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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,069 --> 00:00:01,800 Previously on Cuckoo... .. 2 00:00:02,070 --> 00:00:04,670 Unprofessional behaviour, using the public forum 3 00:00:04,670 --> 00:00:06,470 of the Lawyer Of The Year Awards 4 00:00:06,470 --> 00:00:10,230 to call your colleagues a shower of shithouses. 5 00:00:10,230 --> 00:00:12,110 My partners, ladies and gentlemen. 6 00:00:12,110 --> 00:00:14,870 I move that we suspend Ken Thompson from the firm 7 00:00:14,870 --> 00:00:16,390 for a period of one month. 8 00:00:16,390 --> 00:00:18,260 Imagine having to keep it from your whole family 9 00:00:18,270 --> 00:00:21,070 - you've been suspended from work. - Chief Ken! 10 00:00:21,070 --> 00:00:23,430 If you tell Lorna, I won't be your friend any more. 11 00:00:23,430 --> 00:00:26,270 Chief Ken's been suspended from work and he's been hiding it 12 00:00:26,270 --> 00:00:27,830 - from Lorna this whole time. - What? KEN! 13 00:00:27,830 --> 00:00:30,070 Find somewhere else to spend the night. 14 00:00:38,750 --> 00:00:41,590 Clear the runway, it's an emergency! 15 00:00:41,590 --> 00:00:44,070 Dylan! Eurgh, you animal! 16 00:00:44,220 --> 00:00:47,540 Can we please put a lock on that bathroom door?! 17 00:00:47,540 --> 00:00:49,100 It's on your dad's to-do list. 18 00:00:49,100 --> 00:00:52,220 Along with being honest to his wife of 25 years. 19 00:00:53,900 --> 00:00:55,980 Are you still making Dad sleep at Steve's bar? 20 00:00:55,980 --> 00:00:57,300 Well, until he apologises. 21 00:00:57,300 --> 00:01:00,180 Also with your dad gone, I get the chance to blast a few Nazis. 22 00:01:00,180 --> 00:01:02,620 Dad would love a bit of this. 23 00:01:02,620 --> 00:01:06,300 No, he gets furious at the historical inaccuracies. 24 00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:08,700 "World War II was won by strategy, Lorn, 25 00:01:08,700 --> 00:01:10,620 not one American with a bayonet." 26 00:01:10,620 --> 00:01:12,740 - Sniper! - Got him! 27 00:01:14,140 --> 00:01:16,620 I don't think Dad meant to lie about being suspended, Mum. 28 00:01:16,620 --> 00:01:19,740 I think he was just too embarrassed to tell you. 29 00:01:19,740 --> 00:01:21,620 Like when he applied for Mastermind. 30 00:01:23,260 --> 00:01:26,300 "But then the handsome prince slayed the evil dragon, 31 00:01:26,300 --> 00:01:28,500 and saved all the villagers!" 32 00:01:28,500 --> 00:01:30,060 Phew, that was tense! 33 00:01:30,060 --> 00:01:33,020 I think we both need a nappy changing after that one. 34 00:01:33,020 --> 00:01:35,586 "And so the prince and his beautiful princess 35 00:01:35,587 --> 00:01:38,260 lived happily ever after." And then... 36 00:01:39,860 --> 00:01:41,234 - That's the end. - No. 37 00:01:41,235 --> 00:01:42,940 What? That can't be the end. 38 00:01:42,940 --> 00:01:45,140 What happens after happily ever after? 39 00:01:46,420 --> 00:01:49,260 Sid, hey, have you been eating the pages again? 40 00:01:49,260 --> 00:01:50,820 Sid? 41 00:01:50,820 --> 00:01:53,140 You are such a bad nephew-cousin! 42 00:01:53,140 --> 00:01:55,780 Dad probably had a better night's sleep over there anyway. 43 00:01:55,780 --> 00:01:58,100 Yeah, Dylan was a bit noisy last night. 44 00:01:58,100 --> 00:01:59,940 - All that rutting! - Mum! 45 00:01:59,940 --> 00:02:02,460 It's healthy, Rach. It means he likes her. 46 00:02:02,460 --> 00:02:05,140 Maybe we'll hear the pitter-patter of tiny Dylans! 47 00:02:05,140 --> 00:02:06,780 Yeah... 48 00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:10,100 It's funny you should say that, actually, Mum, because... 49 00:02:10,100 --> 00:02:12,460 - You're pregnant! - Shh, Dale might hear. 50 00:02:12,460 --> 00:02:14,740 - You're pregnant! You're pregnant! - Mum! Stop that! 51 00:02:15,940 --> 00:02:17,260 He doesn't know? 52 00:02:18,900 --> 00:02:21,460 Well, I'm probably not. I'm only couple of weeks late. 53 00:02:21,460 --> 00:02:22,860 So... 54 00:02:22,860 --> 00:02:26,660 Sid, I know what comes next for the prince and princess! 55 00:02:26,660 --> 00:02:28,860 I'm so excited to be a dad! 56 00:02:28,860 --> 00:02:31,380 I'm going to do all the things I could never do with MY dad. 57 00:02:31,380 --> 00:02:33,500 Like meet him. 58 00:02:33,500 --> 00:02:36,260 WHIRRING AND DRILLING 59 00:02:43,780 --> 00:02:45,220 Sausage... 