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1
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But the students will learn to part
those clouds, to throw their gaze past mortal things,
2
00:00:05,484 --> 00:00:09,603
to look deep within themselves
and find infinity
3
00:00:09,684 --> 00:00:14,083
and, ultimately, see the face of God!
4
00:00:14,084 --> 00:00:16,163
But, primarily, it's a potato van?
5
00:00:16,164 --> 00:00:19,163
Yeah, but my teachings
are a pretty vital part of it.
6
00:00:19,164 --> 00:00:21,283
I'm just going to put down
potato van.
7
00:00:21,284 --> 00:00:25,363
Ah, she's a beauty,
just needs a little investment,
8
00:00:25,364 --> 00:00:28,283
get her up and running.
And that's where you guys come in.
9
00:00:28,284 --> 00:00:30,523
OK, I can actually offer you �2,000
10
00:00:30,524 --> 00:00:33,363
at a comparatively
small rate of interest!
11
00:00:33,364 --> 00:00:35,243
Ah, that's great news!
12
00:00:35,244 --> 00:00:38,003
Gemma, what is a rate of interest?
13
00:00:38,004 --> 00:00:40,763
Interest is the amount that we
charge you for taking out the loan.
14
00:00:40,764 --> 00:00:43,443
I'm sorry, I think I'm confused
about something.
15
00:00:43,444 --> 00:00:45,923
It's money on top of the loan?
16
00:00:45,924 --> 00:00:48,123
Yes, at a rate
of four percent a year.
17
00:00:48,124 --> 00:00:50,363
So let me get this straight,
18
00:00:50,364 --> 00:00:52,963
it's money on top of the loan?
19
00:00:52,964 --> 00:00:54,443
Yes.
20
00:00:54,444 --> 00:00:56,963
Gemma, here's my problem,
if we do this deal,
21
00:00:56,964 --> 00:01:01,043
then I'm going to have to give you
more money back than you've given me!
22
00:01:01,044 --> 00:01:04,043
Everybody pays interest.
It's how we make our money.
23
00:01:04,044 --> 00:01:06,203
Well, then, why doesn't anybody
know about it?
24
00:01:06,204 --> 00:01:07,803
I mean, why the big cover-up?
25
00:01:07,804 --> 00:01:09,963
They do know about it.
26
00:01:09,964 --> 00:01:13,443
OK, listen up, people,
wake-up call!
27
00:01:13,444 --> 00:01:16,203
If you borrow money
from these leeches,
28
00:01:16,204 --> 00:01:20,563
they're going to charge you something
that they like to call interest!
29
00:01:20,564 --> 00:01:22,802
Just thought you'd all be
INTERESTED to know that.
30
00:01:22,803 --> 00:01:24,924
Please, I'm going to have
to ask you to leave now.
31
00:01:24,925 --> 00:01:28,123
OK, fine, I'll leave, I'll go.
Take these fine people's money.
32
00:01:28,124 --> 00:01:29,683
Stack it up into your bonuses.
33
00:01:29,684 --> 00:01:34,203
Blow it all on expensive suits
and great cocaine and lap dances.
34
00:01:34,204 --> 00:01:36,243
Some people might even admire that!
35
00:01:36,244 --> 00:01:41,004
But not this guy, because this guy
doesn't tango with bloodsuckers!
36
00:01:42,484 --> 00:01:43,843
Not even hot ones.
37
00:01:43,844 --> 00:01:46,924
Just want to teach people about love!
38
00:01:48,884 --> 00:01:51,883
The Complete History
Of The Sheffield Steel Industry.
39
00:01:51,884 --> 00:01:53,804
Your old dad is going
to wet himself.
40
00:01:53,805 --> 00:01:56,323
Oh, not like that time,
in a good way.
41
00:01:56,324 --> 00:01:57,883
You've spent far too much on him.
42
00:01:57,884 --> 00:02:00,083
You've already got
the football tickets!
43
00:02:00,084 --> 00:02:02,443
It's Tony's first birthday
since your mum died.
44
00:02:02,444 --> 00:02:03,924
I want him to have the perfect day.
45
00:02:03,925 --> 00:02:09,323
Ah, sweet Ken, anything to please
his father-in-law, just like me.
46
00:02:09,324 --> 00:02:12,003
Cuckoo, we have to be on the road
in ten minutes.
47
00:02:12,004 --> 00:02:14,003
You will be ready?
Absolutely!
48
00:02:14,004 --> 00:02:15,763
Ten minutes, Cuckoo!
49
00:02:15,764 --> 00:02:17,523
It's all under control, Lorna!
50
00:02:17,524 --> 00:02:20,123
In fact,
we will have time to spare!
51
00:02:20,124 --> 00:02:21,164
Huh!
52
00:02:22,404 --> 00:02:26,003
Dad, Granddad's got
a lot of savings, hasn't he?
53
00:02:26,004 --> 00:02:28,083
No. No, Rachel.
54
00:02:28,084 --> 00:02:30,603
Cuckoo is not fleecing
an old man to fix his van.
55
00:02:30,604 --> 00:02:33,763
He can get a loan
and take some responsibility.
56
00:02:33,764 --> 00:02:37,003
Dylan, I woke you up
over an hour ago!
57
00:02:37,004 --> 00:02:40,203
I'm not going. Charlotte Brown's
having a party with an indoor pool.
58
00:02:40,204 --> 00:02:41,363
Dylan...
59
00:02:41,364 --> 00:02:44,283
Old boring man,
pool full of fanny, deal with it!
60
00:02:44,284 --> 00:02:46,642
You're coming. OK, if I come,
you have to get me decks.
61
00:02:46,643 --> 00:02:49,084
No. Reasoned argument means nothing
to you, does it?
62
00:02:49,085 --> 00:02:53,443
It's your granddad's first birthday
since your nan died! We'll cheer him up, show him a good time
63
00:02:53,444 --> 00:02:55,604
and I'm sure he'd appreciate it
if you were there!
