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1
00:00:04,640 --> 00:00:06,510
KEN: No, no, no!
2
00:00:06,560 --> 00:00:09,390
I don't want to go to Steve and
Connie's, why did you agree to that?
3
00:00:09,440 --> 00:00:11,790
- You're supposed to love me.
- Connie's making a pudding.
4
00:00:11,840 --> 00:00:13,750
Don't trick me
with Connie's pudding again.
5
00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:16,390
Steve is really looking forward
to seeing you.
6
00:00:16,440 --> 00:00:17,950
Don't you want to see your friends?
7
00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:19,470
Steve is not my friend.
8
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:23,430
I'm seeing MY friends this weekend
at the university reunion piss-up.
9
00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:26,110
They're the people I like.
Kind of like.
10
00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:29,030
You see more of Steve than you do
of all of that lot put together.
11
00:00:29,080 --> 00:00:31,750
I think that's the saddest thing
that anyone's ever said.
12
00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:33,720
HE SIGHS
13
00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:36,830
What're you two doing tonight?
14
00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:38,390
Mortgage forms. Woo(!)
15
00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:42,070
Got a meet with an advisor tomorrow,
but later we're watching a DVD.
16
00:00:42,120 --> 00:00:44,990
Oh, calm down, Sid and Nancy.
Someone's going to get hurt.
17
00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:46,390
Heh...
18
00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:50,070
- Hey, Mom!
- Oh, please don't call me that. - Check this out.
19
00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:51,470
DING!
20
00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:53,590
HE GIGGLES
21
00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:55,280
I learned a song too.
22
00:00:56,840 --> 00:01:00,990
? Hare Krishna
Hare Krishna ?
23
00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:02,720
? Krishna, Krishna... ?
24
00:01:08,960 --> 00:01:12,360
? Rama, rama
Hare Rama. ?
25
00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:15,710
Meet anyone interesting today?
26
00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:18,430
Yes, I did, Ken.
These really super sweet guys.
27
00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:20,950
Bald-headed guys? Yes!
28
00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:23,830
Were they in the shopping centre
giving out leaflets?
29
00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:25,430
You know them too?!
30
00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:28,550
The nicest folk I've met
since I've been here.
31
00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:30,510
Well, aside from those
super-friendly
32
00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:32,630
Jehovah's Witness guys
last Wednesday.
33
00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:34,870
Yes. This also happened.
34
00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:36,830
Ken told me
I should stop talking to them.
35
00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:39,590
After all, I did just get
out of some cult myself.
36
00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:42,070
Not going to dive back into
another one any time soon!
37
00:01:42,120 --> 00:01:43,910
Oh, Dale...
38
00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:45,000
What?
39
00:01:48,080 --> 00:01:49,550
No.
40
00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:50,630
Yes.
41
00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:52,670
Are you serious?!
42
00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:54,470
You gotta be kidding me!
43
00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:57,280
Oh, look, it's the Dale-lai Lama!
44
00:01:58,520 --> 00:02:00,430
Dale-lai Lama, Ken.
45
00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:02,670
Here's the woman I married.
46
00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:04,710
Very nice!
47
00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:06,320
Change now.
48
00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:10,270
It's pure bullshit.
I mean, if you look at the real data,
49
00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:12,350
they are in fact harmless.
50
00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:14,390
We should all be taking them,
all of us.
51
00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:16,830
It's just not politically correct
to say so.
52
00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:20,630
Yeah, regardless, I'll have the pate
without steroids, please.
53
00:02:20,680 --> 00:02:23,150
All right.
I've forgotten which is which now.
54
00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:25,390
The chicken liver. God, Steve!
55
00:02:25,440 --> 00:02:28,670
OK, I'm just trying to change things
from the norm.
56
00:02:28,720 --> 00:02:31,150
Like we do in this house, apparently.
57
00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:33,230
Sorry, guys.
Steve still gets jealous
58
00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:35,680
about my having a Latin stallion
of a lover.
59
00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:38,870
But mostly, the three of us
get along just fine.
60
00:02:38,920 --> 00:02:40,360
Isn't that right, Pepe?
61
00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:44,950
So, Dale, how are you settling in?
62
00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:48,030
Oh, great! Everyone's so nice here.
63
00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:51,230
Though, no offence,
you do live pretty weird lives.
