Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:22,920
WIND HOWLS
2
00:00:26,240 --> 00:00:28,590
VOICE ON RADIO: 'I'm totally fine.
3
00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:31,870
'OK, maybe I shouldn't have climbed
this terrifying windy rock face but
4
00:00:31,920 --> 00:00:34,990
'I saw the baby goat and I just had
to save that little critter's life.'
5
00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:36,750
GOAT BLEATS
That is mountain goat.
6
00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:38,430
They live on mountain.
7
00:00:38,480 --> 00:00:41,390
You're not saving life,
you're just chasing him.
8
00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:44,230
MAN SPEAKS NEPALI
9
00:00:44,280 --> 00:00:45,590
'Four goats!
10
00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:50,190
'Four of 'em, just sitting on
the mountain like they live here.'
11
00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:54,190
Yes. Mountain goat!
I tell you many times!
12
00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:56,550
'Wow, they have awesome balance!
13
00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:59,190
'I don't think I can keep my grip
on such a steep...
14
00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:00,800
'Whoa!'
15
00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:09,840
MAN SPEAKS NEPALI
16
00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:16,430
Young man dressed like,
er, it's special phrase -
17
00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:20,150
in your language, Western man
who think he look Nepalese,
18
00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:24,320
but actually just look like penis.
Phew, oh, so it's not Cuckoo!
19
00:01:25,720 --> 00:01:27,950
Are there any other details?
HE CONTINUES IN NEPALI
20
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:29,750
He remember one final thing.
21
00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:34,750
Young man have, how you say...
interesting packed lunch.
22
00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:38,280
On the outside,
hard like leather of the yak...
23
00:01:39,960 --> 00:01:45,510
..on the inside, soft and fluffy
like the yawny of the great goddess.
24
00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:49,320
Jacket potato-ah!
25
00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:52,710
SHE SOBS
26
00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:54,430
Jacket potato-ah!
27
00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:57,350
Jacket potato. Rachel, I'm so sorry.
28
00:01:57,400 --> 00:01:59,990
Jacket potatoes!
SOBBING CONTINUES
29
00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:03,150
HE SPEAKS NEPALI AGAIN
Jacket potatoes!
30
00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:04,760
SHE SOBS LOUDLY
31
00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:09,320
MUSIC: "No Rain"
by Blind Melon
32
00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:30,310
? All I can say is
that my life is pretty plain
33
00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:36,870
? I like watchin'
the puddles gather rain
34
00:02:36,920 --> 00:02:42,790
? And all I can do is just
pour some tea for two... ?
35
00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:45,640
SONG CONTINUES ON THE RADIO,
KEN SIGHS
36
00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:48,790
Get it open right now, Dylan!
37
00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:52,280
Got a good feeling about this, Ken.
Have you? Yes.
38
00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:57,550
Oh, bollocks!
I didn't get any of my choices.
39
00:02:57,600 --> 00:03:00,390
Right, well, sorry, I disown you.
He tried his best!
40
00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:03,550
Anyway, with looks like that,
Dyly doesn't need good grades.
41
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:05,830
Ha-ha!
I was shitting you, you idiots!
42
00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:09,430
I got in! To do media studies
at the University of Roehampton.
43
00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:11,510
Oh, wow, Dyly! You little shit!
44
00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:15,310
Roehampton! I'll take that, son.
I'll bloody take that! Well done.
45
00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:18,270
Now do you see what a dick you were,
Dad, telling me to work harder?
46
00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:20,750
Aw, we'll miss you when you go
to uni, Dylan. Obviously.
47
00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:23,240
Champagne, I think.
Who cares if it's before work?!
48
00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:28,120
Get it in!
49
00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:41,560
CHEERFUL WHISTLING
50
00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:45,470
Ben, hello. You seem cheerful.
51
00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:48,270
Well, Dylan actually
got in to university.
52
00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:50,630
Says something
about the state of the country,
53
00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:53,270
but otherwise, great news.
And what can I do for you?
54
00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:55,070
Other than get us
a new centre forward
55
00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:57,550
for the City game on Saturday.
We need one! Ha!
56
00:03:57,600 --> 00:03:59,710
God, we need one.
I might just do it myself.
57
00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:02,430
You'd be an improvement!
"Here comes the big man upfront."
58
00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:04,230
"Bit of weight to throw around."
59
00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:05,680
OK, let's leave it there.