64
00:02:55,605 --> 00:02:56,763
Said Hitler.
65
00:02:56,764 --> 00:02:58,364
Up! Now!
66
00:02:59,604 --> 00:03:02,243
That boy is unbelievable!
67
00:03:02,244 --> 00:03:05,843
Well, to be fair to Dylan, there is
nothing to do at Granddad's.
68
00:03:05,844 --> 00:03:07,843
It's just you and him sitting
in a corner
69
00:03:07,844 --> 00:03:10,723
talking about football
and '80s politics! That's true!
70
00:03:10,724 --> 00:03:13,363
Yeah. I like Tony!
71
00:03:13,364 --> 00:03:15,443
I don't know why
we always go there anyway.
72
00:03:15,444 --> 00:03:18,124
Would it not be better
if Granddad just came here?
73
00:03:20,284 --> 00:03:23,483
Oh, my God, Nan's display bowl.
74
00:03:23,484 --> 00:03:25,844
Mum, you still haven't told
Granddad?
75
00:03:30,244 --> 00:03:32,883
Hey, Ken, do you have a tie
I can borrow?
76
00:03:32,884 --> 00:03:35,083
Are you more naked
than you were before?
77
00:03:35,084 --> 00:03:37,004
Hence the tie question.
78
00:03:38,564 --> 00:03:40,884
I hope Cuckoo's going
to tone it down with your dad.
79
00:03:40,885 --> 00:03:43,043
I just know Dad's going
to ask about the bowl.
80
00:03:43,044 --> 00:03:45,603
Mum loved that bowl all her life!
81
00:03:45,604 --> 00:03:46,684
Two weeks with me and...
82
00:03:47,844 --> 00:03:51,803
Lorna, just tell him you dropped it!
You can't go on like this!
83
00:03:51,804 --> 00:03:53,763
No way am I going to tell him!
84
00:03:53,764 --> 00:03:56,523
I've just got to make sure
he never comes to ours
85
00:03:56,524 --> 00:03:59,203
and avoid conversation
wherever possible.
86
00:03:59,204 --> 00:04:01,283
With your father. That's healthy.
87
00:04:01,284 --> 00:04:03,603
He's got a couple of decades max.
88
00:04:03,604 --> 00:04:05,763
I just need to keep him
at a distance till then,
89
00:04:05,764 --> 00:04:08,684
and I'll deal with
the psychological fallout later!
90
00:04:10,404 --> 00:04:14,403
Whoo! Reporting for duty,
Captain Ken!
91
00:04:14,404 --> 00:04:16,243
Ready, mein Fuehrer!
92
00:04:16,244 --> 00:04:17,644
Let's roll!
93
00:04:18,844 --> 00:04:22,043
? 88 Tibetan monks on the wall
94
00:04:22,044 --> 00:04:24,163
? 88 Tibetan monks
95
00:04:24,164 --> 00:04:26,443
? One set himself on fire
In protest... ?
96
00:04:26,444 --> 00:04:27,763
Yeah.
97
00:04:27,764 --> 00:04:29,843
? 87 Tibetan monks on the wall
98
00:04:29,844 --> 00:04:32,164
? 87 Tibetan monks on the wall
87 Tibetan monks... ?
99
00:04:32,165 --> 00:04:34,883
Lorna, please make him stop.
100
00:04:34,884 --> 00:04:36,083
Cuckoo? Yeah?
101
00:04:36,084 --> 00:04:39,043
You're going to love Granddad,
he's political like you!
102
00:04:39,044 --> 00:04:42,523
He was a shop steward in the miners
strike under Thatcher.
103
00:04:42,524 --> 00:04:46,403
Oh, that's great, Ken, but it's
the politics that I'm interested in.
104
00:04:46,404 --> 00:04:49,483
I can't wait. It's going to be a
gloves off, no holds barred debate
105
00:04:49,484 --> 00:04:51,644
between me and the old guy!
106
00:04:52,924 --> 00:04:57,283
Now, where were we, singing gang?
107
00:04:57,284 --> 00:04:59,843
? 99 Tibetan monks on the wall
108
00:04:59,844 --> 00:05:02,803
? 99 Tibetan monks
109
00:05:02,804 --> 00:05:04,883
? One set himself on fire
In protest
110
00:05:04,884 --> 00:05:08,123
? 98 Tibetan monks on the wall. ?
111
00:05:08,124 --> 00:05:09,644
It really happened!
112
00:05:10,964 --> 00:05:13,363
Ah, greetings, comrades.
113
00:05:13,364 --> 00:05:14,763
Happy birthday, Dad.
114
00:05:14,764 --> 00:05:17,363
Ken, great to see you.
Great to see you.
115
00:05:17,364 --> 00:05:19,523
And how's my wonderful daughter?
116
00:05:19,524 --> 00:05:21,844
Great! Best get these inside, Dad!
117
00:05:22,924 --> 00:05:26,403
You all right, Granddad? Dylan.
Mwah. Hello, Rachel.
118
00:05:26,404 --> 00:05:28,123
Hello, Granddad. Aw!
119
00:05:28,124 --> 00:05:30,404
Lovely to see you. And you. Yeah.
120
00:05:31,844 --> 00:05:35,244
Happy birthday, Tony.
I'm your new grandson.
121
00:05:39,804 --> 00:05:41,324
And you smell great.
122
00:05:42,884 --> 00:05:45,244
Oh, yeah!
123
00:05:46,804 --> 00:05:47,963
Nice digs!
124
00:05:47,964 --> 00:05:49,563
Very nice!
125
00:05:49,564 --> 00:05:53,083
Look who's here. It's Floxie,
in't it?
126
00:05:53,084 --> 00:05:56,243
Say hello, Floxie.
127
00:05:56,244 --> 00:05:58,043
Mmm! Mmm!