64
00:02:51,280 --> 00:02:53,430
I mean,
you have no discernible leader,
65
00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:56,150
children live with
their own parents.
66
00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:58,950
Oh, and purification by fire
doesn't even exist here.
67
00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:00,630
No. Oh, and get this.
68
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:05,590
Every time I find people I actually
relate to, Ken says they're a cult.
69
00:03:05,640 --> 00:03:07,710
I think, psychologically speaking,
70
00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:11,750
that leaving this cult has left you
searching for an identity.
71
00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:15,670
That's why joining another cult
is an easy fix.
72
00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:19,630
Really, Connie,
so interesting to hear your wholly unprofessional opinion.
73
00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:21,750
No, no. Hold on, chief Ken.
74
00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:24,960
Connie, you are a wise old woman.
75
00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:29,390
So if this is true, what does
it mean? What should I do?
76
00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:33,030
Well, a lot of people find
an identity through their work.
77
00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:34,830
What are you good at?
78
00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:37,470
I don't know.
I spent 21 years of my life
79
00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:41,190
staying physically and spiritually
pure so I can be beamed up to space
80
00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:43,790
and hang out with
sexually curious aliens. Nice.
81
00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:47,310
Turns out that's a no-go.
So, any other ideas?
82
00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:50,470
Some people follow
their father's profession.
83
00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:51,550
Oh, no...
84
00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:53,910
Oh, boom! Potato van.
85
00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:56,310
Oh, my God, Dale,
you would love that.
86
00:03:56,360 --> 00:03:57,750
That is such a great idea.
87
00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:00,230
Like following in
my father's footsteps.
88
00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:01,920
Think I'm going to go for a piss.
89
00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:06,070
ZOE GIGGLES
90
00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:08,790
DYLAN MUMBLES PLAYFULLY
91
00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:10,750
Dylan, out. Now.
92
00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:13,150
Oi, ten more minutes.
93
00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:15,990
I don't see why. You don't appear
to be using the toilet.
94
00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:19,550
Come on, I'm close to a
breakthrough here. Man's solidarity.
95
00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:21,680
Hold it in. Out!
96
00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:26,560
Ken. Oh, hello, Zoe!
97
00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:32,030
You are going to hate the nursing
home I stick you in. Oh, scared(!)
98
00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:35,000
I must increase
my pension contributions.
99
00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:39,550
So, Dad, when are you going to buy me
a car for getting into university?
100
00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:43,390
This isn't an American film, Dylan,
I'm never going to buy you a car.
101
00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:46,310
If I had money to buy you a car,
I'd buy ME a car.
102
00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:50,190
You are so ungrateful. How do you
even sleep at night? Jesus.
103
00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:52,510
Er, don't get out here,
it's dangerous, Dylan.
104
00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:54,880
Don't want my mates to know
you're my dad.
105
00:04:57,040 --> 00:04:59,830
Goodbye, son!
Have a nice day, my boy.
106
00:04:59,880 --> 00:05:02,070
Hey, everybody, that's my son!
107
00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:05,720
Dylan Thompson!
He loves me, and I love him!
108
00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:08,680
Little prick.
109
00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:13,790
Dylan, it's uncanny.
Every time we're about to do it, something interrupts.
110
00:05:13,840 --> 00:05:15,590
Maybe it's the universe's way
of saying
111
00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:18,030
you're meant to stay a virgin.
Yeah, but I'm not a virgin.
112
00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:20,310
I lost my virginity to an escort
on Cuckoo's stag do.
113
00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:22,830
No-one believes that story.
What?!
114
00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:23,950
OK, look, listen,
115
00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:26,550
my dad's away at some reunion
this weekend, so that means
116
00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:29,870
I've only got to get Mum out
the house and she's a soft touch.
117
00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:31,150
She actually trusts me.
118
00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:34,390
What? You can get
a free house on Saturday?
119
00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:37,830
Yeah! We're going to do things
that shouldn't be allowed.
120
00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:41,150
Why don't you have
a massive fuck-off party?
121
00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:44,390
Erm, because I'm not allowed
to have a massive fuck-off party.
122
00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:47,110
You get a free house, have a party.
It's what people do, Dylan.
123
00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:48,470
Yeah, well, I-I can't.
124
00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:50,230
If you don't, you're dickless.
125
00:05:50,280 --> 00:05:53,270
And I can't have sex with someone
who's dickless, it doesn't work.
126
00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:55,550
Logistically. Zoe, wait...
127
00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:58,640
So if, IF I have this party...
128
00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:01,710
..can we have sex at that party?
129
00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:03,670
Why not? Sure. You swear?
130
00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:04,830
Swear.
131
00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:06,990
Get ready. Virgin.
132
00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:08,630
I will!
133
00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:09,760
I mean, I'm not.
134
00:06:10,840 --> 00:06:12,600
I'm tapping that on Saturday night.
135
00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:26,560
Cuckoo?
136
00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:28,760
Oh, hey, Mom.
137
00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:31,310
Please don't call me that.
138
00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:34,550
Um...why are you wearing
Cuckoo's clothes?
139
00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:36,950
Oh, I found the stash of them
in the van.
140
00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:38,520
Oh, check this out.
141
00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:41,910
His book of potato recipes.
142
00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:44,150
Cool, huh? Yeah.
143
00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:46,790
Mom, for the first time
since I left the ashram,
144
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:49,070
I feel like I finally belong
somewhere.
145
00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:51,200
I mean, I have a destiny.
146
00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:54,670
I'm a potato man, just like Dad.
147
00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:57,710
Well, good luck with it.
148
00:06:57,760 --> 00:07:00,510
Hey, wait... Mom.
149
00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:02,440
I have to ask,
150
00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:05,350
am I anything like him?
151
00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:07,190
Oh, Dale, I barely know you.
152
00:07:07,240 --> 00:07:09,400
First impressions, just shoot.
153
00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:13,150
Well, I don't know. Um...
154
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:17,190
Cuckoo was this free, chaotic spirit
155
00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:18,870
who just made everyone happy.
156
00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:22,150
When you were with him,
life was like a party.
157
00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:28,560
And you're more like this loyal dog
who does whatever anyone tells you.
158
00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:37,160
All right. No, no, that, um...
that makes sense.
159
00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:41,470
Well...
160
00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:44,550
a potato man's work is never done.
Got to keep going!
161
00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:46,960
Bye, Mom. Bye...
162
00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:54,750
Bye, Dad.
Say hi to your uni mates for me!
163
00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:57,120
Oh, bye, Dylan. Yeah.
See you soon, son.
164
00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:09,430
Mum. Where are you going
to be on Saturday?
165
00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:12,990
I'm staying in. Stuffing my face.
166
00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:16,950
X Factor and Strictly and no Dad
trying to turn it over to BBC Four.
167
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:19,310
Come on, it's a Saturday night,
you should go out.
168
00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:21,070
Nah, don't feel like it.
169
00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:23,510
You know, Dad's away,
time for the mouse to play.
170
00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:25,550
Not in a bad way, obviously.
171
00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:28,270
But, I mean,
if someone does take your fancy...
172
00:08:28,320 --> 00:08:30,510
Look, I'm just saying
I think you should go out
173
00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:33,550
and have a few drinks and be back
by two in the morning, no earlier.
174
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,230
What's your angle, Dylan?
175
00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:37,150
OK, look.
I want to have a party on Saturday.
176
00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:39,390
There you go!
All you needed to do was ask.
177
00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:41,190
No. Mum!
178
00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:43,310
Actually, I'm surprised.
179
00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:46,230
Cos you're that bit cooler than Dad,
aren't you?
180
00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:48,950
I mean, you went to that
Hasha thingy. The Hacienda.
181
00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:50,670
Yeah, twice.
182
00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:52,750
Me and the girls drove in
from Chesterfield.
183
00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:55,390
Viv had this old Ford Sierra...
184
00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:58,750
There you go, fascinating.
So, can I have a party?
185
00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:01,680
No, love. I'd say yes
but your dad would kill me.
186
00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:05,680
Zoe said she'll have sex with me
if I have a party.
187
00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:09,560
Go on...!
188
00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:14,590
Nice, wasn't he?
That's why I picked him.
189
00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:17,720
I thought, for a mortgage advisor,
this guy is cool.
190
00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:21,520
You're quiet.
191
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:24,030
Yeah...
192
00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:25,590
Don't know, it's weird, isn't it?
193
00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:28,110
I mean, we're talking about loans
for 25 years.
194
00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:30,630
It's older than me!
195
00:09:30,680 --> 00:09:34,750
That's what I love about us, Rach.
We balance each other so well.
