
Not true.
171
00:08:06,076 --> 00:08:07,977
We're like those
genius homeless guys
172
00:08:07,978 --> 00:08:11,580
that can play ten
games of chess at once.
173
00:08:11,615 --> 00:08:15,084
Well, someone has
to put them away.
174
00:08:15,085 --> 00:08:17,219
I don't live here.
175
00:08:17,220 --> 00:08:19,321
Oh, my back!
176
00:08:19,322 --> 00:08:21,123
Fine. Whatever.
I'll deal with it later.
177
00:08:21,158 --> 00:08:23,225
I just... I want
to watch Dr. Phil.
178
00:08:23,226 --> 00:08:24,927
I don't trust bald doctors.
179
00:08:24,961 --> 00:08:27,296
If you're so smart,
why are you bald?
180
00:08:27,330 --> 00:08:32,168
Fine. Okay, what about
that show Girls?
181
00:08:32,202 --> 00:08:34,804
Hey, I'm trying to get
erections, not lose them.
182
00:08:34,805 --> 00:08:37,807
Okay, gotta get...
I'm just gonna...
183
00:08:39,076 --> 00:08:40,943
I'm home!
184
00:08:40,977 --> 00:08:42,478
Oh, there she is!
185
00:08:42,512 --> 00:08:44,447
(yelling)
(screaming)
186
00:08:44,481 --> 00:08:46,215
Oh, my God, what happened?!
187
00:08:46,249 --> 00:08:47,249
Oh, don't look at me!
188
00:08:47,284 --> 00:08:48,484
You're supposed to be pretty!
189
00:08:48,518 --> 00:08:49,785
I can't help it!
190
00:08:49,820 --> 00:08:52,154
You look like what Lady Gaga
probably looks like!
191
00:08:52,189 --> 00:08:53,422
I know! I'll leave!
192
00:08:53,457 --> 00:08:54,657
I'll just get the...
193
00:08:54,658 --> 00:08:55,825
(coughing)
(whimpers)
194
00:08:55,826 --> 00:08:57,593
I-I... I don't know where...
195
00:08:57,594 --> 00:09:01,864
(crying, whining)
196
00:09:01,898 --> 00:09:03,899
Uh...
197
00:09:04,901 --> 00:09:07,169
I'm sorry.
198
00:09:07,204 --> 00:09:09,305
I didn't mean to yell.
199
00:09:09,306 --> 00:09:12,208
It's just, I've
never seen you...
200
00:09:12,242 --> 00:09:13,809
Ugly?
201
00:09:13,844 --> 00:09:16,312
No. Stop it.
You're not ugly.
202
00:09:16,313 --> 00:09:20,249
I was gonna say, more like...
unattractive.
203
00:09:20,283 --> 00:09:21,817
Thanks.
204
00:09:21,852 --> 00:09:23,252
No, it's just...
I've never...
205
00:09:23,253 --> 00:09:24,987
I mean, I've
never seen you...
206
00:09:24,988 --> 00:09:26,789
not perfect before.
207
00:09:28,024 --> 00:09:29,758
It's not so bad.
208
00:09:29,759 --> 00:09:31,760
Once your eyes adjust.
209
00:09:33,096 --> 00:09:35,498
So I can stay?
210
00:09:35,532 --> 00:09:37,166
Yeah, you can stay.
211
00:09:37,167 --> 00:09:39,168
Thanks.
212
00:09:40,170 --> 00:09:41,504
(groans)
213
00:09:41,538 --> 00:09:43,539
Oh...
214
00:09:45,542 --> 00:09:47,543
215
00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:19,341
216
00:10:47,137 --> 00:10:48,571
Hey, guys.
217
00:10:48,572 --> 00:10:50,439
You late.
218
00:10:50,473 --> 00:10:54,410
Oh, sorry. I was cleaning up
throw-up in my bathroom.
219
00:10:54,411 --> 00:10:56,378
Welcome to Club Edna.
220
00:10:56,379 --> 00:10:57,646
Now, back to work.
221
00:10:57,681 --> 00:10:58,747
What?
222
00:10:58,782 --> 00:11:00,382
I Veronica now.