60
00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:08,110
Well...
61
00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:09,910
What's up, my boy?
62
00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:13,760
Ken, OK, er, Ken...
63
00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:16,910
What is it? Hurry up.
64
00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:20,510
Rachel and I have been seeing each
other for just shy of a year now
65
00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:23,270
and, as tradition dictates,
I thought it right
66
00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:27,590
to seek your permission
to ask your daughter to... Yes...?
67
00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:29,870
..cohabit with me.
68
00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:34,110
Cohabit? Yes. With Rachel's
temp income, by my reckoning,
69
00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:38,430
we could stretch to a three-bed
semi with adequate garden area.
70
00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:41,470
I've put together a folder
of potential mortgages.
71
00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:42,960
Take a squiz!
72
00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:47,630
Colour coded.
A very complete job, then.
73
00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:49,400
I'm asking her tomorrow.
74
00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:56,470
Good luck, and, Ben,
as my old granddaddy used to say,
75
00:04:56,520 --> 00:04:59,630
"When you're out a-wooing,
never take a folder.
76
00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:04,070
"Aim for romance, chocolates,
flowers and a black polo neck."
77
00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:05,960
Done, done and done.
78
00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:08,750
Ken...
79
00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:12,710
Rachel's had a lot of unpredictable
influences in her life,
80
00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:16,240
but I swear,
she won't have any from me.
81
00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:24,080
HE WHISTLES CHEERFULLY
82
00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:27,830
Rachel's in no state
to make big decisions yet.
83
00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:31,110
It's like she's been a different
person since Cuckoo went missing.
84
00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:33,070
Oi, you stay out of it.
85
00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:35,430
Ben is solid, dependable -
it's just what Rachel needs.
86
00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:37,550
He's really bloody boring, Ken.
87
00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:41,150
If it's not football,
it's law or local history.
88
00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:43,310
Three of my major interests.
89
00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:46,910
Yes, but you, Ken, make them
fascinating. Oh, no, I don't!
90
00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:50,430
I just don't talk about them
and I listen to you instead.
91
00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:51,560
It's true.
92
00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:57,310
Oh...
and do not tell Rachel he's asking.
93
00:05:57,360 --> 00:05:58,600
Like I would.
94
00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:02,630
Ken, don't look at me like that,
I am not going to tell.
95
00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:04,240
I promise. Mmm.
96
00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:07,550
Well, SHE'S had work.
97
00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:09,440
That's Gok Wan, Lorn.
98
00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:12,800
SHE LAUGHS: Oh, yeah.
99
00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:30,950
KEN BRUSHES HIS TEETH
100
00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:33,830
Rachel moving out,
Dylan going to university.
101
00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:36,870
In a year,
there'll be just the two of us.
102
00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:39,670
I can't wait.
Finally, some peace and quiet.
103
00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:41,910
Actually, I did want to talk to you.
104
00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:45,390
There's, er...
something we always said we'd do.
105
00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:49,550
A...a promise you made to me
before we got married.
106
00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:52,150
Oh, yeah? What did I promise?
107
00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:53,590
To get a vasectomy.
108
00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:56,390
What?! Back in '92,
when you had long hair,
109
00:06:56,440 --> 00:06:58,710
you said it was unfair that women
110
00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:01,230
had to take all the responsibility
for birth control.
111
00:07:01,280 --> 00:07:03,190
Such a caring,
thoughtful thing to say.
112
00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:06,110
Yeah, what a thoughtful caring boy
I was in my 20s.
113
00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:09,670
Come on, it's not like
we're going to have any more kids.
114
00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:12,830
Well, maybe there's a gesture
you could make in return.
115
00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:15,790
Is this that disgusting fantasy
you mentioned last May?
116
00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:17,440
Yes, it is.
117
00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:20,200
Deal.
118
00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:24,790
And thus, my hairy friends,
your fate is sealed.
119
00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:25,920
Yes!
120
00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:42,670
Dad was in a funny mood
this morning. Yes.
121
00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:45,790
He's bricking it
about his vasectomy.
122
00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:48,190
Which, by the way,
you're not meant to know about.
123
00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:50,470
I think I was happier not knowing.
124
00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:53,670
We thought, now you and Dylan
are moving out, we...
125
00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:56,270
Shit. What? I'm not moving out.
126
00:07:56,320 --> 00:07:58,590
Yes, I'm not supposed
to say that one either.