60 00:02:53,300 --> 00:02:54,740 What the f... ? 61 00:02:56,260 --> 00:02:59,220 Steve? STEVE?! 62 00:03:00,580 --> 00:03:02,980 Steve? STEVE! 63 00:03:04,220 --> 00:03:05,900 STEEEEVE! 64 00:03:05,900 --> 00:03:07,980 Yeah, yeah! (HE CHUCKLES) 65 00:03:09,340 --> 00:03:13,140 Here's my little stud-muffin! So, is she a keeper? 66 00:03:13,140 --> 00:03:15,340 Well, she's a goer. 67 00:03:15,340 --> 00:03:17,700 Come on, Dylan, give me a little bit more information. 68 00:03:17,700 --> 00:03:19,860 Er, she's not my usual type. 69 00:03:19,860 --> 00:03:22,660 - Do you like her? - She's all right. 70 00:03:22,660 --> 00:03:24,180 Dylan, that's so romantic, love! 71 00:03:24,180 --> 00:03:25,700 Mum, I wouldn't get too excited. 72 00:03:25,700 --> 00:03:28,620 If you like her, I'm sure I'll like her too. 73 00:03:28,620 --> 00:03:30,060 Oh! 74 00:03:30,060 --> 00:03:31,420 Hi, Lorna! 75 00:03:32,420 --> 00:03:34,700 Connie! Oh, hi! 76 00:03:35,940 --> 00:03:38,500 Dylan, no. Have you got back with Zoe? 77 00:03:38,500 --> 00:03:40,100 - Not exactly. - Oh, thank God. 78 00:03:40,100 --> 00:03:43,220 for a minute there, I thought you had made a terrible mistake. 79 00:03:48,820 --> 00:03:50,180 Well, I'm fine. 80 00:03:50,180 --> 00:03:54,140 I'm fine! I can't complain. The weather's getting nice again. 81 00:03:54,140 --> 00:03:55,820 Where's Pepe? Why are you having sex with my son? 82 00:03:55,820 --> 00:03:57,140 Mum, don't be a knob. 83 00:03:57,140 --> 00:03:58,620 I know this must be a shock, 84 00:03:58,620 --> 00:04:01,220 but we bumped into each other last night and... 85 00:04:01,220 --> 00:04:04,140 It was lovely to see you, Connie. Why are you having sex with my son? 86 00:04:04,140 --> 00:04:06,220 Please, God, you're using contraception. 87 00:04:06,220 --> 00:04:07,480 - Do we need to? - Sometimes. 88 00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:09,100 I'm making tea now. 89 00:04:09,100 --> 00:04:10,580 Tea. Tea. 90 00:04:10,580 --> 00:04:11,860 Goodbye. 91 00:04:15,620 --> 00:04:17,340 You want some tea? 92 00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:20,100 I'm not thirsty. 93 00:04:20,100 --> 00:04:22,180 I'm hungry. 94 00:04:22,180 --> 00:04:23,900 Rach! 95 00:04:23,900 --> 00:04:27,220 It's Connie! Dylan's girlfriend is Connie! 96 00:04:27,220 --> 00:04:29,140 - Which Connie?- Connie Connie. 97 00:04:29,140 --> 00:04:30,860 - Your friend Connie? - Yes! 98 00:04:30,860 --> 00:04:33,700 - Steve's ex-wife Connie? - Yes, Connie! 99 00:04:33,700 --> 00:04:35,420 Dylan's ex-girlfriend's mum Connie? 100 00:04:35,420 --> 00:04:36,940 - Hi, Rach. - Hi. 101 00:04:42,820 --> 00:04:45,340 - Do you mind? - No, that's fine. 102 00:04:45,340 --> 00:04:47,020 Cheers, my love. 103 00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:48,420 Bye, Rach! 104 00:04:49,820 --> 00:04:52,100 - THAT Connie?! - Yes, that Connie. 105 00:04:52,100 --> 00:04:54,060 But she used to babysit him! 106 00:04:54,060 --> 00:04:56,820 Let's not judge. I mean, she's obviously been through a rough time. 107 00:04:56,820 --> 00:04:59,500 And being married to Steve for years is enough to drive anyone... 108 00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:01,980 - Into Dylan's bedroom? - Oh, Christ. 109 00:05:01,980 --> 00:05:03,740 I haven't even hoovered in there. 110 00:05:03,740 --> 00:05:05,460 DOOR OPENS 111 00:05:06,580 --> 00:05:08,251 - Oh! Hi. - Hi. 112 00:05:08,252 --> 00:05:09,780 Erm, don't go into our room, 113 00:05:09,780 --> 00:05:12,300 because there's no surprise in there for you. 114 00:05:12,300 --> 00:05:13,620 OK. 115 00:05:15,580 --> 00:05:17,420 50 quid it's a sofa fort. 116 00:05:17,420 --> 00:05:19,860 Dylan, ooh! (CONNIE SQUEALS WITH PLEASURE) 117 00:05:25,340 --> 00:05:28,060 - Why didn't they put a bloody door in? - I don't know, Ken. 118 00:05:28,060 --> 00:05:31,340 Domestic construction is one of two skills I haven't mastered. 119 00:05:31,340 --> 00:05:33,940 - The other one is whist. - Steve, when are they coming back? 120 00:05:33,940 --> 00:05:37,220 It's supposed to be next week, but I'll give them a ring now. 121 00:05:37,220 --> 00:05:41,140 In the meantime, try and enjoy yourself. 