128
00:05:58,044 --> 00:06:00,523
Didn't know you'd bought a cat,
Tony?
129
00:06:00,524 --> 00:06:02,643
It belongs to the Dixons
up the road.
130
00:06:02,644 --> 00:06:05,163
Started visiting me
a few months back.
131
00:06:05,164 --> 00:06:08,923
You came to look after me,
didn't you, Floxie?
132
00:06:08,924 --> 00:06:14,443
Yes, you did! You did,
didn't you? Didn't you?
133
00:06:14,444 --> 00:06:15,763
Mwah.
134
00:06:15,764 --> 00:06:20,283
You did, didn't you? You did,
didn't you? Didn't you?
135
00:06:20,284 --> 00:06:24,123
You're a beautiful cat.
A beautiful cat.
136
00:06:24,124 --> 00:06:26,963
Hello, Floxie! Mmm, mmm!
137
00:06:26,964 --> 00:06:28,884
Mmm, mmm!
138
00:06:34,564 --> 00:06:37,123
So, you're the bloke who
married my little princess.
139
00:06:37,124 --> 00:06:39,563
Do you love her, Cuckoo?
140
00:06:39,564 --> 00:06:41,843
Oh, so fucking much, Tony.
141
00:06:41,844 --> 00:06:44,363
I mean, Rachel is my goddess.
142
00:06:44,364 --> 00:06:48,523
Her body is a temple within which
I worship three times a day,
143
00:06:48,524 --> 00:06:49,963
bare minimum.
144
00:06:49,964 --> 00:06:53,284
Sometimes as many as seven,
depending.
145
00:06:54,484 --> 00:06:57,444
You get a little tuckered out,
don't you?
146
00:07:00,604 --> 00:07:02,883
So, what have you been doing then,
Lorna?
147
00:07:02,884 --> 00:07:04,524
Oh, nothing much.
148
00:07:05,484 --> 00:07:07,723
Best get these cleared up!
149
00:07:07,724 --> 00:07:12,883
So, Tony, guess where
we're going this afternoon?
150
00:07:12,884 --> 00:07:15,083
Oh, you didn't?
151
00:07:15,084 --> 00:07:17,443
Tickets for the Owls!
That's great, Ken!
152
00:07:17,444 --> 00:07:19,044
I thought we could make a day of it.
153
00:07:19,045 --> 00:07:20,603
Fantastic!
154
00:07:20,604 --> 00:07:23,363
Tony, is this your late wife?
155
00:07:23,364 --> 00:07:25,803
Yeah. Yeah, that's my Debs.
156
00:07:25,804 --> 00:07:31,043
She's gorgeous. Or as they say
in Sheffield, dead gorgeous!
157
00:07:31,044 --> 00:07:34,123
I thought we go up
the Fox And Star after the match,
158
00:07:34,124 --> 00:07:36,003
a few birthday drinks.
159
00:07:36,004 --> 00:07:39,123
Jesus! Dylan, don't point that
at people!
160
00:07:39,124 --> 00:07:40,604
What if it had been loaded!
161
00:07:40,605 --> 00:07:43,323
It's Granddad's Korean War rifle!
162
00:07:43,324 --> 00:07:44,924
I thought you liked history!
163
00:07:46,524 --> 00:07:50,403
? For he's a jolly good fellow
164
00:07:50,404 --> 00:07:54,603
? And so say all of us. ?
165
00:07:54,604 --> 00:07:56,083
Woo!
166
00:07:56,084 --> 00:07:57,364
Woo! Happy birthday, Dad!
167
00:07:58,444 --> 00:08:00,163
Hey, did you make that cake, Ken?
168
00:08:00,164 --> 00:08:01,883
Banana cake. Your favourite!
169
00:08:01,884 --> 00:08:04,204
Yeah. All right, everybody,
you know what time it is!
170
00:08:04,205 --> 00:08:06,323
Tony, you're going to get
the birthday bumps!
171
00:08:06,324 --> 00:08:09,563
Come on, I got his legs! You guys
grab the back! Watch his knee. Ow!
172
00:08:09,564 --> 00:08:12,043
Traditional birthday bumps!
Cuckoo. Cuckoo. Ow!
173
00:08:12,044 --> 00:08:13,444
Here we go! Get 'em up there!
174
00:08:13,445 --> 00:08:16,723
Cuckoo, just sit down
and be less enthusiastic.
175
00:08:16,724 --> 00:08:18,683
Oh! Yeah. Yeah.
176
00:08:18,684 --> 00:08:20,723
Happy birthday, Tony.
177
00:08:20,724 --> 00:08:22,763
Tony, would you like
my birthday gift?
178
00:08:22,764 --> 00:08:24,243
Our gift, Ken!
179
00:08:24,244 --> 00:08:26,443
Yes, our gift. Except I chose
and paid for it!
180
00:08:26,444 --> 00:08:28,523
It's in the car. I'll go and get it.
Oh!
181
00:08:28,524 --> 00:08:30,644
Be prepared to be
very surprised!
182
00:08:32,924 --> 00:08:34,164
What's that?
183
00:08:35,884 --> 00:08:37,724
Whoa!
184
00:08:39,404 --> 00:08:40,444
So...
185
00:08:41,484 --> 00:08:42,923
what does he do?
186
00:08:42,924 --> 00:08:44,403
He's got a potato van.
187
00:08:44,404 --> 00:08:47,403
Oh! Aye. Well, it's nice
to see you happy, Rach.
188
00:08:47,404 --> 00:08:48,924
Are you sure?
189
00:08:50,484 --> 00:08:52,563
I only wish Debs was here
to see you settled.
190
00:08:52,564 --> 00:08:54,523
Thanks, Granddad.
191
00:08:54,524 --> 00:08:57,043
Tony, Rach, Dylan, Lorna,
192
00:08:57,044 --> 00:08:59,563
something incredible has happened.