127
00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:00,070
Never mind, here goes.
128
00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:02,990
Ben is planning on asking you
to move in with him.
129
00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:04,320
Right.
130
00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:07,560
Well, yeah, makes sense.
131
00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:10,510
Well, who am I kidding?
132
00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:13,670
I was married to someone
incredible, unique... Yes.
133
00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:17,110
..and that happy part of my life's
over now, so why not?
134
00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:19,550
TYRES SCREECH, LOUD THUD,
MAN YELLS IN PAIN
135
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:21,110
Oh!
136
00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:24,710
Argh. Argh!
Bloody hell! Are you OK?!
137
00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:27,910
Oh...
Sir, do you know you just hit me?
138
00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:29,390
Excuse me, sir! You just hit me
139
00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:31,670
with your mobile vehicle!
INAUDIBLE RESPONSE
140
00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:33,950
Unbelievable! Hello.
141
00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:38,030
Are you OK? Yeah. Oh, I'm fine,
just...processing the pain.
142
00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:39,670
Oh.
143
00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:42,320
Oh, well, you're not
from round here, are you?
144
00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:45,120
No.
145
00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:48,310
I'm from a valley,
146
00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:51,190
hidden high in the peaks
of Uttarakhand Province, India.
147
00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:52,950
Winters are stormy and fierce,
148
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:56,430
but come summer, the whole place
teems with Brahma Kamal.
149
00:08:56,480 --> 00:08:58,270
A white lotus.
150
00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:00,160
Flower of the mountains.
151
00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:03,790
It's nice. OK, see ya!
152
00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:06,470
Oh, are you sure
you don't want us to call someone?
153
00:09:06,520 --> 00:09:08,910
Oh, no, it's not
the end of the world, right?
154
00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:10,550
Not till tomorrow night.
HE LAUGHS
155
00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:11,680
Oh.
156
00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:16,670
Whoo-ho-ho!
157
00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:18,910
Chemistry or what?
158
00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:22,480
Mum! Chemistry or what?
Do you know what you look like?
159
00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:41,510
Ken.
160
00:09:41,560 --> 00:09:42,710
Steve?
161
00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:45,910
I knew you'd be worried, I had
myself transferred for the day,
162
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,150
so I could handle your unmanning
personally.
163
00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:50,190
Unnecessary. Oh, don't mention it.
164
00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:53,750
I'm not letting my best pal's testes
get anything but premier service.
165
00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:55,990
HE SLAPS HIS BACK
166
00:09:56,040 --> 00:09:57,470
SOAP DISPENSER RATTLES
167
00:09:57,520 --> 00:09:59,590
Lorna says you're back
in the family home.
168
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:02,270
Oh, yeah, I've moved back in
with Connie and her lover.
169
00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:03,790
Being grown-ups about it.
170
00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:07,190
I'm fine with Pepe and Connie
sharing the master bedroom.
171
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:10,190
I mean, people have sex,
get over it.
172
00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:13,590
And if it's going to happen anyway,
better it happens in my bed.
173
00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:15,590
Right, Ken? OK.
174
00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:18,190
So, preliminaries before surgery.
175
00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:19,840
Ah...
176
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:22,680
..if you could, er...
177
00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:27,720
HE CLICKS HIS TONGUE
178
00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:31,600
HE WOLF-WHISTLES
Oh, ah, hello.
179
00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:34,840
Lower your trousers.
180
00:10:41,680 --> 00:10:43,070
Oh.
181
00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:45,990
Steve, could you try to sound
a little less excited, please?
182
00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:47,990
You always wonder
when you're going to see
183
00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:51,190
your best mate's cock and balls.
It's normally in a public urinal,
184
00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:53,310
but I've noted, Ken,
you don't use them much.
185
00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:56,270
You have a bladder
like a ruddy bison.
186
00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:57,600
OK.
187
00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:02,910
RAZOR BUZZES
188
00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:05,190
Erm, and this is...?
189
00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:08,470
Ah, I prefer to work
in a hair-free environment.
190
00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:11,110
You prefer?!
You mean, it's not compulsory?
191
00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:15,230
Well, I suppose, technically,
you get a choice.
192
00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:17,360
Right, then turn it off,
you little bastard.
193
00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:20,270
Shame.
194
00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:22,040
HE TURNS IT OFF
It's your loss.
195
00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:26,670
Well, I'm very positive,
it's got a really nice shape to it.