122 00:05:41,140 --> 00:05:44,540 Try... Try and enjoy myself?! Enjoy what? 123 00:05:44,540 --> 00:05:48,140 - Suffocation? - Well, some people say it heightens sensitivity. 124 00:05:48,140 --> 00:05:51,340 - Just call the builders. - Will do. 125 00:05:51,340 --> 00:05:54,780 If you get bored, there's a couple of tinnies left back there. 126 00:05:54,780 --> 00:05:56,380 And a newish copy of AutoTrader. 127 00:05:56,380 --> 00:05:58,980 Steve, I'm actually a bit funny about small spaces. 128 00:05:58,980 --> 00:06:00,540 Ken, it's quite a big space. 129 00:06:00,540 --> 00:06:02,020 It is small for me. 130 00:06:02,020 --> 00:06:05,060 Ken, I will not leave your side. 131 00:06:05,060 --> 00:06:07,500 I'll be your Greyfriars Bobby, 132 00:06:07,500 --> 00:06:09,300 Chewbacca to Han Solo. 133 00:06:09,300 --> 00:06:12,340 In both those cases, the other guy died. 134 00:06:12,340 --> 00:06:14,620 Let's be Jack and Rose from Titanic. 135 00:06:14,620 --> 00:06:17,220 - JUST CALL THE BLOODY BUILDERS! - Fuck it. 136 00:06:21,100 --> 00:06:24,820 Wow. I wouldn't know how to even search for that online. 137 00:06:24,820 --> 00:06:26,980 Oh, there's a whole subreddit. 138 00:06:26,980 --> 00:06:29,420 Well, I fucking enjoyed it, whatever it was. 139 00:06:29,420 --> 00:06:32,020 I don't know what Zoe was complaining about. 140 00:06:32,020 --> 00:06:33,660 Zoe complained about me? 141 00:06:33,660 --> 00:06:36,420 Oh, not about you, just about the sex. 142 00:06:36,420 --> 00:06:38,820 But Mum knows best. 143 00:06:41,300 --> 00:06:45,500 Dylan, I know we said this was just supposed a bit of fun, 144 00:06:45,500 --> 00:06:47,420 but it's sort of working, right? 145 00:06:47,420 --> 00:06:49,260 Yeah! I beat my record. 146 00:06:52,700 --> 00:06:55,140 - What you doing? - Putting a picture on Facebook. 147 00:06:55,140 --> 00:06:58,300 Chilling with my bae. Hashtag pinot, hashtag what am I like?! 148 00:06:58,300 --> 00:07:00,780 - Hold on... - There! We're official. 149 00:07:00,780 --> 00:07:03,220 God, that feels liberating. 150 00:07:09,740 --> 00:07:11,500 Erm, breakfast in bed? 151 00:07:11,500 --> 00:07:14,660 God. None of my ex-husbands ever brought me breakfast in bed. 152 00:07:14,660 --> 00:07:17,980 Well, Steve brought Weetabix once, 153 00:07:17,980 --> 00:07:19,260 but not to eat. 154 00:07:19,260 --> 00:07:21,380 PHONE BEEPS 155 00:07:21,380 --> 00:07:23,820 Oh! Our first like. 156 00:07:23,820 --> 00:07:25,260 From Zoe! 157 00:07:33,460 --> 00:07:35,860 Holy shit! 158 00:07:35,860 --> 00:07:37,100 I didn't want to get involved, 159 00:07:37,100 --> 00:07:39,980 but did you think things were moving a bit fast? 160 00:07:39,980 --> 00:07:41,380 I just saw this on Facebook... 161 00:07:41,380 --> 00:07:43,260 Why did you like it?! 162 00:07:43,260 --> 00:07:45,500 Oh, I like everything my son does on Facebook. 163 00:07:45,500 --> 00:07:47,900 Well, ignore it. It's over. 164 00:07:47,900 --> 00:07:49,300 That was quick. 165 00:07:49,301 --> 00:07:51,500 Yeah, so quick that she doesn't know about it yet. 166 00:07:51,500 --> 00:07:55,030 - Dylan? - Mum, could you do me a small favour, 167 00:07:55,031 --> 00:07:56,220 seeing as she's your friend? 168 00:07:56,220 --> 00:07:57,730 Could you tell her that it's over too? 169 00:07:57,731 --> 00:07:59,420 - I forgot to mention it. - What?! 170 00:07:59,420 --> 00:08:01,740 No rush, I won't be back for a couple of hours! 171 00:08:01,740 --> 00:08:03,420 Oh, by the way, she's expecting breakfast in bed. 172 00:08:03,420 --> 00:08:06,900 - Cheers, Mum! Bye! - Dylan! Don't you dare! Come back here! 173 00:08:06,900 --> 00:08:08,860 Lorna? Is the shower free? 174 00:08:08,860 --> 00:08:11,540 - Yeah! Help yourself! - Thanks. 175 00:08:19,540 --> 00:08:21,860 I can't believe she actually kicked me out. 176 00:08:21,860 --> 00:08:23,780 I mean, all I did was lose my job, 177 00:08:23,780 --> 00:08:25,460 pretend to go to work 178 00:08:25,460 --> 00:08:28,140 and then lie about it to my wife's face every day 179 00:08:28,140 --> 00:08:29,740 for the best part of a month. 180 00:08:29,740 --> 00:08:31,820 Well, bitches be crazy. 181 00:08:31,820 --> 00:08:34,740 They're not bitches, Steve, they're women. 182 00:08:34,740 --> 00:08:36,860 But, yes, broadly speaking, 183 00:08:36,860 --> 00:08:38,980 some of them be crazy. 184 00:08:38,980 --> 00:08:41,260 You wouldn't believe the mind games Connie used to play. 185 00:08:41,260 --> 00:08:43,140 "Toilet seat down, Steve. 186 00:08:43,140 --> 00:08:46,100 Plastic sheets for skinning squirrels, Steve." 187 00:08:46,100 --> 00:08:47,540 Skinning squirrels? 188 00:08:47,540 --> 00:08:50,460 You have to skin them, Ken, or the fur bungs up the slow cooker. 189 00:08:50,460 --> 00:08:53,620 You are a weird little creature, Steve, 190 00:08:53,620 --> 00:08:55,940 but it is nice to have someone to talk to. 191 00:08:59,300 --> 00:09:00,820 THUD 192 00:09:01,980 --> 00:09:05,220 Sssh! Go, go! Go! 193 00:09:10,060 --> 00:09:13,740 It's really nice to talk to you too, Ken. 194 00:09:13,740 --> 00:09:15,260 Very nice. 195 00:09:17,020 --> 00:09:19,620 SHE CHUCKLES 196 00:09:19,620 --> 00:09:20,860 Oh! 197 00:09:22,460 --> 00:09:25,020 Connie, can we have a little chat? 198 00:09:25,020 --> 00:09:27,500 I know what you're going to say, Lorn: it's a rebound. 199 00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:31,220 Well, actually, a double rebound, not sure what you call that. 200 00:09:31,220 --> 00:09:32,740 Return volley? 201 00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:36,900 Listen, I really shouldn't be the one telling you this, but... 202 00:09:36,900 --> 00:09:41,340 Can I just say how much it means to me that you're OK with, er... 203 00:09:41,340 --> 00:09:44,140 - You sleeping with my son? - The last thing I need is any more drama. 204 00:09:44,140 --> 00:09:45,780 Drama? 205 00:09:45,780 --> 00:09:47,020 No, no drama. I mean, 206 00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:50,460 it's not as if you're going to become my daughter-in-law. 207 00:09:51,660 --> 00:09:53,460 - Is it? - The year I've had, Lorn. 208 00:09:53,460 --> 00:09:56,020 Tearing the family apart to run off with Pepe, 209 00:09:56,020 --> 00:09:58,060 then as soon as we get engaged, Pepe gets drafted 210 00:09:58,060 --> 00:10:00,780 into the Israeli army and is never allowed to contact me again! 211 00:10:00,780 --> 00:10:05,060 There comes a time, Lorn, when you look at your life and you think, 212 00:10:05,060 --> 00:10:06,940 "Am I ever going to be happy again?" 213 00:10:07,980 --> 00:10:11,860 And then one Tuesday night in Walkabout, up dances Dylan 214 00:10:11,860 --> 00:10:16,420 with a couple of tequilas and you think, "Oh, why the fuck not?" 215 00:10:17,620 --> 00:10:19,780 I was in such a dark place. 216 00:10:19,780 --> 00:10:22,420 I can honestly say, and this is no exaggeration, 217 00:10:22,420 --> 00:10:25,060 your son pulled me back from the brink. 218 00:10:25,060 --> 00:10:28,460 But I'm rabbiting on, what was it you wanted to say? 219 00:10:28,460 --> 00:10:31,300 Oh, doesn't matter. 220 00:10:31,380 --> 00:10:33,060 It seemed very urgent a minute ago. 221 00:10:33,060 --> 00:10:36,780 And it's not now. Life's funny like that. 222 00:10:36,780 --> 00:10:38,980 No, spit it out, Lorn. 223 00:10:38,980 --> 00:10:42,900 Just, the thing is... 224 00:10:44,740 --> 00:10:46,180 ... Ken's left me. 225 00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:48,300 Really?! 226 00:10:48,300 --> 00:10:50,580 Yeah, for an air stewardess. 227 00:10:50,580 --> 00:10:52,820 Does a lot of travelling, then, for his work. 228 00:10:52,820 --> 00:10:55,020 No. He met her in a taxi. 229 00:10:55,020 --> 00:10:57,540 - He met an air stewardess in a taxi? - Yep. 230 00:10:57,540 --> 00:10:59,780 And now he's left me for her. 231 00:10:59,780 --> 00:11:01,020 The bitch. 232 00:11:01,020 --> 00:11:03,540 Oh, Lorna. All men are shits. 233 00:11:03,540 --> 00:11:05,020 Yeah. 234 00:11:05,020 --> 00:11:08,140 Oh, sod the tea, let's open some wine. 235 00:11:08,140 --> 00:11:10,300 Yeah, I think I need some. 236 00:11:12,420 --> 00:11:13,660 Wine! 237 00:11:13,660 --> 00:11:15,300 Whoo! 238 00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:20,960 - Dale! - Whoa! 239 00:11:21,060 --> 00:11:23,260 Can't go in there, the prince hasn't finished yet! 240 00:11:23,260 --> 00:11:26,260 Prince? Dale, what's going on in there? 