193
00:08:59,564 --> 00:09:00,924
I have an announcement to make.
194
00:09:03,164 --> 00:09:07,803
Tony, this cat, Mrs Floxie,
195
00:09:07,804 --> 00:09:10,724
is the reincarnated form
of your dead wife Debra.
196
00:09:17,244 --> 00:09:18,764
Ta-dah!
197
00:09:20,324 --> 00:09:22,243
Is everything all right?
198
00:09:22,244 --> 00:09:25,243
Well, Cuckoo thinks
the cat is my mum.
199
00:09:25,244 --> 00:09:27,563
What! Why?
200
00:09:27,564 --> 00:09:29,803
I can't explain it,
Ken, I just feel it!
201
00:09:29,804 --> 00:09:31,523
Look, Tony...
202
00:09:31,524 --> 00:09:34,203
No. No, Ken, it makes sense.
203
00:09:34,204 --> 00:09:37,563
I remember the day Floxie
first came to see me.
204
00:09:37,564 --> 00:09:39,763
It was back in late February.
205
00:09:39,764 --> 00:09:43,323
Debra's birthday is in March.
206
00:09:43,324 --> 00:09:45,483
No shit!
207
00:09:45,484 --> 00:09:48,243
That's not that much
of a coincidence, Dad.
208
00:09:48,244 --> 00:09:49,684
Yeah, but didn't Nan love cats?
209
00:09:49,685 --> 00:09:53,203
Yeah, it's all coming together
and look,
210
00:09:53,204 --> 00:09:59,804
about as similar as a cat
and a woman can be!
211
00:10:01,084 --> 00:10:02,723
God, you're right!
212
00:10:02,724 --> 00:10:05,923
OK, OK, Cuckoo, Cuckoo,
this is a fun idea,
213
00:10:05,924 --> 00:10:09,083
but I think it's pretty unlikely
that that cat is Grandma!
214
00:10:09,084 --> 00:10:10,963
Unlikely, Ken, but not impossible.
215
00:10:10,964 --> 00:10:14,883
Well, kind of impossible, yes.
I mean, is there any proof?
216
00:10:14,884 --> 00:10:16,603
It's like I said, I just feel it!
217
00:10:16,604 --> 00:10:18,163
You feel it? Yes!
218
00:10:18,164 --> 00:10:21,564
If only there was a way of us
knowing for sure.
219
00:10:25,924 --> 00:10:27,483
Honoured feline,
220
00:10:27,484 --> 00:10:30,763
if you truly contain the spirit
of our beloved Debra,
221
00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:33,843
then please drink
from the left saucer
222
00:10:33,844 --> 00:10:37,923
and if you do not,
then drink of the right.
223
00:10:37,924 --> 00:10:39,404
And this will prove what?
224
00:10:39,405 --> 00:10:41,203
It's a scientific test, Ken!
225
00:10:41,204 --> 00:10:43,484
It's not, Cuckoo,
it's a wholly random experiment.
226
00:10:43,485 --> 00:10:44,843
The cat can't read!
227
00:10:44,844 --> 00:10:47,083
Yeah, but Debra could.
228
00:10:47,084 --> 00:10:49,404
Come on, give me a little bit
of credit here, Ken.
229
00:10:49,405 --> 00:10:54,524
OK, Tony, will you please release
the cat/Debra?
230
00:11:16,484 --> 00:11:18,043
Oh!
231
00:11:18,044 --> 00:11:19,404
Oh, wow!
232
00:11:20,524 --> 00:11:22,283
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
233
00:11:22,284 --> 00:11:23,763
Ah!
234
00:11:23,764 --> 00:11:28,363
There were doubters, but now,
we all see the truth, don't we?
235
00:11:28,364 --> 00:11:31,363
She's come back to me, Ken.
236
00:11:31,364 --> 00:11:35,363
Debra's come back to me,
in the form of a cat.
237
00:11:35,364 --> 00:11:37,043
I did it!
238
00:11:37,044 --> 00:11:39,764
For fuck's sake!
239
00:11:42,284 --> 00:11:45,803
Ken, they've made a bed for her
out of Mum's old clothes.
240
00:11:45,804 --> 00:11:48,443
Guess what? She really likes it!
241
00:11:48,444 --> 00:11:50,043
Why are you going along with this?
242
00:11:50,044 --> 00:11:54,203
Dad's happy! He's occupied,
he's not asking me about the bowl!
243
00:11:54,204 --> 00:11:55,603
What's the problem?
244
00:11:55,604 --> 00:11:58,123
Lorna, we're atheists, remember?
245
00:11:58,124 --> 00:12:00,883
Yes, when it comes to God
and the church,
246
00:12:00,884 --> 00:12:03,843
but this is like Eastern stuff,
isn't it?
247
00:12:03,844 --> 00:12:05,923
It's a bit cooler.
248
00:12:05,924 --> 00:12:07,803
More... funky.
249
00:12:07,804 --> 00:12:09,283
I can dig it.
250
00:12:09,284 --> 00:12:11,443
Isn't it amazing?
251
00:12:11,444 --> 00:12:13,724
Ah, you know if anyone was going
to pick up on Nan
252
00:12:13,725 --> 00:12:16,883
coming back in animal form,
it would be Cuckoo.
253
00:12:16,884 --> 00:12:20,683
He's just more receptive
than people like us.
254
00:12:20,684 --> 00:12:26,803
No! No, Rachel, you have three
science A-Levels in Science!
255
00:12:26,804 --> 00:12:29,282
Hindus and Buddhists have believed
in reincarnation
256
00:12:29,283 --> 00:12:31,044
for thousands of years, Dad.
They have.
257
00:12:31,045 --> 00:12:33,963
I don't believe you two! Rachel,
you've read The God Delusion!
258
00:12:33,964 --> 00:12:36,523
Lorna, I told you
all about it at length!
259
00:12:36,524 --> 00:12:38,323
This is basically Paganism!
260
00:12:38,324 --> 00:12:40,523
What are we going to do next,
sacrifice Dylan!
261
00:12:40,524 --> 00:12:42,763
What? Why me?
262
00:12:42,764 --> 00:12:44,643
Cos you're a massive virgin.
263
00:12:44,644 --> 00:12:46,964
Dah!
264
00:12:48,724 --> 00:12:52,163
And, of course, the Egyptian goddess
Bat was a cat, ironically,
265
00:12:52,164 --> 00:12:54,484
because, based on the name,
you'd think it was a bat!
266
00:12:55,564 --> 00:12:57,283
Yeah, you definitely would. Yeah.
267
00:12:57,284 --> 00:13:00,363
Well, I don't know about bats
and cats, Tony,
268
00:13:00,364 --> 00:13:03,403
but are you ready for the Owls?
269
00:13:03,404 --> 00:13:05,643
I thought we'd get
to Hillsborough early.
270
00:13:05,644 --> 00:13:07,804
Ken, my wife's just got back
from beyond the veil.
271
00:13:07,805 --> 00:13:11,283
I'm not about to go to the football.
That would be really rude.
272
00:13:11,284 --> 00:13:12,884
Right.
273
00:13:14,364 --> 00:13:16,563
It's just I got these
over a month ago
274
00:13:16,564 --> 00:13:18,484
so we would have really good seats.
275
00:13:18,485 --> 00:13:21,124
They did cost �90.
Oh, Ken.
276
00:13:25,564 --> 00:13:28,083
Ooh, remember that, Debs?
277
00:13:28,084 --> 00:13:29,963
I remember you in that bikini.
278
00:13:29,964 --> 00:13:31,563
Not a fella on that beach
279
00:13:31,564 --> 00:13:34,003
could take his eyes off you.
280
00:13:34,004 --> 00:13:36,243
Oh, you remember!
281
00:13:36,244 --> 00:13:38,283
Couldn't wait to get you
back to the hotel.
282
00:13:38,284 --> 00:13:39,843
Dad! What?
283
00:13:39,844 --> 00:13:42,603
You think you youngsters
invented sex.
284
00:13:42,604 --> 00:13:45,644
We know different, don't we, Debra?
285
00:13:46,924 --> 00:13:48,564
I'm going to go upstairs now.
286
00:13:57,764 --> 00:14:01,284
Dylan, stop playing with the gun!
287
00:14:05,284 --> 00:14:08,523
They think the cat is Grandma!
I mean, Jesus!
288
00:14:08,524 --> 00:14:10,364
So there is one rationalist
in the family!
289
00:14:10,365 --> 00:14:12,643
People don't come back after death
in any form!
290
00:14:12,644 --> 00:14:14,643
Thank you.
291
00:14:14,644 --> 00:14:17,443
There's nothing afterwards,
there's no point or meaning to life.
292
00:14:17,444 --> 00:14:20,763
You know, that's why you should just
chill out about hurting people
293
00:14:20,764 --> 00:14:26,443
and get on with accumulating money
and possessions and sexual partners.
294
00:14:26,444 --> 00:14:27,923
Right.
295
00:14:27,924 --> 00:14:31,723
Would you... would you like to come
to the pub with me?
296
00:14:31,724 --> 00:14:33,243
The pub?
297
00:14:33,244 --> 00:14:37,643
The Fox And Star in town. It's a
nice little boozer. It'd be good to get out of here, right.
298
00:14:37,644 --> 00:14:40,003
Is this a trick? No.
299
00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:43,163
You're going to take me to the pub
and buy me drinks?
300
00:14:43,164 --> 00:14:45,683
I'm going to buy you
a limited number of drinks.
301
00:14:45,684 --> 00:14:47,964
Right, I'll get my phone.
302
00:14:55,924 --> 00:14:57,204
Ah.
303
00:14:59,124 --> 00:15:00,524
Bloody cat!
304
00:15:02,484 --> 00:15:03,804
Pow!
305
00:15:05,404 --> 00:15:06,804
Pow!
306
00:15:12,244 --> 00:15:14,083
Ahh!
307
00:15:14,084 --> 00:15:16,163
Ahh! No!
308
00:15:16,164 --> 00:15:17,404
Ahh!
309
00:15:19,724 --> 00:15:21,323
Did you just shoot the cat?
310
00:15:21,324 --> 00:15:24,404
There were bullets in this!
Did you not check?!
311
00:15:28,924 --> 00:15:31,403
So it's like a fast-food van
312
00:15:31,404 --> 00:15:34,323
and it's like a spiritual
counselling centre?
313
00:15:34,324 --> 00:15:36,603
You have a fast mind, Tony.
314
00:15:36,604 --> 00:15:39,684
I mean, you were onto that
like a fucking jackal.
315
00:15:42,204 --> 00:15:44,203
Ken!
316
00:15:44,204 --> 00:15:47,003
Me and this old minge are just
bonding over my philosophies.
317
00:15:47,004 --> 00:15:48,884
Come join us!
I'm just going down the shed.
318
00:15:48,885 --> 00:15:53,163
Why? Memories. Great memories!
319
00:15:53,164 --> 00:15:55,563
Remember that time
we tidied the borders?
320
00:15:55,564 --> 00:15:58,283
No. No!
321
00:15:58,284 --> 00:16:00,323
It was phenomenal!
322
00:16:00,324 --> 00:16:02,082
What are you doing
with my old kit bag?
323
00:16:02,083 --> 00:16:04,524
Do you know, I've absolutely
no idea why I picked this up?!
324
00:16:06,644 --> 00:16:08,723
This has been great!
325
00:16:08,724 --> 00:16:10,084
You two get on with it.
326
00:16:12,204 --> 00:16:15,523
Anyhow, this van,
I've got a bit saved away.
327
00:16:15,524 --> 00:16:16,963
I could help out.