196
00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:29,230
Really nice...proportions.
197
00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:32,350
I look forward to operating upon it.
198
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,830
OK, sorry, Steve,
I've changed my mind. What?
199
00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:37,710
Why? I won't mess it up, Ken.
It won't be like the last times.
200
00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:41,590
The last TIMES?
Yeah. I am definitely leaving.
201
00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:43,910
No, Ken, wait. Wait, I love you.
202
00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:46,160
What? Oh, I don't love you.
203
00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:54,470
Mum, it was hours ago.
Can we drop it now? No, we can't.
204
00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:56,510
You should've got his number,
you loser.
205
00:11:56,560 --> 00:11:58,630
What was I going to do?
Run after him?
206
00:11:58,680 --> 00:12:01,950
Rachel, you will keep your dignity
and die a spinster.
207
00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:04,150
Mum! I'm with Ben!
208
00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:06,550
I know, I like Ben, I honestly do.
209
00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:09,200
But there was something
about you and that lad.
210
00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:14,310
A mum knows. I'll probably
never meet him again anyway.
211
00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:16,630
And if I do,
well, then that's destiny
212
00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:19,710
and I'm definitely allowed
to do horrible things to him.
213
00:12:19,760 --> 00:12:21,870
THEY GIGGLE
Litchfield's not such a big place.
214
00:12:21,920 --> 00:12:24,150
I'm sure you'll run into him
some time.
215
00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:25,520
Mum!
216
00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:34,200
Maybe it IS destiny.
217
00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:46,110
Ken? Hey, love!
218
00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:47,990
You're back early. How did it go?
219
00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:50,230
I bet he chickened out of it,
right, Dad?
220
00:12:50,280 --> 00:12:53,670
Lorna, why does Dylan know
about this? Oh, it just came out.
221
00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:56,510
So, did you go through with it
or were you a chicken?
222
00:12:56,560 --> 00:12:59,830
Yes, I went through with it.
Why wouldn't I go through with it?
223
00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:03,110
Ha! So now you're a eunuch!
Oh, how embarrassing.
224
00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:04,840
My brave soldier.
225
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,600
What is that?
226
00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:11,470
I drove over him in the driveway.
227
00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:13,990
Well, why didn't you take him
to hospital?
228
00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:16,830
Oh, relax, Ken.
He's still breathing.
229
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:18,550
It's probably just concussion.
230
00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:21,150
You knocked him unconscious!
He could sue us!
231
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:24,750
He's not going to sue us.
Look at his lovely face.
232
00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:28,350
I think he's here
because he likes Rachel.
233
00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:31,430
Hey, do you think we should Biro
the word "twat" on his forehead?
234
00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:33,200
Yeah, really helpful, Dylan(!)
235
00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:36,550
Rachel is going out with Ben.
236
00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:38,430
For the moment.
237
00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:40,600
CAR HORN TOOTS
238
00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:48,790
Ben! Is it seven already?
239
00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:50,190
On the dot.
240
00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:52,070
For you. Oh!
241
00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:54,470
Oh, and, er, here's chocolates. Oh!
242
00:13:54,520 --> 00:13:56,830
Guylian. French, I believe.
243
00:13:56,880 --> 00:14:00,190
I think they're Belgian. Are they?
Oh, God, I'm so embarrassed.
244
00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:03,270
I'll get rid of them.
No, Belgian's good!
245
00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:06,870
Rach, it's been two years
since Cuckoo went.
246
00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:09,910
Maybe sometimes
you just have to live for today.
247
00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:13,590
Well, not actually today. The flats
won't be built until next April,
248
00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:17,390
but, you know, live for the s-soon.
249
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:23,310
Ben, I...I dunno. Darling,
the maths works out really well.
250
00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:25,430
Cohabit with me. Eh?
251
00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:27,710
Co-habite with me.
252
00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:29,630
SHE LAUGHS
253
00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:34,150
HE BABY-TALKS: Never been a better
time to invest in PWOPERTY.
254
00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:36,230
Oh, I-I'll think about it.
255
00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:38,550
Yeah? Mm. Rachel!
256
00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:40,350
He's waking up!
257
00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:41,920
OK, I'll call you.
258
00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:46,190
DOOR SLAMS
You left your...
259
00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:48,950
Oh, shit the bed!
260
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:50,590
Course they're Belgian!