196
00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:37,990
You've got this wild side
that's like, "Let's go to Laos
197
00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:41,790
"and party under the waterfalls."
I've got that too, totally.
198
00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:45,590
But there's also
this tiny lawyer part of me
199
00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:49,750
that looks at a five-year flat rate
below 4% and goes,
200
00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:52,910
"That's kind of thrilling,
in a daft sort of way."
201
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:54,590
THEY LAUGH
202
00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:57,630
Do you think we will ever go to Laos
and party under the waterfalls?
203
00:09:57,680 --> 00:09:59,430
Oh, for sure.
204
00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:03,350
But Rach, building a life,
there's some dull stuff to be done.
205
00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:06,430
You know, like you've got to eat
your main course
206
00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:07,870
before you get pudding.
207
00:10:07,920 --> 00:10:09,510
Why not just eat pudding?
208
00:10:09,560 --> 00:10:12,030
Well, you can,
after your main course.
209
00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:15,910
Yeah... But you could just
go straight to pudding.
210
00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:17,590
Yeah.
211
00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:20,960
Right. Yeah! Yeah. Yeah...
212
00:10:22,680 --> 00:10:25,190
Best mum ever. No contest.
Oh, isn't that nice?
213
00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:28,590
Oh, please! Guess what? Mum says
I can have a party on Saturday.
214
00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:31,550
Are you serious?
You never let me have a party.
215
00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:35,030
Dylan's going to lose his virginity.
About bloody time.
216
00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:38,030
Oi! I am not a virgin. Oh, Dylan,
nobody believes that story.
217
00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:40,230
Tell them what they have to do, then.
218
00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:42,670
So I'm heading off to Stratford
with Connie,
219
00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:45,750
and I thought, responsible adults...
220
00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:47,750
Oh, an honour, Lorna.
Really?!
221
00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:49,950
Sure, yeah,
just hang out in your room
222
00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:51,830
and make sure the kids
don't get out of hand.
223
00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:53,870
Kids? I'm like three years older
than them.
224
00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:55,950
Most of them probably fancied me
at school.
225
00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:58,550
No-one fancied you at school,
or in fact now.
226
00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:00,790
Er, not true. I do.
227
00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:03,350
So that's one person.
228
00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:06,230
Anyway, we can't on Saturday
cos we've got plans.
229
00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:07,910
Big plans. Haven't we, Ben?
230
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:11,310
Damn right we do. Last four episodes
of True Detective.
231
00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:14,390
Actually, Rach, we could just
polish them off in your room
232
00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:15,670
while the party rages.
233
00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:18,710
Oh, yeah, didn't think of that.
Thanks, Ben(!)
234
00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:20,590
Dale, Dylan's going to have a party.
235
00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:23,270
Oh, great!
We had parties on the ashram.
236
00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:25,670
Vashradi would take
the special magical powder
237
00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:28,710
and intercourse with the womenfolk
all day. It looked like fun.
238
00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:30,750
Don't get too excited,
you're not coming. Oh!
239
00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:33,070
What?! He'll do something
really weird and ruin it.
240
00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:35,790
Fair point, I probably would. Wait!
241
00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:39,710
All parties need food.
People get hungry.
242
00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:41,230
Right. Where's this going?
243
00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:43,910
Dale, your potato van. Mum, no!
244
00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:48,950
Oh, no, tomorrow night?
No, no, no, no, I'm not ready.
245
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:50,790
I haven't practised
half the recipes.
246
00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:53,470
You've got to start sometime.
You've worked really hard.
247
00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:55,470
You think? Yeah.
248
00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:57,230
OK. I'm there.
249
00:11:57,280 --> 00:11:59,790
Tomorrow, cometh the hour,
cometh the potato man.
250
00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:02,200
Thanks, best Mom ever!
251
00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:12,230
Mm! Not as shit
as I thought it would be.
252
00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:13,510
It's got a tang.
253
00:12:13,560 --> 00:12:17,070
Thanks. That's my dad's
special sauce. Great.
254
00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:19,910
So anyway, Dale, it's really
important that you stay away
255
00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:22,430
from the party
until the right moment.
256
00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:24,030
OK, got it. When will that be?
257
00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:26,990
I don't know, towards the end,
when the party starts winding down,
258
00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:28,950
that's when people will get
really hungry.
259
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:31,550
Oh! I like it, that's clever.