328
00:16:16,964 --> 00:16:20,603
Oh, Tony, I am profoundly moved.
329
00:16:20,604 --> 00:16:23,563
I mean, I will remember
this day always.
330
00:16:23,564 --> 00:16:27,643
My philosophical potato van
is for ever indebted to you.
331
00:16:27,644 --> 00:16:31,843
And when people inevitably thank me
for my food and teachings,
332
00:16:31,844 --> 00:16:34,763
I will say to them, "Don't thank me,
333
00:16:34,764 --> 00:16:37,403
"Thank Tony...
334
00:16:37,404 --> 00:16:38,844
"and me."
335
00:16:39,924 --> 00:16:42,043
Ah, Ken,
where are you going now, then?
336
00:16:42,044 --> 00:16:45,363
Thought I might take Dylan
down to the Fox And Star.
337
00:16:45,364 --> 00:16:48,603
Oh, well, we could all go!
Oh, could take Debra!
338
00:16:48,604 --> 00:16:52,443
Ha! Debra! You've just got her back
and then you disappear to the pub!
339
00:16:52,444 --> 00:16:56,044
Debs won't begrudge me a jar
at the Fox. Come on, Cuckoo.
340
00:17:01,324 --> 00:17:03,283
An afternoon pint!
341
00:17:03,284 --> 00:17:05,523
Come and meet my friend Lenny.
342
00:17:05,524 --> 00:17:08,083
If I keep this a secret for you,
you have to get me decks.
343
00:17:08,084 --> 00:17:11,483
Fine, I just need time to dump the
cat! You could distract them. Can you do that?
344
00:17:11,484 --> 00:17:13,124
Yeah, yeah, don't worry.
Don't worry.
345
00:17:13,125 --> 00:17:16,243
Yeah, great to see you, Len.
346
00:17:16,244 --> 00:17:18,324
Just like old times, eh?
Aye. Aye.
347
00:17:19,724 --> 00:17:21,364
Cheers, Len.
348
00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:28,163
Today is just the best!
349
00:17:28,164 --> 00:17:32,124
Well, if everyone's got a drink, I'm
just going to use the facilities.
350
00:17:33,964 --> 00:17:36,243
I love this place. Yeah.
351
00:17:36,244 --> 00:17:38,722
What does everyone think
of the new Rihanna album?
352
00:17:38,723 --> 00:17:40,004
I haven't heard it. Who?
353
00:17:40,005 --> 00:17:42,643
I thought Ken was going to the loo!
354
00:17:42,644 --> 00:17:44,443
Why's he going outside?
355
00:17:44,444 --> 00:17:48,563
Hey, watch this! Look, my...
my beer mat sticks to the glass!
356
00:17:48,564 --> 00:17:52,043
Isn't that just really cool?
Granddad, look!
357
00:17:52,044 --> 00:17:55,323
I've not much life left, son.
Please don't waste it.
358
00:17:55,324 --> 00:17:57,244
I'm just going to go
and see what he's doing!
359
00:17:57,245 --> 00:17:59,123
No!
360
00:17:59,124 --> 00:18:00,564
Mum... I...
361
00:18:01,844 --> 00:18:04,524
I'm beginning to ask
questions about my sexuality!
362
00:18:05,644 --> 00:18:06,764
Wow!
363
00:18:07,844 --> 00:18:11,404
Oh, Dylie. Go on! Go on!
364
00:18:30,604 --> 00:18:34,483
And so, after a lot
of soul-searching,
365
00:18:34,484 --> 00:18:38,963
I finally came to the conclusion
that I... am...
366
00:18:38,964 --> 00:18:40,523
not gay!
367
00:18:40,524 --> 00:18:43,563
Yes! But, you know,
it was really good to question it
368
00:18:43,564 --> 00:18:47,803
and I wanted to share that with you,
my family.
369
00:18:47,804 --> 00:18:51,643
You wanted to share the fact that
you're not gay and you never were?
370
00:18:51,644 --> 00:18:55,883
Yeah. It really feels amazing
to get it off my chest.
371
00:18:55,884 --> 00:18:57,963
Wow, Dylan, that was beautiful.
372
00:18:57,964 --> 00:19:00,323
I am so honoured
that you shared that.
373
00:19:00,324 --> 00:19:03,804
I mean, come on, give the little guy
some props, that took courage!
374
00:19:06,164 --> 00:19:07,603
What did I miss?
375
00:19:07,604 --> 00:19:10,483
Dylan came out as heterosexual.
I did.
376
00:19:10,484 --> 00:19:13,724
Well, I've long suspected as much.
377
00:19:14,924 --> 00:19:18,203
And for being so candid and honest,
I'm going to buy you some decks.
378
00:19:18,204 --> 00:19:19,803
Yes!
379
00:19:19,804 --> 00:19:22,364
That's awesome. You deserve that.
380
00:19:23,684 --> 00:19:25,124
What are decks?
381
00:19:33,124 --> 00:19:37,403
Ah, I can't remember enjoying
a trip to Dad's so much.
382
00:19:37,404 --> 00:19:39,883
Whatever you say
about that cat, Ken,
383
00:19:39,884 --> 00:19:41,724
she's brought him out of himself!
384
00:19:44,364 --> 00:19:47,363
The Dixons called,
you know, Debra's owners.
385
00:19:47,364 --> 00:19:49,363
Said they haven't seen her
all evening.
386
00:19:49,364 --> 00:19:51,323
Dad, I'm sure she's fine.
387
00:19:51,324 --> 00:19:53,763
You know, cats go walkabout
all the time.
388
00:19:53,764 --> 00:19:56,563
Yeah. Yeah, you're right.
389
00:19:56,564 --> 00:19:59,444
Night-night.
Night. Night.
390
00:20:00,804 --> 00:20:04,564
Silly old man,
worrying about nothing.
391
00:20:06,324 --> 00:20:09,084
Well, yes...