261
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:53,440
FRONT DOOR CLOSES
Rachel, quick. Quick.
262
00:14:57,480 --> 00:15:00,150
Where am I? Who are you?
263
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,790
I'm Lorna. I drove over you.
264
00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:05,150
Yeah, maybe not mention that.
I'm Rachel.
265
00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:10,230
Hi. You were watching over me.
Like an angel.
266
00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:13,270
Well, you're...
you're fairly easy to watch.
267
00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:17,510
Why don't we two leave you two
to relax and get to know each other?
268
00:15:17,560 --> 00:15:20,270
I do not approve of this.
Shut up and get out of the room.
269
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:23,440
No, stop, sir.
I need to say something.
270
00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:26,350
I came here today
looking for someone
271
00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:28,470
I've been waiting
my whole life to meet.
272
00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:30,520
Oh, go on.
273
00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:32,720
It's not you.
274
00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:37,590
Hello. Sir...you are my father.
275
00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:39,430
No, I'm not.
276
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:42,470
Ken? No, it's you.
277
00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:46,910
21 years ago, when you were 13,
your family went on a vacation
278
00:15:46,960 --> 00:15:49,470
to an ashram
deep in the Indian jungle.
279
00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:53,630
There you encountered
my 38-year-old mother.
280
00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:56,390
You were drawn to each other
like hot-blooded tigers
281
00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:59,680
and consummated your passion
in a tent next to the mountain.
282
00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:04,630
I am the fruit of that lovemaking.
283
00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:08,510
Behold, Father, it is I, your son.
284
00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:11,630
Ken, I did not know any of this.
285
00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:15,150
Lorna, 21 years ago,
you and I bought our first flat.
286
00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:17,630
I think you might've noticed
if, in between decorating,
287
00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:21,670
I'd have dressed as a 13-year-old
boy who sneaked off to India!
288
00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:25,070
Well argued, Ken. Sorry, love,
you've got the wrong guy.
289
00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:27,270
No!
290
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:30,990
You're Cuckoo Thompson.
Formerly Dale Ashbrick, my father.
291
00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:34,190
You're...Cuckoo's son?
292
00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:36,030
Fuck me!
293
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:40,350
OK, so this one's Dad,
not you, Ken? Mm-hm. Wow!
294
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:43,670
He looks so wise. Oh, he was.
295
00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:45,470
Yeah(!)
296
00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:47,510
He was. He was really wise.
297
00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:50,670
Oh, Cuckoo would've loved
to have met you.
298
00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:51,990
Right, Rach?
299
00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:53,150
Yeah.
300
00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:57,670
I leave the ashram, travel halfway
across the world to find my father
301
00:16:57,720 --> 00:16:59,320
and it turns out he's dead.
302
00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:03,270
Oh, well, as Vashradi says,
303
00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:05,630
"Gotta keep smiling."
HIGH-PITCHED GIGGLE
304
00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:07,670
And how are you living?
305
00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:10,270
Have you got somewhere to stay?
I sure do.
306
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:12,110
I met this really sweet
little community
307
00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:14,190
who sleep on benches
behind the station.
308
00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:16,390
You've been living with tramps?
Nice people.
309
00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:19,190
And, boy, can they drink?!
HE GIGGLES
310
00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:21,830
Well, love, until you need
to head back to your ashram,
311
00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:25,110
you're staying here.
OK, but I leave tomorrow midnight.
312
00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:28,430
Nonsense!
You can stay as long as you like.
313
00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:30,550
Lorna, can I have a word, please?
314
00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:31,640
Yeah.
315
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:36,950
Why have you offered a stranger
free run of our home? He's family!
316
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:39,190
He's the absent son by another
mother of the dead husband
317
00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:41,910
of my daughter. I don't even think
there's a word for that relation.
318
00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:43,950
Step-grandson.
HE SIGHS
319
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:46,710
Anyway, he's cute.
320
00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:48,270
Oh, Lorna!
321
00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:50,840
Ken...big day, isn't it?
322
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:55,590
Cuckoo's son turning up
out the blue. Your vasectomy.
323
00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:58,510
Yeah, listen,
about the vasectomy, I... See ya.
324
00:17:58,560 --> 00:17:59,870
Dylan, you're not going out.
325
00:17:59,920 --> 00:18:02,830
We're all having dinner together
to celebrate Dale's arrival.
326
00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:05,910
Er, no, I'm meeting Zoe,
my girlfriend. No, you're staying.