223
00:11:00,417 --> 00:11:03,919
I take off my glasses,
and I tell you what to do.
224
00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:05,921
Now, do something!
225
00:11:05,956 --> 00:11:08,190
You,
226
00:11:08,225 --> 00:11:09,725
make video game.
227
00:11:09,726 --> 00:11:11,460
You, cancel my 9:00.
228
00:11:11,494 --> 00:11:13,896
Also... you short.
229
00:11:15,899 --> 00:11:18,234
She really thinks
she works here.
230
00:11:18,268 --> 00:11:21,904
Well, she shows up on time
and she's disease-free.
231
00:11:21,938 --> 00:11:24,773
(laughs): Uh... what's
with the mask?
232
00:11:24,808 --> 00:11:27,042
Oh, it's flu season.
This place is like a petri dish.
233
00:11:27,043 --> 00:11:28,244
You should wear one of these.
234
00:11:28,278 --> 00:11:30,813
I'm not gonna wear that.
235
00:11:30,847 --> 00:11:32,414
How's Veronica doing?
236
00:11:32,449 --> 00:11:34,016
She's doing a little
better, sadly.
237
00:11:34,050 --> 00:11:35,417
Why sadly?
238
00:11:35,452 --> 00:11:37,453
Well, it's weird.
I mean, I started out
239
00:11:37,454 --> 00:11:39,989
pretending to take care
of her, but...
240
00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:42,891
now it's different,
it's, like... I do care.
241
00:11:42,926 --> 00:11:45,628
Oh, congratulations; You've
experienced your first emotion.
242
00:11:45,629 --> 00:11:48,330
How does it feel?
243
00:11:48,365 --> 00:11:49,932
It's emotional.
244
00:11:49,933 --> 00:11:51,567
Yeah.
Yeah.
245
00:11:51,568 --> 00:11:53,502
It's like I still want
to have sex with her,
246
00:11:53,503 --> 00:11:57,473
but now I want her to
like it... is that weird?
247
00:11:57,507 --> 00:12:00,342
Well, it's weird for you, yeah.
248
00:12:00,377 --> 00:12:02,678
Oh, what's in the bag?
Huh?
249
00:12:02,712 --> 00:12:04,947
Is that, uh... sweets?
250
00:12:04,948 --> 00:12:07,283
Oh. Maybe.
251
00:12:07,317 --> 00:12:10,185
Is it a cupcake?
(chuckles)
252
00:12:10,220 --> 00:12:11,887
I don't know, maybe.
253
00:12:11,888 --> 00:12:14,056
Yeah, well, what is it?
(chuckles)
254
00:12:14,090 --> 00:12:15,291
It's Veronica's stool sample.
255
00:12:15,325 --> 00:12:17,026
Oh, my God!
256
00:12:19,462 --> 00:12:21,497
(coughs)
I'm kidding.
257
00:12:21,531 --> 00:12:22,998
I'm just kidding,
I'm just kidding.
258
00:12:22,999 --> 00:12:25,200
It's a brownie.
Here, we can share it.
259
00:12:25,235 --> 00:12:26,769
Here.
260
00:12:26,770 --> 00:12:28,871
There's a piece of corn in it.
261
00:12:34,177 --> 00:12:35,944
Honey, I'm home!
262
00:12:35,979 --> 00:12:37,813
Hey.
263
00:12:37,847 --> 00:12:39,548
Wha... What's going on?
264
00:12:39,582 --> 00:12:41,083
Nothing. I'm better.
265
00:12:41,117 --> 00:12:43,185
(flatly): Oh, great. Yeah.
266
00:12:44,321 --> 00:12:45,554
Are you sure that
you're all better?
267
00:12:45,555 --> 00:12:46,889
You don't want to, like,
268
00:12:46,890 --> 00:12:49,525
puke or something just a little?
(laughs)
269
00:12:49,559 --> 00:12:51,293
No. And I should
leave you alone.
270
00:12:51,294 --> 00:12:52,995
Thanks for taking care
of me, Eli.
271
00:12:52,996 --> 00:12:56,398
And I guess I was wrong... you
do have a kind bone in there.