241 00:11:26,260 --> 00:11:28,580 You don't worry about that... 242 00:11:28,580 --> 00:11:30,140 ... baby. (HE CHUCKLES) 243 00:11:30,140 --> 00:11:31,660 - Why do you say that? - Say what? 244 00:11:31,660 --> 00:11:35,140 "Baby", in that weird way. And then laugh. 245 00:11:35,140 --> 00:11:36,700 I can't keep it in any longer. 246 00:11:37,860 --> 00:11:40,220 I'm so excited for us! OK, calm down. 247 00:11:40,220 --> 00:11:43,540 I just want to dance and sing and shout from the rooftops. 248 00:11:43,540 --> 00:11:47,020 Rachel's pregnant! RACHEL'S PREGNANT! 249 00:11:47,020 --> 00:11:50,740 ELECTRO POP MUSIC PLAYS 250 00:11:56,660 --> 00:11:59,060 - Stop that. - I don't know if I can! 251 00:11:59,060 --> 00:12:02,220 Rach, all that corny stuff they say in movies, it's true! 252 00:12:02,220 --> 00:12:05,740 I feel like I'm made of clouds! - Well, you're not. 253 00:12:05,740 --> 00:12:07,660 I don't know if I definitely am pregnant yet. 254 00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:09,060 I still haven't done a test. 255 00:12:09,060 --> 00:12:10,500 Oh! I'll do one right now. 256 00:12:10,500 --> 00:12:13,020 Hey there, little guy. Give me a high five. 257 00:12:13,020 --> 00:12:15,700 Yep! I felt him. We're pregnant. 258 00:12:15,700 --> 00:12:18,460 - OK, I'm not sure that's conclusive. - Oh. 259 00:12:18,460 --> 00:12:19,700 We need to do a real test. 260 00:12:19,700 --> 00:12:21,380 - OK. - OK, come on. 261 00:12:24,500 --> 00:12:28,260 I spy with my little eye something beginning with D. 262 00:12:28,260 --> 00:12:30,420 - Well, it's not a bloody door, is it?! - So you concede? 263 00:12:30,420 --> 00:12:33,500 Well, given that I can't see anything your side of the wall, 264 00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:34,900 yes, I concede. 265 00:12:36,100 --> 00:12:39,420 It's "Devotion. To my best friend Ken". 266 00:12:39,420 --> 00:12:41,020 God. 267 00:12:41,020 --> 00:12:42,460 I can't wait to go home. 268 00:12:42,460 --> 00:12:44,980 You're not going home, Ken. Your marriage is in tatters. 269 00:12:44,980 --> 00:12:47,380 There's nothing wrong with my marriage. 270 00:12:47,380 --> 00:12:50,780 All we need is a weekend away in a B&B and maybe a visit to a castle. 271 00:12:50,780 --> 00:12:54,340 That's what I thought with me and Connie, but it's a sticking plaster. 272 00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:57,380 First it's the mini breaks, then before you know it 273 00:12:57,380 --> 00:13:00,180 you're knocking on doors at Center Parcs asking people to join in. 274 00:13:01,500 --> 00:13:03,220 Oh, God, that is bleak. 275 00:13:03,220 --> 00:13:06,260 Not as bleak as when we first split up, Ken. 276 00:13:06,260 --> 00:13:08,740 Some mornings I would drink a whole bottle of limoncello. 277 00:13:08,740 --> 00:13:11,180 Do you know what I needed most in those darkest hours? 278 00:13:11,180 --> 00:13:12,700 A packet of Rennies? 279 00:13:12,700 --> 00:13:15,220 Bloody hell, I went through so many Rennies, Ken. 280 00:13:15,220 --> 00:13:16,820 So many Rennies. 281 00:13:17,740 --> 00:13:20,980 No, I'm talking about companionship. 282 00:13:20,980 --> 00:13:23,620 I don't mean the wishy-washy love of a treacherous woman. 283 00:13:23,620 --> 00:13:27,940 I'm talking about real, male, BFF companionship. 284 00:13:28,940 --> 00:13:30,500 And you were there for me, Ken. 285 00:13:30,500 --> 00:13:32,700 Was I? I don't think I was. 286 00:13:32,700 --> 00:13:36,180 We don't need women, we need each other, forever. 287 00:13:37,740 --> 00:13:40,260 I'm putting my hand against the wall, Ken, 288 00:13:40,260 --> 00:13:43,220 it's about 1.61 metres from the floor. 289 00:13:43,220 --> 00:13:44,860 I suggest you do the same. 290 00:13:48,700 --> 00:13:50,860 Do you know what a best friend would do for me now? 291 00:13:50,860 --> 00:13:53,620 - Sing you a lullaby? - Go and see Lorna. 292 00:13:53,620 --> 00:13:56,020 Go and see Lorna and tell her I'm sorry, 293 00:13:56,020 --> 00:13:59,820 and that I'll be back as soon as the bloody builders arrive. 294 00:13:59,820 --> 00:14:03,420 OK. Yeah, I'll do that right now, Ken. 295 00:14:05,060 --> 00:14:08,900 So I'm just going, Ken, to speak to Lorna, like you asked. 296 00:14:08,900 --> 00:14:11,820 So, er... 297 00:14:11,820 --> 00:14:13,300 Bye. 298 00:14:13,300 --> 00:14:14,980 CLATTERING 299 00:14:14,980 --> 00:14:17,780 Oh, my God, you are a weird little goblin. 300 00:14:17,780 --> 00:14:19,300 Which you'll come to love. 301 00:14:19,300 --> 00:14:20,500 Steve? 302 00:14:20,500 --> 00:14:21,660 Fuck. 303 00:14:23,620 --> 00:14:25,700 MUSIC: Insane In The Brain by Cypress Hill 304 00:14:25,700 --> 00:14:27,540 You're better off without him anyway, Lorn. 305 00:14:27,540 --> 00:14:29,860 He always was a funny-looking thing. 306 00:14:29,860 --> 00:14:31,620 What?! Ken's bloody gorgeous. 307 00:14:31,620 --> 00:14:34,500 Oh, don't defend him, Lorn, not while he's out there 308 00:14:34,500 --> 00:14:35,780 stowing his tray table 309 00:14:35,780 --> 00:14:38,740 and putting his seat-back in the upright position. 310 00:14:38,740 --> 00:14:41,420 - What?! - With the air stewardess. 311 00:14:41,420 --> 00:14:45,140 Right, forgot that. Yeah, screw him! 312 00:14:45,140 --> 00:14:48,220 You could do a lot better, Lorna. 313 00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:51,940 Maybe we should double date? Me and Dylan, you and... 314 00:14:51,940 --> 00:14:53,620 Listen, Connie... 315 00:14:53,620 --> 00:14:56,060 Hello, baby! Where have you been? 316 00:14:56,060 --> 00:14:58,020 Come and dance with me. 317 00:14:58,020 --> 00:15:01,300 Yeah, in a minute. Mum, quick word? 318 00:15:04,300 --> 00:15:06,060 What's she still doing here? 319 00:15:06,060 --> 00:15:09,460 I couldn't do it, Dylan! You should be dumping your own girlfriends. 320 00:15:09,460 --> 00:15:11,660 - But she's YOUR friend! - Exactly! 321 00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:13,020 And I want to keep it that way, 322 00:15:13,020 --> 00:15:15,740 so you better grow a pair and do the right thing, because I don't 323 00:15:15,740 --> 00:15:18,220 have much wine left and I am not opening the good bottles. 324 00:15:18,220 --> 00:15:20,540 - Can't Dad dump her for me? - No, he's left me. 325 00:15:20,540 --> 00:15:23,100 - Has he?! - No. Sorry, Dylly, 326 00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:25,180 I'm getting a bit mixed up, I've had some wine. 327 00:15:25,180 --> 00:15:28,540 Look, let me teach you how to properly dump a woman. 328 00:15:28,540 --> 00:15:30,900 First of all, be honest with her. 329 00:15:35,940 --> 00:15:38,780 So you mean, tell her she's absolutely fucking mental? 330 00:15:38,780 --> 00:15:43,100 No. Not that! Look, let me write it down for you. 331 00:15:46,060 --> 00:15:47,780 Oh, my God. 332 00:15:50,980 --> 00:15:53,500 If it's a boy, we should definitely call him Ken. 333 00:15:53,500 --> 00:15:55,860 And if it's a girl... 334 00:15:55,860 --> 00:15:57,140 Kenneth. 335 00:15:57,140 --> 00:16:00,540 I dunno, I was thinking something more cool and Scandi. 336 00:16:00,540 --> 00:16:04,740 - What's the name of the woman from The Killing? - Sarah. 337 00:16:04,740 --> 00:16:05,780 No... 338 00:16:07,380 --> 00:16:09,260 God, it's crazy, isn't it? 339 00:16:09,260 --> 00:16:11,740 Just one drop of wee will decide our entire future. 340 00:16:11,740 --> 00:16:14,100 Well, that's how we got here in the first place. 341 00:16:14,100 --> 00:16:16,700 Dale, you do know it's not wee that... ? 342 00:16:16,700 --> 00:16:22,500 WHOA! Oh, it's a baby! It's a baby. 343 00:16:22,500 --> 00:16:25,980 No, that line means it's negative. I'm not pregnant. 344 00:16:31,580 --> 00:16:33,340 Are you OK? 345 00:16:34,420 --> 00:16:37,780 Yeah. Yeah, I'm actually kind of relieved. 346 00:16:37,780 --> 00:16:39,740 Kind of massively relieved. 347 00:16:39,740 --> 00:16:42,780 Oh, it's just hitting me now, actually. 348 00:16:42,780 --> 00:16:45,780 - Can you imagine us with a baby?! - Yeah! 349 00:16:45,780 --> 00:16:47,980 - And still living with my parents? - No! 350 00:16:47,980 --> 00:16:51,780 Fucking hell, Dale, I think we've just dodged a massive bullet here. 351 00:16:51,780 --> 00:16:53,645 - Yeah. - It's like I've been given 352 00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:54,980 a last-minute pardon from the governor 353 00:16:54,980 --> 00:16:56,415 and he's not going to strap me to a chair 354 00:16:56,416 --> 00:16:57,900 and inject me with motherhood. 