327
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:08,270
Mum, I have a relationship
to maintain.
328
00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:10,510
God, when will you stop being
so self-absorbed?
329
00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:12,670
Dylan! And how do you even know
he's Cuckoo's son?
330
00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:14,790
An American accent
and a shit-eating grin
331
00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:17,110
and you're like,
"Yeah, come in, stay, have dinner."
332
00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:18,590
I'm sorry if it sounds a bit harsh,
333
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:21,040
but I hope he kills you both
in your beds.
334
00:18:23,120 --> 00:18:24,840
Yeah, that WAS harsh.
335
00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:29,590
Lorna, this is delicious.
Thank you so much. Thank you, Dale.
336
00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:33,750
So, your mother's serving
a life sentence for drug smuggling?
337
00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:35,710
I haven't heard from her
in two decades.
338
00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:37,790
Kind of a bummer
but, like the prophet says,
339
00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:40,590
I probably brought it
on myself in a previous life.
340
00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:42,990
Is that what they teach you
on the ashram, Dale?
341
00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:45,110
Oh, Ken,
it is such a wonderful place.
342
00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:48,510
So ordered, peaceful
and there's no crime,
343
00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:52,280
because any sort of wrongdoing is
punished without a shred of mercy.
344
00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:56,030
Oh, this is weird.
345
00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:59,710
If you were my dad's wife, then,
in a way, you're kind of my mom.
346
00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:02,390
SHE COUGHS
In a way.
347
00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:04,110
And, Lorna, you're my grandmother.
348
00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:08,350
Mm. Yeah. Never ever call me that.
KEN SNIGGERS
349
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:11,390
You can call me Uncle Dylan.
In fact, you have to.
350
00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:13,910
Dylan! Mum, I'm welcoming our guest.
351
00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:16,430
So fuck off!
BOTH: Dylan!
352
00:19:16,480 --> 00:19:19,350
Oh, no! I just realised -
we forgot to say grace.
353
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:22,070
Don't sweat it, Dale,
we're atheists, so... Ken!
354
00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:24,270
He's just found out
his father's gone.
355
00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:27,480
If he wants to say grace, let him.
Go on, then.
356
00:19:30,360 --> 00:19:33,030
Good evening.
Chief Ken has granted me permission
357
00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:34,870
to lead community absolution.
358
00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:36,870
Dad, what is he doing?
I don't know,
359
00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:40,040
but Chief Ken has got
a lovely ring about it. Carry on.
360
00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:46,190
Peace on Vashradi
for these are my sins.
361
00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:48,710
I've judged my brother man,
362
00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:50,670
I have eaten at an oaken table,
363
00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:54,030
I have swallowed saliva,
sap of my tongue.
364
00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:55,880
I watch cartoons on TV.
365
00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:59,400
I've glanced at the chest of a lady.
366
00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:03,680
And for that, may Vashradi forgive.
367
00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:09,790
Forgive. Forgive. Forgive.
Forgive. Forgive. Forgive.
368
00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:11,800
FORGIVE!
369
00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:17,350
Yeah, I take it back.
He's definitely Cuckoo's son.
370
00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:18,800
All right, thank you.
371
00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:23,630
Trust me, it's a cult.
372
00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:27,070
Yes, typical. Anything to do
with yoga or spirituality
373
00:20:27,120 --> 00:20:29,430
and you're dead against it.
It sounds nice!
374
00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:30,990
An ashram in the mountains.
375
00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:35,710
Look - "Vashradi Ashram invites
single and divorced truth seekers
376
00:20:35,760 --> 00:20:39,190
"to discover a unique and sensual
discipline for mind and body."
377
00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:40,710
Sounds all right so far.
378
00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:42,750
"Grand yoga master,
Michael Vashradi,
379
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:46,630
"will transform your beliefs
and your lifestyle 100%.
380
00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:50,030
"Free yourself from family,
friends and worldly goods.
381
00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:51,670
"No men allowed."
382
00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:54,480
Yes, granted, this does sound culty.
Thank you.
383
00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:01,710
Hey.
384
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:04,310
Gotta look my best,
big day tomorrow.
385
00:21:04,360 --> 00:21:06,350
Sorry, I need to, er...
386
00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:08,350
Oh, yeah, go for it.
387
00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:11,670
Oh, Dale, we...we don't tend to use
the bathroom together here.