260
00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:33,110
So you sit here for six, seven hours,
261
00:12:33,160 --> 00:12:35,190
and then I'll text you
when I need you. Yeah? OK?
262
00:12:35,240 --> 00:12:38,110
Yeah, no problem. On the ashram,
during my year in solitary,
263
00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:39,950
I learned to access
a trance-like state.
264
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:42,230
That just makes time fly by.
265
00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:45,120
Great, use that. Laters.
Hey, Dale...
266
00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:49,070
You know,
I'm kinda nervous about this.
267
00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:52,430
My dad was the best philosophical
potato man in all of Litchfield.
268
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:55,870
I can't help but think,
what if I'm not a natural at this?
269
00:12:55,920 --> 00:12:58,990
What if I let your sister down
and betray my father's legacy?
270
00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:02,320
And if I'm not a potato man,
then...who am I?
271
00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:05,160
I don't give a shit, mate.
272
00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:14,910
MUSIC: "Down The Road" by C2C
273
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:17,720
LAUGHTER AND CHATTER
274
00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:24,390
Hi, guys.
275
00:13:24,440 --> 00:13:27,080
What's up, mate? All right?
276
00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:29,750
Enter the pleasure dome!
277
00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:32,470
Get yourself comfy in the bedroom
and I'll bring the drinks.
278
00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:33,750
Dylan, I just got here.
279
00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:37,590
Yeah, you said... I'm not going to
walk in and shag you straightaway.
280
00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:42,150
Party's still warming up. This way
we miss the lame early stages.
281
00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:45,640
Repeat after me, we'll do it
when Zoe says we'll do it.
282
00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:49,830
We'll do it when Zoe says
we'll do it. Good boy.
283
00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:52,830
Now, Zoe wants a drink.
284
00:13:52,880 --> 00:13:56,910
Ready to rock!
I brought a massive bag of Twiglets.
285
00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:58,160
Right...
286
00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:06,000
MUSIC: "Over Your Shoulder"
by Chromeo
287
00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:14,880
TV SHOW PLAYS ON LAPTOP
288
00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:20,030
What was the best party you ever
went to? Not over the show, Rach.
289
00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:22,670
What was the best party
you ever went to?
290
00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:25,910
Well, OK, picture the scene.
291
00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:30,150
Warwick, a murder mystery party, I
spotted the killer within the hour.
292
00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:32,550
OK, mine was out in Thailand.
293
00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:36,790
Cuckoo rode us all out to
this little teeny, tiny island.
294
00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:39,630
Party was heaving,
295
00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:43,280
and I can remember just being
pressed up against him.
296
00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:48,200
And running out into the forest
to make love.
297
00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:51,240
Dancing again.
298
00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:55,240
Making love again.
299
00:14:57,520 --> 00:15:00,510
Sorry, Ben, I totally interrupted
you there. Oh, yeah.
300
00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:05,030
Erm...after I won the game,
301
00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:08,960
er, we all had an orgy...
302
00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:11,590
..and some heroin.
303
00:15:11,640 --> 00:15:13,030
Did you?
304
00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:15,840
Yeah. Warwick was just
that sort of town.
305
00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:20,550
Up. Yeah, you're right,
we should probably check on them.
306
00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:22,950
It's a party,
why don't we just join in?
307
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:26,270
Because we're supervising them.
We're still young.
308
00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:29,800
We can still show these kids
a bit of a thing or two.
309
00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:32,160
Mm!
310
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:40,000
MUSIC: "No More Serious Faces"
by Inpetto
311
00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:44,470
You see the match today?
312
00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:45,990
Yeah, 5-0. You see the first goal?
313
00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:48,160
Punching. Wasn't offside, was it?
314
00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:57,270
I mean, Steve says he wants to be
part of the lovemaking,
315
00:15:57,320 --> 00:16:00,910
but most of the time he glowers
in the corner eating monkey nuts.
316
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,030
Shells all over the carpet.
317
00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:04,520
Ken likes monkey nuts.
318
00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:08,070
So go on, then,
what gossip from you?
319
00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:09,910
Nothing.
320
00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:13,200
Oh, apart from the obvious.
The obvious?
321
00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:18,230
Zoe hasn't told you?
Tonight's the night.
322
00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:19,710
Night for what?
323
00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:23,720
For Dylan and Zoe, the first time.