392
00:20:12,484 --> 00:20:15,523
Except the cat's never coming back,
393
00:20:15,524 --> 00:20:17,163
because it's dead.
394
00:20:17,164 --> 00:20:19,603
What! How do you know?
395
00:20:19,604 --> 00:20:24,163
I shot it! Accidentally,
with Tony's rifle.
396
00:20:24,164 --> 00:20:27,283
You accidentally killed it
with a gun?
397
00:20:27,284 --> 00:20:28,564
Where's the body?
398
00:20:28,565 --> 00:20:30,683
It's in a skip at the Fox And Star!
399
00:20:30,684 --> 00:20:32,644
Well, I don't know what to think,
Ken.
400
00:20:32,645 --> 00:20:34,803
I mean, in a way,
you've killed my mother!
401
00:20:34,804 --> 00:20:36,323
Oh, not really!
402
00:20:36,324 --> 00:20:37,764
Well, in a way!
403
00:20:39,164 --> 00:20:40,803
When are you going to tell Dad?
404
00:20:40,804 --> 00:20:44,643
Mmm, I was thinking... never!
Because he'll hate my guts for the rest of his life!
405
00:20:44,644 --> 00:20:46,562
Oh, come on, Ken,
you have to tell him!
406
00:20:46,563 --> 00:20:48,042
You know I hate telling lies!
407
00:20:48,043 --> 00:20:50,324
It didn't seem to bother you
about your mum's bowl!
408
00:20:50,325 --> 00:20:53,564
That was pottery! This is the death
of a family member!
409
00:20:55,484 --> 00:20:56,883
I'm going to tell him.
410
00:20:56,884 --> 00:20:59,243
Then I'm going to tell him
about the bowl!
411
00:20:59,244 --> 00:21:00,884
Oh, you!
412
00:21:03,924 --> 00:21:07,164
Are you finding this blackmail
standoff a bit sexy?
413
00:21:09,284 --> 00:21:11,243
Maybe a little bit!
414
00:21:11,244 --> 00:21:13,044
But not enough, Ken!
415
00:21:19,204 --> 00:21:23,483
Yeah. Yeah, I know what you mean.
416
00:21:23,484 --> 00:21:24,963
Mmm.
417
00:21:24,964 --> 00:21:27,363
All right then, Anne, eh...
418
00:21:27,364 --> 00:21:31,364
Well, we'll just, we'll just
soldier on. Mmm.
419
00:21:33,004 --> 00:21:36,643
No sign of her this morning.
They're sure something's amiss.
420
00:21:36,644 --> 00:21:38,363
Oh, Granddad!
421
00:21:38,364 --> 00:21:40,763
Oh, I'm sure she's not dead.
422
00:21:40,764 --> 00:21:42,683
Well, the Dixons fear the worst.
423
00:21:42,684 --> 00:21:44,803
She's never been out
this long before.
424
00:21:44,804 --> 00:21:48,003
Well, in that case, I'm sure
we can rule out foul play.
425
00:21:48,004 --> 00:21:50,043
It's nothing to do with anyone here!
426
00:21:50,044 --> 00:21:51,603
Yeah, Tony, don't worry,
427
00:21:51,604 --> 00:21:54,403
we won't stop until we find out
exactly what happened to her.
428
00:21:54,404 --> 00:21:55,963
Absolutely we won't.
429
00:21:55,964 --> 00:21:59,883
But, look, this is a mad,
crazy thought,
430
00:21:59,884 --> 00:22:02,124
but maybe, just maybe...
431
00:22:03,724 --> 00:22:05,684
this is what Debra
wanted to happen.
432
00:22:05,685 --> 00:22:10,523
Maybe she came back as a cat
just to see you, Tony,
433
00:22:10,524 --> 00:22:15,723
just to reconnect for a short time
before she went back to Heaven.
434
00:22:15,724 --> 00:22:17,083
You think?
435
00:22:17,084 --> 00:22:18,283
Yes.
436
00:22:18,284 --> 00:22:21,763
As soon as you realised
that it was her,
437
00:22:21,764 --> 00:22:25,763
and you were able to say goodbye
properly, she left us.
438
00:22:25,764 --> 00:22:26,803
Mmm.
439
00:22:26,804 --> 00:22:28,923
What? Are you serious?
440
00:22:28,924 --> 00:22:31,643
Maybe her spirit
wasn't strong enough
441
00:22:31,644 --> 00:22:33,643
to inhabit a cat
for such a long time.
442
00:22:33,644 --> 00:22:36,403
Her spirit wasn't strong enough?!
443
00:22:36,404 --> 00:22:38,803
This is Debra we're talking about!
444
00:22:38,804 --> 00:22:41,283
I mean, it doesn't make any sense,
Ken!
445
00:22:41,284 --> 00:22:44,883
Do you know what, Cuckoo,
I really feel it does.
446
00:22:44,884 --> 00:22:46,203
I feel it does, too.
447
00:22:46,204 --> 00:22:48,563
I think it's entirely plausible.
448
00:22:48,564 --> 00:22:50,723
Oh, come on!
449
00:22:50,724 --> 00:22:53,243
No, Cuckoo, they're right.
450
00:22:53,244 --> 00:22:56,443
Maybe she just came
to give me a message.
451
00:22:56,444 --> 00:23:00,124
Maybe I should just accept
that she's gone.
452
00:23:08,404 --> 00:23:10,523
Anne! It's all OK, Tony!
453
00:23:10,524 --> 00:23:12,283
Panic over, she's coming back.
454
00:23:12,284 --> 00:23:13,963
What? What?
455
00:23:13,964 --> 00:23:18,043
Ah, Ken, sorry,
this is Anne Dixon, Debra's owner.
456
00:23:18,044 --> 00:23:21,123
Yeah, we remembered we had Floxie
micro-chipped when she was a kitten,
457
00:23:21,124 --> 00:23:23,684
so, she's OK.