388
00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:16,270
Oh, OK, I'm, sorry, that's...
er, different rules here.
389
00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:18,670
On the ashram,
we always have to go in pairs
390
00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:21,590
in case anyone tries to escape.
HE GIGGLES
391
00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:23,830
All right, well,
I'll catch you later.
392
00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:25,160
Oh.
393
00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:28,710
Oh... Whoa, er, I'm so sorry, Mom.
394
00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:31,070
Please, please don't call me that.
395
00:21:31,120 --> 00:21:32,160
OK.
396
00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:38,880
Bye, Mom.
397
00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:43,190
SHE MOUTHS: Oh, my God.
398
00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:44,280
Well...
399
00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:48,470
DALE LAUGHS
Wow.
400
00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:51,720
So this is the vehicle
from my picture? Yeah, that's it.
401
00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:54,950
"Potatoes of the revolution"?
402
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:57,990
Can you explain that to me?
It doesn't make much sense.
403
00:21:58,040 --> 00:21:59,390
Another time.
404
00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:03,430
Dale, you know this guy who runs
your ashram, is it Vashradi?
405
00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:05,550
Vashwardi?
HE GIGGLES
406
00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:07,950
Vashradi. Yeah, come on, Ken,
you've heard of him.
407
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,270
Why would I have heard of him?
Er, no reason.
408
00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:12,150
Maybe cos he's the son of God?
409
00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:14,720
HIGH-PITCHED GIGGLING
Yeah.
410
00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:17,240
Thing is...
411
00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:21,920
Lorna and I think that this ashram
of yours, it might be a cult.
412
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:26,550
What? No Chief Ken, wrong.
Way off. I mean, in fact,
413
00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:29,070
the first line of our creed is
"We are not a cult."
414
00:22:29,120 --> 00:22:32,430
We say it every single morning
and then we eat together,
415
00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:35,310
Vashradi picks his wife for the day
and...and I get to work.
416
00:22:35,360 --> 00:22:37,270
See, that does sound
like a weird place.
417
00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:41,430
As long as you're good and Vashradi
is smiling, it's a wonderful place.
418
00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:43,950
If you're bad, yeah,
you get tied to the post,
419
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:45,390
but for, like, a couple days max.
420
00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:47,590
You know, I don't think
you should go back there.
421
00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:50,430
No, I'm not going back there.
I leave tonight, midnight,
422
00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:53,390
the galawinga are coming
to collect me. The what?!
423
00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:55,110
The galawinga?!
424
00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:56,390
Remind me.
425
00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:58,590
HE GIGGLES
All right.
426
00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:01,910
The galawinga are super-intelligent
extra-terrestrials
427
00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:04,150
responsible for human evolution.
428
00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:06,910
They also left us
the pyramids and ice cream.
429
00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:08,590
Well, tonight, they're coming
430
00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:11,470
to take Vashradi's
elected disciples up to space,
431
00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:15,190
and the rest of you get zapped
by the special kickass alien lasers.
432
00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:18,270
I'm sorry, you...you think that
tonight we're all going to die?
433
00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:21,150
It's really unfortunate.
You're...you're such nice people.
434
00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:22,350
Dale, listen to me.
435
00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:25,080
All of this alien stuff,
you know it's not true.
436
00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:29,590
OK, Chief Ken.
437
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:31,920
Whatever you want to believe,
go for it.
438
00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:35,510
It won't be long
till we find out which one of us
439
00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:38,440
is making a huge dumb-ass mistake.
HE SLAPS KEN'S BACK
440
00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:44,800
KEN SIGHS
441
00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:53,550
Well, 20 minutes before 12,
442
00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:56,110
I'd just like to say
a quick farewell to each of you.
443
00:23:56,160 --> 00:24:00,950
Chief Ken...
you are an inspiring noble person.
444
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:04,720
I can't make any promises,
but this should buy you more time.
445
00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:09,830
Lorna, you cared for me
when I was ill.
446
00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:11,800
A special bond exists between us.
447
00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:16,670
Dylan, you are an insubordinate
young man
448
00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:19,270
and you should treat your father
with more respect.
449
00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:21,470
SLAP!
Ow. What? Steady on.
450
00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:22,870
Listen to him.
451
00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:24,400
And finally...
452
00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:27,800
Rachel...
453
00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:32,950
I never knew my mom, but in
my dreams, she looks like you.
454
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:34,870
Beautiful and kind.