355 00:16:57,900 --> 00:17:00,220 No, he's not. 356 00:17:01,740 --> 00:17:03,660 What are we talking about? 357 00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:10,380 Three, two, one. 358 00:17:12,820 --> 00:17:14,740 Bad news, Ken. It's over. 359 00:17:14,740 --> 00:17:17,060 - What? - She was like a woman possessed. 360 00:17:17,060 --> 00:17:19,420 Clothes all over the lawn, your history books on fire, 361 00:17:19,420 --> 00:17:21,140 screaming that she never wanted to see 362 00:17:21,140 --> 00:17:23,100 your genetically perfect arse ever again. 363 00:17:23,100 --> 00:17:24,980 That doesn't sound like Lorna. 364 00:17:24,980 --> 00:17:29,380 - There was a man there too. - A man?! What man? 365 00:17:29,380 --> 00:17:32,260 Didn't catch his name. But he was squeezing her bottom. 366 00:17:32,260 --> 00:17:33,700 What did he look like? 367 00:17:33,700 --> 00:17:36,820 Like Wolf from Gladiators. But stronger. 368 00:17:36,820 --> 00:17:39,140 Right, call Lorna, I want to speak to her now. 369 00:17:39,140 --> 00:17:41,340 No, I think that would just make matters worse. 370 00:17:41,340 --> 00:17:42,540 CALL HER! 371 00:17:44,500 --> 00:17:46,100 OK. 372 00:17:47,780 --> 00:17:50,540 Lorna! Steve Chance. 373 00:17:50,540 --> 00:17:53,540 I've got Ken here, um... 374 00:17:53,540 --> 00:17:54,940 What? 375 00:17:54,940 --> 00:17:57,380 Whoa, slow down! Oh, she's angry, Ken. 376 00:17:57,380 --> 00:18:00,300 T... tell her I'm sorry! I'm sorry! 377 00:18:00,300 --> 00:18:02,220 Ken says he's sorry. 378 00:18:02,220 --> 00:18:05,020 What? What? What? 379 00:18:05,020 --> 00:18:07,420 No, that's madness, Lorna! 380 00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:09,260 What is? What's madness?! 381 00:18:09,260 --> 00:18:10,820 You're not going to believe this, Ken. 382 00:18:10,820 --> 00:18:12,820 She's saying you should move in with me. Forever. 383 00:18:12,820 --> 00:18:14,540 Right, well, that's not going to happen. 384 00:18:14,540 --> 00:18:17,860 Well, I don't think you've got much choice, Ken. 385 00:18:17,860 --> 00:18:20,740 What's that, Lorna? Ah, yeah. She's reminding me I've got a hot tub 386 00:18:20,740 --> 00:18:22,540 - which I often fill with stout. - OK. 387 00:18:22,540 --> 00:18:24,300 Put her on speakerphone now! 388 00:18:24,300 --> 00:18:26,860 - No. No, I... - PUT HER ON SPEAKERPHONE! 389 00:18:29,060 --> 00:18:31,060 Fuck. 390 00:18:31,060 --> 00:18:33,860 IN EFFEMINATE VOICE: It's over, Ken, and I'm taking the kids! 391 00:18:33,860 --> 00:18:37,300 I could never love you the way Steve does! 392 00:18:37,300 --> 00:18:40,620 IN NORMAL VOICE: Don't be hard on yourself, Lorna. 393 00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:43,940 IN HIGHER VOICE: No, no, it's true! 394 00:18:43,940 --> 00:18:47,060 He would make a much better partner than I ever would, 395 00:18:47,060 --> 00:18:48,580 and I don't mean sexually. 396 00:18:48,580 --> 00:18:51,100 But if it developed naturally... 397 00:18:51,100 --> 00:18:53,580 KEN ROARS LOUDLY 398 00:18:55,740 --> 00:18:58,420 Sorry, Ken. I got carried away. 399 00:18:58,420 --> 00:19:02,460 - Did you even speak to Lorna? - No. It's not my finest hour. 400 00:19:02,460 --> 00:19:03,940 Did you want to speak to her? 401 00:19:05,660 --> 00:19:07,140 I'm going home. 402 00:19:14,700 --> 00:19:15,980 He'll call you back. 403 00:19:17,260 --> 00:19:18,980 I'm so pleased you understand. 404 00:19:18,980 --> 00:19:21,300 I mean, when you think about it, having a baby, 405 00:19:21,300 --> 00:19:23,460 I mean, that is a massive responsibility. 406 00:19:23,460 --> 00:19:24,820 Yeah, you're right. 407 00:19:24,820 --> 00:19:26,600 And I wasn't prepared at all. I mean, all I've been doing 408 00:19:26,620 --> 00:19:30,700 - for the past two years is looking after Sid. - Yeah. 409 00:19:30,700 --> 00:19:32,860 So how about this for a plan? 410 00:19:32,860 --> 00:19:34,460 We go back to normal, 411 00:19:34,460 --> 00:19:37,140 clock up some epic nights out to use up all our FOMO. 412 00:19:37,140 --> 00:19:40,100 And we'll try for a baby some time in the future, you know, 413 00:19:40,100 --> 00:19:41,700 when we're both ready. 