In fact, she's on the move!
458
00:23:25,164 --> 00:23:26,723
Oh, wow!
459
00:23:26,724 --> 00:23:28,763
Well, she's moving pretty fast!
460
00:23:28,764 --> 00:23:31,523
She's almost here!
461
00:23:31,524 --> 00:23:34,403
Ken, Debra's coming back!
462
00:23:34,404 --> 00:23:38,043
Oh, Granddad, she's just been off
on an adventure!
463
00:23:38,044 --> 00:23:41,123
You've been so brave, Tony. So proud
of you right now! Thank goodness.
464
00:23:41,124 --> 00:23:44,083
Look, we really should think
about making a move.
465
00:23:44,084 --> 00:23:46,963
I mean, Sunday traffic
can be murder.
466
00:23:46,964 --> 00:23:49,043
I mean, death.
I mean, accidental death.
467
00:23:49,044 --> 00:23:52,563
It says she will be here any minute.
468
00:23:52,564 --> 00:23:54,003
Len!
469
00:23:54,004 --> 00:23:57,603
Hiya, Tony. I found your sports bag
in the car park.
470
00:23:57,604 --> 00:24:00,603
Oh, yeah, Ken was using it.
Yes. Yes, I was.
471
00:24:00,604 --> 00:24:03,083
It says she's here or very near!
472
00:24:03,084 --> 00:24:04,924
What's going on, Tony?
Oh, a missing cat.
473
00:24:04,925 --> 00:24:07,003
She must be hiding somewhere.
Come on, Debra!
474
00:24:07,004 --> 00:24:09,003
Debra! I'll help.
Come on out, puss-puss.
475
00:24:09,004 --> 00:24:11,203
Floxie! Puss, puss, puss.
476
00:24:11,204 --> 00:24:14,683
Floxie! Come on! I'll just get this
out of the way, pop it in the shed.
477
00:24:14,684 --> 00:24:16,323
No, Ken, it's fine, I got it.
478
00:24:16,324 --> 00:24:19,123
I'd prefer to do it myself.
Yes, Cuckoo, let Ken have it!
479
00:24:19,124 --> 00:24:21,683
Guys, it's fine, you should be
looking for Debra. I got it.
480
00:24:21,684 --> 00:24:23,324
Cuckoo, give me the bag, please!
481
00:24:24,564 --> 00:24:26,003
That was a cat bell.
482
00:24:26,004 --> 00:24:29,643
What have you got in this bag, Ken?
What's that caught in the zip?
483
00:24:29,644 --> 00:24:31,603
Give me the bag, Cuckoo!
484
00:24:31,604 --> 00:24:33,723
It's fur!
Fur? You mean cat fur?
485
00:24:33,724 --> 00:24:35,963
That's where you're wrong, actually,
486
00:24:35,964 --> 00:24:39,763
because this happens to be
a Russian hat.
487
00:24:39,764 --> 00:24:42,803
OK. OK.
We gotta open this bag now!
488
00:24:42,804 --> 00:24:43,843
No! Arh!
489
00:24:43,844 --> 00:24:46,763
No! Arh! Arh!
490
00:24:46,764 --> 00:24:48,763
Oh.
491
00:24:48,764 --> 00:24:49,884
Ah!
492
00:24:51,364 --> 00:24:54,603
What is a dead cat
doing in this bag?
493
00:24:54,604 --> 00:24:55,683
Ken?
494
00:24:55,684 --> 00:24:58,043
Hold on a second, Tony!
495
00:24:58,044 --> 00:25:02,723
I need to try and work out exactly
what on Earth has happened here.
496
00:25:02,724 --> 00:25:06,804
Did you kill Debra
and then try to cover it up?
497
00:25:09,004 --> 00:25:10,164
Fair dos, Tony.
498
00:25:11,884 --> 00:25:14,084
I accidentally shot her
with your rifle.
499
00:25:17,644 --> 00:25:20,003
Dad, I broke Mum's bowl.
500
00:25:20,004 --> 00:25:22,484
Ah, that's fine, love.
501
00:25:26,204 --> 00:25:27,444
Oh, Ken.
502
00:25:29,524 --> 00:25:34,203
Well, Tony'll be OK. He's strong.
503
00:25:34,204 --> 00:25:37,844
But Ken, I have to say I disagree
with your decision to murder the cat.
504
00:25:39,044 --> 00:25:41,763
Well, as I said to you,
it was an accident.
505
00:25:41,764 --> 00:25:45,123
Yeah, but you and I both know
there are no accidents.
506
00:25:45,124 --> 00:25:47,803
Your subconscious did
what it wanted to do
507
00:25:47,804 --> 00:25:49,484
and that was to shoot and kill a cat.
508
00:25:49,485 --> 00:25:53,203
Hey, look, I'm not judging, I just
think it was horrible and wrong.
509
00:25:53,204 --> 00:25:54,803
Can we leave it?
510
00:25:54,804 --> 00:25:57,924
Yeah. Consider it leaved.
511
00:25:59,284 --> 00:26:00,682
It's funny though, you know,
512
00:26:00,683 --> 00:26:03,164
Tony has to forgive you,
cos you're his son-in-law.
513
00:26:03,165 --> 00:26:08,043
I mean, no matter how annoying
you are, he's gotta live with it!
514
00:26:08,044 --> 00:26:11,284
Just kind of makes you realise
how lucky me and you are, you know?
515
00:26:13,724 --> 00:26:16,283
? 99 Tibetan monks on the wall
516
00:26:16,284 --> 00:26:18,923
? 99 Tibetan monks
517
00:26:18,924 --> 00:26:22,443
? One burned himself in protest
518
00:26:22,444 --> 00:26:26,424
? 98 Tibetan monks on the wall. ?
519
00:26:26,472 --> 00:26:54,000
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520
00:26:54,050 --> 00:26:58,600
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