Doing the thing.
324
00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:28,240
Connie. What, what the...
We've got to stop them!
325
00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:32,910
Let's drink to the greatest night
of Zoe's life!
326
00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:34,470
CHEERING
327
00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:37,670
MUSIC: "212" by Azealia Banks
328
00:16:37,720 --> 00:16:40,000
Everybody's hungry, Dylan.
329
00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:49,160
MOBILE BEEPS
330
00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:55,440
Oh, boy. Spirit of my father,
look down on me.
331
00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:01,960
MUSIC: "Mr Boombastic" by Shaggy
332
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:09,720
Who is that?
333
00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:14,160
Who here likes jack-at potatoes?
334
00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:17,630
GIRLS GIGGLE AND SCREAM
335
00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:19,920
OK. Yes!
336
00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:22,800
Oh, my God...
337
00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:26,070
Are you Dylan's brother?
338
00:17:26,120 --> 00:17:28,510
No, I am his sister's
husband's long-lost son.
339
00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:29,830
Do you want some sauce?
340
00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:31,910
I would love to try your sauce.
341
00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:33,190
THEY GIGGLE
342
00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:36,710
Uh-uh, not mine, my dead father's.
There you go.
343
00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:38,550
What's your name?
344
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:41,230
Er, hi. You want some sauce?
345
00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:42,790
Oh, I'd love some of your sauce.
346
00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:44,720
So good.
347
00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:47,950
Who's next?
348
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,270
Oh, boy.
349
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:53,070
All right, more, yes? OK. Sauce?
350
00:17:53,120 --> 00:17:55,950
I fell under Steve's sexual fraud
at a very early age
351
00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:58,470
and I've never recovered.
I can't have that happen to Zoe.
352
00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:00,630
Oh, come on, Connie,
it's not like she's a virgin.
353
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:01,830
She certainly is!
354
00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:04,310
She had sex with Neil. Nina's kid.
355
00:18:04,360 --> 00:18:07,070
Lies, Lorna. She is unmounted.
356
00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:09,750
Now, just be quiet,
while I concentrate on protecting
357
00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:13,720
my chaste, high-achieving daughter
from your predatory no-hoper son!
358
00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:16,360
Well, I think Dylan's lovely.
359
00:18:18,120 --> 00:18:21,040
MUSIC: "White Lines"
by Grandmaster Flash
360
00:18:22,280 --> 00:18:24,350
Come on.
361
00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:26,070
Britain's ultimate lad, mate. Yeah?
362
00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:29,080
It said premium lager.
But I don't think it was premium.
363
00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:41,680
How did I do, Dad?
364
00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:46,790
You. Dance floor.
365
00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:48,600
What? Me?
366
00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:56,230
It's time. Virgin.
367
00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:58,440
I'm not a vir... Oh...
STOMACH GRUMBLES
368
00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:02,750
Just should've read the label.
369
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:05,190
I mean, that beer was at least 4%.
370
00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:06,590
Yeah.
371
00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:09,150
Don't worry, though,
I always get a second wind.
372
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:11,200
Course you do.
373
00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:17,830
I love you.
374
00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:20,680
MUSIC: "Everyone Nose" by N.E.R.D.
375
00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:34,720
That was super fun.
376
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:38,480
Whoo! Yeah! OK, I'll see you later.
377
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:49,910
Take them off, then.
378
00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:52,400
So you want to see the goods?
Whatever.
379
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:56,470
STOMACH GURGLING
380
00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:59,120
Give me a few seconds.
381
00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:06,550
Oh, God, help me now, please help me.
382
00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:09,630
If there is a god,
help me now, intercede.
383
00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:12,390
KNOCKING
Dylan! Dylan.
384
00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:15,200
What are you doing in there?
Er, one second!
385
00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:22,040
Come on, Dylan. Yeah. One sec.
386
00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:25,440
KNOCKING
Dylan!
387
00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:29,160
Just open the door, Dylan.
388
00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:32,190
Hey.
389
00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:33,550
There you are.
390
00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:35,750
Yeah. Just, er,
making myself look nice, you know,
391
00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:37,760
I want this to be special.
392
00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:40,910
You look weird.
393
00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:44,160
I'm just massively turned on.
Er, my room?
394
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:50,190
Thought we could stay here.
Take it slowly.
395
00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:52,390
Oh, yeah? And enjoy the moment.
396
00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:53,680
Yeah, definitely.
397
00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:58,320
RUMBLING, RETCHING
398
00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:05,230
HE RETCHES AND SWALLOWS HARD
399
00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:08,320
Are you ready? Virgin.
400
00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:12,070
STRAINED: Yeah...
401
00:22:12,120 --> 00:22:14,870
I used to go out dancing
all the time.
402
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:17,430
Seems like a lifetime ago.
403
00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:19,510
Well, you had fun tonight.
404
00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:21,390
Yeah.
405
00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:24,880
God, but look at me.
22-year-old widow.
406
00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:29,710
Boring job. Frumpy.
407
00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:31,470
HE LAUGHS
408
00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:34,960
Oh, crap! You're easily the
hottest girl at this whole party.
409
00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:38,200
No, you don't have to say that.
410
00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:42,430
It's true, Rachel.
411
00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:45,430
When I saw you on that dance floor,
I was just like,
412
00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:50,390
"Oh, my gosh, there's Mom,
she's so stunningly beautiful."
413
00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:52,360
It makes me...
414
00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:57,190
I don't know,
it makes my heart sink into my toes
415
00:22:57,240 --> 00:22:59,520
and my whole self kind of tingle.
416
00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:03,440
Probably just pride.
417
00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:06,270
Yeah.
418
00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:10,510
Well, congratulations,
that special sauce was perfect.
419
00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:11,710
How did you make that?
420
00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:14,230
I didn't have to, there was
two bottles of it in the garage.
421
00:23:14,280 --> 00:23:16,550
In the garage?
422
00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:19,150
Mmm-hmm. Dale, those bottles
would've been two years old,
423
00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:20,430
there was fish in that sauce.
424
00:23:20,480 --> 00:23:22,790
GROANING
425
00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:26,560
Oh, God, how many people had
that sauce, Dale? Only everyone.
426
00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:32,790
So slave, do you want this? Yeah.
427
00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:34,350
Say you want it, slave.
428
00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:36,350
I want it, definitely. Quickly.
429
00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:39,110
No. I'm going to make you wait.
430
00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:41,150
Really? No, please don't.
431
00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:42,760
CAR APPROACHES
432
00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:46,720
Rachel, where's Zoe?
433
00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:51,230
KNOCKING
I need to be sick!
434
00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:55,550
Go away! Are you ready?
Mm-hm. Yeah, I'm so ready, come on.
435
00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:58,390
HAMMERING ON DOOR
Zoe, come out of there. Mum!
436
00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:01,230
Get out of there now!
Carry on, Zoe, please.
437
00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:03,990
I'll break the door down!
Zoe, don't stop, don't stop.
438
00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:06,710
OMINOUS, DEEP RUMBLING
439
00:24:06,760 --> 00:24:09,030
I'm coming in!
GRUMBLING
440
00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:11,510
Zoe! Are you still...
441
00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:13,960
ENORMOUS FART
442
00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:17,270
..intact? Oh!
443
00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:19,510
ZOE YELPS
444
00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:22,590
Gross!
ZOE SCREAMS
445
00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:25,190
No, why, why?! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
446
00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:28,790
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
447
00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:33,510
No, please, hold it in!
Oh, here, do it in this!
448
00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:35,680
Everyone out of the house!
449
00:24:58,040 --> 00:25:00,760
What happened?
Why did everyone get sick?
450
00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:07,920
I don't know.
Maybe they just drank too much.
451
00:25:12,360 --> 00:25:13,720
Oh!
452
00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:29,470
Oh, they killed me, Lorn.
The bastards killed me.
453
00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:31,830
Did someone have too much booze?
Oh...
454
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:34,150
You probably want to get
straight to bed, don't you?
455
00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:36,040
Correct.
456
00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:41,350
Have you redecorated in here?
457
00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:43,440
Erm, maybe. Yes.
458
00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:47,320
Just on a whim,
I just fancied a change.
459
00:25:48,360 --> 00:25:51,640
So you put up exactly the same
wallpaper and carpets as before?
460
00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:55,950
You don't want to deal
with this now.
461
00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:59,110
I don't want to deal with this now.
You just want to lie down.
462
00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:01,190
I just want to lie down.
463
00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:03,600
HE SNIFFS
Did you have fondue?
464
00:26:03,650 --> 00:26:08,200
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