414 00:19:41,700 --> 00:19:43,020 Agreed. 415 00:19:46,660 --> 00:19:49,140 So tonight? 416 00:19:49,140 --> 00:19:50,980 - Tonight?! - Sorry. 417 00:19:50,980 --> 00:19:53,740 Yeah, my bad, epic nights out first. 418 00:19:53,740 --> 00:19:55,500 I mean, it could be next year. 419 00:19:55,500 --> 00:19:57,580 Or, you know, a few. 420 00:19:57,580 --> 00:19:58,820 Right, but within five. 421 00:19:58,820 --> 00:20:00,580 Let's just live our lives, 422 00:20:00,580 --> 00:20:04,660 be spontaneous and it'll happen when we're ready. 423 00:20:04,660 --> 00:20:06,260 OK. Got it. 424 00:20:06,260 --> 00:20:08,060 I should probably take this down, then. 425 00:20:10,900 --> 00:20:13,100 Oh, my God. Dale. 426 00:20:14,660 --> 00:20:18,820 I am so sorry, I had no idea you were this ready. 427 00:20:18,820 --> 00:20:19,900 Yeah. 428 00:20:21,380 --> 00:20:22,620 I was not this ready. 429 00:20:24,420 --> 00:20:27,580 And actually this is a little intense. And this is my room 430 00:20:27,580 --> 00:20:29,980 and I have to sleep in here. Where's my bed gone?! 431 00:20:29,980 --> 00:20:32,260 Oh, my! This is so beautiful. 432 00:20:33,180 --> 00:20:34,420 Does this mean that, erm... ? 433 00:20:34,420 --> 00:20:35,900 I need some space. 434 00:20:37,500 --> 00:20:38,620 I should... 435 00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:41,220 Rachel, I'm sorry. 436 00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:52,500 Lorna, no offence, but your son is a total shit... 437 00:20:52,500 --> 00:20:54,300 just like his father. 438 00:20:54,300 --> 00:20:57,100 Oh, that's a shame, did it not work out? 439 00:20:57,100 --> 00:20:59,180 Not only has he just dumped me, 440 00:20:59,180 --> 00:21:01,580 but it was the most pathetic dumping ever. 441 00:21:01,580 --> 00:21:05,220 Pathetic?! Don't you mean thoughtful and sensitive? 442 00:21:05,220 --> 00:21:07,180 No. I bloody don't! 443 00:21:07,180 --> 00:21:09,820 He said he wants to stay friends! 444 00:21:09,820 --> 00:21:11,740 Well, that's nice, isn't it? 445 00:21:11,740 --> 00:21:13,980 What do I want to be friends with a teenager for?! 446 00:21:13,980 --> 00:21:15,780 He's, like, seven! 447 00:21:15,780 --> 00:21:17,540 And the worst part of it is, 448 00:21:17,540 --> 00:21:19,660 he was reading it all off a little bit of paper! 449 00:21:19,660 --> 00:21:22,580 Right, well, he wasn't supposed to actually read it off the paper... 450 00:21:23,980 --> 00:21:25,780 Christ! 451 00:21:25,780 --> 00:21:30,220 Your family is toxic. I don't ever want to see a Thompson man again. 452 00:21:31,300 --> 00:21:32,740 Connie, wait. 453 00:21:32,740 --> 00:21:34,380 Lorna, I... 454 00:21:34,380 --> 00:21:35,540 Connie? 455 00:21:37,780 --> 00:21:39,980 - Connie! - One in the Thompsons! 456 00:21:39,980 --> 00:21:41,500 I'll go get some ice. 457 00:21:41,500 --> 00:21:42,900 Connie? 458 00:21:42,900 --> 00:21:44,340 Steve. 459 00:21:44,340 --> 00:21:45,460 Connie. 460 00:21:46,460 --> 00:21:47,500 Steve. 461 00:21:47,500 --> 00:21:48,740 Connie! 462 00:21:48,740 --> 00:21:50,380 Why did you have to come back now? 463 00:21:53,740 --> 00:21:56,260 - Lorna! Lorna! - Oh, I missed this! 464 00:21:56,260 --> 00:21:58,060 Shove this on them! 465 00:21:58,060 --> 00:21:59,300 Yeah. 466 00:22:00,700 --> 00:22:02,340 - Oh Christ! - It's all right. 467 00:22:02,340 --> 00:22:03,860 Just there! 468 00:22:03,860 --> 00:22:06,220 Why, Lorna, why?! 469 00:22:08,140 --> 00:22:11,060 "... but then the handsome prince slayed the evil dragon 470 00:22:11,060 --> 00:22:12,740 and saved all the villagers! 471 00:22:12,740 --> 00:22:16,940 And so the prince and his beautiful princess lived happily ever after." 472 00:22:18,860 --> 00:22:20,720 Well, until the princess had a pregnancy scare 473 00:22:20,730 --> 00:22:22,240 and needed some space. 474 00:22:23,340 --> 00:22:28,140 But don't worry, Sid, the handsome prince knew exactly what to do. 475 00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:38,000 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com - 476 00:22:38,050 --> 00:22:42,600 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 35715

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