272
00:12:56,433 --> 00:12:58,967
So... this is good-bye?
273
00:12:59,002 --> 00:13:00,135
Yep. See you at work tomorrow.
274
00:13:00,170 --> 00:13:02,504
ELI:
Okay.
275
00:13:02,505 --> 00:13:05,374
Hey, uh... you want
to grab dinner tomorrow?
276
00:13:05,375 --> 00:13:07,843
It's the least I could do
after how kind you've been.
277
00:13:07,877 --> 00:13:09,945
Really? S-Sure.
278
00:13:09,946 --> 00:13:12,314
Yeah, o-obviously
I know it's not a date.
279
00:13:12,349 --> 00:13:13,849
You know what?
280
00:13:13,850 --> 00:13:15,517
It is a date.
281
00:13:15,518 --> 00:13:17,353
See you at work.
282
00:13:20,357 --> 00:13:22,191
A date?!
283
00:13:24,027 --> 00:13:25,894
(chuckles):
Ooh, a date.
284
00:13:25,895 --> 00:13:27,229
That worked!
285
00:13:27,263 --> 00:13:29,264
A date, a date, a date!
286
00:13:29,265 --> 00:13:30,632
I have got a d...
287
00:13:30,633 --> 00:13:33,001
(coughing loudly)
288
00:13:33,036 --> 00:13:35,037
(sneezing)
289
00:13:36,272 --> 00:13:37,506
No...
290
00:13:37,507 --> 00:13:38,674
No, I can't be sick...
291
00:13:38,675 --> 00:13:40,676
I have a date!
292
00:13:41,945 --> 00:13:44,279
You take someone else!
293
00:13:45,014 --> 00:13:46,448
(tires screeching)
294
00:13:46,449 --> 00:13:48,250
(car crashes)
295
00:13:48,251 --> 00:13:50,586
MAN (in distance):
Oh, my God, he's dead!
296
00:13:50,587 --> 00:13:51,620
Thank you.
297
00:13:57,200 --> 00:13:59,668
Thanks for dropping me off
for a massage, honey.
298
00:13:59,669 --> 00:14:01,103
I really need this.
299
00:14:01,104 --> 00:14:04,473
Been a little stressed
the past few days.
300
00:14:04,474 --> 00:14:06,875
Could we get
massages, too?
301
00:14:06,876 --> 00:14:08,744
You guys are staying
in the car.
302
00:14:08,745 --> 00:14:12,848
It's the only germ-free
zone in the city.
303
00:14:12,882 --> 00:14:14,716
Can I get ice cream?
304
00:14:14,717 --> 00:14:17,185
Before dinner? No.
305
00:14:17,186 --> 00:14:19,187
Can ice cream
be my dinner?
306
00:14:19,188 --> 00:14:20,222
No.
307
00:14:21,624 --> 00:14:24,192
Okay, here you are, honey.
Have a good massage, okay?
308
00:14:24,193 --> 00:14:26,728
Thank you.
309
00:14:26,729 --> 00:14:29,665
Hey, uh, uh, uh,
don't go to a man, okay?
310
00:14:29,666 --> 00:14:32,301
A-And make sure they
wash their hands.
311
00:14:34,037 --> 00:14:37,205
I can't believe I'm actually
on a date with Eli Sachs,
312
00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:38,840
the notorious womanizer.
313
00:14:38,875 --> 00:14:41,944
Oh, no, tonight think
of me as Eli Sachs,
314
00:14:41,945 --> 00:14:45,013
the notoriously nice
and caring male nurse.
315
00:14:45,014 --> 00:14:47,716
Who's also your boss.
(laughs)
316
00:14:47,750 --> 00:14:49,785
You feeling okay?
You're-you're sweating.
317
00:14:49,819 --> 00:14:51,620
Oh... yeah, it's just
the habanero margarita.
318
00:14:51,621 --> 00:14:52,854
(nervous chuckle)
319
00:14:52,889 --> 00:14:54,790
We haven't even ordered
our drinks yet.
320
00:14:54,824 --> 00:14:57,092
I know, it's just
the thought of it.
321
00:14:57,126 --> 00:14:58,760
Well, I hear this
restaurant's really hip.
322
00:14:58,761 --> 00:15:00,295
The food blogs described
their entrees
323
00:15:00,296 --> 00:15:02,130
as "intentionally
confrontational."
324
00:15:02,165 --> 00:15:03,932
Compliments
of the chef.
325
00:15:03,933 --> 00:15:05,467
Oh. What is this?
326
00:15:05,468 --> 00:15:07,369
Ox balls
in lamb's blood.
327
00:15:07,370 --> 00:15:09,571
These are to be eaten
with your feet.
328
00:15:11,174 --> 00:15:14,076
Uh, hey,
excuse me, um...
329
00:15:14,110 --> 00:15:16,244
could I have some bread?
No, sir.
330
00:15:16,279 --> 00:15:18,380
You don't have bread?
331
00:15:18,414 --> 00:15:19,548
No.
332
00:15:19,582 --> 00:15:22,217
This is a restaurant, isn't it?
333
00:15:23,252 --> 00:15:25,821
Yes.
334
00:15:25,822 --> 00:15:27,422
A restaurant without bread.
335
00:15:27,457 --> 00:15:29,992
Yes.
336
00:15:30,026 --> 00:15:31,893
Even prisons have bread.
337
00:15:31,928 --> 00:15:33,929
Yes. But we don't.
338
00:15:35,531 --> 00:15:36,999
Please?
339
00:15:37,033 --> 00:15:38,767
Edna?
340
00:15:38,768 --> 00:15:40,769
Hey. What are
you doing here?
341
00:15:40,803 --> 00:15:43,271
Mr. Chinese potential investor.
342
00:15:43,272 --> 00:15:46,241
He tough,
but Edna has his number.
343
00:15:46,242 --> 00:15:48,877
Come on, Mr. Chinese. Mm!
344
00:15:53,416 --> 00:15:55,784
Okay, I'm gonna run in
and get some money. I...
345
00:15:55,818 --> 00:15:57,919
Don't touch anything.
346
00:16:01,858 --> 00:16:05,093
I want to touch
stuff so bad.
347
00:16:08,164 --> 00:16:11,466
Hey, fella,
you're in the wrong car.
348
00:16:11,501 --> 00:16:13,001
This is a carjacking.
349
00:16:13,036 --> 00:16:14,302
Please don't kill me.
350
00:16:14,337 --> 00:16:16,872
Feel free to kill me.
351
00:16:16,906 --> 00:16:18,707
Get out.
352
00:16:18,741 --> 00:16:20,409
We, uh, can't.
353
00:16:20,410 --> 00:16:23,311
We're child-locked in here.
354
00:16:23,346 --> 00:16:24,780
Okay, give me your money.
355
00:16:24,814 --> 00:16:27,082
Sure thing.
Crawford, give him your money.
356
00:16:27,083 --> 00:16:28,350
Well, I, uh...
357
00:16:28,384 --> 00:16:30,385
I'm now what you call
"insolvent."
358
00:16:30,386 --> 00:16:33,321
But I do have
this credit card.
359
00:16:33,356 --> 00:16:35,791
It says "Your name here."
360
00:16:35,825 --> 00:16:39,361
It could be.
361
00:16:39,362 --> 00:16:42,364
Is your earring
on the gay side?
362
00:16:42,365 --> 00:16:44,199
What?
Trick question.
363
00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:46,802
If you're a man,
they're both the gay side.
364
00:16:46,803 --> 00:16:49,337
(crying): Shut up.
You're not my dad.
365
00:16:50,506 --> 00:16:51,873
Good-bye!
366
00:16:51,874 --> 00:16:55,177
And pull up your pants!
367
00:16:55,211 --> 00:16:57,212
WARNER:
Okay, I'm back.
368
00:16:58,481 --> 00:17:00,649
Quick check. Uh...
369
00:17:01,651 --> 00:17:02,984
Uh...
370
00:17:02,985 --> 00:17:05,020
Who touched
all this stuff?
371
00:17:05,054 --> 00:17:06,354
A man in a hoodie.
372
00:17:06,389 --> 00:17:08,457
A one-earring'd man.
373
00:17:08,458 --> 00:17:09,691
Okay...
374
00:17:09,725 --> 00:17:11,326
what have I told you
about lying?
375
00:17:11,360 --> 00:17:13,695
To... not to?
376
00:17:13,696 --> 00:17:15,330
That's right,
that's right.
377
00:17:15,364 --> 00:17:17,432
No, I was gonna give you
this ice cream,
378
00:17:17,433 --> 00:17:19,734
but now I've decided...
I've decided to...
379
00:17:19,769 --> 00:17:21,436
to not to. Yeah. No! No!
380
00:17:21,437 --> 00:17:22,971
Yeah. No, that's
a good idea.
381
00:17:22,972 --> 00:17:25,340
You know, I think I'm
gonna eat it myself,
382
00:17:25,374 --> 00:17:27,943
because I don't make up stories.
Yeah, that's right,
383
00:17:27,977 --> 00:17:29,911
look at this. Mmm.
384
00:17:29,912 --> 00:17:32,914
Delicious honesty.
Ooh, it's so good.
385
00:17:32,915 --> 00:17:34,282
Mmm...
386
00:17:34,283 --> 00:17:36,017
This blows.
387
00:17:36,052 --> 00:17:37,719
What did you just say?
388
00:17:38,754 --> 00:17:40,255
Nothing.
389
00:17:40,289 --> 00:17:42,557
That's right.
That's what I thought you said.
390
00:17:42,592 --> 00:17:44,025
Nothing.
391
00:17:44,026 --> 00:17:46,094
That dessert was amazing.
392
00:17:46,129 --> 00:17:47,963
You sure all you
wanted was rice?
393
00:17:47,997 --> 00:17:49,464
Mm-hmm.
394
00:17:49,499 --> 00:17:50,966
You barely said
anything all dinner...
395
00:17:50,967 --> 00:17:52,634
you... you sure
you're feeling okay?
396
00:17:52,668 --> 00:17:54,903
Yeah, terrific.
I've never been better.
397
00:17:54,904 --> 00:17:57,606
WAITER: We have the boiled
duck fetus on a stick.
398
00:17:57,640 --> 00:17:59,207
(groans)
399
00:17:59,208 --> 00:18:00,942
You know, I...
400
00:18:00,977 --> 00:18:03,345
I thought you'd be talking
about yourself the whole time,
401
00:18:03,346 --> 00:18:05,147
but you've been
such a good listener.
402
00:18:05,181 --> 00:18:06,781
And this is
the fried tarantula.
403
00:18:06,816 --> 00:18:08,650
(loud groan)
404
00:18:08,684 --> 00:18:11,253
I guess I was wrong about you.
405
00:18:11,254 --> 00:18:13,722
Maybe you are a guy
I could be with.
406
00:18:13,756 --> 00:18:15,657
Really?
407
00:18:15,691 --> 00:18:17,592
Yeah.
408
00:18:17,593 --> 00:18:19,728
WAITER:
And finally, our signature dish,
409
00:18:19,762 --> 00:18:21,196
the scrambled anus.
410
00:18:21,197 --> 00:18:22,831
Oh, my God.
411
00:18:22,865 --> 00:18:24,633
I'm s... I'm so sorry.
412
00:18:24,667 --> 00:18:25,834
I'm so sorry.
413
00:18:25,868 --> 00:18:27,502
Hey, buddy, what
are you doing here?
414
00:18:27,537 --> 00:18:30,805
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
415
00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:32,707
Get it off me!
Oh, my God!
416
00:18:32,708 --> 00:18:34,910
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, man,
417
00:18:34,944 --> 00:18:36,444
is that vomit?
418
00:18:36,445 --> 00:18:38,280
Ew, it is vomit.
419
00:18:43,186 --> 00:18:44,953
Stop vomiting!
420
00:18:44,987 --> 00:18:46,454
Stop it!
You stop it!
421
00:18:52,995 --> 00:18:55,463
(Warner and Eli retching)
422
00:19:07,410 --> 00:19:08,977
(retching continues)
423
00:19:22,258 --> 00:19:24,726
Hey, buddy,
you gonna eat that anus?
424
00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:26,595
(retching)
425
00:19:32,417 --> 00:19:34,752
(Veronica groans, pants)
426
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:39,434
When are they gonna
fix that elevator?
427
00:19:39,435 --> 00:19:41,703
Oh, thank you
for getting me home.
428
00:19:41,704 --> 00:19:44,840
I'm so sorry I puked
in your passenger-door pocket.
429
00:19:44,841 --> 00:19:45,974
Ah, it's okay.
430
00:19:45,975 --> 00:19:47,342
It's a Korean car.
431
00:19:49,912 --> 00:19:53,081
Well, I guess it serves me right for
pretending to be nice to hook up with you.
432
00:19:53,116 --> 00:19:55,317
Wait, what?
433
00:19:55,351 --> 00:19:57,719
I... uh...
434
00:19:57,720 --> 00:19:59,855
uh, this fever! What?
435
00:19:59,856 --> 00:20:01,289
I can't...
436
00:20:01,324 --> 00:20:02,691
even see. Veronica?
437
00:20:02,692 --> 00:20:04,159
Wait, are you serious?
438
00:20:04,193 --> 00:20:06,094
You've been faking being nice
to me this whole time?
439
00:20:06,129 --> 00:20:08,230
No, no, n-not this whole time.
440
00:20:08,264 --> 00:20:10,399
Yes, at first,
but... but then
441
00:20:10,433 --> 00:20:12,067
I didn't mind.
442
00:20:12,068 --> 00:20:15,771
And now, I... I think
I'm falling for you.
443
00:20:15,805 --> 00:20:19,474
(laughs) Tricking me into liking
you is not falling in love.
444
00:20:19,509 --> 00:20:22,811
You're just saying that
'cause you're a girl.
445
00:20:22,845 --> 00:20:24,680
Eli, I don't date.
446
00:20:24,681 --> 00:20:27,516
And I don't want a fling,
especially not with my boss.
447
00:20:27,550 --> 00:20:30,185
Well, then you're fired.
Problem solved.
448
00:20:30,219 --> 00:20:32,521
I cannot believe
I opened up to you.
449
00:20:32,522 --> 00:20:33,822
Oh, come on, Veronica...
wait, don't-don't leave.
450
00:20:33,823 --> 00:20:34,856
Don't leave.
451
00:20:36,292 --> 00:20:38,193
I'm sorry that
I tried to woo you
452
00:20:38,194 --> 00:20:39,795
under false pretense.
453
00:20:39,829 --> 00:20:42,764
But I really did like
having you here.
454
00:20:42,799 --> 00:20:45,901
It felt good to take care
of somebody besides myself,
455
00:20:45,902 --> 00:20:48,670
even more so because it was you.
456
00:20:48,705 --> 00:20:51,106
Stop staring
at my breasts.
457
00:20:51,107 --> 00:20:52,474
I...
458
00:20:52,508 --> 00:20:54,776
I am staring at your heart.
459
00:21:00,717 --> 00:21:04,152
You are forgetting
how well I know you.
460
00:21:04,187 --> 00:21:06,154
But isn't that a good thing?
461
00:21:06,189 --> 00:21:07,789
Look,
462
00:21:07,824 --> 00:21:09,458
can't we just start over?
463
00:21:10,493 --> 00:21:13,462
Well... we were
having fun...
464
00:21:13,463 --> 00:21:15,497
till you puked everywhere.
(laughs)
465
00:21:16,532 --> 00:21:19,801
Just... just stay
a little longer.
466
00:21:19,836 --> 00:21:22,137
I promise I'm...
467
00:21:22,171 --> 00:21:24,306
not just trying
to sleep with you.
468
00:21:38,554 --> 00:21:40,322
Is that a condom
in your back pocket?
469
00:21:44,327 --> 00:21:45,894
Maybe...?
470
00:21:45,895 --> 00:21:48,864
See you at work.
Oh, come on! What?
471
00:21:48,898 --> 00:21:51,881
You gotta be prepared!
What, you want to have a baby?
472
00:21:51,882 --> 00:21:56,410
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
473
00:21:56,460 --> 00:22:01,010
Repair and Synchronization by
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