455
00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:39,190
Soon your body will be butchered
by extra-terrestrial lasers,
456
00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:42,720
but our souls shall remain together
through Cuckoo.
457
00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:47,480
All right, catch you later.
458
00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:19,480
LORNA SIGHS
Well, Ken, I did not expect that.
459
00:25:21,360 --> 00:25:24,320
Yeah. Come on.
460
00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:40,200
OK, guys, let's do this.
461
00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:46,390
? Here comes the galawinga
Galawinga, coming for me
462
00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:50,360
? Here comes the galawinga
Galawinga, where are you? ?
463
00:25:52,360 --> 00:25:55,320
If this is a joke,
it isn't funny any more!
464
00:25:57,720 --> 00:26:00,480
Do you want breakfast?
I've made bacon and eggs.
465
00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:13,470
OK, I cannot believe this.
466
00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:17,950
Rach, how are you, er, feeling
about Dale?
467
00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:20,190
What? Why are you asking me?
468
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:22,790
I mean, why would I feel
any strong emotion about Dale?
469
00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:24,950
You are basing that
on absolutely nothing.
470
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:29,030
Er, it's just your dad and I were
thinking of asking him to stay.
471
00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:30,470
What? For good?
472
00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:33,230
At least till he's accustomed
to the real world.
473
00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:34,400
No!
474
00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:38,190
It's too hard for me.
475
00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:40,110
Sorry!
476
00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:42,590
You know, Cuckoo's son,
by another woman.
477
00:26:42,640 --> 00:26:45,310
You didn't even know Cuckoo
when he was 13, Rach.
478
00:26:45,360 --> 00:26:47,710
DALE ON TELEPHONE:
OK, thanks for letting me know.
479
00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:49,710
OK, how long would he stay for?
480
00:26:49,760 --> 00:26:54,550
Actually, no, it's a bad idea, he's
21, he's not our responsibility.
481
00:26:54,600 --> 00:26:58,750
All right. Vashradi got arrested,
the ashram's been disbanded.
482
00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:01,270
They're saying it WAS a cult.
483
00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:04,870
I'm guessing maybe that's why
the aliens never showed last night!
484
00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:06,470
No shit(!)
485
00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:09,510
The basis for my entire existence
has been shattered.
486
00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:12,960
Everything I ever believed in
turns out to be a lie.
487
00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:17,590
Oh, well, gotta keep smiling.
488
00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:19,870
Right, Ma? Mmm.
HE GIGGLES
489
00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:22,840
Yeah! Don't call me that.
490
00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:29,510
So where are you going to go?
491
00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:31,870
Guess I'll walk the world, like Dad.
492
00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:34,310
Maybe, one day, I'll find
an incredibly special person
493
00:27:34,360 --> 00:27:35,720
like he did when he found you.
494
00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:39,840
OK. Bye-bye.
495
00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:46,110
BUS HORN TOOTS
Quite touching that, wasn't it?
496
00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:49,070
It's really very sweet.
It made me want to puke!
497
00:27:49,120 --> 00:27:51,550
It's probably best
he gets out there in the world...
498
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:53,670
CAR HORN BLARES
..finds his own way.
499
00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:55,960
Yeah. He'll be fine.
500
00:27:58,240 --> 00:27:59,960
HORN BLARES
501
00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:03,560
HORN BLARES
502
00:28:06,440 --> 00:28:08,320
HORN BLARES
503
00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:16,440
Oh, all right, let's go get him.
504
00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:25,400
Chief Ken.
Get in the car, you weirdo!
505
00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:46,390
It's weird, isn't it?
Just as you've got the snip,
506
00:28:46,440 --> 00:28:50,950
put fatherhood behind you,
you sort of become a father again.
507
00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:54,310
Actually, Lorna, I've been meaning
to talk to you about that.
508
00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:57,310
And I have been meaning
to give you your reward.
509
00:28:57,360 --> 00:28:58,990
This is a one-off, OK?
510
00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:01,910
Absolutely never to be repeated.
511
00:29:01,960 --> 00:29:04,160
I should probably
tell you this first.
512
00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:08,030
Let's make love immediately.
What was it you wanted to say?
513
00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:09,630
Nothing to say, nothing to admit!
514
00:29:09,680 --> 00:29:11,600
Let's do this, I'm good to go here!
515
00:29:11,650 --> 00:29:16,200
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
40003
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof